Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum Podcast.

Ho, ho, ho, and welcome to part one of our 2023 best of episode. Anti-Santee? Is that Anti-Santee?

What did everybody get for each other for our Christmas gift this year for each other? Oh my god, we forgot to do that.

Well, maybe. Maybe we did, maybe we didn't.

We'll have to wait and... Looks like Erin forgot. Erin, want to go first?

Oh my god, we actually forgot to do it this year. Who normally organizes that? Is it me?

Erin has forgotten to do it.

I'll go ahead and say what I got. This is from Erin. It's a big Macy's bag. Okay, I'm opening it up. It's mostly tissue paper. Oh, there's something at the bottom here. Interesting. Okay, this is a dead turtle. All right.

I was just trying to return my dead turtle to Macy's. That wasn't a gift. I'm so sorry. I completely forgot about our gift exchange.

I got one from Erin as well. That's not how this works. Erin doesn't get both of us, but I got one from Erin. Fine.

I was trying to return two dead turtles to Macy's.

Well, that's a spoiler. Now I guess I don't even bother unwrapping it. Whoa, wait a minute.

My turtle just flew away. It was a turtle dove. Wait, Erin, how many turtle doves did you try and return? I've made an expensive mistake.

Think about it. Erin, how many turtle doves?

How many turtle doves? Erin, think about it.

Three. No.

It can't be. She's singing numbers again.

Two turtle doves. It's two.

There you go. Erin has anosmia. She has that thing where she sings colors. Where I'm so annoying.

Making me anosmus, nauseous, anosmus.

So everybody, this is our first of our best of. Adal, DPC, what were some of your favorite moments of the year?

Honestly- Great question, Erin. Let's listen to a couple of them now. Is that what we were supposed to do?

Think of something you liked.

Honestly, number one with a dead turtle, or living turtle dove, would be the introduction of one of my favorite characters, Auntie Santy.

That happened just now, Apple. Huh?

I know it all feels very recent.

And all the stuff I like happened on the Patreon, so patreon.com slash heyriddleriddle.

For the real best of. Just go through that. That's the real best of.

Well, I'm the one who put these together, so if you don't like these episodes, blame moi.

Erin, why would you do that? Erin, here's the thing. Why would you do that? JPC and I recognize... Trying to protect you. Protect me? JPC and I recognize how much work you put into these every year. We're so thankful. We love you so much. We care about you so much. We respect that you put so much work into it, so we chipped in and we got you something.

Please, you dead turtle doves.

Here, JBC, lift! There you go, Erin, if you want to unwrap it.

Ooh, and I'm unwrapping it. I'm unwrapping it. Ow, ow, it's French hens! Fuck! But how many?

But how many? But how many?

Three. Three French hens. Three, it's three. Ow!

And here's the thing, Erin, you would not believe how big these guys get.

It's Okay, well, this is useless to me. Thank you so much for the gift, guys. Thank you for a great year. I had a lot of fun listening to these episodes. I do have to always bring it up in therapy how hard it is to listen to myself so much in such a short amount of time making these episodes. It's happened the last couple years. But I did laugh out loud a lot. And I felt very grateful for a year filled with laughter with you two guys and Casey.

Erin, it's me, Hunter, your therapist. Unbuttoned shirt to the navel. Wind starts to flow. I just wanted to say I'm really proud of your growth this year.

Okay, this rules.

Guys, get out of here. And I would just like to say, sincerely, I really enjoyed everything that we did as a group this year. I think we put out some very funny stuff, again, on the Patreon. The main feed's really going downhill in a hair basket. It's not really great stuff anymore. It's obvious that we've kind of checked out. We're taking two weeks off, so what does that tell you? But the Patreon, that's where the good shit still lives.

Yeah, new stuff through the end of the year. No best ofs over there. Well, enjoy this. It's mostly Lord of Beeps, probably. We love you so much and we'll see you next week.

Erin, I'm on the back of this French hen. Hop on. Let's ride to my summer home.

Okay. I love therapy.

My girl is pissed. Give me one second.

Erin, you look like when a president has to sign the bill that says, like, we're going to war, and they put down the pin. When the vice president clears it off their desk, and then they just put down the pin and squeeze their foreheads. Knowing that history has changed forever.

Adal! Adal!

I'm making that face just reading ahead at the riddles we're about to choose.

So you're saying we're going to war. Erin, you're saying we're going to war.

Oh, I'm crying. That's so heavy. This feels on my soul. That I may change as a president. We're going to war.

It's like a black and white photo of me being like, dear God, the absolute pain and suffering that is upon us.

The humanity. Oh. What is that? Oh, we're going to war.

Ladies and gentlemen of this great nation, I stand before you, a president with a heavy heart, to tell you that we will be doing riddles for the rest of the episode. My apologies to our citizens and let freedom ring. GBC, you just missed a lifetime. Oh, brother. Okay.

Alright, are you guys ready for a frickin' road trip? Woohoo! Alright, Erin, you were on snacks. Tell me what you brought.

I brought a bunch of loose teeth. Enough to share. Don't worry, don't worry, don't worry. Couple glue sticks. Some uncooked rice. Okay. So the same stuff as last time.

I fucked up. Yeah, same stuff as last time. Same stuff as last time. Okay. Adal, Adal, bring us back. You're on tunes, brother. Tell me what you brought. Woo! Yeah! Jock jams. Wild man. What?

Jock jams? Jock jams. But not the, sorry, not one through five. It's six when they kind of were scraping the bottom of the sports barrel.

Just like last time.

Just kind of just like last time. So it's not, I mean, they're not really sports anthems.

That's okay, that's okay. It's all about the destination. JPC, where are we going on the road trip?

It's our destination. Well, you know I like to keep it a little crazy. So I brought out the globe, spun that motherfucker, and then jammed my finger on it to stop, and we are going to the Pacific Ocean.

Oh yeah, you shouldn't... Most of the... Just like last time. Just like last time.

Well, just like last time, we're going to be listening to Pump Up the Soccer while eating baby teeth at the bottom of the ocean.

We all get out of the car, silently walk into the studio, sit down, and decide to record an episode instead.

Yeah, this is better.

Okay, what are we doing? You got sued. Don't know who sued you. That's your own business. It definitely wasn't me for attention. But Godspeed and good luck.

It says, whoever is suing us, their name has been redacted for their own protection.

Yeah, and I spelled all those words wrong.

Huh. Yeah. It was redacted wrong as well as it was just underlined instead of blacked out. And it says Erin Keif with a big black underline underneath it.

And then there's also a weird little portion where it's, I guess it's referencing Billy Joel's, You Ought to Know by Now, where underneath redact, it says redact-act-act-act-act-act-act-act.

Yeah, I got that confused with the Alanis Morissette song. I wanted to make an Alanis Morissette and then I forgot and I started singing the Billy Joel.

And it looks like you included the ChatGBT prompt that you used to build the rest of this because it says, ChatGBT, build me a lawsuit against you assholes. You spelled both of our names correctly, which 90% of the people on the internet can't do.

Here's the craziest thing. I typed that into ChatGBT and it started making a lawsuit. GBT? GBT. JPC. A lawsuit against the two of you. It just knew that you were the two biggest assholes in the world. Isn't that so crazy that computers know that now too?

And Erin, I'm looking at the second page here and it's one of those games where it's a bald man and you have a little magnetic pen and you put the hair on him.

Look, now he has a mustache. Now he has a beard. Now he has some hair.

Okay, in page three it looks like it's that game where you have to like pull the floor away so that like water falls into lava. Is this an ad? Are you running ads at this court? It doesn't matter.

Just sign here and then we can be done with this entire interaction.

Page six is yo-bituaries? Did you mean obituaries? I did not. These are like yo mama jokes.

Yeah, this would be calling out all the people who died recently. I'm roasting them to oblivion.

Okay, actually, Erin, I don't know if it's the right project for you per se, but I do like the project. I do like yo-bituaries. I think maybe this runs.

I'd like to see a scene. GPC, you're an orchestra conductor, and you've just been struck by lightning, but you're trying to play it off like you haven't.

Hey Brian, hey Brian, Brian. Hey, why don't you sit down?

Why don't you sit down?

Tibbles? Do you mean sibbles?

Brian, hey Brian. Brian, you gotta lay down.

Right side of the orchestra, take a break.

The right side of your face is drooping. No, that's for the song.

Josh, let him try for 30 seconds and then we'll tell him to stop.

You should be playing trombone. You shouldn't be up here. Sit back down and play trombone. Okay, now I'm going to turn around. Right side of the orchestra, take a break. Left side, pick it up. Left side, pick it up, because I've turned it around. Now I'm doing the left side.

You're just pointing at us again and again. Where are we at in the music?

Okay, pause. Pause the music. Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen. Excuse me for one second while I talk to my orchestra. Guys, do you want to be here?

He's facing the audience now.

Come on.

I know we all got stuff to do. We can all be at the hospital getting the medicine that we need. I'm a doctor.

No sir, sit back. Sir in the audience, please sit down.

Tonight, you're just enjoying your time. You paid a lot of money for the orchestra. We're gonna keep... Oh, got hit again. Hey, it fixed me. I'm all better now. I'm better on both sides. What? Hold on. What fixed you back? Say cymbals. Cymbals.

Cymbals. It fixed me. Honestly, Sarah, that was pretty close.

And a two, and a through, and a root, and a grip.

Nope, something's wrong.

Cymbals. Crash them. You know what, folks? Pause. Pause, everyone.

I'm sorry. If you stop waving your wand, we pause.

I'm sorry everybody that my band is so unprofessional. I'm going to lay down right now. I'm going to take a little five minute micro nap. It's going to be so brief. I'm going to take off one shoe, take off the other shoe, take off my shirt, fold it, fold my shirt.

Boss, why don't you just go to the hospital? We'll try to get the backup conductor to continue.

No! You want Pete to come out here? He doesn't even know what he's doing.

Great, then let's just take it from the top. Just try to start us over again.

Hey Sarah, I can see his brain is starting to leak out of his head.

Let him try.

That's bad.

Okay. Are we ready? Are we ready to be adults? Are we ready to be professionals? I think we're the villains here.

We're ready.

And a five, and a fire, and a sneeze, and a wires.

That was actually very good.

Oh, wait.

He wrapped himself up in the American flag.

Thank you, everyone. This has been Brian Seltzer, Orchard Scrum. He's floating up to the ceiling.

And everyone, look under your chairs.

Everyone has keys to a brand new Ferrari. No, don't do that. I'm going to take a little. It's going to be a three minute quick, quick, quick, quick, quick nap. Quick nap. Three minute nap? And I'll take a quick bow. It fixed him. He's back. I think that's my new favorite character. I'm not even kidding. I absolutely loved that.

Guy who keeps getting struck by lightning?

Sure.

We're going to see a scene, Erin's a princess and I'm a prince from a foreign land, and I have been wed to Erin. But Adal, you are going to be playing the knight that always gets in between when it's our wedding night. You are bewitching in the moonlight, milady, and I am so much looking forward to consummating our holy matrimony this eve.

You've written such beautiful poetry to me through our courting and, uh, such a lovely day. I feel blessed to be here and I can't wait to be with you, my sweet husband.

Hail and well met, and I, too, am excited for a night of romp and sexual intercourse.

Oh, oh my gosh, I thought you were one of those still knights that are here for display.

Like a suit of armor. You just started moving. Yes.

A suit of armor.

No, I'm still a knight.

Whoa!

And tonight, tonight, I shall betwixt you.

You smell like tuna fish.

What's going on? I can't get out, can I? I can't get out. Is that you, Sir Lance Not Much? That is correct. I got the name because every time I came upon a dragon, I would scream and run away. And so people said, what a coward. He does not lance very much. That's not why he got the name. He's just a cockblocker.

Well, Sir Lance Not Much. Cockblocker. We are happy to have you here. Could you, um, maybe protect the door from the outside?

Yes, guard the door.

Guard us while we consummate our marriage. What a wonderful idea.

Why don't all three of us stand up and I will stay betwixt you and we shall shuffle our way over to the door.

Ooh, here's an idea. Uh, we're both parched from the wedding ceremony so that's not much. Would you mind going down yonder hall and fetching us a cask of fine wine?

Um, I wouldn't mind if the three of us just want to get up together and again shuffle down yonder hall, uh, grab some, uh, Hey men!

How can I say this without being crass? We want to beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, in case you put beep there. to each other without you there.

Yes, what is the best way to phrase this? I would like to beep upon my wife's beep. Of course, understood. Say no more beeps.

And I would like to try beeping her his beep. And if we have time, perhaps try something like beep or beep. I mean, at the end of the day, beep.

Sounds like a traffic jam in here. Listen, here's what I'll do. And maybe she throws a hand behind and I get my beep beeped.

Just a little, just a little bit. Oh, beep yeah. Oh, beep yeah.

Okay, well I know that stood for prostate milked, but here's what I'll do. I'll compromise. I'll stay- Beep him!

Where's the Lord of Beeps? How is he able to say prostate milked?

Wait, the Lord of Beeps must be dead! Sound the alarm!

He's been murdered!

He's been murdered! Fuck! Oh God! Fuck! I can say it!

Oh! Suck my fucking nuts! He's been murdered!

Oh no!

The Lord of Beeps!

Scene.

Oh my god, what the hell is happening y'all? What is happening y'all? I don't feel so good. What's going on?

Okay.

I think the Lord of Beeps is Casey's best character yet.

Oh, the Lord of Beeps goes across the land.

Beeping all the bad things he say. The Lord of Beeps goes across the land. He'll never let you say a bad thing.

Lord of Beeps. Yes, itty beeps, itty beeps, itty sucks on a beep, bitty fucks suck beep, bitty beep, beep, beep. Sometimes it's beeping, fuck times it's not. Beep, beep, fuck, suck, bop, dick. There he goes, the Lord of Beeps. Fucking his horse across the land, Beep.

Erin, do you have more riddles for us?

No, I want to keep singing about the Lord of Beeps.

The Lord of Beeps is a tall old man and he's too short too.

I'm just thinking about more Lord of Beeps songs if someone else wants to talk.

Well, we don't have any riddles, so I don't know how we're going to talk.

The Lord of Beeps won't let you down.

Tell you why, it's cause he cares. He loves to do what he loves to go. He'll never fall in love though, the Lord of Beeps.

What's funny about this is the Lord of Beeps is canonically dead, so we're just like standing over his dead body singing.

We're all drunk and we're singing... Yeah, body tales. Body tales.

Hopefully we've gotten Arnie Parrott to write a Lord of Beep song that we can end this episode with.

Lords and ladies of the distinguished Finger F*** Tavern, please gather round for a song of the greatest hero in all the land. F*** my life, here we go. Bang your mugs on the table, folks.

Oh, the Lord of Beeps is a noble man Keeping order from chaos throughout the land With the guiding light of his gentle hand Keeps the worst of us at bay He knows of the demons we keep therein And he purges the words that are worse than sin So we wrote this chorus to honor him Full of words that we can't say So we'll toast his... In the... Church... With a... In a tentacle... He sells... Their men and... Their... In the leftist communist... So we'll... Fuck, drudge, cock, and slap my snatch with a hairy rock and all. Fuck. I mean, what? What the fuck? I mean, fuck!

I can fucking swear!

Oh, mother of God, piss on the cross, what the fuck is...

Hey, what's going on? Oh my god. Oh my god. What did you do? Oh my god. Oh my god.

It does not matter who you are. That reaction when you come in our room always sucks. Like, I know what I look like, but this truly is painful to see.

Head of a goat. Body of a goat. Wings of a goat, which is no wings.

Legs of a goat. Huh? You don't describe what someone looks like physically when they come into a rib cage. Is that something you do? I wasn't being rude. I didn't say you look like Steve Buscemi.

Head of a goat. Body of a goat.

Erin, I think that was about you.

Well, Erin, now that you mention it.

Laugh of a goat.

Diet of a goat. Erin, you have the diet of a goat. I watched you drink the Sprite and eat the can.

The can's the best part. It tastes like Sprite.

The can's the dessert. You guys don't eat the can when you're done with the Sprite?

Sorry, Demon. Give us one second. I guess we have a lot to talk about. All right, we have to play a game. Adal, you clearly need to be on the team, obviously, for the people who are naming these movies. So if the 10th movie was Fast 10 Your Seatbelts, I'm going to put three minutes on the clock here. The two of you need to come up with the titles of the Fast and Furious movies 11 through 20, just so we can get ahead of it and they can start actually using these.

Oh, I got the next one. Fast 11 Diesel Resurrection.

Wait, hold on. What is that? Say that again.

Fast 11 diesel resurrection. I hope him repeating that didn't count against our time. I have the next one. Yeah. Fast 12 days of Christmas. It's 12 days until Christmas and they have to kind of drive. They're being chased by nine lords a leaping, 10 swans swimming, whatever that is. So fast 12 days till Christmas.

I'm

the show. Your seatbelts. Fast teen your seatbelts. It's kind of a parody of Not Another Teen Movie, which is like doing a parody of a Weird Al song. Fast Sweet 16. Yeah, Fast Sweet 16. So this is where, at this point, the cars are sentient. I think we all agree on that. And it's one of the cars' 16th birthday, and they get a new car for their birthday. So this one has, hold on to your seatbelts, this one has cars driving cars. So cars get inside, bigger cars, and they drive the cars, but there's people in the smaller cars that are driving the bigger cars. Does that make sense? It's like a Russian nesting doll.

Then of course we have Fast 17 again, which is whatever happens in that movie, if that is a movie. It just happens, but with cars.

Yes, then we have Fast 18 Again, which is a remake of the George Burns movie, where the car, it's an older car and it gets younger, so it's like a little baby car.

Fast 19, colon the Cuervo Gold, which is a Steely Dan reference, so sorry.

And then we have Fast 2.0. Yes. They put the dot in the wrong spot, but it's 20, but it's 2.0, so. Yeah.

How are we on time?

Okay. I have no idea, but I'm going to read them back to you. Okay.

I don't want to hear it back.

It's sort of like showing a dog its throat.

No, no.

Don't rub our nose in this.

Yeah, I don't want to. This is not how you train a dog.

I don't want to hear more. 10 is Fast 10 Your Seatbelts, which you never got better than that. That one was the best one. 11, Fast 11 Diesel Resurrection, Fast 12 Days of Christmas, Fast 13 Going on 30, Fast 14 Going on 31, Super Bowl something, typo, XV, aka Fast Teen Your Seatbelts. Fast Sweet 16, parentheses, cars are sentient, cars driving cars. Fast 17 again, whatever happens in that movie. Fast 18 again. Fast 19, Cuervo Gold. Fast 2.0.

And you say it kind of like, the Cuervo Gold. And then the subheader on that is the fine Columbia.

And Erin, can I say, I should have added this onto Fast 2.0. So Fast 2.0, of course, is Fast and the Furious 20. The subtitle for that is Fast and the Curious. So the cars are in college, they're 20 years old, they're junior year of college, and they're starting to experiment. So they're kissing maybe same-sex cars, they're just putting themselves out there in ways that they haven't before. So that's Fast 2.0, Fast and the Curious. And then after that it's Fast 21, and then the subtitle of that is, This is Getting Exhausting. And that's a fun play on exhaust.

What about Fast 21, Jump Street, Furious?

Okay, Erin, you're hired. You wanted the job and you nailed the interview.

That's the best one. And I stand by that.

All right, Erin, you brought it up. So we got to talk about it. I'm on beverage watch. We've been on this call for 10 minutes. I've seen you sip two different beverages. So tell me, what are you drinking?

Well, then you can do the final count when I show you. I have some tea.

Okay, cup of tea. I thought that might be a cup of tea.

I have a seltzer. A polar seltzer. We're a polar family. I've got a mango factor smoothie.

That's a third drink.

She's pulling up a fourth.

And I have a coffee.

And just out of reach I have a water. It's like I'm at brunch and I'm hungover. Yeah, there's a water, but I don't want to reach that far.

So it's a bit of a five drink morning. Yes.

And I wish I had more. To be honest, I feel like I'm missing a couple categories.

I kind of wish I had like a juice, but... Erin, how do you... Isn't one of those a mango smoothie? Wait, what?

Yeah, but I want like juice. Smoothies are not juice.

Erin, when you walk around the house, how do you not just slosh? How do your insides not just slosh around?

I do slosh. Who told you I didn't slosh?

I slosh. I just assumed. Okay. Good to know. Good to know. Big old sip of the smoothie.

Erin's obituary will definitely be how much she sloshes. Obituary? I slosh too much. She's sloshing in the coffin.

Yeah, I'm sloshing in the coffin.

I do want to see a scene. Erin, you are the famed superhero of Skylight City. You are Rotator. JPC, you are the sidekick of Rotator, Reverser. And this is going to be Rotator and Reverser out on their first night patrolling the city.

Reverser, I'm going to be honest with you. I'm a little dizzy. I keep spinning and I'm getting some pretty bad motion sickness.

That's the best.

That's his language. That's how he speak.

Yeah, of course. You both are two chickens on a farm and you both have you swear like sailors.

I got a big cock. I got a big cock. I got a big cock. I got a big cock. I got a big cock. I got a big cock.

I got a big cock. Hey Jeff, what the fuck is going on man? What are you doing? Oh no. I'm trying to read the paper, man. What's going on?

And I'm trying to look in the mirror like George Washington. Look at my cock. I've got a big cock. Jeff. Jeff.

You've got to get your life together. What are you doing?

I've got a big cock.

Come on. It's a break room, man.

We're just two guys hanging out. We can be guys, big guys. Guys, big guys. It's a locker room talk. Big cock. I've got a big cock. It's a locker room talk. I've got a big cock.

I guess, man. I guess.

I've got a big cock.

All right. Let me see it. Okay, yeah, pretty big. Yeah, pretty big. I mean, yeah. Congratulations, man. That's awesome.

I don't know if that might be one of my favorite scenes ever. Oh, brother.

A message from the king. Any person this day forward who shall do riddles will be executed.

Man, I just got it.

This king is wishy-washy.

Sorry, I have to stop the podcast for one second. Something insane just happened to me.

Sorry, is this your new character?

Erin, is this your new character? Yeah, we paused. We're going back to that.

Remember when we would do improv on stage and Erin would be like, okay, everybody, pause. I had something crazy happen to me.

I just heard a pop in my knee. And I need everyone to shut up.

So I put my hands down on my legs, right?

Sure, yeah. And then I was like, what?

There's something... I'm wearing leggings. I went to Pilates this morning wearing leggings, not to brag.

So far, nothing to stop a podcast over.

Exactly. But you'll see. Adal, I am so confident you're about to be on my side. You have no idea. Wow. I would bet my life you're about to be on my side. And then I feel something in between my leggings and my leg and I go, I've been wearing these for... for

They're putting kernels in your tights?

Wait, Erin, Erin, is it in, it was in between your legging and your leg, a little kernel of popcorn?

Yes! What does it mean? Okay, now you understand why I had to stop the fun podcast? That's crazy. You guys, that's so weird.

Erin, here's what I will say.

What?

I get that this is alarming to you, but it is not surprising to me.

Does that make sense? Yeah, can I say something? Erin, you are so adamant I would be on your side, and honestly, I don't know if finding a piece of popcorn on your pants is worth stopping at.

In my pants, Adal!

Serves up my guy 100%. Casey, thank you.

It was in her pants, but Erin, and don't take this the wrong way, you are the type of person who I don't think it is unreasonable that you find a little popcorn in your pants.

Yeah, Erin, I think without being... Erin, I love you so much. I love you so much. Sometimes you just have to know who you are. You're the type of person, Erin, I love you so much. You're the type of person who would go to speak and suddenly realize they have a mouthful of tomato soup and it would just go everywhere and you'd be like, I totally forgot I had put some soup in my mouth this morning and I just been holding it in my mouth all day.

I don't know what you're talking about. I get compared to Grace Kelly all the time. I'm nothing but.

I do think that if you think this is rock bottom, I think some self-reflection has to be at play here because I gotta tell you, this is the top. You are soaring right now with a little piece of popcorn. You have said on the podcast how much worse it can get. I can't breathe, I'm spinning. I kind of thought you were like, I'm wearing tights, I went to Pilates, I looked down and put my hand on my leg and said, this feels weird, I'm not wearing tights. I have thought I've been wearing tights all morning and I am not wearing tights.

I think it's something where I could see Erin Erin is in the back rooms of Harvard, in some wood-paneled room in the library. She's defending her dissertation for PhD. Yeah. And halfway through, she stops, she goes, I'm so sorry. Can we stop for a second? You're going to love this. I just found a cat hair in my hair. I've never owned a cat. And they say, please, please leave.

Erin, I have some theories, though. I have some theories. So, with the popcorn, do you have your own washer and dryer, or do you have a washer and dryer that you share with other people in your building?

I have my own washer and dryer. It's the best part of my life.

My theory is out. Sorry, this theory no longer applies.

I truly think someone's trying to kill you. Or, Erin, as per last week's episode, Sorry, this is directed towards JPC. Or JPC, as per last week's episode, Erin is slowly introducing things she's allergic to, just by happenstance appearing, because she's going to fake her own death.

Oh, okay. Also, pertaining to last week's episode, it could be that Erin went to a movie, sat on a popcorn kernel... Oh yeah. Then she came home, took her tights off backwards. Now it's inside. Didn't know her tights were on backwards today. Put on those same tights the other way. So really what she's doing is she's wearing her tights backwards with a popcorn kernel inside now.

Erin, I have a question that could be dumb. If it is, I want you to remain silent. I'm pretty well versed in biology. Could that have been an ovary? Hmm, pretty well.

He's like a 75% almost there. I got a 75% on my biology test.

I don't know much about anything.

Don't know much about nothing.

That seems too small for an ovary. Yeah. It's certainly a popcorn kernel. It 100% was. And you know what? I regret saying anything because I thought I would have two... Okay, hold on, hold on.

Wishiwashi, nobody says that about the king. You shall be beheaded now. Hey, my guy, I was already getting executed, okay?

Sorry, back to my thing.

Welcome to Hey Riddle Riddle.

I texted Sean and I said, have you eaten popcorn this week? And he just texted back, no.

OK.

OK. It's a podcast about riddles. I am one of your hosts.

You are two John Wick's and you just got on the same elevator.

Can you hit three? Sure.

And we fast forward through 38 minutes of dead silence. Thanks. Yeah. And 30 more minutes he goes back down the slow elevator. Are they able to kiss?

Hey, you dropped this. Pulls out knife.

56 minutes later.

Yeah, I'm thinking I'm stabbed.

48 minutes later. I miss him.

Who? Two guys walk out of the theater. That fucking rule, man.

What the fuck was that? Oh my god, I fucking love that. That was awesome. Action movies are back, baby.

The dog, when his dog, the dog pressed the button on the elevator. Oh fuck.

The fight choreography alone, bro.

Unbelievable.

Okay, cool. So let's get on the line right now. We have about an hour until Erin gets back and then she blows this whole thing up. So I'll just call every celebrity in my phone, you call every celebrity in your phone, okay?

Okay. Yep, somebody already answered. Hello, Joe Pesci?

Hey, it's me, Joe.

Oh my gosh. JBC, JBC, JBC, JBC. JBC, I cracked something right open.

I never expected Erin to help with this at all.

There's two Joe Pesci's, I cracked the code.

Too many Pesci's, too many Pesci's. You called the two Joe Pesci's. Pesci, Pesci, Pesci, three Pesci's. We have a band called Joe Pesh Mood. Okay.

Okay.

Do you think I'm funny like a clown? Like there's three of me in this car?

I never in a million years did I expect Erin to just help out. She had a look on her face like, you dug your own grave boys.

That's just my resting face is the, you dug your own grave boys face. JPC, you are Adal's dad and you are teaching him how to shave, but you maybe don't really know how to do it and you don't know what you're talking about.

Ready, Dad.

Okay.

Okay.

Yeah.

So obviously- Lay out all the utensils and here we go.

Yeah. Everything you have here is what you need. And then there's, you could use a gel lather or like a foam lather. That's up to you. They both kind of lather up the same, but you never want to shave dry. You definitely want to use one of these lathers.

Okay. Now dad, those are, um, what you put forward is two different types of hot honey.

Yes, well, no, now, you need a little bit of the honey, because it makes the hair stick up, and it needs to be hot, because it's like an icy hot thing, because the blade is going to be so cold. And it'll lather up really nice, you have to add it to the milk or whatever, and you choose the milk, it could be 1%, 2%, full fat, skim, whatever you like. Now typically the way that this works is you go bottom to top. So you're going to want to start toes.

Okay.

You don't have hair on the underside of your feet, do you? Most people don't.

Yes, I do, sir.

Okay. So it's underside of your feet up to the upper side of your feet, toes, then foot, then leg. And then we're just going to, we just kind of, we'll just kind of keep moving, like keep, you know, zoop, zoop going up. Should it make that noise? What's that?

Should it make that noise? Zoop?

Either you make the noise or it makes the noise. The noise gets made. Uh-huh.

And you said I have to ride this Razor scooter the whole time?

I think so. I think it's important not ride it, but be on it. And you can have one foot on the floor, because I don't think it's about balance. And then, and let me just check my phone. Okay, so none of your uncles have texted back, which doesn't matter. I'm not waiting for a text for them at all. And you're ready to start shaving, huh?

Yes, sir.

Okay. You know what? It's your first time. We should get a treat. You should have a treat.

Oh, okay.

Because that's how you associate a positive reinforcement with it, is you have a little treat. Why don't we go out to Ice Cream? You know what? There's an ice cream store right by your uncle's work.

Oh.

So why don't we pop into the hardware store, you get the ice cream across the street, I'll talk to your uncle about something that's nothing, and then we get right back into this. Is that okay?

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, let me go. Should I drive?

I just got a text message from one of your uncles, which is great. Didn't even need to hear back from them, but here's what I will say. You should be, whatever part you want to shave, you should not have any clothes on for. So if it's going to be the feet, take the socks off.

It makes sense.

Yeah, because, yeah, now that we're both thinking about it, like shaving through the socks, that was a test and we both passed. So yeah, take the socks off first. Okay. Oh, another text from another one of your uncles.

I'm having a little trouble, Dad, taking the sock off because- Haven't heard from you since the funeral.

What is this about? Oh boy. You're right.

That is the first-

Really calling him out. I haven't heard from him since his funeral. What do you want? What do you want?

Yeah, that would be a text. Conceivably, I could send.

What's going on? Let's take a break. I don't want to do this for a minute. Let's take a break.

I don't want to do this for a minute. I agree.

Thank you to Aura for sponsoring this very special episode of our show. So special. Jake, you know that the holidays are about connecting with loved ones. Of course. And there's no better way to connect than by using what Wirecutter called the best digital photo frame.

Yeah, you can connect with anyone from any distance.

This is a great gift. You actually gave this gift to your mother, did you not?

Not just my mother, but Jill's parents and Jill's grandmother.

So how does it work? You give them a digital picture frame and then before long they plug it in and they're seeing photos that you took? Yeah. And it's constantly being updated.

I have access to their picture frame. I can upload any new photo that I take of my daughter. I can just pop it on my mom and dad's frame. And then you can send videos too.

That's cute. And can you upload like a little silly cheeky message like, help, I'm trapped in the photo frame. Um, I guess you could do that. I don't think anyone would like it. Because it looks like kind of like a weird cry for help. They'd rather just see pictures of loved ones. Yeah, of the baby. They don't even want to see me. That's fair, actually. Yeah. Okay, so if that's not personal enough, you can even upload a video message to play as soon as they plug it in. Like I'm trapped in the photos.

Or whatever.

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Thanks. Adal and I have some bad news. Yeah. JPC got sucked into his toilet, and we cannot get him out. So, we cannot join them.

We can hear him, we can't see him. We've called plumbers, we've called exorcists, priests.

Right. But to self-soothe today, to try to stay positive, I want to talk about my favorite app on my phone, Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills all in one place.

Did you know, Erin, that over 80% of people have subscriptions they've forgotten about? It's too easy to subscribe to a free trial of something and then completely forget about it once you stop using it. Just like, you know, it's as easy as forgetting a friend in the toilet, am I right? Right as the monthly charges start rolling in, you know, all of a sudden you're like, oh no, I'm ruined. That's why I'm such a big fan of Rocket Money, Erin.

I've been using it way longer than they've been a sponsor. It helps so much with my taxes. Everything's color coordinated. It helps you figure out where your spending is going. It is the best. With over 5 million users and counting, Rocket Money has helped save its customers an average of $720 a year and a billion in total savings so far. That's about how much it's going to cost to get JPC out of the toilet.

Oh, I heard him. I think I heard him say thirsty. I'm going to flush the toilet real quick. There you go, buddy. Go nuts. Okay. Yes, Erin, I struggle with saving money every month and with Rocket Money you can quickly identify all those sneaky little subscriptions that keep charging you month after month and cancel any you no longer use. It's such an easy way to start saving money, Erin. I want to start saving money.

and they can negotiate to lower your bills for you by up to 20%. All you have to do is take a picture of your bill and Rocket Money takes care of the rest. It's like having a financial secretary and it's awesome. So stop wasting your money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and manage your money the easy way by going to rocketmoney.com slash riddle. That's rocketmoney.com slash riddle, R-I-D-D-L-E, rocketmoney.com slash riddle. Right, GPC? Oh, we both did it.

We both did it.

Hey JPC and Adal, I've been thinking so much about how I've been craving like, like delicious restaurant quality food at home. Yeah. And I just, oh wait, JPC's sucked into a toilet. Yeah. But anyways, Adal, I've been thinking about it. And then guess what showed up at my door?

JPC's family?

CookUnity. Oh! No. Well, them too, but I did not open the door. CookUnity. And guess what I got to have for dinner last night?

What's that?

Lobster tacos from my own home, and they made me emotional. That is how good CookUnity is. CookUnity is the first chef-to-you service delivering locally sourced meals from award-winning chefs right to your door every week. And it's cheaper than other delivery options.

And here's the thing, around the holiday time, or really at any time, I'm just getting so tired of prepping every meal, cutting all the vegetables, turning the oven on and off, preheating stuff. With CookUnity, all you do, it comes all prepared for you. You just pop it in the oven, pop it in the microwave, and it's done in minutes.

I had lobster tacos last night. I'm going to have steak tonight, and I don't have to do any of the grocery shopping or the prep work, and it truly tastes like an incredible restaurant made it for me and brought it right to my door.

That sounds absolutely delicious. My meals were all absolutely delectable. I did feel bad for JPC. I wasn't going to waste any CookUnity on JPC, but I did flush some of his favorite hats and tanks down the toilet, so I think he's feeling comfortable down there.

Oh, yeah, probably, right? And every meal is handcrafted by chefs and made in local micro kitchens, not large production facilities. You can really taste how fresh and made with love they are.

Yeah, and if you have dietary preferences or restrictions, CookUnity has got you. Vegan, paleo, pescatarian, gluten-free, etc. There's a filter for soy, nut, and dairy-free options. They have your back. CookUnity is the best. You're going to want to check it out.

Your food arrives fresh, never frozen in packaging that keeps meals fresh in a fridge up to seven days. And CookUnity packaging is compostable, recyclable, and reusable. Pick as few as four or as many as 16 meals per week.

And you can do that now by going to cookunity.com slash riddle or entering code RIDDLE before checkout for 50% off your first week. That's 50% off your first week by using code RIDDLE or going to cookunity.com slash RIDDLE.

JPC would have loved this, but again, he did get sucked into a toilet.

Yeah. Um, I thought he was crawling out last night, but it was just a alligator.

Oh, okay.

The alligator did have help written on it, but that might've been something else.

All right, this is a real bummer. I hate to bring this up on the show, but I did just get an email. The subject of this real doctor's note is from Erin Keif. It says, to whom it may concern, Erin Keif should not do riddles today for medical reasons. Love, Erin's doctor. Now, I know I just broke HIPAA about nine times reading that on the air. That stinks. That sucks. Erin, now you don't have to disclose what the medical reasons are, but if you want to, I mean, we'll all honor it, of course.

Oh my god, I don't know. You should ask him. Write back and ask him.

Wow, you're assuming it's a him, huh?

It is a him. He just happens to be a him. I'm sorry.

Your doctor just happens to be a man? Bullshit. I thought you didn't want to do riddles today. I thought you were too sick to do riddles today.

I am.

Okay, you know what? Erin? Your thing says, Erin should not do riddles today for medical reasons. I think that that is fine because what I have today is actually not riddles. What I have today is American Girl Minute Mysteries. Wait!

Don't read the latest email from him. Don't, don't, don't.

Oh, don't, oh God. Now I'm just, okay. This email says her butt is sick.

No it doesn't! I don't know if it's a male doctor.

JBC, can you shake your email again? Wait, Erin, why does it say her butt is like... Okay, we've got another email here. It says, Hey, did you notice after my long elephant joke, Erin talked about her puffy eyes? Uh, that is from anonymous. I requested a related comment. Another email here. Separate, separate thread, by the way, just says, is she made at? And then it says me.

Can you ask her, is she made at me?

What the fuck could that mean? Is she made at me?

I do want to see you sleep. Okay. JPC, you are eating alone at a, this isn't the place in San Francisco, but you're eating alone in a restaurant. Erin, you are a waiter at this restaurant and they happen, at this restaurant, they happen to serve food in an unusual manner. Perhaps, wink wink, you know what I'm talking about. And let's see that scene.

Sir, sorry for the delay. Oh, no worries. I have your rosé. So just open up.

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. What?

I'm going to mama bird it into your mouth.

No.

I just drank your rosé and I can do that thing. What's his name? David Blaine? The David Blaine liquid thing.

No. I'm sorry. I'm having a strong reaction. Just a glass of rosé for me.

Yes, I did have a glass of rosé.

I see it there on the tray.

Yep. So, I would really rather not be drunk. I'm obviously at work, sir, so the longer it's inside me, the more I get tipsy.

It's currently inside you right now?

Yeah, just if you open up, I'm gonna... Where? Wherever David Blaine keeps the water for his act, I don't know.

Huh? You don't know where it is?

Here it comes, here it comes, here it comes.

Okay, I want to see where it's... No, I don't want it, but I want to see where it comes out of.

Okay, where do I put it then? Put it in the glass. Does your wife want it?

My wife died a hundred years ago.

Okay, all right, all right. I'll put it in the glass, I guess. Jeremy, why did you say... Your glass of rosé, weirdo. I mean, sir.

Okay, well, this is a good time for me to say I didn't order this. I think that's for that table over there. With the man and his wife.

Oh, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.

Easy to lift, but hard to throw. What am I? Easy to lift.

Oh, our hearts to the Lord.

Oh, not this again.

I do want to see a scene. God damn it. The three of us are in some sort of congregation, some sort of house of worship. And the, I don't know, the head of that house of worship is clearly improvising on stage and it's time to sing a song. And they are clearly trying to kind of make up the words as they go along. JPC, you are the head of the house of worship.

And Jeremiah took upon the fish and ate.

Jeremiah is not talking about you. Jeremiah, stop. Oh, sorry.

And now if we could all pick up a book of Psalms. I'm being told by our deacon here that our book of books of Psalms were taken to the cleaners for Psalm cleaning. So let's just do one we all know. Both Psalm Sunday. Thank you, Jeremiah. Please be quiet at church. Sorry. Let's just do what we all know, huh? Let's sing the one, let's sing the one that, um... Hallelujah.

He's panicking.

Let's sing Moses' Big Night, huh? We all know that one.

I don't think I've known Moses' Big Night.

I didn't get your phone out. Join in when you know it. When the chorus kicks in, join in. Moses' Big Night.

Okay.

Oh, Mr. Burning Bush, I do not think upon your wish. And if I had it my way, we'd all be free. And now it's time for Moses' Big Night. I'll start by cooking up a steak with my best friend Jake.

And then I'll cook up some fish and serve it on a dish. Is that right? I don't know this. Carol, now you go. Carol, you go.

And then I cook up a bush and I burn it too much.

Hey Carol, hey Carol.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I know you went to choir college, but do you kind of get the vibe that everyone else is putting out there? It's just more of like a song.

And I serve the burned bush for dinner.

Those are always my favorite ladies in church. Sing eight times louder than everyone else, way higher. Casey knows exactly what I'm talking about. And they are soprano screaming at everyone.

Oh, soprano screaming. One of my favorite spinoffs.

I want to be that lady when I get older. She's having the time of her life. Adal, you have just been hit by a car that JPC is driving. And when JPC gets out of the car to see if you're okay, he's basically just telling you to calm down and relax. And it's not a big deal.

Oh, hey buddy, did I nick you there? Forward or reverse? Forward or reverse? Forward or reverse? Quick, quick, quick, quick.

It does both and it does them both real fast. Oh, I'm gonna die. Oh, hey, I'm still on you. I'm still on you. Okay, here. Oh, kind of easing off of you. I couldn't see. I'm sorry, buddy. Did you hit my car or did my car hit you? I can't, I couldn't.

You fanned me over.

I fanned you, I fanned you over?

I'm gonna fan you off, you little hot buddy. Tell your wife I love her. Tell your wife I love her.

Tell my wife you love her.

Yes. I'm having an affair with your wife.

Did you know? Oh no, buddy. You're having an affair with my wife?

Yeah.

Oh, I had no idea. That's terrible.

It seems like you know the tone of your voice. It seems like you knew. Do you work here? On the ground? Yeah. You work here on the ground?

No.

I couldn't have known that, right? I couldn't have figured out where you worked and drove to your work. Oh, you trying to tell a secret? Trying to tell a secret? Hey, what do you have to say?

Your daughter is yours, but your son is mine.

Well, can't take him with you, so guess he's mine now. Guess he's mine now. Anyway, walk it off, buddy. You're fine. You ain't hurt. I thought that was a death rattle, but it wasn't.

It was a regular breath. All my regular breaths sound like death rattles now. Kill me. Kill me.

Oh, buddy, you know I can't do that. Even though I kind of did already. Anyway, you're fine. You're fine. Walk it off, okay? Hey. Hey. Who's my champ? Who's my champ? I don't know. Your son. Your son is my champ. Come on.

No.

It's all fair. Come on.

Come on.

Wait, speaking of ruining, I think the 4th of July parade might be... The sharks are eating humans! Wow! Come on! The tiger has a headache!

A starfish has a caked up ass. Wait, I do have to say, when I went to the Boston Aquarium, I went to the Boston Aquarium as well, I saw some starfish that have never missed leg day. These starfish had the biggest asses I've ever seen.

You were checking out a starfish right in front of your wife?

Wow. Yeah. Well, hey, when you have a cool wife, you can actually do it with her.

We like your vibes from across the water.

That's ridiculous.

Well, we did an animal parade, so now... Is it something of like, it's not running because it's snot or something like that?

Oh, because it's snot running.

I'm laughing, sorry. I'm laughing about the Lord of Beeps thing. That bit is really going off like a time bomb in my body. I love that.

That's awesome.

That's like my favorite bit we've ever done on the show. Wait a minute.

That fucking rules. Okay, I don't care what everyone says. I love that.

Erin, what I like about the Lord of Beeps is because every time we've ever beeped before, we've never referenced him, but he's been there, and now he's dead.

He's been an integral part of the show, and now he's dead.

He died, and we ended the scene and we never killed him. He's dead. He got stabbed.

Okay. All right. Next time I do an episode, we're solving the Lord of Beeps murder. I'm sorry.

That's about it. Look for that three weeks everywhere. It sounds like Patreon content.

Oh yeah, you're right.

No, we're doing that in the main feed. No, it's too good for these hogs. Too good for these hogs. These slobs.

While my third grade teacher was reading to us, there used to be like outlets in the ground. Oh, okay. And I was sort of like playing around and I got curious and I stuck my finger in as far as I could to the outlet and it shocked me so bad. And I felt it go up from my finger to this part of my brain, from like my right pointer finger to the left top part of my brain. And I swear to God, I don't think I've ever told anyone this, I got worse at math after that. I was so good. I was freakishly good at math up until like third, fourth grade. I literally felt it.

280 and we figured it out. It took us 280 episodes, but we got there.

I felt the shock go from the bottom right part of my neck up through, like I felt it go to that top part of my brain and I genuinely think- Erin?

Casey, just mark this as the point where it explains everything that happened.

This therapy experiment is over. Erin, you're cured. So we got there.

I do think, I genuinely, there was like a before time and an after time of like my personality and what I was like.

Does anyone else want to share any pivotal trauma that may have come? I'm good too.

I love that the way you tell the story is almost like the electricity had a destination.

Truly though, it like found the math. Kill it, kill it, kill it. Kill all logic. Make her insufferable.

Zap her math.

I'd like to see a scene actually. JPC, you are a Burger King employee. Adal, you are a McDonald's employee and you're in love and your love is forbidden.

I can't believe we're doing this. Should we... Should we get back to work? I'm sorry, I'm just... I'm so swept away and I'm... I've never said this before to anyone, but... Ba-da-ba-ba-ba, I'm loving you. Don't, don't, don't... I'm loving you!

Don't finish that! Shh!

Okay, calm down. We have to be cool. No one's gonna spot us here, no one goes to Arby's, but we have to remember... You and I are not allowed to be together, okay? I know. We can't, we can't, you can't be loving it because we can't be loving it outside of this.

This is how it has to be. Do you remember what you told me, date one? You said I could have it my way. Yeah. Do you remember that? But now we have to have it- Maybe right away? Is that part of it? My way or right away? No.

That can't be part of it. No. I just said that you could have it your way.

Okay, okay.

But we also have to have it Ronald's way, and we have to have it the King's way.

Yeah.

And those two ways go against each other. They are not cross streets. No. Or they are cross streets. They're parallel. Or they run parallel, but they don't cross.

They run parallel. Yes. Yeah, okay. Can I blow your mind? Like- Ronald and the King? Fucked. Like Belmont and Fullerton. Oh, great example. No wait, they intersect. Famously intersect. Oh no. Big intersection. Damn. Wait, Ronald and the King fucked? Yes.

What do you mean?

Don't you know what they gave birth to? No.

Finish your beef and cheddar and tell me.

That's how little Rowley's was born. You mean checkers. Well, that's a checkered past. Because Ronald and the King fucked and gave birth to Rowley's. I didn't know. Yeah. When these two people came together, they gave birth to rallies. And famously they went in and out. They will this very special sauce, an animal sauce. They did it animal style. Tell me they didn't do it animal style. Scene.

Scene.

Wow. That was fun. That could have gone on forever, seemingly. Maybe not.

Seemingly, but maybe it was exactly how long it could have gone on. Who knows? All right, I gotta see another scene. Fuck you, Adal. I gotta see another scene. Erin, you are going to be the operator for Grandma Phone, and we are going to be playing callers who are calling in to Grandma Phone trying to get some grandma-specific information.

Hello, you've reached grandma phone. Eh?

Hello?

If you know the party that you want to call, please press hello?

Hello? I need to know when William's birthday is.

Marie? Marie too? God bless you. Gesundheit. Good night. And good luck. Okay, I love you, Marie. Love you.

Hello, welcome. Hold on. I have it written down here what I'm supposed to say. Where are my glasses? Oh my god, they're on top of my head. My head would fall off if it wasn't screwed on or something. Welcome to the Grandma Hotline. How can I help you?

Hey, I'm sorry. I'm just making cookies, oatmeal raisin, and I do not know what temperature to preheat the oven for.

Where are my glasses? Um, you're making cookies?

Yeah, oatmeal raisin. I know it's 12 minutes, but I just don't remember what I'm supposed to preheat to.

Mason, is that you? Are you my grandson?

Uh, no. Sorry, I just sound like a grandson.

He never calls.

Oh, okay. Yeah, this is grandma phone, right?

Yeah, pre-heat your oven to 6,000 degrees. That'll cook them.

No, no. Hold on. Now, I don't think that's right. If I had a grandma, I would call my grandma, but sadly, both of my grandparents have passed away.

Oh, how? How'd they die?

Titanic.

Oh god.

Yeah, they um, they both were deep-sea explorers and they got the bends really bad trying to find the Titanic. Love you! No, no, wait!

Welcome to Where Are My Glasses, Hotline. Do you know where my glasses are?

No, but this is the gas company, and we need some information for you to keep your gas line running.

Marie? Is that you?

Mother's maiden last name?

Oh god, I gotta have that. Hold on. Do you need my credit card or social security? Both, please.

Is it something of like, it's not running because it's snot or something like that?

Oh, because it's snot running.

I'm laughing, sorry. I'm laughing about the Lord of Beeps thing. That bit is really going off like a time bomb in my body. I love that.

That's awesome.

That's like my favorite bit we've ever done on the show. Wait a minute. That fucking rules.

Okay, I don't care what everyone says. I love that.

Erin, what I like about The Lord of Beats is because every time we've ever beeped before, we've never referenced him, but he's been there, and now he's dead.

He's been an integral part of the show, and now he's dead.

And we ended the scene and we never even killed him. He's dead. He got stabbed.

Okay, alright. Next time I do an episode, we're solving the Lord of Beeps murder. I'm sorry.

That's about it. Look for that three weeks in a row. It sounds like Patreon content. Oh yeah, you're right. Erin, that's too good for the main feed. No, it's too good for these hogs. Too good for these hogs. These slobs.

Starving, Erin Keif, and John Patrick Coan. Casey told me to be editing. How are the parents in the music? Logo created by Emily Cardenas and Emily Naboris.

Hey there, hoes and ho-hoes. If you liked that, you're going to love this week's Patreon. We are going to the North Pole to see all the Santas. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com. Hey Riddle Riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month and get those ad free episodes. See you there.

That was a headgum podcast.