Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum Podcast.

Light as a feather, stiff as a board. Light as a feather, stiff as a board. Light as a feather, stiff as a board. Light as a feather, stiff as a board.

Light as a feather, stiff as a board.

Light as a feather, stiff as a board. Light as a feather, stiff as a board. Light as a feather, stiff as a board. Light as a feather, stiff as a board.

Light as a feather, stiff as a board. Light as a feather, stiff as a board. Light as a feather, stiff as a board. Light as a feather, stiff as a board. Light as a feather, stiff as a board.

Light as a feather, stiff as a board. Light as a feather, stiff as a board. Light as a feather, stiff as a board. Light as a feather, stiff as a board. Light as a feather, stiff as a board.

Light as a feather, stiff as a board. Light as a feather, stiff as a board. Light as a feather, stiff as a board. Light as a feather

Yeah, you're reading my chart. Yeah, and this is all self-disclosed. I disclosed all of this to the hospital.

Hey man, we just need one second. I know that medical jargon can go over your head. We're just sort of doing doctor stuff over here.

Real quick before my colleague and I step away. One, can we have a pair of your underwear to put in the freezer just because we need to take some samples? And then two, can you hold up this mirror?

Yeah, the nurse already took my underwear from the freezer.

And I'm going to turn down the lights, and the other doctor's going to stand behind you here, and we're just going to go, Bloody Mary.

Bloody Mary. Bloody Mary.

Bloody Mary.

Bloody Mary. And how do you feel? I mean, the leg is really the issue. He's cured!

Thanks for coming in!

It's light as a feather and stiff as a... Come on! That'll be three sheep bones. On Yelp, they're the best doctors in the world, so what am I supposed to do?

Hey, JBC, you're back from the doctor early.

How'd it go? Um, really good.

Oh, lots of powers.

Was that lots of powers?

Yeah, kinda. Well, Erin and I made you a cake just to celebrate your leg being whatever. Yeah. Erin, you want to sit over here?

You made me a cake for my leg being fake.

Blood is a feather, stiff as a board.

Blood is a feather, stiff as a board.

Oh, this cake looks awful, by the way.

It is!

How did you make this thing? Well, it's very light.

It's like a meringue, but it's stiff as a board. We overcooked it. We overcooked the meringue, and that's your cake. That's your cake, and you can eat it, too, because this is an episode of Hey Riddle Riddle. I'm Adal Rifai.

I'm JPC.

And I'm the cake boy, Erin Keif. Something's wrong here. Erin, how do you feel about being the cake boy?

I don't hate it. Do I like it? Yes, I do. I like it.

And the world is dying to know, why are you nicknamed the Cake Boy?

Well, I can help here because, and this is kind of an honorific, but if Erin was just a little bit younger, she could have been the Cake Boy at my wedding.

Oh, that would have been such an honor to be the Cake Boy.

You mean the little kid who walked down the aisle with a big thing of cake and he tripped, fell face first into it and everybody laughed at him?

No, that was the caterer's son and he almost ruined the wedding.

That's so funny.

Oh, the cake boy was that 22-year-old with all that ass. The groomsman with all that ass.

So anyways, how's it going? Erin's going pretty good.

How are you doing?

Good. GPC, you good?

Yeah, Erin. I'm also doing pretty good. I don't know about you guys, but you have partners, and oftentimes we'll share anecdotes on the show about something that our partner has done, maybe something that We'll be right back.

So all three of us are in the same boat.

So I just thought I just thought it was very funny because like in my opinion I don't talk too much about like shenanigans like that on the podcast but it is also very funny that I could at any time and there are times where it gets shut down immediately.

There must be something that flashes behind our eyes where we go, like you can just tell you're like, oh, Erin wants to tell Adal and JPC that so bad. He can like sniff it from a mile away. He'll do something and be like, don't.

Yeah, my eyes roll like a jackpot reel and land on chairs. This cannot, this cannot make it onto the podcast.

Gemma goes, don't, don't say it.

So GPC, what did you do?

Nothing happened in my life.

Nothing happened.

Something happened. Obviously something happens. It's always happening over here. Everything's always happening over here. But I will say that it's, it, there was a time very recently I, and this is again, I don't even remember what it was because my mind was not like, I'll never, this was not like a fun story, like a detail to share, but I gotta do not say that on the podcast. And I was like, I don't, I wasn't even going to, but now I want to.

Yeah.

Once it's forbidden. Once the fruit is forbidden, of course we want to pluck it off the tree and take a big bite. Once I'm going to get in big trouble for it, of course I want to say it. That's why Adam and Eve got kicked out of the garden, is because Eve told God something Adam did.

That is what they say.

That's what they say, that that happened. So in 2019, we recorded three episodes in a day, much like we're doing today, a little peek behind the curtain. And I got into that recording and Sean had not yet cleaned the microwave of our apartment that we had just moved into together.

And now he's synonymous with dirty microwaves.

Yes. And then so I mentioned it over the three episodes to sort of just like put pressure. Go, you had four months to clean this microwave. You haven't done it yet.

You haven't done it yet.

Now it is 2023, about to be 2024. Sean still gets messages. comments, even in sitcom D&D. It's like, yeah, like Sean cleaning the microwave. So I am aware now.

Yes, of your power.

And I appreciate people being on my side in that. That was awesome. Yeah, but I have to be more careful now because I don't want now he's the microwave guy and he didn't ask to that.

No, he didn't. Yeah, you did that to him himself. I guess that's fair. Yeah, you don't want to set your partner up as being the microwave guy forever. So Erin, I guess you learned your lesson from that.

I do like the sort of perfect storm of you recording back-to-back-to-back episodes, and in between you're like, he still didn't clean the microphone. The microphone? The microwave. So I like the idea of he had a three-hour grace period, and he did not do it during that time, and that really fucked him over.

You know, some people, you can't tell them to do a chore in three hours. You have to say, do a chore on your own time.

He had four to five months.

Oh, well then hold on. Then he's not off the hook. Absolutely message him, dirty little microwave man.

I think we still, if you're a sitcom D&D, you have to listen to both sitcom D&D and Hey Riddle Riddle or else don't message Sean. But if you listen to both, you're free to message Sean. Hey, clean the microwave today.

Although, Erin, I can't remember. We recorded three episodes yesterday as well, a little peek behind the curtain.

And I can't remember what episode it was or what type of episode. It could have been a Maiden Feed, could have been a Patriot.

You said, doesn't the Pilberry Doughboy kinda look like a shot?

Don't message him about that. Let's try to keep that under the radar. I mean that in the best way. I mean that in the how blue the Pillsbury Doughboy's eyes kind of way. Not in that he has a hat like that kind of way. You know what I mean? He has a hat like that?

Yeah, Sean's like, you think I have a hat like that?

What am I hearing on the podcast that you think I have a hat like that? Babe, you think I have a hat like that? One time we were recording and Sean walked by in the background of Erin's video and he was naked from the forehead down except for he had a little chef's hat on.

Okay, and that, okay, it's gonna be hard to beat the Pillsbury Doughboy rumors when he's doing stuff like that. And that I get.

He's trying to cultivate a friend. And that's on him. And that's on him.

When we were just making noises at each other, I realized that the three of us, remember when we used to talk about like what trio we are?

Oh, yeah, yeah, I remember this.

I feel like we're kind of the hyenas from Lion King. Lion King.

I call, I call Whoopi.

I knew you would.

I'm Ed, of course. Right? Oh, Ed.

I think Ed is... Well, Eddie... Oops, all Eds, maybe?

Oops, all Eds.

Or three Eds.

Is Ed the one that just got to, like, slobbers and jabbers and, like, he doesn't really... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then that's me, for sure. That's all of us.

Is that not all of us?

I feel like a lot of movies... I don't know where this trope stems from, but I feel like there's a lot of movies where it's... If there's, like, henchmen, one of them is just, like, a... Like, just kind of makes noises or...

They can only write for two. They go, we are fresh out of ideas.

Fuck. But Who Framed Roger Rabbit, there's the weasels, and one of the weasels is just kind of like... Like he doesn't really do anything. He's just kind of crazy.

Isn't it the easiest thing to do? To be like, don't write more dialogue for him. Let's just have one guy go... What's the guy from Firefly?

We'll hire that guy. Alan Tudyk. We'll hire Alan Tudyk, and he'll just kind of do some high-pitched weirds.

You know what I just realized? Every villainous animal and or animal sidekick in Disney movies has a podcast now.

Wait, what? Explain.

Don't they all have the vibes of someone who would have a podcast?

Flotsam and Jetsam, Ursula's Eels, have a sports talk radio?

What are the two?

Panic and Pain, for sure.

are talking about how girls don't want to date them. I want to see a scene.

I want to see a scene. You guys are Ursula's Eels, Flotsam, and Jetsam. Adal's in sports, but then Erin said girls don't want to date them. It's like a current events pop culture podcast, but you're Ursula's two eels and you have that podcast.

Welcome back to All The Eels. We're here to talk about your eelings. You send us questions and we give advice.

We were just talking on the last episode about how females don't know how good they have it.

So good. In this day and age, you can't be a proud white eel.

Scene. I'm looking it up, because let's talk about all these podcasts that they have. This is important. I'm sorry.

Erin, I also thought you said fee-el males when you said females at first, and I was like, that's pretty fun. It's an eel who says females.

In Moana, isn't there a chicken that just goes, meow, meow, meow? And that's Alan Tudyk.

Definitely a podcaster. LeFou, for sure, has a podcast.

Remind me who LeFou is. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Talking about being in love with your friend.

Dunks like the Knicks, scores three points like the Knicks.

Mr. Smee, for sure. Striped shirt, glasses like that. He has got a podcast. Yes. Iago Kronk. The Evil Stepsisters, hello, of course they have a podcast, that's on TikTok.

They have like a Call Her Daddy, they have like a Call Her Daddy style podcast.

Jasper and Horace from 101 Dalmatians for sure has a podcast. That Dog from Pocahontas has a podcast.

Erin, can I say something? What? This is incredible. I almost wish you would stop because you should start this podcast. It's just every week it's a different Disney character hosting a podcast.

All of them. I'm actually looking at a little photo montage of all of them, and literally all of them look like podcast hosts.

Erin, can we get you to do a limited run? Can we get you to do a limited run? Can we get you to do a limited run? Just like an eight-episode run of Disney characters.

Just eight episodes. And it's only you. It's on Patreon. We still split the money three ways.

I'm sort of already on a Disney villain podcast.

Non-negotiable, we split the money three ways.

It's called Hey Riddle Riddle.

Okay, that sucks to hear that you're on a podcast. Oh wait, that's the one I'm on. It's okay.

It's cool.

It's cool because I'm on it. I just heard I'm on a podcast and I was like, this sucks.

We are. Yeah, we are. And it's a Riddle podcast. So buckle up, bud. Speaking of that.

Welcome back to Cooking with Gas. Stahn. What you're gonna want to do, low and slow.

Oh, he has like a Jimbro podcast where he's just like, I'm getting protein in early in the morning.

We're talking about sucking on a cooking podcast? What is this? Ribs!

Yes, let's... We can't... I just got texted a cease and desist. From old cryogenically frozen head himself. So let's move on to some riddles. Isn't Mr. Walter Disney?

He's pretty litigious, right? So actually, Erin, you can't do that podcast. We'd actually get fucking sued to our finals.

Wow, Walter? Such reverence. Walter?

That's what he told me to call him.

Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry, Walter. Let's get into some riddles. Here's our first riddle. High and lows in noblemen's castles and teaching arithmetic to rascals. Hard as a bone and flat as paper, it can only be procured in nature. Is this going to be like your ass or like your butt? Hmm. Erin was closer with calculator.

Abacus. Costellicus.

I do want to say a scene. This is ancient Greece. We're in ancient Greece. Well, at the time they just called it Greece. And this is the comedy act stylings of Abacus and Costellicus.

Hey, you ever go to the forum, Abacus?

Of course, Costellicus. We're at the forum right now. Hold for applause.

Hold for applause.

Wait, why did you have that reaction to that?

I'm surprised. I'm in the forum. I thought I was in the ducks, the aqueducts, because you keep quacking about.

Come on, man. Stick to the script.

Okay, you go.

You're losing him. You're losing him. You go. You go. But by the way, Costellicus.

Yes, Abacus?

Did you happen to watch the Greco wrestling match yesterday, Eve? Do something with orgies! Well, we'll get there, man. We have a long set. Who was the name of the person engaging in the Greco tussle?

Oh, Huberkiss was it? Huberkiss.

Not Huberkiss on first again. What Thorleo are you talking about?

Who, because is the name of- I told you we needed more rehearsal.

And two giant doors lift up and lions come running out.

No, no, no, no. This is good. We're doing good.

Ah, very good.

Okay. I don't know the answer to the riddle.

Yeah, let me read this again.

It's hard because that routine is so scripted to come up with on the fly, but also have to do the ancient Greek stuff. It's like, it gets difficult to do.

Yeah, through the filter, through that filter. Here we go. Let me read it again and then I'll give you some hints maybe. High and low in noblemen's castles and teaching arithmetic to rascals. Hard as bone and flat as paper, it can only be procured in nature. Any other guesses before I give a hint?

A leaf?

A bark? Is this bark? Uh, we're not terribly far off, but it's definitely found in nature. A stick? No. No, no, no. Chalk? Uh, Erin, you are very hot.

Lead?

Uh, coal? This is something that chalk would go on to.

A chalkboard.

Yes.

Granite.

Um, no. This is also a magazine, I believe.

Oh, highlights. It's life, people. Uh, Penthouse Hustler. Playboy? What other magazines are there?

You think Hustler can only be found in nature? Well, actually, in the forest. There is a little pile of... What are chalkboards made out of? Probably a few different things nowadays, but there's a little thing. Starts with an S. Slate. Slate. You got it. Erin got it.

Slate.

I win.

Wait, does Erin win? Adal, tell them you guys didn't just lose the whole thing.

I'm so sorry. Erin wins. And of course the prize on this show is JPC loses everything.

Okay, well I guess I'll start packing up. We've got a tow truck taking your house away.

Let's go on to the next riddle here. Slate's a magazine, right? Is it a music magazine? No, that's Spin. What's Slate?

Isn't Slate a website?

Yes, that's what I'm thinking. Websites are basically- Nature's magazine. Magazines that are in the air around us, in the ether, floating.

Thriving on a rainy day, among the things that decay, has not root, nor leaf, nor seed, yet it grows fast as a weed.

Thriving on a rainy day, among the things that decay. Has not root, nor leaf, nor seed, yet it grows fast as a weed. Is this a worm? Storm? Uh, I heard two words at the same time I couldn't make out either.

Erin said shwurm and I said wormt.

Oh. I said storm and he said worm.

Um, so Port Bantu of Storm and Worm would be Storm. Storm. I think.

Or Worm.

It's not Storm or Worm. I think, well both are not terribly bad. I think Worm is probably closer. Definitely proximity wise.

Adal, Slate is an online magazine.

Fuck yeah. So we were both right. We were both right.

It's both a website and a magazine.

Hell yeah. Which is closer? Probably a worm. A worm probably dances around these things. Thriving on a rainy day among the things that decay. The bones of my enemy. These things would grow in the bones of your enemy.

A flower?

Kind of.

A bad flower.

It's not a weed because didn't you say weed? Yes. Thriving on a rainy day among the things that decay has not root nor leaf nor seed yet it grows fast as a weed. So what if you put a bunch of shit out or dead bodies, these things are going to probably pop up.

Oh, are these mogots?

Are these mogots? They're that. And JPC, I know what mogots are, but for anyone out there who doesn't know what mogots are, they are... Mogots are little creepy crawlies that turn into flus, like Smurfs.

Yeah. We are the Boguts. We live in dead bodies.

They were canceled after a pilot episode.

They're like, kids are crying. Technically, they made the pilot episode, but then they found out that the only reason it was greenlit was because the executive who greenlit it was coked out of his mind. This is great. Kids will eat Boguts. Kids are going to love the Boguts.

I'm

No, I don't want to. I don't know what will happen, but I don't want to.

It is mushrooms.

Were you trying to get me to summon another devil?

You're always getting me to summon these devils. Mushroom devil. Erin, you're also right with, you said fungi, fungus?

Yes.

This is why I don't fuck with fungus, because it grows on the poo poo.

So mushrooms don't have seeds. They procreate by spreading spores. I guess spores are like plant STDs. They procreate by spreading spores that in the right conditions will grow into new mushrooms. They have root-like appendages called mycelium that help the organism to absorb moisture and other nutrients.

This is just a science question. I would like to see a scene.

Isn't there like a forest that's one big mushroom because all the mycelium would connect together?

Yes, it's the biggest living organism. Yeah, that's awesome. But that's kind of cheating. To be like, the biggest living organism is this forest. It's like, wow.

Hey, trust me, kind of cheating still counts because you get a partner really upset about it. So that's what Brian didn't want you to talk about on the show.

Oh, I see. Okay, I'd like to see a scene.

Okay. Yes.

You two are mushrooms and you're trying yourselves for the first time and getting high. I'm bored.

You know what we could do? I don't want to do that again. No, no, no, no.

Hear me out, hear me out.

I don't want to go knocking on trees and then running away. That felt bad. No, we can do this from right here. We don't have to move at all. Okay. Why don't we lick each other? Ah, you lick the top of my cap, I lick the top of your cap, and we just kind of see what happens, you know? I'm intrigued. Same look, same time? Full disclosure, when you were taking a nap like three hours ago, I did it. I licked the top of your head. I'm fully gone right now. I'm lost in the woods. Full disclosure, after you licked the top of my head, I licked the top of your head. I am freaking out. Okay, full disclosure. I think I am upside down. I think my cap is on the ground and my mycelium are in kind of the air. Kind of just hanging and dangling. I died 300 years ago. Full disclosure. Full disclosure. Full disclosure. Something smells like Christmas.

Could I have a cup of whatever you're brewing?

Oh, you're back. My brother is back home. I got you a present. Wait, who are you? Oh my God. Oh my God.

Someone's at the house. Just give me some of that coffee.

Whoa, did you just see a copy commercial? Full disclosures. Crystal full disclosures. Hey man, hey, you're my best friend in the world. You're my best friend in the world.

Hey, did you hear that? Did you hear that? That's just two guys at a music festival. Those are not mushrooms at all. That was just two guys at a music festival.

That audio was from two men at a music festival. That is found footage from Riot Fest 2015.

Riot Fest. Let's get on to our next riddle. What often has wheels, never has wings, travels by air, land, and sea, encloses everything? I like this riddle a lot. What often has wheels, never has wings, travels by air, land, and sea, enclosing everything? Enclosing everything.

Is it and closing everything or enclosing?

Enclosing. Enclosing everything.

And it has wheels.

It has wheels but never wings.

But it does travel by air, land, and sea. Now Erin, do you think he's saying whales and he's just fucking up how he says it? It has whales but not wings? Yes, I do. Okay, gotcha.

What has wheels? W-H-A-L-E-S. Hot whales leading the way. Why did I do a wolf son for a whale? I don't know, but that level.

That scared everyone.

Hold on. Orcas are the whales of the wolves.

What is happening to you? Hey man, are you hearing this? Orcas are the wolves of the sea. I'm worried about you, man.

No, I got it. Okay, it doesn't have wings. Yeah. And it encloses everything.

That's what the riddle says.

What does that mean, Erin? Encloses everything?

Yeah, it has wheels?

It says it often has wheels, right? Often? Doesn't always.

And here's something I just learned. I literally learned this yesterday and it blew my mind. We went to the moon, I believe, 25 years before we put wheels on this thing. And that blows my mind. That we were so focused on getting into space, we couldn't put wheels on this thing that everyone who's ever used one is like, I wish this had fucking wheels.

Okay, so it's a thing that doesn't have ... Is this like ... Would this be ... No, I was going to say- Sneakers.

Sneakers? This thing probably encloses sneakers, depending. This thing encloses sneakers? Well, it encloses everything, and probably ... I mean, not literally everything, not like the moon and the stars, but sneakers for sure.

Yeah.

Air.

You might get some air in it, yeah. There's always air in it, probably.

There's always air in it. Would this be a tire? No. Because tires have wheels inside of them and a wheel is not a tire.

You're getting too deep.

But it encloses everything. So this is something that goes over the outside of something, right?

I do want to see a scene. Oh, I was so close.

Oh, no, no, we're so close. I was working so hard. I made all my progress. Let me save my file.

Mix up all the pieces.

He just unplugged it. He just pulled the plug out of the wall. Oh, man.

That's a whale noise. Woo! That was a great sound. Casey Clip that, make that my ringtone. I do want to say I've seen the two of you are cavemen.

Okay.

And you have invented the tire before you invented the wheel. But you don't know what to do with a tire.

Mm-hmm. Tensile. Tensile strength. Keep all rubber together.

Can I show you something?

Oh yes, I'm sorry. Just pontificating in my cave.

I invented a new kind of clothes. Walks out wearing a tire.

Oh, uh, you look like, and this is compliment, cause of your blue eyes.

Yes.

The Michelin Man. You get that reference?

Not yet.

You will. What do you call this new clothes?

Well, I'm very tired after making it, so... A skirt? No. A tire. Wait! Oh no! I'm falling on my side! I'm rolling down the hill!

Oh no!

He banged so many time on hill, surely he dead. Run down hill, run down hill.

Oh, hear me just eating delicious roast duck at this too Michelin star cave. Mmm.

Knocks you over? Oh no.

Can you imagine how long newspapers took to hammer out during those days? Erin, they certainly could have used slate magazines back then. Slate magazine? That clearly was invented by cavemen. Yeah, Caveman Magazine. Here's what I'll say. JPC and Erin, two of the best things I've heard ever on a Hey Riddle Riddle episode, Slate Magazine invented by Caveman, and two, a person saying, I invented clothes, and then saying, come out wearing a tire. Wearing attire? Clothes? I mean, that's good wordplay.

I know, it's right there. Attire. A tire.

That was fantastic. But I also like how you didn't get to it from attire. You got to it because you were tired.

I'm attired. What often has wheels, never has wings, travels by air, land, and sea, enclosing everything? So let's drop the enclosing. It encloses everything that's in it, but to say it encloses everything is misleading. Like, again, it encloses what you want it to enclose.

A suitcase.

Erin, it's a suitcase. Whoa. So they didn't invent, and I don't know if this is true, but I heard they didn't invent suitcases with wheels until like 1970. And we put a man on the moon in, I want to say, 1843?

Yeah, it was about 1843. It was right before the Civil War.

I'd like to see a scene. Okay. You two are at the airport at baggage claim and you're both grabbing for the same suitcase because your suitcases look alike.

Got it. Hey man, can you step back? Oh, you don't have to stand that close to the thing. Just go close when your bag is, when you see your bag, walk close, but otherwise you can hang back and create more room for other people.

So sorry. Did you, did you see your bag? Didn't you get ahead? Excuse me? Did you see your bag? So that's why you need to get ahead of me?

No, I just wanted, I got angry and I went to get ahead of you to, to make a point.

Okay. Yeah. That's what I thought.

Oh, sorry. I wish I could keep this going, but here is my duffel bag.

This is actually my duffel bag. I'm the only one that has a navy blue duffel bag. Surely this is my duffel bag.

And there it goes back into the behind the scenes.

Well, we both went to grab for it. We grabbed each other's hands, and now we're shaking hands. And now we're stuck in this, we're stuck in this, I want to say, aggressive handshake.

Yeah, this is... Okay, you're tightening your grip. I'm going to tighten my grip. I'm not tightening my grip. I'm responding to you tightening your grip. I'm not tightening my grip. You're forcing my hand.

This is... I am not tightening my grip. My hand is as loose as it could possibly be. I am pleased to meet you. Why do you think that was your bag and not my bag?

Because I went to Dick's Sporting Good three months ago to buy this blue duffel bag and they only had one in stock.

I work at Dick's Sporting Good and I got that before anyone else even had the opportunity to purchase them because they were flying off the shelf. Oh my god. Oscar?

Wait a second. Dan? I can't believe it's you. I didn't even recognize you. Is it possible if we just stop squeezing each other? We know each other. There's a reason for this. I'm squeezing even harder.

Two local men found exploded by each other at the airport today. We're going to Jeffrey, who's live on the scene. Jeffrey?

Thank you, Diane. Hold on, hold on.

Who are you?

I'm Jeffrey. This is my job. I am in charge of reporting here. That's Diane. She's always in charge. This is my job.

I was hoping that would happen and it did. I love improv. I love it, I love it, I love it.

We're exploding. You don't want to do your Disney show.

That's not something that you want to do.

I can show you the news. Shimmering sideways in weather. Alright, we gotta take a break. Yeah, we have to take a break. You have a lot of work to do writing this show. You have to pee?

Yeah, I'll be right back. Be right back.

Hey Riddle Riddle

Thank you to Aura for sponsoring this very special episode of our show. So special. Jake, you know that the holidays are about connecting with loved ones. Of course. And there's no better way to connect than by using what Wirecutter called the best digital photo frame.

Yeah, you can connect with anyone from any distance.

This is a great gift. You actually gave this gift to your mother, did you not?

Not just my mother, but Jill's parents and Jill's grandmother.

So how does it work? You give them a digital picture frame and then before long they plug it in and they're seeing photos that you took? Yeah. And it's constantly being updated.

I have access to their picture frame. I can upload any new photo that I take of my daughter. I can just pop it on my mom and dad's frame. And you can send videos too.

That's cute. And can you upload like a little silly cheeky message like, help, I'm trapped in the photo frame. Um, I guess you could do that. I don't think anyone would like it. Because it looks like kind of like a weird cry for help. They'd rather just see pictures of loved ones. Yeah, of the baby. They don't even want to see me. That's fair, actually. Yeah. Okay, so if that's not personal enough, you can even upload a video message to play as soon as they plug it in. Like I'm trapped in the photo.

Or whatever.

Whatever you want it to say. And this holiday season, Aura is having the best sale of the year. Listeners can save on the perfect gift by visiting AuraFrames.com. That's A-U-R-A Frames dot com. That's right. And then use the promo code HEADGUM to get $30 off their best-selling frames. Perfect. So get your frame before they sell out. The perfect gift for the perfect family members.

Yes.

Terms and conditions obviously apply. Always. But again, that's AuraFrames, A-U-R-A-Frames.com, promo code HEADGUM to get $30 off. Amazing. Thank you, Aura.

Thanks. Oh, Adal and JPC, thank you so much for coming early to my Christmas party to help me get ready.

Yeah, of course. Erin, thank you. Wow, you look, you're dressed like a sled, is that...

I'm just adding my favorite Steve Buscemi pictures to my Aura frame. I'm obsessed with this by the way. I'm giving this as a gift to everyone in my life because I love it so much. And so pictures of him will pop up amongst my family and friends and beloved pictures. So he's sort of just like a part of it.

Adal, what are you doing talking to that sled? Oh, hey Erin, what's going on?

It's a new dress, I thought it looked lovely.

Well, Erin, it's seriously... So, you do look lovely. You look like you would go so fast downhill.

Stop talking about it.

It's so easy to get started, and then once you do, the tech is incredible. I can upload photos right from my phone, and just a click, it'll even pair photos together for me, like two pictures of the same person, wink wink, Steve Buscemi, or from the same day, wink wink, opening day of, uh, what was that HBO show that he was in?

Don't strain yourself. There's no USB or SD cards and no hassle. You can celebrate and commemorate all your best holiday memories. And we mean all of them because Aura has unlimited storage. You just use the app on your phone. You can sort of change out pictures. If you know someone's coming over, you can add a bunch of pictures of them and they'll pop up.

Very fun to do.

It truly is mesmerizing because you're just sitting in your house. You look over it and you go, Oh my gosh, that picture. Oh my gosh, that picture. Oh my gosh, that picture.

And honestly, Aura Frames make great gifts. I've given them out to friends, I've given them out to family, I gave one to my 88-year-old grandmother who absolutely loves it, and she was able to figure it out, like, very easily. So, if you've got a loved one in your life that loves pictures, an Aura Frame is a great gift. It's so easy, even a sled can use it.

Hey, oh, speaking of pictures, JBC, get a picture of me standing on Erin's back.

Okay, where is Erin? Is she gonna be... I keep forgetting. That's Erin.

Dang. And you know what? I did this bit, this Steve Buscemi bit, because I actually have uploaded a ton of pictures of Steve Buscemi to my Aura frame, and it's a great bit. People come in my house, it's lovely pictures of my nieces, and then all of a sudden Steve Buscemi's on my Aura frame. Gets a laugh every time.

What does Sled's house even look like? Doesn't matter. From now through Black Friday and Cyber Monday, visit AuraFrames.com and get $40 off their best-selling Carver mat frame with the code RIDDLE. This is their best deal of the year, so get yours now. That's Aura, A-U-R-A, Frames.com with the promo code RIDDLE. Terms and conditions apply. But don't take it from them.

Take it from me, John Turturro. Can I come in?

Katara, you want to go sledding?

I'm a human woman! Sorry guys, I can't talk right now. I have... I don't even know where to begin. I am so stressed. I just realized I had like $700 worth of subscriptions that I wasn't using and I've been losing so much money every month and now I have to call all of them individually, figure it out. I'm so stressed out.

Oh, Erin, not to put more wood on this fire, but we are needing to record 100 episodes by next week of Hey Riddle Riddle.

Wow.

Is that okay? I am underwater here. Okay.

All right. Okay, and I listen. When people say they don't have time to talk, I shut my mouth because I'm not needed to talk.

Oh, Rocket Money. Rocket Money.

Yeah, I knew that, but I was told not to talk, so I couldn't say Rocket Money. I was screaming Rocket Money with my eyes.

Oh, Rocket Money is the personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills all in one place. Why didn't I think of that?

Okay, am I insane? Are we having a conversation right now? Because I'd love the permission to talk because I have so much to share about Rocket Money.

Well, Erin, did you know that over 80% of people have subscriptions they've forgotten about? It's too easy to subscribe to a free trial of something and then completely forget about it once you stop using it, right as the monthly charges start rolling in. That's why I'm such a big fan of Rocket Money. I don't know about JPC, though.

Don't talk. And do you know that Rocket Money can even negotiate or lower your bills for you by up to 20%? All you have to do is take a picture of your bill and Rocket Money takes care of all the rest. They're like your assistant. I love them.

It fully feels like we're in the middle of a Rocket Money ad, but the ad began with me being told not to talk. So it's like, I want to say a lot of great things about Rocket Money. I love Rocket Money, but am I allowed to? Okay, and okay, and this, and okay.

I think my favorite part of Rocket Money is it lets you monitor all your expenses in one place.

With over 5 million users and counting, Rocket Money has helped save its customers an average of $720 a year and $1 billion in total savings so far. So stop wasting money on things you don't use, cancel your unwanted subscriptions, and manage your money the easy way

by going to RocketMoney.com slash Riddle. That's RocketMoney.com slash Riddle. RocketMoney.com slash Riddle.

Welcome back to the podcast. And of course, we have our first guest. Our first guest. Put our podcast to the test. He's a local cartoonist with the news. He does the sketches. Yeah, he draws them head to tail. Oh, yeah, I did guess. Here's our guest. Here's our guest.

Lumiere, he's stuck in traffic. We're going to need you to vamp.

Oh, my fuck. Oh, shit, no. That is all out the window. I can only do this one song and they know. Do we have some ads? Can we cut to ads? Go to ads. Cut to ads. Let's do ads.

Lumiere, no one listens to this. Not even... We don't have ads.

Can we... You could do some ads on spec, Lumiere, if you wanted to.

Yankee Candles. If you're looking to impress someone this Christmas, buy Yankee Candles.

Okay, let me try another one. Blue Chew, are you having trouble with your wick? Blue Chew will keep your flame going all's night.

Why is that top of mind for you, Lumiere?

It happens to a lot of guys.

Well, welcome back from the break, everybody. That actually wasn't Lumiere. That was Adal.

I think this thing has legs. Erin, no. What are you doing? Lumiere does not have legs. He's a candlestick. Well, yeah, but he has a dick.

What are we talking about? He has a wick. I said wick. Whoa, is that what John Wick stands for? Whoa, John Witt's Lumiere?

Like, it's mushroom. It goes upside down. Why did you hear that?

Alright, Fest. More riddles, please! Oh, Augustus Gloop. Augustus Gloop, do you have a podcast? Um, what is Augustus Gloop from? What do you think Augustus Gloop is from? Willy Wonka. Are you reviewing drinking chocolate rivers from around the world? Let's do another riddle here. A sound that delights, or one that bothers, depending on how it's placed among its sisters and its brothers.

Oh, like a piano key.

Uh, pretty much. A little more... A string on a guitar. You can zoom out a little bit. A little more macro. Hmm. Is this just a note? A note? It's a musical note. Interesting.

Okay. Yeah.

Huh.

Huh. That one... That one didn't... That one... A little too on the nose, I think, for that one.

Okay, well let me... Okay, let me find this one. What pees when it poops upside down 23. Four months have I, but only- We've done this one. We've done this one. Adal.

It's Adal.

Let me find some bullshit riddles here.

Because that one we've done. A thousand times on the show we've done that one. Sorry I just have these good riddles that are- Actually you did the pees when it poops one on 257.

Red is rust. Hard is stone. Put them in a row and call it home. Roses, baby. You live in a rose bed. You sleep in a rose bed, JPZ. It's a rose bush.

Could you read that again?

Absolutely. Red as rust, hard as stone, put them in a row and call it home.

So I think that this is a brick, but I take issue with the fact that you could lay down a line of bricks on the ground and be like, we're home.

I think you could. Yeah, probably.

I think it's a brick.

You think a home has to have a roof? I guess it does.

I think a home has to have, it does not have to have a roof, but it has to have a wall. And I think a wall isn't a wall unless it's, ooh, hot take. How tall to be a wall? I think it has to be at least four feet.

Huh. So if an aunt builds a home while they dig in the ground, nevermind. Next Riddle. Hey, does anybody like Ben Folds brick?

You're not supposed to like that song. You're supposed to listen to it and have an emotional experience. It's probably my favorite song about an abortion.

Oh God.

I think it's The Characters on Netflix. Lauren Lapkus has an episode of The Characters where she's a stripper dancing to that song. Yes. It makes me laugh. That's really funny. It makes me laugh very hard. Here's the next one. Speaking of homes. Timid Tom never leaves his house. Some think he's lazy, as a louse. But he never sits down, nor lays on his back, and he swims quite well, as a matter of fact. This is a fun little nursery rhyme.

Just because he leaves his house doesn't mean he's timid. He probably has arachnophobia, you know?

So you think someone doesn't leave their house because of arachnophobia, so spiders in your mind can't get inside a home?

The fuck do spiders have to do with anything?

Oh, he's afraid of nice racks. Timid Tom never leaves his house. Some think he's lazy as a louse, but he never sits down nor lays on his back and he swims quite well as a matter of fact.

So is Timid Tom a organic being or is Timid Tom like a concept?

I'm thinking like a cuckoo clock. Hey man, you're all organic beings. A cuckoo clock. Like something like that.

Okay. Swims on its back? He never sits down nor lays on his back, but he swims quite well, as a matter of fact. So he's never on his back.

Yeah, so I was like, if it's a being, because I was thinking it's like water through the pipes or something like that, that like never, but no, that leaves the house because it would go through the sewer, so that's nothing.

Swims on his swims. So I think, JPC, to answer your first question, this is an organic being. Okay. And think about something organic that maybe never leaves its house. Now, of course, to you, a house is a four-foot wall. Oh, oh, oh, oh.

And that's it. Hermit crab.

Or turtle. Very close. Ooh, someone said it. Turtle? It's Turtle. Yeah. He's a turtle. He never leaves his house. He never sits down or lays on his back. Well, he would die. And he swims quite well.

I think it's fucked up to call a turtle shell their house. That's some like, that's some like, um, that like fucking like erasure of like homeless turtles or whatever. They're just like, no, turtles have houses. They live on their back and they're like, take care of these fucking turtles. They pay their taxes. They deserve.

Unshelled.

Also, giving someone a house tour is so invasive. You're asking someone to look inside you. This is the bathroom, this is the kitchen.

Erin, that was going to be my scene. I do want to see a scene. Erin, you are a turtle. JPC has answered your ad in the newspaper for a new roommate, and he is moving it to your home.

Hey, so just take off your shoes before you crawl up my butt. And then we'll get the tour started.

House rules are house rules. Okay, so I'm sorry. I'm, you know, just going off what I read from the listing. The listing said this was a two bedroom, two bath.

Um, yes, two bedroom, two bath, one heart, two lungs, three stomachs? I don't know, I didn't take biology recently. Yeah.

Um, okay, and then, like, utilities, how would- You're ticklish.

You're tickling me.

I'm just- that's a finger. I only got a finger. I'm sorry.

It tickles.

Have you ever had a roommate before?

No.

Or why are you- why are you- oh, so no.

I can't afford to be me anymore by myself. Sure.

No, yeah, I know. It's hard at that. It's exactly why I'm looking to split all the costs with somebody.

Mm-hmm.

Just so I know, because I have some habits that might be a little weird, is it cool if I bring leaves and twigs and little clods of dirt back to the house?

Yeah, I mean you need to help I think that we should sort of like share digestion So when I'm eating like big things of lettuce super slow you will also help sort of manage I mean if I'm gonna be eating sticks, you know, oh No, the sticks are not for eating I'm sorry That's just kind of like my stuff like the stuff that I have like it's just like sticks and twigs and little clods of dirt.

Oh

Right, but if it's in here, then it's technically like in me, like it's in my body, so like... Yeah.

Okay, okay, that's cool. We can kind of address that. What about, am I cool to bring women over to the show?

Oh my god, yeah, totally. I mean, I will be here the whole time. How do you feel about me racing rabbits?

Yeah, I think it's like that's chill as long as like we're not like going too far from like where I work, which is a tree and kind of where I forage, which is also a tree.

And you're a human man, right?

Oh, yeah, that's what it said in the email.

Same. You know how sometimes you'll be, I know this doesn't happen often, but maybe you're in like a fight, like someone did something, someone spills a drink on you in a bar and then shoves you or something, and you start to talk back to them. A very adult situation. You start to talk back to them to be like, what the fuck? And you can't, you're not at your best in terms of like mental jabs or comebacks. I feel like the opening line of, take off your shoes before you get in my ass. I feel like that's something I would say when I don't have my, you know, like I can't pull the sharpest line.

Why don't you take off your shoes before I climb in your butt?

What? What? Hey man, I'm sorry. I'm just going to... Hey man, let's just...

Let's just shake hands and walk away. Okay, man. You're squeezing really hard, man. Shake hands, man.

Take off your shoes before you crawl on my ass. My butt. Patty is covered all over with scales. She and her sisters hang from their tails. Children are glad when they can be found, and with sticky fingers, pull them down.

Icicles.

Not icicles. Icicles aren't covered with scales, famously.

What area of the country did you grow up in?

I don't know if this is like old timey in terms of like kids love pulling these things down. I've never in my life fucking seen anyone pull one of these down. I've seen them on the ground before, but I've never seen someone pull them down and be delighted by it.

Oh, oh, okay. So this is sticky fingers. This made me think pine cone.

It is a pine cone or pine cones because they're all sisters.

I will say that growing up in my grandparents' yard, they had one of those big coniferous trees that grew pinecones, and it was so tall, and you could climb the hell out of it, because it had so many branches, and when you were little, you could support your weight on them. And we used to climb pretty far up, and we would love to pull the pinecones down. But I do remember getting off of the tree, and your hands would be so fucking sticky, because the whole tree was just covered in sap.

I never knew that that was like a joyous activity, plucking pine cones.

Well, this is when you're at your grandparents' house. So, they don't have a Nintendo. They have a cribbage board. They have expired cereal. And they tell you to play in the yard. And they're like, we'll set up the croquet set. And I'm like, I'm eight. I'm not playing fucking croquet.

I'm going to use the croquet stick to hit a tree to get the bark off.

Yeah, I'll take the hammer. Can I walk around the yard with the hammer, Grandpa? I'll be inside watching Matlock. Do what you will. Here's some fun little factoids. The scaly pine cones that you easily observe hanging from a tree are the females. The male cones are much harder to spot and less wood-like. That's kind of fun. Also, if you research the etymology of the word cone, you will find that it comes from the Greek word, abacus and cystellicus.

Or ice cream.

It comes from the Greek word konis, which actually means pine cone or ice cream. And that's kind of fun.

Today we're Okay, well I didn't say pinecone maple delight because two of those words sound pretty good. I've had maple and I've had delight before and I like those things. But if it was just pinecone ice cream, because yeah, I'd have like pinecone chocolate peanut butter blast or whatever. Fine, why not? But just pinecone ice cream? No, thank you.

You're not thinking clearly, man. You would.

I'm too far off that ice cream. I gotta get back.

Did you eat moss flavored ice cream?

No.

Yes. Is it flavored like the guy from the IT crowd? Yeah.

Richard Ayode, right? Richard Ayode. Twin faces with vertical eyes donned expressions of surprise. Frightened, I struck one carelessly and was filled with negative energy. If these faces you happen to see, be as careful as you can be. Kryptonite?

Lightning, magnets.

Someone said kryptonite, somebody said lightning and magnets. Put those all together and you have... Science! Dead Captain Planet. Captain Planet also allergic to Kryptonite. Yeah, I think all the big guys are. Yeah. Any strong big guy? Absolutely. Not from this planet, absolutely allergic to Kryptonite.

It would be so funny for Captain Planet to just casually slip that he's also from Krypton. They're like, yeah, but like you don't, you don't have the same powers as, like Superman doesn't need five people with a ring to summon him. He's like, yeah, I know man. Yeah, it's crazy.

I do want to see a scene. We're cousins. JPC, you and I are planeteers.

How many scenes? How many scenes have we done where we're planeteers on this show? It's got to be, it's less than five. No, it's more than five and less than 10.

That could be anything we've covered. I want to see a scene. JPC, you and I are planeteers. We summon Aaron, who's Captain Planet, and people always want to know, where is Captain Planet when he's not Being summoned. So we summoned you while you were in the middle of doing something that you didn't want to be summoned during.

There have to be Zoomers listening to this show that are like, was Captain and Planet really important? Was that Captain America? Okay, okay.

Well, there's only two of us left, so let's combine our powers.

Yeah, let's broccoli. I have hold on. I gotta get the other rings from our deceased members on my finger.

Hey, thanks for bringing me in. I know broccoli is not like a I know it's like not one of the big six but

We're down to bare bones. We've been targeted. Yeah, they've been really coming at us. Okay, you start again. We have to do it in the right order.

Yeah. It also sucks that, I don't know if you know Claire, but Claire has vegetables, which is like pretty good. Like that's, and I feel like for someone to get vegetables and then for me to get specifically broccoli.

Well, you didn't hear Claire got assassinated.

Yeah.

So she's, she's gone.

I'm sorry I smiled.

Look, I know that you and Claire had bad blood, but yeah, she's gone. Do you have a ring? Yeah, I have her ring. So you do broccoli. Broccoli! Vegetables! Heart, wind, fire, earth. Go!

Kim, please take me back. Please, Kim. Please, I won't cheat again. I'm so sorry. Kim, please. Captain Planet, Captain Planet, Captain Planet.

Kim, I'm serious.

Please, I'm a small little baby. Kim, please. I'm a baby, Kim.

I'm so small.

Captain Planet, you're completely naked. Captain Planet, you're naked.

I don't control my brain. It just does what it does, Kim. Please. Whoa! Hey guys!

Hey! Hey, um, Sinister Sludge has polluted the river again. Can you take care of it?

What's going on? All of your clothes are like strewn about on the ground. There's a suitcase. It looks like a guitar. Your mascara's on it.

I'm hearing Captain Sludge. Sorry, I'm a little distracted.

Oh, Sinister Sludge. You're Captain Planet.

Sorry, yeah, sorry. I was sort of in the middle of something. You know what? We'll get it.

No, we'll get it. We'll get it, right? Do you need help cleaning this stuff up?

I got it. Oh, this looks like an engagement ring. Captain Planet, is this an engagement ring on the ground here?

Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.

Purple tears, that kind of makes it worse.

No, no, no, no, no, I'm good, I'm good.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, just sit down on the stump. We don't have to do anything, we don't have to solve anything right now. No, we do have to solve something.

It's turning my finger green, Captain Planet. Is this a knockoff? Is this a fake? I thought you had money.

Why did I think you were rich? My mistress robbed me of the real engagement ring. I couldn't afford another one. But Kim doesn't even get it. That means I love her. Your mistress? Cheating on someone, cheating on someone, not telling them, and them finding out means you respect and love them. That means I'm a good guy. I'm a good guy. Because I get to sort of do whatever I want without any consequences. Isn't that good for everybody?

Um, Kevin, can you just put, like, your hands on your hips and then, like, fly away and solve the problem that we mentioned?

Yeah, I miss Kim. Can we call her?

Would it be... Oh, should we? Captain Planet, you're pretty drunk. Give me your phone.

You seem pretty drunk.

Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up.

Hello?

Kim?

No, it's not Kim. It's her brother.

Oh.

Oh, no.

Is this Captain Planet?

No.

Yes it is, you son of a bitch.

No, please, Kim. Put Kim on the phone. I'm a good guy. I'm a little baby guy.

Oh, you're a good guy? If I ever see you around Kim again, I'm gonna cover you in fucking sinister sludge.

No, no, no, no. You're- Are you- Wait a minute.

Uh, what?

No, don't pretend you're going through a tunnel. We got him!

Oh, you're breaking up.

Wow, it was all a ploy by Captain Planet.

No, no, he cheated on him.

He's a bad guy. But sinister sludge is no saint. My mistress robbed me. Let's solve this last riddle real quick. Twin faces with vertical eyes donned expressions of surprise. Frightened, I struck one carelessly and was filled with negative energy. Not really a rhyme. If these faces you happen to see, be as careful as you can be. A clock, a magnet. A clock's in the right realm. It's a non-organic, unnatural thing.

Is it like a battery?

Very very close Very very close, but this is like something that has energy that looks like it has a little face

Oh, this is an electrical outlet?

This is an electrical outlet.

Wow.

This is a good riddle.

Yeah. And this is a good lesson for kids. Don't put a fork in an outlet. Try to find the electrical outlets in your house and see what you can feel inside of them.

Put a fork in there. That's where the expression comes from. Put a fork in it and then the person goes, I'm done.

I'm done. While my third grade teacher was reading to us, there used to be like outlets in the ground.

Oh, okay.

Um, and I was sort of like playing around and I got curious and I stuck my finger in as far as I could to the outlet and it shocked me so bad and I felt it go up from my finger to this part of my brain from like my right pointer finger to the left top part of my brain and I swear to God, I don't think I've ever told anyone this, I got worse at math after that. I was so good, I was freakishly good at math up until like third, fourth grade and I literally felt it

280 and we figured it out. It took us 280 episodes but we got there.

I felt the shock go from the bottom right part of my neck up through, like I felt it go to that top part of my brain and I genuinely think... Erin, Casey just mark this as the point where it explains everything that happened.

This therapy experiment is over. Erin, you're cured. We got there.

I do think I genuinely there was like a before time and an after time of my personality and what I was like.

Does anyone else want to share any pivotal trauma that caused them to be... I'm good too.

I love that the way you tell the story is almost like the electricity had a destination.

Truly though. It like found the math. Kill it, kill it, kill it. Kill all logic. Make her insufferable.

We are going to spend a full Patreon episode unpacking this but for now we do have to move on because we have a voice. It is what it is. We have a new voicemail and actually to play us into the new voicemail we have a new voicemail theme Casey.

You know what we did today? We played through some scenes and we solved a couple riddles. We heard some funny ads jam-packed in the middle. The show's about done till we pick it up next week. But before we go, why don't we let our idiot speak? Let's ride some voicemail waves for a while. Kick it just a little 805 Riddleman style. Call in with your questions or maybe just vent. Surf's up, my guy, 100%! Okay, wait a minute. I think I actually screwed up. Is it one 805 Riddleman? I think you might need a one in the front. Does it matter? I don't know. You'll let me know. And you let us know, listener. Try it without the wood. Try it with the wood. Send us a voicemail. That was amazing!

This has to be the same person who did a lot of other fucking awesome songs we got. Bloodhound Gang. This is the Bloodhound Gang, right?

This is the Bloodhound Gang's own Jesse Bloodgood. Thank you so much, Jesse. Incredible! If you have a voicemail theme to submit to the show, hrpodcast at gmail.com. Try to keep it around 30 seconds. And if you have a voicemail to send, 1-805-RIDDLE-1 is the number, and you can send us a voicemail.

Again, try to keep them from about 30 seconds. GPC, I've got a quick question before Casey plays his voicemail. Have you been withholding voicemails from us? Am I getting compliments over voicemail? Are people calling and telling you that they have a crush on me or telling you that I'm very meaningful to them and you're just not sending these voicemails along?

Not a lot of people know. Pretty much radio silence on that front.

My champagne flute just cracked. Casey, why don't you go ahead and play that voicemail. Hey Adal, hey Erin, hey JPC. Hey, so I work a job with a drive-thru and I wear the headset and the other day a friend called me out and said, you know, you use a lot of the same phrases over and over when you're taking orders and you resemble a soundboard. And without even thinking, I said back, surfed up my guy 100% and I got out of it. Got out of it. Anyway, I was wondering what other Erin-isms do you guys maybe use in your day-to-day life? Anyway, cheers. Wow, Erin, that was a compliment.

The two mentions have surfaced up 100% in the theme and in the... Yeah. That's amazing.

And you could tell, I mean, they didn't say it, but you could tell from their voice, they had a crush on you.

I think so.

That's a lot of Erin-isms to be putting out into the world. You gotta feel pretty great about that, huh?

Yeah. Well, my life is a prison of Erin-isms in which I cannot escape. It's hell to be me. I zapped my brain and I can't do math. Do you two use any Erin-isms?

I constantly tell people that I'm going to be 15 minutes late because a like evil scientist has destroyed my internet. So I use that pretty frequently.

I've done that maybe once, maybe twice. They cut off our internet for anything these days.

And Erin, I'm going to go ahead and say that I will be using electricity zap my brain and I can't do math. For the rest of my life now, I will be using that phrase. I zapped my brain and I can't do math. I zapped my brain and I can't do math.

I do think another favorite Erinism of mine is if someone, in any context, if I hear someone say, well, well, well, I hear it in Coco Cashmere's voice, I hear the, well, well, well. I do hear that very, very frequently. I can't remember, and Erin, I am so, so, so, so, so sorry if I get this wrong. On the show, are you the one who's like always talking about how you want to like fuck a dog and punch a police horse?

No, that's you. That's you. And Free Blank, who can still get you pregnant, is both of you. Raccoon Stuff is you. So I guess I've made no impression on these guys at all.

Well, well, well.

Um, yeah, I say surfs up my guy 100%. I didn't say it before the moment I said it on the show. You heard the first time I had ever said that. And now that Casey plays it so often, it pops in my head pretty often.

So it's really Casey's fault that we have Erin-isms.

Yeah, Casey Clippett also is in my head. Surfs up my guy 100%. Thank you, Erin.

Now Erin, are you the one that does the scream that ended your political career?

No, that is Howard Dean. I thought that was you.

We've been doing this podcast for a long time. I don't know which one is which between Erin and Howard Dean.

I get that. That's a compliment to me. He also zapped his brain.

Is Howard Dean still alive and do you think he would do the show?

I would love if he did the show.

If we tricked him.

No, I don't want to trick him. I just want to say hi.

So here's what we do. We tell him, we say, will you come on Lumiere's Talking Politics podcast?

Yes.

He's still alive. He's 74. Lumiere's 74?

We can tell him that we want to talk to him about how he, and this is true, revolutionized individual donors from the internet. That was all Howard Dean. That is how people raise money nowadays for political campaigns. But before Howard Dean, that operation was not in existence. Now, he wasn't directly in charge, but he had a team. But I would love to talk to him about that.

He hasn't been governor of Vermont since 2003. What is he doing now? How do we get in touch with him?

I think he works for Slate Magazine.

All right, Ridiots, do your thing out there. Everybody, reach out to Howard Dean and tell him to do a Riddle podcast.

I bet you anything Howard Dean has a cousin whose niece listens to this show.

I would genuinely love if he came on the show.

Can you imagine being Howard Dean You, your political ambitions are over, ruined, because of a little scream you made, because you got excited once. Can you imagine sitting on the couch in 2016, and someone's like, I could go out on the street and kill someone, and people... Yeah. And he's just like, what is happening?

How is no one... I know, I wish someone had made a documentary about him from 2016 through 2020, of like, can you even handle this?

Can you imagine getting excited once, and air escapes your lungs a little too quickly, because you got excited, And for three seconds, and then suddenly someone comes to your door and says, it's over. It's all over. Nobody likes you. No one wants to ever see you again.

So I guess to answer the listener who submitted the question. Yeah. I guess we could try to get Howard Dean on the show, but do we think that Casey could avoid using the Howard Dean scream drop for a whole episode? Because we simply couldn't use that while he's here. It would be too embarrassing.

We would have to tie Casey's hand behind his back for his own good.

Here's the thing. Here's what would happen. I would be able to resist it, but JPC would use his and blame me over and over again.

You are 100% right, Casey. Casey!

No, no, I! Casey! One more and you're fired. Okay.

Anything to plug?

Anything to plug? Oh boy, that's a big ask. No. Erin, do you have anything to plug?

No. Do you have anything to plug?

I do have something to plug. You can always listen to our Patreon, patreon.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com. Titled, I Can't Believe This. I work in a small shop and when I asked the customer for a name for her order, she told me her name was Sandy. I felt the incredible urge to imitate your classic goofy line, Erin this is another one of yours, and almost lose my composure as the customer stared at me. I may be losing my mind listening to you guys, but it has been the most enjoyable experience I've had in a long time with podcasts. Keep up the good work. Love you guys. Thank you so much, MegaGuyX. And Adal, you want to give MegaGuyX something special?

I do. We know that you're Speed Racer's brother. The jig is up. No one's fooled by your helmet or your outfit. And hey, anytime you have the urge to say, Sandy, please go ahead and give us a big Sandy.

And Erin, speaking of a big sandy planet somewhere out there in the sky, you had one off the top of your dome, right?

A Jupiter! This is Fiefel, signing off for another podcast with Fiefel Evans. I would listen to that. I would be a patron of that.

Hey there, Dracula's and Cthulhu's. If you liked that, you're going to love this week's Patreon. It's another Ch-Ch-Ch-Chatterbox where we're answering your questions. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash HeyRiddleRiddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month and get those ad free episodes. See you there.

That was a hate gum podcast.