Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a head gum podcast.

There's a mosquito.

Oh, no, not. OK, if it's a if it's a skeeter, you need to take care of biz.

There's a mosquito in here.

We got to get rid of that thing. I'm coming over. I love killing mosquitoes. Bring your flamethrower, please.

Get a get a little vacuum and suck it into the vacuum. That's what I like to do. All right.

Keep an eye out if you see it. I'm genuinely concerned about Erin getting bit by a mosquito while we're here to witness it.

I know you're going to... Whose episode is this?

It's mine.

Erin's. Cool. Well, if she's still alive, if that mosquito sucked her dry, then... Don't joke. Don't joke? What the fuck?

And as we always begin, don't joke and... Okay.

He stood on a block of light. Oh, then we're going to finish. He was the captain of an airplane.

Right, sort of having everyone over for an early Friendsgiving. Let's see who's at the door.

Ding Dong. Hi.

Hey Adal.

I waited outside your door for 90 minutes. I didn't want to be too early.

Classic Adal. How's it going?

Good. I brought you a gift card for Marianos and also a gift card for Eataly, $500 a piece. I hope this will feed enough people.

Oh great. Yeah. I already made all the food. This is really generous though. This is a lot of money Adal. I'm sorry. No, you're great. Come on in. Okay, thank you so much. Got a beer, got red wine over there, some mulled wine right there. Really perfect. Is it just you?

I thought I heard somebody coming up the stairs. Do you mind if I mix a wine and a beer? I want to make myself sick. Sure. Okay, thank you.

Hey Erin sorry door was closing so I decided I didn't want to be involved in that so I just came into the bathroom window yeah that scared me oh you broke it you broke the bathroom window to come through it Hey guys, I just got a text. We owe Paul McCartney $5,000 for that bit.

Again, we have to stop talking about people coming through the window.

We can't come in through the bathroom window, please.

Just like last year. Just like last year. Anyway, Erin, I got you a bunch of parking tickets that I found on cars on your block on the way over here. So, happy, merry, happy birth. Thanksgiving.

Oh, Erin, are we going to go Thanksgiving caroling later? Um, yeah, all of our favorite Thanksgiving songs. Turkey and a mashed potato all on my plate. Hey everybody. Oh, you just fell through the chimney. Holy crap, are you a fan?

You landed hard on a log. So hard.

I'm good. I'm good. Oh, you know what? I had made a commitment to myself just knowing you as I do. I was like, I am going to stay jammed up in here until I hear some caroling. How many days, Janet? Teaser caroling.

Two days. I'm so hungry. She's eating mashed potatoes with her hands. Well, gang's all here. This is going to be great. Thanks for coming to Friendsgiving. Really? This is it? Yeah, well, yeah, this is a good group, good chemistry.

But someone's coming later, right?

Also, it's November 1st. Is that Thanksgiving?

I'm going to ask a question that seems silly, but I just have never found... Why is it called Friendsgiving? I can't put it together. It's... Why?

I thought for Friendsgiving, which no one knows why it's called that. We'll never know. Thank you. We... We were on a break.

No.

We're all going to give some friends books. Would that be why it's called that?

Could I be any more friendsgiving?

Didn't Joey say how rude? Yes. Probably. Joey Lawrence. Yeah.

We should do an episode of Hey Riddle Riddle. We got Janet here. She's our favorite co-host, guest, anything person maybe. So let's just do, well, why have you guys? Why not? We do an episode of Hey Riddle Riddle.

No, thank you.

Love to. For me, I think after a shower and if I could borrow some of your clothes, Erin, I am As you can see, I've been living in a chimney for two days, so I can't say I'm ready to do an episode right now.

Alright, let's get started. Alright.

As she's talking, three little mice poked their heads out to hum a little tune of my mouth.

Wait, what? There they are.

Oof. Hey Riddle, that's actually what I am no thankful for. So I don't have to do it this year.

Hey, sit down. Sit down. Sit down.

I was doing it slow. My knees move slow.

Do you need help with those buckles? Smart to attach those straps to the couch actually, Erin. Very smart. It's the only way.

It's also for safety. A piece of furniture in a U-Haul. Well, earthquakes.

Plus I could bite my tongue. That's not a talent.

That's nothing. That's not a talent. I see here on your resume under special skills you wrote, can bite tongue? If I need to.

So Janet, how is your autumn so far?

Very autumnal, of course, Los Angeles being a city replete with changing seasons. You really get the sense of that, ooh, is that a pumpkin spice latte I smell from every corner? Is that gasoline? Is that gasoline? Is that from my car? All the leaves aren't changing. You know, there's a little nip in the air. I will say I have been other places in which it's really starting to feel like autumn and I'm trying to bring the spirit of that back with me every time I come to L.A.

I brought a spirit back with me. God, what was that? That was when I went on that vacation to the other side. Yeah. And oh, I got to tell you, this guy was pissed.

Not a friendly spirit. Don't let someone ask you to carry their luggage from across the other side. A lot of the times they're smuggling gogos.

Fool me once.

Has anyone done any fall things yet? Pumpkin patch, corn wings, leaf raking, jumping in a pile of leaves?

Yeah, I did a fall thing. I bit it really hard coming out of my house the other day. Horse points of stairs. Yeah, busted up my knee pretty bad. That's why I have to sit down slow. No, but I learned that I could.

So it was worth it. Adal, you missed your fall. You won that several years in a row.

No, sorry. I'm Mr. Baseball. Coming to theaters next year is my Tom Selleck Mr. Baseball remake. This time I play baseball in a Halloween costume.

I have got to ask you to respect the strike. Please respect the strike.

You can call it something else. I just got a Venmo request from Paul McCartney for $5,000. He bought up all of Tom Zellick's movies. Yeah, I went to some haunted houses. I indulged in some apple cider donuts. And of course, famously, my premonition this year was that apple cider is going to overtake pumpkin spices of flavor. Because I think we as a society are getting sick of pumpkin spice. And I think the companies are really phoning in pumpkin spice. A lot of pumpkin spice nowadays tastes like candles. Do you feel like the rest of the Spice Girls are more complex? Yeah, they have depth.

Baby Spice?

There's a lot going on there. It's a three-dimensional celebrity.

I like baby and scary. I like scary a lot. You bet.

Oh, the combo? The combo of baby and scary?

They got great chemistry. They were on the circle together. Is it chemistry or chemistry?

In England it would be chemistry. It's aluminium.

I had an apple iced coffee. Like an apple, autumnal iced coffee. That sounds terrible to me. Was it good? Right? It was so good.

Did you get it from the Genius Bar? Can everyone stop for a second? Can everyone stop for a second? Did you get it from the Genius Bar?

And resume. It was very good. It was like an apple brown sugar. I know. And no one was more surprised than me.

Did you, Erin, did you get it from the Genius Bar?

Wanna get it again? Make sure you're getting it cleaned.

No, it's clean.

I gotta clean that up.

It was good. For socials.

I got it cleaned for socials. Okay. Well, should we do Riddles? I think so. Janet's doing math on a chocolate.

So if Apple, C-O-F-F-E-E, divided by the two, maybe it's because Apple also has two letter likes. Yeah, it could be. Give her some space. She'll get there.

I don't feel so...

Would you guys drink like a buttered corn flavored coffee or something?

That is a scary combination of words. Okay, nevermind, sorry. Buttered corn.

Once a year I have one idea and I try and get it out into the ether, but no, Adal, you fool. You've done it again. Easter. Into the Easter. This is just like pants for your butt all over again.

I think butterscotch.

Okay, well butterscotch isn't buttered corn.

What about like popcorn flavored coffee?

Well that's what you were trying to say somehow, but like your mouth wouldn't let you. And buttered corn came out instead.

Adal, do you want to take time to ask permission for your mouth?

Well, it's not really in my mouth. There's three mice living inside there, but they can't harmonize. So they're mostly just controlling the upper and bottom lip. See, I can't even barely talk. Those are the guys saying it's a living all the time too, right?

Of course. Okay. I think we should get into some riddles. Why not?

Hell yeah.

Great. Why not? These are from Stephanie C. I'm having a good time.

I'm having a good day.

I'm already a good mood. Don't ruin it. They say, I've been a listener for years. Y'all helped me survive the pandemic and continue to be my fave podcast. I heard an old app recently where y'all did a movie titled Mashups and wanted to try writing some. For example, The worst Chris is a Marvel hero with a raccoon and tree as friends, and they cross paths with Alan Rickman and Tim Allen as TV space explorers.

Guardians of the Galaxy quest?

Yes. Look at that. You got it. Look at that.

No, she said tree, so it'd be Chris Pine.

Yes, yes.

And the other part makes no sense, so we skip it.

Good job, Stephanie. That's great. And we got 10 of these. I look forward to Adal getting all of these right.

Well, the mice. It's the mice. You should say it's the mice. I look forward to the mice getting right.

Who cannot sink.

Scorb a dorp.

See? They make me say that. Should we be doing that riddle in a strike? I mean obviously we can't really be promoting. We should just say we're not promoting.

Don't watch any of these. A family of scientists adventuring in the far reaches of space with Michael Jordan and the Looney Tunes. Lots of space jam. Yes, Janet. Yes. I'm going to actually keep score this episode.

Oh, no. Adal, you get a point. Janet, you get a point.

JPC.

Did I get one for the Apple bar thing? The Genius bar?

I can't remember. I think I'm one or three. I can't remember. I can listen back. Okay.

Jude Law and Matt Damon play good looking playboys while Nick Cage and Pedro Pascal appreciate Nick Cage.

The unbearable weight of talented Mr. Ripley or massive talent. I forget what the name of them. The massive talent. Okay, cool.

The unbearable weight of massive talented Mr. Ripley.

If you could chime in with a, you got it a little bit sooner.

No, no, no. People liked watching you try to build a parachute there.

I didn't see the unbearable weight of massive talent. I heard maybe it was a little bit disappointing. I heard it was good. Oh really? Okay, well fuck. I guess I gotta see it now.

But the outcome was the same for both of us, neither of us saw it.

I didn't know he was in this. Ryan Reynolds and Jesse Eisenberg work in an amusement park full of adorable cartoon dinosaurs trying to find- Zombieland before time. Three stars. Yes.

Whoa, before it even finished. Ryan Reynolds is in Zombieland? That can't be right.

I don't think that's right. Is he in the land before time?

Yeah, it's Petrie.

Is that what we're looking at? Let me look it up.

What if Ryan Reynolds was Little Foot? He just did like nine of those silently, no one knew.

Ryan Reynolds Adventureland. He is in it. Oh, Adventureland, yeah.

Well, okay, so Adventureland is different from Zombieland.

So it was Adventureland before time. But Jesse Eisenberg was in Adventureland.

He was in both.

The answer is Adventureland before time.

Jesse Eisenberg was also in Zombieland and Adventureland. He only did land movies for a long time.

JPC, I'm going to get rid of your point for that one. But I am going to retroactively give you a point for the Genius Bar thing.

That seems fair. That seems fair.

Yeah. Jason Voorhees stalks and murders a bunch of teens when a girl accidentally ages up to 30. Hmm. Janet, who got it first?

Well, I said something. I said the wrong one.

I mean, I feel like it was more, yeah, I was going to say it was more complete from JPC. Well, I got the right answer.

I am not going to give you a point for that, but I am going to give you a second point for the Genius Bar Show.

One more and I get the point to dessert. So real quick, it was Friday the 13 going on 30?

Yeah, Friday the 13 going on 30. Brendan Fraser swings from the tree near Tim Allen and JTT trying to connect a father and son.

Jungle to Jungle to Jungle to Jungle.

George of the Jungle to Jungle? Yes! For those of you listening at home, that is how you steal the answer from someone who is essentially saying the answer without having said it yet. So Janet, I'm not going to give you a point for that, but I am going to give you a point for JPC's genius bar joke? Yes. Love it.

Janet, are you wearing a ring pop right now?

In a sense. I dislocated my pinky when I tripped holding a potted plant that I was then unwilling to let go of in time because I was like, I don't want this to break.

Exactly.

So it's sort of a ring pop without any of the joy. So it's a blue raspberry cast? It's like a splint.

OK.

Oh, seeing it from the side. It's the splint that just came in the first aid kit I happened to have at the house. And when I showed up at the emergency room, like three different physicians assistants and the surgeon that finally comes in at the end to make sure nobody screwed up whatever it was that you were told, all of them were like, ooh, where did you get that? It's beautiful. Wow. It's like a cheap first aid kit that we keep at the house. Huh. That is really cool.

It's from Jared.

I know. He went to Jared. Okay. OG superhero movie starring Robert Downey Jr. saves Leonardo DiCaprio, but you don't see his face when he isn't Iron Man without a face.

Iron Man without a mask.

Oh yeah. Man without a face is not... Is that a thing?

Could be. Woman without a face.

Man without a face. I think that's an MG movie, and I'm not saying his full name in case someone wants to... MG Shyamalan.

Veda loses her best- I was trying to figure out who MG was and I was like, Michael Gay? I was like, no. That's not right.

Did you figure out who I was talking about?

Eventually, yes, but I had to go through Michael Gay first. I was also like, huh, that could be, is that something? Did you get into the club? Yeah, but I had to go through Michael Gay first.

Veda loses her best friend to honeybees and these ladies are in a psych hospital in the 60s. Something girl interrupted.

There you go, there's part of the answer. What's the first part? Any of my friends to take as a gift. What's the first part?

Here's my hints about the first part. Funny girl interrupted. He can't see without his glasses.

Where are his glasses? Oh, the notebook over the cuckoo's nest? Oh my, that's it.

Where are his glasses?

He can't see without his glasses. Oh, that's my girl. My girl interrupted. My girl interrupted. Yes.

That's the saddest part in any movie.

Dan Aykroyd's finest work.

Wesley and Buttercup's love story, but then a little red-haired doll gets married.

The Princess Bride of Chucky.

Michael Cera fights the seven evil exes while Brad Pitt takes on the zombie apocalypse. An FBI agent goes undercover as a surfer only to discover this young socialite with a past who frequents a jewelry store.

Socialite.

Point breaking bad. Point break fist at Tiffany's.

Point break fist at Tiffany's. That is... Is that right? Yeah.

That shouldn't be right.

That's my favorite one.

That is amazing. You gotta shift gears in pronunciation.

That is the best for that very reason.

Well thank you Stephanie for those riddles. Stephanie killed it.

Thank you for now. I'm going to start pronouncing it Point Breck. You guys want to watch Point Breck?

Yeah, point Breck.

I do want to see a scene.

Who wants to watch Breck? Just a Tiffany's. Shrek, are Erin Shrek's here?

Happy Shrek's giving.

Shrek, come on. Thank you, and thank you, and thank you. Okay, Janet and Shrek for the rest of the episode. That's the curse you put on someone.

That's not a request.

You're right.

I do want to see a scene. So speaking of Point Breck, which is, as you mentioned, an FBI agent goes undercover as a surfer for anybody who hasn't seen the movie. I do want to see a scene. So, JPC and Erin, you are... Well, let's have JPC and Janet, you are surfers. You are actual surfers. Erin, you're an FBI agent trying to infiltrate surfers, but you've never really surfed before.

That was pretty good set of waves out there, buddy.

Those fucking wits, man. Such crush. Just absolutely love it.

Whoa! Didn't see you there. What?

Oh. Hey. Didn't see us there? That's how you came up to us?

Well, no. I almost tripped over you with my huge surfboard.

Yeah. Um, you were very visible to us in that you were wearing a suit and tie. Uh, holding a surfboard. So I'm not sure what that's about. Is that like a new, what is that?

Whoa, yeah, it's a new high-tech wetsuit. I didn't just forget.

It's certainly wet.

Yeah, it makes it really heavy. I got scared in the water a second ago because I started to sink because of my clothes. Anyways, y'all heard about that murder that happened?

Hey, just for safety, just for safety, bruh, I just wanted to let you know the cord on the end of your board, you're supposed to tie that around your ankle.

Or you could just use the Velcro, you don't necessarily have to tie it.

Well, no, no, but it's Velcro around your ankle. You appear to be using handcuffs.

I actually like that, bruh. I actually like that. That to me, that's a very cool touch. It's gonna chafe.

Good point. Keeps me sort of tied to my board, which keeps me tied to the waves.

But yeah, we heard about that murder when Billy murdered that 60 footer that came through and everybody was like, you killed him, bruh! But also that murder, that real murder that happened. Oh, yeah, there have been a bunch of crows hanging out at the beach. They have been pecking and calling and like getting up in the seagulls biz, bruh. Totally saw that murder. That is messed up. What?

Speaking of crows, brother, are you accounting crows head?

Hell yeah.

In the songs that they sing, Sam's a little like this, and this is the song. Yeah, I love their stuff, man. What was that? Could you sing that again? It must be a deep cut.

Abort, cancel, get out, fired.

I'm too deep in boss. They're buying it. On scale 1 to 10, how undercover was I? Could you tell?

You were undercover brother.

It was a test because surfers are not supposed to listen to Counting Crows. And so if you had known a Counting Crows song, We would have known you were not.

You were about to get inducted into our gang because you passed by not knowing Captain Crow songs.

Is there any other subculture that has like an accent like surfers do?

Yeah.

Chess players.

Chess players? You know chess. I don't want to be here anymore.

I think we were doing like west coast surfers, right? Like if you surf and you're like surfing on like the Jersey Shore, like you're not, you don't sound like that.

That's probably true. Honestly, I don't know. Yeah.

I've never experienced it. Like certain subculture of the of surfing or certain areas have that certain lingo in the way of talking, right?

Or is that just Southern California? As long as we agree we nailed it. Yes. Yeah, we nailed it for sure. Pens across the board for all of us. Two Spicoles. Two Spicoles.

Um, all right. Uh, Riddle podcast. Let's do some more. These are from Bayzle, but I'd send you one of the many pre-D&D games I play with. Oh, I play to warm up my players.

D&D warmups.

Yes, this is a collection of potential, perhaps rejected, Weird Al song parodies, where the players have to guess the name of the song based on the brief description of the content.

This is to warm them up to play D&D? Of course.

And Erin, as a D&D warm up, could you do some critical splits?

I botched, I rolled a 1. Thought I'd break from animating to send the last lot over. Some of these are definitely better than others. All the best.

Oh, this is that Basil. It could be Basil.

Basil, Basil, Basil, Basil. A little Razzle Dazzle from Basil. Ooh, a chess player.

A little Rayzle Dayzle from Basil.

Rayzle Dayzle from Basil is the name of the episode. Weird Al immense losing his hair in this send up of Billie Eilish's number one.

Uh, Alopecia Eyes.

That's funny. We're in Alopecia's number one.

You should see me in a toupee. You should see me in a gal.

I think this is Billie Eilish's number one song ever.

Duh. I'm a bald guy. What? Good word.

Bald guy.

Bald guy. Bald guy. I don't know why I thought it had to rhyme.

I also was stuck and it had to run. But it's not, but just so we're clear, it's not that. The formula is you just put one L into it, right? That's what we're doing here? Because Alopecia has eyes.

Nothing. Nothing about what you're saying because you're real.

Can I have a point?

Yeah. Can I have an L? Yes.

Great. I'll take an L. I might need it.

The Beatles find themselves losing terribly at poker and try to cut their losses as quickly as possible. She came in through the bathroom window, obvi.

Obvi is safe.

Why don't we fold it in the road? Oh, they're losing. Um, fold, I want to fold my hand.

Yes, I want to fold his hand. Oh, that's good.

I want to fold this hand.

I'd like to see a scene. The three of you are in a poker tournament and Janet, you realize you're like in way over your head and you're trying to sort of gracefully exit to the game. Great.

Alright, next hand is gonna be three card stud, aces are wild, and twos are two. Here we go. And why don't we make things interesting. I'm gonna toss in my Colt revolver and two pounds of gold and I put my horse Betty on the line as well. How about you Gruff?

Yeah, I'm looking at the three cards I got in my hand right now and I say, I don't mind raising you. Why don't I raise you my CD player, my signed Orlando magic jersey, signed by, oh, what's it? Elijah Wan, right?

No. Close enough. Elijah Wan was like the Shaquille O'Neal of the Rockets.

Not the Rock. Okay, Elijah, what's the Rock? Orlando Magic, help me out. Who am I thinking of? The hardaway? That's it. It's a hardaway jersey.

And pardon me for crying, Gruff, but... You came about that answer, the hardaway.

Well, well, well, look who's come to play. If I could just go ahead and bet with that joke, obviously I think it's worth... Very funny, Tinseltown, but you're gonna have to put in a little more something substantial if you stay in this game.

Okay, alright, I like a little gamble. Okay, tell you what. I am going to put in this pinky splint.

It's not just any pinky splint. It's electric blue metallic and it came in a first aid kit.

So... Well, you said it slow like it was special, but all the words you said were mundane as all hell.

Focus on my... the sound of my voice.

Yeah, Gruff, it ain't what she said. It's how she said it. So it must be of some value.

So I'll take your bet. And Gruff, you did say you're gonna raise me. I assume that meant, you know, since my parents passed just a few months ago, I assume that meant you're gonna raise me?

Sure, you're gonna come and live in my hotel room with me, and I'm gonna teach you how to be a man about town. Thanks, Gruff. Sorry, just some side business. Yeah, that has nothing to do with the game.

Take your time, take your time, take your time, take your time.

All right, well, all bets are in. I guess let's see what we all got. Read them and weep, gentlemen.

Most of these are not playing cards.

Three halves of a robin's egg, a spoon, And a DVD box set of cheers, seasons one through four.

Okay, it looks like... Well, I have played a Polaroid of someone roller skating. I have played a business card from 7-Eleven and I have also played... Oh, I'm sorry. I'm gonna have to take this. Picks up seashell. Hello.

Crap.

Crap. Crap.

Crap.

Crap.

Crap. Crap.

Crap.

Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap.

Crap.

Crap.

Crap. Crap. Crap.

Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap.

Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap.

Yeah. This is only further cementing the fact that you and I never go to the beach every single day. Don't know what surfers sound like. Don't know what waves sound like.

I want to get my ear pinched by a crab. That's why I stay away from that place.

Smart.

That's just smart.

You could go to Claire's or you could go to the beach.

Yeah. You know what? I've decided we're going to go on a break. I'm in charge. I get to make these choices and we're going to break.

Hey Erin, is that a friend's giving call back? What's up? Erin, do you mind calling it a break?

Oh yes.

We were on a break.

We were on a break.

I know what you're thinking. Do I have a new hat, Adal and JPC? New haircut? Why am I walking around with so much confidence?

I bet you're wondering. I wanted pretzels from the food court.

And I was just gonna let you know that it looks like you leaned on paint.

Anyways, I just had a bunch of subscriptions canceled for me by Rocket Money that I wasn't using until now I'm flushed with cash and now I'm confident. Pretzel money? Well, maybe. We'll talk about that. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that binds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years, even before they were a sponsor.

Erin, it looks like you may have leaned on like with someone painting a rocket money like billboard or sign or something because it's all it's all down your back it's like and it's I could ock it ock it

People think they're spending $80 on their subscriptions when in reality, the number is closer to $200. And when you signed up for so many free trials, like streaming services, you watch one show and then you completely forget about it. You lose track and then all of a sudden you're like, why am I bleeding money? Rocket money? They take care of that for you. They go, sit back, relax. We got this. And they make everything color coded and easy and super intuitive.

You're also color-coded. A little birdie told me that Rocket Money also lets you monitor all your expenses in one place, recommends custom budgets based on your past spending, and they'll even send you notifications when you've reached your spending limits, which sounds like something my friend would like, but I forget which friend I'm so hungry for pretzels.

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Hey, what's going on? Somebody leaned over my rocket money paint thing. Run. Everybody run. Run.

Is that DaVinci?

Yeah. Yes.

And bye. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

Heck, with my machete clear the overgrown grass. Oh, I've done it. I've found it.

This ancient city of What a weird thing to say to Hey Adal. Oh you know us right? You're citizens of better help this town?

Yeah, better help is therapy that's entirely online. It's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. I've been using it for a long time. It works for the way that my brain works, and we're just here talking about it, celebrating it.

Yes, I am here too celebrating it. You all seem very happy. This seems like a happy bunch of folks. Hey man, why don't you lose the sword? Oh, it's a machete, not a sword. Yeah, you're right.

It's all good. Why don't I take that from you, huh? Yeah, we'll put this somewhere safe.

Okay, thank you. Thank you for that. I appreciate your better help.

Well, I'm not doing better help, but better help as therapy is actually pretty toned to a person like me because I want to learn positive coping skills, I want to learn how to set and enforce boundaries, and I want to check in with someone on my own schedule. I love online therapy for that specific reason.

Adal, if you wanted to try it, all you would have to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and you could switch therapists any time for no additional charge.

Wow, you said fill out a stone tablet?

So there are some things that better help is not going to be qualified to help with Adal. This may be one of them. Maybe we get you to some other type of specialist.

And this is a perfect example of something that not you Adal, but I would be sharing with my therapist.

Okay everybody, we're back with some riddles and Janet is here and that is the best.

In that order.

Why do you always have to rank everything, GBZ?

I'm kind of a Quiz Show guy. I'm always doing my little rankings.

Okay, we're back with these Weird Al. Warm up for D&D. Well, hopefully we'll get to play some D&D after this because it'll be nice and warmed up. All right.

It sounded like you said weird owl, which I would love to see like a children's puppet show. Yeah. Parody, the parodiest.

I'd like to see a scene. Janet, you are the human host of Weird Owl. Adal, you are obviously the Weird Owl and JBC, you are the kid in the live studio audience watching the show, sort of trying to figure out what's happening.

Okay, everybody, we are back from our little brack and we are going to take some questions from our kiddo audience. Who wants to ask a question of Mr. Owl?

Oh, I'd love to hear some questions. Don't mind my Hawaiian shirt and curly pompadour.

How could we ever mind it, Owl? Yes, you, kiddo. Yeah?

Yeah, I guess my question is, what is this?

This is the talkback session that we do at the little talkback session.

I know literally what's going on now, but I guess I meant like more on a big picture scale. Like what is this? Like what is the show?

Who?

Kid, are you an industry plant? What are you doing? No, like just be like why is water wet or say whatever you want to say. Come on.

Yeah, I'm not super interested in that. I want to like this.

Uh-huh.

Thank you. I just want to know what is going on in it.

Mm-hmm. That's fun. Well, I will let you answer that, Weird Al.

Okay. So, did you ever in school... How old are you, kid? Let me start there. How old are you? I'm seven. Seven? Hey, did you ever, like, dissect my shit in science class or anything? I'm in first grade. You're in what? I'm in first grade. You're in first grade and you say stuff like the big picture idea. What's the scope of this thing? My dad's in the industry.

Do you know I hunt at night? What time is it? Look at your little fucking watch. What time is it?

We reveal that this is Sherri Lewis style and it's me holding the puppet and throwing my voice. and doing that voice while I smile. I'm actually okay with that. I'm actually okay with that.

And there's a bunch of seats in here. Why am I the only kid in here?

The guy said one at a time when he ushered me in. When little boys are very bad and their parents want to teach them a lesson, they'd send them to our show.

Why would my dad want to teach me a lesson? I'm only trying to help him with my constructive criticism when he has it on work.

You're bad. You hurt my feelings. You're not coming out of there.

Thomas, what did we say? We have your dad under the stage. Do not make a noise. You are allowed to watch and listen, but you can't say anything. Who?

It's my line. I guess I get what the show is now. It's a punishment for bad little boys. There's gotta be a better way, cause what less am I supposed to learn from this?

Would you rather just get spanked?

Again, I mean there's gotta be a better way. It shouldn't be a choice between those two objects.

Ugh, I love a Sherry Lewis reference. Ugh, that made my blood clean.

Does that make sense? It makes a ton of sense.

And that like cleaned out my blood. It makes a ton of sense.

You get it, you get it. Yeah, because you had sepsis pretty bad.

Yeah, pretty bad. The guards in Aladdin take a page from the police and sing a stern song to their marketplace thief. Don't steal so close to... Wow.

Street rat rocks and... What is the name of that song?

What is Aladdin's steal at the beginning?

Bread. Better off bread. Bread.

I love that police song.

Rock spread. What?

Rock spread. Dry bread.

Janet, we're sorry. We're sorry that you showed up to this and we said rock spread. This is exactly what I deserve.

My whole life has been leading up to these puns. Every bread you take. I'll be watching you. Message in a bread bowl.

Panera.

Al singing as the minions can't help but admire his lovable villainous boss and Ed Sheeran. I really like this one.

Al singing as the minions? Mm hmm.

Groot. What's it? I don't know. Al like weirdo. Groot. What are some I don't know any Ed Sheeran songs.

Shape of Groot? Why is Groot involved?

You're Grootiful.

Yeah, Shape of Groot. I'm in love with the Shape of Groot. I was saying Groot.

I thought we were talking about Groot for a second. I go, huh?

You were Grootiful when the Adal Rifai mention. You are Grootiful. You are Grootiful. A minion singing, you are Grootiful.

I want you Groot.

Oh, it's past now. So now I can say it, that Halloween scary-okey thing that I did, I sang this kiss dressed like a minion. Oh. Now that that was last Friday, I can tell you what my costume and song combo was. I have to steal my minion costume. I don't know. There's different minions.

Erin, can I say you are one minion. Oh boy. Internet, go at her.

This week you have my permission. Yeah, there's not different Pokemon.

Okay, get ready for your mentions to be absolutely fucked.

I know that all the minions have very unique, different personalities. I know so much about minions.

Minion minions? Get her. I assume they're called it.

Mignonites? Mignonites? Not Mignonites. Mignonites will not be listening to this.

Guns, Roses, and Al sing an ode to the Little Mermaid aerial.

Welcome to the sea jungle. We got lots of cute.

Sweet fruit of crab.

GPC, you have the right.

November Rain, that's why.

You have the right song, but it's a sweet friend of Krabs, which actually I do love.

Sea Child of Mine. Sea Child of Mine. Sea Child of Brine.

Yes Adal, you got it.

I do want- There are a lot of possible answers there.

Yeah.

Well, equally awful in a great way.

So Ariel's pickled?

Sea Child of Mine is wonderful.

Instead of a scene, can you look up the lyrics to Sweet Child of Mine and then just sort of change it to Sweet Friend of Crab or whatever you did? I want to see how far into the song you could get.

Yeah, sure. Like I don't know the lyrics to Sweet Child of Mine. Same. Let me get a, gotta get these up here. Sweet Child of Mine lyrics.

Dippity tap tap tap.

She's got, that's not, this isn't for me. This wasn't my assignment.

Okay, here we go. She's got claws. She's got kelp that it seems to me. Reminds me of Seashort. You seem like someone's holding a gun to his head. You seem like someone's holding a gun to his head. You seem like someone's holding a gun to his head.

You seem like someone's holding a gun to his head. You seem like someone's holding a gun to his head. You seem like someone's holding a gun to his head.

You seem like someone's holding a gun to his head. You seem like someone's holding a gun to his head.

You seem like someone's holding a gun to his head. You seem like someone's holding a gun to his head.

You seem like someone's holding a gun to his head. You seem like someone's holding a gun to his head.

You seem like someone's holding a gun to his head.

And now and then when I see her, place, she takes me away to that seafloor anonymity. And if I stay too long, I probably get salt and Whoa, sweet friend of crab. Excellent.

Axel Rowe, of course. Axel Rowe. I think I did it.

I think I did the sweet friend of crab. Ah, man. I gotta send you a gift for that. You got a gift coming your way.

Beautiful. 1987 Appetite for Destruction. That's a good song, honestly. That's a good song.

Okay, next one. Britney Spears reluctantly lets Al borrow her Toyota. I don't really get this one.

Who's Al? Which Al are we trying to solve for? Is it Gru again?

No, Al just is going to be in all of them because these are weird Al parody songs that are not real. What's a good Toyota? What do you do involved with a Camry? Can you say it again? Britney Spears reluctantly lets Al borrow her Toyota. What's a famous Toyota?

Tercel. Tercel.

Corolla.

Another famous one.

You both said Tercel immediately!

Tercel. No one drives a Tercel. Of course. Corolla. Camry. Oh! Camry.

Camry. Mm-hmm.

What's a Briny?

Oops. I did it accord. No. That's a Honda.

I can't think of any other Briny's cheer songs that I swear I know.

You drive my Camry.

You'll drive my Camry. I just can't sleep. She drives my Camry. That's a lot of fun. Alex's best Bob Dylan impression ended in his song dedicated to the local fruit vendor.

What?

Okay wait, so it's a Bob Dylan song singing about a fruit vendor?

Of course Bob Dylan only has a handful of songs, so this will be a piece of cake. Just let me parse through his 6500 song catalog.

Blowing in the rind. All along the cauliflower.

Not a fruit? What? But otherwise, perfect. Tangled up in blueberries? I'm sorry I'm late. I got tangled up in blueberries.

The answer, my friend, is banana in the wind.

Like a rolling stone fruit. The hurricane sugar.

Lay, lay, lay, lay, lay upon my lead to spit. Again, not a fruit. Not a fruit.

Um, ooh, this is tough.

Erin, can you give us like an album it's on?

Or this is, there's so many Dylan songs.

Best Jacob Jones.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

All right, it's like an orangy fruit.

A kumquat. Tangerine.

Oh, yep.

Hey Mr. Tangerine Man.

Yeah. Hey Mr. Tangerine Man, play a fruit.

Like a Rolling Stone fruit. Are we still happy? Adal already said that. That's the trend of the episode is Adal saying something and then one of us saying it like it was our idea. It's cool. It's cool.

Elvis tries to perform an iconic ballad in the countryside but keeps slipping all over the place.

I just want to say... What happened to Al? Why is he getting released? Rambo Italiano.

Elvis tries to perform an iconic ballad in the countryside but keeps slipping all over the place.

In the ghetto of bananas.

Oh, that's fruit.

What? You got, Adal, you have the right song.

Really? That's what?

Fool's Russian? Fool's Ru- Suppin' on rubber glue. Janet, I actually... You didn't get it, but in a way you sort of did. You have the right part of the song. I'm gonna give you a point. Thank you.

What is he slipping on? You said Erin?

He's in the countryside, sort of maybe at a farm after it's rained. I'm gonna give it to her.

It's chicken poop.

No, can't help falling in mud. I can't help falling in mud with you

Okay. So any word can become any other word in the English language.

Adal. I want that one. Shh. I want that one.

Adal, you're going to love this.

Okay.

Danny Zuko finds the perfect drink for his date with Sandy.

That's a perfect drink for his date with Sandy. You're the wine that I want?

Yes. Oh, hey.

He got that quick. He got that quick.

All right.

You're the wine that I want.

Adal, I'd like to see a scene. You are a sommelier and Janet, you've gone into his store to buy some wine and you're realizing that all of the wines that he sells are grease themed.

No pressure.

Hi. I'm hoping you can help me. My friend just got into beauty school and... Oh my god!

That's amazing. Congratulations.

I will pass that along. I will pass that off. So I'm looking for something light, maybe something bubbly, just something that, you know, a bunch of gals can just, you know, sit back and celebrate and talk about old times.

Okay. Maybe like Prosecco or... Maybe. What is Prosecco? Prosecco, well, it's like a bubbly wine.

So like, okay. Like this one. Why is there... Okay, so like seven of these have tea birds on them. Thunderbirds. Cars. What, is that someone's... Is that like Francis Ford, Boba Lesbrand, or...?

Yeah, well these are rosés, and of course rosés are pink, so these are like pink ladies.

Okay, um, I guess I'm not feeling it. My friend is like, you know, very eco-conscious, so she'd be like, oh, what's this gas guzzler doing on this label? What about this one? Why is there a tube of toothpaste on here?

Oh, that's because it's a, do you know, this is a Jan Bernay. It's like a Cabernet, but with Jan, you know, she brush a brush a brush a. I don't get it. Yeah. Well, I have this friend Jan and she's like crazy. She's always brushing her teeth, but she sings a little song like a beaver.

You know what's weird is that even though you're trying to be helpful and like you're seemingly nice, I'm getting this weird feeling that you're just blowing me off. You're being like so just like, you know, you're just like so, you know, I don't know. Nothing matters. Like nihilistic. You know what I mean?

And I came in here looking for help. What happened to us? How'd you find my business? You looking up in the yellow pages? Slap. How dare you? Well your accent changed. Well you must be, hey you're Australian.

Something happens to people when they come in this store.

Oh, we have some Australian wines.

If we don't interrupt them, do you think they'll do the whole movie? Do you think we could get them to do the whole movie? I want to chill if you're supplying. Okay. I want that entire wine grease parody on my desk by Monday morning. No excuses.

You did a surprisingly well for how hard I think it is to come up with wine, grease, crossover names.

Not very hard, very hard. Adal, you're my Danny.

And isn't my Savignon Kanicki? I don't know, what do you want from me? You better let it breathe, buh, buh, buh.

Because the tannins are tannins. All right, we got a couple more of these. Weird Al.

Riesling Lightning. Riesling Lightning. Ooh, Riesling Lightning. Riesling Lightning's over there. I like that.

You sat through that scene for three and a half minutes and then just came up with that in the spot. That's really impressive.

I honestly spent a really long time on Sabernet Kanicki. Cabernet Sabernet Kanicki.

Weird Al heads to Australia for some cooked shrimp in this classic Eurodance number.

Mmm, mmm, mmm. Cooked shrimp. Another... Prawns? Something about prawns? Eurodance number.

Is that what they call it?

Eurodance number. Shrimp on the barbie. What does the prawn say?

Australia. What do you cook on the barbie?

The barbie. I'm a barbie girl. I'm a barbie grill. I'm a barbie grill. Got it. Nice very nice. I'm a barbie grill.

In Frozen, Scandinavia, Al is terrified when a deceased Maroon 5 returned to life and begin to dance the only way the undead can. The only way the undead can.

I mean, I want to see this movie. I don't know if I care about the riddle. Is this Let It Go? Great. Is that Maroon 5? Help me. Oh yeah.

I need help. Is it Let It Go? Is the song we're looking to

No. Oh, you got stuck on Frozen. It's a Maroon 5.

It's a Maroon 5 song, right?

Is it Sunday morning? No.

But what is it?

Zombies or something? This, bam, biz, bam, this, brain is not up for grabs, this. I like it. Is that the right song?

No, it's a song about dancing.

Oh. It's a song about dancing.

Dancing like a specific person.

Moves like Jagger.

Moves like... I don't know what this is a reference to, so maybe one of you knows. Moves like Jagermeister.

Moves like Scandinavia.

Moves like... Is it Scandinavian? Is it like fairies or something? Moves like Boggart?

Isn't it Boggart or anything? It's this. Draugr.

Moves like Draugr. Moves like Draugr.

Is that D&D monster? Yeah, it's like a zombie basically.

I did not know that.

I think it was like Draugr was going to be a stretcher.

Kurt Russell refuses to engage physically with the monster he's unearthed in this version of Aerosmith's song. Dude looks like a lady.

It's a good one, I think. What is a Kurt Russell monster movie? Unearth a monster?

Kurt Russell, is it a Kurt Russell monster?

Is it Big Trouble a Little Kind? No.

Kurt Russell monster movie.

Can you read the- Falling in love is so hard on the Stargate.

Whoa, Stargate. I'm going to tell you what year it came out. I'm going to look up the year. This whole monster movie, huh?

Can you read it again, the full thing?

Yes. It came out in 1982. Kurt Russell refuses to engage physically with the monster he's unearthed in this version of the Aerosmith song. I think this is my favorite one.

Love and a Tremorvator? Love and an Ella Tremors?

Was he in Tremors? I don't think he was in Tremors. Was Tremors in 82? I mean 82? I mean 82? All I can think of is Big Trouble and Little China. I know it.

Yes, yes, yes. Hold on.

What was the second part after the Kurt Russell movie? A song about what? It's an Aerosmith song. I don't want to miss the thing.

Yeah, I don't want to kiss the thing.

He's too engaged to kiss the thing.

Here's the thing. Here's the thing. That's one of my all time favorite movies. I never think of it as a monster movie because so much of it is like psychological anxiety. But it is a monster movie.

It's a monster movie. I've never seen it. I don't know if the judge is doing anything with that. It is incredible. It's very practical effects gooey.

This is exactly the right time of year to watch it. It is the perfect Thanksgiving movie.

Is it? Am I being tricked? No. No. Oh, hello. I'm getting tricked. Well, oop. Oh, did you get it?

Oh, get it! Get it! Get it! Get it! I got it. Nice.

I've clapped many times in this episode. I've pelted by me like six times. Oh no.

I did not get it in time at all, but I did kill it. And now there's a little bit of blood on my wall. That's fine.

It's your blood.

It's your blood.

You're marking your territory.

Oh, okay. You know what? Hold on.

Give me one second. Erin's growing a probiscus. Her eyes are sort of going to the side of her head, becoming multifaceted.

She's growing... I don't want to close my fly.

You don't want to close your fly.

I don't wanna close my fly, I just wanna pee in peace.

Okay, I'm gonna save the next riddles I'm doing for another episode just because there's so many of them. Okay, let me know if I've done these, I don't think so. Okay, these are from Aiden, these last couple riddles that we're going to be doing. What's up Aiden? A sword trapped in a tree, if our word for it was accurate, its usage would be deadly, the tool of the fallible, invaluable to you and me. Yet we throw them away, like they are worth less than pennies.

Mechanical pencil.

Adal, it's a pencil. You're amazing. Sorry, whatever you want it to be.

Who throws away pencils? We throw them away like you use it once and then you throw it away. Not me, friend. I'd like to see a scene.

Who's throwing away pencils?

I know. I play like, I pay like 60 cents up to the pencils.

Are you two not throwing away, what about pencils that are like down to their last life?

When was the last time you used a pencil down to the nub? I have pencils that I've had for 20 years.

That's a good one. I've never seen the end of a pencil and I've never seen the end of a chapstick. To me, those things are infinite.

I've definitely seen the edge of a chapstick. I've stared down, I've looked at the precipice of a chapstick, my friend. It is very scary.

I'd like to see a scene.

Okay.

Janet and Adal, you two are pens, and JPC, you are a pencil trying to prove that you matter as much as them.

And so I was writing in cursive to her. I wrote in cursive to her. I said, fear not, thine dear, for I will soon come into inheritance to where we can traverse the world.

Oh, that is so beautiful. And had I not been in almost exclusive use with the New York Times crossword, I would have been right there cheering alongside for thine love.

Oh, thank you. Oh, this is such a great episode.

Oh, yeah, dude. I agree. I agree. Big time.

Did someone evacuate their bowels? What does that mean?

Nah man, I'm all solid inside, don't worry about me. But damn, we were just talking about our jobs and everything, and yeah man, it's like, for doing like golf scores and stuff, it's insane.

Carol, get behind me, Carol, get behind me.

Three... Do I write a four?

What are... Back, creature, back. I will spout ink in your eye if you don't back up. What are you?

Declare what you are. Nah guys, I'm just, I'm you, I'm you, I'm a utensil man. I'm a writing implement.

He's turning upside down and rubbing his bottom all over the floor. This is disgusting.

His pink exposed bottom.

This is orangutanginal.

No, no, no. That's why God made us this way. God made us this way because we make mistakes. We're only pencils, you know what I'm saying?

Oh, little sort of rubby do's of his butt are left on my surface. What is this?

Buttflakes. Those are buttflakes.

What's a seven-letter word for horrified?

And a lot of us don't have those on golf courses, too. Just FYI.

So if I could just, I just want to draw a circle around this in ink.

Pens are for city folk and pencils are for country folk. Hold on, you want to draw a circle? Put me on a compass. I could draw a circle real good.

Actually, we do have need of a compass, don't we?

Yes, I guess... I'm sorry, you gotta put me on. What? I can't... I'm not... I can't... Tell us which way is south, friend. Hmm, okay. Lick my lead. Feel the wind. Uh, down?

Okay, two quick riddles and then we will let you be free, Janet. I really love that pencils are for like unsophisticated grooves.

Unsophisticated golfers. Unsophisticated golfers.

A weapon to wield in the battle of public perception, but it is often better concealed than used to smooth over reception. A tool for the insecure, a vice for the chronically unreliable, I warn you to simply endure and try not to deny the undeniable. Excuses. Yes, an excuse and a mechanical pencil, the alternative answer. Wow.

Sorry, the mice are making me say this.

Sounds like an excuse to me. Yep.

That rules.

Well, JPC, you have to get this next one to make it all even.

I don't have to do anything. I choose to get this next one exactly correct as soon as you say it, but I don't have to do anything.

I am not a human. I have no form and no voice.

Draugr.

Nope. I offer no clues. Damn it. And no hints. And you have no choice. My name is specific and my riddle is clear. So if you have any doubts, I promise I'm sincere. What am I?

Oh, a liar.

Yes. Ooh. Yeah, you got it. Thank you, Aidan. Everybody left with a riddle. Stephanie Basil. What great riddles this app. Yes, I wanted to bring you some good riddles. You know when cats kill mice and then they bring it to their owner and they're like, you're welcome.

I know that my cat and many other cats gently pick up live mice in their mouths and bring them to their owners, their friends, their caregivers, and then put them down like my cat did. And then the mouse was extremely unharmed and crawled all over me. And terrified, for sure. Luckily I like mice.

I mean, look, would you rather have a live mouse or a dead mouse?

I would rather have a live mouse.

Yeah, exactly. My cats do that but with little Debbie snacks. And I'll go, no, no, no. Not a zebra cake. I want an oat milk cream pie. And they look at me like, oh. Well, they're cats. It sounds like they're cleaning up after you.

They're just like, hey, man, stop leaving these on our floor. We can't eat this.

They're everywhere. We can't eat this. Janet, anything to plug?

Just, you know, various podcasts and stuff. You can follow me on social media. I've been trying to TikTok more. I think I'm at jake.org. Wow. I just started making some little videos with strike-friendly content where I'm using a lot of miniatures and food items to depict movies or shows.

Okay, I actually... You might want to go ahead and... I'm gonna go find it right now.

Because today I released Stringle Things.

Okay, this is an emergency I have to go.

It's real stupid. I cannot wait.

Real stupid. Sounds like we need this strike to end this. We really do.

That's the underlying, if not overlying, message.

Oh my god. Or we might get more stringle things. Yeah.

Okay, I'm already out of my mind. The production value on this. The string cheese sitting on a bike.

Did you eat? How did you make the string cheese? I mean, I crafted it with my hands. How did you make the string cheese?

I don't know. The string cheese is on a bike, I know.

It turns out that you can make shapes with string cheese pretty easily because you just string off, partially string off the things that you need.

That's how people do ice sculptures as well.

Exactly. And marble, what you want to do is you're not creating a new image, you're cutting through to the image that was always there. That's beautiful.

And it's actually string cheese.

And it is string cheese. It is always string cheese.

Um, anyone else have anything they want to talk about? I feel like I don't know how to recover after the striptease.

Is this an HR session?

I'm sort of all in a cloud over here. What's going on?

Adal, I didn't think to plug. Uh, yes. If you have never seen John Carpenter's The Thing, do yourself a favor and go see it. The 1982 version, I've never seen the remake and I probably will never, but the original is phenomenal. Also, it's not too late for you to watch Over the Garden Wall. One of my favorite fall movies, something I watch every year. I've probably already watched it by now, but you can probably watch it all the way through the end of November and it still is quite joyful. Erin, is there anything you want to plug?

Check out Janet's String Cheese TikTok. It's heaven to me. And if you go watch it and like it, maybe she'll make more. So please do that. GPC any review you want to read.

Yeah, let's read a review. This one's gonna come from Swagaroni in Cheese. Swagaroni writes, JPC, if you read this one, let me know if you guys would want to participate in the KC Improv Festival when we arrange it for the 2023 season. I'll be coordinating the Adotan X and would love to host you guys. Love West from the Midwest. I got great news for you guys. I went on the KC Improv Festival's Twitter page and it looks like it has not updated since 2020 to say we're canceling it.

KC, do you have anything to say about that? I can't believe KC has a whole improv fest that he hasn't told anybody about! I haven't been invited.

It's Kasey's big improv.

Kasey is disemboweling it.

Oh, Kasey. Looks like it's not happening this year. What's up?

We made out under the Sauvignon Blanc. Okay, it counts.

Adal won the episode. That's the very last second he got an extra pointy one. Do you put her thank you for coming, Janet? Please never leave.

Bye forever.

And John Patrick Coan. Casey Toney could be editing.

That's the pun he won it with under the sauvignon bloke.

It was perfect. You leave him alone. You leave him alone.

Under the sauvignon bloke. Hey there bonjours and au revoirs. If you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. We're doing improv scenes based on your Discord suggestions. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalogue at patreon.com slash Hey Riddle Riddle by joining the Clue Crew for $5 a month, or start your 7-day free trial, or the Review Clue for $8 a month, and you get those ad-free episodes. See you there!