Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum podcast. The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Oh, then we're going to finish. It was the cannon of an airplane. He stabbed him with the nice away. And the horse seemed riding.

Adal JPC, can you step into my office?

Okay, we both step at the same time. Sorry, we can't, why don't you go ahead.

Why don't we do face-to-face? We'll do face-to-face to step in and we'll sidestep it.

We're stepping into each other. Sorry Erin, give us a second here.

Can we just do this stuck in your door jamb? Sure.

Why not? It's almost like the fox, the hen, and the bag of grain. So why don't you put your hat in first, then we'll take a fishing line, grab your hat, I'll throw my shoes in, and one, two, three, go!

Okay, now we're naked and we're still stuck at the door, James.

I was going to tell you, we got your blood work back for both of you. Oh, good. You took my blood? Oh, sorry. I thought, I figured it was sort of a... I keep it in my desk.

That's fine.

Yeah, it's fine. We got your results back and you should sit down for this if you can, given the current circumstances.

We are wedged in here. Oh, we just sat in the same seat.

Blood tested positive for riddles. Not even just like a trace amount, like pretty intense.

Erin, cut straight to it. How long do we have? And can we make it as short as possible?

You're going to live a really long life. I'm so sorry.

If we're going to live a long life full of riddles, it sounds like, can we at least have some guests on?

Sure.

Do we have a guest? Luckily we do. It looks like we do have a guest from the podcast, All Fantasy Everything. Please welcome Ian Karmel. Ian, welcome to the show.

Thank you so much. I brought a big jar of my blood.

Oh, you are white as a sheet.

And honestly, you do it.

What?

I can't tell if he's yawning or turning into a Dracula.

I'm just so grateful. Similar sounds, similar sounds. Whatever you want to do with it. It's September too early for me to throw up on a podcast. How does everyone feel about that?

No, Dracula's going to live the rest of the year. Yeah, that's a really good vampire voice. We'll never have you back on again. It's actually too good. We'll call it Sleeplica. Very bad, very bad. Ian, you also have a Headgum podcast. It is a wonderful show. Very enjoyable to listen to. I think on our Patreon we've done similar things just because I absolutely love the idea of fantasy drafting things. Basically, you guys just fantasy draft different pop culture things, correct?

Literally anything. We could fantasy draft nicknames for a very sleepy Dracula.

We can fantasy, and we show everything well.

I think first round, first pick. I love this guy. We can draft actors who play Dracula, like Universal movie monsters, like whatever it is in the world, we can fantasy draft it. And many of them we have.

I really enjoy your episode on, I think it's just Vegas activities in general. Like you get into Vegas and like what's, what are the things you do? I really, really enjoyed that episode.

What was the first draft pick for that one?

Oh my god, I can't remember because we went to Vegas shortly thereafter.

Got a bunch of brain damage from the part of it.

Ruined my ability to retain any sort of memory.

But the question that we have to ask you because you're on our show now, what is your relationship with riddles, puzzles, lateral thinking problems of... You said that like a stepdad. You're on our show now.

We do things a little different around here. You're gonna smoke the whole riddles on this show. I've always loved them. I was so excited to come on. I don't know that I'm very good at riddles. My intelligence is more of a memorizing facts than a logic. I think I would be very good on Jeopardy, but if I had to help the Apollo 13 mission return to Earth, they would have died sooner. They would have probably died on Earth. Yeah.

Well, we should say if in real time you had to help them, because if you had to help them now, like a time travel thing, you'd know what to do.

Oh, absolutely.

As long as the movie was accurate, I would be able to tell them exactly. How old is Garrison East right now? Let's call him. Twelve? Oh no.

Still, but like doing like very dramatic Chekhov plays at 12 years old. Steppenwolf, yeah. Steppenwolf. Yeah, so I really enjoy them. I love them. I love sitting there, which I think you'll hear a lot today of going, ah. Yeah. Great noise. What are my favorite noises to make? That specific noise I make a lot.

The noise we make a lot is pitched down a little bit, which is... Oh yeah, yeah. Cause we're also, I don't think anybody's good at, maybe like Stephen Colbert is good at riddles cause he's like a Tolkien head, but I feel like nobody else on earth is really good at riddles.

Oh, because, because there are riddles in Tolkien properties, Stephen Colbert, because he likes Tolkien, is good at riddles?

I follow that logic. I get that. I think Erin, thank you. Wow.

Huh. He also just seems like he'd be good at riddles. Like he doesn't watch TV. Like he goes home and like pours the smallest amount of scotch you've ever seen and then just like tells riddles back and forth. And is drunk immediately. Immediately drunk. Still wearing a suit.

Wow. Suit jammers. I am old man puzzles today, which means I have sourced the riddles. And I think we, I'm not trying to be crazy here, but I think we actually have some pretty good riddles today.

Whoa. We'll never call you crazy.

I know, but you could because I am.

I'm not falling for that. I'm not falling for that. Nice try. I've been burned before on Twitter.

We're going to start with some warm up riddles, which to me, they're sort of more like jokes or puns. So let's just begin. All right. What has 15 diamonds but isn't rich?

James Bond, which has 15 diamonds but isn't rich. A deck of cards?

Yeah.

Hold on. Pump the brakes. Did we bring in a ringer? What's going on here? I do.

That's because anyone has ever gotten an answer on the show.

This guy's definitely been to Vegas.

I've seen the Desolation of Smog, so I'm familiar. I'm familiar with Jerry R. Tolkien.

I stick so strongly, yet I am not sticky in the slightest. What am I?

A snide comment from a mother-in-law.

Yeah, that'll stay with you forever. No, not that.

I've never really thought about my body like that before. Is it a magnet? Oh, I will forever. Is it a magnet?

It's a magnet. Yeah, you guys are flying through these.

Well, some of us are.

Not you.

Yeah, raise your hand if you've gotten one. Okay, interesting. JPC crossed arms.

JPC, if your mother-in-law hadn't decimated your confidence, I think you'd have one too.

Don't worry about it. It's not on you, man. It's called a Miami compliment, JPC. I should accept that. I should accept that.

I am a driver, but I never drive a car. What am I?

A golf club?

That's a great answer. That's not the one I'm looking for. That technically works though. Adam? No, that also works.

I am a driver.

But he might drive cars. How do we know that Adam?

Oh, he's in Ferrari. That's right. Oh, sorry. Can you say the full?

I am a driver, but I never drive a car. What am I?

Is this like a, is this like, do we already say golf? Do we say like a golf driver?

Is it one of those guys who has only ever owned big white pickup trucks? You know what I'm talking about? He never puts anything in him but it's very important to him to have like a big white pickup truck.

Very specific images popped in my head.

Yeah, you know the guy.

I know the guy, in my mind, that guy is like a 16 year old girl that I see at the grocery store and I'm like, why are you driving this truck? That's the guy. Yeah, that's the guy.

Morgan Wallen blasting out of the windows and you're like, I knew you.

I don't know if that's Morgan Wallen, but I hear that song everywhere. It's like a union job on Sopranos or something.

So many other things are drivers. You could be a bus driver and you're only driving a bus. You could be like a computer driver. Yeah, it's not a person.

That's my hint.

Oh, it's not a person. Oh, is it like a subway? No. I'm a driver, but I never drive.

Now, this is a stretch, but is it a mother-in-law who is a drivering me crazy?

What did she say to you?

First of all, I realized after making the joke the second time, I do have a mother-in-law who is a lovely person who also sometimes listens to the show. So this is not about her. This is about a fictional... I'm thinking like everybody loves Raymond mother-in-law.

When I was on, I was the on-air sidekick for the Late Late Show. It was a lot of fun, a lot of learning. And I, uh, I would do jokes about like my ex-wife, like that were clearly in that where it's like, Oh, you know, tell my ex-wife, like clearly fake. You know what I mean?

Yeah.

And my, when this was when I was dating my now wife, her mom would like watching the show. Cause it's like, Oh, this, this boy is dating my daughter. I want to see what's up with them. And she like frantically called. My now wife. Does he have an ex? Was he married before this? It's fine if he was, but you didn't tell me that. She took this my ex-wife joke like it was gospel, and she still gives me crap about it. I still think she thinks I have an ex-wife out there somewhere.

Let's see. Erin and Ian, you are dating each other. JPC, you are Ian's in-law. And you've heard some things about Erin, maybe that she's been complaining about you. She's an author and she just released a new book, we'll say, that has a very awful portrayal of an in-law.

Wait, wait, I'm sorry.

Oh, you're dating, but you're not. Okay. I said in-law and you're dating. Okay. I see what happened here.

No, no.

You're married. You're married. You're married. Who am I related to in this? We'll say that you're Ian's in-law. I'm sorry, you're Ian's parent. You're in-law.

You kept phrasing it in terms of an in-law and I'm like, why are you making me do the math here?

Because I'm doing the... You're Ian's parent.

I'm Ian's parent, and Erin, you're like my daughter-in-law.

My Adderall hasn't kicked in yet, so my brain is Nickelodeon gack right now.

What about Flum? Flum, there's no place like Flum. You guys, anybody want to do an appetizer? If we did the calamari, would anyone else have some?

Well, I'm not cooking it. I'm not cooking it. So it's not going to taste like absolute dog shit. And I'm putting that in quotes.

Because I'm not cooking it. Maureen, I thought we talked about this. In the book, she's a witch. She's like a scary monster. She's nothing like you.

There's a cauldron. She puts like frog legs and eyes into it. It's nothing like how you cook. Your frog legs and eyes are delicious.

Okay, great. Well then when we get home after dinner, I'll make some frog legs, and I'll watch you eat all of them, Kathy. Cuz I'm not- cuz my frog legs taste nothing like the frog legs in the book.

Mom, you know Maureen doesn't eat amphibians. We've talked about this. We met on an anti-anph- Okay, great. Okay.

You know what? I would love to do calamari. That's not an amphibian, is it?

No, it's domain is mostly the same.

But I would love, I'd love to do Calamari and I apologize. I apologize because I'm, again, I just read the book and it's a little fresh for me.

Yeah. And I, and I am sorry. I, it was a real oversight that she's named after you. And it's a real oversight that she looked a lot like you. I had just seen you that day. You were top of mind. It has nothing to do.

I didn't even put together. So that's what you think I look like.

No, I didn't mean to say that.

Cuz you said she had a bug eyes, bug mouth, and bug face. Cuz in my mind I'm like, that looks nothing like me, but that's- Okay, can I go ahead and take your bug eyes?

Your order? Sorry, I'm your bug lips, uh, waiter. Huh. We'll have the calamari to start. We're gonna start with a calamari. Oh, I love- I don't think you finished the sentence, but I love we met on an anti amphibian subreddit or whatever. I love fighting true love when you hate the randomest thing.

I said I read it with two people, so it's like, we've got to stop eating amphibians.

Okay, here's another warm up. It's definitely Miss Piggy and someone else, yeah.

Oh, we didn't answer the last one. You almost got away with it too.

Damn it. So this is not a human. Erin, is this some sort of technology or is this like a natural force?

Not a natural force, it's man-made.

Man-made.

Think of things that have the word driver in it.

And it's a type of driver. Driver.

It's not like a driver.

Okay. Words that have the word driver.

A word that has the word driver in it.

It's one word?

Well.

Okay. Is this the thing that beat Paul Bunyan and Babe?

It's not a pile driver.

Oh, pile driver's good. Everyone has this in their house. Oh, a washer and driver.

Okay. Washer and driver. This guy sucks.

If I just answer crazy, it'll be right.

A washer and driver? I hate that. I love it so much.

Uh, we all have this in our house.

What do I have in my house that is a driver?

I'm gonna make the noise for the first time.

Okay, I would say that you don't you don't have one of these until maybe you're like 23 24 25 and your dad probably gives you this when you move to a new city Oh talking to about sex

Uh, a talking to. It's not even an explanation, it's just a talking to. No, it's a talking to because I'm moving to a new city.

I had all the regular sex in the first city.

This might be like a junk drawer or a part of a bigger kit.

Erin, is driver the first half or second?

Oh, is this a screwdriver? It's a screwdriver. Oh my gosh.

Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. It was so simple yet so hard.

Yeah. So that's vodka and orange juice. I did get that talk from my dad.

Yeah.

Well, slur. By slur, I mean slurred words, of course. Let's calm down. It was mottled behavior, but I did learn it from him.

Who is the king of the school supplies?

Um, God. Ooh, Mr. Mead?

No.

Okay. Had that.

Lisa Frank?

It's gotta be Lisa Frank. Okay.

Well, in a way, she is.

Who's the king of the school supplies? The ruler!

The ruler! Ian! I would like to see a scene. JBC, you are the ruler. Ian, you're like a pencil and Adal, you're like a folder. And JBC, you're really bossing them around and they've had enough.

Mm-hmm. Hmm, you there. Uh, carve my initials into him.

My lord, I already possessed several different markings identifying exactly which caliber of pencil I am and which... Ticonderogas are rather long words.

No, no, you nitwit. I'm talking to you. You carve my initials into the folder. Do it with your little graphite tip or whatever it is you do.

Sure, if I may. My thickness is not quite what it used to be. I'm quite thin and frail.

With your permission sir, I would rather, perhaps I could write your initials onto the folder and that would suffice.

Yeah, so maybe a song for my lord. I want you to push until his little folder skin breaks.

I want to see what the insides of this folder are made of. But sir, if I may, if I may, inside, right through the membrane of my folder, is your homework, sir. You would pierce your homework, we can have that.

And my lord, think of all the young men playing sporting events on the outside of our friend here that would be obscured by her initials.

Right now, right now you're getting my flat wood side. If you want to see my sharp metal side, I can turn around and we can see what the ruler really has in store. No, no, no, no, no, no, go ahead.

Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances, Frances

Happy back to school season everybody. That should be an ad for Staples, I think. I would go to Staples immediately if I saw that ad on TV.

Can I have the corny products please? Yeah, it's truly a little bit too sexual for TV, I think. The part of Staples that's behind a beaded curtain.

Yeah, it's in the back.

All stores should have that like 21 plus section, no matter what the store is, and they should offer the adult version of whatever you have at a grocery store. Do you ever go to a nasty Target?

They should have that at restaurants too. I want to go to horny chilies.

Well, Erin, that's just the kitchen.

Yeah, you're right. Okay, a few more warm-up riddles, I think. What is the leading cause of dry skin?

Heart disease. Oh. Excellency. A lean cause of dry skin.

Remember this is a Riddle and Odd Effect.

It's a screw dryer. It's like a joke.

Yeah, a screw dryer. Yeah, a washer and screw dryer.

Is this like a site for psoriasis or something?

No, Ian, I do think that you're kind of on the right track with the way that you're thinking. What did Ian say? A screw dryer. He was doing a callback to your joke earlier, calling it a washer.

And this is the number one cause of dry skin? Yes. Skinny dipping. Something.

Everyone comes for dry skin. Something flake.

This has got to be a skin pun or a dry pun, right?

It's not a pun. It's something that dries you. What goes up and down and doesn't move and actually I want to see a scene. Ian you are a towel and you're just super dry and Adal you are the man using the towel and you sort of wish it had a little bit more personality.

I was telling you that I am mostly pima cotton. This again, Pima Cotton.

I don't even know. I don't care.

Have you had a chance to make it out towards Arizona at any point? Pima or Pima?

Literally, this is the first time in my life I've said Pima Cotton out loud. I've said it twice now.

Yes, Gracie and I are going to Sedona in the fall. You know this. The airport in Phoenix is called the Sky Harbor. I always thought that was the best thing.

Can I ask you? Hey Charles, can I ask you something? When we leave the house, are you on the computer? What are you doing? How do you know all this?

I mostly just sort of lay crumpled up in a corner. Okay. Kind of next to your hamper. Great.

Listen, I didn't want to do this today.

Slowly collecting. Let me finish the black mold.

Okay. All right. Now that I'm dry, I think it's time to just rip the band-aid off, okay? I'm getting new towels, they're Egyptian cotton, okay? I don't want, every day when I shower, I don't want to be talking to Stephen Wright in towel form, okay? I want like a Ricky Gervais. I want someone who can hold up there into the conversation and not just talk at me.

The interesting thing about Egypt is the upper Nile is actually further south and the lower Nile is the one that connects to the Mediterranean. Holy shit. Are you kidding me? Oh, sorry. I'm still a little bit wet from your body. I'll dry out in a moment.

Oh, yeah. Sorry. That was just slightly exciting. Yeah. If you never, I didn't know that. Okay. But yes, we are going to, and I'll leave it up to you. We can either toss you or take you to Salvation Army. I have to assume Salvation Army take Stiles.

If you wouldn't mind sort of just crumpling me up and putting me where that feral cat sleeps outside, I think I could forge an excellent relationship with them.

Oh sure. Yeah. Okay. Captain Screams. Yes. I will put you out. And I just want to say, I just want to say I'm sorry. I feel like I've been pretty hard on you. I feel like you've done, you've done your job. It's just, um, I don't know if this is a better or worse, but it's just your personality. It's just your fairy.

We catch the next day. There's a, there's a knock at your door, Adal. Uh, hello?

Hey man, down here. You gotta stop leaving this crap out in my alley, man. This guy sucks.

Hey Captain Screens. You know, the idea that cats have nine lives.

No! I can't deal with it! I can't deal with it! That was amazing.

Ian, hold on. I gotta ask. Were those hacktoids real?

Uh, everything, I didn't have one for the cat, but everything else was real. Okay.

Holy shit. Ian did say he'd be great on Jeopardy and pulling out that Pima Cotton thing, I'm like, okay. Yeah. The guy's not lying.

I assume it's Pima Arizona. Is Pima Arizona? It might be Oklahoma. Now hold on. Now hold on. Right?

Ian, if you went on Jeopardy, what category would you be most relieved to see on the board?

It is in Arizona. If they did any sports, I'm a big sports fan, and I know that the bar is pretty low on Jeopardy! for sports trivia. This is also how I win trivial pursuit every time is just by hitting as many oranges as I can. So any sport, any like basketball related category, I'd be like, I'm about to sweep this thing. Ooh. Who are your teams? I'm a Portland Trailblazer fan. I'm from Portland, Oregon originally. Rough times. Rough times.

Clyde Rexler could have been Michael Jordan if only Michael Jordan hadn't existed.

In a world without Michael Jordan, Clyde Rexler would have been a beautiful, bald, He's NBA superstar. He looks 54 at 22. He's fantastic. And then we drafted Greg Oden, who looks 54 at 19. So we have a type. Mature. Yeah.

Wow. What a nice way to say that. If only my mother-in-law would be so kind.

He's me.

I'd kill for a mature. What goes up and down, but doesn't move an inch?

Gas prices, Biden. Thank you. Get him.

We're all thinking.

Get him. Kill him.

I've seen Kamala Harris in two years.

What goes up and down but doesn't move an inch?

Seesaw. No, Seesaw moves. What goes up and down? Stock market. Doesn't move an inch. No. Up and down.

Does it move way more than an inch? Because that's tons of things.

Yeah, like an airplane. Elevator.

I like the way you're thinking though, but that's not right. Oh, okay.

Blood pressure. It goes up and down. Temperature? No.

Okay. No, that's good. I do like temperature. Yeah. Um, up and down, but doesn't move an inch. Is this something to do with like, uh, I was going to say like, um, no, but that definitely moving. I was going to say like the sun, like the sun in the sky, like it disappears every day, but we are moving. You think the sun disappears?

The language in this one I will say is a little misleading.

JVC doesn't have object permanence.

We'll be cutting all of this out, I know exactly about the plan.

He screams and giggles when he sees the sun again.

A new song is created every single day.

Like a game of peek-a-boo. He's like, oh, we gotta get back.

Sorry, Erin, what was the hint you just gave?

I think that the language in this is a little misleading. When we talk about this thing, we don't say that it goes up and down. We say that maybe we go up and down it.

Oh, a slide? Stairs? Stairs! Oh, stairs. The trickier slide.

Oh, okay. You can go up and down stairs, but the stairs never move. I see. I see, I see, I see.

A couple more of these warm-up riddles before we take a little break.

These are actually pretty good. Right? Yeah, these are bad.

If I'm walking, then I must be running. However, if I'm running, I may be walking. What am I?

A guy in New York City.

If I'm walking, I must be running.

Yeah, if I'm walking then I must be running. However, if I'm running, I may be walking. What am I? Again, this is sort of intentionally misleading language here.

This sounds like, and I know this isn't the answer, but have you ever been to like a mall at like, right when it opens, like 9am? And there's women in the mall who are walking so slowly, but their arms are doing this? Like their arms are going max up.

I love those women. I will protect those women at any cost.

It's like in their head they think they're Robert Patrick from Terminator 2, but their feet are going just shuffling forward.

They've still got Reeboks from when Reagan was president, but they're clean. They're still clean. They've only worn them in the mall.

Their tracksuit looks like those paper cups that used to come with all water dispensers. The teal and the purple splatter. Okay, if I'm walking, I'm running.

I must be running. Whoever I'm running, I may be walking.

What am I? I'm of a certain age, Ian. But did anybody in school ever have... Everyone in my school, there was like a year where everyone would say, if I'm lying, I'm flying, and my feet are clearly still on the ground. Did anybody have that, or is that...?

You went to school with all Matthew McConaughey's, right?

That's a nightmare.

Or a TV show. I've got a premise for a TV show. Alright, do you have some quick roll call? Matthew? Alright, alright, alright. Matthew? Alright, alright, alright. Matthew? Alright, alright, alright.

That was nine. Nine different Macias.

Uh, no, Adal, I don't think I've ever heard of that in my life. Okay, let's just move on. Let's just move on.

It's a very stylish thing for like a lot of people to say. That seems like a thing that one person said and everyone was like, that's the guy who says that. It might have just spread through my school like wildfire.

Adal was born in 1935, so he just has a different point of reference than the rest of us.

And I invented the assembly line and I stick to that. That has a, I'm here to kick ass and chew bubble gum and I'm all out of bubble gum vibe too. I like a phrase with like an answer to a yes or no question with a part one, a part two, and the part three is I'm all out of part two.

You could never have a catchphrase like that these days because the kids, they'd be on TikTok halfway through.

Yeah, you can't do more than an eight second catchphrase, right?

Your sneeze away from yelling, get off my lawn.

Can you repeat it one more time?

If I'm walking, then I must be running. However, if I'm running, I may be walking. What am I? And again, this is slightly misleading language.

Something running like it's working.

Like the running means working. Yeah, yeah. Walking. Is this like, oh, is this like those robot dogs at Boston mechanics or whatever?

No, it's sort of, I will say it's an electrical thing, so it's something you plug in.

If I'm running, I'm walking.

Is it like a, it's like a walking piano or it's like a doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom,

Is this one of those signs that helps you cross the street with like the electronic walking? That would be a great answer. You were doing the, you know, the walking thing for a deaf person, but I thought it was a six flags guy.

Um, so if I'm walking, I'm running. And if I'm running, I'm walking. Is that what you said?

Yes, but what it, so this thing, it's like running because it's on and it's working, but also it's like running.

Oh boy, can we get a little hint please? The walking part, Erin, is the part that I'm having the most trouble with. Do you have a hint for the walking part?

Yeah, it's both. So it's like it's the walking and the running is the intended use of this thing.

It's like a motorized walking stick that's like out of control.

People mover? Yeah, but what's another way of, like, what's a motorized walking thing? You gotta get the motorized walking stick that's out of control.

Motorized walking thing, a segway.

People mover is very close.

Escalator, um, uh, what are those things? Is that what you call the things in the airport? Like a flat, like an escalator that was, had an anvil dropped on it?

It's that, but for your home.

Uh, treadmill.

Treadmill! Treadmill!

I just bought a I saw it on TikTok guilty I just bought a walking pad for my living room and it's it's like a it's like half a treadmill and I have fallen off of it so many times oh I've seen those yeah yeah yeah yeah if you have long legs it is not for you

Wait, wait, wait. I have no idea what this is. Is it? What do you mean half a treadmill? What is this? It's been in my house since I've bought it.

It doesn't have the top half of the treadmill.

Oh, yes.

Yeah. But it's shorter length and there's no stand for it. It's just a walking pad, yeah.

I've been to your house and seen that. Mariah also has one, but she has, which my wife, she has it and she calls it an under desk treadmill so that she can put it under her desk, her standing desk so she works because then you can like balance off it. I've never seen a person just have one in the middle of their living room before. When I went into your house, I assumed that that hadn't been moved to the place where it would be.

This feels like my mother-in-law all over. Well, let's go to a break and JPC and I can sort of chop this up and we'll be right back with more Hey Riddle Riddle.

I know what you're thinking. Do I have a new hat, Adal and JPC? New haircut? Why am I walking around with so much confidence?

I bet you're wondering. I wanted pretzels from the food court.

And I was just gonna let you know that it looks like you leaned on paint.

Anyways, I just had a bunch of subscriptions canceled for me by Rocket Money that I wasn't using. And so now I'm flushed with cash and now I'm competent. Pretzel money? Well, maybe we'll talk about that. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that binds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years, even before they were a sponsor.

It looks like you may have leaned

People think they're spending $80 on their subscriptions when in reality, the number is closer to $200. And when you signed up for so many free trials, like streaming services, you watch one show and then you completely forget about it. You lose track and then all of a sudden you're like, why am I bleeding money? Rocket money? They take care of that for you. They go, sit back, relax. We got this. And they make everything color coded and easy and super intuitive.

You're also color-coded. A little birdie told me that Rocket Money also lets you monitor all your expenses in one place, recommends custom budgets based on your past spending, and they'll even send you notifications when you've reached your spending limits, which sounds like something my friend would like, but I forget which friend I'm so hungry for pretzels.

Speaking of pretzels, you don't get all twisted up by Salty and the bread of your finances. With over 3 million users and counting, Rocket Money customers have saved an average of $720 a year.

Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and manage your money the easy way by going to rocketmoney.com slash riddle. That's rocketmoney.com slash riddle. Rocketmoney.com slash R-I-D-D-L-E.

Hey, what's going on? Somebody leaned over my rocket money paint thing. Run. Everybody run. Run. Oh no.

Maroon.

Is that Da Vinci?

Yeah. Yes.

And bye. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

Heck, with my machete, clear the overgrown grass. I've done it. I've found it. This ancient city of What a weird thing to say to Hey Adal. Oh you know us right? You're citizens of better help this town.

Yeah, better help is therapy that's entirely online. It's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. I've been using it for a long time. It works for the way that my brain works, and we're just here talking about it, celebrating it.

Hmm, yes, I am here too celebrating it. You all seem very happy. This seems like a happy bunch of folks. Hey man, why don't you lose the sword? Oh, it's a machete, not a sword. Yeah, you're right.

It's all good. Why don't I take that from you, huh? Yeah, we'll put this somewhere safe.

Okay, thank you. Thank you for that. I appreciate your better help.

Well, I'm not doing better help, but better help as therapy is actually pretty toned to a person like me because I want to learn positive coping skills, I want to learn how to set and enforce boundaries, and I want to check in with someone on my own schedule. I love online therapy for that specific reason.

Adal, if you wanted to try it, all you would have to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and you could switch therapists any time for no additional charge.

Wow, you said fill out a stone tablet?

So there are some things that better help is not going to be qualified to help with Adal. This may be one of them. Maybe we get you to some other type of specialist.

And this is a perfect example of something that not you Adal, but I would be sharing with my therapist.

Okay, okay, everyone gather out, gather out. As I finish dusting off the ancient structure. Boring. It says this podcast is sponsored by Squarespace.

Oh, well, that's actually interesting. Squarespace, I've heard of this. Yes, it's the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online, whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, right? Squarespace is what I hear makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience, and sell anything from products to content to time, all in one place, all in your terms.

Yes, that's what Squarespace is, but the question, what is it doing buried here? Yes, yes doctor, yes doctor.

Well, I think that they're pretty cool because they can host video content, organize your video library, and showcase your content on beautiful video pages and sell access to your videos on the member areas. It's super intuitive to use. That's probably why it's buried down here.

Yeah, and Dr. Dustoff, world-famous archaeologist, they even sell custom merch. So we could get some Dr. Dustoff merch going. You easily sell it, you create passive income, it engages your audience, scales your brand. Does that sound good?

Yes, yes, yes, we all know about Squarespace and its amazing features, like the Asset Library, where you can organize and access all your content from one place, where you can manage all your files from one central hub and use them across the Squarespace Platform. We know about the value of Squarespace, but the question is, what is it doing buried here?

Okay, Dr. Dustoff, we don't know. You're the archaeologist.

I'm sorry, what? You're- I drove. Oh. They call me Dr. Dustoff because when I get into a car accident, I make it kind of go away. I'm a smooth talker, I'm an easy walker, and I'm not bad looking either.

Dr. Dustoff tips his fedora to the two of you.

He just gave his fedora $20. That's too much of a tip. And there's more when that came from a hat. Head to squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Dr. Dustoff, um... You're my new favorite character.

Please sign everything.

Yeah, please, please show up in an episode, will you please?

Okay, if you insist. Now hold on, I'm taking a call. Hello? They're burning it down. Good. Oh, do we have insurance? Oh, I gotta take this. Okay. Yes.

This is just JP Riddle.

Go left.

Yeah, this is JP Riddle's in a fedora.

Forget it. I take everything back.

I used to have a treadmill which I don't have anymore in my old apartment. I bought it when I first moved to the city, so I had like a treadmill for like 10 years in Chicago. I moved it for four apartments. It was an awful ordeal to move that thing. But I used to walk on the treadmill while I played video games with people, and I would play video games with friends like on like headset, and several times as I was doing that, I had fallen off the treadmill because I was paying too much attention to the game, and all of my friends had to hear me go, You know those are good friends because that audio never made its way to YouTube. This would be a time in my life where I was playing a lot of Overwatch, which is a game that involves like, I mean, moving and shooting and aiming and stuff. It's not a good treadmill game. I got to tell people it's not a good treadmill game.

You want to play like Civilization. Yes. Harvest Moon. I do agree with Ian where it feels like if there was any justice in the world, that audio of you falling down and screaming would be like the new Wilhelm scream. It's like any new Star Wars movie. Like someone gets hit with a lightsaber and falls off a cliff and we hear,

You're a JPC. Go help me. I'm hurt.

Erin, wherever you found the last like eight riddles, cling to that source. Never lose that, wherever that's from. These are, these are frustrating, but delightful. Yeah.

Yeah. I almost lied and said I wrote them for the attention. That's not a good impulse. I thought it though. I told the truth. I didn't write these. I found them on the internet. But these next riddles that I'm going to bring to your door, oh Ian wrote them. He can take credit, are listener submitted and these are from Mark. So Mark loves improv and puzzles and it's really fun to listen to a podcast where people love improv and barely tolerate puzzles. So they are definitely a listener. Mark wrote these mystery lists for the, that's what he's calling them. So these, for Adal and GBC, these are probably like, they're kind of only connect adjacent. It's a certain style of puzzle, but I'm going to give you guys an example puzzle and then we'll get into the real ones. And I think you'll be able to pick up on this really quick.

Erin, do we need, as Dr. Dre once wrapped, do we need a pen and a pen?

No.

Okay.

I think you'll be good. Unless, I don't know, up to you, dealer's choice.

Are we trying to get this damn label off? I would choke you with a Charleston tune.

So all of the answers in this set of puzzles form a recognizable set of items or people, such as days in the week or colors of the rainbow or names of the friends from friends. In order to find out what the set is, you'll be given a list of clues. Each clue relates to one item in the set, for example. So like, uh, you'll have to, it's like two puzzles in one. You have to figure out what each one is trying to get you to say, and then you have to figure out what the overarching category is.

Okay. Got it.

Okay. So the first clue from the first puzzle is cable guy.

Okay. Jim Carrey movies.

Uh-huh. But also it's not going to be the literal thing. Remember the clue?

Yes. Okay. Things that are late.

Uh, Springfield's bartender.

Oh, Mo. That'd be Mo Cislak. Yeah.

Country Fair Fries. And that's all the hints.

Tenderloin. Oh, what are those? The funnel cake? Country Fair Fries. Pickles? Everything.

Shape of French fry.

Ooh, Michael Shannon, Lily Taylor. That was a great movie. Love that movie. That woman falls in love with a fish.

So there are only three clues.

I can put them in the chat as well.

And the first one we have, we think Cable Guy is Jim Carrey. We have Jim Moe. Are these just three Stooges?

Yep, but... So low pearly fries, Moe says lack, and...

Larry the Cable Guy. Larry the Cable Guy.

Oh, I see, I see.

Okay, okay, okay. All right, so they're all gonna be like that. These puzzles are written with the intention that you'll be able to guess what the set is without figuring out every single clue. So you can do some deductive reasoning.

Okay, I gotta be saying this because I think my dad does listen to the show. What about Shep? Are we not talking about Shep? Is Shep not even in the conversation? Who's Shep?

Shep was brought in late, late in the game. He's sort of a, who's the Barks brother, Zepo. Sort of late to the game, but still a part of it. Probably gets royalties. Wow.

When my dad dies, he is going to be spinning in his grave.

Is that rotisserie, dad? I should just very quickly, Gemma will be pissed if I don't mention it. Gemma's related to two of the Stooges.

That's so funny.

Wow.

Two of them.

Yeah. By incest or... What? Well... They were in love. They were in love.

Did the Stooges intermarry? It's like the royal families of Europe.

That's why they all have that chin. That Hapsburg chin, they all have that chin. They call it a Stooges palette. They have a slap face.

So some of these are going to be the order is important. Like that last one is not as important, but this first puzzle is five items and the order matters.

Okay. Okay. These are awesome.

The first clue is quake. The second is ball. The third is storm. Fourth is fall. Fifth is break.

Got it. This is the captain planet. This is earthquake. Fireball. What was the next one? Heartbreak. Heartbreak.

Storm and fall.

Yeah. So these are Captain Planet... Wind. Planeteers. Wind fall. What's the storm? Rain. Sorry, there was a crossover. I don't remember. This is like mid-90s. Storm from the X-Men actually joined the Planeteers. Yeah. And she was wrecking house. That little toxic pig guy, dead.

Adal, I cannot believe how quickly you got that. Yes, earth, fire, wind, water, heart. Each of these clues is the second half of a common compound word that begins with the element name. That's crazy.

And it's also very sad, we should say, it's very sad that heart and the other one passed away and now it's just earth, wind, and fire.

I think they're still doing their best.

They're doing great.

When I saw Quake, I assumed it was a clue about a game that JPC fell off a treadmill playing.

Oh, I got this. I made the Doomguy scream and I fill out my treadmill.

And I should say when Earth, Wind, and Fire combine, their powers summon parents to the dance floor at a wedding.

Yeah, baby. Okay, so puzzle two. These are eight items and then the order. Jesus. It kind of matters. Near, far, wherever you are.

Okay.

Up above the world so high, under a horse, at a saint's annual parade, in the sky, parentheses, rarely, at the end of the rainbow, beneath the emerald city, and floating in the summer sky.

Holy shit.

Oh, near far where you are is like Celine Dion, Titanic.

What's the name of that song?

It's not Titanic by some of the odds. My heart will go on. My heart will go on. So this is the planet Tiers plus, so heart, earth is under the rainbow.

And then what's the next, the next one is?

Up above the world so high.

Twinkle twinkle little star. Yep, so a star.

Art star. Oh these are Lucky Charms. Heart star horseshoe under a horse horseshoe. At a St. 's annual parade is a clover, probably, St. Patrick's. At the end of a rainbow would be a pot of gold. Beneath the emerald city would be slippers, ruby slippers, is that for lucky terms? Rainbows over the rainbow. And then floating in the summer sky would be a moon.

No, red balloons.

A red balloon. Oh, aren't there moons in lucky stars? Yeah, that's blue moon, that's five.

In the night sky.

Rarely is the moon. Oh, I see. I missed that one. Okay. I was trying to do like heart stars and rainbows in me red balloons, but I just went right to the end.

Heart stars and rainbows in me red balloons.

Erin, this isn't so much a scene, but just a request. Sure. Do you mind singing the Lucky Charms song in the stylings of Celine Dion? Just a snippet.

Do I know? Okay, yeah. On a golden rainbow.

Okay, our budget's blown. Our budget's blown.

Well, we hold him $80,000. That was like five seconds.

We should for the first time, we should take video from this podcast and just do that and then have a caption contest for people writing what they hear. It's like a Rorschach test, but audio.

I do want to see a real scene. JBC, Ian, and Erin, the three of you are sort of ad executives for, I want to say post? I have no idea. Well, Lucky Charms, parent company, And the three of you have been tasked with coming up with for the new generation for 2023, we need to refresh these outdated marshmallows. So you're coming up with what the new marshmallow should be.

Nobody's playing with horseshoes anymore. All right. We got to get them out of there. We got to replace it with something the kids can relate to.

Yeah, but boss, we can't be all cell phone marshmallows in there. It's a little depressing.

OK, but we definitely so we got cell phone on the board. All right. Now we need to beat cell phone.

Cell phone is definitely first. Now, I also gotta say, I think we gotta take Rainbow out. I mean, Rainbow's just too hot bad. We're getting all conservatives unloading AK-47s into Lucky Charms boxes because we have Rainbows in there. It's just too much.

Or, or, taking your idea, what if we exclusively pivot to selling marshmallow shapes that outrage conservatives so they buy Lucky Charms to destroy those Lucky Charms? Holy shit.

Okay, well now finally our Hunter Biden marshmallow makes sense on the board.

We wrote that up there three weeks ago thinking we have an answer and the question will make itself clear at some point.

This is perfect. I think we move everything from the questionable that could commit this is maybe too political to hot button into that that's definitely going in and we get the guy who's waiting right outside to just come in and record the new jingle right now.

Great. Come on in.

Hey, it's me Post Malone. We rolling? Here we go.

Yep. Go Post. Go Post. Cell phones, how to buy it in on a Tuesday. Marshmello. We got in one.

Riz, no, Riz Berries, Riz Berries.

Nice that drip. Drink that drip, milk. Post, is there any way you can work transgender bud light into the lyrics at any point? Back to one, let's take it from the top.

General Mills is the company.

General Mills.

Now Adal, all of our listeners know that you can definitely do an M&M impression, but I think we're blown away that you actually have a spot on...

I said Post Malone and I go, I don't know what he sounds like. I think truly I think the way my brain worked is I was like serial singer. Post is a serial company.

Yeah, and I was like Post Malone. He's the perfect candidate.

Everyone says he's the biggest sweetheart on the planet. Post Malone is. He's always smiling I will say.

Good to know.

There you go.

Also Karl Malone in the post.

Bye. Okay. Next puzzle. I think you're going to like that.

Ian on Jeopardy getting the, who's the biggest sweetie question to be asked.

I know this. Just very quickly, to keep Ian honest to us, very, very quickly. Ian, basketball for 1,000. Yeah. The question is, this, I don't know, a basketball player moved to the US at the age of 47, I want to say, to play for the Portland Trailblazers.

I wish.

Oh, her Venus above us. Her Venus above us.

It's her Venus above us. He was 47 years old and he had the knees of a much older man.

It truly is astounding how old the Trailblazers have always been. Sorry, Erin. Next one.

No, this is okay. This one's good. All right. It's four items. The Last Supper, the Creation of Adam, the Feast of Herod, and the Transfiguration.

Is transfiguration the blood of Christ thing? Okay.

And Ian, I gotta ask, how does it feel to be Jewish for this one? Can't feel too great.

It feels safe. It feels so great. So the last supper, that's Passover baby.

I think that's over without the horn. The Last Supper's a painting by... Do we know who painted that?

Well, a lot of people, but Leonardo da Vinci was one of them.

And then I think now that you have that, you'll be able to suss out where we're going with this.

The Da Vinci creation of Adam was Michelangelo. Michelangelo.

Yeah, you got it.

And we should say the creation of Adam was cool but rude.

Yeah.

Do you want to see a scene? Go ahead.

The creation of Adam was painted by Bebop.

It was dropped in ooze. I do want to see a scene. The four of us are the turtles. I call Donatello. Go ahead and call your turtle.

I'll be Donatello as well.

I'll also be Donatello. I will be April O'Neil. So this worked out perfectly. I should have never asked for input. Art bike committee, everyone. Art bike committee. So Ian, you are April O'Neill. The other three of us are Donatellos. And this is a weird sort of storyline where April is trying to get the turtles to accept Jesus.

Hey April.

You haven't been down in the sewer in a while. What have you been up to? Well, you know that I usually cover the news. But for once, I actually had an opportunity to hear the news. The good news that is.

Oh, like a more public TV station? I don't understand.

Well... No, good news. Hearing the good news. Are you talking about the good news of how we built an automatic pizza-making machine?

Well, it's something like an automatic pizza-making machine. But what if instead of making pizzas, it forgave everyone their sins, and instead of a machine, it was a man who was God?

Okay Donatello, start backing up slowly.

Okay, okay. Here we go. What if I told you that there was a pizza covered in not pepperoni, meat sauce, and cheese, but in forgiveness, love, and eternal life in the kingdom of heaven? How many slices would you want? I don't know guys, that sounds actually kind of good.

April, you're not wearing- Donatello, what are you doing? Walks towards April. April, you're not wearing your typical yellow jumpsuit that stinks like absolute shit.

You're wearing white? That's right, because I've been born again in the love of Jesus Christ. He's like Shredder, but the opposite.

I would have done that too because I'm also Donatello.

I've been so distracted by living in the light of Jesus Christ the Savior that I haven't noticed why are there three Donatellos? I cloned myself.

Something bad happened to you. Wait, wait, April. If there's three Donatellos, that means we only have one soul between the three of us. Can all three of us get saved?

That's right. Well, technically, much like Jesus, much like God, you are each a part of the er Donatello.

I love the initiation.

You know how I usually cover the news?

Well I heard the news.

That's brilliant.

Um, okay, we're gonna do another one.

Yes. I also do like how Jesus is the anti-shredder, not just a one-to-one for, or, uh, yeah, super, super shredder, not a one-to-one for, um, oh, uh, splinter, which is just like...

I will say it just popped into my head. I despise all religion. I would absolutely convert to, if Jesus sounded like, if Jesus sounded like Krang, all in. All in.

And if Jesus rode around in a giant God suit, that looked like an 80s pro wrestler in the tummy.

All right, seven items.

Erin, these are also great. This is the best riddles we've had in two years.

Ian, I was trying to impress you, just to be honest, and I've sourced some of the best riddles I've ever sourced.

Well, in the interest of you continuing to get really good riddles by denying you my affection and being impressed, I'm going to say I'm not impressed at all.

That'll only make me better, thank you. Right, exactly.

You're welcome. You're welcome.

I'm trying to do the math here.

Unbaked goods, a devilish sea creature, a shortened mile, falls first half, before you reap, orders partner, a golfer's starting point, and unbaked goods.

This is a sound of music ass one. This is a sound of music ass one.

This is a sound of music ass one.

All along I went to run. The first half of the fall.

Yeah, the first half of the fall. So, before you reap, la. Wait. Order to order. What?

What? A devilish sea creature, a deer? A ray. A ray. Okay. Okay. A ray. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Thank you so much.

A deer? Honestly, if I see a deer swimming around in an ocean, I'm going to be like, the devil. The devil's doing something.

Completely dry.

I can't breathe underwater with red eyes.

That does sound like one of the nicknames for the devil from like the year 600. Like, the deer who swims. The Morning Star. I see a deer that swims.

I'm going right to my, what is it? Amphibian Haters Group on Reddit? And being like, you look like I believe this shit.

There's a third member, folks.

Tea. Okay. This is very good. Very, very good.

All right. This one is nine items.

Okay.

Pretty cool. Here it is in the chat. A sprinter, a ballerina, a frolicor, a stone-cold fox, fox, a celestial body, a matchmaker, a cannibal, a linebacker, an odd one out.

Got it. I got it. I got it. You got it?

Man, these are so fucking hard. I have no idea here.

This is Dasher Dancer. Frolicer, Prancer, Prancer, thank you so much. Stone Cold Fox would be Fuckable.

No, Vixen. They renamed Fuckable. In 2019 they renamed Fuckable to Vixen.

Post Malone saying the new version, we all know it's Fuckable. Celestial Body would be Cloud.

Thank you so much.

A matchmaker would be... Cupid. Cupid, thank you so much. A cannibal would be... Dahmer. The Donner Party. The Donner Party. A linebacker would be, uh, this would be John Lynch. Blitzen.

Blitzen.

Blitzen. An odd one out would be Rudolph.

Mm-hmm. Wow. That mom's favorite is Rainier Mom. You got it.

And Celine Dion sing this.

I don't know.

I don't know. Email us at H.R.R.Podcast.com to let us know what words you heard. I always think she sounds like Elmo in that first part where she's like, Right, anybody watch Sesame Street with Elmo? I can't get on board with that. He ran real close and he ran away. Sesame Street with Elmo.

Okay, so what am I talking about? What am I doing? Who am I? I just blacked in and I'm on a Riddle podcast. Let's do maybe one more.

Yeah. Yes.

Okay. Yeah, that's great. Yeah. All right. This one is 10 items. Treason, forgery, slander, violating blue laws. Juvenile, incorrigibility, homicide, infidelity, larceny, perjury, criminal intent.

These are all the, all the law and orders. Oh, they're the sense where this ends.

Right?

Well, no, because it's 10, right? Well, in a way. This is the seven deadly sins plus three really fucking bad ones.

Leaving someone on red as a new sin.

What else? Ten commandments?

Ten commandments. Ten commandments. I like your answer better Adal of they're all the different law and orders.

The law and order. The tree's the law and order. The forgery. Thank you for going with an Old Testament one right after the Christmas themed one. I feel safe. I feel welcome. I feel supportive.

You guys got that way faster than I thought, so let's do another one.

Wait, which one of these is worshiping false idols?

That would be slander? No, that would be... Terminal intent?

Is that one of the Ten Commandments? What are blue laws?

Is that the father and mother?

I don't know what... Maybe the blue laws... When I hear blue laws, I think like thin blue line, but I'm like, that's not what that is. What are the blue ones?

I don't know. Someone will have to Google that for us.

Someone else, not one of the three of us, four of us, we're not Googling it.

Okay. Seven items. And I forgot to put them in the chat again.

These gotta be the deadly sins I'm calling it.

These have to be the deadly sins.

The prescriber, ambient, Zoloft, Xanax, Claritin, cannabis, life.

The prescriber. Post Malone's new portrayal ideas.

Yes.

Okay, so the prescriber would be... Oh, sleep.

These are all the seven dwarves. Doc. Sleepy. Doc's sleepy, happy, depression. Okay. Sneasy. Wheezy. Cannabis would be hungry.

Yeah, so Doc is writing prescriptions, sleepy insomnia, grumpy depression, bashful anxiety, sneezy allergies, dopey wants dope, and happy high on life.

Wow. Very cool. Wow.

You got these way faster than I thought.

Erin, if I can reveal my little secret and show the old man behind the curtain. Oh, I'm always old. The number gives it away every time.

Maybe not this one.

Uh oh.

Seven of them said it's easy.

Ah, damn it. Okay, let me read these. American drugs, Russian drugs, money, anger, God, practice.

American drugs, Russian drugs, money, anger, God, practice. This is six. Six.

Six clues.

Six highly effective habits. American drugs, Russian drugs. So what's the difference between American drugs and Russian drugs?

Oh, these are the six people you meet in heaven. Maybe you.

In Russia, drugs smoke you. That's a reference to when I was a child, there was a comedian named... Yakov Smirnov. Yakov Smirnov.

What are American drugs? American drugs and American drugs.

This one might be my favorite in terms of the clues, like how they chose these clues.

Money, anger, God practice.

Russian drugs. Boy, oh boy.

I don't know what any of these is leading me towards.

So I would say the list, like the American drugs, Russian drugs, is like the cause. Like they caused something to happen. American drugs caused one. Russian drugs caused one. Money caused one. Anger got in practice. These made something.

Revolutions, black market. This one might be one of the best.

Practice makes perfect.

No. The fuck? It's a specific IP that we're going for here.

A specific IP? Practice what you preach?

No, it's like an IP. So it's like a franchise. Are these the Fast and the Furious movies? No, I wish. I just watched all of those in order for the first time and there. The best.

They're so good.

They're so good. They give Vin Diesel with a tank top to their wedding dress. Everyone always has one detail from the movies that just sort of haunts them forever. And I love that that's yours. You've got a formal tank top. Anyway, yeah. Everyone literally has one thing where they're like, the Michelle Rodriguez character, the photo they used for her original funeral, because no one dies in the Fast and Furious franchise, she's in the background of her funeral photo. She's not even the foreground of her four funeral photo.

It's insane. Bill Butts, we just covered a band by a band called Look Mexico and they formed in like 2006 and all of their, I think they have like four albums, but all of their song titles are just Vin Diesel quotes because in 2006, this guy like thought Vin Diesel was awesome and now he's lived like a long career. So he has tons of pull quotes to to work off of. I thought that was a very fun little quirk.

What band was that?

It's called Look Mexico. It's like a math rock band. They're good.

So American drugs cause this. Is this like a Woodstock? American drugs caused boy oh boy.

I think that Russian drugs is helpful.

Okay, mass incarceration, the fall of the Berlin Wall. These are characters. Characters? Russian drugs.

These things caused characters to have some sort of change that happens in them that make them. Oh, are these Marvel? Yes. Yeah. Captain America. The original MCU Avengers. Yes. Yes.

Captain America. Captain America's American Drugs. Scarlet Widow.

Black Widow.

Money would be Iron Man. Anger would be Hulk. God would be Thor. Practice would be Hawkeye.

Ooh, practice is the worst. Isn't that so funny? Practice. 1520 Visions. I just want to say thank you so much Mark for these riddles. I know that there are more and I'm definitely going to use these again.

I want to see one final scene. Ian, you are Norse god Thor. Erin, you are the Incredible Hulk. You're in the Incredible Hulk form at the moment. JPC, you are Hawkeye. Thor and Hulk, you're trying to like really... Hawkeye's thinking about quitting. He has imposter syndrome and you two are trying to sort of pump him up.

Knock, knock. Can we come in? I brought the left saw.

Guys, please. It's like I I'd really just rather not like my decisions kind of final and I I'm I think I'm I think I'm done No, I'm just gonna come over here and sit on the end of your bed.

No There are so many situations where someone who can shoot an arrow really could be really useful why can't

I don't know. We were out in the field the other day and Black Widow just had like guns and was doing like killing way more bad guys than me and it was I was it was going super slow.

Yeah, your kill count is way less than ours, but you're like a fun little pet we have around. Your personality higher, huh Guy? Come on!

Come on!

Yeah, I think you need to lean into that. Like, sort of, you know, embrace the fact that you're not good at shooting, at fighting, or, you know, convincing bad guys not to be bad.

You don't have a distinctive costume. You're sort of forgettable. You're no one's favorite.

This is not helping. And also, guys, I'm the only one that I think has, like, a wife and kids. Like, it doesn't, I should go, I should spend more time with him.

A door gets kicked open and there's a bad guy at the door. Nobody move. Nobody move.

Oh no, there's a bad guy right there. Oh, I hope our friend has his arrows ready to shoot him.

He looks like the kind of guy that can only be defeated by arrows.

I am Applehead, and my one power by the apple on the top of my head infuses me. Is the guy on the right?

Tony, I know it's you. I know it's you. You're wearing an apple on top of an Iron Man suit, okay? I know it's you. Look, I appreciate it guys, but this is not... I don't need to kill a guy who has an Applehead. That's not what I need right now.

Okay, who William told? Well, back in my Bentley, I'm going to the Hamptons.

Well, we did it. You made it through all the riddles. You were great. Fantastic guest. Please come back anytime.

I would love to. This was so much fun. Thank you for having me.

Ian, where else can people check you out or even where else can they find your show?

I'm going to be, you can listen to all fantasy, everything, everywhere podcasts are sold. When does this come out?

This is coming out, I think the second week of October.

Fantastic. Follow me on social media, at Ian Karmel on all those platforms. I'll be in Vancouver, BC doing stand up at the end of November. I'll be in Austin, Texas doing stand up at the Vulcan Gas Company, October 8th and 9th. I'm in LA doing stand up November 1st at the Dynasty Typewriter. I love that space.

That's awesome. Adal, anything to plug?

I want to see my plug if Ian can tell me in 10 to 15 seconds who the Trailblazers should trade Dame Lillard for.

Ooh. I mean, listen, there's no good answer for that. I think we got to get halfway into the season and see which teams are outperforming their expectations. Okay. Ideally, that'll be the Brooklynettes, perhaps Utah Jazz, somebody with draft assets and not Tyler Hero. Okay. Thank you so much. Erin, anything to plug or promote?

No, I had the same thing. I had the exact same question, so ask and answer. Um, JPC, could you read a review from the show first, please?

Thank God, because I'm also Donatello and I also have the exact same question. So I'll just skip to reading a review. If you want to get a five-star review featured on the show, just leave us a five-star review. I might pick yours. Hey, today I picked Chili Cheese Fritos. They say, I play rain noises every night to sleep out. I first found out about this podcast after I listened to Flight Risk featuring Hey Riddle Riddle on Dungeons and Daddies. I started with the Clue Crew free trial and three days later upgraded to Review Crew. Okay, that's the kind of action we like to see. Also love all of Arnie's themes. I think he's so much Chili Cheese Fritos.

Uh, very nice. Thank you so much for that review. Um, Erin, I don't- One of the little Fritos, by the way. Sorry to interrupt. Oh no.

You hear how to walk in Taco?

Uh, Erin, I don't know if you know this. Um, Thor's hammer actually has a really cool name. It's, uh, you know, Thor's obviously lives in the skies and in heaven. So, uh, do you know the name of Thor's hammer?

Jupiter?

Bye forever. Created by Adal Rifai. Starting, Erin Keif. Ian, you really undersold your skills. I was surprised as well. You were knocking them out.

I kind of blacked out. I will not remember this. That was a Headgum podcast.