Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum podcast. Hi Adal and JPC. How you doing?

Good. Erin, you look so professional today. Is this sort of serious situation?

I decided that we're all going to be healthy. I don't think I've seen any of us eat any vitamin C or fruit for the last three years. I made everyone smoothies so we won't get scurvy.

I'm literally poaching a Cadbury egg right now. Can we punt? Can we punt on this?

And I just drank a big glass of graduation.

Okay, no, I think that we should take control of our health. I made you guys smoothies. Let's drink the smoothies.

Woah, Erin's doing the splits while drinking her smoothie. Erin, you really are healthy.

I know, I'm healthy now. JBC?

Mine's not poison, I don't want it.

Okay.

Oh wait, here comes the train. Choo-choo, here comes the smoothie.

Damn fucking God train.

You know what, forget it, I give up. Let's go back to our old ways, throw smoothies in the trash, throw trash outside. All right, what do you guys want to do instead?

Split the flat shirt, not in that order. Erin, why don't we just, I don't know, why don't we sit on the fucking couch, turn on the boob tube, and record an episode while watching TV?

Sounds good.

Just like a nice comfy episode. You know, like a ripped pair of jeans you wear in gym class when you don't want to change.

In case you edit an episode of TV in the background of this entire episode, we can absolutely fucking unlistenable.

You can pick whatever one you want though, Casey.

Speaking of the show usually being unlistenable, today's an exception because we have a guest. We have a guest on the show. Everyone liked that same way. Well, good guest.

We should say a good guest. I'm sorry, it's a good guest. Yes. We should clarify. You might know him from Broad City. You might know him from Veep. You might know him, maybe my favorite podcast character of all time, Bob Duca, Mr. Seth Morris. Thank you so much for being here.

It's a lot of responsibility to make me make it listenable.

Yeah. Sorry.

I'll do the best I can.

Yes, nods head. Seth, thank you so much for being on. We do ask all of our guests, good and bad, what is your relationship with Riddles? Do you like them? Do you like escape rooms, crosswords? What do you think? What do you got?

You know, that's funny. Okay, so I like crosswords. I'm a pretty good Monday, Tuesday, maybe Wednesday New York Times crossword puzzle person. After that, it's too much. But I do, I really like, I want to get good at that crosswords to the point where I'm like, there must be a class or a book or something to, I like learning the tricks. I went to my first escape room last weekend.

Good timing.

And my wife and I went, she had been to one other one before and it was so fucking hard. It was like, I sort of knew what to expect but I sort of did like they just threw you right into it you know and this theme was some sort of post-apocalyptic thing and there was this really sweet guy And a theater nerd guy who was in character the whole time as like a, you know, he kept going, survivors, survivors, we've got to find the map. And it took me a while to realize we were looking for a map, but I didn't realize that was the ultimate goal. I thought, okay, that's, there's a map involved in some of this. And we were so bad at it. We're so bad. And he just kept, he just kept going, survivors, this, those numbers must mean something. And we're like, well, yeah, we know, but what the fuck? Who doesn't mean?

Would you shut up? I'm trying to escape.

Was it you and your wife?

It was just us. It was just us. Yeah. And now that I've done it, I've realized like, Oh, okay. I sort of see how this worked, but I had no, at what point it got to, there were these little blips on a screen and he goes, could that be Morris code? And we're like, Morris code?

What?

And it ended up being fun because we were so bad at it. But at different points, my wife and I both were kind of like, well, this is fucking dumb. I can't do this. And then the guy was very sweet afterwards. It was like, you guys didn't do nearly as bad as you thought. We finished. I think he kind of helped us finish. It was I could see if there was one that was like doubt kind of a baby one baby step before this I could see kind of getting into it and then as far as riddles I don't know it's riddles is one of those things I'd never think about really until they come up and you know I can't remember the last what it makes me think of is those things when you're a kid and like You know, he's in a round room and he sneezed in the corner. How could this be? His mom was the doctor, whatever that is. So I don't have a super strong relationship with Riddles, but I do kind of like, you know, I kind of like some sort of thought experiment stuff.

That's the correct answer. Yeah, I think we all hate riddles here. I think we're back to hating riddles. Yeah, for sure, for sure.

I have to ask, because I'm fascinated by your escape room experience, did... Did you intentionally, were you like looking for like a date night thing and you're like, oh, let's give this a try? Or had you heard about this and you were like, we want to do it just the two of us?

We were looking for a date night thing and I've, well, I originally surprised her and I said, let's, you know, we're going to go on this date night, we're going to do a surprise. And she's really smart and likes card games and that kind of thing. And I thought, oh, she might, she might be good at, we might actually be good at this because You know, we can kind of, it's not, I don't know, we try to figure out if you've done it on TV or whatever. And I showed up, we showed up to the wrong night. I was like a week early the first time.

That's the first test. The first test of an escape room is getting there on the right day.

Just getting there on the right day and time.

Having the mental prowess too.

And so then we were like, okay, well we got two weeks in a row. We got a date night. And then she was kind of nervous. She was really nervous about the actor part. She was like, oh, it's going to be so uncomfortable. Everybody was fine. I thought it was kind of out of left field for us, so I thought it would be a fun little thing to shake things up. She doesn't know this. The next date night I want to do is I heard about this. There's a place in downtown LA that's like a rage cage, like a place where you can go and just smash it.

Okay, that sounds awesome.

So that's going to be the next surprise.

Is it just a Crate and Barrel downtown?

It's somewhere downtown.

Who knows?

That sounds like an awesome experience, and it sounds like an experience that I would absolutely want to be, like, make sure I'm wearing the right shoes for. Oh, yeah. Because I could, like, wear some, like, fuck around sandals and be like, I can't.

Shoving flip-flops?

Yeah. Yeah, I'm, like, pushing, like, a desk over on its side, and I'm like, this is the most I can do in these shoes.

Well, shoes I want to know, what should I wear for these surprise dates? In this one, I'm going to be, like, dressed super casual and need to bring some boots for a certain part.

Cover your ankles. Yeah. My crocs are bleeding. Oh, that's my tooth. Uh, well Seth, we'll go ahead and get into some riddles for you. These are, I guess, for the most part what we do is like lateral thinking problems, which is pretty much what you described when you said there's a round room and a boy sneezes in the corner. Uh, which I'm dying to know the answer for that one.

Yeah, can't wait to find out that.

At some point we must. So, um, riddles are frustrating, riddles are bad. So let's get into them, we'll waste no more time. And we'll try and solve the first one. These will be some sort of, we'll call them warm-up riddles, but that doesn't mean they're easy. In what month do Americans drink the least amount of beer? In what month do Americans drink the least amount of beer?

No, them beer.

Wow, Erin. Erin's going for a pun here, and that for a warm-up riddle could be very likely.

Well, it's got to be something like that, right? They're not looking for the real answer, are they? It's not just a quit. It's a riddle.

Yeah, I think this might be the real answer, but I don't know if there's any way of knowing, but this makes sense. January.

Yeah, also just says February because it's the shortest month. It is February, or February.

It has the least number of days. Oh, that's a good one.

Okay. But honestly, yeah, I think that makes sense, but what Erin said makes more sense because I do think a lot of people do like a dry January, right? Like that's a thing.

I thought it was a sex thing.

No. You can do it wrong.

Well, I owe Gemma an apology.

I think, I think, I like the, I think the February one. I feel like it's some sort of smart ass answer like that of like, they're she or they, so they're drinking.

So you get riddles. It's some smart ass at his typewriter. Yeah. That's a riddle.

They're just smug questions. Yeah. Here's the next one. What came first, the chicken or the egg? Obviously a question is all this time, but this clever little boy has an answer.

This is famously the one that there's no right answer to, right?

Well, this book makes me different.

Chicken. It comes first because it's in the dictionary.

It comes before egg. Wow. Oh, that's really good. Erin, a hundred percent that is correct. That's not the answer I have here. So unfortunately... Fuck you.

That's right. I rule. That was good. Whatever.

The answer I have here is egg and it's no explanation. Sorry, Erin.

I would scream. Huh.

So this one's a little frustrating. I'll go ahead and give the answer and the reasoning here. It does say the answer is the egg because dinosaurs were laying eggs millions of years before the first chicken evolved.

Ew. Boo.

But chickens are dinosaurs. They're just in it from the dinosaur, the noble dinosaur.

Oh, I'm going to see. Interesting. I do want to see a scene. Erin, you're going to be a dinosaur. You are obviously some sort of large-scaly monster. Seth, we're going to have you be a chicken, like a modern-day chicken. And Erin, you're just kind of confused as to what you're missing or what's going on that you have not gotten this smaller feathery.

Hey little guy, actually this party's dinosaurs only.

Are you lost? No, no, I'm only gonna be here for a second. I'm from the future. I don't know if you saw these wraparound sunglasses. But I'm from the future. I'll make this quick because I don't want to disturb things too much. There's this fucking really dumb riddle in the future about what came first, the chicken or the egg. I'm just wondering if you guys could... I don't have any money, man.

I don't have any money I can... No, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm not asking for it. Wait, you know what money is?

Yeah, dinosaurs. How do you think you buy and sell good?

Oh, shit. Oh, I didn't realize you had an apron. Are you like a merchant dinosaur?

Yeah. Did you think that we were all just running around eating each other in a completely uncivilized way?

You know what? I did. I need to check my bias. I actually... Wow. Do you think you could just do me a solid? Because we are related. Could you hide all of your eggs? Not kill your babies, but your eggs, your eggshells, because I want to just sort of settle it. It's an annoying thing for chickens in the future. And another one, which maybe you're not going to appreciate, is why did we cross the road? Why? Nobody, it's just to get to the other side. It's just like, why would you cross because you wanted to?

We're related.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Look at my, look at my legs.

Through marriage or?

No, no, no, no. You guys are going to pull. You're all going to die. What? Yeah.

We see, we see the years on the side of his sunglasses start to tick forward and suddenly he's in 1865. Oh, wait. Are you?

Are you Ben Franklin? No, no, no, you're not Ben Franklin. Sorry.

He's dead.

Oh, yeah, yeah, he's dead.

Seen. Who was alive in 1865?

Eli Whitney? I don't know.

I'll Venmo $5 to anybody who can name someone who's alive in 1865. Jesse James? No. Doc Holiday? I'm gonna say Andrew Jackson.

Wow. Fuck! Yeah, we're bad.

1865, yeah.

Because Lincoln was dead by 1865, right? Oh, I wanna say Jane Austen.

Let's see.

That's all the Wild West folks.

Andrew Johnson.

Andrew Johnson. I met Andrew Johnson because is Andrew Johnson the president after Lincoln?

Yeah. Yeah.

That guy needed to be more memorable. Sorry, dude.

I mean, yeah, that's a tough, tough act to follow.

He looks very stern. He looks very sad. Andrew Johnson.

I feel like all those guys were super depressed back in the day.

Yeah. Very hawkish, hawkish features. Yeah. Those gentlemen. Seth, this isn't a riddle, but do you have a favorite president? God.

Yeah. Amen. Number one. Yeah.

I don't know. I don't know. I mean, I think of like Lincoln and I thought Obama was pretty great. I don't know. I did a report on William McKinley when I was a kid and he was kind of an asshole. In retrospect, I realized like, Oh, he, cause he, I think he, he really pushed manifest destiny and kind of pushed expanding the American empire into, I think it was the Philippines and stuff like that.

Did this as a kid? I didn't know.

I realized later, you know, as a kid, you're just sort of like, Oh, all presidents are good. There's no way they could be bad. I don't know that I do have a favorite.

I do have an answer for this question and it's my favorite president. They're all bad, but Warren G. Harding was like the horniest president we've ever had in the world. Was he the big one? The big giant guy? No, that may have been Taft. Warren Harding was, I think he was like in the 20s, but he would write like pornographic like love letters to the people he was having affairs with in the White House. I think he even may have had an affair with like an underage person too. This is why he's president. Yeah, it's not fun. It's not fun. But if you ever have a chance to read some of his like published, I don't know where they're published. I'm assuming they're published letters that Warren G. Harding wrote. They're like disgusting.

I don't want my president to be horny. At all.

Ever. Yeah. We shouldn't have a horny president.

But I think those guys are such megalomaniacs that I think they all are. Like when Clinton got, people were so disgusted that he had sex in the Oval Office in the White House, I think he knew a lot about presidential history and was probably like, you know how many people have fucked in this room? Like, it's what we do.

He looked behind him and he's like, me? Look at all these guys behind me. They were all fucking like crazy back then.

You're not going to like this horny little fact, but I think it was Lyndon B. Johnson. His nickname for his penis was Jumbo, and he would he would call. There's recordings of him calling his tailor to let out his pants in the crotch. No, it's pretty disgusting. You find those recordings.

I think we should just burn this whole country down.

And another thing Lyndon Johnson did is he had special. He had them redo the shower in the The residents to basically shoot water up his ass so he cleaned his asshole up. A bidet to you, sir. A bidet in the shower. A shower bidet.

There's not enough soap to clean the White House. To make it feel actually clean again.

You're the president after Johnson and you're the first one to take a shower, the residents are like, what the fuck?

Did you know the White House is like, it's Not, I won't say barely usable, but it's so old that there's very distant talk of like moving it because they're trying to do so much in this ancient place that things keep breaking down and shutting down and it really doesn't quite make sense to try to run the most powerful nation in the world from this hundreds of year old building that's really not that big, you know?

Well, if they didn't put it somewhere else in DC, what's your pitch for the new Capitol?

Where does it go? Can't be in DC.

I read this book about it's like a climate fiction about the future and they end up putting the White House in Ohio, in Cleveland, because it's far enough away from the coasts that it's not going to get flooded. And in terms of natural disasters, it's like it's safer and there's a water supply there.

Let me guess, the author is from Cleveland.

He's from Ohio.

He's from Ohio.

Drew Carey. Yeah, it's Drew Carey. I think the new White House should be the Yellowstone Ranch. We're going to go on to another riddle here. What orchestral device is not blown, bowed, plucked, or struck?

The baton.

Oh yeah. Yes, Erin. The baton.

Is that what it's called? That's a baton? Is that what the conductor has? Yeah. What did you think?

You think it was a wand?

I thought it was a wand.

Wow.

Am I crazy?

Yeah.

Yeah.

What's or what wizards have? I guess I'll go back to eating my shoes. Well, hold on. Now we have to see JBC... I gotta say this in a normal voice. You're a wizard. And you're conducting Seth and Erin and myself.

Okay. Let's get this right this time. And a one and a two and a... I'm a frog.

I'm a frog now.

I was gonna say the same thing.

We're all frogs. Hey, buddy. Yes.

Come on. Yeah. Yeah. Can you please can you just use the old conductors baton and not your wand?

Yeah, I could if I didn't want to turn all three of you into frogs because I'm trying to recreate the Budweiser commercial. It would suck if I had three humans doing a Budweiser.

Wait, are you a sponsored wizard?

Look, don't give me shit. It's hard out here for people like me, okay? It's hard for you. First of all, I play oboe.

I play an upright bass. I can't even play weddings. This is like, this is my, if I'm lucky to get this job. Fine.

Yeah, are you guys hunted for your pelts? Are you?

Are you?

No, but I mean... Oh.

Come on. Speculating here? Geez, okay. Are you... Do you live in mud like a turtle?

I mean... Alright, let's stop guessing. Let's stop guessing. Guessing is just gonna hurt people when they have to give answers that they don't like to hear. You know what? Fine. If you guys want me to transport you back to your boring life as, you know, doing concert music or whatever.

I can sound like we're the problem. Yes, we want you to transport us back to our life.

Oh, so I'm a kidnapper now? I'm some kidnapper.

You're wearing a Budweiser pin. You turned us into frogs. You're a real asshole, man. Just come on.

Switch us back. The worst part is this is on spec. Budweiser won't return my calls. I just think that if we could do this, they would really like it, you know? You guys think it's a good idea though, right? Like, okay, aside from the fact that I kidnapped you, I took you from your concert, you like the idea though, right? This is sad.

Can we see the idea that you're, I don't quite get it, that you're a wizard that Are you just trying to get free beer?

Man, I don't know. The prices of beer just keep going up and up and up.

I don't want to, I don't want to pour salt on the wound, but I think the newest campaign, and this was probably five years ago, was like Dilly Dilly. Does that make sense? What? What does that mean? Dilly Dilly? Nobody knows, but it was like a thing maybe like five or six years ago, so they're not, they're past the frogs. Five or six years ago? So what, they were doing that in what, like 89? Yeah, yeah, Eddy died. Max with Max Headroom.

Was Budweiser the ones who did the twins one?

That was... And twins. And twins. That was like Micolobe or something.

I could not have been Micolobe. It surely was not Micolobe. Burritosat3am and twins. You know what? That's the shitty part about that commercial is that I don't know what beer it was for. I know it was for a beer.

Coors Light. Wow.

I don't remember that at all. And twins.

That was, I think that, when did those air, Erin, do you know? Was that in the 2000s?

Yeah. That must have been like really?

I thought it was like mid 90s. Mid 90s?

I don't know. Maybe it was, maybe it was. I don't know.

It was basically a song, Target demographic was just like the most basic sort of Al Bundy, Tim Allen home improvement man. So it was like this song that was like, I love chopping down wood, hanging with my bros. And then they'd say and twins and show like two super busty blondes who are twins. And then they described something else like working on my cars, drinking in bars and twins. So they just kept Obviously dancing around the twins over and over.

And imprinted on my memory.

Yeah, it was like a it was like a horny doublemint gum ad.

Yeah, yeah. You're saying the doublemint gum ads weren't horny? It was a more horny doublemint gum ad. Honestly, the Klondike bar commercials were probably the horniest. Clem Walton's father is older than his grandfather. How is this possible? Say it again. His father Clem Walton's father is older than his grandfather. How is this possible?

Oh, no. Oh, is it like a grandfather by marriage? Is this like an adopted grandfather?

Is it a clock? I kind of want to hear more about... Hold on. Wait, Erin. No, hold on. This is an embarrassment of riches.

I'm going through a tunnel.

His father is older than his grandfather.

Clem Walton's father is older than his grandfather. Oh, because it's not his eternal grandfather. Ding, ding, ding. Seth, you little baby genius. Clem's father is older than Clem's maternal grandfather. Wow.

Get me into an escape room immediately so I can redeem myself.

Adal, you are being picked up from school, but your dad is much, much older than the other dads, played by Seth. And you're kind of embarrassed about how old your dad is.

Stagecoach. Up aboard, kiddo. All right. Do I have to pick up the shotgun or can I just say the word?

Nope. You got to make up the shotgun because we've got some valuables here.

Dad, I just don't- Hey, I'm sorry, are you- are you checking- Are you checking Adal out of school? Stick him up! Oh God! Oh! Oh Lord! Uh, I- I'm- I'm Glenn. I'm- I'm just checking everyone out of school. Um, I'm assuming you're Adal's great- Great great dad.

He's a great dad. World's best. I'm his father.

Oh. Okay. Mr. Budwiz. Everything's in working order.

Dad, don't. You know what? I don't even know. Can you just sign my clipboard? Just sign here and you can check Adal out. We just have to, you know, safety first.

I'll just have to leave my mark. I didn't get much book learning.

Mr. Bomboldero. Mr. Bomboldero. Yeah. I apologize. My dad... Have you ever seen an Encino man? My dad was sort of frozen in time, but he aged... I guess that's not frozen in time.

He was kind of in amber, but he aged. He already had a kid.

It's a whole... Let's go, boy. We gotta get this gold to the Wells Fargo in Kansas City by Tuesday. Yes, sir.

Oh, well he's got, he'll be coming back to school tomorrow for Tuesday, for school for, or on Tuesday.

I have to miss, I have to miss for eight months. We're dropping off golden and we're driving cattle. We're driving cattle back to, uh, Mr. Adal's dad.

You grab your one chalkboard that you're riding. Who is that?

I just wanted to ask on behalf of all the other kids.

I'm already married, sweetheart. I can't take it.

No, no. My question was, are you a ghost?

A ghost? Honey, I'm as real as a breeze through the prairie. I'm as solid as a buffalo's horn.

So, yes?

No, I'm not a ghost, but I do feel removed from these times. You know, when I was unfrozen from that amber and saved by that sexy anthropologist, my boy's mother, I was happy to be alive, but I do miss my old times. This modern world doesn't make any sense to me.

I can tell because Adal came to school with an abacus the other day instead of a calculator and we were all very confused.

Yeah, these newfangled things. I just don't have any reference for them. You know what kids- Except for TikTok.

I do like TikTok.

Dad's obsessed. Mostly restaurants.

I would love to come back and get into TikTok from the olden times.

Yeah, for sure.

Honestly, it'd be the first thing you're good at.

It'd be fascinating.

Yeah, it'd be fascinating. Well, speaking of fascinating, why don't we go ahead and, I don't know, TikTok on over to an ad? Does that make sense?

Yeah, sure. That sounds... Are you a ghost? TikTok to an ad.

I know what you're thinking. Do I have a new hat, Adal and JPC? New haircut? Why am I walking around with so much confidence?

I bet you're wondering. I wanted pretzels from the food court.

And I was just gonna let you know that it looks like you leaned on paint.

Anyways, I just had a bunch of subscriptions canceled for me by Rocket Money that I wasn't using. And so now I'm flushed with cash and now I'm competent. Pretzel money? Well, maybe we'll talk about that. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that binds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years, even before they were a sponsor.

Erin, it looks like you may have leaned on like with someone painting a rocket money like billboard or sign or something because it's all it's all down your back it's like and it's I could ock it ock it

People think they're spending $80 on their subscriptions when in reality, the number is closer to $200. And when you signed up for so many free trials, like streaming services, you watch one show and then you completely forget about it. You lose track and then all of a sudden you're like, why am I bleeding money? Rocket money? They take care of that for you. They go, sit back, relax. We got this. And they make everything color coded and easy and super intuitive.

You're also color-coded. A little birdie told me that Rocket Money also lets you monitor all your expenses in one place, recommends custom budgets based on your past spending, and they'll even send you notifications when you've reached your spending limits, which sounds like something my friend would like, but I forget which friend I'm so hungry for pretzels.

Speaking of pretzels, you don't get all twisted up by salty and the bread of your finances. With over 3 million users and counting, Rocket Money customers have saved an average of $720 a year.

Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and manage your money the easy way by going to rocketmoney.com slash riddle. That's rocketmoney.com slash riddle. Rocketmoney.com slash R-I-D-D-L-E.

Hey, what's going on? Somebody leaned over my rocket money paint thing. Run. Everybody run. Run.

Is that DaVinci?

Yeah.

Yes.

And bye. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

Heck, with my machete clear the overgrown grass. Oh, I've done it. I've found it. This ancient city of What a weird thing to say to Hey Adal. Oh, you know us, right? You're citizens of better help this town.

Yeah, better help is therapy that's entirely online. It's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. I've been using it for a long time. It works for the way that my brain works, and we're just here talking about it, celebrating it.

Yes, I am here too celebrating it. You all seem very happy. This seems like a happy bunch of folks. Hey man, why don't you lose the sword? Oh, it's a machete, not a sword. Yeah, you're right.

It's all good. Why don't I take that from you, huh? Yeah, we'll put this somewhere safe.

Okay, thank you. Thank you for that. I appreciate your better help.

Well, I'm not doing better help, but better help as therapy is actually pretty toned to a person like me because I want to learn positive coping skills, I want to learn how to set and enforce boundaries, and I want to check in with someone on my own schedule. I love online therapy for that specific reason.

Adal, if you wanted to try it, all you would have to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist, and you could switch therapists anytime for no additional charge.

Wow, you said fill out a stone tablet?

So there are some things that BetterHelp is not going to be qualified to help with Adal. This may be one of them. Maybe we get you to some other type of specialist.

Okay. Yeah, that makes sense. But it seems here like there are hieroglyphics that say, make your brain your friend with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash, or without a slash because I don't have my machete, BetterHelp.com slash Riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp. Let me uncover this moss. H-E-L-P dot com slash riddle.

BetterHelp.com slash riddle, huh?

And this is a perfect example of something that not you, Adal, but I would be sharing with my therapist. Okay, okay. Everyone gather out, gather out. As I finish dusting off the ancient structure. Boring. It says this podcast is sponsored by Squarespace.

Oh, well, that's actually interesting. Squarespace, I've heard of this. Yes, it's the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online, whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, right? Squarespace is what I hear makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience, and sell anything from products to content to time, all in one place, all in your terms.

Yes, that's what Squarespace is, but the question, what is it doing buried here? Yes, yes doctor, yes doctor.

Well, I think that they're pretty cool because they can host video content, organize your video library, and showcase your content on beautiful video pages and sell access to your videos on the member areas. It's super intuitive to use. That's probably why it's buried down here.

Yeah, and Dr. Dustoff, world-famous archaeologist, they even sell custom merch. So we could get some Dr. Dustoff merch going. You easily sell it, you create passive income, it engages your audience, scales your brand. Does that sound good?

Yes, yes, yes, we all know about Squarespace and its amazing features, like the Asset Library, where you can organize and access all your content from one place, where you can manage all your files from one central hub and use them across the Squarespace Platform. We know about the value of Squarespace, but the question is, what is it doing buried here?

Okay, Dr. Dustoff, we don't know. You're the archaeologist.

I'm sorry, what? You're- I drove! Oh! They call me Dr. Dustoff because when I get into a car accident, I make it kind of go away. I'm a smooth talker, I'm an easy walker, and I'm not bad looking either. Dr. Dustoff tips his fedora to the two of you.

He just gave his fedora $20. That's too much of a tip. And there's more when that came from a hat. Head to squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Dr. Dustoff, um... You're my new favorite character.

Please sign everything.

Yeah, please, please show up in an episode, will you please?

Okay, if you insist. Now hold on, I'm taking a call. Hello? They're burning it down. Good. Oh, do we have insurance? Oh, I got to take this. Okay. Yes.

This is just JP Riddle.

Go left.

Yeah, this is JP Riddles in a fedora.

Forget it. I take everything back.

We're back. Seth, just to check in, how are you liking Riddles?

I like that you guys have done them before because I would be completely lost without them. They're still annoying, but it's one of those things too where it's annoying but you want to keep doing more because you don't want them to stump you.

Yeah, you can't let them beat you.

Which makes me wonder, are people that are into riddles really into them, do they find joy or is it just that they're like, you're not going to beat me?

I think it's the latter in my experience.

Every once in a while someone will find the show because they googled Riddle's podcast because they genuinely wanted to hear Riddle's and then they hear our show and they say, man, I really am not a fan of what you guys do on the show. And to that I always say, we helped you because you shouldn't have found Riddle. If you're going to look for Riddle's on the internet and you get this, that's good. You got something better than what you set out to look for.

I mean there must be, there's a riddle community right? Like are there riddle, there must be riddle conventions and all that kind of.

I think people like puzzles more than red. I think there's probably like a puzzle community more so.

I think MIT does like a puzzle challenge and the winner of each year does the puzzles for next year or something so it's sort of It's bragging rights, but it's also you get to kind of flaunt your stuff and you get to have sort of, you know. Yeah. It's absolutely one-housemanship.

I think everyone who was really into riddles at this point in history has safely been imprisoned, put in jail.

They're all serial killers.

You'll find the girl's elbow in the full moon. Yeah.

Can you catch me Mr. Policeman? They've all, they've all since been shuffled off this port of goal. Yeah, as soon as DNA came around, all the riddle perverts are there.

Round it up and drowned. Yeah. Well let's do, let's do some more riddles and see if we can best them. This one is sort of appropriate. We'll find out why. Squirt of appropriate. Cool. I don't know if it's really a riddle, but it's a question for sure. From statistical records, what is the most dangerous job in America?

Statistical.

So not really a riddle, but just sort of a brain buster. Statistical records feels like a really weird- The lumberjack? Wow. Podcaster. It's not Lumberjack or Podcaster.

And this is specifically a dangerous job?

Yeah, statistically this is dangerous, but it's because it's a small pool.

I feel like it's going to be something you don't expect because it's like it's a bacteria or it's a

It would be a thing where there would be like one person who ever did this job and they died and then that brought the statistic up to like a hundred percent death rate for this job. Bullet tester. Yeah, lava drinker.

Bullet tester. Well I do need to say a seed. JPC, we're back in 1865. You're a gunslinger named Benjamin Franklin, no relation. And Seth, you are the world's first bullet tester.

Okay, so I just want to make sure I understand what this is. You gave me a lot of money. This is the most money I've ever seen. Oh yeah. You said it's got to take care of my family and I'm so excited about this. My wife is pregnant with our 14th child, third that's going to live hopefully.

Yeah, that's great. Statistically, that's great odds.

Oh yeah. So in terms of the testing part, I'm a pretty good shot. You know, I grew up in the country so I can Shoot muskrats, owls, anything beautiful I can really, I can get from like a hundred yards. So is that the kind of testing you want me to do or?

It's very similar. It's very similar to that. I mean, definitely if you, my philosophy is if you can shoot a bullet, you can take a bullet, right? If you can shoot an owl, you can be an owl. Who said philosophy?

Oh.

Did I hear philosophy over here? Who's to learn it, book boy?

Oh, shoot. No, I was talking about my horse. My horse's name is philosophy. I believe I named it after a Greek.

No, we weren't talking about that. No, no, he's the philosopher. He was talking about if you can be a bullet, you can be an owl. Did I get it?

I'm gonna put this pear on your head and I'm gonna walk 20 paces and you better stand still. What?

I'm going to put a, sorry, I'm going to put a pear.

A pear? Are we that close to Christmas already?

Wow. Well, I rented it. I rented it. Okay. I have it for two hours and I got to do something with it because it's due. Okay. So I'm one.

Hey. I shot that dumbass in the back. I can't believe he put a pear in my head and started walking away from me.

Scene. You're safe and you're rich. Isn't that a thing of like pineapples? They used to rent pineapples, right? Oh, really? Back in the day? What? What are you talking about? Pineapples were like a status symbol so people would like rent them and you'd like, you'd like have it in your home to be like, see how much money I have? That's amazing. And then you'd have to return it.

That reminds me of little women when they all want to be like trading limes at school, like citrus is like decadence.

How long does a pineapple last? What's the shelf life on like a uncut like pineapple?

Back in those days as long as you won I guess. As long as you what? It's about the aesthetic not the taste my man.

I guess so so it's like but would the thing just rot out eventually like from the inside?

I have to assume.

Or people like plaster casting a pineapple and rinsing it to people. That's awesome. Painting it? What an awesome job.

That would be a good name for a Herald team, rented pineapples. Someone can take that if you need it.

Very good. I think that's also why, in a similar vein, that's why lobsters became so expensive because they used to give them to prisoners and then it became like rich people in the West were like, what are these little sea bugs? And so they'd have them shipped out to taste them, but the shipping was so expensive because they went bad so fast. So then it was super pricey to ship them. They were only worth pennies, but the shipping was like 30 bucks or something. So it became like a status symbol and then they became no longer prisoner food, but... Experts estimate that a single pineapple cost around $8,000 in today's dollars.

Wow. That's why you had to rent it by the hour. Wow. 1700s, 1800s. That's crazy. Sex Hotel.

That's crazy. You could be a guy who owns three pineapples and lives like a fucking king back then. Yeah. What's your job? I inherited a pineapple from my dickhead dad.

That's an amazing house. What did your grandfather do? He had a pineapple.

I do want to see a scene.

There's just fun people running around right now that live off like $20,000 a month because one ancestor had one pineapple.

I'm having a really nice time.

I hope you are too.

Me too.

I loved hearing about how many siblings you have and your favorite color and all that. I'm having the best time. Yeah, it's red.

Yeah. Well, this place is also so nice.

Space Explorers, find the missing piece of the map.

Oh, this is so fun. Okay. Okay. So we only have a little bit of time to eat this, eat this food. And you know, it's fun. It's like, it's just goo, it's different colored goo. So that brown one's a steak. That green one's salad, of course. And oh, wait a minute. Sorry. You have something in your ear. What is it? It's, it's that, it's a, I don't know the technical name for it, but it's garbage fruit. It's that big giant spiky, looks like a giant spiky football. I have to go to the hospital. Oh, no, no, no, no.

If that came out of my ear, I have to go.

Oh, no, no, no. Oh, sorry. I was pretending that it came out of your ear. That didn't, did you really think that came out of your ear?

I mean, it was, it felt like sensation wise, you sort of looked in my ear and then you pulled.

This is going to surprise you. I also do close hand magic. So I, no, I'm really good at that kind of thing.

Coming up next to the stage at the magic castle, we have, oh, that's not close up magic. It's close hand magic. I don't know if that's a, please give it up for The amazing nuance. Hold on.

Hold on. I'm putting the eyes on my hand and the lips on my thumb real quick. So I do hand puppets. I do close hand. I make a hand puppet.

So close. Buddy, get it out of my face.

How else are you going to know that it's my hand? Hey, look, you have something in your eye.

Guys, we've had so much fun. We still haven't answered. From statistical records, what is the most dangerous job in America? I will say Seth was closest with child in the 1800s. Erin Bingo Bingo Hatata, the most statistically dangerous job in America, is president. Four presidents out of 42 have been assassinated. Can you guess which four?

Have we really lost four from assassination?

Kennedy.

William McKinley.

McKinley.

Yeah. Oh, who was the other guy that got that?

Lincoln.

Lincoln, and then was it war? I think lasagna. Reagan got shot, but he didn't die. He didn't die.

Someone else got shot and didn't die, right?

No, he was the guy who took forever to die, that anarchist stratum. Fuck, I know.

Oh, oh. Yeah, I always want to say Benjamin Harrison, but he's the one that died. Cuz he got like a cold.

And he was at the train station with Lincoln's son. Who the fuck is this guy's name?

We're thinking lasagna.

Lasagna. Yeah.

Did we have an Italian president that I don't know? Garfield!

Garfield!

No, it was Philip Bucadabepo.

He was great.

He did so much.

Came right after Herbert Hoover.

President Vincenzo Macarena.

What? Yeah, so I guess that's America's most dangerous job. Crazy. Why don't we pivot to some odd man out riddles. So what this is going to be is I'm going to read four items and you have to guess which of the four is the odd man out and why. Okay. So first one here is going to be Jack Flash. Jack from Jack and Jill, famously, Humpty Dumpty and the House of Usher. Yeah.

OK, are these all characters Adam Sandler has played except House of Usher, I want to say, unless that's a Netflix one I haven't seen yet.

You think Adam Sandler played Humpty Dumpty?

If he has it, I'll fucking eat my shoe. And I don't want to, but I will.

You're dying to eat your shoe. Let's see.

Which one's the House of Usher? Is that the Poe?

I believe so. Yeah, I think it is, Po. I think it's coming to Netflix this Halloween.

So is it that one? Is it House of Usher because it's the only one that's not like a nursery rhyme? Are the other ones all nursery rhymes?

Uh, the other ones are technically nursery rhymes, but it's not the house of Usher.

So again, I'll read them.

Yep. Jack Flash, Jack from Jack and Jill, Humpty Dumpty, and the house of Usher.

It's false.

People are falling. So which one is the odd one out?

I don't know.

Jack Flash. Jack flashes the odd man out because the other three had a ball and I do want to see a scene. Okay. Um, JPC you are Humpty Dumpty. Uh, you're just having a killer fall like a, like the October, November, just, you're crushing it. Uh, and Erin, you've taken notice.

Hey Humpty, uh, you, you want the usual?

Oh yes, I'll have the usual.

Great. Pork. Pork. Okay. Raw pork for the egg that comes into this coffee shop.

Sounds good. I'm just having the best fall. Oh, do you have pumpkin spice for your pork?

Uh, yeah, sure. Is that a new coat? You look incredible.

Thank you. I've lost yolk.

Oh. How's your concussion? You okay?

How's my kin?

No, your concussion. You know how you felt?

My kid cousin?

Your concussion.

I'm fucking with you. I'm fucking with you.

I love when people do that.

My concussion. No, yeah, it's getting better. I can't still, still not supposed to sleep, but it's getting better.

I'm sorry. I am starving. Can I get a table Jack Spratt reservation under Jack Spratt?

No.

Yikes, honey. Honey, we gotta go elsewhere.

So Humpty, here is your pork with pumpkin spice. Thank you. I never knew that eggs eat pork until I met you. Kinda scary.

Oh, I don't eat it. I do not eat it.

Ooh, how do you do that?

I don't eat it, I eat it. I like to sit up on top of my wall and just throw pork at people as they pass by.

Can we cut to Humpty Dumpty at the support group for nursery rhyme characters that have fallen?

Absolutely. So then I guess I just leaned over too far with the bucket and the water distribution, the weight kind of carried me over and I broke two crowns.

Thank you for sharing your story.

Thank you.

Anyone else relate?

You know, I'm sorry. I think I might be in the wrong place. This seems like a bunch of sad sack losers who fall and can't keep track of their life. I am addicted to sex.

Oh, gross. I don't like imagining an egg having sex. Or maybe you do.

That's the Humpty part.

That's the Humpty part. How far up the egg does the condom go? Let's do another odd man out here. This is going to be a little bit, this might be our toughest one yet. Okay. First one is Claudius, aka Hamlet's father. Next one is Yorick. Third one is Colonel Mustard. And the last one is Mr. Body. Mr. Body. Who's Mr. Body? Hamlet's father, Yorick, Colonel Mustard, and Mr. Body.

Mr. Body is the guy who gets killed in Clue, right?

Oh, Colonel Mustard. Yorick is odd. Men out. Didn't get killed.

Uh... Erin, you don't think the skull of York was killed?

No, no, he's alive.

Oh, okay.

How sure are you that he's dead?

Does Colonel Mustard get killed? No.

Or... Sometimes. Wait. Right?

Sometimes. Right, sometimes, because it's blue.

Oh, no, no, he doesn't get killed. So, Tim.

Oh, wait a minute. Are they all soldiers in the military except for... Who's the last one? Mr. Body.

Mr. Body.

Mr. Body. Uh, no, that's not it, but that's a good guess.

So the first two are related to Hamlet and the second two are related to the board game Clue, but I don't think that's it because that's 50-50. That's nothing.

You're onto something about being dead, but Yorick is definitely dead.

Yorick is dead and Mr. Body is dead.

Claudius is a ghost, right? Yeah, so that leaves Colonel Mustard.

So Colonel Mustard is the only one who's not dead?

And specifically dead at the... Murder. ...point at murder. At what point in time? At the beginning? Yeah, I'll give it to you. It's Colonel Mustard as the odd man out. The other three are dead before the action begins, which is pretty tough.

Oh. Pretty tough question. Oh, because Mr. Body is the first one murdered in Clue? Is that odd? Yes. Yeah, I think... Oh, okay.

He's sort of the catalyst or inciting incident.

Of the board game, right? Because in the movie, isn't he alive for a little bit in the movie?

Yeah, I think he's alive for a little bit in the movie.

It threw me off because I'm such a big fan of the movie Clue. So that's really what fucked me up here because I love the movie Clue.

Fantastic movie. You gotta go back and watch it.

It's a great movie. Tim Curry?

Madeleine. Madeleine Khan? The best. Mr. Feeny from, I think, right? Who plays Colonel Munster?

You think Madeleine Khan played Mr. Feeny? Are you fucking serious? She's Our Generation's Gary Oldman.

She could do it.

She could do it. One guy, this singer from Fear, that punk band Fear, I think is in it. Isn't he Mr. Body? Oh yeah, maybe.

Oh yeah, Lee something?

Yeah. Some crazy, I don't, I'm not even like that, I just know it as trivia. I'm not, I wasn't a big punk fan necessarily, but he, he's one of these like, I think he was one of those guys that was friends with John Belushi back in the day, but like a real crazy New York punk rocker dude who was in that movie.

Good memory. I think also, is Christopher Lloyd in it as well?

And Martin Mull.

Martin Mull is Colonel Mustard.

That's who it is, Martin Mole. Who's the, who's the, he was Knight Rider, right? He was the car. Who was the, played like the, the Sing-A-Gram?

The girl? Yeah.

She's maybe the best part of the whole movie.

Um, Lee Ving. Lee Ving, uh, plays a good spot.

What a great name.

I know, right? Lee Ving? I was just Lee Ving. Uh, here we go. Next question. Steely Dan, Steppenwolf, Black Sabbath, Mott the Hoople.

Hmm.

Steely Dan, Steppenwolf, Black Sabbath, Mott the Hoople.

It's got to be Mott the Hoople, and that's got to be the only one that my dad doesn't have a record for.

Steely Dan, Black Sabbath.

And honestly, this is it. What's the next one? Black Sabbath. Steely Dan, Black Sabbath. Mott the Hoople and Steppenwolf. Honestly, the only one I knew is Steppenwolf. I know the other bands, but in terms of how they all relate.

Is Steppenwolf the odd man out?

No.

Oh. Are they named after? Because Steppenwolf is a book. I think Mott the Hoople might be from some Dickens book, right?

I thought Steely Dan was named after a dildo. Oh. I truly thought this was a trivia that Steely Dan was named after a dildo.

I think one of them, Black Sabbath, I think there are literary references except for one, but I don't know if Black Sabbath or Steely Dan. Maybe you're right. Maybe Steely Dan is not the

between Seth and JBC you did get it and I think JBC I think you're right so Black Sabbath is the odd man out the other three are rock groups named after books but Steely Dan is from William Burroughs who famously I think Burroughs and Bukowski were both like pretty raunchy yes gross writers so I'm pretty sure you're right

It was from Burroughs' novel Naked Lunch, and there's a strap-on dildo called the Steely DM3. So I forgot the part where it was about a book, because that's the least interesting part of that.

Steppenwolf is by Herman Hess. That's the one book I know. And then Motha Hooples by Willard Manus. Of course. Never even heard of that guy.

But is the book called Motha Hoople? I'm not sure it doesn't say. Okay, it must be like a reference inside the book because the book was not called Steely Dan 3. Although, good name for an album Steely Dan, huh?

Yeah.

Maybe third album Steely Dan 3?

I did not know that. I feel like that should be like top of all music trivia questions.

That should be taught in schools.

That should be taught in schools. What are we doing?

Okay, I gotta see a scene. I'm a teacher of the three of your students and I'm a substitute for the day who's not sure what to teach. All right, settle down. Um, go ahead and take out your books and let me, somebody hold up, hold up the book so I can see it. We don't have books. Baskerville. We don't have books. This is a poetry class. A book we should be reading. Oh, poetry. Okay. Um, what's, what are some words that we like? Name, let's just shout out words. Free association.

Um, a movie.

Did you prepare for this at all? Yes, absolutely. I am ready to teach poetry. What did you say, young lady?

What are your credentials? What's your background?

Well, I'm a poet at heart. I've written many a love note.

Are you hungover right now?

Yeah. You're a substitute teacher. I mean, what's going on in your life? I'm wearing sunglasses because I just had LASIK and that's why. Okay.

We're all wearing sunglasses. This is a poetry class.

You still have the stamp on your hand from being at a club.

Yeah.

Okay. Alright, Nark, we'll start there.

Wait, why does the stamp say evicted? Were you at a club called evicted?

No, I was at a club called- Oh, that's at Piss Club. I heard about that place. Okay, yeah, I was at Piss Club Evicted, okay? Whoa. It's an evocative- Whoa, that's hardcore. You either get stamped evocative or evicted based on the way you piss, and I guess I didn't quite- We misjudged you.

We misjudged you. You're cool. You're cool.

Hey, do you want to come to the caves? We've got a special renegade poetry club that we convene in the caves behind school.

Yeah, right now? Or do I meet you there?

You go now and then we'll come and meet you later.

Oh, fuck yeah. Punch it in. Yeah. Punch it in. Punch it in. Don't stand on your desks. Punch it in.

Okay. Yeah. You're one of Chaucer's criminals now. That's what we call ourselves.

Chaucer's criminals.

We get bullied mercilessly outside of this room.

Yes. Oh, I see. You're each dressed up like you're kind of a butcher. You're sort of a hedge knight. Not sure what you are, but yeah, all the characters from Canterbury Tales. Yeah. Yep. Pretty cool with sunglasses. Nice.

Honestly, Canterbury Tales, it's mostly butcher and hedge night. So I just kind of got left on my own to kind of be whatever.

Nice, nice, nice, nice.

And he's got a Captain Crunch hat. He just got to throw this together.

Hey, man. General's hat is a General's hat.

This is all stuff my dad has in his closet.

He's an admiral. What does your dad do? He's always an admiral. Nice. Yeah. Very cool. Let me just shut the door here. We're copacetic, right? Nobody's going to tell on anyone? I don't like where this is going, but yeah.

I hate the question.

All right, let's do two more odd man outs. This one should be a little simpler. Aragog, Shelub, Boris, and Miss Muffet.

Boris, Aragog, and Shelob are all spiders.

And Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet and has to deal with a spider.

I'm Little Miss Muffet, standard or tough it, and had to deal with this spider.

I just girl bossed Little Miss Muffet.

We gotta see a scene. Erin, you're a girl boss, Little Miss Muffet. JBC, you're a spider who's not with the times.

It occurred and way secured, and I'm going to finally get to sit down and eat my lunch after a long day.

No. No.

I have not been relaxing all day. I've been working so hard. I work so hard. I want to eat my curds and whey in peace. I'm sitting on this little cushion here.

What do you... Don't.

You're not going to... No, you're not going to frighten me away. You can leave where I can drown you. Those are your two options.

We can both stay.

No.

I'm so sorry, it's your assistant Candice. I just want to remind you that you have a two o'clock coming up. I know you're very busy. You don't usually get to do lunch, but you got your two o'clock and then you need to post on your sub-stack your affirmations and the

And then we've got... Okay Candace, I actually need your help right now. I need you to drown the spider. And I'd like you to make eye contact with it while you do it.

My web's done. My web's done. I'm in my web. I'm home.

I live here. You keep making me kill things and I feel like we talked about this.

Candace, are you an incredible recommendation? Yes, exactly. Candace.

I just wanted to be... The assistant to one of the most powerful influencers around, okay? And I've learned a lot from you, I'm not saying I'm not, but I'm not sure the price is worth it.

Fine, I'll kill it. But watch. You want me to watch?

Yeah, spider, come here. No, come here.

You interrupt my life, I interrupt your life.

Well, do you want me to grant this? I mean, this could make good content.

Candice of course, Grammit! Candice I shouldn't have to tell you to Grammit, just Grammit!

You're right, you're right, sorry.

Hey y'all, it's me Candice coming to you late afternoon, a little lunch, or no I'm not Candice, sorry, I'm Little Miss Muffet. Fuck!

I'm sorry, I'm sorry that you're not Candice.

Hey dude, check it out.

Little Miss Muffet's having an absolute fucking meltdown on Instagram Live right now.

This is insane. She thinks she's her assistant. Honestly, my dad's gonna love this. He, as you know, is frozen at Amber, but he is obsessed with Little Miss Muffet.

Stop talking about your fucking dad.

Scene. What even is Little Miss Muffet? I'm looking it up.

I think it's just a little gal.

A child who eats her cottage cheese or whatever.

It's like Wee Williwinky.

Yeah.

Whoa.

Is she like a being?

Is she like a celestial entity?

Oh, it has a dark background. Never look up things.

Of course. All that old shit.

Yeah. Yeah. Let's never, just never Google. No one Googled the rest of the day. I'm here to help.

Can we hear it?

No, no, no, no. It's bad.

On a scale of one to ten.

Yeah, six.

I'm looking up on a listicle right now and it says, top 10 history's greatest monsters. A little bit's Muppet is six, so. Oh my gosh. Whoa, shit. Yeah. Ooh, she did some bad shit.

Oh, okay. Right about glad the impaler. Yikes. We're going to do one more here. This is the final Riddle, the final odd man out. Exulsion. Murmuration, expectation, shrewdness.

I don't even know if I know these words.

Exulsion, murmuration, expectation, shrewdness.

I think murmuration is like an actual physical activity or something, right? The others are emotions or something.

Uh, I'm not quite sure. This has to do more with, um, uh, here's what else, here's a hint. I would say if this was about, uh, uh, JPC, Erin, uh, if this is about the three of us in terms of like a term that might apply to us, I would say an exhaustion, an exhaustion of blank.

So wait, are these, these are like groupings of animals or something? Some of them are? Yep.

And which is the other one out?

These all sound like Justin Timberlake albums by the way. Shrudeness of Shrews, I gotta imagine, right? Shrudeness of Apes. Oh wow.

Shrudeness of Apes? Yup. Exaltation has to be the odd minnow, right? It is not.

An exaltation of angels, right?

When you hunt them, you try to make sure they're in an exaltation.

Exaltation of larks. Of larks? Yeah. Okay. So what are the other ones? We had shrewdness and exaltation or wrong?

Murmuration and expectation. Expectation. Yeah. Murmuration is birds or corn. Yep. Nailed it. Murmuration is starlings. So expectation is the odd man out. The other three are collective nouns for groups of animals. I do want to see one final scene. I've never heard that shit before. Um, Erin, you are a hunter of angels. Uh, the other, the other three of us are angels on the lamb and, um, you're trying to hunt us down.

No, no one, no one mentioned that description is coming to my bar.

Huh. Yeah, you're sort of crouched in a way to sort of hide your back.

Yeah, sorry. That's because I was just cranking it. Yep, doing a lot of self-pleasure, masturbation. So that's why I'm hunched this way.

Huh. Interesting. Yep. You in heaven with me.

Uh, screw up.

Put him up, sister. Put him up. Come on. What are we doing here?

I'm not going back to heaven. There's no fucking way to go back to heaven.

You have to come back.

No. No. It's so, but we came down here to start a band.

Oh, and how's that going? And how's that? How's that going?

It's a little rough. We just got to town. Everybody starts over when they get to L.A., okay?

Yeah, and we're still figuring out the name. We know we want it to be a literary reference, but we can't... I said catch 23. Because that's one better.

Yeah, but that doesn't... that sounds like a ska band. That's not what we do.

The three of y'all are never gonna make it. All three of you play the harp. No band needs three harps.

Right now, but we're reinventing. We also all sing like, We're reinventing ourselves.

That sounded like shit. Come back to heaven. Come on.

No, no. What? Why are you dogs? Why are you God's little guard dog? Like, why don't you stay down here with us? Join the band. You got a beautiful voice.

Okay. He's my dad, first of all.

Oh, come on. He's so old. You're Georges? You're Jesus's brother?

Yeah, okay. And Jesus gets to do a lot of like the PR stuff. He sort of like the face of the operation. Oh yeah. Do stuff like this.

He's as cool as hell, I gotta say.

Yeah.

He's not that cool, actually.

Do you think you could get Jesus for the band? Just, oh my god, as a frontman, there's like none better.

No, he can't even sing. Can you imagine he's holding the mic and he gets stigmata during a song? Oh yeah. And he's just like, oh, so cool.

Georges. We should write a song about stigmata. I mean, look at, Georges, look at what your dad is making you do. You're the little lap dog doing all the stuff to get his approval.

Yeah, I am holding his dry cleaning right now. Yeah, totally. Kind of embarrassing.

Yeah, do you think that Jesus is saving people at the Playboy Mansion right now? No, he's just, he's chilling right now. We all saw him earlier. He's in the grotto.

What? Man. Come join us.

We all live in a one bedroom off of Sunset Boulevard. We're living the dream. We party every night.

Doesn't sound so bad. We're doing it the way Green Day did it.

Yeah. You like Green Day? It's a band we hear. They write musicals. They're a punk band.

They're a punk band who writes musicals. The ultimate oxymoron.

That's probably true.

They had a musical for one of their albums.

American Idiot.

I think it was the one that did the musical.

I gotta say, I don't tend to not like jukebox musicals. I saw it and I was very unimpressed. I'm sure there are some very talented folks, but... I didn't hate it.

I saw it and I thought it was just fine.

If it's not your genre, then maybe you're not going to give it the fairest of shakes, right?

That's fair.

Yeah.

Yeah. You're right. You have to check myself.

I'm just trying to be kind to Green Day because I know that they're listeners and they have a lot of investment in you liking their jukebox musical.

Fair enough. Seth, is there anything that you would like to plug or promote any musicals you've been dealing on?

I have a podcast on Comedy Bang Bang World called College Town that I do with my friend Erin Whitehead. And then another randomly sporadically produced on comedy Bang Bang World, Bob Duca. Full throttle with Bob Duca, which is more of like a produced sound effects heavy kind of audio experience as opposed to just a chat type of thing. Wonderful. Thanks for having me you guys.

This was really fun. Thanks for being on. Such a wonderful son or his voice. Oh, thank you.

I'd recommend opening up your Comedy Bang Bang podcast app and then just typing Seth Morris into it and then hitting download on all the episodes.

Watch your phone melt. You ought to. Seth, if you ever want to leave the podcast game, I have to imagine you'd make a fortune in ASMR.

Oh, that would be, yeah. There's some creeps that really need to hear this voice. I'll do that and clip my nails and

This is like Howard Hughes. Erin, anything you'd like to plug?

I would just say I'm doing a Veep rewatch right now. It's my favorite comedy of all time, so check that out if you haven't. I can say it. JPC?

Adal, I would throw it to you first. Do you have anything that you would like to plug?

Yeah I was in London just the other day and I saw phenomenal, speaking of musicals, I saw a wonderful musical called Operation Mincemeat. If you're able to get to London to see it, I highly recommend it. I hope it tours here at some point in the US, but otherwise you can listen to it on Spotify. Brilliant musical. It's about a 1940s true operation by England to Trick Hitler. And yeah, it's been my what I've been listening to nonstop for the past couple weeks. JPC, anything to review or a review to read?

Yeah, I got a review to read. And if you want to get a review featured on the show, just give us a five star review anywhere that you write reviews. I might find it. Hey, I found this one. It says it's by Nope. K-me-y-o-pin-yo-a-neo. Thank you guys for making these names easy to pronounce. This one is titled, Cured My Anxiety. What I'm experiencing about experiencing a bout of paranoia about something terrible like a killer in my house or an impending zombie apocalypse or a nuke being launched shutting off a chain reaction of mutual nuclear annihilation, I can trust this podcast to stand out of it because nothing like that could happen while this audio and this ridiculousness is blasting in my ears. Thanks for the riddles, guys. The name this is under is not my name. Please disregard it. Okay, well, I read the first part. Of course, not last. But I kind of did disregard it. You know, I did make fun of it. So that's a little bit like disregarding it.

Yeah.

Yeah, anyway. Erin, we all know heaven isn't real, that scene about English-less fiction. But when you do die, your soul goes to a certain place in the sky.

Jupiter.

Bye forever. Goodbye.

Created by Adal Rifai.

Starting Erin Keif and John Patrick Coan, Casey Toby did the editing, MRE parents did the music,

Hey there Nietzsche's and Kant's, if you like that, you're going to love this week's Patreon. Back by popular demand, we're bringing you some moral dilemmas. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash HeyRiddleRiddle by joining the Clue crew for $5 a month, or start your 7 day free trial, or the Review crew for $8 a month, and get those ad-free episodes. See you there!