Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum podcast.

I'm just going to do a roll call really quick. Just make sure everyone is here today in class. J comma PC.

Here? Yeah. Yes. I checked in with my buddy. I checked with my buddy beforehand and he's going to verify that I am here, but I'm here and my buddy can say here. Yeah, that I'm here.

Okay. Is he going to be talking for you for the rest of class?

Nope. It's a buddy system. It's for safety.

Okay, are you the JPC that the teacher was telling me about?

I know I'm just a sub, but... I do have the condition. I'm out of my bubble today because I have a cheat day once a year.

Okay, here trouble. Adal Rifai, are you here?

So let me explain something about the buddy system. He's my buddy, but I'm not his buddy. I'm his enemy. And so basically the way that it works is you always have to be in motion. Like I have to have my buddy in between my enemy and me. And do you understand? That's why I'm behind you right now.

Yeah, I quit. I quit. I'm just a sub and your teacher told me that you two were jerks. Erin said she couldn't be here today. I'm just a sub. I don't want to be here. I quit.

Well, what if we made you picks up big metal lid lunch?

I'm already gone.

Oh, but you can hear me.

Oh, JPC. I couldn't take one day off. You couldn't be nice to the sub.

Oh, Ms. Erin.

Miss Erin, we hated the sub. We missed you so much. I hate this.

Her voice was all wrong.

I don't think we can say that.

Hello, welcome to Hey Riddle Riddle. I'm Erin Keif. That's Adal Rifai over there. Still not here.

And that's J comma PC, I believe.

If we're using the buddy system, which we are.

What's up, guys?

Personal cartoony. Well, Erin, that's not all we have in the studio today. In the studio, I mean, all of our homes. We have two of our friends from Retails of Magic. We're collecting the entire set. It's going to take us three, maybe four years to do it, but we are going to do it. Tim, Ali, welcome to the show.

Present. See, that wasn't hard at all, right?

Ali brought a present. Wow. Okay.

And wrap it down. It's me.

Oh, it lifts up big metal lid. It's Ali.

That's cool.

I don't know how you did that. That's very cool.

I jump out of the trash can.

So the substitute said that if I was on my best behavior during class and I would get five minutes at the end of class to do a little performance for everyone. Does that transfer over to real teacher?

Yes, it does. Okay. But you got to be on your best behavior the whole time and then I'll give you five full unbroken minutes to perform whatever you want.

Okay, the sub said that she read that in an interview about Jim Carrey and so she thought it might work for my behavioral issues.

Well the sub also said that's how Jim Carrey chipped his front teeth, so watch yourself.

I do love a kid like getting one over on the substitute but it's for something that will only bring them like ridicule and pain. I know you weren't here when you were out, but the subs said that I could have detention all week this week. Oh, please.

Tim, Ali, what is your- I think we're all about to ask the same question. We're all champing at the bit to get it out. Are you all okay?

No, no, no. We're tired. It's a Monday morning early. This is our first recording of the day. This is bad.

Tim and Ali, what is your relationship with riddles? Do you like them? Do you not like them? And by riddles I mean riddles, puzzles, lateral thinking problems, crosswords even, escape rooms, anything and everything.

I thought we were going to warm up to this, so I'm a little bit shocked to have to tell you my relationship with Riddles right away. We're the cold plunge of podcast.

You can also say pass. You get one pass per episode.

Do I? Yeah. And then I fully pass on the question.

Oh, smart move. Not a lot of guests take advantage of that move.

No, I'm ready. I'll jump right in. Hey, I'm Ali Fisher, and I like a riddle. It's a comfortable middle road. I will say that I have loved riddles, but I'm not so indiscriminate in my riddle appreciation that all riddles get like excitement out of me. What a healthy answer.

I almost asked if you had a favorite riddle, but instead I'll say, is there a riddle or even a Every once in a while, a property, we just saw the new Mission Impossible movie and there were riddles in that. Do you have a thing that you have a, not necessarily a favorite riddle from, but a property that has riddles in it that you enjoy? I was trying to ask the question in the vaguest way possible so that you might have an answer to it, but I got about halfway through the question and was like, what a terrible fucking question.

Is there any property and or franchise and or IP where riddles have been utilized in ways that have been impactful for you?

Sure, I appreciate it, Edia. How about this? As like a logic puzzle, what do we think about time travel as like a riddle, right? Because you're like watching through step by step. So I think, I feel like, what? I always forget the name of it.

It's Tom Cruise, Emily Blunt, Edge of Tomorrow, which is famously one of the number one movies we talk about on this podcast.

Is it really?

It truly is.

I almost passed on this question.

We collectively think it is one of the most underrated films of all time.

It is. It really is. So I put it in, we do movie marathons, and my movie marathon was about motorcycles. It was called Clutch, just like with friends. And there's one moment where Tom Cruise rides a motorcycle on this, and that's how it squeezed in.

Yeah, that's like a third act motorcycle thing. It's very brief.

It is but a moment, but it squeaked in and it became one of my favorite movies of the year. But I think for that one, I love a time travel video game logic where it's like, okay, I got this far, I died. I got this far, I died. I have to stop, roll, lift, I repute. Daresay.

Which is better than the graphic novel. I think the graphic novel is called All You Need Is Die or something.

Oh yeah.

Is it All You Need Is Kill or All You Need Is Die? All You Need Is Kill, I think you're right, yeah.

Yes, which I have not enjoyed.

I have read it, but I watched the movie about a thousand times before I read it, and then I was like, but it's not like the movie. There's no concrete in it. So I ruined it for myself. I think the movie did this thing where, look, Tom Cruise has a lot of problems with the Tom Cruise guy, but one thing that I don't have a problem with is his ability to make compelling movies and be very good in them. He's a movie guy, he only exists to make movies for my pleasure, and they fix some stuff with the script of the base material to make it more of an enjoyable blockbuster movie, and I'm big in favor of that.

I will say a Tom Cruise fun opinion is that he is sexless in a comfortable way. He's like big action star, obviously attractive, like super hot shit, but he has no chemistry with anyone ever. And I'm like, I'm fine with it. It makes me very happy. No one feels threatened. The dynamics remain static. So I get to focus on the logistics of the movie.

Ali, is there like a time travel paradox in particular when you bring up time travel as a riddle? Is there like one paradox or like you just like it when narratives walk you through that problem solving?

Yeah.

I'm sorry Tim, I'm starting to break in here. You're going to have to answer the question, Tim. You can't stall with any of these big time travel conundrums. That's not what we're doing here today.

Very quickly, I just want to say my hot opinion, which is I think Tom Cruise is our generation's runner. I feel like you film that guy running and it's cinema.

You know, so I feel like you want to see him jump off a shit.

Yeah. Yeah. He's our runner. Tim, please go ahead.

Yeah, I'm not crazy about riddles. You know, like in the pool in as much as riddles are like a slops fables in rhyme. I think that is like where I'm on board. I like the language of riddle. I like the language of riddles. I like the rhythm of riddles. I'm like not crazy about solving stuff. You know, I feel like I always get sort of mad somewhere in a riddle. And I'm always like, I always have the impulse of like, tell me more than I have the impulse of, I'm going to figure it out. So that says a lot about me apparently, but it is sort of how I've interacted in riddles in my life.

Tim, can I ask, does that also translate? Because I find this to be true with what you're presenting right now, if A then B sort of style. Is this also true when you see magic? Are you someone where you're like, I don't care about what I saw, tell me immediately how it happened?

No, I love being blown away by a magic show. I love just like abandoning myself to the wonder of that.

But that's a magic show you can like submit to in a way that the other person doesn't like hold the microphone to your face, right? Yeah.

And every riddle, and every riddle someone's holding up microphone.

It's Billy Eichner. Screaming submit, submit!

We should do a Riddles on the Street Tik Tok or something, like aping Billy Eichner. I think that'd be over well. We're gonna get killed. Yeah. Yeah, I don't wanna get my ass beat. What are you talking about? Are you crazy?

Have you seen people on the street? Have you run fast enough away from people?

I will say the one riddle I think of when I hear riddles, I'm sure people have brought this up before, but the riddle from The Hobbit, the box without hinges, key or lid, yet golden treasure inside his head. I think I heard that at a very young age and I was like, now that's ooh baby, that's something else.

What an idea, what a concept. Well here, I'm excited about this because what I would love to do by the end of this episode is I would love to change one of your minds about riddles. Ali, I would love to make you hate them Tim. I would love to make you love them. I'll also settle for no change. No change is also fine with me.

I think we're going to do this then.

We do have some listeners submitted riddles and occasionally I'll pull these from, we have people email hrrpodcast at gmail.com and leave us some riddles. Occasionally people will put in their subject line or somewhere in their message that they use these riddles in their D&D games. Now, we have you two who have an actual play podcast also on the Headgum Network. So now we're meeting as peers. And I thought what better way to get you involved in something that I feel like will make you feel more comfortable because it's something that you're used to, right?

Meeting us where we are. Thank you.

Exactly. Yes. So these first riddles are from Holly. We have Holly rights. This is their first riddle, okay? And they said for context, these come from a Pathfinder campaign called Mummy's Mask. Oh yeah. Do you want to play the Mummy's Mask campaign?

No, but I'm so into Mummy's recently.

Whoa. Yeah. Okay, you're in a mummy phase?

They're just so funny to me. Cause like they don't, like they're not that scary. You know what I mean? Take it back man.

Take it back. Don't say it.

I just don't think mummies will ever scare me. They're zombies with window dressing. Like it's truly. Yeah. And it's the idea of the mummies curse, which I always find kind of like they're kind of scary, but watch out for their mummies. There's something very comic about. It's very coy. It's a very coy monster.

This is classic New York City elitism because you just don't think mummies are going to be a problem because you live in the big city but here in real America, mummies are a daily occurrence. I live in the second biggest city.

We actually live in Mummy Alley which is a light tornado alley but way more hieroglyphism.

Those were all my nicknames in high school. When I was spinning, I was tornado.

Alright, so here's the first one of Holly's riddles. Again, from a published Pathfinder adventure path thing, so we probably can't get In trouble for reading these, the first one.

That's almost word for word. The song, Fire Coming Out of a Monkey's Head, as read by Dennis Hopper on the Gorillaz album... I want to say... Oh boy, what's that called? Dare to be Stupid?

Adal, we have told you to stop bringing up this Gorillaz album.

We just did this Hopper song. What do you do it? Is it like volcano? I can't tell if it's describing the action against the mountain or the mountains. Is it a volcano?

I like that as an answer and it's not the correct answer, but you have my respect.

I want to say I closed my eyes and shut off all sensory input other than that, and it was many words put together that I did not follow. Yeah. I think you're going to have to read it again. A lot of images. I'd love to hear it again.

Now, Erin, Ali is using one of your strategies. Could you speak to how the closing your eye strategy works in practice?

Ali, it took me weeks to figure it out, but that is exactly what I do. I close my eyes, because otherwise I'll have a panic attack after one of them reads a riddle. It can be the only thing that century-wise is coming at me, or I'll have a complete nervous breakdown and break my computer screen. Incredible. Yeah, so you're on the right track. I do need to hear it again, JPC.

I will let you hear it again. I do want to see a quick scene though. This is going to be a scene between Erin and Tim. Erin, you're going for a job interview, but you just have to have your eyes closed the entire time or else you're going to have a panic attack. And Tim, you are interviewing Erin for this job.

Hey, sorry we're late. We've had a few people coming through. I hope you have a thing right after this.

No, no problem. Is this where the chair is?

Yes. Please sit right down.

OK. Hi, thank you so much for taking the time to see me today.

Yeah, no, of course. And before we get into the resume and stuff like that, I just like to get to know the person first and sort of get a feeling for... Because in this office, it's not about what you do, it's about how you communicate what you're doing.

Where are you? Marco!

Polo, I'm behind the desk.

Okay. Yeah. Sorry. I just, um, yeah, keep going. Sorry. We're what you were saying, uh, office culture. Yeah.

And just in terms of office culture, we should keep sunglasses. You know, I get that we're all, I get that you might be one of these young, these younger Gen Z types, but, uh, you know, we'd like to take our sunglasses off. Um, yeah, sure.

Sure. And. Yeah, sorry, I drew eyes on top of my eyes. Hoping that you wouldn't notice that my eyes are closed, but I couldn't see what I was drawing. So I don't know if they turned out so good.

See, you didn't draw eyes. Those are hieroglyphs. A language that I've somehow seen in my dreams.

Uh oh, well thank you so much for taking the time to meet me. I'm going to hang it out. No, no, no, no, you're hired, you're hired, you're hired, you're hired.

See. See. See. Perfect. I was like, I wonder if Tim's going to bring mummies in this.

Tim, I don't have to wonder. Tim, I'll lend you $20 if you can bring mummies into every single scene that you're in today.

You don't need to lend Mummy money. It's going to happen.

Absolutely.

I also can I just can I let the listener in on the fact that this is an audio medium to start with and Tim was playing a character across from a character whose eyes were closed and he was gesturing the whole time. There was a lot of waving and other things.

I also as a as a peek behind the curtain Erin was improvising as a character who had their eyes closed with her eyes open which I was like Yeah, you're able to. That's the magic of improv.

Can I let you guys in on something shameful that happened to me this past weekend that is sort of haunting me? Finally. Yes. So my boyfriend's family was in town and we were at a fancy dinner one of the nights. And I was just tickling and getting excited and telling a story and I knocked over my glass of wine and it went everywhere and it spilled all over his sister. And it made me seem drunk. I spilled all over her dress and it was horrible. Then I went to the bathroom and texted Adal for a little while to calm down. Wait, red or white? Erin, red or white? Rose. Oh, the middle one. The middle one in the middle.

Well, it's a summer spell, so that worked out.

Yeah, but I wasn't even drunk. I was just excitedly telling a story about Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, which is like the worst possible moment for something like that to happen. Oh, it was horrible. I can't stop thinking about it.

I have to ask though, is this the first time you've done something embarrassing in front of Sean's family like this? Okay, good. So they kind of... This is part of the course. They have context for you.

I do appreciate you spilling the wine on his sister while telling a story about clothing that has additional color to it. I think that's very fun. I think that's a very good... That's the best case scenario.

Or actually the best case scenario is when you make a mistake. A horrible mistake that it thematically connects the conversation.

That is the best case scenario. Actually the best case scenario is you spill it but she's kind of crouched and she drinks it all in one gulp. Yes. That's best case scenario. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

It was absolute horror material. That's like Twin Peaks, who's the guy who's like bending down and just like shows up. That's what I'm thinking.

Yes. Oh, yes. Yeah. Okay. So we do have to, I will read the Riddle one more time. Everyone is very close. Here he is. The sky breathes against the mountains tall and makes their stony hearts to fall. Flame heats the mountains broken domes and makes a window of their bones. What lies within the mountains grave? Here's the thing. I think I said that lies within the mountains grave, but which is what it says. I think it is what lies within the mountains grave because there's a question mark. It is not lava.

So we're not actually talking about real mountains here.

Is this like a brain or something? Obsidian?

It kind of is, it kind of is a male. Is it coal? It is not coal. Diamonds. It's not diamonds.

Gems.

Gems. I truly think that like earth stuff, is it generally earth stuff? Earth stuff. Well if Arnie were here you'd say. Oh is it? We'll talk about it. It'd be so funny if the answer is just earth stuff.

And here on Hey Riddle Riddle, we do want to talk about earth stuff.

Yes, thank you. Tim is correct in that it is earth stuff that we are talking about. You've got the general category. We're looking for a specific thing.

No, I want- Dirt, oil.

Water. Water, oil, fossil. Fossils are oil.

People who are in the mountain for some reason.

I think here's the line that I think is going to be the easiest for you to cue into. Flame heats the mountain's broken domes and makes a window of their bones.

So that would be a volcano, right? Yeah. Because the top of a volcano is a window. Can you say a volcano? Yeah, that's the answer. Oh, thank you.

That was the first thing. That was the first thing. Wait, was this like a... No, of course it's not the answer. Stop saying it. No, it's not. You totally caught me.

I thought this was gonna be like a lava magma thing where it's like, it's not lava actually, it's still in a mountain.

This is such a hostile podcast. For me, our Riddle podcast is such an unpleasant place to be.

That's why we only do two riddles per episode now.

So, but this is what the thing about riddles too is that I heard my voice go, but we already said that. That was the first thing. It's like the emotional reality of answering a riddle for me does not bring alive the most generous and compelling person.

That's so true. That's the same for all of us.

I will miss answers all the time when it's just Adal and Erin, so I'm trying my best to like hear everyone say their answers, but I don't, I truly don't think I've heard the right answer yet. Okay, so the part of that that I'll come into even closer is makes a window of their bones. Glass. Okay, so glass. It's sand or glass.

I don't think that's how sand is made. I don't think that's how sand is made though. I think this is not how sand is made. I don't think I'm crazy here that the assumed reality of this riddle was like landlocked.

I love how whenever we watch one of our guests get like flipping to a rage over a riddle, me, Adal, and JPC just start nodding.

I know. This is good. We know and we're sorry. We've shrugged our load onto someone else. I want to see a scene. JPC and Ali, you are two, you're two friends who are hanging at the beach. This is a nice sunny day. You're taking advantage of the weather to hang on the beach, but you're both very, you use sort of an overly flowery sort of language to describe everything you're doing to where it's almost impenetrable.

Hmm. Ah, the... Crunch of the bones of Mother Earth between my phalanges of the foot.

Extraordinary. Yes. And I think of the whisper of air upon my...

Face my epidermis and... Put a chance, me thinks, me thinks to submerge my corporeal form upon the wet spittle of the gods, pooling in gentle oscillations of the mighty Poiseidens domain.

Ah, Eureka. Tied and old tidings upon us. Shall we dis and fully exchange our cloths for pure birth suit?

Dally ho! But a thought does cross upon my very head. Agony! Agony! Retreat! The twine between the twigs, the waves, must dry ourselves under the warm of hot Fire burning upon the heavens!

Scream!

Hey, so sorry to interrupt. Our kids are here. They can hear everything you're saying, so this is a family beach if you guys wouldn't mind. I'm not trying to get in the way of anyone's stuff. Just give you a key to tell me about. Eureka! Dad! Eureka!

Tidal tidings! Eureka! Tidal tidings! Thanks a lot, guys. Thanks a lot. Halfway through, I only pictured Ian McKellen and Maggie Smith doing this where it's like instead of Shakespeare in the park, it's like Shakespeare on the beach.

They would be proud. Truly, if you guys sounded like me in my improvised Shakespeare audition, being like, um, tidings, um, pals.

In mine I kept saying zounds. Somebody would say something and I'd go, zounds good sir.

My favorite of this exchange was perchance what?

I never auditioned for M4I Shakespeare but I used to play Shakespeare games in comedy sports and the one thing that I would always keep in my pocket that would always give a laugh is calling a character portfolio. Comedy sports is all about having three jokes and then just keeping them in your pocket for every show. I want to do one more riddle before we take a little break, so let's get to the next one. Again, these are holly's riddles. Not really, I guess, because they just do it from a pen. It doesn't matter. These are holly's riddles. They have no weight, no shape, no size, yet all well know when they arise. Minions. Can you be more specific of the three minions we're looking for here, Adal?

Oh, smells. Yeah, I want to say smells, grumpy, and banana. Are those three?

Well, somebody's in the movies. Okay, we're only halfway through. Though wordless, toonless, toneless too, they sing a song of pain, full true. What are they? Oh, it smells. It is not smells. Interesting word.

Wind.

Is it like wind chimes? It is not wind.

Is it a musical instrument? They have no weight, no shape, no size. No weight, okay. Yet all well know when they arise. It is not a musical instrument.

Crushes. Ooh, crushes is good.

Though through wordless, toonless, tongueless too, they sing a song of painful, true... Unrequited crisis. Give it to them. Give it to them.

Is it like true love or something?

It's not it's not but I do I do kind of like those as answers. True love, crushes.

Is this mummy themed?

Oh is it curse? It's not mummy. I guess technically this whole episode is mummy themed.

Oh and we made it mummy themed. I'm so sorry just to go back a few minutes. I do want to mention you know I was playing that kid on the beach. Yeah, my dad was upset. My dad is a mummy I should just say. So Erin you're still on the hook for $20.

And Casey, whatever we can do in post to make it clear that Tim's character was a mummy.

Real raspy death rattle.

Yeah, you must have like a mummy.

The Monster Mash runs.

I wonder if I have a mummy filter. No, man, that's a bummer. What good is a soundboard if you don't have a fucking mummy filter?

That's what also I find so funny is that there's no characterization you can really do that people are going to go, oh, that's mummy, you know?

Yeah, you have to wrap toilet paper around yourself. The visual monster. Sounds like a swarm of locusts.

Horrifying. That was horrible.

And we should say, listener, if you heard that sound it's too late. You, you will, uh, dying is too harsh. You will steal your turn.

That one guy who decided to take an edible for the end of this episode is freaking out right now.

Kyle, Kyle, we're coming for you. Oh God, I forgot people listened to this high. We have a responsibility. We have a responsibility.

What arises from its tomb when you invade its long, uh, uh, room, it's, it's long something, you know, it's long.

Is that a mommy playing a flute?

I guess so. I don't really know what my soundboard could do, so I just kind of click into things that I think will be evil.

JPC, this has nothing to do with music, because you sing a sad song.

It's not... The wordless, toonless, tongueless, too. They sing a song of painful, true. To? To T-O-O, but that's a great question.

Is this like a concept or idea?

No, it is, but yeah, it's not a concept or idea.

It's literal, yes. So what's weightless, but it's like a thing?

It's a sound that you can make that is worthless, tuneless, and tongueless.

Whistle? No, do you?

Is it actually tuneless?

A fart.

A fart. A burp. Erin, a fart? Hold on. Hold on, let me go through. I'm gonna go through the riddle, Erin, and you tell me if fart works for these.

Don't hold me accountable.

No shape, no size. So far I think we're good, right? Yet all know when they arise. I think we all know when a fart is. This is going really well for me. Wordless, toonless, toonless too. They sing a song of pain full true.

Well, toonless is 50-50. A fart is full of toon. Yeah, because sometimes it's like... Sometimes it's like...

I think toonless is hard too because I think like everything has kind of a tune to it. I think fart is the closest and without going over without going over.

Is it like a tummy rumble?

No, it's not a tummy rumble, but you're good. You're good with a sound that you can physically make.

I don't know if Tim said hunger is a hunger.

It's not hunger.

It's not a concept.

It's a clapping thing. No. Sing a song of painful truth. This would be something that you would do if you were like in a lot of pain. Ooh, cry. Squeal.

Squeal.

Scream. Squeal? Scream? I will take squeal. I think Tim, Tim, did you say squeal? I said squeal. I think squeal is closest to that going over to the answer is scream though. What?

That's not toonless. That's not toonless though.

Wait, and was there tongueless or did I just add in?

The way I scream is...

Do you need your tongue to scream?

I do like the Tims at Squeal and I said scream and JPC says, I'm gonna give it to Squeal because the answer is scream.

Squeal was first though. I feel like Squeal was first and I feel like Squeal is qualified. Squeal is a scream.

It's a more embarrassing scream, right?

Yeah. But the musicality of them are different because of their tunes. These things have tunes. Every sound we make is just another gesture onto the canvas of Sonic.

I gotta be honest, I liked Mummy Tim way better.

I want to see the quickest of scenes before we go to break. Tim, you are a tuneless Tony, one of the big mafiosa in town. Ali, you are Screamin' Sammy, another one of the mafiosa in town. And Erin has threatened to squeal on you too, so you're sort of trying to intimidate her into not writing you out. Look.

You're making these faces whenever we try to intimidate you. You're making these funny little faces as if he always used to make us laugh.

I was laughing because I was trying to be tuneless, but then I just said, oh, I just did a bass. So you see, before we get, before this break, we just got to talk about our own.

We should say, we should say there is a, much like Pee Wee's Playhouse, there is a magic word or sound you can make. Ali, you couldn't have known this, but anyone who at any time on this show is, who's a guest, Makes, indirectly or directly, the Howard Dean Scream. They do immediately win $20 from Erin. So we're going to go to break. We're going to get you your $20. Casey, replace the Howard Dean Scream with Ali's. We should have both on our sound board from now on. And we'll be right back with more mummies.

I know what you're thinking. Do I have a new hat, Adal and JPC? New haircut? Why am I walking around with so much confidence?

I bet you're wondering. I wanted pretzels from the food court.

And I was just gonna let you know that it looks like you leaned on paint.

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Hey, what's going on?

Somebody leaned over my rocket money painting. Run. Everybody run. Oh no. Maroon.

Is that DaVinci?

Yeah. Yes.

And bye. Okay. We are back from break. Luckily it was a mummy free break, which is And new for us. And good though.

Although toilet paper was involved.

Okay listeners, if any of you sleuths out there trying to solve that Riddle.

This might be kind of crass, but like every piece of shit is kind of like a mummy if you've wiped it in the right way. Too far, Tim went too far.

Well actually I have a ton of questions about that.

That's why I said it in the right way. That's why I said it in the right way.

No, exactly. That's the part we have questions about.

Truly, the fact that you think that's the right way is that's my thing. You have the right way for the mummy. You are all taking this in a really weird way, I think.

I said something super normal when everyone's reacting as if... We have, I think we have a couple more, a couple more of Holly's Reynolds. Great. This one is... I struggle with this word so I'm going to spell it out. It's not the first word. The first word is four. Four owls. Owls. A-W-L-S. Owls. Owls? Owls. Owls. Owls. Owls.

Owls. Owls. Owls. Owls.

Owls. Owls. Owls. Owls. Owls. Owls. Owls. Owls. Owls. Owls. Owls. Owls. Owls. Owls. Owls. Owls. Owls. Owls. Owls. I'm just gonna jump right over that word. For alls have I for punching through. For knives have I for cutting too. Ten friends above and ten below to grind up pieces of my foe. What am I? Teeth? No, but teeth is part of it. Okay. My ouf bones. It's not bones. I think that this is something that has teeth. This one I think will be kind of difficult to get, I think.

Bear trap?

A comb? A brush? A comb's good.

Oh, that is great. It is not figurative teeth. I guess are those figurative teeth? No, they're literally teeth. It's just what they're called. This is more like a creature.

Oh, it's like a fucked up piano.

This is a creature.

I'd love to see a scene. Tim, you're taking piano lessons and Adal, you're the piano and you're kind of a monster. So whenever you want to scare Tim.

Okay.

Yes buddy, let's crack your fingers more. What? Hello? Each knuckle. Oh. Look up here. I'm under your chair. Huh? Ah, slide out from underneath. Hello. Let's get started, shall we?

Sure. I'm supposed to practice Bach for my teacher. Yes, Bach. Yes, one of my favorites. Hey, I'm sorry. Um, do you like want to be played? The way you're talking to me seems like it's gonna give you a pleasure to be played. And this might be a long story, but I've never given pleasure in my life.

I don't want to get too deep in the weeds here, so I'm gonna go ahead and... I'm gonna play you. Yes. Yes. Yes. Okay. Mash the keys. How about this? Mash them.

And this? Beautiful. I'm gonna try a scale right here. Beautiful. Yes, press the scales. I have scales. Gosh, look at me. I guess I'm more at home with the monsters than I am with my own friends, even my girlfriend.

I've never had a pleasure before. Listen, I'm a Frankenstein way. I'm sort of a monster piano. Well, I did have a bride actually. So let me tell you this. You will know When someone feels made for you, that is true love. You will know. You will feel it.

Have you felt true love before? Have you had a player that hit all the right notes?

Yeah, or has another piano? No player has ever given me the same satisfaction. Oh, can you play satisfaction?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. I don't know the chorus, but I can do the melody. I can figure out the melody. No? That was it, right? Unless you start with a Jaws theme. Sure. That's a half step, right? Nope. Nope. Well, that's our time. I think I heard the alarm go off. I think that's our time. No! Don't go! Don't go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! I need you. No, please. You on my piano. I'm Chris Martin. And that's how Coldplay was born.

We're gonna get sued.

I'm Chris Martin, he affirms.

Technically, legally, Chris Martin has the presence of a mummy. So Tim, you're still on track to win that $20. Mm-hmm. Those piercing blue eyes. Yes. His weather mummish and his cursed albums.

I did look it up. An awl is a tool. It's a small pointed tool used for piercing holes, especially in leather. The answer is shoe. I feel like Ali was listening when I said that this was a creature, and I feel like a lot of people have been saying non-creature.

Oh, a piano can't be a creature?

Wow.

Hmm, rude. Wait, I just gotta hear it again. There's some bizarre mindfuck of listen to it real quickly and then listen to an improv scene. It's impossible to pay attention.

It's like Waterborne.

Thank you! Oh my gosh, finally, some validation.

Ali and I are both here to affirm each and every one of you in your own special ways. Aww.

Yes.

We love affirming.

And if you're listening to this podcast, hi. Don't worry, it will take it slow. Okay, that was a chainsaw. Okay, so four also have I for punching through. Four. Four knives have I for cutting too. Ten friends above and ten below to grind up pieces of my foe. What am I? Spider. Back to back spider. It's not a back-to-back spider. It is a creature. We are literally talking about the teeth that this creature has.

It's got to be an insect. What's the first line again? The very first line?

Everyone is making me say this word, but I'm not confident. Ouch. Four awns have eye for punching through. Those would be like the canines. Is it a crab? Those would be four canines. Oh crab. That is right. Yeah, four canines. Four knives have eye for cutting too. Canines. No. No.

It's a different type of tooth.

Slots? Not slops. Here's the thing I don't know how you would ever know this. Do you guys know what kind of teeth are in what kind of animals? Oh I know.

The one thing I know about teeth, Zoo Books, Tim has Zoo Books, which is worth their weight in gold as a child. The only thing I know is that hyenas have the most, and this may not even be correct, it could be like alligators, but I've heard that hyenas have the most crushing power with their teeth.

Beavers have teeth that don't stop growing, which is why they have to chew them down. Is it a fish, is it a land creature, or a water creature?

I just, the four knives is confusing to me because I think claws, I would think, you know, more.

All of these are describing types of teeth. So four, all of the stuff I've been punching through are canines. The four knives are the Carnicile, Carnicile teeth. Cardiostatic teeth, it means steak. And then the 10 above and 10 below are the 20 other teeth. This is a feature that has- Wait, wait.

I have a great question. This has worked before. GPC, if there was like a Pixar-type movie made where this creature was a character, what would their voice sound like?

Smart. Okay, that is great. This has worked one time before, so I'll go. We got Umbrella off of this. We got Umbrella.

He did the perfect Umbrella voice. It was like my favorite moment from the show. Okay.

Okay. This is what that creature would sound like.

Okay, it's the same.

It's his umbrella voice. It's his umbrella voice.

It's his umbrella voice.

It's his umbrella voice.

It's his magic moment that happened in a prior episode. And this is the moment you realized it was nothing. It was a fluke. It was a total fluke. Oh, is it a fluke?

To be clear, I realized it was nothing before I had to do the thing. Oh, is it a, it's Snagglepuss. That was Snagglepuss. It's a panther. It's not a panther.

You're very close. Tiger, leopard. It's a type of cat. A lion.

Leopard.

Tim got it. It is a lion.

I don't want to be rude, but can I rail against the riddle?

Oh my god, go off.

We do have a Zach DeLaRocca segment, if you'd like us to lead into that.

This is from the Pathfinder Corporation, so feel free to be as brutal as you want to be.

I think... So I feel like part, it's sort of like Jeopardy questions, right? Like you ideally want to have clues that like get you in to the answer. But who thinks about like the type of an amount, the amount of teeth different animals have are not like common knowledge enough to lead you anywhere. And a lion has so many other cultural signifiers and physical signifiers that like are that we think about that like in this like going for And this not doing any of that to get us closer to understanding the numbers? I just think... I do wanna see a scene.

Isn't Pathfinder secondary world too?

Yeah, right?

Couldn't you be like, it's a winged lion with halos.

Is this a fucking rakasha or whatever?

This is a different beast. Tim, I completely agree with you.

Rakasha.

Your anger is justified.

Great. Adal, what is your scene that you like to see?

Just very quickly, I do want to plug the new season of Justified, Justified Primeval coming soon to Hulu. Tim, you're going to be playing... Hold on, hold on. Is there really a new season of Justified? 100%. It's set in Detroit.

Wednesday, right?

It's based on one of the better Elmore Leonard novels.

I actually have something that I have to do right now and so I have to go.

Tim, you're going to be playing a lion who's, you're on like a talk show, like a nighttime talk show, not like the Tonight Show or anything, but you're on this talk show kind of discussing the misunderstandings of lions and how lions are so much more than just claws and teeth. Erin, you are the host of this talk show and you're just trying to better understand this creature.

Thank you so much for coming on tonight. What a dream this has been to have.

Oh, thank you so much for having me. This is really fantastic. Yeah.

Oh, whoa.

Okay, I'm gonna put my paws in front of my mouth so you don't have to see my terrifying teeth when I talk.

I know your paws are so big.

Oh, jeez Louise. Hey, I know you're scared, but there's more to lions in their claws and teeth.

Yeah?

Yeah. In fact, People always compare big cats by their coats or their little differences, but really it's about our internal lives that you can really set a line apart.

Okay, yeah. Are you hungry right now?

I am not hungry. In fact, I'm feeling quite courageous, which is how you know I'm a lion. Lions are courageous, and it looks like this lately hope to get a little lion. Take a little page from the li- a cue from the lion's page. A page from the lion's book with a little more courage.

We edit this in post so we can take whatever you want.

That's cowardly to me. See? See? That's cowardly to me. Do it live.

See? They like it. Yeah. I heard that you recently went on a cruise and some wacky things happened.

So cruises are alright if you're not one of the more famous animals in the world. You know, I came in to relax, everyone's coming up, everyone's coming up. You try not to be rude, you try not to be rude. But at a certain point you go, hey can I enjoy some time with my family for a little bit? Well I said that to a panther.

I am so scared right now.

And a panther is just another style of leopard apparently. We can add that part up.

Wow, Riddle Rifai is ready to take a turn.

You're gonna lose your soundboard privileges, JPC.

You know, it's so helpful just to speak comedic nuts and bolts for a second. It is so helpful for my whole thing to have someone giving ironic cheers and affirming boos. It really puts my whole thing into the right frame.

Tim, have you ever seen... I was just going to say I think we made podcast history because I was a scene about a mummy lion. I think so.

I think so.

Yeah, the fan art. It's coming in already.

The rare Midwestern mummy lion. Okay. Look, Holly has one last, Holly has one last riddle. Now that last one, I totally agree with Tim and I honestly agree with everyone. You really had to know specifically about a lion's teeth to get the answer to that one. Otherwise you're just guessing. Holly says that they gave this one to their team. This is one that Holly invented, and the players in Holly's campaign called it total bullshit.

Good work.

So I like it. If you thought that that last one was hard to parse, this one might be a little tricky. Holly agrees, and Holly also said that they learned an important lesson about player knowledge and what you could expect out of players. But here's this one. It all comes with a fable. This one's a little longer. The story goes, or the one we've all been told, there was a king who always flew too high, and then he fell too low. And so he called all his wise men to the hall and begged them for the answer to the rising and the fall. And people sang of how they came back with a ring, a simple, plain adornment, unbefitting of a king. Though gems it lacked, it was engraved in gold with black, Four words around the band and they proclaimed. This sounds like gems.

This one had the gems in it. This is what I was thinking of earlier. This is what I was thinking about this one.

Don't leave me, baby. Wait, are we guessing the words?

You're guessing the four words that are engraved upon this band.

Mummy, mummy, mummy, mummy.

Mummy, mummy, mummy, mummy.

Here's the thing, I think that if you don't know this answer immediately, you'll probably never get it. I don't expect Adal to ever get this.

So it's like a sex thing? Wow, dude, nice. Great self roast, I loved it.

Perfect self roast. Matt respected that self roast.

Thank you, thank you. Dude, you have to give me the recipe for that self-rose.

I know you're gonna hate this, but can you read it again?

Yeah, okay. The story goes, or so the one we've all been told. And I take issue with we've all been told. I think a certain people have been told this and some haven't. There was a king who always flew too high and then he fell too low. And so he called his wise men to the hall and begged for them to answer the rising and the fall. And people sang of how they came back with a ring, a simple plain endowment, unbefitting of a king. Though gems it lacked, it was engraved in gold with black, four words around the band and they proclaimed. Is this a Bible thing? Erin, this is a Bible thing, and not a sex thing, but that's why Adal is going to have trouble.

I was really going to say, what did I grow up without? And I was going to say, this is either about Christianity or dads.

Yes. Wait, what about, is it something like, he is risen? Good.

Sweet. Adal was wrong about Christianity, I guess it is part of Christianity, but this is more Old Testament. We're thinking more Old Testament.

So it's not the Christ has returned?

No, it is not the Christ has returned.

It was Adam's fault.

It's OK. No, it's not. Here's the thing. I have read the entire Bible for spite and I don't strongly even remember this part. I know it's this story. I don't remember the exact story here.

Hmm.

So it's pretty not obscure, but it's it's about the parable of King Solomon. Is that is that doing anything for anyone?

Oh, he pulled the baby in half. The baby in half. Yeah.

See, that's the part of Solomon that I would know about the like, hey, cut the baby splits the baby, everybody's happy. This is like a different thing.

And then the mom, the mom was like, the true mom was like, wait, wait, wait, don't cut the baby. Just let her have it. And King Solomon was like, oh, that worked out.

Good mom.

Yeah, good mom. Oh shit. I was thinking about that.

We'd love to take your Bible class. Get the baby, put the baby, everyone's happy.

I do like the idea that Holly is out there running like a sort of like Old Testament world fanfic Pathfinder game. Now a line with a halo makes sense.

Holly also assumed that this one was just like common knowledge that everybody would know, but yeah. This is the part where you realize, oh my childhood was actually weird. I had like a different childhood than everybody else. I don't know. So here are the four words I will give them to you and you can tell me if this sounds familiar. Okay.

Do it slowly. Do it slowly.

Okay, okay. I'll give you an opportunity to steal.

Yeah.

Yeah. This. To. Shall pass.

Shall pass.

Shall pass. Yes, it is shall pass. That is the wisdom of King Solomon. Holly wrote, what I assumed was a well-known bearable. My players disagreed that this was common knowledge and were unable to solve it. I did learn a good lesson as a GM though about not putting puzzles based on what I assume my players will know.

Doesn't that also sound like something about like shit? Like this two will pass? Is that something? That's disgusting. Why would you talk like that? You know what? You're right. I brought up shit and that's gross and I shouldn't have done that.

Unless you bring it up in the proper context. And I have been thinking about how to rap, it doesn't matter, but I do have a, and we can talk about this off-pod, but I do think I have a way to do it the right way for a mummy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, cool.

I don't like this, because it has to be before it hits the water, and I don't want it to go in. I don't like it. And Ali, we're thinking the same way, yes!

Okay, cool, so we got the same way. We know the same way. We have the method, we'll talk to you all about it afterwards.

Um, I mean, I think this Two Shall Pass I think has sort of like jumped away from whatever its source material was at this point, you know? Yeah. Because I feel like, yeah, we all know this Two Shall Pass. That's like a... That's like a... Okay, go song. Yeah. So, it's like, but I don't connect that to Solomon and I feel like I've read, I've read the Bible. I feel like I know a lot of Bible stories. I forgot about this one for sure.

Yeah.

Yeah. I would just like to say this too shall pass. That's a dope thing to have on a ring too. I love the sentiment behind this too shall pass. The impermanence of everything.

I hear you, but I'd rather have gems.

Yeah, resale value on that ring plummeted. Hey, speaking of plummeting resale value, this is not a great segment, right? What a bad segue. We would love to take some time to plug some of our projects. Tim Platt, we can start with you because you had to go second the first time. What would you like to plug?

So I got a show at Littlefield on July 25th, which I think is the day before this is coming out. That one's called Made of Bugs. I do it some months, not every month, but some months. But I do have a show on August 29th at Union Hall in Brooklyn, New York called Tim Platt's Fighting Game Live, where it's a bunch of comedians who pretend that they are controlling made up like moral combat characters and then fight each other. It's very It should be a whole lot of fun. And check out Root Tales of Magic on the Headgum Network and Oh These Those Stars of Space, which is that same Root Tales crew, all produced by Bucket of Milk.

Oh yeah. Very cool. Ali Fisher, do you have anything that you would like to plug in? I will remind you, feel free to plug things that are coming up in the future and not necessarily things that happened yesterday that people can't really take advantage of.

Not necessarily though. Thank you for saying that necessarily. That left some wiggle room for me to be an old gay guy. Tim, that wasn't about you.

That wasn't about you, Tim. Tim, that's not about you at all.

It's about previous guests that have... Sorry pal, you get the mummy's curse.

I'm sorry, I'm done, I'm done. Um, yeah, so the same bucket of milk podcast that Tim just plugged, retails of magic, and oh these those stars of space. Every once in a while you might catch a riddle, so tune in. Wow. And then I edit a bunch of really wonderful books at Tor Books and I, you know, I don't want to plug any of them specifically because I don't write them. I simply edit them. But if you go to my Twitter page, At Ali Fisher, A-L-A-F-I-S-H-E-R, you'll see me promoting a lot of books and you should just buy them all. That's what you should do.

Cool.

Oh yeah. That's very cool. Adal, is there anything that you would like to plug?

Yes, I was recently a guest on the Dungeon Radio Hour podcast, so please check out my appearance on that and all the other episodes of that. I also want to plug JPC's impression earlier. I think now that I found out it was Lion, I think the... was actually fantastic, because that's like the Judy Garland Wizard of Oz Lion, so I should have known that. And then I also, lastly, want to plug, if you've been listening to this whole episode and you were like, Tim Platt said a Lord of the Rings riddle up top, and I have never heard this before. What is the answer? The answer, my dear friend, is Tim, you want to say? It's an egg. It's an egg.

A box without hinges, key or lid, yet golden treasure inside is hid. The answer is egg.

How disappointed were you when The Hobbit movie was bad? Anyone that comes to bed has like a dark history with The Hobbit movie.

I didn't see it. It's one of those... Like my like Godfather read me and my brothers all The Hobbit when we were too young before we could read, you know? So he like read all that stuff out loud. And it's one of those things where like when I see this adapted in the media, it's just not going to be... The thing for me, so I might as well remove myself from the equation and not get mad, you know?

Not to one up, but in fourth grade and we did the play, The Hobbit, and I was smog. And so like, how can anyone ever compare with the true experience of being the dragon?

Yeah, you're in it. You were in it. Yeah.

Erin, anything to plug?

Yes, I was recently on the DePodcast, which is John Mackey's podcast, and I had the best time. It's like one of the hardest I've ever left this year. So I'd recommend checking that out. It's a great podcast. Also check out sitcom D&D, where someone from retails of magic is going to be on our season, our upcoming season. So check it out.

Wow.

Exciting.

JPC, do you have a review to read?

Thank God. Somebody asked me to read a review. Yes, and if you want to get a review featured on the show, you can always leave a five-star review. Anywhere that you read it, leave reviews. So as long as it's five stars and as long as it's written down, I might read it. Hey, today I'm reading one from TCC87. Got that second C in there. A five-star review from Tom. He, him. Okay to say my name. This is JPC. These are my words, no one else's. I need to leave the show forever because I pooped my pants so hard I broke my butt. And I can't solve riddles without my butt. I know what you're thinking. JPC, surely your butt will heal in time and you can come back, but no, it's broken forever. That's how hard I pooped my pants. So this is my final goodbye, and I'd like to leave you with these parting words. Bad news, gang. All right, Adal and Erin both looking down at their phones. They did not take the bad news game prompt.

I'm listening.

I'm listening. Wow. Sorry, Tom. Sorry, Tom. You didn't get the bad news game prompt, but you did get two I'm listening probably.

Jana Barney is in a Zencast room alone and Adal and I were addressing that problem.

All right, Tom. So if you're wondering why that prompt was a big failure, that's your fault. Sorry, buddy.

Yes, you're fault. The bad news game.

Yeah.

No, it's too late. It's too late for the bad news game.

Bad news? We weren't listening, see?

Jupiter. You can't say it.

Bye forever.

Something to have to.

Sorry, Erin Keif and John Patrick Coan. Casey told me to be editing.

And I'm already parenting the view.

The famous and emo-eaten words. Hey there Bracken-its. If you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. We've got Janet Varneon to do the final question mark installment of our 50 favorite things brackets. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash HeyRiddleRiddle by joining the Clue crew for $5 a month, or start your 7 day free trial, or the Review crew for $8 a month, and get those ad-free episodes. See you there!