Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum podcast.

Good evening citizens. I have something to bring to the table. I think that Milwaukee, Wisconsin is too close to our city. Is there anyone here who feels the same?

Yeah, I feel the same. Been walking Wisconsin slowly, slowly, year after year, encroaching on our city. It's a shame.

Yes, encroaching, that's the word.

Me as well, and I... Oh, guys, we just got an email.

Huh?

We just got an email. Oh, to the city council? Uh, no, to us, Adal, Erin, and JBC.

Well, shouldn't we wait until new business? This is a city council meeting.

Wow, ripping you guys out of character really is like waking up a sleepwalker, huh? That's pretty dangerous.

Where am I? I fell out of character.

Where am I? I'm so hungry. Our bosses, the Hey Riddle Riddle bosses, just sent us an email.

Wait, Casey and the Devil?

That's my new favorite band.

That's our garage band.

Oh, no, we got an email from our bosses that says we have a new stretch goal on our Patreon, a very exciting one.

Oh, but Erin, didn't they do away with stretch goals on Patreon for some reason?

Technically, yes, but we're still doing one. We still do them. When we hit 7,200 patrons, we... Yes. Okay. Yes.

We what? Do a city council scene?

Aw, come on. Please tell us who this is. This is releasing an episode that we recorded with the Anthony Birch from Dungeons and Daddies and it's a Columbo based D&D mystery. It is so fun.

You're telling me we're releasing a Columbo-ness episode with Anthony Birch as the DM?

Wait a second, wait a second. I remember recording that episode. I thought that that was just for us.

Yeah, we said that and that was a lie.

Because we do, we should let people know, when we record, we do one for y'all, one for us, one for y'all, one for us. And the ones we do for us, we never release.

We keep them, we thank them. One for you, eight for us, one for you, eight for us.

Jaylen never touched his Tonight Show money. Hey Riddle Riddle has 400 episodes that we never touch.

We put them into Disney Vault and every 40 years we will release them on VHS, but only for a year and then they're back in the vault.

If you go to patreon.com slash Hey Riddle Riddle, you can join the Clue Crew or the Review Crew, get us to 7200, and then we'll release that episode. That sounds pretty cool.

Our unreleased episodes are the Disney Vault fighting Snow White right now.

And they've aged about as well as most of those Disney classics. Erin, I also... Ooh, I just got an email from the bosses.

Oh gosh, what's it say?

It says, stretch goals. Good evening, Hey Riddle Riddle. Back in season one, I don't know if we have seasons. We do. Erin said she's going to learn how to stretch so far she'll do the splits. It's been about five years. We need those splits ASAP.

And Erin, I wanted to bring this up too because this is something that I've certainly been experiencing. The older you get, the more flexible you get, right?

Will your bones become more brittle and therefore have more leeway?

They break easier.

I really can't. Welcome to the

Release that very special thing. And I also want to say, and just tosses out there, and I know this is probably the way it's off, but 7500, we're going to do something even more special. That sounds rude.

It's definitely wackier. It looks longer.

I should say it's longer, not more special.

I think it's longer, yeah. This one's pretty long, but that one's a little bit longer. What if that's how we worked?

Something I wanted to say about the column bonus episode is that, a little spoiler, Adal and JPC are genuinely trying to solve the mystery throughout it. So there's a part that just Anthony and I recorded that they took their headphones off for and then so you could actually like hear them try to put together the clues and it was so much fun. I want to do a hundred more. But I do think it's worth checking out. Even if you don't watch Colombo, I think it's worth checking out.

And also it was super hard and I don't know how that little Italian man does it every week. Mario? Yes. Thank you Chris Pratt.

Detective of Mario. Normal voice. Mario, you gotta stop punching the evidence. We have all those blocks roped off. You keep jumping in the air and punching the evidence.

Erin, I wanted to tell you something specifically. Sure, yes. I just got back. Keep them on Adal. Maybe you'll have something in here that piques your interest as well.

I thought I might have to solve the mystery of what it was.

Erin, so I just got back from New England. Mariah and I went on a little trip of New England. You have previously, and I can't remember if it's on the main favorite Patreon, said that you have like a ranking of your favorite states in New England. Now, is Vermont New England? I didn't go to Vermont, so I can't technically weigh in on Vermont. That's my number one. I can see that. I can see that. But I think, Erin, you said that your number one was Maine. Have to agree. Hard degree. Loved Maine. Maine and absolutely wonderful. So Maine, if you're out there, you win. Best of New England.

I'm so happy. Yeah. My top three were Maine, Vermont, and Massachusetts.

I liked Maine a lot. I didn't spend a ton of time in New Hampshire, but I ate at a vegan restaurant in New Hampshire. That was my favorite meal of the entire trip. I think it's called Green Elephant in Portsmouth, New Hampshire. It was absolutely fantastic vegan food. If all vegan food tasted like that, everybody would be vegan and no one would have a problem with it, I would say. But the other thing, Erin, is I did like Massachusetts. I've been to Boston before. It didn't quite, I mean Boston's fine I will say. I was at Boston for the 4th of July, which was not great. There's just too much going on. But I will say my favorite part of Massachusetts was a little place called New Bedford and they have a whaling museum in New Bedford that is one of the best museums I've ever been to in my life.

So that's like Bob Marley's in there and like someone at the bottom of a well, that kind of thing?

Yeah, they thought Massachusetts was the best place to put that, to put that museum. If you have, if you're ever in the, you know, I guess Boston area, it's like an hour from Boston. Definitely check out that new Bedford Whaley Museum. Just a fantastic museum.

You're making your trip sound awfully innocent for someone who sent me a photo of yourself in front of my childhood home.

To be fair, you sent him the address. I did text the group and say, hey I'm doing a text thing, I need to do everyone's childhood home address.

Well you said I need everyone's childhood home address except for you Adal, so Erin just send me yours.

And I was like, I know what this is, but it's a great part of Massachusetts and it's worth seeing. I sent it to my parents and they were beside themselves. They were like, oh my God, he was here. We would have fed him. And I was like, thank God. Thank God he didn't say hello. You would have never.

I wanted to go in so badly, but Mariah was like, it is my nightmare to go to a friend's house where that friend is not there and meet their family. I was like, okay, that's fine. You don't have to go. We don't have to do that.

I think the bit we had going on the text thread was to show up and say, to knock on the door, act like you don't know them, and just be like, hey, um, my coworker used to live here. Do you mind if I take a little tour of the house?

It was the 4th of July when you went. You would have seen my entire extended family at my aunt's house because she lives a couple houses down. They would have been beside themselves. The freight train sound of Boston accents screaming at you would have killed you. John!

Apparently I saw Mitch's car when I didn't key that motherfucker. I thought you might. I think it was straight. I actually had a fob so I don't really know how I would have keyed it. You would have found a way.

I wish I had told you to get out and then just sort of like look around my house. My parents would have been fine to have you sort of poking around inside there.

It was also a torrential downpour that day to the point where I had to pull off of the highway like driving and we just had to sit there for a while because I was like, I don't know these roads well enough. There's no visibility and I don't want to die because I went to Erin's childhood home in a bit. But the other thing, and I think this is Adal, maybe something that you'll be interested in, that we, I don't know if we've talked too much about, Erin grew up literally steps from the ocean. You can walk outside of Erin's yard and jump into the ocean.

We have mentioned this before. She grew up in Blingham, right? Oh yeah. Must be nice. Old ocean baby. Right by the water.

But what did you think of my neighborhood? Did you like it? Did you like my little house?

Hey Riddle. I went there also on the 4th of July and I was like, wow, the original Dunkin Donuts. What a time. Let's go inside and just grab a coffee. There were two employees in there. One employee, I'm sorry, there were three. One of them was just getting off and like apologizing like, I gotta leave. I have to leave. I've been here for so long. I have to leave. And they were all fighting with each other. And there was a long line of people and I was like, oh, this is miserable. What a horrible time. I was like, Mariah, we should just not be here, right? We don't need Dunkin Donuts right now, and everyone here is having the worst day of their lives.

I love when Dunkin' Donuts employees have Boston accents like God intended. You go, yes, this is exactly what it's meant to be. I wish I had told you to go to the parade and hang them on the 4th of July because it's a really great parade.

Erin, Erin, there's no chance that parade happened. It was raining so hard. How hard was it raining? I already told you I had to pull off the road because of how hard it was. Sorry, I forgot. It may have happened like later or earlier, but when I was there, when I was there, it was, I mean, what water's up in that place?

Can I say Duncan, Erin, correct me if I'm wrong, the original Dunkin Donuts, and JPC, you now know this as well. I know this for sure. I'm the only one who does not. The original Dunkin Donuts, 15 minutes from your childhood home? Is that right?

I would say 15 or 20, yeah. It's in Quincy, so it's in a different neighborhood. Maybe I shouldn't say this.

I don't know if you're gonna triangulate. I'm helping. I was just trying to stand up close and grow to it.

Quincy's far away.

I will say the original Dunkin Donuts was what my dad's Dunkin Donuts was growing up. That was like the one closest to his childhood home.

And also correct me if I'm wrong, Dunkin Donuts, the only brand that serves, you know, coffee and food and beverage that has the word runs in their campaign slogan? Am I getting this right? America runs.

Adal, stop it. Just stop it. Don't ruin it.

Wait, speaking of ruining it, I think... I think the parade... the Fourth of July parade might be... The sharks are eating humans. Wow. Come on. The tiger has a headache.

A monkey's folding a flag in hand to get to a widow.

The whales are all coordinating to sink boats now.

The squirrels are throwing candy at kids.

A starfish has a caked up ass. Wait, I do have to say, I went to the Boston Aquarium. I went to the Boston Aquarium as well. I saw some starfish that have never missed leg day. These starfish had the biggest asses I've ever seen. Of course, I took a photo.

You were talking about a starfish right in front of your wife?

Wow. Yeah. Well, hey, when you have a cool wife, you can actually do it with her.

We like your vibe from across the water.

That's ridiculous.

Well, we did an animal parade, so now, legally, I have to read an article about animals. But here's the thing, this is gonna be... This is a little bit different. This is... I don't know if this is... These aren't really animals, but I found this so fascinating that I have to read this. This is an article from thehill.com. Are you both? I'm ready. You're both looking down and to the right. And I don't know if I'm supposed to be looking down and to the right as well.

Well, I had to send you a picture of a starfish with an absolute but dog-to-dog-caked-up ass just like... Oh my god! They look like... They all look like... They look like... They look like... They look like... They look like... They look like... They look like... They look like... They look like... They look like... They look like... They look like... They look like... They look like... They look like... They look like... They look like... They look like... They look like... They look like... They look like... They look like... They look like... They look like... They look like... They look like... They look like... They look like... They look like... They look like... They look like... They look like... They look like... They look like... They look like... They look like... They look like... They look like... They look like... They look like... They look like... They look like... They look like... They look like... They look like... They look like...

Now I know why Patrick looks like the way he does with his little pay pass.

These guys look so huge. They're swole as fuck. What?

The way I can describe this is graphic.

The way I can describe this is... Can we... Horny in Maine? I know Horny on Maine is a thing. Was this in Maine you saw this?

It was in New England, so yeah. Can we say Horny in Maine?

Can that be a new bumper sticker? Horny in Maine? Sure. I wish to... I would help fund this. If there's some sort of... Donation or charity that we could like make little thongs for these guys? I would donate.

I know that there's a lot of really important causes out there, but no cause more important than getting thongs or starfish.

I think Cisco would agree. Sorry, the company, not the singer.

Yeah, the company that makes the hogs.

Yes. This is from thehill.com. This is, just to remind everyone, this is in relation to the animal parade.

Animal parade, got it. Yes, that we just did.

Of course, we always have to. As part of the whole segment, the singing of the song is not the whole segment, as we've been warned before. We also have to read an article about animals. Here we go. This is from thehill.com. Okay. And everyone watch Erin's face. New study find Me? I want Jared's face. I bite everyone. New study finds plants scream when stressed or injured.

Erin, why take a big drink of water right there? You heard him say what's your name?

This changes everything. Wow. Erin, this changes everything.

Adal, you have to tell me you're lying right now or I'm going to have a full blown nervous breakdown.

I thought this might be like a joke article, so I googled it and I found 12 other articles that corroborate the story.

Plant scream?

It's the subhead letter here. Plants, they're just like us.

Again, a new study finds plants scream when stress are injured. Tomato and tobacco plants make distinctive sounds when cut or dehydrated, a new study has found. These sounds change depending on the plant emitting them and the type and severity of the threat.

Well, I'm never eating a tomato again.

The findings shatter. The common perception of plants has silent, passive background players.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

What does the sound sound like?

Wait, why is, why are you reading an article about plants for Animal Parade?

Because plants are more than what you thought. Erin, if plants scream, what else do they do, right?

Is that any sense? Here's my question. Just because someone makes a sound doesn't mean it's a scream. And just because someone makes a scream doesn't mean it's like necessarily a negative thing. This could be like a scream of like sexual arousal.

Or seeing a celebrity. Oh my gosh, it's Fern.

Seeing Jean Parmesan. Jean Parmesan.

Does it sound like a scream? Does it sound like when you boil lobsters and they scream?

All will be answered. Well actually, lobsters are animals, Erin. Instead, okay wait, these findings shatter the common perception of plants as silent passive background players to the animal life in their environments. Instead, they show those plants could send out signals that animals in their environment can hear and pick up on and potentially use to change their behavior. Tomatoes left without water begin making a noise on the second day. Okay, so it sounds like they're just like hangry. Even while the tomato still looks good, the sounds which somewhat resembled the noise of popcorn popping, peaked after five days of water stress, and then began to decline as the plant dried out.

Wait, wait, wait, wait! I haven't even got to the most terrifying part. But hold on, how did we just discover this? Is this a sound that's even perceptible by human ears, or it's only animals can hear this?

This isn't in the article, but JPC, no one thought to listen.

I guess I need to shut my ass up. If we could all just make room.

But the next time I take like an edible, all of a sudden my eyes are gonna get really wide when I remember that plants are screaming.

Okay, here's the most terrifying part. The sounds happen at the approximate volume of human speech. Okay. Everyone in your shelters, everyone in the bop shelters, get in your plant scream shelters. I want to see a scene.

What do they mean by human speech? Because that varies wildly. Like me, I have very loud human speech, and the security guard who tried to tell me which way to go at the New England Aquarium talked in the littlest whisper voice I've ever heard in my entire life. I had to lean into this man and come like inches from his face, and he was like, the secret doors, the doors. I'm like, what?

What do I eat now? What am I supposed to eat? If I'm hurting animals, if I'm hurting plants, what do I eat now?

You eat screams. I do want to see a scene. I don't even... The possibilities are endless and also finite. I'm so... I used to be terrified of the ocean, I mean, up until moments ago when I... What is this stall?

What is this stall that he's doing? He called the seed. Why is he stalling?

Okay, I want to see a scene. The two of you are... I'm sorry. Erin, you're a plant. JPC, you are a gardener. You're pruning your garden. And this is the first time maybe that you've ever heard or really taken notice of Erin.

Mmm, looks like the deer have been back in here. Well, I guess taller fences and more piss. Huh? Oh, hello?

Hello.

Hello? I'm sorry?

Hey.

Is there another one of you neighborhood kids in my garden? I swear to God if I find you, I'm gonna eat your fucking eyes, you little pieces of shit.

Whoa, no, no, no, no, it's me.

Ah!

Oh my God.

I'm sorry. Can you hear me? Tomato plant, can you hear me? Oh no. Oh no.

Yeah, I know a lot of stuff now.

I'm dreaming. I'm dreaming. I must be dreaming. Uh, quick! Break one of my fingers!

Hey!

Oh, why did I start with that?

So anyways, the deer have been back. Not loving that.

How can you talk? How can you communicate? How can you hear me? How can I hear you?

Are you serious? I've been talking to you for like years.

Oh, yeah, girl.

And I do want to flashback. This is like three years ago. Erin, this is you as a plant with your plant spouse and you're having one of your spats.

Um, I'm gonna grow away, okay?

What? You c- Are you- Is this about Derek?

No, I just- He's just a really good listener.

Are you kidding me? Punches the soil. Are you kidding me right now?

Steve, this is what it is. It's instant rage with you. I can't do this anymore. I'm moving my roots.

I'm taking the seeds and I'm going to my brothers. I'm taking the seeds. Don't worry about- Don't look in the house. Don't look at the house. He can't hear us. He can't hear us.

He can hear me.

No. You're delusional. I've screamed for years, okay? Every time he cuts my leaves, my, well, he calls them leaves, I call them arms. Every time he cuts my arms, okay? It's like breaking a finger and I scream and he does nothing.

You don't get him. Derek, what do you mean you can't hear me? I left my tomato plant husband for you.

Oh, uh, I don't know if you left him so much as we ate him. You what? If animals can scream and plants can scream, then the answer to what you can eat is anything. If they're all the same, they're all nothing, right? Like, there's no safe option, so everything's on the table.

I guess I'm feeling a little queasy about eating anything that screams.

I do want to... James, I do want to... I mean, your story about the place in New Hampshire and then also hearing this article. I do want to open up a restaurant called Garden Screams. I hope you both will join me one day.

Do you want a restaurant that shuts down before it even opens? What's that?

Erin, what are you talking about? Garden Screams is the perfect name for a vegetarian restaurant. It's just letting people know.

Is there a theme to Garden Screams or...

Okay. Well, now that you say Garden Screams in your voice and not mine, I do hear that as an amusement park. Garden Screams is a much better name for Busch Gardens. Busch Garden Screams. Busch Garden Screams. Okay. Interesting.

We should do some riddles, right?

Yes.

Get me out of this prison of knowing that plant scream, please.

Okay. So this is an email. This is from Quay, which is this little, this is a fantastic name. Quay Dalis. Love this. You have permission to use my full name, so I did so. Quay says, homemade hink pinks. Hey Adal, Erin, and GBC. I'm a new listener and I fucking love your show. I started binging the backlog about two weeks ago and I'm on episode 107. I skipped the Patriot episode since I plan to subscribe once I'm all cut up. Good to know. Enough schmoozing. I came up with my own hink pink puzzles. Okay. So let's hear some of these hing pings and you all will try and solve them. Okay, we remember what hing pings are. The answer is going to be two words that rhyme.

Okay, this is a backlog. Sounds absolutely disgusting. That's just a phrase. Saying that you're binging the backlog. If I didn't know what that meant, I would never want to know what that.

It's a lot of ugly sounds.

Yeah. A retail establishment of gates and hatches. Amber, crampy, rubber, drop.

Excuse me? Fence.

Fence. Gates and hatches.

A door.

Yes. A door store. Door store.

I actually got their first JPC. Eat my dust.

Okay, this is, oh, dust screams. Actually, you're in dust screams. This is unfortunate, given the article we just read. Enhancements gained from daisies, tulips, lilies, etc.

Flower power.

It's Flower Bar, which is what Detective Mario uses to help his cases.

Assistance. Detective Mario Batali.

I'd like to see a say in really quick. You two are two flowers, and you're also superheroes, and you're about to go out on a mission.

It's me, Captain Tulips.

And it's me, Deafy Dale.

You gotta get more into it. Come on.

Sorry. I got some terrible news this morning. It's not important. Let's go on the mission.

Yes, it's time to weed out crime. I gotta cut out the ums. What's your terrible news?

No, it's okay. Am I looking at my phone? I'll put it away. I'll put it away. Yes.

We're smoking weed. Come on.

What are we doing today?

We're going to a weed store. We're weeding out crime.

I gotta stop saying, I use so many minigators. Listen, what's going on? Let me... Let me see your phone. Let me see your phone.

Insurance denied the claim. It's not even my fault.

What did you do?

I wasn't even driving. What did I do? I wasn't even driving. What did you do?

We have to be above reproach, Daffy. We have to be above reproach.

My neighbor's kid asked me, and he's a sweet flower. He asked me to borrow my car. I'm like, yeah, sure. I'm not using it. I do admissions at all, at all times. I live in a super walkable garden. It's totally fine. Super walkable! Anyway, kid fucking totals it. Now insurance is denying my claim. Because I guess he was uninsured, but I gave him permission.

Daffy, we can't do it like this, man. I gotta let you go. I'm sorry. Oh, come on. We can't solve crime if everyone's pointing fingers at you.

If I lose this job, I lose the insurance, and then they'll never fucking accept the claim. Okay? Help me fight these guys. Hey, what if we solve this crime? We'd go down to the insurance office for the flowers. Yeah, we fucking burn it down, man. We take the power back to the people. Come on.

I'm not going to dupe state garden insurance, which of course is our insurance. Daffy, you know what? Good with farmers.

Yeah, we'll see. Closer.

State farm farmers, I guess all insurance is plant insurance. It's all plant insurance, baby. Let's get to more of these hankpanks. Assistance with a review website. Wait, what? Assistance? Assistance with a review that is... Whoa, Yelp help! Which I guess yelps or screams. Wow, everything is bringing us all back to plant screams. Someone who steals paperbacks.

Book thief.

Book thief, which is just a wonderful YA novel about terrible events. A preacher who is up to no good. A preacher who was up to no good.

Priest. Feast.

Excuse me? Uh... Bathshirt. Bathshirt. I do want to see a scene. Shepherd leopard. I do want to see a scene. JBC, you are a priest who is clearly some sort of demon waiting to harvest and feast on the congregation's souls. Erin, you and I are part of that congregation.

Amen.

Amen.

A reading from the book of blood. Oh, he's choking.

He's choking.

No, but I'm sorry. Book of Bla-tholamule. No one open your books. It's in there. I'll do mine. Don't put your book down. You. Fuck, bro. Put your book down. I know where it is. Okay. We're gonna go for the Book of Bla-tholamule. Oh boy. You know, it's been a while since I've done some sin. Maybe I'll give it a try.

This doesn't really sound like the Bible.

Well, that's why people like this church, because I present the Bible the way that's cool. Let me sit down on a chair, turns my hat backwards.

Ooh. He's relating to us.

Not so bad now. You know, he was into jerking himself off, huh?

Hey, why don't we all do that right now, huh? Sorry, Pastor, I believe he said his name was Graham Penta. Pastor Graham Penta, I don't think we're all comfortable doing that. Seems like something for the privacy of our own homes.

Yeah, because we don't want to do that because we're hungry, huh? Hey, why don't we all do this? Why don't we all just stuff our fucking faces, huh? Grab as much food as possible and just shove it down.

Pastor Graham?

Try to do more than your neighbor!

Isn't that gluttony? And also, can I give you all my money? Now that your hat is backward, you seem pretty cool.

I will. Hey, I love all your money, but even more than I'd love your money, I'd love for you to pick up a stick and beat to death someone else in the church right now, huh? Wouldn't that be fun?

Done. Done.

Wow, more than money. He must really want that done. Let me... Let me go out and find... Oh, there's a box of sticks right here. Call them people whoppers. Okay, let me grab one of these.

Yeah, grab a people whopper. Okay, not me. Got it. Oh, sorry.

Sorry. Your wounds are healing very fast. Okay, let's do a couple more of these. Oh, did we ever get a preacher who was up to no good? Yeah, we said priest feast. Yeah, that's not right. What is it? A deacon beacon. Okay, so we said Priest, we said Deacon. What are some other names for this occupation?

I think we've done this in a live show before.

Is it a- Is it a- Is it a- Is it a- Is it a- Is it a- Is it a- Is it a- Is it a- Is it a- Is it a- Is it a- Is it a- Is it a- Is it a- Is it a- Is it a- Is it a- Is it a- Is it a- Is it a- Is it a- Is it a- Is it a- Is it a- Is it a- Is it a- Is it a- Is it a- Is it a- Is it a- Is it a- Is it a- Is it a- Is it a- Is it a- Is it a- Is it a- Is it a- Is it a- Is it a- Is it a- Is it a- The answer is not sneakin' deacon.

Well, it was when... Erin, the answers have changed. I know, I'm just saying we've done something similar. We've done a hink-pink, but with a preset is sneaking or something like that.

We've done like 260.

There's literally a video of it on our Instagram. I will send it to the two of you and then you'll be sorry.

We've done three episodes and just put them on a loop.

Erin just sent me a picture of a starfish wearing a thong. What is she talking about?

Hell yeah.

A preacher who is up to no good would be a sinister minister. Where vehicles go to enjoy a tall can of oil after a long week.

Car bar.

Car bar. Car bar.

Oh, I mean, I would love to see a scene. Sure. Your two cars sort of saddled up at the bar after the end of a long work week.

I love what you do for me. I'm drunk.

And I'm also here having a great time with you, buddy. What a week, huh?

Oh, sorry about my emissions. Sorry about that.

Hey, you're off the clock. Have fun. That's what I say.

Can I ask you something? How do you feel about new tires? Because my wife's always on me to get new tires and I just feel like, you know, why?

I can't stop short anymore.

You know, I love the feeling of new tires. I don't want to go crazy with it. But man, when I get a set of new tires, it makes me feel like a million bucks. Bartender? Excuse me, Bartender? I'm all good. You can unplug me. Thank you.

All right.

Wow, must be nice.

I'm actually going to cut you off.

Me?

Yeah.

You got to cut me off.

I'm not going to help you obviously, but I'm going to tell you what.

Yeah, no, it's fine. Bartender, he's my friend. I will take care of him. Hey, Camaro.

Is this because I drink fossil fuel?

Camaro, how are you getting home tonight, buddy? Come on. How are you getting home? I'm walking. Which, of course, is driving. Camaro, let me put you on my trailer hitch. Let me take you home.

No, I'm fine. Look, I'm fine. Let me just... Here, I'll show you. I'll back up. Oh, sorry about that. I'll pay for that.

Sorry about that. Sorry about that.

I'll pay for that. Oh my gosh.

Come here. Stop, stop, stop.

You gotta get out, man.

We will. We will. Pop your hood. Let me check your dipstick. Oh my god, you've been over-served. The oil light is way above where it needs to be. Come here, bro. Suck out some of the oil.

You can't show your dipstick in here. Get the hell out of here, man.

First of all... Alright, one more. We got one more, and this is... This is in line with the car bar. This is maybe a client we'd see at the car bar. The number of Camrys and Tacomas that need to be produced by the end of the month. I'm Toyota Koala, that's right. Erin, you okay? Okay, let's take a break. We're gonna help Erin. Oh, she's drowning. She's drowning in her own sip of water. We'll be right back with more... Well, go to break. Go to break. And she's gone. And she's gone. Time of death? Whatever time it is. Time of death? Whatever time it is.

I know what you're thinking. Do I have a new hat, Adal and JPC? New haircut? Why am I walking around with so much confidence?

I bet you're wondering. I wanted pretzels from the food court.

And I was just gonna let you know that it looks like you leaned on paint.

Anyways, I just had a bunch of subscriptions canceled for me by Rocket Money that I wasn't using. And so now I'm flushed with cash and now I'm confident. Pretzel money? Well, maybe. We'll talk about that. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that binds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years, even before they were a sponsor.

Erin, it looks like you may have leaned on like with someone painting a rocket money like billboard or sign or something because it's all it's all down your back it's like and it's I could ock it ock it

People think they're spending $80 on their subscriptions when in reality, the number is closer to $200. And when you signed up for so many free trials, like streaming services, you watch one show and then you completely forget about it, you lose track and then all of a sudden you're like, why am I bleeding money? Rocket money? They take care of that for you. They go, sit back, relax, we got this. And they make everything color coded and easy and super intuitive.

You're also color-coded. A little birdie told me that Rocket Money also lets you monitor all your expenses in one place, recommends custom budgets based on your past spending, and they'll even send you notifications when you've reached your spending limits, which sounds like something my friend would like, but I forget which friend I'm so hungry for pretzels.

Speaking of pretzels, you don't get all twisted up by the salt theme and the bread of your finances. With over 3 million users and counting, Rocket Money customers have saved an average of $720 a year.

Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and manage your money the easy way by going to rocketmoney.com slash riddle. That's rocketmoney.com slash riddle. rocketmoney.com slash r-i-d-d-l-e.

Hey, what's going on? Somebody leaned over my rocket money paint thing. Run. Everybody run. Oh no. Maroon.

Is that DaVinci?

Yeah. Yes.

And bye.

Ding dong. Oh, someone's at the door. I'm going to go look in the little hunt. Guys, it's Sandy.

She said ding dong, right? I'm not crazy. She said ding dong.

Hey, hey, hey, it's me, the Cookie Man!

Should I let him in? Should I let him in?

Uh, sounds like a pervert.

He said he's a Cookie Man, but I can clearly see it's Sandy.

Sounds like the Cookie Man, Erin. Are you sure it's Sandy? I can see it.

It's not Sandy, it's the Cookie Man. Who's the, do we know a Cookie Man? Does anyone know a, is there like a Jacob Cookie Man or something? Do we know a Cookie Man?

I'm going to search for my phone. I know Jacob Cookieman. No, my dad was Jacob Cookieman. Oh, so we know his dad. He can hear us.

I definitely did not make up that name. I must have pulled it from the memory. Open the door, Erin. Open the door.

Okay. Jacob Cookieman son.

Oh, Sandy. It's a Girl Scout cookie adjacent person. The Sandy man. Sandy's a Girl Scout cookie, right? Sandy? Sandy man, Cookie man. Caramel Sandy's or something?

So Jacob Cookie made it in my phone. I also added do not call to the end of the last name. So that implies that I think it was like a hookup that didn't go well for me.

Wow. Yeah, sorry about that. Well, now his son is on the case.

Excuse me, just walking by, but wanted to say that we'll be hearing from lawyers.

Slam? Someone walking by getting a door slammed on them.

I think cookie monsters pissed.

Oh Sandy, we are so happy to see you here again. And I bet you're happy to finally do an intro that doesn't require you getting covered in sand.

I would take that bet, yes. I am more than happy. I mean, I'm used to it. When we go to the beach, when my family goes to the beach, my kids would obviously get sand all over them and they have no end of enjoyment of saying, hey, look dad, I'm all you. And I said that dripping with disdain, but I really do enjoy that too.

When it's your kids probably, I'm sure that a stranger coming up to you covered in sand, you probably wouldn't enjoy that as much.

Oh yeah, when the strangers walk by and point at me and laugh and say, haha, I'm all you, I can take a different tack. It's not as nice.

Sandy, do your children call you Sandy, or are you more like of a dad to them?

More like a dad, yes. In the vein of dad, similar. Dad adjacent, yes. No, they called me Sandy for like a year and I think that's a pretty standard developmental stage for kids to like figure out that your parents have names and then like subvert the hierarchy of the household and be like, well I'm going to call you by your first names and see how that works. And our play was to just like let it ride. Yeah, sure.

Yeah, smart.

But it does take away all your authority. It took away all our authority. Yeah, the good thing about that is that we didn't really exercise much authority in our raising of our kids. Anyway, so it wasn't much change. We can't have less than zero authority, dumbass kids. It's like when you stop calling your principal, principal last name and you just say like, hey Josh, what's up, man? Good morning, Josh. Yeah. And then he just withers. He crawls. Yeah, this is why I'm not a principal.

The light dies behind his eyes. Just trying to be an educator.

My son's name is Ezra. You've met Ezra. He's been on the show. And sometimes in conversation, my daughter usually or someone will be like, it's usually my daughter. He'll be like, oh, I did like casually, like not intentionally say, oh, I did better than Ezra. And then we'll all stop and be like, yes. We all notice that, right? That band lives on in our house. You have another son, Jake? What's less than Jake, right? We have a dog named Cleo, and so I have made a letters to Cleo joke.

Hold on, Adal, are you trying to rate Sandy puzzles right now? Because I don't like it. I don't like this less than Jake shit you're trying to pull.

All right, everybody ready for the new sandbox. We'll call it an out-of-box, but it's a cookie box. We're calling it the cookie box.

Sandy, what are you having your cookie box for us today?

Well, what I brought today is very similar to what I brought last time. I'm going to give you some origin stories and you have to tell me what they led to. However, these are not idioms, these are names of bands. Names of bands. That works out so great with better than Ezra and less than Jake. Uh-huh, it's as if we had planned it all along. Which we did know. I said as if. As if. And again, some of these probably are apocryphal, and I don't care. Don't at me. Don't send me letters.

Apocryphal means full of glue, just for everyone who doesn't know what apocryphal is.

And topocryphal means holographic.

Hey, well that blows my bit for the next Sandbox, but fuck. I don't think it's something else. I don't think it's something else.

We have to make an apocryphal joke now at the beginning of every Sandbox from here on out. I'm ready for it. Okay, so I'll start with one that I think is a couple that I think are the most well known. Some of these you might just know and if you do maybe stand back for just a second and let your partners give it a shot. So this guy got his name when he used an online name generator and I'm gonna leave out a detail every time and if you need it I'll pass it on.

Vin Diesel.

I do not know the recording artist Vin Diesel.

What? Sandy, that I will point you to the two Vin Diesel albums that... No, I'm sorry. That's Jeremy Renner. Vin Diesel only put out one single, so... What do you need to do? No, two singles. Two singles.

And you do a trivia round of all actors who you didn't know also had albums. Added to that list is, of course, Eddie Murphy, but also Joe Pesci. If you have not heard Joe Pesci's later work... Oh, it's incredible. It is incredible. Like, actually really, really good. I have not. Eddie Murphy had the hit song, My Girl Wants to Party All the Time. That's right. I remember that. Yeah, pretty rough.

This is... Disagree, very good song.

Sandy, I believe I have it. This is the gentleman from Community in Atlanta. Yep. Mm-hmm. He put it into a Wu-Tang website. Yep.

I did not know that. I didn't remember that.

He put, he clicked go on a Wu-Tang name generator and out came Adal. Childish Gambino. Childish Gambino. Childish Gambino. There you go. This band was looking through real quick. What's his first name? Donald Glover. I thought Donald Glover and then I go no that's the guy from Lethal Weapon and I truly thank you thank you thank you and Crispin Glover's the guy from Back to the Future the Future and Crispix is the serial. Okay we're done.

And Christmas is the holiday.

Got it, thank you. Found when This one was found when the band was searching a folklore dictionary and just found a definition that they liked.

Taylor Swift.

That's her dad. Her dad was like, I don't know. Taylor, I guess. Sandy, I'm going to take a huge stab in the dark, which I'd love to hear the origin of that. I have to assume this is taking murders at night.

Somebody a long time ago was like, hey, wait, we get away with way more murders when we're doing them at night.

It's probably from, was it in Hamlet? It's like Polonius behind the curtain or something, and they just stabbed through the curtain and killed him. Was that guy's name Polonius? Anyway, I have to assume this is the Decemberists? No, I mean, I don't know the origin story of everything. I looked up a lot of bands and a lot of their names are just sort of like, oh, we thought it was funny. The Decemberist has something to do with the Russian Revolution, and I don't know more than that. But let's all agree that their entire catalog could be summed up by folklore dictionaries. Oh, 100%.

You're wrong, Adal, in that that's how they wrote all of their songs, not how they got their name.

Did you give us a hint? It's about spirits who were given proper burials. The Grateful Dead. This is a band that got their name from a short film created by the band's lead singer when he was in college. Think like The Lost Boys but set in

This is just an inside play. I do know that Vin Diesel had a short film called Multifacial. Just so that's out there in the public.

I'm almost certain it was multiracial.

Well, no, that's the play. The play is multifacial because of how he can play multiple races. Yes.

I think The Lost Boys but set somewhere specific in Massachusetts. Boston vampires. I will say you're close.

Salem? Oh. Is it headset in Salem?

No. It's set in a place that the band has sung about. That's why I'm not being specific.

Oh, is it Vampire Weekend? No.

What's it?

It's Vampire Weekend. Cape Cod.

Cape Cod. Oh, Cape Cod. I was like, where is this vampire? Oh, Cape Cod.

Oxford, comma. Beautiful part, Massachusetts.

You guys, every year someone puts out a fake Coachella poster with a bunch of made-up band names. It's incredible because they all sound exactly like that. But here's the thing, I read this and I'm like, how are there still this many wild band names that you could just fill a poster with a hundred of them and they're all fake? Okay. Named after a short-lived Simpsons character. There we go. Sidekick 2. Radioactive Man. Radioactive Man. The goggles do nothing. The goggles do nothing. This band name, I learned this. This week, their band name is the last letters of each of the members first names.

That's gotta be the band Lynn. I know. It's not for me.

It's just you and my sunshine.

Is that like Rooney or, um, let's see here. So this is probably like a short band, right?

A short name.

Short name, yeah. Short name. There are five, Guar's a great idea. I think Guar stands for something. I know Guar stands for something.

I do like Sandy saying Guar is a great idea. It's like on paper Guar works. Guar, great women are regional.

You said it's five? It's five letters? It's five, yeah. Five letters.

L-M-F-A-O.

They're five. In sync. It is in sync. Let me guess real quick. The N stands for Josh Nance. The Y stands for Christopher Young.

Going right to the Y. That's the last letter.

Then we know their names. Justin Simberlake.

Justin Simberlake.

Wait, where's the T for Timberlake? It's the last letters of their first name.

So Justin and a bunch of other names I definitely don't know. And me and Erin could name them, but we choose not to. Chris Kirkpatrick.

Yeah, we know it. We're just bored.

We're just bored over here. Yeah, we're bored as hell with this.

We know it's so good that we don't even need to talk about it.

It makes me bored to think about it. I looked up a lot of bands. It's the origin stories for this segment and I learned, and a lot of them I didn't keep because they were pretty banal, but what I enjoyed was, but it's not really guessable in this format, is the band Imagine Dragons, they say that the name Imagine Dragons is an anagram of a phrase that they all, like an inside joke in their band, but they won't say what. Here's why I like that story about Imagine Dragons, because if not liking their music wasn't enough to make me not like them, now I get to not like them for a perfectly valid reason, their personalities.

Okay, let's go on that.

That's a great segue to the next one. Hold on. Hold on. I'm so sorry. I very quickly looked on Reddit for Imagine Dragon anagrams. It feels like a few people here might have cracked the code. We have ragged insomnia. We have egg rain domains. And Mage Dan origins.

It's gotta be Mage Dan origins. That would crack me up if I was in Imagine Dragons. That would be a little interesting. You never tell anyone about.

If I was an Imagine Dragons.

One of my favorite jokes for Imagine Dragons is them looking at how many plays they have on Spotify and be like, surely this is a joke, right? This many people listen to this music? No. Surely this can't be right, huh?

Yeah, right.

Another song, Radioactive, was about radioactive man. That's true, Fall Out Boy. The goggles do nothing. Wait, they have a song about radioactive man? We're Radioactive.

Hey, you know what? You know how wars work? Everybody gets their hands dirty.

Everyone gets blood on their hands. If you want to hear Erin and I's version of Radioactive, go to patreon.com slash RiddleRiddle. Did you say you have Googles in your house?

Yeah, like Google speakers, like the smartest place. Do they ever not work? Do they always work? Almost exclusively they do not work.

Do you then say the Googles do nothing?

Yes. Yeah! Walk down that pier. Okay. Leave the jokes to the professionals and in this case that is you, so congratulations on your good joke.

I would call that a joke just to be clear. I think it was successful, but a joke maybe is going a little too fast.

Hey Sandy, we gotta call him jokes or else I don't think that we do all the nearest jokes, so we call it all jokes.

Or else our podcast is not a joke filled podcast. I think you'll like this one. I hated it. This lead singer would go to Starbucks on the daily and the name came from something that the barista said. Ariana Grande. It's gotta be. It's gotta be Ariana Grande.

It has to be Ariana Grande.

That worked so well. Right. She was Ariana Venti and the barista was like, you order a Grande? Why not call yourself Venti? She's like, oh my god. The barista said this once after the after he would order after days and days and days of him ordering the same thing and something happening in their transaction she would say who she is the artist no she's the barista she's about it was about the change that she was giving back it was the same every time oh 50 cents this has got to be this is either 50 cents or Nickelback it is Nickelback I'm always giving you a nickel back and he's like, duh duh duh, look at this graph.

It's so funny.

Alright, again, I don't know if these are true, I don't care. Don't say, if you're a nickel back and that's not true, well definitely write me an email. I'd be interested to talk to you.

Yeah, I'd be interested to see if that guy can spell words and put an email together. I don't think so.

Alright, this artist was named for a character from a Quentin Tarantino movie. Mr. Pink.

Oh god, this is from Kill Bill, right?

Adal has somehow gotten it right and not realized he's gotten it at the same time. Mr. Pink? Wait, sorry, can you read the question again? I guess. This is just pink? It's just pink? It's just pink. Yes, the answer is pink. Pink's a Tarantino head? Pink's a parent? No, apparently this is what it says on the websites. It says that she had a likeness to Mr. Pink, who I think is Steve Buscemi. So it's not a very cool thing to say about a person.

The only person you're allowed to say, hey, you look like Steve Buscemi, is Steve Buscemi, okay? Anyone else that's not nice to say.

You just want to hear that. Leave him alone.

Hey man, don't tell me what I look like.

Stop telling people we look like other people.

Let him eat his waffle in peace. Sorry, let me try. I got to do this. Yeah, go ahead.

Hey, in the morning I'm making waffles.

I just had to do... Sorry, that was Steve Buscemiya's donkey from Shrek. I'm still workshopping it if you have notes due at me. I'm putting up a play.

Hey Riddle. I walked by him.

Okay, lead singer, grew up with a certain medical condition, and he got a nickname from his bullies, and each of them had a nickname. No, that's named after the Talk To Get song radiohead. No, Tom York had radiohead. Look it up.

His head would get different signals and frequencies, and they'd... Is it possible that he had Iron Maiden, or did he have Led Zeppelin?

Um, medical condition. What was the last part of it, Sandy? Well, he got a nickname for it, and he turned that nickname into the band name. Okay. He had a medical condition. So, I'll tell you the condition if you want. Please, tell me the condition. It was asthma. Can't breathe Steve. Right side Fred. Cough, asthma. Cough syrup. Cough syrup. Inhaler and oats. Okay.

Inhaler and oats is pretty good, Sandy. You have to give them up. You have to admit that that's pretty good.

She's a rich girl. But she's gone too. That strikes me as being well beyond the wit of a common playground bully.

He's like, hold on.

Okay, let me give you some background for this for this bit.

You guys don't know Rich Girl? Come on!

Okay, medical condition. I had asthma. Asthma? Yeah.

It's a weezer.

Weezer.

Oh yeah. Wow.

Rivers Cuomo.

I love a guy named Rivers Cuomo and they're like, what kind of nickname could we give this guy? How about weezer? Come on, man. It's right there. Right there.

He's like, pull that one off the shelf, put it on my, slap it on the name of my band. Thank you very much.

All right. Last one, Sandy. What do we got?

All right, this one was taken from a thesis paper the band found online about advancements in technology dot dot dot that I'll tell you a little bit more about if you want.

Advancements in technology. Okay, this has to be LCD sound system.

The cars. You guys hear about this new thing Ford is doing?

We should call ourselves the T's. So this is a band that took the name from online. So it's a relatively newish band, newer band. Definitely the last 20 years.

Um, and advancement in text is Croftwerk. Macklemore. I'll tell you this, there's a joke about this band name in a recent movie that, oh shoot, about Ah, now I wish I could remember the movie, but it was making fun of the main character for thinking something was technologically possible.

Is this a glass onion? A glass onion joke? That feels like it could be. I'm trying to guess the movie now. Can we get a little hint?

Allow humans to travel at extreme speeds. 30 seconds to Mars. It is 30 seconds to Mars. I found the movie quote. It is not a new one. It's not from the last couple years. I just happen to have only seen it in the last year. The movie quote is from Popstar, Never Stop, Never Stopping, and he goes, like, he goes, 30 Seconds to Mars is the name of a band that's not a fact about how someone could come from Mars. Anyway, yes, it was 30 Seconds to Mars. That movie's great.

Wildly underrated movie. And speaking to Sandy of 30 seconds, you have 30 seconds to get the fuck out of here. We are so mad at what you just gave us with those puzzles. Well, you haven't bought any of these cookies yet.

Get out!

Cookieman, where can people buy your cookies? Let them know.

You can buy my cookies at signals.fun, that is a website that I run that is a newsletter and sort of a home-rolled Patreon where you can support my work. Give me a little cash for some extra content, some extra puzzle content, join my Discord, that kind of stuff. Signals.fun. You can also go to Instagram slash Mystery League where my main bit there is running prompt mantos which are mid-journey renders. Mid-journey is the AI art system. I run I make up portmanteaus and visualize them with Midjourney, so a recent one I did was I combined Voldemort and the Morton Salt logo to make Voldemort and Salt. It was pretty good. This is like a sad Voldemort and a yellow jacket with a ring. I like that one. That one works really well. I like that one too. Big kick to Sandy's chest. Out the door you go. Wow.

I hope he's still alive. Wow.

That was 30 seconds on the top. Use me while I go join Weezer.

Bye, Sandy. Wow. Thank God we had Sandy on this week's episode so that we actually had some riddles. This one really, really come in a clutch for us.

Well, hold on. Plant Screaming, that's sort of, you know, that's sort of important news. I feel like everyone should know.

Yeah, you're right. I take that back.

Thank you. Well, speaking of taking it back, Erin, is there anything that you've done this week you wish you could take back?

Oh my gosh, all of it. Can I plug something?

Do it, Erin. Do it, girl.

I would check out sitcom D&D. It's a lot of fun. I'm really proud of it. I think it's gotten so great over time and we work really, really hard on it. And I earnestly think if you enjoy this show and you would like sitcom D&D. So if you need a new show to binge, check that out. I also want to plug, and this is a genuine plug, the Word Association, which is Adal's new podcast and I hate to do this. Hey Riddle. It's like the perfect kind of podcast because it's so easy to listen to and it's gentle, but it's really, really funny. And I'm annoyed that I decided to try it out when you only had two episodes out because I wish I had a million more. I think it's genuinely great and I think you should give it a shot.

Thank you so much, Erin. And SiCom D&D is phenomenal.

You don't have to. You don't have to do it.

No, I legit love it. I'm a Patreon subscriber. Listen, I'm a Patreon subscriber. You're nice to me. Also, I should say, the Word Association, we stockpiled like seven episodes like a year ago. But by the time this episode airs, the two of you will have received an email with an open invite to come guest anytime. So please, let's see if these two... I challenge you on airs.

The quality is about to dip.

So if you don't hear them on a new episode sometime soon, you'll know they rejected my offer. I also want to plug- Or you didn't spell our names right in the email.

Again.

Again. Erin Paul. I also want to plug... Hello from the Magic Tavern is a podcast I do. We released somewhat recently an episode called Tavern World, which is season four, episode 80. It's one of my favorite episodes we've ever done. We've basically created this sort of Disneyland-esque theme park around Magic Tavern and the lore and the canon and the characters. So even if you haven't listened in a while, maybe check out Tavern World. Again, one of my favorite episodes.

Is Momo not the mascot?

She's a mouse. Erin, we definitely have Momo merch in the episode.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

Just making sure.

I think we have a t-shirt with Momo leaning on something and it says everybody's working for the squeak end, so... Alright, fine.

I'm satisfied.

So check that out. Also, please check out the podcast game show, Tell Me About It, hosted by a different Adal Rifai, but very much enjoyable as well. And I believe that's it for my plugs. JPC, do you have anything you would like to plug?

Well, I will say one more time, patreon.com slash HeyRiddleRiddle, 7200 is that sweet spot number when we release our column bonus episode, and we've already recorded it, so I can confidently say it's a good one. But other than that, I do have to read a five-star review. If you want to get a five-star review read live on an episode of HeyRiddleRiddle, all you got to do is go and fucking write one, and then submit it, and then maybe I'll read it. Hey, this week I picked one from Bicycle, not spelled the way you'd think it would be spelled. The title of this review is, and the review goes as follows. Oh wait, you know what? It's just one of those dumb meta posts where the reviewer tries to make it seem like I'm saying things off the cuff, when in fact the review just serves as the joke itself. Yeah, very funny. Damien from Pittsfield, Massachusetts. If that is your real name, please man, get some new material. Meta jokes have been played out for a very long time now. I appreciate you listening, but leave the jokes to the professionals. I don't know if there's anything left on Earth for you to eat that doesn't scream.

Most quiet, unscreaming planet. I think it's even nicknamed the Unscreaming Planet, which is now, let me jot down, that's going to be a sci-fi book that I write. Uh, Erin, do you know what planet is nicknamed the Unscreaming Planet?

Jupiter!

Bye forever!

Is it so clean? No. That's a, that's a, people just dream.

And John Patrick Coan. Casey told you to be editing.

And I'm already parenting the

Hey there, Ted's and Talks. If you like that, you're going to love this week's Patreon. Hey Riddle Riddle brings you improvised Ted Talks. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalogue at Patreon.com slash HeyRiddleRiddle by joining the Clue crew for $5 a month, or get that 7-day free trial, or the review crew for $8 a month, and get those ad-free episodes. See you there!

That was a Headgum podcast.