Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum podcast. Hey Adal, JPC.

Hey, what's up? Hey. Ooh, you seem sad.

Oh, is this bad news? Yeah.

Oh, I don't do bad news.

Okay, you wanna go?

I can relate, I can relate to JPC later. Erin, your makeup is schmeared. Yeah. Sorry, you're wearing, uh, cream cheese.

I'm wearing cream cheese. Um, so.

Little locks, eyebrows. Never seen that before. This is interesting. It's like a clown. It's like a weird deli clown. Sorry.

Doctor. Sort of proving my point here. I talked to my doctor. Um, and she said that, um.

Twist.

Okay.

Yeah.

Doctor's mother. Um, she said that you two are most likely my pretend friends and I've been making this all up.

Erin, if I was your pretend friend, could I reach through your chest like this?

Ow!

Hey Adal, you gotta stop proving that you exist by touching people's chests. That can't be your go-to anymore, okay?

Well, I went to my doctor and he said I have Indiana Jonesitis, which is Galima, Honam Shiba, Galima,

All right. Well, I'm glad you brought this up because I actually went to my pillow and he said Joe Biden is not the president. Dominion voting systems stole the election. And I think he actually makes a lot of great points.

I'm really seeing it now. So you two don't technically exist. And I've been making this up as a coping mechanism. This whole podcast, this whole thing.

I mean, Erin, honestly, JPC and I thought we were busted years ago. Have you ever seen us eat or drink water?

No, I just thought you were really bad at taking care of yourself.

I thought for sure like a year and a half ago, you saw a ghost go right through me and I was like, we're cooked. Absolutely cooked. But actually a ghost going through anyone.

Yeah.

Feels like that's on the ghost.

Yeah. Well, it felt weird. Okay. It went through me. It didn't go through anyone. It felt weird. And just some acknowledgement would be so nice.

That's why I don't stand near a window so I don't refract on the floor, Erin.

Well, it was so nice making you up.

Back in your brain we go. And out of your brain comes our guest today. You might know him from his podcast, Super Ego. You might know him from his podcast and real world event, Pistol Shrimp Radio. You might know him from his new podcast, which I'm very, very much enjoying mall walking with Matt Gorley as well. Please welcome to the show musician, Vikings fan, Mark McConville.

Hello Riddlers. Uh oh, Batman.

It's Batman.

Does Batman have more than one Riddler? That would be smart. The Arkham of Silence should just do like a franchise of Riddlers.

That'd be really fun.

I don't

Okay, that's a sitcom. That I love.

The rent is due and you haven't paid your form. Also, my double stuffed Oreos have been gotten into. Who used my grease paint?

No laugh track.

No laugh track.

But the space for laughs, so it's just a super uncomfortable feeling.

Yeah, the other five jokers are always laughing, so there's a laugh track, but it's internal. Mark, thank you so much for being on here. I said musician, you play, I want to say you play like steel pedal guitar or something?

Pedal steel guitar.

Yes. Pedal steel.

What did I say? You said steel pedal, which is a common thing that people say. I think that works as well.

Which is a type of flower.

That's right. Do you have any, have you done any live shows recently? I just did one on Sunday. It was great.

Really fun. It went great. How detailed do you want me to get?

I am pretty detailed, but I also I'm very curious. Is it a lot of pedal steel guitar makes me think of like rockabilly type music? Is that sort of twangy music?

This band that I'm that I played with on Sunday is called Stetson Wolf. Okay. And it's like loud outlaw country. It's like Waylon Jennings meets ZZ Top. They met. Cool. It's pretty the songwriting is like it's pretty basic rock Thanks for watching.

It's like a cowboy take on Steppenwolf.

That's what it sounds like, you know? I guess actually that maybe is not that far from what it is.

Yeah. Mark, will you please let us know your relationship with puzzles, riddles, lateral thinking problems, escape rooms, crosswords, whatever infects your day?

Well, I've been doing puzzles a long time. I was a kid who could read at a very young age. And when I got into the public school system in Wisconsin, they went, it's weird that you can read. Are you a genius? We need to put you. So I didn't go to kindergarten. I skipped kindergarten, but there was a period of time for like a month where I was just doing like, there's five matchsticks in a square. Can you move one matchstick to make it a triangle? Is that a lateral thinking problem?

Uh, I don't know if it's a lot of thinking, but it's absolutely a puzzle. Yeah, I've seen it.

Yeah. So there's a lot of, a lot of logic puzzles and logic riddles. It'd be like, you know, like Jason is Bill's brother, but Bill has two sisters. Is Jason also Jill's sister? Jill's not alive. Like you'd get that amount of information, then you'd have to like fill in a grid. What happened to Jill? Thanks for watching, see you next time.

Bill's brother, Sean, and I know that you, we did an escape room, must have been four years ago in LA. It was a while back. And you said that was your first ever escape room.

Have you done- No, that's not true. Okay. But I've only done maybe one or two. The one with you and I did another one that was like, you had to escape from a wizard's lair. It was like the old Apple II video game King's Quest. as a escape room where it was like, oh, you need to like get the spell elements and the puzzles were very fun and it was very like sort of like this wizard won't let you go unless you can figure out how to capture the elements or something like that.

Sounds about right. Here's what I'll say is when we did the I think it was called lab rat where you're basically you're humans in a oversized escape room that's made to look like it makes you feel like you're a rat in some sort of tester maze. And the doctors are rats. And the doctors are rats and they're taking notes on you.

Is that the same company with that JPC? We went to the same place, yeah.

But I remember we were doing the room and I think, yeah, you had said you had never done one before, you'd only done one before, and I remember being like, oh, I've done so many. And then we got into the space and Mark, within 15 minutes, you had solved like 30 puzzles. And I was like, what the fuck is happening?

Yeah. Did this guy skip kindergarten? What the fuck is going on? I also, I just had to check my actual stats. This is the New York Times crossword app.

Oh, nice.

I have a 1073 day streak on the crossword puzzle.

Whoa.

And I've really done it.

Where did you grow up?

Sorry?

Where did you grow up?

I grew up in Hudson, Wisconsin, right near the Twin Cities. What's in the water? What's going on there?

Yeah, I was going to say, what's going on over there?

I don't know. I decided, I guess it was New Year's Day 2020. Good time to get into crossword puzzles, by the way. Oh, yeah. But I have a puzzle routine. I do the New York Times crossword, the wordle, the spelling bee, and I do quartal, which is four wordles at a time. I was doing quartals for a while.

I was in quartals for a while. I do sec turtle, which is 16.

Oh, man.

Sex turtle?

Yeah. We're not talking about games anymore, right?

All right. Old-ass man doesn't know how to do sex turtle.

Okay.

Well, there's a shell.

How do you get through the shell?

Ock turtle and cordial, I was like, you just get numb to it. Yeah. And I was like, if I need to feel alive, I got to do sec turtle.

That's a big challenge.

It's somehow easier though, because you have more, just you feel like you have more room to make mistakes.

We're getting a lot of data with every guess. Yeah. Cause like if I play Quirtle, I'll go like, Oh yeah. Well, I wasn't trying to get that word, but now I know what no, you know, panel four is or whatever. Um, yeah. I also play, um, a Weddle, which is NFL. It's like NFL based wordle. He was a defensive back for the for the charge. Eric Weddle. It's named after Eric Weddle. But yeah, it's a puzzle thing where you you get like age name number team. Thanks for watching. I don't always get it. And sometimes I do cheat. Sometimes I'll be like, I don't know. I don't know. Like today, I was like, I do not know who the fifth receiver for the Denver Broncos is. But I think it's worth bringing up. I'll pull it up here and see if I can find it because the name was terrific.

It was right out of appeal. to describe something like that as cheating where it's like, it's only really for you. Like you're allowed to engage with it in any way that you want. You're not letting anyone down but yourself.

So I knew I had to guess a Denver Broncos receiver, but I didn't know who I guessed all the ones I knew. And it's like, that's them. That's all of them. And there's a guy who plays for the Denver Broncos. His name's Lil Jordan Humphrey. L I L apostrophe Jordan Humphrey. Lil Jordan.

I love that as a first name.

That's incredible.

I did not know this person existed until today. And now, anytime I watch classic movies, I'm only going to think Little Humphrey Bogart. And I'll be like, was that? What was his name? Little Humphrey Bogart? Little Jordan Humphrey. Well, Mark, we're going to put your mental prowess to the test. And we have Erin Keif as Old Man Puzzles. Hi. Or I was going to be at the horror, imaginary characters. So, Erin, do you want to kick us off?

Yes, so we're going to go back to the riddle books that Molly gave us at a live show.

It's time for Molly's Riddle Books.

Now, Mark, to bring you up to speed, these riddle books are from the 1950s. Not, they're sometimes problematic.

I was going to say, are they chock full of racism?

And uranium.

I'm uranium.

I've literally blown dust out of them too when I've opened them.

It's like a, oh, like physically they're problematic.

Yeah. And physically all the content. So they're sometimes like old timey speak in it too. So that's just, I'm in, that's just my warning for you. Okay. What are the three most common causes of forest fires?

The inverse also must be true.

Making sure your car is turned off can prevent forest fires, right?

What's fucked about that campaign is I never thought about it until now. That only you can prevent forest fires is so absolutely goddamn wrong. We're just like, oh, you're telling me like everything an oil company is doing is not making a forest fire any worse? Like that's an individual decision?

It's a dreadful thing for a kid with anxiety to hear too. I'm like, oh, God. I don't have the resources. I'm just a kid.

I do want to see a scene. Mark and Erin, you are two friends who are camping out in the wilderness. You're starting a fire near your tent or camp that you've set up. And JPC, you are Smokey the Bear who has come over to sort of shame them.

What do you think? You want to make s'mores?

Yeah, if this fire would, the wood is so wet, there's so much smoke. I mean, it's like, I can't breathe.

Yeah.

Why are we even out here?

We talked about this. We're just always inside and I thought we could connect to nature. It's good for us.

Whoa, whoa, whoa now! Bear!

Bear! Bear! Bear! Help there's a bear! Please! Someone help us!

Help us! Nobody's coming. You can yell all you want. Nobody's coming.

Talking bear!

Talking bear! The bear can talk! No one's coming.

I killed everybody in a three mile radius. No one's coming. Come up down, come up down from that tree. Come down from that fucking tree right now. What do you want? What do you want? Who started this fire?

Which one of you little shit started this fire? It sucks. All this wood is wet. Has it been raining for months or something?

Yeah, it has been raining. I keep the forest wet and I keep little fucks like you out of it.

Eat him, not me. I didn't even want to come camping. I hate it out here.

I don't think he wants to eat anybody. What? No, I'm eating you both. The real question... Are you going to be dead before I start eating, or is it going to be the other way around?

I was going to press pause on that and be like, alright students, any questions? I love the reality of like, if Smokey showed up at your camp, you're going to scream bear.

It's an ambulatory bear with a hat. Like, of course you're going to be terrified. Have you seen recent ads for Smokey the Bear? No. Is he cool now? Is he cool now? Is he cool now? Does he wear skinny jeans?

There's a billboard in Chicago with Smokey the Bear on it. First of all, he is wearing jeans, but he's not wearing a shirt. And he looks sexy as hell.

That's why he's jacked.

He's jacked. He looks very human, and he looks sexy. And I'm like, who is this for? Like, why are they making Smokey so hot?

So he's Smoke Show, Smoke Show the Bear.

They should change the name to Smoke Show the Bear, and he should be a part-time stripper.

I would kill to be in that meeting. Just one lady in the back clicking a pen and going, what if we made him sexy? And everyone's like, that would be crazy.

And everyone else is flipping out. They're like, okay, McGruff the crime dog, we have to give him a huge dick. That's the only... He's got a trench coat on.

Who cares? No one's going to see it. But we'll know.

6-0-6-0-1 and that's not a zip code. That's my best.

What are we doing? Oh, Riddles. Okay.

So Erin, is this, is this some sort of, is this a riddle words? Is this a riddle or is this just like a 1950s factoid? The fire thing.

I thought we already solved that. No, we're back on that. Okay. The fire thing. You were kind of on the right track with the you and me thing. Think like that.

Okay. And can you phrase it again? Can you read it?

What are the three most common causes of forest fires? Thanks for watching. They're causing the forest fires.

Men, women, and gender.

The three genders. Hold on there.

Okay. What's the easiest way to double your money?

Write a Riddle book in the 1950s.

Is it multiply it by two?

Say money twice. It's got to be folded.

Tell me it's folded. You're the right one. It's folded. Invest in IBM. Folded.

Double your money.

Mark, to be fair, you said money, money.

Yeah. I'm on Mark's side here.

Which is a cover song.

You're having it.

Yeah, it definitely does not double it. What if my money is 25 cents? I can't fold it. It's metal.

I bet Smokey the bear could fold it.

I bet he could. He's so strong. He could fold it with his ass.

How can you divide 16 apples among 17 hungry people?

Murder. Put them in a slice.

Fair enough because a lot of the answers are like murder.

16 apples amongst, I mean, is it like quarter of them or slice them or something?

No, but it's just as dumb.

Everybody takes one lick. I got it. You don't lick an apple.

Apple sauce. Yes, it's apple sauce. What's the best material for kites?

So five.

What did you say, Adal?

A tight five. Stand up material. What's the best material for kites?

Here's the thing, Erin. Why should I know this? You make an argument for why I should have to know this. Exactly.

You shouldn't know this, because this is not a real answer.

It's not like... I do want to see a scene. It's a brief scene. So we're going to see a scene where you three are all entrance in a kite making competition. Okay. And I'm going to be a judge coming up to you individually while you explain to me your kite. Great. All right. Well, first up here. Benjamin Franklin. Get your Benjamin Franklin. I love your outfit. Well, it's my clothes. Okay, sure. Well, what do you have for us tonight, Ben?

Well, I have baggy pants to hide my syphilis. I have sort of a vest slash tunic. I have some... Oh, the kite. Yes, of course. So this is a standard kite. It is made from wool as the base. It has a typical diamond frame. And then I've attached a key at the... Yeah.

Wool is the base of the kite? Now, what is the base of a kite?

The sort of main fabric or... Got it. Yes. Textile.

I would say the base would be like the skeleton of the kite. I thought that was what was made of wool.

Words may have changed since my time. I time traveled to enter this contest, so I hope I went.

I will say this is a contest for children.

Say no more.

Oh wow, he just powered down. Okay, Eugene, your name is Jessica? Your next step, Jessica? What do you have for us today, Jessica?

My kite is a raccoon with a string attached to it. Oh, it's a live raccoon. I know what you're thinking. It's the wrong shape, but he's promised to keep his arm stretched out like this the whole time.

Okay, well he's not. His arms are not stretched out currently.

It looks like he's scared right now.

Okay, why don't we get him up in the air? Why don't we get him up in the air as quickly as possible?

I'm gonna run and he's gonna float up in the air. Ready? What do you mean?

He's just sitting on the kite. He's sitting on the kite shaking his head.

You wanted to do this. You begged me to do this.

All right Jessica, you know what? You have a little time to get everything together. I'm running. I'm running you with a raccoon. Your name is Taylor. Is it Taylor?

Yeah, hi. I'm Taylor and I'm a latchkey kid. And my kite's made out of today's mail and a snack. Okay! Taylor, I love the ingenuity. What's the snack? It was some of those crackers with the cheese goop in the corner, you know, that plastic container thing. You know what I'm talking about? There's like five crackers in there and then there's like a little red stick and then you can spread the sort of barely food grade cheese onto the crackers.

I had to stay at home, mom, Taylor. I won't know what you're talking about. Anything that you have is not something I experienced.

Must be nice. My parents are workaholics.

Well, we don't have to get into all of our personal stuff. Sometimes they don't come home at all.

Alright Taylor, why don't we get that cut up in the air, huh buddy? Okay, but I'm warning you right now. I just used what I had laying around and I've never tested it.

You know, that's fine. You can't do much worse than what we've seen here today. No offense, Benjamin Franklin.

He's powered down.

Three, two, one. Okay. It caught him by the neck. Is there a doctor? Is there a doctor? Do we have a doctor anywhere?

Both of my parents are doctors, but they never come home from work.

Let's see. I think Taylor wins. Well, Taylor actually loses his life.

I'm reading this book. I never remember if I've given you the answer to anything or not.

We have not solved what is the best material for kind. Is that what it was?

Wind. Is it air?

Oh, it's got to be wind. Yeah.

No, unfortunately not.

What did you guess, Adal? String? I don't know if I had a guess.

Is it like carbon fiber? Is it 1950s carbon fiber?

It's fly paper.

So this is a joke. It's going to get stuck in a tree. Mark was so disappointed.

I love watching people break on the show. It really keeps me young.

Yeah, one thing about Riddles Mark is sometimes they are just jokes for children. So that's something we have learned.

Well, Mark famously was never a real child. He was always burdened with immense knowledge.

So... Honest to God, I skipped kindergarten. I cannot draw. My drawing skills are so bad. Visual arts, I suck at them because I never did it.

I went directly into first grade.

I played Go Fish with Mark up, punched in the face.

Can I read to you the two most ridiculous messed up riddles in this book?

I wish you would.

I was going to skip them, but now I got it. Okay.

And Casey, go ahead and just add bleeps to these wherever we need them.

Right. What do women do with the years they take off their true ages?

Shops.

No, you're totally on the right. You were so on the right track. They add them to the ages of their best friends.

Oh, that's shady.

Can you believe how fucking horrible that is? And this is the other fucked up one.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, Erin, what is that one even saying?

It's saying like they lie about their ages and then they make their friends seem older than they are.

I'm Jessica, I'm 28, but that's my friend Claire who's 40, 49.

You know, women. It's the play, it's the play that they're like, I have weird relationships with much older women.

I do need to see a scene. No, please no. No, we do have to see a scene.

No.

The three of you are three women gossiping in the 1950s.

How are you? Are you okay?

Honestly, I'm great. This is the best it's ever been for us. Right?

Claire's staring out the window.

I heard Dan's getting a divorce.

Seen. Okay, this is the other messed up one. How did Mrs. Smith have triplets one Monday and twins a week later?

Oh, I don't like this. She ate them.

No, the answer is just one of the triplets got lost.

Ooh. Yeah, that's where I thought it was going. This is a losing child.

of one of the kids falling in a hole. Not a photo, a drawing.

I wish it was a photo.

Erin, I think that's evidence. I think you have to turn that book in.

This is a photo of a kid falling in a hole. There's another messed up one. How can you stop a small child from spilling food at the table? Feed him on the floor. And then this drawing.

Picture.

Alright, back to the normal ones.

That one I don't mind as much. I feel like there is a certain ingenuity in being like, you know what? If the kid wants to eat off the floor, let the kid eat off the floor. I was going to say my youngest brother when we were growing up, my dad's friend had a dog named Max, and Max had a big shiny bowl with his name on it, and my little brother was obsessed with Max's bowl. He would try to eat Max's food out of the bowl, and Max was a huge dog, an 80-pound dog. It was so funny watching this confused dog. This little baby would crawl up to his bowl and eat his dog for the dog. What the fuck do I do? Like, I know I'm not supposed to bite the baby. Like, he's taking my food. I would eat off a dog smaller. I think it sounds fun.

When should a boy kick about something he gets for his birthday?

Kick about? Soccer ball.

They said football in this, which I feel like is sort of a missed opportunity. And I'd like to see a scene. Adal, you are Mark's dad and you are giving him his birthday presents. And Mark, you are not trading the presents with any sort of respect or care.

Knock knock. Hey there, boy-o. Dad, what are you doing here? I'm studying for final exams. I got a lot of pressure going on. Well, I think you forgot something important today, which is that, baby boy, it's your birthday. I'm not going to get into law school if I don't study constantly until the moment these exams happen. Don't you understand? These are the LSATs.

Oh, pish-posh. In my day, I started work at 14 in a factory. And look at me today. I own my own ice cream shop. Yes, Dad. What? OK. I'll take a break. What is it? Okay, I got you some gifts here. I got four. Okay, what? Cool. Here's the first one and just open that and go. Great. Coffee maker. Yes. Oh. Can't tell if that was on purpose or not. See, in my day when I had to get up early to go to the factory at 14, the first few weeks were hell.

I drank a pot of coffee every morning until I was able to do the work I needed to do to buy my own ice cream company. I've heard the story, Dad.

Have I told it that many times that you knew it word for word? Yes. Well son, you're a blue bunny, okay? And blue bunnies? Alright, drink coffee. So I wish one day it started. Okay, on to the second gift.

This one's a little more fragile. Awwww. A stuffed animal. It's a blue bunny, just like you called me all my life long.

Ah, wasn't supposed to be edible, but... I haven't eaten in days.

I've been studying for the L-Sats.

Yes, of course, of course. Ah, no worries. No worries there. Let's get to this... Oh, this ticket I didn't wrap. This is two tickets to the local sports game. Oh! Thought you could take a break. We could go watch a game. Watch... Oh, you know, washing your armpits with the tickets. Yeah, it's very hot in here. The dorms aren't air conditioned. No apologies necessary. And here's the final gift. It's not really a tangible gift so much as it is a big old hug from your pop.

Oh, I'm paralyzed with your love, Dad. Yeah, that's right. We Blue Bunnies are strong. I worked in a factory tightening bolts for 22 years. You're going to have

We are a Steppenwolf cover band. That felt a lot like one of their plays. Should we go on a break?

Yes, we can. We certainly can.

Well, let's do it. Adal, why don't you take us to break?

Okay. Everyone follow me, follow me, follow me. So if you look to the right, this is impressionism, meaning we get the impression that the artist wanted to take a break.

I know what you're thinking. Do I have a new hat, Adal and JPC? New haircut? Why am I walking around with so much confidence?

I bet you're wondering. I wanted pretzels from the food court.

I was just gonna let you know that it looks like you leaned on paint.

Anyways, I just had a bunch of subscriptions canceled for me by Rocket Money that I wasn't using until now I'm flushed with cash and now I'm confident. Pretzel money? Well, maybe. We'll talk about that. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that binds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years, even before they were a sponsor.

Erin, it looks like you may have leaned on like with someone painting a rocket money like billboard or sign or something because it's all it's all down your back it's like and it's I could ock it ock it

People think they're spending $80 on their subscriptions when in reality, the number is closer to $200. And when you signed up for so many free trials, like streaming services, you watch one show and then you completely forget about it. You lose track and then all of a sudden you're like, why am I bleeding money? Rocket money? They take care of that for you. They go, sit back, relax. We got this. And they make everything color coded and easy and super intuitive.

You're also color-coded. A little birdie told me that Rocket Money also lets you monitor all your expenses in one place, recommends custom budgets based on your past spending, and they'll even send you notifications when you've reached your spending limits, which sounds like something my friend would like, but I forget which friend I'm so hungry for pretzels.

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Hey, what's going on? Somebody leaned over my rocket money paint thing. Run. Everybody run.

Run.

Is that DaVinci?

Yeah. Yes.

And bye.

All right, follow me this way and follow me this way. I'm back from break, I'm back from break, I'm back from break.

This sucks that I got fired as the tour guide. But no, you're doing great. You're doing great.

You were too loud and too excited. Okay, yeah. I'll temper my excitement.

No, you're great. I hear that they're hiring at the Dolphin Pavilion, if it's useful to you.

Yeah, I mean, I like them. They're like friendly sharks kind of thing.

Yeah, I guess so.

You know, speaking of which, I saw a little photo of the difference between a shark brain and a penguin, or not penguin, a dolphin brain. We've just been talking about penguins all day. A shark brain and a dolphin brain. And the difference is crazy. Have you seen the difference?

Well, let's just say drawing or a photo.

Photo.

Okay, just making sure because I want to make sure you know the difference.

Dolphins have like human brains.

Shouldn't they be very different because they're not even in the same, well, it's kingdom phylum class order. They're mammals, dolphins are mammals and sharks are... Bugs?

Einstein.

Einstein, renowned animal expert, Einstein.

Mark, they're swimsies, okay? We on the podcast call them swimsies. You went through this whole Maslov hierarchy of whatever.

Yeah, they're both in the same thing, which is water. Kingdom phylum water.

I think I've said this on the podcast before. I can't stress it enough. I don't think after the last four months, I've seen in my Twitter feed and TikTok or whatever, I've seen so many shark attacks. I've seen so many killer whale things. That means you're liking those videos Adal. I'm not liking them, trust me. I've seen so much where I have told Gemma almost in tears, I said, I am not going in the ocean again. And I mean that. I don't know what's going on in the world. The ocean is pissed and I will never go in the ocean ever again. I'll go on like maybe like a ship or something, but I will not step a toe in the water again unless it's like a lake or river.

That's better. The ocean should be thanking us because if anything we're making more ocean.

They can hear you.

They shouldn't be pissed off. We're basically building condos for them there. It's like, let's take away some of the shoreline. A little too hot in there? Why don't we cool it off with some more glacier?

Where does the ocean a favor? I get it. That's like me with aliens right now. I have a new fear of aliens.

We're not the same. Hold on. Listeners, we're not the same. No, we're the same.

That's the same. Your fear of the ocean, my fear of aliens, it's the same. All right.

At its core, aren't you afraid of the same thing, which is we're just these small little ants crawling around on a space rock, hurtling through the universe. Who gives a shit? Hold on, I'm getting a clapping sound. Oh, sorry.

Sorry, I'm at the Dolphin Pavilion. I'm at the Dolphin Pavilion and the seals are going nuts. They like it. They like it.

No, I'm afraid of deep space and the ocean, places we should not be. We're not designed to be there.

And as much as- Technically we are in deep space.

With the dolphin pavilions going crazy because the whales are having a conversation.

Hold on a minute. Yep. Based on what Erin just said and then what Mark just said, is it possible?

As our conversation works.

Okay. It is possible. Okay. I just want to make sure that they could both say something. Okay, that's fine.

Yes, that's possible.

Oh, there's more? That space, quote unquote, aliens, quote unquote, is just the bottom of the ocean. Like the Mariana's Trench, is that? Is that like, is that where aliens live? Because you see pictures of these motherfuckers, the like angler fishes and all the fucking terrified. There are truly monsters living on earth.

No, or marijuana for you today.

Thanks for watching.

If you go down, so say you go to the Marianas Trench, which I believe is still the deepest part of the ocean. That we know of. If we go all the way down to the Marianas Trench and we keep sinking further and further, what happens is as you go deeper and deeper, you suddenly, it feels like the water is kind of going away, but you're still weightless.

And as the water goes deeper than the Marianas Trench?

Yeah.

So you think that the reason people get, you think people hit the Mariana's Trench and there's not like ocean floor. You think they could go deeper. Our next riddles. The Mariana's Trench.

And if you keep going down to the Mariana's Trench, Mariana's Trench, keep going down. I think you mean the Mariana's Trench.

Thank you.

Thanks for watching! Okay.

Adal, you sober up.

Coffee, drink a coffee for Adal.

Something to call me now. One of my favorite kinds of riddles to do with guests are word avalanches. Now Mark, have you done word avalanches before?

Not on purpose.

Exactly.

I don't know if I have or not.

I think I just did a word avalanche.

So these, you're going to catch on to what these are very, very quickly. But basically I'm going to say a phrase and then the answer to that phrase is a bunch of words that sound similar or words strung together that sound similar. Oh, yes. Yeah. Okay. These word avalanches come from Grant D who emailed us at HRR Podcast. So if you want to send in some riddles, that's where you can send them.

at gmail.com. But again, if you're not using a Gmail, what are you doing? What's your email? What email are you on? Hotmail?

I literally just forwarded you guys a Yahoo email a little bit ago.

Adal does still have a Yahoo email address, which is sus.

I can't say goodbye. I can't say goodbye.

All right. So we'll just do this as an example. Presenting a naked grizzly.

Bear, bear, bear.

Yes. Bear, bear, bear. Great.

Bear, bear, bear.

Done. A water breathing covered in gold, artist's union.

Why'd it have to be water? A water breathing covered. Oh, guild. A guild. Guild. Guilded. Guild.

Guild.

Guild. Guild. Guild. Guild. Guild.

Guild. Guild. Guild. Guild. Guild. Guild. Guild.

Guild. Guild.

Guild. Guild. Guild. Guild. Guild. Guild. Guild. Guild. Guild. Guild. Guild. Guild.

Guild. Guild. Guild.

Guild. Guild. Guild.

Also, this is not helpful to the people who were listening to this episode super high. They're like, okay, we made it to the part where space is the ocean. And now they're like, guilt, guilt, guilt, guilt, guilt. They're like, oh no.

Half of WWE tag team demolition will get rid of Legally Blonde's difficult ice skating jump.

Hardy boys, hardy toes. Say it one more time for me. I think I'm almost there.

Half of WWE tag team demolition will get rid of Legally Blonde's difficult ice skating jump.

Ax, Axle, Ax, Axles. Axle, Axles, Axle.

We need the Legally Blonde. So Axle, Ax, and then Legally Blonde.

Reese Witherspoon.

No. Who does she play in Legally Blonde?

Gosh, I don't know. A lawyer? L. L. Woods.

L. Axle, Axe, Ells.

Axles.

And I'd like to see a scene. It's the Winter Olympics. JPC and Mark, you're an ice skating team and you're attempting a very difficult jump in this routine that you've never done before and you're very nervous.

Okay, the jump's coming up in 30 seconds. You ready for this? My calves are so tight. It's okay. I do have to tell you though, I did eat like $30 of Taco Bell like an hour ago. All right. And now next on the rink, the demolition boys. Oh, I thought we were mid-year team.

It's the double Lutz, man. Do the Lutz. Lutz. Lutz. Okay.

Okay, we made it through the Lutz. Yeah, okay.

Alright. Brace yourself.

Oh, my caps. I gotta do it right now. I think prairie dogging is the term. I think I am prairie dogging right now.

This is the goddamn Olympics. Get it together.

Here's what we do. Here's what we do. We'll do the jump, but just don't touch me at all, okay?

How will you propel yourself?

I think I have to just do it myself. I think if you touch me... Here comes Eddie Van Halen's rehearsal.

This is the time for the jump, go! Tragedy strikes the Winter Olympics today. No, it's fine. It went fine. Acutely distressing, Lady Hero has black tar drugs in her follicles, comma, Mr. Wilson. Oh, I broke Mark.

No, I was just heroin. A harrowed heroin herringbone. What was it? Acutely dressed? Is that herringbone?

Acutely distressing.

Acutely distressing. Harrowing. Harrowed or harrowing? Harrowed? Heroin.

Heroin.

These make me feel crazy. A harrowing heroine. A harrowing heroine on heroine. And what was the last one? Gross hair again?

In her follicles. Hair again. Mr. Wilson.

Mr. Wilson. Mr. Wilson from Dennis the Menace?

No. Actor, Lassine Wilson.

Walter Mathau. Hair... Walter Mathau. Owen?

Yeah. Oh, Owen. Heroin, heroine, heroine, hair, Owen.

I see, I see. I see. I see. I see. I see. I see. I see. I see. I see. I see.

I see.

I see. I see. I see. I see. I see. I see.

I see. I see. I see. I see. I see. I see. I see. I see. I see. I see. I see. I see. I see. I see. I see. I see.

I see. I see. I see.

I see. I see. I see. I see. I see. See her. See her Syrian. Actual.

See her real. Yes.

Ooh, nice.

Cereal.

See her real. Cereal. Yeah.

With an S. Scorched.

Seared. Seared. Seared.

Iranian currency.

Real. R-I-A-L.

Breakfast grain.

Cereal. Cereal.

Put it all together.

You do it. You fucking do it.

You do it.

All right, cereal. No, I can't. The only one I remembered was Siri apostrophe L. No, come on, come on.

iPhone desistant will.

Cereal.

Cereal.

Observe her.

See her real. Actual, yep. See her real. See her real.

Cerean. I don't think cereal is ever part of it. Cereal, see her real cereal. See her real cereal.

Whoo. Yeah. Whoo hoo.

Erin, don't tell me you have the answer in front of you.

You guys eat cereal?

Yes, but I mostly eat as a little treat every once in a while. I think cocoa pebbles are the king of cereals. Wow! It's a tastiest and it also turns the milk into chocolate milk. That's true.

It's the food I forget exists the most. I forget to buy it, but every time I do I love to have it in a little mug before bed. It's a sweet treat.

I don't. I can't buy cereal because it will not last a day. Like I could eat a box of cereal in like 10 hours and I would be like, what'd you have to eat today? I'd go, oh, cereal for three meals? And they're like, oh yeah, you shouldn't do this. But I do love granola. Granola I have a lot of.

Granola's very good. Yeah. Mark, do you eat cereal? I don't. For that same reason, I would just devour too much of it because I like it. Kind of doesn't matter which cereal it is, by the way. How's a box of cereal? No problem. If cereal's in the house, it'll find you.

My go-to, if I'm gonna have a cereal, is Raisin Bran Crunch. I love that. But the sugary cereals, I can't even fuck with that all anymore. Especially like Captain Crunch. What that does to the roof of your mouth is like, it should be taken off the market. What does it do to the roof of your mouth? It scrapes it up.

It is. Whoa, really?

It feels great.

You don't like that sensation?

Did you? I think there might be. Have you tried the magic spoon? Yes. Yes, we have. Yes.

And it was very good.

Those are good. But again, it didn't just because it wasn't like, you know, made of carbohydrates didn't stop me from eating an entire box of magic spoon. Also, probably not the way they want you to consume it. Yeah.

Thanks for watching.

I want to say you have a 45 second window to eat it. So if I pour myself a bowl and like Gemma walks in the room, I have to be like, and like scarf it down because after 45 seconds, it becomes inedible sludge. Like the Crispies become so, or I'm sorry, the Pebbles become so swollen with milk. They just become the most disgusting.

Hey man, don't say swollen with milk.

They just become little sea slugs.

Don't say that. Don't, you cannot.

Cocoa Pebbles if you want to advertise with us.

Kacie, can we add bleeps to it? Adal said that. I really want to bleep that phrase out. It's fine when I say that. Yeah, it's horrible. Swollen with milk.

I actually hate that. All right. So thank you, Grant D. for those word avalanches. We're going to move on to Zev. They sent in some word avalanches as well.

Nice.

All right. A crow that's really excited about getting the coronavirus.

A Raving Raven Coronavirus. Oh wait, are they called like COVIDs? What are they called? Corvados?

That's a tiny coffee.

You Dovian head first here, pal, and the bottom of the pool is approaching. I hit my head.

I hit my head. I think Corvid. Are you thinking of Corvid?

Yes, Corvid. So a Raving Raven Corvid? That last one has, I don't know, COVID. How was it phrased?

Avid Covid Corvid.

Avid? Oh, okay.

Wait, what?

Is that the answer? Yes.

It's not a raving raven?

No, it's not a raving raven.

Avid Covid Corvid. These aren't word avalanches.

Yes, they are. They're the ones that rhyme because this is misleading because they don't always have to be the same word. They can also have little rhyming things in them.

Okay. These are little rhyme rivalanches.

Yeah, rhyme-a-lanches.

If you ever read a rhyme-a-lanche, make sure you pee so if it starts to drip down you know that you're upside down.

Wow, that's actually really good advice if you ever read a rhyme-a-lanche.

Wait a minute. Are you saying that if you're ever in an avalanche, you should try to pee so you know which direction is down?

That's that's the only advice they give is pee is it say try not to move so you don't like disrupt it and fall further down into a cavernous abyss, which I'll stop talking about or pee so you can tell you can tell which way is up.

There's also like a little there's a vest thing that you can wear that has like a little oxygen tube. Thanks for watching!

I feel like if I was an avalanche, I wouldn't have to pee all of a sudden. Yeah, what if I did not have to pee? Yeah. You poop. I don't think that works the same way.

You can either pee and figure out what direction you're in, or you can poop, figure out the same information.

The poop's not going to help because I ate two boxes of magic spoon before we went on the... It's not going to go up or down. It's just going to be still.

I would love to be in an avalanche when someone starts booping and I'm like, what are you doing? I heard it on a podcast. What are you supposed to do? You're supposed to poop your pants.

It's like, I can see the light. I can see the sun. What are you doing?

There's a helicopter. Now that could be the sun and a helicopter or that could be the stars because we're so deep underwater right now that it's all circling. Okay.

Okay. Well, let's get through these. All right. A robber who steals steak really fast. It's a rhyming one.

Okay. A robber. Larceny. Arsony. Rarsity.

Revisory. A sirloin. A sirloin perloin.

Garçon. Arson. Larsa.

Well, that's the title of the episode.

Erin, could you read the riddle one more time?

Yes. A robber who steals steak really fast.

A burger burger. No. It's a beef thief. It's a brief beef thief.

A country of trees that wear head armor.

A country of trees that wears white?

A country doesn't necessarily. I don't think that this is maybe the best word for this. Sort of a magical way of saying country.

Can you think of it better? It's the elm helm realm.

Holy shit, good genius Mark McConville. Kid genius.

All right, Mark. Now draw me a picture of a duck and we'll see how smart you are. I can't.

These colorful sticks with paper on them, do you eat them?

An Eastern European countries vote on signposts. On signposts, excuse me. An Eastern European countries vote on signposts.

And that would be poll, poll, poll.

Mm-hmm. Post-pol-pol. Post-pol-pol.

Post-pol-pol.

A mediocre offer for a Tupperware's cover.

Mid. Mid-lid-mid.

Yep, mid-lid-bid.

A mid-lid-bid.

Incredible. Let me get a mid-lid-bid.

I only have $6. I know that's a $12 lid.

Well, I give up.

That's what a Tupperware party is. A Tupperware party is you just bring all your Tupperware over to a friend's house and then they do a blind bit.

Raven Avon and Avon Raven.

Do you want to make up one? Mark, do you want to make up a word avalanche?

No.

Too much pressure. You definitely don't need to. Adal, you want to make one up? JPC?

Um, I think, okay. I think I want to, um, but I need 10 minutes.

Do we have? Garson Arson Larson.

Okay. Okay. I have one. Are you ready? Yeah. This is a Christian actor using a directing tool on a rock in a quarry. But we don't like him. Caviezels easel. Vin Diesel's Caviezels easel. And sorry, by Christian actor, it's not the religion. Okay. Bail.

Bail, bail, bail, bail, bail.

I should have gone that direction. This is a Christian actor who's famous because their mom is the number one casting agent in Hollywood.

No, Erin was giving you advice on what to do with this. Oh, bail, bail, bail, bail.

Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Bell Slater, Slater, Slate, Hater. I think. Well, it's hard to make this up. I gotta say, it's hard to improvise those, especially with very little support.

No, no, no. You did great. You did great. You did great. I didn't even make one up.

Adal, you're perfect the way you are.

Yes. Bust out that pedal steel guitar, and sing it. That's the guitar you can play while seated, right?

Well, I guess you can play any guitar. Is that true? Do you play any guitar seated? Uh, yeah, probably, probably could. No, you can only play it seated.

Yes, that's right. It's a riddle in and of itself. Oh, that's what a pedal steel guitar is. I truly was like, I think I know what that is. Until you said seated, now I'm like, okay, now I definitely know what that is.

You were like a thimble or something, right? You were finger picks and a thumb pick and then on your right hand and your left hand has a bar. Bless you. Allergic to country music.

But it's almost like a keyboard guitar.

What made you decide to play that instrument? Did you know someone who played it? Or did someone in a band that you liked play it?

Did you lose a bet? Well I always liked it and I sort of like didn't know what it is but it's like it's in like songs like Tiny Dancer. There's some massive hits that have pedal steel that are not country songs and I did not actually grew up listening to like Heavy Metal and was not into country and there's still some country stuff I don't know but let's see like a band like Sunvolt There's some steel on one of their records that I just went like, what is that? What is that? What is that? And once I finally put it together, I'm like, Oh, and then years went by and I moved to LA and then I went to a guitar center and they had one. And the salesman basically begged me to take it home. He's like, that's just been sitting in here. No one wants it. So I took it home and pretty much right away was like, what's that? I did have to pay for it.

Then I think you got played.

Well, I mean, they are a retail location. That's sort of how they do transactions all day long for goods that they have.

Guitar center? I don't know, Mark. I've never had to pay a guitar center.

Half man, half guitar.

I'm always wearing like a band t-shirt and they're like, this guy's cool as hell. Do you want a harmonica? I'm like, I guess I'll take another one.

So you took it home, Mark. Yeah, I learned how to play it. Took some lessons, but it's a lot of just time. It's a lot of sitting behind that thing and trying to figure it out. It's like a musical riddle, truly.

That's so cool. Beautiful. Well, Mark, do you want to... Oh, go ahead.

Yeah, you had me at sitting, but you lost me at the whole practicing part.

Well, Mark, do you want to plug your band in anything else you'd like to plug or promote?

Let's see. You can listen to Super Ego wherever you get podcasts. You can listen to Pistol Shrimp's radio and or mall walk-in anywhere you listen to it. I'm also working on Mr. Andy Daley's podcasts which are on Patreon. Some of them are free but many of the funny really great stuff that he's doing is on his Patreon and you'll have to figure what that is because I don't know it off the top of my head. I think it's patreon.com slash Andy Daily. It might be that simple. That would make sense. Yeah. But Andy in a character with some other characters is doing a Bonanza rewatch podcast where they are going to watch every episode of Bonanza, the longest-running television show in history.

And it's insane. Isn't it like 450 episodes or something crazy like that?

Yes. And they intend to Do a rewatch of the whole series. It's bonkers. It's really fun to work on. Holy shit. I play with a band called Stetson Wolf. I play with a band called Mason Prophet. I play with a band. I play with a lot of different bands. So just you can follow me on the Instagrams and the Twitters at Mark McConville. I'll post stuff and you can look for it. Hell yeah.

And are you mostly when you're playing in bands, are you mostly playing in LA or do you do any touring around the rest of the country?

No touring as of right now, just mostly local and some session stuff. And yeah, I like it here.

That was a touring test and you passed. You're not a robot.

Erin, do you have anything you want to plug or provoke? I want to plug sitcom D&D. We just finished season three if you want to check that out. Adal, anything to plug?

I want to plug, hello from the Magic Tavern, please check out our Patreon as well. You can check out also a brand new podcast. I started with other World News Tonighters, Rob White and Brett Lyons. The three of us have a new podcast called The Word Association. You can find that wherever you find podcasts. Check us out on Twitter and Instagram at TWApod. And you can also check out the Game Show podcast, Tell Me About It, with a different Adal Rifai. What? A smarter, taller Adal Rifai.

Look, I'll read a five-star review. If you want to get a five-star review featured on the show, just go to Apple iTunes, write us a five-star review. You can literally put anything in that, and I'll probably read it. As an example, I'm reading this one from Majora15, permission to use my name. As we all know, I, JPC, am not actually a human. I am, however, a seahorse. Erin, Adal, I'm very happy to announce that I am pregnant. We just got the news last week and I couldn't wait to tell you. I'm very excited for this next step in my life and wanted to take this time to warn you that my seahorse tummy will get bigger in the coming months. As it is the male seahorse's duty to carry the babies to term. So please be patient with me as I may have to get up more often to pee in the future as well as beginning to eat weird foods during recordings. Thank you. I'm so excited. And thank you Majora 15. Great review. Doesn't really mention how the podcast is good, but it doesn't matter. Five stars.

A pregnant seahorse should really spend some time in an avalanche zone.

That was just good to see. Truly. Everybody rushing to the pregnant seahorse peeing upside down. Joke. Everyone goes to the getaway.

I was slow. I was out of breath in the back, sort of trying to sprint up to you guys. I was like, I'm never going to make it there. I'm never going to make it there in time.

Well, Erin, do you happen to know this is a fun little science fact. Do you happen to know which planet has the most pregnant seahorse avalanches?

Earth. No, Jupiter. Goodbye.

Bye forever.

Created by Adal Rifai.

Here in Keif and John Patrick Coan, Casey Toney did the editing, and Marty Parrance in the

Hey there wild styles and penguinies. If you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. It's another episode of our public access. Well, kind of. Anyway, you can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash Hey Riddle Riddle by joining the Clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven-day free trial or the Review crew for $8 a month. And you get those ad-free episodes. See you there!

That was a head gum podcast.