Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum podcast.

Hey Erin, your JPC and I would like to talk to you.

Yeah, sure. Hold on.

Yeah, just come on in.

Hey.

Take your time. Hey, hey. I just want to start. You're not in trouble. JPC and I, we found riddles under your bed.

Those aren't mine.

Hey, no, no, no. You're not in trouble.

You're not in trouble. It's fine. It's fine. You know, you're Adal and I, actually. We did some riddles ourselves in our younger days.

Ew, what? Don't tell me that. La, la, la, la, la, la.

No, sweetie, you should know about it. We did what was called a podcast back then. I think you know them as brain audio today, but they were quite fun to listen to. But we solved puzzles and riddles and lateral thinking problems, kind of.

Gross.

Adal Rifai, I don't want to hear you two talking about it though.

Okay, you are in trouble. Are you are you doing riddles while driving?

No, of course not. I learned about that in health class.

How much are you gonna smoke the whole riddles? You're gonna smoke the whole- We want to see you smoke the whole riddles in front of us. And you're gonna get so sick of riddles you're never gonna want to buy another book.

Yeah, you're gonna give me an unhealthy relationship with riddles.

Well, it sounds like you already had one, okay? We'd rather you solve riddles at home than do it anywhere else. So go ahead and you know what? Actually, before you start smoking those, we brought in two professionals to help you with this. This is not like whatever that Chris Farley scene was. This is totally different. It's not going to be that. Nobody's going to fall through a table in a comfortable way.

How would you even say that? I wasn't expecting that.

Well, you have this big table in the middle of your room and I know you always anticipate someone falling through it, but they're not going to, okay? Please welcome professional speakers, Jess McKenna and Zach Reino. Come on in here.

Well, hey there, Erin. Hey, Erin. Hey, Erin. Don't worry. Don't be scared. Don't go worrying. Don't be scared. Don't worry.

Yeah, we just got out of a big van. Oh, no. Yes, it was recently parked down by the river. Oh, boy.

Oh, you promised. Erin, don't be scared, OK? Listen, this might shock you, but Zach and I also used to dabble in lateral thinking riddles. Ew.

We used to do riddles, number riddles, sudoku.

Ken Ken. Oh, we'd get a Ken Ken book and we would, days would go by and we'd wake up and say, what happened?

They're getting so close to that table.

I know.

We'd be, hold on. Let me go to your kitchen. You got any cereal boxes here? Sometimes cereal boxes have fun, easily accessible riddles on the back of them. Let me put some of these cereal boxes on this nice table you got right here.

He's in the bathroom. He's taking our medication.

Adderall. Here we go.

Adal, get them to leave. I want them to leave. I don't know how.

Erin, we were called here because you got some good people in your life and they're concerned. You know, they're concerned about you and your well-being. And we just don't want to see the same thing happen to you that happened to us. Living in a van, parked by the river.

Don't hike up your pants.

Just fall into the table. Just get this over with. Well, we have to hike up our pants, Adal, because we ran out of money for smaller pants because of all the riddles.

I think Zach is going to do the table thing. He just did a ton of painkillers.

I slipped from the bathroom onto the table.

I'm going to my room.

That makes sense. This is your room.

Now that we're done with the table thing, can you pay us now?

Yeah, now here's here's pants, walking around pants money.

Thank you.

50 bucks each.

Can we take one of these four cereals?

Yeah, I guess I guess they adderall.

I just need it. I just need enough to go buy a cheeseburger from a friendly neighborhood samurai that sells cheeseburgers.

Huh. It's still okay to go buy burgers there?

Honestly, it's not okay. At the time, it felt okay to buy cheeseburgers there. These days, the samurai is almost certainly a white man, and it feels strange to buy cheeseburgers from him. The joke is solid that he thinks you should buy cheeseburgers at any time during the day.

Yeah, but Zach, I think we can both agree it's very comfortable to say no fries, chips.

Yeah, I don't want fries, I want chips. Exactly. Yes, that's right.

And Erin, come out of your room. These weren't professional speakers. These were, well, that sounds reductive. They are professionals, but they're professional comedians. Jess McKenna, Zach Reino, welcome to the show.

Wow. Can you believe we were pretending to be two Chris Farleys that whole time?

I know. And then we did a really old reference to a perhaps even more niche old Saturday Night Live sketch from back in the day.

Yeah. There are a lot of rumors on, if you're, I don't know how deep you are on Reddit, but there's a lot of rumors that Chris Farley was actually two David Spades in a suit. That obviously tracks for me. Yeah. Which is why you only see them together. Yeah.

And David Spade was two Rob Schneider, correct? Correct. Thanks for watching.

I should say welcome back to the podcast. We had you on, you were some of our first ever guests. You guested in person back in, I think it was like right before New Year's 2018, I want to say. It was January 2nd, 2019. Whoa. Yes, yes, yes. So it's been a while. We're so happy to have you back. I don't, I got to say at some point we started asking our guests this and I don't think we ever asked you this since you were so early on. What is your relationship with puzzles, riddles, lateral thinking problems, escape rooms, crossword Sudoku, any of that?

Well, I love Ken Ken. No.

I don't even know what that is. Is that the Danish cartoon with the dog?

Ken Ken is Sudoku, but it's like equation based. So it's a very similar grid, but it's like use divide sign and then plus sign and one of the numbers will be there. You know, so like it's similar math grid, but it's similar number grid as Sudoku, but it involves math. I like them. I don't know that I have a deep relationship with them, but I like puzzles. I like escape rooms, but I haven't done them in a really long time.

Have you two ever done an escape room together? Yes.

Only one time. It was sort of horrifying for me because I came in late and it truly gave me like an anxiety attack.

This was a borderline work escape room. That's not quite accurate because it was like a writer's room and it was like a fun work thing, but it was like a work thing.

There were like a couple executives there and it was like herding cats and

There were also people that we did not know there. There were like four other people that just got put into our group.

And I had a really hard time parking and finding it so I was like late and so I was like what's the conceit and now I need to be in charge and we have to win.

I gotta say that's a little wild to do. Any sort of escape room that's like team building or like a work outing, to me it's wild to not book the whole room. But I guess it depends on the size we do.

This was pretty early in escape rooms. This was like 2015, 2016. I don't think it was a known entity to enough of us for us to be like, well, there shouldn't be strangers in there.

This is before escape rooms were regulated and safe. And now it's all, Biden came in and he fucking fixed all that shit. That's right.

That was before seat belts and escape rooms.

That's right. That's right. I did an escape room with just two other people or three other people in Palm Springs that's, oh gosh, this might be like even too upsetting to talk about now, but it's It's Titanic themed, and if you don't make it out in time, you die. It's okay.

This episode is coming out three months ago, so you're totally covered.

Perfect, perfect, perfect, perfect.

That feels interesting. So like it's an all history Titanic one where maybe the Titanic doesn't sink?

No, it's just like, did you get to a lifeboat?

You escaped the Titanic.

You can't get out of your captain's quarters or you can't get out of your quarters to get to the lifeboats. And they literally pipe in like screams.

My idea for a Titanic escape room is better because when you escape, the whole ship makes it.

Yeah, that's nice. But then you have the deaths of hundreds on your hands if you don't make it out. It's sort of a big winner.

I've taken big swings with mine that I thought of just now.

Wait, did you get out of the room? Me?

Did you get out? Yeah. So we solved the whole room and a bunch of us had grown up in SoCal high schools that don't have lockers and the last thing was a combination lock and we'd only ever had them for freshman year PE. So we were all like, oh, how do these work again? So we solved all the riddles, but none of us remembered how to do a combination lock, so we lost. Technically, even though that was the last step and we were doing it in time, but we were like... We just didn't know the like spin three times to the right. We were all like, what is it? Like we knew the code, but we were like, how's this working? And you have to go like all the way past the second, you know, kids who grew up with lockers, I feel like they have muscle muscle memory where they're just like, it's... I had lockers, but I don't know that I could do it now if you asked me to.

And maybe you couldn't under the stress of screams. Yeah, I could have 20 minutes ago. But now that I'm thinking about it, I'm like, uh,

Yeah, my wife once asked me, she was like, what's your computer password? And I go, well, now that you asked me, we'll have to change it because I don't know and I'll never get it back. It's Godfrey. Yeah. So recovery email it is.

Zach, how about you?

Um, I, there's a lot of work. Like, look, I got into the Wordle fad. There's a, I don't, they're probably an app that y'all have played called not words, which is very good. K N O T W O R D S a great game. A great little, little word game that I really like. Um, yeah, we did. Um, my bachelor party had an escape room in it that was theater themed. I think there was also a wizard one, but that one was booked.

Is it like you're the stage manager and you have to get all the props back on the table?

I think there's like a ghost in the theater, if I recall, and you like needed to get out. We did get out. It was good. It was fun.

We were pretty fucked up, so it's hard to remember.

We were not. It was the absolute tamest bachelor party of all time. We probably like smelled like meat from Korean barbecue and that was about it. It was 18 am evening. I was probably home by like 11. No, but yeah, and apart from that, you know, I love the idea of like a bridge troll riddle. That's like peak riddles to me, you know, like answer me these questions three or whatever.

There was a time when Zach and I were both pretty obsessed with spelling bee, the other like word game. And I had to quit because it got to a point where I wouldn't get out of bed till I hit genius.

And you have to find a lot of words. Genius is literally all of them, isn't it?

Or is that Queen Bee? That's Queen Bee. But you have to like, you have to get like a high enough percentage of the words. And really, you should like do a little in the morning, maybe and then maybe throughout the day as you have a little time, like get a few more. Genius should be your goal by the end of the day. But I get my obsession grew to the point where I was like, well, first things first, open up spelling bee. Well, can't close this loop till I get genius. Got to prove I'm a genius to start the day.

That was an hour.

Yeah. It does sound like one of those toxic male TikTokers of like, I don't get out of bed until I hit genius. Like that sounds like one of their motivational things.

Dude, every day I wake up and I don't even take on the day until I hit genius mode. Now lucky for me, I got that down to 22 minutes.

I had a great experience with that app because I never used it but my wife would play it and then when she got frustrated she would like hand it to me and be like you finish and I'd hit like two words and then it would be genius and I'm like this game rules like I get that genius I never have to do anything I have to think of two words perfect all I wrote was toast and stoat

It's like opening a jar that someone loosened for 25 minutes. Oh, I'm the strong one.

It was the best. Well, this episode will of course be called Tostote. There's no questioning that. JPC, you are, I believe, old man in puzzles today.

Yeah, so I have some riddles that have been sent in by listeners of the show. But then also, not really a warm up because this is Not really a puzzle or a riddle or anything, but I had an idea for something so I wrote it down and then again I showed it to Mariah and she said, well, it's not really a puzzle, but I think it's fun. So I was like, okay, so we're going to do that on the show first. Play a game that your wife humored you about. Adal, but guess what? Every time I host one of these, that's what we are doing. We are doing something that my wife was like, this is fine. So I was in a bookstore the other day, and I don't know how much you all read these, but does anyone here read celebrity memoirs?

Hi Dabble. I'm sure I have.

No. I think I used to, and then anymore, if you're online, I think all the best bits are kind of posted online in promotion or anticipation of the release.

Oh, yeah, yeah, I think it was that way with like the Prince Harry one, which was the most recent one. It was like clips of it were just everywhere. It's like, well, you don't really need to read this. But so here's the way that the game will work. I'm going to give you the title of a celebrity memoir. So for instance, I would say spare. And then you would have to tell me who's celebrity memoir that would Prince Harry. Jess, you absolutely nailed it. It is Prince Harry.

I was gonna say Dale Earnhardt Jr.

But if you don't get it, then I will give you some options to narrow it down. So for Prince Harry, or for Spare, I would have said, is it A, a bowling ball? B, some ribs? Or C, Prince Harry?

Okay, this game scared me and now I feel a little bit better about it.

If you get it before you have your options, kudos to you and you will get a point, but then it's first come first serve after you have those options, okay? So here's your first official one. I'm ready to win. We have to do this. Erin, I'm counting on you to win this. I'm counting on you to win this.

And I will.

Your first one is, don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining. Whose celebrity memoir is that? Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining.

Famous dogs. Famous dogs.

Famous dogs. Famous dogs.

Famous dogs. Famous dogs. Famous dogs. Famous dogs.

Famous dogs. Famous dogs. Famous dogs.

Famous dogs. Famous dogs. Famous dogs. Famous dogs. Famous dogs.

Famous dogs. Famous dogs. Famous dogs. Famous dogs. Famous dogs. Famous dogs. Famous dogs.

Famous dogs.

Famous dogs. Famous dogs. Famous dogs. Famous dogs. Famous dogs. Okay. I don't want to confuse you by saying that Mel Brooks was a great guest, but it's not Don Rickles. And it's not anyone similar to that, but that is a good guess.

Is it Mel Brooks?

I'll give you three options. Don't be on my leg and tell me it's raining. Is that A, Wiz Khalifa, B, Andy Dick, or C, Judge Judy? Oh, it's gotta be Judge Judy. It's gotta be B, Andy Dick. Okay, Adal, you have one point. I heard you first. I think she does say, don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining. That feels like a Judge Judy thing to say, right?

That tracks. Yeah.

Okay, here's your next one. Scrappy Little Nobody. Who's Celebrity Memoirs?

Super might know this.

Little Nobody.

I think I know this.

Erin, I feel like you do know this.

Yeah, that one, I've definitely heard of that one. It's like Judy Greer, but oh no, no, I know. It's Anna Kendrick.

Wow, it is Anna Kendrick. You absolutely got it correct. It is Anna Kendrick. I thought on an airport. Did you read that one?

No, I just know that I heard that title and I went, okay. Scrappy little nobody. I don't think anyone who plays Cinderella and Into the Woods gets to say, oh me, a scrappy little nobody.

Scrappy little nobody. Who do you think that is? One of the most beautiful people in the world? Yeah.

She's been working consistently since she was very young.

It's truly just not allowed to be a famous person. You're not a nobody. Yeah. That's true.

All right. Here we go. Your next one, number four. So it's one to one Adal and Jess.

On Lost, I think it's Evangeline Lilly who played like, I forget her name. Kate, thank you so much. But I feel like in an interview, somebody was like, what is it like to be so beautiful, so perfect? And she goes, don't just assume I'm beautiful and perfect. In high school, I was called mousey. And I was like, come on. You don't know what an insult is.

You've never had one thrown at you in my book. Mousy little dream girl.

Okay, let's not guess book titles, okay? That's really bad for the game actually.

Okay, okay, okay. Wait, yeah, since I'm not gonna know the celebrity, do you want me to guess preemptively what the title that you're about to say is?

Yes, please.

That's a fun game. Two games in one.

Now Zach, are you saying that because you just don't think that you know celebrities?

That's not a think, that's a no. I know that I don't know celebrities.

Is it names, faces, or both for you?

It's the names attached to the faces.

Got it. That's a big one for people, just in general.

Zach's fame blind.

All right, so your fourth one. Here you go. The title is friends, lovers, and the big terrible thing.

Friends, lovers, and the big terrible thing. I think we have to solve for a big terrible thing and work backwards. Yeah.

Is this like Oppenheimer? To me, it's like a survivor, like maybe a cancer survivor. That was my thought, too. Oh, good call, good call.

I will say, well, I don't know. I can give you options. Would you like your options?

Yes.

OK, here's your three options. Friends, lovers, and the big terrible thing. Is it Mark David Chapman, Osama Bin Laden or Matthew Perry. Matthew Perry.

Oh, it's Matthew Perry.

It's gotta be. Okay, so I did hear Jess first. Jess said it first.

I know that Jess said it first because she said it first even to me and we're over on the internet.

I think friends is the operative word there. Friends. Lovers in the big terrible thing.

And it is about battling something.

Yeah. That was the one by the way that I saw. Which is his image on Raya. I saw in the bookstore that made me think, that's wild. That's a wild title. Number five, a very punchable face. Oh, Colin Jost. Oh, I've seen this one. Wow, Jess is running away with it.

Sorry, I don't know what this says about me.

You are clued into the celebrities like us.

Yeah, what can I say? I'm always seeing their books and going, why do you have a book?

And also, these people aren't writing these books, right? Like, no way they're writing these books.

I mean, at max co-writing, you know, like someone's going through, Colin Jost, I imagine, wrote some, you know, a good amount or whatever, but

I bet he wrote it on a typewriter.

Yeah, but the rest of these people I don't think are writers, so I don't necessarily know that I don't even care if they wrote their own books, right? It's like you're not a writer. It's fine.

I would like to see a quick scene. Aaron, let's say that you are a publisher. Let's say Aaron and Zach, you're publishers for Random House and Jess, you're going to be a celebrity pitching a book, memoir, autobiography, whatever it is, who probably nobody really needs to or wants to hear from.

Thank you so much. Thank you so much for taking the meeting. And honestly, I wanted to come to you two first. I wanted to come here first and I wanted to come to you two first.

Thank you so much. Can I ask you just a quick question? Just like vibe check in the room? Sure. Do you like the fun sort of like assortment of knickknacks we put on the desk?

Well, I would expect nothing less at Random House. It feels like it's a very random disability. That's correct. You're at Random House.

You never know.

And that's what I feel like, that's why I actually feel like this is the best house or home for me. And what makes a house a home?

Unicorn. Sorry, we're random. We're random. Sometimes we just shout words. But what makes the house a home? I don't know what's your book. Let's see if we can find a place for it, you know, on our mantle or in the middle of our bathroom floor.

Oh my gosh. That's a perfect place for a book because that's where a lot of people read. I've heard.

Sure. But we put it on the floor because we're random, not even in like a thing on the side in a nice like magazine rack.

Can we ask you a quick question? And this is just sort of like a formality. Who are you?

It's been on the tip of my tongue. Thank you, Melissa, so much for asking that question. But actually, who are you, though?

Oh, is this like a random little joke? This is a random little joke to pretend you don't know who I am. That's very funny. That's hilarious. That's very funny. Because two people in the lobby stopped me for photos. They stopped me for selfies and stopped me for ussies.

So they asked for you to take photos of them?

No, they asked me if I would take photos for them for their family because they were excited to be in this building. But I knew that really it was because they wanted to take a photo of me. As you know, I hosted one season on HGTV of a show called House. And it was...

Is there a question mark at the end of that show?

There is, yes. Okay. My name is Kelly Pips and I hosted House for one season on HGTV. And that's why I wanted to come here because the ethos of our show was to come into spaces that weren't houses and say, but what if this was a house?

Okay. And I got to see a quick first episode, JPC and Jess co-hosting House.

Hi, welcome to another episode of House. I'm Kelly Pips, and this is my ex-boyfriend, Jerry Pepsi. How are we gonna put houses into places that houses don't go? Come along and see.

Okay, so we are here in an abandoned mine in West Virginia. Now, I know what you're thinking.

This looks dangerous to me. Sorry, we're in the camera crew here. This is an active mine. We're working in this mine right here.

And I was thinking, you know that song, West Virginia, Take Me Home? That's why this is our first episode of House. Now, I was thinking for this mind, let's go with an open concept. This is not safe. Can we actually blow out this wall? You need a hard hat to be down here? Sorry. This big, big wall?

No, this wall, this is supporting. Hard not to blow out this wall. No, stop pointing at walls. Y'all, this is a mind. You can't blow out these walls. These are supporting walls.

Okay, now, is that canary structural? Or can we get rid of that canary, same canary?

Yeah, it's not structural.

Yeah, that canary has to go. It's terrible for the vibe in here. Same.

Oh, man.

Is Kelly Pipps a real name?

Well, I was definitely just, it was almost Kelly Ripa and I'm gonna speak to you.

Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. I was like, that's a great stage name.

This is perfectly timed because yesterday I was trying to find, I went to the Discovery app and I was trying to find an HGTV show that I had watched on an airplane that I really enjoyed. And I went through their entire catalog, the HGTV catalog, from A to Z, trying to find the name of the show. And I had a panic attack because all of the names of shows are truly like house. House on top of the hill. House in a near place water. Like the titles are so confusing. My Hill House. My Water Bank House.

My Home and Lake. Lake is where the Home House.

House Lake Hill. Enlarged heart. I thought that I was like, this is a joke. Someone set this up. There's no way that. Did you find it? Yeah, whatever. Yes. And it was at the very bottom and it was, it's called Z House. Z House.

Welcome to the house. We will be building a house today. I was like German house, house German. JBC, I saw you take a little note to write make a game out of house shows on Discovery app. No, man. Sorry, Erin, you were saying.

I don't want to play that game. The name of the show is why the heck did I buy this house? But the heck, sometimes the heck is all like wingdings or whatever it's called when it's a swear. So I think it's actually called why the fuck did I buy this house?

That's a good title for a show, HGTV. I would absolutely watch that. Why the fuck did I buy this house?

It's hosted by a Survivor winner of a season I never watched. Which one? She's from 2012.

Let me look it up. I think if that's in the air, I wasn't watching. You mean the four winner?

Kim Spradlin. Sure.

Yeah. I was just thinking, Spradlin would be great for that show.

That is such a Spradlin show.

We need a Spradlin type. Spradlin vehicle for sure.

It's her and her husband. He has a mustache. He barely speaks.

I hate when they put fucking Spradlin type on the call sheet because you know you're going to get Spradlin.

You're just going to get Spradlin. Spradlin works. Spradlin works.

Okay, speaking of other games, we still have to finish this game. Vegetables before you eat your dessert. We're on number six, here we go, or five, or it doesn't matter. Stories I only tell my friends. Stories I only tell my friends.

Well, that's because I feel like it's another friends cast member. Oh, yeah.

I'd be very mean if I did that. For a second, I truly thought vegetables before your dessert was one of the titles, and I was positive it was Rene Redzepi from November. But that can't be right.

Stories I only tell my friends. Like a Ricky-like type. Do you want your options? Do you want your options?

No, wait. Before you give the options, give us a category. Are they an athlete? Are they a politician?

Actor. Actor. That narrows it down. Male actor.

Movies or TV?

Stories that only tell my friends, both. Rob Lowe. It is Rob Lowe. Holy shit.

Wow. He's had like seven memoirs.

Dude, so truly some of these people have had a ton of fucking memoirs. So many memoirs.

Is it just like a really like good ROI? Like it doesn't cost that much for someone to ghost write your book and it sells like pretty good if you're a wrongo.

And then they do the audiobook where they read it themselves and then it just like goes, you know?

Then it just puts them back in front of the nation, I guess. The only person who should have several memoirs and did is Carrie Fisher. Period.

Gary Fisher also, yes, you did have several memoirs. Okay, here's your next one. Finding me. Finding me. Albert Brooks. It is not Albert Brooks.

Caitlyn Jenner.

It is not Caitlyn Jenner. Caitlyn Jenner, by the way, multiple memoirs. Nemo. Was it Kevin Nemo? Zach is queuing in on the answers that I would have written down, which is a different game, but a very funny game. Do you want some options on this one? Please. Here are your options. Carmen Sandiego, Waldo, or Viola Davis.

Oh, come on. Oh, come on. Viola Davis. I'll take the point.

Erin got a point. You're on the board. I do want to see, I'm so sorry, I do need to see another scene. This is going to be, why don't we have Zach and Erin and you two are on a date. Erin, you are Carmen Sandiego and Zach, you are Waldo.

Where'd you go? Hello?

Sorry. Thank you for meeting me in this candy cane factory.

Oh my gosh.

I just like to take people on a date someplace that's busy and full of friends everywhere and men and women doing work of various kinds. Lots of steel girders going up and down.

Sorry. Hey, watch out. We're making candy canes over here. Look out.

Hey, that guy's kind of dressed like me. You don't realize this, but almost all candy canes are American made in big factories just like this one.

Oh, wow. Sorry, am I making eye contact with you? I keep losing where you are.

No, I'm here. But as long as we're asking questions, are you an international criminal?

What?

You're wearing a big red trench coat and a big red hat and also multiple giant world landmarks have gone missing lately.

Like what? Like Eiffel Tower?

Eiffel Tower is one of them. Tower of Pisa is one of them, mostly towers.

Pyramid of Pisa is gone.

And I just noticed you keep answering texts and just texting back, try a much bigger number.

It feels like a... Sorry, I'm not. Statue of Liberty is worth more than that. This is an insulting offer.

Hey Carl, can you bring some more peppermint oil over here?

Yeah, you got it.

Oh no, the big tub. The big tub of peppermint oil.

Okay, let me roll it on over.

Here's the thing. I have a very high demand job. I travel a lot for work and I'm just looking for something easy and fun when I'm in town. It's really hard to, I don't know, connect with me and find me. And I don't expect that this is going to be what that is.

Yeah, I mean, honestly, I feel the same way. I'm always going on dates and constantly getting stood up and then getting called the next day. It's like I was there. Where were you? I just couldn't find you. Wait, sorry.

I am literally looking at a dog with a red and white striped hat.

Yeah, it happens a lot. Yeah, people keep telling me, Waldo, you need to not wear things that make you chameleon-esque blend into your surroundings around you.

But it's all that's in my closet. You think you do that on purpose, though?

I just have a capsule wardrobe of the same four or five things and I sort of cycle through them.

Are you sure you don't want to feel invisible?

Wow, you know I never thought about maybe- Hey guys, I'm sorry to do this.

We had another death on the line. Carl tripped into the candy cane machine and got candy caned. So everybody has to clear out while Osha comes in here.

Sounds like nothing can be done.

Oh, so she's been on a date and had to leave the factory. Got confused by a dog wearing a similar hat.

So when I said death, it's a kind of death. Was it on PBS? Was Carmen Sandiego on PBS? What was that on? I'm looking.

That's a good question. Hey Riddle. Yeah, the Acropolis is also gone, but that's actually not the problem you're trying to solve and that's what I'm hearing in this one.

I think the most brutal thing was there was like a map of Europe or something on the floor for the game show and the contestants would have had to like stand on a... they'd be like, go ahead and stand on Finland. And it's like 15 year olds don't know where Finland is or what Finland looks like. And it was just like this nail bite inducing moment of TV of like, this is too hard for kids.

Oh man, I wanted to be on a kid game show so bad.

Yeah, but specifically Legends of the Hidden Temple.

Was that your number one? That would have been my number one, would have been Legends for sure.

But I also would have been on Guts, and I also would have been on... Legends of the Hidden Temple is the one that if you were too slow, a guy grabs you.

Yeah.

Yes. Yeah. No, I for sure didn't want to get grabbed by that guy.

Unless you gave him a necklace and then he would leap you a coin.

I also like Family Double Dare where you can go through like the obstacle course of just goo and slime and you'd like... And a big nose. And a big nose. Get the flag out of the boogers. It was like so gross and good.

I think one of the reasons that one was more popular was because at no point in Family Double Dare did a big guy grab you. And I think for kids, it's like, that's way better.

It's so stressful. It's so stressful to know that a big guy is going to grab you if you're not fast enough.

Feet, stomach, head. Just remember that. Feet first, stomach, head. Feet go on the bottom, then the stomach, then the head.

That's how the statue and all sort of bipedal beings stack up.

You know who has feet, stomach, and head? A big guy, not wearing much clothes, who's going to grab you.

And I have really bad news for you, JBC. There were actually multiple big guys.

They were just a big guy.

They were like guards, you know.

And you didn't see those kids again.

Thanks for watching!

For some reason, shaving a balloon would be a bigger part of adult life. So many game shows were like, here's shaving cream on a balloon and you have to shave it without popping it. And I was like, this is something I gotta learn at some point. Yeah. Never came up.

What was Nick Arcade? I feel like that was the one I was trying to remember.

I was just thinking about it. There's like, you go into a video game.

Yeah, that was the other one that was like, what a dream.

Yes. Hosted by the, what's that guy's name? Michael something. It doesn't matter. The dad from Glee maybe.

Jess, you grew up in California though, right? Yes. So I feel like these shows, did they film in California? What was stopping you from being a kid? It's a great question. What was stopping me?

I think some of them filmed in Florida. Florida. A lot of them filmed at the Nick Studios in Orlando. And I think I was too young still. Like I think they were They were like 11 year olds and I was 8 or something.

Also, you knew you were more interested in scripted rather than reality.

Yeah, I didn't want to get pigeonholed into being known as a personality rather than a performer. But I think that's the real answer is that they were either in Florida and I was slightly too young. Also, I feel like some of those would just get replayed on Nick. So there was this illusion that they were still happy. But family double dare I think had been done for years. But I was just watching Oh, double dare.

I also think the guy couldn't grab you if you weren't 12.

We're going to take a quick break. JBC, we're going to talk you through this. We'll be right back and JBC will not be mentioning the guys from Legends of the Hidden Temple.

I know what you're thinking. Do I have a new hat, Adal and JPC? New haircut? Why am I walking around with so much confidence?

I bet you're wondering. I wanted pretzels from the food court.

And I was just gonna let you know that it looks like you leaned on paint.

Anyways, I just had a bunch of subscriptions canceled for me by Rocket Money that I wasn't using. And so now I'm flushed with cash and now I'm competent. Pretzel money? Well, maybe we'll talk about that. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that binds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years, even before they were a sponsor.

Erin, it looks like you may have leaned on like with someone painting a rocket money like billboard or sign or something because it's all it's all down your back it's like and it's I could ock it ock it

People think they're spending $80 on their subscriptions when in reality, the number is closer to $200. And when you signed up for so many free trials, like streaming services, you watch one show and then you completely forget about it. You lose track and then all of a sudden you're like, why am I bleeding money? Rocket money? They take care of that for you. They go, sit back, relax. We got this. And they make everything color coded and easy and super intuitive.

You're also color-coded. A little birdie told me that Rocket Money also lets you monitor all your expenses in one place, recommends custom budgets based on your past spending, and they'll even send you notifications when you've reached your spending limits, which sounds like something my friend would like, but I forget which friend I'm so hungry for pretzels.

Speaking of pretzels, you don't get all twisted up by salty and the bread of your finances. With over 3 million users and counting, Rocket Money customers have saved an average of $720 a year.

Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and manage your money the easy way by going to rocketmoney.com slash riddle. That's rocketmoney.com slash riddle. rocketmoney.com slash r-i-d-d-l-e.

Hey, what's going on? Somebody leaned over my rocket money paint thing. Run. Everybody run. Run.

Is that DaVinci?

Yeah.

Yes.

And bye.

Hi, Adal and JPC.

Oh, greetings. Greetings, Erin. We're just... Hey, Erin.

Our normal selves today. I'm just myself. I'm normal. Hey, we're both normal.

Good news. So I finally opened Erin's Land in my backyard. It's a theme park. Most of the rides work. Most are pretty safe and I'm trying to start a website so people can find out all the information they need to get into Erin's Land.

Oh, that's actually perfect Erin because this podcast is actually sponsored by Squarespace. Yeah, and it's an all-in-one, like, website platform for, you know, entrepreneurs or whatever you consider yourself to be to kind of, like, stand out online. Whether you're just starting out, which it seems like you may be, or you're trying to build a successful growing brand, Squarespace is going to make it really easy for you to create a beautiful website, Erin.

Yeah, and Erin, if you want Erinland, I think is what you call it, to have stuff like custom merch. You can do that. You can easily sell custom merch and create a passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand. You design your products and production, inventory, shipping, all of it, handled for you, saving you time and money.

So, I mean, real quick, just because I'm looking around at Erinland, I'm just going to say what I think Erinland is from what you're presenting. Sure. So right now it looks like Erinland is a lot of goo.

Mm hmm. Great eye.

Okay, so I'm right about goo. So it's a lot of goo. So are you trying to sell this goo? Because if the goo is for sale, then Squarespace does have an online store where you can sell your products online, whether it's physical like this goo, digital, like I imagine you have some digital goo or photos of people seeing the goo for the first time. Yeah, Squarespace has what you need. It has the tools to start selling online.

I'm looking forward to using it because I can use insights to grow my business. I can learn when site visits and sales are coming in and coming from to analyze which channels are most effective. I can improve my website and build a marketing strategy based on your top keywords like goo or most popular products and content like goo.

Huh, it's kinda eating through my shoes, it's starting to burn. Head to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Erin, I just got some great analytics from Squarespace. It says people don't like goo. Huh.

Yay! I'm in a lot of debt now.

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey everybody, this is GPC.

I'm here too.

Yeah, Erin's here as well. And it's with a heavy heart that we kind of do this ad read because one of our own, Mr. Adal Rifai, is not with us.

He is unfortunately stuck in a cat costume. They're calling it a medical phenomenon. And a disaster. But we're going to soldier on. We're going to be brave today. I do want to talk to my better help therapist a little later about what this has done to my nervous system.

We're going to need that, yep.

And if you're thinking of starting therapy, you should give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. All you have to do is fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with your licensed therapist, and you can switch therapists any time for no additional charge. Conventional therapy where you had to drive to an office never really worked well for me. Like today, I get to send my therapist a message saying, you know how Adal loves to dress up like a cat? And sometimes he gets stuck, well this time he might.

Let's not think like that. Let's not think like that. Okay. Cause that's a negative spiral and that's going to lead us to needing more better help. I mean, if you've, if you think that conventional therapy is the only way to do therapy, then I beg of you have one of your best friends in this world gets stuck in a cat costume and they can't find where the zipper starts. I don't know if we mentioned that, but that's one of the biggest problems. It's all zipped up.

Okay. So get a break from your thoughts like this intrusive thought bad. Visit BetterHelp.com slash Riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Riddle. R-I-D-D-L-E.

Oh, Erin, speaking of 10% off, this is actually good news. I just got a text from the medical staff. It looks like the cat costume is 10% off. So 90% to go pray for our friend.

It's not enough. It's not enough. It's barely the toes. It's not enough for him to have a normal life.

I'm having a great time.

Well, Erin, fall is officially here, which means it's time to get into our fall routines. And there's nothing that I love more than using my Raycon wireless earbuds to listen to some classic fall music. I'm sorry. I want to do this. I just can't do this because I know that my friend Adal is stuck in a full body cat costume and that includes

fabric over the ears and I know he can't use his Raycon wireless earbuds and it just no you could do this you started so well you're being very brave Raycon gives you up to eight hours of playtime and 32 hour battery life and they are so good and smooth and the optimized gel tips they feel like butter in your ears

All Adal wanted was eight hours of playtime. And now he's going to have an eternity of playtime, except we're not playing games anymore because he's really stuck in that suit.

Here, I'll distract you. Raycon's Everyday Earbuds have over 78,000 five-star reviews, and they're priced just right. You get quality audio for half the price of other premium audio brands.

I wish we were able to give all of our listeners quality audio, but I just know in my heart That with the big guy all sewn up in that suit, it's just not gonna be possible to have the same quality of audio that we normally deliver. I can't stop making the ad, which is supposed to be about Raycon earbuds, that you love, that I love! I can't stop making it about my friend who's trapped in that cat costume.

No, no, no. Remember? There's like noise isolation and you can do three customizable sound profiles just completely suited to you. Hi Fidelity Audio, come on GPC, we can do this.

They also have an awareness mode and I've heard that Adal is now stuck in permanent awareness mode because he's aware of all of his cat-like appendages and he's starting to forget what it feels like to be a man because he is going to be only cat from here on out.

I just wish that the doctors didn't tell us how much pain he was in.

I know and the way they did it when they held their hands out and they said we'll tell you when we stop and that their hands keep going and going and going so far out

So anyways, school's back in session, which means Raycon is having their annual back to school sale. For a limited time only, go to buyraycon.com slash riddle today to get 20% off site-wide. Plus free shipping. That's buyraycon.com slash riddle to score 20% off. buyraycon.com slash riddle. Oh, Adal.

Erin, it's wild that you said 20% off. Because I just got a text from his medical team and it looks like the cat costume.

The costume is 20% back on. Yes.

He's really buried himself in it.

We miss you, boy. Get better soon. I miss you, Adal.

All right, we're back. We have circled up with our legal team. I won't be talking about anything else that I shouldn't be talking about anymore for the rest of the episode.

Or a guy will grab you.

Unrelated to any property or trademark or network, just a guy will grab you.

Just a real grabbing guy.

I wish that they had that feature on game shows like Jeopardy. Be like, okay, you're getting pretty low on points just so you know. Negative 1,200 means a guy grabs you.

Just like a Daily Double, which is just like, and this is the one where a guy grabs one of you.

It would be funny to have to answer trivia under like duress.

With a guy creeping towards you. Just getting closer, like three steps closer.

Easter Island. Okay, we're still playing this game, so this is your next one. I don't know what you know me from, Confessions of a Co-Star.

Jess already said it. Yep, say it. It's your point. No, no, you knew. Judy Greer. Yeah.

Okay, you both split the point. You get half a point each. You already said Judy Greer. Okay, here's your next one. So that happened. A memoir.

Oh boy.

So that happened. So that happened a bit more.

Is that David Spade?

Sounds like someone sarcastic. It feels like David Spade.

It feels like a reality star to me.

It feels like... Not a reality star. I'm gonna say not a reality star.

Is that the one by the guy that lied about being in the Twin Towers during 9-11?

You're gonna have to be more specific. Are you talking about, are you talking about what, Steve Rancisi? Is that the guy's name? The guy from the league? I think so, yeah. Uh, no, it was not. It was not. This is not a Ren Zizi. I wonder if Ren Zizi wrote a memoir. It's insane to write a memoir with a thing that people know you from is lying about.

Well, that's the vibe that I'm getting. Is this the title of like someone did a bad thing and this is them trying to like capitalize on?

Didn't Brian Williams also do that where he was like, I was a nom and a chopper. And then they're like, Brian Williams was never close to Vietnam.

Yeah, I think it was like Afghanistan. I think it was like as a reporter.

Yeah, I gotcha. Gotcha.

Uh, I don't even know if this person did a bad thing. Steve Bartman? Are you ready for your, I mean, I can give you options. You want some options? So that happened a memoir. Is it Mark David Chapman, Osama bin Laden, or John Cryer?

Oh, John Cryer.

Osama bin Laden. Is that like a famous line of his? Did John Cryer do a bad thing or was he just around Charlie Sheen for a while?

I think that's probably what it was is that he's like gets he's he has teen fame and then he gets to be on this mega sitcom that gets like imploded by Charlie Sheen's winning Tiger Blood phase. Right. And he's just bearing witness to these big moments. I think he's more like he's like the Forrest Gump of people of that age who's just like, well, I was there as the brat pack. I was also here during like this sitcom. I didn't do anything that wild, but I watched it.

Even before you said it, the speed with which the phrase Tiger Blood flew into my brain, I was like, oh right, this was all any of us we're talking about. Winning. Yeah.

I think it's fair for him to say so that happened because like he was really close to that.

I want to see a quick scene. So we're going to see a scene in an office. Adal, you're going to be playing a character whose name is Charlie Sean. And this is around the same time as the winning and the Tiger of Blood stuff. And you are really trying to capitalize on that, even though it's just that you have a very similar name.

Okay. So we need another volunteer to, uh, yeah, right here. Uh, you want to wait to hear what I say, Charlie? I do. I want to, I want to know what, yeah, Charlie. Why don't you, let me say the rest of what?

Yeah, go ahead.

We need someone to meet the Bloomington team at the airport to greet them, to bring them back for the.

Oh, I live like a, like 10 minutes away. I'm happy to do it. Yeah.

That'd be true. My dad's Michael Sean.

Okay, well we don't need to know who your dad is, Charlie. We're having the big summit with all the branches and I just wanted someone to greet the Bloomington team at the airport.

You're not the only one with a dad, Charlie.

Yeah, it bears repeating you're not the only one with a dad. Who's your dad? Hey guy, who's your dad?

You never even met my dad, Charlie. Shut the fuck up.

Hey, Gary, why are you sitting so far away from the rest of the table? You sound like far.

Yeah, and Gary, please- Charlie keeps- Language. This is a professional setting.

Sorry. Yeah, and Gary, can I say I don't get it. I don't get it at all. There's like a woman with a beehive hairdo and she's talking to a cow in one panel. I don't get your work, man. Okay? The Farside.

Alright, uh, and Cheryl is, didn't go hike the PCT, okay? She's not Cheryl Strayed. She's Cheryl Staedt. Okay, so stop, stop assuming that we all have celebrity allegories. We're just focusing on the big summit of all the branches. Bloomington's coming in and I want to make a good impression.

Yeah, I don't know if you saw my t-shirt says Cheetapiss. It's kind of my tiger blood.

Charlie, that's really inappropriate for the office and I would never let you greet Bloomington in that. Does anyone remember how good Bloomington did hosting last year? The pressure is on. They're legends.

We'll never live up to them.

Thank you so much for the ride to the office. I cannot wait to see what you have for me today. I'm really excited about this.

We're just so excited to have you after you hosted us with such grace and warmth last year. Let me just go ahead and open the door to our office. Oh no. Charlie, Charlie, get down from there. Charlie, get down.

He's been up there with a bunch of teeth balloons and he's just screaming grinning over and over and over.

I have to be far away.

I also got a job offer from Random House so... Then leave, then leave, Charlie.

I'm absolutely speechless.

David, I'm so embarrassed. I'm so sorry. This is nothing like the warm welcome and many charcuterie platters that you had for us last year.

This is wonderful.

What?

I see what you're doing here with the teeth balloons and the freak out and something that smells like I'm gonna take a wild stab. Is that Cougar piss? Close.

How did you know? It's weird that you know.

It's cheetah piss.

I gotta have it. How'd you get it, Charlie? Charlie, I hate giving in to you at all, but how'd you get it?

Now this other guy I hate. This guy you should fire. What's your name, Gary? Why are you so far away?

I can't get closer. I can't navigate through the hallway.

This guy almost cost you the whole fucking deal.

Same.

My heart breaks for Gary.

You'll be fine.

Poor Gary.

He's just far away. He's just far away. Now I get it, far aside. Oh boy, I had to say it out loud.

Yeah, I got it when you said it out loud just now.

How'd you explain it to me? That's how the best jokes work. Okay, here we go. We have two more. Behind the wand, the magic and mayhem of growing up a wizard.

Um, is that the guy, whoever played Draco Malfoy, Tom Felton?

You got one! Yeah! Two points.

Yes, Tom Felton. How did you know?

I feel like I've seen it somewhere. I feel like I've seen it in my life.

He also feels like the right level of one of them who would write a memoir.

Like, I don't think... Who would love money, right? Yeah.

The main three. It would either be like him or the kids who play the twins. Neville or something.

Yeah, yes.

Neville. Yeah. I guess Neville didn't work. I don't know that I could have pulled the name Tom Felton, though. I don't think I ever knew that that guy's name was Tom Felton.

Yeah, me neither. I looked it up.

Adal.

Oh, can we do that? Can we just type in the name of the book and look it up?

Fuck. Is this No Rules Just Right over here?

No, I knew the name. Open book test. Bye. Wait, here's a trivia question since I get to invent games too in the middle of it for everyone except for Jessica who knows the answer to that. Which brand had at one point had the marketing No Rules Just Right?

Oh, that's an outback say-out.

It is Outback Steakhouse. The question is, why is it Outback Steakhouse?

No. No rules, just right.

It's just a great, like, what? What are you taught? You're a restaurant. What are the rules?

Please follow the rules.

No shirt, no shoes, no problem.

We reviewed that on our podcast and I had a great time. I don't know if you guys have been to the Outback Steakhouse in Burbank recently.

I have.

You have? I have.

Not recently, pre-pandemic, but I have.

It's great.

Is it Bloomin' Onion or Awesome Blossom? What do they have there? They're Bloomin' Onion.

Yeah, think about it for a second. Yeah, you know.

It's got to be Bloomin' Onion. And Awesome Blossom is Chili's, right? That's right. No. Okay, okay. I think there was a study that can suck off. Yeah, absolutely.

They have no onion-based app that I'm aware of. No famous one.

Jess, I got to hear about whatever this study was.

Oh, I think there was like a there was like a bit of information that came out. Like, you know, when you have like the your parents have the news on in the background, you're like, I guess that's a fact that I'll now stay in my brain for forever. It was like. Researchers have discovered that the awesome blossom is the worst food for you. There was like some sort of like perfect high fat, high calorie and no nutritional redemption that they were like, this is the worst food.

I want to say it was like 6,000 calories or something.

It's something wild where it like makes absolutely no sense for you to consume it. You'd be better having like a Snickers or like piece of chocolate. Like there's nothing in it for you.

I heard, and I don't know if this is just amongst candy or for whatever category of food, but someone said skittles are like, I don't know if it's like the worst for you, but it's like the worst thing you can put in your body that like won't leave, like elements won't leave. I heard that skittles are being reviewed to see if they qualify as food.

I'm gonna go.

I wasn't ready for this much bad news all at once.

Are there people who think skittles are food? To be fair, Taste of Rainbow is an open-ended slogan. Yeah, but it's like gum. You're not supposed to swallow.

If I am hungry and I put it in my body. Are you telling me you're chomping on skittles and then spitting them out?

You're spitting out skittles?

Are you using it like tobacco?

Yeah, but not like in the street. I'm doing it in a trash can.

Sorry, can we see a scene where we're in a dugout of a baseball game?

Okay guys, it's the bottom of the six. I need everyone to start getting really serious, okay?

You got it, Coach. You got it, Coach. Put me in, Coach.

Is that red blood scales?

No, they're red vines. We're chomping them and spitting them out.

Mine's blood, Coach. Mine's blood. I'm doing those pink school erasers.

What the hell did I- wait, what?

Not the ones on the ends of the pencils, the big chunky ones.

Hey Coach, I know I'm on deck. Do you mind if I run back in the locker room? I put a Charleston chew in the freezer.

Oh my god. All right. Actually, now's the time for this. I want to talk about our dentist bills. They are out of control.

Oh, Coach!

Come on, Coach! What's the point of being a little league team with excellent dental coverage if we're going to get yelled at for our dental bills?

Coach, I have a suggestion. I don't know if anyone hates this, but what if we all just stop going? Would that be? I'd be fine with that, honestly.

No, no, I can't do that, Timmy. I love my dentist. I always get a little parachute man when I go and be good. When I go and be good, I get a parachute man.

When I went and be good, I got a goldfish. And on the one hand, I was real excited about that. But now I got to take care of a goldfish.

You got a real goldfish, man. You must have been good.

I was pretty good.

Every time I go, I get, it's like a piece of paper, but I can write on it and then lift up a real thin sheet and it all resets and everything disappears, Coach.

It all disappears. That's good. That's good. Coach, please don't take these away from us.

Don't take this away, Coach, please.

When I'm going to do this, Coach, I tell them I have anxiety and they give you a Xanax. They rent you a prescription for one Xanax.

Tim, should you be playing in our league still? I feel like you're older than us.

Tim, you have stubble.

Tim, are you supposed to be a triple A?

But Tim, don't get me wrong. You're pitching solid 70 miles an hour.

Yeah, I just want to know because I want to get to know you.

Please don't leave us team. Everybody shut up about Tim. He's fine where he is. He's the reason why we keep winning.

It's literally and I'm under four feet. So that's I should get to stay no matter what.

And he's the reason we have an Under Armour sponsorship. Thank you, Tim.

Thank you, Tim. And Timmy, technically, has the least amount of cavities. Yeah, he's eating and chewing on things that aren't technically food. But all of you, Petey, how many cavities did you have the last time we went to the dentist? Sixteen plus two.

Why are you saying it like that, Beanie? Why are you saying it like that?

It was 16 teeth. You said not to say the number 18.

Yeah, you said, don't ever say that. It reminds me of my ex. And also, two of them were on the same tooth, so I didn't know if they counted the same. Dang. My ex was a baseball player, and his number was 18. And he died. I'm sorry, Coach. I'm sorry, Coach. But, Coach, I got so many parachute men for being good. I go be good, and I get 16 plus two cavities. I switch to red vines instead of skittles, but the red vines, they still stick to my molar something awful, Coach. Even though I'm spitting them out all over this dugout.

Careful! Don't slip! Alright, I'm making a call right now. We're switching to chewing tobacco as a team.

And Coach, Coach, if you tell them you can't swallow the pill, they'll give you gas. I love you, Tim.

Tim, will you be my dad? Tim, you gotta go. I'm hearing it now.

Yeah, I got kids. I can't have more kids. I got child support at my ass. Okay.

Sorry.

Here's your last one. Here's your last one. And then of course, in the last five minutes of the show, we will get to our Riddle. What's your relationship with Riddles now to some memoirs? Here's your last one.

Yes.

If you ask me, and of course you won't. And the and of course you won't is in parentheses.

Ask me and of course you won't. Is this like Ken Jennings?

If you ask me, and of course you won't. Wow, that is a fun guess. It's not Ken Jennings.

Is it a game show host?

It is not a game show host. Although they've had a long career, I don't think they ever hosted a game show.

If you ask me, and of course you won't. So this almost sounds like, uh, what was the one OJ made was like, if I did it, if I did it, this kind of sounds like this. Is it, did Mark David Chapman actually write a book? This might be like a trick to save to the end. Mark, is it Mark David Chapman?

I think he wrote catcher on the rye or I may not just skimmed the Wikipedia article. Um, all right.

I'm ready for options. I think.

Okay. Here are your options. Mark David Chapman, OJ Simpson. Or Betty White.

Oh, Betty White.

Betty White. Erin, it's Betty White. I'm doing the math here. I don't think anyone had a chance of winning besides Jess. But you got it. You got absolutely correct, Erin.

That's sweet, Betty White.

Aw.

Aw.

It's like a bunch of people want to ask her. I don't want to ask her.

That's a weird title for Betty White. I don't get that title for Betty White.

Her title should have just been like, yep, I love you too. Or like, uh-huh.

Back in St. Olaf. Or like, white noise with Betty White.

Or like, scrappy little nobody.

Or like, Betty, you love me, what?

She can say scrappy little nobody with an ironic photo and I'll be like, funny Betty, you're in on it.

I think Zach is on the right track because so many of these celebrities did have like little pun-based names to their to their memoirs, but they were unfortunately ones that just gave away who they were. Sure.

Okay. Just in case nobody heard it, I believe Zach said, what was it? Betty, I know you love me, white.

I was, I bet you love me, white. Yeah.

I bet you love me, white is very good.

We have to get this. We have to get this, Riddle. This is from Jake in South San Francisco. South San Francisco. Go ahead and give us the cardinal direction if you're from a big city. Jake, writing this email, of course, in 2018, says they're a fan. Hope you're still a fan, Jake. A treasure buried when you're born. Soon dug up. And daily worn. 10 years later, sell the store, wait a while, and dig up more. Worthless beads if carefully stored, the price of diamonds if ignored. Passed along to sons and daughters, hers are her father's and his his mother's. Ancient heirlooms carved from bone, a tool, a jewel, a hammerstone. What am I?

Birth certificate.

I gotta be honest. Erin, it is birth certificate. That is all the time we ever had. Whoa! How did he do that?

It's not.

It's not.

He's being an asshole. Whoa.

I think I blacked out after I heard buried.

Yeah.

What's word about that? The first word.

Eyes? Eyes is not the correct answer. Jeans? And I'll say that. I love jeans. I love the jeans because hers are her father's and his his mother's. Yeah. I wish it was one of my mom's jeans.

Are we allowed to hear it again?

Yes, you are allowed to hear it again.

Is the audience listening loud to hear it again? Are you going to bleep this whole thing?

This will be bleeped for them or everyone will have to just hit that 15 second skip button. So yeah, they will not be able to hear this. But here it is. A treasure buried when you're born soon dug up and daily worn and daily worn 10 years later, sell the store, wait a while and dig up more. Worthless beads have carefully stored. The price of diamonds if ignored. Passed along to sons and daughters, hers or her father's and his, his mother's, ancient heirlooms carved from bone, a tool, a jewel, a hammerstone.

Teeth. It is teeth.

Wow. I love that. Thank you so much Jake from South San Francisco. I honestly, I have a bunch of hurdles prepared, but I picked that one because I was like, hey, we were just talking about teeth.

That makes sense. I collect my dad's teeth. So I should have gotten that like way faster.

Like baseball cards, right? Do we know is that how the genetics behind teeth work? Do you have your, you get your mother's teeth?

No, I think that just happened to be what they got. Yeah. I think we could do the little square of the genes and stuff, but Also, I think you it is you can have like a mixture like you can get your your father's shape but your mother's like spacing. Ooh. And if you want to sell the store. I mean like you can get like the palette part can be from one you know like so your smile won't necessarily be identical to a parent.

And you can dig them up 10 years later or whenever you want.

Like I think I've got my mom's shape but my dad's softness. I really have had a shit ton of cavities.

Did you really get parachute man every time you went?

If I be good.

So not every time. Tell us your biography. And why don't we go around starting with just let us know if there's anything you would like to plug or promote and also let us know the name of your autobiography.

So Zach and I have like sunset at our weekly release of our podcast off book. But hey, if you haven't heard of it yet, there's 300 of them. And you should check out Dropout TV where we have a musical improv show called Play It By Ear. New episodes out every other Tuesday. I think upon your listen, maybe there's three out. Get that little subscription. Check it out. Dropout's got great content through and through. And we're super proud to be there.

I think I get a text once a week from a friend being like, have you heard of Dropout? You should get a subscription. And I'm like, I gotta check this out at some point.

Oh yeah. I mean, try it out. Give yourself like a little month and binge some stuff, but they make really, just a lot of really fun stuff with a lot of people that you know and some people you don't. And they just invented their own TV channel, essentially. They're just a mini streamer making content for the fans and just in a feedback loop that's a little bit more like, great, we actually know what they like and we make more of it.

It's great. No thank you. I'll stick to Netflix where I can watch stuff that I hate. Yes.

Yes. Is this cake equivalent on Dropout?

There's no cake equivalent yet, but I should pitch that to them that they need to get into the cooking space.

Everyone needs their cake show. Yeah.

Zach, anything you'd like to plug or promote?

Yeah, exactly what Jessica just said. Our podcast main feed off book. By the time you were listening to this, I think it's all out so you can listen to it there. But now what we're doing on that feed is we are slowly beginning the development of a whole musical. So if you want to join us on that journey, now actually is a great time to jump in. Something that Jess and I do professionally and are now sort of like Documenting the process of. So that's what Off Book Podcast is at this point, and it's a fun, new and exciting time. Starting with an absolutely insane thing. So yeah.

Congrats.

That's amazing. Every listener of this show's ears just perked up. Erin, anything to plug or promote?

I want to plug their new show on Dropout, because clips of it have been popping up on my TikTok. My algorithm really knows how much I love you guys.

Thanks, algorithm.

So blown away by it. It looks so good.

Thank you. That's yeah, that's also that's great. That's a great way to like sample if you like the vibe of dropout in general. That's really sweet. Thank you.

And then also check out sitcom D&D if you haven't yet. Our season ends this week, I think, or next week. So a good time to jump in, I think. Adal, anything to plug.

Yeah, a few quick things. One, I finally saw Spider-Man Across the Spider-Verse. What an incredible feat of cinema making. That was just outstanding. Can't wait to watch it again. Also, one of my favorite things I've ever seen is an immersive show called The Burnt City, put on by Punch-Drunk Theater. We went to sleep no more at some point, right?

You went with Zach, I didn't... I was there. Yeah, not me.

Yes, he says. But yeah, same company, same concept. It's a huge warehouse full of spaces and Greek mythology and all these theatrical amazing moments. It's about to close in September, so please check out the burnt city if you haven't already. It's one of my favorite things I've ever experienced. It's in London. And then the last thing I'll plug is I had a whirlwind trip to New York City where I saw a few musicals and I would recommend Kimberly Akimbo was really outstanding, Parade, and then Erin and I saw Josh Groban in Sweeney Todd. And I would recommend that as well. And Annalie Ashford gave one of the best performances I've ever seen someone give in terms of physical comedy and what she did with her voice. And yeah, just fantastic. So check out those shows if you are in New York. I love that. JBC, anything to plug or promote?

Look, I got to read a five-star review written by one of our listeners. If you want to get your five-star review featured on the show, just like, you know, leave one. And then maybe I find it and maybe I read it. And as an example, today I'm going to read Assaford. They were, I love podcasts. Podcasts are a great form of entertainment. They're little audio stories fed directly into your ears whenever you want them. Some are funny, some are dramatic, and some are neither. My favorite podcast is Drinkin' Geek Out, where four friends review craft beer and talk about the things they love. This is the first person who plugged a different podcast in the review, but guess what? It's all fair, baby. It's all fair play. So if you want to do that, I guess do it. And maybe check out that podcast that I won't say again. In case he says, I honestly don't think it's the first. Stay a little idea, Asa Ford. Someone beat you to it.

Get in, uh, Hey Riddle Riddle's reviews and tell us five star review for your favorite other podcast. Get in there.

Yeah, or other through a show, or as long as you get those five stars.

Five stars? You can leave a five star review of anything in there.

You can plug your own podcast. Yeah.

Tell me your favorite episode of Off Book in the Hey Riddle Riddle iTunes reviews, please.

Oh my gosh. And Erin, I got your advanced copy of your memoirs, which I really loved. Would you mind sharing the title with the world?

Yes, it is Scrappy Little Jupiter.

Five forever.

Hey Riddle created by Adal Rifai. Starting here in Keif. And John Patrick Coan. Casey Tony did the editing.

Hey Riddle

And they sort of like drag you off screen.

It's also such a little kid like sensory memory as being afraid of that part specifically.

I think I was more afraid of Olmec. Olmec to me was terrified. Oh no, I liked Olmec.

Olmec didn't bother me because he couldn't grab you. He couldn't touch you at all. He was a face on a wall. Hey there Cosmonauts and Astronuts. If you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. The Clue Crew goes to outer space. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash HeyRiddleRiddle by joining the Clue Crew for $5 a month, or you can do that seven-day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month and you get those ad-free episodes. See you there!

That was a hate gun podcast.