Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum podcast.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to the 23rd annual Staring Contest. We have here our two finalists, Erin Keif from Boston, Massachusetts and Adal Rifai from just, I mean, it's too long to go into, it's like, it's like Las Vegas and Galena and like, this is like a bunch of, it doesn't matter. By way of Columbus. Ooh, talking without blinking. Interesting, interesting. These two competitors have been locked in unblinking eye contact for over two and a half days. This is by far the longest the national spell spelling bee. That's my other job. They're laughing. No blinking. They're laughing, but no blinking. Interesting. And I've been funny for two days, just so everyone's clear. The longest two of these competitors have ever gone. We check in now.

Sorry, can we talk now or? OK, you've always been able to talk. Well, when I talked earlier, you said, wow, talking and not blinking.

Oh no, I'm going to sneeze.

You've always been able to talk. Oh no, you can't sneeze with your eyes open famously.

OK, what do I do? What do I do?

Well famously, you are nose to nose right now.

So if she sneezes, you're probably gonna blink.

I don't know if that's famously.

I'm gonna try to swallow it. That's not gonna be on a t-shirt.

A swallowed sneeze, the nose has remained touching, it's hands on a hard body roll, nose has remained touching, a swallowed sneeze, it's no blinks. And actually that is the t-shirt because it's like, is it a face or is it two people in an unblinking staring contest?

I'm blowing in his eyes. Oh, no.

Interesting strategy.

No, no, no. Interesting strategy.

Okay. Okay. I'll have to do baseball. Baseball. Think of baseball. Baseball.

He's getting aroused. Baseball. This is having an opposite event.

Grandma playing baseball.

Not you. My eyes. They popped out of my head.

But they haven't blinked. The game is still open. That's not fair. They'll never blink again.

Oh, I guess it's not fair.

Wait, not fair. You're a legacy. You're a legacy on blinker.

Can you use that in a spin? We have the same idea. Welcome to Hey Riddle, a podcast about not blinking. What kind of it is? It is about just boldly not blinking.

We play chicken with each other, yeah.

Well, that's not all we do here. Sometimes we have special guests and sometimes we have the fourth host of the show. Janet Varney, welcome back to your show.

Guys, I'm so sorry that Janet could not be here today. Unfortunately, I was sent in her stead when I was told that there would be a staring contest. I have not closed my eyes in several years. So I think maybe I should not be going to prison any worse.

Elizabeth Holmes? Oh God, those, yeah, your eyes have not closed in several years. I don't even know if you could if you tried at this point.

No, actually I'm a mom now, so my voice is a little bit higher and I blink all the time, you guys. I'm just like you. I blink all the time. It's super funny. Wow.

Yeah, maybe I'm a little tired, but I forgot that Elizabeth Holmes is famously the fourth host of our podcast.

Yeah, we had a weird 2021.

Well, we got contacted by a firm that was trying to rehab her image prior to her sentencing, and so they were like, people took you way too seriously before. Now if you're the host of a Riddle podcast, no one's ever thinking seriously again.

And she, and by her I mean me, was quoted as saying, if I'd known about this podcast before I decided to have kids to make people like me, I wouldn't get the kids. I said, me and Janet, come on! Don't make me stick to that bitch!

You're too good at the voice. You're too good at the voice. Oh, weird. She only ripped off the turtleneck part of her sweater. That's very weird.

It is. Turtleneck collar.

I'm also a priest. JPC kept Janet a surprise from us. So we logged on to our zencaster and we were just minding our business and Janet popped up to surprise us for this episode.

And it was the treat of the century. I felt like we had a secret family or something. The whole week leading up to it, JPC is like, I have something to reveal to you. And we were like, what is it? At some point we thought it was Taco Bell. We got very excited. And Janet, honestly, I'm going to go on record and say this is better than Taco Bell.

No, don't say things you can't take back.

Now, not all the menu items. Yeah, hold on. The dollar menu. Janet, the dollar menu.

You are better than Taco Bell french fries.

If you could send me a list, this matters to me. So please send me a list.

Janet, you're no cheesy wardena crutch, but you're pretty good.

The only one I was hoping I was better than. Thanks JPC.

Oh no. I just keep putting my foot in my cheesy wardena crutch.

Wait, have any of you competed in a spelling bee for reals?

Um, only the ones that like your school makes you do. Yeah.

Which I guess we had. I mean, I definitely, I guess I have competed in a spelling bee, but nothing to the stakes that you see on TV.

No, it was, it was not TV stakes, but I was in one called Spell Bowl, which I believe is probably like a, A thing that multiple high schools do, or grade schools as well. I think I was in grade school, like maybe 7th or 8th grade, I did Spell Bowl. But it was the thing where we had a team selected from our school with four spellers on it, and then you sat in an auditorium with a bunch of other schools, and then there was a proctor next to you, and they would say your word, and then your proctor would look over your shoulder as you spelled it out, and then they would signal to the judge when you got it correct.

I'm

6 out of 10, right? I did not get it perfect by any stretch of the imagination. But I would stand up from my chair in an auditorium of spaced out people so there was no one around me and try to start a wave every time I got one right. And I thought that was pretty funny because there was no one else around me.

I think you're also an audience of spaced out people in the other sense because I'm sure it was a lot of nerds.

I do think I do think for whatever reason what our school maybe we like hosted it but I remember like my whole class was there like ever like it was like an all-school assembly watching this Yeah, it's very strange.

Was there a cheerleading squad?

You know, I don't think they were like come on. Let's not rub it in They're cheating for you What's that spell? Yeah, all the cheerleaders were actually in Spell Bowl, so they all had it.

Oh, Spell Bowl. Super not catchy, even though you know they were like, we got it, we got it, it's gonna be called Spell Bowl.

When my school did it, we were, I think it was seventh graders who did it, and I got out on the word awkward. And I was like, this is meta, this has some layers to it. I said OCC, and then I remembered how to spell it, and then I went, And then I just went like this to the teacher. I shook my head and then I went back and sat down at my seat. I was like, OCC.

Oh, the idea of you shaking your head at yourself in acknowledgement and sitting down is the sweetest thing I've ever heard.

I was like, I got, yeah. And then I think I ended up going home sick that day. I'm doing air quotes.

Hell yeah.

I went out in high school on the word archipelago. Oh god, who wouldn't?

That feels like one that's going to get an E in there. I-E-P-A-L-I-T-O. Thank you for throwing an extra E. Well, JBC in the middle said I think there's an E in there.

On advice of counsel.

You fucked me, man.

You'll have to talk to my proctor about this.

I couldn't remember a single word that I had to spell in that spell bowl, but I do remember that I definitely didn't get all of them because I remember I really wanted to do that wave bit more than I was able to do it, but I didn't get all the words so I couldn't do that wave bit. That's how my memory works.

You were there for the attention. You were there to get your laughs.

Did you not hear him say standing on a table? Janet, were you ever a good speller?

I think I've always been a good speller. But like I said, it's not something I've pursued avidly. Like I didn't compete in any kind of spelling bee or anything.

Your word is cortisone.

Cortisone. C-O-R-T-I-S-O-N-E. Cortisone.

We're going to have to assume that's right.

Yeah, there's absolutely no way we can verify. None of us know. No, the only thing I remember is that it was a big deal that in first grade, my friend Derek Ettinger and I both spelled helicopter correctly.

Ooh. Wow. I have to say, and Janet, this is no, I'm throwing no shade your way. Anytime anyone in my life references someone from like high school or prior and they say their first and last name, it always sounds like they're making up a name. So when you said Derek Edinger, it just, it always just sounds like a fake name. Yeah. Always.

Well, especially people's first kiss names. Every time someone says who their first kiss was, I'm like, that's a made up name. I'll go first.

Tracy Janie.

Super made up. It's true. Super made up.

I'll go next. Okay. Derek Edinger.

Ooh.

Helicopter kiss.

I can actually verify that's true. I was there for that. Because he is real as hell.

I'm trying to look up what some of the winning words of the last few years of Spelling Bee champions were.

Is that how that works? Yeah, I guess so. There has to be a last word, right? Yeah. What's that? Yeah.

There's some documentary spellbound.

Oh, I love that. Now that I saw.

It is fantastic.

Charming.

It is way more interesting and fascinating than you'd think. And the kids are just tremendous. Definitely recommend Spellbone.

There's also another documentary. I think it's called Bad Words with Jason Bateman. It's from 2005. There's a good 15 year stretch of Jason Bateman movies that would shock you to your core. You're like, huh? He did that? That guy works. Jesus.

I think it was after he did Arrested Development, I think everyone was like, he funny? And they cast him and everything. Yeah.

Yeah. The winning word in 2022 was more hen, which is a like marsh water bird.

M-O-R-E-H-E-N. What are we doing? No.

It does sound like it's a trick because it sounds too much like what it is, which makes me worried. M-O-O-R-H-E-N. Please show me. It is? Yeah. M-O-O-R-H-E-N.

I do think a lot of people probably put the space in there.

Yeah.

Two words. M-O-R-E. Space. Space. Space.

Interesting. Interesting, interesting, interesting.

Wow.

Okay. Your word is, it was the best of times it was the worst of them.

2022 not a very competitive year. We're hoping the spelling bee goes better in 2023 and these kids get a little bit smarter. But hey, why don't we do our part to get these kids smarter by doing some riddles that maybe a kid, don't listen if you're a kid, will listen to. I do know that we do have kids that listen because kids will occasionally send me voicemails or send voicemails to the show. And I gotta say, I have to just delete those. That's correct.

Is there any chance that there are adults doing really convincing kid voices? I'm sure some entertainers listen to you.

You know what? There is a chance. If you're an adult pretending to be a kid calling a Riddle podcast, go ahead and open up a journal and start writing because you need some self-reflection.

Because you're a Will Ferrell, Jim Carrey, or Adam Sandler character. You are not real.

I'm introducing a very quick news segment, and this is called 1-877-The Voices for Kids. We have internationally acclaimed voice artist Janet Varney on the podcast. So we're all going to go around and for just 10 seconds do a voicemail in our best kid voice, in our most convincing kid voice. Okay. I'll go first and start this mess. Okay.

Hello? Is this Hey Riddle Riddle? Scary. Scary. Fail.

Fail. That's pretty good though.

I actually did like that.

That was pretty good. Okay. Okay. Who's next? Who's next? Erin, you halted mine. You wanna go?

Yeah, I'm really scared. Mine's gonna be 80% worse than yours.

Alright, let's see. No. That's a ghost.

This is just a quiet ghost.

All kids are ghosts. Oh, there is good stuff in there. There's good stuff in there. You can tell from the cadence alone that there is good kid stuff happening in that almost imperceptible sound.

In post, can you turn Erin up like 400% so that we can hear what she was saying?

That was a whole bit is how quiet I was. Alright, JBC, you do it.

Okay. Now I just want to point out it would be very easy for me to turn on my voice modulator and just get a little kid voice. I'm not going to do that. I could do that. I choose not to do that.

I've never been more sure he's going to do it. He's going to do it.

Hi, hey Riddle Riddle. This is GPC. I'm just leaving a quick message because I love the show and I'm seven years old and you're my favorite. Bye.

Unfortunately, you did not go high enough and that sounded like a 14 year old saying they were seven.

So that's post puberty voice.

These seven year olds are getting more 14 every day. And you can quote me on that. People say, what the fuck are you talking about?

You can delete it.

Janet, you are less to go.

What, you want me? You want me to go? Or hold on, because one time when I was doing... If it's too good, then it's actually scary.

This sucks it so good. Yeah, that's scary. You make us look terrible.

I'm sorry, I meant... Mums, he doesn't let us in this room.

Yay! We've always lived in the castle.

All right, here's your Riddle. Here's your first Riddle. Do you guys remember those Farmer's Almanac riddles that you don't like? Well, there's more of them. We're almost through them. We're almost through them. And once we're done with them, I don't know that they kept making Farmer's Almanacs. So this might be the last of them. OK, here we go. Although I'm interviewed each day, I cannot tell. What was it? Vampire.

Next.

How often? Hold on, I gotta see a scene. I gotta see a scene. I gotta see a scene.

That's like in a class of what improv does to your brain. You will just say... It's just one word, another word. One word, another word.

It's like that test. I gotta see a scene. Erin, you're an old-timey... What is this almanac from? Like 1915 or something? This one's gonna be from 1948. Okay, Erin, you're a 1948 farmer, we assume in the Midwest. Janet, you are a vampire who only preys on farmers, and you're showing up at this farm.

Well, hello. Who goes there? Very hot outside. Very, very hot outside. Should have come at night. Would love to come in. Burning, burning, burning. Hello. Well, hello, stranger.

Come on in. Can I help you?

Hello. Yes, thank you. I'm so hungry and hungry for me. It's the same as thirsty. So I guess you could say I'm that too. Hello. Well, you look pale as a ghost. What happened to you? First of all, that's hauntest of you. I'm not a ghost at all. Very, very hungry. Very, very thirsty. A bit of a vampire you've let in. A bit of a vampire who also sounds a little bit like Kevin McDonald from Kids in the Hall.

Did someone say pale as a ghost? It's me, I'm a ghost. I'm actually the ghost of a child, so it's very hard for me. Hello? You're looking.

This is my son. Come on down the stairs, honey. Float down.

Hello. I want you to know you're perfectly safe in my presence. Wish I could say the same about your mommy.

I am down the stairs. This is how close I am. I wasn't talking far away. I just have a little boy.

Could you speak up, please? I'm so sorry. I'm having a hard time understanding. My ears are a little crispy from standing outside in the sunlight.

I wish I could. I'm screaming right now. It's as loud as I can be. See?

Jenna, I gotta say, I'm very, very hungry. Sounds like an SNL character catchphrase.

No.

So I think that vampire has legs. No, in a good way. In a way of like... That's a returning character.

I do like the idea of that woman having to now be immortal herself to have to deal with that ghost child for all of eternity.

That's a haunted farm for sure.

It's hard when you tell a person who is a comedian that character they were doing is SNL quality and they go, oh yeah. It's not 1948 anymore if you know what I mean.

Hey man, message received. And like a Roseanne Rosanna Dana way.

Yeah. Okay, here we go. We'll try to get the full riddle out this time, Adal. It's our tisk tisk. Although I'm interviewed each day, I cannot tell a word folks say. I'm speechless but not silent. Though I make a noise where I, wherever, it's where

As if that is an easier thing to say than wherever. Like, don't worry, we got rid of one of the letters, so now it's easy to say.

Let me just say wherever. And they didn't really even get rid of it. They replaced it with an apostrophe.

I guess it's for the rhyme. It's for the rhyme.

Cause that's an extra syllable. Farmer's Almanac was famously for like the Cracker Barrel region. So it's all folksy and like, you know what I'm saying?

Where? You're calling, you're calling Farbers the Cracker Barrel region.

I could have said Midwest, but I prefer to say the Crackle Bear region. CBR.

Where do I live? I live in the Cracker Barrel Belt. We used to have industry, but now we have Cracker Barrel. Okay, here we go. Although I'm interviewed each day, it's just this Riddle for the rest of the podcast. I cannot tell a word folks say. I'm speechless but not silent though. I make a noise where'er I go. I do not always tell the truth, yet I am not to blame for sooth. For those who do me in confide, For those who do and me confide, I often import things decide. Although I have not a doctor's skill, I am consulted when one's ill. If you can now one's name divine, I pray you tell me reader mine.

Let's turn into like a weird demonic ritual at the end.

I don't know when the magic eight ball first came along. I'm looking it up.

I'm interviewed each day, but I can't tell what anyone's saying. Yeah, I'm interviewed each day. I can't tell a word folks say. It's like a diary?

A sketch, a planner.

A therapist.

No, no, but that's good.

A post-war bond. 1946, it was invented in 1946. Wow. She was a genius after all. That does surprise, that surprises me.

Me too.

It always surprises me that they had anything in 1946, because I'm like... Well, back then it was a magic one ball and it's advanced over time. Um, is this some sort of... World War II had just ended and someone was like, you know what we need?

I have decisioned the team. Can we invent a ball that decides for me? This is top of mind.

It's true that it's so specific to like billiards.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Why? Why?

Probably some old superstition where if you asked in April something it would help you out.

I'm sure that's it. We're sure that's it. I cannot tell... Is it like a machine?

Is it something mechanical? It is inanimate and I would say mechanical.

Cannot be a voice. There's no way it's an answering machine. There were no answering machines. You're welcome. Is it a phone?

No, it was not an answer machine. Not a phone.

A telegraph.

Thank God you're here. No, it is not a telegraph.

I need to ask you not to perk up when I say something that reminds you of the correct answer. It's very deceptive.

I'm speechless but not silent though. I'll make a noise wherever I go. Telephone.

It's not a telephone. Phonograph.

Iron long.

It doesn't have a bone in it. I know, iron long. This isn't a photograph of a music player?

I think so. Yeah, with the old horn, the big old horn.

Wherever I go, this thing's traveling, guys. You gotta think smaller than a phonograph. The horns roll in that around town.

Is it an Android salesman? Is it an Android salesman? 1948. Be honest with me. Be honest with me.

Brutally honest? Brutally honest. Artist is no. Brutally honest is fuck no.

Flenderman.

Is it a Slenderman?

Is it a Blenderman?

Speaking of being brutally honest with you guys, I was driving earlier today and I was taking a left on a left-hand turn that did not have an arrow. And so when that happens, you just wait until like the light turns yellow. You're like in the middle of the intersection and then you go. Thanks for watching! And I could tell this guy was getting mad because he just like wanted to pass me, but it's a one-lane street. So we got up to where the street became two lanes, but I like stopped just short of that because it was a red light so he couldn't get around me. And he started laying on the horn and he leans out the window and goes, go around. And I go, what? Where? What do I do? What do I do? And I was like, where do you want me to go? And he's like, there. And I was like, where? Just tons of space.

I would have had a panic attack and given him my car. I've never been so sure someone was from Los Angeles. I promise you, he's from Los Angeles. All the things you described are essentially the rules of driving in Los Angeles. Honk at someone when there's a yellow and there's still cars. Everyone, two people go on the red. Like, this is real.

My favorite thing about you, JPC, is when you get yelled at, you turn into Snagglepuss. Where? Before you want me to turn left, right? I can't believe it.

Look at these big puns!

Look at these big puns! Look at these big puns! Look at these big puns! Look at these big puns! Look at these big puns! Look at these big puns! Look at these big puns! Look at these big puns!

Look at these big puns! Look at these big puns! Look at these big puns! Look at these big puns!

Look at these big puns! Look at these big puns! Look at these big puns! Look at these big puns! Look at these big puns! Look at these big puns! Look at these big puns! Look at these big puns! Look at these big puns!

Look at these big puns! Look at these big puns! Look at these big puns! Look at these big puns! Look at these big puns! Look at these big puns! Look at these big puns! Look at these big puns! Look at these big puns!

Look at these big puns!

The oldest machine in the world.

A speechless but silent knife. A watch, a watch.

It is a watch. Okay, I was going to say cell phone time traveler. A watch is right?

I mean, interviewing your watch just feels like a stretch.

Yeah. Yeah, but interviewing a vampire is fine.

I'd like to see you saying, Adal, you are an old timey man and you are interviewing or just talking to your watch. You're trying to inquire about the time. And JPC, you wear that watch.

Okay. Oh, it looks like the sun's about to go down behind the clouds today. Let's take a gander at the old wrist doctor and see what he has to say. Hello, old friend.

Well, hello there. If you're checking in with me, it can only be about one thing. You're interested in the time.

No, no, no, I want to know how your day was.

What would you up to today? No, no, no, it's okay. You can cut the pleasantries with me, old pal. If you're looking at the watch, you want the time. Occasionally you might want the date, and I'm happy to provide it. I am a watch that does that. But in general, you're looking for the time and that's okay.

No, friend, I could not be more sincere right now. Who was your first kiss? I'm dying to know. I want to know everything but the time.

And I got time to listen. Listen, friend, we don't have to do it with these pleasantries, okay? We're past pleasantries. You wear me on your wrist every day. I see what you see. I do what you do. Ah, you're getting hot. The watch is getting real hot. Oh, are you gonna take me off? No, no, no. You could take me off.

Order! Order in this court, Counselor. You have far extended your sick time you requested. If you need to know the time, find out the time and continue with your questioning.

Your Honor, if I may call a surprise witness to the stand, I'd like to call... Waiting for gasps? Oh, I should say first, and then the gasps. My watch.

What? That's the craziest thing ever? That's stupid.

Your watch is on the witness list. This comes as a surprise to absolutely no one. Please watch. Take the stand.

Yes, we prepared for this. The prosecution is fine to continue for it. We actually have lots of questions for the watch.

Oh, okay. Up you go.

Let me know how helpful I'll be, but I'll try to be as helpful as I can be.

Now state your name and occupation.

I was never given one, that is my owner's prerogative, but I was never given one, and I am a watch.

You're on an objection? You're objecting to what the witness is saying?

I just feel terrible. Can we get... Your Honor, is there time to give my watch a name right now? I'll allow it. Okay, now it is 1922, and I want to say the most popular Way off. Boy's names of the time are, I want to say, Way off. Check it out. Mor-grit.

Mor-grit. Mor-grit.

In Stinton. So watch, I'll leave it to you.

You want to be Morgred or Stinton? Your honor I object. He's obviously looking at me, Attorney Morgred Stinton.

No, no, no, no.

No, you are. Sustained. Sustained. Oh, no, that's the good one. I like that one. Yeah, that's good for me.

I just wrote a note in my notes app. Morgritt and Stinn is the new Kevin and Susie question mark.

It just reminds you that once upon a time you could come across these names that all you do is just change the one vowel and it's the funniest thing you've ever heard. It's so simple. It's perfect.

Coming up with those names my nose started bleeding. My brain is working so hard.

I want to say Morgritt. I think it's just a name, but Morgritt.

Yeah, Morgritt. My great grandma's name was Fern Brownlee, and she was born the day the Titanic sank. Whenever that was, 1917, 19... I think Fern is a really cute name. Guys, my great grandma was not an iceberg. I cannot stress it enough.

It feels like you're talking a lot about it, Adal. You're a grandmother of an iceberg?

The lady doesn't protest too much.

Ooh, that's part of the riddle. A lady does protest too much for sooth.

Oh yes, riddles. Where?

I forgot. I have a special touch.

Look, we have to do another riddle. People are going to kill us that we haven't done another riddle. So we have to do another riddle. But first, a quick break.

Oh my god, oh no. Only one riddle before the break. People are going to be so mad at us.

Yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah. That's pretty classic.

I know what you're thinking. Do I have a new hat, Adal and JPC? New haircut? Why am I walking around with so much confidence?

I bet you're wondering. I wanted pretzels from the food court.

And I was just gonna let you know that it looks like you leaned on paint.

Anyways, I just had a bunch of subscriptions canceled for me by Rocket Money that I wasn't using until now I'm flushed with cash and now I'm confident. Pretzel money? Well, maybe. We'll talk about that. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that binds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years, even before they were a sponsor.

Erin, it looks like you may have leaned on like with someone painting a rocket money like billboard or sign or something because it's all it's all down your back it's like and it's I could ock it ock it

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Hey, what's going on? Somebody leaned over my rocket money paint thing. Run. Everybody run. Run.

Is that DaVinci?

Yeah. Yes.

And bye. Okay. Hey, look, we're back. We're back. We're done fucking around. It's time. It's riddle time, baby. And I have great news for you. This is the last of the almanac riddles. We'll never have to hear another one of these. I don't know.

Probably not ever.

There's probably like a bunch more. There's probably a bunch more almanac riddles later in this, this ebook that I have. Here we go. This one's from 1963. Cool. So 1963, four years before the summer of love.

Oh, would it pass the fourth summer of love?

No, it's before, right? 67. What else is going on in 63?

63. I want to say the Beatles were... Bay of Pigs?

You're always right. Whenever you guess Bay of Pigs, I think you've always been right.

The Beatles were in Cuba. I think Bay of Pigs might be right for 63.

See? I think it's 61. I think it's 61. But it dragged out. It dragged out.

1963 we had President John R.M.R. Crook, F. Kennedy in the White House.

We had Morgritt Stanton in the White House. One of our finest presidents, Morgritt.

Could be a vice president name. It's a Spiro Agnus name for sure.

Morgritt Stanton.

Okay, here we go. I am in the men, but not in the boys. I am in the plaything, but not in the toys. Friends, this is what improv brain does to you. I am in the north, but not in the south. I am in the nose, but not in the mouth. I am in the minister, but not in his hat. I'm in the kitchen, but not in the cat. I am in the barn, but not in the floor. I am in the window, but not in the door. I am in the country, but not in the state. I am in the pencil, but not in the sleigh.

I know it. This is the letter N. N. I was fascinating on the vowels because of more grit and at a certain point I needed to move to the ends.

Yeah, Morgritt does make you fixate on the vowels. That's one of Morgritt's worst qualities.

I feel like we're all friends here and I feel like this is a safe place to kind of be vulnerable.

I don't know what gave you that idea.

Could not have read the room more wrong.

When I was younger, I always used to think that an M was just two ends kissing.

Really?

And I got held after class for saying that. You did?

The teacher said, see me after class.

Is any of this true? I did used to think that, but I never got held after class. That would be wild. When you were a little kid, what was your stance on the V, the noble V? V is for victory, of course, because I grew up during D-Day.

But was it W2V's kissing? Yeah.

No, for whatever reason, the N and the M looked like they were pushing together, where V's look like they were arm in arm.

Did you think that a D was a C and L kissing? How far out can we take this?

Janet, you just blew my fucking mind.

Wow, now that I think about it, maybe I was just kiss deprived.

He's obsessed with kissing. I think an A is just two eyes that have fallen over and are holding hands.

They're putting their hands out.

Yes, they're Eiffel Towering. This alphabet book sounds pretty good to me, if a little sexy.

Alphabet of Love? Yeah. Let's write it.

Is there a market for a sexy book that teaches children the al- I'll leave the office. I'll just leave right now. Did you validate parking? No you did not. Okay.

You've never met a horny linguist?

I've met a cunning one. Okay.

So no more, no more of those riddles. No more of those. I think that we're going to, we're going to transition back to, this is our listener submitted riddle. The subject of this is that it's an infuriating riddle. So I feel like it's really great to go from the, it's a transition point back from the almanac riddles to this infuriating riddle.

Okay. At least they're honest in this, in the header.

Okay, here's the beginning of the riddle. I think it's like a two-parter. How do you fit an elephant into a Safeway bag?

How do you fit an elephant? And Safeway... We talked about Safeway before. It's like a regional grocery store?

Yeah, I think it's... They're in Arizona for one.

Oh, I'm sorry, you want to play it a little more dangerous when you get your groceries. Absolutely. That's why I go to a Cosmore.

Janet has a newsletter. She emails out about regional grocery stores and it seems like Adal is not up to date on the reading.

Absolutely true.

I want to apologize. I meant to say that's why I go to a Costco, but I flood my joke because I panicked. It's a Costco being a more dangerous store.

Well this is an infuriating, well first of all, don't suffocate that elephant in the bag because that's infuriating. So that's why it's infuriating because just thinking about what you're doing to that poor elephant.

I will say it would be hard I think to suffocate an elephant in a safe way bag. I think they could get through it pretty easily.

Is this something like by the pound?

Is it something like that? Ew, oh no. I do think that that is an answer kind of in the spirit of where this is going, but not that.

Am I thinking of the thing you're thinking of when you say by the pound? I should be horrified.

Yes. In a society where we ate elephants, we could probably pick them up from the grocery store and then it would be perfectly normal to go to a pound of elephant and put it in a safe way.

And that is the answer. That's my answer. The answer is that has that much defensiveness baked in.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. The answer starts with well, exclamation point no, exclamation point.

When you think about it though, it starts out. Okay, I do want to see a scene, Erin. Can we see a scene? This is going to be you're giving a TED Talk about food sustainability, but you have several different types of new ideas for how we could all be more sustainable with our food.

Hello everyone. Let me pose a big question to you. First slide. What else can we eat? Huh? Next slide.

Wow, she slid across the stage. Wow, she slid back.

She's a gymnast. What if we started eating things that we haven't yet? Elephants. Giraffes. Chairs? Friends? She's drunk. Money? Hi, my name is Erin and I'm drunk and I'm here to talk to you about what else we can eat. I want to open it up to the crowd for questions. Pose something we can eat and I'll say yes or no. A cheeseburger? No. What else? Cheeseburger? No. Something we haven't eaten before. Hot dog? What is happening? No, something we haven't eaten before.

I've never eaten a hot dog.

Never?

A Scromburger?

A Scromburger? You're just making up words. Sir, let's do a quick intermission. We're all going to go to the zoo. We're going to get you a hot dog and then we'll come back here. Alright, two hours pass. Everyone's using napkins to wipe off the ketchup.

We're back. Wait, I thought of something at the zoo that we could eat that we've never had before. What is it? Cotton candy.

Yeah. We've eaten that before. Next slide. I also did. Can we go back?

How do you fit an elephant in a Safeway bag?

How do you fit an elephant in a Safeway bag? Well, if you're going to fit it, you're taking it to the tailor. The tailor is going to fit it with a perfectly sized, handsome three-piece Safeway bag. And that's how you fit an elephant into a Safeway bag. This one is bothering me.

Okay. I think you've given good answers. Can I give you the answer?

Yeah.

Okay. You take the F out of the way. How do you fit an elephant into a sandwich bag?

You take the F. S-A-E way?

Say way? No, the F in an elephant, right? There's no F in an elephant. There's no F in an elephant.

Oh sweetie, no.

You take the F out of the way.

This is awkward all over

This is the most intellectual you've ever sounded answering a riddle on the show.

That is correct. Say way doesn't actually make sense. It's a say way is not really the answer. It's just the first part of the answer.

Essay. You write an essay about it.

You put the word elephant in.

What is the answer? The answer, because you got to say way. This is the person who sent this in, Hannah C. Hannah C. All the best. Love you, Hannah C. said inevitably they will pick that part apart until they get to this answer. And I don't know how you make that jump. But the jump is you got to say way, which doesn't make sense. So the answer is that doesn't work. There's no F in way.

Oh, there's no F in way.

You need like an MIT janitor. This sucks.

No, don't let it hurt us. Don't let it hurt you. This is what the Riddle wants. It is infuriating.

So the way that the Riddle works is how do you fit an elephant in a Safeway bag? There's no effing way.

You're supposed to get to you take the F out on your own and that leads you then to... I'm supposed to answer you take the F out of way as the answer because you can't get that because that answer doesn't make any sense. It depends on the answer being given which is why you very suspiciously offered the answer Super early in the process.

But it does say a few minutes usually go by before they realize it doesn't make sense. Adal got that part immediately because he was like, say way? What does that mean? So I felt like you did that part really well.

I mean, anyone could do this. I could be like, how do you travel to the sun in one second? You can't. That's why you see ants. Like, what the fuck is this? This is nothing.

This is nothing.

Hannah writes Hannah writes Hannah writes this is a spelling riddle and also a fierce test of your friendship. This will infuriate them if they haven't heard it before and they may never speak to you again afterwards. So did it work?

Is there a way to block listeners like a specific

You know, I'm not going to let this hurt me. This is water off the duck's back because riddles can't hurt me anymore. I built up my armor against riddles.

How mature. This is not that. I'm not taking that as a challenge, Erin.

Shut up, JPC. I am so mad at you. You are dead to me. She's doing well. She's doing well.

Honestly, I never thought I'd say this.

I'm trying to talk about how evolved I am, idiot.

I never thought I'd say this, but bring back the farmer's almanac?

No. Is that farmer's almanac Nicholson? Who is that? That character.

Hey, bring back the farmer's almanac. I'm almanac Nicholson. I eat breakfast 13 vials and wait for people who receive it dead. Retire that character. I retire, but I'll still show up at the Lakers games.

Adal, I like it.

I like when you're having fun. This one comes from Austin. Austin writes, I wrote this ready myself. I hope it's good enough to make it on the show, but not bad enough to the point where JPC gives it an F. I do not give it an F, Austin.

There's no F in the way you're getting an F. Throw it back in his face.

Yeah, take that.

It's not my fault. I'm playing Hennessy.

I blame you.

The band's performance started at 3pm, but because traffic, the parents couldn't make it to where their son would be performing. Because of this, they drove all the way to the other side of town and waited for their son to meet them there. When he arrived, the parents told their son how great his performance was, and he said he was happy they made it. How could this be?

Okay, first of all, this is a trick because it came from the city of Austin. So, already we have a problem.

And we know they're weird.

Cities know cities. Cities know cities.

They gotta be on 8th Street, right? Huh? 8th Street? Is that the street in Austin?

5th Street? 6th Street? 6th Street? I think it might be 6th Street. I'm not sure, and I was just there, and I'm not sure. Okay, sorry. The kid in the band, they want to have a nice conversation. Was it being televised? They can't get there in time.

This is not an electric ear splitter situation. Call back to our first episode five years ago.

First Riddle of all time. Well, this riddle submission is from 2018, so not really a callback for them.

Electric ear splitters is our Adam and Eve. That's our origin story.

Our origin.

It's our original sin. I think you're going to have to read it again. I apologize.

Yes, please. Mother and father going to see their son perform in his band. The band's performance started at 3 p.m., but because of traffic, the parents couldn't make it to where the son would be performing.

I got it. Oh, a parade.

I got it. I got it.

I gotta say marching band.

I gotta say marching band. Headed up by Eric Clapton. They couldn't get there because traffic was playing and they wanted to see them play as well.

Adal, I'm sorry I did that, but you got so excited and you said I got it like 14 times and I just, I don't know why I need to take the wind out of your sails. I'm sorry.

Talking out of the way for future reference.

Is it a marching band? No, Janet was correct, but it was Cream, not traffic. But it wasn't. Were Derek and the Dominos around or the Yardbirds? Yes. The Sun was playing in a marching band. So, Erin, you were correct, but Adal, you were right.

That's incredibly magnanimous. Wow. I'm sorry. Is that how mediation works?

Yeah. I'm practicing. I'll amend that. Erin, you were right, but Adal was correct.

Yeah, and I was a dick and Adal was being good. I was being a jerk and Adal was being nice. So that counts for something.

You guys absolutely got it. You absolutely also got that it took place in Austin. That was just an email from austin.city at austin.city.gov.

I knew it. I was also in the correct, what can you say besides right and correct? What's the third one?

So let's see. So Erin was right, Adal was correct, and Janet was also there as well.

Thank you! I don't Yeah. I mean, often, I mean, you know, I'm not talking about like some sort of weird offensive like Nazi parade, but like usually there's, you know, kids doing the best version of whatever it is.

And Janet, can I say thank you for saying offensive Nazi parade? Yeah.

Because triumph of the will is... Beautiful, beautiful work. No, it just like, and then and then the music. I don't know. There's just something about it that I always get a little choked up.

Wow.

Interesting.

Yeah, I agree. I went to Mardi Gras this past time around, and there were so many like high school, local high school marching bands, and they were so good. And I cried like three times. Like they're so sweet. And they're just playing music and having fun with their friends. It was lovely.

Yeah, there's something so simple about it. Yeah, I don't know. The last one I saw was the Chinese New Year parade during Sketchfest in San Francisco. And it was just so adorable. I think I was crying even just at someone waving from a car. Someone slowly driving a car down the street and waving. And I didn't know who it was. And I still was like, this is so sweet.

Now, Janet, are you someone who, are you very particular about like organization? Like, do you like things to be neat and tidy?

Yeah.

Okay, is there anything to like organize lines and this sort of procession in a row that pleases your brain or tickles it in some way?

I don't think so. I think you're trying to give it more of a reason than just like, oh, humans, oh, humans being humans.

Well, all I'll say is that every parade I've been at, it's usually like 80, uh, 22 year olds whipping double bubble at people. At 35 miles per hour. And whacking them in the neck.

Yeah, that doesn't sound great.

And then falling to the ground and then somebody else grabs the candy. So that's my experience with parades and I think they suck.

I think the last time I was at a parade, I truly think the last time I was at a parade was a pride parade. And the people that are crying at the pride parade are crying for completely different reasons. They're so drunk, they're lost. They're wearing no clothes. I'm like, will someone help this crying man?

I'm so drunk I'm lost. That's a t-shirt.

I've cried at every pride parade. Every pride parade. I'm like, I'm so happy we're able to do this.

Hey, now next time I'm at a parade, I'm going to be on the lookout for crying people. I'm going to go over to them and say, hey, you're normal.

Beato, beato. Janet's crying. Look, Janet's crying. A mosquito with a financial problem. Janet's crying. Look, Janet's crying.

That financial problem will not last long for you, mosquito. It's going to be all wrapped up in a couple of weeks. I've cried at one parade and I think it was 1963, 1964.

I want to say Dallas. No, no, no, no, no.

I canceled that comment. Was that a parade? I canceled that comment.

Was it a parade? I think it was like a procession. It was like a legit parade.

What is a parade if not a procession?

Well, I mean like it used to be like just the president was driving through town, but now I guess we don't do that anymore because of the one time we did that and it didn't really go very well. So we really don't add that kind of parade anymore.

It didn't go very well. I need to see a scene. This is a funeral procession that is going through town and GPC, you don't understand and think that you're in a regular parade and Erin and Adal, you're trying to control the situation.

Okay, let's all just keep moving. If anyone needs tissues, I have tissues.

Thanks Carl. It's really sweet.

Who wants a fucking t-shirt?

Oh yeah! I brought my t-shirt cannon because we're gonna be in the parade.

Hey Darryl. Why does your t-shirt cannon have a pump action?

It's a pump action t-shirt cannon. Sorry, there may have been one extra wrapped chili cheese dog in there from the last time I was using it, but it's got six chambers on it. So once I go through, it should be all t-shirts from there.

Darryl, this isn't like a second line or something. This is a somber. We're doing a somber procession.

Yeah, Grandma Lisa is dead. No, no. What do these t-shirts say? Hold on.

Grandma Lisa.

R.I.P. Grandma Lisa party animal from here to beyond 1931 to 2023. And I took a guess on the 31. She's old, right?

Not the right year.

Not the right year.

I got this year right though, right? One for doing best. My t-shirt guy works quick.

We got to do one more Riddle. Grandma Lisa. That seems like such a contemporary name. All of a sudden I was like, are Grandmas Lisas? Yeah, it's a grandma Canadian. They will be, one day.

That's my favorite phrase that's ever been uttered on the show. Are Grandmas Lisas?

Unless it's like, that's the new foregone conclusion thing. Like, do zebras have stripes? Like, do you love me? Hey, are Grandmas Lisas?

My fingers are crossed that the next time I watch Jeopardy, the final category is like names. And then the question is, are Grandmas Lisas?

It is kind of fitting though because you can never really own a grandma, you just lease them. What you just said smells like shit.

Whenever someone says something that's just so out of pocket on this show, I literally have a fantasy of like pulling my, um, what is it called? Like, my parachute. So I'll just go flying up in the air.

Okay, so it does open in your fantasy.

Yeah, in the fantasy it opens and I go flying up in the air.

It's like the Batman one where instead of you going like down, you shoot the thing up and then the plane comes and skyhooks you away. Backwards Batman.

And speaking of Batman, you can't get down in the pale moonlight.

Where did you get these toys? God damn it.

Are Grandmas Lisas Batman? I turned into Pennywise by the end. This is a great one for you.

So into your Jack Nicholson's. Oh, it's so gross.

You're right on it, man. You're so close.

I've been working for ever since The Departed came out in theaters, I want to say.

A little more time on that one. I think it's just getting cooking, but I think it's getting there. It's getting there. You got to slow cook it, baby.

So if you put a fork in this impression and you pull it out, there's still some batter on it?

Oh yeah, batter brisket. Brisket batter. It's real runny. Okay, here we go.

I thought you said it was good.

This is from Andrew. Best wishes from New Zealand, Andrew says. Cool. What three-letter word can change a boy into a man? Three-letter word.

You're not going to do a New Zealand accent?

Was that not a New Zealand accent?

Baseball isn't three-letter word. Oh, that's my best word.

What, three-letter word that can't... Yeah, because you're hard. Puberty. Puber T. So you've really queued into what a word is, and I have to applaud you for that. You're a little far off on letters.

Okay, we gotta start somewhere.

This is my new character's second grade teacher on the Riddle podcast. So encouraging. What, three-letter word? A three-letter word can change a boy into a man? Nope, nothing.

Does it attach to the word boy, or do you put it before or after the word boy?

Ooh, good question. Erin, neither. Boyman. But that is a great question. Boyant. No, but no, Erin. Cause I said no to you already.

What a buoyant man.

This is a three letter word that changes a boy into a man.

I think you're on, is Erin on to something though? The idea of adding those three letters into making a word with both? No. Okay.

You don't add anything to the beginning of these, you don't add anything to either one of these words. It's a completely new word that is a three letter word that changes a boy into a man.

And J.P.C. can I ask, is this something like, not the hospital area, but if I were to say like ICU in terms of like I, S-E-E-Y-O-U, but I say at ICU, is it that kind of thing?

No, it's an actual word. It's not like a... It's Aaron. Okay. Wait, hold on there. Aaron knows it. Do you want to scream it out? Do you want an opportunity to scream it out?

Because Aaron knows it. Wait, let me make it even more satisfying for you. Oh my gosh, I know it.

I know it. It's the band OAR. You go to an OAR concert, you are immediately a man.

Bad advice. Don't go to an OAR concert.

Interesting, interesting.

No, Aaron, would you like to steal?

Is it war?

That is a great answer, but it is not the one that we are looking for. Oh, and W. Your first beer.

Groupie.

God. God does it.

God turned you into a man. The answers are very... I'm having a problem with them philosophically. They're getting more far afield. Oh, I eat. You eat enough. H-A-G-E? Age! You've got it! Janet, you've got it! It is age.

Eat? No, they all made a little bit of sense.

That's why we have the phrase eat at Joe's and not eat at Little Joe's.

Oh no. I still think war, I mean I kind of feel like war still. War is pretty good actually. War wins because it's saying it's about something. Do you know what I mean? It's about something. And we have all wanted this podcast to finally be about something. Anything. Anything. Anything, please.

Here's my only argument. I don't think war so much as changes a boy into a man as it does ruin a boy.

I guess it also just kills a boy. But to that I will say this. You want me on that wall. You need me on that. Right Adal?

Absolutely. I'd love to hear your take on that.

In GPC, defensive war, more money in oil and what else?

Spoilz and toilz, we all love a war. Hey, something else that we love, and this is something I truly love, is that we have a new voicemail theme. Casey, can you play that voicemail theme?

Do we do a voicemail?

Voicemail? Voicemail?

Voicemail?

Voicemail? voicemail voicemail voicemail voicemail voicemail voicemail voicemail voicemail voicemail voicemail voicemail voicemail voicemail voicemail voicemail voicemail voicemail voicemail voicemail voicemail voicemail voicemail voicemail voicemail voicemail voicemail voicemail voicemail voicemail voicemail voicemail voicemail voicemail voicemail voicemail voicemail voicemail voicemail voicemail voicemail voicemail voicemail voicemail voicemail wow we did it we did it

Hey Riddle.

This upcoming theme comes to us from Chris Finkie. Chris Finkie, if people are not familiar, is an absolute drop superstar. I know Chris's work from Comedy Bang Bang and the Doughboys podcast. I had no idea Chris was a listener. I actually got goosebumps when Chris submitted that email because I was like, you listen? This is great. This is great for us. And I will give a plug because I don't know that I ever hear plugs for this, but Chris uploads all of his drops and stuff to his YouTube channel. So check out youtube.com slash see thinky to listen to all of his drops because they are wonderful, especially if you're a podcast fan like I am. So thank you so much for that voicemail thing, Chris. Thank you so much.

And I will say I thought I didn't need to have a wedding, but now I know I need to have one so I can play that song. I hope someone needs to lift me up in a chair. Lay me a voicemail. Chris.

I thought you were walking down the aisle to the thinky voicemail.

I think she's walking down the aisle to Animal Parade.

You're crying something. Absolutely I am. Casey, can you place a voicemail?

Hey guys, Tristan here. Big fan. I don't know where the fuck I came up with this question, but someone hands you a bag of plain I love that question. Wow. Great question.

Great question.

And for a super sarcastic yet sincere big fan. That was a really good example of someone who says big fan sounds sarcastic and means it genuinely. Big fan.

Big fan. So the way I understand the question is that we all have to add one thing into this trail mix and hopefully not ruin it for everyone else. So I can start and I'll take a stab and I'm hoping this isn't going to ruin it for people. I'm going to add like little dark chocolate squares.

Ooh, yeah.

Like little pieces of dark chocolate. I feel like that's pretty universally accepted in trail mix. This is not going to be the healthiest trail mix, sorry, but it'll taste good. So that's what I'm adding.

Well, I don't like healthy trails.

Hashtag fail mix. I'm gonna add milk.

We can't have anything nice on this podcast.

No.

At the end of the sentence, give him some air.

Okay, lemonade.

I'll add lemonade. Oh God.

I would love to go hiking. I'd love to go hiking with Adal and he's like three miles and he pulls out a fucking dripping wet ziplock. Lemonade and granola?

Okay, yeah, so the granola's already in there. That's the piece I needed to be reminded of, yeah.

When life hands you granola, make lemonade. Erin, is that legit? You're legit putting that in there?

Yeah, M&Ms.

Okay. Four chocolate chips.

pieces, small pieces of dark chocolate and then chocolate is what I'm hearing.

Yeah Janet, what are you talking about?

Hear me out. Don't scream.

Lemonade. What are you putting in?

Oh, what am I putting in?

Oh, did you ever, I just realized something. Speaking of watches, speaking of naming watches, did you ever notice that every lemonade brand has time in it? Minute made, country time. Anyway, Janet, go ahead. Shut up.

No, let him finish, let him finish. I want to hear all the other lemonades that have time in them. Take all the time you need for your time. I didn't want to listen to that at all and I had to hear it. Okay, I know what I'm adding to our trail mix and it is a traveler's blessing.

So there you go Tristan, granola, dark chocolate, imminent chocolate chips, lemonade, and a traveler's blessing. Throw that directly into the trash. Speaking of trash, Janet, do you have anything upcoming that you would like to plug or that you would love people to see or find?

Uh, sure. I think by the time this comes out, the platonic on Apple TV starring Rose Byrne and Seth Rogen should be out. And I show up and am in like the second half of this season, which I think is 10 episodes, and I play a very weird character. So I went to the premiere last night and saw the first two episodes. It's so good. It's so funny and so charming. I loved it. You never know, you know, and it was it was really great. Very excited to watch that. It sounded like I got choked up at the end, but I just needed a swallow.

Oh, the parade went by. You were interviewed in Parade Magazine?

of course juice hour lemonade juice hour. Let me help you out Adal.

Check out sitcom D&D. All three of these people have been on the show and had excellent episodes. And oh my gosh, Lou just screamed.

Lou knows. I interpreted that to say Casey hasn't been on.

Oh, yes, Casey. Well, Casey, if you want to come on the show, open invitation. Check that out, Rifai.

Serves up my guy 100%.

He said yes! So if you want to check that out, check it out anywhere you find podcasts. Adal, anything to plug.

I just want to reiterate that everyone who's listening put out into the world, please, in your day-to-day interactions online, wherever you see fit, the phrase, Are Grandmas Lisas. Was that what it was? Are Grandmas Lisas.

And I want to encourage you to put out a travel as a blessing because everyone's going somewhere.

And I was going to say, if you want to leave a five-star review for the show, please do. This five-star review comes from, oh man, it's like, It's titled Janet Varney Makes This Podcast. I was cursed by a 40-foot spooky sleepy witch to listen to this podcast on my earsbleed. That happened after the first episode, but the four hosts keep me coming back for more. Most episodes Janet doesn't say much, if anything, but you just know she's there in the background waiting for the right time to enter. Sometimes she does a voice and acts like another guest or guests. Her Sandy character is phenomenal. If you want a podcast to fulfill your riddle craving and this doesn't cut it, take a deep look inwards and ask, why do you need to listen to people solve so many riddles? The hosts are the funniest people I've ever met, so yeah, you should listen to it. Thank you so much. Or however that is pronounced.

Very nice.

And we do want to give an opportunity. We failed to ask her. Elizabeth Holmes, is there anything you would like to plug?

Yeah, I'm going to be. I'm actually doing a mommy and me zoom with unlimited members. I would love to just talk about the normalcy's of being a mom. All the things that normal moms experience on a regular basis, such as me am.

And I would like to plug the movie Five Easy Pieces. Erin, say it. Erin, say it. Say it. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. This goes as long as it goes. This goes as long as it goes.

This goes as long as it goes. This goes as long as it goes. This goes as long as it goes. This goes as long as it goes.

This goes as long as it goes.

This goes as long as it goes. This goes as long as it goes.

This goes as long as it goes. This goes as long as it goes. This goes as long as it goes.

The wild thing is that, Erin, when you said no, the first thing that popped into my head was, say, Waka Waka, kids. That bit must be from two years ago. And I was like, I think it'll work.

It's amazing what your brain will remember in an emergency.

He went panicking.

And so as the plane went down, he was going to say, what?

A-W-K-A-R-D.

Hey there spatulas and sporks, if you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. It's the return of JPC's Kitchen Upgrade Trivia with special guest Janet Varney. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash HeyRiddleRiddle by joining the Clue Crew for $5 a month or the Review Crew, and you get those ad-free episodes, for $8 a month. See you there!