Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum podcast.

The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Oh, the Merkle fish. It was the cabin of an airplane. He stabbed him with an ice away.

And the horse was deep-riding.

All right. Okay. Look, I got to apologize here. We messed up this year. We planned to just dye the river green for the weekend, but we use the wrong kind of dye. We use industrial food coloring. Yeah. And the river's going to be permanently green unless it's food coloring, so it's edible. We can eat enough of the river That it goes back to just normal river color.

Donny, donny, donny.

Drink. Drink. What's that? Have a drink. I wish it were that simple. I wish it were that simple.

Listen, City Council, thank you for having us.

The fish are dead. The fish are dead, but that's not the worst part. They're dead, but they're mutating. So it's sort of a zombie situation. The fish have grown legs. So it's back to... Do you remember Primordial Ooze when the fish walked out of the water? That's what we're dealing with here, is that time has become a looping mistress.

Excuse me, I was drunk in River North and I fell in the river and now I look like Shrek. Sorry, now I look more like Shrek.

Alright, I'm actually pulling up a picture of this person's Instagram right here. It looks like you looked pretty much like Shrek before you fell in that river. Hey! I'm just saying, you can't sue the city if you already look like Shrek. Now, if you fell in the river and you look like this gentleman here. You sir.

Me?

Well, no bad example. Also looks a little bit like Shrek. What are you pointing to me? Definitely not you. Quick scan of the room. Who do we have in here? You ma'am? You ma'am in the back with the hat? Can you take the hat off?

I don't want you to see my green hair.

Okay, that's a Shrek. That's also a Shrek person. Okay, look. Scanning around the room, it looks like it's mostly Shrek people.

I do see a donkey, yeah.

Uh, yeah. Looks like there's a donkey, and the baddie would want to be.

Oh, are you saying the cast of Shrek can't live in Chicago anymore? What are you saying?

Well, Chicago famously used to be a marshland or a swamp, as you would put it, which is where it gets its name from the word onion because it's a very marshy land. And actually they built a lot of buildings on the marsh and they started to sink so they had to put levels underneath it to raise it up and get a foundation.

And we all learned a little something today. I think that means the meeting is adjourned. The fish are coming.

The fish are coming. And there's no other business. They're sprinting. The fish is sprinting.

And there's no other business that I just have to welcome you all to another episode of Hey Riddle Riddle. I'm JPC. I'm Adal Rifai.

And I'm Erin Keif.

And hello to all you sprinting fish out there.

And the new thing that we call our fans, the sprinting fish, and St. Patrick's Day may be over in the streets, but it's just beginning in the sheets. That's right. You can fuck all Marshall Hocking to St. Patrick's Day. March your ass to bed. Mark to your ass to bed. Drive the snakes out of my cock. I have to apologize to everyone listening.

So in this analogy, the snakes aren't your cock. The snakes are in your cock. Well, what are sperm but little snakes?

I'm gonna go get some frozen yogurt while you two sort this out.

Okay, well, we did need a tiebreaker on that, but I guess if Erin is leaning on the frozen yogurt... Oh boy, oh boy. Hey, I got to say, how was everybody's day?

Well, I'm going to go ahead and say pass or phone a friend because I woke up 20 minutes ago. 20 minutes ago? The classic, the Adal classic.

And I'm also going to say pass because like Adal, I don't like participating.

Interesting.

I will say I've been on two walks already today with my dog. And on the first walk, someone almost hit me with their car because they just blew past the stop sign, which I've said on record, the way that I die is a car will blow past the stop sign and kill me. So just all the times that I've said it, I would be proven so right. That time I was holding a bag of dog shit in my hand. I did throw it at the guy. It did explode on the back of his passenger side window. The second person that ran a stop sign almost killed me.

You threw the bag at the car, it exploded. Did they stop?

No, they were going fast. They were long gone. They did not stop. The second guy that almost ran a stop sign, he slammed on his brakes when he saw me in the middle of the intersection. I pointed to the stop sign and I mouthed stop sign to him. And then he rolled down the window and called me an asshole. The guy who almost killed me with the car called me an asshole.

Sounds about right. They always do. JPC, when you inevitably die from somebody running a stop sign, do you want to paint your casket red as like a fun little tip of the hat to that?

You know when like, and this is morbid, but you know when people die at the side of the road and they put those like little white crosses like, you know, a person like a pedestrian was struck here. I don't want a white cross. I want like a, like go to Kinko's, get like one of those like full body like printouts of me, like a wrap around for the stop sign. And it's just me on the stop sign with my finger pointed at the stop sign and a big bubble coming out of my mouth that says stop sign. Little kids can press a little button and it'll just be meep my voice saying like stop sign.

Do you know how many people are going to call that cutout an asshole though? You're gonna, even at death they're going to yell at you.

Hey Erin, he looks like one. Can't blame him.

And I'll say on the spot where I die, I want the two of you to, and it's going to be tough, I want the two of you to track down one of those hundred foot skeletons from Home Depot and place it wherever I die.

Adal, we've tried and we can.

I will. It's my mission to find one. Before, I mean, this year I'm going to be on the grind. I'm staying low to the ground. I'm staying limber. I'm staying loose. I'm doing my exercises, my calisthenics. I'm going to get you one of those skeletons.

Army crawling throughout your neighborhood?

KPC, I feel really jealous of you.

Why is that, Erin?

Because I don't get to move through the world where I can seek as much justice as you can. I have to be worried about being murdered, I think.

You do know that I'm going to be killed for this though, right?

I know, but it just... You know I am worried about people murdering me. I just feel like I don't have the, I don't know, the ability to yell and throw things as much as I want to

Pretty much do anything in this world if you accept that there's the possibility that you are killed for this.

Once you don't live fear, which is what we're talking about is the exact premise to puss in boots. That's true. So good. Erin, it's incredible. Erin, I will say, I think you have that switch in you, but it comes out, one, in a way more tame fashion, and two, it comes out when I think you're in a safe situation. So I remember you saying there's somebody who like cut you in line or something.

Oh yeah.

And you're like, oh yeah, cut in line. We're all just cutting in line. So I feel like you have the ability to, as I do, where I typically don't, but there will be something where I'm like, I'm surrounded by 50 people, I probably won't be killed, so I'm going to be no longer a little mouse and I'm going to squeak up.

I mean, Adal, you also definitely have that switch in you because, as the doctor said, if you don't also swallow some joysticks, it's pretty much useless in there. Your stomach acid is not going to be able to play that thing.

Yeah, and it was $300, and there's a Switch Pro coming out, so I feel so stupid by swallowing this one. I know. But the New Zealand is coming out, so I might have to.

You might have to. Sunk cost.

Maybe I can trade this one in.

But that was my good news. I do have some terrible news for you guys. That was your good news. That was my good news. I don't want to bring the show down too much, but I do have some bad news. And the bad news is, over the weekend,

I downloaded a new voice changer that I am probably going to be using a lot on this show.

Everyone just swerved into another lane by accident out of fear. And they weren't even driving.

My radio's possessed.

Oh well hey look if you thought that was bad just wait until you're not expecting it at all because hey it's here now and it's living.

Where do you get these wonderful toys? As Jack Nicholson once screamed as the Joker, where do you find these wonderful toys? I've tried to download Guiltfish or whatever the last one was you had, but I couldn't figure it out. It wasn't for Mac maybe. What was it called?

Something fish? You shouldn't be eating me. I'm high in mercury. Don't eat me. Don't put me in your mouth. You've already had fish once this week.

Guiltfish. Do you think if I start streaming me playing The Sims on Twitch that anyone would watch?

Erin, you ignorant slut, poor, poor creature. Erin, I have people in my Twitch stream begging me to be like, when will Erin do a Twitch stream? And I'm like, you know I'm not her, right? You gotta go to her. People would love to see you do that.

If you would actually use that Erin wig I sent you, then you could be me. He hasn't even worn it, not even once.

I am using it. I'm using it. I'm just I'm just doing my thing. I'm stealing groceries with it.

I'm doing my things with it. Adal, what are you doing?

Your hair is coming back nicely.

Oh, thank you. Adal, what are you doing with your Erin wig?

I put my Erin wig on a pillow and I sleep on top of it and cry. Aww.

It's sort of a comfort. That actually means a lot.

And I drew a smiley face on the pillow. Well, I put gum in the hair just to make it a true Erin pillow.

If you think Erin's Sims Twitch channel would sell well, you have no idea how well the Erin pillow will sell. That thing is going to be flying off the shelf.

It smells like cheese.

Hashtag keep sleep.

I have a question. I know we have to do riddles or whatever the fuck this show is. Hold on.

Hey, get to do riddles. I can't keep saying this enough.

I love the show, I love my friends, everything's good. Why haven't we ever been each other for Halloween or for a live show before?

Someone on Instagram, I forget their name, but they were me for Halloween one year and it was incredible. They had plaid red shirt, they had a hat, they drew a little beard on, a wonderful young woman who did that, but I can't remember their name.

That's a good costume because Adal has a very consistent style that I think you could pull off in a costume.

Some say my style is immovable.

There was those two guys, and forgive me, I know their names, but I can't think of them up my head. Yes, exactly. They were at the New York Live Show, and they truly looked like funhouse mirror versions of the two of you, and it was absolutely the spookiest. They're so funny. But I think for a live show, maybe if we do one around Halloween, I would like for us to each dress like each other.

Deal. Erin, do you want to try your sweater?

Is there, I mean that really limits us because there are about 22 states I think at this point who have passed anti-drag bills so a big portion of our market is cut off from us being able to perform that way. So sorry Tennessee, Alabama. We probably won't make it down there.

Oh right I forgot that fascism is back in a big way.

Here's what I'll say, we won't be performing there because our show is a drag. Our show's a bit of a bummer.

People compare our show to a drag race and that it smells like burning tires.

That's great. Is anyone watching the new season of Drag Race?

Yes.

Oh yeah. Okay, cool. We'll talk about it later then.

The most recent episode, absolute shit show.

Oh really? I haven't seen it yet.

I feel like there's no solid comedy queens, but I have three clear favorites, but no comedy queens here. Who are your favorites? Marsha, Marsha, Marsha. Yeah, me too. Anitra.

100%.

And then Sasha Colby.

Yeah, I have the exact same top three. Done and done.

Wow. That's wild. Same top three. I think Sasha Colby's going to win.

I think Sasha Colby's going to win.

I think Sasha Colby's going to win. I think Sasha Colby's going to win.

I think Sasha Colby's going to win. I think Sasha Colby's going to win.

I think Sasha Colby's going to win. I think Sasha Colby's going to win. I think Sasha Colby's going to win. I think Sasha Colby's going to win. I think Sasha Colby's going to win. I think Sasha Colby's going to win. I think Sasha Colby's going to win. I think Sasha Colby's going to win. I think Sasha Colby's going to win.

I think Sasha Colby's going to win. I think Sasha Colby's going to win. I think Sasha Colby's going to win. I think Sasha Colby's going to win. I think Sasha Colby's going to win. I think Sasha Colby's going to win. I think Sasha Col

I wonder if there's a way that I could have people send me their tax information. I just plug it into TurboTax and then charge them. Double.

I could probably do that. Nice little side hustle.

Okay, so these are from Anna, and Anna writes, I came up with this, or this riddle, while half asleep, which is pretty cool. And the other half?

We don't know. We have to assume anytime canonically, historically, medically, anytime an Anna is half asleep, they're referred to as an Anna Banana.

Oh wow, yeah. Okay, so half asleep, half banana?

Anna Banana and pajamas.

Coming down the stairs.

Here we go. This I think has a little bit of warm up riddle flair to it. What word? Has... Adal just slapped me hard across the chest.

Are you okay, man?

I'm just too sweet. That hurts way more than you think it does, Adal.

I know it gets a big pop from the crowd, but holy fuck. Hey, JPC, I'm a heel. What do you want me to do? I'm going to throw you in the ropes, okay?

I'm going to need to get the heel. Three heels on one podcast.

Oops, all heels.

Oops, all heels.

Which is also going to be my drag costume. Three heels on one. Oops, all heels.

Oh my God. You walking in heels. Okay. What bird has neither feathers nor wings yet flies through the air with ease?

Drunk penguin. Big bird.

Drunk penguin.

Drunk big bird.

Is it an airplane?

So here's the thing, I think there are probably a lot of pretty good, acceptable answers to this. Airplane is not one of them. Airplanes, I would say, have wigs.

What about when you're doing a very dramatic middle finger at someone?

That is really good, Erin. That one actually works because there's no feathers or wings on that bird. You're lucky Erin started talking, Adal, because your ass almost got a dead stop on. Airplanes don't have wings.

Well, I'm going to continue my theorem here. My wife is a flight attendant, and she let me know those are not wings. They are, I'm sorry, they're arms. And the little wheels are the legs. And they folded it out. Did you know that the wings folded into the body? No, she wouldn't do that.

Is it possible, Adal, that you're interpreting the way that your wife has to explain things to you, like you are a child, as factual information about plants?

Oh, I see it now. Oh, no. Guys, I gotta go. Oh, is it a whirly bird? The little, like, when trees, there's a certain tree that drops a seed and it has that little... Oh, I love those.

Those things are really fun to watch falling.

I remember when I was a kid being at recess and we would just pick up like handfuls of those and throw them into the air. I love watching those things spin around and fly. Again, I will say yes. I mean that is another, just like Erin's middle finger answer, that is another acceptable answer. It's not the one that we're looking for. Can we have a hint? What bird has neither feathers nor wings, yet flies to the air with ease? Yeah. Wow. I thought sports was going to be confusing, but you both went to the badminton birdie. Now, is the birdie or the shuttlecock something different?

I don't think so. I think birdie is a term that high schools came up with because GMPE teachers were laughed off the fucking court every time they said, here's your shuttlecock. And then everyone went snicker, snicker, snicker, Reese's, Reese's, Reese's, and say, you know, Mr. Thompson just said shuttlecock.

And then Mr. Thompson has to be like, We have to zee a zee. Adal, you can be Mr. Thompson. You are a high school, or maybe not even a high school, maybe we'll just say like a grade school, middle school gym teacher. And you are explaining a game that Erin and I were going to be students that we're about to play, but the game has just some very unfortunate, like silly or sexual sounding words in it that you have to just kind of get through.

All right, I'm only going to say this one time now. Red team over here behind the line, blue team here closer to the net. Now, what's going to happen is... These pennies smell like peanut butter. That's because they've been soaked overnight in peanut butter. Now, that jar of pennies, it smells like peanut butter. That's called a twat. Now, someone's going to grab the twat. A what?

A what?

Don't say a what like that guy in Jaws who asks what type of shark it is. It's a it's called the toy. Wait, wait movie are you talking about?

We're 12.

There's a moment in Jaws where he goes, Jaws, wait is that? Okay, listen. Everyone grab your phalluses. Now these are going to be lit for now. Yes, like a wee, they are joysticks.

Which one's a phallus?

That one's a phallus. And the other one is a... Oh, I hate to say this. That is a... Oh boy. Okay, fingers crossed that... Hurry, we're gonna forget. That's called a dongle. Okay, I told you once I'm handing out detentions for anyone who recreates the SNL sketch to Californians. I'm tired of hearing it. If anyone keeps doing the voice, you're going straight to detention.

Okay, but how do we get to detention again? Can you describe the process to get us to detention so we know that there's a lot of like different hallways that we have to take?

Yes. Unfortunately, we let the students name the hallways here, and much like a street system, it is on a grid. So there's multiple streets. Now you're going to go north on Pussy Juice Lane. You're going to take a ride on Raggedy. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

The Californians, but make it sexual.

Yeah, those kids don't know Jaws, but do know the sketch from a decade ago, the Californians.

Well, hold on, Erin. Those are like 40 years apart.

Whatever.

Adal was also throwing out some things. When you were a kid, did you know what a phallus was? I feel like there would be no way that me as a kid, I would hear the word phallus and be like, okay.

All I knew was penis and vagina, and it was hilarious.

I'm And that was the first show my grandma ever came to. And I remember, I'm basically naked with like a, like a, not even a tunic, but just like a wrap around my waist and then a giant six foot pool noodle cock. And I remember afterwards, my mom... That made your grandma come. That's insane. I remember afterwards my mom being like, oh good show sweetie. And then being like, grandma's upset or like grandma.

Yeah. Grandma's upset. Yeah.

No shit. Maybe it wasn't that exact wording, but it was something where she's like, yeah, Grandma didn't care for it. I'm like, yeah, no duh.

Hey, I have a question, Adal. Did you know what you would be doing in the play? When you were in it, like the night of the play, the curtain's about to go up. Did you know that you had the pool noodle and the dicks and everything? You knew all that stuff, right?

Your honor, I fear I'm going to incriminate myself, so I- How did Grandma get the invite?

How did Grandma get the invite? That's my question.

Can that be the title of this episode? How did Grandma get the invite?

How did Grandma get the invite? How did Grandma get the invite? That sounds like a Thanksgiving song.

I remember once I did like sketch comedy in high school and college and I remember once my grandparents were asking me if they could come to the show and in my mind I was like I knew the set list and I was like going over my mind and I was like okay I think There's nothing that they can, there's nothing on the show that I do, like there's other stuff that is like gross or whatever that other people do, but there's nothing on the show that I do that is not, that is like wouldn't be kosher for them. But I was like, I'll run through the set list one more time. And like the first one, I don't remember what it was, but it was something like the diarrhea song. And I was like, oh, nope, you're right. I sing the diarrhea song in the very first sketch. So nope.

Nevermind, nevermind Bill.

I hear it now. And it wasn't, again, it wasn't that. I just want to be clear. I did not do a sketch called the diarrhea song, but it was something equally bad.

Yeah. Well, in my defense, I was performing Aristophanes, whereas you were just being disgusting.

Well, but in my defense, I also told my grandparents, no, I don't. You can't come to this one. It's not. You will not like it. Okay, here's another Riddle. You know what? I don't have, speaking of the diarrhea, sorry, I don't have permission to read this name, so I'll just say the initials TP. TP. That's what this one's coming from.

Thank you, Erin. I know we're not playing a game, but for an extra point, can Erin and I try and guess how the diarrhea song went?

Yeah, I mean, it didn't exist, so I guess I'll give you a point if you want to do it. I mean, this is being recorded.

Okay, Erin, do you want to trade off lyrics?

Sure.

Okay, do you want to start or do you want me to start?

I would like you to start.

And we'll see if I join in. And by the way, this one is going out to billions of grandmas all across the United States.

I love the idea of doing a duet and being like, why don't you start and I'll see if I want to join in. That's how Dolly Parton and Michael McDonald did Islands in the Stream. Okay, here we go. That was Kenny Rogers, actually. Okay. Yes. Whoa, whoa, ate too much and not feeling great. Yeah, yeah. I ate every last scrape on my plate. But I got a rumbly, tumbly, bumbly. And I'm not feeling so fine. I got my jeans pulled down. Oop. Just in time.

I like we got the breath in there. We got Eric going.

I'm sorry, Adal. I just set it up to leave you hanging and I know it's bad and drop.

No, no, no. This is...

Hey Adal, can I be serious for a second? Sure. There was nothing in that that I wouldn't want my grandparents to see. That was beautiful. Thank you.

And it was very good. I was trying to make up for what I called the lane in high school earlier.

Sorry if I seem a little distracted today, gang. There's a couple different Oh, I got one. Mosquitoes in my room right now, and I don't know how they got here. I'm sort of feeling haunted.

I do want to see a scene.

Okay.

JPC and Erin, you are two mosquitoes in Erin Keif's room while she's recording a podcast trying to figure out what the fuck's going on.

Oh, can I make a slight change to that? Can you two be the mosquitoes while I'm trying to record the podcast?

Erin, here's what I'll say. If you had supported my song, I'd absolutely make any changes you desire. But because you didn't, I think my call for a scene stands.

Okay.

Erin eating a big old plate of comeuppance right now. Alright, okay. Don't bother with her. Don't bother with her. I already checked. No blood.

What?

Yeah.

Are you sure?

I can't tell if it's just deep in there or if it's already fully been drained, but there's no blood.

And I'm Erin Keif. Oh, okay. Smells like, my pillow smells like cheese.

She's hilarious. I love her. We should call 911 if she has no blood. Wait, hold on.

You get this? Yeah, I get it. Because I've been listening to it too. I know that people like it, but I'm like, what is it?

She's not like, ha ha funny. She's like, poor her funny, you know? You don't get it?

Yeah, I mean, no, I mean, I'm trying. I want to get it.

If I have green hair, then I must be a shrek.

Wow, it's really hard to hear it back, huh? It really...

Yeah, and it sucks because like, I know it's a podcast. And I know that there's like, there's gotta be context.

There's gotta be context. Oh gosh. Let's try to kill her. Put her out of her misery.

The other side must be all set up. It must be all set up. Because these must be punch lines, and they must be landing.

That we just don't get.

That we don't get. But you get. I mean obviously you like it.

Adal, can I make a slight change to the scene? Oh God. Can I be playing myself on the YouTube of the mosquitoes?

Oh, look at her face. She looks pissed.

Oh, she looks like she's hopeful. Oh, she just got shut down. Working with men, huh? Not always easy.

Sorry if I'm distracted. Let me grab one of these and squish it.

There's a couple of mosquitoes in there.

Oh no! My husband! She killed my husband!

Wow, that scene ended so sad. I have to assume due to the meta nature of that scene, it's going to be like Orpheus and Eurydice where she's going to keep going on a loop.

Yeah. Okay, okay. We simply must hear another riddle. We must hear another riddle. And again, I already announced like 20 minutes ago, this is from TP. Look, we love the people that submit rentals, so let's all just try to keep that in mind that we have love in our hearts for all of the people that submit rentals. I won't call them fans. I dare not call them listeners. But we have love in our hearts. Okay, here we go. Here's from TP. An old man goes down to the lake to go fishing. He casts his line in and reels in, but only catches a soda can. He casts his line again and reels it in, but this time, because it's a loose sandal. He casts his line a third time, reels it in, and finds he has hooked the pale body of a teenager. Suddenly, the body opens his eyes and speaks. What does he say? Wait, what does the pale body of the teenager say, or was he the old man? Pale body of the teenager opens his mouth to speak, and we want to know what the pale body of the teenager has said.

Where's my other flip flop?

That, Erin, would be a very good guess. Don't drink Mountain Dew?

That's good.

I've seen the soda can kill them.

I don't want to side off on that because I think it's very good to drink, especially if you try to kill all of your spurs. I mean, your snakes.

I mean, this is the first episode where Mountain Dew was a sponsor.

And the last. Mountain Dew loved our review of orange soda. They said, we got to get to be a sponsor of that podcast.

GPC. Can you read it again? I feel like I'm missing something.

Okay, so the old man goes down to the lake to go fishing. He casts a line and reels in, but only catches a soda can. Second time he casts a line, he catches a loose sandal. Third time, pale body of a teenager. Body opens his eyes and speaks, and what does he say? We do have some hints, and I will read the hints if that is okay.

He says grandpa? He said dab on my haters, Gabe Fortnite. Erin is the closest with, I think, with Grandpa. Oh, is Pop going to be part of it? No, no. Is the soda can and the sandal a hint?

Is Grandpa trying to swim? Is it Jesus?

Is it Team Jesus?

Erin, thank you so much for the set up. It's not Pretzel Jesus as we all know.

Can I say quickly, two of my favorite lines on this podcast ever was Erin saying, it's hard to hear it back and then Jacob saying, the other side must be all set up.

And you know what? I just haven't been in improv class in a really long time and I'm feeling a little bit rusty. And that's what's going on.

Erin, you're amazing.

Not that I was never funny.

Erin, I don't know if I mentioned this, but I saw, I did an improv set not too long ago with my buddy Johnny O'Mara, and the other teams, there were four other teams playing, and one of them was Wetbus, the other half of your team, and they had a fantastic set. The opener was a newer team, they had a fantastic set, and the closer was Kyle Bathe, Ollie Hobson, and Michael Brunley. And they had a fantastic set. And Johnny and I were talking and we were like, it was so fun to improvise again. I haven't done like two person long-form improv in years. And we said by far the worst part of the experience was that the show was really good. We were like, it sucks. I would have liked nothing more than to go back and see live improv again to be just okay and me to be like, you're right. I didn't need to be doing this. But no, it unfortunately was very good and I had a great time.

I'm so jealous. I'm happy they're having fun, but it hurts my feelings that anyone in Wet Bus would have fun with me without me at any moment in time.

There was a scene where one of the characters got named Erin and then all three of the people from Wet Bus, I could tell they were thinking about you and they all started crying and then it was in a second later they got back into the scene. So just so you know, you were missed. It didn't really affect anything, but you were missed.

Thank you for lying.

Here are your hints.

So a can of soda and a sandal.

Those answering could ask yes or no questions to find the... Oh, I'm sorry. You could ask yes or no answers to find the question. That's part of it. But here are some hints. Yes. The soda can is RC Cola. The sandal is brand new. The teenager is wearing a blue polo shirt and khakis, and the soda can is unopened.

Okay. So we have to assume this was a Best Buy employee. Very close.

What do you mean very close?

Blue polo khakis.

Oh, a backwards target? Oh, so, honestly, you could consider this story to be kind of like a backwards target. A Walmart? Oh no.

A Walmart. Walmart has blue pillows.

I think Walmart does work. Hey, you know what? Fuck it. Let's say it's a Walmart. Why not?

Why didn't you give me Best Buy?

Because Best Buy would mix this with the soda can and the flip flop. No, Circuit City's red. But Walmart would.

Walmart, okay, so RC Cola, which, I mean, they have Sam's choice, so you wouldn't be drinking RC Cola, you'd be drinking Dr. Thunder. I gave you Walmart because you can get both a sandal and an RC Cola at Walmart. Can I ask you a question? Yes, and if it's yes or no, I can answer it. What's the answer to this riddle? Is this somebody who home brewed this, right?

Yeah, it's a home brew. Well, Erin, I think I might just give this one to you. And again, remember, we do love the people that submit these. Of course. Because you said grandpa, and I think that was close enough, because the answer is, sir, this is a CVS, and you need to leave. The old man had dementia. It was casting his line into the CVS next to the lake. The teenager is working the counter. That is the answer to Riddle. We're going to break now. Well, ads now.

I know what you're thinking. Do I have a new hat, Adal and JPC? New haircut? Why am I walking around with so much confidence?

I bet you're wondering. I wanted pretzels from the food court.

And I was just gonna let you know that it looks like you leaned on paint.

Anyways, I just had a bunch of subscriptions canceled for me by Rocket Money that I wasn't using. And so now I'm flushed with cash and now I'm confident. Pretzel money? Well, maybe. We'll talk about that. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that binds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years, even before they were a sponsor.

Erin, it looks like you may have leaned on like with someone painting a rocket money like billboard or sign or something because it's all it's all down your back it's like and it's I could ock it ock it

People think they're spending $80 on their subscriptions when in reality, the number is closer to $200. And when you signed up for so many free trials, like streaming services, you watch one show and then you completely forget about it. You lose track and then all of a sudden you're like, why am I bleeding money? Rocket money? They take care of that for you. They go, sit back, relax, we got this. And they make everything color coded and easy and super intuitive.

You're also color-coded. A little birdie told me that Rocket Money also lets you monitor all your expenses in one place, recommends custom budgets based on your past spending, and they'll even send you notifications when you've reached your spending limits, which sounds like something my friend would like, but I forget which friend I'm so hungry for pretzels.

Speaking of pretzels, you don't get all twisted up by Salty and the bread of your finances. With over 3 million users and counting, Rocket Money customers have saved an average of $720 a year.

Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and manage your money the easy way by going to rocketmoney.com slash riddle. That's rocketmoney.com slash riddle. Rocketmoney.com slash R-I-D-D-L-E.

Hey, what's going on? Somebody leaned over my rocket money paint thing. Run. Everybody run. Oh no. Maroon.

Is that DaVinci?

Yeah. Yes.

And bye. All right, look, that was a fun break. A really great riddle. In celebration of that. We have no more ads, we have no more ads. In celebration of that, we're going to switch it up. And now we're going to do, we, apparently like back to back, we had two people, two different people email us riddles that had like a bit of a science flare.

So we're going to be doing a couple of science riddles.

Slap.

Ow. Oh, Erin, sorry. No, it's okay. Have I? Have I?

I hit the neck. Wow, you actually, you know what? That's wrong. You're actually going to probably get a fine for that, honestly. Or at least a dressing down from Mr. McMahon. He's not going to like that.

Hey you guys. Remember in like episode two or three when we invented old man puzzles for the person who reads the puzzles? We've never invented a term for the two people who aren't old man puzzles.

Wow.

Young shits. Yeah. It's always my favorite. Thanks for watching! Which sounds like an old man puzzle in the middle of the day.

We already had an episode title. That sounds like a swan lumps. There's an episode title right there.

It's hard. It's so funny because you immediately lose all memory and empathy for what it's like to be old man puzzles when you're on the other side of this. And you just want to like break glass and fuck shit up and be ridiculous with your partner in crime.

Erin, you just quoted a limp biscuit song lyric for lyric.

Again?

Not bad. I keep referencing superstar Ric Flair and Erin keeps quoting lit biscuit songs.

Yeah, not bad for a drunk girl. I'm drunk.

So I guess the SNL sketch of the Californians is not too shabby of an old reference.

Okay, I'm ready. All we are is old references. Okay, here's your first one. This is a bit of a science puzzle, which is the subject of the email coming from SB, SB sins. This is a puzzle I heard on the Because Science YouTube channel. So that was in 2018. I wonder if that YouTube channel still exists, but I hope it does. Thank you, Sandra Bullock. And here we go. This is the Riddle. You're standing in the middle of a frozen lake. The ice is frictionless. So slippery, you cannot walk on it. How can you make it to shore? You also do not, they're adding that you do not have ice skates, okay? Probably a freaking tummy.

You burp or fart. Depending on which way you want to go, you burp or fart.

Can you get some sort of momentum?

It's like trying to chop the factory. Well, I think that's- Guy Pears has not made, I mean, she might be streaming somewhere, but...

That's a C. I like it.

Adal's on that track, right? About barping and barping. A barp is a burp and a fart.

All of us. This sounds like the answer to the previous riddle, which is a CVS employee is stuck on the ice. He drinks an RC Cola to propel himself and falls through the ice and dies.

Can you dig down and then swim under the ice? Let's take a quick time out.

If you're ever on frozen water, the last thing you want to do is go under it.

What happened in the TikTok though? What is this? A TikTok of a woman and there was two holes in the lake, a frozen lake. She went down into one and then you saw her swim under, the camera followed her, and then they came back up on the other side of the hole. And that's what I'm saying is you, oh. I'm tired of being the dumb one around here. You say something dumb. I'm not dumb.

I said snakes were cum. That was how we started the episode. I should be the double. Okay, what's the answer? Okay, so you were correct, I think Adal, you're on the right path, but I'll give you some hints. So hint one is that frictionless ice doesn't stop you from moving your feet, it only stops them from pushing you forward because there's no friction on the ice. So, and then although you start motionless, the solution does rely on momentum. So you were kind of both on the right track with momentum.

You spin as fast as possible, go up in the air, hope to catch onto the arm of a plane. I did say arm and then it'll fly you in.

Yeah, that, hey, that's another way to get killed. I saw it on a sick thing.

I also saw that if you put $10,000 in Bitcoin that you will be able to retire by the age of 35.

Alright, everybody delete your TikTok again.

Now, Adal, when you heard TikTok and you heard that thing about Bitcoin, was the voice that was telling you about it sounding like, if you want to make money on Bitcoin, now is the perfect time to get into it.

What the fuck? JPC, that was your TikTok?

I would like to see a scene.

Well, yeah.

You two are our two guys, two bros who have it.

There's a drummer.

You have a TikTok channel that is financial advice, but you two literally have no idea what you're talking about and are giving terrible advice.

Listen up, everyone. If you want to be financially stable by the time you hit 45, you need to follow these three easy steps.

Anyone can do it. Just keep watching this TikTok and you will learn how and these few steps that we've concocted to help you out. And it's not that hard. Anyone can do it. Anyone can do it.

Step one, you have to be triplicating your money every four months. Thank you. What does that mean in practice or as they say, praxis? To triplicate your money, all you need to do is make sure that your money is growing at an exponential rate through the seeking of additional funds in correlation with the funds you already have access to.

Step two, make your money work for you. Take, go to the bank, pull out $100 piles of money, fill out a resume for them. Take your pile of money and the resume into a store. Get them a job. As long as it's over $18, they can legally work.

$18 can legally work. That's something we say on the channel all the time. Now remember, if your money wants a job, your money's gotta have a name. So you gotta give your money a name. I know it's gonna be hard, but don't give your money a funny name because funny money don't work.

And we have three names to give your money. Anyone can name your money these three names. It's three easy steps to come up with a name. Here's three names. Anyone can name it. Number one.

Name number one, Chet Hamburgler.

Name number two, Cash Callaway.

Name number three, Alexander Hamburgler.

Hey John. Hey John. What's up man? Are you hungry for hamburger? Uh, yeah man I could eat.

Are you placing an order?

I can.

Okay. What do you want? Do you want a Mexican tie? Yeah, what Mexican tie?

Those are the other two options. A Mexican tie.

Yeah, Mexican tie.

A noodle burrito? Wait, hold on. How has no one done that? Hold on. I'm Google Pad Thai burrito. I got Pad Thai in a burrito. How has no one ever done a Pad Thai burrito?

Okay, welcome back to the show. This is Money Millionaires, and we've got a brand new way for you to make money. Make money.

Combine two different types of food into one food.

Yeah. Like, everybody loves cookies and everyone likes soap. So why not cookie soap? Hold on. Hold on. Scroll.

We die when you scroll.

I don't remember the details of this, but you remember that time where that person did a radio play about aliens coming to Earth and then people changed? Oh, War of the Worlds.

Yeah, War of the Worlds. Yeah, it was Orson Welles, right?

Yes.

Orson Welles? Yes, Orson Welles.

I feel like our economy is going to collapse even faster because people are going to come across that scene and think it's real financial advice and it's going to absolutely topple everything.

Can people, I don't know how TikTok works, can people duet that audio? Can you put that audio on TikTok and just like lip sync and put up graphics and stuff and make it look real? Sure they can, but should they? No. Mr. Beast, get on this.

It only could happen a couple times in my life, but I've been on TikTok and then someone who's using a... Hey Riddle Riddle or sitcom D&D or Hello from the Magic Tavern audio will pop up and my brain will explode. I'll be like, oh my gosh.

We need to get on TikTok because I've seen podcasts where it's like, they have, it's a very small podcast. Fantastic podcast, but very, very small. And they'll have like 2.6 million followers. But you look at the rest of their stuff and they have like three reviews. So I'm just, I'm so curious at how that works. And I feel like we need to get on them before we can become them.

So I got a little peek behind the curtain. How that works is it sounds like TikTok does not really help their podcast that much. So you think that we should get on TikTok because we already have a successful podcast?

Also, no new listeners. I like the ones we've got.

Yeah. Also, I should say, Erin, I went to- Don't do listeners. Gemma took me to the place in New Jersey where there's like a park with a plaque. I think where the world's was set in this town in New Jersey maybe. And there's a big plaque and it shows like a UFO and whatever else. And it says like on this site, or this is the town from where the world's where like everyone went, the people in this town went crazy or something. Oh, wild. So if you're ever in New Jersey, I don't know, fucking try and find that, drive around.

Yeah. Good luck. There's a geocache there with a picture of Adal.

I think people like went crazy and like killed their children and like rather by my hand than the aliens. I don't think that's true. I'm just talking my ass. Clip it. KZ clip it.

Are we in the middle of a riddle right now? And I'm being curious. Yes. We are?

Of course we are.

Oh.

What's the riddle? It's that ice one.

The answer was it's a kind of hole and slip under. You put the shoes on your hands and still crawl forward. Adal?

No, we almost had it. One of the solutions could be to take your shoe off.

Handstand. Put your shoes on your hands and handstand away. No.

Take off your shoes, rip them up, and then there'll be more traction on them. Just like fuck with the bottom of your shoes, with your teeth.

Take off your shoes, take off the laces.

Erin, here's what I'll tell you right now. I will give you $1,000 if you can take off your shoe right now and rip it up. If you can tear a shoe in half with your hands.

Well, she has shoes from H&M, so this will be an easy one.

Yeah, actually. H&M, you can rip the clothes just by wearing them. A nice wind will take those right off your body. I can give you the answer to this one, because you know what? It's a little sciency. But the answer, since it's frictionless ice and moving around won't help you. If you throw something forward, the recoil will push you backward. Without any friction to slow you down, you'll be pushed all the way across the ice. So you could take your shoe off, throw your shoe forward or backward, whichever way you want to go, and then be pushed the opposite way.

Well, that'll move you twice. But do you have to tie your shoelaces around your wrist and then to the shoe so you can continue to throw them? Otherwise, you're two pumps and done.

It's frictionless, so you will slide forever. You will slide forever, but I do also like the idea of tying- You'll slide forever?

Well, in this world, there's zero friction.

Yeah, I mean, until you get off the frictionless ice, then yes. And this is friction like one-third your two-fourths?

I'd like to see a scene. Adal you are a guy who's stuck in the middle of the ice and JPC you are his friend who's on shore trying to help him out of it and talk him through it.

Okay. I don't know man. I feel like I hear cracking.

No it's hate. It is February. This is Minnesota. That is thick ice, okay?

No, Derek, I feel like I hear you cracking up. I feel like you think this is funny.

Okay, look, I'm sorry. I'm sorry if my laughing was... I was actually thinking about an email my grandpa sent me. Oh. I mean, it must have been 12 years ago.

The one with dementia?

Um, no, I mean, this was 12 years ago. I mean, yes, now, currently yes, but no, 12 years ago, he was, I mean, he was, he was inching towards it.

Okay, let me lie on my stomach here.

So the email was, you're gonna love this. So George Bush is sitting in the, in the, of course Bush's presidency, sitting in the Oval Office, uh, H.W. Yeah, sitting in the Oval Office and a guy comes in and he says, Mr. Bush, we have some bad news, or Mr. President. The war in Iraq, there's been an update.

Did the guy correct himself like that? What's that?

Did the guy correct himself like that?

He said, Mr. Bush, and they said, I mean Mr. President?

I'm in my phone reading it. Okay. He was being a little too formal. He said, sir, we lost four Brazilian soldiers today in the war in Iraq and George Bush puts his head in his hands and he goes, oh my god. Four Brazilian, that's a huge number. Well, that's... Hey man, that's the joke.

Huh?

That's the email, that's the joke.

Four Brazilian people died and you think that's a fucking joke?

George Bush says how many people is a Brazilian? That's the joke.

Well, I mean, one Brazilian from... I mean, how do you quantify the numbers right there?

These are people from Brazil. You understand the joke, right?

What?

And he falls through the ice.

And emerges out a hole on the side. The TikTok helped. It did.

You don't have to do that for me. No, Erin.

No, it's sweet. I want to make your reality our reality. The jig talk helps.

I want to make your reality our reality.

So funny. We have time for one more of these science riddles. Are you guys ready for this science riddle? Yes.

That's also what I say when I propose to Gemma. I want to make your reality our reality. Release. I'll share another science riddle.

You know, I don't know, this one person doesn't give a name, so we'll just say A. This is from A, okay? Susie is a scientist. This is from 2018, remember Susie? Susie is a scientist who asked her friend Kevin to water her plants while she's out of town. Upon arriving at her house, Kevin has difficulty in finding water to use, as Susie's sinks seem to be disconnected. Kevin is in a rush but thinks of a method that would water the plants, at least somewhat, that he could execute before leaving the house. While executing this plan, Kevin makes a minor mistake and gives himself serious burns on his hands and has to go to the hospital. What was his plan and why did he get those burns? And there are hints, there are hints if you did them.

Minor mistake. So in summation, Susie's sinks don't work?

Does that mean all her plumbing doesn't work? Yeah, it seems like there's no running water in Susie's house.

Okay, but he has an idea on how to partially water, but he burned his hands doing it. At least somewhat. Yeah, watering the plants at least somewhat. He peed on the garden, but his penis was real hot?

Now, Erin, you say we never dead stop. I know what I was just about to say. I mean, we got it. We got a dead stop that, right? We got a dead stop. That's a dead stop. That's a dead stop.

Yeah, dead stop.

What do you mean? If Erin gets one for peeing out the poison, you definitely get one for peas on the plants and his penis is too hot. What's going on with this guy, Adal?

You're telling me you've never been in a situation where you go to the urinal, you unzip,

Oh, that's how Momo came about.

If I'm in that restroom, I'm just leaving. I walk in, I see the guy at the urinal going, I don't have to pee anymore.

Or if you hear a guy go, sorry, my penis is too hot. I'm out of there. Well, I might stick around. I'm curious.

I used to work with a guy, I've probably said this on the show before, and I never saw who he was, but I know he was on the sales team, and he would take shits in the bathroom while on sales calls, and he'd be talking, like talking, like I'm like, surely they can hear this, like it's loud, like you're making noise, and he'd be like, let me tell you, this is a once in a lifetime deal, it's expiring, like, and you literally have to shit it off the pot, and I'd be like, what is this guy doing? That's a confidence I never want.

That's insane.

It's a love of confidence I never want. That's insane. That same bathroom I also at that job, I saw the CFO and I'd never seen the CFO in person. And he peed and then he just walked out of the bathroom and I go, CFO don't wash his hands. Interesting.

That's the guy touching all of our money. He's counting it by hand, of course.

My paycheck is the dirty. I went home and I threw all my paychecks away.

Is it something where there's ice in the fridge, he takes out some ice, he holds it in his hand and plugs in like a curling iron and presses the curling iron into the ice?

Adal, you have half of it. You have half of it. You are so right with him finding ice and using ice to water the plants, but no, the curling iron is not burning his hands.

Something about the- I was going to say, is the burn like a reverse burn where it's like freezer burn?

Okay, I kind of almost want a dead stop. Reverse burn. I really don't know what that means. It is a... You could get burned by something being too hot or too cold. Yes, correct. I think that the technical term for that would be like... Well, I don't know. I would say chemical burn.

Okay.

I think we need a really good hint. I think you're on the right track.

We need a really good hint.

Do we have... Well, I mean, you got ice. You are so close with ice, but like... So it's going to be something lighter. Holding regular ice won't burn your hand. We know that scientists use dry ice for... We all know, so we don't have to say, right? It feels like a trap. I'm on your side. We all know, correct? If we all agree that we know, then no one can look the fool. Erin, one of us fucking back snabs the other, we all go down, baby.

We're all just staring at each other.

The minute JPC said, we're all smart, right? I immediately sniffed out the trap. Immediately.

I'm actually quite dumb. All right, I'm holding my money back actually. I don't think this guy actually wants to make change. I think he's going to try to take some of it. Yes, of course, Kevin was planning to put ice on the plants, which over time would melt into water and succeed in watering the plants, at least a little. His mistake was he actually grabbed a dry ice and in too much of a hurry to realize the difference. He held it for just too long and suffered burns. I've never touched dry ice before. For very long, I have put my finger on it. It is very cold, and it really does say, do not touch this on it.

My sister once, you know those ice cream men who have the cart, the little push cart kind of thing, like a freezer cart? They were storing their wares in dry ice, and my sister bought like a... Remember the popsicles that were like the Ninja Turtle head with the gumball eyes? She bought one of those, and her lips stuck to it. Because of like residue dry ice, or I don't know what happened, but it like, it latched onto her lip and wouldn't let go. And eventually we had to like, well, we tried to melt it a little bit, but eventually we had to rip off a little bit of her lip.

Adal, please tell me you didn't try to melt it with your hot pee from your burning penis. Anyway, thank you for that, Riddle. Thank you for those science riddles. Do you guys feel like you learned a little something about science?

No. No. No, me neither. Just checking.

But I am happy that this reminds us that our fans used to be called Kephas and Susie's and they've now graduated to sprint fish. Yes.

I do want to see a scene before we get too far afield of this. Yes. Erin and Adal, I have tasks to the two of you with watering my plants while I'm away. But you come to my house and realize that my water has been shut off. So there is no water in the house and you have to do your best to water my plants.

This is like Taskmaster.

Alright, let's get in and out of here as quickly as Pissy Boo.

Piss-a-ble. Piss-a-ble. Oh, Piss-a-ble. I think I know how to water the plants.

Yeah, I thought about pee, but then I realized that my pee is mostly poison.

Oh, because you're constantly... You have so many enemies in this city.

You need to get out of this city.

I keep telling you, I have a place in the countryside.

You want to stay there anytime. You have so many... Gloria, what are you doing to make all these enemies?

Yeah, I'm not leaving anytime soon. I'm waiting to take all my enemies down. And I'm being a jerk. To answer your question, I'm being a real jerk. What else can we use? Does he have Gatorade?

Does he have what?

Gatorade?

Gatorade will kill a plant.

Are you sure?

Let's try it.

All right.

Where's his, okay, here's... Oh, Powerade. Rise-wooding... Powerade will kill a plan. That'll kill a human. Oh, I have, okay, I have an idea. Yes. What, so here, follow my train of thought. What causes rain?

God's sadness?

Exactly. So, exactly. So let's make fun of God so loud he can hear us, he'll start crying, water the garden. Let's think of some good God jokes.

Hey God.

Maybe just like even a fuck you or something.

Hey God.

Your mom's a virgin?

Your mom's a virgin.

Is that good?

No rain.

Anything? Hey, hey God. All that power and you can't afford a shirt. You can't make yourself a shirt. Let's just go.

These are just plants.

Hold on, we know we're on some... Hey guys. Hey guys, can I help you out? Oh.

God?

God. Oh boy. No, not even close. Oh the devil. It's like a reverse burn. You know what? I'm good. Take it easy, what about? Catch all the flip side.

No, no, no.

Help. He popped up to say, I'm good. That seems rude. Seed. Like someone walking into your house and going, you know what? Nevermind. It's like you came here. I'm out.

You came here, bro.

Yeah.

Okay, that was very nice. Hey, you know what? Speaking of very nice, why don't we listen to a very nice voicemail that a fan sent. But before we do, we have a brand new voicemail theme. And this one is submitted by Tom Lum, who is the host of the Let's Learn Everything on Maximum Fun. If you want to submit a voicemail theme to the show, just go ahead and send that WAV file over to hrrpodcast.gmail.com. Casey, let's hear the new theme.

Boy smell her play, boy smell her play, boy smell her play with me, babe. Boy smell her play, boy smell her play, boy smell her play with me.

Wow, some sticks.

Wow.

No, I heard guitars in there. No, the drums. There's gotta be drums, right?

That's really funny.

I don't necessarily have to hit those with sticks. No, yes, Adal. Of course, you were correct. Those were probably- Oh, you've uncovered a nickname. All right. Casey, can we hear a voicemail?

Hey there. My name's Gimmick. I was digging through some of my old stuff and I found a certificate that my teacher printed off for her classes in high school. When the school wasn't doing it, they personalized them to our specific personalities. And I got one that was a certificate for most disturbing enthusiasm. And I still think about that every freaking day. So I want to know, do you have any bizarre compliments you've received in the past? They're going to haunt you till the day you die.

Anyway, have a good day. Here's what I'll say immediately. Gimmick, you have an incredible voice. And I think what happened was the teacher was jealous that you sound like the best version of a game show host. And so they're like, how can I take this motherfucker down a peg? Because you have the perfect energy to host any game show in the world.

This is not one that happened to me, but I always thought this was funny. Have you ever worked at a place that had like that did like work superlatives that were like kind of like fake funny things like, you know, oh, this is like, this is the person is most likely to fall asleep in the office or whatever.

Yeah.

I worked at a place one time where there was like work superlatives and someone won the superlative most likely to end up on SNL because I worked with a lot of comedians and then someone else at that office did end up getting hired.

That's really funny. Yeah, I definitely have. I'm trying to think of one off the top of my head.

But now it sucks because it's bizarre compliments because I have definitely heard a lot of like kind of bizarre put downs that have stuck with me for a long time. Sure. I was told after an audition once that I didn't have the it factor and I'm like, come on, that's not a good note, right? What was that note?

I was told I didn't have the voice. Uh, I think I'm at an age where I blocked all this out, but I've definitely had a lot, but I think I've had to move on, otherwise I'd wither and die.

I think that's good. I think that's actually really good news for gimmick, because it means that gimmick, maybe you won't remember that forever, now it is immortalized in a podcast forever, maybe a problem.

The thing that just comes to mind to me is someone being super nice but also needing to let me know that someone else hates me. Are they like me despite someone else in their life really not liking me? I've gotten that a few times. Like one woman was so sweet to me on Instagram and then she was like, I mean my boyfriend had to stop listening because he said the show would be perfect if Erin wasn't there, but I still like you. And I was like, huh? Huh.

That's insane. Huh. The show would be unlistenable if Erin went on.

Audio-wise, I uh... I pick all the audio.

We should be talking about Snakesperm. Erin that sparked a memory in me, where a friend of mine in high school told me that a different person from high school, his name is Taylor Masters and he played football, told him, he said, you know, I like that John Cohen kid. I don't even care that he's gay. And to me, that remains one of the best compliments I've ever received. The thing I love about that is it was, I don't even care that he's gay. It's not like if he's gay, it was like declarative, he's gay, and it doesn't bother me. And I was like, that's cool, that's progress.

That's so funny. Oh my god, that's so funny.

Well, anyway, if you ever have a question like that that you want us to ponder over, you can always send that to 1-805-Riddle-1. Remember, try to keep those voicemails under 30 seconds if you want to play it on the show. Or if you just want to make me listen to a two-minute voicemail, you can do that as well. And I'm the only one who will ever hear.

Erin Keif, do you have anything to plug?

Um, if you want to check out sitcom D&D, we are, at this point I think we've recorded the entire season. So, uh, it's very fun and I think it's worth checking out. Anywhere you listen to podcasts, uh, Adal, anything to plug.

Um, I have, I guess it on some stuff, but I don't think it's out yet. So I'm going to go ahead and just say, if you haven't listened to, uh, the Magic Tavern Patreon, please check out, uh, hello from the Magic Tavern on Patreon. We just released, I think a three or four episode, uh, series with Anthony Burch, who DM'd us in sort of a fun, sort of like sidekick adventure thing, criminal sidekicks. Um, so please check that out. Uh, JPC, anything to review or pl-

If you're listening to this episode when it comes out, don't forget to get your tickets to see us live in Los Angeles. We're going to be at the Dynasty typewriter on Friday, April 7th at 7.30 p.m. That is both live and live streamed. And you can get both of those tickets at heyriddleriddle.com slash live. It's also slash live, but it's spelled the same way. So you be the judge. Don't forget to get those tickets and we will see you there. And now... No more Hey Riddle Riddle in public or the car. I was laughing so hard I started crying in an empty study room. Class ended in the classroom right next to me, and like 20 people saw as I tried to switch to music while not being able to see through the tears. This podcast has become a household activity only. Five stars. Hey, you know what? It's okay to listen to the podcast and cry. It's fine to be sad. We're sad all the time. And that was from Rahm Emanuel?

Yep.

That was Rahm Emanuel, that one fingered missing motherfucker. That sit-seat salad son of a bitch.

That mischief twin? Motherfucker, was that the name? Yeah, it's a mischief twin. Erin, famously, sprint fish, just like tardigrades and octopi, are not from this earth. They actually fell from the heavens into frozen water and propelled themselves to earth. Do you know where they're originally from?

Jupiter!

Thank you. Bye forever.

Created by Adal Rifai. Starting Erin Keif. and John Patrick Coan. Casey Toney did the editing and already parented

Hey there, Captains and Ships. If you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. The Clue Crew goes on a cruise. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalogue at Patreon.com slash Hey Riddle Riddle by joining the Clue Crew for $5 a month, or the Review Crew, and you get those ad-free episodes for $8 a month. Isn't that right, the devil? That's right, J.P.C. Jesus fucking Christ, the devil. God damn.

That was a hate gun podcast.