Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum podcast. The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Oh, the miracle fish. It was the cabin of an airplane. He stabbed him with an icicle.

And the horse of deep riding.

There's a knock at my door. Uh, who is it?

Adal and JPC? Two ghosts, Adal and JPC! And two ghosts, so there's four of us. There's Adal, JPC, two ghosts. Ghosts, what are your names? My name is Marcus Andretti, Wink. And I am Spooky Henry Winkler.

We're not with them. We're not with them.

I think they might be at the wrong door. Who are you here to see? Erin Keif. Do you guys get an appointment?

Who's a cool guest?

Wait, there's a pay person here. What's his name?

Daryl Hammond? I thought you were coming to stay with me for our live show in April. You're a tiny bit early, I feel like.

Erin, you fool. We told you we're going to be here a little early because we wanted to do a home makeover.

Move that truck.

Erin, they drove the truck into your place. I'm so sorry. We cannot pay for that. To be fair, Erin, your place is made over.

Okay, yeah, now there's just a Dodge truck in the middle of my living room.

Thanks for literally nothing you guys.

Well, Erin, you goofy squirrel. I think what you're talking about is our live show in LA, your hometown, at Dynasty Typewriter, which is Friday, April 7th at 7.30 PM. And I think we're doing a live stream as well.

I guess so. You can kind of watch it live in LA or anywhere in the world and you can go to heyriddleriddle.com slash live to get your tickets. I don't know. I mean, this is just off the dome, Erin. Friday, April 7th.

Okay. Well, I guess you guys can stay with me until that show. You can sleep in the bed of the truck, I guess.

Okay, good. And Adal also- That's why they call it a bit. We have one quick favor to ask. We didn't pack any clothes. So, so can we be naked for- Can we wrestle, Sean?

Yes, and yes. I can't wait for that live show. That's going to be a lot of fun. I had a lot of fun last time.

Okay. Opening bit is over. Opening bit is over. Quick Hey Riddle Riddle meeting. How do we think we did with that flawless, targeted promotion for our thing within the context of a comedy bit to open our podcast?

Can I be honest? Too many ghosts, I think.

Yes.

And I felt that. The message got lost.

Too many ghosts. And I felt that. Ghost meeting, ghost meeting, now that the opening is over, everyone huddle up. Oh, we think we did as guest stars in that opening scene. Uh, rushed it. Absolutely crushed it.

We're the musical guests.

We're the fair naked ladies.

Uh, it's been a while since we've recorded. I missed you guys.

Erin, have you gotten any taller?

No.

Have you grown new nails? Erin, we have breaking news. Wow. Casey, insert some sort of old timey breaking news sound right there. No, that's not what I asked for. The guy earns his paycheck. Erin, here's the thing. I would love to catch up. I would love to talk about how it's been so long and how we all miss each other, which of course we did. But there's something huge that has happened in the American dollverse.

Yes.

I need to talk to you immediately. And of course, J.P.C. Chiman as well. about the brand new 90s characters who have it all. Glitter, a little grunge, and lots of girl power get twin-spired by our new historical characters Isabelle and Nikki. We have 90s, this is not a drill, we have 90s twins, American Girl Balls. Wait, this isn't a drill tweet? This is not a drill tweet, Isabelle and Nikki Hoffman. I saw this and I was like, drill fell off, man. These are twins from the 90s, Isabelle and Nikki Hoffman. Now, Erin, I'm going to go through each character because they are very different. Even though they're twins, a lot of people think twins are the same. They are not. They have their own wants, their own needs, their own personalities. Now, let's start with Nikki Hoffman. Nikki has blue eyes that open and close.

I mean so far I think this is pretty close to her sister.

She has long straight brown hair with two blonde face framing highlights. With two blonde face framing highlights. I don't understand that sentence. With two blonde face framing highlights.

I see. She has a soft cotton body. Hold on. Dead stop. Same girl.

I'm reading off the American Girl Doll site. They said she has a soft cotton body.

Now... I'm sorry, are you reading off the American Girl site or are you reading Warren lyrics?

Oh, I'm unhinged. She got a soft cotton body! I also have a proud American Girl body. Adal, I don't even think you have to continue. This immediately felt like violence to me when I saw this. I'd say maybe a hundred Hey Riddle Riddle listeners sent this to me going like, emergency, they're calling these dolls historical. These are history dolls. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, because I was playing with these dolls in the 90s. And so that would mean, and then I looked in the mirror and I said, who's that old woman standing in the way of my reflection? And then I went, oh! And it was me.

And she went, fuck you. You paid me to clean. Call me an old woman.

It hurt me. It hurt me. And I'm in pain. And I'm old like Adal now. And it hurts.

Whoa.

Ouch. Okay.

I got a stray bullet there. I'm old like that.

Old Adal. Adal, ouch. What did you wake up in the morning? Adal's in pain. Did you yawn?

Here's the thing. I... Did you try to get up too fast? I breathed too hard. Erin, I know you said I don't have to kin to you, but I need to. Because I'm still caught up on she has a soft cotton body. Which sounds like a pickup line, like girl I opened a bottle of Tylenol and dumped it out and pulled out your body.

Does that sound good? I mean, huh? It wouldn't work on me, but I won't say it won't work.

She has a soft cotton body and her movable head and limbs are made of smooth vinyl. Nikki arrives wearing a gray t-shirt with purple binding, a t-shirt dress with star graphics on the front, a plaid flannel shirt, same girl, ankle socks, platform sneakers, and cotton underwear. Again, I can't stress enough, this is on the American Girl site.

Her body and her underwear have the same material, and that's what's interesting.

Nikki also has a backwards baseball cap, so she's kind of the sporty one. She also says she has a ribbon necklace with a yin-yang pendant.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Adal, unfortunately you're just describing the Olsen twins. Do you have anything to say?

Does one of these have a backwards baseball cap and one of them have a flannel? Yes. Adal? No, sorry, they're one and the same, because otherwise that's us. We're basically Nikki and Isabel. We are Nikki, the American girl doll. Also, one of them is obsessed with aliens. All her accoutrement in her room is all alien stuff. And then the other one has like a plastic inflatable chair. And I know, Erin, I know what your eyes are screaming. What about Isabel?

And I'm glad you asked.

Isabel is growing up in the late 90s in Seattle with her twin Nikki by her side. And they're opposites in so many ways. Isabelle loves dancing, pop music, glitter, and all things pink. She prefers pink and preppy fashions even when they make her stand out from the crowd, and she keeps her favorite accessories close at hand. I wonder about Isabelle's measurements? She's 18 inches tall. She has a soft cotton body.

I swear to God, she told me she was 18 inches tall!

Officer, she said she had a soft cotton body.

I've never had a perfect description of how my body is built and how it feels, and I for sure have a soft cotton body. That feels so horrendous.

The touch, the feel of Erin's body, the fabric of our lives. Isabel arrives wearing a cropped cable knit sweater with a tatch-colored shirt, a plaid skirt, knee socks, platform shoes, and cotton underwear. She has a felt beret. Every beret you touch is a felt beret. What are grin pins?

I don't know. You know what? I saw these and I was like, I like that they're twins and they come in two. Maybe I can get these for my nieces one day. But I don't know. There's probably better American Girl dolls to get them. I already got one of them Samantha for her fourth birthday and she didn't really care about it.

Yeah. First to go for Samantha. Erin, can I ask you a question about American Girl Dolls?

Sure.

These two are from the 90s. Right. Are all of the other ones from like the 1750s? Yeah. Okay, so there's no 1910s American Girl Doll?

Oh, no, there is. Okay, okay. So they're from like a span. Sure. And I would say for a long time, the most recent one was from the 1940s, and that was Molly. And then right around the time where I stopped playing with the dolls, I think two years ago, like when I was 28, 29, they released one from the 70s. Got it. It might be Julia. Is she all captive? They go into the Disney vault.

We tagged Molly, we released her to the wild.

Uh, but there was one from the 70s and I remember thinking like, whoa, that's recent. And then somehow in the last few years, I think there's might be an 80s one and now there's a 90s one, which means there's going to be a historical doll from like 2005 at some point. And that's just silly.

Well, the good news is we have yet to get an American girl doll. That remembers 9-11. Yes, that's true. So in the American Girl Doll universe, 9-11 has not happened yet.

Phew. Yeah, that's true.

Aw man, they can fucking wear their shoes on airplanes. God damn it, so lucky. These American Girl Dolls don't know how good they have it.

Well, I assume the next one will be like Why Too Caitlin or something. Why Too Caitlin. Why Too Caitlin. Then we get into... COVID Carly.

It comes with a mask.

Erin, is there one for my... Societal collapse, Susan. Erin, is there one for like the Dust Bowl era that has a hard-cotton body? Do we have a hard-cotton body?

I don't think so. I mean, the baby ones I think had harder bodies. I don't really remember though. They all have soft cotton bodies.

Hands on the hard cotton bodies. Is that anything? It's nothing. It's nothing at all.

Let it go. But I hope we haven't seen each other in a few weeks. I hope you two are well. I hope this podcast finds you well. You could be worse. Great. We're all caught up. Let's do some riddles.

I've been so lonely. Nobody's been texting me. I don't know why you guys are mad.

Different Elvis Presley lyrics.

I feel like we've texted a little this week.

We always text a little bit.

We always text a little bit of bullshit, but now we're back on our bullshit for real.

We're really on one today. Well, let's get into our warm up riddles. And I'm thrilled to say we have some very special bespoke riddles sent into us from listener and a dear friend of mine. I don't know if either of you have ever met him. A gentleman by the name of Paul Peterson. Now Paul Peterson is a fantastic dude. He lives in the Seattle area and he is a... I think he's worked for like Pokemon and other companies but he is mostly known as a... Which Pokemon? Which one did he work for? The fun ones.

I'll tell you right, that Bulbasaur is an asshole boss. I wouldn't wish that on my worst fucking entity. Is caveat a Pokemon? Is caveat a Pokemon? That's a place we did a live show in in New York City like four years ago.

But he's most known for creating board games. He's created such classic games as Smash Up, which is a very good time, and Guillotine, which is one of my favorite card games. Uh, but Paul sent us in, he's inspired by the Hink Pinks, and he created his own, which are called, I'm gonna call them Thrink Pinks. Because they're three or more words. What does Paul call them? Doesn't matter, I'm calling them Thrink Pinks.

Why don't we leave it to the professional who made the board games? He could probably, he could probably pick that up.

He called them Smash Up, which I don't feel is fair.

Okay, well that's, that's kinda his thing. That's kind of just free publicity for his wildly popular thing, but okay.

We'll call these three publicity. So these are going to be hink pinks, but they're going to have three or more words in them. So let's go ahead and we're going to be off to the races. Here's our first one. Oh, and just a heads up, these are all centering around games. So the answer should involve some sort of game. Cool? Okay, sure. That should be the name of our podcast, Border or Otherwise. Okay, here's the first Think Pink revolving around a game, centering around a game. The main player, so these are like game rules, the main player carries a sack full of worn and torn cloth, which they throw at the other players. If they hit one of them, that player gets the sack.

Oh boy. So this is, okay, this is like a yard game, this seems, right? Okay, yeah. Like, uh, like horseshoes or something like that.

Interesting, interesting.

Fauci. Can you read it again?

Okay. The main player carries a sack full of worn and torn cloth, which they throw at the other players. If they hit one of them, that player gets the sack. Is this like bag tag? You have two of the words correct. We're looking for a thing.

Rag bag tag.

It's rag bag tag. Okay, when I was a kid in 92 and we were invading Iraq, that's what I said. I said, are we going into Wag Bag 10?

Look, I'm smart, and I'm a smart guy, and okay, we're all smart guys here. I mean, come on. Yeah. Come on. Well, come on. Come on. But if I weren't a smart guy, what did I just do? How did we get rag bag tag? Is rag bag a game and is tag a game?

I really don't think this is proof of anything. I think we're going to look back at this and realize it's not proof of anything.

Erin, we've already sent 10 episodes into space in case alien life is out there.

Oh, why did we send them this?

This is something. This podcast is something.

Not of this, we just did like 10 random episodes of The Daily. Oh yeah, not of our show. Hey Riddle, Brandon, spaceship. But my question still stands, is ragbag a game or is bagtag a game? Help me.

Ragtag bag of bags. Ragtag bag.

The player carries a sack, otherwise known as a bag, full of worn and torn cloth, otherwise known as a rag. And if they hit someone, that player gets the sack.

This is a new game that's never existed before. It's not like we're putting two games that exist together. Correct. Oh, okay. Yes, I'm with you now. I'm so smart. You're with me now?

You're talking a lot about how smart you are.

Hey, Adal, check those footprints in the sand, baby, because when there was only one set of footprints, I was getting a drink. And the guy was going the other way, so I'm backtracking, basically. I have a question.

And let's be for real about this.

Sure.

Who's the smartest one here? Casey. No, no, no.

So smart he don't need to talk.

Thank you, Casey. Of the three of us, who's the smartest?

Yeah, I think I have an answer. Yeah, I have my answer. Alright, why don't we just all say it on the count of three? No, we gotta all say it on the count of three, who we think is the smartest. Sure.

Okay, ready?

Yeah. One. One.

Two. Two. Three.

Three. Erin.

Adal.

So. Okay. I mean, fool.

Were you just thinking about the optics, because I'm the only lady? Yeah.

Yeah, of course. Well, here's the thing. JPC and Ivo said Erin, meaning we trust your brain power implicitly. Erin, you said me, which means, therefore, I declaratively am the smartest.

JPC is the smartest. I take it all back.

He definitely knows the word declaratively and I just tried to Google that and I couldn't spell it. Objectively. I'm the smartest. Erin, I think you're the smartest and here's my reasoning why. If I may show my work on the Blackboard.

Right.

When I asked you to do this podcast, you said, I love riddles. I'd love to be a part of it. Yeah, that's true. First episode on mic, too late to take it back. You say I don't like riddles. I hate them.

Right.

You were so smart to just be like, let me say yes enthusiastically, see where this goes, but I have a backdoor opt-out if I need it.

Are liars smart? Because I'm a liar.

Yes.

Oh, yeah.

I'm a liar.

All right.

Liars are smart. Andrew Dice Clay, what are you doing in here? Hey, ickery dickery duck, a mouse sucked my... Uh-oh.

I'm ready for the next one.

Okay, let's try another one here. Now that we have a good floor, good footing. As players attempt to discover who the killer is, they must also mix flour and fat on a stove. Got it. But be careful.

Murder.

But be careful as the mixture can get very sticky. So there's three clues there that should lead to a three word brand new game.

Okay. And do we have to get them in the right order?

No.

Okay. I would like to say Clue Rouglou.

Murder barbecue.

Erin, I take it all back. You're not the smartest.

I know and I know that.

I do want to see a scene. I do want to see a scene. Erin, it's the summertime and you're celebrating by throwing a murder barbecue and JPC is the only person who has shown up to partake in it.

Hey neighbor.

Good to see you. Oh fuck. What's up? Hey, no, nothing. Sorry, I was reacting to an email that I had read earlier today. This is great.

Sure, just measuring you for the grill.

Yeah, I thought so. I figured. I brought Pepsi One.

Oh, thanks.

I'm sorry. I brought one Pepsi. It was hot, so I cracked into this thing on the way over, too. But I'm happy to split.

No, that's okay. I think I might be the only one eating here today. You a vegetarian? Pescatarian? Libertarian? What are you? Episcopalian. Episcopalian. Alright, okay. Let's see. That's definitely going to be some garlic.

Hey, I mean the invite, it made it seem like this was like a big annual like bash that you do.

No one else is coming? You know what? It started with a lot of people, but through the years they've kind of dwindled, if you know what I mean.

I love what you've done with the lawn. I love what you've done with the lawn, too, with the plastic Dexter sheeting all over your grass. Is this for, like, does it help, like, the grass, like, to keep, like, the barbecue sauce off of the grass, or?

It helps the grass to keep the barbecue sauce off of the grass.

I gotta try that. I mean, that's something that I would definitely be interested in trying.

Hey, man, you know what I'm doing, right? Yeah, but here's the thing.

I said, I said to myself, Steve, it's a murder barbecue. You probably shouldn't go. But I had nothing else to do. No one else was calling. And then I got here and I was like, wow, like you were the only one who showed up. That must say something about you, Steve. Is it crazy that I think this is something about me?

Yeah, I think it's okay. Oh, well, you're in luck. Here comes someone else.

Oh, thank God. Here's your mail.

Hey, are you a vegetarian? I wanted to eat that mailman.

We all do. We all wanted to. What are you doing, a spaghetti impression? Spaghetti likes to eat the mailman.

Well wants to, I'm sure.

No, she likes it. She meant what he said, and he said what he meant. She just started barking too, as soon as we said that. Honestly, probably because the mail is here.

Here's a very important question. I assume it's very different with dogs. My cats, Fries, Brisket, and Coco, all seemingly respond to their names. If you say here and then one of their names, they will come running, if not give a quizzical look. If you say other names, they won't turn around, but when you say theirs, they do turn around slowly and on their own time. So, seemingly, I feel like they do know their names, but several other cat owners have said that's not possible. With dog owners, I assume dogs immediately know their name. Does Spaghetti and Lou, do they respond to their names?

Yes, Spaghetti responds to her name, and my thought with cats is that they all know their own names, but most of them do not care. They know the name, they identify the name with who they are, they simply don't care.

We unfortunately fucked up and gave Lou too many nicknames, so she has no idea who she is. But she responds to loud noises, so that's good.

Someone, maybe I read it in like a book when I was, before I got spaghetti, I read a book about like raising a puppy. And one of the things in the book said that if you'd give a dog a name that goes like up at the end of the name, which I had already picked up the name spaghetti, but the E at the end of it, they were like, that makes that that is easier for a dog to hear. So, like, names that end with Y, like, you know, spotty or dotty or whatever are, like, better for them to hear. I don't know if this is true, but this is something that I read.

Or if you see their name in an Irish accent. With a lilt that goes up. Hey Riddle. And then we called him Scream Bean. So currently we just call him Scream Bean because he screams a lot. And I don't, at some point I don't know if he does know his name anymore. So now that I'm thinking about it, we may have overwhelmed him or broken his CPU.

He certainly doesn't respond to... What'd you say JPZ? Spaghetti certainly doesn't respond to Gutrisha, but that doesn't mean I'm going to stop calling her. Gutrisha?

Oh, brother. Okay. Let's get serious about these riddles. Let's stop being serious. It's not a joke. It's not a joke.

We have to get serious. Erin, were you about to say the tagline from The Real World? Stop being polite and start getting real?

Yeah. And that's what I think that the show should do.

True. Sorry. Remember Real World?

It's called Some People Would Watch Us, the three of us on a season of The Real World. We're just in Houston, all in a house together.

Well, if it's in Houston, yes.

Yeah. I feel like people wouldn't want to watch it. Because I assume we were training for space. Yeah. Oh, watching us at a space shuttle, people would watch us.

Here's what I'm confused about. Didn't NASA get defunded, but what is it? It still exists? Are they still doing stuff?

NASA, in fact, does still exist. Yes, that is correct. It's not just spiders and a tumbleweed in there.

Interesting. Let's do one more of these shrinkpinks. Large rowdy crowds play tiles on a grid to form words, but those words can only be the hottest new jargon from the world of computers and science.

Scrabble babble.

Scrabble babble? Scrabble babble, yes. But it's a certain type of babble. It's the new jargon from the world of computers and science, which would be Think of... Dabble babble. Music you might play to rave.

Good music?

Is it good music?

Is it EDM? So having to do with computers or science or technology would make it... Wait, techno babble? Yes.

But wait, does that rhyme? Wait, I'm so confused. Scrabble, techno babble?

Yes, and then we're missing the third word. Oh!

Dabble.

Oh. Alarm is Roddy crowd.

Rabble.

Yes, so put it all together. Okay.

Dibble Dabble Rabble Scrabble.

Wait, I've just turned into a rooster. Erin, you've cursed me.

Erin's a witch.

I know. Aaron said that so fucking deadpan. Like she's just like, oh yeah, Dibble Dabble.

What do you guys call the game where you put a golf tee between your toes and then you jump into a pool and then you swim to the side and then everybody, the game, the pool game, it is.

That's nothing.

You and your friends started doing something and you thought it was a universal game. Erin, you put something in your toes, a golf tee,

A white golf tee. But a white golf tee. I think some people use other objects. But white golf tee in between your toes. And then go on the diving board.

It has to be white?

And then, yes. It's easier if it's not white, but it's harder if it is white. So then all of the people, the other people playing the game, stand on the side of the pool.

Okay.

And you jump off the diving board and somewhere in the water, like when you're underwater, you release the golf tee and then you swim to the side. And then the second you touch the side, everyone on the side of the pool starts looking for where the golf tee is. And then you jump in and grab it. And if you're the first one to grab it, you yell, Dibble Dabble.

Erin, so sorry to tell you this is nothing. This is not a game.

It's so real. It's so dangerous because it's a bunch of people jumping in a pool at the same time trying to get something.

It sounds dangerous.

I was the youngest cousin and they were all scary and way older and I almost died a thousand times during Dibble Dabble.

Erin, sounds like you were initiated into a Boston gang.

No, no, no, no, no. It's something. Wait, and then Sean calls it something else.

All right, I got it, Erin. Here it is. Dibble Dabble. Dibble Dabble is a family-owned business based in Santa Clarita, California. Art should be fun. With that in mind, we design products that combine simplicity and innovation, easy enough for kids to use, versatile enough for adults to enjoy. All right, let's go to their products page. The website appears to be bad. Oh, there are just new products coming soon. So, so far.

No, no, no, no.

It's something. Incorporated in 2021 and no products yet.

Dabble. Oh, Erin, I found it.

Erin, I found it. Tribbles are a fictional alien species in the Star Trek universe. They were conceived by screenwriter David Gerald and first appeared in 1967, The Trouble with Tribbles. What's the name of the episode?

So people in the Dibble Dabble game, some people use wiffle balls, and some people use bottle caps.

Erin, I used to go with The Crown. Did you ever watch the TV show The Crown?

Yes, a couple of seasons.

Do you know when Julian Anderson from The X-Files plays Margaret Thatcher?

Yes.

And she's sitting... What is this going to be? She's sitting and playing one Ible Dibble, two Ible Dibbles.

Oh, here we go, Erin. Okay, here we go. This is Dibble Dabble Hazy IPA. Papaya, cantaloupe, citrus, pomelo, matuka, waimea, and El Dorado hops. Cans must be picked up at our tasting room at 292 4th Street, Oakland, California within 24 hours of placing an order that is the Dibble Dabble Hazy IPA. That sounds like a fun pool game.

Okay, no. Oh, you did not find it. I found it.

In basketball and illegal dribble, A curse when a player ends their dribble by catching or causing the ball to come to a rest in one of both hands, thus being called a double dribble.

I'm not crazy. You guys are crazy. I'm normal. You're crazy. John said that in the Midwest, they called it T. T-E-E.

That's what they call a little white golf thing.

Yes, but... Here we go.

This is the Dibble Dabble official music video on YouTube. Not really much of a music video so far. Kind of like a guy speaking. I can do this.

Oh, he's English! Okay. Hold on. Wait, oh my god.

It sounds like it's being played backwards in reverse.

It was an interesting rap because he just spent a lot of time not talking.

I sent you a video of it. A YouTube video. A bunch of kids playing it. This is important. And then message me or tweet at me if you've played Dibble Dabble or some variation of this game.

Okay, uploaded by KeifClan ten years ago.

No, no, no, no.

It was in fact uploaded ten years ago, Erin, so. I'm hosting the coils, Erin.

No, no, no, no. This video has 1,800 views. It was uploaded a decade ago. It's very real and normal and good.

This video has two likes and it's called Mitch Wins Dibble Dabble.

No it does not!

Erin I got to the 15 second mark and I have to say this game must cause more concussions than NFL football. Everyone jumped in head first in a manner that is alarming that scientists call alarming.

I'm telling you that I am lucky to be alive after this game. Yes.

Would you let your kids play Dibble Dabble?

No, I would not. It's too dangerous. Of course not.

It's not dangerous.

Yes, I would and I would win. The key to do it is when you're the person jumping in, you let it off at the very bottom of the pool and then you splash as much as you can so all the little white foam covers up the golf tee. Anyways, what were you saying about Riddle's?

There's nowhere to go. But to a break at this point. So the three of us are going to take our soft... No, no, no need to apologize. The three of us are going to take our soft cotton bodies to the pool and we'll be right back with more. Hey Riddle Riddle. Hey Dibble Dabble. That's the name of our new podcast.

I know what you're thinking. Do I have a new hat, Adal and JPC? New haircut? Why am I walking around with so much confidence?

I bet you're wondering. I wanted pretzels from the food court.

And I was just gonna let you know that it looks like you leaned on paint.

Anyways, I just had a bunch of subscriptions canceled for me by Rocket Money that I wasn't using. And so now I'm flushed with cash and now I'm competent. Pretzel money? Well, maybe. We'll talk about that. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that binds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years, even before they were a sponsor.

Erin, it looks like you may have leaned on like with someone painting a rocket money like billboard or sign or something because it's all it's all down your back it's like and it's I could ock it ock it

People think they're spending $80 on their subscriptions when in reality, the number is closer to $200. And when you signed up for so many free trials, like streaming services, you watch one show and then you completely forget about it, you lose track and then all of a sudden you're like, why am I bleeding money? Rocket money? They take care of that for you. They go, sit back, relax, we got this. And they make everything color coded and easy and super intuitive.

You're also color-coded. A little birdie told me that Rocket Money also lets you monitor all your expenses in one place, recommends custom budgets based on your past spending, and they'll even send you notifications when you've reached your spending limits, which sounds like something my friend would like, but I forget which friend I'm so hungry for pretzels.

Speaking of pretzels, you don't get all twisted up by Salty and the bread of your finances. With over 3 million users and counting, Rocket Money customers have saved an average of $720 a year.

Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and manage your money the easy way by going to rocketmoney.com slash riddle. That's rocketmoney.com slash riddle. Rocketmoney.com slash R-I-D-D-L-E.

Hey, what's going on? Somebody leaned over my rocket money painting. Run. Everybody run. Run. Oh no.

Maroon.

Is that DaVinci?

Yeah. Yes. And bye. Hi, Adal and JPC.

Oh, greetings. Greetings, Erin. We're just- Hey, Erin. Our normal selves today. I'm just myself. I'm normal. Hey, we're both normal.

Good news. So I finally opened Erin's Land in my backyard. It's a theme park. Most of the rides work. Most are pretty safe. And I'm trying to start a website so people can find out all the information they need to get into Erin's Land.

Oh, that's actually perfect, Erin, because this podcast is actually sponsored by Squarespace. Yeah, and it's an all-in-one, like, website platform for, you know, entrepreneurs or whatever you consider yourself to be to kind of, like, stand out online. Whether you're just starting out, which it seems like you may be, or you're trying to build a successful growing brand, Squarespace is going to make it really easy for you to create a beautiful website, Erin.

Yeah, and Erin, if you want Erinland, I think is what you call it, to have stuff like custom merch. You can do that. You can easily sell custom merch and create a passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand. You design your products and production, inventory, shipping, all of it, handled for you, saving you time and money.

So, I mean, real quick, just because I'm looking around at Erinland, I'm just going to say what I think Erinland is from what you're presenting. Sure. So right now it looks like Erinland is a lot of goo.

Great eye.

Okay, so I'm right about goo. So it's a lot of goo. So are you trying to sell this goo? Because if the goo is for sale, then Squarespace does have an online store where you can sell your products online, whether it's physical like this goo, digital, like I imagine you have some digital goo or photos of people seeing the goo for the first time. Yeah, Squarespace has what you need. It has the tools to start selling online.

I'm looking forward to using it because I can use insights to grow my business. I can learn when site visits and sales are coming in and coming from to analyze which channels are most effective. I can improve my website and build a marketing strategy based on your top keywords like goo or most popular products and content like goo.

Ah, it's kinda eating through my shoes, it's starting to burn. Head to squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Erin, I just got some great analytics from Squarespace. It says people don't like goo. Huh.

Yay! I'm in a lot of debt now.

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey everybody, this is GPC.

I'm here too.

Yeah, Erin's here as well. And it's with a heavy heart that we kind of do this ad read because one of our own, Mr. Adal Rifai, is not with us.

He is unfortunately stuck in a cat costume. They're calling it a medical phenomenon. And a disaster. But we're going to soldier on. We're going to be brave today. I do want to talk to my better help therapist a little later about what this has done to my nervous system.

We're going to need that, yep.

And if you're thinking of starting therapy, you should give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. All you have to do is fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with your licensed therapist, and you can switch therapists any time for no additional charge. Conventional therapy where you had to drive to an office never really worked well for me. Like today, I get to send my therapist a message saying, you know how Adal loves to dress up like a cat? And sometimes he gets stuck, well this time he might.

Erin, let's not think like that. Let's not think like that. Okay, because that's a negative spiral and that's going to lead us to needing more better help. I mean, if you think that conventional therapy is the only way to do therapy, then I beg of you. Have one of your best friends in this world get stuck in a cat costume and they can't find where the zipper starts. I don't know if we mentioned that, but that's one of the biggest problems. It's all zipped up.

Okay, so get a break from your thoughts like this.

Intrusive thought. Bad.

Visit BetterHelp.com slash Riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Riddle, R-I-D-D-L-E.

Oh, Erin, speaking of 10% off, this is actually good news. I just got a text from the medical staff. It looks like the cat costume is 10% off. So 90% to go pray for our friend.

It's not enough.

It's not enough.

It's barely the toes. It's not enough for him to have a normal life. I'm having a great time.

Well, Erin, fall is officially here, which means it's time to get into our fall routines. And there's nothing that I love more than using my Raycon wireless earbuds to listen to some classic fall music. I'm sorry, I want to do this. I just can't do this because I know that my friend Adal is stuck in a full body cat costume and that includes fabric over the ears and I know he can't use his Raycon wireless earbuds and it just No, you could do this.

You started so well. You're being very brave. Raycon gives you up to eight hours of playtime and 32 hour battery life and they are so good and smooth and the optimized gel tips they feel like butter in your ears.

All Adal wanted was 8 hours of playtime and now he's going to have an eternity of playtime except we're not playing games anymore because he's really stuck in that suit.

Hey here, I'll distract you. Raycon's Everyday Earbuds have over 78,000 five-star reviews and they're priced just right. You get quality audio for half the price of other premium audio brands.

I wish we were able to give all of our listeners quality audio but I just know in my heart That with the big guy all sewn up in that suit, it's just not gonna be possible to have the same quality of audio that we normally deliver. I can't stop making the ad, which is supposed to be about Raycon earbuds, that you love, that I love! I can't stop making it about my friend who's trapped in a cat costume.

No, no, remember there's like noise isolation and you can do three customizable sound profiles just completely suited to you? Hi Fidelity Audio, come on GBC, we can do this!

They also have an awareness mode and I've heard that Adal is now stuck in permanent awareness mode because he's aware of all of his cat-like appendages and he's starting to forget what it feels like to be a man because he is going to be only cat from here on out.

I just wish that the doctors didn't tell us how much pain he was in.

I know and the way they did it when they held their hands out and they said we'll tell you when we stop and that their hands keep going and going and going so far out

So anyways, school's back in session, which means Raycon is having their annual back to school sale. For a limited time only, go to buyraycon.com slash riddle today to get 20% off site-wide. Plus free shipping. That's buyraycon.com slash riddle to score 20% off. buyraycon.com slash riddle. Oh, Adal.

Erin, it's wild that you said 20% off. Because I just got a text from his medical team and it looks like the cat costume.

The costume is 20% back on.

Yes, he's really buried himself in it.

We miss you boy, get better soon! I miss you Adal!

Oh my god, okay. People, you gotta play Dibble Dabble to understand Dibble Dabble. We all just played Dibble Dabble. Now, of course, we're doing this remotely, so we all had to play in our sinks. But it was one of the most fun times I've ever had. Erin, you were right!

I told you. I told you.

Am I too late? Don't play that game. That's how I died.

Alright. Don't listen to him.

Don't listen to him. It was autoerotic asphyxiation. No. No.

Alright, get the hell out of here, ghost.

Oh man, these ghosts, these ghosts are pervs. How about we get into full-blown riddles?

I love that idea.

Let's blow these bad boys full. And these are special riddles and I'll tell you why. These are sent in by a different listener, who's also a good friend of mine and a fantastic person, but who does not design board games, but has a different occupation. Does anybody want to take a guess at her occupation? Designing video games?

Close.

Her main job is being Adal Rifai's mom. These are from Patty Stuckey, my mother, and all around the gem of my eye, the apple of my orange.

Yeah, but she's more than just your mom, okay? She's a full person. Her identity isn't just tied to her.

She has outside hobbies and interests, but mostly... I am her life. She thinks about me 24-7. Always and forever. Sadia Sahuda? Dr. Seuss. If you're ever in Kewanee, Illinois, swing by Patty's Barbershop, get your hair cut by my mom. Give her a nice little tip. And don't be like, stay away from wooden nickels. Don't give her that kind of tip because that's played out.

You're allowed to do that if you also then do like 35%. You can do a joke one, but you can't just do a joke one on the 20. You gotta do a joke one and then you gotta bump it up a little bit.

You gotta back it up with big, big bags of cash. So my mom's sending these riddles. Let's go ahead and hear them. Okay. What is bought by the yard but worn by the foot?

Shoes in the yard sale.

I heard shoes in the yard sale. Erin, what did you say?

I didn't say anything. My internet cut out. I'm going through a tunnel. I didn't say fruit. I was thinking fruit by the foot.

Wow, that actually works, Erin.

I like that.

Did anybody else use Fruit by the Foot as a ruler or tape measurer in class? I was in wood shop and I'd pull up my Fruit by the Foot mark my wood. Measure once, eat twice.

Mark my wood, I'll be back. Measure once, eat twice, that is really cool.

That was Fruit by the Foot's campaign slogan? Call the carpenter out there.

Yeah, when Fruit by the Foot was running for governor of Illinois.

Shockingly and aggressively Republican. Yeah, I'm really sad.

The fruit by the foot had a lot of allies down in the Springfield. What is bought by the yard, but worn by the foot?

Bought by the yard, and this isn't like shoes and socks at the yard sale because that does make sense. I guess it's not bought by the yard, it's more bought on the yard. I'll hear an argument for it. I'm done. That was it. It was that. Guilty.

I don't know.

Bought by the yard. Yes. But worn by the foot. Yes. Is this a giant sandal?

The sandal is a giant? No. Erin, would you say maverick?

Fabric.

Fabric. Erin, you are you are very warm. Cortex. It is a, well hold on, it is a type of fabric to some degree. Okay. It's it's bought by the yard and worn by the foot. Now, worn is an interesting word in term because it could mean several different things.

I'm not interested in it at all, I would say. Okay, so worn, it means to let someone know that something is about to happen.

That is to warn. Different meaning.

Okay, it's also War Apostrophe Inn. Be like, I hear the war is coming, and then the old man says, warren's now! Warren, warren's now!

Warren peace! Interesting. Uh, different, we're still looking for a different meaning.

Okay, warren, which is the hole in the ground that an animal lives in, like a raccoon, or a passoon?

Okay, a passoon, that sounds like an instrument. Boba, the yard worn by the foot. I'll give you a hint. Open Sesame.

Ali Baba, and the 40 thieves.

Erin, what did you say?

A cape.

Erin, you have the first two letters correct.

A car.

Interesting. So you think Aladdin drove a car?

I think nothing.

I think nothing.

Hold on. I do want to see a scene. Hold on. No, no, no. I do want to see a scene. No, no, no. It's too late.

No, it's too late. Time. Time.

I do want to see a scene. Erin, you are Aladdin. The character, I was going to say Disney character, but he existed well before Disney. You are Aladdin and JPC, and Erin, you are in the Cave of Wonders. And you see a lot of treasure, but then you see a magic car that you possibly might persuade to join you on your quests.

Wow, look at all these riches around me. Whoa, what is that? Hello?

Yay! Yay! You got a good eye, ma'am. You got a good eye. That is a 2014 Nissan Sintra.

Oh, okay.

31,000 miles. A 2014 with 31,000 miles. That's leather seats. That's the exclusive trim. Comes with the sound package as well.

You're standing way too close, ma'am, and you smell like you reek of coffee.

I'm sorry, I was on my coffee break. I just, I honestly, I came over because I saw a woman with a look in her eyes like she knows exactly what she wants and she wants a 2014 Nissan Centro that she found in a cave.

But if I'm wrong, I'll take a walk. Yeah, no thank you. I'm here for some like real riches and... That's fine. My name's Gil.

Look around. Sorry, my friend and I heard you. Hello, I'm also here. We're both named Rich. I couldn't help but over here when you came in you said, look at all those riches. So we thought we might buy you a drink, my lady. Enchante.

This is a mess. No, and no. I'm actually not in the market for a new car. Just here for some gold coins. Not looking for anything serious with anybody.

I told you she was looking for gold coin and not two riches.

Hey, look, Gil doesn't want to get involved in this, but riches if you're thirsty, I would love to buy you a drink.

No, thank you. You smell like coffee.

Okay, Gil struck out twice in one day back at the old drawing board. That's the board where I draw some of my characters. Just, just checking. Anyone want to see any of my characters? Got a dog named Snoopy. Dog named Snoopy.

Snoopy?

That's his name.

It's a carpet, Adal.

It's a carpet. It's a carpet. Oh, Aladdin buying a car. Very, very fun. This is what I'm talking about. This is why I enjoy the show. This is why I love the two of you. This is the stuff.

Give us another riddle. You can't make this stuff up. I need one so bad.

I'll die without it. I do have to give you your flowers and say, carpeting was correct. Thank you. I heard a lot of the kids today saying, give somebody their flowers. So I thought to casually drop it in. And then non-casually pointed out that I said it Have you heard this term?

Adal, you're aging in reverse. It's working.

On vacation, I kept saying the word mid. I just got back from vacation, but I kept saying the word mid and it was driving Mariah insane. Not because I was using it wrong, but because me using it was wrong.

Right, for sure.

We kept eating up places and I was like, were those tacos kind of mid? And she was like, shut up. Divorce, divorce. Stop saying it. Divorce. My other favorite thing to say to Mariah is I was like, on the low, I think being YT is mid. But she's like, you don't get to say stuff like that.

YT. I think the craziest thing for me is when I hear white people say fam. Unless you dominate Corretto. Don't like it. Don't want to hear it. Let's get into another riddle sent to us by Dear Mother Patricia. What horse never appears during the day?

Night Horse. And I'll take my flowers. I'll take my big flowers.

I'd like to see his hands in. JBC, you're the vigilante Night Horse, and Adal, you are whoever Night Horse's sidekick is.

Oh yeah? You want to kidnap me? Go ahead. Because you know my partner's coming. Oh, there's his signal in the night sky right now. You should have never fucked with Tony Pony, because now you got to deal with Night Horse.

Excuse me, punk. Do you know where I might find my little assistant, Tony Pony?

Hey man, we don't want any trouble. We were doing nothing, man. We love, uh, equine.

You should have thought of that. Be hoove, you messed with Nighthorse, huff in the face.

Ow! Wait, what, man? The hoove you dealt with... Don't think about it too hard.

Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. May I get you another hoof to the face?

Ow! Wait, what do you mean?

Oh, you got hit so hard in the head you might be saddle brained. Adal brained saddle brained.

Yeah, does that do anything for you? What else? What else?

Just from one villain to a hero?

Mm-hmm.

Get your puns before you show up. Work them out. Showcase them.

Are you saying we put the puns before the horse?

This is exactly what I'm saying in the way that you're not prepared. These suck. I even heard one good horse pun.

I dropped my pun book on the way over here. And so then I was really, I was on the way over because I knew Tony Poney was in trouble. I was racking my brain. I was like, think you've used these a million times. You could definitely pull out some horse puns, but they're so hard without the book.

Puns are the glue that hold a hero.

Too far. Too soon.

Why?

Too soon. So many of us have died. So many of us have died. It's an epidemic. Good.

I'm a villain.

Good. Yeah, but I mean, we're right here. You know, before you start throwing about the glue stuff. Okay, okay, okay, okay.

Shoe, go away. Horse shoe.

Ah, fuck, she's good. Wait a second, wait a second, wait a second. How is she so good? She's got my book!

She's got my book of puns! I had to book behind back.

You've got my book of slides. No! Hey, Nighthorse. I got this. Tony Pony. X-ray vision activate.

Yes, Tony Pony. The mini horse with X-ray vision. I can see her. Read one of the puns.

I can see her life intestine. I can see her small. You should go to the doctor. It seems like you have a blockage.

Oh no. Are you horsing around?

Give us the book.

Give us the goddamn book. I love it.

Takes out a gun, shoots you. I'll be your worst fucking nightmare. Nightmare. The answer's probably nightmare.

Oh, you guys just missed Tony the Pony with X-ray vision was just about to pull out a gun. His signature, his signature move.

Of course, Nighthorse doesn't use guns.

Because he knows horse food. His little gun. Horse food. Come on. Come on. Come on. What can pass, it is a nightmare. Very good. What can pass through, this is one of my favorite ones of all time. What can pass through water without getting wet? Can you stop this long and hard? What was it? Kidney stone. Okay. Interesting. They always come out dry. More water.

More water can pass through water without getting wet. I don't know. Can I be honest with you? I don't know.

Erin, it's brilliant. Is it like the inside of a submarine?

Wow. That's a good one. What can pass through water without getting wet? It's not the inside of a submarine, it's not more water.

Is it a bubble? Like an air bubble?

That's smart.

All bubbles are wet.

No.

All bubbles are wet? Somebody stitched on a pillow and sent it to me. What was yours? All Irish dogs know their names? Yeah. All bubbles are wet. Erin, do you have a statement you want stitched on a pillow and sent it to you?

Help. Help me. Help.

Yeah, and bake a key inside that pillow. I would love to be walking through a pure one and just see a pillow that just tells me how to do it. Real quick, how do you make a pillow?

Well, you preheat the oven to 380 degrees. I bake a key inside that pillow. That's what I want on a pillow.

A pillow that has stitched, there's a key baked inside me.

What can pass through water without getting wet? Now, this is something found in nature during certain hours of the day.

Light.

Okay. Erin, you have part of it, correct?

Part of it.

Moonlight. Part of it. I think it's probably the light part. So, I guess all you need is the source and you nailed it. There you go. Sunlight can blast the water without getting wet. Isn't that a fun one? I like that one a lot.

I like that.

And as we all know, that's what gives water its distinctive blue color. Maybe.

Aww, baby Erin.

Aww, baby Erin agrees. Well, her name is Grogu.

Oh yeah, sorry, her name is Grogu.

Did you guys like the last episode of The Last of Us? I don't mean to spoil it for everybody, but obviously we've already watched it. When Joel turns to Ellie and says, Ellie, let's go. And Ellie says, don't call me Ellie anymore. Call me Grogu. And then they both turn to the camera and wink, and then Joel says, Mandalorian, now streaming on Disney Plus, season three, baby!

And then Carly Rae Jepsen drops from the ceiling and starts singing her new hit, Call Me Grogu. Hey, I just met you and this is crazy. Yeah, for some reason... But here's my Grogu and he's a baby in there.

But here's my Grogu!

Sorry. Yeah, I just met the hottest girl and she gave me her Grogu. Oh, bro. No, bro, no.

Pedro Pascal is really, really paving the way for people who just want to do lone wolf and cub stories. Lone wolf.

Is Pedro Pascal having a moment?

Oh, yeah, it's the Pascal-a-sants.

Pascal is giving moment.

Pascal me, maybe. Pascal me, maybe. Wow. Sorry, just got personal stomachaches.

All right, let's do it. A parody from 15 years ago. Let's get it on the internet.

All right. I'll assume that Arnie wrote and recorded that within the next three days. Drop that in right here. So we'll just drop that in right here. Okay. Take longer to start than expected. Interesting. Let me shake my hair. Interesting. It's not... Well...

I'm sure when someone tweets him about this episode, one to 15 days from now, he will get right on it.

I think we have time. Let's do one more riddle here. This might be my favorite one set in by Patty. And your objective. And objective. It's weird to call my mom Patty. Did either of you ever have a phase where you called your parents by their first name?

No. No.

When my parents became grandparents, not my fault, when they became grandparents they adopted like grandparent names, and so then my dad just became pop-pop to everybody. But I never called my dad pop-pop when I was a kid, but now that's just, I just call him pop-pop.

That's pretty good.

Yeah.

So the riddle we'll end on sent in from my mom here is, again, this might be one of my favorite riddles of all time. Get your notepads out if you need them. If you have three apples and four oranges in one hand, and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what do you have?

Really big hands.

Really big shoes! Erin, the answer is very large hands.

Wow!

I absolutely adore that one. That's fantastic. That is very good. I want to see a quick scene. Yes. So we are going to be, this is going to be scene where Adal, you're going in for surgery. Yeah. And you're about to meet the surgeon on the day of, right before the surgery, your surgeon is meeting with you to kind of explain what the surgery is going to be. And you see that they have hands that are like four sizes bigger than like a normal hand. Right. And Erin, you're the surgeon, sorry.

Great.

Yeah, I guess I'm just mostly looking to have my fears assuaged before I go under.

Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. What? Oh my god.

Can you turn off the game?

Oh my god. No, hold on. Can you turn off the basketball game? I can't. I can't. It's so good.

Wait. What the fuck? Instead of turning it off, you just palm the flat screen TV. That's an 85 inch TV.

Yeah. Anyways, what brings you in?

Well, I'm looking for the delicate touch of a surgeon. Unfortunately, my surgery is scheduled two hours from now.

Oh my God. What the heck? Your hands.

They're so soft. Your hands.

Well, I have soft cotton hands. Yeah.

Let me look at your name tag here. Huge Hands Harold.

Yeah. Why are your hands so small?

Why are your hands so big?

We just can't agree on anything.

If you picked your nose, you would kill yourself.

Rude. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god.

Oh my god.

You know what? I'm gonna bring a nurse in here and she's gonna check your vitals, see if you're ready for surgery, and then I'll decide what surgery I'm doing.

She's gonna check your vitals? That's right. I'm Tom the male nurse. You didn't think that men could be nurses, did you, doctor?

And pause. Sorry, I love the idea for Tom the male nurse as a sitcom, but this just feels a little... I don't know.

His name was Tom Thumb because he was going to have huge thumbs.

Yeah, if you would just let the moment pass, Beverly, I think you'd find that this is a groundbreaking sitcom in the vein of... What's the one where they say Bazinga?

You know what, this is just what feels strange to me, is we were like, let's bring in the guys who made Breaking Bad, they'll have a great idea for the TV show, get a great gritty drama, change the scope of television, and then you come in and you bring us this, and I'm just a little bit confused.

Can we be honest with you? Breaking Bad, we did write the script, Brian Cranston and Aaron Paul improvised all of it. We gave them an inch, they took a mile. We said improvise a little. They ended up improvising every single episode, every single line of dialogue, and created a masterpiece.

Now we're not gonna lie. And honestly, this is not their fault. The money that we made off of that changed us, made us worse, made us much worse.

Sort of a Damon Lindelof situation. Does that make sense? But never having any talent. And then going down. If you don't like this we have another idea. It's a superhero. Superheroes are very hot right now. Marvel Universe. Mostly just Marvel Universe. It's called Night Horse. Now there's Night Horse and there's Tony Pony. Now they are possibly lovers. Definitely friends. Definitely friends. 100% co-workers.

And before your jaw fully hits the floor, Night Horse is a woman. That's right, a woman horse. A mare.

Well, we call it a mare. Get out.

Get out.

Well, we do have a whirr. Say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say. Well, something I want to see right now or listen to more appropriately is, Casey Tony, do you mind playing us a voicemail?

Where are the riddles? Send voicemails faster! Send us voicemail! Voicemail! Master a voicemail away from the bay! Voicemail! Voicemail!

Hey Clue Crew. I have what I think is an important question. So my boyfriend and I have joked about inviting you guys if we were to get married to our wedding. She said that he doesn't think specifically JPC would do it because he thinks it would cost too much. So I just want to know how much would it cost to get the three of you to come to our wedding? Thanks. I love the show. You guys are awesome. Yeah. Thank you. Bye.

Interesting. What a sweetie. Great question. JPC, how does it feel to be nailed to the fucking wall for being a frugal member of this party?

Idiot.

Now here's the problem. When you're trying to put an offer together to get us to come to your wedding, the three of us, we all take very different currencies, okay? So you're going to have to put a complete offer package together that appeals to all three of us in the same way.

I famously get paid in wigs. So, I think that wedding's gonna be about 10 wigs, which is a lot, I know.

Yeah. I famously get paid what Erin says I should get paid. Mm-hmm. Which is usually just a high five.

Yeah, or a couple wigs.

And I get paid... A couple half wigs. A wink, a pinch, a wish, and a cool $10,000 check, baby. Turned into John Travolta at the end.

Yeah.

Well, I'm honestly gonna need some more information. Where is this wedding?

Mm.

Can we drive to it? Can I drive to it?

If it's space, that's gonna drive the cars down. Erin, can I blow your mind? You can drive to any wedding.

No, that's not it.

There's no one that's ever happened that you can't drive to. Now you're saying, now you're saying, Adal, what about a wedding that's on the yacht? Well, well, well. You get a car that's lowered into the water by a helicopter. You hit the pedal.

That's gotta cost a lot of weight. Here's my whole thing about it. I'll go, I'll go to your wedding. I want to break even. I don't want to make money off of it, but I can't afford to lose money on it.

You're misreading the invite. It's Evan. She's marrying Evan.

Don't want to break Evan on it.

I don't want to break Evan on it.

If your wedding is in Chicago or LA, and it's on like a weekend that I am free, I will stop by, I will harass one of your uncles, and I will get kicked the fuck out. And I can promise you that. But I don't think I'm driving to Tulsa.

I'll go to the wedding. I feel like in the last year and a half, we've gotten invited to so many weddings. And I just want to say, it feels amazing. I feel like we are the most beautiful bells of the ball. I feel like suddenly this influx of people wanting us, we're in high demand. So I would say, anyone out there, please invite us to your wedding. And there is a good chance that we will say that we will come. So keep those invites coming.

And here's what I will say. Stop finding love you freaks. What the fuck is happening? You listen to a Riddle podcast. You should be ashamed to walk outside. Stop finding love. Stop finding someone who cares for you. And stop trying to build lives together. Sit in your room and listen. That's what you do.

I relate to that voicemail because I too am pretty sure that you will never show up to my wedding. You're like, do I have to do anything? Do I have to pay anything? Forget it.

And Erin, that's next week. Here, Erin, here's my promise. I'll be at the third one, the fifth one, and the ninth one. Thank you! And I'll stay at Adal every one of those. Aw, is that the Fibonacci sequence?

And those are all my favorite husbands. No JBC, you're safe. No one wants to marry me. But one day, someone might. And then you'll be sorry.

Hey Erin, if you weren't talking to two married guys, we'd marry you today, okay?

If anybody out there is a seamstress, please make me a Fibonacci sequined stress, and I will wear that to any wedding.

I do want to say- Just bake the Fibonacci sequins into a pillow and eat it at your wedding.

I do want to say the real answer. JPC, I don't want to put you on blast, but here's the real answer. Having worked with JPC in many different corporate gigs and avenues and whatnot, here's what he does every time. Somebody says, how much does it cost to bring you, let's say it's JPC and Adal. They say, how much does it cost to bring JPC and Adal to this gig? And JPC immediately replies, what's your budget? What's your budget? Which I think is the best move. Because then they say, well, our budget is $3,000 to $5,000. And you go, yep, it's $5,000.

Yeah, ours is $5,000 too. That's exactly what we started. What I say is, ah, normally we do for seven, but I guess I could lower it to five. Don't tell anybody about this, this special discount you get. Go out there and hustle if you're hustling. Hustling for gig work out there.

Hustling for gigs. And Erin, anytime you're back in Chicago, let us know and we'll... We'll do a little corporate gig for you. Okay. If you can afford us. You've done corporate gigs with us.

Yeah, and they have traumatized me for the most part. They've been fun, but also I've been traumatized.

Hey, Erin, speaking of things that traumatize us, but also kind of might end up being fun, do you have anything that you would like to plug?

Sure. SickComD&D is also on the Headcom Network, and I love it a lot, and we have lots of fun guests this season, so check that out wherever you listen to podcasts. Adal, anything to plug.

Yes I would like to plug, if you wouldn't leave us a voicemail, please call 805 Riddle 1, that's 805 743 3531, or you can send us mail or packages or wedding invitations to Hey Riddle Riddle at 6351 West Montrose Ave. Number 267, Chicago, Illinois, of course, 60634. I also want to give a huge shout out to Magic Tavern. Hello for the Magic Tavern to be exact. Thank you. Celebrating their 8 year anniversary, very very cool. Wow! Just a few days ago. And I also want to give a big ups to JPC and KC Tony. For recommending to me a game called Elden Ring, which I reluctantly started, didn't like for the first five hours, and now I'm absolutely obsessed with it. So, check out Elden Ring. It's incredible. It's like... Makes me so happy to hear. The way I compare it to other games is I say it's like Breath of the Wild has a bad acid trip at a guar concert.

That's pretty... Yeah, I like that.

It's fantastic. JPC, do you have anything to plug or to review?

Hi Riddle. We will now each say our favorite colors, so Hannah can make us friendship bracelets that we won't see for at least a year. Side note to little monkey bones, I miss you buddy. I understand that your stardom has made it impossible for Erin, Adal, and JPC to be able to afford to have you on the show anymore, but if you have it in your heart, I'd love to hear from you again. Well, I hope you listen to the ads version because I keep appearing on all the ads. Oh, they do.

Little monkey bones, while we have you here, you wanna hire you for a corporate gig? How does it cost to bring you in?

Three dreams, a piece of cake, and a pumpkin seed!

Erin, Erin, do we have that? What do we have?

No, of course not. That's insane.

Check your pockets. Do you have anything in your pockets? Check it. What do you have?

I got pillows with keys baked in them.

There must be something else. Something bigger?

Oh, Jupiter!

I have 20 dreams, but can anyone break it plenty? A little monkey bones forever.

Starting Erin Keif and John Patrick Coan. Casey Toney, good to be editing. MRE parent in the music. Logo created by Emily Cardamas.

Can Emily read the words?

Uh, any notes?

Can I pee before our next episode?

Good note.

Yeah. That's a question, I don't know.

I don't have any notes, but Blee battles mom's name, obviously.

It would sound like I'm calling her a C-word or something.

Obviously do that. Hey there Shamrocks and leprechauns. If you like that, you are going to love this. This Friday is St. Patrick's Day so you know what that means. We're playing America's favorite game, small, medium, or large. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash Hey Riddle Riddle by joining the Clue Crew for $5 a month or the Review Crew for $8 a month and you get those ad-free episodes. See you there!

That was a Headgum podcast.