Which Riddle Riddle?

#242: Cool Ranch Latte (w/ Jasper Cartwright)

00:00:02

???

This is a HeadGum podcast.

JPC

Hello, ma'am. Excuse me, ma'am. Welcome to the Dollar Store. I'm Trent. I am the Dollar Store operator. If you have any questions about anything in the store, come and see me.

Erin

Oh, Trent. You're coming on a little hot. I've never seen you here before. Are you new?

JPC

Yeah. This is actually my first day at the Dollar Store. I come from the big city, actually. I used to work at a $10 store.

Erin

Wow. Okay. Well, I'm just going to poke around and I'll let you know if I need anything.

00:01:04

Adal

Attention. Attention on deck. Sir, yes sir. I know what a basket is. BAM, I know what a basket is. What does that mean, Addy's? What does that mean Addy's? Does that mean fuh? Oh, he's sniffing.

???

Oh, he's sniffing. Oh, he's sniffing.

Adal

Oh, he's sniffing. Oh, he's sniffing.

???

Oh, he's sniffing. Oh, he's sniffing.

Adal

Oh, he's sniffing.

???

Oh, he's sniffing. Oh, he's sniffing. Oh, he's sniffing.

Adal

Oh, he's sniffing. Oh, he's sniffing. Oh, he's sniffing. Oh, he's sniffing. Oh, he's sniffing. Oh, he's sniffing. Oh, he's sniffing.

Erin

Oh, he's sniffing. Oh, he's sniffing. Oh, he's sniffing.

Adal

Oh, he's sniffing. Oh, he's sniffing. Oh, he's sniffing. Oh, he's sniffing. Oh, he's sniffing. Oh, You ever notice how can you say which big city of him?

Erin

The one that's close to us.

JPC

I think you're getting the light. I think you're getting the light from the back.

Erin

You should walk into it. Welcome to Hey Riddle Riddle. I'm Erin. These are my two uncles.

00:02:10

JPC

Hey Riddle. No, I don't think so. I don't think that that's quite necessary. I think the time that we had Ethan Lawrence on the Patreon kind of showed us that we don't do that kind of stuff very well anymore. But I would like to introduce our guest.

???

Yes, agreed. I think that is absolutely disgusting and I think you should bridge it in your ass straight to jail.

JPC

Well, before our guest leaves, I'll go ahead and introduce him. We are so lucky to be joined by Jasper Cartwright of the three black halflings podcast Jasper. Welcome to Hey Riddle Riddle.

Jasper

Hey everyone, and I'm loving the fact that Adal went straight for like the Hogwarts school preppy version of English. Oh look, it's just me. I'm just hanging around, casting some spells. Oh, that's lovely.

00:03:31

Erin

Jasper, thank you so much for being here. Before we get into the riddles, what is your relationship with riddles and puzzles like? Do you like them? Do you hate them?

Jasper

Yeah, so, hi everyone. Thanks for having me. I'm so happy to be here. This is very cool. I was actually trying to think about this in preparation to try and come up with a half decent answer. That's smart, that's really smart. Yeah, yeah, it was until I realized I still couldn't think of one.

Adal

Jasper, if it makes you feel better, half decent answer should be the name of this podcast. Just to put you at ease, we were very bad at riddles. Just so you know.

Jasper

I did listen to a couple of episodes. I will say it did put me at ease, to use a phrase.

JPC

We're only getting worse.

Adal

We're only getting worse.

Jasper

So yeah, I would say that I, so I, a big me and my partner, big, big, big, like escape room fans. And normally the riddle is like my domain. So I'm like logical puddle puzzles and puddles, hilarious, logical puzzles and riddles. And then she's on like sequence stuff, like she's really good at seeing that thing. Thanks for watching! Turn base, doing the same thing all the time. It's a nice way of being like, hey, I'm going to engage you in a different way kind of thing, give you a different kind of thing to think about. I really enjoy going from a physical puzzle to a spatial puzzle into a really difficult middle. It's quite fun. And to go all the way back I think my earliest memories, I can't even necessarily remember what it was from, but I'm just picturing giant sphinx possibly made of sand, doing a riddle, and from an animated show, I remember watching as a kid. It's not Aladdin, because I know that one, obviously. But there's another one, and I know that someone's going to be screaming it into their headphones, so I apologize.

00:05:52

JPC

A Laban!

Jasper

So yeah, I've always thought that Riddle's pretty sweet. I am either like insanely good or terrible. Like I think it's like I'll either get there within 10 seconds or I'm not going to get there. And you'll probably have to explain it to me. Even once you say it, I'll be like, still not getting there. I'm sorry. It's just my brain's not working that way around, I guess.

JPC

That's pretty safe. That covers all of your bases. I'll either get it or I won't.

Adal

JBC, the Brits don't have baseball. You can't say cover your bases.

Jasper

Hey, hey, we have rounders. So, back off. Okay. Rounders is exactly the same. It's just we hit it less hard and we play it on school.

Adal

Wait a minute, Jasper. Sorry, GBC. We have rounders as well. Matt Damon, John Malkovich, Pia Thethmian, Pia Thethmian, Pia Thethmian, Pia Thethmian. Yeah, we both have seen the rounders once.

00:06:55

Erin

Jasper, the question that I always ask all of our British guests is, so British comedy is my favorite. What comedians did you grow up loving or you love right now?

Jasper

Ooh, uh, Lenny Henry, very big fan of Lenny Henry and I'm just so glad to be seeing him getting his flowers now in like the Rings of Power series and stuff like that, so dope. He's like a really big kind of just, he was like one of the first like black guys I saw on TV and like he was kind of like, you know, unapologetically doing it, you know, but like for himself and had his own show, which was kind of huge. So yeah, big Lady Henry fan, and kind of came full circle because I ended up signing with his sister, who was my agent for a while. Yeah, yeah, very, very cool. So yeah, Lenny Henry definitely was a big one growing up. And then now there's a guy called Munya who does the most hilarious like kind of political like satire videos, but they're like little like kind of TikTok like music videos. I will send you some of them like after this or whatever, because They are outrageously funny and basically he'll take like something that's happened like in the news. So you might not know there's this guy called like Matt Hancock, right?

00:08:20

JPC

Big fans of Matt Hancock on this podcast.

Jasper

It's terrible. I might have to leave, but no. Basically it was like he announced that he was like going into the jungle and within like two hours this guy had posted a full music video cover Thanks for watching!

Erin

Well, without any further stalling, unless anyone wants to talk about their favorite color or favorite kind of pie.

Jasper

Red. Apple. Great. Oh, I could be swayed by pumpkins, sorry. This, like, I know I'm going off a tangent, but legitimately, I had pumpkin pie for the first time in America a couple months ago. That's what happens. Yo. Yo, it's good.

00:09:24

Adal

It's fantastic. I feel like it's a nice balance between sweet and savory. You can top it with whipped cream to make it sweet, but I feel like otherwise it's not cloyingly sweet. In America, were you in the big city?

Jasper

I did, well, okay, so the big city, there's a few, they could be, so you might have to narrow it down a little for me. The one closest to us. Yeah. Just a big city. I don't know. Oh, closest to you. No, I wasn't there actually, no. Oh, boo. So you're in Philadelphia. I'm saying that was an absolutely zero basis of knowledge. Where did you visit? Yes, I was in Philadelphia. Oh, what is the second biggest city? San Fran and LA. Nice. Thanks for watching.

JPC

That might be why you had a pretty nice tasting pumpkin pie here in America.

00:10:27

Jasper

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so funny looking at the list of ingredients of the same confectionery when I get home. I look at the same ingredients, like I kept some of the wrappers and stuff, and I looked at them and was like, man, that's the reason these taste different. That's wild.

JPC

Big shout out to yellow five, red six, and blue two, your food.

Jasper

My favorite part of your food.

JPC

Shout out.

Jasper

Like, I love when it just says on the back, flavor enhancer.

Erin

I'm like, what the hell is that? That's rat poison.

Jasper

Yeah, basically, but it must taste good, right? Tastes great. The rats sure like it.

Erin

So we're going to return to our new segment, Molly's Riddle Book.

???

Oh, nice.

Erin

All right, so we are back to the little riddle book from Molly. Here's our first riddle.

JPC

Okay.

Erin

Put two and two together and make more than four.

00:11:30

Jasper

Wow.

Erin

Smartasses answer and quickly get it.

Jasper

I had it and then you said four and then I was like, now I can think about it as full.

Adal

So here's what you do. Erin, this is, it is embarrassing how easy this is for me. So simple. Turn it ever so slightly, 45 degree tilt, suddenly it's an X. Roman numeral X, of course, stands for 10. 4, 10, 4. Duh, nope, 2, 10, 2. If you've got 4, you tilt the middle 2, then you just do 1 times 1, which is 1. Okay, Jasper's immediately poked holes in my solution.

JPC

Here's what you do, Erin. This is so simple a child could figure it out. You take the first two, then you take the second two, and you flip it so it's a mirror image. You overlay them on top of each other. That's an eight. There you go. Now you got eight, which is more than four.

00:12:40

Adal

And 789, now we're at 9.

Erin

That can't be right.

Jasper

I hope that's not right. Yeah, I think the thing is, these two children can't get there, but like, you know, Dad's in the room now and he's here to tell you, the way you do this is so simple. You just stack all of the ones on each other, and then you have a big one. And everyone knows a big one is more than four.

Adal

As Teddy Roosevelt once said. Jasper, tell us about British numerals. Now, they're a little different from American numerals. Are they?

JPC

Well, they're bigger, it sounds.

Erin

I want you guys to get this one. Put two and two together and make more than four.

Adal

Oh, I got it. Yeah. So if you take, you didn't say put two, you said put two and two together. You didn't say put two and two numbers wise. If you put two bunnies and two bunnies, give it six weeks. You're going to have 40 fucking bunnies.

00:13:48

Jasper

That's where I was going.

JPC

Aaron, have you ever heard of the term fuck like rabbits, my dear?

Erin

No, unfortunately this riddle is not about bunny sex.

Jasper

Boo, more bunny sex. No, that seems overly complicated. No, that can't be it.

JPC

Erin, is it as simple as, is the number that's bigger than 4 22? Are you just putting 2 right next to 2? Yes.

Jasper

Oh, wow.

Erin

Oh, everyone's mad at me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Jasper

I'm sorry. I'm mad at JPC. We should have all gone down with that ship and you chose to bail yourself out. Like, now we're left drowning on the duel figuring out who's gonna die.

JPC

Well, a rising tide sinks all people drowning in the ocean.

Jasper

Yeah, thanks.

Adal

A rising JPC sinks all ships. And you're a rising Aquarius? I'm a JPC rising super hero.

Erin

I'm an Erin Adal rising. So that's my Hey Riddle Riddle thing. Alright, let's see. Why is a clock like a river?

00:14:49

Adal

Oh, so many ways. So you read my book of poems. Because time flows in one direction? Wow. Ooh. That's pretty good.

Erin

That's really good, but it's not the answer we're looking for. Okay, I give up. I quit. I'm out. That's all I had.

Jasper

That's all I had.

JPC

And if Jasper's organizing a walkout, I'm also going. I'm also walking off the job. Takes out hammer, throws hammer at wall.

Adal

Jasper's ripping off his headphones. He's getting on one of those bicycles that has a big front wheel and a tiny back wheel, called Hurley Burley. What are those called?

Jasper

Are you just picking words that sound vaguely old-timey English? Sir? Is that what you're doing, sir? Can we get it one more time?

Adal

How is it a clock?

Erin

Why is a clock like a river?

Adal

Why is a clock like a river? Because, okay.

Erin

This is a shit riddle and a shit answer and keep in mind this book was written in like 1950.

Adal

They both have beds. Do you have a bed for your clock?

00:15:50

Jasper

Everyone puts their clock to bed, right? You gotta tuck your clocks in.

Erin

Kiss it at noon. You go, mwah, goodnight.

JPC

Yeah, kiss it at noon, kiss it at midnight. Clocks work on a 12-hour cycle, so they have basically twice as many days of session. If you're a hustler and you're a grinder out there, you will live a clock lifestyle, and then you have an extra seven days every week.

Jasper

Can I just say once again how angry I am at JPC?

JPC

I mean you're healthy and you're doing it right. I lifted that directly from a Matt Hancock video. Okay, so I am learning the grind.

Jasper

I'm going to double down. You're just making me double down right now.

Erin

Your hint is that just imagine clocks in the 1950s. These are old clocks.

Adal

Oh, full of mercury, right?

JPC

Oh, okay, so they have grandfathers, like rivers, because a river's grandfather is clouds.

Erin

What can a river do?

Adal

What can't it do? Anything. Erin, anything.

Erin

I'm going to just give it this time. It winds.

Adal

Oh, it winds. Oh, it winds? You wind a clock and a river climbs.

00:16:51

Erin

Because it won't run long without winding.

Jasper

Adal, congratulations. That was incredible. Well done. Thank you so much. I'm really proud of you.

JPC

I'd like to see a scene. Hold on, hold on. Wait, hold on. I answered a riddle right, and Jasper said, fuck you. And then Adal answered a riddle right, and Jasper said, congratulations?

Jasper

Am I being pranked? At JPC, I see nothing here. I think you're making something out of nothing. That doesn't make sense. I just need you to take it out a few notes, if that's okay. JPC, you're acting crazy. Just wind that clock back a little bit. Wind that clock back a little bit, yeah, and just think about what you did.

JPC

This sucks, because I'm not smart enough to know what's happening.

Erin

I'd like to see a scene. Jasper, you are going to go visit your grandfather clock in an old folks home played by JPC.

Jasper

Have they? They've polished my hands? They have, yeah.

JPC

I told that damn it orderly not to polish my hands. I like my hands dirty.

00:17:54

Jasper

And it's weird. It looks like they've permanently stuck your hands to 20 past four. I don't know why they've chosen... Let me see if I can... No, no, no.

JPC

This is actually... This is a new... This is like a new thing for me. I'm with the youngest grandpa in here and so I'm trying to be like, I'm trying to like throw my hands in the air like a party grandpa. 20 past four, you know?

Jasper

Okay, sure.

JPC

Can I be honest with you, kid?

Jasper

Yeah, okay.

JPC

I'm fucking like a rabbit in here.

Jasper

Oh, what's fucking grandpa?

JPC

And there's no risk either because nobody's getting pregnant.

Adal

Mr. Williams, I'm sorry. Mr. Williams, I'm not gonna tell you again. Cover your cloak, your chimes are showing.

JPC

Look, I'm not gonna apologize. A dog's gonna dog, you know?

Jasper

Is that how it works? Okay, well I guess I just need to show some people my chimes.

Erin

No, no, no, no, no, no. Honey, honey, go wait in the car. I have to talk to my dad. Dad, what are you teaching my son? Hey, you brought the kid here. Hey, you brought the kid here. Okay, I'm reading this next riddle.

00:19:00

JPC

And if you're listening out there, do not show your chimes to people. Don't show your chimes.

Erin

It's consensual. I meant to mention to everybody that in this little riddle book from the past, it has some of the most insane, hilarious, and horrifying illustrations. This is one from before. It's a little angry chef. I love it. Oh wow. I'm going to read you this riddle and then I'm going to show you the illustration.

JPC

Yes. Not smart enough to know how to counter that.

Adal

Erin, can I say something brilliant?

JPC

Fuck.

Adal

All books are from the past. Whoa. There's not a single book I've read that's not from the past.

Jasper

When did I smile? Adal, I don't know how to describe what's going on right now, but you're blowing my mind. You're just taking me to new places.

JPC

I don't understand how Adal is this sharp. I've been poisoning him. What's going on? Did I get the poison on my hands?

Jasper

I was gonna say did you do that thing where you like switch the cup and you're looking down the cups like oh no.

00:20:06

JPC

I never look at the cups because I'm so scared of the poison so I always have to do it with my eyes closed.

Adal

The poison that you've been giving me is what the exact ingredients to make bulletproof coffee.

JPC

Just been enhancing my brain power. Pouring poison into your cup and then taking the label off, there's a little piece of tape over it. It just has hand poison. I'm like, oh no. No, brother.

Erin

Mrs. Bigger had a baby. Who was Bigger?

Adal

Mrs. Bigger had a baby. Who was Bigger? They both were. Because that's her last name.

Jasper

Yeah. No. That'd be the last name, yeah. She's an adult. I think I got this.

Adal

Is this a Benjamin Button situation?

Jasper

He's a baby, but he's like an old man.

00:21:17

Erin

No. The last name matters. Mrs. Bigger had a baby. Who was bigger?

JPC

Did she name this kid Bigger Bigger? No. That's an insane name for a kid, but don't take it. Bibs. You want it? I want it.

Adal

Mrs. Bigger had a baby. Sounds like someone giving notes on a graphic design. Bigger. Bigger. Bigger.

Erin

I'm going to tell you. Ready? Okay.

Adal

Yeah, please.

Erin

The baby, because he was a little bigger. Yay! How scary this picture is! Oh, is that a baby?

Adal

JPC, why? JPC, what are you doing?

JPC

In my defense! I am going to name my baby Bigger Bigger.

Jasper

Please do. I'll fully be in love with that.

Adal

That'd be great. Jasper, here's the first point. This is something we've been currently doing. This is the first point in the show where we're going to have a sort of community vote a la Survivor. So we're going to vote off one of the hosts. I'm going to make a case to vote off JPC.

Jasper

Oh, seconded. Yeah, don't even need to... Okay. Okay, so we do go to trial, right?

00:22:21

Adal

Well, unless you have an immunity idol, you are immediately gone. Okay, what do I have on my desk?

JPC

What do I have on my desk? An immunity idol.

Erin

Nothing, because you told me to stop sending you gifts and now you regret it.

JPC

Ah, no, I have an immunity idol. I have a small under the desk space heater.

???

Ooh.

JPC

Fuck.

Erin

That is technically an immunity idol. I'm going to devote myself out.

JPC

This is a tornado.

Erin

I would like to go eat jalapeno chips and stare out the window like a dog.

???

If you don't mind.

Adal

Have you been feeding your dog jalapeno chips?

Jasper

Yes. I'll also go to vote myself off. It's five past ten here in the UK. I could probably go and chill out, play some video games, wind down for the evening, maybe crack a whiskey.

JPC

Five past ten grandpa's getting his fuck hands up. Yeah, five past ten.

Erin

Everybody's trying to vote themselves off the show. The chimes.

JPC

Jasper, what are you playing right now, by the way?

Jasper

What am I playing right now? I'm playing For My Sins. I'm playing Last of Us again. Wow, Last of Us again. As in, this is the third time I've played through a different version of the same game, and I hate myself for it, but I can't stop because it's so good.

00:23:38

Adal

That's Casey's favorite game. Casey loves Last of Us.

Jasper

That is Casey Tonings.

Adal

Crave Casey's favorite game.

Jasper

I got to interview someone on a new podcast I'm starting who worked on it, and I was just like, meh, you're so cool.

JPC

Tell me you got the naughty dog.

Jasper

I did. I spoke to the naughty dog, but the thing that was really weird about the naughty dog though is it like seemed super out of breath and it turns out he'd been eating jalapeno chips for like two hours. That's a naughty dog. Like a dog. Yeah, it was not happy. The naughty dog was a poorly dog. You know what I'm saying?

JPC

Hey, that makes sense.

Jasper

It was a sicky dog.

Adal

Naughty dog gonna do it. Naughty dog gonna do. Erin staring out the window.

???

She sees another woman eating chips.

Jasper

Who is basically just seeing Erin bark at her through a window for some reason as she's just sat on a park bed sheet and some chips. Maybe Adal, you can play Erin barking through a window.

00:24:51

Adal

Let me upload my audio done with that episode of Hey Riddle Riddle and now to have some pensive Erin time. Let me just get to my favorite window. Of course, the kitchen window because it brings in the most sunlight and eat some chips.

Erin

Crunchy, crunchy, crunchy, crunchy chips in the park. Crunchy, crunchy, crunchy, crunchy chips.

Adal

What the fuck? How am I out there as well?

Erin

Um, num, num, num, num, num, num, num, num, num, num.

Adal

Open's window. Hey! Hey! Hey! Erin, Erin!

???

Hello?

Adal

Hello? Up here.

???

Hey! Oh my god, you're eating chips too! Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!

Adal

Of course, as Erin's do, let me turn you around and smell your chips.

Erin

Hey, we should kiss, right? Well, I'm not your clone.

Adal

You always kiss your clone. You never kiss another Erin.

Erin

You don't want to just see?

Adal

Are you my clone?

00:25:52

Erin

Well, if the shoe fits.

Adal

Okay, let's kiss. But, but, twist. Let's kiss with chips in our mouth. Yes, yes, a thousand These are Cape Cod jalapeno chips.

Erin

Crunchy Kiss Crunchy Kiss Crunchy Kiss Crunchy Kiss Crunchy Kiss Crunchy Kiss Crunchy Kiss Crunchy Kiss Crunchy Kiss Crunchy Kiss Crunchy Kiss Crunchy Kiss Crunchy Kiss Crunchy Kiss Crunchy Kiss Crunchy Kiss Crunchy Kiss Crunchy Kiss Crunchy Kiss Crunchy Kiss Crunchy kiss Crunchy kiss Crunchy kiss Crunchy kiss Crunchy kiss crunchy kiss Crunchy kiss crunchy kiss crunchy kiss crunchy kiss crunchy kiss crunchy kiss crunchy kiss crunchy kiss crunchy kiss crunchy kiss crunchy kiss crunchy kiss crunchy kiss crunchy kiss crunchy kiss crunchy kiss crunchy kiss crunchy kiss crunchy kiss crunchy kiss crunchy kiss crunchy kiss crunchy kiss crunchy kiss crunchy kiss crunchy kiss crunchy kiss crunchy kiss crunchy kiss crunchy kiss crunchy kiss crunchy kiss crunchy kiss crunchy kiss crunchy kiss crunchy kiss crunchy kiss crunchy kiss crunchy kiss crunchy kiss crunchy kiss crunchy kiss crunchy kiss crunchy kiss crunchy kiss crunch

???

Ah, okay.

JPC

Jesus Christ. Bringing like a bag of, like a full-sized bag of chips on a walk is insane.

???

You don't do chip walks?

JPC

Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Erin, that feels like early pandemic.

Jasper

You don't walk your chips? Now that's strong mid-pandemic energy. Putting a collar on like some Doritos and taking them for a walk, that's strong mid-pandemic energy. Like, I was there.

00:26:54

Adal

I would never do a chip walk. I have done an Oreo drive.

Erin

Just drive, think, and eat some Oreos.

Adal

But do you deal with milk? Absolutely. And I get milk all over my car. I ruin the interior of my car.

JPC

It's worth it. The first time I saw it I was like, am I living in a Twilight Zone episode? What the fuck is happening?

Adal

I did see a TikTok where someone did that and then put a Pringles can lid on top of the mug and it fit perfectly and they carried it around. So, pretty fun.

JPC

I think, I feel like that's one of those TikToks that you're like, holy shit, what a great idea, I'm gonna do that. And then you do it, and you look down at your mug of hot coffee, and there's a melted Pringles candle in, like, in your coffee, and you're like, oh yeah, I guess the internet isn't smart.

00:27:58

Jasper

JPC poisoned my coffee. There's just like bits of Dorito infloating in the top of your coffee, and you're like, oh, okay. Whoops. I guess I didn't want this. French coffee.

Erin

Yeah, I do Cool Ranch.

Jasper

Olive and Nacho cheese medium roast.

Erin

Grande Cool Ranch with oat milk, please.

Jasper

No, don't speak this into existence because it will be available in LA.

JPC

Yeah, Cool Ranch Coffee. Dunkin' Donuts.

Erin

Shout out to Blue Six, Red Dye 4.

Jasper

My favorite boy bands.

Erin

Okay, Jasper, I think you're definitely going to get this one.

Jasper

Okay, come on, come on, come on. Here we go.

Erin

I never ask any questions, but I get a great many answers. What am I?

Adal

I think I know the answer.

Jasper

Never ask any questions. I have two guesses for this. A book? That's a great answer. That's a great answer. Oh, come on, tell me. Like, just say, Erin. I know. Just say, yes.

???

It's a thing.

Jasper

I know. It's a valid answer, Eric.

Erin

On the guest. I'll accept it, but we also need another answer. Okay, that's fine.

Adal

Erin, can we have a new catchphrase on the show? Say yes to the guests. Wow.

00:29:01

Erin

Say yes to the guest. Are you saying yes to the guest? And then I go, I'm saying yes. I've watched so much say yes to the dress. It's insane.

Jasper

That's actually so topical right now because I'm getting married in seven weeks. Congratulations. My fiance actually got her dress from say yes to the dress, like literally like an hour and something away from us here in the digits outside of Manchester. There's like a say yes to the yes shop where they film a bunch of stuff. And that's where she got her dress from.

Erin

Hey Riddle Riddle.

Jasper

So we're getting married in this dope, converted barn, which has got these floor-to-ceiling windows, and up one side. And you can see into the kitchen, where they do big rotisserie cooking, because it's a very foodie venue, because we're foodies. And then my favourite thing is that either side of where we get married, there's these two massive, they're like eight Thanks for watching!

00:30:25

JPC

Yeah, I guess you can deliver them to my house.

Jasper

Yeah, exactly. I'll take them home. Like, if you want them, I'll take them. I don't know where they're going to go. That's magical. They are so cool. I genuinely think I'm going to get chills, like, seeing them all lit, like, on the wedding day. I'm like, ah, it's going to be so sick.

JPC

Everybody makes fun of my infinite black void back here, but guess what? I got two eight foot tall candelabras back there and they fit like a snug as a bug in a rug.

Adal

Yeah. Jasper, please send us pictures of that wedding because I definitely want to see that space. And Aaron, can I ask you? When he said floor to window giant windows, did you immediately start to tear up because you imagine yourself looking out those amazing windows?

Erin

Yeah, I was like, maybe there's a lady eating chips out those windows.

Adal

Aaron, I'm going to take us to break with the answer, I believe. Oh, wow. Is it either a telephone or a doorbell?

Erin

It's a doorbell.

Adal

See you after the break.

00:31:25

Erin

I know what you're thinking. Do I have a new hat, Adal and JPC? New haircut? Why am I walking around with so much confidence?

Adal

I bet you're wondering. I wanted pretzels from the food court.

JPC

And I was just going to let you know that it looks like you leaned on paint.

Erin

Anyways, I just had a bunch of subscriptions canceled for me by Rocket Money that I wasn't using until now I'm flushed with cash and now I'm confident. Pretzel money? Well, maybe. We'll talk about that. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years, even before they were a sponsor.

JPC

It looks like you may have leaned on like with someone painting a rocket money like billboard or sign or something because it's all it's all down your back it's like and it's I could ock it ock it

Erin

People think they're spending $80 on their subscriptions when in reality, the number is closer to $200. And when you signed up for so many free trials, like streaming services, you watch one show and then you completely forget about it. You lose track and then all of a sudden you're like, why am I bleeding money? Rocket money? They take care of that for you. They go, sit back, relax. We got this. And they make everything color coded and easy and super intuitive.

00:32:45

Adal

You're also color-coded. A little birdie told me that Rocket Money also lets you monitor all your expenses in one place, recommends custom budgets based on your past spending, and they'll even send you notifications when you've reached your spending limits, which sounds like something my friend would like, but I forget which friend I'm so hungry for pretzels.

JPC

Speaking of pretzels, you don't get all twisted up by a salt theme and the bread of your finances. With over 3 million users and counting, Rocket Money customers have saved an average of $720 a year.

Erin

Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and manage your money the easy way by going to rocketmoney.com slash riddle. That's rocketmoney.com slash riddle. rocketmoney.com slash r-i-d-d-l-e.

JPC

Hey, what's going on? Somebody leaned over my rocket money painting. Run. Everybody run. Run. Oh no. Maroon.

Adal

Is that DaVinci?

???

Yeah. Yes.

00:33:45

JPC

And bye.

Jasper

Can I ask what spaghetti is?

JPC

It's like a thin noodle. My dog is spaghetti. She's a German Shepherd mix and she hates the fucking mail. And I think we just got some mail. She's a cutie, but she don't like it when people walk or talk or look at her house.

Jasper

That's kind of like her job. You know what I mean? Like she was kind of made to do that.

JPC

She's just doing a job. You know what I mean? It's 4pm and her shift just fucking started. And it goes all the way baby.

Jasper

She just punched in. She is ready to go. She is fired up for this shift.

Erin

As you can probably tell, we are back from break. Did anyone eat anything good over our break?

Adal

I literally just put a couple Dunkin' Donuts hash browns in my mouth.

00:34:47

???

Where did you eat them?

Jasper

Sorry, well, can I ask, what the heck is a Dunkin' Donut hash brown?

Adal

Ooh, I think Erin, being from Austin, you are the most apt to describe what Dunkin' Donuts is.

Jasper

I don't know what Dunkin' Donuts is. I've been to Dunkin' Donuts. What's a Dunkin' Donuts hash brown?

Erin

In the beginning, Brendan Dinsola first appeared in Quincy, Massachusetts.

Adal

Out of the primordial soup, back when Pangaea was around, so a hash brown is just a little medallion of potato.

Jasper

Oh okay, so that's like a hash brown. Okay, in my head, I was thinking it was some sort of donut-based snack.

Adal

Oh no.

Jasper

Cool the hash brown and I was like, wait, is there bread and potato? What's going on?

Adal

Can I just say you have an amazing read on Americans? Because we do.

Jasper

Yeah, that's like perfectly plausible, right? That wasn't just me making something up. That was perfectly plausible.

Adal

I have had burgers here that are instead of buns, it's Krispy Kreme donuts. So let's not get ourselves. We're monsters.

Jasper

Yeah. Wow. That sounds good though.

00:35:48

JPC

Do you think they have to go to Dunkin Donuts, order a dozen donuts and be like, and go ahead and fill in all those little holes in the donuts with hash brown rounds? Hash browns? How many hash browns do I have to buy? Top off. Fill her up. Top it off. There should be a name for that order. You're like, hey, can I have the worst thing on the menu? Can I get the hash top, please? Can I get a dozo with the hash top?

Jasper

Thank you.

JPC

It doesn't dozo with the hash top. I'm gonna try ordering it and be like, oh, it's so weird at my other Dunkin Donuts. This is just how I ordered it.

Adal

That sounds like a Drake lyric. I got that dozen donuts with a hashtag.

Jasper

I'm coming back to America in May. I will be trying to order a hashtag. Try a hashtag.

Adal

Just say it with confidence and someone will make something happen.

Jasper

I'm also British, so they'll probably be like, he knows what he's talking about.

JPC

I think I just received a direct order from an Admiralty Officer. I think I have to make it.

Adal

Is this the Dollar General? Not bad.

Erin

Okay cuties, back to riddles.

Adal

Erin's sticking to a bunch of little tangerines.

JPC

You can't talk to me like that.

00:36:49

Erin

Yeah, you're a bunch of tangerines. Oh, okay. I guess I am. You're citrus. Citrus fruits. You're so sweet.

Jasper

Tangerine.

Erin

Yeah, tangerine. Oh, I regret this. I immediately regret it. Okay, so the next few riddles I think we've done before. So Adal and JBC, you've got no excuse.

Adal

Okay.

Erin

What is the last thing you take off when you go to bed?

Adal

Your face.

Erin

Adam, we got him.

Adal

He's an alien. We got him. We got him. Yeah, Gemma, before she goes to bed, she's always like, let me take off my face. Oh, now that is the thing that people say.

Jasper

But you do that when you, like, you're completely naked and then you take your makeup off. Like, like, your thing, like, that's the way you imagine this. Yeah, how about you get all my body makeup off? And then you...

JPC

I take a shower, but I've got it hooked up so it's just a shower of nail polish remover.

Adal

Aaron, I think I have the answer. What is the last thing you take off before you go to bed? The edge. I have a bottle of bourbon next to my nightstand. I know my dreams are going to be stressful. I take a big 32-ounce gulp of that and I sleep like a baby. Done.

00:38:05

JPC

Aaron, the answer is you are a pilot and the last thing that you take off is the plane. And then, lights out. Yeah, because we all know the thing flies itself.

Jasper

They basically fly themselves these days. Yeah. I'm going to go ahead and say, take the weight off my feet. Ooh.

Erin

Yeah, you got it.

Jasper

That is fantastic. Jasper.

Erin

Yes, your feet from the floor. Jasper.

Adal

Take off your feet from the floor. Jasper.

JPC

Whoa. And we've done that and I didn't remember it.

Adal

Also, GPC, I don't want to, sorry, I don't want to halt the show, but I do. You said the thing flies itself. Actually, Ben Grimm, when he becomes a thing, becomes very dense and heavy. Reed Richards still has to fly the plane, and if not, Sue Stormwell.

JPC

He just drops right through the plane. He just drops right through the plane.

Jasper

Do you think invisible means non-existent? If the invisible man touches a tree in a forest, does anyone? Does the tree feel that touch? How's he touching this tree? I don't know. Riddle me that, you know what I'm saying?

00:39:10

Erin

What question can never be answered by yes, by saying yes?

Adal

How much do weigh?

Erin

Yeah, I guess that works. Yeah?

Adal

Yes. How much do weigh? Yes. Yes.

Erin

Yes.

Adal

Yes. I think I know the answer and it's kind of tied to the last one. Is that right, Erin?

Erin

Yeah.

Adal

Is it, are you awake? Or are you asleep? Are you awake?

Erin

Are you asleep? Are you awake? Are you awake? Yeah.

JPC

Are you awake as the only question you can't answer with yes?

Jasper

I do want to see a scene.

???

Great.

Jasper

I do have a lot in my sleep though, so I feel like that's- You do? Yeah, I have like- Anything good? Oh, like honestly, it's a freaking circus. My poor fiance has to put up with so much.

JPC

What's the buzz tell me what's happening? What's the buzz tell me?

Jasper

Honestly, no, I like wake up. I'll like wake up, chat, and I'm like, I'm like, beep, beep, beep. I'm like talking to her like this and she's like, what, what are you talking about? And then I'll wake up halfway through the sentence and be like, and I've gone back to sleep. And she's just like, what the hell? Now I'm awake. You've just rolled over, go back to sleep. You don't remember a thing. And I laugh at myself like, ha, I was sleeping. I'm just like a cheap napkin fully awake in the middle of the night. Yeah, I'm a nightmare. I'm a nightmare to the next day. Silly me. Whoopsie. Just a silly tangerine.

00:40:26

Adal

Just seven weeks, Jasper. It'll be worth it. I've seen Erin and Jasper, you are a married couple. You're about to go to bed. Erin, suddenly you have a bunch of questions you want to ask and a bunch of conversation starters. Jasper, you're kind of, yeah, just like you were saying, almost asleep, and then you kind of answer, but you're basically trying to end the conversation and go to bed.

Jasper

Ah. Night. Night sweetheart. Yeah, okay. Pssst.

Erin

Do you think that if we were born 200 years ago, that we would still meet and fall in love?

Jasper

Wait, sorry. Uh, what do you think? I was trying to sleep.

Erin

And also, if we met 200 years in the future, do you think we would still meet and fall in love or do you think it was just our current circumstances?

Jasper

Oh, I guess I'd probably say we're like soulmates, so yeah, we'd still be together, don't worry about it.

Erin

Did you know that elephants are pregnant for two years?

Jasper

Yeah, I'd love to be asleep for that long.

00:41:30

Erin

That'd be cool. Does it hurt when you do this with your arm?

Jasper

How are you doing that? How? It hurts. I don't know it hurts. No sweetheart, don't do that. Please don't do that. Oh, okay. Please remove the- okay. Okay. Okay. Let's just, uh, hey! You know, I was thinking actually, did you know that elephants sleep for like 12 hours a day? Well, crazy. Okay. Night. That's crazy.

Erin

That's crazy. Okay. You had to take one color out of the color wheel.

Jasper

Okay.

Erin

What do you think people would be the least mad about losing?

Jasper

I would currently take white out of the colour wheel, which takes all colour out of existence, which just leaves black. Behind my eyelids, just black. Let me see... black. Now, please.

JPC

Well, I hope you got a good night's sleep because I can't pilot the plane today, so you're gonna have to step up, Mr. Co-Pilot. And contrary to public opinion, these things do not fly themselves. They are so fucking hard to fly!

Jasper

Jerry, why did we let my wife in the cockpit again? Like, I've told you, I just need to sleep. Hey guys, guys. Yes, sweetie, yes, hi. Hi.

00:42:38

Erin

Yes, Sean's wife. If you were a smell, what smell would you be and why?

Adal

Easy apples. Same. And of course, Erin looks out the plane window and sees another Erin on the wing of the plane eating chips.

Erin

It's like the Twilight Zone episode. Sean, I do that to my boyfriend every single night. There's no time on earth that I need more attention than when the 10 minutes of someone trying to fall asleep. I need it or I'll die.

Jasper

My fiancé's thing is she loves me talking about football, as in, so for Americans, I mean soccer. She's like, it sends her straight to sleep. And I have a great old time just chatting football to myself. I'm just there like, look, but if we're going to win the season, here's what we're going to need to do. And she's like, and I'm still there with like tactics board in bed. Like, yes, this is great. She's snoring with her eyes open on her phone. Yeah, nodding.

JPC

Erin Mariah is the same way where she, she loves like bedtime secrets. Like she loves like the little chatter before bed. And I'm like, I can go to sleep right now. I can fall asleep right now if I need to. If my head hits a pillow, 90% chance I'm blacked out right there. That's what needs to happen.

00:43:54

Erin

Me and Mariah need to start FaceTiming at night. We can bother each other.

Adal

Since everyone's divulging, I'll say something about Gemma, which is she'll say she's going to bed. She'll go upstairs, lay in bed. I'll be downstairs doing whatever. Suddenly I'll get over the next four hours 500 little videos. And I reply to every single one, going to bed are we? And then she gets upset. She'll also every once in a while, every few months, I'll wake up and she's like upset with me and it's cause Adal, uh, Dream Adal did something.

Jasper

Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's a real one.

Adal

I had a dream, I had an awful dream where you did XYZ and I'm like, okay, but we're back in reality, so.

Erin

I was mad at Sean for a whole day when he cheated on me in an hour dream, my dream. An hour dream! An hour dream! She said hour dream! You share Dream Z? Shit, Sean, I told them, run!

Adal

We share everything.

JPC

Sean, I caught you fucking around in our dream. It's like, uh, I feel like there's three things I shouldn't be in trouble for here.

00:44:57

Jasper

One of my very close friends told me this story once. I think it's still one of the funniest things that's ever happened. He was dating someone for about like two or three weeks. They spent a night together. He woke up to her holding a pillow over his head. Not for like very long, like just for like a bit, right? Like for like enough to like wake him up and bother him. And he like woke up and was like, what the heck are you doing? What the heck are you doing? And she was like, you did that to me in my sleep. So I wanted you to see how it felt. And he was like, I'm leaving. Oh my god. Genuinely one of the funniest things that I've ever, like I was like crying because he was just basically saying how he was trying to get dressed, just trying to, desperately trying to explain to her why what she did was so wrong. And she just wasn't getting it. That's wild.

Adal

Incredible. Didn't Sean once throw you out the window or something because he thought he was a spy? That's Mike Burbigly.

Erin

Yeah, Sean, we just stopped watching Mission Impossible because he thought he was a spy. I woke up and he was creeping along the side of the wall, and I was like, we live 10 stories up, this is not safe.

00:46:02

???

No more Mission Impossible.

JPC

Before bed, we gotta watch Mission Impossible with daylight hours.

Jasper

The worst thing that I've ever done, because I get this weird sleep stuff, where I woke up once, saw my now fiancé getting sucked through a hole in the bed, and was convinced- But that happens! Right, exactly, that happens all the time. But I was convinced that someone was going to kidnap her or was trying to kidnap her. So I got her out of bed, made her stand up against the wall. Bear in mind, we were like an Airbnb in like a random place that neither of us knew. Made her stand up against the wall and then started looking under the bed, started looking in the cupboards, started looking in the bathrooms. All the while I'm asleep, I then start laughing, get back into bed, go to sleep.

Erin

Oh my god.

Jasper

She doesn't sleep a wink for like four hours and I wake up and she is just staring at me like, what is wrong with you, you little strange man?

JPC

That whole time she's staring at the engagement ring and she's like, it's nice, but it's not that nice. It's not that nice.

00:47:08

Erin

So, here's our next riddle. Are we ready?

JPC

Please. Yes.

Erin

What is found in the middle of both America and Australia?

Adal

Got it.

JPC

Colonizers.

Adal

Okay. Is it the letter? Okay. Let's see here. Is it going to be a letter, Erin? Is it the letter R?

Erin

Marsupials.

JPC

No, Adal got it.

Adal

No, I can do more. I will say I'm prepping for a trip to Australia soon. Shrubberies. In every cocktail bar in America, I am terrified of all the spiders and snakes in Australia.

???

Thanks for watching!

00:48:10

Adal

Yeah.

Erin

Turned back on. Why are you joking? Oh, where is it? No, I'm not kidding.

Jasper

Are they wearing shoes?

Erin

Yeah.

Jasper

Tattoos. Tattoos. Yeah, they got little booties. Like they got workman boots with the steel toe cap. Steel toe shoes, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know it.

Erin

They kill poison spiders, though, Adal, so they're not too bad.

JPC

I'm spidering here.

Adal

Erin, when you lived in Australia, how many snakes and spiders did you see daily?

Erin

So many. I told you one time I saw a spider eating a snake in a cave. And I was like, I have to go home. No, no, no, no, no. Was it a sex thing? Yeah, of course.

Jasper

Obviously. Obviously. My first night I was in Australia, my cousins took me for a walk. They were like, oh yeah, let's go for a walk, mate, this'll be fine. I didn't realise that they refer to themselves as this as well, so I'm not trying to be offensive. They refer to themselves as bogans, which is basically like rednecks for Australians. And they were like, let's go for a walk. And I was like, okay, but isn't it kind of dangerous outside? And they were like, Yeah, that's the fun. And I'm like, okay. And then we're just walking along. And at one point he just goes, wow. And I'm like, okay, what's that? And he gets his phone torch out, like holds it up, like close to his face. And literally, like, I'm trying to do like a width of my hand away from his face is this black and white striped spider, not very big. And he takes a picture and shows me on his face, that's the second most poisonous spider in the world that I've ever been in 10 minutes. And I was like, What? Why am I here? This is horrendous.

00:49:42

Adal

This is the worst thing I've ever done. Thanks for watching!

JPC

Thanks for watching!

Jasper

Yeah I'm never going to Florida, like ever. Like the amount of like, oh look they're in my swimming pool. I'm like hell no. Look at the size of that thing. And it's just sat on the bottom of your janky swimming pool looking the same as the bottom of your janky swimming pool. Like you just saw its eyes move. That's how you knew it was there. Terrifying.

00:50:53

Adal

Florida has alligators, which unlike crocodiles, you're just dumb as shit. They're just idiots.

JPC

You can tap them on the nose. Hey, fuck you. Hey, fuck you. Hey, fuck you.

Erin

And they have good news is they also have fascism now. So Florida is getting even better by the day.

Jasper

That was fascist alligators. I mean, come on. What are they doing? Just a couple of right wing alligators.

Erin

All right. We're good. Let's do a few more of these.

Adal

Okay. But we should say the Everlades run on time.

Erin

Sorry. What is it that lives in the winter, dies in the summer, and grows with its roots upward? Bears.

???

Is one of those right?

Adal

Is either one of those right or the combination right?

???

No.

Adal

Crows in the winter dies in the summer. And what was the last part? Roots up?

Erin

Roots up might get 100%.

JPC

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Erin, is this icicles?

00:51:55

Erin

Yes. Yes! Whoa, whoa. Couldn't it also be humans? Couldn't it also be humans? Couldn't it also be humans?

JPC

Couldn't it also be humans?

Adal

Couldn't it also be humans? Couldn't it also be humans? Couldn't it also be humans?

JPC

Couldn't it also be humans? Couldn't it also be humans?

Adal

Couldn't it also be humans?

JPC

Couldn't it also be humans? Couldn't it also be humans?

Adal

Couldn't it also be humans? Couldn't it also be humans? Couldn't it also be humans? Couldn't it also be humans? Couldn't it also be humans? Couldn't it also be humans? Couldn't it also be humans? Couldn't it also be humans? Couldn't it also be humans? Couldn't it also be humans? Couldn't it also be humans? Couldn't it also

JPC

I like the human angle on that one as well.

Adal

Um, JPC, Jasper, and Erin, the three of you are icicles. Um, it is, uh, slowly becoming or quickly becoming summer or spring, I guess would be the more appropriate season. Great. And the three of you are slowly kind of withering away and you're, you're trying to kind of tick off your bucket list before, um, you melt away.

Jasper

Oh, I, um, really want to sing a song. I love to sing a song just like a sweet little you know like operatic song you know like a haunting boy song Kyle it does not count as a bucket list you sing every day please Kyle do not say everyone is begging you not to sing Kyle Kyle I'm gonna be alive for another level here he goes

00:53:19

Erin

Are you crying or sweating?

Jasper

The fact that you can't tell the difference is exactly why we shouldn't be friends anymore.

JPC

We're all not gonna be friends. We're all gonna be puddles on the ground, okay? What? Can I say something? This is my first summer, what do you mean? This is just me, this is just me being honest. I kind of hate how fucking good I look right now. Like I know I'm on the way out and it sucks, but this is maybe the best, I mean I feel good.

Jasper

That's toxic.

JPC

I feel like I'm glistening.

Jasper

He does have a good girth though, he's a good girth. Yeah.

JPC

I'm girthy, I'm glowing, I'm glistening, like this is me, I feel like me. The sun's hitting you just right. I know! On my good icicle side.

Erin

Kyle, Caleb, I know I give you both a hard time, but what if we decide to meet back up here next year and become icicles in the very same roof?

Jasper

What do you say? Yo.

Erin

That's really cool.

JPC

I mean, I would love to.

Jasper

I'm gonna spend the whole of summer finding new songs to sing. Like, so many new songs. Okay, I'll be busy next winter.

00:54:24

Erin

I'll be busy next winter.

Adal

Thanks for watching!

JPC

It goes into the ground, it goes into a river, it goes into a cloud, and they all meet back together next winter, and they're like, how is everyone summer? It's like, oh my god, I went to Spain. How'd you get to Spain? Precipitation. Precipitation.

Erin

Oh my god, I was drank. It was traumatic. The inside of the human body is disgusting. Okay. One more, two more. One more, two more. I don't get this one. I don't know what it's all about. Suppose there was a cat in each corner of the room. Cat sitting opposite each cat, a cat looking at each cat, and a cat sitting on each cat's tail. How many cats would there be? Fuck y'all. Good luck.

00:55:31

JPC

What?

Erin

And one cat, one cat eating chips looking at the other cat's going yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep y

Jasper

Four cats. Four cats.

Erin

You got it.

Jasper

There's four cats. They're all sat on their own tails. They're all looking at each other. Yeah, four cats. Boom. Mic drop. Let's go. Incredible. What the fuck? You're a ringer. I told you. I told you. It's ten seconds or nothing.

JPC

You called your shot at the beginning of the episode. I've never seen a shot called that successfully in all of my years.

Adal

I told you. It's either clicking or it's not. Jasper, we do have to, legally we have to make you a full-time host now. You are Jasper, the friendly host. That's a fun little nickname we just gave you.

Jasper

Okay, let's go. I'll get my agent to contact you. Let's go, I'm down. Let's go. This is a friendly time zone for me. I'm not normally doing stuff at 20 to 11 at night. You know what I mean?

00:56:34

Erin

It's an honor that you decided to do this.

Adal

I truly have to say, just full stop real quick, I truly, no hyperbole, I truly have to say from any guest we've ever had and from the three of us hosts, that was the most impressive solve I've ever seen on this show.

JPC

Yeah.

Jasper

I genuinely agree.

Erin

We'll send you an award in the mail.

Jasper

How did you get my address? Please delete that.

JPC

You said you're an hour outside of Manchester and also buy like a dress barn or something. I was paying attention.

Adal

I'm on my machine trying to find it. You said you're getting married in a dress barn, right? Yes, yes, yes.

Erin

Alright, we're gonna do one more.

Adal

Take us home, Erin. Perfect. Take us home.

JPC

Erin, take us home.

Adal

Erin, take us home. We're bored.

Erin

Erin, are we there yet? And you will listen to the good lady reading the riddles.

Jasper

I hate you. Listen to the good lady. Come on. I'm with you, Erin. I'm listening.

Erin

Thank you. God, it is so nice to have one person here that likes and respects me. Isn't it nice, guys? Adal, isn't it nice to have someone here that respects me?

00:57:38

Adal

Adal, Erin, and JPC don't do that. No.

Erin

I'm really mean to both of them, and I feel bad about it sometimes.

JPC

It's nice to have one person here that likes and respects me, I say to no one.

Jasper

Yeah, I feel kind of bad. I came in straight in with the, like, going for you, JPC, for like no reason. Yeah, you got the vibe. You got it right. You got it right. Entirely no reason. Yeah, so I apologize. Well, it's just his face. Yeah, I apologize, but if you could stop talking, that would be great. Like, that would be sweet.

Erin

Okay. What is the best thing to make in a hurry?

JPC

Time? A mess.

Adal

Makeup time?

Erin

You're on the right track.

Adal

What's the best thing to make in a hurry? I guess it's crispy treats.

Erin

Adal, yes, technically correct, but no.

Adal

What is the best thing to make in a hurry? Make waste. Make up.

Erin

No, I thought you had it for a second, but I... Waste?

00:58:40

Adal

Waste? Waste? Waste not want not. Make haste.

Erin

Not waste. Make haste. Make haste. Yeah. Nice.

Adal

Of course haste is short for Hastings Pudding, which is a club at Harvard.

JPC

Wow. It's been a while since we got a riddle because you got the rhyme, you got a rhyming word correct and then you worked backwards from the rhyme.

Adal

Appropriate with a British guest. We learned Cockney rhyming slang last time we had a... We know all about Cockney rhyming slang now. Hey, there we go. Up the old apples and pears.

Jasper

I love it. Yeah, nice. That was like one of the only ones that just like came to my head. I was like, what have I got? Truly though, Cockney Rhyming Slag is anything. Like I've known a couple of like true cockneys before and I'm like, oh, it's just anything that you can think of that rhymes. There is no like set like other than like apples and pears. That's the only ones I've heard like consistently. Otherwise they just make it up. I'm convinced they just make it up.

JPC

We did an episode where we did a Cockney rhyming song that we had to try to guess, and one of our patrons, they were like, you guys said this on the show, and it means this. And the person who did the Cockney rhyming song was like, I've actually never heard that before, but it's all, it's everything is everything.

00:59:48

Jasper

Everything is assumed.

Adal

So, yeah. Jasper, thank you so, so much for coming on. This was an absolute delight. Do you have anything that you would like to plug for our listeners?

Jasper

Thank you so much for having me. This has been a complete blast. It was lovely to do this. What would I like to plug? I guess I'd like to plug Three Black Halflings. That's the main podcast that I do. I'm doing some others at the moment. I'm on a show called Games and Feelings, which is all about Navigating your feelings when playing games because there's no instruction manual for your feels when you play the games. Exactly. I'm also starting as a host on the Performance Capture podcast, which is all about how to get into video game acting and demystifying all the weird dots and cameras and things that are on your face. Um, and yeah, I think other than that, just like, if you want to follow me, you can. I've got JW on a school car, right? I've got some really cool stuff coming up, which I'm so excited to shout about, but I can't because it's all fricking NBA'd at the moment. And I'm like, come on, please, you're killing me over here.

01:01:01

JPC

That NDA wedding in seven weeks.

Jasper

Yeah, that huge NDA wedding. The address is no. Wow, that would be playing with fire. But yeah, no, genuinely such a pleasure to be here. I feel honored to have been in Adal and Erin, your presence. It's been great.

JPC

There's actually a cream that you can take if you've been in my presence.

Erin

You're actually entitled to some compensation.

JPC

Have you been to the presence of a JPC? Call the number at the bottom of the screen.

Adal

You might have mesophilioma. Erin, anything you'd like to plug?

Erin

Well, I'd like to plug sitcom D&D. Jasper, we haven't talked about this, but technically you are slotted to be on season three of sitcom D&D. Ah, yes, I am.

JPC

Let's do that.

Erin

That'll be in the second half of the season.

JPC

Wait, how have you never talked about it but it's happening?

Erin

You don't know.

Jasper

Kind of like connections. People putting emails in and then people being busy and then getting to reply to emails for me.

01:02:04

Erin

That's the long answer. The short answer is the internet.

Jasper

I'll say it.

JPC

GPC shut up. Yeah, the internet.

Erin

The internet. Yeah, but that I think is going to be really, really fun. We're so excited to have you on the show. And I think we picked fun characters for you. So that'll be great. And that's all to plug for me. Adal, anything to plug?

Adal

Yes, please check out Magic Tavern. I think we just hit our eight-year anniversary. Holy shit. Having some fun. Wow. Erin was on our eight-year anniversary. Erin and Steve Altinas, Tom Blaine-Belleroth, and Olivia. I forget Olivia's last name. Nielsen. Nielsen, thank you so much. I wanted to say Coleman, and then I'm like, nope, that's one of my favorite actresses. But big gift. Huge gift. Huge, yeah. Unbelievable. Oscar winner. Also, please check out my new game show podcast, Tell Me About It, by Multitude, produced by Multitude, and also co-starring Eric Silver.

Jasper

Hey, it's altitude. We're multitudes buddies. Games and feelings, it's multitudes. Yeah, I do that with Riddle. And me and Eric literally co-host that show. That's incredible, I did not know that. What does this guy co-host? Well Jasper, then you have to- We need to co-host together. Me and you to complete the trifecta of, you know what I mean?

01:03:08

Adal

We'll do a podcast prank calling JPC, daily.

Jasper

Yeah, I love that.

Adal

Just to wind up spaghetti and make his life far. It'll be cold, why doesn't this guy have feelings? Jasper will have to have you on, tell me about it sometime. Yes! I'm out of your games with Felix. Let's do it. There we go. GPC. What do you wanna do?

JPC

When this episode comes out, it'll be this weekend. So it'll be Saturday the 11th. I am doing a, I'll say it right now, I'm doing probably a 12 hour stream. It's a fundraiser stream, raising money for my older brother's city council run. So he is trying to be coming city councilor in Indianapolis. And if you live in Indianapolis, you can vote for him. But if you don't live in Indianapolis, you can help raise money for his campaign. That is twitch.tv slash shark barkman Saturday, March 11th. Starting probably around 10am Central Time, so come hang out, throw some money at us, there will be some incentives for you to give away your money that I'm not too excited about, but you should still join, and Adal and Erin will be there for at least part of it, so you'll probably see them.

01:04:17

Jasper

It would be a normal time for me. They couldn't hear, we couldn't hear them in the studio, but the people at home could hear everyone. And we tried to run a game of D&D and it was 13 hours into the Jeff's 24 hour live stream. And he was just like, what's going on? It was a, it was an interesting experience.

JPC

Hey, I will say that I followed a lot of that on social media and it looked like a lot of fun.

Erin

Yeah.

Adal

Yeah, it was a wild time. Two quick questions. One, JPC correct me if I'm wrong, isn't the current city council official in Indianapolis, isn't that a pigeon with two heads?

JPC

Hey Riddle.

Erin

I think that that pigeon with two heads when one of them's a coin is from Jupiter.

01:05:22

Adal

Bye forever.

Erin

Jasper come back anytime.

JPC

Hey there maples and leafs. If you like that, you're going to love this week's Patreon. We do more public access TV shows, but this time they're coming from the land of Canada. You can listen to that and the entire back catalog by going to patreon.com slash hey riddle riddle and joining the clue crew for $5 a month or the review crew. And you get those ad free episodes for $8 a month. See you there.

Jasper

That was a hate gun podcast.