Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum podcast.

I have a large hot black coffee for Adal. Large hot black coffee for Adal.

Uh, yeah, this is Adal.

Oh, uh, here you go.

Sorry, I'm behind you. Sorry, I was kind of taking a look at the pastries back here. Couldn't see them through the glass.

Oh, no, no worries. Um, yeah, if you want to make- Well your apron's undone, let me just tie this- Nope, that's across the line. That's something I can't abide. No, if you want to, if you do want to make an order just to the, to the other side of the glass and then, uh, talk to, you know, just wait in line with it.

Let me just try and walk over this counter here.

Oh, I'm stuck, I'm stuck, I'm stuck. Just the way you came in, that can't be how you got in.

It's like I'm getting on a horse, a really tall, wide horse.

Well, you're not moving at all, you're stuck. You're very stuck.

Okay, well my friend will get me. Erin?

I'm waiting for my coffee, Adal. I can't help you right now. I'm sorry, are you Erin? Yes.

We actually, thank you. I was going to go around individually. You're welcome. I was going to individually ask people if they were Erin. The barista does not consent to make what you ordered.

Why?

I'm sorry, but technically what you ordered is just over the threshold and it's too much of a milkshake. You're going to have to go to a milkshake store. We can give you the little bit of coffee. And then you can just dump it in the milkshake. What? I'm sorry.

Okay.

Uh, you can't, I would not sit on this floor.

You have to get up off the floor. Excuse me, sir.

Yes. This is my daughter, Erin. And if she wants a nerds yogurt and coffee milkshake, you will make her a nerds yogurt and coffee milkshake.

I would love to. I'm not the barista. I am the barista in training and the barista does not consent to make that beverage.

Ugh, fine. I will just take three breakfast sandwiches to go for free.

For the troubles. Here's what I will say. I'll give you two breakfast sandwiches, one for you and one for your... and I'll say father, but no one is my father. Older friend. Older friend, thank you. We'll give them to you for free, but then you have to leave and you can never come back.

Four breakfast sandwiches and I start working here.

And, and, and you have to tell us your thoughts on Fleishman's in trouble.

Okay, here's what I will say. I'll give you three breakfast sandwiches, you pick up weekend shifts, and I tell you my thoughts on endgame. Not the Avengers movie, the Alex Jones documentary from 10 years ago.

Ooh. Well, yes.

Yes, it's the whole deal. Hey, everybody. Welcome to Let's Make a Deal. I'm your host, JPC, with me, as always, my co-hosts with the mo-host, Adal Rifai and Erin Keif. Adal Rifai and Erin Keif, how's it going?

Let's make a deal.

It's going good, Wink, thank you so much. Oh, I'm sorry, it's JPZ. It's not Wink.

Thanks, Wink. Margo Wink Martindale?

There was a person in Chicago who introduced themselves to me as Wink, and I thought it was a bit, and then later I realized, oh no, that person's name is Wink, and that's not a bit, that's their name. Yeah, there's so many in an improper community named Wink. Pretty cool. There was a butt blank, and you miss it. And he opened his eye.

Abras los Ojos.

Um, what's up? Have you eaten any good food lately?

Erin, I'm so glad you asked. I just- What the fuck is going on?

I don't know. I forgot how to be a person. What was she talking about?

I don't know. I got back from a little place called Dallas, Texas. I wouldn't recommend going there. It's not very fun. But my dad lives there and I stayed with him for two nights or something. And I had some fantastic home cooked Middle Eastern food. He made me my favorite, which is Magluba, which is Arabic for upside down. So if you watch Stranger Things in the Middle East, they get stuck in the Magluba.

Magluba! You guys are freaking genius! Magluba! Thank you.

Pretty upset I didn't come up with that pun. But it's like rice and cauliflower and chicken and you put yogurt on it and it's fantastic. So I had some very, very good home cooked Middle Eastern food. And I'm tickled pink and I wish yours- Is your dad?

This is shocking me to my core. Is your dad a good cook?

He's a very good cook. Wow. But specifically he can make like eight dishes superbly. And then my stepmother, Sabah, does the rest of the cooking and she's fantastic as well. But he makes hummus, he'll make magluba, he'll make stuffed zucchini, grape leaves, stuff like that.

Wow, okay.

See, I'm so glad I asked that super awkward question.

Yeah. Erin, I got a question for you.

What's up?

Is your dad a good cook?

Yes. My dad's a very good cook.

Wow.

I'd say that was pretty evenly split growing up of how much cooking my mom and dad did.

Nah, that's not what I asked. I didn't say how often he cooks.

Well, I think that- My dad cooks every fucking day. I will say my dad is a very good cook, but my dad is the best sandwich maker of anyone I've ever met in my life. I aspire to be like him.

Okay. So this confuses me. So what, what makes someone a good sandwich maker? Because a sandwich is technically as making a sandwich is like getting a Lego set where it's like, my son puts together Legos better than anyone. It's like, well, we all get the same Legos. What does that mean that he puts them together the best?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Making a sandwich is like writing a love letter. Okay.

The wetter the better.

The wetter the better. You spray it with perfume. So get the red ink, okay. Well, actually my mom's dad used to always say, put a little love into it. Nothing tastes better than a sandwich that someone... It means put effort into it, try to cut it nice. What does that mean? Put chips on the side, really be meticulous about making it look nice and getting the details right.

Okay, so Erin, if I may. Making a great sandwich means adding sides. So if you put a pickle and chips with it, that makes a good sandwich.

No, no, Adal. I need to get on a plane right now and I will make you the sandwich of your life.

Adal, you want to make a regular sandwich and then be like, my baby now can't go loving your love. And then just like start eating the sandwich that way.

J.P.C., do you know what I'm talking about? Do you understand what I mean when I say putting love into a sandwich?

I think that there are some people that cook to eat, this is going to be tasty food. And then some people care a lot about the presentation and the rest of it, the other aspect of it. Because like Adal said, you can make a turkey and cheese sandwich, but you can also take your time to fold the turkey in a way that will make it more cushioned or whatever for the bite down to give the sandwich more gravitas.

For the life of me, my fitted turkey, I cannot learn how to fold it.

Anytime I get my fitted turkey, I get the dryer. That's so funny. It sucks so bad.

I don't get my fitted turkey out of the dryer. It is so, it is, the minute I bite into it, my mouth is like a vacuum. It goes completely dry.

First of all, give me two minutes. Let me come over, give me two minutes. I will ruin your bed. I will change your life. That's not impressive. It'll change your life. Two minutes for a little bit.

I have more to say about sandwiches. It doesn't just mean presentation. It means not cutting corners. So like, if my dad is making you a tuna melt, for example.

Well, you don't want to cut the corners off the sandwich. I knew you were going to say that. That's the smuckers I'm cooking.

But he's making you a tuna melt. He'll like put the tuna in a bowl and mix it with like sriracha and mayo and then salt like season that correctly and then he'll like make sure the cheese is perfectly melted. He'll like do the best job at each step and then he'll get you like a little juice glass of like cranberry juice and some Cape Cod potato chips on the side of the sandwich. It'll bring it to you with a smile. And it's the best. I can't, you have to, I need to make you sandwiches. I need you to understand.

Okay, Erin, here's the plan. We will do, we will do a show in the Boston area in the next year.

Thank you.

Year and a half, two years, ten years. Your dad has to make his sandwiches. Here's what I'll say is I've definitely made like leftover Thanksgiving sandwiches with leftover turkey. And I did something where I was like turkey, mustard, sliced avocado, mustard cheese. And then I did something where I was like I buttered the outside of the bread. I think it was outside the bread and toasted it and that when you when you butter and toast well you're gonna toast both sides of the bread but when you butter the outside of the toast and bite into it for whatever reason that makes it three times more delicious so I will say I understand now hold the fuck on what are you talking about butter the outside of toast

You butter both sides. You butter both sides of toast.

Or butter both sides. But if you butter the outside, when you bite into it, you're getting a tooth full of butter every time. And it's so tasty.

JPC, this is a very common thing, especially if you're making a little sandwich in a pan.

I know it's a common thing. That's why I'm asking why you're bringing it up. Do you think people are not buttering the top of the fucking bread?

Both sides. Are you buttering both sides?

I don't normally have sandwiches where the outside is better. The inside, yes, but the outside, no.

So when you're making a grilled cheese, you go, let me butter the underside of this, the side that's touching the cheese, fry it in the pan, and what, ruin it? What do you think you're eating in that instance? Someone help, help me.

No, Adal, you're right. Also, when you're making a grilled cheese, I put a little bit of butter and then also, this is a chef's trick that I learned from chefs. Chef Fries? Chefies.

The plural of chef is... Erin's having a stroke.

Chefries. Chefries. You put a tiny bit of like vegan-aise or mayonnaise on the outside and that's what gives it that like restaurant toasting on the outside of your grilled cheese sandwiches.

Man is will crisp up your bread, but what it won't do is taste like butter. And here's the thing, butter, that's the best. That's the best tasting thing.

Well, JPC, here's another example. You have like a pretty famous breakfast sandwich that you make, right?

Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, it's been a while since I've made myself a breakfast sandwich that puts me fucking out for four and a half hours. Usually I kind of like my weekends a little bit. Right, the weekender. And it's 40 eggs.

Hey Riddle.

Probably maybe a little more than 10 dishes that I can make really well. But I don't really stray outside of my comfort zone very much. Like if I'm not making like chili or a bolognese or like stuffed peppers or something like that. I'm sorry, strum-bully. I'm not one of these guys who's like, I'm going to seek out a bunch of new recipes. Like I figured out how to cook like biscuits and gravy really well and that's just like now that's one of my things. Yes, yes, yes.

I feel like a lot of dads, and it's different when you're a vegetarian, but they decide that the grill is their thing.

Yep, for sure. Oh, pit master. You get a backyard dad? That is, oh boy, you better not touch those tongs.

My backyard dad energy is I see somebody grilling and I go, hey, let me throw some veggie dogs on it. Ruin your fucking grill. Let these things drip down into the grill and just dissolve. Hey, look at these veggie dogs. They don't have grill instructions on them. Yeah, that's because they cannot be grilled. They will not work.

GPC, what are more of the things that you are great at cooking? So you said biscuits and gravies, the weekender sandwich that makes you fall asleep for 100 years.

The captain's nap. I do love that weekender sandwich. I make a mean butter tofu masala. I, let's see, what do I... Oh, we owe butter tofu. I make a, I make a bolognese. Would you just get butter tofu? That's duck, yeah. Let's see. Wait, hold on. Let me pop into this. I'll pop into this.

This is my... Erin, aren't you glad you asked, did anybody eat any good food? This has been like a 40 minute conversation.

That's fascinating to me. Adal, I didn't even tell my mouse to say that. It just came out and I was like, what are you freaking talking about weirdo?

You shouldn't have said that. You should have told your mouth not to say that part. That's weird. You're weird.

Hey Riddle.

Tutankhamun? He was a farro.

He was a farro. He was a different farro. Hey Riddle I will be honest, they didn't have it at Costco for a couple months and then I saw it again and I think I bought six boxes and I just filled my freezer with it because I was like, I'm not going to get into a situation where they're not going to have this again. If they're just going to stop selling it, I'm not going to fuck around. I even went to the company's website and tried to buy it and they were like, we only sell it to grocery stores and I was like, what do you need for me to be a grocery store? What do I have to prove to you that I'm Jewel Osko? You need me to make aisles? I'll make aisles. I got space in my house. I'll put up aisles. Okay, well hey, look, we can't fuck around because I think that this is a good start to the show. We all have a really good energy, right?

Yes.

You ready to ruin it? Well, here's what I'll say.

I have good energy and also I'm starving though.

I'm feeling a little weak. I'm a little lightheaded. I need food.

Maybe I'll put a disclaimer that you should just skip the first 15 minutes if you haven't had lunch yet. I'm about to ruin your guys' time because I was, I was, I was kicking around. I was kicking around today. I'm old man puzzles. And I was like, what am I going to do? What am I going to do for Riddles? And look what I saw out of the corner of my eyes. Huh? What is it?

Oh my God. I forgot about that.

It's the blue book, which tells us the current value of lemon riddles. It's been a while, my friends.

Did you wait till my brain fully forgot it to bring it back? I had like probably 45 minutes of peace.

I popped into what I call the Riddle Library, which is one shelf of a bookshelf in my house. And I found this blue book and I said, you know what? It's gotta be the blue book. And I'll tell you what. I looked through it. Some of the riddles that we're going to do today pissed me off. They're bad.

They are bad. I think in the first episode maybe featured the blue book and then we buried it 10 feet underground and then one day I opened my front door and it was sitting on my porch.

It whacked you in the head.

It popped up off the porch. Don't know how it got out of its grave.

Backed me across the face.

It introduced me to its kids. It is a cursed object. And a lot of people have said this is maybe one of the most Um, not requests that I get, but one of the most talked about things that I get from fans of the show is what is the name of the Blue Book? They say you just keep calling it the Blue Book. We'll never say. Cannot say it. We'll never say.

To say this to welcome evil into your home.

Some people have also found other blue books, and they were like, is this the blue book? And I'm like, I can tell you for sure it's not.

Oh, I'll say it. It's Stinky Stinky Riddle.

Erin, no.

Sorry.

Stinky riddles for terrible people. All right, here you go. This one's really bad, but I love it. And as always, do remember that the blue book also has clues, so I can give you clues to these as well.

Oh, right. Okay, sorry.

We didn't have to- Stinky riddles for shitty kids.

We didn't have to do this just to invoke the book. Riddle book, riddle book, riddle book.

It's right behind you. Hit me in the fucking head again. Here we go. Why was a man at a fairground blowing darts through a concealed blowpipe?

Listen, if someone wants to blow darts at their business.

This is a book.

Why was a man at the fairground blowing darts, what was the last part? Through a concealed blowpipe. We're on the end of the fairground and he's blowing darts. He was a carnival ninja.

And the gutter because of Adal. Now I'm just thinking about 69ing blow darts. And that's just not my fault.

You keep poisoning yourself.

Oh well I was 69ing darts.

Oh okay thank you.

What was happening in this?

What's the carnival ninja? 69ing darts barely makes more sense.

Whatever man.

My favorite magnetic field song.

I mean, this is a man out of fairgrounds. He's blowing darts to a concealed pipe and we got to figure out why he's doing this.

Okay. So, okay. At a fairground, you assume it's going to be like a county or state fair. Erin, what's at a county or state fair? We are trying to pitch a TV show that's I have a question for you.

You got county fair, you got state fair, and you got world's fair. What about country fair? We don't have country fairs.

There's a country fair. I forgot that one, Erin. There's a country fair. It's Kenny Chesney. Regional fair. Yes, the regional fair. Renaissance fair. Thomas Crown Affair. The Tava Scrattle Fair, of course.

I think we should look back into trying to do a tour of every single state fair as the three of us. I think that I want to be treated to the show.

Honestly, I'm vibrating with excitement. That is my dream to travel to taste all the foods, to write all the rights, to see all the sights at every state fair, and then write a review for Vulture, for Ringer, whatever it is, and just be a huge ranked.

I want to throw up

I don't want to get too personal, but I have a rule that I live my life by, which is never give yourself diarrhea if you're in a place where that was going to be very inconvenient for you. Trust me, fool me once, shame on me, but I'm 34 at this point. I'm not trying to live my life like I'm a fucking young gun anymore.

Eating fried Pepsi. You do?

Oh, I'd love to hear it, Erin.

He was trying to pop a balloon in a game to discreetly win it for his kid or some bullshit like that.

Yes, yes, yes, yes. Erin, I would say that you are only correct and that it is some bullshit like that, but it is not quite that. But your brain is in the right place.

Is correctly broken.

Yeah.

Okay, I know what's going on. Okay, I think I solved it. So this man is at the fairgrounds and he went because he's a big, I think they call him, gear heads. He likes cars. And he wanted to drive real fast, but his license is suspended. But he heard at the fair they had go-karts. Okay. And he knows that you don't have to have a license to drive a go-kart. Yeah. So he's on the way there. And as he's there, you know that ride that's like a ship, a pirate ship that swings back and forth. It's like a pendulous swing momentum.

Yeah, you all get inside. It's like a little pendulum raised above the ground. Sure.

He dropped his hat. He blew under that. He got bonked on the head super hard. Didn't kill him. But his brains were scramby.

Did you say didn't kill him?

Didn't kill him.

All right. Yeah. Keep going.

Sorry.

So he puts his hat back on and suddenly he goes, he forgot that he was going to ride go-karts. He was like, yes, I'm here to blow darts. So in his head, he's like, blow darts. So he goes, grabs a little blow gun or whatever they're called.

Sure. Yeah.

And he just starts blow darting everyone in the neck. Am I close? Am I right?

Did he get it? You said the bump didn't kill him?

Well, it's much like Chernobyl where it's like an invisible force and they get exposed.

I was like, what are you about to say?

They're like, we're already dead. The people who were there at Chernobyl, they knew they were dead, but it's just a matter of time. And they called it the invisible force, right? Yes, exactly. Well, a midichlorian.

I think this is a legal, the medical term is midichlorian. It's been retconned to Metachlorian.

I'd like to see a scene. You are two grown men riding the bumper cars and you're way too old to be there.

Can you believe this fucking traffic? What is going on? Go around. Go around. I can't- Hey asshole. I can't go around. You're blocking the whole fucking- God damn it.

What is going on? Friend, I apologize. Is my signal not working?

It's your signal not working.

I'm trying to take a right. Let me use the hand signal.

Are you kidding me? It's 6 p.m. You can't be taking a right on this road at 6 p.m. It is bumper car to bumper car gridlock out here.

Bump, bump, I bumped you. Oh, oh, my neck, my back.

I saw it all. Call the officers, I saw it all.

You're funny.

She t-boned him. Let me get my, oh now I'm hungry, let me get my insurance. A glove compartment is an opening. It doesn't seem like there is a glove compartment. Where did I put my insurance?

Bumped you again! Holy crap! This lady's ruthless!

I'm gonna have to be bumper medevaced out of here. Call the bumper medevaced.

Let me hit my OnStar and have him start calling for help. The goddamn on star in this? What the heck? What is going on here? What is going on here? I really want you guys to get it because Erin is so close. Do you want me to give you the clues?

Okay.

No one seemed enthusiastic for the clues.

Okay, here's a guess. So it is the balloon pop game, and what it is is it's like a sickly kid.

No, it's not the balloon pop game.

It's like dream is to win the game, and so the host of the game, what do you call the people who run the host?

You only get one of these per riddle, and you already used it on the guy who bumped the other guy.

Oh, he's trying to tranquilize an animal.

No, not an animal.

I'll give you the clues.

I'll give you the clues. Tranquilize a clown. There's no tranquilizing here. Okay, so clue number one is he was secretly blowing darts at particular targets. And clue number two, his nefarious actions generated more sales at the fairground.

It's gonna get him kicked out of targets. Amen. Generate sales. Okay.

Poppin' tires. Poppin'... Poppin' bottles.

Erin, you were correct with what he was popping. You were just wrong for the why.

Oh, he's popping balloons. Oh, I see what's happening. He's popping children's balloons so that the parents will go try and win them another one or buy them a new one.

Yes, he is popping balloons at the exit of the fairgrounds so that parents will have to go back in and buy their child another balloon.

That's the most evil thing I've ever heard. I do want to see a scene. Um, let's see here. Uh, JPC, you are my father. I'm a little child. Um, we're leaving, we're exiting the fairgrounds. Erin, you are carnival chaos. You are, you're the most evil person alive and you try and you try and make sure we do not leave the carnival ground without spending a little bit more money.

Hey buddy, that was a fun day, huh?

Yeah. Willy fun. I can't believe, I can't believe I won a stuffed animal. Look at my elephant daddy.

Oh, dropped your ice cream.

Excuse me sir, that wasn't our ice cream.

Have a good day. Oh, but doesn't it look good before it dropped onto the ground?

Dad, it did look good. What kind of ice cream was that?

The Dippin' Dots. Oh, delicious. Eat some off the ground. I can't recommend it enough.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Please, sir, don't eat the ice cream off the ground. My bad, I don't know if I bumped you when I was bending down to talk to my son. I'll buy you another ice cream.

Oh, and I'll buy yourself several. Uh-oh, a crazy guy strangling a new stuffed animal and ripping his head off. Ripping his head off.

Daddy, at least he has the self-awareness to call himself a crazy guy. That's progress.

Yeah, hey Tommy. Stay behind me, son. Stay behind me. Sir, take the animal. Take the animal. You can have the stuffed animal. You can't quite... It looks like you're having some trouble getting the head off of it. You want me to start it up for you? I can kind of give you... Yeah, if you could. Here you go. Just tearing a couple stitches. Here? Yeah, you might have a job. Yeah, I'm a veterinarian.

He's used to looking off animal heads.

You got the money to spend to buy more tickets. Turn back around. The sun even isn't set yet. It didn't even set.

We have to get to my wife's grave. We have to say our prayer before we head back home.

Oh, I actually think I saw that here. I think I saw that here. I think it's here.

No, it's in the cemetery a couple of miles from here. Yeah.

Are you sure a lot of people die here?

Tommy, mom did die here, but she was not buried here.

Daddy, tell me how mommy died at the carnival again.

Well, we don't really know. All the police would tell me was that a crazy man ripped her head off. After several attempts.

Was she dressed like a stuffed animal?

She actually worked here at the carnival. She was a stuffed animal greeter.

Oh, Janine. Janine's your wife.

You knew my wife. You knew my Janine.

Yeah. She was the best at spilling kids ice creams. No one better. Aww. But then she dressed up like a stuffed animal for Halloween Mornier. And you know how that went. Anyways. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Turn back around, give me your wallets.

We got Dad. We got him. We got him on tape. He admitted it. Drips open chest, shows wire connected to a tape recorder. Bob died in February. Oh.

What's going on? You can never catch me. I'm carnival chaos, baby.

Fireball. She just drank a shot of Fireball.

You go to escape and you just take a shot instead.

Did anything happen? Did I disappear?

Goldschlager. Fireball. We still keep coming to this carnival for God knows what reason. Hey, you know what? God knows what reason, and we have to take our little break to go and say our prayers, and we'll be right back after we've prayed to our respective gods.

I know what you're thinking. Do I have a new hat, Adal and JPC? New haircut? Why am I walking around with so much confidence?

I bet you're wondering. I wanted pretzels from the food court.

And I was just going to let you know that it looks like you leaned on paint.

Anyways, I just had a bunch of subscriptions canceled for me by Rocket Money that I wasn't using. And so now I'm flushed with cash and now I'm confident. Pretzel money? Well, maybe we'll talk about that. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years, even before they were a sponsor.

Erin, it looks like you may have leaned on like with someone painting a rocket money like billboard or sign or something because it's all it's all down your back it's like and it's I could ock it ock it

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You're also color-coded. A little birdie told me that Rocket Money also lets you monitor all your expenses in one place, recommends custom budgets based on your past spending, and they'll even send you notifications when you've reached your spending limits, which sounds like something my friend would like, but I forget which friend I'm so hungry for pretzels.

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Hey, what's going on? Somebody leaned over my rocket money paint thing. Run. Everybody run. Run.

Is that DaVinci?

Yeah. Yes. And bye. Amen. Amen. Who'd you guys pray to this time?

You. We did not answer back. You didn't answer back. What'd you say? What'd you ask for?

More wishes. That's not how it works.

That's not how it works.

You wouldn't know, Adal, you're an atheist. Fuck you.

Well, I tried something new and I prayed to Gaia, aka Mother Earth, aka Whoopi Goldberg and Captain Planet. And I think it worked pretty well because my garden out back grew 10 inches.

G'day. Is it 10 inch sirloin steak? That's not 10 inches. That's 10 inches. Are you guys ready for a history question? No. This is a riddle from this, I guess, book of riddles. Here we go. This one's called History Question. What happened in London on September 8th, 1752? The riddle is, again, the riddle is, what happened in London on September 8th, 1752? That's the riddle.

I think I know the answer.

Please.

I want to say 13 and 15 people got pickpocketed. I want to say there was probably some sort of shouting match in the town square. I'm guessing Parliament. Met up to pass some sort of law. I assume there was a few horses who kicked people when they died.

What else, Erin?

Someone said, isn't it nice that it's been seven years since the war? That's what someone said. And then someone else said, it isn't it nice that we still have a few more years before another war. Not sure how many.

And somebody said, I need six eggs.

That's too expensive. There must be. That was in France.

That was France.

France. I don't know. I mean, if you're in France or London, you're only a few years away, either way, from another war. So it's like always pretty safe that there was a war happening.

JPC, is it something like Charles Dickens wrote one of his fucking books?

No, it's nothing like Charles Dickens wrote one of his fucking books. Now I'll tell you what, this one sucks a big fucking egg and I will give you the clues and I'll give it to you for free.

So we, so I'm guessing we don't have all the information we need to answer this.

I mean, You could get lucky.

The calendar changed to that date.

Like something shit like that. Yes, Erin. You are so fucking close.

Daylights time was invented.

You're so close, Erin, that I feel like I might as well just give it to you because you said the word calendar. And I, well here, let me give you the clues and see if maybe you can get it, get what happened here.

September 8th, 1752. A day that shall live in me.

September 8th, 1752 is a very unusual day, but there were 10 other days like it. Wait. Remember? Okay, Adal, you're saying wait. I'm seeing you do something. Whatever you're doing can't be right.

So it's descending. It's the first time in history there's been descending numbers. So it's September, which is nine, uh, eighth, which is eight. And then it, and then it's, but then it's back. With seven. The seven and seventeen. We're back baby. Then we of course skip a number as per the London mathematics. They call that London skipsies? Yep, London skipsies. So we skip six. We're back to five. Of course five minus three is two. Because we skip six.

Calendar is my guess.

Erin says calendar, Adal said some insane bullshit. Here's your next clue. No significant wars, births, deaths, disasters, achievements, or discoveries happened in London that day.

Can you imagine you're born September 8th, 1752. 300 years later, some riddle book says there were no significant births that day. What a slap in the fucking face.

Hearing that, Especially at your old age. Might be enough to kill ya.

Adal, you were born that year. How does it make you feel here?

Erin, you are incorrigible. Go around. Go around. No, but seriously, Adal, you're old as fucking dust and dirt and death, so please tell us the answer to this riddle.

Methuselah.

Erin, okay, I'm giving it to Erin. Erin kind of got it. She said one of the words that is part of this answer, so that counts. Your answer is absolutely nothing.

The standards for me are so low here. I absolutely love it. I give you basically the bare minimum and everyone's like, yay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, if it were your dad here, we would demand perfection. We wouldn't let him cut corners on a tuna melt, if you know what I'm saying. That's a muddy phrase.

Yes, and the answer is love inside of chips with a big old smile.

So the answer is absolutely nothing happened in London on that day. It was one of the 11 days dropped when the old calendar was adjusted to the new calendar.

It was one of 11 days dropped, so hold on, in London, you're telling me in London, or in England, you're telling me, you're telling me in London and England, you're telling me, there's no September 8th?

I think what happened was they had a year where in order to like fix the calendar, they were like, okay, so these 11 days don't exist. for that year. Let me just check my notes to see what I read it earlier, what I found, what I googled it. Oh, I guess I didn't fucking do that, did I?

So who gives a shit? Old timey England's out here dropping dates. They're omitting. They're deleting days of the year.

I would like to see a scene. They're just trying to delete their enemy's birthdays.

Adal, you're going to be playing a dad, Erin. You're going to be playing a child. I thought that of the episode. Did you meet with child last seen and I was the dad? Fuck you.

Ever since, hold on, hold on. We all know in that scene. We all know in that scene, ever since you lost your wife, I had to raise you. It was clear from the context. That's true.

I mean, that's a Gutenberg vehicle right there. Steve Gutenberg is a child. Okay, old dad. Erin, you're going to be playing a child, Adal, you're going to be playing a dad. You've just received a letter, Adal, from the, let's just call it the federal government. I'm saying that your child's birthday has been removed from the calendar and you're trying to, you have to break that news too, to Erin.

Hey champ.

So I figured we could hold, put the streamers up over here and then pin the tail of the donkey here for tomorrow and then you have people come and then we'll do presents and then we'll do cake. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then people will say happy birthday, yeah.

Hey, big guy. Hey, buddy. How are you? Hey, you're so handsome.

Thanks. Taller than I've ever been. And looking to make a single friend of my- That's not what handsome means. Oh.

Handsome has nothing to do. Well, I guess it does at a certain age. Listen, um, listen, buddy. What? Um, we, we need to take down the small amount of decorations we've put up already. We need to take down and we need to cancel the magician and the donkey. And, um, we need to return the Dairy Queen ice cream cake.

Cause it's a fun birthday prank.

Well, yes and no. Um, it seems like, you know how you're 11 and you're about to turn 12?

Hell yeah.

Well, it seems like, and this is something I truly think all adults wish for. You're going to be eternally 11, buddy. Okay. You're never going to get older. You're not going to age ever. You're going to be 11 for the rest of your life until the day you die. Because the government says that we no longer have tomorrow.

Dad, is this about you being sad that I'm growing up? Don't worry, I'll always be your sweet little son.

No, I know that. I know that for sure, for sure, for sure. Big old pat on the head. Scratch the back of your neck or whatever dads do to kids. Ow. I need to turn my nails, sorry. Sorry about that.

Yes, it's about- Mom! Dad's saying that I'm not having a birthday or something?

Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up. Hey, what's going on in here? Hey Linda, thanks for joining. I was just telling our special guy that his birthday is no longer a thing. Remember because the government said, not because I lost my job, but because the government said that June 15th is no... Again?

What are you doing? Linda, what's this all about?

We need to cut corners. Don't call your mom Linda.

Talk to me, Linda.

I raise you.

You don't raise me.

Don't talk to your mom by her first name.

Look, your dad is unfortunately right. Okay, I'm reading it now. Yeah, we did get a letter here from the government.

At least, Linda, at least hold a piece of fucking paper. Don't do object work.

Okay, I'm sorry. Cut it to me straight. Linda, Linda, Linda, Linda. Just be honest with me.

No. The government says your asshole dad who can't hold down a fucking job. Let me see that. Or shave or clip his nails. Because of over allocation in the budget, they've had to cancel some birthdays this year, honey, and yours got canceled as well.

And I don't trim my nails because I'm a professional cocaine.

Linda, it's time to leave him. Enough is enough, Linda, don't you think?

Think about leaving them both, honestly.

Both who? Both me? What?

Actually, Mikey Fantasm and a donkey are in a Camaro right outside, and Linda might just be hopping in and spending the rest of her life with a magician on the road.

You ordered Mikey Fantasm, the sexiest magician in all of Milwaukee?

Sometimes birthdays are for mommies too.

Ew, teen.

I love that you tell your child I'm thinking of leaving both of them. Wait, I'm one of the two.

I don't know. Calling a parent by their first name.

If it's a stepparent, I could understand a stepparent. A stepparent, yeah. Yeah.

I get a laugh every time I do it. You have to do it rarely though. So I'll call, but my mom's technical first name is Mary, but everyone has called her Mary Beth her whole life. But I'll answer the phone and go, hi Mary. And it makes her laugh. I don't think it's disrespectful if I'm getting a laugh.

You know what? If you're an adult, I think it's also a little bit different too. Like, you know, adult Erin calling your adult mom Mary.

I'll do if we're out to eat with my mom and she says, like, oh, can I get the ravioli? And there's no ravioli on the menu. And the waiter's like, oh, I'm sorry, we don't have ravioli or something.

Wait, what is the situation? She's ordering off menu? Where?

She'll accidentally think she saw something or whatever it is. Got it. Okay.

Okay. Sure.

But she'll say whatever and I'll turn to my sister and go, Patty thinks she's in a restaurant again. That's funny.

That level of gaslighting to the person who burns you is very cool and funny. I love that kind of joke. Moms are the worst, right?

She gave me everything and I refused to acknowledge it.

She made your bones. Keep that in mind about your mom. I mean, some moms suck and you can hate your mom if you need to.

She made my bones, but I strengthened them by drinking so much milk. And Sean, here's what I'll say. I bet Sean could get punched by an elephant and he would not have, nary a bone would break. He's so fortified with vitamin D and calcium.

Yeah, he has no muscle. It's all just bone, bone, bone, bone. He's like Wolverine.

Last time I was at dinner with my grandma, she tried to pay for it and I said, no grandma, I will get this. And then I looked at it and then I put the check down on the table and I looked at my grandma and I said, run. And then I got up out of the booth and rang as fast as I could for the exit. But of course she didn't move. And so I made a big scene. I walked back over there and go, what the fuck is wrong with you?

Right.

And then I put my card and I gave it to the waiter and I said, this'll bounce.

I hope you're happy.

Fucking grandma can't run with her two replaced knees.

I remember somebody saying a credit card would bounce. So your visa bounced.

So we've tried to run your visa, there's a kill order out for you. We tried to cash your debit card and Oh, here we go. Uh, did we get that last one? Oh yeah, it was the stupid calendar one. Sorry. Hey, sorry. Not my fault. Fuck you.

I will say, hands down, the worst riddle we've ever had on this bucket.

Man, we're not, we're probably not going to get to it, but there's a, there's a worse one. There's a worse one coming up. Here we go. Here's, this one is, uh, these are all just like one sentence riddle. These are awful. These are all just like why? Here we go. A man bought two identical signs, but found that he could use only one of them. Why? Here's the thing. I looked up how to do this. I looked up the answer to this. I looked up the clues. I don't get it. So it's, I don't understand this line.

The sign said there's only one sign on this lawn. Only one sign allowed on this lawn.

Yeah, I was thinking something along the lines of like the one and only the original Plymouth Rock or something. Cause it's like, if you use both, then that means that it's on two different sites.

Yeah, when we were in San Francisco recently, I walked past a place that had a big banner outside that said, The Original Eggs with Benedict. And I said, oh wow, two people had that shitty idea for a restaurant and they were like fighting over it? Insane.

And JBC, I'm not going to tell you again, if you see a big banner, it's technically the Hulk. Because banner is small, and when he gets big, he becomes the Hulk.

I'm not going to tell you again. I saw a Hulk that said eggs with bit of things. Okay, why not? Thank you. Why not? Here are your clues for this one. I want this one to be over with. He had intended to use the two signs in two places to give the same message, but he found that didn't work. He was advertising his roadside cafe.

He was intending to use the two signs to send the same message you said?

They're identical signs. Yep.

Turn left.

Erin, I love turn left because it's a roadside cafe and he can't put that on both sides of the street because it would be a left and a right. That's a better answer and I'm tempted to just accept it.

Is it something like exit now?

Yeah, I mean it could be like any, I don't know why he would have, why he would have bought like the identical signs that said turn left like unless you just fundamentally misunderstood directions when he was placing the sign order, but I don't know.

Oh, is it like cafe two miles ahead or something? Is it something with a specific instruction that once repeated loses its mathematics?

No. Its accuracy? Look, I don't know. I mean, I'm looking at this and I'm like, you tell me if this makes any sense. Okay, here's the answer. He bought two identical signs for his cafe. Twins! But he found that he needed two different ones for the two sets of traffic coming in different directions. So the sign said Fred's Cafe and Fred's Cafe, but I don't really understand why that would be Is that one backwards? Is that what they're saying? He needed one to be backwards and one forwards?

I don't get this at all.

I don't get that.

I could understand if it said like... If there's like two different turnoffs on the show, depending on which direction you're heading.

But here's what I'll say that what I apologize for, because I did read that, didn't understand it. Why not keep going? Why not keep going? But I will say, if you are a listener and you know like what the Fred's cafe, like what the answer is, cause we don't understand it, but if you understand what the answer is, here's what I'll say. Keep it to your fucking self. Don't tell people this. Don't tell people that you know the answer to the thing that nobody understands. That's not a cool thing for you to know. Don't brag about listening to this podcast. JBC, before we move on, can I hear the answer one more time? If someone catches you listening to this podcast, you say, I was masturbating. Because that is always going to be less embarrassing. Were you listening to her at all? No, no, no, I swear. I was masturbating. I was jerking off.

No, I'm not a fucking pervert. I was jerking off in our office.

I was jerking after Antiques Roadshow, I swear.

I was buttering my biscuit. I wasn't doing anything of the sort of a podcast.

Can I hear the answer one more time? Just because I won't be able to sleep at night.

Do you really want me to say the answer?

It's actually bothering me.

He bought two identical signs for his cafe, but found that he needed two different ones for the two sets of traffic coming in different directions.

So probably there were some sort of vehicular instructions on the signs.

Yeah, that's why I think my left and right thing makes the most sense, though.

It just says Fred's Cafe and Fred's Cafe. That's all the signs say.

That doesn't make sense, JPC. Read it again. Read the answer again.

No! No, goddamn it! No! We're missing something.

We're like scary ballet teachers from the 60s.

Okay, one more time. One more time. Here we go.

This is our Sisyphean task, is to roll this riddle up the hill over and over.

Okay, one more time. This is the last time I'm reading it. This riddle is called Paper Tiger. A man writes the same number, and nothing else, on 20 sheets of paper. Why?

Goin' insane. Goin' crazy.

Yeah, this is a crazy man!

Show me crazy man! He's like, uh, it's his phone number and he's giving it out to people. Uh, for guitar lessons.

Erin, that is an excellent fucking answer. I think that this book was probably invented before guitar lessons. I should write a riddle book.

But I don't want to write the riddles. I want to write the bullshit answers. What? What? Huh? What?

Now, Erin, the man writes the same number and nothing else on 20 sheets of paper. So there is nothing else on it. But I do understand how like, you know, you have like the flyer and then the bottom half is like the perforated tearouts that are just the phone number, but there's nothing else on any of the paper. So it's just It's just the same number.

Is it, is the answer John Patrick Coan and he's perfecting his technique in writing 420?

Wow. And it's just, and it's in a notebook and he keeps like circling it and putting hearts around it.

And he's in 10th grade and he keeps writing.

I think I'm ready. Sorry, go ahead.

For some clues?

Yeah, for some hints.

I'll take a clue.

Okay, okay.

Give Adal his own clue and give me my own clue because I don't like to share.

All right, here's one. A clue for Adal, a clue for Erin, and a clue just for me, okay? Erin's clue is longer than mine.

The new baby keeps taking my clues. I mean, Adal keeps taking my clues.

Adal, here's your clue. The sheets of paper were important. He wrote the numbers in ink. Erin, here's your clue.

The sheets of paper were important? What the fuck does that mean? Of course sheets of paper were important.

That's your clue. That's sorry, but you can't use Erin's. What was the other part? The ink was... He wrote the numbers in ink. So it's ink and the sheets are important. Erin, here you go. Yours is, he intended to keep the papers for his later personal use. And then my clue is he did this each year at a certain time of year.

Okay, this is a teacher and he's grading finals and he wrote the number 100 on all 20 exams because he wants everyone to pass. He cannot, he cannot teach Devin again. Devin has taken this class three times. He will not teach Devin again. So everyone gets a hundred, so there's no hanky-panky.

You can't teach Devin, dude.

All right, Erin. Smart guy. We're going to see a scene.

Devin teaches you.

Adal, you are, you are a teacher. This is your third year that you have had Devin in your class. Um, Erin, you are, you are playing Devin. Devin, Devin keeps failing and having to repeat your class and you just want Devin out.

Okay. And so, uh, once again, I'm asking, what is the... Yes, Devin.

Catch this!

You sneezed on me and I told you I cannot catch a cold. I have had my flu booster.

And, uh, skateboarding.

You're skateboarding while sitting in your desk. That is the most dangerous thing I've ever seen.

You're being distracting to the rest of the class, sir. Let the people learn.

Okay. Anyway, once again, I'm asking, does anyone know the name of the island that has the giant stone heads? Are you making a call? Mr. Gregory, Devin's taking a phone call.

I'm making a phone call idiot.

If you're calling my wife again, I swear to Christ.

I'm ordering a pizza. Yes.

My wife works at Domino's. I've told you.

Yeah. She's so sweet. Your wife. I love your wife. She's so sweet.

Thank you. Thank you so much.

Yeah. Uh, where was I?

The normal? The normal? The normal.

The normal?

Take that off speakerphone.

Why? Teach your thing or whatever the shit you do is.

Devin, give me that phone. Fold it shut. Realizes it wasn't a folding phone. Uh, I owe you, I owe you a phone. Well, I used to work at a carnival. I owe you a phone. I'm sorry. I thought that was a flip phone. It was not. I just crushed your Samsung galaxy. I wouldn't say it.

Go sit, go sit in one of the little seats. So the question is, what makes Tom Sawyer so freaky?

Mr. Gregory's not in his seat.

Mr. Gregory, you heard him. Sit down.

Just because you're old enough to be a teacher doesn't mean you can teach this class, okay? You've flunked this so many times that you are now legally 19.

That's strike two, okay? And if you mouth off to me one more time, you're getting sent to the assistant principal's office. And that place smells terrible.

Mr. Gregory, back in the principal's office once again. What is it this time?

I'm the student. He's the teacher. He just slowly starts to move towards the front of the class and I, mimicking him like a planet does the sun, starts to follow that access until I'm suddenly seated and he has all the power, all the control.

Look, I know. He's good at it, okay? I used to be the janitor of this school until he replaced me with the principal. There's nothing I can do about his magic powers.

Yeah.

It's, um, it's pretty upsetting. I think... Father, I think we need to kill Devin.

Kill Devan by the Holy Ghost's name.

Sorry that I meant we need to go back to your hometown in Ireland, Kill Devan, and just get away from this kid. That's what I meant. Go back to Kill Devan. A vacation. That's how we need a vacation. Are you from Kilkenny or Kill Devan?

Um, hold on, let me check the old passport. Huh, says I'm from Cedar Rapids, Iowa. That's right, David tricked me into talking like this.

Boys, what are you doing in the assistant principal office? Go back to class, the both of you. Back to class. And you, turn up the volume on the Irish accent, because that's where you're from, remember?

Yes, I'm the mayor blower.

Scene. You sound like an Irishman drowning.

Sorry, I just watched the Banshee's Adventure and I am ready to go. Sound like Animal from The Muppets was Irish.

Is that why you threw all your fingers at my front door this morning?

Hey Erin, that was most, but that was not all.

Oh, well, I'll leave you alone, I guess.

Girl, I got fingers for days. Do you guys have an answer for this, Riddle?

I have an answer. I believe the Banshees of Innisharran was an analogy for the fighting, the infighting between Northern and Southern Ireland. They love to call it Southern Ireland.

And I think it was about Hey Riddle Riddle. You're both Brendan Gleason and I'm Colin Farrell. And I'm like, hey guys. And you're like, you're so dull. All you do is talk all day.

I'm absolutely the donkey.

The donkey's so cute.

Oh, Jenny. Okay. Well, hold on with spoiler alert retroactively.

Okay, so we'll say odd Jenny, and then you'll hear two please. That'll do it, I think.

Sorry, I started talking about Forrest Gump. You two were talking about Banshees of finishing.

Okay. The man writes the same number, nothing else, 20 sheets of paper. Sheets are important. He wrote the numbers in ink. He intended to keep the papers for later personal use, and he did this each year at a certain time. I have an answer. I mean, Adal, you have an answer.

Can we add something new to the... Can we add a new shirt to the merch store that just says sheets are important? And it's a ghost without a sheet, which would be nothing. So it's a blank space where there should be a ghost, but without a sheet, it's nothing. So sheets are important in the ghost world and the afterlife.

We can add the shirt that says the sheets if we can start added fitted turkey to the merch store as well.

Reading is important, sheets are important, which one is in hell? No.

This riddle, I will say, actually kind of makes sense. I can definitely see there being a test case that this would make sense for.

And I'm also a little bit guilty.

I'm sorry, no, it's not an anniversary.

Was this person writing the same number on 20 pieces of paper, hoping to pare it down to two signs for a cafe? No, it was not that. Okay, I thought it was maybe a companion piece.

And it's not even that the paper, these papers are like important to this man, but they are like an important, like a, you, you, if you found one of these pieces of paper, you would be like, oh, no, this is someone actually really needs this.

Okay. I know what it is. Yes. You know, when you run in like a marathon and you have like a piece of paper on your, on your chest and on your back that has a number? Uh-huh. There was a person who ran in a marathon who was so big. They were, I want to say 12 foot 10 and full of muscle. And so they had to put so many pieces of paper on this person because it was like Paul Bunyan-esque. Does that make sense? Is that the answer?

I'd like to see a scene. Oh, God. I was not listening. Yes, of course it was the answer, you brilliant boy.

Thank you, Maddy. Finally, I'm the boy.

Adal, you are a man running in a marathon. You also happen to be someone's father, but that's not the point of the scene. So, Erin, you might say I'm a marathon man.

Oh. Link. Big old smile.

Sandwich made of love. You are also someone running in it, but you don't have a number, and Adal's calling you out for not having a number.

Hey, hey, get off the, if you're not in the marathon, get off the course.

I am in the marathon.

I'm in the marathon. Where's your number?

I don't have my number. Come on, man.

What the fuck are you doing?

Can we just enjoy this little break and stretch our quads and our hammies? I don't have my number.

This isn't a break. I just stopped to yell at you. There's no breaks in a marathon. What do you think this is a NASCAR, you think this is like the pit crew changing your legs?

There's not not brakes in a marathon. I mean, you can take breaks if you want, like at your own place. I'm just trying to finish.

You're right. You're right. You can stop whenever you want, but I wouldn't say that's a break in the, well, I guess it's a break for you, but there are no designated breaks in a marathon. I'm 12 people just passed me. I'm losing because you decided not to wear a number. What the, you think you're special?

I didn't decide not to wear a number, and no, I don't think I'm special. I had my number on on the way to the marathon, but I was attacked by actually two crows, and they took the front number and the back number.

Oh, I'm sorry. You should have led with that. Was it, uh, I want to say Adam Dershowitz? Is that his name? The guy who dated, like, Courtney Cox? Alan Dershowitz? No! What's that guy's name? Adam Dershowitz. The guy who dated Courtney Cox. I'd watch it because he's very litigious.

Alan Dershowitz, Alan Dershowitz grabbed my number and said I was not on the flight logs. There he is.

I know you're on those flight logs.

What is that guy's name? He dated every celebrity in the 90s. I feel like it's Adam Dershowitz. It could be Adam Dershowitz. Are you thinking of Fred Dershowitz?

We lost our internet privileges so we will never know.

Fred Dershowitz.

I did it all for the nookie.

Keep that in my back pocket. Did you get this yet? No, you didn't get this yet.

I think we give up. 20 numbers. The paper is important.

Yeah. So the other thing, the other crucial clue, we'll have to move on, but he did this each year at a certain time of year. And I will say it's the very beginning of the year.

Okay. So he puts January 1st.

Let's call it January 1st.

Call it January 1st. He was making a terrible calendar.

In a way, in a matter of speaking, Erin's giving up. I will tell you the answer. And the answer is he was writing the new year on all of his checks so that he would not accidentally put last year's date on his checks by accident.

Okay, that doesn't happen anymore.

You know, but it is, I think I've probably told this on the podcast before, but I was working for a person who was from Australia once and they sent me a check and they do the dates reverse. They put, we put the month first and then the day of the week and they have swapped it. So when I tried to cash this check, I took it to the bank and they were like, Hey, this check has been expired. Like it's eight months. You have to like cash these immediately. And I was like, I just got it. The person's from Australia who sent it to me. They do their dates different. And the bank was like, we can't cash this.

There's no previous month.

Yeah, but it was so that it was like 1-8 or 8-1, right? Like it was one of those things.

I feel like most of the world does that.

Exactly. And I was in like college and they wouldn't cash it. I was like, what the fuck do I do? And so I just went home with a pen, like a same black pen, and then just like forged the date to make the date right. I was like, this is technically check fraud, but it's like, but it's my money and it's right.

Rips off show recording device.

Statute of limitations has to be up on that, right? That's got to be like a five year statute of limitations.

For check forgery?

No, no, no. Look, I know that we're coming in against the wire, but Casey, do we have a voicemail that we can listen to?

We're out of riddles! Send voicemails faster! Send us voicemail! Voicemail! Master of voicemail, away from the bay! Voicemail!

Voicemail! Hey Clue Crew. Uh, Clue Crew. Wow, I can't do English today. Um, a little bit of advice, I'm wondering. So, I had a phone call with my boss earlier before I got off work and we were talking about scheduling. And right before I hung up the phone, I told him I loved him. Now, my real question is, Do I quit my job now or do I give him two weeks notice? Thank you. Bye.

Okay. Interesting. I've never in my life heard someone ask a question leading with a little bit of advice I'm wondering.

Made sense to me. Did he say it back? Did your boss say it back?

I hope you hung up and your boss was stunned and goes, I guess I've loved you too. I think I've always loved you. Just dial tone.

Here's, okay.

There's two ways to get out of this, I think. One, you call them back or next time you see them, you say, at least I didn't call you daddy. And that's, and we all laugh.

We all laugh.

We all laugh.

It's very, Erin, Erin's all laugh. A little bit of advice I'm wondering. The other way to get out of this is you say, next time you see him, you say, hey, you never responded to that game we started. And they go, what game? And you say, I thought we were going to start listing different international museums. I started with the love, of course, famously in Paris, France. You didn't respond because I gestured to you go now. I think you should quit. And then they feel dumb. Hold on, Erin. And then they feel dumb.

You show up and say, did you end up liking it? And they go, what? And you go, I love you, man. The movie that we were talking about, did you end up liking Jason Siegel? All right.

Of course. I think you should quit today.

Yeah, don't give two weeks notice. Two weeks notice is a myth. It depends on where you work. Your fucking work wouldn't give you two weeks notice. Anyway, that's great advice. That's sound advice because we did make sounds. That was probably from like seven months ago, so I hope you found a better job. Or maybe they're married. Maybe you're married to your boss. Speaking of being married to your boss, Adal, is there anything that you would like to plug?

Oh boy. Just tell everyone you love them. Your boss, your coworkers, your friends, your family, people on the bus. Spread more love. Don't be embarrassed to say it. And if you say to someone like, hey I love you, and they say sounds good, That's fine. You don't need to get it back. People don't need to reciprocate love, but you can put love out into the universe and it'll eventually come back to you. Now, maybe years from now, could be decades, could be a date that was erased by the British, but eventually love will come back to you. Also, please check out the Banshees of Innis, Erin. And all of Martin McDonough's work. I feel like Martin McDonough is our generation's greatest playwright. If you've never seen or read Pillow Man.

Martin McDonough is our generation's Colin Farrell.

Exactly. So that's what I would say. Erin, do you have anything to plug?

I just went on the Those Who Aren't podcast and I had the absolute best time. I don't think I've laughed that hard ever in my life, maybe. My stomach still hurts from laughing so hard in the podcast. You are so funny. You're both so funny. I really think that. I love it here. I love you both. Oh, shoot. I said I love them. I have to quit. I quit. But it's so good. And it has lots of Chicago and LA improvisers who have been on as guests. So if you don't want to check out my episode, just check it out. It's so, so good. JPC, can you read a review of our show, a five star review, please?

Hey, first I want to give a shout out to a listener from Australia named, and they gave her permission to use their name, named Dan Cubank. Dan Cubank sent us, I want to say, like, sweatshirt ponchos from a company- Oh, that who sent those? Yeah, from a company called, yeah, and I texted you about it, from a company called Oodies in Australia, and they are so fucking warm, and we were so confused as to who sent them, but then they sent a message several days later, being like, hey, by the way, I didn't send you these things. So big thank you to Dan for those. Those are fantastic.

Two things I'll say very quickly. One, Australia of course is known as the Ma-gloo-ba. Down under. Upside down. And two, I would thank you so much for that gift. It looks so comfortable. I haven't worn it yet because Gemma won't take it off. So if Gemma's listening, please take off that blanket hoodie so I can try it.

I just heard her yell, never!

With a cup to the door. I also have a five-star view to read. If you want to get a five-star view read on the podcast, just submit a five-star view to Apple iTunes or wherever you leave reviews. This one comes from Alex Parrish. Alex writes, Hi, I love the show. I just want J.P.C. to know that he did his very funny Hey Siri bit while I was driving, causing Siri to block my GPS, which made me miss a crucial turn on my delivery route. I had to drive an extra two miles to be able to turn around. Thank you for that. Very funny show. Keep up the good work. Hey Siri, delete my phone. Delete every number at my phone. Delete all my contacts.

Jupiter! Jupiter! Sorry everybody, sorry, I'm trying.

Hey Siri, fold my phone in half. Bye forever.

and John Patrick Coan. Casey Tony did the editing and already parented the

Hey there, Mandogs and Dogpods. If you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. It's another classic chatterbox, except this time we brought Ryan Rosenberg and Dan Lippert from the Mandogpod along for the ride. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash hey riddle riddle by joining the Clue Crew for $5 a month or the Review Crew, and you get those ad-free episodes for $8 a month. See you there.