Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum podcast.

Hi Adal and J.P.C. Thanks for meeting me on the side of the road here. My tire popped or something and I gotta change it. And I didn't want to.

Oh, so you know how you just don't want to?

Okay, so this is why I got a text that says, I'm a peg-nart?

Yeah.

J.P.C., please help. I'm a peg-nart? You're not peg-nart. You're telling me you're not peg-nart.

Because we were excited to be uncles.

I could be peg-nart, but I'm not. I'm not though.

Well everybody could be Pegnart, but I'm not.

So I'm gonna go to Chipotle and I'll be back in an hour and maybe the car will be fixed.

Yeah, that sounds about right. Can you grab us some Chipotle as a thing?

I'm too far away.

Well we can hear you. Does that matter?

Does it matter that we... Okay, well I don't know how we can fix this tire. All I brought was a bunch of baby onesies.

Okay, and I brought baby oil, so let's combine those, and now we have some oily baby onesies. Wet onesies. Wait, wet onesies. Oh, JVC. New show without Erin. It's a talk show. You know Hot Ones, where people eat like hot wings? We have wet ones.

It's that, but we eat baby onesies covered in oil.

Yes, that's what I'm saying. And we make celebrities do it too. And it kind of throws them off their game and they say things they wouldn't normally say because they have a mouth and throw it full of wet Wednesday.

Okay, cool. So let's get on the line right now. We have about an hour till Erin gets back and then she blows this whole thing up. So I'll just call every celebrity in my phone. You call every celebrity in your phone, okay?

Okay. Yep, somebody already answered. Hello, Joe Pesci?

Hey, it's me, Joe.

Oh my gosh. JPC, JPC, JPC, JPC, JPC. I cracked something in my outfit.

GPC. I never expected Erin to help with this at all.

There's two Joe Pescis. I cracked the code.

Too many Pescis. Too many Pescis. You called the two Joe Pescis. Pescis. Pescis. Pescis.

Three Pescis. We have a band called the Joe Pesh Mood. Okay.

Okay. Do you think I'm funny? Like a clown? Like there's three of me in this car? Yeah.

I never in a million years that I expect Erin to just help out and be like, she had a look at her face like, good, you dug your own grave, boys.

That's just my resting face. You dug your own grave, boys.

So do we want to, okay, if we're looking for a spinoff, do we want to go with wet ones or three pejos?

Oh, motherfuck. Wet ones are three peshis. Wet ones are three peshis.

Now three peshis has legs, six of them. Wet ones has a clearly an established concept that works, a la hot ones. Here's what we do.

The first episode of Wet Ones, it's three Joe Pescis eating wet baby onesies.

Oh, GPC, you magnificent bastard.

That's the pilot. We call up Jake and Amir and we say, have we got the show for you?

Guys, I hate to be the downer here, but I think this might be a bad idea.

Uh-oh.

Jacob here, we have an idea. It's three Joe Pescis eating wet baby onesies. Hello? Hello?

They hang up on us so quick these days.

Yeah, the minute we say it's blank from Hey Riddle to Hey Riddle, click. Okay, so the three of us just recently got back from San Francisco. Correct. How was our trip? How was our time? We had a lot of fun. I gotta say best, maybe best live show we've ever done. Hmm. I would say worst I've ever felt at a live show.

I would say coldest and hungriest I ever been at a live show. No, we had Janet, which is always an absolute treat and a half. She's the best. She's the best.

She is the absolute best. We got to spend a lot of time with Janet and Brandon. Just a wonderful time. Wonderful humans. Very good time. And we had Arnie Neekamp join the live show for a quick bit before he had to race off to dinner plans.

Did you guys have a favorite experience from your time in San Francisco? Was there something that you did that you were like, you know what? This was my favorite thing that I got to do while I was there.

Interesting.

I guess I'll go first. Yes, please. Have something ready. I mean, don't bring it up if you're not gonna have something ready.

Okay.

There was a time where I got a lot of walking done in the city of San Francisco, a very good walking city. And I was passing a restaurant that I passed that was completely empty, which is not a good sign for a restaurant. When you pass a restaurant that's completely empty, maybe not the one that you want to go to. But I just said, I looked at the sign and I doubled back and I said, nope, that's the one for me. And it was, it was called Tadka. And then the sign said, Indian Restaurant Pizza Sports Bar.

And you sent me a picture and I thought for a minute you had photoshopped that and then I was like, nope, that's a real place.

And I said, what could Indian restaurant Pizza Sports Bar possibly be? So I had to walk in there and eat that and I gotta say... Great meal. I had a fantastic meal at that empty place. And while I was there, it was empty the whole time, there were like four different people that came up to pick up pizza from there. So I was like, and I didn't get pizza. I got some like, what did I get? It was like a tiki masala, what's the Indian cheese? Paneer? Called, paneer. And it was great, but I also ordered garlic naan, as I do whenever I get Indian food, because I fucking love garlic naan. And they gave me just an individual pizza crust, like a pizza dough, that had kind of like garlic on top of it, but it was really just I had a little empty pizza with my meal. Maybe that's why it's a pizza sports bar.

Were there sports playing in the bar?

I got to say, not really. There were two TVs, but one of them was not playing sports, and the other one, it must have been playing ESPN or something that had intermittent sports on it.

Oh, intermittent.

Yes, wonderful sports. You mean badminton. You're trying to say badminton. Wait, earlier did you say two TVs? Because there's three PCs.

Hello, Pescis! Anyway, this is a shout out to that. One starts with three, one starts with Pescis, and one starts with hello.

Indian restaurant, pizza, sports bar. If you're ever there in San Francisco, I highly recommend it. What about you guys?

Do you have any other classic San Francisco experiences? JPZ, very quickly I do have to say, if we get invited back to Sketchfest, which I hope we do, I have to insist that the three of us go to that place and have a meal.

I'm going, I'll go back to Tatka. You don't have to pull my leg to fucking get me to an Indian food restaurant. I'll go, I'll go to any of them.

I want to pull your leg. I would say I always love trying new food in a city and I feel like every single place I went to I hadn't been to before. I had some really good ramen, some really great. That's nice. I don't know, Erin, what would you call, Friday night we went to a place called Octavia, which I guess would be like Italian modern cuisine was delicious.

That was my highlight was that meal we had on Friday night. It was so, so good. Delicious.

And then I did go back to one place I'd been before, which is Smuggler's Cove, one of my favorite Tiki bars. Friday night, Gemma and myself went with Erin and Sean. And my highlight happened in the basement of Smuggler's Cove, which was for 25 minutes as we were waiting for our drinks to be made, Gemma and Sean were upstairs saving seats and Erin proceeded to tell me in a crowded bar her entire experience of watching being an audience member in the Beauty and the Beast live on Disney. I'm

Now, is this something that is going to come out on Disney Plus or something, Erin?

It came out right before Christmas on Disney Plus, but they recorded a few weeks in advance because there's lots of moving parts. So I wasn't there for the whole thing because they recorded it across a few days, but I was there for four or five different musical numbers, and it was the best day of my life. And I left that day the biggest Josh Groban fan. So Josh Groban, if you're hearing this, I'm a big fan. I gotta tell ya, big Robin fan over here. He's a consummate professional.

Yeah. That's a little bit of a letdown. They don't just say like, do the whole performance and then we'll cut it up into like the good chunks. They're like stopping and starting and stuff.

Well, they had to stop and start because the dancers in that number, their costumes kept breaking because it was like a super elaborate, you'll see when you watch it, dance number where they- In my vision, all the costumes are made of graham cracker and events have it in the Adave.

Whatever you say Walt Disney's Frozen Head.

It was attached to each other in fabric, all five of them, and so they kept breaking the fabric, kept pulling off and breaking, and it was like a whole thing. So Sweet Groban had to keep stopping and starting different parts of the song, and I was like, this guy's a professional! This guy's the real freaking deal! Yeah, real deal. That didn't happen in San Francisco, that happened a couple months ago. But, San Francisco highlight, I say... Who's talking about San Francisco?

We were... We're all talking about Groban, baby. I'll talk more about John Groban.

I started the episode by singing, uh, what's his big song? Time to say goodbye? No, that's Andrew Bocelli. I just haven't groved you yet.

Thank you. Um, my highlight was getting to meet people at the Magic Tavern show and after our live show.

I should have said that. Yeah, mine too. That was, Casey cut around this. My favorite thing was meeting the people. It's all about the people. Yeah, mine was interacting with the humans.

No, definitely that and Friday night. Every time I see Adal in person now, I have the energy of a little sister whose brother just got home from college and I need to tell you everything that's happened to me in real time since I last saw you and Adal just sort of nods patiently. And Erin, every time I see...

Every time I see Erin, I have the energy of an older brother coming home from war, whose sister keeps saying he went to college and I say, no, Erin, I'm coming back from war.

Yeah, well.

Hey Riddle.

They're like, do you have a little bottle in here? And I was like, no, a little bottle? Like what? And so they're like, well, now we have to search your bag. And she searched my entire bag, which had like almost nothing in it. And then she pulled out the candle and she goes, oh, this is a candle. And I go, okay. Your technology can't distinguish. But also, what rules is the candle breaking or the little bottle? Like what's going on here? So I did get to keep it and I still have my little candle.

And you said when you went through security, they also kept taking out your underwear and holding it up and going, what's this?

This looks like a stinky boy was wearing this, huh?

Cause he's an 11 year old bully girl.

He pays them to do that though, so that's a different situation.

I did also watch, on the plane ride home, I watched Don't Worry Darling. Well, I didn't watch it. A person three rows in front of me watched Don't Worry Darling. And I kept watching little snippets of it. Seems insane. But again, wasn't watching it with sound and wasn't paying attention.

Well, I watched Black Adam and I'd say we probably had similar viewing experiences. Yes, Emily, I think gave us all something very, very nice. And also there was a fan, I want to say her name was Laura or Lauren, who made us like pet toys, which was just so cool to get some little bespoke pet toys for the cats and for the dogs. So they're not fighting like turtles in swans? Something. Turtles in swans. Something like that. Also, I just want to mention a very good bit and then we'll get to some riddles, everyone. Calm down. Well, Erin got in whenever, Thursday maybe, but I got in Friday morning. So Erin and I hung out all Friday night because JPC was not yet in town. And I think it was either Friday night or Saturday morning when JPC was leaving, he sent us a text that just showed the weather for Washington D.C. and said, I'm on my way, which was very funny because two years ago he missed his flight for, or his flight was canceled I should say, you were on time, to San Francisco, so this was his first time for Skitch Fest.

Hey Riddle. And I'm like, uh-oh. And so I'm looking around because no one seems concerned with this, but I have also been not paying attention for like 25 minutes. So I'm like, maybe someone has already said something or they've already made an announcement. And then the plane starts like taxiing back to like go to the runway. All the things still say Washington DC. But then I also noticed that the plane is like pointed towards San Francisco, not towards Washington DC. So I was like, well, it's too late now. Like at this point, I'm not stopping this plane if I'm on the wrong one. And also, There's no way that you could just get on the wrong plane. Like, so many things have to happen where someone's not paying attention to be like, yeah, sure, whatever, get on the thing.

I love the idea of the plane pointing at San Francisco but saying DC, and they're like, uh, we're going to take the long way to DC. This will be a 38-hour flight. Once we got into the other computers.

We're going west. Refreshed.

There's some headwinds on the east, so we're gonna head all the way around the globe.

Honestly, with the jet stream, it's faster this way. We can't explain it to you. You don't know planes. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck down. It's faster.

Every pilot should say that.

Hey everybody, we're about to take off. You don't know planes, so shut the fuck up. If you look out the left, that's the Grand Canyon. Probably you would know the fucking difference.

This is your pilot speaking. This door's locked because of 9-11, so I can do whatever I want and no one can stop me.

And Gemma has taught me the password that you say to make the pilots open the door, so I will say that password on the Patreon.

It's abracadabra.

Erin, how did you know that? Sorry. Right now, all the plane's doors opened in the air.

Whoa, there's some hotties showing the genitals back here, and then all the pilots are like, oh, let me see, and then they scramble out of the cockpit.

That's horrible. There's some hotties showing their genitals back there.

Pilots are in pigs. Actually, Erin, that would get me out of about any room. So jokes on you.

Yeah, it would make me leave a room if someone said that. Exactly.

Speaking of jokes on you, riddles on us, let's go ahead and start with a riddle. There are no warm-up riddles today. I don't think there's any quick and easy ones. These are all pretty meaty. So why don't we get into it? Here's our first riddle. Is everybody ready? Yes. A spy in Canada. Very polite spy. A spy in Canada trying to steal insider information on how to set up new maple syrup factories. Okay, this seems like a big fuck you to Canada. In their country, this spy was introduced to the operations manager of the biggest factory in Canada. However, the manager was suspicious and decided to test him with a question before he trusted him. So he asked, what would you be sure to find in the middle of Toronto? The spy thought fast and came up with an answer from the manager. What was his answer?

So we'll say it's an American spy piano. What's stadium to the Raptors play, Ed? I want to say Poutine Palace? Oh yeah, I want to say Gravy at McDonald's. I remember some stuff in that Toronto when I went there when I was four.

Very good time, very good time. So an American spy is in Canada trying to steal insider information on how to make a maple syrup factory. The manager is suspicious when he talks to him. He says, what would you find in the middle? What would you be sure to find, I should say? What would you be sure to find in the middle of Toronto? The spy thought and came up with an answer. What was the answer?

First off, the spy thought for a minute, then said, I'm sorry, that'll buy you some time. I'm gonna say an O. Yeah, that was my guess too.

Okay, are you both sure? I'm sorry? Are you both sure? I'm sorry? Sorry? The answer is O in the middle of Toronto. You're sure to find the letter O. I do want to see a scene. Okay. The two of you are Canadians, and you're both trying to enter a building at the same time, and it's just a comedy of manners.

Okay. So sorry. I'm Ryan Reynolds.

So sorry. Sorry, I'm... Sorry, I'm Ryan Reynolds.

Oh, I'm sorry. Your name is Ryan Reynolds as well?

Uh, yeah, sorry.

I'm the actor Ryan Reynolds. From Deadpool?

Uh, me too.

I'm the actor Ryan Reynolds from, uh... From, uh, Just Friends. Oh, excuse me. Coming through. Sorry. Coming through. Apologies. Oh, sorry, friend. Sorry. Who are you? Sorry for you. Ryan Reynolds. Huh.

All right, I think I see what's going on here. Hello. Today's my birthday. Hello. And I know a lot of my friends are, they like to do pranks on me. Ooh, sure. One of my best friends is Ashton Kuchter.

Ooh, Ashton Kuchter. Ooh, Florida, Florida, Florida. Florida, Florida, Florida.

Seed, no. Seed.

What do you mean, no? What do we do, what do we do, what do we do?

Everyone was doing Canadian chef. Erin. Sorry. What did I do? Can you think of any other? Celebrities from Canada?

Yeah, like a million. Mike Myers. Will Arnett.

Justin Bieber.

Ryan Reynolds.

Tatiana Masali.

How do you say her name? Maslany, I believe. Maslany, thank you so much. Kristin Broun. Yes, Wayne Gretzky.

Celine Dion. Do we say Celine Dion?

Oh, I think Oprah is Canadian from Chicago, close enough. Katherine O'Hara.

Ryan Reynolds. Eugene Levy. Dan Levy.

Dan Levy's sister. I have to assume Eugene's Levy's wife's. Okay, let's go to the second riddle. At least my marriage. At least Canadian by marriage. Here's what I'll say. Quick disclaimer. If you're a Canadian listener, we're sorry. We're not trying to make fun of you. We're so sorry.

Is a Canadian story, is it different from a North Dakota, North Dakota story? Are they the same story?

Well, here's what's interesting, especially in terms of how that scene devolved, is I believe... Wow, we're breaking it down. A peek behind the curtain. You often see these. Play-by-play analysis. I believe... Like, if you listen to Fargo, Fargo is... Is it in Minnesota or is it in North Dakota? I forget. But regardless, I feel like the action is sweet. Fargo is in North Dakota, but the movie could be set in Minnesota. Yeah, but I feel like it's very close. But the... The accent is that sort of like, oh hello, welcome to Minnesota. That's Swedish, which is I guess what we were doing earlier, but it sounds similar-ish to our untrained ears to Canadian.

Someone will know why that happened.

There's only a border. It's just a border away, right? Just a border away. I'm glad we did that scene and I'm glad we did that play-by-play on that scene because I almost took that fucking Riddle to Riddle court because what was that manager, what was his plan there to suss out the spy? Basically the manager's plan was like tell this guy a riddle to see if he's a spy? What the fuck are you thinking Canadian factory manager? Fucking idiot.

I thought for sure that the two of you were going to answer Tim Hortons. What are you sure to find in the middle of Toronto? Tim Hortons. Uh, Tim Hortons here. So who's, let's get into the next riddle here. Kevin. Oh, haven't heard that in a while. Yeah, okay. Now we're speaking my language. Kevin the ship's steward knew he had to deliver fresh coffee and a fine cup and saucer to AJ Slice, the gangster. One level up. The ship started to sway in the heavy seas. Uh, Kevin's health depended on the coffee being delivered in the porcelain cup. So he was worried. Heavy seas were no excuse to AJ, the gangster. How did Kevin solve this problem?

These riddles are worded so... Put all the coffee in your mouth, walk up there, spit it back out into the cup. Of course, JPC.

Put all the coffee in your butt, put it back up there, put it in your butt. I bit butt.

I bit butt. I bit butt.

Well, it's the south mouth, which is the butthole. JPC, of course you got this answer right. Kevin put the coffee in his mouth until he got to the side of AJ's room. Then Kevin spit the coffee back into the gangster's cup and served it to him.

There's so many problems with that being the right answer because coffee, traditionally, a drink, served hot. Can't put a bunch of hot coffee in your mouth.

Fat and revenge.

Thank you. That's not really the best.

That's the answer, Adal. Is that really the answer? That is really the answer. And here's what I'll say. I don't know if we've ever gone this quickly, two for two in Riddles, where there hasn't been a single wrong answer yet. Well, here's my problem.

Hey Riddle.

Sir, sorry for the delay. I have your rosé. So just open up.

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

What? I'm going to mama bird it into your mouth. I just drank your rosé and I can do that thing. What's his name? David Blaine? The David Blaine liquid thing.

No. I'm sorry. I'm having a strong reaction. Just a glass of rosé for me.

Uh, yes. I did have a glass of rose.

I see it there on the tray.

Yep. So I would really rather not be drunk. I'm obviously at work, sir. So the longer it's inside me, the more I get tipsy.

It's currently inside you right now?

Yeah, just if you open up. Where? Where? Wherever David Blaine keeps the water for his act. I don't know.

Huh? You don't know where it is?

Here it comes. Here it comes.

Okay, I want to see where it's... I want to see... No, I don't want it, but I want to see where it comes out of.

Okay, where do I put it then? Put it in the glass. Does your wife want it?

My wife died a hundred years ago.

Okay, alright, alright. I'll put it in the glass I get. Jeremy, why did you say that? Your glass of rosé, weirdo. I mean, sir.

Okay, well this is a good time for me to say I didn't order this. I think that's for that table over there. With the man and his wife, I believe this is Jeremy.

I ordered the cheeseburger. Wherever David Blaine keeps his water, I want to say his bladder. Outstanding.

Where does David Blaine keep his water?

Up his sleevies.

Up his sleevies? Erin, I was honestly going to say up his sleevies.

No, you weren't.

I truly was.

Two peas in a pod.

Three Joe Pescis in a pod.

I can't remember what happened but Adal and I were walking around together in San Francisco moments after we had been reunited and we both made the same joke about something and we said, uh oh, this is why we can't be around each other.

Gemma, so we were in this dog park which is at the top of the steepest hill I've ever walked up.

Hey Riddle.

Aw, it has- Look at those ears. Look at those ears. Those are the cutest, floppiest ears I've ever seen. And JPC at the same time said, how can you tell she's wearing a hat? And then we cackled because we're like, oh, we're on the same bench. Fantastic. Because we're two for two with no wrong answers, let's push our luck. Let's go for number three.

I'm sorry I'm giggling, but I just wouldn't have made that joke. What would you have said? I've been untouchable.

What would you have said?

I probably would have said nothing.

You would have said nothing when you could have said a joke? What the fuck are you talking about?

I don't know. I go to therapy. I'm doing okay.

So Erin, correct me if you're wrong. Not everything out of your mouth is a joke like JPC and I?

No, no, there's you can be like a normal person who just sort of experiences life without having to. Wait, is my rosé ready?

I find the experience of life is solely with a joke. Nothing takes me out of life than a little joke. A little laughter? That hurts my soul.

No, thank you. A woman wants to enter an exclusive club but she doesn't know the password. A man walks up to the door and the doorman says 12. The man immediately says 6 and is let in. Another man walks up to the door and the doorman says six. The man immediately says three and is let in. Thinking she's figured out what's going on, the woman walks up to the door and the doorman says ten. She says five and is not let in. What should she have said? So when the doorman says twelve, the person said six and got in. When the doorman said three, I'm sorry, when the doorman said six, the person said three and was let in. When the doorman said ten, she said five and was not let in.

12 and 6. No, it's not. Well, no, it's not really a math question.

Not really.

Not really.

What was hers was 10, right? She was told 10 and she said 5 and that was wrong. Mm-hmm. But 12, the correct answer to 12 is 6. The correct answer to 6 is 3. So what is the correct answer to 10 if 5 is not?

The correct answer to 6. Oh, the correct answer to 6 is 3.

Okay, we're correct. Do we know why we're correct?

Well, yeah, my gut was telling me that this was a clock related, but 12 to 6 is straight down and 6 to 3 is at like, that's like an angle, right? That's not the same thing.

Yeah, that's nothing. That would be a what, 45 degree angle?

Yeah, 45? No, 90, right?

I guess it would be a 93 angle. Whoops, whoops, whoops.

Okay, don't jump down our throat, you angle files. I know we got a lot of angle files. Hey, by the way, angle files, get ready for the Patreon this week. You're gonna love it.

Oh, right.

Uh, but 10 to 5.

So, JBC, you got the correct answer. How did you get that? Do you know or you were just guessing?

Why is that true?

That's what I'm asking. You said three, that is the correct answer. If somebody says ten and you say three, you are light in the club, do you know why? Is it because it's a clock? Okay, it is not.

It is not a clock. But also I don't think I said that. Did I say ten? I said twelve to six and then I said six to three, but it's also ten to three.

Oh, I thought you said three. I thought you said the correct answer was three. My bad.

Well, six to three is the second one, right? Six to three is the second one. And so the last one is ten to three. No, I don't know why that works. I forget why that works.

I misheard you, I guess. So why is the code... Well, yeah, we'll stick with this. The answer to ten is three. Why is that the correct answer? And I will say at this point, there are numbers involved, but it is no longer about math or numbers.

Oh, okay, so here's the thing. So the first person walks up, the guy says 12, and that person, who is a 6, says 6, and the guy goes, correct, because 12 minus what you are, a 6, is 6. The second person walks up and the guy goes, ugh, six. And this person, being a three, is like, that's fair. And he says, three. And he goes, correct. You are a three. Now, the third person walks in.

They're at stone cold fucking seven.

The bouncer says ten, and that person, thinking less of themselves, says five. And the bouncer goes, honey, no! Three! And then opens it up and lets them in.

I do want to see a scene. I'm going to be the bouncer or doorman at a secret underground club. The two of you have heard about this club. You've never been, but your friends said to check it out. They didn't tell you there was a password, so we're just going to try and figure out if you two can get in.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what's the password?

Uh, let us in?

No, Jeremy told us the password. Let me go through my texts real quick.

Yeah, do you know Jer? Jeremy?

Mm-hmm.

Do you know Jer?

Oh, Jer Bear? Oh, Jer Bear?

Yeah.

No, I don't. Yeah. No? Okay. Does not matter. Come, Quat, Mississippi. Sorry, try to remember my password to my phone. Unless that was, unless we... No, it's not.

We got it. It's not let us entertain you, it's not come quite Mississippi.

Okay, okay.

Did Jeremy not tell you the password?

He did, and I didn't, he wrote it down, and it's like, I think he said it phonetically too, so I'm having trouble just searching it, just straight searching it.

Excuse me, fun dongle. Right this way, sir.

Oh, uh... Oh, uh, oh bong dong go ba da ba ba ba ba.

No, no, no. It changes every time. It changes every time good because I could not have remembered what that was.

Try your birthday. Try your birthday. Oh, uh... Wait, what did you say? Try your birthday.

Come right this way, ma'am.

Oh, bye, asshole.

We're together. What? My asshole. You're together, like you're dating? No, we're brother and sister. Oh, like you're dating? Well, no. I mean, we're both dating, but not each other. Oh, I see, I see. Yeah.

So it's just step behind the velvet rope until you come up with the password?

No, I, yeah, no, I, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, what was that? Well, what I said was, yeah, no, I, well, yeah, no, I, well, yeah, no, I, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, so close. So close, wasn't it? One word off. Now it's changed. Now it's changed, okay.

I'm having so much fun in here!

Ma'am, can you shut the door, please?

Oh, sorry!

So cold in there. Why cold there? We're not heating the whole neighborhood, that's what I would say.

Hey, okay. Did you just say come rushing out? I think I did, yeah. And where would come come rushing out of? The bathroom? That's right, right this way. Scene. Nice. We still need to take a break, but before we do, we need to hear why 12 was 6, 6 was 3, and 10 was 3. I think 6 and 10 being 3 is the best way to look at this. Obviously 12 equaling 6 is helpful, but 6 being 3 and 10 being 3 is the real key to unlocking this map.

And it's not a clock.

It's nothing but a clock. It's how many letters are in the word.

In the word. Bingo bango hot ta ta. If you say 12, there's 6 letters in 12. If you say 3, there's... Sorry, if you say 6, there's 3 letters in 6. And if you say 10, there's 3 letters in 10. The code is the number of letters in the number the doorman says. That's kind of fun. Well wait, what if he said 7? That would be 5.

Oh, I guess I can end it.

We'll be right back.

I know what you're thinking. Do I have a new hat, Adal and JPC? New haircut? Why am I walking around with so much confidence?

I bet you're wondering. I wanted pretzels from the food court.

And I was just going to let you know that it looks like you leaned on paint.

Anyways, I just had a bunch of subscriptions canceled for me by Rocket Money that I wasn't using. And so now I'm flushed with cash and now I'm confident. Pretzel money? Well, maybe. We'll talk about that. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that binds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years, even before they were a sponsor.

Erin, it looks like you may have leaned on like with someone painting a rocket money like billboard or sign or something because it's all it's all down your back it's like and it's I could ock it ock it

People think they're spending $80 on their subscriptions when in reality, the number is closer to $200. And when you signed up for so many free trials, like streaming services, you watch one show and then you completely forget about it. You lose track and then all of a sudden you're like, why am I bleeding money? Rocket money? They take care of that for you. They go, sit back, relax, we got this. And they make everything color coded and easy and super intuitive.

You're also color-coded. A little birdie told me that Rocket Money also lets you monitor all your expenses in one place, recommends custom budgets based on your past spending, and they'll even send you notifications when you've reached your spending limits, which sounds like something my friend would like, but I forget which friend I'm so hungry for pretzels.

Speaking of pretzels, you don't get all twisted up by salty and the bread of your finances. With over 3 million users and counting, Rocket Money customers have saved an average of $720 a year.

Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and manage your money the easy way by going to rocketmoney.com slash riddle. That's rocketmoney.com slash riddle. rocketmoney.com slash r-i-d-d-l-e.

Hey, what's going on? Somebody leaned over my rocket money paint thing. Run. Everybody run. Run. Oh, no. Maroon.

Is that DaVinci?

Yeah. Yes. And bye. Hi, Adal and JPC.

Oh, greetings. Greetings, Erin. We're just- Hey, Erin. Our normal selves today. I'm just myself. I'm normal. Hey, we're both normal.

Good news. So I finally opened Erin's Land in my backyard. It's a theme park. Most of the rides work. Most are pretty safe and I'm trying to start a website so people can find out all the information they need to get into Erin's Land.

Oh, that's actually perfect Erin because this podcast is actually sponsored by Squarespace. Yeah, and it's an all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs or whatever you consider yourself to be to stand out online. Whether you're just starting out, which it seems like you may be, or you're trying to build a successful growing brand, Squarespace is going to make it really easy for you to create a beautiful website, Erin.

Yeah, and Erin, if you want Erin Land, I think is what you call it, to have stuff like custom merch. You can do that. You can easily sell custom merch and create a passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand. You design your products and production, inventory, shipping, all of it, handled for you, saving you time and money.

So, I mean, real quick, just because I'm looking around at Erin Land, I'm just going to say what I think Erin Land is from what you're presenting.

Sure.

So right now it looks like Erin Land is a lot of goo.

Great eye.

Okay, so I'm right about goo, so it's a lot of goo. So, are you trying to sell this goo? Because if the goo is for sale, then Squarespace does have an online store. We can sell your products online, whether it's physical, like this goo, digital, like I imagine you have some digital goo or photos of people seeing the goo for the first time. Yeah, Squarespace has what you need. It has the tools to start selling online.

I'm looking forward to using it because I can use insights to grow my business. I can learn when site visits and sales are coming in and coming from to analyze which channels are most effective. I can improve my website and build a marketing strategy based on your top keywords like goo or most popular products and content like goo.

Huh, it's kinda eating through my shoes, it's starting to burn. Head to squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Erin, I just got some great analytics from Squarespace. It says people don't like goo. Huh.

Yay! I'm in a lot of debt now.

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey everybody, this is GPC.

I'm here too.

Yeah, Erin's here as well. And it's with a heavy heart that we kind of do this ad read because one of our own, Mr. Adal Rifai, is not with us.

He is unfortunately stuck in a cat costume. They're calling it a medical phenomenon. And a disaster. But we're going to soldier on. We're going to be brave today. I do want to talk to my better help therapist a little later about what this has done to my nervous system.

We're going to need that, yep.

And if you're thinking of starting therapy, you should give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. All you have to do is fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with your licensed therapist, and you can switch therapists any time for no additional charge. Conventional therapy where you had to drive to an office never really worked well for me. Like today, I get to send my therapist a message saying, you know how Adal loves to dress up like a cat? Yeah. And sometimes he gets stuck, well this time he might... Be somewhere.

Erin, let's not think like that. Let's not think like that, okay? Because that's a negative spiral and that's going to lead us to needing more better help. I mean, if you think that conventional therapy is the only way to do therapy, then I beg of you. Have one of your best friends in this world get stuck in a cat costume and they can't find where the zipper starts. I don't know if we mentioned that, but that's one of the biggest problems. It's all zipped up.

Okay, so get a break from your thoughts like this.

Intrusive thought. Bad.

Visit BetterHelp.com slash Riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Riddle, R-I-D-D-L-E.

Oh, Erin, speaking of 10% off, this is actually good news. I just got a text from the medical staff. It looks like the cat costume is 10% off. So 90% to go pray for our friend.

It's not enough. It's not enough. It's barely the toes. It's not enough for him to have a normal life. I'm having a great time.

Well, Erin, fall is officially here, which means it's time to get into our fall routines. And there's nothing that I love more than using my Raycon wireless earbuds to listen to some classic fall music. I'm sorry, I want to do this. I just can't do this because I know that my friend Adal is stuck in a full body cat costume and that includes

fabric over the ears and I know he can't use his Raycon wireless earbuds and it just no you could do this you started so well you're being very brave Raycon gives you up to eight hours of playtime and 32 hour battery life and they are so good and smooth and the optimized gel tips they feel like butter in your ears

All Adal wanted was eight hours of playtime and now he's going to have an eternity of playtime except we're not playing games anymore because he's really stuck in that suit.

Hey here, I'll distract you. Raycon's Everyday Earbuds have over 78,000 five-star reviews and they're priced just right. You get quality audio for half the price of other premium audio brands.

I wish we were able to give all of our listeners quality audio but I just know in my heart That with the big guy all sewn up in that suit, it's just not gonna be possible to have the same quality of audio that we normally deliver. I can't stop making the ad, which is supposed to be about Raycon earbuds, that you love, that I love! I can't stop making it about my friend who's trapped in that cat costume.

No, no, no. Remember? There's like noise isolation and you can do three customizable sound profiles just completely suited to you. Hi Fidelity Audio, come on GBC, we can do this.

They also have an awareness mode and I've heard that Adal is now stuck in permanent awareness mode because he's aware of all of his cat-like appendages and he's starting to forget what it feels like to be a man because he is going to be only cat from here on out.

I just wish that the doctors didn't tell us how much pain he was in. So anyways, school's back in session, which means Raycon is having their annual back to school sale. For a limited time only, go to buyraycon.com slash riddle today to get 20% off site-wide. Plus free shipping. That's buyraycon.com slash riddle to score 20% off. buyraycon.com slash riddle. Oh, Adal.

Erin, it's wild that you said 20% off. Because I just got a text from his medical team and it looks like the cat costume.

The costume is 20% back on.

Yes, he's really buried himself in it.

We miss you boy, get better soon!

Hello. Hello. I'm Funny Hal. We're Three Joe Pesci's and welcome back to the Pesci podcast.

Yeah. Are you looking at us though? Don't look at us. It's a podcast.

Did you fuck my wife? Did you fuck my wife? I think this is- But it's my wife too. It's our wife. Did you fuck our wife?

This is the exact same group of characters that came in the one time I accidentally said bad news gang on the podcast.

Oh wait, did you say bad news? What's a ruffian like you doing in a neighborhood like this? We're bad news how?

How are we bad news to you? Are you having fun? You laughing at us because we're bad news?

Because we're bad? Hey, the Prime Minister of New Zealand resigned. How's that for bad news? I don't know.

If you're in New Zealand it's probably bad news. Get out. Just get out of here.

Sorry about that, guys.

I fucked up when I said it. I will not make that mistake again.

Why did you say that? Don't even say that.

We never call shit back on this show.

Yes we do. Like, stuff like Bad News Gang, or like... Okay, okay, okay, bye-bye.

We're still getting paid. I love you. They love us. Did you see? Something changed. They love us.

The padman's gang loves us. We love you.

We still love you. Love you. Check your pockets. Check your pockets.

Oh, chocolate syrup. Why? Inside my pocket? How?

I owe you one massage. That's actually pretty good. Not bad, yeah. Not bad. How about we get on over to another riddle?

Yes, please.

Okay. We're two for three, which isn't half bad. I mean, we figured out the last one, but it took a little bit.

Yeah, it's 60% good.

A sailboat is in a lot of trouble during a wild storm. That's a weird way to phrase that. One of the passengers goes below deck, finds an electric drill, and starts drilling holes in the bottom of the boat. Why?

Sailboat is in a lot of trouble during a wild storm. They want the boat to crash.

And you think drilling a hole in a boat on the waters would crash the boat?

Yeah, one of its crashes is a pleasure. Now, does it help? Does the drilling holes in the bottom of the boat help or do they just do this thing because no one knows why?

It does. It helps with a certain situation. Got it. There's someone stuck under the boat.

The boat was caught smoking by his parents, and that's why he was in trouble.

These are air holes. They're drilling air holes. Has the boat capsized? No.

There's nothing in the rules that says holes can't play basketball, air hole.

That's actually a great answer, is the boat capsized.

But also, I don't know why you would drill holes into the top of the boat, which is the bottom of the boat if it has capsized, right?

I do want to see a scene. JPC, you're a boat and Erin is your mom and she just got you smoking.

Open the door. Tug, open the door.

Bortside or starboard?

Tug, I can smell the smoke. I can see the smoke. What are you doing?

I'm sorry, all the hatches are battened down so there's, we can't, I don't know, there's too much rigging in front of the doors to open.

Tug, people trust you to run smoothly, and you're smoking? No! Smoke the whole pack. Smoke the whole pack in front of me right now.

Um, okay, Mom. Mom, I'm a boat. I can smoke a whole pack.

It's not gonna be a good problem.

Alright, then do it. Then I will.

Then do it.

Ooh, yeah. That silky menthol right in my lungs.

I bet you feel pretty satisfied. Bet you don't want any more, though.

No, I definitely do. I cannot get enough of this stuff. Got it.

You know what? I'm gonna go get your dad and tell him that you've been smoking. This is being a boat. Let's see what he says about that.

This is being a boat. Ooh, yeah.

Hey, kiddo. I'm coming in.

Okay. All aboard. Can you turn on the lighthouse?

Can you turn on the lighthouse? Sorry, the house light?

Yeah, absolutely. Here you are. And the light's on.

Alright, let me just whip my anchor out and toss that down on the floor.

Oh! Dad! Ow! Damn it! You breached me!

You know to move your foot. You can't breach a kid. It didn't hurt that bad. I'm calling Boat Protective Services. No, you're not. Stop it. I am.

I am. Deborah, I can't deal with this. Deborah.

No. Cruz, come on.

I told you I didn't want to make a boat. I told you I didn't want to make a boat. I said... Baby, baby, you don't need it. They're too much money. They cost so much to repair. You have to dock them.

Don't say this in front of him. The best part of having a boat is selling your boat. Don't say that in front of him.

I don't give a shit. Let him say it. Language mister.

What is happening to my boys? Why are we fighting?

Outstanding. And thank God we didn't say something like, what was it? Dad blues gang?

Well, since my baby left me.

This is a new gig. This is the Dad Blues gig.

The Dad Blues gig? Yeah, it's a bunch of dads who have a blues group. Oh man, that's hey, the dad dream right there just to have a little blues group.

Well, our dads of course are Dan Aykroyd and I want to say Jim Belushi nowadays. So why was this passenger drilling holes in the bottom of the boat? Erin, it is not because someone was trapped under the boat. Is this one of these boats in a bottle or something? It's like a model boat? It is not a police song.

Trying to drain the water out.

Um, no. I mean, I'm sure once they drilled, water would start to burst through at some point. But no, that wasn't the... The boat is full of water.

They've crashed on an island and they are trying to get the sand all wet. So they are drilling holes in the bottom of the boat just to have wet sand.

Wet sand?

Damn it.

Okay, so JBC, this is along the lines of like something you would do. This is pretty, this is kind of chaotic.

Okay. Is this like an Amelia Badelia thing where it's like she heard wrong and now she's like, I drill the hole. I don't know what the fuck. You know what Amelia Badelia does. You know her shit.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, similar to Amelia Baderhart, who famously said Bermuda.

Don't, don't, don't, don't.

Sure, maybe we do. So let's take the line, a sailboat is in a lot of trouble during a wild storm. So if the trouble is not the storm, what else could be trouble on a ship? If there's a mutiny and people are panicking, why would someone start to drill holes in the bottom of the boat?

Hey, because there can't be two problems at once. So it's like, why don't we all work together to solve the problem of why it just fucked us with the holes in the boat?

Honestly, basically that's the answer. I'll read it as it's listed here. Panicked passengers, tried to say that once, Panicked passengers, not confident in their captain, were trying to take control of the bridge. By drilling holes, this passenger, by drilling holes, distracted the mutineering passengers, allowing the captain to secure control. So basically it's that you can't have two problems at once. They were going to overthrow and kill the captain. Somebody was like, hey, look, I'm drilling holes. And they all went, wait, stop that guy. And then the captain was able to, uh, I don't, what is this podcast anymore?

What the fuck is going on with that one? Huh. So they killed that guy. That guy died. I do want to see a scene. He's saving the captain? What is their relationship?

Wait, I want to see a scene. Oh, go ahead, please. I want to see a scene where Adal, you are a captain of a ship, and JPC, you're trying to start a mutiny, but once the captain doesn't care, you notice the captain doesn't care if you start a mutiny, so you sort of are trying to backtrack on it.

I say that we head north, and by capturing the wind in our sails, we shall arrive at Treasure Island within four days.

North? No. That makes no sense. No. Look, you know what? I think, hey crew, I think everybody agrees heading north is a bad idea. And I think first mate Plucky Pops says we're going west, huh? What if I'm the captain and we all go west? What do we think of that, captain?

Show of hands for going west? Huh, everyone raised their hands northward, so it looks like we're going north, thank you so much.

No, they raised their hands, so, you know, I declare... A mutiny on you?

No.

Thumb war!

Thumb war! Thumb war!

Guys!

Ah, well, it's time for Captain Gregory and Gorge Thumb to show why he's captive. No, you can't call it another captain.

It has to be you.

Come on. It has to be you. But Philip Fraylefingers has no place in a thumb war.

I don't care, Captain Fraylefingers. Okay, you're up against Plucky Pops, and it's time for the thumb war, and that's what the crew wanted, okay?

Okay, let's... Okay. Okay, please excuse me, pardon me. Are we doing this standing or seated?

Huh, let's do it laying down on our bellies facing each other, sleepover style. Oh! Yeah, so one arm has to remain at all times under your chin, prepped up on the floor, and the other one's doing the thumb war.

Um, serendipity Jones, can you come here please?

Mm-hmm. Can you... Sorry, such a fast far away, yes?

You are so breathy when you run, I swear. The small boat. Can you ready the parrot to deliver a message?

Yes, sir.

Should I be defeated to stop this cro- Oh, sorry, sorry. Do you have the littlest legs I've ever seen?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, uh-huh.

Read back to me what the parrot message should say. And of course, by parrot message, I mean you just train the parrot to say a phrase.

Right, right, right, right. Uh, hey.

A lot of small talk so far for parrot message. This is dire.

What? What's up, bro? Can you?

Serendipity, please.

I was running and I got distracted.

Now, let me repeat myself. If there is a mutiny, which there is now, and this tomfoolish boy wins, then you should send the parrot. I'm not doing the mutiny! He is! Sorry tomfool. If this plucky pop should win, the parrot should alert the armed forces to come and commandeer this ship. Because it'll be running rogue all over the seven seas.

No, no, no. That's bullshit. I want to do a parrot message as well. There can be two. Actually, can I book the parrot for a massage?

Oh, let me check its calendar. Could you do 3.30 to 4.30 p.m.? What, an hour? No, I need at least 90 minutes on a parrot massage. And of course, p.m. means pirate's mate. We all agree on that. We all agree.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah.

Yeah, I guess so. It is a dumbass. I'm glad you brought that up.

It's like if someone has a headache and they're like, I have such a bad headache, and then you like stab them in the foot, and you're like, not thinking about that headache anymore, are you? And they're like, well now my foot's all fucked.

Yeah, my foot's all fucking stabbed at this point. Yeah, that's a pretty bad riddle.

The old me would have lashed out in a rage over that riddle, but the new me feels nothing. I've numbed myself.

Huh. That's smart. Yeah. And you've done that through Novocaine or...?

Just general disassociation.

Perfect.

That works as well. Did someone call for a general?

No. Oh, it's general disassociation. He's going to teach us to stare at walls.

All right troops, char-render. Where am I?

A newly married woman comes home unexpectedly early from work and is horrified and upset when she sees her husband in bed making love to another woman. Almost immediately, her anger abates and she realizes she shouldn't be upset. Why?

I think that this is like a car commercial and she's not upset because it's like she and she has this like snap like envisioning her like packing up all of her stuff and suddenly she's in her Subaru and she's just driving on the open road and she's like, no, this is what my life would be like. And it's like Subaru sometimes, you know, Subaru.

Oh, fuck it.

Subaru. Oh, fuck it.

I would love if it went Subaru sometimes. Wait, no. No, not that. Subaru. Oh, fuck it.

Ford. Like a... like a... like a stone? Rock. Rock. Rock. Just use the second take. That's all staying in. Bored. Use the second take. I would have also accepted if the husband looked at the camera and ate a Mentos and like held out the Mentos.

Because that solves anything. Yeah, so no problem. I've sent these to you before, but some of my favorite. Some of my favorite, because, you know, in the podcasting industry, we all read, you know, we do our little ad reads. I love it when someone accidentally leaves in an ad read of them just like reading the copy, but not cutting out them making fun of the copy. Oh my God. It's my nightmare because I would hate for it to ever happen to us. But when it happens to someone else, it is so funny to me.

There's also one that's, I believe, meant to be aired, which was Scott Ackerman. I won't say which ad, but it was him just dismantling the copy, and it was very funny.

Hey, I'll say this. Probably would make good on that one. There are some things that the brands don't like, and one of the top ones is making fun of the copy.

I cried laughing listening to the ad, and it's the best ad read I've ever heard. I do want to see a scene. JPC, you are in studio, in booth, doing a voiceover or an ad read for Subaru Cars. Okay. So you're the voiceover. We're here for this 30-second Super Bowl ad commercial. Erin, you are the voice director, so you're kind of managing things, and we're going to take a peek at that.

All right.

I think it's pretty straightforward, but if you have anything that you'd like me to try, I mean, please, I'm putty in your hands.

No, we are all set up on our end. I would say just your professional. We loved your audition. Just straight down the middle, pretty standard, and I think we should be good. And action.

An eagle's body has 431 bones. Every single one of those bones is hard.

Sorry, sorry. I'm sorry. Love the voice, love the enthusiasm. Got it. Can we read the copy this time? Maybe we'll get an improv take later, but for now I'd say read what is written.

Yeah, I'm so sorry. That's not a problem for me.

Great.

Sorry. An eagle's body has 431 bones. Each one of those bones equally hard to take out of an eagle's body while keeping the eagle alive. But there's one bone that you can rip out of an eagle without anybody ever knowing.

Sorry, do we send the wrong copy over to you? I don't know. Because ours starts with, this Mother's Day, get mom what she really wants.

Is it a Mother's Day copy? Maybe I have the general copy. Would you mind? I see that you have it there. Would you mind?

I have it, I have it. I'll bring it in.

My God, I am so sorry. You can obviously see I'm not making it up. Here's what I have.

Yeah, it's written in crayon. The crayon that you're holding. Doesn't matter.

I guess it was given to me this way.

Sorry, Steven Subaru here. I'm in a booth just kind of listening, just kind of stopping by today. How about we combine the two?

I'm not really comfortable. Action! This Mother's Day, grab an eagle out of the sky. There's only 431 bones in one of those things, and each one of them is equally hard to take out without anybody noticing. But this Mother's Day, grab an eagle. Reach down into its goal and pull out the one bone that causes it all to fall apart. And as you're taking that bone out of the eagle, don't let it cry, because it'll alert the other eagles. The Subaru Tribeca, $431 a month. No down payment required. Offer ends Mother's Day.

I think we got it.

How was that? Was that good? $431 a month. There's no option to buy it outright. I did not bring my reading glasses.

I didn't bring my reading glasses. So I don't know if that's the exact script.

Uh, delightful. Here's, let's do something we haven't done in a little bit. Let's just skip the Riddle. Buh buh buh buh buh buh.

Yeah!

No, not the bad news game. The Dad Blues... Shit, I said it. Were we not in the middle of a Riddle? I thought we solved it.

What was it?

Did we solve it? Wait, did we see the Riddle? I don't think so. I think we got off on a tangent and we never solved this Riddle.

I think I said let's do another riddle, and then I think we all went crazy. No, sorry, we were in the middle of a riddle. A newly married man comes home unexpectedly for work. A newly married woman comes home unexpectedly early from work and is horrified and upset when she sees her husband in bed making love to another woman, almost immediately her anger abates and she realizes she shouldn't be upset. Why?

She married a cheater. She knew it.

She knew what she was doing. What do we think is going on here?

Oh, uh, question.

He's dead.

I think I might have this one. Excuse me? Nothing. Is her husband like a professional porn actor? And she like knows that this is his job, but maybe the set was flooded that day and he was like, uh, Audible, we can use my house?

Uh, no, I like that answer a lot, but no, that is not correct.

Okay.

I also love the idea of a porn set being flooded. The specificity is outstanding.

It actually happens a lot more than you like to admit, Adal. Okay? Jeez. Shows what you know about the industry.

Jeez Louise. So what do we think is going on? Erin, I loved your answer that he's dead because that's funny that he died during sex and then she's like, I'm not mad, he died. He got his comeuppance. That is not correct either. But I think these are good answers. These are along the same track of the actual answer.

Is he fucking a clone of her? And she's like, I can't be mad because this is a clone.

This is the closest we've come to the correct answer yet, but take that in reverse. Twin? Twin?

What?

Oh, it's, it's, it's not, it's, it's her husband's twin. It's her, it is her husband, but it's, he's fucking her twin. Why is she not mad? No, I'm joking. Her new husband has an identical twin brother. She wasn't exactly delighted that the couple decided to sneak in for a quickie in her home, but all was good, LOL. Did they say her home or her bed? They said her home.

Okay, her home.

And it then legit does say, but all was good, LOL. That's fun.

Here's the thing. I don't have a twin, and I never will. A hand of God. You promise? You can't be sneaking into your twins house to fuck because of course that's gonna lead to problems where if you didn't have a twin it wouldn't be a problem or as much of a problem.

Exactly.

I also think, I think probably this husband also doesn't have a twin, but he did one of those like Mrs. Doubtfire things where he disappeared for a while, came back in a different outfit, but it was the same outfit, same look, sorry, how do I describe this?

No, this is smart. If you're a single guy out there, you gotta be, or, you know, a single anybody out there, lay the groundwork for your lies. When you start dating someone, you gotta tell them you're a twin. Photoshop. Don't ever let it come up. Yeah, Photoshop it.

Two of you put it framed on your desk, and then just say, we can't stand each other. We're never around each other.

We're never around each other. He lives in San Diego. He lives on the other side of the world.

But he might, he has the key to my house, so just so you know. Yeah.

Can I say, when people get, like, frustrated with riddles, That gives riddles a bad name. It was his twin riddles is why people like us get pissed off by riddles. Because the good ones are so good and you actually have to think about it and they're clever. But that's so dumb.

Yeah. A good riddle, you should be able to extrapolate the information based on the exact wording. This one is just like, haha, tricked you into a piece of information you didn't have, and worded it to seem like it was the husband. Because it says her husband was having sex.

Exactly. Right. Yeah. Because that's her perspective. I like to combine this riddle with the previous riddle, and it's like, a man on a ship drills a bunch of holes into the bottom of the ship. Why do you do it? And it's like, well, because he's a twit. End of Riddle. Like, that's it. Twins are crazy, man. You ever been a twin? They're crazy.

They're bonkers. Let's do Speaking of Twins. Let's twix on over to a segment we haven't done in a little while. We have a brand new, I want to say voicemail theme? GPC, is that right?

Yeah, this is a theme that was submitted by James. You can also find James at their artist page on Spotify, the consequences of our own actions.

We're out of riddles! Send voicemails faster!

Send us voicemail! Voicemail! Master a voicemail that wait for the pain! Voicemail! Voicemail! Okay.

I can't tell if they cursed or if that was the beep. That was fucking extraordinary. That was fantastic.

That was awesome.

If you want to submit a voicemail theme, please put that in a WAV file and send it over to hrrpodcast.gmail.com.

James, I want to commission you to write a love song for Gemma in that exact genre. So please reach out to me. You can of course always call us for a voicemail theme or just a voicemail asking us a question at 805Riddle1. That number again is 805Riddle1. And of course, very quickly, you can also send us mail to 6351 West Montrose Avenue, number 267, Chicago, Illinois, 60634. Casey, we do have a voicemail pulled up. Do you mind going ahead and playing that voicemail?

Hey guys, my name is Morgan. I just finished my first day in class as a junior in college. I'm turning 20 next week, which is really exciting. I look during all your stories on the pod and I was wondering if you could give me some advice as I enter the next decade of my life. But yeah, I love the show, and I'm Erin's number one fan. Bye.

Wow. Ooh, Erin, I think since that's your number one fan, I think JPC should answer this.

Yeah, for sure.

I also will say, I think that Morgan sent that quite a while ago, so happy belated 20th birthday, Morgan. You're almost certainly already 20. I mean, that's the next decade. I mean, we've all at this point, we've all gone through that decade.

Yes. Mm hmm. Erin, do you have any thoughts, ideas?

Lots of thoughts. Don't focus on making choices that you think are going to set you up well for like 29 because so much can change and you can experience so much and have so many different lives and travel experiences and move to so many different cities across your 20s. And it really there aren't any huge adult consequences to what you do. Um, so just take risks and have fun and follow your gut. I was so, so depressed when I was 20. I'd say that's like the saddest I've ever been in my life. And I was like, well, that's what my 20s are going to be. I thought they were going to be super glamorous and great, but like, just if you're in a bad spot right now, just give it time. It will, it will work itself out. It'll get better.

Love that. JPC, any advice?

I think one of my big pieces of advice, especially when you're 20, you said you're a junior in college, so you're transitioning from college to your adult life. Take some time to consider what your style should be and experiment with that. One of the things for me that was a big wake-up call for me was when I started purchasing clothes that fit my body instead of buying clothes that were just like cartoonishly too big or too small and being like, I could just use a belt on this. You can think about things with a little more, I don't know, playing them out and think like, hey, I want to maybe see if this is my style or I want to try this is my style. I do think that it can do a lot just in general for what your personality shapes up to be.

I love that. And my advice would be, in your 20s, I believe, be social, make friends, continue to foster the relationships with people you already have. But I would say... Because that shit ends when you're 30. That shit ends.

You are not meeting new people.

Jesus was 33 and only had like, what, nine apostles?

I would start screaming on the top of my lungs if someone makes me make a new friend. I will. No thank you.

There's no room. But I would say instead of just constantly, because I know in my 20s I was a very social creature and I would just be like, I just want to hang out with my friends and do stuff and have people over and go on adventures. Please do that. But also I would say spend your 20s whenever you can, maybe set a goal for a few a year, learn new skills. Spend a year in your 20s learning to cook. Spend a year in your 20s learning to be a creative writer or play an instrument or learn a language. Whatever you want to do, I wish if I could turn back time, I would spend so much of my 20s and my 30s learning new skill sets that I wish I had in my older age. So I would say learn new skills.

We all wish we could do the splits and we never will.

This advice doesn't come from me but it's something a friend said to me recently that the advice that she gives people in their 20s is grad school is not the answer to everything. Even if you're stuck or feeling depressed, you don't have to go to grad school. Take a deep breath, move to a different city for a summer, you don't always have to go to grad school. So I'm just passing along that information.

Erin, considering who our listeners are, are you sure you want to be coming out as anti-grad school?

And I know that you're all in grad school, but let's all be honest, why did you go?

Just took a huge hit to our bottom line with that one.

No, grad school is sometimes the answer, but it's not always the answer.

Morgan, thank you so much for the voicemail. Everyone else please give us- Morgan, drink water.

Drink a bunch of water. That's all you gotta do. Love you.

Well now she's drowned. Again, you can call us at 805-Riddle-1. Thank you so much. Morgan, thank you so much, James, for the theme. That was fantastic. And thank you, Erin, JPC, and Casey for playing those audio messages. Is there anything, Erin, as your number one fan? Sorry, as your number two fan?

Sorry, as not a fan of yours.

Sorry, I don't know who you are. Is there anything you'd like to plug?

I would like to plug Hello from the Magic Tavern. They're really on one lately. It's a great podcast. I just saw their live show. I'm a big fan of all three of them. And I think that if you haven't listened for a while or don't listen, you should start. Also, sitcom D&D is coming back soon on Valentine's Day. And while you're at it, check out Bill Buds. Couple of fun buds talking about music. And those are my plugs. Adal, anything to plug?

Very nice. Erin, while I will say, really loved your plugs there. I thought that was very sweet and very generous and kind of you. I, selflessly, want to plug our fans that we met after the live show for both The Life of the Magic Tavern and Hey Riddle Riddle. It's the people. Erin, you mentioned the podcast. I want to mention the people. Sure. I think that's really cool of me. All of our fans are very nice and wonderful. The ones who are nice and wonderful are, but the rest of them suck. But thank you so much to everyone who listens. Check out our Patreon. We have a lot of cool Patreon stuff coming out. As JPC alluded to earlier, we do have some British surprises coming your way on Patreon. Wow. Wow.

They have some British surprises.

I was going to say, BS stands for British surprises. Sure, sure. And yeah, JPC, do you have any reviews to read?

Yeah, I have one that's a brief one, so first a quick plug. I would like to give a quick plug to a podcast I've really been enjoying called Knowledge Fight. It's another Chicago-based podcast, which there aren't many of them, and I gotta say, they got the second best theme song in all of podcasting. So, second best, and I'm counting, obviously, Magic Calvert Steve is the best. I mean, it's just a classic. This review comes courtesy of probably iTunes. I think it's where I pulled it from. If you want to get your review featured on an episode of Hey Riddle Riddle, just go to Apple iTunes. Wherever you leave reviews, give us five stars. And I might read your review today. I'm reading one from Scam Likely. Scam Likely says, more puzzle bot. More puzzle bot, please. So, yeah, I mean, that's not the character's name. No, it's a puzzle bot. They said puzzle bot.

Adal and I and Sean were doing a bit all weekend where we would start Jay Leno impressions and then get self-conscious and bail really quickly. Erin, can you give us a taste of it?

Why don't you give us a taste of it and then I'll do my outro part in the same vein.

Great. No, no, no, no, no, stupid. Yay, bye forever. No, no, no, never mind. Yeah, stupid. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no.

I would just sound like three Joe Pescis at this point. Hello.

Crazy for this one, Chase.

Crazy.

And John Patrick Coan. Casey Toney to be editing.

Hey there bangers and mash, if you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. We are joined by our friend Ethan Lawrence to go over some cockney rhyming slang games. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalogue at patreon.com slash hey riddle riddle by joining the Clue Crew for $5 a month or the Review Crew, any of those ad-free episodes, for $8 a month. See you there!