Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum podcast.

JPC, Erin, it's me, Adal, from the future. And don't say like, what, two years? Yeah, but not that far in the future. No, no.

Come on. Yeah, are you 42? Nice. High five me, JPC.

Yeah, absolutely high five, because it sounds like you're maybe like one day in the future or something like that, you old fucking bastard.

Come on. Don't kick my cane out from under me. Oh, my knees. Kick, kick, kick, kick. I'm here to warn you. You goobers. Goobers? Who says goobers? I guess an old man does. Listen up you goobers.

So you're still the same, huh?

I'm here to warn you. You must stop doing Hey Riddle Riddle. Pivot into different podcasts. Otherwise you'll end up like me. Pulls back face to reveal skeleton.

What do you mean? How can you do that?

If you keep doing the podcast, your skin will come loose and you'll be able to pull it back like a curtain. Isn't that crazy?

Uh, yeah, I guess. I mean, it sounds like, by the way, sorry that happened to you, but it sounds like maybe Erin and I, like Erin's probably got like a decade before, like she could, she could do it for, and I have maybe like seven years before we get to that level.

I guess I should say, as you come clean, uh, don't, don't say it. Uh, in the future, only I have this problem. You two are fine. You're incredibly successful.

Do I have a pool? Do I have a butler?

No, Erin, you have two pools and ten butlers. You have a pool for each butler. Well, no, you have two pools and ten butlers for a butler.

What marriage am I on?

And do I have one soaking wet butler? Because that is my dream.

Erin, you're on marriage three to Shawn Mendes. And JBC, you have ten soaking wet butlers, but not in the way that you think.

Erin, first marriage is for mud, but love, second marriage is for money, third marriage is to Shawn Mendes.

The first marriage was to Sean Green. The second marriage was to Seth Green and the third was to Shawn Mendes. You went Sean Seth Sean.

Alright well get out of here you little weirdo. Alright bye bye.

Kick kick kick. And I'm married to Lyle Lovett if you care. Bye bye. Crawl us back into a hole. Hey guys what did I miss? I was grabbing a coffee.

Some weirdo.

You wouldn't believe us if we told you. You goobers, I would believe you. Oh, Adal, did you bring anyone with you? No, but I'm noticing a little skin tag right by the base of my neck. Oh, actually, I did run into someone at the coffee shop. I went to caribou coffee if you care, Abu, you goobers. Do you remember Thomas Sanders? We had him on a Patreon episode and it was a GD blast.

Yeah, I'm a big fan.

What was that, like April 2022?

Oh, do you want an autograph for a picture or something? I enjoy you as well.

No, not.

Hey Thomas, do you mind coming over here?

Hey, yeah, I just was coming from the coffee shop. You dragged me all the way over here. I said I had an engagement, but I decided to come because I'm afraid of saying no to things.

Congratulations, an engagement?

You seemed way more interested in the coffee shop. You seemed way more interested in coming on, but okay.

Yeah, I'm really trying to figure out a way to get a special power to peel back my face like a carton exposing bones. I think that would be a pretty cool X-Men power.

I'm not sure how hard up the X-Men are, but I don't know if revealing a skull behind your face is a power.

Yeah, it would disarm a lot of people and then the other X-Men would come through.

Yeah, I just wanted to kill himself in front of me.

Although I guess we are just describing Red Skull. Thomas, thank you so much for coming on.

Hey, I'm happy to be here. I officially made it. The official Hey Riddle Riddle show itself. Is this a step up or a step down from the Patreon? I've been wondering.

It's a lateral stumble.

It's a lateral stumble. I'm so excited to be here. Thank you all for inviting me. Of course, Thomas.

I'll say this. The Patreon's the better show. That's the better show. We all know. But the main feed has its own allure too. Here we are stuck at Riddle Hell, whereas on the Patreon, we can do whatever the fuck we want.

We're free.

Something about this main show just keeps me coming back to it. That's true. I don't know how many people out there know, but I'm a huge fan of the show for anybody that hadn't listened to the Patreon episodes, which you should. You should support these people. I'm a huge fan of the show, so it's an honor to be here.

Thank you so much, Thomas. It's so crazy. I guess you're being sarcastic, but thank you.

I'm not. Not this time. The whole time.

Thomas, I have two questions for you. One is just the curiosity and one is what we ask our guests when they come on the main feed. So what is your relationship with riddles and puzzles, escape rooms, things of that nature?

Are you a fan? Do they frustrate you?

You know, I really, like I said to myself, they were going to ask this question and I still didn't prepare an answer. I do love riddles. I especially love them when I get them. I love escape rooms. I'm a huge escape room head. We just got done with the toughest escape room in our town with seven minutes to spare. Murder on the Orient Express. It was very good. But yeah, I think I'm like most people who listen to this show when I know the answer to the riddles. I'm like, this is so easy, but there are so many riddles that stunt me and it just frustrates me.

Interesting, Thomas, that you said you're a big escape room head when we, the community, call ourselves scapegoats. Really? Interesting you don't know that terminology.

No, I literally try to get myself into all the escape room parties and escape room chat rooms and nobody's accepting my offer.

Try to drop in scapegoats and I think you'll find that the wheels are greased.

And as a man who has had escape room head multiple times in my life, I do have to say we call ourselves escape goats.

Is that an entirely different thing as escape room head? Sir, please try and solve the puzzles.

Please stop. Sir, sir, sir, sir.

Does this get me an extra clue?

I have an hour.

I have an hour.

I paid for an hour. This hole is here for something. I'm the guy that finds the hole in the escape room first and says, I'll work on this puzzle.

Got a puzzle. And my other question I have for you, and then I'll get to the riddles. It's just something I want to ask you. Why is your speaking voice so amazing? Did you want to be like a newscaster when you were a kid? Did you like, were you obsessed with like animated shows? Why do you have just like the best speaking voice?

Hey Riddle, how are you? Thanks for watching!

Thomas, just to kind of give you a leg up with whoever might be listening, because we have a wide reach. Way wider than you could ever imagine.

Maybe give us... Dozens, Thomas.

You might want to voice a superhero. Why don't you use your regular speaking voice with a little bit of affectation and give us your best Wolverine in case, because I know they're rebooting the 90s classic animated X-Men. So give us your best Wolverine so you can get that audition out there.

Perfect. Okay. I could do this all day. That's a Wolverine quote, right?

Holy shit.

I don't know if Wolverine would ever say that's a Wolverine quote.

I guess what we were looking for... That was when he was really trying to figure it out.

Yeah, one time in the comics he did say, hey, bub, that's a Wolverine quote.

He turns to frame like a deadbolt. We were looking for more like Snick Snick Snick or Snick or Snick Snick Snick.

I love that old Nickelodeon segment, Snick Snick. Maybe eventually there will be a DC superhero that directly conflicts with the Riddler and I'll be able to prove my Riddle solving skills here and now.

Yeah, I think Grant Morrison is writing Voice Man. It's a new character, just sort of a syrupy sweet voice, just really nice, really soothing. Voice Man.

Yeah, we're out of fucking ideas. I will uno reverse card this to all of you though because I think you all have freaking fantastic voices. Aaron, your singing voice is incredible. Mm-hmm.

I'll cry. I'll cry. You better be careful.

It is true. That's a dead stop.

Should I not be throwing compliments around? I shouldn't be throwing at the beginning of the show.

No, Thomas, sorry. Sorry, I'm a little emotional right now. I'm just trying to unpack what you said. So the three of us have great speaking voices and Erin has a great singing voice. Yes. I know for a fact JPC and I have both wrapped

And that was spoken word.

Yes, that song, singing, talk singing.

If you all put your incredible rhyming skills together with Erin's singing voice, you would be doubling down on the Voltron of an incredible performance.

Okay. Thomas, you must have missed the episodes where JPC and I do cake songs and we're trying the hardest with her singing voices.

No, I do. I do love those. You guys could do, because there's all those, those singing, the songs that have the little rap verse in the middle. It'd be an incredible eclectic array of performance.

You know what? I'm so sorry. I'm confident enough in my singing voice. Why are you crying? None of this matters to me. Why are you crying, then? It doesn't affect me.

There's tears in your mouth.

I'm crying because I'm twisting my leg hairs real hard, Erin. I told you I'm trying to braid them right now because I'm going to a party later.

Very well, fair enough. Let's do one of my normal little stretches. She left me roses by the stairs. Surprised that she cares. Adal, don't do this. Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

Alright, well, let's get to some riddles. You don't have to solve them, Thomas, if you don't want to. You can, like, make a pancake or something.

What the fuck? I just want to be on here to observe like I normally do with the episodes. You're auditing. You're auditing. No pressure.

You want to be ready.

A little clipboard.

These are from Kip. And Kip, I mean, these are amazing. They sent in some, if you're on the internet, you're going to love these. And I know we are all on the internet because here we are. These are photograph meme format riddles.

Okay.

I'll show you what I meme right now. Okay, how to explain these. Okay, so you know how people will replace, look at this photograph with like, look at this graph or whatever. These are going to rhyme with graph. But you have to sing it in the voice. Okay, so I think that the best way to get into this is to just give you an example.

Yes.

Of it. And then, but when you answer it, you have to do your best impression of the voice.

Okay. Nickelback voice. Got it.

So does everyone remember what it sounds like?

Yeah.

Look at this Sugar Ray singer making his mark as the host of Extra and Don't Forget the Lyrics.

Okay.

So this would be, look at this Mark McGrath. Yes. Perfect.

That's it. Got it. Do we have to pause in or we're just volunteering as we go?

Oh, you're keeping us honest. I love it. We have to pause in. We have to pause in.

Oh, within pause.

No, it's too late, Adal.

Then I guess we don't have to pause in.

So we deduct points from Adal. Yeah, Adal loses points. Adal loses points. Hey, fuck you. You lose points.

Thomas, you're a teacher's pet and I'm loving it.

Should we pause in? Just keeping everybody honest in this room.

Excuse me, I have a question. Before we answer questions in class, should we compliment teachers' hair and teeth?

Teeth? Ew, weird. Sit further away from me, JPC.

Hey, the farther back, the better the teeth, baby. I'll sit in the back of the class.

It's okay, it's all teeth to me. Alright, next question. Miss Erin, I saw JPC came in and he did not wash his hands after going to the bathroom.

Thank you, Thomas. Gold star, next to your name. Look at this long-necked creature that can't reach the leaves on the tall Sahara trees at all. Look at this big giraffe.

Looking for the specific kind of giraffe.

Look at this long-necked creature that can't reach the leaves on the tall Sahara tree. Look at this small giraffe. You didn't puss, JPC. I didn't puss, I didn't puss. Adal, this is a learning moment for you.

I hate this and I'm going home. Shit, I'm already here. Never mind, I'm still going. Puss. No, JPC.

Thomas, Thomas. Look at this short giraffe. I will take it. We would have also taken small giraffe.

Small giraffe. Okay.

All right. Ready? Look at this additive for a creamier coffee experience.

Buzz. Buzz. Adal. I think he said buzz. I think this motherfucker said buzz. Hold on.

We already have one Thomas in the class, JDC. Thank you very much.

Just to defend myself, I am no longer playing, I am watching Toy Story, and when I watch Toy Story, I yell at the screen. JPC, you wanted to answer?

I was gonna say, look at this soy carafe!

That's funny. I'll give you a point, but that's not what we're looking for. What else can you put in your coffee?

Puss? I'm not gonna say my dick, Erin. Thomas?

Look at this strong decaf.

All right. We're on the right track here. Adal, do you want to try?

There's nothing that's more of an oxymoron than strong decaf.

That'll wake you up, kind of.

I guess. Adal. Look at this sweet and low.

Nope.

Look at this half and half. Kip, these are amazing.

Alright, next one. Look at the signature on the front of my playbill.

I think I heard JPC first. He doesn't know it. I'm just trying to think of a...

Yeah, there's too many syllables, but I did get autograph.

She does plays though, right? That's what she does? She does plays.

I'm begging you to Google something.

I just need an actor who has like a real short name.

Wickedly talented.

No, can't do that.

Would you also have accepted, look at this John Hancock?

That really rolls off the tongue. Look at this employee pitching us their products.

An employee pitching products.

Yeah, PR staff. Sorry.

Sorry. No slap on the wrist for Thomas.

I'll submit myself to detention for you, Miss Erin.

Yes, he's my son.

Teacher, you forgot homework. That's Thomas.

We got to keep going. So look at this sales staff. Look at this baby animal strutting through the barnyard with delusions of grandeur.

Look at this tall giraffe. No.

Damn it. Puzz.

Yes, Thomas.

Look at this dreamy calf.

I'll take it. They use pompous calf, but I love what you said. Also, that's how I would describe myself as a baby animal strutting through the barnyard with the illusions of grandeur. I read that and I was like, that's me.

Erin, is it okay if I pre-puzz in?

Yes.

Pre-puzz can see you praying. I believe the next one is going to be along the lines of Shakespeare. Look at this guy, Falstaff.

Oh, nice.

Okay, you get a point.

Pre-pause. Can I pre-pause as well? Yes. I think the next one is going to be, look at this staffing graph. And it's going to be something about like a professional tennis player, something, something.

You get negative 10 points.

Okay. I beg you to Google staffing graph.

No, you get a point.

Talk to me about who's professional.

All right. We're just going to do a couple more. We're just going to do a couple more. Look at this arrangement of notes on five lines.

Puz.

Adal. Look at this polymath. Puz. Thomas.

Look at this music staff.

Yeah, you got it.

Yes.

Look at this early communication device sending a code over wires.

Puz. Puz. Puz.

Adal. Look at this morse code dad. Wow, he got it.

He got it. He got it. Puz.

Yes, I think, ooh, JPC?

Yeah. Okay. Look at my dad's pager.

Nope, Thomas, for the steal. Look at this telegraph. Yep, you got it.

This is an amazing impression I'm doing right now.

Yeah, we all keep getting better and better at it. It's not slowly melting.

Erin, I think for the rest of this, for the rest of Kip's riddles, we should all just keep talking in this voice to maintain

All right.

I didn't sign up for this.

This is the last one. Look at this catchphrase on Mel Blanc's tombstone. That's all folks. Adal? Look at this appetite. You got it. And then Kip says, I hope you enjoyed and or hated these. I'd be happy with either.

Wait, no blank is dead. Erin, can we have a moment of silence?

Alright, so I have new riddles from Kai. She's making this up. You can say my name and I have some homemade puzzies I came up with for the podcast, yes.

Oh, I was just responding. Do you think I could say your name?

Oh, I tested them with my family to see if they were good and they were stumped. But maybe they're just not as smart as you all. I don't think that... So hold on.

I tested them on my family. It failed. So now I'm sending them to you. Yes.

And then also... We gotta tell some people about the scientific process because that ain't it. Honey, that is not my guess.

Also, can you make a quick shout out to my mom, Erin? No relation, because I think it would make her day. And I swear I didn't write this. This is real.

Do people with the same first name, are they typically related?

They typically share some sort of... Yeah, maybe I am related to your mom, Erin. But anyways, hi Erin.

Wow.

Do you like being a mom?

No, don't answer that. Did Kai say that their mom was a listener?

I don't think so.

So what the fuck is this shout at? That's an important obstacle to overcome.

Well, Erin, if you do hear this, hi. Great. His mind is broken, but everyone's is. His heart is longing, but not for a kiss. He might have enough, but for him it's not plenty. His brother is jealousy, but his name is...

Monty. Ed Sheeran.

And Thomas, we told you before in the email not every answer is going to be Ed Sheeran.

How about at least one's got to be.

He's trying.

His brother is jealousy Sheeran. Erin, I'm going to be 100% honest with you. My brain was still thinking that these were rhyming Mark McGrath puzzles.

I'll read it again. Jealousy Sheeran might sound a little something like this. She played the fiddle in an Irish band, but she fell in love with my fucking asshole brother. Fucking dickhead. That's my jealousy, Sheeran. I would listen to that, honestly. Yeah, but not bad, honestly. Alright, can you give it to us one more time here?

His mind is broken, but everyone's is. His heart is longing, but not for a kiss. He might have enough, but for him it's not plenty. His brother is jealousy, and his name is... It doesn't really rhyme with plenty, so don't get

I think, yes, mind is broken, but everyone says.

What do you think his life is like? Hell. Hell.

Hell. He keeps swallowing stuff he shouldn't be swallowing.

Can you imagine just for eternity being awake for surgery for over 65 years?

Yeah, I don't know why they have him awake looking down at all the things we're doing.

just let him die

I got to see a scene. I want to see a quick scene. So Adal, I think you said his first name was Operation. So you are Operation. You are being punished in, like Sisyphus. Sisyphus was the boulder, right? Yes.

Sisyphus was the man pushing the boulder.

No, the name of the boulder was Operation. Your name is Operation, you are in hell, and you are being tortured for all eternity, and you are commiserating with the other people who are in hell being tortured.

I can't believe this is awful. I mean, I knew hell would be bad, but this just feels terrible.

First day.

No, I've been here for a while and it's just, actually I can't tell how long I've been here, but it's just constantly open heart, stomach, throat, penis surgery, just constantly surgery. No anesthetic, I'm awake the whole time.

I'm trying, I'm wrapping my head around my, I'm literally wrapping my head around, that's my dad. I tried to kiss a tree, and now my head just is wrapped around this tree for all eternity, but I'm trying to- Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, you tried to kiss a tree?

Look, the tree was coming onto me there. I've never heard somebody say they tried to kiss a tree. It seems like a pretty straightforward maneuver.

I think so, but here I am in hell with my noggin twisted all around the thing. What did you do? What did you do to get this punishment?

Well, I was having surgery and one of the, what do you call them, doctors? One of the doctors put their hand in my mouth and I instinctively bit down and bit off his fingers. That doctor then turned into, I want to say Dr. Strange, and so I went to hell when I died.

Wow. He turned into, I'm sorry, he turned into Dr. Strange.

Are you sure that you're not here because you're a liar?

Why are you here, huh?

Tough guy? I'm a liar. I lie like all the time.

Oh, so what's your, so I keep having open surgery constantly. What's your punishment, liar?

I have a sneeze that just won't come out.

That's pretty bad. That's pretty bad. Hold on.

I don't think he's telling the truth. No, that's not my punishment. He only made that noise like three minutes in.

Yeah, I mean, it's obviously that his pants are on fire. I mean, it's the ever burning pants.

Well, at least I'm not Kyle over there. Kyle, you have it worse than all of us.

Oh, Kyle, what's your deal?

Yeah, I'm subjected to the last season of Glee. I just have to watch the last season of Glee over and over again, and any season other than the first season of Heroes. That's pretty bad. Oh, that is rough. Yeah, when I was alive, I was just borrowing my friend's Prime account and buying a bunch of seasons of shows without their permission. But that isn't why I'm here. I'm just here because I was a user of Amazon. That's pretty much it.

Oh, dang, that'll do it, huh?

Yeah, I tried to go way further than just a kiss with the tree. Just over being honest. We can tell.

No, scene, scene.

I don't want to know. There's a bird's nest on your penis.

You know how people are like remaking everything, like every video game, every board game, we're turning into a movie. I want one with the operation guy. I want a whole backstory.

Who would you have play the operation guy?

Tom Hardy?

Yeah, Tom Hardy. And I trust anything Michael Bay wants to do with Operation, so... Aaron, can I blow your mind?

Yeah. They made a TV show out of it. What? It's called Grey's Anatomy. Oh. No.

We fell for it.

Thomas, we fell for it. I really fell for it. I was like, oh man, what is this?

Well, they made a movie out of Twister. They also made battleship.

No, no, no. Well, that's true.

I think Sorry had a quibi. Sorry had a quibi, correct?

Short bites. So these are from Kai, son of Erin. What's similar to jealousy, but isn't quite jealousy?

Strife. Regret. Envy.

Envy. Envy. Envy.

Envy. Envy. Envy has a broken mind, but everyone's is?

I guess so. Write a poem about it. Write a poem about it.

I was really stuck on that first line. I think it threw me for a loop.

We got two more riddles from Kai. The working man without an arm, all the people blank. The murdered man who did no harm, all the people blank. The sickly kid who's losing life, all the people blank. The lonely man without a wife, all the people blank.

These are just lyrics from the blue album by Weezer. The workers are going home. All of the people blank. The one art man is blank.

All right, so you've got the secret riddle inside the riddle.

Thank you. Do we have to fill in all the blanks?

Or is all the blanks the same word?

They're all the same word. Can we hear this one more time here?

Yes, the working man without an arm, all the people blank. The murdered man who did no harm, all the people blank. The sickly kid who's losing life, all the people blank. The lonely man without a wife, all the people blank.

Laugh? Is it they mourn? Is it that they're... All the lovely people were doing... They empathize? Is it cuck?

Yeah, it's sort of like the meaner form of empathy.

The meaner form of empathy? Empathy! That should be a thing.

Pity, yes.

Alright, last one.

I do wax, but I'm not a candle. I run laps, and I'm hard to handle. Don't say me. I'm fast by all means, but don't try to chase me. I change with the water, but I'm far from the sea. I'm usually amused in a beautiful frame, and I thought I... And though I have many, what is my name?

Thomas, it sounds like Black Moon. This is Ed Sheeran.

It's the moon. They wax, sorry. Did I jump to the answer for that too fast?

No, not at all.

Sorry, I actually don't know the word moon. I don't know the word Luna, sorry. Does that still count, Ms.

Erin? Yes, and you know what? You could head out to lunch early.

Well if Thomas is taking lunch I want lunch so why don't we take a quick break and we'll be right back with more Thomas Sanders.

I'm walking out with my little Wheatley backpack.

You go Thomas! Yay! The best. I know what you're thinking. Do I have a new hat, Adal and JPC? New haircut? Why am I walking around with so much confidence?

I bet you're wondering. I wanted pretzels from the food court.

And I was just going to let you know that it looks like you leaned on paint.

Anyways, I just had a bunch of subscriptions canceled for me by Rocket Money that I wasn't using. And so now I'm flushed with cash and now I'm competent. Pretzel money? Well, maybe we'll talk about that. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that binds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years, even before they were a sponsor.

Erin, it looks like you may have leaned on like with someone painting a rocket money like billboard or sign or something because it's all it's all down your back it's like and it's I could ock it ock it

People think they're spending $80 on their subscriptions when in reality, the number is closer to $200. And when you signed up for so many free trials, like streaming services, you watch one show and then you completely forget about it. You lose track and then all of a sudden you're like, why am I bleeding money? Rocket money? They take care of that for you. They go, sit back, relax. We got this. And they make everything color coded and easy and super intuitive.

You're also color-coded. A little birdie told me that Rocket Money also lets you monitor all your expenses in one place, recommends custom budgets based on your past spending, and they'll even send you notifications when you've reached your spending limits, which sounds like something my friend would like, but I forget which friend I'm so hungry for pretzels.

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Hey, what's going on? Somebody leaned over my rocket money painting. Run. Everybody run. Run. Oh no. Maroon.

Is that DaVinci?

Yeah. Yes.

And bye.

Aaron, you seem exasperated. I mean, what Adal said.

What is it? Oh, sweetie, what is it? I'm tired.

I won't be able to make a puzzle anymore. Aaron, don't say that.

It's so much work. I'm trying to read stupid riddles.

These are words.

These are words, Aaron. I don't want to do it.

Well, never fear, Aaron, because Voice Man is here, and he's here with the Carousel of Games.

Grant Morrison's Voice Man? Trademark.

Oh, thank God I didn't want to be old man puzzles for another second. Flops down on Lazy Boy Couch, opens magazine, starts to flip through.

No, no, no. No, no, no. Come back over here because we need you to help play. No, I'm hoping that these games will bring you all back to life in a little bit. I'm so glad that I get to experiment. Well, not really experiment because I know that you all have an affinity for the games that I'm about to present because I believe each one of these has fit one of your guys' strong points. So I've basically gone back around because obviously I listen to the show a lot and I'm also a fan of the Patreon. So I picked three games that I think... Well hold on a minute.

You said I listened to the show a lot and I'm a fan of the Patreon. So that means you're not a fan of the main feed episode? No, no, no. I am.

I listen a lot. No, can I tell you, sometimes I have put your guy, this is probably TMI, but I have put your show on as like sort of like white noise for me to sleep to.

You're not a compliment.

No, no, no, it is because it's comforting. It's like, I don't know, I like hearing people talk, but there was that one episode, the first Halloween episode you guys did, you did a story, Adal, where it was like the person who killed their friend and their mom and their You know, their business partner threw them down wells and then they kept disappearing the day after. It entered my dream and I was in that story while you were narrating it and I had to wake up because I was like, oh, this was not a good episode to fall asleep to.

Well, Thomas, if you look at the NDA that we sent you, if you die on an episode of Hey Riddle Riddle, you die in real life.

I'm going to start because I know we're running through and I'm only going to pick a couple of questions out of each of them and I hope that you do enjoy them. So we are going to start with one of the games that actually was presented by Sandy first and foremost, which by the way, when Sandy returned, you have to believe I freaking leapt out of my freaking chair when I heard Sandy's voice again. It was the wildest thing for me. Talk about a guy with a great voice. Now that's obvious. So this is a game that, Erin, you absolutely killed. And this was the game that he lists the fourth, third, and second ranked thing in a series. And then you have to figure out the category that is being talked about and then give me the number one most of whatever that category is. Oh, I love this.

I'm so excited.

Yes. So I'm going to start with something rather easy just to kind of get it into the

We'll be the judges whether it's rather easy.

Yeah, that's true. That's true. I should not say that. I did play test this with my boyfriend yesterday, and there were definitely some things that he's like, you gotta reword this before he's saying this to people.

Science. Test it one time, and then it's ready.

We all know. He's like, you gotta reword this. This is not play test. This is you punishing me. I did.

I kept it. I was like, do you want me to stop? Do you want me to stop? Okay. But no, he's fine. All right. So in fourth place, Bill Gates. In third place, Bernard Arnault and family. In second place, Jeff Bezos.

Buzz.

Yes, Adal.

These are the richest people in the world.

Correct. So what would be number one? Oh, I don't want to say his name. You can give a nickname. You can give a nickname and I will accept it.

This is Oolong Tusk.

Yes, that's it, baby. Insecure McTwitter.

I thought it was going to be most sex tapes and it was going to be Hulk Hogan at the top. Nice.

I love Bill Gates sex tapes. I was going to say Bill Gates. Know what you will about the ma'am, but great sex tapes.

He leaves the sweater on? His sex tape, it's both funny and informational. I love a floppy disk. I think my drive's getting hard. Dude, you're getting a tell.

You're going to get CD rammed.

We have to stop. Let's keep going.

Alright, let's go to this next one. Fourth place, Betty Davis. Third place, Jack Nicholson. Second place, Katherine Hepburn.

Buzz. Okay, so this is a list of people who are the Joker and number one is going to be Joaquin Phoenix. Yes. Adal?

Is this people who have been nominated for the most Oscars?

Correct. So what would be number one?

Number one would be Meryl Streep.

Correct. You're knocking these down at the park.

I knew it.

I was going to say this was the people who have had songs about their eyes, but I guess just Bette Davis.

Yeah, no. Strangely, more songs about Katherine Hepburn's eyes than Bette Davis. More songs about Jack Nicholson's eyes than Bette Davis, for sure.

Yeah, he looks spooky eyes about his eyes.

Hungry Eyes, too. Hungry Eyes was about Jack Nicholson. All right. Next one. Fourth place, Monster, the Jeffrey Dahmer story. Okay. Third place, Wednesday. Second place, Stranger Things season four. Buzz. Buzz. That is Erin.

Most streamed Netflix shows.

Correct. So what would be number one? Is this of all time?

Squid Game.

This is of all time. And yes, Erin got that. Boom.

Wow.

I will do one more and I'll move on because I really want to make sure that I'm not taking up. I want to get to all three games. All right. This one blew my mind. Fourth place. Incredibles 2. Third place. Frozen. Second place.

Pause, pause, pause. This is Pornhub search results. And then the number one has to be Step sibling stuck in a dryer.

You were so close. This is red tubes. Most watched.

Damn it.

Buzz. That was tight. I'm going to give that to Adal.

This is the highest grossing animated films.

Yes, internationally. So what would be number one?

Number one, I'm going to guess. Avatar, baby. Avatar. This is tough because you said it's surprising. So I think it's going to be something like monster. It's going to be like Monster House or Hotel Transylvania. I'm going to go with Toy Story. No, hold on. Hold on. I'm going to go with Cars.

Tick tock, motherfucker. Quick, quick.

No, not Cars. Not Cars 2. The great guess. Great guess. Anybody else want to take a stab at Erin? Yeah.

I have two guesses.

Okay. Cool.

He's going to let it happen. I'm going to teach her his pet. My two guesses are in Kanto or Lion King.

Which Lion King?

The first one.

Incorrect.

The second one?

It is the Lion King remake. How the hell did that happen? It's an animated film internationally. I know. What are you going to call that animated?

I'd call that. Right. Yeah.

It's so out of the scope of what you'd consider, but Erin, you got the closest without going over. So I'll give that point to you. Thank you.

I would call it animated. I'd call it ruined.

Yeah, it's pretty wild. I was thrown. I was like, whoa. I mean, I thought it did well, but yeah. Each of those movies, with the exception of Frozen, I guess were like, you know, helped by its predecessors. So I'm guessing that was the thing.

You really have to do a lot with Lion King to make me not want to fuck Nala. And that movie did it.

So congratulations, the Lion King. That was Nala doomy eyes. Yeah. Okay. So we are moving on to a Patreon game. That was introduced within Hey Riddle Station, JPC's narrative that Adal and Erin could not get enough of, and neither could I quite frankly, and it was so much fun putting these together. So JPC, I know that these are pale in comparison to the ones you put together, but now you get to answer them. Okay, I'm excited. Yeah, this is Tex-Mex. This is the game introduced where basically- Yes, it was a great game. Yeah, I love it. It's genius. You guys put together clues that give you Syllables that when you put those syllables together give you a dish, a food dish. And so I'm going to start with an easy one. And I'll try to narrate it the way that you did JVC within Hey Riddle station where if you get a clue right, a green light will turn green and then you will get closer to the game. Okay. Clue number one, nickname for a bachelor's apartment. Clue number two. It can be seen in forms like four in hand, half Windsor, or full Windsor.

Pad Thai.

That's a U. That's a U. You didn't let him finish his little giraffe pad Thai.

Pad Thai is correct. Pad Thai, pad Thai. Okay. Let's move to another one. It's very, it's so amazing. Clue number one, a friend to Eeyore and Kenga. Clue number two, in DC, it's a word that can precede a Titan.

Is Winnie the first one? Who is it?

What was the first one? Food number one, a friend to Eeyore and Kanga.

Eeyore, I don't know who Kanga is. Tigger, Winnie.

I think it's got to be poo, and the second part has to be oop. And Thomas, you almost got me, because while you can eat it, it's not technically a food.

Yeah, not technically a food, but I thought you guys would enjoy poop.

Before the word Titan, it comes before the word Titan.

It can precede a titan, which I'm holding up air quotes to all of our listeners.

Oh, teen. Poutine.

There we go!

Poutine.

Poutine. Yay. It's this disease going around where people under the age of 20 and older than 12 are just shitting their pants.

Just can't control their bowels. It's the biggest TikTok trend going on right now.

Good for them.

I'm conflicted because... Personally, I still love Poutine and I love to eat it, but I just don't think what he's doing in Ukraine is right now. And I'll take my stand there. And I'll say that on the podcast.

Shame on you, Mr. Poutine. My God, he said it.

He did it. I love it. He covered fries on a horse shirtless.

I love shirtless poutine. All right, let's move to this one that I think Erin will like. Clue number one, third note in Julie Andrews' music lesson with the fond traps. Clue number two, fifth note in Julie Andrews' music lesson with the fond traps. Clue number three, this is two syllables, so this is deviating from the usual. Famous cheers pairing, how it's conventionally phrased, but remove the woman.

Ted Danson.

Puzz.

Puzz.

Is it miso horny?

It's so close.

But you do get a bonus point for answering that. Okay, okay, okay. Miso.

Miso Sam. Sam.

Oh, miso soup. Miso soup. Miso is correct. Okay. How do you conventionally say that ideal pairing?

Salmon.

From Cheers?

Salmon Diane.

Salmon Diane. Salmon. There you go.

Miso Salmon. Miso Salmon. Nice.

That's an incredible clue.

Wow. Miso Woody and Coach. Miso Woody and Coach. Ooh, I slept on pairing for sure. Okay, this will make you like Miso Nord. Miso Nord.

They weren't there at the same time, idiot. But that's why it's a perfect pairing because they compliment each other.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The impossible pairing. Okay, I've got two more in this category. Clue number one. Your mama gave it to you, and sometimes you have to shake it. Clue number two, what sometimes comes out of clue number one? Clue number three, what you might call a picture of clue number one. Clue number four, these toys may have a clue number one, but it's usually non-functioning.

I'll repeat if you need me to. I cannot tell you the labyrinth of terrors that is my brain right now. What is going on?

Ass shit. Ass shit selfie Barbie. Ass shit selfie Barbie.

Oh no. No, but I was hoping for this. Something like butt poop, something genitals. Okay. Green light goes up for the first clue. Butt. Butt.

Butt. Yes. Okay, butt. Butternut squash.

No, that's great, but you're very close with the second syllable. Think of other words, other than shit. Butter Noodles. Butter Noodles.

Butter Noodles.

Butter Noodles.

Butter Noodles. Butter Noodles. Butter Noodles.

I would like some Butter Noodles, mother.

I think you should win an Emmy for this. I don't know how, but I think it should count.

Thank you. A daytime Emmy. Let's not dream too big. Yeah, I said that was the one to my boyfriend and he goes, booty shit? Uh, yeah, that was, I loved that one. Nude dolls. And yes, there are some dolls that poop themselves. I know that those were, we all remember those from the 90s commercials. You have to change their diaper. I had a bunch of Batman's that pooped themselves.

That wasn't supposed to happen.

I don't know what was supposed to happen. Mattel fucked me.

I loved in the 90s that a lot of toys were just full-time jobs.

So funny.

Easy Bake Ovens. Have fun yourself motherhood. Okay. Last one for this category. Okay. Clue number one. Yes from a pirate. Clue number two. Sorry. That's so funny. No, that's not right.

The other yes from a pirate.

Yeah. There you go. Green light on that one. Clue number two. A famous Munch painting, or munch, Edward Munch painting. Clue number three, not liked by Anakin Skywalker and clue number four Glinda explains to Dorothy that only bad ones of these are ugly, but not two seconds earlier Glinda had asked Dorothy if she was a good one of these or a bad one of these, thus implying Glinda took Dorothy for a plain-faced, maybe pretty, maybe ugly interloper into her neighborhood, scorching Dorothy with sudden shade that she won't even realize happened to her until weeks later.

Keep going, keep going, keep going.

Only until later when it'll dawn on her while working in that colorless farm that she woke up back in, and when that time comes, she will no doubt mutter under her breath that bubble writing bitch.

Thomas, I love this clue, but I don't think there's a food called an ice cream subulba witch.

Not yet. No, I know. Who did he go and kill? Did he slaughter that group? Were they sand people or were they? The guys that go, err, err, err, the seal, the seal. Yeah, those, those guys, but they have a name and I can't remember.

I was talking, I was like, Oh God, what is their name?

You're getting that reference there, that third clue when I was referring.

Yeah, it's yeah, we got, we got it. I'm just never going to be able to let this go.

I just wanted to, I definitely wanted to end the game on that one. That was fantastic. And I have one other game. Do you want me to move to the next one?

Yes, but before you do, Thomas, as you so kindly complimented us and Erin twice earlier, I just want to say, Thomas, these are fantastic. You are very, very good at making riddles and puzzles in games. Thank you so much for the energy and time put into these and let's go ahead and go to that third game.

I don't know if I can stay. I have a life to get back to.

Truly these games were inspired by you all so thank you to you for the inspiration.

Alright, we're moving on to the game that is dedicated to Adal. And this is a game that I absolutely loved. This is the costume puns game that you introduced in a Halloween episode essentially this is a lot of them are like before and after I'll give you a clue that alludes to two different entities two different characters and then you have to there's a connection word wise that you put them together and it makes a potential fun Halloween costume gimmick Does that make sense? Yes. So I'll give you an example, and you can buzz in if you would like. The teacher of a bunch of Ninja Turtles, who eventually gets his own starring role in the next installment of a famous Tom Clancy video game.

Buzz.

Yes, Adal.

Splinter Cell.

Master Splinter Cell, correct. Wow, Master Splinter Cell.

Brilliant.

Fantastic. Okay, you got it? All right. Yeah, absolutely. Let's dive into these. The blonde haired pal of Wayne who eventually leaves their public access television show and turns to the dark side of the force.

Buzz.

Adal.

Garth Vader?

Yeah.

This is exactly how your brain works.

How about this one? A man who leaves the dark side in order to travel to earth and become a country music singer.

Garth Vader.

Oh, is this Garth Brooks?

Garth Brooks Vader.

Well, you guys have both the clues, so I don't know if I heard it put together.

Anakin Skywalker, Texas Ranger.

Yes, that's right.

Garth Vader, Brooks, Garth.

Yes, you did the other one. It's basically Darth Brooks. Wait, Thomas, we were never going to get that.

Also known as Chris Pains.

Yeah, Chris Pains. Okay, how about this one? A childnapping, flying child who is potentially so old, he may have been the very original landmass of Earth.

I know the second part, I don't know the first part. A napping, flying child?

A childnapping, like a child kidnapping, flying child.

Oh, yes, yes, yes. Buzz.

Yes.

Lindbergh baby Pangea.

Yeah, now, now, that's what it is.

Strangely, that's correct. Yeah. You really read between the lines there.

Hey, I think you're really cute. Your costume is baffling.

Keep watching. I'm the Bloomberg baby Pangea. I don't understand what's so hard about this one.

Kidnap flying child.

So who took maybe... You know, three British children away to, uh, you know, oh, Peter Pangea. There you go. That's great. He took four kids. Four kids. Yes. Um, okay. Let's go do this one. Uh, of course.

That sounds like something I'd order at Olive Garden. I'll have the Peter Pangea.

Is that enough for two or?

And there's just so much salt on it.

Yum. All right. A nice crust of salt. All right.

She was one of the biggest animated ladies of the 1930s, but when she went to work at the fashion magazine mode, she was heavily shunned for her outward appearance. Betty Boop wears brudda. Snow White. So you got Betty Boop and it's very much the second clue is heavy. It's leaning towards the Devil Wears product, but it's a kind of a show that was part of the mid 2000s.

Oh, Ugly Betty Boop.

Ugly Betty Boop. Yeah, Ugly Betty Boop. All right, let me jump around. Okay. He may be the wise surrogate father of Bruce Wayne, but at least he gets to work with dinosaurs and be a part of the modern Stone Age family. Alfred Flintstone. I loved that one. Okay. Perfect. All right. Hey, look, he may be known for killing a bunch of teens at Camp Crystal Lake, but that doesn't mean he doesn't deserve a moment for us to all sing to him about how awesome a guy he is.

Buzz. Yes, Adal. Jason Voorhees, a jolly good fellow, Voorhees, a jolly good fellow.

That's my favorite one.

Voorhees, a jolly good fellow. That's you to the head.

Adal, that's the Riddle answering equivalent of landing a backflip perfectly on your first try.

I keep telling you, I have the Kerry Strug of puns.

Honestly, yes, I attest to that. All right, last one for this game. Okay. He was raised by apes and knows how to swing from vines, but now he's starring in a musical where he has to roller skate.

Puz. Oh. Tarzanadoo? Tarzanadoo.

That was my personal favorite one.

Delightful. I would watch that.

Guys, Tarzanadoo. It has to happen.

Thomas, we will contractually let you go once you do 1000 more of these.

I will comment right up. I'll work on them. Tarzanadu.

Tarzanadu. I have all my best people on it.

It would be stunning. Starring Olivia Newton on the roof.

I have nothing.

This was a goddamn delight. Thank you so much for coming. Thank you again for doing specific riddles for all three of us, categories for all three of us and types of games for all three of us.

I hope you all liked it.

Thomas, we did not. We loved it.

So your hope is dashed. Its brains are dashed. Damn. I was really going for that.

Thomas, you're such a dreamy guest. Come back anytime you want. It's my pleasure and honor.

I love doing this. You all are so freaking fun.

We're sorry we broke your brain and made you pet nightmares, but you can't prove it was us.

I truly appreciate you allowing me to come in with just having to do one scene that was nice for my nervous brain. Yes, perfect. You got your back.

Also, I didn't want to correct you, but earlier you said you put on white noise. That's not us. That's actually Adam Driver and Don Cheadle. Thomas, is there anything that you would like to plug for our listeners?

I'll definitely keep it simple. You can find me at, just type in my name, Thomas Sanders on most platforms, TikTok, Instagram, and YouTube. And we do have a D&D series on our YouTube, which is called Roll Slaying with Roman, and it's very improv-y. And I think anybody who listens to the show would have a lot of fun watching that series, particularly on our YouTube channel.

So yeah, that's it. Hell yeah. Erin, do you have anything to plug?

Check out sitcom D&D. All three of you have been on it and killed it in a very popular episode that people love a lot. So check that out. Season 3 is coming out very soon. And Adal, do you have anything to plug?

Yeah, I'll say check out Hello from the Magic Tavern, specifically our Patreon. We just unlocked and released our Shadow City campaign. I think it's a four part role playing game. Maybe three parts. I think it's four, but it's a DM by Anthony Birch and it's a lot of fun. So give that a listen. You can find us over at patreon at patreon.com slash magic tavern or Hello from the Magic Tavern. You'll figure it out. JPC, do you have a review for us?

No, I'm just finishing up making a Patreon account, whichever one yours isn't, just to see if maybe I can get a little spillover. Patreon.com slash Magic Tavern, if it's open, I'm taking it. We do not produce content. Yes, I have a five-star review that I would like to read. If you want to get a five-star review read on the show, just go to Apple iTunes or wherever you leave reviews. Give us five stars and you might get yours featured on the show. Hell, it worked for JakeyJake6488 who wrote, my podcast player is broken. Not sure what happened, I've been listening to this show forever. It's usually a glorious combination of riddles and chaos. Lately though, it's just been Howard Dean's Scream on a 10-hour loop. I can't figure out what's wrong with my app, but give HHR a listen because it's great! Even when it's just Dean's Scream with a little TM. Bye! We're sorry about that, but it does sound like your podcast player is working exactly as intended, so that is correct. It is working.

Well, speaking of screams, Erin, I just looked this up. It seems like the Tusken Raiders in Star Wars, the Star Wars universe, are not just screaming at nothing. They're actually looking up at the sky, screaming at something very particular. Erin, do you know what the Tusken Raiders are screaming at?

God. Whoa. I forever have.

Kasey told me to be editing.

Wow, what a note to end on.

Do you think I'll get in trouble for that?

Well, technically Jupiter is a god of the Roman persuasion, I believe. Are you their god? It's me. I just can't believe that that Tusken Raider got divorced from Heidi Klum. I guess you don't know what was going on with their personal lives or whatever.

He kept not balancing a ball on his nose.

Hey there, Colkins and Barrymores. If you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. Ever wondered what it was like to be a child actor while we got the answers for you? You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash HeyRiddleRiddle by joining the Clue Clue for $5 a month or the Review Clue for $8 a month. See you there.