Which Riddle Riddle?

#234: Slip Your Punts

00:00:02

???

This is a HeadGum podcast.

Adal

And there's a bit of noise outside my door one second.

JPC

And the revolutionaries burst in.

Erin

Viva la France! They start making a, what are they called? A barricade with all, like, recording.

JPC

Do you see the people singing? Is this a Zincaster? The Zincaster's open.

???

He stood on a block of lights.

JPC

Oh, something worked.

???

Oh, fish. It was the captain of an airplane. He stabbed him with a knife and a knife. And the horses didn't ride any.

Adal

Hey, it's... Hey, podcast. How do we... Erin, it's been so long.

00:01:05

Erin

Whoa, Adal, did you not realize we were recording until about four seconds ago?

JPC

We've been talking for 15 minutes.

Adal

Hey, podcast. Hey, podcast. Hey podcast. Hey podcast. Hey podcast. Hey Riddle Riddle is for hay horses horses. This is Hey Riddle Riddle. I'm Adal Rifai. I'm JPZ.

Erin

And I'm Erin Keif.

Adal

And it is, we're just minging into 2023.

JPC

If it's your first time listening, the door's that way. Thanks for stopping by. We took a little fucking break, didn't we? We took a little goddamn fucking break.

Adal

We took the longest break we've ever taken in our little careers.

Erin

We took a break, okay? We're on a break.

Adal

Thank you, Ross. That's good reference, yes.

Erin

Thank you.

Adal

How is everybody doing? How is everybody's New Year's? What have we been up to? Well... How was your break?

Erin

I'm glad that you asked. I wrote down some of the things that happened to me during my break. And I thought maybe if you wanted to just... I could list them and then we could just... Casey, hit the piano.

00:02:11

JPC

And sing about it, Erin. I got bonked in the head. If Erin got bonked in the head and went to sleep for three weeks and we hadn't checked in on her, wow.

Erin

I wrote down some of the things. I didn't have anything crazy exciting happen, just a bunch of little things. And then you can pick one that you want to discuss further or we can just let it be. Okay.

Adal

And if we want to discuss one further, can we stop you or should we allow you to complete the list and then circle back?

Erin

I'd say complete the list because you don't know if something better.

Adal

I prefer to stop. Well, we know that. I mean, we all know that.

Erin

Oh, man. Okay. I watched Emily in Paris in one sitting and now I'm not sure who I am anymore. I saw Harry Connick Jr. 's Christmas show. I spent $100 on Harry Connick Jr. merch and I think I might be in love with him. I ate mozzarella sticks and they were really good. I left and went to the bathroom seven times during Avatar The Way of Water or whatever it's called. I saw the guy from Glee, Archie, the one who's in the wheelchair at LAX baggage claim and I think he noticed my Harry Connick Jr t-shirt. While taking down Christmas decorations, I saw a spider so big it made me scream so hard until I hurt my neck. And I'm very interested to know how the waffle maker I got JPC is going. So that's sort of what's been on my mind lately.

00:03:58

JPC

So that guy's not in a wheelchair. He plays a character in a wheelchair. When you saw him at the airport, was he using the wheelchair to get through security? Because that, by the way, is the move. That is the move.

Erin

No, he was not. He was just standing.

Adal

From glee to glib. Erin, I have a few follow-up questions, if you don't mind. Sure. Number one, Emily in Paris. I don't know if I've heard of this show.

JPC

Emily in Paris. I mean, we're all saying it wrong.

Adal

I was going to say, are you sure you're not mispronouncing it?

Erin

We were calling it Emily in Paris because we weren't sure what they were going for.

Adal

I'm a low in Bordeaux. You said it's like garbage. It's like fun to hate watch.

Erin

Yeah, it's like the craziest hate watch ever. It all comes out around Christmas every year. And I sat with the Coyle siblings and we literally just didn't get up and we watched an entire season of Emily in Paris in one sitting. It is so bad. I truly think that they like make all the wrong choices on purpose to get people talking about it.

Adal

Yeah. And your follow-up question, is the Coyle siblings what you call your two armchairs?

00:04:59

Erin

It is.

Adal

The springy armchairs that are in front of your TV at home?

Erin

Yeah, because they're not pushing on them anymore. They're just lazy boys with the springs.

Adal

I love my lazy boys. What were some of the other follow-up? Oh, you said $100 on Harry Connick Jr. merch. Clearly you got a t-shirt, money well spent, because what's-his-name noticed it. What other merch did you buy?

JPC

I would not be surprised if that was the $100 because concert merch is so fucking expensive.

Adal

45 bucks for a t-shirt? Get fucked.

JPC

To justify my manic spending, these are gifts for my family.

Erin

But we're the same.

Adal

What a weird disassociation of like... That's odd. That's truly odd.

Erin

Well, the Harry Connick Jr. Christmas album, specifically his first one, were huge in my house growing up. They were like the Christmas album that we listened to.

Adal

He's like a modern-day Michael Bublette.

00:06:02

Erin

He's better than Michael Buble, I'll tell you that much. I cried so much during the concert.

JPC

Buble just fading into dust like a Thanos snap, like, whoa!

Adal

Don't forget about me! Michael J. Fox and Back to the Future.

Erin

Sean didn't want to go with me, but he did get me shorts at, say, property of Harry Connick Jr. on the back, and I was like, I think I might be talking about this too much. But I brought my friend Elizabeth, and she kept getting over it.

JPC

Wait, wait, wait. Is that official merch that Harry Connick officials?

Erin

No, no, no. He had that made.

JPC

Okay, god damn, I was like Harry Connick Jr., what are you doing?

Adal

Did he grab your butt? I'm sorry, did he grab his property? Okay.

Erin

He's a family man. I would kill for Harry Connick Jr.

JPC

to sell that on his website. What is he thinking for anyone to sell that?

Erin

But Harry Connick Jr., if you're listening to this, I'm in love with you and I would love to meet you. But not in a way that's like weird, like in a way that's just like, I admire you. But I started crying in his concert because such a good actor. He was on Will and Grace, but he played Silent Night and then he had us, the audience, sing a verse or chorus or whatever. And after we sang, he went, you sound perfect. And I burst into tears.

00:07:05

Adal

Well, I mean, Erin, I don't want to... Oh, TBC, should I... should I shatter this illusion?

Erin

Does he say his head at every show? Yeah, I think so.

JPC

How did Junior Keif hear? This hearing's all blown out.

Erin

But he's like a classic, like he's a New Orleans jazz musician and he has been traveling with the same band. He's like incredible New Orleans jazz musicians. He's so worth seeing live. But I bought a key chain. I bought an ornament. I bought a hat. What's up?

Adal

When he first came on stage, I am assuming this was in LA. Yes. What venue?

Erin

Oh man, what venue?

Adal

Does it matter? When he came out, Pantasia, when he came out, did he say L.A. is one of my favorite places to play? Or like, I love being back here. Like, this is my favorite city.

JPC

It's good to be home. Did he say anything? Whatever, man. What did he say?

Erin

Whatever, man. Let me just have my night.

Adal

So how sincere do you think that you were? He came out and he said, hey Los Angeles, I drove here.

00:08:05

JPC

And everyone goes, woo!

Erin

Well, he was so sweet and his wife and his three daughters were in the audience and he went one by one and he talked about why, how special he thought each of his three daughters were and how excited he was to have everyone in the same room. They never are all at his concert together. It was so good.

Adal

I will say, Erin, that sounds fantastic. I'm so glad you had a wonderful time. I'm just saying he's telling Kenosha, Wisconsin right now, they sound perfect.

JPC

Yeah, but he... Erin, what did you think of Avatar and how were the bathrooms?

Erin

Well, oh man, I got, normally I don't get any snacks at the movie theater because you just like feel so sick after you eat a whole thing of like candy. So I've been trying not to do that, but I went and I got the biggest water ever. Because I was like, I feel like this movie is too long. At least I'm going to be super hydrated. And I peed seven times. That's so much. That movie sucks. I don't care how pretty it is.

Adal

Gleaning the information you put in the newsletter, it sounds like you like the movie.

00:09:08

JPC

Avatar?

Adal

Yeah, it was wonderful. And I have yet to see it. So we're three bearsing it.

Erin

Let's fight.

Adal

You know how the three bears, one bed was too soft, one bed was too hard, and one didn't have a bed?

JPC

I think it's fine if you don't like it. I think that that's, that's, that's fine. I will say, I will say that the, one of the things that they've, the Avatar sales has been pretty consistent week to week. Like there's not really been a drop off, which is very rare for a movie. Like it's very rare for a movie not to have, most movies nowadays just have like massive drop offs after the opening weekend and Avatar doesn't, which means that people are still going to see it. And my, my thought is he made a movie over three hours so that people would be peeing during the movie so that people would be like, Well now we have to go see it again and pee during another part where we've already seen so we can see the part we didn't see while we were peeing, which I think is actually pretty genius.

Adal

And calling it way of water is again a subliminal message of like water. Like I have to assume it's just nonstop CGI water like crashing against shores.

00:10:10

JPC

It's a lot of water. And Erin, I will say this, I did not pee once during that three-hour movie. I thought it was, and I said this in the newsletter, I was, Mariah and I did not go and see it when we could have seen it because we did not want to go see a three-hour movie. We're like, it's just, that's a day-ruiner. That's like a day-killer. And so we saw it, you know, like a week later and I prepared for it. I didn't have anything to drink during the movie and I I made it all the way through the movie without peeing, and then I peed the longest pee of my entire life directly after the movie. But I pre-gamed for it by being very hydrated the day before and then just cut myself off there for a certain period just so I could see that movie without peeing. But I would probably see it again, but I don't think I'm going to go back to the theater to see it again. Interesting.

Erin

Okay. Can I just tell you my biggest problem with it?

Adal

Biggest spider? Oh.

Erin

Other than how many times I had to pee during it? My biggest problem.

JPC

Sure. I don't want to hear it because I don't know if people have other, haven't seen it yet. So I don't want to spoil anything about the movie for people. I haven't seen it yet and I plan to.

00:11:10

Erin

I'm not going to spoil anything. This is just a general James Cameron complaint about the movie. He has created one of the most visually interesting fantasy worlds ever. What not even just like baseline awesome even with the effects and how much better they've gotten the most beautiful fantasy world of all time. And all James Cameron wants to do is play with his GI Joe dolls. He's like, in this amazing fantasy world, he's like, you know what I'll do? U.S. Army propaganda the whole time. I want to have my little GI Joes fighting with each other with human guns. You are in a fantasy world, you lunatic.

JPC

You know that the army's the bad guys, right? Traditionally when you do propaganda, you don't make the army the bad guys. No, I think it's still- Unless it's a different type of propaganda that I'm not familiar with.

Erin

Why are they there at all is my big point. Because really he's just showing all these, he's like, if they're the bad guys, then why are we like, it's so, look how cool their weapons are and look how cool it is to watch their fight.

00:12:13

JPC

What are we doing? Because we are Pandora. That's the point. That's the point is that we are the bad guys. No.

Erin

No, not the way that he's shooting it, then he's doing a bad job. He's doing a bad job because he's masturbating to these U.S. weapons. Go ahead.

Adal

I don't want to be a dissenting voice, but we all, as children, I assume, read the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe books, and one of the Chronicles of Narnia is Seal Team... I will say, I did not read those books.

JPC

I was too busy masturbating to weapons.

Adal

There is one where Seal Team 6 goes into Narnia.

JPC

What's one character from Nardi I could pull? What's the little goat man, right?

Adal

Isn't there a goat man? There's a goat man and his name is... I wanna say... Pan?

Erin

Mr. Tumnus.

Adal

What's Mr. Tumnus? I was like, he sounds medicinal.

JPC

Yeah, when they do those enhanced interrogation techniques on Mr. Tumnus... They waterboard. It's not called that anymore because we can't do that anymore.

Adal

They do the clockwork orange eyeball thing.

00:13:15

JPC

Yeah, sleep deprivation.

Adal

They blast Metallica.

JPC

Well cleaning that thing if you make some messy type of waffle in there is almost impossible. So it took me maybe 45 minutes to clean that waffle maker of all the blueberry goo and then I bought online I bought special like Kitchen utensil cleaning brushes that can go in between the waffle maker and then the next time we made waffles cleaning took like five minutes. So I've used it twice, made a terrible mistake the first time and was like using like like paper towels, well not paper towels, but like dish rag towels to like clean the insides of the grooves of the waffle maker and just be like, oh god, it's still dirty. What the fuck? Blueberry everywhere. But they were delicious. The waffles were delicious. We're out of that waffle mix and I gotta get some more of it because it was so fucking good.

00:14:17

Erin

Oh, good. Oh my gosh. Okay. I'm so glad.

JPC

Yeah.

Erin

Well, that's the end of my list. Adal, how was your vacation?

Adal

Here's how I'll sum up my vacation. Which dogs never go to heaven?

JPC

Hmm. A witch's dog never goes to heaven because it's familiar to hell. That's correct. Ding, ding, ding, ding.

Adal

Sorry Erin, we had to get started with Riddles. I could hear people breathing down their iPhones. I'll tell you in person. You could text him.

Erin

No, that sounds like a lot of work.

Adal

Which dogs never go to heaven? And I will say alternate answer. Wishbone. Wishbone is in hell, famously.

Erin

No.

JPC

No. Okay. Which dogs never go... Oh, pit of fireballs. Wait. Is this on? Did anyone get that? What was that? Is this on? Hello? Test, test, test.

00:15:19

Adal

Which dogs never go to heaven? And this is just a warm up, so I'll go ahead and say the answer unless anybody else has any. Devil dogs. Erin, you are very close. Deviled eggs. Are you familiar with devil dogs as it pertains to Chicago? What is it?

JPC

The dreaded follow-up to that question. The dreaded follow-up to, are you familiar with?

Adal

Just say what Devil Dogs is and you have the answer.

Erin

Is it not a food?

Adal

It is a food.

Erin

Yeah, that's what I'm, then, yes. It's a food.

Adal

Then say the word.

JPC

I will say hot dogs.

Erin

Yes. Yeah.

JPC

That's what I'm saying. It's hot dogs. Hot dogs. Now, why will hot dogs not go to heaven? Because they're just processed meat.

Adal

Too processed, yeah. Yeah, they're too processed. They can't get through processing, Adal.

Erin

Well, I'd like to see a scene.

JPC

We don't know why that's the answer, but it's the answer.

Erin

You two are two hot dogs on a grill, and you're talking about how scared you are to die and go to hell.

00:16:20

Adal

Sizzle, sizzle, oh man, sizzle, sizzle.

JPC

I had impure thoughts, I had impure thoughts, um, about my... Just so you know, I'm not a priest. No, I'm just, I know, I know, and neither am I, but I gotta tell somebody. I have... Okay. I mean, we're gonna die, right? So it's like, I can't go, I can't leave this world. Yes, yes, yes. With the weight of what I've done on, I put ketchup inside. I put ketchup inside. I just wanted to try it one time.

Adal

Frank, Frank, that is... That's gross. Even from you, that's gross.

JPC

Look, I know I'm not happy that I did it. I'm just trying to get these weight off my shoulders or the shoulders of pigs that are somewhere in me. Somewhere inside. The knuckles. The knuckles. Rat testicles.

Adal

I'm also not a priest, and if I could just lift this heavy burden off this albatross around my casing. Oh, you're an albatross dog? There's apple jars in there for sure. Next to the pig. I coveted, and this I guess is involving you Frank, I coveted my neighbor's bun. Of course you've been on the grill with me for I want to say three years?

00:17:29

JPC

Feels like three years. Yeah, in our time? Sure. Hot dogs live a hundred years and we've spent three years on this grill.

Adal

Hot dog years famously. Every human second is a hot dog year. Yes. Buddy, buddy, I've coveted your bun.

JPC

What? Yes! Come on. All wheat?

Adal

You're just trying to make me feel good.

JPC

No, look at the texture. I mean, there's no way. Look at my bun. I'm falling through that as soon as I hit the bun. But you, on that whole wheat bun? No way! Are you sure? Are you serious? I think you've got a great bun, man. And I think that you're gonna make that sports fan really happy. And hey, maybe we go away, maybe we die, maybe we go see what comes next.

Erin

And put them on the plate and eat them.

JPC

Someone ate me just on a plate. Oh my God, hot dog on a plate. Are we at Erin's barbecue? Who the fuck are you? There's mustard in music. Uh, Patreon.com says, Hey Riddle Riddle, if you want to get the full context. Oh, I forgot that's a Patreon. Whoops. That would be an insane main feed for us to do. Making callbacks?

00:18:41

Adal

Ideal barbecue main feed. If you want to get some of the inside jokes, you gotta head to the Patreon.

JPC

It's like a show within a show.

Adal

Within a show. It's like an onion. It's honestly kind of like a whole different show. I am a I become an energy form. If you remove the first two letters, I am needed to live. Scramble the last three letters and I am a drink. What word am I?

Erin

Air. I'm trying to think of the three. You needed to live one.

JPC

Wait, you're a five-letter word? Yes. And you remove the first one, you're in energy. If you remove the first two... Let me say, when it's that five-letter word, people eat me.

00:19:43

Adal

Okay. If you remove the first letter, you become an energy form. Remove the first two letters, I am needed to live. Scramble the last three letters, and it's a drink. What word am I?

JPC

Okay, needed to live makes me think like air. But if you scramble the last three of air... I feel like if I can get three letter word that I need to live, I'm going to be able to nail this one down.

Erin

So it's a three letter thing, calling sangria rias, that's how we know to cut you off from the sangria.

JPC

Okay, three little words I need to live. Is it poo? Uh... Cause if you don't poop, you will die.

Adal

And the drink would be... Opal?

Erin

Love, but without the E. Aw, Erin, I love that. Aw, thanks.

Adal

That's beautiful. Erin, as Harry Connick Jr. once said directly into your eyes, you're perfect.

00:20:48

JPC

Alright, let's talk Maslow here. Hierarchy of needs. What do we need? Shelter. Air. Water. Food.

???

Wait, hold on. I might be somebody's captain.

Erin

Fluffy robes.

JPC

Heart. Monkey. Wait, is Heart the answer? No.

Adal

You think one of the planeteers, their power was Monkey? I assume you're speaking of Mati.

JPC

No, no, no. Monkey was his own member, and Monkey's power was Monkey. Matti was his own guy.

Adal

He would always go monkey and they go, how did you get back in here?

JPC

Leave. It sucks that Matti got a monkey. Everyone else should have gotten a pet too.

Adal

Well, Matti, he was, Ross was, how do I say this? On a break. He was on a break, for what? But when they created Ross, they used Matti as a template, which is why he had Marcel for the first season and a half, I want to say, too long.

00:21:49

JPC

Whoa, A.U. or Ross was also one fifth of the people that could summon Captain Planet.

Adal

I don't know why advertisers used to think everyone is like thrilled about monkeys. It's like you put a monkey in something and people go just absolutely nuts. Actually, they could be right.

JPC

Yeah, actually, I love everything I've ever seen with a monkey.

Erin

Is it?

Adal

Outbreak?

Erin

Well, can you read the beginning again? So when you take away the first letter, what happens?

Adal

So I just want to make sure the first part is not forgotten. Five letter food. Five letter people eat me, yes. You remove the first letter and I become an energy form. And this is all up until the last three letters you don't have to scramble anything. This is in order. The word remains intact except for what you remove. Energy form like heat.

JPC

So think about some word that are energy.

Adal

Heat. Yes.

JPC

Fire.

Adal

Yes.

JPC

Wait, they both can't be right. Is it heat or fire? Oh, sorry. You both said heat at different times. It is heat. Heat. Heat. What's a thing that goes in front of heat that you can eat?

Erin

You have to eat so you have to eat to live.

00:22:50

Adal

Hold on, stop. JBZ, what do you think heat is? Is that like thick wheat? Yeah, ask the message counselor. It is wheat. Wheat. Wheat.

???

Heat.

Erin

Eat. Tea. Tea. You got it. Erin, say that again in like a musical fun way. Oh God, I forget all of it. Wheat. Heat.

Adal

Eat. Tea.

Erin

It's a wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat Sounds horrible. Huh.

Adal

Eat tea. Interesting. Yeah. Which is why I never take a golfing. Exactly. It's disgusting. I'm like a little gopher. I like to see a sea. One of the things that eats the wood.

JPC

Wood check.

Erin

The two of you are golfing and you're, it's like sort of a business golf thing where you're trying to like close a deal. Uh, and JPC, it's clear that you keep trying to eat the golf ball, uh, inconspicuously and Adal, you're going to call them out on it.

JPC

Look, I'm telling you this. I'm telling you this much right now. If the ship doesn't get unloaded, the penguins on the ship will die. And then what you've got is you've got dead penguins you paid too much money for. So that's your call. It's your call.

00:24:00

Adal

Please, I'm going to ask you one more time, Marcus. It's not a ship, it's an ark. Now, we need two of each animal, okay? We're trying to recreate something, frankly, biblical, okay? Now, if the penguins die, I think that is fine. There's so many other animals. The Antarctica is so well represented. I don't even know if penguins are in the Antarctic.

JPC

I mean, I don't know why I put them all on the container ship then, okay? Because if what you want is a bunch of dead penguins sitting in a dock in San Francisco, more power to you because that's what you paid for at this point. Is this your ball? Yeah, yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. Go ahead. Take your shot.

Adal

It's not even that you grabbed my ball. It's that you tried to eat it like a soft boiled egg.

JPC

Look, if it's your ball, it's your ball. I've already apologized. Take your shot.

Adal

Okay. What's going on with that club there?

JPC

Oh, okay, so I understand what this looks like. It looks like I was about to hit you in the head so I could eat your golf ball. There was a bee, there was a bee that was flying right around your head. I knew that you were in the zone trying to, you know, play your game or champ or do whatever you're doing. And I just want to get the bee. But you know what? Seems like now that I've told you about it, the bee's gone away. We don't have to worry about it.

00:25:14

Adal

I have some Neutrogrena bars. I've never had a neutral grain of bar. What's a neutral grain of bar? Well it's, how do I say this, it's like a little Debbie but healthy.

JPC

Oh, okay.

Adal

Yeah. It's like oats and then inside it's like just the whisper of fruit.

JPC

Let me grab one. It's in your golf bag?

Adal

It's in my golf bag.

JPC

Okay, great. And it's these little white... Nope, that's the golf balls. That's the golf balls. Oh my God. May I have another? These are so good.

Adal

How? How are you crunching into those?

JPC

Oh my God.

Adal

Oh my God. What species are you?

Erin

Penguin.

Adal

It all makes sense. That is a lot of fun. A man is sitting in a bar when a rich man sits next to him. He turns to the rich man and says, well that's improper use of English, I believe, to make the he the first man when you mention the second man.

Erin

Anyway, let's get back to this. You're the one reading the riddle.

Adal

A man is sitting in a bar when a rich man sits next to him. Okay, that makes sense. He turns to the rich man and says, did you know, I know, almost every song that has ever existed, the rich man laughs. This is more of a short story. Yeah. The rich man laughs. This is a Better Call Saul episode. The man then says, I bet you all the money you have in your wallet that I can sing a genuine song with a lady's name of your choice in it. Because he knows all the songs that have ever existed. Got it. The rich man laughs again and says, okay, tough guy. I added that. How about my daughter's name? Jamie Armstrong Miller. Minutes later, the man collects his cash and the rich man goes home cashless.

00:26:55

JPC

Rich people do not carry cash, by the way. Rich people don't even carry wallets.

Adal

What song did the man sing?

JPC

Well, I know this one, so I can't... Basically, if this is, what do they call it, voir dire? I have to say, I have to recuse myself because I know the answer. So I can't remember this. Recuse.

Adal

Recuse. As Poirot used to say, recuse.

Erin

Okay, so is it the type of thing that her name If we spread out the letters in a certain way, then it becomes a title of the song.

Adal

I want to see where this is going. Sustained.

Erin

No, no. Don't let me dig a hole in the mud. You know what I mean? The technicality of this guy's going after it.

Adal

One, you shouldn't be digging in the mud.

JPC

Yeah, you gotta wait for that to dry. Yes, the technicality this guy's going after is all of the letters of her name will become letters of words that are in the song that he sings.

Adal

If you rearrange Jamie Armstrong Miller, you get John Jacob Jingleheimer. Schmidt?

00:27:55

JPC

So this person's daughter's name is Jamie Armstrong Miller. This is a very rich man. What is this man's name?

Erin

He just sings a song with a daughter in it?

JPC

It can't be T.J.

Adal

Miller because he wants all his money. Basically what it is, is there's two guys at a bar. The poor guy says, I know every song that's ever existed. The rich man says, no you don't. The poor guy says, I bet you all your money. I can sing a song with any woman's name in it. The rich guy says, here's Jamie Armstrong Miller. The poor guy sings a song with that name in it. He gets the money from the rich guy.

JPC

Now this tracks, this tracks for me because, as we all know, rich people are actually stupid. So this guy's probably, this guy's probably like- They're just calling confidence. Yeah, people think that rich people are really smart, but this is probably just something like dumbass who, whose father had the same business and inherited all of his wealth. He had a car dealership, yeah. Exactly. Yeah. I mean, by the way, car dealership people, tons of money. So much more money than you'd ever think. It's wild how much money. It's wild how much money.

00:29:04

Adal

So much. I feel like- It's because there's so many fucking warranties.

JPC

A car dealership guy, right? Who? Yeah. J.B. Pitzer. Yeah, their family is car dealership money.

Erin

JPC, I put up with a lot from you, but I will not put up with the rich people slander on anything. Not for another moment will you talk about my best friends, future best friends.

JPC

Yeah, by the way, future best friends as well. If you're out there besties. Future lizards, Erin, here's what John Dush Coan.

Adal

Here's a little hint about the song he sang with... Oh, can I give Erin a hint? Can I give mine first? Yes, please. Because I don't think this is giving too much away. Erin, you probably know this song word for word, and then JPC, you give your hint. My hint was that it's happy birthday. That's right.

Erin

That's what it is.

JPC

That's kind of fun. You're right. You're right. Adal's here. It was better. I should have, I should have, I should have waited.

Adal

I do want to see a scene. Erin JPC. Erin and JPC. Let's see. JPC. It is your birthday. Erin, you have shown up for JPC's birthday party. You're the only person who showed up and you were invited by a friend. You're trying to sing happy birthday, but you don't really know his name or anything about him. And it's just getting very, very awkward.

00:30:17

Erin

Hey, can I get you a drink or anything?

JPC

We have to sing the song.

Erin

Right. Okay.

JPC

So we have to sing the song before it, when it could start, we can have to sing the song.

Erin

Great. And people are going to be here soon, right?

JPC

Doesn't matter. We have to sing the song at six. It's six PM. So we have to start singing the song. All right.

Erin

I still think some of your good buddies are going to show up soon. Yes.

JPC

And when he talks to you, when he calls you on the phone, what does he call you? Oh God. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you.

Erin

Happy birthday to you.

00:31:18

JPC

Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you.

Erin

Happy birthday dear new friend of mine who I love so much.

JPC

Happy birthday person I'm in the room with right now. Happy $5 Dunkin Donuts gift card. Wow, I can't believe you made it all the way through the song. I have to admit, you are on a prank show.

00:32:19

Erin

Ah, did Eric put you up for that?

Adal

Zip? Erin, it's me, Harry Connick Jr. And can I just say, the singing of Happy Birthday was perfect.

Erin

Will you marry me?

Adal

Absolutely not. Erin, you're on a different prank show, Zip.

Erin

Adal, I know it's you.

JPC

Harry Connick Prank Show.

Adal

Is that how Harry Connick Jr. sounds?

Erin

Not at all.

Adal

This is what you're Harry Connick Jr. saying. I thought he had like a, does he have like a bit of a draw? Like, hey, hey everybody.

Erin

Yeah, he sounds like the big bopper. He's like a little New Orleans, like, ooh.

Adal

I think maybe I'm thinking of Chris Isaac.

JPC

You're always thinking of Chris Isaac. I think last week you mentioned Chris Isaac. What's going on with you and Chris Isaac? Nothing. Don't look into it. Are there any more songs that are not wicked game?

Adal

I was going to say, I'm feeling a little bit embarrassed about how poorly I'm doing on today's riddles. Erin, you're doing fantastic. You're perfect.

00:33:31

JPC

Thank you for admitting it, Erin. Thank you for admitting it because we see you, we hear you, we value your opinion. And we welcome and encourage you to do better.

Erin

Slip, I'm on a prank show.

Adal

Oh, Erin. I have two quick things to say. Number one, I love that someone who threw a birthday party, half birthday party, and nobody showed up says, I don't have room for more friends. I think that's the funniest thing in the world. And two, I think we should take a quick little break. Let's do it.

Erin

I know what you're thinking. Do I have a new hat, Adal and JPC? New haircut? Why am I walking around with so much confidence?

Adal

I bet you're wondering. I wanted pretzels from the food court.

JPC

And I was just going to let you know that it looks like you leaned on paint.

Erin

Anyways, I just had a bunch of subscriptions canceled for me by Rocket Money that I wasn't using. And so now I'm flushed with cash and now I'm competent. Pretzel money? Well, maybe we'll talk about that. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years, even before they were a sponsor.

00:34:49

JPC

Erin, it looks like you may have leaned on like with someone painting a rocket money like billboard or sign or something because it's all it's all down your back it's like and it's I could ock it ock it

Erin

People think they're spending $80 on their subscriptions when in reality, the number is closer to $200. And when you signed up for so many free trials, like streaming services, you watch one show and then you completely forget about it. You lose track and then all of a sudden you're like, why am I bleeding money? Rocket money? They take care of that for you. They go, sit back, relax. We got this. And they make everything color coded and easy and super intuitive.

Adal

You're also color-coded. A little birdie told me that Rocket Money also lets you monitor all your expenses in one place, recommends custom budgets based on your past spending, and they'll even send you notifications when you've reached your spending limits, which sounds like something my friend would like, but I forget which friend I'm so hungry for pretzels.

JPC

Speaking of pretzels, you don't get all twisted up by salty and the bread of your finances. With over 3 million users and counting, Rocket Money customers have saved an average of $720 a year.

00:35:59

Erin

Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and manage your money the easy way by going to rocketmoney.com slash riddle. That's rocketmoney.com slash riddle. rocketmoney.com slash r-i-d-d-l-e.

JPC

Hey, what's going on? Somebody leaned over my rocket money painting. Run. Everybody run. Oh no.

Erin

Maroon.

Adal

Is that DaVinci?

Erin

Yeah. Yes.

JPC

And bye.

Adal

And we're back. And Erin, I do want to circle back to something you mentioned up top. You said you saw a spider so big and you screamed for so long or so hard that you hurt your neck. How big are we talking?

Erin

You guys can't see, but I can.

JPC

Okay, it's a podcast.

Erin

It's a podcast? Why am I wearing a gown?

00:36:59

JPC

Is this the size of a quarter?

Erin

No, it's bigger than that.

JPC

It's the size of a dog's butthole? That's bigger than a quarter.

Erin

That's bigger than a quarter?

JPC

It's a dog's butthole size spider. Okay, is it?

Erin

It's like the size of an eyeball.

Adal

That's a quarter.

Erin

Bigger than that though, but I have beautiful doll eyes so bigger than that.

Adal

When you're floated over the river sticks, I think they put pennies on your eyes. So a quarter would absolutely cover it.

JPC

Yeah, okay, so it's, but it's not bigger than two quarters.

Erin

No, no, no. No, no, no. Okay. It's like a quarter and a little.

JPC

Okay, got it.

Erin

30 cents.

JPC

Okay. Aprils are bigger than dimes.

Adal

Erin, did you be gracious and just give us quarter?

JPC

A 30 cent piece.

Adal

A 30 cent piece. Erin, gracious? No, thank you. And Erin, famously, whose face is on the 30 cent piece?

Erin

Why? Why? Of course, of course.

JPC

Yeah, 30 set pieces and don't close, good close.

00:38:01

Adal

30 set pieces. I want to say Sam Mendez, director, director Auteur. Let's get back into the riddles.

Erin

Okay.

Adal

What's the one place you can be sure you'll never read your name?

Erin

Home, bathroom.

Adal

Home is the one place you never have to say you're sorry.

Erin

Never read your name.

JPC

Never? Wait, the one place you can be sure you'll never read your name? Yes. What's the one place?

Erin

When you're born in the hospital, because you can't read yet.

JPC

Well, you could go back and look at the records. Can I, well, can I say the dark, like a dark room?

Adal

Braille is a thing. I don't know Braille. Yes. You could intuit it. All right, all right. Calm down. What's the one place you can be sure you'll never read your name?

JPC

Oh, a Vulture top 10 list?

Adal

Yeah, you'll never be in that. Frankie Cosmo's for sure, but you? No.

00:39:01

Erin

Oh, the obituary.

Adal

Yes, I got it.

Erin

Oh, the obituaries, you're so right.

Adal

JPC got it. I mean here, I will say here it says your gravestone, but obituaries is the same thing.

JPC

But also, mine is not a correct answer because there are people who like do read their own name in the obituaries and are like, hey, I got to call the paper because somebody fucked up.

Adal

There's also people who create their gravestone well before they're dead to make sure they have a plot and all that.

JPC

Oh yeah, oh yeah. Or like my grandma whose husband died like 30 years before, she's still alive, but 30 years before her and she just is like waiting to lay down on that grave stone next to his, that plot. It has been for like 35 years, like that's fucking wild.

Adal

That's so weird.

JPC

She goes to visit it and like, I'm going to be there right next to you sometime.

Adal

I couldn't do that.

JPC

That's my future, my future literacy place.

Adal

I feel so mentally taxing to be like, this is where I will live.

Erin

May I see a scene? Adal, you woke up and you're reading the morning paper and you see your name and life description and the obituaries, so you're calling the paper that JPC works at and trying to figure out what's going on.

00:40:08

Adal

Okay, just have my morning coffee here. What's this? Obituaries. Dylan McNamara, born 1990 fun, died 2000 and fun, bonked on the head by an oopsie, shit his pants and screamed to death. He is survived by who cares? This doesn't feel good. Let me just go with numbers on the bottom of the paper. That's convenient.

JPC

Okay. Chicago Fun Times obituary department. How can I help you?

Adal

Hi, my name is Dylan.

JPC

Dylan! Oh. We've been expecting your call.

Adal

Sorry, this is in Chicago and you know me just by my first name?

JPC

You died today, correct?

Adal

No.

JPC

Oh, well Dylan, sweetie, why is your obituary in the front page of the Chicago Fun Times?

Adal

Yeah, I was also surprised at this front page news.

JPC

Um... Dylan, are you a Chicago Fun Times subscriber?

00:41:11

Adal

Yes, I am. I'm actually, I sat down at breakfast to read it just now.

JPC

Oh, okay. So you're one of our, well, I mean, you were a subscriber. We, should we go ahead and cancel your subscription since you are deceased?

Adal

No, no, it's very expensive and to restart it is even worse.

JPC

Listen, I just- laborious process.

Adal

Yes. I think you're gonna cause a lot of confusion with my friends, family, and coworkers.

Erin

Can you just, um... Oh, is that Dylan on the phone?

JPC

Yep, it's Dylan.

Erin

Dom, I said rest in peace.

JPC

Hey Dylan, Angela from Accounting says rest in peace.

Adal

That's so sweet. Tell it... No, I am not dead. Can you print a retraction or... I can't tell that to Angela.

JPC

That'll break her heart. She's been crying. She's been crying about you all morning.

Adal

She sounded chipper from a distance.

JPC

Well, she's got a full life outside of you Dylan. You don't even know her. You just met her basically.

Adal

Apologies. Yes, I'm being selfish.

JPC

She's listening to a funny podcast.

Adal

Oh, which one?

JPC

Uh, the read? That's a funny one. What my wife listens to. It's pretty good.

00:42:13

Adal

Okay. Um, well listen, if there's any way that I could be, uh, cause this is gonna fuck up my insurance, my credit card.

JPC

Hey Dylan. I'm willing to tell you one time. We don't use words like that at the Chicago Fun Times, okay? So watch your language, or I won't hang up on you.

Adal

Speaking to you on the phone, I'm not speaking to you in print. Surely you can't print a curse word like that unless you're quoting someone.

JPC

I won't! Plus, it's the Chicago Fun Times, so I wouldn't say that. I would say, like, bonked or boinked, or... I would say my insurance has me totally, um, canuckled.

Adal

Sure. Um, could you at least just remove the part because you did say I shit my pants to death, which feels like it's up there.

JPC

Dylan, that's your second warning.

Adal

You printed it.

JPC

Dylan, take another look. Did I, did I say, what word did I actually spell on that article?

Adal

Okay, now that I'm rereading it, it says that he slipped his punts to death.

JPC

Dylan, look, I don't, I'm a journalist, okay? How dare you accuse me of just making things up. If you slip your punts, I'm putting it in my paper.

00:43:15

Adal

But what is slipping your punts? I mean, my brain filled in what it wanted to see, which is shit, his pants.

JPC

Okay, that's your third strike! That's your third strike. Goodbye Dylan. Goodbye. Angela, the day I have had.

Erin

What happened? Tell me everything.

JPC

Well, I was listening to this episode of The Read, and it seemed pretty funny.

Adal

I love just someone cackling in their cubicle and it's like, what are you listening to? BBC World News?

JPC

Hi, I wanted to ask you guys this question before that scene and luckily I remembered to ask my question. I was listening to somebody on a podcast who was a journalist who went through a process of trying to fake their own death and encouraged people to find them. Like they were like, I'm going to do my best to fake my death. I encourage anyone who, and there was like a prize or reward if they could find them, like find where they were when they tried to fake their own death. If you were going to fake your own death, like you were like, you had to do it like tomorrow. Yeah. What's your strategy? What's your, what is your strategy going to be to fake your own death?

00:44:18

Adal

And it has to be, is this like in terms of what would be the most fun thing? Is this in terms of like what would be most convincing?

JPC

You gotta be convincing, you gotta get away, you gotta not get caught. And let's say that you only have to do this for like 30 days, like a month. You just have to fake your death for a month and reasonably convince everyone that you were dead for one month.

Erin

I would. I would need longer than tomorrow, but for the month leading up to my like faking my own death, I would tell everyone in my life that I feel like someone's following me.

JPC

What's up?

Adal

I was just going to say, weirdly, the phrase longer than tomorrow is one of the most beautiful phrases I've ever heard.

Erin

Oh, it's my new album. It's all acoustic guitar. It's me. I don't know how to play it, so it's pretty unlistable. I feel like I've listened to enough true crime, just being like, like calling my family members and being like, I'm having this weirdest feeling and then being very specific about it and dropping hints to everyone in my life. And then I would leave my phone, wallet, everything at home. And then I would have already like planted cash for me somewhere in all my fake documents. And then I would go and live in the desert.

00:45:36

JPC

You're going real fast over all my fake documents. I'm struggling to understand how you get those.

Erin

I get all the fake documents because I know a guy. And then I put them in my locker at my gym.

Adal

She has an acoustic solo album. She doesn't play guitar. She gets shit done. She figures it out.

Erin

I can make anything work. And then I go to like the south of France for a month.

JPC

You fly their cash, no idea.

Erin

I actually shouldn't go to the airport. So I'm just going to drive. I'm going to pay someone to drive me and I'm going to go lay down in the back of a van and go to a different part of the country and hide out in the woods. And people see my phone, they cash, and they go, oh, Erin just went outside. And then whoever was following her kidnapped her and killed her, which is dark and sad for a real podcast.

Adal

Erin, I might have missed it. How did you get to France?

Erin

No, she's not going to France. She's not going to France. That's a bad idea. Sorry. I was thinking out loud, and that's not a good idea. You shouldn't get in a plane because the footage of you getting on the plane will exist. And your documents.

00:46:42

JPC

Well, no, you had falsified documents. Yeah, I mean, France, I'm assuming is probably a big enough city that there's probably like security cameras in places, too. So you, yeah, the city of France. In my mind, it was Paris. I guess if you go to like the countryside, then it's probably easy. You want to get away from like surveillance.

Erin

Well, how would you fake your own death? Am I? I would just do it.

JPC

I would just do it for real. I'd just die.

Erin

You know what I'd just say, that would be a perfect time to murder someone. Is they are like, I'm doing this whole thing where I'm faking my own death and you guys have to find me. Just kill that person then and then everyone thinks that.

JPC

My gut is like because you have to there's a lot of stuff to consider like even if you get a bunch of cash what are you gonna go stay in like a hotel with the cash like you're gonna have to like find I would like go to like some small town and like try to find like a house that had like a for rent sign or like you know apartment for rent in front of it that I could be like hey I'm only in town for like a little while it's like a business thing and but I wouldn't want to I wouldn't want them to have like a scanned copy of my ID or something you have to be like very very careful But I guess what it comes down to is, I think it would be pretty hard to do.

00:47:53

Adal

I would go to, I'd go to like Michigan or something, the UP. And I would find like a pretty high sort of precipice with like a deep canyon or valley or something. And I'd definitely find an area where there's like some sort of root sticking out at the edge of the precipice. And then I would take what looks to be the most angled, difficult selfie on the edge of that. Take that selfie to where it looks like I'm hanging over the edge, post it on Instagram, and then throw my phone down the ravine, rip out that route, and toss that down, cover my tracks, leave my car there, have a backup car ready, have fake documents already, and then drive to Wyoming and just camp out for a year. But I feel like that, having seen the route pulled out and the selfie and everything, I think people would be like, clearly what happened, he was doing it for the gram, He fell, he grabbed onto a root, the root gave out.

Erin

If I know anything about my sweet Adal, Adal you will fall for real when trying to pull this out.

00:48:57

JPC

Why did we find a body? Why did we find his corpse down here?

Adal

Oh I forgot. I would hire my good friend Erin to be in a bear suit. She would stomp around at the bottom at the base of this ravine in the bear suit. She would put some fake, I would donate a couple gallons of blood. She would toss that around at the bottom. People would be like bear, clearly a bear.

JPC

I feel like what you gotta do is you gotta do boat. You have to like charter a boat so that if you're lost in the ocean, like no one's ever gonna reclaim that body. They'll expect for you never to like, you know, you just leave the boat out there, get like a second boat that you like take away, you know, leave all your belongings on the boat.

Adal

I think that's what, do you remember, I can't remember the full details, Olivia Newton-John's husband at some point went missing on the ocean and they're like, oh he's presumed dead and she like mourned him and there's like a year and a half of like this poor guy lost at sea and then they found him on some island or something and he had, he was fine, he did not drown or anything. He just wanted to get away from her.

00:50:04

JPC

Oh, he wasn't like cast away.

Adal

He was like at the Bahamas. He was just like, he just ghosted. Yeah.

JPC

You know, I almost had the thought, I was like, nobody fakes their own death anymore. But I'm like, maybe everybody's just, the people who are doing it, you never find them. They're really good at it.

Erin

Well, you know, it just occurred to me, GPC, if I were going to fake my own death, I would, if I was, and I was on a podcast, I would have a conversation like this on the podcast to go, if he's actually new and he would never bring it up. So, we're on to you.

JPC

Yes, okay. Well, we'll see. Catch me if you can, okay? That's all I gotta say. Catch me if you can.

Erin

I'm gonna catch you day one. I'll be like, where's the nearest place to get waffles by his house?

Adal

And then you just, you sitting there like- It just goes to a Cracker Barrel. Yeah, a local Cracker Barrel defines JPC.

JPC

You just triangulate like a porno theater, Cracker Barrel, and mini golf. And the same like three block radius. Yeah, he's there. I'm at that hotel.

Adal

He's dead center.

JPC

What is L greater than XL? When is L greater than XL? Is this like a Roman numerals thing? JPC you got it in one. Really? You got it in nine, sorry. Is LL is Roman numerals? Oh yeah I know it is right?

00:51:19

Adal

If XL is Roman numerals then L is definitely Roman.

JPC

What is Elle? What is Elle's unit in Roman numerals? Have there been a Super Bowl with an Elle in it?

Erin

I was going to say, I don't follow football. I don't know.

Adal

I think so. I think there has. Sure. Boy, what is Elle? I want to say 20. I don't know.

JPC

Casey says it is 50. Or was that back when we were doing the birthday scene, Casey? Happy 50th, buddy.

Adal

Oh, wait. Casey also said Adal, let's see it in 40X.

JPC

That was to Avatar.

Adal

Avatar? Casey, absolutely. Okay. Sorry, it took me half an hour to see this message.

JPC

No, it says Casey just wrote that two minutes ago. So it sounds like Casey is the one who is behind.

Adal

And I do want to see a scene. So the Riddle was, when is El greater than XL? I do want to see a scene. The two of you are Roman soldiers and you are shopping for clothes. I mean, typically you're wearing your Roman soldier garb and it just gets a little tiresome, but you have, you know, you're going on like a fun little getaway. So you're shopping for some different clothes.

JPC

Big weekend coming up, eh portfolio?

00:52:24

Erin

Can you believe we're finally getting a little bit of time off?

JPC

Boy, do I need it. My legions have lesions, if you know what I'm saying. Just a little joke.

Erin

Let me just check for a knife on your arm. Yeah, just a classic. I trust you, but this is how we shake hands.

JPC

I trust you as well. Check in for knives, check in for knives. Oh, that reminds me. We should get some cool knife sheaths for our weekend attire.

Erin

Oh, heck yeah, my guy. Do you think I can pull this off? Holds a tiny swimsuit.

JPC

Oh, I mean that's very portfolio. I love it, but that's very like senator of you, you know? And it's like, not that, I can see you more like man of the people, man of the people, but that's a little hoity-toity.

Erin

Okay, so I heard you're still trying to start that new religion. How's that going?

JPC

It is hitting snags. It is hitting snags. I'm sorry, I'm drilling snags into people's hands and then mounting them outside of the Roman capital for my religion.

00:53:30

Erin

Yes, of course.

JPC

Okay, what do you think about this one? Do you think that I have the gall to pull this off?

Erin

Yeah, I think it would impress the ladies down at the big bath we all bathen.

JPC

You know that big bath? You think you should wear clothes to the bath?

Erin

Yeah, I think so. I think you walk up wearing that and they go, wow. And then you take off your clothes and they go, wow.

JPC

What about this? What about this? This is, now this is, I believe this is some Germanic warrior garb. What if I put this on and say, is this German into the conversation?

Erin

Oh, oh, sorry. No, we're not, we're not with them. We're not, sorry. No. Sorry.

Adal

Wait, I'm trying things on. I'm trying things on. Is that a spear in your pants or are you just happy to see me? What the fuck are you talking about?

JPC

Sorry, carry on. Senators in their tiny bathing suits. These fucking guys.

Erin

They thought you were part of a, I'm so sorry. I talked over you, but I just didn't want us to get killed by those spears.

JPC

Yeah, it's okay. And also, I don't think that was a spear that that guy had. I definitely think that was not a spear he was wielding.

00:54:33

Erin

You know what I think you should try on? He walks over this little crown of thorns.

JPC

I gotta be honest with you. What? The religion that I'm kind of trying to get moving around here is a... I don't know that... You know what? This might be exactly what I should try on. I think that this is really gonna move some tickets to buy... Well, we haven't started selling tickets. I'm assuming it'll be tickets.

???

Huge tickets for religion, right?

Adal

I love the idea that the Roman baths are like the beach. Like it's like an Elvis 50s beach movie. You know those bats we all go to?

JPC

I would love to see a screwball 50s movie set in ancient Rome. Wait, that doesn't make any sense. I watch that. I mean a screwball 80s movie set in ancient Rome.

Adal

How about we do one more riddle before we're done?

JPC

Would love to hear it.

Adal

I crack when I'm wary, tingle when I'm scared, and stretch when I'm proud. What am I? I crack when I'm wary, tingle when I'm scared, and stretch when I'm proud. Sadly, tongue, thumb, and lung are all in the right vicinity.

00:56:09

Erin

Vicinity. Speaking of Romans.

JPC

That's what you guys deterred. Tongue, thumb, and lung is hard to say.

Erin

Tongue, thumb, and lung. Why did I just say it like it was freaking nothing.

JPC

Tongue, thumb, and lung. These are all parts of the body. So my guess is this is a part of the body.

Adal

And it can crack, tingle, and stretch. Which are the sadly the failed Rice Krispie characters. They hated stretch. The other two were like two inches and then he was like six foot seven.

JPC

Yeah.

Adal

Terrified.

JPC

Couldn't be on camera either. I mean, crack unfortunately had a substance abuse problem that led to his premature demise.

Adal

Which is why they turned into crackle. And tingle was a little bit horny.

JPC

What tingles? Like, I'm trying to think of like, is it like, like, like pins and needles if like your hand falls asleep or something like that? That's like a tingle.

00:57:10

Adal

Tingle's an interesting word here. I don't know. Adal, I think I have the word. Should it be tinkle? Thank you, it's a penis. You never crack your penis. You know when you get down to work and you're like, time to focus and you crack your penis?

JPC

Yeah, the boss is really cracking my cock.

Erin

I'm so mad at myself for laughing so hard at that.

Adal

Come on, Erin. If you put the part of the body before the word tingle, it is a common, I don't know common, but it's a well used phrase.

JPC

Wait, the phrase has the word tingle in it?

Adal

When you put the answer to this riddle, when you put the answer to this riddle before the word tingle, it is, you would recognize the term.

JPC

Man, your husband has heart tingles.

Adal

How long does he have to live?

Erin

Oh, no, no, no. He'll be fine. Knee tingle?

Adal

Knee tingle? I need to tingle? The tingle also leads to, the tingle is a part of or leads to another kind of bodily function. What do we get in the talk right now? The tingle leads to like a shiver. Son, you might get the tingles.

00:58:15

Erin

Fine.

Adal

The tingles might lead to the shivers. Yes. Spine tingling. Oh, spine tingling. I crack when I'm weary, tingle when I'm scared, stretch when I'm proud. It is a spine.

JPC

Wow. Wow. Very nice. Very nice, Erin.

Adal

I guess C.A.B.C. as a fucking spineless coward wouldn't have guessed that.

JPC

No. No effects. No digging. Look at that. Erin, you see that? I walked all over him. He didn't say anything. That's not answered, counselor.

???

Coward.

JPC

Not digging at all.

Adal

Let's print his obituary tomorrow.

JPC

I can't serve on this jury. I'm a spineless coward.

Adal

Erin, speaking of spineless cowards, do you have anything to plug?

Erin

Um, I would like to plug sitcom D&D. I think at this point season two is over and I really enjoyed recording it. And if you haven't given it a shot yet, why don't you check that out? Adal, anything to plug?

Adal

Yes, thank you, Erin. I was recently a guest on Botched, a D&D podcast. So please listen to my episode in any previous or future episodes that you see fit. Also, I will say that we have a show in San Francisco coming up very, very soon. It's going to be Sunday, January 22nd at 4pm again in San Francisco as part of the San Francisco Sketch Fest. We will be joined by our fourth host, Janet Varney. So we hope that you're coming out to that. We hope to see you there. Grab tickets if they're still available. They might not be.

00:59:39

JPC

Yeah, they might not be. We don't know.

Adal

JBC, anything to plug or review?

JPC

Yeah, real quick, I would also just like to plug our Patreon. We just hit like our 200th episode over on the Patreon last week. So we have 200 episodes on the Patreon. That's so fucking much. So if you go to patreon.com slash HeyRiddleRiddle and sign up for $5 a month, you can listen to that. You know, just some great stuff. Our 200th episode, I did a 2022 version of We Didn't Start the Fire. You can see over there as well some great stuff for only $5.

Erin

I listened to that like six times, by the way. It is so good. The end of you trailing off and talking over the end of, I'm not going to do this next year, unless I decide to do this next year.

JPC

I might have to do it next year. I've got a now a notes in my phone called Things That Happen This Year, and I'm just waiting to start writing stuff down in it. And speaking of five, this review is a five-star review. If you want to get your five-star review featured on an episode of Hey Riddle Riddle, All you gotta do is go to Apple iTunes, leave a five-star review, and maybe I pick yours! This week I picked someone's name, and their name is Pond Catrick-Joan. The review says five stars. This is a podcast. And is that not enough for you? So thank you, Pond Cat, Pond Pond Catrick-Joan. I really enjoyed seeing my name spelled like that. Interesting. Aaron, the name like Pond Catric Joe, and now that doesn't sound like the name of a person from Earth. What freaking planet do you think a person with that name is?

01:01:04

Erin

The planet of spineless cowards, Jupiter. Goodnight.

???

Bye, forever. Created by Adal Rifai, starring Aaron Keif, and John Patrick Coan, Casey Toney could be editing, and M.R.E.

JPC

Hey there A's and I's. If you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. We have an AI give us some improv scene suggestions and we improvise them for you. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalogue at Patreon.com slash hey Riddle Riddle by joining the Clue Crew for $5 a month or the Review Crew and get those ad-free episodes for $8 a month. See you there!

???

That was a Headgum podcast.