Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum podcast. Recording a podcast with my friend. It's not this one. It's a different podcast. Bad energy.

Erin coming up with a weird energy.

No, no. My energy is totally normal. I didn't hit my head on the stairs yesterday. I'm good. I'm good. I'm normal. I'm cool.

I got a mental image of Erin walking up the stairs like head first, bumping her head into every, like on all fours.

Ow, ow, ow. Every step. Yeah, maybe.

He stood on a block of light.

Oh, then we're going to finish. It was the cabin of an airplane. He stabbed him with the knife and leg. And the horse seemed riding.

Hey AdalJPC, I'm doing this crossword and a four down is Five letters.

Jesus. Then I'm out.

A puzzle or question that is meant to stump you, but also delight you. What could that be?

I mean, Jesus is the original crossword. And I guess I'm out. J-E-S-U-S, five letters.

Oh, I mean six letters. It's six letters.

Oh, well that's a huge difference. Yeah, that's a huge difference. Jesus is?

The difference between five and six, percentage wise, that's like a 20% increase.

And a difference between five and six time-wise? I think it's like an hour.

Yeah, that's like an hour. That which is? How many minutes?

So you guys don't know? I feel like you sort of start spinning your wheels when you don't know the answer to my question.

No, that's because I had my emergency brake on and I tried to brace someone at a stop sign. And I ruined my car, Erin. Erin, one more time. Six letters down. And what was the clue?

It's a question that is a puzzle that's meant to stump you but also delight you.

Do we know any of the letters?

It begins with an R. Riddy. Some of those letters work.

I'm sorry Erin, I'm so distracted right now. What are you doing Adal? Can we just use our normal voices?

No, I'm, I have a lot of eyes and ears on me right now to do a nighttime drive radio. And so I'm trying to really get in the pocket.

I feel like, I feel like, you know, Adal, he's known on the show for playing these big characters, but I feel like he comes out with this huge new character, Quiet Adal, and we're all supposed to just not fucking say anything about it?

I won the 2019- Adal, at GBC I'm looking at my clipboard and yep, this is technically bullying. This counts as bullying. You're bullying your friend because he lost his voice.

Hold on. I already have a first place trophy for bully. I can't get another- it doesn't matter if I do it anymore.

Erin, can you look up is it bullying if I love it?

Uh, nope, it's a kink. It's a kink.

Sorry, let me just zip. It's me, Dr. Chameleon.

Adal, you don't need to do this. Oh, sweet, sweet buddy. Put blanket over Adal, handsome T. It's me, Dr. Chameleon.

Why does it sound like Dr. Cam-a-meal? We're giving out a little hard time because he lost his voice because he wasn't used to yelling.

In case he's laughing too, so wrong.

And Erin, we'll get to the answer for your crossword in a minute. Speaking of camel meals, what do camels eat? It can't be sand. They eat their own spit?

She didn't say their own.

She never said their own. So when they do that to us at zoos or at fairs, they're trying to feed us. They're helping us and we take that as like in Aladdin, That's a warning, but they're trying to feed you. They're trying to, it's like welcoming.

I can't, if Aladdin's wrong, then I don't know how I've been living my life because I've been using that as a blueprint for just how I exist.

A camel spitting on you is like a friend tossing you a burger. Erin had a burger tossed at us. Don't act like I'm crazy.

I was like thinking about if I've ever had that happen before and nope.

Erin Adal said Riddy and you said some of those letters works. Can we know which letters work?

The answer is riddle. It's riddle is the... So almost all of them, I guess like... Yeah, almost all of them, nearly.

Yeah, it's the I for an L, but also sometimes I's and L's can look really similar, especially if you're doing like lowercase, uppercase, kind of that confusion.

Can I ask you guys a question?

Uh-oh. I wish you would. Yeah, please.

So I looked up the definition for riddle and it's super confusing. If you had to define the word riddle, how would you define it?

Okay, now I'm interested to see if the definition you looked up is a riddle itself. I would say a riddle is a challenging question that is to be solved based off context clues and old-timey specifics.

And I will say, a little tricky poem told by your uncle who has recently had a very messy divorce. I like that. I think that's gotta be it. That's gotta be close. I gotta have hit some of the orange things.

And a messy divorce in the Coan family is when they scream and knock over the orange juice.

Oh, brother. I mean, that's what it says. I looked at the Miriam Webster definition, and this one's pretty good. A mystifying, misleading, or puzzling question posed as a problem to be solved or guessed. And synonyms it lists are conundrum or enigma, which I don't think totally work.

I don't think conundrum is the same as enigma. Enigma is pretty close. A lot of alliteration in their description, and I'll also say Miriam and Webster, they were fucking, right?

Were they? Oh yeah. Was that the same person? Oh yeah.

I think Miriam and Webster were fucking. I think Lewis and Clark were fucking. I think Rand and McNally were fucking.

Thank you Casey.

Thank you Casey. I can't do it myself so I need a little assistance.

When you were defining that or you were doing that Merriam-Webster definition, Erin, you said the word like puzzling and I was like, what word are we defining? Are we not defining puzzle? But of course it wasn't. It's Riddle uses the word puzzling to define it, which I think is pretty on brand.

Merriam-Webster is I think one person. Which means they were definitely having sex with themselves. We all do, right? High five.

They might have been soul mates, but they might have figuratively been one person.

Now they were in a fucked up codependent relationship where you were like, uh, I thought the new Black Panther was too long. And they'd be like, we actually really liked it. We're like, okay, call them. Yeah, it's actually fine. It's fine. We're all allowed to not like her like whatever.

The Miriam Doth protests too much.

I'm done Googling for the episode. So I'm not your go-to gal anymore. When you need your answers solved, don't come looking at me, Erin.

Erin, I'm glad you're done Googling because you started off the show being so loquacious. Wow. Erin's back on the keyboard.

I'm resisting resisting.

Speaking of Erin, because you declared that in such a way that I have to ask. In like school, were you a people copy my homework or I copy other people's homework? Or were you just like, I buckle down, do my own work and nobody shares?

Definitely not that. Definitely, I would say a mutual beneficial. I was 50% copying homework, 50% having people copy mine, but I wouldn't say that I did that a lot, especially in high school. I don't think I did that that much, but yeah, I was definitely, I mean, I'm a man of the people. Okay. I'm not going to pretend that I'm better than all y'all. No, I definitely did that. JPC, Adal, what about you? Were either of you nerds?

One time in my whole life, this was in sixth grade in the Ponset, Illinois. Go Bobcats. I let someone else copy off my paper and they said that they were going to, they were like, I'll give you like $2 or whatever it was. And I was like, I don't care. And so they copied it. We got caught and I, and I was sent to the principal's office And the principal was like, because I was like a very goody two-shoe student, the principal was like, out of everyone, I am shocked and disgusted. It was you, Adal. And like, dressed me down so bad that for the rest of my life, I was like, never again, never again will I do this, I feel.

Wow. So, hey, bullying worked on that instance.

It was life-changing. It was like, again, it was nothing I had done before, but it was like the one time I do it, of course I get caught.

Yeah.

And I was just trying to help somebody out and then it was just an awful experience.

People always say, the one time I did it, of course I got caught. And to me, yeah, that makes sense. Because if you're doing something for the first time, you're probably not going to be great at it. Like, I copied homework, I lied cheated and stealed all the time, and I never got caught. And it's because I put in the hours.

Like I was practiced. It's so funny that at the end of the day, you're still working hard, but you're willing to work hard, but not in the conventional way.

In senior year of high school, there's a girl named Laura and I, and we were friends, but I would copy her work in every, like, I think we had like three classes that I would copy her work in. And eventually she was like, I'm not gonna let you do it anymore. And I was like, that's totally fair. And then I would just steal it out of her backpack and copy it.

No, you wouldn't. Of course I would.

You would? Yeah, because I was like, I'm not gonna do this. How did she not notice? We had like a class together where she would like put her backpack down and I would just like grab the Okim worksheet and copy it and then, you know, put it back in her backpack.

You are a rascal.

I will also say that it was a very cool experience because in college my older brother and I had some crossover because we went to the same college but he's three years older than me but he took a year off in between so we had like we were trying to look at our schedules and we're like is there any class that we can like take together and there we both needed a math credit we were both really bad at math so we both took the same math class in college and Jesse used to do his homework and I would copy his homework Hey Riddle. Hey Riddle. Hey Riddle. That he did and he was so mad about it. He was like, how do you get A's on tests when you don't do homework? And I told him I was like the exact same thing. I was like, Jesse, I haven't done homework my entire life. It doesn't work for me anymore. I've already skipped that step. I'm not going to start now. I'm not going to start building these weird habits when I'm almost at the finish line.

You called doing homework a weird habit.

I respect that. It truly is a weird habit. Well, honestly, a lot of homework is kind of bullshit. When I worked a job, if they were like, hey, we want you to stay late or take your work home with you and do that, I'd be like, fuck you. No fucking way. Homework stops at school. If you're still doing homework and you're an adult, I got to say, you need to be stealing toilet paper from your work or something. You've got to be compensated yourself. Take it into your own hands.

Yeah. Amen.

Amen. Nobody asks, but I'm fostering puppies right now, so.

Oh yes, they're so cute.

I have to say that officially on the podcast because they are right next to me in this room right next to me and they are... Both very sleepy and tired and they'll just be quiet for a while and then they'll be as loud as a fucking stampede. So that may come on at some point during the podcast recording today.

Are they as cute as they seem? Because they seem so cute.

I'm sorry, Erin. You just walked right over Adal. He was saying something. Sorry. And his poor little voice.

Adal Rifai, the floor is yours.

Is it okay if the floor is lava? Is it okay if I say their names on air?

Yeah. Now, that's absolutely okay if you say their names on air.

Okay. From what I understand, they were adopted as the breakfast club and their names are... That's so close. I'm testing myself. I did my homework.

Okay.

I think Gila Quiles. You got one. Blueberry pancakes.

Yeah.

And I want to say Huevos Rancheros.

Oh, I wish. I wish that they had just given the very, like, all Hispanic names.

You think blueberry pancakes are Hispanic, right?

Yeah, I won't go get Mexican breakfast without getting some blueberry pancakes. No, the third one's name is Eggs Benedict.

Eggs Benedict, that's what it was.

I think they were called the brunch bunch, because there was five of them, and we took three. We are fostering three. Erin, yes, they are very cute, but they are Little fucking monsters. They've eaten the molding, like the crown molding on my wall. So they just chew on the walls. That's fun. They can climb anything. So there's nothing that they can't climb. Hey Riddle. Hey Riddle. Just a piece of wood. There was no poop on it. They just pooped a piece of wood out of their butt and I go, what on earth would... If that happened to me, I'd be like, I'm never eating mulch again.

It'd be so simple.

I'm never eating mulch again.

How best is spaghetti on a scale of one to ten?

You know what, she actually has been very, very sweet with them. I think that she knows that they're dumb little babies and they don't know anything. And when they play, she puts, she can fit one of their heads in her mouth, like their entire head in her mouth. So when they play, she just kind of like puts their head in her mouth and just kind of twists them and just like knocks them down. And it's very funny.

That's a fun game.

But yeah, but I also, I haven't slept in a week and let's do this.

Do we have any conundrums or enigmas today?

Oh, I forgot I'm hosting. I don't mean to talk down to you or be insulting.

No, I take it. Again, it's not bullying if I like it. That's very sweet of you, Erin. Thank you.

Shouldn't he just be like a little woodland creature in a big tree that's hollowed out and he has a little blanket in there? Come on guys, let's do this boys, can you even take it?

Excuse me, wary traveler, would you like some mixed berries for my tree hole?

This is what I'm saying!

This is what I'm saying! This is exactly what you're going to sound like when you're a grandpa owl.

My name is Dan. When you're a grandpa owl.

My name is Dan Advantage and I'm offering you some fruits of the forest.

All right, we do have some riddles. We do have some riddles. If you will remember these from, Erin doesn't like these.

Oh, that's Erin's pooping mulch out her mouth.

Erin, you're going to be eating your words because you actually did like these a lot. We played about half of these the last time I hosted an episode. These are more diet palindrome riddles, diet palindrome riddles. So the way that these work is it's a, the word spells, whatever the word is, the next word is the same word backwards. That made sense. You understand what this is. So your first clue is cabana music on repeat. Cabana music on repeat.

Cabana music on repeat. So cabana music makes me think like yacht rock.

Yeah. Shuffle.

I think this one is tricky. I think that they said the word cabana because they didn't want to say the word that is in the riddle. So that makes sense. I think the on repeat thing is going to be the easier one to get. On repeat. No, not replay, not shuffle. This is the word that I would say like, I'm listening to this song, but I wouldn't say on repeat.

Ad nauseam.

Erin's Googling, Erin's Googling. It's not play, it's not play. Moby? It's not Moby, but that makes sense.

Did you guys own that album? Those songs were in every commercial.

I never listened to Moby. I was never a Moby guy. I was familiar with him through pop culture osmosis, but never owned a Moby album.

What a weird time in history. Um, so cabana music, but they don't want to use the real word. So cabana, it makes me think like mood chill.

Where would you find a cabana? I guess is a beach. Yes. But where else?

A beach is closed vacation. Yes.

Beach was closer. At a resort. Yeah.

You'd also find this thing at a resort.

What's the commando next to? Pool.

Oh, Pool and Loop.

It is Pool and Loop. Pool Hand Loop, one of my favorite movies. Big cinema buff.

Love Pool Hand Loop.

So many legs. So many. Okay, here, that was... Look, we started in the middle of these and you guys weren't warmed up at all. That's on me. So that's your warm up. And now we're really gonna like hit these. We all understand what's going on. So this is... Okay. Exist as an asshole. To exist as an asshole.

To exist as an asshole.

Yeah. And I'll say not literally. Evil Liv? Evil Liv! Erin just fucking nailed it with Evil Liv. Nice one, Erin. Live evil. Erin!

Evil Liv! I don't know. I don't know.

Wow, Erin. How'd you get so smart and pretty? Oh no, no, I don't know. Oh, I like this one. This clue is wilting farts. Wilting farts.

That's one, just an amazing phrase. Get out of my face you fucking wilting fart. That sounds like something a kid would say to his sister.

That sounds like something that would be like in a movie and you'd be like, no one says Wilting Fart.

Jessica, did you drink my Squeeze It? You fucking Wilting Fart?

I love you adding fucking.

Wilting Fart.

We just did a take of like five minutes on Michael Cera. Just spin through more, spin through more, spin through more.

Well, toot backwards is toot, so it can't be that. Wilting fart, a puff, a flatulence, a... Wilting fart is better.

This changes everything.

I don't know that it does. I want to do because I'm not, I don't, I'm nowhere near the answer. Uh, Wilting Fart. Okay. Erin, what are some of the names for Farts?

I'm like stuck on, I'm like, I cannot think of the word for Wilting.

Well, okay. Yeah. Let's go, go with Fart. I think Fart might be the, obviously for you guys, Fart's probably going to be the easier entry point. Just with what you're more familiar with, I would say.

All right.

So what are some other ways that people would say Fart?

Yeah. Pass gas. Okay. Sad gas.

Sad gas.

Well, hold on. I do want to see a scene. Oh, I love this.

No, no, I'm begging you no.

No, go ahead.

So Erin, since you were reluctant to do the scene, we'll have JPC play a fart. Thank you. God damn it. JPC, you're a fart that's new to Tinseltown. You have two credits to your name, but you're not quite SAG. You're not in the Screen Actors Guild. So you are, you're at an audition, you're doing an audition you don't want to do to get a role to try and get that third credit and get into SAG. Got it. And Erin, you are the producer director.

Alright, come on in and state your name and tell us if you're willing to shave and show us your hands whenever you're ready.

Hi, I'm Kurt Fart. I am willing to shave but I gotta say I don't grow a beard so it's not gonna be a problem and I can't really show you my hands because this is just me. I'm just kind of all of this and I'm really excited about this. I'm really excited about this. Thank you so much for the opportunity.

Thank you legally. Sorry, I'm one of the auditors. I have to just legally announce, uh, I'm sorry for laughing. Uh, it was not at your name. It was something I remembered from this morning.

And his dad is a producer and that's why he is here.

Um, whatever you're ready. Miramax heard of him.

He's done this every time. Um, so just make the character your own and Clyde, if you could just, just enjoy the audition.

Okay.

Man, I wish Purina made dog food that people could eat too. And I know the FDA has these health regulations that says that most dog food is unprocessed raw protein not suitable for human consumption. But wait a second. What's this? Purina Pro Plus human formula? It's not just, it's not humans in the formula. Let's be clear about that. I'm sorry, can I take that part again? You told me I really had to hit that copy. Yeah, please, please.

Hey, Gail. Didn't he say FDR wrong? Do I have the green light to give notes?

No, never.

Okay, he said FDA. Who's FDA?

I think I'm ready for it. Pro... Pro Purina Pro Plus Human Formula. Pro... Peanut? Oh my god. Propecia? Nope. God damn it. Damn it. Come on Kurt Farts. Come on. Come on Kurt Farts.

I thought he was doing really well by the way. By the way.

I think Kurt Farts would have nailed it.

Yeah, I think he got the part.

The part of the guy doing the human dog commercial. I really do that SAG card. Okay. Here's your next one. You ready for this one? It doesn't matter. I'm going to say it anyway. This one is emotional terror.

Emotional terror.

Love evil. Ha ha. Wow. Love is an evil backwards. That does not blow your fucking mind.

Scary. Scary. Heart.

What were the words again, J.P.C., the hint?

Emotional terror. Scary heart, I think works.

Emotional.

Everybody's got a scary heart. Sad. It's not sad. Right. Emotional terror. Scared.

Scare.

Eager scary. It's not scare.

Scary.

Raid. No, it's not scary.

J.P.C. It's a J.P.C., emotional terror.

Okay.

That hurts my feelings.

Did that hurt my feelings? Let me search for feelings.

Is it Tom Jones's freaking sex bomb?

Yeah, anything. Can I hear my heart beat? No. Interesting. Well, let's just keep going. Don't pull the threads.

I found my own obituary. What could this be? What's going on here?

Emotional terror. What would you do if you just googling your name one day like we all do? Come on, let's be honest. We're all googling our own name. And you found it obituary for your name, but it was very clearly not you. It was like an Adal Rifai that died in the 1800s or something.

One of those old gold prospectors named Adal Rifai.

The obituary was like eerily similar to like your life. Ghost, a ghost blew over his microphone.

A ghost blew over my microphone. It's real, it's real, it's real. I'm already scared. 100%. That's not me, that's Casey. I feel like Casey, you're Ursula in Little Mermaid and you've stolen our voices. And you're going on a date with a guy using our voices. He's typing.

Uh oh, he's typing.

Hot and eight legs, accurate. Fair enough. Fair enough. What were we talking about? Riddles. Emotional.

Yeah, I mean I asked a question about the... What would you do if you saw your... I think that would be life-changing. I think that would be terrifying.

I think I would... Wait, would you go and research that other Adal Rifai?

A hundred percent. I would be, like in the movies, I'd be in libraries like at 10 p.m. and they'd bring over a stack of books and be like, here's what we found. And then they'd cut to me going through micro fish and I'd be wiping my eyes and someone would be like, we're about to close, but here's a coffee. And then it'd smash cut to me at home laying in bed, just crying. And I have a record with red thread. It would, I mean, that would be the rest of my life would be me falling down that rabbit hole. Are there libraries that are open that late? In movies there are.

What? It's just movies though, right? Is that fucked? Like, libraries close at like six, right?

Movies in college campuses.

Yeah, okay, college campuses.

Oh yeah, good point.

Um... I wouldn't pull that thread. I would see that John Patrick Coan, I'd say, well, not gonna investigate this, gonna just try to live the rest of my life.

I do want to see a scene. Erin, you are just a person going about their life and you have stumbled upon an obituary for a week from now of you dying and you are confronting the newspaper journalist who wrote the obituary. I assume journalists write obituaries?

Yeah, it's mostly journalists and they go investigate it. They investigate a person's love. They don't talk to like the family or whatever.

I won a Peabody Award for my overtures.

And I'm walking into this room so carefully. I'm wearing a bunch of pillows around me and a helmet. Okay. Hey, hey, hey. Hello.

Excuse me. Yeah. Hi. I'm sorry. Are you, I'm sorry, you lost? You just want, this is a newsroom.

Yes. Are you David Bibbitt, the obituary writer?

I'm sorry, this happens so much. When it's printed like that, people always think my first name is David and my last name is Bibbets. My name is Bibbets David.

Well, hi Mr. David. Um, can I ask you a quick cue?

Yeah, sure.

Absolutely. I was perusing your fine paper yesterday, and I noticed I stumbled across a little funny typo. I think it must be a typo. I saw my obituary supposed to die six days from today. That was a miss type misspeak.

You're one of these. So sorry. Yeah, this This happens. Do you want to sit down? Would you mind sitting down?

I'm scared that I'll sit on the chair and it'll break and I'll die.

Yeah. Well, the reason that you don't want to sit down is that you can't sit down. Have you seen the movie, The Sixth Sense?

Mmm, maybe.

I'm about to blow it for you anyway. I'm about to blow it for you anyway. You'd know if you had seen it, by the way. It's not a test. You don't have to be embarrassed. If you'd seen it, you'd know where I'm going.

No, but it came out so long ago and I feel like you should have seen it by now.

It's totally fine. I can do this without spoiling that movie. If you had seen that movie, you would get exactly what it is that we're talking about right now.

I'm just gonna say this.

It's so close, but it doesn't matter because what's going on right now is that you are dead. And that- Yeah, and so I have this thing where I can talk to ghosts, and it's what makes me such a crack obituary writer. Nobody's better than Bibbets, that's what they say. They were saying nobody's better than David, but it doesn't have the ring of nobody's better than Bibbets, you know?

Can you hold on one second? I'm just gonna test this and see if your secretary can see me. Uh, yoo-hoo, hi! Hi, how are you? Put his face up to the microphone. He almost did it. He almost made me not a ghost.

Oh, sorry. I'm the secretary, but I'm ice cold. What do you want?

Oh, see? Your secretary can hear me. Your secretary can hear me. You're lying.

I'm sorry. I'm ice cold and that I'm dead. I arose from the slab. Yeah.

Yeah, so most reporters here don't have a secretary. The only reason that I have one, she technically has unfinished business, but I will not help her finish it because my calls are coming non-stop and I just need the help. And I promise you, Lynn, I promise you, we will find... Will you find my murderer?

Will you find my murderer, please?

Yes. Fine. We'll find your murderer.

I know their name.

I know where they live. I know you know. I know you know.

Fuck you, Bibbits. Fuck you, Bibbits.

No. Come on. Hey, didn't you like what I wrote about you?

Yeah, it was lovely, but are you kidding? I'm not dead. I can't be dead.

Look, it's actually better, okay? Being dead is way better than being alive. You never have to have like a stomach ache ever again, okay? You never have to get a cold, huh? You never have to accidentally piss on yourself when you're pissing at the urinal. I guess this is probably not as... You know how you try to get your dick out as fast as possible but you just end up pissing all over yourself and you try to put it back and you just keep pissing? Because you're not looking at it when you're pissing. Just so everyone's clear, that's just a Bibbets David issue. That's not a GPC issue. Unique to the character of Bibbets David.

Seems like no change.

Anyway, I gotta go take a piss and we will be right back after I get a quick shower in. I think we didn't finish that riddle.

People might be mad. That's okay.

With more, Hey Riddle Riddle.

I know what you're thinking. Do I have a new hat, Adal and JPC? New haircut? Why am I walking around with so much confidence?

I bet you're wondering. I wanted pretzels from the food court.

And I was just gonna let you know that it looks like you leaned on paint.

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Hey, what's going on? Somebody leaned over my rocket money painting. Run. Everybody run. Oh no.

Maroon.

Is that DaVinci?

Yeah.

Yes. And bye. Alright, are you ready for your next riddle?

Did we get that one?

Did we get emotional terror?

No, I thought it would be funny. I thought people would be like... Yeah, no, we have to get this one. So I cannot move on until you get emotional terror.

TPC, can I ask, is it a specific emotion or is it like another, is it a synonym for the word emotion?

Yeah, I would say it's more like a synonym for the word emotion, but not really a synonym, but close. I would never call this word like a synonym for emotion.

Is it sleep-feels? Feels? Sleep?

Maybe like a synonym for like your state of emotion.

Feelings?

Not feelings. More like, instead of like feelings, this is more like a situationally dependent. Like it can change. Mood and doom.

Hey mom, I'm gonna be in my room. I'm in a doom mood. Don't come in.

I love Doom. Doom is so fucking fun. I love killing demons with shotguns and x's.

I'd like to see a scene. JPC you are proposing to Adal and you're going to give him a mood ring instead of a classic engagement ring and by the mood ring you can tell he's not that excited to be engaged to you.

Got it.

Oh, sweetie, what are you doing? Are you tying your shoe?

Let's keep going. I'm not tying my shoe, David. Actually, I am trying to tie something else.

And I'm sorry. I've told you this a million times. I know we have pet names for each other. My last name is David. My first name is... We're in public.

We're in public. I know what it is. I don't know what it is. We'll save it for home. We agreed that I would just say David when we're out in public.

Yep, yep, yep, yep. To save time. Okay.

No, it's not to save time. It's because your first name sounds so similar to a slur. And it's not, but I hate explaining to people that I didn't say what you think I said. And let's not even dance around it.

Let's just do David.

Let's not spell it. You know what, actually? No. Mark, you said that you were going to go through this. You want this. You want this. You want this. It's the only way to get you to do a legal name change. Something from your pocket. David, would you make me the happiest man alive and be my husband?

Oh my, oh, um, well first, the first question, I can't, I don't, I can't, that's two separate questions. To the second one, yes. A thousand times yes. To the first one, how would I even go about doing that? Is that like a challenge? Is this like, are we going on the amazing race? I'm asking you to marry me. Oh, then yes, absolutely. Oh, thank you.

Now, I know what you're thinking.

Yeah.

This is a mood ring. It's just, it's just temporary. Just because I didn't know what your size was. So we will go and we will get, let me just put this on now. Oh, brown.

Oh, brown. I think brown's good. I think it means royal.

Is it? I think purple's royal. No, it's like hubris.

Brown's like hubris and lavender. What is cheating on you? What does that mean? Cheating on you.

Cheating on me as a nude?

Oh, that's like a new slang. You know, like the kids are like on fleek and stuff. Or not kids, but the 30 year olds. But that's, yeah, cheating on you is like slang.

The rest of them are all, the rest of them are just like overjoyed. You know, nervous. Just those two. But this one is cheating on you.

Well, we're also outside, so you know how mood rings are like, it's like temperature affects it. Here, I got one of those, I was at the, what's that, World Market? And I got one of those, by the checkout, you know, I'm an impulse shopper. I got one of those real thin red fish things that you put in your palm. Oh yeah. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, I know what you're talking about. So let me, this'll clear things up. Put it in my palm and it bursts into flames.

Here, take the right off. Let me see, maybe this thing's broken. Maybe it's a broken, let me put it on. Emerald green with flecks of gold. Emerald Green with Flex of Gold. Okay, let me look that up. Emerald Green with Flex of Gold. Okay, so this says that you're being cheated on. Oh. My mood is that I'm being cheated on?

Again, that slang. I think it means that it's like something's good.

Hey, you know what? I believe ya. I believe ya, and I'm willing to risk it.

I had a bowl of cocoa pebbles this morning, and I was like, I'm being cheated on.

I'm willing to risk it. I know some road flags are going up in my mind, but at the end of the day I think I really want this.

Oh, I'm getting a call from, oh, you saw the front of my phone. Random plumber. You know that random plumber that always calls me at like 1 a.m. or text me?

Oh yeah, that random plumber. Because you said it's like he keeps trying to fix your pipes and he's banging away at those things. Because I've definitely heard you guys in the other room, the bathroom, banging away at those pipes. They're not getting any better?

Well, they are the art. But I have to take this call.

That is totally fine. Just one second.

Hi, random plumber.

Hey, I'm in love with you. I can't wait to see you later to have sex stuff.

That sounds I'm cheating on you to me.

I think those two are going to make it.

I think they're going to make it.

I think they're going to make it.

Every relationship is built on trust.

Every kiss begins with a... Begins with trust. Okay. Nothing. Okay.

I was like, oh, we're going to burn through these. Why would I ever think that? What has this show ever been? Because we have to fly through these channels. All right, here we go. Here's the next one. Knock over a huge hole.

Knock over a huge hole. Oh, I got a tip pit.

It is tip pit. It is tip pit.

And can I? I'm going to share some, I'm going to knock over some tea. I was, this was when I was probably 20 years old. I was working at Jimmy John's in Bloomington Normal. And of course I was a waiter at Jimmy John's and Brad Pitt comes in now. Wow. He bought out the whole place and he comes in. He has a whole Tobey Maguire's there. Ethan Soupley.

Yeah. He bought out the whole place. Like all those jars of mayonnaise that they have on the wall. All of those? What is Brad Peppers? They're not cheap.

And the Peppers, the big Peppers, the charging Peppers are not cheap. Jesus. So I'm waiting on, I think it's like a celebration dinner or something for heat. I think he booked a movie or something. So it's three and a half hours. We do the full 12 course menu.

Of course.

Into the night, the tab, and they were doing bottle service. They were doing bottles of marriage.

Yeah.

End of the night, Bill comes. I deliver it. I say, Mr. Pitt, thank you so much for everything. It's been a pleasure. Don't ask for an autograph. Don't ask for a picture. I don't want to bother this man, you know? $36,000. About.

Okay.

Yeah. Thereabouts. He tips me. He tips me by saying, come here. And I said, what? He goes, can I tell you something?

What did he say? What did he say? I said, what?

He goes, and he, you know, when somebody puts their hands together and then moves them apart, like there's writing in the sky, he goes, one word, podcasting. I said, what are you saying to me? He said, podcasting. He puts his arm around me. We're confidants. We're buds.

Mr. Money Trade himself.

I don't know. I think after Mr. and Mrs. Smith, he was Mr. Money Train himself.

His career took off. He played blockbuster hit after blockbuster hit. It was just the lemons. So he says, that's your tip. I go, I'd rather have the $13,200 I'm owed. He goes, you're not owed anything.

$13,200 on a $36,000 tip. You're doing math wrong. I said, why not majoring in math, Mr. Pitt? That's a huge tip. I said, I'm a theater major, not a math major. He said, podcasting. And then he walks out a sparkle in his eye and leftovers in his hand. And that's how I ended up wearing him today. Wow. So, sorry, tip-pit for some reason just made me think of that. I don't know why. How much of that is real?

Don't investigate. All in the service industry that said he was an absolute awful tipper, including one of my friends who said that he did exactly what Adal said, where he like walked into a restaurant as they were closing, and the restaurant was like, oh wow, you're a celebrity. We'll stay open for you. And they stayed open for like three extra hours, and then he didn't tip at all. John Mellencamp. John Mellencamp. John Cougar motherfucking Mellencamp.

The Koop Camp?

Apparently the Koop Camp, maybe not great to service employees, huh? I know, we all just lost a hero even though we can't remember a single song.

I know a couple.

Now, those are probably Top Petty songs. We don't know, but there's a good chance they're probably Top Petty songs. Here's the next one. I almost just read the answer. Wouldn't that be fun? Your next one is, oh, I like this one a lot. What you get if you kill a handyman? What you get if you kill a handyman?

A loot tool?

Tool Loots. You get Tool Loots. Yes, very good Adal.

I didn't just say prize for killing a man. Look away from me.

Here's a prize for killing this man. Erin, you can come back with this one. This one is Overworked Pudding. Overworked Pudding.

That is what, I gotta tell you, that is what my brain feels like. You said that and it spoke to me. That's what my brain is, Overworked Pudding.

Can I tell you, so one thing that we ran, I tried our best to anticipate what it would be like to have these three puppies in the house and how hard and how grueling it would be. What we forgot to work into our mental calculus was that puppies have to go out like every three hours, which means unless you want them to just like piss in their crate and just sleep and piss all night, you have to wake up at like two in the morning and take them out at least once during the night. So for the last week, I have interrupted my sleep by waking up like four hours into sleeping or three hours into sleeping so I could take these puppies out and then go back to bed. So I also right now feel like overworked pudding.

And I think that's the title of the episode. Not to dictate now, GPC's listening back to this and deciding the name of the episode. You don't have to listen to me, I'm just a gal inside of the episode that you're listening to.

Erin, you did this guy's overworked pudding braid a favor by giving me just one less thing that I have to think of to do.

Oh good, oh good, okay. And then when we play that game again of which titles are real from Hey Riddle Riddle and which aren't in 200 episodes, none of us are going to believe that we did.

I actually really like this one. This one is, I think this one's a little harder than the other ones that we've done. Overworked pudding.

Erin, I hate to do this. Can I ask you, can I call upon your Google services?

Wow.

Okay, it says it's Elo Jello. Dick Van Dyke.

You need me to... That's how Dick Van Dyke got into character every day on set.

Do you need me to Google? I'll Google just for you.

I was running through a list of possible words for pudding and tapioca popped into my brain and I don't think I've ever heard tapioca used outside of the context of tapioca pudding. Now, what legally is tapioca if it's only involved in, is it like butterscotch plus mayonnaise? What is going on? What's tapioca?

A starchy substance in the form of hard white grains obtained from cassava. Does that even say it? And used in cooking for puddings and other dishes. I'm not sure what those other dishes are. Man, my little lisp was coming on strong in that sentence. It's a minefield.

Are you guys telling me growing up you never had tapioca chicken? Your mom and dad never made you a big plate of tapioca chicken. We couldn't afford international flavors. We had tapioca ham. Tapioca bologna. We had tapioca bologna sandwiches.

But I've never seen tapioca anything except for pudding.

Well, it seems a lot of South American dishes.

Oh, I feel like it would make good ice cream. I feel like it would make good, like a good sauce, maybe. I don't know, a drizzle. But I want, I want more tapioca in my life. Now hold on a second. Am I misremembering that tapioca balls are what they put in boba tea?

I think that is tapioca. Yeah, I believe so.

Okay. So maybe I'm getting more tapioca than I remember.

I'm getting more than I remember. I'm getting more than I remember. I can't believe it.

Adal goes to the doctor and the doctor's like, I'm sorry, sir. Your blood test came back tapioca. What are you eating? You're like, I never eat tapioca. I try to swear I never have pudding.

I'm magnesium and iron, but high off the charts on tapioca, what are you eating?

Okay, hold on. Now that I thought about it for two seconds, I think I'm eating more than I remember.

I don't think I even can recall what tapioca tastes like, but I've never been a big pudding guy, and I don't like boba tea, so I don't think I'm a big tapioca fan. Makes sense. Because it's texture. Isn't it kind of slimy?

We're all pudding and slime.

Oh, good. That's probably why I don't like it. I don't necessarily always love slimy things.

What is the answer to this riddle?

Okay, so I think that you'll get this if you think about, it's not a synonym for dessert. Oh my god, I just said it. Well, it's dessert. Dessert.

It's stressed dessert. Oh, that's a great one.

That's a really good one. Oh boy, well, that's what happens when your brain is overworked pudding. You just sometimes say the fucking answer.

Wow, JPC has always talked a big game of how he's never messed up on the show and he's never made a single mistake. And yet, here we are. He never said that.

That was my first vocal mistake. I have messed myself a bunch of times recording the show. Yeah! That's why I keep extra pants in my office, dumbass! Ew! No, that's just a problem that... Babbitt, Babbitt did. All right, here's the next one. Here's the next one. All right, let's get this off of me. We're not talking about me.

I like the idea of stresses or being like, mom, is there anything for after the pork roast? And it's like, Lego pie? What the fuck do you want from me? Just crying?

A musician in gray. A musician in gray.

Okay.

I like this one a lot as well.

A somber... Cello Elo. Elo Cello. A musician in gray.

A musician in gray.

You are killing it, Eric, with Cello Elos.

Now, famously Johnny Cash was the man in black.

Okay. So?

And then who were all white? George Jones?

Elvis?

I guess Elvis were all white.

Elvis were white, yeah.

Yeah, a lot of white, but it was usually adorned with rhinestones. Musician in gray. Now is this a, is this like a broad term for a musician?

Yes, I would say that this is, honestly, a broad term is pretty funny because that's almost the same letters as the term.

Oh.

Yeah.

Broad. Or a roadie.

I mean the, oh, you lose the O and you got all the right letters. Bread. A bread singer. It's not a bread singer. I don't know. You lost the O and you came to the E somehow.

It's not Brad. He's so close with Brad. Oh, can I tell you guys? One time I was working at Jimmy John. And Leonardo DiCaprio comes in. Now he has his whole crew, the whole posse. So it's broad, but you lose the O. Yeah.

It's, it's, but yeah, well, I mean the letters are, you have to mix up the letters a little bit. Brad was closest.

It's only four.

It's only four and it's a term for a musician. So you got drab. So you should be able to get what this other word is by just doing drab backward. They're both writing it down.

I have to do drab backwards.

I'm not writing it down. Drab backwards. It's not banned.

It's a bard. It's Arnie Parrott. A drab Arnie Parrott.

Barred. You can't make me think, asshole. I've literally never asked you to actually think when I'm holding a puzzle.

I do want to see a scene. That's true, that's true. I do want to see this scene. The two of you are a musical duo. This is like, I don't know, the 1100s or something. This is old timey days. The two of you are a duo, you're both bards, but you're the rare bards that team up to form a duo. Very successful. Yes. And you're going through your phase, you're going through your blue period where it's a lot of like emo, it's like very sad songs. It's not a lot of tales of like great adventures and warriors. It's a way more emotionally and just sad time. And I'm going to be the person who booked you. Okay, so you can just set up over here by the hearth and we're looking forward to it.

It's actually nothing to set up. Everything's minimalist for our show.

I'm not sure I know that word. You each get a cup of stew and a horn of ale for your troubles. And of course the crowd, every Wednesday night is raucous. It gets so, there's so many people in here, it gets so crazy. You can already see the people filing in. So you'll be thrown, money will be thrown at you if you're okay with that.

They're animals. They don't even get what art is.

The summer animals, we have half badgers, we have full centaurs, we have

We actually have a tit-pit that we brought with us, so we encourage people just to throw any money that they're gonna throw into the tit-pit.

Can I blow your mind? I was 21. I was working at a sandwiches.

We actually have a show to do, so... Take it away. What? We have no green room?

I'll be in my room!

Just point me to where it is.

It's fine, I guess.

That's the kitchen. No, no, no. Sorry, the show starts in 30 seconds. Can you just play one of your songs? That'll help drive people in, please.

Drum up business. Okay.

Yeah, I guess.

Please try again.

Sorry, my rune stone is... Oh, I have a witch trapped in a rock who gives me directions.

I need to update the OS on your rune stone over there. All right. Yeah. Ye never thought ye'd die alone. Ye laughed the loudest, whom'd have known.

Ye chased the cord, backed with the wall.

Small wonder, it was never plugged in at all. Ye took me team, ye hurried up. The choice was yean. I didn't think enough. I'm too depressed to go on. You'll be sorry when I'm gone.

Wait bro, is this Wonderwall? Bro, are you playing?

Are you two from the wall? The wall of wonders? It's the only song I know. And after all... You're a Wonderwall. I would give anything to see an episode of Game of Thrones or Witcher where two bards come in and just straight up they're like we're brothers and they straight up like no hiding it no uh subterfuge like they just play Wonderwall straight up sometimes with like shows like that when they're like oh we're bards and we're gonna sing like a new bard song it's an original composition look i don't want to i don't throw shade on anything in specific but there are some where i'm like

You didn't need to write, like, this is, this is not a good song. One of my favorite ways that that is done correctly is in the movie A Knight's Tale, where they just play a queen song. And it's just like, yeah, why not? Why not say, like, this is the song of this year? Because it's a good fucking song. I want to hear We Will Rock You.

All the good songs have been written. So unless you're going to be like, it's a bard, knock life, like, get the fuck out of here. I don't want to hear about a time of old, like, get the fuck out of here.

I've never written down something faster than it's a bard knock life. Arnie, make a whole thing of coffee. You're staying up all night tonight, buddy.

A pot?

A whole cup of coffee. Make a whole thing of coffee. Make a whole lot of coffee, Artie. I want, it's a Bardanock life on my desk in four minutes. Four minutes. He's not even listening. He doesn't even want to air show anymore.

That's way too much time.

Yes, Erin, we're not going to need to take that much time with it's a Bardanock life look. I had other riddles that I prepared today and I said, we're not gonna, we're gonna blow right through these and then we're gonna get to some real riddles. But instead what we're gonna do is we're gonna save some of these.

We're like ants in the winter. Let's save some of these.

There's only a few more and we will do them for as warm ups next time. Because now that we've done them twice, like we really fucking understand how to do these diet pallet drums. Thank you again to ever Since that end, it was somebody from East Nashville. I do remember that part where you heard from, but I threw out the piece of paper that said your name on it. Oh boy, let's see. It says, you can say my name. Tim, Tim, it was Tim. I did not throw away all of the paper that put your name on it. So thank you, Tim, for that. And that brings us to one of my favorite fucking segments on the show. And that is a little segment that we call the plugs segment, Adal. Do you have anything that you would like to plug?

Take care of your voice, everyone. It's something you take for granted and you think, especially if it's your moneymaker, you think every morning you wake up and you go, it'll be there. Where the fuck, what else does it have to do? Take care of it. One day it might go away and you might be in deep shit. So take care of your voice. Erin, anything to plug?

And I would also just like to say stay tuned for a future episode of Magic Tavern with a title something like Chunk Gets Throat Surgery or like Wizard Curses Chunk's Throat or something like that.

I'm recording that tomorrow night and right now my plan is to be like Willy the chipmunk or something. Can you put me through some sort of filter? Erin, anything to plug?

Yeah, a couple things. I was on podcast 616. It's my friend Damon's Marvel podcast. I went on to talk about the Guardians of the Galaxy holiday special with Eddie Klinker, and it was a ton of fun. So you can check that out. Also, sitcom D&Ds coming to the end of season two. And I've been really enjoying the episodes that come at the end of the season. I'll do a little hint, tease, full-blown tell you our guests for the end of the season here. One, Thomas Sanders, that has been on the show before. And then fourth host of Hey Riddle Riddle herself, Janet Marney is our last guest of season two. So if you gave up on the show, come on back, maybe give them a chance. You don't have to, but that would mean a lot to me. GPC, can you read a review of our show, please?

I would love to read a review of our show. This five star review, and if you want to get a review featured on an episode of Hey Riddle Riddle, just go and leave a five star review on Apple iTunes. Wherever you leave reviews, I might find it. I found this one, so proof that I can't do it. This one comes from Icedown. Icedown writes, hello? I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt. My butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt. Anyway, that's five stars, so it's all mine to make anyway.

I love the people who listen to the show. They are good. Good people.

You can submit one of those. I'll give a quick plug. If you feel like you are ready to foster a dog, do one. Keep it to one. One dog. Foster one at a time. Don't do three. Three very bad. Oh, and then also you can follow me at sharkbarkman on Instagram. I think I post about maybe once a year over there. And if you want to check out this year's post, it is a picture, a bunch of pictures, and one video of some puppies. So that's pretty fun. It's the only nice thing about them. They're very cute. They're very, very cute puppies. Ah, hey, speaking of very cute puppies, now I got three of them in the other room, but there is a whole solar system worth of puppies out there. Erin, what's your favorite quote-unquote puppy in this gutter?

Yeah, one of the puppies from the, I think it's not called the brunch bunch, I think they're called the Interstellar Fellas. There's Uranus, there's Orion, and there's one more.

Yeah, what's that one? Booberry pancakes?

Bye forever!

Goodbye!

Great. Any notes?

No, just have fun with it. Oh, brother.

What a funny thing to say to a guy like Casey.

Have a great time.

Hey there, histories and buffs. If you like that, you're going to love this week's Patreon. It's another this day in improv history. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash hey riddle riddle by joining the Clue Crew for $5 a month or the Review Crew, any of those ad-free episodes, for $8 a month. See you there.