Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum podcast.

Okay, thank you all for coming in. This is the casting for Trolls Universal Tour. That is right. This is the new Trolls movie. We're expanding past the world, past the galaxy. We're going to the entire universe with the Trolls. Go ahead and just step right up, slate your name, and tell us which troll you'll be portraying.

My name is Angelo Trolls. I'll be playing Michael Trolls.

Oh, okay. Oh, okay. Got it.

Yeah. I illegally changed my name to have a better chance, but I didn't like Michael's first name, so... Gray, what was your old first name? My real first name is Angelo. Okay, perfect. So I changed my last name, but I refuse to change my first name for the role. Got it. And I will be singing a medley of songs, a la The Trolls. Oh, perfect. Whenever I'm ready. I agree. Okay, then we're in agreement. Okay, trolling, trolling, trolling down the river. Troll, troll, troll, troll, troll to trolls. Trolls. I got a new trolls. That's about it. And that's it. And that's it. And that's it. I could only think of two songs that had trolls in them, and I forgot one of them, so I just had some fun with it.

Well, I would say neither of those songs had trolls in them.

Well, roll.

Words that rhyme.

Stoleful. Cole. Cole. Cole. Is there a Christmas song with Cole?

Can I get help from one of the other auditioners? No, you can't ask for that. You can't ask for that. But we can't stop you if you want to give help. Okay. Anyone please. I'm looking at you. I'm sorry, you're raising your hand. Did you want to help? I can.

Okay. Hello, my name is Michael Trolls and I'll be auditioning for the role of Angela Trolls.

Okay.

We could have had it all. Trollin' in the deep.

Excuse me, I just remembered one. Okay. Wanna troll out of love? Trolls. Wanna troll out of love? Trolls. What is that one? Sled Zeppelin. Want a whole lot of love?

I think we've seen everything that we need Okay, honestly, I think that you both should leave and head right to wardrobe because you just got jobs working in wardrobe on this movie. Wait, it's not animated? It is! Hey, speaking of not animated, welcome to Hey Riddle Riddle, a podcast about riddles and other stuff, sometimes to today, maybe less so about riddles.

How about you live from my childhood bedroom? That's Adal Rifai.

Retrolls, please. That's TPC. Retrolls, please.

So what's up, everybody?

Oh, what's up indeed? Erin, what's up indeed? What's up indeed? Can I tell you what's been running, racing through my head even for the last week? Sure. I was in London not too far, far away. Not too far along ago.

I guess London's not too far away. And the grand scheme of things.

And I was on the tube, as they call it, and I was on the gap. Thank you so much. And I heard someone say they were talking, it was a woman talking to her mother-in-law, I believe. And she said, I'll try my best British accent. She said, we were meant to go to Egypt. And then she said, get our picture taken with the toot and kamoon. and Gemma and I were sitting across from them and we stared at each other for a minute and I rolled it around in my head and I said get your picture taken with the toot and kamoon and I put together the context clues of going to Egypt and I sussed out That she was talking about Toot And Kah Moon, but she, for whatever reason, called it the Toot And Kah Moon. I can't stop thinking about it.

Adal, I doubted you at the beginning of this story. I don't think this is going to be very good. And you blew me out of the water.

That is excellent. I almost hate to ask this Adal, but do you think she was having a laugh or taking the piss?

Is there any way to know? Her seat was as dry as could be. There's not a crease in her seat.

Ew, how did you know? Did you test her seat after? Ew, weirdo.

What kind of test would it be, Erin?

Ew, I don't know. Weirdos. You're weirdos.

He's got his little beakers. I think a piece of paper would do or paper towel. Okay, don't use the beakers I got you. I guess those presents are fucking for the trash then. I don't understand. You said you want beakers. They're on your wish list. I buy them.

But I cannot stop thinking about Toot And Kah Moon. Just a fun little thing.

Oh also- Sometimes when I'm being silly I will mispronounce something on purpose, but do you think that was what was going on there? Absolutely not.

This was every day of her life, not every day of her life, but whenever she talks about Toot And Kah Moon, she says Toot And Kah Moon. It is- Gotcha. Hey Riddle. I was at a wedding And I was like, here we go. She's going to ask if I can like help move some boxes or like parallel parking cars or something, or if I know the drum part to Tax Man. So I was like, okay. And she goes, are you Adal Rifai? And I said, yes, I am. And it turns out this lovely lady, her name is Feina, and she is a huge Hey Riddle Riddle fan. Toot and Kah Moon! Toot and Kah Moon! And home. She is a huge Hey Riddle Riddle fan. And her therapist, she told me, she goes to see a therapist, and her therapist said, you need to stop listening to sad music. And she specifically mentioned Mumford and Sons. And she said, my therapist said to listen to something light and funny and fun and silly and goofy and dumb. And so she started listening to us. That's how she found us, is through her therapist. Wow.

Hey Riddle Riddle, for when your therapist says that Mumford and Sons is too much. Oh no. Oh no.

That is actually so funny because there are probably so many more people that their therapists are like, you're listening to too much of that Hey Riddle Riddle podcast.

Oh yeah. I recommend Mumford and Sons music.

Just to balance you out.

That is amazing. Well, hello to her if she is listening. That is hysterical. Thank you for telling me that.

Adal, do you know for a fact, was the therapist, did the therapist recommend something funny? And then she went and found our podcast or did the therapist say, you should listen to Hey Riddle Riddle because I got to say, if a therapist recommended our show, That is a breach of whatever Hippocratic oath that you took, and you should not, you should lose your license.

She'll do no harm, and our podcast has tons of harm.

Adal, the three questions he assumes that she'd ask, the implication is you've been asked those questions before, and that's why- Every wedding I've been to. Hey, can you help me parallel park this car? I don't know why that's the funniest one to me.

Adal wedding. Well, hey, look, I'll say this. Everybody shut the fuck up. I have something to do today. Great. I have something to do today. Yes, sir. Look, sometimes when we do the show, hey, we're going to roll the podcast, which is a podcast we're all familiar with, especially, it's a therapist recommended show.

Which is Mumford and Sons equal to it.

We are anti... I think legally we can post online that we are anti-Mumford and Sons. Well, no, that sounds like we're against Mumford and Sons. We're not anti-Mumford and Sons.

We think you should do it for the opposite of Mumford and Sons.

We think you should listen to Mumford and Sons, you should be safe, and you should do it rarely.

And within the presence of a parent, I'd rather you listen to Mumford and Sons in the house. It needs to be regulated.

Yeah. Oh God. Okay. But no, I have a special segment for us sometimes on the show, especially when I'm old man puzzles, I like to prepare segments. And I prepared a segment that I could not recall if I had done on the main feed before or if I had done on a Patreon before. So if you are a Patreon listener, If this sounds familiar to you, or I guess if you're a main feed listener and this doesn't sound familiar to you, then it was a Patreon thing and it doesn't matter because everyone gets it now. It's a little special bonus for everyone. We are going to play a game called... Have I seen this episode of Bones?

My favorite!

Here is the way that this game is going to work. The Toot And Kah Moon! I am going to describe to you, I'm going to give you the title and the description of an episode of Bones that is up to you, Adal and Erin. To buzz in, or I guess you should bones in, you should probably bones in, you have to bones in to tell me if I have seen this episode of Bones or if I have not seen this episode of Bones.

Remind me, was this the game that I was oddly good at or was it the dog calendar game?

The dog calendar one you were very good at. This one you may have been oddly good at.

No, Erin, you choked on a bone at Marie Callender.

Ah, thank you. Thank you. Sorry. Thank you for keeping track of my life, pal. What would I do without you?

There's a bone in the pie. The t-bone pie. Okay, so I will remind you, for those of you who are not familiar with my life, I have seen some episodes of Bones. Here we go. This is your first one. It is called The Man in the Bear. Dr. Brennan reluctantly joins Agent Booth to travel to Washington State, where a human arm was found inside the stomach of a bear. As Brennan identifies the man, she discovers that he might have been a victim of a cannibal. Have I seen this episode of Bones? Adal, Bones to you first.

The way that you said inside the stomach of a bear was very, it was like as if you were the host of a game show reading this off a cue card for the first time. I feel like if you'd seen it, there'd be a little more passion in terms of like finding something inside a bear is a pretty traumatizing event to watch. That's true. So I feel like you have not seen this episode of Bones.

So before you answer that.

Okay, yes.

I remembered my strategy from last time. So if memory serves me, you saw the first few seasons of Bones, correct?

That is correct.

So if the episode sounds like it's jumped the shark, Then it probably, and it doesn't feel like a cohesive premise, then you probably haven't seen it. But if it seems a little bit more down the middle than you probably have, so I think this feels right on the precipice to me, but I agree with Adal. And Adal, you'll obviously get the point, but I'm just trying to back you up here. This feels like a later season jumping of the shark. So, as you were.

And J.B.C., for an extra point, can I guess that the title of this episode is Barebones?

Well, the title, I already gave it to you, so I guess you can guess. I mean, that would be a fool's guess. I've told you the title.

What's the title again?

It's The Man in the Bear. I like mine better.

You haven't seen it.

And Erin, you have a point for this one. I have not seen this one. Now, you didn't get a point because you guessed correctly, you just got a point because Adal guessed incorrectly, but I think that you did guess correctly. Wait, what? Erin got the point because you guessed incorrectly, Adal. So you have seen it. I have seen this. Yes, I'm sorry, Jesus Christ. I've seen this one. This is from season one of Bone.

This is season one? This is season one? Okay, that's on them.

Erin, your strategy may not pay off here because they all sound like they may have jumped the shark. Erin, here we go. Here's your next one. This one is titled, The Bones That Weren't. Uh, weren't. Terrible puddle. Absolutely. Okay, here we go. A ballet dancer is murdered and Booth and Brennan are led to suspect a group of street dancers in the crime. Meanwhile, Booth's girlfriend Hannah is shot, leaving Booth to worry for her health.

Could have been called step up to the bones. That's true.

Saved lost bones.

Or the ties that bones.

Bones.

Erin, go ahead, Bones.

I don't think you've seen this one.

Erin, you are correct. I have not seen this episode of Bones. This is from season six of Bones. I was not watching Bones in 2010.

Very clearly studied for this.

Yeah, but don't get mad. That means my life is sad. This is number three.

This is the doom in the gloom.

The death of a former female marine sergeant whose remains are found charred due to an explosion leads Booth and Sweets to a group of doomsday preppers, of which the victim, Deanna, was a member. Meanwhile, Sweets finally finds an apartment and moves out of Booth and Brennan's home.

Okay, title should have been Bon Appa Sweets. Uh... Bones?

Adal, please, you got it.

This sounds very convoluted.

It does sound very convoluted.

But the fact that the bear one was first season, that's like saying the pilot episode of "#24 is when the daughter is being hunted by a mountain lion. You save that shit for later. I'm going to say you have not seen this.

Adal, you are correct. I have not. I have not seen this episode of Bones. It's Erin 2, Adal 1 right now. Here we go.

Because it sounds like the lead characters are in love and living together. And that only happens at the end of the series, I bet.

I think in season 6 he had another girlfriend who got shot. So I guess she didn't make it probably.

Another girlfriend that got shot?

It's always girlfriends getting shot on this show. Here's your number four one. It's called Stargazer in a Puddle. The team works on finding how Chelsea Cole, a fan of astronomy who suffered from Werner Syndrome, died. Meanwhile, Hodgins and Angela prepare for their wedding. Zach is asked to serve his country in Iraq. Brandon's father Max tries to let her in on her past and brings her a 1993 video of her mother. Booth and Max decide to get into a fistfight before Max surrenders to his arrest.

Bones.

Erin bones to you, my dear man.

I'm right on the fence here, but I think that you have not seen this episode.

It is two-two. It is all tied up. Erin, you are incorrect. This is from season two of Bones. Wow.

How many seasons of Bones did you watch?

I think four. No. Keep in mind this is a period of my life where I was working at a self-storage facility while I was in college just watching Bones.

And you mentioned a plot line involving Iraq. Clearly this should have been called Bonesland security. Okay, Bones and Security.

That's pretty good. Okay, it's tied up. Here we go. Number five, the puzzler in the pit.

Ooh.

The team is called in after a crossword puzzle. Master is discovered in an urban fracking site. Meanwhile, Daisy goes into labor.

Brack my life, Bones.

Erin, Erin, you got Bones. You have not seen this episode.

It is "#23 to Adal, Erin. This is season one of Bones. I have absolutely seen this episode."

I actually don't care anymore. I actually am not even going to try anymore. I don't care.

Alright, here we go. Number six. The Big Beef at the Royal Dinner. Great title. No notes on that title. We'll see. Here we go. The death of a TV celebrity chef leads Booth and Brennan to investigate the Royal Diner. Yeah, I'm sorry, the Royal Diner. A local restaurant. A local restaurant of the Jeffersonian team frequent for lunch every day. Meanwhile, Hodgin sells his invention for millions, and Cam receives word from Aristou, who is in Iran. Booth buys Brennan a golden necklace with the money he won from the bet, and Brennan becomes skeptical of his behavior when she discovers he left misplaced He left misplaced gambling sobriety chip, an item he always has. Bones. Erin.

You have not seen this episode.

Erin, I have not seen this episode. It is tied up. You are back in the game. I did not see the big B for Bro Diner. Okay, there's only, I think there's only four more. So it's anyone's game here. The next one is the perfect pieces in the purple pond. Here we go. Perfect pieces, purple pond. Alliteration. The pieces of a dismembered body are found lying in a purple pool of water, except the head is missing. The team finds the body belongs to Jared Addison, a science fiction writer who had several mental problems. With Sweet's help, several suspects are hunted down, however the team has trouble finding enough evidence with the victim's head still missing. That is, until they turn to Zach for help.

I think you have seen this episode, or it's a trick question and this episode doesn't exist.

I wish I put a trick question in here. I should have thought it. Erin, you are correct. You are one up now. If this was season four, I probably saw this one. No, I really can't say for sure. I will give it to you.

One part of this is you don't remember watching a single second of any of this.

I don't. I truly don't. I truly don't, but I probably did. All right, here we go. Next one. Number eight, the soccer mom in the minivan. Adal, you can still get this. You can still catch up here.

I think my bones are broken.

Brandon and Booth investigate the death of a soccer mom who was blown up in her minivan. They soon discover that the soccer mom named June was part of a group of radicals from the 70s named the National Liberation Army. Bones. Adal, the bones are to you!

Soccer mom blowing up seems like a great opportunity to stunt cast in season one, get some big names in the door. I assume they got like Alison Janney or something. So I'm going to say this is early on and you saw this episode of Bones.

Adal, this is Season 3. I absolutely saw this episode of Bones. I knew it. It is tied up and there's only two more. It's still anyone's game. Here we go. Number nine, the boy in the shroud. Brennan and her team dig through the trash to find clues when a young man wrapped in a shroud is found among the garbage. After Angela is able to identify the deceased boy, Cam quickly assumes the main suspect to be the boy's girlfriend, Kelly, who is a product of the foster system. Brennan is hurt by this as she is also a product of the foster system. Meanwhile, things get tense when Brennan and Kam struggle for power in their disagreement on work styles. Kam threatens to fire Brennan even if it cost her the whole Jeff Bersonian team. Erin, did you just bones in the middle of me talking?

No, no, no, no, no.

Okay, then I didn't hear anything. Bones.

Adal. Adal and his two people. No.

I would have given it to you if you had ended it. I just wanted to go back slightly and say the soccer mom episode should have been called Bones It Like Beckham or Bend It Like Bonesim.

See, Adal's not even playing. He's playing a different game than we are playing right now. He's kicking your ass at it.

He's kicking your ass at the different game. I know. See, I'm going to say you have not seen this episode.

Adal, you dumb idiot fool. This is season two of Bones. I knew it. I've absolutely seen this episode of Bones, which means, Erin, This is your game to win. So the strategy here, you are up one. Do you let Adal answer and hoist himself on his own petard? Or do you try to sneak in first and answer correctly before he has a chance? Here we go. The scare in the score. When a series of corpses with ties to Booth's former army unit appear around DC, Booth must dive into his past to find the killer before the killer finds Booth. Meanwhile, Brennan's father, Max, hides a serious medical procedure from Brennan, leaving her to grapple with her father's trust and mortality, as well as her family being in danger.

Bones.

Erin, you have boned in first. Have I seen this episode of Bones or have I not seen this episode of Bones?

This episode should have been called, There's No Place Like Bones.

Okay. Very good. Very good. Adal, Adal, do you have a comment on that? Because now she is beating you at your own game. No notes. Yeah, she nailed it. Got it in her mind.

I think, and I could be fucking up here, but I'm taking a huge risk and I'm going against my gut.

Okay.

Because my gut is screaming, you haven't seen it, but I think you have seen it. I'm saying that you've seen it.

You think I have seen it. The scare and the score Is the seventh episode of the twelfth season of Bones? No! Erin, I have not seen this game.

I should have gone with my gut.

Which means you are tied up. Now, I know what you were thinking. JPC, you couldn't have possibly planned for the concept of a tied match here. Couldn't possibly have. Why would I have? How would I have ever imagined that both of you would be equally good slash bad at this game? Well, I've got some great news for you. I do have a follow-up game that we can play as a tiebreaker. This is not a Bones game, okay? The Bones game is over, you tied it. This is your tiebreaker game. This game is called... Sonicares, Sonicares, or Sonicares.

So, in this game... Your personality is so hard to describe to people who haven't met you before. I need you to understand that, JPC. When I try to describe you to, like, my aunt and uncle, they're like, wait, what? And I'm like, I know, I know. You just have to meet him.

Don't be telling uncles about me. Don't be... Keep my name out your uncle's mouth.

Okay, carry on.

The game is Sonicares, Sonicares, or Sonicares. Here's the way that this game is going to be played. I will give you a prompt. You will buzz in. You can still bones in. You can still bones in. And you will have to tell me if it applies to a Sonicares, Sonicares, or Sonicares. So the categories are Sonicares, Sonicares, or Sonicares. That is one of the many fine Sonicare brands of products. Something that Sonic the Hedgehog cares deeply about. Or a time I saw Nick Cage's hair and thought, that's interesting. Sonicares, Sonicares, or Sonicares.

Erin, can I just say I never describe or explain JPC to anyone over the age of like 15. What I do is if I'm around like a younger cousin or something, I use the idea of JPC to scare them into acting good.

Yeah, eat your vegetables or JPC is going to come through the air.

I describe JPC, yes, and then I say if you don't do what I tell you to and clean up your room or like be good to your parents or something or be thankful for the gift I got you, I say JPC will come for you in the night.

And JPC, this is a compliment.

I'm very familiar with this. And the JPC will get you if you don't watch out. We all know.

He will get you if you don't watch out. Kids are saying that on playgrounds right now.

He's like the Babadook, but a bigger gay icon?

Okay, okay. Sonic care, Sonic care, Sonic cares. I don't get the Nicholas Cage one.

Sonic Hairs. Sonic Hairs. Sonic Hairs. Sonic Hairs. Sonic Hairs.

Sonic Hairs.

Sonic Hairs.

Sonic Hairs.

Sonic Hairs.

Sonic Hairs. Sonic Hairs. Sonic Hairs. Sonic Hairs. Sonic Hairs.

Sonic Hairs. Sonic Hairs. Sonic Hairs. Sonic Hairs. Sonic Hairs. Sonic Hairs. Sonic Hairs. Sonic Hairs. Sonic Hairs. Sonic Hairs. Sonic Hairs. Sonic Hairs. Sonic Hairs. Sonic Hairs. Sonic Hairs. Sonic Hairs. Sonic Hairs. Sonic Hairs. Sonic Hairs. Sonic Hairs. Sonic Hairs. Sonic Hairs. Sonic Hairs. Sonic Hairs. Sonic Hairs. Sonic Hairs. Sonic Hairs. Sonic Hairs. Sonic Hairs. Sonic Hairs. Sonic Hairs. Sonic Hairs.

Sonic Hairs. Sonic Hairs. Sonic Hairs. Sonic Hairs. Sonic Hairs. Sonic Hairs. Sonic Hairs. Sonic Hairs. Sonic Hairs. Sonic Hairs.

I'm sorry. That is incorrect. It is actually Sonic Hairs. Con Air is a hairdryer brand that is a subsidiary of the brand Sonic Hairs.

I knew this was a trick question.

Sonic Hairs. Your next one. Diamond Clean. That would be bones to you Adal. Sonic Hairs. You are so close. That is incorrect. Just because Sonic the Hedgehog spends most of his time trying to keep the Chaos Emerald safe doesn't mean he also doesn't care deeply about keeping his diamond clean. Your next one is Chaos Emerald.

I saw, uh, bones. Erin, bones to you. Sonic Cares.

Erin, that is so close. The answer is Sonic Cares. The Chaos Emerald, retailing at $299, the Sonicare Chaos Emerald really fucks up your teeth. Your next one is Chili Dogs. Chili Dogs.

Bones. Bones to you, Adal. I keep forgetting to bones.

Chili Dogs. We're between Sonic Cares and Sonic Cares. Is it, I'm gonna say Sonic Cares.

Did you say Sonicares? Yes. Adal, you are so close.

Is it Sonicares?

Yes, but you didn't bones in. Sonicares, Nick Cage plays detective Brett Chilly in this 2014 straight to DVD release, Chilly Dogs. All right, here's your next one. Adaptation. Sonicares, Sonicares, or Sonicares?

Bones.

Bones to you, Erin.

Sonic's hairs.

I can see what you were doing there, but no. It could be argued that no one cares more about adaptation than the anthropomorphic blue hedgehog from space trying to survive on a strange alien world. Of course, this is something that Sonic cares deeply about.

I think that sucks. I think what you just did sucks. So far, it is all so hard.

It's so close, but it's tied up here. I believe Charlie Kaufman wrote the new Sonic game. The new open world Sonic game is written by Charlie Kaufman.

I actually do think that we're answering it right and then you're changing it.

I don't think so. We'll have judges? No, and then apparently I'm not doing that. Okay, we have one more.

He looked over to three horses bound and gagged in his basement.

First of all, consensually, that's their choice. I'm not doing anything they don't want. This is the last one, and this is a tiebreaker, so it's pretty important for the last one. Remember, Sonic here, Sonic here, Sonic here, so you have to bones in when you know it. Your final prompt is the rock. Bounce. Erin, I technically heard Adal first because you did say it maybe a couple seconds after him. So Adal?

That makes total sense. Thank you for giving it to me. Adal. I'm going to say, how do I encompass all three at once? Sonic airs.

Adal, all three at once is the correct answer. That of course is a Nick Cage movie from 1996. Nick Cage plays detective Brett Chilly, who is tasked with solving a ring of toothbrush burglaries perpetuated by a small blue anthropomorphic hedgehog. That is Michael Bay's The Rock from 1996. Adal, you won, which means that not only did you win Sonicare, Sonicare, Sonicare, you win. Have I seen this episode of Bones? Congratulations. You are the big winner. Do you have anything that you'd like to declare?

I want to cede my time to Erin to let her complain.

Can we go on a break please?

Alright Adal, well that $10,000 check is on its way to you now. Congratulations for winning the game and we will see you back after a brief commercial break.

I know what you're thinking. Do I have a new hat, Adal and JPC? New haircut? Why am I walking around with so much confidence?

I bet you're wondering. I wanted pretzels from the food court.

And I was just going to let you know that it looks like you leaned on paint.

Anyways, I just had a bunch of subscriptions canceled for me by Rocket Money that I wasn't using. And so now I'm flushed with cash and now I'm competent. Pretzel money? Well, maybe we'll talk about that. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that binds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years, even before they were a sponsor.

Erin it looks like you may have leaned on like with someone painting a rocket money like billboard or sign or something because it's all it's all down your back it's like and it's I could ock it ock it

People think they're spending $80 on their subscriptions when in reality, the number is closer to $200. And when you signed up for so many free trials, like streaming services, you watch one show and then you completely forget about it. You lose track and then all of a sudden you're like, why am I bleeding money? Rocket money? They take care of that for you. They go, sit back, relax. We got this. And they make everything color coded and easy and super intuitive.

You're also color-coded. A little birdie told me that Rocket Money also lets you monitor all your expenses in one place, recommends custom budgets based on your past spending, and they'll even send you notifications when you've reached your spending limits, which sounds like something my friend would like, but I forget which friend I'm so hungry for pretzels.

Speaking of pretzels, you don't get all twisted up by salty and the bread of your finances. With over 3 million users and counting, Rocket Money customers have saved an average of $720 a year.

Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and manage your money the easy way by going to rocketmoney.com slash riddle. That's rocketmoney.com slash riddle. rocketmoney.com slash r-i-d-d-l-e.

Hey, what's going on? Somebody leaned over my rocket money painting. Run. Everybody run. Run. Oh no. Maroon.

Is that DaVinci?

Yeah. Yes.

And bye. Alright, we're back and look, I will say this. We have no more of my bullshit games because we have some absolute bangers of listener-submitted riddles to get to. And I gotta say... These ones are very good. These ones are, I really do like them. I do have some qualms with the way that they were delivered, but in general, I really do like these. Both of these riddles came from the same person and they both were mailed to our Hey Riddle Riddle mailbox. Yeah, I think that that is very cool. And again, If you ever want to mail something to us, you can always send that to 6351 West Montrose Ave, number 267, Chicago, Illinois 60634, or just check the episode description because we always include the mailing address in the episode description. Okay, these ones, I will read a little bit of it because this person did... Well, I'll just read a little bit of it. It says, Dear Sir Adal, Lady Erin, and the young ward ye olde horse puncher. Pretty good.

Yeah, that's great.

I write to the three to share three riddles of mine own making. I call them haikusles. Also, do not judge me. Quills are harder to write with than you think. Love, Lord Tim Berberick of East Nashville, Tennessee. You may say, ye may say my full name and title. And I will say that they did write these with a quill and they were all sealed in wax.

Very cool.

Very cool. Can I say it goes above and beyond to not just say where you're from, which is the city is a very major city, but then just say what direction in that city you're from.

You rarely hear it. I rarely hear, I mean, as a person who's from the east side of Indianapolis, I rarely hear people claiming to be from the east side.

Unless I'm listening to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song, I rarely hear a major city in a direction within there.

That's yeah, it's it is. But you know what? That's if you're the Lord of East Nashville, you probably did a lot of work to get there. You probably want to let people know who you are.

We love JPC. We just celebrated what was it 10 years from being in Nashville? That can't be right. Ten years? No, no way, no way. I just sent a text message to celebrate that anniversary.

It couldn't have been ten years because I just hit my ten years of like being in Chicago, I feel like.

Okay, okay.

Maybe it was like nine or seven years, I can't remember.

It was eight years, okay. Anyway.

Yeah, I did almost end a friend of ours marriage because I ran across a pool and took a picture on a moving train.

So funny.

Again, you're impossible to describe.

Someone's wife did not care for that behavior. All right, here we go. These are, like Lord Tim says, these are haikusals. So these are, I guess these are a hybrid of puzzles and haikus. Okay, are you ready? Yes. Here's your first one. And I apologize. This is written in quill and I can barely read. So if I get something wrong and it's not Tim's fault, it is mine. This is a Haiku 575.

Hey, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do with this. This is nothing.

This is a haiku that is describing something. And I will say that the things that they are describing the language is very flowery for a very Every day. I don't want to say like every day, but a very like run of the mill thing.

Can you use this one as an example and break it down for us?

Yeah. And can you let us know what that first word before wraith means? Haber-y?

So it's a arbereal, A-R-B-O-R-E-A-L. Arbor, of course, means tree. So it's like tree-like, like a tree-like wraith, I guess, is what, yeah. So tree-like wraith. Oh, now I'm actually going to have to put up my Christmas wraith.

Out, out, out, come.

Merry Christmas. And on the door?

Just hang out on the door.

Just here, just here. Yeah, come on buddy, come on. Inside or out? You should close the door. Inside or outside? Oh, outside, okay. Back in the classic container you go.

You actually don't need to talk to our guests. Can you just hang out?

So, Arboreal Wraith, desiccated husk, um, desiccated husk, so this is like the shell of something, yeah, uh, plying, and I think plying here is a little bit of a pun, plying cleftal horizons, so like a cleft would be like a, like split.

Yeah, so plying if it's a double entendre makes me think of wood. So would this be like a stump? Or I guess wraith would be, is it like a willow or something? A weeping willow?

You're close with wood because this is a thing that is made of wood. Technically. Yeah, I mean it is made of wood, but I wouldn't like, I wouldn't pick this up and be like, wow, this is wood. Because it's- Is it money?

Cash money?

No, you're very close. You're very close because it is Let's see, yeah, yeah. You're on the right track, I would say, with money there.

Is it... Can you bring it all together again?

Arboreal Wraith, desiccated husk, plying cleftal horizons. Plying cleftal horizons? That, I think, is the part that you've got that it's like... Pencil, paper, printer paper, a book? Erin, paper is half of the answer. It's two words, and one of the words is paper.

Paper airplane? We're from flying vertical horizons.

All right, think of the word ply. I think the word ply would be, I would associate ply with this type of paper.

Scissors, paper, construction paper.

Double ply, three ply, thick paper, thick construction paper. Three ply? Three ply, toilet paper.

Yes! It is toilet paper.

Every day I wipe my ass with an arborist wreath.

You don't wipe your butt with paper airplane?

Say it again. Every time I have a public restroom and there's no toilet paper, I knock on the door next to me and I go, do you have any Auburn's room?

Do you have any paper airplanes on you that you can throw?

I have to see a scene. I have to see a scene. Adal and Erin, you're in a public restroom. Adal, you are stuck in a stall without any toilet paper. And Erin, you're also in that restroom washing your hands. And Adal, you're begging for her help getting you any sort of paper.

Oh, no, I'm ruined. I'm ruined. Prithi, no Prithi, it is I in the privy. Can I beseech upon you, vouchsafe, that you do gift upon thee, O your most humble servants, some dollop of comfort, please?

I actually, I'm seeing someone right now.

No, no. Yes. I am seeing someone too. I am with my third eye. I see a vision of you, milady, in an open field. Horses dance around you. Centaurs bow before you. A crown, a crown of flowers atop your head because you has bequeathed me. Are you from the past? No. Are you crying? I'm weird.

Okay. I gotta go.

No, please.

You haven't even asked me a question yet.

Have I not? I guess I have failed. I failed in my mission.

Also, if you work at the Ren Fair next door, I won't tell your boss you broke character to ask me a question.

Oh, thank God. Thank you so much. Can you grab me some toilet paper?

We got them. You broke character. We knew you would. Swap team. Scene.

Have I told you guys my story of when I was at Gen Con one time and I was like stopping by a bathroom as I was leaving and Gen Con is like a big board game convention and the bathrooms at the conventions in Indianapolis are humongous because they're convention center bathrooms. And I walked in the bathroom, it was empty, it was like the end of the day and I was just like trying to wash my hands before I left because if you've ever been to Gen Con, you know that you need to wash your hands. And I was on my way out of the bathroom and there was a guy in one of the stalls and he goes, excuse me? Hey, hey, is somebody there? And I was like, yeah. And he was like, I'm out of toilet paper in here. Can you hand me some toilet paper? And I looked at every single, there was every single one of the stalls. I looked at every single one of the stalls and there was no toilet paper in any of the stalls. And I go, I go, man, there's no toilet paper in any of these stalls. And he goes, what about like hand towels? And I was like, it's all air dryers in here. There are no there are no hand towels. And I was like, ah, man, like I'm sorry, dude, like good luck. And I started to leave and he goes, hey, hey, you're not just going to leave me.

What if that was a test? What if that was like some god come to earth in mortal form and you were supposed to help them out, do a good service, give them a boon and you would have been rewarded beyond your wildest dreams.

That sucks because I've gone out of my way to fuck so many goats in my life that if that was my test... They weren't even on the way. I get halfway through fucking a goat and I'm like, Zeus? And it's like, no, just a goat. And I'm like, gah.

Wait, the goat says just a goat? I was just going to a farm and starting to fucking goat and halfway through going, Zeus? It's like you could have asked way earlier.

Not as halfway through. Halfway through meme.

Just a goat? Just a happy goat. Yeah man, I'm Zeus. Keep going.

Okay guys. Zeus, keep going.

I'm not a therapist. I'm not a therapist. But I think you should go listen to Mumford and Sun Snow. I'm cutting you off from Hey Riddle Riddle. It's too much for one day.

Is it too late for Christmas to get a teacher that says, I'm Zeus keep going? A little goat saying I'm Zeus keep going.

I'm not Zeus but keep going.

You can't you can't have sex with animals because they can't consent so don't even try it even if it is God you think okay here we go. Edged and find silver I think it says edged I'm gonna say edged. Edged and find silver. A tapestry Well, let's just call it Edged. Let's just say Edged if I'm wrong. If I'm wrong, Tim from East Nashville, you can come and fucking beat my ass in Chicago.

Sounds like you're from Franklin, but you want to say Nashville. Yeah, it's like East Nashville.

You're from Franklin. Well, wouldn't you be more proud to be from Franklin? It's like a rich area. It's a toney area. Yeah. Yeah. Edged in fine silver, a tapestry of vapors woven so gently. Edged in fine silver, a tapestry, tapestry, tapestry, tapestry of vapors. So far it sounds like we're describing smoke.

A cloud. Erin, it is cloud.

Wow. Erin, you fucking nailed it. Alright, you're getting really, actually, Erin? Fuck, you're actually getting really good at high koozels.

I tried something new this time, and I thought, what if I think instead of bullshit around to make a joke? And I did.

Weird. And that worked?

Uh-oh. Erin, is Zeus what Bostonians call a zoo?

Yes, probably. I'm trying to hear it in the accent and yes, I've only been back here for a day so I haven't heard any delicious Boston accent yet. Boston accents yet. But I'm keeping an ear out. I'm keeping my ear to the ground.

Yeah, let us know. I just got back from Florida and I also did not hear any Florida accents because I don't really know what that sounds like.

And I just got back from London and I heard a woman say, Toot and Kah Moon.

That is really exceptional. I'm really happy for you that that happened.

In my head I hear, it's like, pots and golden, pots and golden rainbows and Toot And Kah Moon. Toot and Kah Moon.

Gem and I have said it to each other 500 times since.

Roused by yet a touch, ye spin me round, round, baby. We'll get things cooking.

Record. It is not a record that is- Spin around, get things cooking. Oh, is it like a pizza oven?

You're so close with pizza oven. Microwave. It is a microwave.

Oh, nice. Okay.

Okay, I do want to see a scene. Adal, you are the proprietor of a spinning pizza oven restaurant. So you have a spinning pizza oven in your restaurant. Erin, you are going to be a customer ordering a spinning pizza.

Hey, welcome to DJ Pies. I'm on the ones and twos today. What can I get from you from the menu above?

Sorry, I'm a little starving. I'm coming back from the bars looking for a slice of pizza. What do you recommend?

We do have our mozzarella and fig. We also have a very nice pomegranate and gelato. And I also recommend our three cheese. Well, you'll never guess what cheese is.

What are the cheeses?

String.

Okay. You know what? I just want the simplest, just run-of-the-mill, boring pizza. Just greasy pizza.

Okay. I can butter some pizza dough for you and serve. It's just kind of like bread.

Can I talk to your manager?

Okay. Just one second. Turns around, puts on a mustache. Hello. Hey, how can I help you?

Hey, you're employee here who just turned around and put on a mustache for seemingly no reason.

Is telling me that... I have my reasons. It's his break. It's his break. He's on break. He's allowed to do that.

Oh, great. I just want a boring regular pizza. Not three cheese where the cheese is, is just string cheese. I'm sorry, what?

The cheese is his string cheese?

No, he just gave, he just listed a bunch of weird pizza flavors and I just want a normal pizza that isn't spin.

Is that true? Is that true? I'm so sorry, ma'am. We're supposed to be selling normal pizzas. Are you trying to sell people weird pizza flavors?

Yeah.

What were some of the flavors that you said that you would sell this person? Three cheese. And the cheeses were? String. And actually that sounds pretty good. Huh. You went beyond to something.

Is it string cheese or is it strings?

Uh, Mr. Del Monte, um, I'm trying to get some more goat milk for the goat cheese, but the goat's asking for you.

No, nope, nope, seen. See, nope, nope, everyone out of the pizza restaurant, the scene's over. Everybody out, everybody out.

Mr. Del Monte, please.

Nope, everybody out, the scene's over.

Turns around, rips off a mustache, nobody if I do. Goat, goat mind if I do. Go mind if I do? Okay, so Tim also sent in some other riddles, again with the wax seal. Very, very cool. Wow, Tim, above and beyond. Above and beyond. Now, here we go. These riddles, this is like another type of game. It says, dear best host plus other hosts. So very smart, very smart to do that Tim. It says, I've devised yet another type of riddle. These are called diet palindromes. Unlike true palindromes, these aren't the same word backwards and forwards, but different words. You must use the given clues that describe both words to decipher the answer. So there is an example. Okay. So the example is best damn cookware ever. And the answer is Top Pot. So those two words together make a palindrome, top pot, same as backwards and forwards, but it's like, it's going to be, the clues are going to give you two words and those two words are going to combine to be a palindrome. Does that make sense?

Yes.

Sort of. Okay. So we'll try this first one. The first one is battle sashimi. Battle sashimi. Raw war or war raw. That is raw war. Oh, nice. Sorta. Sorta, he says, and he fucking nails it. First one out of the gate.

My brain is made for wordplay. I could not understand what's going on and still solve these.

OK, here we go. That's true.

Here we go. The next one you have is, oh, yeah, genetics. Oh, yeah. CoolA DNA.

Remember.

CoolA DNA.

Oh, yeah.

That's literally what he has in his body, is CoolA DNA. So it was, oh yeah, DNA.

Oh yeah, and genetics. Do you think the Kool-Aid man pees out Kool-Aid, or is that his blood?

That's his blood, dear.

Oh, honey, that's his blood.

Oh, sweetie, that's his organs and blood. Well, but I'm confused because do you think that's the way, is the other application that that's his pee, that he's just full of pee?

I don't know, but if I loved him, I'd be worried all the time. I'd be like, it's going to spill out. It's so, I'm so nervous if his body was my body.

The other terrible thing to ponder is, what if he doesn't need any of that? What if all that's in him is not part of him at all?

It's just liquid. Okay, I do want to see a scene. Come on.

He's just a glass man.

Erin, you are the Kool-Aid man. JPC, you are on a date with the Kool-Aid man, and you have some questions that nobody has ever thought to ask before.

So, how many siblings do you have?

I have two. I have an older brother and a younger brother.

Oh yeah?

Yeah, do you have siblings?

Yeah, I got a couple siblings.

Hey, I'm having a great time. Oh, me too. I think this date is going super well. I feel like normally I would do this whole rigmarole where I kind of get to know you and your family and your history, but I have so many questions. And I don't know that I'm ever going to get an opportunity like this again, so I'm just going to shoot from the hip. How would I go about fingering you?

Whoa, we're at a public restaurant.

Yeah, I know, I know. And again, I said, Kool-Aid Man is never going to swipe right. Then I got the swipe right. I said Kool-Aid Man is never going to agree to go out. I got the agree to go out. Now I'm thinking like, fuck, I might be invincible. I got to ask these questions while I can. And I just, I want to finger you. So I'm wondering.

Thank you for buying me some time. You know when you're thinking about jumping in a pool and you lean down and you test the water? Yes. With your hand to see if you want to jump in?

The liquid inside of you. Is it part of you? And if the answer is yes, blood? Pissed? Cub? Bile?

Oh yeah!

All of the above!

Is this life juice? It's his life juice. Did you guys get this one? Oh yeah genetics. Adal you got the second half of it.

I was going to say genes and then whatever genes is backwards. Say it, Nick. The second half is DNA. Yes.

DNA genes.

And DNA.

And DNA.

Yes. Oh yeah. It is and DNA. Here's your next one. Lift handle for festivity. Lift handle for festivity. It's not party Christmas, Erin. I want to say you fundamentally don't understand the game. No, I do.

No, no, no. I'm saying what is the second half? Like festivity, is it party or Christmas?

Uh, no, no. It's not party. Lift handle. No. I think if you get lift handle, it might make the other, well it's obviously going to make the other one much easier because no. Pull, flip, push. What is a handle that you would like lift up or like lift down? What would that be called? A door? It's not a door. Yeah, yes. Adal. Reveal lever? Revel lever? It is revel le- lab boy. Red, yellow, revel leather. Red leather, revel leather. It is revel lever. Okay, here we go. Here's another one.

I want to see a scene actually. You two are in a boardroom and you are the writers. You're from Big Tongue Twisters. You're the CEOs of Big Tongue Twisters and you're trying to come up with new tongue twisters for people to use.

Oh, this is tough. Being from B2Ts, this is, um, I thought this would be quick work, but I am stuck.

Look, we are the CEOs. Yes. Of some of the best tongue twister companies in the entire world. It's only 11.15. I think we can knock this out before lunch. I know it's tough, but if anyone can do it, it's the two of us.

Yes, and I have to say, Me being the newest CEO and receiving that job from C3PO from his P.O. Box was such an honor. C3PO's P.O. Box CEO. No, that's not.

Okay. That's nothing. Back to it. Okay. Alligator. I just got a text message. Oh, this is the word. Well, I think we can... Oh my God. This is a day-ruiner.

Doug, what happened?

I think we can do the rest of the meeting, but I just got a text that my mistress pissed on a Christmas dish.

Your mistress pissed on a Christmas dish. Wait. No, that's nothing. That's nothing.

Yeah, I mean, that's nothing. It's a huge problem for me because... Oh wait, I just got a text. Oh no.

Liam's... Liam Neeson's niece leased my niece on?

Hey, congratulations. I know that Nissan's been looking at Albatross on your neck for forever.

Yeah, thank God that's gone. Anyway, back to tongue twisters.

We have to get back to it. You know what? It's almost lunch. Should we just order lunch?

Ooh, yeah. I think I want a patty, crabby patty from a woman named Abby.

Oh man, that sounds delicious. I think that to put a name to what I'm craving. God, it's a hot day, but I want a kind of a cool treat. Maybe Willie could get me some chili chili for my little Billy.

Oh yeah, your little Billy gets pretty hungry in the afternoon. I think I'd like a milkshake silk snake. Have you had those?

The Silk Snake milkshakes? I have had them and they're not as good as you think they would be. I don't want to ruin it for you, but maybe order it, but maybe not have that be your mane.

Yeah, if that makes sense. That makes sense. Speaking of manes, maybe for the mane, some sort of blampy shrimp scampi.

I'm so happy I called for that theme.

What rhymes with shrimp scampi? Oh no. Okay, here we go. Here's another one for you. This is zesty insect flavor. Zesty insect flavor.

Lemon zesty insect.

Zesty insect flavor. I think, I mean obviously, I think the easiest one to get might be, mmm, lime.

So zest is going to be like lime, lemon, orange.

You're looking for like zesty flavor is one and then insect is the other. And it's a specific kind of insect that you're looking for.

Is it like spicy?

Hey Riddle. So close.

It's you're dancing around it. It's so it's all there.

Moxie. Zing. Ziel.

Zest. It's not okay.

You said zing.

Zing is a four letter word and you have two of the letters correct. It's the last two. You have the last two correct.

Oh. Bing. Ring. I think that this is also something.

Bang. Now you have three letters correct. The last three are three. It is Tang. Nat Tang. Nat Tang. Nat Tang. It is Nat Tang.

Can I just say Unforgettable Nat Tang Cole?

Yes, you can say Nat Tang Cole and no one can get mad at that.

Legally.

There's nothing, yeah. Send an email. Get mad. I dare you. He said Nat Tang Cole. It's almost Christmas and there's nothing you can do about it. All right, here we go. Here's the next one. Cozy Cookery. Cozy Cookery.

Cookery, is it a napkin?

Adal, it's a napkin.

I didn't get any of them. Can we take a break? Can we go on our break, please?

Erin, we took it hours ago.

I'm back at my parents' house and I'm immediately regressing. I'm like, everyone make me a sandwich and give me a wicket. I don't want to lift a finger and I want to win every game.

We'll do one more and we'll save the rest for later. So this is your last one, okay, Erin? This is your chance to really win big here, okay? I'll bite my tongue, I'll bite my tongue. Adal will bite my tongue if you win. Zeus, is that you? I actually kind of like it Zeus. Here we go. This one is... Right? Yeah. A blood lover's go-to move. A blood lover's go-to move.

Vampire, mosquito, sucker, bite.

Now that's an idea for a product. It is not vampire, mosquito, sucker, or bite. It is a blood lover's go-to move.

Adal, I need help.

I would think something shorter like a tick, or a bed bug, or a... I think you're... I think you will get there if you... That's very close, Erin, but it's not correct.

If you start thinking of what are like blood suckers, blood lovers, what are some... Leeches. Okay. No, not leeches, but you're on the right track.

Puranas.

Vampires. Not... Vampires, I guess, is closest without going over. A bat. Bat tab. It is bat, but it is pluralized, so it is... Bat stab. It is bat's stab. But I do want to see a quick scene, Erin. This is a commercial. You are going to be shooting commercial. This is a commercial for a new type of baseball bat called a bat's stab.

Hey, do you want to be the least favorite home on the block? Do you want an ambulance almost always outside of your house? What about a baseball bat that you can also stab your friends with when they don't let you win the game? Hi, I'm Donnie Troubles and I created Stab Bat. The baseball bat that's also a sword. If you don't believe and trust me, here are my sons. Tell them how much you love the stab bat, boys. Boys?

Yeah Dad. Hi, I'm Lil Mikey Troubles, and I say the, I think, was that it? And I think the stab bat is the perfect way to ward off home intruders. Pies cooling on the windowsill. Pop flies in softball practice. And other. But don't take it from me, take it from my little brother.

Hi, I'm Tommy Troubles Bouchard. I took my mom's name as a hyphenate after my parents split up.

And? Bye! No! Come in Grampy, bye! My arm! Let me live with mom! Let me live with mom!

Stab, stab, stab, same.

Stab bat!

Oh, those are stab bats. These are called the reverse... No, diet pallet drums. These are our diet pallet drums. And there will be more diet pallet drums at a later date. Thank you so much, Tim from East Nashville. And that brings us to one of my favorite segments on the show. And that's a segment where we like to like plug some like kind of like fucking like plug some stuff that we're like fucking doing. So, Erin, do you have anything that you would like to plug?

I would like to plug sitcom D&D. We're coming to the end of season two. I think it's really great. We have so many fun guests and the end of the season is great. So check out sitcom D&D wherever you find podcasts. Adal from Chicago, right?

Adal from Chicago, come on now.

Anything to plug.

Yes, I was recently the guest on two podcasts. You should check out the weekly cooldown podcast and two bandits watching Bluey, where I talk about my favorite episode of Bluey.

What's your favorite episode of Bluey? Nope, I'll have to listen.

You'll have to listen. It involves space, I'll tell you that. Also, very, very important. I think this is maybe our first announcement. We'll have to wait and see. But I have a few upcoming live shows, including one Hey Riddle Riddle live show. That's going to be Sunday, January 22nd. We will be in San Francisco for San Francisco Sketchfest at 4 p.m. Pacific time. And we will have our fourth host with us, little Janet Varney. Sorry, Janet Morff, my apologies. Also for Sketchfest, San Francisco Sketchfest the day before, Saturday January 21st. Hello from the Magic Tavern is doing a show at 4 p.m. Pacific time. And later this year, both next year, but later this year December 17th, a Saturday, at Talia Hall in Chicago, Magic Tavern will be doing a live show as well. If you want tickets for the San Francisco Sketchfest shows, go to sfsketchfest.com to buy tickets. JPC, anything you want to plug?

I will plug the return of World News tonight at the I.O. Theatre. I think I'll be there like almost every week that we're open in December. So every Saturday night at 8 p.m. you can go to ioshicago.com if you want to get some tickets to that. And of course, ceding my plug time to read a five-star review. If you want to get a five-star review featured on the show, just go to Apple iTunes wherever you leave reviews. Give us a five-star review and you could be next to be featured on the show. This one is from Benjamin. This show saved my marriage hanging on by a thread. Our love was all but left for dead. Till Adal, John, and Erin Keif performed improv to our relief. The riddles flew, bad and good, to talks of our sweet childhood. Finally, this union has a chance at life's greatest riddle, true romance. This is obviously fake, the five stars are definitely real though. How the heck could improv comedy fix this smoldering hospital fire? Just hoping JPC is still contractually obligated to read five star reviews. Love the show. P.S., my wife and I are fine. Can't have a bad marriage if you don't have one. J.K., though, I'm happily married. What a train ride. What a ride we all took, Benjamin. I hope you and what I could only assume is your fake wife are doing very well.

Hey man. Erin, I found here we do have one more diet palindrome. It is large planet dessert.

Um... Jupiter? Bones?

Bones?

Bones forever. What is it?

Pie? Jupiter, two scupiters.

What is it?

Hey there IMs and DBs. If you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. It's the return of our IMDB movie game. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalogue at patreon.com slash hey riddle riddle by joining the Clue crew for $5 a month or the Review crew for $8 a month. And you get those ad-free episodes. See you there!