Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum podcast.

Okay everyone, put your hands on the planchette and we're gonna play Ouija Board.

The what? We're gonna play Ouija Board. Now I heard that. Put our hands on the what?

Planchette?

This nerd knows all the parts to a Ouija Board.

Kate Planchette? Yeah, Kate Planchette. You know, glad you're real? Yeah, I know who it is. She's not here, man. What? She ain't here. She ain't playing this game. Where'd she go? Damn it.

JPC, I have bad news. I googled it and he's right. It's called a planchette. Guess how it's spelled.

Spirit of the room. Spirit of the room, please tell us where is Kate Planchette? Oh, it's moving. It's moving.

What's it say? What's it say?

N-O. R-W-A-Y What does it mean? Norway. Norway. She's in Norway. It was almost Norway. Wait, so it's either in Australia and saying no way or she's in Norway.

Honestly, I was trying to make it say North. I don't really understand what we're doing with the game. But so I hit N-O-R. That was all me. The rest of it.

Oh wait, it's still going. I-S-B-E-S-T. Norway is the best. Oh wait, it's still going.

P-L-A-N-C-H-E-T-T-E Planchette. It spelled its own name.

Norway is the best planchette. Spirits of the room, are you fucking with us?

Again, in OR was me. I did that. And then the rest I have no control over.

Oh, so it is way is the best planchette.

Way is the best planchette.

Oh wait, wait, wait.

A D A L space R I F A I. What does it mean?

I'm Adal Rifai. Wait, it's moving again. J-P-C-S-U-C-K-S. Okay, Erin, that was you.

That was me. No, no, no.

No, me. Erin and I both did it. We both did it. You both did that? I'm J-P-C sucks.

P-L-A-N-C-E. Oh, sweetie.

And what if this is always Caitlyn's yet? Arthur's got us.

E-T-E. I'm Erin Keif.

Oh wait, it's still going J-V. Oh, J-V. What the fucking J-V mean? Interesting.

Didn't want to spell the whole name, huh?

Oh, it's really hovering around four, four, like, oh, four T-H, fourth H-O-S-T.

I'll be brave. I'll give it a shot. J-A-N-E-T-V-A-R-N-E-Y.

Planchette!

We made you wait way too long. You manifested me. I was in Norway and all of a sudden I felt like an atomic shift and then all of a sudden I was sitting in front of my computer recording with you. So well done. Wow.

Were you in the middle of something? I'm just asking because of your specific wardrobe.

Oh, was I out saving trash animals?

Wow. Wow. We call them Norwegians. I'm so sorry.

Apologies to all our Norwegian listeners. I wasn't out saving trash animals. I was, and this needs to stay between us, but Norway has the best planchettes. So I usually head over there, grab a few planchettes. I try not to eat them all on the plane.

And I forget, planchetes are like weird bananas. Planchetes bread with diced tomatoes.

Bread with zucchinis.

Yeah.

It's because we're the geothermal. They say courgette for zucchini. Yeah.

That's a planchette. Where the heck have you been? We missed you. You left us here all by ourselves. What the fuck? We've been bored.

Listen, I've already given Adal a hard time about the fact that after I sung the praises of Hey Relationship Relationship, you flaunted a new episode without me in it. Leave you, Erin!

It was funny. And I don't know if you want to do this while you're on the show, but if you could at some point in this episode mention how you'd really love to be involved in one of our Hans Christian Andersen Patreon episodes. We've also already recorded one of those. Okay.

It is a dream. It is a dream. It is a dream.

I swear it right now, the next Take a Relationship relationship, I'm announcing it now, we'll have a fourth. Janet, can we get a clean audio take that we can put in front of every single Patreon episode right now that's just you saying, wish I was in this? Wish I was in this.

Perfect. Casey Clippett. Casey Clippett.

See what I did? I put a different emphasis. I put emphasis on a different word. I read it. I did a little bit of a different read.

I've never given actor a line reading. I've learned my lesson. I've learned my lesson.

Never given actor. Never given actor. Can I ask a quick question? This is old business. So is this a good time in the meeting of this episode to bring up old business? Okay. I did not ask for the Kool-Aid man. He seems to have shown up anyway. Did someone say old business? His little business glasses on.

Kool-Aid made famously a kaiju. Yeah.

I wanted to feel like I was, I don't think I've done improv, well I did one, I did an episode of the other podcast which shall not be named otherwise it was Hello from the Magic Tavern. Beyond that I feel like I'm very improv rusty so I was like oh listen to one of the latest Hey Riddle Riddles, it'll get me in the mood, get me in the zone. So I listened to the Paul Riddles episode.

Oh thank god. One of our best improv episodes.

Which was great. There was a story that you told early in the show, Adal, in which you revealed that you were eating something that I assumed other people would have questions about, but you all flew right past it as if it was no big deal. And so I need to ask, just in case there were other listeners who kind of did like a, like a shocked chicken when I heard it, and then no one said anything. Is sauerkraut pizza normal?

No. Here's my thing. It's like, you know how JPC has like a problem with authority? Like that's pretty clear and like that's defining of his personality. Sure. Part of my personality is defined by like, I have to chase novelty. Like I have to. If there's 10 doors in front of me and one is like made out of like clown skin, I'm like, I got to go that door. Like whatever's the weirdest thing I have to go towards. So anytime I go to a menu, like a restaurant and I look at a menu or whatever it is, I have to go with the weirdest fucking thing on there. And so I saw the sauerkraut pizza and my brain said, what is this? And my stomach said, please, no, thank you. Um, but then I, but then Arnie was like, I'll go, I'll eat that with you. Um, cause he's a very supportive tall man. Great. And we both were violently ill. That's the sickest I've ever been in my life.

They're supposed to have like the good probiotics. Like I feel like I eat a fair amount of sauerkraut. I would never put it on a pizza. And then just to clarify, so JPC and Erin didn't ask about that because that's just part of the lexicon of like Adal eating weird things. And it's like, don't even ask.

Let me tell you something about Adal. I actually, I've stopped asking a single follow-up question about his eating habits after I found out he bites into a KitKat without breaking it. He just bites into it.

Yeah, just right into it. That's not cool.

And so I go, you and food, none of my business.

I've also heard that story a bunch of times.

Ah, you've heard the story. That also checks out.

The first time I heard that story, I was like, sauerkraut pizza, but the more I hear the story, the more I'm like, man, I guess I would have been a dead stop on the sauerkraut pizza. That's what really did me in. What's wild is that there are listeners from, I think, Des Moines. Is that what you said?

It was Des Moines, yeah.

Adal, they who correctly guessed the name of the restaurant, they were like, as soon as I heard it, I knew it had to be this place. And I was like, wow, good on ya.

That speaks well of Des Moines that there isn't more than one place that bothers to make some plans.

You would hope they would know exactly where that came from. Well, I think a lot of places make it, only one place makes it bad.

I will maybe blow everyone's minds and say two days later, Ernie and I split from a different pizza place, a Crab Rangoon Pizza. So we did not learn our lesson.

Pretty immediately didn't learn it. Oh man, that's a nightmare. I will say though, you make a really good point. I do think that we need to be just in general dead stopping Adal more. We've been letting him get away with too much for too long.

Does the Crab Ringing Pizza just just Crab Ringing Pizza on top or is it Crab Ringing Pizza?

Are there other accoutrements? So it wasn't just Crab Ringing Pizza plop down on it because that would be anyone could fucking do that Jamie Oliver does not make What they did was it's like, I don't think the crust was like Rangoon, it wasn't like fried, whatever that is, it's not filo dough, whatever that is. But it was basically the elements were, it was deconstructed on top of it. So instead of tomato sauce, it was the sort of crab dip spread. And then strips of the covering were kind of placed all over.

We just saw JPC look over at his word of the day calendar that says accoutrement on it and he's just nodding and smiling.

You did it buddy. Turn that page, you're gonna say planchette.

You meant to say Armand de Santé.

In my mind you were like at a pizza place and you were like I like sausage and someone's like green peppers goes well with that and they're like great does anyone want to add anything and you're like can we add some grab our goods on top of that? I see it's a specialty topic so it adds 75 cents but I think it's worth it.

Also, this adds a layer to one of our favorite moments from the show, which is me calling a pizza place and then you saying baby, baby crab rangoon. And the joke is that they don't have crab rangoon, but I guess you meant it. You wanted crab rangoon on your pizza.

Wow. Just speaking from experience. Janet, can you think of the weirdest thing you've ever eaten? You're from Arizona. Does Arizona have anything like they're known for?

I don't think you can eat the javelinas. No. Um, no, the thing that popped into my mind when you said that was that, and this is like pulling from like a, oh, well, if you ate at this place, of course, but I did have the total pleasure of having dinner at Noma in Copenhagen, which is like a famous place to eat.

The world's most famous.

And they had ants on a log, which was like, I feel like it was like raw meat, someone that will have been there and it was like, you're getting this totally wrong with memories distorted Janet. But what I do know is that the ants were actual ants. And they were definitely aunts. And there were other components of it that made it seem like something that I would get dared to eat, that I would never eat. But because I was at Noma and I was surrounded by people saying like, this is the most extraordinary restaurant in the world, I ate it. And it wasn't bad. But it wasn't great.

Yeah.

Sisters of your parents or bugs? Please clarify quickly. Yeah.

Yeah, you said answer, then you said aunts.

I ate a wasp in a ziplock bag? I remember to say I ate a wasp in a zipper, which also seemed like it made sense.

That sounds like a phrase from the 20s. I'm like, oh, you got your wasp in a zipper. See? Since I came home late.

See? It was really nice. It was a really fun experience. At one point, the waiter did hold the back of my neck and make me swallow three pennies. Dry swallow. And I was like, can I have a drink of water? And he really clenched the back of my neck and said, no, you have to dry swallow these pennies for an outlet cleanser.

Janet, it almost sounds like you were, like, if you weren't as old as you are, which is an adult, it almost sounds like you were being bullied on a playground and you, like, disassociated for a moment, where you're like, this is Noma, this is Noma, this is Noma.

You know what? I'm glad that you said that, because I will say the last time I've had an intimate encounter with the red ants that were on those quote-unquote logs was when Chip Caldwell put... Chip Caldwell put ants down my pants in first grade and they stung me buns.

Damn. Chip Caldwell, the real estate agent?

I'm sorry. Chip Caldwell, the archaeologist. He's now an archaeologist. That little motherfucker put ants down my pants.

That guy. Awful. Wait, Janet. He was an archaeologist. Yesterday he was, and I'm reading this here, gunned down. So... It seems like revisions of this message served gold.

I could have timed this out better. I could have timed this story out better.

If I thought about it, I would have put a little space between me and the story. It says here he was killed by a collective of uncle's wives. So the aunts finally caught up to ship.

Yeah, the uncle's wives opened for the Decemberus when he went to that ship.

They certainly did. Yeah, uncles go down with their wives on a log.

Anyway, I'm gonna say ants are very sour, okay? Is that helpful? If anyone wants to know and feels like maybe I should taste ants, let me let you know. They're just sour.

Would never have guessed that though. I'm happy to know that because that wouldn't have been in my top five guesses for how they taste. Yes, I would think they would be like spicy.

Well, red ants sure.

Yeah. I mean, they were a little zingy, but I would say they were more sour.

I will have to eat one.

No, that's the whole point.

I will have to. Adal, did you want to see a scene? I'm over it. Oh, thank God.

Once I found out that guy was gunned down, I think justice has been served.

All we have to do to get out of scenes is talk our way out of them. Well, hey look, if we're going to see some scenes, why don't we see another favorite feature on this podcast, a riddle. We'd all like to see it. Let's just go right to plugs. We're going to go right to plugs. We're going to do a riddle. I think that this will be fun. Now, we have previously on the show been working our way through some of these Farmer's Almanac And we have a few more for you today. As is my want, I will give you the year. So this is a farmer's almanac riddle from 1946.

And as per any time, Janet, our fourth host, guests, Janet, you will have five minutes before Erin and I will attempt an answer where you can try and work it out yourself. Okay, great.

I'd love to do the alpha minute. I'd love to do the first minute to lick my finger and hold it into the air because I feel somehow that that's what farmers in 1946 did. Like there's some important information gathering going on.

That was their only solution to anything. They're like, let's see.

My wife's mad at me. Yes, the war is over. Wind feels like the war is over.

Yeah. OK, 1946. Now we've all been transported mentally, so we're ready. We're going to nail this riddle. I got my wasp in a zipper. Sorry.

It's getting into character.

Went back too far.

That's the 20s. Oops. I am not of flesh and blood, yet have I mini a bone. No limbs except one leg. And can't stand on that alone. My friends are many and dwell in all lands of the human race, but they poke my poor nose into the mud and shamefully spatter my face. Trust me, I'm sorry, thrust me into each other's ribs, stick me in gutter and rut.

Is this like Eve's mutt to Adam?

I have never a window and never a door, yet I by myself am shut. I'm sorry, this is Farmer's Playboy from 1946. I used to read that for the riddles.

It was so good. For the riddles, come on.

I read for the riddles. Not for the drawings.

Why are the answers stuck together? I have no bones, but I do have one.

No, I have no. I'm not a flesh and blood, yet I have many a bone. Many a bone.

So typically that would be JPC during the ads. Who has a song to pick with someone. Uh-huh. Yes. But then it said something about a foot, but it doesn't stand on its own and spread to many humans.

And then something about you splatter me with mud and you shame me and I like it.

Is it something that's alive, like a plant or an animal?

It was like a rake or a hoe. It is not something that is alive. It is not something that is alive here, and that is a great guess.

A shoe. And we shove its nose into the ground, right? Is that what I heard?

I think you're training a puppy. I know. No, in all ends of the human race, but I'm sorry, that's the end of another thought, but they poke my poor nose into the mud and shamefully spatter my face. Yeah.

And it has bones.

All I can think of is, get Eye of Minnie a bone.

It's like a shovel. It's not like a shovel. Charles, y'all, in front of his home, we don't know our own. Is it some sort of farm equipment?

Is it not really a farm equipment, Erin? No, it's not really a shovel.

But is it a tool of some kind?

I would describe this as a tool. I think if you... I think survey that 100 people, you know, top answer is going to be tool.

A rake.

Maynard Keenan? No, it's not a Raker at Ho. This is not a farm implement, and I would consider Rake and Ho to be farm implement.

Next time you're at Rake and Ho, you have to try the Mataroth stick.

Here's what I will say. It's so loud.

I will say that I think my guess is that each one of you probably has one of these. Okay Janet, by the way, I have your address, I can send a power washer to your house and it will happen. I think we got, let's see, we have, I have one, two, three, I think I have four of these in my house. If I had to guess, I think I have four. And I know this for a fact, one in my car. That has come in handy. Victoria's Island?

You have to rub your toothbrush into the dirt if it's done something wrong

How do you know it can get your mouth clean if it can't get your mouth dirty first? Alright, here we are. One more time. I am not a flesh and blood, yet I have many a bone. No limbs except one leg and can't stand on that alone. My friends are many and dwell in all lands of the human race, but they poke my poor nose into the mud and shamefully spatter my face. Thrust me into each other's ribs, stick me in gutter and rut. I have never a window and never a door, yet I myself am shut. I think this is a very good Riddle, I will say.

What, you have three, you have five of these in your house? Is it books?

It's come in handy when I need to look smart when I'm driving.

When I drive I just hold up with two hands a copy of Infinite Jeff.

Officer I wasn't speeding unless you mean speed reading of course my dear. I'm going to jail? Okay.

Many a bone. I feel like if we just isolate one part of this, we're being overwhelmed by the trees. Nope. We're being overwhelmed by the forest. We need to see each individual tree. Is it a tree? Holy shit, these trees.

I have five trees in my house. My house is fucked.

Is it skeletons in your closet?

No, it's not skeletons in my closet. Is it closets?

Are you just looking into a closet?

A door. Remember, this is like a tool. I think this thing is very... It's very useful. This is very useful, but it's also, in my opinion, one of the most forgotten things. You probably have owned a bunch of these in your life and lost just as many as you've owned.

Oh, I have the best follow-up question. This is going to be such a good hint, I feel like, based on Janet's reaction. So, if there was sort of a brave little toaster-esque movie made about this object, JBC, what would its voice sound like? Oh, I love this question.

Honestly, if I had to pick a voice for this object to sound like, it would be like an Englishman who is like, seen enough. Like, oh, oh, oh, there. Oh, umbrella. It's got to be an umbrella. Yes, it's an umbrella.

Is that real?

Is that real? That is so amazing!

I can't handle it! I know I said that!

JBC? JBC?

All I can say?

All I can say?

Get into voice acting now so that when I do the Pixar Umbrella movie. Did I say the word umbrella accidentally?

I'm so honored. I do also want to see a scene, but can I just say the collective IQ of this podcast, which I guess is just one IQ now. Rose, exponentially. Each one of you. Not me. Not me. Each one of the three of you brought your own gift to that joke. Erin, had you not had that question, JPC never would have done the voice. And JPC, had you never done the voice, Adal, you wouldn't have somehow fucking immediately known it was an umbrella.

I don't know answers to Riddles, but I know my friends. We gotta play charades. We gotta play charades.

You guys are going to be so rich, I guess, somewhere.

Somehow. That is amazing. I do want to see a scene. I'm so sorry. I just need to say I've never been so overwhelmed that we are sick, like that there's something wrong with us and also so much like I love it here. I absolutely love that the question I asked was useful.

That was Adal Riddle history and I was here to watch it and I feel very blessed right now.

You're like the person who first saw a tree fall in the woods so like that so he also needed you because otherwise yeah well you would have had Casey just to point that out he's functionally fucking useless I do want to see a scene so this is JPC based on the voice that you did for the umbrella that led us to the answer this is going to be it's not an audition this is like onset the actual first scene of a Mary Poppins spin-off where we follow her umbrella So JPC you are Mary Poppins umbrella and then Erin and Janet you are two young British children who are first meeting the umbrella as it falls from the sky to help them in their troubled times.

I dropped her. Oh I dropped her. She's gone. Oh, children, children. Dry your tears, dry your tears. She's gone. I dropped her.

Oh, God.

Where's Mary?

Where's Mary? Poppin's shoe is supposed to be back in a minute to take us to a picnic in the park. You know what? Our parents are rubbish and we need someone to guide us through childhood.

You know what? I don't know where she is, but I can do all that. I feel very confident in doing all that for you children. You know what? Pretty soon you're not even going to remember the name Mary Poppins.

Oh Mary, my favourite person. When will she be back, Umbrella? Yeah, thanks for bringing her up.

Who wants medicine, huh?

No medicine. Exactly.

With Umbrella in charge, no more medicine, okay? We'll never have to have medicine ever again. Not no spoonful of sugar bullshit. It's no medicine.

Huzzah! But what about my sister Emily's tuberculosis? Surely she should take her medicine for that.

Which one's Emily?

I'm actually not sure.

Is it this one? Is it this one? Is she Emily?

Excuse me, what's with all the hubbub outside? People are gathered around something in the street screaming and crying.

Well, that's why we read in here. Isn't it real fast? Because we don't... Actually, it don't matter. What is happening out in the streets? We're all just going to get our story straight. We've been playing in here for hours. Hours, I say. That's not true. No issue. You're a child. You don't know time. You don't know.

I'm very uncomfortable taking direction from someone who's clearly from a lower class than I am.

Alright. Alright. Good point. Here's what we'll do. Here's what we'll do. We're gonna play a little game. Here's the game. You like games, right? Right? I think so. Anything valuable in the house, silver, jewellery, gold, cash, any sort of paper money. Let's all gather them. It's like a little hide and seek. We gather them. We tie them in a little bindle to the old umbrella hook. And then I'll be up and out of the chimney. And then you have a little find me game.

Mr. Umbrella, can you turn it into a song? We love it when Mary Poppins turns it into a song. Yes, it's wonderful.

I would never hit a child.

Two quick things. One, I just realized Mary Poppins is probably also a kaiju, just like the Kool-Aid man. Oh yeah, of course. And two, at some point, whether it be a Patreon or a main feed, we have to do a whole episode where all we do is we each think of an object, and then we try and do the voice of what that object would sound like, and then everyone else guesses what we think the person is.

Janet, will you come back for that one? We might as well. I absolutely will. If for no other reason than to once again bear witness on behalf of all the listeners everywhere.

Bear witness, so it's like the movie with Harrison Ford, but a bear in the lead.

Alright, alright, we have to do another one. Here, here, here. Here's your next riddle. This one is from, uh, You're Our Lord, my brother in Christ, 1958. There's a thing that nothing is, and yet, it has a name. Tis sometimes tall and sometimes short. It joins our walks, it joins our sport, and plays at every game.

I know it. Oh, Erin knows it!

Is it like the letter A or something? I am the voice of the answer.

I'm feeling like we're getting a hint from our colleague, Erin Keif. Is it an echo?

It's not an echo, but it's similar. You're on the right path, I think, with echo, but it's not really an echo. It is a shadow.

I knew it then. Did you like my hint? Was that helpful?

Wait, what? So you're saying that an audio shadow is an echo.

This is going to, um, I don't want to learn physics. I don't want to learn physics. Right? That makes some sense. It's like some semblance of sense.

Yeah. Um, I would like to see a scene. Uh, Janet, you are Peter Pan and Adal, you are Peter Pan's shadow and you're like having a hard time keeping up. Like you don't have the same energy that Peter has. So your work is a lot for you.

Okay.

Alrighty, second British accent of the day. Let's be off to see the lost boys, pal.

Time out, time out, time out. Hey, do you always have to pose with your hands on your hip? Like, do you always have to do a power pose?

Yeah, it's called a Kimbo, it's a thing.

A Kimbo? Listen, you don't age, but I do, okay? What? Hey, you know how you don't age? You know how you look like a little boy? Is this not something you know? Here, look in the mirror over there. Let's walk over to the mirror. Walk, walk to the mirror.

Walking to the mirror with a little jaunt, a little spring on the stick, and a little skip over to the mirror.

Oh, my knees.

Looking at a very attractive, impish, somewhat androgynous, loves green and pointy toad shoes. Yes, looking good, buddy.

Yeah, that's you, okay? That's not Tilda Swinton as a child, that's you. And how old are we? You're like 438 years old? 438 years young?

Whatever. Let me ask you this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Why is it harder for you? You, my friend, are just a sliver, just a sort of a visual echo, if you will. You don't weigh anything, why are you so tired?

I'm a sliver, huh? Okay, okay. Hey, no, you're good. Hey, turn off the lights, will you?

Peter, do you want to come to the dance competition at sunset? I'd love to! Can I compete in every possible category? Yes, of course!

No, Peter, Winnie's going to be the death of us.

Wonderful! Wonderful! Quickly, let's fly across London, and my shadow will play so long it'll cover the entirety of the city.

That's another thing. Hey Peter, that's another thing. When you fly, I have to walk. You don't see a shadow when you're flying, do you? That's because I have to walk wherever you're going.

You win some, you lose some, friend.

That's... Ah, fucking. Oh, here comes that big dog. Oh, he's pissing on me. Peter, he's pissing on me. I'm so sorry, friend. He's smiling.

On the upside, buddy, isn't that the exact voice you imagined this dog would have?

Is the dog's name in Peter Panana, or am I making that up? Yeah.

Oh, I think you're right.

I think also... Does it wear a little hat? And it's got a big clock in its stomach, right? That's the dog from Peter Pan? Hook for a paw, yes.

I think that was the first time the name Wendy was ever created by that guy, by Barry. No, Wendy was in the Bible for sure, right?

Yeah, Wendy's in the Bible.

Never fresh, never frozen.

Square hamburgers. That's that's a character from the Bible.

And he said unto them, Pretzelbun, Pub, Birkbeck. No, I think I think he created the name Wendy. I don't think it existed before.

Isn't it Gwendolyn? And then you would just say Wendy?

No, I'm sorry, Janet. God, that would be Gwendolyn. You know what's my mistake. I apologize.

I apologize. Oh, I'm sorry. This little hat?

Yeah, that's a little hat. It was blue in my mind, right?

Apparently she also served drinks. This is a picture of her carrying a tray of what appears to be booze.

I'm not sure. I haven't seen Peter Pan in a minute. Well, let's all watch her right now. We're doing a quick little break. And when we come back, we'll have caught up with what happened in Peter Pan. We'll be right back.

I know what you're thinking. Do I have a new hat, Adal and JPC? New haircut? Why am I walking around with so much confidence?

I bet you're wondering. I wanted pretzels from the food court.

And I was just gonna let you know that it looks like you leaned on paint.

Anyways, I just had a bunch of subscriptions canceled for me by Rocket Money that I wasn't using until now I'm flushed with cash and now I'm confident. Pretzel money? Well, maybe. We'll talk about that. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that binds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years, even before they were a sponsor.

Erin, it looks like you may have leaned on like with someone painting a rocket money like billboard or sign or something because it's all it's all down your back it's like and it's I could ock it ock it

People think they're spending $80 on their subscriptions when in reality, the number is closer to $200. And when you signed up for so many free trials, like streaming services, you watch one show and then you completely forget about it. You lose track and then all of a sudden you're like, why am I bleeding money? Rocket money? They take care of that for you. They go, sit back, relax. We got this. And they make everything color coded and easy and super intuitive.

You're also color-coded. A little birdie told me that Rocket Money also lets you monitor all your expenses in one place, recommends custom budgets based on your past spending, and they'll even send you notifications when you've reached your spending limits, which sounds like something my friend would like, but I forget which friend I'm so hungry for pretzels.

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Hey, what's going on? Somebody leaned over my rocket money paint thing. Run. Everybody run.

Run.

Is that DaVinci?

Yeah. Yes. And bye. Hi, Adal and JPC.

Oh, greetings. Greetings, Erin. We're just- Hey, Erin. Our normal selves today. I'm just myself. I'm normal. Hey, we're both normal.

Good news. So I finally opened Erin's Land in my backyard. It's a theme park. Most of the rides work. Most are pretty safe and I'm trying to start a website so people can find out all the information they need to get into Erin's Land.

Oh, that's actually perfect Erin because this podcast is actually sponsored by Squarespace. Yeah, and it's an all-in-one, like, website platform for, you know, entrepreneurs or whatever you consider yourself to be to kind of like stand out online. Whether you're just starting out, which it seems like you may be, or you're trying to build a successful growing brand, Squarespace is going to make it really easy for you to create a beautiful website, Erin.

Yeah, and Erin, if you want Erinland, I think is what you call it, to have stuff like custom merch. You can do that. You can easily sell custom merch and create a passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand. You design your products and production, inventory, shipping, all of it, handled for you, saving you time and money.

So, I mean, real quick, just because I'm looking around at Erinland, I'm just going to say what I think Erinland is from what you're presenting. Sure. So right now it looks like Erinland is a lot of goo.

Great eye.

Okay, so I'm right about goo. So it's a lot of goo. So are you trying to sell this goo? Because if the goo is for sale, then Squarespace does have an online store where you can sell your products online, whether it's physical like this goo, digital, like I imagine you have some digital goo or photos of people seeing the goo for the first time. Yeah, Squarespace has what you need. It has the tools to start selling online.

I'm looking forward to using it because I can use insights to grow my business. I can learn when site visits and sales are coming in and coming from to analyze which channels are most effective. I can improve my website and build a marketing strategy based on your top keywords like goo or most popular products and content like goo.

Ah, it's kinda eating through my shoes, it's starting to burn. Head to squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Erin, I just got some great analytics from Squarespace. It says people don't like goo. Huh.

Yay! I'm in a lot of debt now.

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey everybody, this is GPC.

I'm here too.

Yeah, Erin's here as well. And it's with a heavy heart that we kind of do this ad read because one of our own, Mr. Adal Rifai, is not with us.

He is unfortunately stuck in a cat costume. They're calling it a medical phenomenon. And a disaster. But we're going to soldier on. We're going to be brave today. I do want to talk to my better help therapist a little later about what this has done to my nervous system.

We're going to need that, yep.

And if you're thinking of starting therapy, you should give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. All you have to do is fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with your licensed therapist, and you can switch therapists any time for no additional charge. Conventional therapy where you had to drive to an office never really worked well for me. Like today, I get to send my therapist a message saying, you know how Adal loves to dress up like a cat? And sometimes he gets stuck, well this time he might.

Erin, let's not think like that. Let's not think like that. Okay, because that's a negative spiral and that's going to lead us to needing more better help. I mean, if you think that conventional therapy is the only way to do therapy, then I beg of you. Have one of your best friends in this world get stuck in a cat costume and they can't find where the zipper starts. I don't know if we mentioned that, but that's one of the biggest problems. It's all zipped up.

Okay, so get a break from your thoughts like this.

Intrusive thought. Bad.

Visit BetterHelp.com slash Riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Riddle, R-I-D-D-L-E.

Oh, Erin, speaking of 10% off, this is actually good news. I just got a text from the medical staff. It looks like the cat costume is 10% off. So 90% to go pray for our friend.

It's not enough.

It's not enough.

It's barely the toes. It's not enough for him to have a normal life.

I'm having a great time.

Well, Erin, fall is officially here, which means it's time to get into our fall routines. And there's nothing that I love more than using my Raycon wireless earbuds to listen to some classic fall music. I'm sorry. I want to do this. I just can't do this because I know that my friend Adal is stuck in a full body cat costume and that includes fabric over the ears and I know he can't use his Raycon wireless earbuds and it just No, you can do this.

You started so well. You're being very brave Raycon gives you up to eight hours of playtime and 32 hour battery life and they are so good and smooth and the optimized gel tips They feel like butter in your ears

All Adal wanted was 8 hours of playtime and now he's going to have an eternity of playtime except we're not playing games anymore because he's really stuck in that suit.

Here, I'll distract you. Raycon's Everyday Earbuds have over 78,000 five-star reviews and they're priced just right. You get quality audio for half the price of other premium audio brands.

I wish we were able to give all of our listeners quality audio but I just know in my heart That with the big guy all sewn up in that suit, it's just not gonna be possible to have the same quality of audio that we normally deliver. I can't stop making the ad, which is supposed to be about Raycon earbuds, that you love, that I love! I can't stop making it about my friend who's trapped in that cat costume.

No, no, remember? There's like noise isolation and you can do three customizable sound profiles just completely suited to you. Hi Fidelity Audio, come on GBC, we can do this.

They also have an awareness mode and I've heard that Adal is now stuck in permanent awareness mode because he's aware of all of his cat-like appendages and he's starting to forget what it feels like to be a man because he is going to be only cat from here on out.

I just wish that the doctors didn't tell us how much pain he was in. So anyways, school's back in session, which means Raycon is having their annual back to school sale. For a limited time only, go to buyraycon.com slash riddle today to get 20% off site-wide. Plus free shipping. That's buyraycon.com slash riddle to score 20% off buyraycon.com slash riddle. Oh, Adal.

Erin, it's wild that you said 20% off. Because I just got a text from his medical team and it looks like the cat costume.

The costume is 20% back on.

Yes, he's really buried himself in it.

We miss you boy, get better soon! I miss you Adal!

Oh, the crocodile ate Hook. That's fucked.

What did you remember had happened instead?

I thought Captain Hook had a moment of like, you know what, I'm the villain I just realized, and then he stopped.

Did you know that Peter Pan, that's where the phrase we hooked up came from? Hey, interesting. No, it is. Yeah. Because originally it meant to have an alligator eat a male.

Did you know that JPC is a liar? I didn't!

Okay, Erin. Erin, keep talking. Keep writing your mouth. We're going to hook up. We're gonna hook up. And it's gonna be in the alligator way. I do have a quick question.

Peter Pan Peanut Butter? Why? Like why did that get to be a thing?

Is Peter Pan one of those things that's in the public domain or is it a Disney owned property?

I feel like it's Disney owned.

Okay.

Okay. Then that would mean that they own, you know, Van Van in front of it.

I thought it was, I thought it was one of those like weird, like public domain characters that just after so long, like, uh, just became anyone could use it type of thing.

Well, a lot of people have Googled it before us. So. The novel is public domain. The play is copyright until 2023. So if you want to do your Peter Pan play, meet for that one day.

Next year we're putting it up. We're mounting a production of Peter Pan.

Do you guys know how I love stage bloopers like theater bloopers? They're my favorite part about YouTube. I think my favorite one if I had to pick one is the Peter Pan one where they pull the wrong rope. You know what I'm talking about? And the girl gets scared. I love it so much. So much goes wrong in such a short amount of time, but my favorite part is when they pull the wrong rope and the girl who's pretending to sleep in the bed goes flying instead of Peter.

Will you send that to us?

Yes, I will. There's a This American Life episode called Fiasco that has the best story about Peter Pan.

For sure, one of my favorite episodes of This American Life. Oh, it's so good. I think it's a separate occasion that this video is.

Isn't that so crazy? It makes no makes sense though because you're that does seem like it's one of those plays that's like it just is in the cannon and everyone does it but it's like it seems like no one thinks about how complicated it is to make people fly until they've already decided to do it and cast it

Yeah, especially kids running like thick wire, thick wire pulleys. Yeah.

It sounds like it can only go wrong.

It's not a union make. I think my favorite one I've seen is, it's like a Wizard of Oz production and Dorothy's like, Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore. And there's a real dog playing Toto and it runs and just falls off stage. It's like, I mean, the dog was fine, thank God. But it's like an eight foot drop off the stage and everyone just gasps.

I think about that all the time because you have these professional like Peter Pan being put on by a professional theater with people whose job it is to you know do things safely and whatnot and then like high schools are like we're gonna do Peter Pan. I remember my junior year we did Spider-Man Turn Off the Dark at my high school and I think like 11 kids died in the production of Spider-Man.

Did you know that JPC is a liar?

I do think it's interesting that you brought up Spider-Man because that is the natural go-to. It's like, but wait, there's a grown-up version of Peter Pan that is Spider-Man that actually couldn't be produced on Broadway for the exact same reasons.

You all ever get high and watch YouTube videos, but what went wrong with that Spider-Man musical?

I bought a book that basically describes the whole shit show that was that production.

I love it.

Okay, here you go. Speaking of shit shows, here's your next riddle from 1968, okay? Now we're getting groovy.

Imagine the farmer nude, long hair.

Woodstock. We're only growing weed beans, man. Okay, here we go. Let those who have skill to make clear now try to discover my name. Four brothers I have and the fifth I appear, but our age is exactly the same.

Alec Baldwin.

It's got a surprising amount of brothers. A surprising amount of brothers. Yet I to their stature shall never attain though as fast as them always I grow but nature I'm destined a dwarf to remain so my riddle you'll easily know.

Is this like a compass or something where it's like northeast southwest is its brothers or something? That's good but it's no no it is not a compass.

It's gonna stay small even though its brothers get bigger.

Yep, yep, yep. It's always going to be, yet to their stature shall never attain.

But did it also say, I am inside one of my brothers? There's some kind of weird meta that's happening that is eerie.

Janet, if that was said, it was a Freudian slip on my part.

I thought it said, I appear in my brothers, yet I am one.

So four brothers. House Targaryen.

I'm

Thumb or the pinky toe? It is the tiny little toe. It says the little toe, but I would call that the pinky toe.

And as the winner, it is my right to ask to hear the voice of the pinky toe. JPC, if you would. More supper, please.

Hold on, I can do this better.

More supper, please. Hold on, I can do this better. More supper, please.

There you go. There's your pinky toe.

That was it.

Well JPC keep that voice modulator on because I want to see a scene where you're the pinky toe, Adal you're the ringing finger, and Janet you're the middle finger.

Oh I don't know. Did anyone see what I'm wearing today? What's around my waist? Jealous?

Fuck you! He proposed. I'm the middle.

I know you are middle finger.

Congratulations! Wow, how cool for you.

Thank you, that's what I wanted.

You're gonna get another, you're gonna get a lot of attention. Everyone's gonna think you're great. You're not even gonna have to like do anything specific because the thing's on you. Congratulations.

Thank you. I don't know if I should wear it in the front or the back. Hey, can you see this down there? You who?

Me? Are you talking to me? Yeah. Oh, can you see what I'm wearing? I have nothing to wear. Don't condescend to her. It looks so beautiful. Thank you. Thank you.

Hey, you know what? You'll never wear one of these.

Oh, yes. I don't really have, I, you have knuckles and I don't really think I have that. I, I'm kind of just, I feel like I'm kind of just like one piece.

Now listen, buddy, first of all, little sweetie, I gotta tell you something. You are cute as a button. Don't ever change. And I will tell you something else. You absolutely can wear a ring. You absolutely can get some of that. We got to find, we got to become, we got to join the Mafia. Okay? Pity Ring's very popular with the gentleman in the Mafia. Very popular. You're going to be great.

Uh, I don't, I don't know. I don't think so. I mean, the other day I had barbecue sauce on me for 24 hours. I'm not, I'm one of the least thought about things. Don't, don't have any trouble for old me.

Uh, hey guys, what are you talking about? It's me, um, can, can I come hang out? Get out of here. You think you're so cool. Fuck off. Hell me out here guys. Fuck off.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. I can't do it. Thumb, you can be a part of this too. Look, I was once just like Thumb, okay? I was longing to be a part of something and you welcomed me with open joints. Please.

Don't talk about it. Sing about it.

I would never hit a child. What?

Here's the thing that happened that people who can't see wouldn't know, and I know it's an optical illusion, but I swear to God, I felt like JPC's image grew smaller while he was doing that voice.

It seemed like he was shrunk down.

And his cheeks got rosier and he was holding a big little lollipop. Yes! That was crazy.

I was like, I'm having trouble concentrating. He's getting smaller. Just shrinking into ways though.

That was so cute.

Okay, well speaking of me being cute, let's do another Riddle. Here we go. This is from an old farmer's almanac from 1862. 1862. Oh boy. Oh, that's too old. It's very old. It is too old. I am a singular creature, pray tell me my name.

Oh, they had cell phones back then. And let's roll again. Can you hear me now? Can you hear me now?

I am a singular creature, pray tell me my name. I partake of my countryman's glory and fame. I daily am old, I daily am new. I am praised, I am blamed, I am false, I am true. I'm the talk of the nation while I'm in my prime, but forgotten when once I've outlasted my time. In the morning, no miss is more courted than I. In the evening, you see me thrown carelessly by. Take warning, Efair, I like you have my day, but alas, you like me must grow old and decay.

A banana. The news? Like the First Amendment? We have a banana, the First Amendment, and the news. Okay, okay. I think it's probably a newspaper. Song's human.

You can see one of you got it right. Wait, let's hear the voice. Let's hear the voice. The voice? Okay, this is the voice of this thing. Hmm. Yes. Well, oh, yes. Okay.

It's a newspaper.

It's a newspaper.

Clearly a banana.

Clearly a banana. The GBC, would you do what you, if it was a banana, how would the voice sound?

Uh, this is a banana? Okay.

My boy!

It's time to have a little potassium!

Kill it. Kill it. Kill it. What would the First Amendment sound like? What would the First Amendment sound like? Yeah. Nailed it. Nailed it. I'm really good at this game. I wonder if there is a way for me to pivot this into something.

Can you sing about it?

If that's the first lyric of your song, clearly you would. You're right Riddles about the news.

Adal and Janet, you are two neighbors in the 1800s. But we're not British, right? No, you're not British, don't worry. You're normal neighbors, normal, not British. Not that you're not British. Oh God, help me.

So Norwegian, just to be clear, just keeping tally, Norwegians are dirty little animals. Brids are not normal. Okay, got it.

So you are two neighbors in the 1800s and you are gossiping and getting news about the world and your town from each other.

Oh, for sooth, dawn morning, Janet.

Hey Wilson, how's it going?

Good. I'm taking a class on language.

I can tell you sound very fancy indeed.

Did Diath hear that Melissa Williams upon last eve did shrink herself down to the size of a thimble, and did walketh through Mr. Thurston's doorknob, in which once inside she did mess about his pots and pans?

That really happened? That's an extraordinary piece of gossip.

That's what I heard.

It seems very fleshed out. Like I'm curious if it started out as a realistic story and then turned into Melissa shrinking herself down to the size of a thi- I don't even think a thimble could get through. Would you say a thimble could go through a keyhole? Is that what you said? A small thimble. Like how small? Not that small.

Wait, are you saying something happened where one person doth did say something, another person upon them did hear it, they did relay that to thine another ear, they did misinterpret, and so forth and thus on? What would he control that?

Like the fun beloved canon string game.

Janet, thy carries more news. My son did take thine bath, and upon thy places

Listen, I'm taking a language class.

Maybe I'm taking this too literally. Work with thy. Great.

Upon thine bath he did get sucketh down into the ocean. A fish swallowed him whole. He spent sixty days and sixty nights inside thine fish. Upon which he built a boat in the morn. He sailed out the fish's mouth into the space and time above us all. And in the sky he did explode into a constellation. So now, one night doth fall. The man holding an arrow and bow made from the parts of a ship that is my son.

I actually heard almost all of that story, and then it sounds to me, based on what I was told by your son, that you just bullshitted through the last little piece of that. I don't think some of that sounded like it was made up on the spot, and that's how Candace String works.

You know what Janet? I've realized that gossip in this town work is a one-way street. I give you all the gossip every day and all you do is give me notes on my gossip. What did you do yesterday? What did you hear?

Listen to me. You know what they say about gossip. Gossip is poison that you sip. That you put the sip in gossip.

Oh, oh, gossip gossip everywhere and not a drop of drink.

Thank you. And that's why you shouldn't gossip.

Oh.

Also, you're happy your house has been sold out from underneath you by your son. He isn't. What? You are. You no longer have a home. He is so funny.

Oh. Well, at least I don't call my dog my daughter.

Are you talking about Nana?

Yeah.

How dare you.

You put a little hat on a dog. How dare you, sir. Oh, here comes the mayor. Mayor? Mayor? Yes? What is that here today? Why are you sorry?

My voice, I didn't mean to do that. So aggressively with my voice in a way that it would hurt. Well, I heard that there's two neighbors who gossip a lot, and one of them exaggerates and gets a lot wrong. Oh, I remember who I heard this about. Back's away slowly. Goodbye.

Oh, Mayor, I told you that in confidence. All right, we have time, trust me, we have time, to do one more of these riddles. This is from a farmer's almanac from 1948. Small though I am, greatest orations I achieve, and oft the wisest of mankind deceive. Patriots and lawgivers, by me their sway, maintain and lead the nation to obey. Mine are those gifts and mine those powers refined, which from the brute distinguish humankind. I give new pleasures when the song goes round, and charm the hearers with melodious sound. It's like a guitar string or a pen. It's like a guitar string. It's like the human voice, but it's neither of those things.

It's like a thumbs up.

It's getting farther afield. High five.

Do the voice. Do the fucking voice.

Dance voice. It's not a piano? It's not a piano. It's not a thumbs up or a high five.

A radio. A megaphone.

Uh, no, no, we're getting f- Is that the RCA dog? Okay.

Farther of the field. My master's voice, his master's voice. Something.

Yeah, from 1948, it was the RCA dog. Okay, this is the voice of the thing. Okay, give me one second. Oh man, this is, this is, this is, by the way, my toughest challenge yet, to do the voice of this thing.

Well, take all the time you need, because we're gonna cut that last scene that we did when we were the Gossipy Neighbors.

So there you have it, plenty of time. Okay. An actor prepares, an actor prepares.

Well, this is my voice.

I am using my voice.

A torn umbrella. It's a torn umbrella.

It's not a torn umbrella.

A melting JPC. Let's deconstruct it a little. It was a flappy, sort of a flappy voice.

Yes, a lot of air. A kite. A loose kite.

A bagpipe. An ego. A bagpipe's ego. Bagpipe's ego also opened for the Decemberists.

I feel like it's this thing where they're like, yeah, let's go see the Alchemist. He always turns the simple materials into gold. You get to the Alchemist house and he's like, well, I'm out of the trick that I usually do. This whole thing is based on a lie. It doesn't work. Basically what I'm saying is we had a flu, but it doesn't work.

Is it a bubble?

Is it a piece of gum?

Okay. Small though I am, great orations I achieve, and oft the wisest of mankind deceive. Patriots and lawgivers by me their sway, maintain and lead the nation to obey. Mine are those gifts and mine those powers refined, which from the brute, distinguished humankind, I give new pleasures when the song goes round and charm the hearers with melodious sound.

It's not the song of manners. It's like a harmonica.

The thing that separates brutes from sophisticates is a harmonica. Which from the brute distinguish humankind. Now here's the thing that I would say with this is that I think The answer to this riddle is not like if you're thinking of like the brute as like an animal Animals have this as well. So it's not this is not unique to humans. I think that's a bad part of this riddle Adam's Apple No, it's it's not an Adal's Apple

Pinky Ring. It's gotta be a callback to something we've already talked about.

That's the rule. That's the rule for comedy.

It's not the rule for Riddles.

I think the easiest, the one that I think is patriots and lawgivers give me their sway, maintain and lead the nation to obey. Tongue? By me, Adal? Tongue? It is a tongue. Can we hear that voice again? The voice of a tongue is the hardest voice to do because the tongue is the voice.

I'm mostly feeling embarrassed like a big sense of shame over here that I didn't realize it was a tongue.

Yeah, it's it is tough and it's and I don't advise you at home to do the tongue voice. The tongue voice is hard to execute.

Seems like you could hurt your own tongue by doing the tongue voice.

Yes. Yes. Can I say something? You say don't do the tongue voice. The tongue voice is hard to do. Never do the tongue voice. It's impossible. I think the tongue voice is just Flidoria's plop. I think I've been doing the tongue voice.

I think Flidoria's plop here. I think of him as the jowl voice.

Yeah. Oh, good call.

There's a lot of air in the jowls.

What kind of beaches do you have on the menu today?

Is that a word called the Marsha Melony? I'm hearing the jowls. I'm not eating yet.

This is a man who breathes through his jowls.

Somehow. Plomp has gills. Yes! Tell your friend. Cannon.

It's cannon. It's cannon. But Erin did say that there might be a fourth host, and I do want to submit my audition tape for Platorius Plomp's cousin. Let's see. Let's see. Platorius Clomp. Ooh.

Clitorius Clomp is not the... Clitorius Clomp.

His name is Platorious and he talks like a tongue. This is a Platorious pop hand talking like a tongue. Just spit all over my mic. Don't want to do this character anymore. We'll have to clean that up later.

Fair enough, fair enough.

Look, we've reached it. We've reached the inevitable point of the show. It's everyone's favorite segment. It's the segment that Adal teased a little earlier in the podcast that we get to do in earnest now. And that is a segment we call Plugs. This is where we get to talk about anything that we have upcoming that we're very excited about. And guest of honor, we'll start with you Janet. Janet, is there anything that you would like to find folks out there in Hey Riddle Riddle land to know about?

Well, I mean, I'd love to plug Halloween if you feel like you're too old to wear a costume. I want you to know that there are people everywhere, every day, who are wearing costumes who are older than you. You absolutely should celebrate it, however means you see fit. Happy Halloween. I know it's a couple weeks away.

Happy Halloween. You are so right.

I want to be the first to wish you happy Halloween. I want to be the first person to wish each and every one of you a happy Halloween.

Wow. I think that you are so right. I mean the businessman wearing his frickin suit to work. Yeah, that's a costume.

That's right. That's a costume. The nurse wearing their scrubs. I'm so sure. What are you hiding behind those life-saving scrubs? Just costume.

Absolute costume. I guess it's not the scrubs that save lives.

That's probably rude. That came out wrong.

Yeah, you're right. It's the doctors. The nurses don't save lives. I think that they hand the scalpel and stuff like that, right? I mean, that's what Janet's saying. Janet's saying that nursing is not a real profession.

I'm saying that the TV show Scrubs has saved lives because...

Norwegians?

English? Okay. Hey, look, if we haven't got you yet, hang out till the end of the episode. We're trying to work our way through everybody. Everybody gets one. Nobody's safe. Nobody's safe.

It's like Spider-Man.

Everybody gets one. Hey Riddle, shock jock segment. Nobody's safe. Everybody's at risk.

Nick Nolte showed up on the podcast.

What's my Nick Nolte?

Is there gonna be another 48 hours Nick?

Speaking of another 48 hours, we can't take that long with plugs. Adal, do you have anything that you would like people to know about?

Uh, yes. Uh, one is, uh, hello from the Magic Tavern. The podcast that shall not be named is going to be doing some upcoming live shows. We'll be at the Bell House in New York City on Friday, October 14th, so please come see us then. We will also be, by now, it should be announced, and if it's not, this will be the announcement. We're also going to be in Chicago at Talia Hall on Saturday, December 17th, just in time for the holidays. And I believe we're going to be doing a holiday show. So please check those out. You can go to hello from the magic tavern.com for more info and tickets. And also number two, like Janet was saying, have a great Halloween. Uh, maybe eight years ago, I went as Abraham LinkedIn. And that was a, that was a fun costume. A lot of people liked that. So if you're trying to think of something, just do that. All you need is a little card that says linked Abraham LinkedIn. Erin, do you have anything to plug?

Yes, I think it's this week. I'm on this week's Comedy Bang Bang episode and I was very nervous to go on. It's the first time and maybe last time I'll ever be on the show. So if you want to listen to that and make it to be sweet, that would be so nice. I also want to plug Sitcom D&D always. You can find that wherever you find podcasts. And the last thing I'd like to plug is every Wednesday from now until, I don't know, forever, Chicago comedians in LA are hosting a show. And each week it's hosted by a different improv team. And Wet Bus hosts the second Wednesday of the month. But I'll be, I think, mostly at every single show. I'll be around either performing or hanging out. And it's at the Yard Theater. It's called Chillax Comedy. And you can follow me on Instagram if you want to know more about that. JPC, do you want to read a sweet little five-star review of the show?

I would love to read a five-star review of the show. This one we have is coming from, I want to see Nargle Owl. And it says, I heard JPC is reading reviews. I dedicate this review to my collie puppy, Margot. Pronounced Margo. Okay. Then why do you spell it Margot, stupid? Anyway, who listens to the podcast with me? Hey Margo! Margo! You're a good girl. How you doing, Margo? Do you want to go outside? Do you want to go to the dog park? Good girl, Margo. Good girl. I got you something. Do you want some cheese? I got some cheese! Hopefully you read this on air. Margo has a zoomies by now and is going bonkers. I love the show. Thank you for making me laugh every week. Thank you, Nurgle Owl. And as always, if you want to get your review featured on the show, just leave a five-star review on Apple iTunes and it may be one of the lucky ones that I picked to read to your dog.

And speaking of five-star reviews, Erin, I don't know if you saw in the night sky, there seems to be a lot of stars shining a little brighter than normal. And I think because currently, Jupiter is the closest it'll ever be. What's the plan that I just said?

Adal, I don't want to say it because if I say it, then Janet will leave.

Well, think of Janet Varney as Planet Varney, and you can only send her home by saying the name of the planet. Planet Varney.

Bye Jupiter! Runs up to my room, throws myself out of my bed.

Erin, no, bye for everyone. Erin, no!

Margot, go up there and cheer up Erin. Margot, Margot, you have a voice. Let me hear you, Margot.

Hello, I'm Margot, and I demand to be taken seriously.

That tracks. Yup. Yup. Yup. Yup. Yup. Yup. Yup.

Hey there Christians and Andersons. If you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. It's another edition of our Hans Christian Andersen stories. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash hey riddle riddle by joining the Clue Crew for $5 a month or the Review Crew for $8 a month. And you get those ad-free episodes. See you there!

That was a hate gun podcast.