Which Riddle Riddle?

#217: I Don't Know...

00:00:02

???

This is a HeadGum podcast.

JPC

I now call tonight's meeting of the Midnight Society officially to... It's 10.30.

Adal

10.30? That's late. Well, can we all agree we don't want to stay up past midnight?

JPC

Well, it's the Midnight Society. What do you mean? What happens to you?

Adal

Let's change the name. Can we call it like the 10.30 team?

JPC

Look, we all know 10.30. Check it. Then we do minutes from last meeting.

00:01:02

Adal

Is now a good time to bring up a complaint? I think an hour and a half is way too much time to check in and go over notes. I feel like the last hour 20 we're all on our phones.

Erin

Nothing is sacred. Nothing is sacred, I guess. Thank you. Thank you for coming back to the meeting.

Adal

The doll I brought is sacred and I'm going to throw it in the fire to release its spirit during a story.

JPC

You haven't thrown your doll into the fire yet? Oh my god. Do you not read the emails? The doll goes in the fire first.

Adal

I skim them.

JPC

Oh my, look, this is why our Midnight Society is falling apart is because we don't follow Robert's Rules of Order. The chair cedes the floor to Ms. Keif. Who has the first story of the day?

Adal

Can we kick the chair out? The chair does nothing. This chair hasn't told a single story. I'm going to throw it in the fire. Finally, the chair goes. Come on.

Erin

Can we actually skip ahead to the part of the meeting where we decide whether or not we want to vote anyone out of the group?

JPC

Yes. Okay. No. No. Yeah. Let's skip directly to that. Okay. And it's a simple majority and the chairs and the fires of the chair doesn't vote.

00:02:06

Erin

Secretary and co-president of the Midnight Society vote that we kick anyone out of the group who thinks that talking about the minutes from last week for an hour and a half is too much time.

Adal

Uh, Adal Rifai here, bus driver and snack taster for the group. Okay. I could not agree more.

JPC

Uh, at JPC, Tinker, Taylor, Soldier, Spy, I agree wholeheartedly. Mm-hmm. We're kicking you out of the crib. You are no longer in the midnight society. Wait, what Erin said was about me? Now we are reforming, we are reforming a separate society called the 1030 Society. No, it's called the Out by Midnight Society where we guarantee, we guarantee we're in our cars by 1145.

Erin

Um, can actually we skip to the part of the meeting where we kick people out for changing the title to Societies Too Much?

JPC

Uh, no. We can't. That part won't come up until much later. Erin, I vote with you, but I've been kicked out.

???

Dang it. Dang it.

00:03:06

JPC

Oh, you know what? Fuck it. Why don't we just change it to, instead of the whole Midnight Society, we tell spooky stories, why don't we do this? Why don't we do a riddle podcast for 500,000 episodes where we do riddles? Hey Riddle Society? Hey Riddle Society, we do riddles, we do improv based on the riddles. How does that sound?

Erin

I have to tell you when you said Riddle Podcast that today I was listening back to one of our episodes that has, or maybe by now it's come out, and there was a part so ridiculous that was about She-Hulk. It was a joke and I guffawed in the house and I was laughing at John. I was like, what are you laughing at? I was like, Hey Riddle Riddle. I can't believe that this is a Riddle Podcast.

???

Yeah.

Erin

It's true. You guys still identify, earnestly, you guys still identify as a riddle podcast?

JPC

Wow.

Erin

And then he goes, I actually don't consider you a riddle podcast. And I went, wow. We're not, but you're supposed to say we are.

JPC

We're insolvent. Well, the day I let some white man choose how I identify. No, thank you, Sean.

00:04:09

Adal

There was a moment where, when we were talking about the Midnight Society and all that, where I was like, and then the Hey Riddle Society, where I was like, we should call our listeners the solution society. And then I realized that's a terrible idea because you abbreviate it. Yeah, because of the acronym. Yes, it's very bad. But for a minute, I was like, what a cool, what a cool little thing.

JPC

And then I realized, woof, woof. Terrible optics, let's just continue calling them like salad sluts or perverts or whatever we can call them.

Erin

Terrible optics.

JPC

Speaking of, I'm Adal Rifai. Oh, I continue to be in the service of the king, GPC.

Erin

And I am a Riddle podcast, Erin Keif. So how's everyone doing? Did everyone have an okay weekend? Are you okay?

JPC

Yes, I had an okay weekend. I am okay.

Adal

And JBC, I have to ask, was there an E in the weekend or is it KND?

???

I said E in the week, it wasn't E in the week. Is that how that guy spells it?

00:05:10

JPC

It's like, yeah, it's N.D. W-E-E-K-N-D. Honestly, really, I'm searching for just one weekend song where I can help myself here. I don't know. I don't know the words of the weekend songs. I know his vibe. I remember I listened to a weekend album, the latest weekend album that came out, and where I was like, what did you think of the weekend album? I go, It's wild that he makes whole albums. Like all we need is one weekend song and yet he puts an album with like 14 of them on there.

???

Why do we need that much of the weekend?

Adal

Just give us the hit and I will say... People love him. Breaking News. I mean I found out last night, this might have been found out earlier, Taylor Swift new album coming soon.

Erin

It's called Coming Soon. We are very excited. I am very very excited.

JPC

No. Now, didn't you hear? Taylor Swift is officially canceled because she makes more carbon emissions than any other human on the planet. Is that a fart joke? Yes.

Adal

She eats clean, okay? There's gonna be gas.

JPC

I love that Taylor Swift's carbon emissions thing came out and she was like, actually, I do let a lot of my friends use my private plane. And it was like, I don't know that that's better. I don't know that that's better. I do love Taylor Swift's music. You know, problematic fave. Love that.

00:06:29

Erin

I watched Moonfall this weekend. I hadn't seen it yet.

JPC

James Bond.

Erin

James Bond.

JPC

Let the moon fall.

Erin

If everyone's been singing that in my house for too many days, I'm going to need you to stop right where you are.

Adal

No, you're right. Moonfall, of course, is Mahershala Ali, which he won the Oscar. Yes.

Erin

You're the moonfall. She won it in La La Land.

Adal

Erin, what the fuck is Moonfall?

Erin

It's the guy who directed Independence Day and Day After Tomorrow. My favorite moment all the time.

JPC

I saw the trailer for this. This looks awful.

Erin

It's crazy. I kind of loved it. I had the best time. I mean, it's not, no, no, no, it's not a good movie. Bad, bad, bad, bad. No, not good. No bad.

JPC

How did I miss this? It's about the moon falling. It was so fun.

Erin

The moon falls. And then the moon sort of like is creeping up on earth being like, hi motherfuckers. The moon is the bad guy.

Adal

There's a tap on the left side of the Earth's atmosphere and then run to the right, snickering.

Erin

Yeah, truly, Adal, you're joking, but I'm not. Yeah, it is bad, bad, bad. But I actually do need both of you to watch it whenever you can, because I would like to talk about it.

00:07:34

JPC

We're going to watch it. I did watch the trailer to it. I remember watching the trailer to it because I saw that the premise was so unhinged that I was like, I don't watch movies. I don't watch the trailers to movies that I'm going to see. I only watch the trailers for movies that I will not be watching. And I didn't watch Moon Pulse trailer.

Adal

So I guess I'll prove myself wrong and have to watch that movie. Is it theaters only? Is it on streaming service?

Erin

Yeah, it came out and it was a flop in theaters and now it's streaming.

Adal

I imagine that. Imagine. Where can I... John Lennon, thank you. I think maybe Amazon. I'm not 100% sure. I can go for you. I'll watch this soon. Can I say this past weekend, I was stuck in an airport for 14 hours.

JPC

That seems to happen to you a lot. And I have no sympathy for you because you fly for free. When someone who flies for free is stuck in an airport, it's like, no, you chose to do that by not buying a plane ticket, which the rest of us have to buy.

Adal

I did it to myself. The bad thing is, is once I realize I'm not going to make it on a flight, if I go to like buy a flight, it suddenly is $800.

JPC

Yeah, buying a flight last minute. It's awful.

Adal

But I did spend 18 hours in the Las Vegas airport, so I watched all of, I mean I watched a ton of stuff, but half of what I watched was all of the new Amazon series A League of Their Own, rebooted by Abby Jacobson from Broad City, and it was phenomenal. I highly recommend it.

00:08:49

JPC

Heard that's fantastic.

Adal

Very highly recommended from Adal.

JPC

Right. And the only thing that's new for me is I... I've been trying to get rid of this mirror. It's impossible to get rid of a mirror because it's made of glass and we can't do anything as a society with glass. So I found some pointers online. I put it in a cardboard box. I taped it all up like it's a mirror and then I put it out for trash day, buy my trash can, and I wrote on it in Sharpie, mirror inside trash. And they came by and they definitely took everything else in the trash and then they said, we're not taking this. And I was like, I don't know if it's... What do you do with it? I think I have to drive it to a dump. Which I'm like, I think the trash truck is going to the dump. Like, they can't help me out and pick it up and take it.

Erin

No neighbor wants it?

JPC

It's a broken mirror. Nobody can do anything with a broken glass.

???

I suddenly feel very... Walking on, walking on.

00:09:50

Adal

I suddenly feel out of the loop and very nervous because I have absolutely thrown trash in the garbage time after time and broken mirrors and just put it in a box or in a bag and not labeled it. So I feel like maybe I could something illegal.

JPC

Thanks for watching! I don't, well, I don't know.

Erin

I mean, eventually- Have you watched How To with John Wilson? There's batteries. Yes. That's what that makes me think of.

JPC

Well, so like my thought is you have to put all this stuff on it because it could be sharp inside, but I've taped it up and shut it. It's like in the packaging still. So it's not sharp inside, but I guess once it goes into the truck, the truck will just compress it and break it. And then it's just a bunch of shat. There has to be a solution here.

Adal

Two solutions.

JPC

Either one.

Erin

Throw it into the ocean and we'll turn it to sand.

JPC

Time. Time.

Adal

I would say one is you take each piece and you sand the edges so that it's round glass and it no longer is harmful. Can't be harmed yet. Two along the lines of what Erin said. If you freeze glass does it turn back into sand? I think so. Okay then do that.

00:10:59

JPC

Put it in the fridge. Here's my current plan.

Erin

My current plan is... Thank God you're here Adal.

JPC

It's September. We're coming up on Halloween. All I gotta do is wait a little bit longer and then I'm just gonna put this broken glass inside of like apples and candy bars and stuff like that and then I'll just hand it out individually to people in my neighborhood and really disperse the glass. I guess I'm having my Joker moment.

Adal

You just inspired me to maybe an even worse idea. Glue each piece of glass onto you. Halloween goes glass man.

JPC

Oh, Glassman. The famous character from media, Glassman.

Adal

JBC, of course, let us know, what do you remember about Glassman? He famously drives a pickup truck.

JPC

Yeah, I think what I'll do is I'll glue all the glass to myself and I'll go as the breakable Kimmy Schmidt.

Erin

Huh? That's not very costume. I'm bleeding. I'm bleeding. Super topical, but good.

Adal

Kimmy Schmidt.

JPC

Yeah, that's true. It's maybe a few years off of the zeitgeist on that one.

Erin

You could be Broken Glass from Annie Lennox songs.

00:12:01

JPC

Walk it, walk it. Yeah, okay, okay. Hey, so many good Halloween costume ideas for this huge piece of broken glass I have in my house.

Erin

Oh, I watched something else. What? You know how we watched a million episodes of... What is it? The one that got away, Adal?

???

When I stayed with you.

Erin

I think we, I swear to God, Adal and I blinked and I've watched like eight episodes in a row. But I have a new reality show that made like completely kept my interest in I watched in a day, which is selling the OC, which is the follow-up to selling sunset. Everyone on that show is insane. I can't recommend it enough. It's on Netflix. You can watch the whole first season. It's out now. Crazy people. Love it.

JPC

That's the one with those two short-cane bald brothers, right?

Erin

Yeah, they're so small. I love those guys.

Adal

Selling the O.C. I gotta check that out. Oh, J.P.C., what did you think of the rehearsal finale?

JPC

Loved it. Perfect television show. So good.

Adal

I feel like that show is gonna be taught in universities. It's so interesting and wild. It takes so many turns. It's so hard to unpack. I feel like it's worthy of a thesis paper.

00:13:13

JPC

It's just unlike anything else on television and for that reason alone, it should be applauded. It's just a very fun, innovative, wild ride. And I love that. I had such a fun time watching that show.

Erin

The acting class episode for lack of a- With Nick Mestad. Yeah, Nick Mestad was in there. That was a big scream in my house. That episode was, I think, one of my favorite episodes of TV of all time. It's front to back a perfect episode of television.

JPC

Wow. I almost hate that I'm asking this question, but who is Old Man Puzzles today?

???

Not me. Adal!

Adal

I was going to start doing riddles. I truly had them pulled up and then I remembered I got kicked out of the show.

Erin

No, that was the midnight thing.

Adal

I thought we changed the name.

Erin

It was a show within a show. How do I explain the opening bit?

Adal

Opening bit? Opening bit. Well, let's do some riddles here. Let's get into this fucking first one. I don't know. We don't need a segue for Riddles. We just hard launch into them from now on.

00:14:21

JPC

I think, I don't know, is a perfect segue. I think, let's get into it, I don't know. I think saying, I don't know, to yourself, perfect segue.

Adal

Okay. Oh, yeah, that episode of the rehearsal is great. I don't know. What is the next letter in the following sequence? I think that works, JVC.

Erin

That actually felt emotionally correct.

Adal

Get out of thin. That was amazing. If we can remember, here's the important part. If we can remember... I'm out.

Erin

Yeah, so I guess my dentist is my biggest bully. His first riddle comes from Rachel.

Adal

I don't know. I don't know. What is the next letter in the following sequence? Are you ready for the sequence? I can't get over the Midwest depression of... I don't know.

JPC

I don't know.

Erin

Anyway, I talked to my dad the other day. I don't know.

Adal

It's Mary Tim Robinson. I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to be around anymore. What is the next letter in the following sequence? Here's the sequence. D, R, M, F, as in Frank, S, as in Sam, L, T. D, R, M, F, S, L, T. What is the next letter?

00:15:34

JPC

Dr. Motherfucking Slut. That's right. It's me, Dr. Slut, everybody.

Erin

I'd like to see a scene. They call me Dr. Slut.

Adal

I'm not a real Slut.

Erin

No, I don't want to see a scene where JBC plays Dr. Slut.

Adal

I was going to be diagnosed with Slut.

JPC

Dr. Slut is my father. I'm Dr. Motherfucking Slut.

Erin

Sorry. Can you read the letters again? I want to write them down.

JPC

I got you, Erin. D-R-M-F-S-L-T. Dr. Motherfucking Slut. My father was Dr. Slut.

Erin

I'm Mr. Slut. What is it?

Adal

D-R-M-F-S-L-T. And this is maybe a casual hint. Erin is, I think, way more likely to get this than JPC.

???

Oh, okay. Just is Erin smarter?

Adal

It's due to Erin's interests.

Erin

Oh, I know.

Adal

Give me the letter and then the reason. The answer is D. Erin, why is it D? Oh, my glasses just broke.

00:16:34

Erin

Now I have to throw them off. No, I didn't do those notes are wrong.

Adal

Each letter represents one note in the diatonic. Oh, so this is that religion by L. Ron Hubbard, diatonic?

JPC

I'm sorry, no. Diatonics is a all a cappella band. Erin, do you have any take on diatonic?

Erin

I don't. I'm thinking about Julie Andrews and how I hope all of our best scientists are working overtime to make her immortal.

JPC

I have another one, a diatonic that is my go-to sober drink at a bar.

Erin

Great. One more? You got one more in you, buddy.

JPC

Come on.

Adal

To unclog your bowels, you took some diatonics.

JPC

What else?

Adal

While you think about it, I do want to see a scene. Erin and JPC, it is the year 2022 and the creators of the diatonic musical scale want to update the scale for future generations. So it's no longer going to, it's still going to be do re mi facile lo tito, but the song, Erin, that you sang previously, you two are in charge of coming up with a new song, a new jingle. So instead of, for example, do a deer, a female deer, it's going to be all new examples. Does that make sense? Yeah. Here we go.

00:18:02

Erin

So, we've been working around the clock on this for months. We are ready, ready, ready, ready, ready. We are not stalling. We are ready. How do you want us to do this?

JPC

We have never been more ready to do the presentation.

Adal

Maybe we do it each one at a time and we can stop and discuss. Perfect. Dough, whenever you're ready.

JPC

I'm sorry, would you say one at a time? Just to clarify, because we all read the same email, would you say one at a time? I skimmed it. Do you mean, because we have one song prepared.

Adal

Oh, sorry, each one of these... Be the notes, so I do doe. Each one of the notes. Yeah, but both of you at the same time, each one of the notes. It doesn't have to be both of you at the same time, in your own comfort.

Erin

And sweetheart, we're married, we're married. Sweetheart, do you want to go first?

JPC

So we cannot testify against one another. Yes. Because we have spousal privilege.

Erin

So Adal, do you want to do doo or do you want me to do doo?

JPC

I still don't have a great concept of what we're... I'll do doo.

00:19:03

Erin

I'll do doo. You do doo. I'll do Ray 2 and then doo, Ray... You can do me honey.

JPC

Oh, they should definitely do a Ray 2. If they can get Jamie Foxx, if they can get Jamie Foxx, they should do Ray 2.

Erin

Do the sound that Homer makes. Ray Liotta.

Adal

Okay, I'll stop you there. I'm gonna stop you there. So the first one was Doe, a sound that Homer makes. Interesting. Yeah, I get it.

Erin

Doe, a sound that Homer makes. We actually... Leona passed away.

Adal

I'll stop you there again. We actually brought in, I forget their names, but we brought in the husband-wife team that created Frozen and I believe Avenue Q, Robert Lopez.

Erin

We've been trying to, we actually, they have a restraining order against us.

Adal

Yeah, they're here, I have to be 200 feet away. So what they came up with, and it's no shit against yours, they came up with dough is dough, Italian bread. Got it. And we really like that because kids like pizza.

Erin

How about you just let us do our thing and at the end you compare?

00:20:05

Adal

Okay, so let's pick up after Ray Liotta's dead. That's with me.

Erin

That's with me.

JPC

Okay, I'll stop you right there.

Adal

So for me, you're adding two letters to make it a different word. So is there anything else we can do with me?

Erin

Yeah, we thought me is too easy. So he thought, why not make it hard? Why not make it hard?

Adal

Yeah, we're trying not to make them fully different words.

JPC

Can we finish? Can we please just finish? Okay. I like that. What's the word I'm looking for? Where it's like a word that you're trying to like connect?

Erin

Oh, I got it. So you pee this soup is hot. So, you pee the soup as high.

00:21:07

Adal

Okay, pause real quick. So, if I'm hearing this right, I could be missing some of what you're saying. Are you saying so and then the letters U and the letter P to make the word soup?

JPC

La-la-land, should have won the Oscar. Oh no, I'm sorry, Moonfall should have won, and it did.

Erin

Uh, T-M-E, to go to bed.

Adal

Okay.

Erin

And that'll bring us back to dough that's made of bread.

JPC

Damn it, boy! And who is that? That's Homer from one of the original... The Tracy Ullman show version. Can I hear that one more time?

Erin

Let's see if we can remember it. Yeah, dough. The sound that Homer makes. Ray, the ode that passed away.

JPC

Me. A.T. Pork is a beef. The distance Boston people go So UP is super hot La La Land should have won the honor T and me to go to bed And that brings us back to do-do-do Damn it, Bowie! Are we fired? Yes, you're doing great. I forgot that there was a song for that. We're doing well. We're doing well and no one's having a breakdown.

00:22:44

Erin

No amount of times where you say I'm doing well makes it so you're doing well. The more you say you're doing well, the less well you're doing. That's how math works.

Adal

Yeah, mantras don't work. I love just adding two letters to each one to make a fully new word. I don't know. What is unique about the following words? Grammar? Uneven banana? Assess, revive, potato, dresser, and voodoo. And I will say uneven banana is one full answer. Everything else is one word. Something unique about these words? What is unique about the following words? Grammar, uneven banana, assess, or assess, however you say that. Revive, potato, or potato, however you say that. Dresser and voodoo.

Erin

Is it about like double letters?

JPC

Something with like they each only have like two vowels or something.

Adal

It's not double letters because that would take out revive potato and banana. What was your guess JPG?

00:23:46

JPC

Something about like they each have only two vowels or like there's the vowels something with I don't know. Here's the thing about riddles like this. They're almost impossible to conceptualize when you just like read seven words. It's like what about these words? I'm like well, I don't know.

Adal

Here's what I'll say.

JPC

Wait, is it consonant vowel, consonant vowel, consonant vowel?

Adal

It's not, but that's a great guess. Here's what I'll say. Voodoo doesn't work. The answer to this has to do with taking one letter from each word and doing something with it and then a surprising revelation. Okay. Grammar, uneven banana, assess, revive, potato, dresser, and voodoo.

JPC

If you take one letter out, it's still the same word. Uh, explain? No, that wasn't part of the deal. I shouldn't have to explain every time I answer. An E.V. Benin? Not any letter.

Erin

I mean, obviously you have to... Is it like you put a different letter at the front or the last letter?

00:24:49

Adal

Erin, you're very hot.

Erin

Switching the last letter and the first letter or something?

Adal

Do do. Close, but it just has to do with one letter. Voodoo voodoo. And maybe grammar is the easiest. Grammar and potato are very easy to kind of gauge or maybe even assess. Potato. So grammar, assess, potato.

Erin

The second letter and the last letter? No.

JPC

Is it, are you switching off the consonants? No. What is it, to pay-po? To pay-po?

Erin

To pay-po.

JPC

Does this have to pay-po? I'm allergic to to pay-po. I can't have to pay-po. It's a nice shade.

Adal

Help me senpai. Senpai? So, Erin you mentioned the first letter.

JPC

First letter.

Adal

That's what we're looking at, but what do we do with the first letter and what does it, when we move the first letter, what happens?

JPC

You flip it, you flip it upside down. So voodoo becomes now, like, what's half an M?

Erin

Yeah, that's right. That's gotta be it. I don't know. This is frustrating me.

00:25:52

JPC

I'm annoyed.

Adal

Adal, do you take the first letter away? You move it somewhere. And not to Key West. So voodoo, and you move it to within the word. Yes, so picture voodoo in your brain. V-O-O-D-O-O. If you take away the V, what do you have? U-D-O. But O-O-D-O-O, right? So what can you do with that V? Where can you place it in the word, and what would that reveal? U-Dovo.

JPC

Oh, excuse me. Oh, does it mean we want to go to U-Dovo for lunch?

Erin

I have no idea.

Adal

I'll give you the answer. If you take the first letter of any of these words or phrases and you put it at the very end, you spell the same word backwards. If you put the V at the end of voodoo, backwards is still voodoo. If you put the G at the end of grammar, backwards is still grammar. Isn't that kind of fun? Too early in the show for English lessons?

00:26:53

???

Not really fun!

Erin

I'm looking to my left and we're saying not very fun. People to my right don't think it was very fun.

Adal

I do not see a scene. Oh, please. Erin, you are a high schooler, you recently got in trouble, and instead of detention, your high school is implementing a new program where you have to take new English, and that's a class created and taught by JPC.

Erin

Hello? I've never been in this class.

JPC

Don't turn the lights on. It's taped shut for a reason. Don't turn the lights on. Hey, are you are Kelly?

Erin

Yeah, I can't see where you are in the room. I thought that this part of the school was under construction.

JPC

It technically is and it technically always shall be. Don't worry about that, Kelly.

Erin

I don't deserve to be here.

JPC

Well, I was framed. You were running in the halls. You were caught.

Erin

I was framed. Everyone else was walking in slow motion and it made me look like I was running.

00:27:53

JPC

Be that as it is. No, they were trying to do a Harlem Shake video. We all know they were trying to do a Harlem Shake video.

???

Yeah, so it made it look like I was running. I can run on this. I have a broken ankle. You think I can run? I was moving this. It doesn't matter.

JPC

Kelly, Kelly, it doesn't matter because now you're in Mr. Dementia's class and we're going to be doing new English. Okay, so you're here for 40.

Erin

I never even heard of you.

JPC

What's that?

Erin

I never even heard of you. You're not on the teacher roster.

JPC

That's honestly the way that I like it because I still draw a salary, but I'm like the most known unknown if that makes sense.

Erin

No, you're not in the yearbook and no one knows who you are.

Adal

We cut to the first day of school where the teacher's roster is announced.

???

Luke! Luke! Luke! Luke! Luke! Luke! Luke!

???

Luke! Luke! Luke!

???

Luke! Luke! Luke! Luke! Luke! Luke! Luke! Luke! Luke! Luke! Luke! Luke!

???

Luke!

Adal

Luke! Luke! Luke! Luke! Luke! Luke! Luke! Luke! Luke! Luke! Luke!

???

Luke! Luke!

00:29:02

Erin

Hmm, I can't find any seats.

JPC

It doesn't matter.

Erin

It's dark.

JPC

That's the first lesson, just sit on the floor. Now today we're going to think about conjugation. So normally the way that we would not talk... Conjuh, huh? No, I'm not talking about when your dad gets to have sex with your mom at the jail yard. I'm talking about creating verbs out of... I have little spiders everywhere you will find. I'm talking about creating words out of the ether. So what is the English word for running, to run?

Erin

Running.

JPC

Correct. That's the old grammar way to say it. But with my method, you take the word running, R-U-N-N-I-N-G. You take the I-N-G, which is called the gerund, or the subjective part of principle, and you put it at the beginning of the word.

Erin

Part of the principle?

JPC

The part of Pretzel. So that word running then becomes... Engren. Engren. What does engren sound like? Enron. What happened with enron? A huge scandal.

00:30:07

???

You were there?

JPC

What do you run with? You can't run with sandals. So, in order to say running a new grammar, we say, I can't run. I'm wearing sandals. Do you see how it's easier?

Erin

Yeah, I think I'm getting it.

JPC

Now you're getting it, Kelly.

Erin

And then like three hours passed.

???

Wow, that was the best attention I ever had. Thank you for teaching me new grammar, or should I say... Oh. See?

Adal

I feel like that's exactly how the internet class would go. Thanks for teaching me new grammar, or as I should say... You get home and you're like, mom, dad, I learned new grammar today.

???

New grammar? What's that?

JPC

Oh.

???

Oh. I don't know.

JPC

No, I didn't.

Adal

I talked to a crazy man.

Erin

Whoops.

Adal

I humored a man for three hours. I can't say that's enough.

Erin

That's how I describe recording Kate Riddle Riddle. I go, Sean, I just, oh no, nothing productive happened. I just talked to crazy men for three hours.

00:31:11

Adal

If we have any high school listeners, any college listeners, Dare I say any grade school listeners? God forbid. God forbid. Please pull a prank the next time you're at class where you get everyone in the hallway to walk in slow motion and then one student is not building on this. Looks like they're going super fast. I love that. I love that.

JPC

Such an easy execution for that prank. Oh, outstanding. Well, hey, speaking of an easy execution, we got to go for a little... whatever. I don't know.

Adal

I got to go get my head chopped off.

???

Let's go do a break.

Adal

For killing the prince's deer. I don't know.

???

I don't know.

Adal

I don't know.

Erin

I know what you're thinking. Do I have a new hat, Adal and JPC? New haircut? Why am I walking around with so much confidence?

Adal

I bet you're wondering. I wanted pretzels from the food court.

00:32:13

JPC

And I was just going to let you know that it looks like you leaned on paint.

Erin

Anyways, I just had a bunch of subscriptions canceled for me by Rocket Money that I wasn't using. And so now I'm flushed with cash and now I'm confident. Pretzel money? Well, maybe we'll talk about that. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that binds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years, even before they were a sponsor.

JPC

Erin, it looks like you may have leaned on like with someone painting a rocket money like billboard or sign or something because it's all it's all down your back it's like and it's I could ock it ock it

Erin

People think they're spending $80 on their subscriptions when in reality, the number is closer to $200. And when you signed up for so many free trials, like streaming services, you watch one show and then you completely forget about it, you lose track and then all of a sudden you're like, why am I bleeding money? Rocket money? They take care of that for you. They go, sit back, relax, we got this. And they make everything color coded and easy and super intuitive.

00:33:20

Adal

You're also color-coded. A little birdie told me that Rocket Money also lets you monitor all your expenses in one place, recommends custom budgets based on your past spending, and they'll even send you notifications when you've reached your spending limits, which sounds like something my friend would like, but I forget which friend I'm so hungry for pretzels.

JPC

Speaking of pretzels, you don't get all twisted up by Salty and the bread of your finances. With over 3 million users and counting, Rocket Money customers have saved an average of $720 a year.

Erin

Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and manage your money the easy way by going to rocketmoney.com slash riddle. That's rocketmoney.com slash riddle. rocketmoney.com slash r-i-d-d-l-e.

JPC

Hey, what's going on? Somebody leaned over my rocket money painting. Run. Everybody run.

???

Oh no.

JPC

Maroon.

Adal

Is that DaVinci?

???

Yeah. Yes.

00:34:20

JPC

And bye.

Adal

I don't know. I'm like Adal. I'm like Adal, but I'm not for playing. I stand up straight, but if windy, I may be laying. I'm well known and famous for having no brain. I work outside both day and night in sunshine or in rain. What am I? A flag.

JPC

Can you read that one more time just all the way through? Because I think I got it. I think I got it.

Adal

Okay, it's gonna be very hard for me to not sing the first line. Gotcha. I'm like Adal. I'm like Adal, but I'm not for playing. I stand up straight, but if windy, I may be laying. Yeah. I'm well known and famous for having no brain. Yeah. I work outside both day and night in sunshine or in rain.

Erin

I know, I'm a scarecrow.

Adal

This is good. This is a good riddle.

JPC

Is this a listener synod, or this is like an internet riddle?

00:35:21

Adal

This is an internet riddle. One of the two you just screamed was correct. It is a scarecrow.

Erin

I'd like to see a scene. JPC, you are a scarecrow and Adal, you are a crow who isn't afraid of him and that sort of hurts your feelings, JPC.

Adal

Shit. Shit everywhere. Shit. Massive shit.

???

Hey, can I ask you a question? Can I ask you a question? What's going on? Why are you the only crow here? Man, every other crow knows to stay away. I don't know how to go to the bathroom. Yeah, but... Am I not terrifying to you?

Adal

Like... What about you says terrifying, huh? You got rosy plump ass cheeks. Yeah? You're wearing jean shorts.

JPC

First of all, these are not jean shorts. It's an overall jean short overalls. I just have a shirt on over the overalls.

Adal

Overall, they're pathetic. You're wearing an old baby tech vest with no shirt underneath. Your hair is spoofed out of the vest to look like chest hair. You look like a fucking idiot.

00:36:31

JPC

Okay, you know that we don't get to pick our clothes, right? Like, I'm a scarecrow. That's not an excuse. Okay, I was created.

???

We're all created.

JPC

But you didn't... Alright, so cards on the table. You didn't think I was a person for even a second. Uh, no. I tricked some dogs. I tricked a lot of dogs. I tricked a raccoon the other day. How did you trick a dog? Walk me through that. What does that mean? A dog got surprised when they saw it. I had a 15-minute conversation, one-sided conversation with a farmer the other day, and then he noticed I was a squirrel, got real quiet, and said, no one shall ever know. He used the word shall.

Adal

Can I say something? When I saw you, I gasped. Okay. But not because I was scared, it's because I was surprised that your choices. I said to myself, these choices. I called my best friend. I said Reginald, these choices. Reginald came. He gasped again. Okay, okay.

JPC

Reginald came because I have not seen another crow in this field. So Michael, bullshit. I don't think you have a friend. I don't think you have a friend.

00:37:35

Erin

What's up, buddy?

JPC

Motherfucker.

Erin

Hey, Riddle. Hi. Were my ears burning?

Adal

Yeah, I was just talking about the first time I told you to lay eyes on this bitch.

???

Oh, it's so sad, huh?

Adal

The choices. Look at these choices.

???

I don't make the choices. I can't move. I'm in a hay. I don't make my own choices.

Erin

If you did, it would be even sadder.

JPC

You have a labray piercing? Why do you have a labray lower lip piercing? Why? That's not even my worst piercing. It's just the only one you can see.

???

Can I be honest?

JPC

Can I be honest? No, no, no. Don't anyways me. Don't say, I don't know, then turn away from me.

???

I don't know.

JPC

No, no.

???

We're not done here.

JPC

You're a big shit poop. How much poop do you have? What do you eat?

Adal

Infinite. Infinite insects? Oh, you can eat insect. We went to an old crone tree buffet.

JPC

Yeah, and famously, I am a scarecrow in a field full of insects because the farmer's growing insects and they want you crows to stop eating the insects. How is this not working? Do you date?

00:38:43

Erin

Don't ask that. You know it hasn't date. No, I get around.

JPC

I get around. I get around.

???

No, you don't.

Erin

You don't get around.

JPC

You have to pull up your ass. No. Well, first of all, a lot of people are into that. Secondly, I'm on Tinder, but it's Tinder as in what you use to start kindering. Start a fire? Yeah, exactly.

Adal

Oh boy. Anyway.

???

Don't anyways. I don't know. You're crows. Where do you have to go?

Adal

I don't know. I don't know. Why do you have one of those like bucket hats with a marijuana leaf that you used to win at carnivals in like 1997?

JPC

Hey, I stole this from Jamirokoi fair and square. Okay?

Erin

Okay. Anyway. Don't. Don't anyway.

JPC

I am the ruler of shovels. I have a double.

???

I'm as thin as a knife.

Adal

I have a wife. What am I? That's also a fun way to introduce yourself at parties. I am the ruler of shovels. I have a double. I'm as thin as a knife. I have a wife. What am I?

00:39:54

JPC

I don't know, but I do want to see a quick seed. We are all at a party. It's a gathering of friends and mutual friends, but we're all kind of talking in a corner because we didn't know that the king of shovels was going to be at the party and the king of shovels just walked into the party.

Erin

Wow, work sounds like it's really stressful. I do not envy you. That sounds like it's a lot on your plate.

JPC

Yeah, it's just so much right now, but like, sure, sure, sure, sure.

Erin

Oh my gosh, shut up, shut up, shut up. What? What? I'm sorry. Look. What? Look, but don't look.

JPC

Holy, is that, oh my, is that white?

Adal

Holy shit. Is that Shovel Knight? No, that can't be Shovel Knight. There's no armor.

???

Oh, that's a can of Shovel. Why, who is he here? Who does he know? Does he know Mark?

Adal

He must know Mark.

???

He brought a gift.

Erin

He has a gift in his head of hand. Yeah.

JPC

Oh my god. And do you see the shape of that gift? I mean, it's definitely a wrapped shovel, right?

00:40:56

Adal

Completely a shovel.

???

No, Tony, are you kidding? Are you joking? No, no, Tony, sorry. Oh god. King, hello?

???

Hi, King of Shovels.

Adal

Oh, you kissed my hand. But now you're squeezing my fingerniggers together so they're in the shape of a shovel and now you're... Uh, my name is Lance and I'm also a friend of Mark.

???

What is Tony doing? Tony's still giving you a fake name?

Adal

And I'm seven foot two. And I work as the president of fun. And I just want to know, like, what's your deal? Like, who are you wearing today? Who are you ranking?

???

I'm sorry, did you say it was Lance?

Adal

Yes, my name is Lance.

JPC

Well, if we're talking about implements, I much prefer a shovel. Everyone in the party laughs. Everyone in the whole party laughs. They're all waiting with bated breath.

00:42:02

???

Anyway, good talking to you, Lips. I have to be moving on. It was really nice meeting you. Ah, Chante.

Adal

Ah, Chante. Fuck, guys, he crushed. He's kind of awesome. Tony, what are you doing?

Erin

Wow, can I smell your hand where he kissed?

Adal

Sure.

???

What does it smell like?

Erin

Wow, it smells terrible.

???

Smells like a shovel.

???

Oh! Hey guys, don't look.

Adal

Don't look. You just walked in? No. Oh my god. It's... I forget. It's... I'll get over you. I know I will, cause I'm the king of... The weekend? No, what is that? What's the rest of that lyric?

???

I don't know.

Adal

I'll get over you. I know I will, cause I'm the king of something.

Erin

Oh my god, the king of shovels is coming back around. Stop singing. Stop singing.

???

Hey, who was thinking? Who was thinking about intoxicating thought? Was there anyone who was thinking? Uh, it was Betty.

Erin

It wasn't me, it was him!

???

Oh, Betty, awesome. Hey, shovel, shovel, shovel. Kiss, kiss, kiss. Nice to make your acquaintance.

00:43:05

Erin

Um, oh, uh, thank you.

???

You know, I got a hole parked outside. Wow.

Erin

Yeah.

???

Is it deep? Ooh. Six by six made of bricks.

Erin

Ew. What?

???

What? What'd you say?

Erin

Huh?

???

What'd you say?

Adal

Wishful thinking. Wishful thinking.

???

I'm getting out of here. If anyone wants to fucking a hole, I'll be right outside.

Erin

I think we got a new favorite character.

Adal

Shovel King. Sleeper hit with the Shovel King. I am the ruler of shovels. I have a double. I'm as thin as a knife. I have a wife. The correct answer is this is not a riddle. These are all quotes from JP Riddles.

???

I'm assuming this is a playing card.

Adal

JBC ding, ding, ding, ding.

JPC

But which is, do I have to get which playing card it is? How did you guess it was a playing card? As thin as a knife made me think like the side profile of a playing card. But then also, also like the king has like a double, right? Like that there's two faces on a face card, right?

00:44:08

Adal

Yep. Okay. And also the doubles in terms of like there's two black and two red. Yep. Yep. Yep. Depending on how they are taking that.

JPC

So is it a certain, is it like a king or is it just a playing card? Yeah.

Adal

And I think, I mean, speaking of tools, Come on man, I'm right here. Is that nice?

Erin

Oh, uh, a spade.

Adal

The king of spades? David Spade? No, come on. Yes, it is the king. I do think David Spade is the king of spades. He's a short king.

Erin

I was never ever ever gonna get that.

Adal

It is the king of spades.

???

The king of space! The king of space!

Adal

Thank you, Motorhead. I don't know. When I point up, it's bright. But when I point down, it's dark. What am I?

JPC

The flashlight on your iPhone.

Adal

The answer was John Travolta in a discotheque.

Erin

When I point up, it's bright. When I put... is that... do I have the right order?

Adal

When I point up, it's bright. When I point down, it's dark.

00:45:11

JPC

I do think we need to stop for a moment and realize that what I said about the flush light on the iPhone is correct.

Adal

A flush light on my iPhone?

JPC

The flush light that is your iPhone.

Erin

Ew. Is it like a lighthouse or... My dick's charged. Is it big or is it small? Not your dick.

Adal

It can be either.

JPC

Point up, it's bright. Point down, it's dark.

Adal

Erin, can you describe to me how Lighthouse would point down? Somebody chopped it down? Erin didn't really say anything. She just played herself off.

Erin

Asked and answered, Councilor. I don't know. Light up.

Adal

She played a song that sounded like a leaf falling from a tree.

Erin

Wait a second. We don't know. Are we supposed to know? We don't know the answer to this.

JPC

Yeah, we weren't briefed on this. That's all you had to say.

Adal

The secret was inside of you the whole time. Is there a hint, my man? Can we get some sort of hint? When I point up, it's bright, but when I point down, it's dark. Here's a hint. And I have no way of knowing. Even in my own house, I have a way of knowing, but I can't think of it right now. I would say my house probably has 10 of these. Erin, I would say your apartment maybe has eight of these. Cats. Oh, never mind. JBC, I'd say... Windows. JBC, your house and mine, we might have more like 16. Erin, you might have eight. Candles. Every house has these. Most likely, every house has these. Oh, is this light switches? They're light switches. You know the Nintendo Switch that was like $150? Yeah, yeah. A little more thin.

00:46:57

JPC

Same games, but... Hey Riddle I think I gotta find something to do to fill my days because when I'm cleaning the light switches, no, what it was was I noticed that there was like some smuts on one of the light switches. Smuts? I don't know. Just something was on one of the light switches like something that got like stuck there or something. So I cleaned it and then I was like, I've never cleaned these before. I should clean all of these. But I realized that some of the light switches in my house are Like, I have one light switch on my stairs that there's one at the top and one at the bottom. So like if you turn one off, the one of the other end is wrong and those switch all the times. But I have some light switches in my house, like the light switch in this room, that is just upside down. Like, whatever one... Why? Yeah, whatever one should be on is off. And I realized that when I was cleaning them because I was cleaning one on the other side of the wall and I was like, oh, why are these like, why? They shouldn't be different. They should be uniform. I got to say, Maybe like three or four years ago, that would have driven me insane. And today, as I was clipping the light switches, I go, okay, whatever. No, I said, that's fine. That's fine, man. Cool. Who cares? Not something for me to fix. Well, the way you just said that made it sound like it was not okay.

00:48:18

???

It's cool, baby. I said, out loud, oh, it's cool, baby.

JPC

And Mariah said, uh-oh. Should I, do I need to call the, and I said, oh, baby, yeah. Call them, call them, right? You need to call them, and they need to come here, and they need to give me the shot.

Adal

The way you talk is like if you're at a significant other's family reunion and someone makes funny view and they're like, are you okay? And you're like, yeah, no, I'm okay. I'm fine. I'm totally fine. This is totally fine. I'm going to go grab some more bedrooms.

JPC

I cried for what, 45 minutes? I went in my rage room. I threw my rocks and then I was fine and I was better.

Adal

And correct me if I'm wrong, but in your rage room, fuck you, I won't do what you told me. And you have a gorilla radio? I will say my sister and brother-in-law kind of fixed up my office downstairs. I still need to do some work, but they like help paint it and then What they did was replace the light switches, the plates with like brushed metal plates. And I gotta say, I love that look. It looks so clean and nice. And I think that it's not white where the white gets like scuffs on it and everything.

00:49:24

Erin

Can I see a scene before I forget? Oh, please. No, you can finish your story.

JPC

Literally all I was going to say was that Mariah saw some doorknobs on a TV show and she was like, I would love to have doorknobs like that. And I thought, Has a thought that would never come into my mind, I guess.

Erin

Tell her that that makes so much sense to me.

JPC

It truly does. For her it makes so much- she makes things better and I go, huh, I guess things are better.

Erin

Yeah.

Adal

Erin, if you close your eyes at any time, you can see a scene.

Erin

Do you want us to do it? Yes, I would like to do a scene for you to do a scene. Adal, you are a dad and you have just tucked your son, JBC, into bed. And he doesn't want you to turn the lights off because he's afraid of the dark, but he's too proud to let you know that directly. So he's making up excuses as to why you can't.

JPC

Erin, I promised I was listening to that, but also I was thinking a daddle.

Erin

Adal, you're a dad. I guess at the end of the day, you weren't listening. And that's okay.

Adal

No, I guess I'll try my best. But let's solidify. My new nickname is Daddle. Daddle.

00:50:25

Erin

All right.

Adal

Who wants her allowance?

Erin

Off you go, Daddle.

Adal

Okay.

???

Hey, Dad.

Adal

Hey, champ.

???

What if tonight, what if tonight we slept with all the lights in the house on?

JPC

Like it's like opposite, like opposite night or something. Like we do that like every week, once a week or something, like a fun like I'm just trying to cheer you up because I know that you took the divorce pretty hard.

Adal

Yeah, pretty hard. I will say, as much as I love your idea, champ, big guy, I, you know, of course the year is 1904, and if I left the lights on, that would financially ruin me. That would be, I want to say, 38 cents a week, and I would have to declare bankruptcy.

JPC

I'm a kid. I'm a kid. I shouldn't have to know this stuff.

Adal

Well, your dad makes, bless you. Well your dad makes about 22 cents a week for my hard factory job in which I work 14 hours a day. That is phenomenal pay.

???

Whoa dad, that was such a good story. It's already morning. No. You talked all night.

Adal

No, let me go ahead stand up from this chair. Let me walk over to the... Oh good, you moved up to the chair so now I can sleep on the chair. Sure you can sleep on the chair, but regardless I do have to turn off this switch which I'm doing right.

00:51:39

???

Dad, dad, dad, dad, dad, dad, before you turn off that switch. Yeah. Can you tell me a story? Okay. Um, yes, I'll tell you a story.

JPC

And good stories have backstories. So, like, I need to know who these characters are, what they want, where are they from? Like, are you familiar with, like, Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul? Like, Better Call Saul makes Breaking Bad better because you have the context. So, like, what is a Mark Twain novel? Think about it in terms of, like, what is the story and then what is the six seasons of the story that make me know the story. Does that make sense?

Adal

Yes. The year was 1904, which is this year. The president, probably McKinley. Now, We can't know for sure. We don't get newspapers in this area of the country. We've heard a rumor. But that's just that. A man was standing in a window. There was no glass. And as he looked both left and right, outside the window, inside the window... Sure. He heard someone coming up the stairs. He'd have to jump. He knew he'd have to jump.

00:52:43

JPC

Dad did it. I'm so sorry. The way that Vince Gilligan would do it is it would like open on like that man's shoe being built in a factory. Can I say, son, can I say... Maybe for like 15 minutes.

Adal

Can I say, I've told this story... We would never even beat the man. I've told this story 50 times this week. 38 women have passed out from this story. Now it may be to their corsets or some other affliction in the air. It might be ammonia in the factory.

JPC

It might be... It's just conventional storytelling and I just don't know that that's what America wants because we are smarter than that, right? Like we're ready to be shocked and surprised.

Adal

We close up on Billy the Kid's shoe. Boot. Uh, we pan back and we see his spur. It's covered in blood and spinning and spinning.

JPC

I don't know if Gilligan would use a pan shot right up the gate like, that's fine. It's a good choice.

Adal

Okay. Uh, smash cut two.

JPC

There we go.

Adal

Lincoln dead in a box.

JPC

Uh-oh. Timedash backwards to Link... Tarantino!

Adal

...arguing... Oh, oh, Tarantino, is that an Italian, uh, uh, attraction worker? We smashed that backwards in time. Lincoln is arguing with his wife. Okay. We see them giving their tickets to the theater.

00:53:50

JPC

We should use a star swipe in here. Not telling you how to write it. Just, I'm just telling you. Oh. A star.

Adal

Let me think of a star. Let me think of a star. Rudolph Valentino? No, he's probably not born yet. Wyatt Earp. Yes. Wyatt Earp. The biggest star. Swipes.

???

Dad, you talked until morning.

Adal

Well, no, not quite. Now I realize we don't do more period improv. It's so hard to remember the facts. I don't know. Well, why don't we get into some voicemails? And before we do, I think we have some themes that were sent in. Is that correct, JPC? Well, we have a new voicemail theme. Yes. Oh, well, can we hear that?

???

What if, hypothetically, this podcast got a new answering machine? What if, hypothetically, you thought of some nice things to say?

???

Okay, immediately I have to say absolutely not. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I don't know if I said it out loud. I specifically remember thinking, no talented people.

00:55:16

Erin

I was thinking the same thing. It really makes us look way worse.

Adal

It makes us look terrible. When we do bullshit, when we have new English scenes and then I say some dumb shit and get kicked out of the society, and then we hear basically a new pop hit. When we hear the intro song to True Detective and it's for us, it makes us look like fucking dog shit.

JPC

I will say that that one is from Birdie. Birdie uses any pronouns. Been an avid listener since the first Honey Dolly giveaway. Loved the show to pieces and wanted to submit a theme. Thank you so much. If you want to submit a theme, you can always send us a WAV file or something to hrrpodcastatgmail.com. I gotta say, we have received some themes. This one I liked a lot, and it was the first one that I got, so it's the first one that I played. It was way too good. Way too good. We also did get a scene where someone immediately emailed back and they said, please don't actually play the scene because they read our voicemail number in the theme, but they used the wrong number. And I so wanted to play the one with the wrong number because I think it's so funny. Gotta play it. But I do like that birdie. I do like that birdie used 1-805-Riddle-1 in the theme. That's something we didn't have in the last theme.

00:56:26

???

That was amazing.

JPC

Because I made the theme before I made the phone number. But thank you for that. Thank you for that birdie.

???

Hi, hey Riddle Riddle. This is Drew from Pittsburgh. I am taking my summer break as a teacher, and I am about to start my third listen-through of all the episodes, which I imagine I should have time to do. He's a teacher?

Erin

You can't listen to the show if you have to mold young minds. We've turned your mind to complete jello.

Adal

Yeah.

Erin

My gosh.

Adal

I have to imagine upon the third listen through you probably start to hear the almost like what the Beatles did with the white album where you play it backwards and you hear like Paul is dead and shit. You probably have found the secret messages. And if so, I would say race to where we bury the treasure, dig it up and congratulations. You're the first person to discover it.

00:57:34

Erin

I have a question.

JPC

Oh, go ahead. Oh, please. It's wild to think that someone has listened to the show three times through because they know the show so much better than I know the show and I've on the show.

Erin

Well, that was going to be my question is, who do you think holds the record and what do you think the record is of most listens of Adal Riddle? I bet no one has gotten through it more than four times. If someone is falling asleep to it, I'd say they've gotten through the whole series four times. But if you're not, I can't imagine that you got any more than that.

Adal

And what should we do to punish that person? Or have they been punished enough?

Erin

No, we throw them a parade. We throw that person a parade.

JPC

If you do hold the record, if you do hold the record, here's what I will say. Set it down on the ground. Walk away. Walk away from the record. Just... break the record, smash the record. You don't need the record. Live your life, big old shrub.

Erin

But if you've listened more than four times through, please let me know. I would be interested to give a screen of your scan. Unpopular opinion? Scan of your brain. Uh-oh.

JPC

Unpopular opinion. I think the show's very funny, and if you've listened to it a lot, that sounds great.

00:58:39

???

Oh, that's so nice.

JPC

Yeah. Unpopular.

Adal

It is very similar to The Ring, where if you listen to this podcast seven times in a row, you do have to tell a friend about it or else you die.

???

I think we have one more voicemail.

Adal

Let's hear it.

???

Hi Riddle Crew, this is Travis in Fargo, and I was wondering if you saw that a restaurant was endorsed by Guy Fieri or featured on one of his television shows, would that make you more or less likely to visit that restaurant? Thanks.

Erin

Wow, love this. Yeah. Wow.

Adal

I don't know how you live inside a movie, but... Are we settling a discussion this for sure?

Erin

He got into an argument with somebody and now we are settling whatever the discussion is.

Adal

Their marriage hinges on what we say. Here's what I'll say. If it's been featured, I think Triple D, fantastic show. If I have some spare time or I don't know what to watch, I'll put one on. I legit enjoy the show. And any place it's featured, I absolutely want to eat at. I have sought places out. That is 100% I think a fantastic move. Always go check out wherever he goes because it's going to be good food. If it's his restaurant, which I've been to his one in Times Square that is now closed and famously had like the worst critic review ever written. Look it up if you haven't read it. It's Times Square, you know. I ate there and it was terrible. But I laughed the whole time. I went with our friend Louis Saunders. Had a great time laughed the whole time. The food was very bad. I think we kept saying, everything comes with donkey sauce. And I think Louis and I kept saying, can you please give our donglements to the chef? And the waiter was like, I don't know what you're trying to say.

01:00:19

JPC

It's still very funny.

Adal

Give our dank lemons to the chef. But I would not go eat at another one of his restaurants.

Erin

Oh yeah, I would definitely, if he had been somewhere, be more likely to want to eat there. Because first of all, I think that they have to do background checks to make sure all those places are up to like health codes in order to feature them on the show and to put the stuff. So they're like making sure that the place is legit and clean before they even go. So that's a good sign. And then also, it's probably not going to be like crazy best food you've ever had, but it's going to be like greasy and fun and bad food. So yeah, of course I'll go.

JPC

There was, I don't remember where I was, I was either in Minneapolis or Madison, but I was driving and I saw a restaurant with a big banner on the restaurant that said as featured on Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives. And I didn't go to that restaurant because we were like on our way to something else. But when I saw that banner, I thought, oh, I definitely would go to that restaurant.

???

Absolutely.

JPC

Just the fact that a restaurant proudly displays that banner would 100% at least make me like more likely to walk into that restaurant.

01:01:25

Adal

Oh yeah. Yeah, for sure. I think Smoke in Chicago is featured on there and that's the best barbecue in Illinois.

JPC

Well, I mean there you go. I mean he's obviously he's been around the country and he's featured a lot of restaurants and when people tell you who they are Believe them, okay?

Adal

Off the chain. He's off the chain. He's off the chain. Well, I think that does it for us. Thank you for sending in your voicemails. You can always call us at the number, which I forget. I think it was mentioned in a theme song.

JPC

1-805-Riddle-1.

Adal

That can't possibly be it. That's it. That's the number. Ha ha, Le Impu, I think it was. No, no, no, no. Let's go into some plugs. Erin Keif, do you have anything to plug this week?

Erin

I would say check out sitcom D&D. The season's rolling along. We're almost actually done recording the season, which is crazy. Um, and it's so good. I think, I mean season one was great, but it feels like a great build upon from that. I'm loving it. So go check out the Come Do whatever you find podcasts, uh, uh, JPC, any, um, reviews through.

01:02:27

JPC

Yeah, and if you want to get your review featured on the podcast, then just leave us a five-star review on Apple iTunes. This one is from living underscore four underscore Jesus. Love that name. Chaotic Good, Chaotic Neutral, Chaotic Evil. Each of the three hosts embodies one of the above alignments, but they can guess who is who. You'll get sucked into HRR multiverse and listen to every podcast adjacent to the host, but honestly, it's more content for your morning commute. Genuinely love this podcast and want to buy all the t-shirts that were pitched but never actually made to production. We have done a lot of that. 10 out of 10 would listen while cleaning my fridge. What do you guys think? Chaotic good, chaotic neutral, chaotic evil. Who do those apply to?

Adal

Erin good, me neutral, you evil.

JPC

What have we got in one?

Adal

Adal, anything that you would like to bring?

Erin

Okay, I disagree. I think there's two chaotic evils here and then one neutral neutral. I'm neutral neutral and you're both. Chaotic Evil, for sure.

Adal

Thank you, thank you. Can we all be chaotic and sane? Is that a new class?

JPC

I would say that I am most likely... My spectrum is chaotic, chaotic. I will just do both.

01:03:34

Adal

Anything to block Adal? Yes, I would say if you have not yet, and if you haven't, really listen to me. Don't just hear me, listen to me. Wow. Subscribe to our Patreon. The Hey Riddle Riddle Patreon is our crowning jewel. If you can picture the Shovel King and his crown, the biggest jewel in that crown is our Patreon. Check it out. We have a reoccurring series that I think people really enjoy. We have all kinds of one-offs. We have special guests. We have... I wanna say over probably 250 hours, if not more, of content on there. We have monthly newsletters. Please check out the Patreon. If you have not yet, I cannot recommend it enough. If you like what you're hearing now, you will doubly like our Patreon.

JPC

I also got to say that we just hit our next stretch goal, and so this month we will be releasing very fun episodes that we recorded, which is Camp Solveaway, which is a two-part series from the twisted, demented mind of Erin Keif. And so that is coming this month, so definitely a fun month to join.

01:04:35

Adal

So that's at patreon.com slash Hey Riddle Riddle. Please check it out. And if you're already a subscriber, thank you so much for re-patronage. Maybe tell a friend, tell an enemy, tell a coworker, ruin their fucking month. Who knows? Erin, famously, of the planets, we all know Venus is a sort of chaotic good. A little goody two shoes sucking up to all its neighbors. We know that Saturn is a little goody two shoes. We've clearly married, you know, with all the rings. I can hear you.

???

Huh?

Adal

Oh no, one's coming at me. Oh no, one's at my door. Erin, can you see my security camera?

???

There's a moonfall! Jupiter! Bye!

JPC

Bye forever! Oh, a perfect moonfall call back at the end. That's amazing. Hey there, corns and cobs. If you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. Summer might be over, but we're still having a barbecue. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com, slash A. Riddle Riddle, by joining the Clue Crew for $5 a month, or the Review Crew, and you get those ad-free episodes, for $8 a month. See you there.