Which Riddle Riddle?

The doctor was the mu- Sorry, old habits. Heh. Here we go. How does a podcast evolve after you've practically solved every pussy and ritty? You really gotta expand upon your limiting brand before your show gets really shitty. You turn to face reality and pray your personalities will carry this last minute pivot through. So here comes the content that nobody wanted. Now it's time for Hey Riddle Riddle's Glue Crew.

Hey everybody, it's the Clue Crew. Welcome to our first Patreon episode. I'm Adal Rifai. Shut the fuck up. So excited. What are we in? I am so excited.

I told you when Adal talks, do not talk. Oh, and you're Adal? Oh. I'm so sorry, I've been confused. I thought that you were some fucking washed up nobody clown asshole.

Am I, Adal? I don't know, let me check the birthmark underneath my scrotum. Yep, it's still- Ew!

What?

Ew!

If you had a birthmark under your squirtum in the shape of Seattle, that would be very funny because then you'd have to Seattle every time you looked at it.

No. It's in the shape of Montana, asshole.

Montana's asshole? Seattle? That's right, Seattle. I'm putting you on a blast. You're Montana's asshole. This is J-P-C.

This is the type of garbage you can expect on our Patreon exclusive episodes. Who do we have here?

I'm Erin Keif. Can you believe I agreed to spend more time with these dum-dums? Me neither.

We're so excited to offer Patreon just in terms of what we're going to be doing We don't know all that we're going to be doing, but we do know some of it, and we're excited to do... We're not going to keep doing riddles and puzzles on here, because Lord knows we have to save those, because we're going to run out on the main podcast. But we're going to hope to do some game show style stuff, some road trip-esque games, some special one-offs. We have some live recordings that we're going to put on here, so we're very excited to give you all kinds of different content. We hope you enjoy it. If you ever have ideas of what you'd like us to see, If you ever have ideas of what you want to hear from us or what you want to see from us, please let us know. And thank you for your support.

And people have been letting us know that they want more of the podcast, so we hope that this qualifies as that. And we hope that those people subscribe to the Patreon, because if not, what the fuck. And if they didn't subscribe to the Patreon, they will not be hearing this unless we release this episode to get people to subscribe to the Patreon. Oh shit. Fuck.

We fucked up.

Uh oh, it's our character. As everyone does in our Patreon exclusive episode, we bought a Zordon-style computer.

Someone poured water on me earlier.

That was me. I was trying to water the computer. That was a concept that I believed that I had read in a book. I had dreamed it.

But every time I order something on the phone, like if I have to call and place an order for food, I famously get the giggles anytime I'm at a drive-thru. I have to order food, so I have to like say it like 10 times out loud and do not laugh. Because I think you're pranking them if you laugh and you talk.

Well let's do a scene. JPC, you're going to be the order taker for Domino's Pizza. Where do you order food from, Erin? I don't know. Yeah, Domino's. They got Domino's in Boston?

Mm-hmm.

Okay. And we'll enter a newbie, Erin.

Okay, great.

Dominos Pizza, this is Kevin.

Hi. Hi. Hi.

Hello.

I'm genuinely, okay. Ah, okay. I'm sorry? See I'm like, I'm getting red and nervous just pretending to do this.

I'm sorry? You're getting red and nervous?

Okay, hold on. Who's that man? Okay, hold on. Excuse me?

Put me on the phone, put me on the phone. No, hold on. I got this, I got this, I got this. Give me the phone.

Okay, could I have a gluten-free pizza?

I'm sorry, Domino's Pizza. Are you making an order for carrot or delivery?

Delivery, please.

What's your phone number?

1-1-2-3-1-2-3-4-1-2-3-4-5-6-7.

That was like 12 numbers.

Just put it in yours.

Okay. It's coming up. Is it Erin?

Yeah.

Okay. Ask him when he delivers the pizza. Ask him to slam it down the table and yell Domino's motherfucker.

Do you have medium pizzas?

Do we have medium pizzas? Erin, I'm your boyfriend.

Why are you not listening to that?

Yeah, we have medium pizzas.

Okay, my boyfriend is saying that he wants pepperoni.

Nevermind. Nevermind. Nevermind. Nevermind. Nevermind. Nevermind.

Nevermind. Nevermind. Nevermind.

Nevermind. Nevermind. Nevermind. Nevermind. Nevermind. Nevermind.

Nevermind. Nevermind. Nevermind. Nevermind. Nevermind. Nevermind. Nevermind. Nevermind. Nevermind. Nevermind. Nevermind.

Nevermind. Nevermind.

Nevermind. Nevermind. Nevermind.

Nevermind. Nevermind. Nevermind. Nevermind. Nevermind.

Nevermind. Nevermind. Nevermind. Nevermind. Nevermind. Nevermind.

Nevermind.

Nevermind. Nevermind. Nevermind. Nevermind. Nevermind. Nevermind.

Nevermind. Nevermind. Nevermind. Nevermind. Nevermind. Nevermind. Nevermind. Nevermind. Nevermind. Nevermind. Nevermind. Nevermind. Nevermind. Nevermind. Nevermind. Nevermind. Nevermind. Nevermind.

Nevermind.

Nevermind. Nevermind. Nevermind

We do not have crabbergun, we have crabbergun cinestix. Okay, we'll have eleven of those. Ordered.

Eleven orders of that?

I feel seen. Yay!

Oh god, I'm really gonna be laughing.

That's fifty-five Crabberin Good statistics.

I feel like there's no more relationshipy sentence. Baby, baby, Crabberin Good.

Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, Crabberin Good. I'm calling Chipotle.

I'm on the call with my mom.

Please, I'm sick. Please I'm sick.

Grab a goo please.

So Dr. what are the test results baby baby? Grab a goo.

Remember when Wii Fit was like a huge thing? Yeah. So I played it in high school. I played it with like a bunch of my guy friends and then you stepped on it and they told you what like your body's age was like based on your health and like your body fat and everything like what and everyone was like oh I got 15 I got 15 too because we're all like 15. And then I stepped off like so confident and was like, learn with me, learn with me, and then I stepped on a knife. My age was like 40. There was like 38, 39, 40, something like that. And then everyone felt so embarrassed for me that Noah made fun of me, which is so much worse. Your age is- Erin, your body is old. I feel like I have an old body.

Erin, we fit. I think it was- What the Wii Fit was picking up on was how many eggs you had left, how many viable eggs you had left.

We have our third and fourth Patreon shirts that will be Wii Fit, Unot, and Withered Eggs.

Where's Adal? Adal.

I fully submerged myself in the ball pit. I'm hidden entirely by balls. I'm waiting for them to find me. I'm waiting for them to find me fully submerged in a ball that I've covered myself in all these balls. But they are not coming. I can't breathe. I can breathe, but I can't breathe.

Erin, the third one is a three.

Okay. And there's four of them, right?

Yeah. And the second one, right? That's the one we haven't done, is a zero.

Okay, so it's maybe 6-0-3-1.

What does that lead to? 6-0-3-1?

Is there a... I mean, we have those locks in there.

6-0-3-1. Adal.

Is he pretending he's dead?

I don't know.

Adal.

Yeah, he's hitting himself in the ball pit.

That's so mean.

I know.

I actually won't... Adal, please don't do this.

No, he's going to. 6-0-3-1. The lock down here.

I'm gonna have a heart attack. Adal, is it worth it? We have 15 minutes. He's coming up for the ball pit.

It was worth it. He's already won this room, so there's no stakes for him.

Wait, Adal, you've done this room? Yes. Help.

Wait, I need help.

No, you're fucked.

No.

Fuck you, you're in the ball pit.

6-0-3-1.

That's three.

What about this one? No, I need help.

This isn't good fun fasting. 6-0-3-1. It's not good podcasting if you leave me here. I hope you die.

It's not good friendship going in there.

I hope you die, Adal. Did you go play dance? I hope you dance. 6-0-3-1. Well, that could be a 9. Okay.

Well, we can try both.

Yeah. 6-0.

Adal, get out of the ball pit.

I legit need help.

Alright, 12 minutes and 22 seconds. The girl from Annie hasn't come back for a while. 9-0-3-1? No, because you're gonna try to pull me in.

No, I don't care. Wait, fuck. Adal, I don't know what this is. Adal, come help.

I need help.

6-0-3-1. Hey, Erin.

No, you're gonna pull me in and I actually can't.

Sorta good. Picture yourself in this position. How do you get out?

You don't get in to begin with. Also, I'm not strong. I'm not gonna be able to get you out.

Okay, okay. I am.

It's too deep. I've been too deep.

I am so pissed off.

I've been too deep. I am so pissed in here. It was worth it.

Adal, what the fuck?

Worth it?

Oh, you have 12 minutes.

Erin, you're a strong woman.

I'm trying- I can't leverage myself to anything. I can't help you. Oh, this is terrible.

Play with balloon animals.

I'm sorry, they'll have to help you out. Okay, can you give us a hint while you're in there?

Adal, stop going! Adal, can you give us a hint while you're in there? Adal, give us a hint! Oh, forget it.

I want to win. Did you get it? You're okay.

I used to do this character, for those character audition things, where I was a maid of honor whose microphone had been turned off. And so it was a maid of honor speech that was nonsense words.

And it went a little something like this.

I had to, it took so long to memorize because it's nonsense.

And it went a little something like this.

Good evening, nanny nun. I'm so snappy to be Jimin-ing you instead of playing with these two lovers today. I know, but like it sounds like what it was meant. And so many people came up to me being like that sounded exactly like this basic ass made of honor speech I heard like two weeks ago. Like that happened like 15 times.

Can you get back into it? Sorry.

Yeah. Good evening, any none. I'm so snappy to be jimming you and separating these two love birds today for clothes of you who snow snow. I met Adam and Melissa. I met Melissa when we were mushing a sororpaphy our freshmen sneer. Gamma, gamma. I sneeze you girls, I sneeze you. She brought both heat to every slime she grew up from tequila or drove her mic into the lake. But there was no better swing to watch than her mauling in glove with Adam. Oh, I can't believe I'm flying right now. This is fucking incredible. And the first part of skating, it was Blavius, it was the card of something spooky. The shoe of you are the best fries a squirrel could ask for, and I'm so lucky to have you shoe of my life. Webster's Dictionary divides Madrige is two meeples coming to Google for your union. But I devise it as Adam and Melissa. Congratulations to the Snappy couple, we love you!

Two meeples coming to Google. Please, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting. Somebody please animate that, and then that will just play every night before you go to bed.

Hey Riddle Riddles, clue crew.

I never really smoked weed, but I used to do mushrooms a lot. Mushrooms and acid were the ones that I really liked because I really like hallucinogens. And I felt like whenever I did smoke weed, I was like it didn't get me anywhere near like where I wanted to be, which was like fucked up blitz out of my mind. But I do remember one time I was doing I'm He has no idea.

Okay so I'm on mushrooms.

I had to like explain to her the situation and I was like oh wait this is the opposite of what I set out to do.

I've done mushrooms a few times. One time I did mushrooms and went outside and started sprinting and in my head I started to believe I was a deer and I just ran everywhere and as I was passing people I was like they must be freaked out to see a deer. I would pay $1,000 for that video.

Because here's the one thing I can guarantee Adal. I can guarantee you look nothing like a deer.

You didn't see the way I was running. It's not all fours.

All fours. I was moving so fast. Your fingers on your head like horns. Yeah, but my elbow's running the way. Hey Riddle Riddle's Clue Crew. Fiddle. F-I-D-D-M-E.

I want to see a scene. J-P-C, you're in Georgia. We'll say Savannah. You're a young man who prides himself on being pretty good on the fiddle. Erin, you show up, you're the devil, and you bet a fiddle of gold against this boy's soul. But unfortunately, you can't really back it up, so we're seeing this duel.

Well, now, that's a good practice for the day, and maybe I'll just put that down here. Hey Holler, oh what the fucking shit! Jesus Christ!

I just came down to Georgia, I was looking for a soul to steal.

Oh my god, you're the devil, aren't you? I can tell because you have little red horns and your little spiky little tail.

I got this from Party City. Do you like it?

Yeah, it looks great.

It's the only one thing I left, it's like the cheaper version.

You're the devil, huh?

I'm willing to make a deal.

Okay. I would love to be, you know, rich, be on my wildest dreams and be popular and everybody knows my name and be, you know, a big hero.

Here, let me jump on this hickory stump. Okay. Boy, let me tell you what. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Boy, let me tell you what.

You want me to help you up? No, no, no. I'm going to get it. It's a stump. It's right off the ground.

I'm gonna have to run this, right?

Okay. Okay.

Well, let me tell you what. Okay, I got it. I guess you didn't know it, but I'm a little player too.

You're half on it.

And if you can't take it down, I'll make a bet. Hold on.

Sorry, I'm just passing by, but is the devil on its phone?

Hold on.

What are you looking up on your phone? I need the lyrics.

Alright, here we go on with the Higgory Stump, and boy let me tell you what, I guess you didn't know it, but I'm a fiddle player too, and if you care to take a dare, I'll make a bet with you. Now you play a pretty good fiddle boy.

We cut to Party City where the devil is buying a costume.

Alright, alright, what do I want?

Hey, can I help you? My name is Phil.

Ah, yeah, alright, let me get on this Higgory Stump, and I'm gonna- Oh, that's inflatable, that's inflatable, that's inflatable. Can I interest you in some 2019 glasses? Uh, you know what? Yeah, I'll take those to go. Um, give me some holiday- Everything's to go.

I'm sorry, everything's to go. Oh, I kind of want- These booths are for decoration only.

Can I have this witch costume to stay? Um, and yeah, alright, ready? Um, alright, let me see. Uh, do you play the fiddle?

Uh, no. I do listen to Hey Riddle Riddle.

Uh, no, I'm gonna go back to Georgia. I'll be right back.

Excuse me, did you say Hey Riddle Riddle? Yeah. I'm sorry, are you a listener or are you a host of that show? I'm a listener. Oh, okay. I'm sorry.

Why?

I'm a process server. I'm serving Erin, Adal, and JPC these papers. They're being sued by Common Decency. Oh, yeah. This is- Well, let me tell you what.

I guess you didn't know it, but I'm a fiddle player too.

I bet a bit of the gold against your soul. Do you think I'm better than you?

It took me forever to realize what you're doing, then I'm like, oh, Erin's looking up the song lyrics.

Yeah, I thought it'd be funnier if I knew all the lyrics exactly. If you found yourself in a hot tub naked with an exact duplicate of yourself, also naked, hold on, and no one else is around for miles, dot, dot, dot, what would you do?

Hmm. Tell the truth. For once in my life. For once I'd just like no shields, no lies, no armor, just fucking bear and I'd tell the truth.

I know you're joking, but that's probably what I'd do. I'd be like, let's just talk about all the stuff we've never told anybody.

I think that the last thing that I would want to do is like fuck myself. Yeah. Yeah, I think I would like just like talk. I would want to talk.

Can I say full on honest answer? Yeah. Probably distract him and try and kill him.

Why?

If I found myself in a hot tub with an exact duplicate of myself, there could only be one of them. We're both naked, there's no one around for miles, which is insane. But one of us is going to rejoin civilization as Adal Rifai, and it's going to be me.

Yeah, this is something that was built. So Erin and I's minds both went to talk to this I want to see a scene with JPC talking to a naked JPC. I was fully prepared to do a scene with myself and then Erin just yelling spaghetti, which is exactly what would happen. And you're finally going to open up. Wow. Look at you. Look at you. I never thought I would come face to face with another JPC. Yeah, well I guess we both thought we were one in a million. Yeah, try a billion. Try seven billion. Jesus Christ. There is no God. You get me.

What am I doing? Am I making a huge mistake? Is this the life that I should be leaving?

Boy oh boy. Egg on my face. Kiss on my face. You kiss on this face. Yes!

And now I want to see two Erin Keifs auditioning for SNL.

Okay.

Oh, Erin.

Erin, great to see you.

Whenever you're ready. And I know that all three of us are Scorpios. There's no need to talk to me.

Okay, okay. Okay, you can go first. No, after you, my lady. No, no, you should go. Okay, you go. Okay.

Okay, well, one of you has to go. If I need to go, I can also go. Yes, one of us can leave all the other watchers.

I think we're just gonna kiss and call it a day. If we get to 1700 Patreon listeners, I will do all of my characters. That is my deal.

I'd subscribe to hear that.

Oh, interesting. Interesting. Cool. Cool.

We could do a Patreon episode that's all three of us auditioning for SNL, but only you will have actual material while the two of us- No, I want to see that. While JPC and I flounder.

I haven't done any- Did you use a taste of that? Detective Mexico? What was his name? Detective Frick of Mexico. There's nothing I like more than giving some of the first name of Frick and the last name of a country.

If you could live perfectly well without sleeping, if you had no need to sleep at all, how would you spend all your nights?

Do you know the song Five for Fighting 100 Years? I'd spend all my time jacking off. I just wanted, I just wanted to say that with you singing five for five years. And now I got my wish. Erin's, Erin's a corpse.

Uh, I would- Yeah, of course, you'd masturbate, not learn a second language.

And then we would also have to solve problems like war and population control. So the first thing would be to make all human beings immortal. The second thing would be to kill 90% of all human beings. So the 10% left would be the ones to rule the planet.

That doesn't seem very personal.

And my last one would be deers can jump 100 feet. But only straight up. But only straight up and it does not help them land.

They still break all their bones.

Yeah, they fucked. But they don't realize it. They are. Fuck's coming down. Hope you don't hit the mortal because they'll be fucked up like that for life. Their instinct is a joke.

But they realize on the way down, they're like, oh no. Yeah, so those are my three. One of my wishes would be that every time someone sneeze, their phone rings and somebody says bless you.

Okay, that was- I can't stop picturing that. Can someone animate that?

Please do it. One of my wishes would be to randomize the taste of all grapes.

Hey Riddle Riddles, Clue Crew.

One of my favorite mushroom stories was the first time I ever did mushrooms. It was like in college and it was- We took the mushrooms at like one in the morning. And it was like after a night where like we were at a party where people had been like drinking.

So people are like- That's a bad time because the mushrooms I've taken usually last like eight hours.

Yeah, oh yeah. They lasted about eight hours. So we were up all night. But everyone else at this party, it was like people were sleeping there obviously. We're like passed out drunk at like three and then we were just up for the rest of time. So and this is it's a it was at a high school person's house like his parents house or whatever but I was in college at the time so it was like people were like back in town or whatever but me and my friend who are on the mushrooms we like we you know the mushrooms fuck with your stomach so we thought we were hungry so we snuck up into his kitchen and his parents are home presumably and this is it's this huge house because I went to school with a lot of rich kids. We opened up the fridge and there's this drawer just like a fresher drawer full of string cheese. There's tons of string cheese. So we're like we are we want this string cheese so we took just handfuls of string cheese and we went back down to the basement and my buddy Erin's correct.

The fucking nastiest snack.

Oh yeah. My buddy Chris took one bite of the string cheese- I didn't want it, but I was like, take it. He took one bite of the string cheese and was like, ugh, no. Like we don't want the string cheese. And we were like, well, we can't just leave the string cheese here and we're not going to risk going back up and waking someone up. So we decided that we would hide the string cheese all throughout this person's house. We didn't like this person that much. And they had a big expensive house with like a movie theater in it. And so we were like dropping Thanks for watching! Two weeks later- Wait, wait, what could the note possibly say?

Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on.

I thought you were glossing over it. No, no, two weeks later, I get a guy, not the guy whose house it was- Michael Bay. But another guy who was like, hey, you were at Dan's party the other week and he's like, what the fuck is this map? Hey Riddle. There was an X in one corner, and one squiggly line from that corner to another, not like that, just one squiggly line into the other corner, and that corner just said, fuck you.

Oh my god!

Do you still have that map? I didn't have it, I just got a picture of it. Do you still have that picture? I was looking at it, no, god no, I was looking at it on my flip phone probably at the time and I was like, oh yeah, we did that. That's so funny.

You've been on brand forever.

Yeah, well at least in college. Holy shit. That's just a map that leads to fucking... It's the most JPC thing I've ever heard in my life.

Hey Riddle Riddles, Clue Crew. Felix, what do you mean?

What if you have a bidet? No. Bidet to you, sir. Bidet to you, sir.

Bidet bidet to both of you.

I recently discovered what a bidet is and what a bidet isn't. So what a bidet isn't is the sink in a gas station. I was told that it's not what a bidet is, but the kindly attendant did explain to me what a bidet is and I did buy one from my toilet at home and I have to say, I love it. Did you know that geysers are nature's bidet?

Yes. If you want to go to the hospital.

Sulfur is nature's water. Wait, wait, wait. Explain.

Oh, okay. I'm sorry. I went camping. I sat on a geyser because I was far, far away from my bidet. And water came out of everywhere. Or was it a geyser? It's like sulfur and water.

Are you saying you sat on a cry and then you're calling me sir?

Yeah, well that happened before and that's why I needed the bidet.

Yes.

Yes, absolutely.

And so I shot up to space.

I remember I saw the video of you sitting over there and shooting up and you got all the way up to the top of space, you froze, you held up a little sign that said, yikes, and then another little sign that says, this is gonna hurt, and then you plummeted down.

And also a deer that had been given the power to jump as high as it can, but not the ability to land right next

We all know jumped here. Of course. That jumped here splattered on the crowd cushion your fall.

Yeah, but anyways I was in the hospital for three and a half months after that geyser situation.

I do want to congratulate you that the video of that geyser made it onto America's Funniest Home Videos and that Bob Saget gave you a funny voice while you sent it into space.

Yeah, it was this one. It was the Maria Manford one.

And that geyser won a check for $10,000.

Yeah. So that geyser's doing pretty well now.

That geyser's living in a rich place.

This is my actual Maria Bamford impression. Do not push your mother. Do not.

Oh, that's very good. That's pretty good.

Hey Riddle Riddles, Glue Crew.

Of course, the theme as I told you guys ahead of time is episodes of Bones that I've watched.

That's JPC. I'm Erin Keif and Adal Rifai is also here.

Okay, now back to episodes of Bones that I've watched. Who would like to guess? The third one? I will start the bidding at $100.

What's the one with the rules? When he goes on vacation and work follows him. Can't get away from work. Is that one? Him! Is that David Boreanaz? Yeah, but he's not Bones.

Thanks for watching

Hey Riddle Riddle's Clue Crew.

The term party pooper has been in use since the 1930s when pooped meant very tired or exhausted. People that left a party early were therefore deemed to be a party pooper.

Adal, you're throwing a party in the 1930s and it's not great. And JPC, you're trying to leave without hurting Adal's feelings.

Oh hey there Terrence, I can't help but notice you stayed over by the hors d'oeuvres.

Oh yes, I was just having a little bite.

This is some party Walter. Oh, thank you so much. I hope you had a good time. I can't believe I got a hot air balloon inside the mansion. Yes, I can't believe you think a two bedroom flat is a mansion. Well, that's the theme of the party is beyond my means.

Yes.

Well, I mean, it certainly was a fun evening. Yes, of course credit cards haven't been invented, but if they had been, I'd be maxed out.

Can I borrow some money? You know, it's getting awful late at night and all of my good moneys and my other pants.

Oh, I owe you more like You pay me?

Oh, you know, what a wonderful evening that we've had.

I'm sorry there weren't other guests here. I don't know what the bother could be.

Well, I mean maybe... Put all these dogs in suits and... You did, yes. You put a bunch of dogs in suits. They're called Masut dogs. Okay. Well, these dogs are dead and the apartment's certainly stinking something fierce while- Can I say something?

Sure.

Those dogs were post potatoes when I found them. That makes sense. And it's a living. So, you know, it is off late and I did call- I ordered a taxi cab ahead of time. Oh.

Okay.

Yes, taxicab 1930s.

I mentioned credit card. Sure. At this point. Why not? 23 Scadoo, Trip to the Light, Moon Fantastic. Sure. Well, I guess if you gotta go, you gotta go. But can I go ahead and give you one of these to-go bags? Oh yes. This has some champagne that never got popped because nobody came. It has some of the hors d'oeuvres. Some hors d'oeuvres where you don't know if they're hors d'oeuvres or not.

Does someone have to come for you to pop the champagne? Do we have to orgasm for you to pop the champagne?

Just pop the champagne! No, the champagne's popped when someone loses their load.

Oh well, I can see that you're having quite a discussion with one of these dead dogs.

I'm going to go to the bathroom and come real quick so we can open the champagne.

I'll let you do what you want to do with your dead dogs and I'll- No stay!

We're about to pop the champagne!

I'll just be right on my way. Walter, I'll see you at work on Monday. Yes, I'll see you at the local footlocker.

Are you coming in there? Not yet! I'm coming in there.

We'll both see the- Hey Riddle Riddles, clue crew.

My favorite part about going to therapy is pitching my therapist on ideas for how I would reshoot famous films.

And then that's how they get to know you. Yeah.

Sort of through- They're like, what do you want to work on today? And I'm like, okay.

Wouldn't flying in that theater be better if that kid fucked that spaceship?

Ocean's 11, but there's 40 of them.

40 women. I'm progressive. I'm an ally. His name's Danny Fordy. And it all takes place in the ocean.

And he's starting to steal an ocean. Fordy's ocean.

They're not trying to steal a weapon.

No, it's from Stranger Things. They're trying to steal the girl from Stranger Things. Because she's a hot government property. See the movie, Erin.

Oh gosh. Hey Riddle Riddle's crew.

Hey kids, do you like miniature golf? Do you like cotton candy and hot dogs? Yeah!

Yeah!

I can't hear you kids. Yeah! I can't hear you kids. Yeah! Can you vocalize your excitement? Yeah! Well, no articulate yourselves. Yeah! But with different words. Yeah! Give me something. Is your alligator deaf?

Is my alligator deaf? That you need... Dr. Pretzel's miracle cure. Just rub a little bit of Dr. Pretzel's on your alligator and watch the results.

I love our sponsors. Sorry, we're laughing in the studio.

Hey Riddle Riddle's Clue Crew. So these are bad in both execution and answer. A man is in a locked 20 foot by 20 foot cage. The bars of the cage are close enough together that he can't squeeze through. There is a top to the cage. So that's not, you know, it doesn't like crawl open top. The man takes in his surroundings and after a few moments he gets out of the cage without a key or a pick. How? It's a Nicholas Cage. Zoloft. It's a Nicholas Cage.

There is no cage! Because if you read a book, you can go on any adventure and be anywhere in the world.

Well, well, well, fucking LaVar Burton just walked into the studio. Oh my God. LaVar Burton's going to do the show.

And it's a picture out of normal here.

Wait, wait, wait. I thought to bury the void. LaVar, say something. Is it a 4-20 theme dancer? In that I was high when I wrote it. Okay, so no is the answer to that question.

So it's not Nicholas Cage. It's not reading, it's not a book.

It's not Nicholas Cage, it's not a book. It doesn't really have to do with drugs. I mean you have to follow the mentality of someone who's high. Is there a trapdoor? There's not a trapdoor. So it's like concrete below, ceiling above, or like enclosed above.

Bars on all sides?

Bars on all sides. Bars on all sides. Bars on all sides. Let's all agree.

Let's all agree. What we're all trying to say is bars on all sides.

And they're close enough together where you can't, he's not like Christian Bale in the mechanic.

Is someone letting him out because he's imprisoned and they're letting him out of jail?

No, there's nobody else in the room.

And he's escaping on his own?

He's escaping on his own volition. The lock wasn't already undone, it is locked. He doesn't have a key, he doesn't have a pick. Richard Scarry? He's Richard Scarry. That's the answer you dumb shits. Becca got it. I can't believe it was a cage! And I wrote, for some reason, I wrote two answers to this. Oh. Oh, there are two answers to this.

He ran and knocked over the bars.

He what?

Ran and he knocked over the bars.

He ordered a drink. I'm gonna give you half points. He ordered a drink. It's not close to the real answer, but I like that one.

The bars? He ordered a drink.

And the bars closed. The bars are close enough together. He's in Dublin. He's in Dublin.

He's in the matrix.

No, I like that one.

Oh yeah, it turned noon so the bars opened. I don't think we're gonna get this one, so should I go ahead and reveal?

The first answer I wrote was, the bars are chocolate.

Oh, okay. We were close, we were thinking of what other bars were. Yeah, bars are chocolate.

And the second answer I wrote was, hymns a ghost.

Well, okay, so these are nonsense and these are bad.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. This makes me feel so much better about mine.

I prefaced it ten times with these are terrible.

I didn't hear it. I didn't hear it.

I chose that to be right. Erin has the audacity to be like, oh, so these are garbage?

Hey Riddle Riddles crew, crew.

Plum said bye. Plum said bye.

Okay Plump, take it away, take it away.

My parenting advice would be- That was so worth it.

Go continue, I'm so sorry.

Here's what me and Diane do. Hey Riddle Riddle's Clue Crew

The three of you are Disney princesses commiserating about your horrible lives.

Gotcha. Do we want to call our princess or just see where the chips may fall? I don't think I'm going to be an established Dead Sea Princess.

How about we pick each other?

Okay.

Okay. I feel like, Erin, you have to be Ariel. Okay.

Um, JPC.

Yes, please give me one.

Let's make you Jasmine.

Jasmine, okay. From the Little Pocahontas.

The Little Pocahontas.

Uh, and Adal, you're gonna be Snow White. Okay.

Can you come closer to the water so we can talk?

Um, I would, but I've been off my feet for so long that my legs have atrophied. Wait, now I'm thinking of sleeping beauty? Yes, yeah. What's my thing? Your dwarves?

Dwarves, that's right. Wait, wait, right? Snow White? Yes, seven dwarves. Yeah. Yeah, and you have an apple or something? Excuse me?

No, I get it.

I'm actually- I would like to get closer to the water because between you and me, I am drenched in tiger piss. Oh yeah, yeah, it looks like it.

Hey Ariel, instead of us coming to the water, why don't you come over- what's that word again? Fucking here?

Wait, hold on, there's a shark! That's how I scream!

Yeah, we get it. You're being a bit of a, what's the word again? Batch. I hope that- I hope that- I hope that shark gets you.

I hope that shark gets you.

Um, are you and Raja seeing each other?

Are you and your tiger? Honestly, I cannot hear you. You're so Jafar away right now. I'm having real trouble hearing you. Oh, dad. I'm sorry. I saw a street rat.

Wow. Yeah, there's a lot of those. Yeah. Uh-huh. What?

I just- Can someone give me another fork?

Oh, a thingamabob? Why don't you go a thingamabob for apples?

Is it your thing like you can't even fucking talk?

You gave a priest a boner. You gave a priest a boner.

Don't yell that too loud. We've all done that.

Why do women need to destroy other women? We're supposed to be commiserating about our horrible lives.

What does commiserate mean? You're getting 20%. I work on commiserate, so I definitely need to make this sale.

Alright, I'm gonna go back under the sea.

Okay, bye. Kiss you guys later. Okay, I'm gonna go take a poo.

What?

I'm gonna go take a poo.

A poo. Yeah, and also I'm sleepy?

I don't think so. Apple. Seed. Apple.

Apple. No, that's Sleeping Beauty. Ate an apple. No, Sleeping Beauty pricked her finger on the spinning wheel. What? What did Snow White do? She ate an apple and died?

She ate an apple, she got poisoned.

She ate an apple, kept doctor away? Wait, what kind of poison was it? Did she just get sick?

Yeah, she got a tummy ache.

So is that sad? So how does Snow White get rescued? Is that true prince or is that Sleeping Beauty?

She dies. Snow White eats a poisonous apple and then calls into an endless sleep. She is sleepy, she ends up in that glass box. A casket. Yeah, a casket. And then the prince comes, Prince Charming comes, and he kisses her in the mouth and she wakes up.

Wait, wait. So what happens to Sleeping Beauty?

Same thing.

What?

Are you serious? Do you know anything about women? Our anatomy says in order for us to wake up, a handsome dude has to kiss us on the mouth.

Hold on, one second. I gotta call Disney here. One second, guys. Sorry. Hang tight.

Please hold. We are trying to make our waiting music, Disney music.

I'm on the line with Huyo Galarto, the Brazilian musician who sings Girl from Ipanema. Hello, this is Disney. Hi, is this- Marvel Studios. This is Marvel Studios? Star Wars Legos. I'm ask- Oh, I want- I want to talk to whoever's in charge of Snow White. Okay, let me connect you to the correct new office. Please hold.

You're correcting me to the corrections office?

Hey, Erin.

Is Snow White also slang for cocaine? Yep. Okay, I'm gonna bring that up.

Actually, Erin, do you mind getting online? I gotta go to the bathroom. Yeah. Who is this?

Oh.

This is cocaine?

Adal?

This is cocaine.

Does Disney have a cocaine division?

Yeah, of course.

Make sure you're not talking to McGruff the crime dog from Dare.

Okay. Oh damn it. Do you want to buy cocaine? What's your name?

That dog's a cop! Are you trying to teach me a lesson about drugs?

Just stay on the line for 20 more seconds. We've almost got her. Keep her on the line. Thanks Mr. Ruff.

I'll have cocaine to stay is what someone who does drugs would say.

That's all we need. We got your ass. You're going to jail in Chicago, Illinois.

Dang it, that's the wrong theme again. I mean, they are really similar, dude. That was Clue Crew, so now here's a who's who. The relatable host was, uh, Erin Keif. If you rolled your pies, it's cause Adal Rifai or that other young guy, fuckin' JPC. Casey Tony edited what everybody said, and him, only Cardamus, did the logo. Arnie Parrott sang and wrote every single freakin' note of 1, 2, 3, 4, Hey Riddle Riddles, Clue Crew.