Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum podcast.

Okay Adal, Erin, I got a pitch for you.

Okay.

Hi, we were in the middle of something. Okay, go ahead.

Sorry, James Cameron, why don't you head out to the waiting room and we'll see you in five. What was your idea, JPZ? I can't possibly be Cameron. He shot those movies concurrently.

He doesn't have another project for like 10 and a half years.

Yeah, we're getting started this early. That's how we'll keep an eye out for 2038.

Let's just say it's pre-Titanic. Hey Riddle. Hey Riddle.

We did that 911 bit that everyone hated. That's true.

What we're not doing is we're not giving air for some new characters and some new listeners. I think that what we need is we need an absolute reset point in the podcast where we can bring in a clean sled of new listeners. New listeners can be like, I want to listen to this podcast. I'm intimidated. There's so many episodes. No, no, 204. 204 is the start of...

You're picking a number as random as 204 when you could have easily picked a number as clean as 200.

So here's what happened as I got COVID and then we had to push everything back.

Yes. Okay. I see. I see. I see.

Adal, please. You first.

Yeah. I was going to say I, JBC, I think this is an interesting idea. I don't know if I'm on board fully. I think it's interesting. My one concern is that the three of us are so lazy that we love to lean on our own. We like to lean on our old bullshit. I thought about that. And what you're proposing is we have to come up with a whole new bag of bullshit.

Adal, I would never make you come up with new bullshit. In fact, we don't even need you for the show anymore. Erin, same for you. I think that Adal Rifai, Erin Keif, that's great. It was very funny, very played out, and people don't need it anymore.

So I guess my big question was, does season... Three start at episode 404 or 408. It's not important.

It'll be 408. It's every 204 will be another season. So we need to worry about that. We need to worry about that at 408. So I've emailed you guys your new characters. So I want you two to be involved in the podcast, but I think that Erin and Adal have so much baggage, so much personal stories.

You're telling me sister.

Yeah, we're going to clear them out. We're going to clear them out, but not because they're bad, but because we can insert some new characters and maybe some different age points.

Fresh blood, sure.

And really find some attractive points for some new listeners who might want to consider jumping into the podcast with these, you know, kind of new hosts and their energy.

I got invited to a party. I got another email where I got invited to a party. It feels so good, but this is awesome.

Oh, that's great. That was not for me. That was not for me. I got an email that I was just uninvited from a party.

Well, parties have lists. They're finite things. It's not like energy. It's not, you know, an equal and opposite reaction and all of that stuff. So, you know, I want you guys to take some time. I want you to familiarize yourself with your character. Ask me lots of questions because it's going to be really important that you capture your target demo, okay?

Okay.

Interesting. Adal, why don't you go first? Just go ahead and read your character. And then if you have questions, we can kind of start with you.

Yes. Yeah, I just opened it and I don't already, I don't love it.

Okay. That's, that's an initial. That's what it's at. That's an initial reaction, but we're going to go deeper. So just go ahead, whatever you're ready.

So you've been reading a lot of online, like buzzwords like branding and stuff like that.

So we're capturing a demographic. This is a character that's going to capture that demographic.

Okay. My new character is Nassim Harmonica. Okay. Great. Nassim Harmonica. I like that. Okay. So here's my description. You are a 19 year old college student at Northwestern University studying animal husbandry and particle physics. Hey Riddle.

I'm wondering why Adal wasn't able to get that demographic, but it's fine because I come from farmers and Palestinians.

Uh, you have an easy smile and a cavalier charm. Oh, okay. Well, the cavaliers are kind of bad this year, so that sucks to hear.

I don't necessarily know that Nusim knows a ton about sports, so don't worry about that as much.

Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. You're soft spoken, but you mean what you say. You take your coffee with two sugars, two splendor, two stevia, and always two go. Yeah, that's for the two.

That's not going to be good.

No, I know what you're thinking. You think that sounds like a gross coffee because it has too many fake types of sugar and real sugar in it, but I think it works for you, for this character.

Since Adal is playing this new character, he has to drink his coffee that way from now on.

I would appreciate it for the show. Okay. Yeah, for the show. Okay. Well, I'll dip my toes in this. And also, I just want to make sure we're not calling Nassim Harmonica the new character and we're just using his full name Nassim Harmonica so we can get used to saying Nassim Harmonica.

Nassim Harmonica.

Nassim Harmonica. Nassim Harmonica. Oh, and actually you could probably call me a fun little nickname because his name is N-A and then the rest and then H-A and the rest. You could probably call him Naha.

Naha, hey.

Barry, hey Barry, do you mind shooting some people with your gun like a sniper head? Like exploding their heads with like the bullets that come from the gun? Do you mind, Barry?

I had no idea that that guy was written to be killed in the first episode and he was cracking them for you on set so much that they made him a mainstay of the show.

Kind of wild.

I would love to hear more about you.

Sorry, sorry. So Naha, you tell people you drive a hybrid, but that's because you have a Nissan Zentra that's been welded to afford F-150. So that's a hybrid still. I love that for you to see because it's a hybrid and it still makes sense. Okay. Now I have to ask JPC, is this bumper to tail? Is this hood to hood? Is this door to door?

So these are just, these are prompts, but they're not prescriptive. So I think that the, I think the car can be whatever you're imagining it to be. Cause I want you to live in it. I want this to be lived in. Okay.

I think it's the truck and then the Nissan Sentra is welded upside down on top. So if I have flipped my truck, if I'm ever out mutting, which is a lot of what farmer kids do, uh-huh. Uh, if you're ever out mutting and you flip your car, immediately you're fine. You're in a, you're in a sedan. Love that. Love that. Okay. Hi Riddle.

Oh, it's a bit hard in the end. That's where the heart comes in.

Okay. You like to use your hand to melt candy bars before you eat them.

That makes them soft.

Okay.

If GPC you don't like these things, this is Nassim Harmonica.

I am not judging Nassim because this is a real person. This is his life. So I'm not judging that.

Sure. Sure. Okay. And has Nassim Pedrod been contacted to possibly pay this character? Yes. Nassim Pedrod will be paying this character.

Oh, okay. Saddle Street. Okay, great.

Cash money. Well, Nassim Pedrod is famously busy playing, I want to say like a 12 year old boy. I think so, right? That's a show. Tony, I can't remember the name. It's back to Nassim. You had the idea for Young Sheldon three years before it became a TV show. That's cool.

I think it's cool because that's just a young version of a character that exists on TV. It's not like you thought of the Big Bang Theory before.

I think he thought of a lot of the side characters too. I think he had a fully realized idea.

He thought about Young Monk, Young Barry. Okay, Nissim, please continue. Your allergist says you take too many showers. You like your music loud, your cars fast, and your pizza toppings loose and sloppy. Yeah, not really baked on. Just kind of the one there.

Yeah, I will say. Erin, that's your friend.

I will say, ever since I watched Billy Madison, I love the term sloppy because that lunch lady is like, I know you boys like I'm nice and sloppy. Later you're scaring us. Your favorite book is the novelization of Good Burger To Go, the fully written but never produced sequel to Good Burger. Hey Riddle. Hey Riddle Riddle. Yeah, Nassim loves it. Well, okay, I was just gonna say, it's just always upsetting. But this is good because you're getting out of Adal and you're getting into Nassim. Yes. Get out of my car, get into Nassim. You are studious, discerning, and an eternal optimist. Oh, I can't die. You are Nassim Harmonica.

I love Nassim Harmonica.

Welcome to the show, Nassim Harmonica. Welcome Nassim. It's great to be here. Yeah, you're gonna bring us a whole new crop of listeners. I really like it. Oh, speaking of crop, did I tell you that the soy came in?

Alright, so that's one Adal. I'm guessing that you love it now. I'm seeing a team.

I guess you're pretty happy with who you are as a person, huh? Absolutely. I'm 19 years old. I'm going to live forever. I'm an eternal optimist. I can't die.

Alright, so Erin, would you like to say goodbye to Erin and hello to?

Veronica Peppermints. Now let's see how this goes. Veronica Peppermints, you are 47 years old. You like making dolls that look like people you've met.

So, so this is great, Erin, because this is now an older demographic for you. For Veronica Peppermans is capturing this like more like a elder Gen Z or elder Gen X, elder Gen X. Can I just say this is the same here.

Can I just say I really love that I am the youngest one on the show and Veronica is the oldest.

I think that just feels good.

That is annoying.

I have to look at my actions.

It's a fun change up.

Um, you like making dolls that look like people you've met. Got it. Uh, you are Korean. Now, no.

Okay. Now, I know, I know you were going to have issue with this, Erin. I know you were going to have issue with this. No.

I'm actually... Here's the thing.

Here's the thing. What? Here's the thing. You were born in Korea. Your parents, your parents are, uh, you're like a military brat. They're from Boston. Okay? You were just happen to be born in Korea. Erin, we need this. We have to bring the Asian markets in. Okay. I was born in... We have to bring the Asian markets in.

Hey Riddle Riddle. We got great cinema TV over there, so happy to be here.

I didn't say South Korea, I didn't really want to, I didn't really want to pigeonhole which, South North, it doesn't matter.

So I was born in North Korea.

It doesn't matter. I'm leaving out the North demographic.

I'm sorry, okay. I am, Erin, you are, no, I'm not Erin, Veronica Peppermans.

You're Veronica Peppermans.

You are Korean, I can't believe you put that in. You have 11 nieces and nephews, fun.

Okay, that is fun.

Um, you've never had confectioners' sugar because you believe that's somehow different from powdered sugar, which it's not.

Yeah, they're the same sugar, Erin.

It's different.

And with lots of governments, that's so sad. Veronica, it's the same sugar. You've had confectioners' sugar. No, I haven't.

I've only had powdered sugar.

I love it. Very good.

Very good. You've been trapped in IKEA three times. Why does it feel like Nassim? Nassim's character is very good at things. It doesn't feel like Veronica's very... Okay.

You were paying... Well, first of all, now, it's not trapped in IKEA three times. It's trapped in three different IKEAs. Certainly at that point, at that point Veronica doesn't really seem like your fault, does it? No.

And part of it could have been heroic. Like maybe it was being robbed and you stayed inside and tried to like hunt down the robbers. That's true.

Thank you Nassim Harmonica. It's so nice of you.

You're welcome Veronica Peppermints.

You were a paid extra at Katie Holmes' 35th birthday party.

Wow.

That's pretty cool.

That's sad. I feel like she probably- No, you got day rate. I know, but I feel like she probably could have Had enough friends there, and how many people did you want to seem like were there?

I don't know Veronica, you were there, we weren't, so I don't know... Yeah, you tell us. Okay, well you're... What happened to you?

There's a lot more ground to cover, I think I'm about a third the way through.

Okay.

You're a retired sniper and a 10-time winner of the Staten Island Chili Cook-Off, but you've never submitted the same recipe twice.

Whoa! That's so weird that I brought up snipers earlier. Yeah.

So I'm not a sniper anymore.

No, you're tired.

And I've never submitted the same recipe twice.

Yeah, you're really good at chili. Ten times?

Ten different kinds of chili?

Ten different recipes, I'd say. That's what it says.

And Erin, that kind of helps loop into possibly why you were trapped in IKEA because maybe when you win the chili cook-off, maybe one year the prize was to be trapped inside an IKEA.

Thank you.

They've just recycled that prize three years in a row. For 20 minutes and whatever you grab you own.

You're brand loyal but you can't remember to which brands, okay?

I love that little detail for you because I do love brand loyalty but you're at the store and you're like, am I like a Nabisco person?

I want, there was a point in my life, this isn't the same here, when I was 17, which is just two years ago, for three months, my whole personality was Jelly Bellies, where I was just like, you know what? I love Jelly Bellies. That's going to be my whole personality. It's all I would say. It's all I would eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Then I had a huge heart attack.

And that was... Yeah, that was 17. So that was like May of 2020. That was like right into the beginning of COVID.

You hate the word moist, but you love the word soaking.

Interesting.

Okay. You have a pet frog named Mr. Millionaire.

Okay. That's cool for you Veronica. I like that. I like that.

Mr. Millionaire.

Nothing wrong with that pet frog named Mr. Millionaire.

That sounds like it has a story. It's funny because that feels like the, what's the, what's the WG Frog is like? It's like WG Du Bois or something like that.

It's like a terrible taste.

It does feel like that frog's name should be Mr. Millionaire.

I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I'm super jealous of Veronica Peppermint. Mr. Millionaire, a frog? I'm so jealous.

Yeah, you are Veronica Peppermint. Sorry, JPC. I guess I should ask Veronica. Does your frog, Mr. Millionaire, have a top hat and a monocle?

He has both, and he was born with both. That's what's inspired the name.

Wow.

Yeah, the name was inspired by the dress.

Exactly. You've never been married, but you have lived with a man named Steve for the last 23 years. And you introduce him to people at parties as your right hand man.

As what, Veronica Peppermints? Veronica?

As my right hand man.

Okay. You might be common law. I think in 23 years you could be common law. Steve sounds nice. Remember, you can't talk about Sean anymore. Now it's Steve and we've got a long history.

So I met a man when I was 24. We've never been married. We live together though and I call him my right hand man. Okay, you're right, you're right.

I met a man when I was 24, he danced for me.

Oh, you're right, Nassim. Okay, sorry. You are impulsive, romantic, and eternally awesome. Curious.

We both are eternal.

You are Veronica Peppermans. Can I just read this all again very quickly? Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. Peppermint, you are 47 years old. You like making dolls that look like people you've met. You are Korean. You have 11 nieces and nephews. You've never had confectionaries. It's sugar, but you believe that it is somehow different from powdered sugar, which it's not. It is. You've been trapped in three IKEAs. You were a paid extra at Katie Holmes' 35th birthday party. You're a retired sniper and a 10-time winner of the Staten Island Chili Cook-Off, but you've never submitted the same recipe twice. Your favorite band is Hoobastank. You're brand loyal, but you can't remember to which brands. You hate the word moist, but you love the word soaking. You have a pet frog named Mr. Millionaire. You've never been married. But you went to the man named Steve for the last 23 years, and you introduced him to people at parties as your right-hand man. You are impulsive, romantic, and eternally curious. You are Veronica Peppermints. Does she have the same voice as me?

I think for ease of access, yes. Because she was going to have maybe more Korean voice, but you got a mix of that. Absolutely not. I think same voice, that's totally fine because it's all about bringing in that audience, that target demographic. You're going after these elder Gen Z crowd, maybe people who like chili, Ikea, snipers. We're trying to branch out and bring in new listeners.

Does Nassim Harmonica have the same voice as Adal?

Oh, I was gonna say, because Erin's too scared to do the accent, can I do, uh, can I speak like my dad does? I think Naseem, yes, you could choose whichever accent you feel comfortable with.

Okay, stop doing no hoe heck. Okay, now I know what you're thinking. I think in JPC this is kind of unfair.

JPC is kind of unfair.

Because we have to be these new people, these new characters, we have to make up these new lives, and you stay the same. Well, I wasn't doing it to be unfair. I was not doing it to be unfair. I was doing it because I already cover a key demographic. We can't lose me because then we lose that demographic. I'm glad you asked, Erin. The demographic that I cover is male identifying and non-binary people between the ages of 18 to 54 who have won, if not all, of the following predilections and or perversions. Mouth stuff, butt stuff, back of the envelope stuff, tub thumping, dry humping, wet clumping, clismophilia, people who earnestly say that's so funny instead of laughing, family guy porn, family porn for guys, voyeurism, exhibitionism, patriotism, necromancy, feeling fancy, feeling up mannequins, urophelia, Eurovision-philia, Disney adultism, hot wiping, cool treating, dairy queening, spider worship, saying, wow, like Owen Wilson, rheumatoid arthritis, peridium swiping, doomsday prepping, tailgating, roadblocks, road head, antique roadshow head, treasure hunting, renting Tom Holland's Uncharted for $1, watching the whole thing and wishing you had that dollar back, pickleback shots, enjoying blowjobs, being a sexual little rascal, and reverse farting. Without me, we lose all of those perverts.

So we gotta keep me on the show. And for anyone who fell under any of those titles, we thank you for your support and we wish you tell a friend at one of your next parties.

Next time you're watching Antique Roadshow with all your friends.

Antique Roadhead.

Is there anyone left on planet Earth that doesn't fall into one of those categories?

All the people that you're covering. It's three slices of the pie. We're covering it from all over.

So I get the women introducing their partners at parties as their right-hand man.

That's for me? Yeah, so you cover mostly everything. Erin's got Korean snipers. I have Palestinian farmers. I think we're good. I think we're good. Okay.

I guess I also get people who forgot to button their pants after they go to the bathroom. I just look down and my pants are just full open.

Okay, so real quick, real quick. Let's take a pause. Alright, we'll step out of our characters. We'll all step out of our characters. Adal and Erin back. Just, we've been going a little while into season two. I just want to get a temperature check. What do you think? What are your thoughts? Is this the right direction for the show? I'm also, if we want to say scrap it, we scrap it.

Yeah, I guess here's my biggest concern. It actually has nothing to do with Nassim Harmonica, who I love and adore and aspire to be. My concern is, JPC, the list of the demographic that you cover seems to be a lot of, there's just a lot of interesting outliers in terms of, I'm scared now to do live shows, because if I have to shake hands and meet these people and take pictures with them, and of course they'll make the front page of the news at some point, Um, with all their little, um, they're all the little, uh, hobbies and, um... These are our little weirdos.

These are our little weirdos. Adal, you can't be terrified of our key demographic because if we lose them, we lose the show. Okay.

I'm afraid of their power.

We need to keep these people entertained. JBC, is there a way, like, if we start calling our fans, specifically, uh, the, the, the listeners that you cover, if we start calling them like mommy's little... Could you just do that list again?

Oh yeah! So these are people who suffer from maybe of the following predilections or perversions. We got mouth stuff, butt stuff, back of the envelope stuff, tub thumping, dry humping, wet clumping, chrysomamalia, people who earnestly say that's so funny instead of laughing. Family guide porn, family porn for guides, voyeurism, exhibitionism, patriotism, necromancy, feeling fancy, feeling up mannequins, urophilia, Eurovision-philia, Disney adultism, hot wiping, cool treating, dairy-queening, And those are all things that describe you. And Adal, you want to call them? If we call them like mommy's little maniacs or something,

Oh, sure. Then that way we have a built-in at arm's length approach to them where when they inevitably do something terrible we say, we called them maniacs.

Yeah, these are mommy's little maniacs and I think that's fine. I think a lot of our listeners call me mommy unintentionally. It just kind of comes out anyway, so I'm fine being mommy.

It's like calling your teacher mom. It's true.

So I'm comfortable being the seem harmonica as long as from this point forward we call all of our fans mommy's little maniacs.

Okay, that makes sense. Now, Nassim. T-shirts? No, Nassim. Adal, thank you. I do think Nassim, also, you should have something for your fans because you're bringing in a whole different demographic. So you have like Naha, right? You're Nassim Harmonica, Naha. So what are you going to call your fans? Because I think it's important that your fans have a name they can identify.

It's a great idea.

Okay, so my fans, let's see here. So, like, just spitballing, like, uh, the, n- seem like you, uh... Um, I think something to do with sugar. So maybe like, um, sugar butts? Like, sugar butts, or, um... I mean, sugar tits is a phrase, but I'm not terribly fond of it. So I feel like, um, sugar freaks, sugar... Uh, sugar freaks, yeah, that works. Sugar psychos, sugar sluts. Sugar sluts.

Okay so, and we can't have a judge without that because that's for Gen Z. So Nasim's fans are going to be the sugar sluts. Which I think was Bjork's first band? Uh-huh, really? You shouldn't know that Nasim, you're 19. Mine will be Bobby's Little Maniacs and Veronica Peppermint's. What do you think that your fans are going to want to identify as? I'm thinking... This is tough, it is tough.

Mr. Millionaire's Angels.

Okay, that's a motorcycle club of five ever heard of one.

And Erin, you just made up a term for MMA. Oh perfect. We're going to get a lot. And JPC, to your point, that helps encapsulate some of the mixed martial arts community. Okay. Because if people are saying MMA and they're like, I like MMA, let me listen to this podcast. And it's actually Mr. Millionaire's Angels. They'll be like, well, I'm already here. I'm listening. I am so proud of us. I am so proud of how many of our bases we are covering here.

Well, GBC, I have a quick question for you.

Yeah. Before we move on. Sure.

So you've clearly done some exhaustive research, sorry, exhausting research to listen to. Is there any like random one category that the three of us somehow managed to not cover? Like it's impossible to get, like is there any blind spots that we should be worried about demographic wise?

The only demographic blind spot between the three of our characters that is not addressed by our personality.

Can I guess?

Yeah.

Scottish circus artists.

Hillary Clinton.

Hillary Clinton. No, I listed both of those. If those were left off of my list of perversions, they should have been on there. The only one that we don't have coverage on between the three of us is liking and doing riddles. Which brings me to my next point. The show, format of the show, stays exactly the same. If anything, the only thing that changes is instead of 10 minutes of wasted time at the top, it's more like 29. Oh, interesting.

What can I say? Since Adal and Erin are no longer on the show, since they've been kicked off essentially, Aren't they going to be so curious that you're going to listen to the pot? I miss Erin. Aren't they going to be so curious about what's happening with the show continuing without them that they're going to check in? And so they do cover that demographic? Oh, you know what? I think that you misunderstood what's happening here.

You're still playing that character.

Oh, right.

Okay. It's not a separate situation.

I've been watching Severance and I thought for a minute that, okay, I'm sorry. So here's what we can do.

Can I get the Severance thing? Because I'd rather not remember this.

Don't worry Erin, 10 episodes from now this will all be a distant dream. We won't remember any of this happening.

I'm sorry ma'am. I'm sorry ma'am. You want to pay $5 million to have a surgery for you to forget 30 minutes of your life?

Uh, yeah. Out of time. Take my money, baby.

Please. Oh my God. Honestly, I would get that surgery because then I could listen to the podcast and be like, these guys are hilarious.

I took us up. JPC. So the format stays exactly the same. Are we still taking breaks or are breaks going the way of the dodo?

No, no, no, we're going to take a break and we will join you back after this break with some riddles and more of season two of Hey Riddle Riddle. I'll see you sugar sluts soon.

I know what you're thinking. Do I have a new hat, Adal and JPC? New haircut? Why am I walking around with so much confidence?

I bet you're wondering. I wanted pretzels from the food court.

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You're also color-coded. A little birdie told me that Rocket Money also lets you monitor all your expenses in one place, recommends custom budgets based on your past spending, and they'll even send you notifications when you've reached your spending limits, which sounds like something my friend would like, but I forget which friend I'm so hungry for pretzels.

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Hey, what's going on? Somebody leaned over my rocket money paint thing. Run. Everybody run. Run.

Is that DaVinci?

Yeah. Yes.

And bye.

All right, welcome back to Hey Riddle Riddle Season Two. Quick bit of administrative nonsense to get up to at the beginning of the second half. We did decide that we're going to scrap all that we did in the first half. And yeah, the semen, Veronica peppermints, that was a terrible idea. I take full accountability for that.

We did. And if you saw a tweet or Instagram post by us, what happened was we tweeted out and Instagrammed out the first 30 minutes of this episode. And the response we got was abhorrent. Yeah.

You know that sound of like just the most horrible scream you've ever heard in your life? Every time we opened the internet on our phones, that's the sound we heard.

So this one's on me. I take full accountability for that. We're going to just continue. Sorry, we apologize.

Well actually, JPC, Erin and I have been talking during the break and we feel like because you brought up this new cool idea, it was fun at the time. Who knew? It was a different time 30 minutes ago. It was okay to do and say those things. Erin and I talked about it and we feel like it's probably best for us to kind of sever ties and go our own ways. So we're actually going to be replacing you. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. That's smart.

I'm going to email you your new character right now.

It's little Santa Bones. This seems like maybe a rehashing of some other characters.

I don't know. I just emailed you the description of your new character.

It's better. It's better. It's better than I go away. It's better than I go away. I have a lot of soul searching to do. So it's really, it's really, it's really, um, it's really better. It's better this one. Okay. Here you go. Yeah. I got it right here. Uh, okay. Here's my new character. You are Veronica Peppermitts. You are 47 years old. You're like, hold on a second. Hold on a second.

What? Are you accusing me of just forwarding you my character? Adal, send him the backup character idea.

First of all, I will say, I have no problem being Veronica Peppermitts. I do think that people obviously didn't like it. Didn't like it much the first time. And so I don't think it was Erin's telling of it that people didn't respond to. I think it was entirely my telling of it that that was the problem. Oh, I'm just getting another one from Adal. Okay. Here we go. New season two character for JPC. You are Naseem Harmonica. You are a 19-year-old college student. I don't know that I should play Naseem Harmonica.

Okay, wait. Okay, I got a new one. I got a new one for you. I sent it off to you.

Okay. Go ahead. Now that it's happening to me, I can see that maybe making you guys cold read some characters maybe wasn't the best idea?

Having a slice of your own pie, huh?

Taste of your own medicine. Okay, well here we got a new one here from Erin. Okay, this one just says, Frodo Baggins is a fictional character. Oh, you don't like it? And part of the protagonist of the Lord of the Rings. Maybe not for that one. Another email from Adal right here says, new character says, like JPC but green. Hey Riddle Riddle. Why don't we pull a Spotify and I'll fucking buy a fucking island together.

I got one more character for you.

We can do one more character. And then I think I have a pivot that might really help the direction of the show. I'm actually pretty psyched about what this pivot might be.

This is the last one, I promise.

I'm glad that you guys bought into this season two idea because I thought, you know, I explained it to Mariah. She says, I don't get it. It doesn't sound funny. Maybe, maybe don't do that. Maybe it's confusing, but I do think that season two, yeah, it's bringing us new listeners and I think that's the important part.

I could see where someone of Mariah's ilk and emotional maturity would, would balk at the term spider worship.

And thank you. And thank you so much for saying that Mariah was ilk. She is feeling a lot better. Good. But you're right. She was very ilk for a very long time.

Last one.

Hey Riddle Riddle. Ted Bundy, Theodore Robert Bundy was an American serial killer who kidnapped... No, hold on.

Ted Bundy is the dad from Married with Children. That's what I meant. That's the one Erin must have met.

That's what I meant. I did almost send that email to another coworker that would have been maybe a disaster and could have gotten me fired.

An email that's just the bio line for Ted Bundy at no subject. So it's a new character.

Oh Ted, I found some more bodies in the backyard. Uh, come on.

We're going to try something different. We're going to try riddles. Why don't we try riddles? And this is a riddle that comes from Ryan. Ryan says, hey, this riddle is in an escape room I used to work for. We had to come up with lots of hints for when people just couldn't figure it out. And Ryan does say they used to work there. So we don't give a shit. You can blow up your whole employer's spot. You know what? Fuck them, right? Okay. So here's the riddle. He comes to bedsides, icy bridges, battlefronts, and crumbling ridges. He comes all of that? Does he eat pineapple? Must have a big breakfast.

Adal.

It's how we eat. When he comes, he comes alone, taps a shoulder, then is gone.

So is this kind of a thing of like when there's one set of footprints in the sand that was when Jesus carried me? I don't remember Jesus coming on somebody.

Oh my God.

All the time.

I think it's like that, but the answer is not Jesus. Water and to come.

I think I might. I have a thought, but can you read it again? I want to make sure it checks all the boxes.

Yes. He comes to bedsides, icy bridges, battlefronts, and crumbling ridges. When he comes, he comes alone, taps a shoulder, then is gone. It's death. It's death. You are absolutely correct. This is death. As a bonus, this is something Orion includes. We got a lot of great answers to this question, including but not limited to God and Angel, the boogeyman, and Santa Claus. Well Ryan, I know I can see what you're trying to do. You're trying to get us to do Uncle Santa, but guess what? It's season two, baby. We're only doing new stuff for the new listeners.

That's right. It's time for Chad Boogie Man. Hey, what's up my little goblins? It's me, Chad Boogie Man.

I'm Patricia God, and I'm trying to have it all.

Alright, I want to see an interview. You're back with the Boogie Man and the God. I want to see a scene. This is an interview between Patricia God and Chad Boogie Man. Chad Boogie Man, you're hiring Patricia God. She's going to be a tire salesman at this tire store.

Thanks for coming back in butchers. We really liked your first interview and just wanted to kind of see what else you guys.

Oh, thanks. Sorry I'm late. I went on a second date with a guy that I'm seeing and I had to pick up my kids from soccer. I'm all over the place. I'm trying to have it all.

A second date with a guy you're seeing? Yeah. Weird way to phrase it. Anyway, I'm going to pull out some tires here and all you have to do is identify them and you're hired. Let's take a look at this first one, rolling it out.

Car tire.

Correct. Next one.

Next one. The tire and one of those bicycles that has a big wheel in the front and the little wheel in the back.

And this one is the... Little wheel in the back. That's right. And now this other one.

That's a tired man. Hello, sir.

Hello, hello. That's Frank Michelin. His family invented the tire.

So nice to meet you.

When I die, I'm going to be a star.

Oh, that's so lovely. I'm Patricia God.

Oh, nice to meet you, Patricia God.

Goodbye. Goodbye.

Goodbye. He always says he's going to be a star and I don't mean... I don't know if he means like up in the sky or like celebrity.

I think he means for restaurants.

Oh, the Michelin Guide. Well Patricia, let me look through your social media and as long as there's nothing in here that would... Oh no.

What is this?

My kids posted it.

I'm trying to have it all. Patricia God, Patricia God, trying to have it all at once, she's Patricia God.

Hey Riddle Riddle. My name's Fred Michelin and I'm gonna be a star. When I die I'm going to space and I'm gonna be formed out of gases and rocks. You were all wrong. It's the space type of star.

I think from this point forward after every scene every character needs a little outro song.

Of course.

I think that'll be fun.

Okay well speaking of fun, this is email. That could be fun for season two. This email comes from Destiny. Destiny says, hi guys. Hi. Love the podcast. I've been listening to it on my way to work. I had to make up a bunch of what am I riddles for something I was working on and came up with more than I needed. So here's one of the extras.

What the heck is your job?

I know. Destiny's giving us some runoff riddles. It's not even like I came up with a bunch of riddles here. Use them on the show. It's I came up with a bunch of riddles and they're my little secrets.

Yeah. Here's the runoff. That's so weird. Here's the one that I just didn't need. She might work for like Laffy Taffy or like a Popsicle company. I wonder- Popsicle stick company, sorry. It just says something I was working on, but it doesn't say for work. It just says, I mean that could be anything, right? Oh, maybe. I see what's happening here. Destiny got the job that the last guy got fired from.

Oh, okay. Yep, that makes sense.

So he got fired for spilling the beans on the death riddle, so she got the new job and she's learned to keep her mouth shut.

Exactly. Smart. That's the economy, Destiny. I know this riddle's from 2018, but I hope you're still working that job at the riddle factory, making riddles for all the good little children out there, little land. All right, here's Destiny's Riddle. It says, on my own, I'm third in line. With the twins, your eyesight's fine. My third form is alkaline. Careful not to mystify.

What am I? You're Prince William. He's third in line. He has a set of twins. I don't think he has twins. Erin, give me this.

I'm sorry, Adal.

I'm trying to have it all.

Adal's a nightmare to go to trivia night with. He goes, if our state's true, then it's true.

He goes up and just talks through gritted teeth to the guy who's like volunteer running the trivia and he's like, hey man, I don't care if you want the point.

You said the smallest country in Latvia is the smallest country where the Pope lives is not a country. If Vatican City isn't a country, that doesn't make any sense.

Sorry, where is the bathroom?

So no, the answer is not whatever we just riffed on.

It never is. We always hope it is, but it's not.

So third in line, set of twins, made of alkaline. And what was the other part?

My third form is alkaline. Careful not to mystify. What am I?

Eyes.

So with the twins, your eyesight's fine.

With the twins, your eyesight's fine. So twins would be... And twins, of course. And twins, of course. Contacts. Sailing solution. Glasses.

I thought glasses.

LASIK. Okay, so... Not really on the right track. Is eyes part of it? No, eyes is not part of it. It's not the answer.

Is it like a weather, like fog or something?

Each one of the three lines at this points to a word and the words will be the answer. So on my own, I'm third in line. With the twins, your eyesight's fine. My third form is alkaline. Careful not to mystify, and what am I? I think careful not to mystify is just another rhyme in there, but it's really those first three lines.

Are they numbers?

My third form is alkaline. Absolutely clearly points to alkaline trio. Third trio, alkaline.

Exactly. You got Dan on bass. Sure, for sure. It's not Alkaline Trio, but I do like that.

I think that's a missed opportunity to have some Alkaline Trio play. On my own, I'm third in line. So would that be like the letter C? Okay.

Yes. Yes.

The letter C?

Yes. Oh, it's A, B, and C. So on my own, I'm third in line. You got C. C, D. With the twins, your eyesight's fine. My third form is Alkaline. C, C, and C. Erin, you have won a key to the music factory because it's C, C, and C. I knew you were going to say that. Never change. Never change. You'll never change. Yes. So with the twins, twin E's, my eyesight's fine. It's C, S, E, E, and my third form is alkaline. The C, S, E, A, E is alkaline. So C, C, and C? I love it.

Did they sing good vibrations? Good Vibrations. Do not know.

Yeah, they say that one. Yeah, so you didn't see Music Factory saying that version of Good Vibrations. Fucking beach boys. Fucking assholes. Okay, so that was Destiny. Thank you Destiny for that riddle. Here we go. These are some, I would say brand new riddles. These are coming from Zach. Zach says, hey gang, I've been listening to the podcast since the beginning. Thanks to Justin McElroy for the tip. And you're all doing a real fine job. I got a couple of puzzles, or maybe more along the lines of brain teases to submit, and I'm almost certain that you haven't had them on the show yet. And again, this email comes from, uh, this is April 2019. So that's, yeah, it could be that we haven't done these yet.

We probably have. The night before 420, which I have a little poem here about, it was the night before 420 and all through my pipe, I was cashed as hell and couldn't get out.

Yes, the rhyme, it comes home. Okay, so I would say that these are more like brain teasers, but you know, Riddle is a wide umbrella. Here we go. Which state's two-letter postal code is also the last two letters in the state's name. I guess this also falls into the category of like just facts that you might need to know.

Are the two letters in the same order as they are in the state's name, or are they inversed?

Yes, they are in the same order.

Same order.

I had to put my hands up in my brain to do that, but yes, the state's two-letter postal code is also the last two letters of the state's name in the same order.

Okay, I want to get this one, so don't tell me.

I will not, and feel free to say as many states as you know, and I can tell you yes or no, basically. I will give you, I'll be generous. I'll give you 49 guesses.

It's not Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, or Arkansas. It's not California. Correct. It's not Colorado.

These are great. Keep saying what it's not. It's not Texas. It's not Louisiana. It's not Illinois. Uh-huh, uh-huh. It could be Ohio. Delaware. No, no, no. Yeah, I don't think it's Iowa.

Delaware.

Okay. Iowa.

Hawaii. No.

Hawaii, Iowa. These are all states.

Idaho.

You know the states pretty well.

Illinois.

At one point, Erin, you were going alphabetical. I loved that strategy and then you kind of stopped.

I am going alphabetically. Indiana.

Colorado.

Oh, you're right, you're right. Illinois, Indiana. Montana. Wyoming. Iowa.

Wyoming. No, Kansas. No, Kentucky.

Kentucky. K-Y-I-Y.

Erin, it's K-Y.

Give her some jelly. Give me some chicken. Fried, please.

Some K-Y chicken. K-Y jelly chicken.

Ew.

Oh, I use that whenever I get anti-groted. Ew.

KY Jelly Chicken, the chicken that goes down smooth. That's a good big one. I'll take mine. Bone in. Come on. We can do this more slogans for KY Jelly Chicken.

Let's see.

I'll take the breast and the spine. Thank you. Yeah. Shove that bone right in my biscuit.

Yeah. Let me mouth fuck this chicken. All right.

That's a good one to end on. That's good to end on. Big finale. It's my mouth. The chicken's fucking my mouth.

The chicken's fucking my mouth. The chicken's fucking my mouth. The chicken's fucking my mouth.

The chicken's fucking my mouth. The chicken's fucking my mouth. The chicken's fucking my mouth.

The chicken's fucking my mouth. The chicken's fucking my mouth. The chicken's fucking my mouth. The chicken's fucking my mouth. The chicken's fucking my mouth. The chicken's fucking my mouth. The chicken's fucking my mouth.

The chicken's fucking my mouth. The chicken's fucking my mouth. The chicken's fucking my mouth. The chicken's fucking my mouth. The chicken's fucking my mouth. The chicken's fucking my mouth. The chicken's fucking my mouth. The chicken's fucking my mouth. The chicken's fucking my mouth. The chicken's fucking my mouth. The chicken's fucking my mouth. The chicken's The English language only has three words beginning with the letters D-W.

What are they? The worst. The West. The worst.

That's how the West was worst. So Zach also says, upon solving this, I found a fourth word, but some may consider it a slang word. Dwayne. It's not proper names, but yeah, I think that there are probably, Dwayne is definitely a name. That's correct. You are right. Dwayne. Knock, knock. Uh-huh. Sorry, knock knock on her, right?

That's the way to knock back. Uh-huh.

Who's there?

Dwayne. Dwayne who? Dwayne the bath of the babies drowning.

Oh no.

Dwayne is really?

Um, DW. Uh, wow. I can't even. So I will say it's all names.

It's all names. Uh, I will say they're, they're three, the three are, they all have a vowel right after the DW. And we got an A and E and an I. Let me see if I can get you to... Erin, dwell is one of them. You got dwell. Nice. Good job. Dwarf? Dwarf is the other one. So you've got two, you've got dwarf and you've got dwell, and there's only one left and it's kind of I. Doink. D-W-I? Thirsty. If you're thirsty, you need to doink. You just want to doink if you're thirsty. The fourth one, you are correct. Wow, you guys actually got them. I didn't actually have to give you any hints, except even the vowel, but that's not really a hint. That is a hint. Okay, that's a hint. It's a big hint. The one that they also came up with that was kind of slang is dweeb. Oh yeah. Yeah, I don't really think people get called or call people dweebs anymore.

That's not true. That is not true.

Erin, you fucking dweeb. I feel like dweeb needs to come back. I also feel like Geezer needs to come back.

Oh, that's fun. We used to call my sister Kathleen a dweeb, which is acting like a dweeb.

If she acts like a dweeb, you gotta give her a dweeb.

I think geek is a fun one that I don't hear anymore. I hear geek squad, but that's a positive.

Hey Riddle Riddle.

Three people in the similar industry. They're all commiserating at a bar after a long day shift. Adal, you are a member of the Geek Squad. Erin, you are a member of the Apple Genius Bar. And I am the Basket Robins ice cream dweeb. I'll be right back.

I gotta go take a geek.

Yeah, take one from me too. Yeah, another day, huh? Hey, cheers to you guys.

Cheers to you guys.

Hey, cheers to you guys.

And if you ever need any help with, like, computer stuff... Truly, same here.

If you ever need help with, like, computer stuff... No. No, come on. From you?

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, if you guys have... Obviously, it goes without saying if you ever, like, need to know, like, what ice cream tastes like or what flavors. Oh, no, we're fine.

Yeah, we're okay. Um, you... What do you mean? When I text you, it's green, not blue. Why would I need computer help?

Oh, well, I'm just a much better camera on the Android.

Says who?

People who don't have... Wirecutter and TripAdvisor. Listen, TVs, computers, speaker systems, dryers, cleaners.

A lot of people don't get it, but like Rum Raisin is like a really good flavor. I think people get turned off by the name.

Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up. No, I'm just saying Best Buy has everything.

Sad dads on a Sunday? Great. I'd love to see some sad dads on a Sunday.

Who spends more than a dad who's sad and needs retail therapy? We sold a $5,000 drone to a man named Kenneth who walked in crying the other day.

Great. Well, people are addicted to us. Super sleek. You walk in thinking you're just going to look at an iPhone. You leave with a desktop and beat headphones.

I think Topi gets a bad rap, but it's really just like sugar, molasses, and butter.

Do you want to go get us another round? Of ice cream?

Yeah, I love beer. No. Of beers. Oh, yeah. I guess I can... I mean, we all have fresh beers that just got a round, but I'll go... You guys will get the next one. I'll go get another round.

Hey everybody, here's

Here's the beers. I just want to apologize if I was like... No, no, no.

Let me give you a free taste of apology. I think I'm stressed out because I work around all these sad people because Best Buy isn't really relevant anymore, so I just want to apologize.

No, you are relevant.

We are sad. We make bad products that break down on purpose.

We're so sad. We put our receipts inside little folders.

Oh my god. We're both sad. Man, you're cool. Your job's cool. We're just jealous.

At least Apple emails you a receipt. Yeah.

Wait a second. Everybody in my job is happy. Because ice cream makes people happy. Nobody doesn't like ice cream. Except those fucking lactose intolerant nerds.

Clink, clink, clink.

Fuck those nerds. Fuck those nerds. As long as we're on top of someone, we're not ever gonna get hurt.

That was a guy who was working at the geek squad. Kinda rude, but it came around.

And there was a guy working at the Apple store, kinda rude, but he came around.

And there's an ice cream dweeb by the name of JPC. And he puts two scoops of friendship and harmony. Hey, speaking of new things, we have just enough time in the show for a couple of brand new segments that I have introduced to the show. And each one of these segments has a little bit of a theme song. So Casey, you want to hit that first theme song? Wait for the beat. Hey Riddle Riddle. I wanna get calls on the voicemail and I'll hit play. Wait for the beat. Hey Riddle Riddle. I wanna get the calls on the voicemail and I'll hit play. And I'll hit plays. All right, thank you.

I was expecting to look over to you singing, but that's pre-recorded.

Welcome to the Hey Riddle Riddle Voice.

How many takes? How many takes?

You can always send a voice. You can always send a voicemail. Give us a call at 805Riddle1. That's 805Riddle1 to leave a little message for us on the Hey Riddle Riddle voicemail. Hey, you might even get your message featured on the show. Since I just announced this on the show today, we don't have any messages because no one has left the message yet. Is that a real number? Actually, Casey, we do have a number. Can we play our first message, Casey?

So, what do I say?

It's the Hey Riddle Riddle voicemail. You can say whatever you want. You just leave the message for the show. Just like the message? Yeah. I mean, say hi to Adal or Erin or me or something.

Okay, well then this message is for Erin Keif. So if you're not Erin Keif, please don't listen. This is an anonymous fan, and I just want to say I've got a really big old crush on you.

It's not cool to do that, even though I'm playing this on the show so people hear it.

Just hang up, it's not... Call here, Riddle.

Okay, so that was our first message.

A crush on me?

It sounded like your wife. I guess don't call the show if you have a crush on a person. Those aren't really the... Unless it's me. Look, you can call the show if you just want to leave a message, you want to say something to us, or if you want to leave us a riddle, you can do that as well. Just make sure that you leave some space before you say the answer.

So that wasn't your wife, Mariah?

So I don't know who that was. I don't know who could have gotten that number. Again, that number is 805 Riddle One. Leave us a message on the Riddle line, on the Hey Riddle Riddle line. Is this real? Is this a real thing? Yeah, it's the Hey Riddle Riddle line. It's season two. Huh. Yeah.

What was the number again? I think suspicious of the amount of work you've done for this episode.

It's 805 Riddle One. It's the Hey Riddle Riddle line. It's season two. We have a new phone line. You can call and leave us a message. I think I can also text message from this number. So I might, hey, I might text you. I might call you back. Uh, but you never know. You never know what might happen, but leave us a number on the old Riddle line. Again, that number one more time is 805, Riddle 1. And what's the actual number?

Cause I don't want to figure out what Riddle is in numbers.

I don't care. You gotta, it's branding for us. I didn't get 805, Riddle 1, just to list out the real fucking number.

Okay. I'll figure it out, maybe.

So, uh, Adal, Adal just gave it a call. It seems like he's maybe leaving another message. I can delete these messages off the voicemail. Oh. Does it just ring until somebody answers? Hey, thanks for calling Hey Riddle Riddle. It's real.

Hey, this is Adal, or not, I'm sorry, this is anonymous, fuck you.

All right, that's a really great example of a call that you don't want to leave on the Riddle line. You don't want to say, you don't want to say, fuck you, the host. It's nice messages are going to be the ones that get played. So that's the Riddle line. Again, sorry, we don't have more voicemails to play. I just, I hadn't given people, I hadn't given people the number yet. So that's why we didn't have more voicemails to play. Let's wait until the episode drops before you do anything like that.

Hold on one second. I'm making that call. Hold on. Hi, this is Veronica Peppermans calling with your test results. You're going to want to give me a call back fast because you have a sex rash and a butt rash and a face rash. It's all the same rash. Please call me back at 123. You are crazy. Uh, this has been Veronica Peppermints. I have a frog named Mr. Millionaire. Goodbye.

Okay. I also got another one here on my phone just popped up says, Hey, this is Casey. I mean anonymous. I was trying to get my call in before Adal, but I failed. Sorry. Fuck you.

So this is working really well. So great minds think alike. Well, great minds fuck alike. I'm sorry.

But don't leave messages like that. Leave real riddles.

Yeah, so there's three examples of messages that you don't need to leave, but you can call just to say, hey, say that you like the show, say whatever you want, but you don't need to leave messages that say fuck you to the hosts.

We don't enjoy hearing those. We don't, we don't enjoy people being mean to us. And here's what I'll say. For all of mommy's little maniacs, send us something fun, send us something nice. You know what to do.

And yes, you know what to do. And you know what we, that brings us to our next segment. Casey, go ahead and hit that theme song.

If this year says exit song, I would be really pissed.

Mail! Mail!

Oh my god! Oh my god!

Hey Riddle. That is the mailbox theme. Again, we haven't had the mailbox for very long, so we only have one package in the mailbox. If you want to send a package to Hey Riddle Riddle, go ahead and make that out to you. Hey Riddle Riddle, 6351 West Montrose Ave, number 267, Chicago, Illinois 60634. Again, that's Hey Riddle Riddle, 6351 West Montrose Ave, number 267, Chicago, Illinois 60634. Okay, let's open this thing up right now. You have a little package here. I'm opening it up live on the show. What is this gonna do? Very cool. Very cool. This is, this is something that it looks like a fan has sent us. And I actually did, this actually did go through the mail. It was sent to us. It looks like it is a KitKat bar and a Reese's.

Oh, that's cool.

So like, you can just kind of like send us, like, if you want to send us.

Did you set up this address so people would send you KitKat bars and Reese's cups?

You can actually mail things to this address, and it looks like some fan has mailed these to us. I don't know what to do with these. I do not like the candy, and I will not be bringing them to Adal or Erin. So, that address again is Hey Riddle Riddle, 6351 West Montrose Ave, number 267, Chicago, Illinois, 60634.

Hold on. Actually, Nassim here. Do you mind if I put those both in my hand so I can melt them? Wow, Nassim. Wow.

Good callback, Nissi.

Very good callback. So thank you so much for whoever sent that in. You did not include a letter because maybe you forgot before you mailed it and then you were like, well, I guess I could slip one in, but I have to open it live and it's already been mailed. So you didn't put a letter in there, but thank you for the candy bars. We really appreciate it so much. And that brings us to the end of the show. So Adal, Erin, do you have anything that you would like to plug?

Yes, I have three things I'd like to plug. One, I'd like to plug our new voicemail number. It's 805Riddle1. Two, I'd like to plug our new mailing address, not a P.O. box, a mailing address, 6351 West Montrose Avenue, number 267, and that's Chicago, Illinois 60634. And three, I'd like to plug JPC for all his hard work. Making an insane list, creating two insane songs, and just overall being fucking insane. It's the delight. Thank you JPC.

I would also like to plug JPC, Adal, that was a great idea. I felt a little bit like weary of us starting season two at episode 204. Yeah, that's a little weird, but I feel re-energized by this. I actually need to know how many takes those songs took. Um, I've never seen you work hard ever. And I can't believe how hard you worked in this episode. It is jarring and I love it. I feel great. This was a blast. Thank you for all your hard work. Uh, GPC, anything to plug?

All today's featured review, we're only going to do one since we're running a little long. This is from J.D. Keith. He, him, entertainingly baffling is the title of the review. The concept. Three improv comedians. I'm sorry. Yes, yes. The concept, three improv comedians try to solve riddles and use the bad ones, most of them, as jumping off points for incredibly hilarious improv scenes. The execution, creator and host, Erin Keif, is cute as a GD button, her words. However, it is a little upsetting listening to what sounds like one third of a conversation. I don't know if the search for good riddles drove her insane or if she started out that way. The only thing I know for sure is how grateful I am that her imaginary friends, Adal Rifai and John Patrick Coan, aren't real. This is a good example of a very fun joke review. Keep them coming. I love the joke reviews.

Is that true? Okay. I'm like one bad head cold away from thinking you two are actually my imaginary friends.

I do love how I said cute as a genie button and I was like, I love that. And I said her words and she goes, oh.

Oh, nevermind.

Nevermind. If you want to get your review featured on the show, just go to Apple iTunes and leave us a five star review and maybe we read your review one of these days.

And I can't stress enough, that mailing address that the ABC was kind enough to set up, maybe think about, I don't know, sending us some riddle books?

Yeah, you can send us whatever fits in a box to that address. Season Two can continue. We'll see.

But don't send me food because I live on the other side of the country.

Yeah, and I will. If you do want to send things to Erin, you can, and then I will repackage them and send them out to her in bulk packages. But I got to tell you, I don't know. You're not going to do that.

We'll give it to Erin anytime she's in town for a live show.

And with that, dear listeners, remember, you can always send it to that mailing address, but please do make sure that you send it to Chicago. Erin, what is the one place that they absolutely should not send things to?

I should say something different if it's season two. What should I start saying?

Oh, God. Well, I mean, we're almost out of planets between the Patreon and the review crew and, uh... Pluto? What are the other... What are the... What's that?

Should I say Pluto?

Pluto's not a planet anymore. She's just a close in chunk of ice.

Oh, I like that. Yeah. Saturn. Whoa. Hello. For now. Oh, I love the fact that we got these outros in here now.

And John Patrick Coan. Beep boop boop boop. Casey Toby to the editing. Beep boop boop boop. Have already parented the music.

Male.

Mouth stuff, butt stuff, back of the envelope stuff, tub thumping, dry humping, wet clumping, clismophilia, people who earnestly say that's so funny instead of laughing, family guy porn, family porn for guys, voyeurism, exhibitionism, patriotism, necromancy, feeling fancy, feeling up mannequins, urophilia, Eurovisionphilia, Disney adultism, hot wiping, cool treating, dairy queening, Spider worship, saying, wow, like Owen Wilson, rheumatoid arthritis, peridium swiping, doomsday prepping, tailgating, roadblocks, road head, antique roadshow head, treasure hunting, renting Tom Holland's Uncharted for $1, watching the whole thing and wishing you had that dollar back, pickleback shots, enjoying blowjobs, being a sexual little rascal, and reverse farting.

I think we need to make a t-shirt that's that list.

Hey there, wets and worlds. If you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. We go to the water park with our special guest, friend of the show, Waleed Mansoor. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash Hey Riddle Riddle by joining the Clue Crew for $5 a month or the Review Crew for $8 a month. And you can add free episodes. See you there!

That was a head gum podcast.