Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum podcast.

The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Oh, the Merkle fish. It was the cabin of an airplane. He stabbed him with an ice cream.

And the horse was deep riding.

Good morning, good evening, whatever time of day it is. My name is Andrew Balls, and welcome back to another episode of Balls in Your Court. Of course again, my name is Andrew Balls, and the court that we're talking about is the King's Court. King, of course, is what we call our almighty Lord, God himself. I'm joined as always by my two co-hosts today. Please introduce yourselves.

Hi, I'm Linda Balls.

And I'm Kingsley Court. I always thought the name of the show came from balls in my court because you two have the lesson in balls and I have the lesson in court.

No, I think it was just a happy little coincidence. But today we're talking about some of our favorite Bible passages. I'll go first if you don't mind.

Because the producer of the show asked me to change my name

Well, your legal name changed, helped sort of solidify our brand, so we do appreciate it, but we do have to get on. Today I'm bringing to the table Joshua 1.9. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous, do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. Let's unpack that for the next three hours.

I guess if it wasn't important that I'm looking for an apology because it wasn't ordeal, you know? I mean, it was a legal ordeal. My wife was very upset. She said, I don't... Brian, she said, I don't know who Kingsley Court is and I don't know why it's important that you change your name.

Yes.

And I guess I didn't have an answer for her because I was like, the name of the show is Balls in Your Court and I guess it doesn't make sense without me being this other person.

We do apologize to your wife, Stephanie Lizard. She's a good friend of the show and... I'm not going to apologize. I think everything is God's will. Even though it might seem hectic or unfortunate at the time, it is all God's plan. God works in mysterious ways. Bono spoke God's words when he sang that full song.

And as you know, Linda Balls is always confused. And I forgot that we were a Bible podcast and you said balls in your court and I googled basketball players. So that's what I'm ready to talk about today.

Linda, you've done this every episode for the past three and a half years.

And good morning to you as well.

My sweet love, what did you find under basketball players?

Yeah, the other thing that I wanted to break up is how my wife changed her name to Linda Balls and then married you.

That was unfortunate for you and an absolute blessing for me. And it reminds me of Romans 828. And we know that for those who love God, all things work together for good. For those who are called according to his purpose. So Linda, Stephanie, if I may, Stephanie Lizard, now Linda Balls.

Stephanie Lizard, Linda Balls, doesn't matter. I'm confused. I'm a friend of the show.

Linda, what did you get for basketball players when you Googled it?

Oh, excellent. Stephen Curry, Steph Curry as it goes by. James Harden, LeBron James, Chris Paul, Anthony Davis, Russell Westbrook.

Just the jumble of current players. There's no order or reason to.

Kyle Irving, Devin Booker.

Sometimes I'll have dreams and I'll say, these aren't my dreams. These are Kingsley court's dreams. And I don't know who he is. I don't know what he wants, but I'm having his dreams.

Which reminds me of Filipinos 234. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit. Does that make sense?

It can't be Filipinos. Just so you know. That's not a book in the Bible. I'm wondering how to get back to what I love.

What you're thinking is Philippians. No, those are women's reproductive tubes and this is not the show for that.

I'm wondering how to get back to what I was, to what I had, and I don't know if I ever will. I look at myself in the mirror and I say, this is Kingsley Court. Who is this man? What is this mustache?

Well, that reminds me of Piss Elms 9418. When I thought my foot slips, your steadfast love, O Lord, help me up. So know that God is walking with you. Even through your name change, even through your divorce, all things are possible with the Lord.

Okay. And then I also received a letter from the IRS that I guess the show is in my name and I owe, I guess, three years of back taxes? Can anyone help me with that or does anyone know what that's about?

The taxes are placed upon your back for yours is the broadest and strongest and the burden of taxes should be yours and yours alone.

And that sounds like a Stephanie Lizard problem and I'm Linda Ball's friend of the show.

I've made a huge mistake. I know I've made a big mistake. I feel that this is one of those moments where you change your name to Kingsley Court and up into your life your wife leaves you and now you're settled with a tax burden that you should not be responsible for. It's one of those pivotal moments in everyone's life.

Well if I may, there's one more verse that I'm dying to read that I think will help surmise it all up. This is from Riddles for 2069.

Leave it! Leave it! I'll give you $20 if you leave it.

$20 if you leave it.

Have three April Fools, everyone.

What just happened? Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, are you okay?

That would have been the greatest April Fools joke of all time. I stuck the landing. This is the flawless discount.

And then I stuck my foot in my mouth at the landing.

Copy APPs!

Hopry, the grand old Hopry house. It was like a gymnast doing a perfect flip and then landing on the mat, and right as they landed on the mat, a horse kicks them at the spine. Wait, you know gymnast?

I hated the one that happened in the 84 Olympics. It was so hard to watch.

Yeah, Oksana Bayul got kicked in the spine by a horse and the crowd went wild.

The horse won the dressage for that, for that kick. That horse is a serious drug.

I'm in a good mood, I was in a bad mood this morning, and now I'm in a good mood. You win, you win.

Wait, why were you in a bad mood? Let's, let's revisit this.

Literally everything in my life.

Let's get you back into a funk.

Okay, no, if we do, if you ask me one single question, I'm sliding back, let's move forward.

It's like Chutes and Ladders. I think that that was a flawless April Fool's joke. I hope that people like this. Now, wait. Now, did we do an April? Was it 2020 that we did an April? Yes. It was 2020 that we did an April Fool's joke.

I think 2020 was when we did like a Puzzbot game show or something. There's something where a Puzzbot came on and said Adal died. And then a lot of people, too many people, were like, did Adal really die? Mm-hmm.

And I didn't know. So he's mentioned this before, but there's no time that people want to joke about death less than April of 2020. Yes.

In our defense, we recorded that in December of 2019. We baked on that one. We baked on that one really paying off for us. I don't think we did an April Fool's thing last year, did we? I don't think we did.

I don't think we did. And that was the joke.

And that was the April Fool's joke. It's meta. What are our thoughts and stances on April Fool's? I find the holiday to be exhausting.

Hate it.

Even though I just actively participated in it.

You know, the thing about April Fools nowadays is like I love a good prank. Like I love a solid joke. I just don't think we, I think that for every like solid joke and prank and what we did is bad. For every solid joke and prank that you get, you get like 30 times more of like brands trying to be like cute. But my favorite part about April Fools, which Which kind of relates to the Adal being dead thing is when people really just shoot themselves in the foot. Like you don't have to participate. You could just go normal, like business has normal at April Fools, but sometimes like big companies will like really fuck themselves over. And I guess that's kind of the point like to, you know, generate PR buzz or like we're talking about it. But I just love the April Fools missteps.

Those are fun to me. Always fun. Though here's what I'll say. The only off the top of my head, the only thing I can think that's funny to do on April Fools Is like if you live with someone, whether it be a significant other or just a roommate or something or family member, take a box of cereal, maybe it's like Honey Nut Cheerios, take out the bag of Honey Nut Cheerios, put in like 10 Olive Garden breadsticks, seal back up the box. That's the only good April Fool's joke I can think of. Is it somebody goes to pour their cereal and just 10 fucking breadsticks fall out into the hole?

You wanna know why? That's a lateral move. We're not going up or down in the quality of food we're about to eat.

And then you pop out of the couch and you scream when you hear your family. That to me is a funny April Fool's joke. Anything else seems exhausting and ripe with like conflict in terms of like you're declaring war on someone when you pull an April Fool's prank.

You want an April Fool's prank that works every single time.

Yes.

Here's what you do. The night of April Fool's, you're going to bed with your significant other. This only works, unfortunately, if you're in a relationship. I guess it could kind of work for roommates, but it's better if you're in a relationship. What you do, you pee the bed that night, but you know that you're going to pee the bed. So then you wake up your significant other before, you know, in the middle of the night and say, Don't be mad. Don't be upset. You peed the bed. It's okay. We're gonna clean it up. You clean it all up. You don't ever tell anyone and you just let them go the rest of their life thinking that they peed the bed and that you are a nice person. That's fucking insane! No, it's an April Fool's joke. April, it's like a prank. It's a classic prank. You never tell anyone. Never tell a soul.

Take it to your grave. That's only for them. So April Fool's was in two days. So listeners, feel free to have at any of those April Fool's pranks that we just provided. Erin, do you have any good April Fool's pranks?

No, I'm still reeling from what JPC just said. I'm like, oh my god.

It's just a normal classic prank. I don't understand. I don't understand why everyone seems to be with their face making it look like they're mad at me. But what I said was like a normal business as usual over here.

Yeah, I figured.

Go to the Olympics, dress up like a horse, wait for somebody to finish their floor routine, kick him in the spine.

If you're truly an American and you loved this country, you would dress up like a horse and sabotage athletes from other countries.

All right, merch suggestion.

That's my favorite Steely Dan song. Are you kicking in her spine? Are you dressed up like a horse?

We get a cartoon of a person wearing a horse costume, but it just says dress up like a horse, kick an athlete.

Okay, I'm making it right now.

Just like a horse, kick an athlete. Yeah, that sounds like a country song. Big and rich. What a phenomenal duo. Well, speaking of phenomenal duos, it's the three of us. Welcome to another episode of Hey Riddle Riddle. We're three friends and we try and solve puzzles, riddles, a lot of thinking problems. If this is your first episode, oh god, I'm sorry.

Oh my god. Oh my god.

Oh my god. April Fool's is the wrong time to get into something for the first time, you know what I'm saying?

Oh my god, get out of here.

Oh my god, what are you doing? It sounds like Macho Man Randy Savage is like a teenager.

Oh my god, get out of my room and get into a Slim Jim. Get into a Slim Jim. You're all my dad.

So this is a Riddle podcast. No. Okay.

Sometimes. Alright, sorry. It's Adal, Erin, and JPC. Those are our names. You can read more about us.

No, my name is Andrew Balls. What a move to change your name from Stephanie Lizard to Linda Balls.

Yeah, that's another lateral move.

If I'm the judge signing off on all this stuff, I see Stephanie Lizzard to Linda Ball's and I say, one to one, fine. Continue. As you were. Should we get into some riddles and puzzles? Dude, I'd love to. I'd absolutely love to.

He's fucking with us today. You're in a mood, pal. I don't know.

You're in quite the mood. Alright, I'm ready. Okay, here we're gonna go with some real fucking layups. Some real Stephen Curry layups. Erin, basketball. Basketball in the brain, huh?

Steph Curry. But his name is Stephen.

You caught yourself. It's Stephen.

That's the name his mother gave.

Is it Stephen? Is it spelled S-T-E-P-H-E-N? S-T-E-P-H-E-N.

Oh, it's Steph and Curry.

Stephen. Wasn't that also how you spell Stephen? S-T-E-P-H-E-N? Or Stephen with an A-N? It's just how you pronounce it.

JPC, do you mind doing your Stephen impression? Bill Hader from Weekend Update.

Oh, uh... Do the voice? Yeah, the voice. I don't even remember.

I used to love Saphon. Saphon was great. He was very funny. Yeah. Um, here we go. Here's our... This is gonna be... These are just easy as all get out. If you throw a blue stone into a red sea, what will it become? Moses. That's correct. A blue stone. Yes. Um, Erin... Purple stone. Okay. All right. These are not bad guesses. They're just wrong.

Oh, is this is this like one of these like cheeky things where you like you put your hand on your under your chin and you leave it on the counter and go lost.

Yeah monkey. Stop looking at my bum. Yes, it is gone. That is a great answer. There's one that's a little more correct. If you throw a blue stone into the Red Sea, what will it become? And just like base the most simplest. This is Occam's razor. The simplest answer is the right answer. Is it just gone? Lost? Gone? Wet? It has become wet? It is wet. Water makes it wet. I do want to see a scene. Already? Already.

We're not prepared. We're still in the dress rehearsal.

We're like running around backstage, grabbing props. We can do this here. Water makes it wet. Water makes it wet. I want to see a scene. JPC, you are Moses. You're kind of, you tried to part the Red Sea and it wouldn't part. So now you're just kind of skipping stones and you're just kind of, you're throwing yourself a little pity party. Erin, you are one of the people that Moses was trying to lead across the sea and you're coming over to comfort him even though he couldn't perform this miracle he said he could. Stupid.

Hey buddy.

Goddamn shit.

Any for your thoughts?

What? Watch it with the goddamn. Oh now? Now you're here? I'm sorry. Hold on. I'm sorry. Ah, yes. Kate. Yes. Hey. Kate. One of my flock. One of the people that I'm leading out of Egypt.

Yeah.

What's a... How can... My lord, help you, Kate. How can the hero of the people help you, Kate?

Moses, here's a tissue. I can tell you've been crying.

No, I was just, um... I had an onion. For lunch, because I was so famished. I was famished because basically what I'm doing now is I'm priming the sea to open. And so that's, you know, it takes a lot out of you. I had to have an onion.

You really exerted yourself back there. It was just sort of screaming, yelling like, please.

You know what it is, is I haven't pooped today. And I feel like it's throwing my whole day off because I'm a morning pooper. So just full disclosure, some of the guys told me that you have a crush on me.

What? What? Yeah. Moses and Kate, sitting in an arc. Guys, knock it off. He's having a really hard time. He really just embarrassed himself today.

Rick, what a dick. I mean, he's a good guy, but he's kind of a dick.

I just wanted to tell you that I thought that was really, really cute that you have a crush on me.

I don't. Honestly, I'm into chicks. Way hotter than what are you doing, Moses? What are you doing?

Be careful, Kay. He has an STD. I heard him talking about a burning bush.

Rick, what are you doing? That's my best friend. What's he doing? I don't know. I don't get it. I don't get a relationship.

What did we kiss as a joke? Really hotter than me. Moses, I just wanted to tell you, I know everyone's really making fun of you, calling you a loser, saying, see what he didn't do there. Is Rick saying that? Yeah.

God, his intonation is perfect for making that spread like fucking wildfire.

Yeah. But anyways, I just wanted to come over and tell you that I know that was embarrassing and I do feel sorry for you and I'm actually with Rick.

Cards on the table. Cards on the table? Cool. I'm happy for Rick. He's such a good guy. Cards on the table. I can't actually speak to God. I was truly making that something would happen when I took everybody out here. I know the Pharaoh is going to be pissed when we come back. We have to go back.

Yeah, we're all probably gonna get killed, huh?

Yeah. Um, I did. I don't know. I was like, maybe if I could go here to the sea, I could impress Kate and then like Kate with me with Rick and like people will know who Moses is.

Can I see your staff really quick? I just want to try something.

This is a snake.

Okay.

Yeah, I put it in the freezer so it's real stiff, but it's a snake.

Let me give it a shot anyway.

Sure.

And part of the red sea.

If you'd like to make a miracle, please hang up and try again.

I guess I couldn't do it either. Fair enough, Moses. See you around, pal.

Guess we're kind of the same, huh, Kate? Same. I guess you and I, oh no. We're ending the scene.

Okay, that's right. Will you be in Egypt later? Yes, we all will Moses. And of course, April Fool's is a very religious day to my knowledge. So this all makes sense.

Yeah, but it's all it's it's the solstice. It's all the solstice. It was April Fool's as a pagan holiday that was co-opted.

Let Jesus into your solstice. Here we go with another simple little warm up riddle. What spring flowers can be found on people's faces? Oh, what are those little bugs? Athens?

Rosy cheeks.

Oh, Erin. Two lips. Yep, there you go. Let's say it the full way. Two lips. There you go. Two lips. That's great. Here's another one.

Daisy eyebrows. Nope, there's no more.

It is impossible for any man to survive longer than one week without drinking water. Yet Abdul managed to cross the desert in 10 days without drinking any water. How is this possible?

He's a camel.

Abdul is the name of a camel. Wow. I would like to see a scene. Uh oh.

GPC, you are walking through the desert with your camel and you think like you're both thirsty and then you realize that he can go like a lot longer than you without water.

Damn. Hey boss, are we slowing down here?

Yeah, I mean maybe just for a second. Can I be honest with you? I am dying here.

Oh, I see where you're going with this. You're dying for a cigarette, puts on sunglasses, leather jacket. Here, have one of my cigarettes. I truly can't smoke another one, Joe.

It's like water. It's like water. I'm so dehydrated that I feel like I'm a mummy inside. I feel if I smoke one of those, it's going to push me right over the edge. I'm going to just, you know, bandage. Are you not dying of thirst right now?

No, my man. I could go another month. Wait a second. You know why? Because my humps, my humps, my humps, my humps. Check them out.

Okay Joe, I'll level with you. I'm dying. I'm dying. Oh no. And you have two humps. Both of them I assume are full of water. Let me suck one of those humps dry. You have the other hump. You still have the other hump.

And so, we'll both be able to, we'll both be able to cross the desert and we'll go to a page. Let me, buddy, let me stop you right there. One's full of water and fat, the other one's full of my camping gear, okay? And that's because you asked me to bring it.

Okay, well first of all, I wasn't about to put it on top of you. That'd be insane to bring the camping gear. It's much more economical to fit it inside. That's why people buy a compact camel. Okay, okay, well here's the deal. I'm about, I want to say, one hour away from dying of thirst in the desert. Oh, well then have a cigarette. No, Joe, now listen. If I die here in the desert, you are a camel. Granted, you could talk or I'm hallucinating all of this, but there is no way that they are going to let a camel without a human into town, okay? They're gonna see you and they're gonna tell your camel has to turn around. You need me. I'm your ticket into town.

Okay, so I'll give you some of my hump water if you give me 500 camel bucks.

First of all, I earned those camel bucks fair and square by scratching off the little thing on the back of the packages. And if I get 1500 more camel bucks, I can get a jet ski. And I want one of those because now, granted, they're going to need a lot more water than we have. What are you going to use the 500 camel bucks for? Oh, I'm sorry. This is your food? Yes. Well, how long can you go without food? Uh, 20 minutes, 30 minutes. Hold on. God damn it. Joe, you've been eating our camel bucks. Yes. You've been snacking on these right out of my back pocket. Yeah. So now we got no camel bucks. We don't have enough water to get through the desert. There's no way we're gonna get into town and get to that cool strip club that we've been hearing about. Which the name of it was... Uh, desert cups? Pyramid? P-E-E-R? Sure. It's the only human and camel strip club in all of the desert. We've been trying to go because it's your bachelor party. Which, by the way, you talk about Megan so much, I've never met her. Well, she's- Megan who lives in Canada? Yeah. Camels don't live in Canada, Joe.

Well, she lives in- Nobody believes- I never said Canada. I said she lives in Camilda.

All right. Cards on the table, Joe. Cool house. Damn it. Give me those camel bucks. I bust. Scene.

Scene. Oh, that was delightful.

I hope that the only characters that I play this recording are in the desert and people who say cards on the table.

All right, that's the name of the episode. Cards on the table.

Here we go. Here's another one. This is a little more tricky. What do you bury when it's alive and dig up when it's dead? What do you bury when it's alive and dig up when it's dead? Wow. Pretty good answer. Pretty good answer. A snitch.

Secret. A snitch.

These are all very fun. You bury when it's alive and dig up when it's dead? Correct.

Is that like a plant?

I think it's a plant, like a flower. Erin, it is not like a plant. It is a plant. Erin, you're on fucking fire today.

I didn't mean to be. I didn't choose this life.

Erin, sorry, it's not a bad thing.

No, I didn't choose this. It chose me.

It chose me.

I don't know, it's fucking early for me. There's no reason I should be getting these.

It is not good. This is a bad sign. This is my night right now. We're recording at like noon and this is my night time. I do want to see a scene. Erin and JPC, you can be whatever plants you like, but you are, we are at the funeral for a fellow plant.

Got it. I had no idea that Lavender was from the desert. There's such a long plane ride to get down here. So sad, you know? He's so young. I just saw him like, I want to say like in spring.

Right?

Yeah.

I thought I was like in spring he looked so healthy and so good. He was like doing all the stuff he loved so at least like I don't know the end of his life was really beautiful before he got sick.

I heard it was not so beautiful. What? What did you hear? I heard a cat duck him up. No! Yeah.

Oh my god!

That's a rabbit! I mean is it murder because like there was no trial so I think it's you know murders the legal definition. I think it's me too.

We are gathered here today to say goodbye to our friends, our son, our brother Lavender. Taken too early plucked before his time and now a reading of the will. Oh we are. Let's give it right to it. That was, that was the service.

That was the funeral service.

All those two lines. All of Lavender's photosynthesis that he saved up over years and years. Oh my God. He is leaving to Fern. Fern, are you here?

He got present, present. I just, I just googled it. Cats are allergic to lavender. They can be sick and they can die.

Oh my God. That's probably, I'm going to a cat's funeral two days from now. Oh my God. I'm putting it together.

I'm here. I'm here. Oh my God. Okay. I'm here. Sorry.

Here's Lavender's photosynthesis. Am I saying that right? Photosynthesis. Phallopian. Thank you so much. Here's that stuff. That's great.

That's crazy. That's great. That's wow.

So I get the photosynthesis.

What it get? What it get?

Pretty cool. Any money though? Sorry.

Let's see. Let's see what Rose gets. Let's see what Rose gets. We're all reading the will. Let's see what Rose gets. Is Rose here? Yeah, that's me. And we gotta make this quick, I got a cat's funeral in a couple of days and it's on the other end of the desert.

As well as Lavender's collection of lamborghinis and rare porches. Is it possible there's a typo in there? Because I got photosynthesis, which I already have as a plant. We cut to a montage of a rose in a sports car, zooming up to divorce his wife, zooming away.

The rose has a bunch of petudias in the backseat of the sports car, they're just blowing in the wind.

We cut to the exterior of a bowling alley, it says Rose Bowl. The rose is bowling, and it's just strike after strike after strike after strike. He rolls a turducken.

He's getting like hair plugs of like different petals from other flowers.

You see it's like one of those glass coffee tables with just lines of cocaine. The Rose is just putting all the cocaine up into his butt.

The Rose is getting a spray tan. Just turns.

We see several flowers around Rose and yet his thorn is still limp. It won't get hard. We see do start to scream down Rose's petals. He's clearly taking a turn.

We see the Rose looking through the window seeing his family enjoy Christmas dinner with their new stepdad. His spray tan dripping down him.

Yeah you see the roses on the side of the highway and the Lamborghini is totaled and there's like a tow truck driver or no it's a tow truck being operated by let's say a Monstera and they're like shaking their leaves no.

We see Rose on a bridge in a vase with a hammer and he goes to raise the hammer to smash his own vase.

And then he cuts back to the moment where he got all that money. And that was just a vision that he had of what could become of his future.

So will you take this money in these cars? No.

And I'm gonna get on a plane right now, get out of this fucking desert, fuck that cat's funeral. I'm gonna fly home to New Jersey and I'm gonna kiss my wife.

I'll take all the cars and the money.

Rose, I must commend you. You kind of told me everything. You gave me all your disclosures. You kind of... What's another term for that?

You put all your... Ducks in a Rose? That's what it is.

Alright, well that's my favorite thing we've ever done.

I thought you were only doing scenes where you got to say all my cards on the table.

Did you say that? Yes, I did. I thought I was being prompted to do a rose pun, and I was like, is he going for ducks in a rose? I was like, that works, I guess. I don't know. I gotta get my ducks in a rose. How will they fit? Surely it's too tight a squeeze. Yeah, maybe it's early for all of us because my Pundar was fired right there. I was like, surely this is the dismount that we're all looking for.

And then kicking it back by a horse. Erin, I do love the... I'll take it all. It reminds me of one of my favorite movies is Coming to America. And there's the part where he gave, what's her name, the $500,000 diamond earrings. And she takes them off in the subway and gives them back to him. And then there's an old lady on the subway who goes, If you're a real prince, I'll marry you and he gives her the half a million dollar earrings. Just because she asked for them. Those who ask, fortune favors the bold.

Yeah, right place, right time. That's like the I'll have the cum sandwich lady. If you see someone eat the cum sandwich, you order the cum sandwich.

If you see something, cum something. Well, we're going to take a quick break to hear from some advertisers so we can buy ourselves some roses and we'll be right back.

I know what you're thinking. Do I have a new hat, Adal and JPC? New haircut? Why am I walking around with so much confidence?

I bet you're wondering. I wanted pretzels from the food court.

And I was just gonna let you know that it looks like you leaned on paint.

Anyways, I just had a bunch of subscriptions canceled for me by Rocket Money that I wasn't using. And so now I'm flushed with cash and now I'm confident. Pretzel money? Well, maybe we'll talk about that. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years, even before they were a sponsor.

Erin, it looks like you may have leaned on like with someone painting a rocket money like billboard or sign or something because it's all it's all down your back it's like and it's I could ock it ock it

People think they're spending $80 on their subscriptions when in reality, the number is closer to $200. And when you signed up for so many free trials, like streaming services, you watch one show and then you completely forget about it. You lose track and then all of a sudden you're like, why am I bleeding money? Rocket money? They take care of that for you. They go, sit back, relax. We got this. And they make everything color coded and easy and super intuitive.

You're also color-coded. A little birdie told me that Rocket Money also lets you monitor all your expenses in one place, recommends custom budgets based on your past spending, and they'll even send you notifications when you've reached your spending limits, which sounds like something my friend would like, but I forget which friend I'm so hungry for pretzels.

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Hey, what's going on? Somebody leaned over my rocket money painting. Run. Everybody run. Run. Oh no.

Maroon.

Is that DaVinci?

Yeah. Yes.

And bye. Hi, Adal and JPC.

Oh, greetings. Greetings, Erin. We're just- Hey, Erin. Our normal selves today. I'm just myself.

I'm normal. Hey, we're both normal.

Good news. So I finally opened Erin's Land in my backyard. It's a theme park. Most of the rides work. Most are pretty safe and I'm trying to start a website so people can find out all the information they need to get into Erin's Land.

Oh, that's actually perfect Erin because this podcast is actually sponsored by Squarespace. Yeah, and it's an all-in-one, like, website platform for, you know, entrepreneurs or whatever you consider yourself to be to kind of, like, stand out online. Whether you're just starting out, which it seems like you may be, or you're trying to build a successful growing brand, Squarespace is gonna make it really easy for you to create a beautiful website, Erin.

Yeah, and Erin, if you want Erinland, I think is what you call it, to have stuff like custom merch. You can do that. You can easily sell custom merch and create a passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand. You design your products and production, inventory, shipping, all of it, handled for you, saving you time and money.

So, I mean, real quick, just because I'm looking around at Erinland, I'm just going to say what I think Erinland is from what you're presenting.

Sure.

So right now it looks like Erinland is a lot of goo.

Great eye.

Okay, so I'm right about goo. So it's a lot of goo. So are you trying to sell this goo? Because if the goo is for sale, then Squarespace does have an online store. We can sell your products online, whether it's physical like this goo, digital, like I imagine you have some digital goo or photos of people seeing the goo for the first time. Yeah, Squarespace has what you need. It has the tools to start selling online.

I'm looking forward to using it because I can use insights to grow my business. I can learn when site visits and sales are coming in and coming from to analyze which channels are most effective. I can improve my website and build a marketing strategy based on your top keywords like goo or most popular products and content like goo.

Huh, it's kinda eating through my shoes, it's starting to burn. Head to squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Erin, I just got some great analytics from Squarespace. It says people don't like goo. Huh.

Yay! I'm in a lot of debt now.

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey everybody, this is GPC.

I'm here too.

Yeah, Erin's here as well. And it's with a heavy heart that we kind of do this ad read because one of our own, Mr. Adal Rifai, is not with us.

He is unfortunately stuck in a cat costume. They're calling it a medical phenomenon. And a disaster. But we're going to soldier on. We're going to be brave today. I do want to talk to my better help therapist a little later about what this has done to my nervous system.

We're going to need that, yep.

And if you're thinking of starting therapy, you should give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. All you have to do is fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with your licensed therapist, and you can switch therapists any time for no additional charge. Conventional therapy where you had to drive to an office never really worked well for me. Like today, I get to send my therapist a message saying, you know how Adal loves to dress up like a cat? And sometimes he gets stuck, well this time he might Be somewhere.

Erin, let's not think like that. Let's not think like that, okay? Because that's a negative spiral and that's going to lead us to needing more better help. I mean, if you think that conventional therapy is the only way to do therapy, then I beg of you. Have one of your best friends in this world get stuck in a cat costume and they can't find where the zipper starts. I don't know if we mentioned that, but that's one of the biggest problems. It's all zipped up.

Okay, so get a break from your thoughts like this.

Intrusive thought. Bad.

Visit BetterHelp.com slash Riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Riddle, R-I-D-D-L-E.

Oh, Erin, speaking of 10% off, this is actually good news. I just got a text from the medical staff. It looks like the cat costume is 10% off. So 90% to go pray for our friend.

It's not enough. It's not enough. It's barely the toes. It's not enough for him to have a normal life. I'm having a great time.

Well, Erin, fall is officially here, which means it's time to get into our fall routines. And there's nothing that I love more than using my Raycon wireless earbuds to listen to some classic fall music. I'm sorry. I want to do this. I just can't do this because I know that my friend Adal is stuck in a full body cat costume and that includes fabric over the ears and I know he can't use his Raycon wireless earbuds and it just No, you could do this.

You started so well. You're being very brave Raycon gives you up to eight hours of playtime and 32 hour battery life and they are so good and smooth and the optimized gel tips They feel like butter in your ears

All Adal wanted was 8 hours of playtime and now he's going to have an eternity of playtime except we're not playing games anymore because he's really stuck in that suit.

Here, I'll distract you. Raycon's Everyday Earbuds have over 78,000 five-star reviews and they're priced just right. You get quality audio for half the price of other premium audio brands.

I wish we were able to give all of our listeners quality audio but I just know in my heart That with the big guy all sewn up in that suit, it's just not gonna be possible to have the same quality of audio that we normally deliver. I can't stop making the ad, which is supposed to be about Raycon earbuds, that you love, that I love! I can't stop making it about my friend who's trapped in that cat costume.

No, no, remember? There's like noise isolation and you can do three customizable sound profiles just completely suited to you. Hi Fidelity Audio, come on GBC, we can do this.

They also have an awareness mode and I've heard that Adal is now stuck in permanent awareness mode because he's aware of all of his cat-like appendages and he's starting to forget what it feels like to be a man because he is going to be only cat from here on out.

I just wish that the doctors didn't tell us how much pain he was.

I know and the way they did it when they held their hands out and they said we'll tell you when we stop and that their hands keep going and going and going so far out

So anyways, school's back in session, which means Raycon is having their annual back to school sale. For a limited time only, go to buyraycon.com slash riddle today to get 20% off site-wide. Plus free shipping. That's buyraycon.com slash riddle to score 20% off. buyraycon.com slash riddle. Oh, Adal.

Erin, it's wild that you said 20% off. Because I just got a text from his medical team and it looks like the cat costume.

The costume is 20% back on.

Yes, he's really buried himself in it.

We miss you boy, get better soon!

I miss you Adal! Riddle Riddle Riddles.

Riddles. How are you thirsty for riddles?

Yes, sorry. My friend and I were trapped in this desert.

Oh, this sucks because Adal was the one who was providing the riddles in this episode. So like if he's dying of thirst for the riddles, it's like... I don't know what to tell you man, I'm empty handed today.

Oh wait, what's that in the distance? Is that Liam and Noel Gallagher? It's a mirage.

Oh, yeah, that's the bad mirage.

My bad, my bad.

They're a cover band, man.

Fuck me, huh?

Yeah, I mean, I can't help you with Riddles. I guess I could come up with a Patreon game real quick if that's something that you're interested in.

No, no, no. Welcome back to the DPC's Patreon game. Coffee tables are coffee grinders. Small medium or doughy. We're not talking about coffee at all in this game.

Wow. Actually, I'm going to write that down. Coffee tables are coffee grinders. That could be a game.

That's nothing. It cannot. It can't. It cannot be done.

I could make that into a game. The grinders are turned.

Coffee tables are coffee grinders. Yep. Sure. Well, welcome back to Hey Riddle Riddle. In the second act, I thought to do something I don't think we've done in a little while. Erin, I believe this is something you enjoy because I think you might be the first one who brought it to the show, which is the only connect

Oh yeah. I've been watching a ton of Only Connect lately. It's so British.

Well then these should be an absolute breeze for you. So what's going to happen is we have for each puzzle we have four questions with four answers and then there's sort of a meta puzzle off of the first puzzle where all four answers are going to be under the same category or umbrella. Got it.

So a metal puzzle. So this is going to be You know, it's like hard and malleable. It's going to be a puzzle that is, and some sort of alloy. I understand.

I think you're just throwing out metal terms. So for example sake, let's do one very quickly. What was Iran called previously? What was Iran called previous? Before it was called Iran, it was known as... Think of rugs. Think of rugs. Persian? Oh, yes. What is the nickname for the boxer, Manny Pacquiao? Think of the first three letters of his last name. Packey. Pacman. Yep, there you go. Complete the name of the famous fashion photographer, Blank Testino. Or the hockey player Blank Lemieux. And which word describes an object moving faster than the sound? Super blank. Sonic. Yep. And then all of those answers are... Video games. Video games. Persia's the hardest one in terms of its prince of... I was gonna say, I was like, I don't know a video game called Persia. So that's how it works. There's four little questions with four little answers, and then those little answers combine to form a new puzzle that they have to solve.

Well, I'll be honest, I hope none of these involve, what was it, knowing a boxer or a hockey player? That's gonna be a real detriment to Erin and I, our abilities in this game.

Honestly, it's so funny that there's so many times that I have no idea what the fuck they're talking about because it's so British. At least this is like stuff that is in the possibility of us being able to know it. Also, a couple people who are writers on Only Connect, like they actually write the questions, are listeners of our show. Say what? And I think they were inspired to take an improv class based on Hey Riddle Riddle.

Wait, I'm sorry. Only Connect is a show that is still airing new episodes? Okay, in my mind, this whole time we've been talking about Only Connect, I thought this was something that was like from the 60s or something like that. Did it happen in the 60s as well?

No, I think it's only like 20 years old.

This is like a brand new thing. Oh, it's 20 years old.

Maybe less, less.

Well, writers of Only Connects connect with us and can we get a t-shirt?

Unless, unless you already have three years ago and we just haven't got your either yet.

Alex. It's Alex who writes for Only Connect.

That's outstanding. That's so cool. I had no idea. Yeah. Well here we go. Let's go off to the first one. Hopefully Alex approves. And Alex, if you have your own that you want to write for us, that would be amazing. But also I don't want to ask them, okay, nevermind. Here we go. We'll do this next time. Here we go. Here's the first one. Question one. Kevin Costner won his best director Oscar for Dances with Blank. Waterworld.

Wolves. Waterworld. No. What JBC said.

Hey, go ask Waterworld to dance. Go ask Waterworld to dance. Number two. Which organization was created by Robert Baden Powell in 1907? 1907 by Robert Baden Powell. And is this an organization? It's an organization with honor. Oh, Boy Scouts. That is the Boy Scouts. The Boy Scouts. In Spain and Italy, what has suits called swords, clubs, coins, and cups? In Spain and Italy, what has suits called swords, cups, coins, and cups? Swords, clubs, coins, and cups. Swords, clubs, coins, and cups. Is that... Is this like a deck of cards? But this is... It is playing cards. Playing cards? Yep. So instead of the hearts, clubs, diamond, spades, they have swords and cups, coins and... Swords and clubs, coins and cups.

I can't say... So it's wolves, boy scouts, playing cards.

Yep. And there's one more.

Well, I have a question about this. Are their clubs our clubs? Are the clubs the same?

No clubs will ever be our clubs.

I don't know what a club is, but it's like those three little bumpy things, and I just wanted to know if Italian clubs are the same icon. Is it the same icon? Oh, I don't know. That was my question. And then my second question is, what is clubs? And then my third question is, who do I go to with these questions? I just use a bucket of questions, and I know it's not for you. I can clearly see your banner says town idiot, so I don't want to bring you these clubs.

Idiot is spelled wrong on your banner.

And I should know, I spelled it. I don't know if I told you guys, but my future mother-in-law came over and got Mexican, and she called it guacamole, and so I couldn't stop saying guacamole and fajites. It's now a new fun little thing in our household. Guacamole and fajites. Guacamole. What type of product does Marlboro make? Cigarettes. Okay, so you have your four answers, and then let me know what those four things have in common. We got Boy Scouts, Waterworld, Cigarettes, and... Oh, pack! Yes, Erin, these are all things that come in packs. This is my favorite thing. I do want to see a scene. Okay. Erin and JPC, you are both wolves, and the leader of the pack has left everyone, and you're both vying for who should be the new leader. You're both kind of trying to plead your case.

Got it.

Uh, yeah, so I was thinking, um, actually no, you got, no, uh, yeah. Uh, what were you guys thinking about what we should do? Kyle, are you doing a voice? No, I'm not. I've actually like, I definitely, I have like a really low tambour to my voice. Um.

Yeah, I was just saying, I was just saying, um, I was just saying, not it.

You don't, oh, you don't want to be, you don't want to be the alpha?

Uh, no. I don't want to be in charge of like,

Hunting missions or... I don't... Okay, well is there anyone that you want you think would be good at it who's maybe your friend who has a really deep voice?

Wait, before you answer that, Derek doesn't want to be leader, which makes him so cool and... No, stop. Let's all vote for Derek to be leader. He doesn't want it, which means he's perfect for it.

Can I be honest with you guys? I'm like 70 hours into Elden Ring and I'm completely lost in it, so that's what I kind of want my life to be about right now.

Did you hear him being honest with us? He promises honesty and delivers.

Look, cards on the table. We're a bunch of wolves in the desert. We all want what's best for the pack. It's not me. It's not Derek, okay? I've mentioned it three times today and it's 10am.

That's so cool.

No, it's not.

No one would think that's kind of testosterone in your body if you're that horny.

It's more boredom, honestly. It's sad, really.

I don't know, I think maybe Little Petey's name should be thrown into the ring. I masturbated today, too.

Yeah, sure. Why don't we do Petey the Master Mater? Why don't we do Little Petey?

Why am I the Master Mater when I'm only the Master Mater once today and you've masturbated three times?

I don't know, Petey. Glass houses? It doesn't matter. I mean, look. Wait, where did Kyle go? Kyle died. Oh, no. Kyle died like three years ago. Yeah. That elk ate Kyle. A desert elk, eight kinds. Unreal. It was unreal. Why don't we just let little PD beat the new, the new, what do we call it, lead wolf? Alpha. Teen wolf.

Alpha. Sure. Can I use my real voice because this hurts? Sure, sure. Thank you. Oh no.

I'm happy with this. I'm fine with it.

That was right this way.

I was going to respect us with that voice. Same.

Okay. I worked it out. I got the desert and I got cards on the table in there. So I'm happy.

You did it.

I'm winning.

Okay. Here's the new one.

Winning what?

It doesn't matter. Question number one, and I swear this is not, I'm not trying to make this show all about religion. Question one, who is Jesus's chief disciple? Lil Petey. Well, actually, at JPC, you're right. Yeah, I know. I didn't know that. When using a walkie talkie... You didn't know that. What kind of Catholic school did you go to? None. A mosque. When using a walkie talkie, what is the term used to acknowledge a radio message? None.

Sounds like you went to a convent by a Catholic school. Over.

That's along the right lines. When using walkie-talkie, what is the term used to acknowledge a radio message? And this is usually repeated twice. Well, not usually, but sometimes... Roger? Yeah, there you go.

Roger that.

Okay, Roger. Again, did not anticipate all this religious stuff. Which religious holiday often involves chocolate and brightly colored eggs?

Easter.

Oh, Thanksgiving. Yep. Who played the female star of Dark Angel in the Fantastic Four? Blank Alba. That would be Miss Jessica Alba.

Ah, they're rabbits.

Yes, Peter, Roger, Easter, Jessica, these are all rabbits. Or wabbits. Peter, Jessica, Easter.

Okay, okay, Easter Rabbit. That's not a specific rabbit, right? Is that an Easter thing? The Easter Bunny. Okay, sure.

There is a difference between hairs and rabbits in terms of size. What is the difference between bunnies and rabbits? Are bunnies baby rabbits? A bunny rabbit is a rabbit, right?

It's not a hair. Hair is different. Hair is different because they're huge. Yeah, exactly.

And they only fuck tortoises. From what I know.

Very quickly. The only animal that fucks tortoises is for pleasure. They're their own race.

I'm running as fast as I can. I'm going to take a quick break because I feel like I'm very far away from JPZ.

You are a hare, you are dating a tortoise, and you are introducing your tortoise to me, who is your more conservative hare father.

Okay, okay, I'm a little nervous. Before we knock on the door, is there anything you need to know? Anything? I feel like I've covered all of my family bases. Anything, anything, anything Eugene that I failed to tell you.

Eugene, come on, come on. I'll be there in a second. What'd you say?

Eugene, Eugene, come on, come on. It's one step. It's one step. It's one step. Before we go in there, just so you know, slow and steady pisses my dad off. I love you too.

Hi, hello, what's going on? Hey, how's it going? Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, Whoa, what the fuck is this? This turtle's coming at me. I gotta think of a nunchuck. Get bit, get the shell, get bit, the shell, and I'm getting hugged.

That is Eugene. We're in love. We're going to get married.

I'm sorry. This is Eugene. You're in love? Hi.

You're going to get married? I'm Eugene.

Hey Riddle. I'll try, but I want you to know I'm pissed off and I'm going to make this painful for everyone involved.

That's all I ask, Dad. That's all I ask.

That's all I'm capable of.

Nice to meet you.

So, Eugene, what do you do for work? What's your body weight? How tall are you? How many friends do you have? Where'd you go to high school?

I'm high.

Sorry, Eugene's high and also he's still coming from last night. Seed. Seed.

Yeah, probably. Him and I have that in common. I'm winning this episode. I won. I won the episode.

Oh no, I forgot to mention that the dad lives in the desert and they were playing cards before you got there. Oh, nerds. Shit. Casey, go ahead and throw all of this in.

Let's see here. Alright, we got another one. Question 1. A shark can smell blank up to 3 miles away.

Nope, the answer is Wendy's. Wendy's.

I had to bite my tongue to not say something I would regret as just a joke answer. Me? So thank god, well... Does it start with a... Me, is it me?

Let's not guess what it starts with. I think I know what it is. Question number two, what is the official term for the belly button?

I found a button and it's not from a shirt. I found a button and it's not from a skirt. I found a button, it's a part of me. It's the button in the middle of my tummy. It's my belly button and it's right underneath my sweater. It's my belly button and it's holding me together. Erin, did they ever sing the name of it in the song? Well, you know this is a boo wheel not do. Neither will stop for a safety pin. Okay, I'm sorry. Anytime someone says belly button, I have to sing the belly button song that has been banned from my house. I found a button and it's on my shirt. I found a button and it's on my shirt.

Is it the National Guard? It is very close. That is very close. I'll never get this. I think we got it. What if we called the belly button the National Guard?

Is your national guard an innie or an outie?

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Is it, um, oh my god. Oh, it's a seal.

It's a wet seal.

It's a seal. Seal Team Six. They got it.

I don't know what the answer is.

I think J.B.C. knows it, but he's dancing around it like a little Fred Astaire.

I only was dancing because I thought Erin was going to give up.

Erin is a hence. There's also a term that this word is used in a term called blank gazing.

Naval.

Yeah, there you go. Number three, beginning with V, what is the third largest city in Spain?

Well, we all know it's beginning with V, but in Spain they pronounce their Vs as Ws and their THs as Ss. Uh, Wuxvacken.

I don't know.

What do you think? Here's a hint from Adal. This is also a December song.

Oh, Valencia?

Yep, there you go. Oh, is it My Love, My Love, You're Drowning in the Sea? That's every December song.

Is it the Rake song? Is it July, July?

There's a place your mother goes when everybody else is soundly sleeping.

I think my favorite December song is Philomena from that 2014 album. That's a good album.

I kind of like a deep cut. It's called the Mariner's Revenge song. I don't know if most people have never heard of it, but it's my favorite December song.

It's kind of a B side. I think it's like a B-side. I think the December Star, the band I've seen the most live.

I've never seen them live, would love to.

They're so fun live and Mariner's Revenge, they do a whole thing where Chris Funk wears like a giant whale and like swallows the band. It's really, really fun. Highly recommend seeing them. I think I'm seeing them in Chicago in August or something. They're coming to the Chicago theater.

Can I concentrate? Not like in live in terms of I've seen a concert of theirs, but just run into live. I think it's got to be Fred Durst for me. It's just like maybe 12 times in my life.

Well, he helps with your yoga because he tells you to breathe in and breathe out.

Yeah. Well, he also tells me to break shit. I owe my yoga studio a hefty sub thanks to Fred's advice.

Well can I just say Fred Durst is a much better friend than my former friend Zach DeLaRocca because every time I was like hey take off your jacket and stay a while he'd be like fuck you I won't do what you told me and I was like Zach for once in your life could you not make this political?

Well I mean you say that but going out with Fred Durst is an absolute nightmare because we're just trying to have a good time and he's only in it for the nookie. The what? The nookie!

I'm on the bench drinking some Gatorade and having a little orange slice. I don't need to be a part of everything on the show.

I can sit out. Just a quick reminder, a shark can smell Blood. Another word for the belly button. Windy's. Spanish city starting with V. Vienna.

Okay. JBC please, you broke me. Okay, so wait. Blood. Yeah. Naval.

Yeah. Yeah. City starting with V and Spain.

These are all oranges, Erin, so just use that as a way to remember what the... I forgot the game. I forgot the game, but I was just trying to be helpful.

What was the fourth one? Fourth one was, complete the title of this old song. Blank 16 and never been kissed.

Sexy 16 and never been kissed.

Oh no. It is sweet. Is that a type of orange?

Sweet orange?

It has to be.

Otherwise this game is a liar. I feel like Sweet is like an adjective that would describe an orange, but I've never heard of a sweet orange. But maybe that's just what I think of as an orange. An orange is a sweet orange.

I do want to see a scene. JPC and Erin, you're on a date. You're a couple on a date. You're at one of those bars that has a bunch of board games. And Erin, every time you bring out a new game that you're excited to play, JPC somehow kind of blows it or ruins the game.

Great. All right, so I figured we'd start with Guess Who. I love it here.

I've been here a bunch of times.

Cool. I think it's a pretty great big spot.

It's cool. It's a great spot.

Yeah. So let's start with Guess Who.

There's only three characters with beards. There's four characters with glasses. There's five characters with curly hair. I've played Guess Who a ton of times, so if you need help picking, I know the one that's kind of the best because he's kind of got all of the features in it, so it's the best odds basically if you need help guessing your character.

You know what? How about we play something else? I feel like you're maybe overthinking this.

You would have been guessing Martin.

I don't think so. Okay.

Most people do.

Well now if we did it now, I definitely wouldn't. You know?

Yeah. Well, what? Okay, you would. It doesn't matter. We don't have to play Guess Who. I love this game though. If you did want to play Guess Who, I love this game. I'm gonna get us another drink.

Oh, here, let me... I have a drink for you here. I can set this down if you don't mind moving those five things you have stacked on top of each other. What is that that's on the table?

Oh, these five things? These are parking tickets.

Oh, it says clubs, diamonds, cups, and coins. What are these? Some sort of playing? There's like a deck of... Battleship? No. You know what?

I'll be right back. I gotta go get my manager. I guess we could do Battleship. You're gonna do... C17 through C19 is a pretty safe bet most people think, but honestly, that's the first place that I'd look. And then of course, A1. I mean, double the corner. Everybody puts it in the corner. So yeah, we can play Battleship. I have all my guesses ready. Are you ready with your guesses?

Is there any game in this pile that you don't have all of your guesses ready and you haven't pre-planned what you're going to do?

Um, in this pile? No, not in this. Can I be cards on the table? I was so nervous. I was so nervous for this date that I like to prepare and that helps calm my anxiety. And so I prepared by solving every board game in this bar. So I kind of know how to do all the board games in the bar. I wanted to impress you as well. I mean, it wasn't all just my anxiety. I also wanted to, you know, be a big shot because I know my profile is not very impressive.

No, well, parking tickets on the table. You were being so insufferable about these board games and I didn't realize it was because you were nervous. So I gave the waiter my number when you were in the bathroom. But now that I know what you were doing, I feel really bad.

Can I be completely honest with you? It feels good to just kind of be this honest in the first day. I also gave the waiter my number as soon as I came in when I was waiting for you because and cards on the table I really just want to fuck the waiter.

Hey everyone here's your check. Just so you know I will be calling her but not you because you sir are standing on top of a cheesecake which means that you're in the Ducks in a Rose? That doesn't even make any sense. Let me get my Ducks in a Rose. Here we go. We're going to do one more of Only Connect. I'll allow it. Thank you, Judge. Number one. Name Mike Wachowski's Wazowski's best friend in the film Monsters, Inc. That is Sully. Number two. What Sesame Street character often finds himself covered in crumbs?

Well, most of them, but Cookie Monster.

Yeah, all of them, honestly. They're all little piggies. Number three, in the film Avatar, name the indigenous race of beings from the planet Pandora.

Ah, that would be the Na'vi.

Thank you, nerd. Number four, name the cartoon characters that include Papa, Clumsy, and Brainy. Um, Smurfs? Yes, you have your four answers. What do they all have in Cumin? Smurfs, Navi, what are the Cookie Monster, what was the first one?

Oh, they're all blue.

They're all blue, Erin. Oh, and is this what the show Bluey is about? This is what Bluey is about. This is also what the Eiffel 65 song is about.

Okay, that makes sense. Is the character from Bluey actually blue? Is it a blue?

Yes, yeah. Bluey and her dad are blue and then the other two are brown, I think. Okay. I gotta watch Bluey.

I gotta watch Bluey. I gotta have some kids and then go watch Bluey.

Bingo and the mom are brown. I forget the mom's name.

Erin, if we say bless you then we can't cut the sneeze.

I know, but I just, I thought, if you say bless you, you can cut the bless you and the sneeze. Keep it in! Keep it in, Casey! That does not leave this episode. Full disclosure, y'all, we've been cutting coughs and sneezes as they come up. That one's neigh. That one's neigh. Because if you can cut a sneeze, you can cut a bless you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck all y'all. Casey, you two, you're not innocent in this. You could have typed bless you. You know what? Yeah. Fuck you guys. What were we talking about?

We're going to see one final scene, Erin, if you'll allow it.

Yes, but only if that sneeze stays in.

So based on the Sesame Street character that's often covered in crumbs, Erin, you are going to be Cookie Monster. And based on the meta answer, which was they're all blue, Cookie Monster, you are super sad. JPC, you are another Sesame Street character. Come to kind of cheer up Cookie Monster who's pretty bummed out, pretty blue.

Um, you don't have to come over here to make me feel better.

No, no, it's fine. Can we maybe open up the blinds a little bit in the apartment?

No, just leave me be in my... Leave me be in my darkness.

Oh, come on Cookie Monster, let's... You have to at least acknowledge the day is happening. I mean... I'm a freaking vampire, and I want to open the blinds. What does that tell you?

No, it's really embarrassing. I tried to be the alpha of a wolf pack, and then they wouldn't let me.

Oh buddy, look, we all have tough times.

It was in front of the girl Kate that I like. It was so embarrassing.

It's always about the girl. Trust me, I could count on my left hand how many times it's been about the girl.

Big Bird, you don't need to do this.

Michelle.

Two. Big Bird, you don't need to do this.

Riddle. Three! Oh, what are some other girls from the Blue Baker song? It doesn't matter! It doesn't matter. I'm kind of the boss of Sesame Street, so let me tell you, I think it's time that you get over it.

Hey Cookie, it's me, Snuffleupagus. Don't be sad. Brad Garrett! It's kind of everybody loves Big Bird.

Scene. I know you were the Count, but I called you Big Bird because I'm a dick.

So much misdirect in this episode.

I was being Big Bird in my book. Big Bird the Vampire.

Thank you for saying bless you, Casey. A little delayed.

That's the internet. Hey Riddle Riddle, practice is the improv trade of yes. No, that is actually... Yes, no, that is actually... Here's a bicycle. Why'd you hand me a bowl of soup, grandpa? Speaking of bowling for soup, Erin, is there any 1990s ska cover bands you want to plug?

Yes, and one of them is, I don't know any, but the thing I do want to plug is I watched the movie Come On, Come On.

Oh yeah, you're walking in Phoenix?

Yeah, have you guys seen it?

No, but I want to.

I know this sounds so crazy, but if I could be in love with a movie, if I had to marry a movie, it would be this movie. I don't know. It's been like a decade since I've liked a movie as much as Come On Come On.

That's one of my favorite movies. I put that in my top 10 favorite movies all the time.

Her is so good. I wouldn't put it in my top 10. Maybe my top 100. But the... Come On Come On was my favorite Joaquin Phoenix role of all time. My favorite... I don't want to spoil anything, but I just want you both to watch it so badly and I also want to encourage you all to watch it.

I'll watch it this weekend.

Follow sitcomdnd on Instagram and Twitter. We have recorded like 20 episodes this season and we recorded one that like yesterday that comes out sometime in the summer and I it's like one of my favorite things I've ever been a part of comedy wise so please follow along and check it out.

Erin have you seen any of Mike Mills's other movies?

Yeah, like the beginners.

I've seen that. I've seen beginners and 20th century women and I think that those are both great. So, but I was looking and I was like, oh yeah, Mike Mills like makes one movie every five years. Yeah. That's not a, they're all good, but it's a long time to wait.

And this one is my favorite of his. Check it out.

Yeah, so I would like to see my plug time and I instead I would like to pitch some merch for our show and of course I'm pitching it to us so this is it's nothing but I would like to Hey Riddle Riddle merch that says yes and fuck you you're the craziest person I've ever met my whole fucking life because I think that that's that's more our style and good prof.

Adal, do you want to plug? I want to plug my new religious podcast, Balls in Your Court. Please check that out, rate and review it wherever you find poodkists. I've heard good things. And I would also like to plug... I've never played at JPC. If I buy a pickleball set, will you play pickleball with me this summer?

I will play pickle Rick with you, and that is not negotiable.

Fair enough, fair enough. Have either of you played pickleball? No. It's supposed to be like the new hot trend and I know a few friends who play it so I think I might buy a set and then play in the park.

Adal, if I know anything about the new hot trend you're gonna want to get in on it immediately.

It's a new NFT called pickleball. Um, Erin speaking of NFTs, uh, there's a new fucking trajectory for a planet that we know and love in our solar system that it's supposed to collide with Earth in the next, I don't know, 69 days. Do you know what planet I'm talking about?

Jupiter!

Life forever. Wow, you pulled NFT new fucking trajectory up fast. I was surprised. It came from panic.

Starting your achievement. And John Patrick Coan, Casey Toby could be editing. I'm already parent to the music. Logo created by Emily Cardamus.

Get Emily in a voice.

Is there anything? Oh yeah, cut Erin's sneeze, but leave everything else in. I would love to cut. So her demanding the bless you, that whole thing, but just cut the physical sneeze. Oh, leave my sneeze in earlier in the episode so that way people can hear both sides of the story when there's a sneeze.

I don't like that.

Because I didn't get a bless you. It's what I'm saying. I sneezed in the episode. Keep this. This is the post credit. And it's just me yelling about how I didn't get my bless you.

Can you add me every time someone sneezes me saying sneezes? Bless you, sneezes Christ or something?

I would like to control the narrative. I'm going to say bless you. I'll give you a few takes and you're going to add it immediately after all of JPC's sneezes from now on, even in past episodes. Bless you. Bless you, my sweet friend. Bless you. Bless you. Oh no, are you sick? Bless you.

Oh no, are you sick? Here's some soup. Bless you. That one's not as nice as you think it is.

I think it's pretty nice.

Hey there, first and fools. If you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. This week, JPC eats his own head. Wait. That doesn't sound right. JPC eats his own... That's what it said. Let me look at the spreadsheet. JPC eats his own head. Huh. We recorded that? God, I have no memory of that. Well, I guess that's what it said. Okay, so this week on the Patreon, JPC Eats His Own Head. Okay, I guess you can listen to that at Patreon.com slash Hey Riddle Riddle by joining the Clue crew for $5 a month or the Review crew for $8 a month. And you also get access to ad-free episodes at the $8 tier. Eats His Own Head. That can't be right. Can that be right? All right, we'll see you there.

That was a Headcount Podcast.