Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum podcast.

Here's the thing. I said, sorry my last meeting ran long, can we do 5.15? Casey said 100%. Erin answered that text by saying yes, yes, yes. And I looked at my phone when I saw yes, yes, yes and I said, uh oh.

Oh, am I in a weird mood?

Oh, did I caffeinate a little bit wrong today? Is everyone a little bit nervous? Oh, I've made everyone nervous.

I said, that's three more yeses than we get from Erin in any given text thread.

Erin's unpredictable today. She could say or do anything.

Just so everyone who's listening, because this is the start of the episode, just so everyone who's listening knows, when Erin answers a text, yes, yes, yes, you're in trouble. That's a different type of energy that we are facing ourselves with today.

That is an atypical Erin energy.

I guess good luck? I don't know. I'm not in control of whatever this is.

So Erin, JBC and I could try and guess, but it might take a little while. That might be fruitless. What is different about you today? I'm trying to... What did you put in your body? What did you drink? What's going on today?

The lady never tells. Let's see.

Are you writing that post Super Bowl high?

Riding the post Super Bowl high. It's been so sunny and hot in LA, so it feels like summer. So I have that like sort of summer Erin vibe. Okay. I had a smoothie this morning.

You call her Saren, right?

Yes, Saren. I had a smoothie this morning, which is also why you can call me Smaren.

A good Samaritan?

Yeah. That's what's all the fruit I ate today.

I'm hashtag smoothie squad. I also had a smoothie today.

Well, last time we recorded, I talked about how I basically had butter and olive oil for breakfast and that it made my stomach hurt. And then you said, start your day with a smoothie. And I went, I have smoothies in the late afternoon. Maybe I'll start starting my day with them. And it makes a huge difference.

Wow. OK. Can we talk about what your smoothie, what your go-to smoothie recipe is? What are we putting into this bad dragon?

Well I love this. I'm about to switch over to some sort of pre-packed, pre-made smoothie. I used to do those from like Costco or something. Got a bunch of like loose fruit. You guys know what I mean. Just like frozen fruit.

Give me some fruit. Make it smooth or else forget about it. Santana. Well, it's a cold one.

I'm picking smoothies in the new day set.

So today I had to sort of make a hodgepodge of things. A game changer for my smoothies is putting a tiny bit of lime juice in it.

Okay.

So it was like lime juice, a tiny bit of oat milk, coconut water, a splash of cranberry juice, and that was like my base. And then I had like my little like protein powder thing that I put in that has some vitamins in it. And then I like a omega three little thing that you put in. And then I, what do you call it? Smoothed? Blended a bunch of spinach and like vegetables and I put them into ice cubes and then I put a couple of the ice cubes into every smoothie just so I don't have to like vegetables can be so messy when you're like especially spinach is so annoying to work with and then I did strawberries, bananas, and pineapples.

Spinach is so hard to work with because it's very egotistical. It's usually running late.

It won't come out of its trailer. It shrinks when you cook it.

It will not come out of its trailer.

What's in your smoothies?

What's in your smoothies capital one? Credit cards! Yarr!

Guys, JPC is the Capital One pirate.

God, I would love to work for a bank.

You know what credit cards you want to put out there more than anything is piracy. That's good branding for them.

You wouldn't download a car!

Oh man, I would get fired fast. What do you guys put in your smoothies?

Lately what I've been putting into my smoothies is, and Mariah can attest to this, too much yogurt. I haven't gotten the yogurt thing exactly right. I can either make a smoothie that tastes exactly like yogurt or I can make a smoothie where the yogurt is imperceptible, but I haven't really gotten the perfect blend. Here's the other thing that I do. I'm so ambitious when I create smoothies that I'll just put a bunch of stuff in and then Cut from the same cloth. The first time we got a blender, we got one of these Ninja blenders and I think it has an 80 ounce thing. And I made a smoothie that was 80 ounces.

I had one but I can't find it.

Yeah, they're sneaky little fuckers. I made 80 ounces of smoothie, and it wasn't very good because I hadn't gone to the grocery store to get the proper things for a smoothie, so it wasn't very good, but I refused to throw it out, and so I just kept it in the refrigerator and I was like, Brad, you want some? She goes, no, no one wants to drink that. It's awful. You keep adding water to it to try to fix it, and now it just tastes like water. And I was like, and you keep making more of it because you keep adding liquid. So yeah, I could really fuck up a smoothie. That's why my mood is always bad.

Bad Smoothie. I don't know, Gemma makes the smoothies in our household. In this household, Gemma wears the smoothie pants. So I'll have to ask her what she puts in ours.

You're going to get an infection so fast if you wear smoothie pants, by the way, everybody. Immediate infection.

Immediate infection. I want to say she does, just off the top of my head, I'm going to say tops are line, nerds, coffee.

You have to go rope.

If you're going to put nerds in a smoothie, you've got to go rope. Ice cream, mustard.

Pop rocks.

Top Rocks, which are the poor man's nerds. They're nerds for birds. But I'll have to ask her and I'll send it along because she makes a very good smoothie. And I think the base, I think we've told you before, that mix from Costco, it's like a mango avocado or something, but it's just fantastic. It's so good.

Yeah, I need something sort of pre-made because what I'm doing is too expensive.

I can't afford to just buy all that loose fruit as often as I would like to, so I gotta... You sound like a peasant from the opening of, I want to say, Beauty and the Beast, where the one woman says, I need six eggs that's too expensive, and you say, I need loose fruit that's too expensive.

That's too expensive.

I think if you are already going the loose fruit route though, Costco is the way to go because they sell like the big ass packages of like mixed berries. And they tend to last for quite a while, which I'm pretty into.

What do we think the loosest fruit is? I feel like Papaya is probably throwing it out there.

What is a sexually liberated fruit? Let's see.

It's got to be grapes, man. Because wine.

Yeah, grapes, I think grapes.

Grapes get a little loose. They turn into wine.

Yeah, I feel like a grape asked me to have a threesome once. If I'm not mistaken a grape rolled up to me in a bar. That's a good, I'm gonna think on that Adal, I love that. That's a good question.

My friend's gonna be in the freezer and then later tonight he's gonna join in.

You listening at home, you think about it and you hit us with your hashtag perfect smoothie blood.

Uh, can I tell you guys two things that I watched this weekend? One was the worst thing I've ever seen and one was the best, but I'm right about the worst one.

And I only want to hear about the best, and if one of us tells the truth, then one of us always lies.

No we don't. Okay, so you only want to hear about the bad... Wait, wait a minute. So, I'm not going to go into the good one, but I watched I Want You Back, the Amazon Prime new rom-com with Jenny Slate and Charlie Day, and I thought it was excellent. I loved it. I'm a rom-com fan.

It's called Want You Back?

I Want You Back.

I want you back.

You mispronounced Marry Me starring Jennifer Lopez and Owen Wilson.

Oh, I mispronounced Marry Me.

And I mispronounced you Chuck and Liam.

But that was great and is actually good and you should watch that. And I'm giving people a good thing to watch so they forgive me for the bad thing I'm going to tell you to watch. And I know I'm super behind and most of you have already watched it, but the Princess Diana musical on Netflix is the worst thing I've ever seen.

That's what I've heard.

It is tasteless. I've only been able to handle it in 10 minute blocks. So I've been watching it for like a week and a half to try to get through it. But it is one of the funniest things I've ever seen. I've been crying, laughing every time I put it on.

I gotta say, I saw a clip and I think the, and I haven't seen everything so correct me if I'm wrong, but it felt like the most tasteless part of that was when the paparazzi sings their song and they're like, over here Diana, over here, over here Diana. Watch the steering wheel over here, Diana.

The most tasteful part of the entire show. It is so insane to me. It is also like, why would you make this when some of the bad people who are in it are still alive and you're trying to make them sympathetic? It's as if someone made Hamilton when Burr was still alive. He'd be like, he's also kind of like a murderer. I don't know if we should make him superhuman.

Went to Mexico and raised an army to try and overthrow the US, I think.

Here's my thing about a Princess Diana musical. We either need zero of them or we need six of them. I want to see three Princess Diana musicals a year. Every year I want there to be a spring one, a fall one, and one right in time for Christmas because we don't need any of them, so I want nothing but them. That's the way that Hollywood works.

Oh, that would be a nightmare.

Is it going to Broadway?

It already went to Broadway.

It already went, okay.

It's a filmed version of the project.

It bought a ticket so they couldn't tell it it can't be here. I think it saw Susical and JCS, but it was there.

It got drunk and ruined those productions. I don't know if you remember this, but when we saw Hadestown together, We walked out of the theater and we were talking about the show and we looked across the street and the marquee was for Diana, the musical. And you and I both got distracted at the same time, we were like, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, why does that exist?

I vaguely remember that. And it was like a profile picture of her face?

Yeah. We were in the middle of a sentence and at the same moment we were like, oh my god.

Gobsmacked. That's the only time in life I've actually been gobsmacked.

But anyways, I think that if you need a little bit of joy or despair, check out those two things.

Everyone needs one of those two things.

I need comfort and joy. Comfort and joy.

How are you guys doing? Are you okay?

Yeah, we're good.

We are, let's see what we're going through. I guess the big news for me is this weekend I got too ambitious, had too much cake, and had a really bad time. So here's my...

Oh, how was your, did you eat that Valentine's cake yet?

Yes.

Is that the one you got sick from?

Had too much of it.

Here's the thing.

It was amazing. It was great. Here's the thing. If you have a cake, just even if you think, oh no, if I don't eat this cake, it's just going to go to waste. Let it go to waste, okay? Because you shouldn't try to eat half a cake very fast just because you think it's going to go to waste. Because I'll tell you what happens. It does go to waste. It wastes inside your body and then what you've just done is you've poisoned your temple with cake.

Hello. You want a waste cake?

Here's JPC's recommendation of the month. One slice of cake.

What?

JPC, you reminded me of my catchphrase, which is, I treat my body like a temple. Temple of doom.

Well, JPC, what kind of cake was it?

It was from milk. It was a red velvet cheesecake. Like Valentine's Day cake.

After you mentioned it to me that you ordered it for Mariah, I got an email promoting it to me and I saw a picture of it and it looked incredible.

Yeah, it was very good. Trust me, it was delicious.

I'm glad you didn't waste it. I know that you're in pain.

Yeah, I had a bad time. I said, I gotta go to bed right now and I don't want to talk about why I have to go to bed right now. So anyway, that's JPC's recommendation cake in moderation.

Okay, so lay me down on track please. Okay.

Wait, I'm laying you down on track. Okay, getcha. Please. Got a cake.

It's 20 feet. It's taller than my dad and taller than my house. I gotta take a bite in moderation. Gotta eat this cake in my U.S. nation. Read up on philosophy. Gotta read my Kant, but I can't fit this cake. It's got too much fondant moderation. Very nice, very nice.

I just ordered a cake for myself online during that. I'm multitasking.

It's funny when you're trying to sing cake lyrics and you're like, I can't figure out the timing and you're like, oh, that's their whole thing.

Yeah, that's 90% of it.

I'm talking in a way that doesn't make much sense.

It's audio frogger.

Is there an opening? Maybe not, but I'm a ghost. If there is an opening I'll take it right now and I'll take that opening to do some listener submitted riddles.

I'm Old Man Puzzles, so is Adal, and we're going to take you on a journey.

We want to take you to Riddle Town. No, we can't go back there. I have unpaid Riddle tickets.

I was showing my friend Elizabeth, who was on the show recently, our chart of how the keeping track of episodes of like whose old man puzzles win and blah, blah, blah, blah. Just for our other podcast, just as an example. And she was like, what is O-M-P mean? And I was like, I don't want to tell you.

Old money, personified.

I was like, it means old man puzzles and that is a thing in an official document that we hold.

Oh, I thought it, I thought it was admit other people's pussy. Oh! You down with O and B? Every last homie.

Yeah, the guy from Carcassonne, I'm fucking his wife. The little piece from Carcassonne. Yeah, that's for, I guess that's probably for like 10 people who enjoys that joke. And listen, am I going to get a bunch of people telling me it's not pronounced Carcassonne? Probably. I think that might be pronounced Carcassonne. Carcassonne.

JPC, ask me if I'm ready for some listener submitted riddles.

Uh, okay. I'm writing down my prediction of what I think Erin's going to say. Erin, are you ready for some listener submitted riddles?

Yes, yes, yes.

That's it. The triple yes guarantee. Erin is ready for it.

There's fruit in my body for the first time in a week.

There's fruit in my body for the first time in a week.

Ha ha, fruit in my body.

Your body's like, I'm freaking out, man. What's all these nutrients, man? I can't get poisoned with cake one night and then wake up and have fruit. You got to make up your fucking mind. What kind of life are you living?

I want to see a scene. Erin, you are Erin. JPC, you are Erin's body. And Erin, you've just eaten a piece of fruit for the first time in forever.

Hey man, you're welcome.

Water.

Water. Water. Okay, what I'm hearing from you is iced coffee. Am I hearing you right?

Water.

I'm alive.

I'm alive. Why? Why do you want to kill me?

Me?

You are killing me.

I feed you all those potato chips. It handles chocolate chips.

It's salt and chocolate. Too much of a good thing.

All right. Let's call it just like even and we'll get some sushi. Okay.

Why are we sitting like this? This get me comfortable.

It's not.

It's not. Okay. So here's our first riddle. I guess this is kind of like, I think this is more like warm up territory, but honestly, I'll give you a peek behind the curtain. They're all riddles, man. There is no... We're 190,000 episodes in. There's no warm-ups anymore. We're in the main course.

It's the main event. You can choke on an appetizer so we could easily get stuck on a warm-up riddle.

Oh, absolutely.

Adal, what's the point? That's the spirit, Adal.

What appetizer are you most likely to choke on? Mozzarella sticks. Because you take a bite. Here's what I do. Okay. I reach for a mozzarella stick, I put it towards my mouth. Now I'm not, I know what people are thinking. What does this fucking freak do? He holds it like a piece of corn and nibbles at it, like and rotates it.

No one thought it until you said it.

Eats it like a typewriter? No. Take the bread off. Yeah, take the bread off. I eat it from one end. So I pick up the mozzarella stick, I start putting it towards my mouth. Then I take a bite and I immediately start chewing and swallowing. Now what happens sometimes is the mozzarella cheese is reluctant to let go of its brothers and sisters.

Gotcha.

So the cheese is hanging on for dear life, and there's some sort of, there's some sort of sinewy, connective tissue, um, combining the mozzarella stick that's already traveling south into my belly, and the mozzarella stick that's still in my hand. It's cheese. This is gross. Now what that does is that turns it into like almost a little fishing rod. Uh-huh. And I have to yank it back out while I'm choking, uh, so as to break off the connection.

I'm ordering another cake so I don't have to listen to this. Okay, fair enough.

Tap, tap, tap, tap, and... If I meet the mozzarella stick, guaranteed I'm biting it back from the back. The first bite is going to be the back of the stick for me.

So it's going in the throat.

And the front of my teeth are biting the back of the stick. Okay.

That's nothing. That's bad.

That's like eating shrimp. Do you just leave the little bacterial tail to put on the plate?

It's like when I eat a fish, I put the whole fish in my mouth and pull out all the bones and go... You Heathcliff it. Sure, okay. It's called a Heathcliff. Key J.P. sees it, so I guess we're at an impasse. It's a bit of a standstill.

All right, I'm ready for these easy ones.

This first riddle comes from... Can I read your name? I don't know, so I won't. Initials are MR, Mr. This first riddle comes from Mr. Mystery. I'm the one who wants to be with kids. It's from Mr. Big.

We're stalling.

There's a guy, by the way, in that video who looks exactly like Fred Armisen, so go watch that Mr. Big video. Oh yeah, we watched it on the Zoom before. It's wild. Okay, this is from Mr. Mystery. I have wings, but I can't fly. I have ribs, but I can't breathe. Condom. When the sky is on fire, I can always be found. What am I? Adal, you said condom, and what was the first thing you said?

No, I want to restrict this from the record, sir. When a sky is on fire, I can be found.

So is this a cloud? I can always be found when the sky is on fire. It is not a cloud.

So the sun, is the sun ribbed? Does the sun have wings? What has wings and is ribbed?

Are these real questions? Because I can answer them with hot notes on them. Is it like a Pegasus? Is it like a Pegasus? Uh, no.

Is it something from the Earth or is it man-made?

Uh, hoof. Um, I guess man-made? Yeah, I guess it would be man-made. Hmm. Yes, it would definitely be man-made. Okay.

Is it a boat? Hmm, is it a boat? No, but explain what- A sail would be a wing for a boat, and then the hull has wooden planks which would be ribs.

A pad for your period. They have wings. That's what I said.

Why is the tampon? Which is different.

Did you say, did you say Adal or was that stricken from the record?

That was stricken from the record. Okay. Let me strike my, these comments from the record.

We're not, we're not keeping a record of this. And we're certainly not striking. Can you read it one more time please? I have wings, but I can't fly. I have ribs, but I can't breathe. When the sky is on fire, I can always be found. What am I? There is another hint. Penguin. You like the hint? No, it's not a penguin. That's a great guess.

Yes, a hint.

Smoke, you're getting closer. I have many wieners, but will never mate. A fire. No, a fire. Fire has many wieners in it. You're on the right track, but the answer is not fire. But fire can't get pregnant. Water. Erin, you're colder, much colder.

Ice.

Hot water. Hot water is warmer water.

You give me like a good hint.

I have many wieners in me, but I can't get pregnant.

There are three operative words in this riddle that will tell you what we're talking about, and I'll read it again. I have wings, but I can't fly. I have ribs, but I can't breathe. When the sky is on fire, I can always be found. I have many wieners, but will never mate.

Is this an airplane? And let me explain. The wings are the wings. The seats are the ribs. And all these fucking wieners who can't stand flying and cover their eyes and watch TV are scared to fly.

The people that you are taking down right now are people that like to watch TV on airplanes. That's who you're coming after.

If you don't look out the window the entire time, you're a wiener.

I want to see a scene. Adal and Erin, you two are sitting next to each other on a flight. The flight has taken off. You're in the air. You guys really haven't talked to you. I said hello or whatever, but you don't know each other. And Erin, you're getting out an iPad to watch something on your iPad. And Adal, you just can't let it go because this is classic wiener behavior. Perfect.

Alright, let's just check this out.

Oh, no, no, no. Sorry. No, no, no. No.

Oh, sorry. Do you have to be used to the restroom?

No, I just don't want you... I don't want you distracted. Uh-oh. Look out the window. Uh-oh. What's the uh-oh about?

Why? Is there something bad happening?

Possibly. At any time something bad could happen. We're not... man's not meant to be in the air like this. You know this plane is probably thousands of pounds?

Yeah, I mean I fly for work like once a week. I'm pretty desensitized to it. Are you okay? Are you feeling okay?

Once a week. Wow. How is a week spelled? I fly 12 hours a day. I don't really have a destination. I just fly wherever and then immediately fly back home because I'm hoping I'm curious about plane crashes and I feel like it's inevitable until I'm a part of one and then I can really have a story to tell and a story to sell.

Sorry, I put my headphones in. What was that?

Oh, let me knock those out and throw them down the aisle. Will you please face your fears? Sorry, it just annoys me when people don't face their fears. And it feels like you're hiding, like you're being a little coward when you escape into, what are you watching here? Ozark season five.

Yeah. Hey man. Do you want like a quarter of his annex? Like I just usually take- Are you telling me a secret? Just saying like if you want like if you're a little stressed out about flying you don't get stressed out about flying. I can give you a quarter of this Xanax and I think maybe would help you be less stressed out and like go in my arm.

Huh. Well if I took a quarter of your Xanax I'd be on five and a quarter Xanax. Now why would I want that?

Uh oh, I'm just going to ring the button to talk to the flight attendant.

Hi, I am Sean. I'm the flight attendant. Is there anything that I can help you with?

Yeah, can I change?

Yeah, I'm sorry. You're sitting next to Jeff?

Yeah.

Hey, what's up, Sean? You will receive a full refund. Oh my gosh, thank you so much. Jeff, I didn't catch you up, but I should have told you when you got on the plane. Yeah, it's a full refund if you're next to Jeff.

Congratulations. Thank you. Is it possible to move? No empty seats?

There's one empty seat, but it's next to the air marshal, and he just told me he shit his pants because he was so scared. Oh, that's not good. Good. Now that's a man.

See? Okay, GPC, the answer is... I can't believe I didn't get to play the air marshal who shits his pants every time he gets into the play, because this is scared. I'll bring it back. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Yeah, so I said there's three operative words, and you know what? You guys are doing a lot of guessing, but I think that you're missing what's right in front of you with these guesses. You're like, the wings are this, the ribs are this. What if they're just wings and ribs?

But you said man-made. Yeah, it is man-made. Men can't make birds.

Yeah. Like a drone?

Is it a drone? Oh. Wow. No, it is not a drone. I think you would most often find this in like the summertime. Summertime. Kite. A kite. No, it's not with wings. It's not a kite. Maybe I'm starting to regret saying man-made, but it truly is. Is it a little angel? Okay, what would you find in the summertime that has wings, ribs, and wieners?

Casey says I'm loving this, which means Casey knows the answer.

Casey definitely knows the answer.

Is it a fucking grill?

Yeah, it's close.

That's close to what this is.

How does a grill have wings? Is it a flying grill? It's not a grill. Which is my favorite. If you're ever in Minneapolis, check out the flying grill. They have the hottest wieners around.

Is it like a bonfire thing? Like a campfire?

Uh, well, yeah, but like what would have wings and ribs and wieners?

Yeah, something that like you're cooking food.

Yeah, so it's the summertime I'm saying, hey, I'm having a... Barbecue? Barbecue, thank you. Christ on cross.

Wait, how does a barbecue have wings?

Wings are cooking wings.

Barbecued wings. Oh. Oh.

I would like to see a scene.

I feel like I'm living in fucking la-la land because of how much fun I'm having and just enjoying this. And how much you invented Jez.

JPC, you're a dad in a backyard and you're grilling for a barbecue, and Adal's another neighborhood dad coming up to you with a cooler, and he has a lot of unconventional things that he wants to barbecue for the barbecue.

Oh sure. That's me or that's JPC?

That's you, Adal. You're the unconventional one.

Okay, four more burgers. So this is your two minute warning on hot dogs. Okay. What's up, Tony? No. No, no, no. Jeff? No. I'm trying my best, man. I'm trying to be neighborly. I know everybody's out here.

Hey, come on. Be honest. You want to see what's in the cooler? It's such a big cooler, man. You want to see what's in the cooler? Well, I got some wild game.

There are kids here, okay? So let's not make this a big thing. Let's not make this last time. Let's just open the cooler.

Hey, it's not like last time the kids don't have to be worried. There are no human parts in here. Last time, listen, last time I had a friend who had a kidney donation. He didn't make it, but they didn't know what to do with the kidney. I swiped it. I brought it here. I thought it might be fun.

You were right. It is unbelievable. It is unbelievable to me that you think it was the kids that were worried.

Okay, listen, here's the first.

Alright, you know what Jeff? I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. Thank you. We're probably not going to have that same kerfuffle list last time. What do you got for us?

Okay, now, first things first. This is, hear me out, Cat Now. Hey Riddle.

Jeff, look around. We're not in fucking Asia. And nobody's starving. We got hot dogs and hamburgers. The invoice says hot dogs and hamburgers.

His wife and him are separated and his mom moved out because she couldn't stand up anymore. So please be nice to him, okay? What? Be nice.

What? Shouldn't that be an indicator that- Be nice!

Why is your wife kissing your ear for so long? You two seem happy. You seem very happy. We are. Yeah, she's a wonderful woman.

Okay. What else you got? Hey, come on. We'll cook something up. Maybe not the cat. Maybe just don't take the cat out.

Just leave that thing there. Okay. Now, hear me out. This is giraffe neck. It's a tenderest part. Now, you want to leave the fur on so that people can identify it and you just get some nice grill marks.

So the giraffe, I take it the giraffe that's missing from the zoo. It is not missing, it was killed. I wouldn't say it's missing. Yeah, because you have it. You have pieces of it in the cooler. It's such a big cooler. What I saw at the size of the cooler, my brain was like, he's got the dead giraffe.

He's the one who killed the giraffe. I threw my back out lassoing that giraffe over the wall and then tying it to my Toyota Tercel and going in reverse, it ruined my car. And it threw out my back. I can't believe it.

But it is worth it if we can grill it. You gotta be one of the last people to drive it yourself. Are you gonna be one of the last Tercels on the road? Are you kidding me? Are you ha- They stopped me? Okay, okay, okay. Tercel's a fun car. Just cook.

Just cook something that he brought.

No, maybe it's a- Don't tell me just cook something. What else do you have? Do you have anything normal? Can we cook something like a little bit normal? Yes.

Here's something a little more mainstream. Here's- Thank you. Here's for the commoners who went there, coleslaw and burgers. Yes Jeff, coleslaw and burgers. Yes, that's exactly what we're looking for. Here is the engine for my Toyota Tercel. Now hear me out. No. Now hold on. Why did you do this? I read in the Guinness Book of World Records that there is a man who can eat metal.

No one has read that book in decades. Pardon me? No one reads that book anymore.

Close your eyes. Tony, close your eyes. Picture the world's longest fingernails. I guarantee you have an image.

Get your fingers out of my mouth.

Picture them. Picture them.

I don't need to taste them.

Get your fingers out of my mouth. You have an image show in your head of the fingernails curling around. Yeah, now I do because they were in my mouth. Picture two twins on motorcycles. I guarantee you have a select image because you've read it. What is the point? The point is to challenge your palate.

Hold on. Hold on. I can't believe I glossed over this. No one in that book ate metal. Eating metal is not something that is in that book.

Listen, did I add my own addendums?

Yes. Yes!

For things I wish humankind would accomplish.

Okay, I'm gonna do you a favor. Eh? I'm going to let you walk out of here. With that being, I am going to come over to your house later and I'm going to beat the shit out of you. What the fuck?

After the divorce? After my wife left me? This is how you treat me?

Where's your wife? There are consequences for this interaction and you will suffer them.

Aren't my ears burning? What's up guys? Are we getting along?

We're doing great over here, babe.

We're doing great over here. We're not doing great. The way I've just treated in your home is disgusting.

Oh, I'm sorry, Josh. Can we make it up to you? We can cook one of your things that you brought.

Baby don't. That's all I want.

We could cook this saxophone and hear me out.

Yes.

It would make funny noise when we ate it.

That's what I'm saying. What is going on here? How married are you two? What is going on here?

Okay, I think that's my favorite.

I went to a barbecue and ate a saxophone. The grilled giraffe neck didn't sit right with me.

It ruined my car. It threw out my back, but it was worth it if we can grill it.

What? Just a mental image of some guy... Last time we got giraffe and then pulling it over a fence with his car is insane. I hate that I have that mental image of my brain forever. So if you're like me and you need to go erase that, why don't we do this? Why don't we take a little break? We'll all erase that thing from our brain and then we'll come back with you guessed it. A couple more riddles? I don't know, some more.

I know what you're thinking. Do I have a new hat, Adal and JPC? New haircut? Why am I walking around with so much confidence?

I bet you're wondering. I wanted pretzels from the food court.

And I was just gonna let you know that it looks like you leaned on paint.

Anyways, I just had a bunch of subscriptions canceled for me by Rocket Money that I wasn't using. And so now I'm flushed with cash and now I'm confident. Pretzel money? Well, maybe we'll talk about that. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that binds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years, even before they were a sponsor.

Erin, it looks like you may have leaned on like with someone painting a rocket money like billboard or sign or something because it's all it's all down your back it's like and it's I could ock it ock it

People think they're spending $80 on their subscriptions when in reality, the number is closer to $200. And when you signed up for so many free trials, like streaming services, you watch one show and then you completely forget about it. You lose track and then all of a sudden you're like, why am I bleeding money? Rocket money? They take care of that for you. They go, sit back, relax. We got this. And they make everything color coded and easy and super intuitive.

You're also color-coded. A little birdie told me that Rocket Money also lets you monitor all your expenses in one place, recommends custom budgets based on your past spending, and they'll even send you notifications when you've reached your spending limits, which sounds like something my friend would like, but I forget which friend I'm so hungry for pretzels.

Speaking of pretzels, you don't get all twisted up by salty and the bread of your finances. With over 3 million users and counting, Rocket Money customers have saved an average of $720 a year.

Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and manage your money the easy way by going to rocketmoney.com slash riddle. That's rocketmoney.com slash riddle. rocketmoney.com slash r-i-d-d-l-e.

Hey, what's going on? Somebody leaned over my rocket money paint thing. Run. Everybody run. Run. Oh, no.

Maroon.

Is that DaVinci?

Yeah.

Yes.

And bye.

Hi, Adal and JPC.

Oh, greetings. Greetings, Erin.

We're just- Hey, Erin. Our normal selves today. I'm just myself. I'm normal. Hey, we're both normal.

Good news. So I finally opened Erin's Land in my backyard. It's a theme park. Most of the rides work. Most are pretty safe and I'm trying to start a website so people can find out all the information they need to get into Erin's Land.

Oh, that's actually perfect Erin because this podcast is actually sponsored by Squarespace. Yeah, and it's an all-in-one, like, website platform for, you know, entrepreneurs or whatever you consider yourself to be to kind of, like, stand out online. Whether you're just starting out, which it seems like you may be, or you're trying to build a successful growing brand, Squarespace is going to make it really easy for you to create a beautiful website, Erin.

Yeah, and Erin, if you want Erinland, I think is what you call it, to have stuff like custom merch. You can do that. You can easily sell custom merch and create a passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand. You design your products and production, inventory, shipping, all of it, handled for you, saving you time and money.

So, I mean, real quick, just because I'm looking around at Erinland, I'm just going to say what I think Erinland is from what you're presenting. Sure. So right now it looks like Erinland is a lot of goo.

Great eye.

Okay, so I'm right about goo. So it's a lot of goo. So are you trying to sell this goo? Because if the goo is for sale, then Squarespace does have an online store where you can sell your products online, whether it's physical like this goo, digital, like I imagine you have some digital goo or photos of people seeing the goo for the first time. Yeah, Squarespace has what you need. It has the tools to start selling online.

I'm looking forward to using it because I can use insights to grow my business. I can learn when site visits and sales are coming in and coming from to analyze which channels are most effective. I can improve my website and build a marketing strategy based on your top keywords like goo or most popular products and content like goo.

Huh, it's kinda eating through my shoes, it's starting to burn. Head to squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Erin, I just got some great analytics from Squarespace. It says people don't like goo. Huh.

Yay! I'm in a lot of debt now.

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey everybody, this is GPC.

I'm here too.

Yeah, Erin's here as well. And it's with a heavy heart that we kind of do this ad read because one of our own, Mr. Adal Rifai, is not with us.

He is unfortunately stuck in a cat costume. They're calling it a medical phenomenon. And a disaster. But we're going to soldier on. We're going to be brave today. I do want to talk to my better help therapist a little later about what this has done to my nervous system.

We're going to need that, yep.

And if you're thinking of starting therapy, you should give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. All you have to do is fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with your licensed therapist, and you can switch therapists any time for no additional charge. Conventional therapy where you have to drive to an office never really worked well for me. Like today, I get to send my therapist a message saying, you know how Adal loves to dress up like a cat? And sometimes he gets stuck, well this time he might

Erin, let's not think like that. Let's not think like that. Okay, because that's a negative spiral and that's going to lead us to needing more better help. I mean, if you think that conventional therapy is the only way to do therapy, then I beg of you. Have one of your best friends in this world get stuck in a cat costume and they can't find where the zipper starts. I don't know if we mentioned that, but that's one of the biggest problems. It's all zipped up.

Okay, so get a break from your thoughts like this.

Intrusive thought. Bad.

Visit BetterHelp.com slash Riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Riddle, R-I-D-D-L-E.

Oh, Erin, speaking of 10% off, this is actually good news. I just got a text from the medical staff. It looks like the cat costume is 10% off. So 90% to go pray for our friend.

It's not enough. It's not enough. It's barely the toes. It's not enough for him to have a normal life.

I'm having a great time.

Well, Erin, fall is officially here, which means it's time to get into our fall routines. And there's nothing that I love more than using my Raycon wireless earbuds to listen to some classic fall music. I'm sorry. I want to do this. I just can't do this because I know that my friend Adal is stuck in a full body cat costume and that includes Fabric over the ears and I know he can't use his Raycon wireless earbuds and it just... No, you can do this.

You started so well. You're being very brave. Raycon gives you up to eight hours of playtime and 32 hour battery life and they are so good and smooth and the optimized gel tips they feel like butter in your ears.

All Adal wanted was eight hours of playtime, and now he's going to have an eternity of playtime, except we're not playing games anymore because he's really stuck in that suit.

Here, I'll distract you. Raycon's Everyday Earbuds have over 78,000 five-star reviews, and they're priced just right. You get quality audio for half the price of other premium audio brands.

I wish we were able to give all of our listeners quality audio, but I just know in my heart That with the big guy all sewn up in that suit, it's just not gonna be possible to have the same quality of audio that we normally deliver. I can't stop making the ad, which is supposed to be about Raycon earbuds, that you love, that I love! I can't stop making it about my friend who's trapped in that cat costume.

No, no, remember? There's like noise isolation and you can do three customizable sound profiles just completely suited to you. Hi Fidelity Audio, come on GPC, we can do this.

They also have an awareness mode and I've heard that Adal is now stuck in permanent awareness mode because he's aware of all of his cat-like appendages and he's starting to forget what it feels like to be a man because he is going to be only cat from here on out.

I just wish that the doctors didn't tell us how much pain he was in. So anyways, school's back in session, which means Raycon is having their annual back to school sale. For a limited time only, go to buyraycon.com slash riddle today to get 20% off site-wide, plus free shipping. That's buyraycon.com slash riddle to score 20% off buyraycon.com slash riddle. Oh, Adal.

Erin, it's wild that you said 20% off. Because I just got a text from his medical team and it looks like the cat costume.

The costume is 20% back on.

Yes, he's really buried himself in it. We miss you boy, get better soon. Alright, Bad News Gang, we were not able to delete that from our minds, or the podcast is there forever, so that scene will live on.

Hey, sorry, did you call for us? It's us, the Bad News Gang. It's us, the Bad News Gang. I didn't call for you, yes. Now, just so you know, about 20 miles away there was an apartment fire and 20 people died.

Yeah, and cats and dogs aren't being adopted fast enough in this country. Am I late? Am I late?

Am I late? Nah, nah. Go ahead and tell them, Snake. Tell them some bad news. Ooh! Polio hasn't been eradicated completely. Uh oh, also it just got turned out the cheese is not good for you. Yeah, thanks little sneaky bad news for ya. Bad news gang.

The bad news gang. Why don't you shut the door on us? Here's some nickels, get out of here. Ow! Let us in!

More bad news for the next house. The bad news is we're coming back later asshole. JBC who the fuck was that?

Why did you call for them?

Honestly, I forgot. I forgot what summons them. I never say B and G. I never use the B and G phrase. I don't know what made me say it now.

I'm shutting the shades. Hey, I heard our initials burning.

No, that can't summon you. I'm sorry, hold on. I was talking about the Berdick and Glady's, my favorite cover band.

Speaking of the band before I leave, speaking of bands, did you hear that Huey Lewis' drummer got a DUI?

Bad news. I mean, when did that happen? 50 fucking years ago? But with the internet, bad news lives forever, so we're immortal. Did you watch 50 years ago? I feel like that was common practice. Of course they had them, but they just weren't, uh, they didn't get tickets for them.

The bad news is we're only getting stronger.

As the world unravels, we've only got more to say.

Alright, here's to Nichols. Get out of here.

Ow, I like it.

Guys, I don't know. I don't know.

I will.

Is this a joke? No.

Let's do a riddle. Can we do a riddle? Can we do a riddle? Just don't say those three words. I will not. This is from MR. Again, our same Mr. Mystery. When I leave my cave, I can never return. I usually leave when I'm trying to share. I travel with many friends alike and trade ideas with those who care. What am I? A bear? I am a bear and I am sharing my ideas with my friends.

Is it like an animal? Is it like a hermit crab or like a fish?

It is not an animal, nor is it a bear, nor is it a fish.

Erin, can I posit something to you? Just out of curiosity.

Yeah, I know that they're all animals. I just got more specific.

If you were sitting on a porch and a bear pulled up in like a Porsche and said like, get in.

I'm putting on my boxing gloves because Adal's about to dead stop me. But not today. I had fruit today motherfucker. You can't touch this.

What kind of Porsche? Is this like a 911 or is this like a station wagon? JPC station wagon. Oh yeah.

What's going on? What are we doing? Oh, the riddle.

It's just the same riddle. I was giving you a hypothetical. So I'm in my cave. Can you read the thing again?

I'd be happy to. When I leave my cave, I can never return. I usually leave when I'm trying to share. I travel with many friends alike and trade ideas with those who care. What am I?

Is it like the fucking concept of stories?

Very close, but you're on the right track I would say with the concept of stories.

Oh, is it like something that like a CD or DVD or a book or something that's like inside of something and then you?

No, no. You guys are getting more specific. I think you need to think more general with the answer here. I have another hint if you would like a hint. Please. Me and my friends can be invisible, but when people want to draw us, we always line up. Fantastic Four. Yeah, absolutely. What a lineup. What a lineup. Yes, Erin. Letters. You're on the right track. That's what they're referencing. Yes, Erin. Words.

What?

The answer is words.

So the cave is the mouth?

The cave is the mouth.

When you leave the mouth, you can't take those words back. Erin, good job.

This is all cave. I am talking from my cave.

I want to see a scene. The two of you are like Australopithecus, like the first form of mankind.

Oh, are we?

Sorry, the two of you have osteoporosis, is what I meant to say.

Do we? Ow, ow, ow, ow.

My foot, my foot. So the two of you are like early cave people and you are, you're sharing some gossip back in your cave home that you heard today. Okay.

How was your, how was your, how was your, I know you went foraging I believe. You, yeah. Any good foraging?

Drum roll please.

Oh, what is that? Yes, we know that.

I found a stick.

Oh, can't eat that.

Nope. You went... Yes.

With Joe.

Oh, Joe.

Yeah, with Joe. So talk to Joe. For him, fire, still bad. Joe hate fire. Joe hate fire. What else? What else is in the news?

Ding dongs.

Ding dong, do you have something to add? Yes, you talk about Joe. Joe died.

What kind of way? Oh yeah.

He got too close. Running from Velociraptor, tripped, fell in fire, cooked himself Velociraptor ate.

Well I heard that he and that Velociraptor kind of had a thing. Oh yeah. But don't listen to me, I'm just the person who stacks rocks. So I don't know that much.

Well I mean, I'm the mayor and I think

That's pretty good intel. I think it's pretty good intel.

Yeah, okay. Well, that's nice.

Oh, can I say, is that a new rock? Beautiful.

Yeah.

Sectional?

Yeah, I don't mean to brag, but found a stick.

Oh, beautiful stick. Get it, the stick. Get it, the stick. Gorgeous. Cell? Trade?

Yeah, trade it. Trade? Yeah, we could trade. I'm feeling a little sensitive.

I guess we don't have money yet, so... Yeah. I saw shooting stars the other day and I screamed and screamed. Scared the shit out of me.

So what you trade for that?

What would I trade for, stick?

No, trade for a story about scary star.

Oh. Cut off foot?

Mm-hmm.

Even? Even Steven? We have pile of foot. We have so many foot. Oh, my favorite fan. Can I just say, huge Pylo Foot fan. Are you guys getting back together? We don't know. Oh, come on. Tour schedule so hectic. Oh yeah. What's the set list from the last show you played for Pylo Foot?

Oh, uh, oh no dinosaur. We open and close, open and close. Gets people going blood really bumpy.

Get the people what they want.

Oh yes, oh yes. Let's see, candied stick, rock sectional, rock sectional, all instrumental.

Did I tell you I discovered fog yesterday?

Scene. Is there a band called Fog Hat?

Yes. Yes.

What do they sing? Lowrider.

Fog Hat? No, that's war, I think. Fuck! You're right, that's war. Fog Hat? What does Fog Hat sing? Fog Hat sings a song.

I don't know what that, I don't know if I've heard of that. Want me to Google it?

I wanna say it's like, it's not, no, sitting on a park bench, that's Aqualung, I think. No, is Aqualung the name of the song? I can't remember. It's all different.

Aqua Long by Fog Hat. Erin, what's Fog Hat's... It's a rock band. What's their number one song?

A Slow Ride. I just want to make love to you. Slow Ride.

Slow Ride. What did I think that was? Low Ride. You said Low Rider.

I don't know Low Ride. I was so close. Oh yeah, okay.

That's... All my friends know the Slow Rider. Slow Rider.

Slow ratty woman is out.

Learn something new every day.

Here we go. These riddles are from our good pal MP. MP, this was before we asked if we could read your name, so I just simply won't. MP writes. Oh, here we go. First riddle. You ready? You crunch me and munch me. I'm not sweet, but salty. I often come with your lunchy. And try as you may, you can't eat me softly. What am I? I guess you should say that these are all food-related riddles that NP came up with with their friends.

Shout out to all of your friends, NP.

You came out with some great riddles. Is it a frozen Capri Sun? It is not a frozen Capri Sun. You crunch me and munch me.

You crunch an egg, Erin? I don't know. I was just thinking something that you can't like you have to cook to eat.

You are correct with cooked chip. You got it. It's potato chips.

Potato chips. My favorite.

We're basically living in still inside of that barbecue riddle. We're just going deeper into the riddles at this point.

Yeah, I'm just a potato chip girl.

Erin, top three potato chips. I'll save mine to buy you some time because that three is a lot. My number one would be Zaps. They do one called Voodoo Heat, which to me is the best potato chip I've ever made.

Um, that's great. I've had zaps. I've had, I think Cape Cod potato chip is my favorite. Um, any flavor. Um, even like a salt and vinegar. I love like a jalapeno one. There's something from Trader Joe's I'm forgetting the name of. And then what are the chip, what's the chip brand that Chicago Bagel Authority sells?

Mmm. I know, Utz is like a Chicago potato chip. Utz, or is that right?

If you were Sun Chaps, or if you go to, no, but it's like a specific brand and their pickle potato chips, pickle flavored potato chips are like the perfect sandwich potato chip. Dang! I had them like a hundred times and I'm forgetting the brand.

You just reminded me, I forgot all about sun chips. And that when I was in college, sun chips were everywhere. You could not have a meal with more than two people where somebody didn't have a bag of sun chips. And now if I see them, I get like a memory, like a sense memory and I want to like barf because it's so grainy and the texture is so brutal. I hate sun chips.

I remember- There goes our sponsorship. No.

I was a vegetarian in college and there was like truly not a lot of options for me for like lunch. So I would go to Subway a lot and there was one right next to my work and Subway had Sun Chips. And that was like the only place that I ever knew where to- I guess you can go to the grocery store, of course, but Subway had them. And so I have a strong sense memory of Thanks for watching!

Hey Riddle. There's four pedophiles and a coke.

We were rewatching Community recently and Jared from Subway has a small cameo because Community has a Subway running gag in it. There's a Jared cameo and I was like, oh that did not age well.

Holy shit. That's so funny that he's in the ether right now because per Adal's suggestion we started watching Love is Blind season two and I think someone's name... Jared on it, I think maybe, but Sean and I kept talking about how if they went in and it was just Jared from Subway it was behind the wall and love is behind.

I mean we're like five years from him getting out of prison and then like like kind of like Blagojeviching himself where he's just like hey it's the new Jared we're like really we gotta have this guy back?

No.

Here's my tell-all book. Okay here's your next one, ready? Beans. Yeah, I am sweet. I'm loved equally by adults and teens. I'm from South America, but don't do well in heat. What am I?

I was gonna say jelly beans until you...

Beans, beans. I'm from South America and I'm good for you. Is this like freaking quinoa?

I'm good for you. Did I say that? I'm loved equally by adults and teens. Wow.

So you're sweet.

Adal, we- I'm still thinking of sunshifts. Adal and I have to have a conversation of what he's picking up from the things that are being said. Someone's like, yeah, teens enjoy these. And he's like, oh, good. They're good for you. I hear what I want to hear say.

What I want to say here. What I want to hear say.

What I want to say.

Wait, so teens enjoy it?

I'm loved equally by adults and teens. Beans, beans, yet I am sweet. I'm loved equally by adults and teens. I'm from South America, but don't do well in heat. Oh, drugs.

It's ayahuasca. Beans, beans, the magical fruit. The more you eat, the better for you. Is ayahuasca, is that cactus? Or is that mescaline?

It's some sort of plant, I think. Okay. Something is a cactus. It doesn't matter.

Something is a cactus. Your children's book.

You get fucked up on cactus. Um... I don't know. What's a sweet bean? You know what? Come to think of it, I don't think that this is like super sweet naturally. I think it is kind of... Oh, like coffee. No, coffee is a great guess. Cocoa. Cocoa. Yes, it is the cacao bean. Cacao. Right? That's not like a... It's pretty bitter. It's kind of bitter, right?

Yeah. Which is why dark chocolate is bitter is because it's less additives and more the natural taste of the bean.

I'll be honest man, I kind of do like, I like the bitter, I like the bitter chocolate.

Dark chocolate's so much better. I feel like there's a switch in my brain around like 2021 where I was just like milk chocolates, garbage, dark chocolates, everything. And white chocolate is the devil. White chocolate's the worst in the world. No! I'm not against it, but I'm not.

White chocolate is so bad. It's on par with milk chocolate to me. It's like not great.

So you're saying that white chocolate is worse than most murderers and people who... 100%.

Most murderers are driven crazy by white chocolate. If you go back... They haven't found a reason. If you look at Mark David Chapman, if you look at, what's his name who killed JFK, if you look at any murderer in history... This has been an incredible history lesson, Adal, thank you. The morning of, they always bought a white chocolate candy bar. They bought a zero bar, I think, to be exact. And then, or here she is, Cookies and Cream, the white chocolate one. And then they went crazy and killed someone.

The way that I feel about chocolate is I'm glad that I had milk chocolate. It's like the opposite of the way that I feel about porn. Like I'm glad that I had the milk chocolate when I was a kid and that I didn't jump right into the dark chocolate. Because if you had showed me porn, this stuff I like now, when I was that age, oh boy. I can tell you what, that kid would have been saying, no thank you, Chuck please, and not to pay for this. Oh, the kind of stuff I'm into now.

I was like, I'm going to try to make a joke of stuff that you're into now. And I was like, I can't even think of something funny. Am I broken?

Why open that Pandora's box? Why crack the lid?

Is the fruit leaving my body? Where did all the fruit go?

We see the big cooler that the guy brought to the party. We don't need to open it up. There's a giraffe in there. Okay, here we go.

Could you grill up a white chocolate bar for me?

Here's the next one. A box without hinges, key or lid, yet golden treasures inside is hid.

Sorry, Erin's vagina.

That helped me with my confidence. You're right, thank you. My vagina is gold, thank you. Yeah, it is a treasure.

Make new friends. What's happening? Where am I?

A box without hinges, key or lid, yet golden treasures inside is good.

Like a clam.

It is an egg. I think claim kind of works as well. Here's what I appreciate about this. MP, did I say MP? MP and their friends wrote these riddles together. And although egg is an answer that we've heard a lot of times before, I've never heard that set up. So I really appreciate when it's like a new spin on something like that.

I'd like to see a scene. The two of you are treasure hunters and you've found a map, you've gone through all these trials and tribulations, you've maneuvered through all these obstacles and traps and machines that could have killed you and killed lesser treasure hunters. You finally found the treasure and you're opening it and it is a curtain of eggs.

All right. Are you ready to open up the treasure?

Yeah.

It's been a long road.

Have I seen you in No, probably not.

Face off or... I couldn't have done this without you.

Okay, so you're not from adaptation?

You're my everything.

Okay, yeah.

Okay. You are my everything! About no one psycho here! It's you! Okay, great. Thank you. Janet, what have you been the treasure all along to me? What have you been to my treasure all along? Does that make sense?

I thought we were third cousins.

On the count of three, let's say I love you. One, two, three, I love you.

I love you as a third cousin.

What is a third cousin? Do the math with me on that. Because in my mind that means what, we share like a great uncle or something? That's nothing, right?

Yeah, let's open this treasure and then we can figure out if anyone has to kill anyone.

Plus, I got snipped. What? It's not like we're having kids. Because I've been snipped.

Let's open this treasure together.

Not my choice. I was in a bike accident.

Yeah, I saw it. It was horrific.

I was drinking in the bar, minding my own business. Some asshole hit me in the dick with a bike. They had to snip me. Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Gina?

I don't know. Do you remember the part where you said, I dare you motherfucker, hit me right in the crotch with the butt?

Obviously not. I was out of my mind. But now that I think about it, I think I was out of my mind in love with you. And I think it's more like fifth cousins.

Still third. We don't really get to decide.

Okay, because... One, two, three. Okay, so three. Sure. But what does that mean, honestly?

I'm gonna open the treasure and then head out, I think.

Okay, cool. Should we exchange numbers?

You have found the golden treasure. Please open the box.

Okay, okay, okay.

Let's not hold hands.

Thank you, uh, thank you Danny. Danny's our guide.

No problem. Let me know if you need any other voice over work. Musical guest, Creed.

You're going to make it, Danny. When we get back to Hollywood, I'm going to connect you to some of my people. No, please. No, I will. Oh, thank you. Trust me. I know Coppolas. I know some Coppolas. That's all I'll say.

He says that he was stuck in an elevator with a Coppola once and sort of forced them to talk to him. He doesn't really know the Coppolas.

Oh, he told me Talia Shire. She opened up. Talia Shire opened up to me.

He doesn't really have any connection.

Let's open it up. You ready?

One.

Two.

Third cousins. No.

Scene. I saw a friend of I love the internet. It's already messed up because it's like, why are you choosing this song to go with your story? And the story is that this poor woman's mom got pregnant when she was younger. She left the guy because they were young and they weren't in love. She lived her life, raised her daughter, moved back to that same area years and years and years later. She worked for a company, fell in love with the boss, slept with him, and it was her biological dad. to say in the TikTok description I found out being my boyfriend are related is an understatement yeah that makes it sound like third cousins One of the top comments on the TikTok was, you know you can go through something and take it to the grave, right? That's very funny.

One of my top comments on that TikTok was, if you had showed me this when I was a kid, I would have been like, no way.

Now? Now?

Now? Kind of shit I would do. Now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now The days of our lives. I grow on a field or on a foot. What am I?

Baseball player. Because the more they play in a field the more they grow in terms of their talent and skill sets.

Okay, actually, I'll accept it. These are food riddles, but I will accept baseball player for that one.

What throws in your field? Corn? Erin, it's corn! You got it! Noice! I feel nothing. I don't even know.

Interesting. I'm pretty sure I've never had a corn, and I don't know if I've seen anybody with a corn. Like, I don't think I could point out... If I had a lineup of foot problems, I don't think I could pick corn out of them all.

I'm ordering another cake.

Honey, if you have to ask, you can't afford it. Is it like a wort? Is that what a corn is? I think so. It's like a bunion, I believe. Is it called corn because it looks like a kernel? Is that like the origin of it?

Technically it looks like a private first class, but it's all shades of gray at that stage. Perfect. Okay, here we go. It's round and hairy, full of milk, and hard. What is it? Coconut. Yeah, it's coconut.

That was fun and good. That was fun and good.

Some like me hot, some like me cold, some like me mild, and some like me bold. What am I?

Pizza.

Spicy. Spicy pizza. Spicy pizza. No, it is not spicy pizza at all. I'm sorry to say it's not Marilyn Monroe.

Salsa.

I want to see a scene, Erin, you're Marilyn Monroe, and you are calling to order a pizza.

Papa Jones Pizza.

Give me pizza today.

I'm sorry, hello?

Papa Jones Pizza. Give me pizza today. I am misunderstood in history and over-romanticized.

Is this pickup or delivery?

Oh, both. Give me pizza. It's a pizza place. They don't have crab raguen.

I thought we were getting Chinese.

You know, I put it together. I put it together a couple months back that this is a phone line that can communicate with the past. And I do have some pretty important information that I can give to the two of you that would really change the course of the year. Yeah. Fuck you.

Hey, what are we going to tell them? Tell them about the past. Yeah, tell us about it.

Tell us in a little time.

Because it sounds like you're trying to avoid bad news. If you wanted them to stop something terrible in history, you would have erased some bad news. Did you weaken us?

Did you three get in through the toilet?

Yeah!

Covered in water.

We're chuds. We didn't tell you we're chuds legally. We came in through the toilet.

Yeah.

Hold on, hold on. Just like the Beatles song. You, I know. No! No, I don't know, you I know. Your voice I would never be able to forget. Oh shit, they found you out, you gotta run.

Alright, it's Ben Coco Cashmere with the Bad News Gang. You'll never catch me, cause I walk real slow.

To be clear, we're not really affiliated with those.

Yeah, they are. I'm the one who started the gang. The Bad News Gang. Alright, here's some nickels. Here's some nickels.

Get out of here.

Get out of here.

I'll eat them. I'll eat them.

And when I tap dance, they'll make noise in my stomach.

Goodbye. Why share that? You don't have to share everything. I do.

No, no, no. No, no, no.

Please do, Erin, please sign up for TikTok. I think you're already on TikTok. Please make a video of Coco Cashmere dancing with nickels in her stomach and telling a terrible story set to the music of Na Na Na.

I'll sing the song and do the story written over it and I'll point to the story.

It's just you pointing, yeah.

I love you, can't I think about that? Can't get you out of my mind.

Some like me hot, some like me cold, some like me mild, some like me bold. It's not pizza.

It's not pizza.

It's not curry.

Some like me hot, some like me cold.

I can say that we all have pretty different opinions on this.

Some like me hot, some like me cold. Some like me spicy, some like me bold.

What was it? I like cold candy in the air, like hot spicy candy.

I don't know.

Hot, cold, mild and bold. Mild and bold. Oh, this is Holy Savior.

It is not. I know that we all like this differently because there has been a time where one of us has offered to pick this up for everyone and people were dis- Yes. Ooh, the check. I was being as vague as possible.

It is the check. James is a cold boy. I'm a hot sea. Erin, you're a hot sea, right?

No, I'm a cold girl in the winter and a cold girl in the summer and I like it to taste good.

That's right, because I remember you said in Boston, it'd be dead of winter and you'd order iced coffee. Yeah.

The confusion, I think, one time when we were ordering coffee, someone was like, I'll have a coffee. And I think Adal assumed that that meant hot, but someone else thought that it meant cold, I think, or maybe it was the opposite.

If you say coffee, I assume hot. Hot, yeah. Because to me, there's coffee and there's iced coffee. Because if we just search, if coffee becomes a stand-in for iced coffee, and I have to explicitly say hot coffee, I want to die.

When we recorded in person, those memories to me are gone. So I'm just going to have to take your word for it, what happened in the time when we were all together recording.

Because who knows? Can I quickly tell you one of the most frustrating stories of my life?

Yes.

Oh, yes, please. I used to live with a little guy that you both know named Brett Lyons, and one day- One of the worst guys I know.

One of the worst guys I know.

I'm a huge fan.

We were moving into a new apartment, he and I. We were moving out of our place with Jason Chin and moving into a new place just the two of us. And my mom was going for a run for donuts at Dinkles, which is a very famous donut place in Chicago. Dinkles. Yep. And my mom says, what do you want? And they're known for their long johns. And I go, I will take a chocolate long john. And Brett tells my mom, I would love a plain donut. And she goes, great. She comes back with a donut. She has a plain, like, cake. She has a cake donut. He wanted glaze. And a chocolate long john. Brett takes my chocolate long john, and I go, what are you doing? He goes, that's my donut. And I go, no, no, no. You asked for a plain donut. And he goes, yeah, this is their plain, because this is what they're known for. And I go, that's a chocolate long john, my man. He goes, no, they know it is plain donut. And I go, you're telling me you walk into Dinkles, you say, give me a dozen plain donuts. They're giving you a dozen of these. And he screamed at me, yeah. And then started eating my donut. This made me so mad that I put it online and John Darnell from the Mountain Goats reposted it and said, this is the greatest thing I've ever seen.

My favorite thing about Brett is that when he is 100% dead to rights wrong, he'll triple down.

He'll quadruple down. It was unbelievable. And so I think I posted a picture of the receipt and I was like, notice how when she ordered the chocolate long john, they typed out CHCLJ and not plain.

A big part of my life was on Saturday night sitting eating tacos backstage at World News while Adal and Brett just yelled at each other. Just yelled about how wrong each other were about so many things. And then Rob would get mad and then JPC would come in and take a side just to stir the pot. It was a nightmare.

Brett would often times show up halfway through the set because he couldn't be bothered so he just played the second half. And he'd show up halfway through and while he was waiting in the back he would take our buttoned up shirts and rebutton them up so that one button was off. He called this little character the button puzzler. Hey Riddle.

And I was typically hosting the shows.

I think he was working, by the way.

That's right. But I was typically hosting, so when he would play the second act, you always introduce, if there's someone new joining the cast in the second act, you always introduce it as the host, because the audience would be like, who's that guy? And I would almost always be like, we have a very special guest for the second act. You know him as the voice of Krom from All Real Monsters, Brett Lyons. Or I would just say whatever, like I'd give, you know, A fake credential? Yeah, he played Captain Fortune in Under Siege with Steven Seagal. And the audience would almost always like gasp or be like, oh yeah. They would clap for him sometimes.

That's the worst.

But I love giving fake credentials to him and he'd just be like, you piece of shit.

The only safe place in that green room, and I stand by this, was sitting next to Emily. She was knitting or she was doing some sort of craft and she was minding her business and not coming after anybody's shoes, their character, their personality.

Well yeah, because Emily's pleasant and delightful. Yeah.

Why couldn't we? The rest of us couldn't follow Seth.

We all had to be a nightmare. There was no Emily.

Yes there was. I saw her. I know. I know she was there. She was funny. She was great.

Last one. Last one of these riddles. Here we go. I can run, but I have no feet. What am I? Car.

Well remember these are food riddles. What food can run? Food after you eat it?

So these are food riddles, but I would say that this is more just like a kitchen riddle.

Oh, Dunkin Donuts coffee.

I can run, but I have no feet.

What am I?

Sink. Yeah, that works.

That's not food. Sink's not food.

No, but it's kitchen.

The answer is refrigerator.

What happened to that who could eat metal?

Yeah, your refrigerator's running.

What's up? Well anyway, thank you so much MP and your friends for those riddles. We all really enjoyed you. Little food riddles. And the subject line of that email was, Piddle me riddle me baby. I love that subject line. Piddle me riddle me. Okay, let's cut the fucking bullshit. Adal, what do you have to plug? What do you got coming up? What do you got going on? What do you have to tell the people about?

And you're saying cut the crap, go straight to the point? What a point, baby. So I want to plug a few podcasts that I recently guested on. First of all, My Neighbors Are Dead podcast. Myself, Ernie Neekamp, and Matt Young all guested on that and we played characters from the movie Cacoon. So check that out, My Neighbors Are Dead. I also guested on The Big Bad Live show and Philosophy vs. Improv with our good friend Bill Arnett. And the one thing I want to recommend for others to try out is I played with our friends, uh, Louie and Joran. I played Escape Simulator on Steam and it's basically like a, it's a video game that like, have you played it, Japes? I know, but I'm familiar with it. It is so fun. We downloaded it. We weren't sure if it was good or not. And we started playing. I think we played like five rooms or so. It is so fun to do. I'm so sad I found it this late in the quarantine. Yeah, but I highly recommend Escape Simulator on Steam. If you do pick it up, let me know and I might, if I have some downtime, I might join you in a room if you're up for it because it is so, so fun and I want to play more. And you can build your own escape rooms on it, which is incredible.

That's cool.

Erin, anything you would like to plug?

Sitcom D&D came out last week and you can find that anywhere you find podcasts. You can also follow us on Instagram or Twitter or support our Patreon where we have a lot of fun content over there. I also played the game Blockbuster and the game Ransom Note this past Friday with friend of the show Anthony Birch and his partner and they are so fun. I think you two in particular would really like Ransom Note.

Is it a board game or a video game?

It's sort of like, it feels a little like a Cards Against Humanity type game. Gotcha, gotcha. Where you are, it's like little magnetized letters and you're putting together sentences or phrases and then you hand them to the person who's the judge and then they pick their favorite. But I had the best time.

Ransom note? Yeah. What was the other one?

It's called Blockbuster and I think it's by the people who owned Blockbuster because it's all the same colors and Very cool. Very cool.

Check those out. Just that we have some new merch, Jasmine Darnell made a fucking kick ass. I guess it's, I was going to say t-shirt, but it's just anything. You can get it on a bunch of different stuff. And it's all three of our portraits as like old timey, like what, like 19th century kind of like Victorian era Gilded Age.

You guys, I ordered your faces on so many different things and they'll be arriving to my home shortly. I'm so excited.

Anyway, there's a link in our episode description, or all of our episode descriptions for our t-ball bookstore, so you can check that out. And that's pretty much it for me. Oh, Erin, I know that there was another, I guess, board game, video game. It's kind of hard to distinguish between the two that you played recently, but you had to travel, like, I think a pretty good distance to play it. Is that right?

It's Jupiter, but hear me out. I think we can grill it. Nope. Because it's in the Guinness Book of World Record.

What do you mean you're grilling Jupiter? What's going on?

Yeah, that sounds like some bad news.

You knew she was still with us. Why did you bring her back? Bye forever. This has been Hey Riddle Riddle, created by Adal Rifai, starring Erin Keif and John Patrick Coan. Casey Tony could be editing, and Marty Parrott's in the music. Hey there, plumps and condolences. If you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. It's the return of one of our fan favorites. That's right. It's Hey Relationship Relationship, where we're answering your relationship questions. You can listen to that by joining the Clue crew for $5 a month or the Review crew for $8 a month and get ad-free episodes by going to patreon.com slash HeyRiddleRiddle. See you there.