Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum podcast.

Oh shit, Adal, fuck. Oh god. Okay, do you know what today is?

Fuck yes, it's Erin's birthday, but I totally forgot until just now.

It's Erin's birthday. Me too, I totally forgot. I was like putting the date for the recording and I was like, the 10th, November 10th, why do I know that? Why do I know that? I wrote it down on a piece of paper, but then I ate the paper.

Here she comes, here she comes. Erin, Erin. Good morning. Happy birthday.

You're late.

I'm late?

Of course you're late.

But how much? Like an hour?

You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. We let it slide today. We let it slide today.

I'm like an hour late. No, you're not. That's a blink.

No. No.

No. We're early.

Yeah, we said 1.30 AM. You're right. And JBC and I chipped in together, and we got you these two thumbs up.

Am I pregnant? No. That can't be what this is. I would know. First, you would not know that first.

We know how much you love Siskel and Ebert, so we got you two thumbs up. Yeah.

Oh.

You're rocking it girl. 30 and flirty.

Oh shit. Oh my god you guys, you guys.

I forgot. Oh you forgot your birthday? That's so embarrassing.

Erin.

How do I tell me that I forgot my own 30th birthday? It's kind of a big one.

Oh, no. Oh my God. Okay. Yeah, this is embarrassing.

You're late, Erin. Adal? I'm late. Am I pregnant?

I'm not pregnant. Do we need to be here for this? Should we go or?

Erin, do you ever want to get pregnant? I guess you're 30 now. You just maybe start having conversations like this with yourself.

Start having?

Wow. I don't know. I've kind of just pushed it out of my mind for a few years. I guess maybe, I don't know. I sometimes think, I don't know. Maybe later down the line. I think no though, right? No.

Down the line, Erin. Take a look at that line. It is not a long line.

Not helpful. I'm definitely going to be okay. Everything's fine.

Okay. Sean's in the background putting on a jetpack and he blasted through the roof. Who's Sean?

I certainly don't care. Or no, because I'm 30, bitch. Like that woman in that movie.

Yeah, and I'm Adal Rifai, bitch. And I'm also JPC and said like Freddy Krueger. I'm JPC, bitch.

Did you see that movie?

What was that? Is that Bridesmaids? Who's 30 in what movie?

No, Freddy Krueger.

Never. I'll be honest with you guys, I have never seen a Freddy movie. I've never seen a Jason movie. I've never seen a Chucky movie. I've never seen any one of those franchises. Mike Myers? Awesome. Oh, yeah, I saw Soei married an ex-murderer.

I saw... So you didn't see Forgetting Sarah Marshall? That's a Jason movie.

I do think the first Nightmare on Elm Street is pretty great. Like, it's very enjoyable to watch.

I think I've seen part of the first Halloween with Jamie Lee Curtis, right? Yes. I think I've seen part of that one. That's Michael Myers. So I think I've seen part of that one.

Adal, you mean stomach scary things though. So it's different for you. You can handle it.

Yeah, I get like a thrill through scary stuff. That's why I love like haunted houses and stuff because they make me giggle.

Guys, we are not talking about October shit in November. Erin, how does it feel to be 30?

Well, great. It's great.

Adal, since you and I have already crossed the 30 threshold, do we have any pieces of advice that we can impart to Erin upon reaching this monumentous occasion?

Yeah, I don't know if this is not advice, but I notice around the time of 30, a lot of stuff you just stop caring about in a good way, so I think look forward to that.

One of the more interesting things for me about turning 30, and this is something that I guess they don't tell you or most people don't tell you, I guess maybe just like people don't talk about it because whatever, like social taboos or mores or whatever, but whatever way that you wipe when you go to the bathroom, you switch, you reverse when you hit 30. So if you were front to back, you're now back to front.

I thought that was a hemisphere thing, but that's an age thing.

That's an age thing. Yeah, it's an instinct. You have like a prey drive or something that kicks in that switches the... I'm going to start going from right to left, I guess.

Also, be very careful. Out there in the world now, there are social mores, so they seem very chatty, but they are still heels.

Did they sting me?

They will bite you. They will bite you.

You can touch their top. Don't touch them out. I think you can touch the top of them.

Erin, I promised you, and I'm a mam of my burp, I promised you a trip to Hawaii for your 30th. Now that's not in the cards because I think Hawaii said no thanks to everyone.

I think they put a clothes sign on their front door.

But I still would like to take the three of us to Hawaii at some point. So that's going to be my gift to you.

Here in the Hawaii, we're ignoring your request. We're parachuting in.

That kind of leads directly into what I had planned for today's episode. Erin, we can't go to Hawaii, so how about we bring Hawaii to you?

They just dumped a whole bucket of sand on me from my ceiling. I can't see.

Hold on. Sand and margaritas. Sand and margaritas. Yeah, margaritas.

Why did you make them separate? Why did you mix them?

Hawaii's famous drink, the margarita, dumped all over you in sand. Wait, hold on. Isn't if you drive through Texas to the border, don't you then go into Hawaii? Wasted away again in fucking Hawaii.

This is the worst birthday party I've ever had. What were you saying?

Is this really Hey Riddle Riddle Hawaiian style?

No, I just have riddles. I just prepared some riddles.

So they didn't plan anything.

No, hold on. In honor of your birthday, Erin, every good birthday party needs a what, JPC?

A stripper.

That was your birthday cake.

Oh, thanks.

And it was your birthday stripper as well. He wasn't good at either one of the things that he purported to be good at. Well, Erin, there's no better way to celebrate you than just being here with two of your favorite people we have to assume. You never say, but we have to assume. Just judging by how you choose to spend your time, we have to assume it's still your favorite people in the world.

I think that how hard you two are laughing at you two being my two favorite people.

Erin, as a matter of public record, the information that the public has available to you, we'd be forced to believe that these are two of them. It has to be top ten.

Legally, we're in your top ten. I will say, in 300 years, Hey Riddle Riddle is sort of like a cockroach. This is going to survive, and people are going to think that you're my two favorite people, but you know what that means. People are going to think that you two consider me a friend. So, double my sword.

Not favorite, no, but a friend, sure.

Friendly acquaintance. Sort of like when you had the same male person for a couple years and then you see them out at a restaurant.

And you're like, hey, a lot of my stuff has been arriving damaged. Can you hear something about that?

And you're like, I haven't been your male person for like 18 months. And you're like, okay, okay, yeah, totally enjoy your meal.

Calm down, calm down. I've noticed, here's the thing. Can I ask you guys a question? Why in the year 2021, the year of our Lord 2021, is there still junk mail? Like why am I still getting... Do you mean in an email or in a real way? In a physical mail. Like why am I still getting physical junk mail like credit card offers and just like promotional flyers from like companies. Like why? Why am I still getting that stuff?

I think while the boomers are still alive we're gonna keep getting that stuff.

You know what's funny is we moved a couple of months ago at this point and there was a paper that was just showing up on our door and I opened it one day and it's like the penny saver and just coupons. And there was a number on the bag that was like, if you don't want to get this anymore, call this number. And so I called the number and I was like, hey.

Did you get sucked into the phone and into the past?

I truly, I was like, it was the wildest experience. I was like, hey, I don't want to, I don't want to get this. Um, I moved into this house and we never signed up for this. I am a new person, but I, please stop sending it to my address.

And they were like- I'm a new person? Hold on. Did you say the phrase, I'm a new person?

I think I may have. I think I may have. Do you get baptized in your new house? I must have, John the Baptist. So the person on the phone who was like, okay, what's your phone number? And I was like, well, no, I don't need you to have my phone number. Here's my address. This is where you're sending the thing. Just stop sending it to this address, please. And they were like, can I get your email? No, like you can't have any of that because if I give you my information, you're just going to send me stuff. The whole point of the call is to stop being sent to stuff.

You gotta respect it.

It's not the kind of deal I have to. And so finally the person was like, yes, it'll stop. We won't send that anymore. Yes, it'll stop. We won't send it anymore. And I still get it. But like I'm not going to call back again because that doesn't work. So it's like I just get it forever now. And now I just have to, like, throw away a newspaper, like, four times a week. It's wild.

We have the same thing. It sits in our lawn and, like, I see it and I'm like, I don't even want to touch it. And then, like, weather will happen and I'm like, fuck, I gotta touch this.

It's the worst. It's impossible to cancel, though, too. And, like, just any junk mail, it's like, there's no junk email I can be like, unsubscribe. Oh, it's easy, it's done. But a junk physical piece of mail, I'm like, I don't know who sent this to me. I don't know how to tell them ever to do this again. Anyway, Erin, happy birthday.

Erin, is there anything?

Do you have any goals for 30? For either the age 30 or in your 30s, do you have anything where you're like, now's the time I'm going to do this, get this done?

I think that's a great question. I think my major goal is just to be a better friend to myself.

Oh, I thought you were going to say to us, but to you too.

To who? You've got to take care of you first, Erin.

You've got to take care of you first.

And I think that I didn't do that in my 20s, sort of a people pleaser, sort of running around trying to fill up other people's cups. And now I go like, that actually is not helpful to a lot of people. And that didn't make me a good friend at all. So I'm going to just try to be a better ally and friend to myself.

That's great. I love that, Erin.

And then I'm also going to learn how to cook better. That last one I don't know. I'm gonna do the splits.

This time for real. They say the best goals are ones that you just trail off in the middle of.

Yeah, I'm gonna buy a planner.

Maybe two and a half years ago, I bought you a machine that's supposed to help you do this. A machine!

A machine he bought her. That is the best way to describe it. Yes, I've used it. Yes, it hurt. Next question.

Erin, can I tell you something? I've been doing a lot more stretching over the past like two months. I was just like, I'm not a very flexible person. I'm trying to do stretching. And one of the wildest things for me, I am a 32 year old man. One of the wildest things to me that I've developed in my 30s is an awareness of my hips. Oh yeah, they're there. Yeah, they've been there the whole time. And sometimes, whatever, anyone in my life up to this point has been like, stretch your hips. I'm like, I know what that means and I do. I have stretched my hips since then and I'm like, nope, I wasn't doing it. My whole life when someone was like, stretch your hips, I wasn't doing it. Now I feel like I am doing it. That is wild to me.

How does it feel?

It feels like how everyone has always described stretching. And then I was like, yeah, I get that. I guess I get that. It just doesn't feel that way for me. I'm like, no, you were just doing it wrong the whole time and you can stretch. I have not been getting into yoga, just like general stretching. I tried one yoga class and there was a man who was just like, now move from like forward dog to down facing warrior upwards eagle putt. And I'm like, I don't know the name. I don't know what these are, man. You gotta stop using the fucking names. And he's like, I'm on the phone with my son.

Please shut up. But just stretching is great.

You just brought out a memory that I had suppressed in my brain about being in a yoga class once. One time I was in a yoga class. I think it was a hot yoga class. Yeah, it was like, yeah, pretty cool. But the instructor, we were doing like the hip stretch and she came over to me and then she said, you have like the perfect body to carry a baby. You just have the perfect shape and hips and build to carry a baby.

And I went,

Buy a girl a drink first. Holy crap. No, I was like, thanks. And I said thank you. And then I was haunted. I was like, what do you mean? Ew. Girl, you got baby body. Girl, you got baby body. It felt more invasive than someone saying nice ass. If she had walked by me, it's this yoga instructor. Or even nice tits. If she had been like, you have nice tits, I would have been like, that's invasive and terrible, but not as bad as you told me I have a body for carrying babies.

That's wild. Also, I do want to just piggyback on J.B.C. 's story. He has been doing a lot of stretching lately because he called me last week and he said, Adal, I think I'm probably in the top 50 most handsome guys in Illinois, and I went,

What time of day was this? Was this in the middle of the night?

I bet it was. It's got to be at least 50 percentile, right? I mean, come on. Erin, I had a friend's dad, another suppressed memory, a friend's dad in high school, told me that I have the perfect frame for being a boxer. And at the time I was like, I didn't do anything physically. I did no exercising or no anything. Did he punch you in the face after that? I was like, that's such a weird thing to say, like to say. And then it was like, that's a weird thing for a friend's dad to say, right? Couldn't help but notice your body. Hi, I'm Evan's dad. Couldn't help but notice your body.

Was he a boxer?

Nope.

Weird.

Not as far as I know.

There's something about like maybe if he was like a boxing coach and that was his wife and he was like, you're like wingspan would be great. You should come out of my studio and box.

I told the story wrong. So a guy comes up to me and goes, hey kid, you've got the frame to be a great boxer, Rock.

And that's why he got put to work at U-Haul.

I'm not trying to validate that experience, because that man should have never been commenting on your body. But I do think that if I were casting a movie with a boxer in the old time, in the past, in the 30s, I would cast someone who looked like you.

Erin, you just described... As the villain. You just described Hey Riddle City exactly, where J.P.C. in the 30s plays a boxer named Nicky Moore.

Oh, so I guess I did cast him as a boxer in the 30s. I've been there, done that.

I once was moving, this was maybe seven years ago or something, I was once moving apartments and I hired movers, but I was also helping. So I went to move something and I picked up like three boxes or something. Because I'm Midwestern and I'm like, let me help. So I picked up like three very heavy boxes and helped move them. And one of the lead guys who was helping moving was like, Jesus Christ, you're strong as an ox. And I was like, oh, thanks. And he goes, what do you do? And I go, comedian. And he started laughing. He goes, that's funny, man. And I was like, OK. And then I walked away. So you thought I was lying.

Oh, but at the end of the day, someone called you strong.

Yeah, which is flattering.

And he was one of the lead guys.

This wasn't just one of the movers. This is one of the lead movers.

He was the Jean Valjean of movers. He was the lead.

But then he goes, guys, guys, everybody take a break. Look at this guy, he's strong as an ox. And he goes, I bet you can't move that couch. And then I moved it. And he goes, I bet you can't move that table. And then I moved it.

And he's like, I bet you can't move this.

And he's like, well, we're done.

He huck pinned your ass. He huck pinned your ass and you painted the whole fence. You hate to see it.

You hate to see it, but you're not surprised.

I guess I did it with Mihal.

Mihal!

Mihal! Alright, enough of this, enough of this. We got an email. This email is coming to us from Jake in Minneapolis. From State Farm? Oh, you know what? I didn't ask. Let me email back. Erin, do you know that guy?

I do.

The new one, the new Jake from Safe Farm.

Yeah, he's super so nice. 10 out of 10, can't recommend enough. Lovely human.

Jake says, absolutely love the show. Here's a riddle I wrote, I hope you like it. Jake, I hope they like it as well. I read it. I already like it. I hope my two friends also like it. We like riddles this year. Here we go. Yes. Sunlight may bounce, blows, tramps, save the day, or a walking cliche.

Hold on, I'm confused because you were reading that like you do when you read the lyrics.

I was just about to say that.

So I wasn't even paying attention because I was like, oh it's like he's reading lyrics.

So I guess all I can say next is arcade fire.

What you are talking about is Patreon content and the people who are listening to this show cannot know about that.

I like big butts and I can't lie.

Oh God, if they find out about the Patreon, they're gonna go to patreon.com.

JPC does a thing that's named that tune, but it's the opposite of that. It's actually not named that tune at all.

There's no music.

He just reads the lyrics.

Oh no.

The people who heard the Patreon were ruined. And we laugh and laugh, and it's a really good time.

So JPC, was that first word sunlight? Here's the riddle again. Sunlight may bounce, blows trounced, save the day, or a walking cliche. There's a question mark at the end. Wedding.

A mirror.

Oh, okay. Wedding in a mirror. I do like both of those. No, not correct. A walking cliche. Mm-hmm. Save the day or a walking cliche. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,

Um, so, Adal, you'll take this one.

Oh, hey, Erin? You all can't make these jokes anymore. Now that you're 30, you can't make these jokes anymore, and you'll take this one.

I was the young one. I was the young one once, remember? You guys, when we started, I was 26 and I was all, I'm a little baby, and you were all... Now look at your fucking knees, huh?

That's so funny now.

Oh my God, I'm old. No, getting old rules. Guess what the alternative to getting old is?

I'm getting younger. Erin, what are you trying to say? Moses is his place?

You can't dead stop a girl on her birthday. You can't dead stop a girl on her birthday.

I want to see a scene. I want to see a scene. Erin, you are Moses. GPC, you and I are whoever Moses is leading to get free or whatever. Hell yeah. Erin, you're trying to lead us to freedom, but you are terrible with directions, so you're trying to find where to go.

Oh, God. Okay, hold on.

Oh, you're going to talk to God?

Oh, no, no, not again. Do we have to plug our ears? No, um, yeah, I'm sorry. Thank you. This is not one of the situations with the list of commandments that he gave where I had to really think about it and try to write it out and remember what he said. He just talked so fast. He gave me those commandments so, so fast.

Well can you go, I just want to make sure we got them correctly. If you wrote them down and they weren't precise, I just want to make sure that we have the gist of it. So I have down here commandment number one. Thou shalt always praise Moses.

Is that right? Sounds right. For sure. There's definitely some of the words in there. Left here.

Can we do this when we get to where we're going, maybe? Give me a second. Personally, I'm hungry. I would love to have... Moses, do you have any more of that mana?

No.

That was good. What was it? What was that mana? It was like light. It was like fluffy. It was like airy, but it was like good.

Sorry, I'm trying to focus. It's saying left here, but this is a sea. This is a body of water, so that cannot be right.

What's saying left? What's saying left?

God, P.S.

Oh, you're still talking to your pubes that are on fire?

That was before, and that was something else. Oh, you have chlamydia? Commandment number two, thou shalt not ask about thy neighbor's chlamydia. Don't be jealous of it either.

Oh, that's another neighbor one? Because commandment number seven is thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's dog.

Yes.

So there's two neighbor ones? That seems like a lot focused on neighbors. There's three.

There's three. And they're spread out, they're not back to back? The neighbors don't kill anybody, I think. Oh, okay. Unless you disagree with them or you want to, that must be it.

Commandment number five was, God, can you please go slower?

What is the golden rule? Is that something?

Respect your teacher?

Yes, something like that. I asked him to go slower.

Do you want a teacher? A teacher would do one to you or something? I think.

Have you ever asked God to go slower? He created the world in seven days.

No, I never talked to him. I don't know him. I don't know him either. That's what he told you? He said he created the world in seven days?

Yeah, well, six days. And on the seventh day, he rested.

It took me eight months to build my hut.

That's what I'm saying. God, my crotch is so on fire. Left here, you know what? Parding the sea. We should probably run because I don't know how long I can do this for.

Okay. There's blood coming out of your nose.

Yeah, let's run.

That's actually from something else. Wait a second. What's this little creature scuttling down here in the sea? Wait, is this a crab? That's something else. Was the mana crab meat? Yeah. Oh God. It's bugs. It's basically bugs. I was eating bugs. Those are water bugs.

There is so much pressure on me right now. God is doing just giving me way too many responsibilities and you guys are being so needy and picky and I'm just trying to get you across the sea and trying to give you these commandments. I don't remember what they are. He said to be good to people, but I'm not going to communicate it clearly enough if people are going to use Christianity to do bad things.

Christianity?

Well, eventually it's going to mutate so bad into Christianity.

Uh, Moses, fuck, fuck. Look at the ocean floor. There's all these creatures dying. You might want to put the water on top of them.

Judaism now, but it gets so, so, so much worse.

Honestly, I think I'm ready to go back to Egypt. I think I could just be Egyptian. I think that's... I think I might just be... I'm setting you free. I don't want to die out here. You kidnapped us.

I gotta read the Bible one day. We gotta read that Bible. We gotta read that Bible.

Okay, can we get the riddle one more time? Sunlight may bounce, blows trounced. Save the day, or a walking cliche. Is this like armor? Adal?

Oh, that's a great answer.

Adal, the answer is this is a knight in shining armor. Oh. Jake from Minneapolis says, keep up the excellent work. All the best now. Jason's at email and of course 2018, so did we keep up the excellent work or did the quality slide wait out? Did you tell us?

I'd like to see a scene. You are two knights and you are on a quest. Adal, your armor is a little too shiny and JPC is just like frustrated because it keeps shining in his eyes and like bringing too much attention to the two of you.

What ho, this dragon stands no chance betwixt the two of us in our might.

I say, Sir Hothswain, might I have a word with you before we engage the dragon? Excuse us for but a moment, good dragon.

What is it?

I'll give you five. Thank you, Five. Pold- Spaulders. Paulders? Paulders.

Paulders sounds quite right, is it? Eh, is this Pauldron? Would you like to Google it?

Pauldron. Pauldron. Nope, I got it. It's the shoulder one. Pauldron. Every time you swing your Pauldron about, the glare from it betwicks my eyes and bewitches my visions.

Wait, a Pauldron is what a witch uses, correct? Are you a witch? Yes, a- I believe- I believe that's a kettle. Oh.

I believe a witch uses a kettle.

Do you want me to step in here? I don't want- I know I told you I'd come back. It's a cauldron? Are you thinking cauldron?

That's what it is. That's what a witch uses. Dragon while I have you and while you're googling. What's up? This. It's like a long, it's like a lance, but it's got like an axe head at the end. I don't, it's like a long, it's like a long axe.

It's like a lance?

Is it a Joey or a Justin? I don't believe so. I want to say halberd.

I'm guessing it's a halberd. It's a halberd. A halberd consists of an axe blade topped with a spike mounted on a long shaft. You got it. Excellent. Thank you.

Fucking Dr. Armor over here. What is your issue with my armor? It's not just merely your armor. It's more your vamp braces and your croquet, I believe. And then of course there's the helm. What's the face-cage called? It's the... the helm?

Do you want me to tell you or do you want to figure it out?

I don't. It's on the tip of my tongue, Coquette. That braces, pauldron, greaves.

Listen, friend, I would have sold all these to the merchant, but they weren't offering much coin. Now I have put some jewels in some of them, which give me, you know, 20% attack rate or a 15% speed ratio.

You have socketed items? You do not? No! I'm basically working with mundane shit here. What in the Diablo are you doing? We have to share loot drops. You and I have to share loot drops because all this individual- no, the individual loot, and then every time a story of Jordan drops, it's always you first and you're like, it's mine, it's my turn, I was up for it.

Well, I found an unidentified gem and I had to identify it because I had the scroll of identification.

Why do I have that? Why can't I keep a scroll of identification? Too slow, I guess. I guess so.

I can't find it because everything that's coming up are these face masks that you can buy for COVID protection that have it on it, but it's not saying the name.

For what protection?

For what protection? I'm a dragon. I see through space and time. I know everything that's happening at any given moment. At all times.

Oh, so Coan must be a lion's body with an eagle's head, spider feet, and a bee's sting?

How is Coan from any of those things? Cobra interacted. It was right there.

Well, sure if you want to think about it.

What is it? Labeled night armor.

I don't know. Maybe just called like a face mask or something. I don't know.

Visor.

A visor.

Close home visor.

Yep. All I know is that nights are the reason that we have salutes and handshakes. That's all I know. And I think nights are the reason that we drive on the right side of the road.

Nights are the reason why days exist.

Yeah, I come alive at nights. Okay, we got another one guys, and it pains me to say that this one also comes from 2018. This one is from Adam. Adam says, hi. Hi. Her. Her. H-R-R. I love your mind expanding podcast, Adam. That cannot be what this is. Here's a puzzle. Here's a puzzle. Here's a puzzle. Here's a puzzle that blows my tiny brain. Okay. There's lots of ways of posing this riddle as long as you tell it right. The scenario you set up, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Three diners are in a restaurant, and the meal comes out to 30 pounds. Adam says sorry, I'm British. Totally okay for this riddle Adam, but watch yourself counselor.

Well, I just said nights are responsible for us driving on the right side of the road, which makes no sense, because the Brits don't drive on the right side of the road.

They each pay ten pounds and don't tip the waiter. When the waiter hands the cash to the manager, they realize there's been a mistake. The meal should have come to 25 pounds. The manager hands the waiter five one-pound coins and asks the waiter to give it to the customers. The waiter decides to give the customers each one dollar, each three of them one coin each, and keep two dollars for themselves as a tip. The customers now have $9 each.

I'm getting confused because you're oscillating between dollar and pound. I'm sorry. You're totally right. I did that. Okay.

I'm not confused because my brain can stay on top of it. Sharp as a tack, even at 30.

Is this part of the riddle? Is dollars and pounds? No. Dollars and pounds is all the same. It's pounds. So the manager hands the waiter five one pound coins and asks the waiter to give it to the customers. The waiter decides to give the customers three coins each. So they each get three one pound coin and keep two pounds for themselves as a tip. The customers now have paid nine pounds each. Three nines are 27. The waiter kept two. That's 29. Where is the missing pound?

Missing pounders in their stomachs cause they all had quarter, they had, uh... Wait, wait, I gotta eat some too.

Everybody pays $10. I'll say dollars because it's going to be easier for your American brains. Everybody pays 10 money. Waiter brings the money to the manager. The manager says there's a mistake. It should only be 25 money. Here's five money. Go give them back their money. Can't split five 30 ways. So the waiter pockets two, says, this is my tip, gives each one of them a coin back. So now the customers have each paid $9 each. Three nine, nine times three is 27. And the waiter kept two. That's 29. Where is the missing pound? The missing dollar, the missing money.

I don't understand how they each paid nine.

Because they paid ten. Yeah.

Then they each got a coin back.

They each got a coin back, so now they paid nine. Nine times three, twenty-seven, plus two from the waiter, that's twenty-nine. But it's not twenty-seven because the guy said it was only twenty-five dollars. That's true. The meal was only twenty-five, and so he gave the waiter five dollars back. Yeah. The waiter gave each one of them three coins. Which is twenty-eight.

Yeah, that's twenty-eight.

Which is thirty.

I don't understand what's happening. So the waiter has that extra pound. What are you talking about? Adal, get him!

The extra pound is everyone adjusting their belts because they're stuffed.

Adal is correct. The answer to this riddle is in the way it's asked. The way it's asked is the customers have now paid $9 each. Three times nine is 27. The waiter kept an extra two. That's 29. So that math does work out to 29, but that is not the math that will get you to what you actually need. What you actually need is that 25, because that 25 is what was paid. The five came back. They each got three. The waiter kept two. That equals 30. Yeah.

See, this riddle sucks because that's like if I said, I have a riddle for you. I have 10 apples. I give five to Erin. Erin gives me one back.

You did remember!

Five times one is five. Where'd the other apples go? It's like, wait, that's a totally different math problem. I'm so confused at this.

Well, I think, Adal, the reason that you're so confused is because credit to you didn't listen to what I was saying for the riddle and just did the right math. So you're correct. You got it right.

Well, my man, if you go back and listen to this episode, you're going to hear yourself say, I'm going to say dollars for you dum-dums. And you're going to say they paid $30, then the waiter gave them each back one coin. So I think you're the confusing one in this equation.

I can't relate to this. I'm over here thriving.

Thank you Adam. Adam said hope this hurts your head and thanks for the good work. It hurts my heart. Adam, we appreciate you thanking us for the good work. We haven't done good work in years.

Well, speaking of doing good work, should we take a quick break to go visit some charities and hear some ads? Yes, yeah. To declare these are not charities.

These are paid sponsorships. But it's good work that we've done and we deserve a little break for ourselves.

Maybe they can get me a birthday present over break.

That's what we do. That's exactly what we do. God, great idea. Okay, we'll be right back. Erin, we got you these ads.

Hey Erin, hey Adal, I got a bone to pick with the two of you.

Here we go again.

I can't care anymore about this. So you know I told you guys that I was having some troubles in my personal and professional life and really my dealings with people and I just needed to talk it out. And you all told me to climb down this kind of never ending staircase and I'm in this place with all these pool of magma and like burning a sulfur and a little guy he's read with a pitchfork and he's poking me in my tuchus and he's like making me dance and do stuff. It didn't help me at all. What the heck, guys?

Oh, it sounds like you went to New Jersey.

Or you went to BetterHell.com? Yeah, better hell. Isn't that not what you said? No, we said better help. Oh, better help. Better help assesses your needs and matches you with your own licensed professional therapist where you can connect in a safe, not covered in sulfur, and private, not moaning of other tortured souls, and private on that environment, and it's so convenient. You can start communicating in under 48 hours. It's not a crisis line. It's not self-help. It is professional counseling done securely online. I feel like an idiot.

Yeah, JPC, you know that BetterHelp is one of our sponsors and BetterHelp is more affordable than traditional offline counseling and financial aid is available. The service is available for clients worldwide. Worldwide Pitbull.

I use BetterHelp and it's helped so much with my anxiety and my relationships to everyone around me. I can't recommend it enough. My favorite part is that I can send a message to my counselor anytime and I don't have to wait to get a response for them. It's the best.

All without ever having to sit in an uncomfortable waiting room. For instance, the waiting room that I was sitting in at BetterHelp, it was like the chairs, but instead of like the bottom part of the chair, it was all spikes. And instead of like the back part of the chair, it was like one big spike. Oh, oh yeah. Yeah, I didn't like it.

JBC, this will be good for you and what you just did because you're a dum-dum. Anything you share on BetterHelp is confidential. It's also convenient, professional, affordable.

It's everything. That makes so much sense because when I used Better Hell and I told him some of the things that I'm dealing with, he leaned real close to me and whispered into my ear, everyone will know and you will be ruined.

Well, we don't want that to happen to you, listener. So start living your happier life today. As a listener, you'll get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at BetterHelp.com. Join over 1 million people who have taken charge of their mental health. Again, that's betterhelp, H-E-L-P, H-E-L-P, J-P-C, dot com slash riddle.

Did you say he poked you in the tookus?

I know, I haven't heard tookus in a long time, that's amazing.

Are you an 87 year old? It was his word, I just borrowed it.

Hey Adal and JPC. Uh, so I wrote a song and I really want to show it to you, but I want you to listen to it on these Raycon wireless earbuds so you have the full experience.

Wait, you want to show us a song or you want us to listen to it?

Don't do this.

I'm glad he did because I was literally about to do this. Okay, I'll give it a listen.

I'm just saying, Erin, I'm sorry, I'm not going to look at a song.

Wait a second, Erin, these are Raycon Everyday Earbuds? Okay, so these have seamless Bluetooth pairing and a comfortable noise isolating fit. I can start listening right away and then keep listening for hours. What the quality on these is literally amazing. It's comparable to what you would get from other premium brands, except Raycon starts at about half the price.

Also, they offer eight hours of playtime. Even my best friends in grade school didn't offer that. And a 32-hour battery life. I love jogging with these. They're perfect for jogging because they're shaped to fit perfectly in your ear. They don't jostle. They don't fall out. And I like them so much that I got my friend Rob White a pair so he can run with them.

Also, if you need to make a phone call, there's a built-in mic and you just can press a button and then you're talking to your friend on the phone. This would be such a good gift this holiday season. I can't right now.

Call someone.

Hello. I haven't had a built-in mic like that since I moved into my apartment and there was a squatter. I approve it. So anyway, you can go to buyraycon.com slash riddle today to unlock exclusive deals up to 20% off your Raycon order. But hurry, this offer is available for a limited time only and you don't want to miss it. That's buyraycon.com slash riddle to unlock up to 20% off your Raycons. buyraycon.com slash riddle.

Did you like my song?

Yeah, I mean nothing rhymed, but it was beautiful.

TPC? It was like Katy Perry in a blender. You rhymed summer with thirsty.

Thank you!

Ooh, whale sounds! Hey everyone, it's me, the all-form whale!

Oh, All Formed Whale. I'm sorry, do you have a name or is it your name is just the All Formed Whale?

Currently it's All Formed Whale. They're testing me out as a mascot. I'm auditioning, if you will. I hope I know it.

Al, I love it. Don't listen to JPC. I think it's great.

I'm excited to tell you, you know how you both have Helix mattresses? Yes. And you love them? Yeah, of course. Well, Helix also makes furniture under the brand AllForm, the best sofas in the game. So what makes AllForms sofas really cool? It's the easiest way you can customize a sofa using premium materials at a fraction of the cost of traditional stores.

For my all-form sofa, I got to choose the color, the color of the legs, the sofa size, and the shape to make it perfect for my home. And I can change it if I ever move to a new space.

Come on Allform whale, turn it on. Allform sofas are delivered directly to your home, whether that be under the ocean or on land, with fast free shipping. Right now if you buy a sofa from a traditional retailer, it would take months to arrive. And you need someone to come assemble it in your home. Allform takes a few weeks to arrive and you can assemble it yourself. No tools needed.

If getting a sofa without trying it in store sounds a little risky, you don't need to worry because you get a hundred days to decide if you want to keep it. That's more than three months. I don't know what the conversion is to whale time. And if you don't love it, they'll pick it up for free and give you a full refund.

Damn it. He nailed it too.

It's also very cool because Allform wants to do their part and offers exclusive discounts for teachers, students, military, and first responders. Woo! I'm a whale!

I'm feeling better because she phoned that part in. Oh, I do!

The Allform also offers financing, flexible payment plans, so an amazing sofa is never far away. They even offer a forever warranty, literally forever. So to find your perfect sofa, check out Allform.com slash Riddle. Allform is offering 20% off all orders for our listeners at Allform.com slash Riddle.

Can you two give me notes or maybe just a name?

I think you're doing great. It's a little annoying that JPC was never a whale in this ad. I think that's my only major complaint.

And I would say whale-ber? Oh, thank you. I'm a whale-ber. The all-form whale. Whale sounds!

Okay, Adal, what did we say we were going to do during break? There was something we were supposed to do during break.

We said that we were going to sing Erin a song for her birthday. What else did we say? We said a lot of things.

30 flirty and thriving. 30 flirty and thriving.

Oh wait, the Swedish chef is here.

30 flirty and thriving. 13 coming on 30. 13 going on 30.

13 coming on 30. Hashtag porn version. Hashtag porn version.

13 Going on 30 came out when I was 13 and now I'm turning 30. That's amazing. That's really cool. I saw it in theaters when I was 13 and I went, I can't wait to be 30. I'm so excited to be 30. My apartment's gonna look like that. It doesn't.

No one's apartment looks like the movies.

Yeah, but I, yeah, that is, I'm excited. I've waited a long time to be 30.

Well, I'm 39 and next week I'm going to four weddings and a funeral.

Oh, like the movie. Twins. That movie's not good.

By the way, that is so many weddings and a funeral. They're all happening at once. I love a November wedding. I love a November wedding. I love a November funeral. Speaking of movies, wow, this is a crazy setup for this next one. This comes from John. John says, Hey Adal, Erin, and JPC. Big fan of the show. Been listening since episode one.

Thanks, John.

And I think you three are great.

Nevermind.

Erin, I think you're going to get a kick out of this. I recently watched the movie Free Guy, and I absolutely hated it. It was really bad. So I decided to submit some riddles based on other terrible Ryan Reynolds movies. I tried to set up the riddles so they rhymed and the missing word will be the name of the movie. I hope you enjoyed this more than I enjoyed the movie Free Guy with Ryan Reynolds.

Can I say this is a serendipitous. I watched that movie two nights ago while super high. And there was parts where I was like, this is actually kind of interesting. And then they got to the point where I have to assume that these were famous Twitch streamers. I didn't recognize any of them, but I have to assume that they were actual Twitch streamers. Well, yeah, one of them was definitely Ninja. I don't know about the other ones. And their acting was so bad that it took me out of the movie, even though I was stoned out of my fucking gourd, which is impressive. Cause I watched Squid Game and when the American Actors came on, I still was with the movie where I was like, these are obviously bad actors but I'm still sticking with it. These Twitch streamers were such bad actors that I was like, this is a bad movie.

I could write a paper on why I think that was intentional.

The Twitch streamers in that movie, they're like little cutaways where they're like audience surrogates where they're like, is this really happening? That's what their whole job is. They're not supposed to be like good actors.

I couldn't write a paper on them. I'm talking about the billionaires in squid games. I watched Free Guy and I was like, this is an okay movie. And then I saw Dune in theaters and I went, never mind, this is what a good movie is.

I think a lot of our brains forgot what a good movie is for all of 2020.

Yeah. When I watched it, I was like, I haven't felt this way since I watched a movie since I was a kid.

Oh, wow. Should we watch it in theaters or at home?

Oh, theaters. I normally am someone who says don't go to movie theaters and they're not worth it because I'm such an old lady and I think they're way too loud and bad for our ears. But this is maybe the only time I would ever recommend seeing something in theaters.

I have an 80-inch TV, even for me.

Even for you, I'm serious. I'm not leading you astray. I think that you're going to go, thank you, Erin. And I'll go, you're welcome, Adal. And then we'll do the handshake from the parent trap because we're going to learn it. Adal, please. As you know, as of right now, I'm campaigning very hard to make Adal learn the parent trap handshake with me.

Erin, you have a decade to do it.

It could be one of the things that you do in your 30s.

The bar's pretty low for your bucket list. Okay, so do you guys all get the general, I guess the general premise of what these will be? No. Is there an example one? There's not an example one. I tried to set up the Riddle so they rhymed in the missing word. So there's a missing word in each one of these will be the name of the movie that they're trying to get you to guess. These are all Ryan Reynolds movies.

Okay, I think we got it.

Okay. Am I stuck with a cage or am I stuck in this cave? I'll have to be keener if my family's to be saved. A duke? A stone? In DreamWorks Animation? Best animated feature Oscar and Globe nomination? And it launched a franchise. I'm in one of my moods. Way before Modern Man, all you had was... The Croods! Deadpool.

Just friends.

I think the answer is The Croods. Erin, have you seen The Croods?

No. Definitely. Maybe.

I don't know. I guess Ryan Reynolds isn't in The Croods. I've never seen The Croods in an animated film from 2013. Never seen it.

Didn't know he was in it, but I could tell by your description.

It's about cavemen and stuff, right?

I think it is about cavemen, yeah. The words Keener, Duke, and Stoneroll in here also, and those are Catherine Keener, Emma Stone, and what's that guy? Something Duke. David Duke. It's David Duke, the Klansman David Duke. Yes. Okay, you guys ready for your next one?

Yes.

Yes. A comic book adaptation. Okay, I'm intrigued.

Deadpool. Wait, let him finish.

It could be green the internet, to be honest. A comic book adaptation. Okay. I'm intrigued. Plus it's got Kevin Bacon and the woman from Weeds. Okay. What's the, what's a deado? The staff of Jericho. Why? Like watching men in black after being poked in the eye. What did God let the, why did God let this movie happen to me? I guess I'll file a complaint with the X-Men.

M-L-B. M-I-B. M-L-B.

I got to call that. Hello, Major League Baseball. I have a good play. I watched a bad movie I didn't like.

I saw the line in it and then I forgot there's an I. What's the woman from Weed's name? Did she have the ice coffee line?

Julia, Julie, Mary, Louise Parker.

Mary Louise Barker. That's right. MLP. MLP. Isn't Paul Giamatti's dad like the commissioner of baseball or something?

Huh? I love him.

Does he play it in a movie? Wow. Paul Giamatti should play the commissioner of baseball. As his dad, he should play his dad in a movie where Paul Giamatti is his son and then do that age-down thing for when he talks to a young Paul Giamatti. He'd kill that role.

He'd kill that role. So Kevin Bacon and Ryan Reynolds were both in X-Men movies because Kevin Bacon played some sort of villain. I don't know if Mary Louise Parker was in it. It's not an X-Men movie. I don't really like Kevin Bacon being in Deadpool or Green Lantern.

Well, it's not either one of those, so that's great. So it's a different comic book adaptation. But it's not Men in Black. No, Erin, that's interesting because they mention watching Men in Black after being poked in the eye. Is it Hollow Man?

No, that's a kind of a bacon movie. But being poked in the eye would mean you have one eye, which means Cyclops, which means X-Men.

I think that this movie, I remember this movie, I saw this movie. This movie was really trying to be a Men in Black movie. It was really going, what's that? Men in Black 2? No, I mean it wasn't affiliated, I don't think, with Men in Black at all. Let's see, I'll read it again.

So it has to do with like aliens and like the secret organizations getting rid of aliens?

Oh, wait. Oh, does he have it? Does he have it? Does he have it? Ladies and gentlemen, does he have it? Can he seal the deal? I got it.

Free guy.

Jonah Hex. Dude, Jonah Hex is close. No, Ryan Riddles was not in Jonah Hex.

No, that was the gameplay Thanos. Does it have to rhyme with? What's the word?

Or phrase? I will say that this is the most perfect rhyme, but why did God let this movie happen to me? I guess I'll file a complaint with the It ends with a D. Erin, correct. It ends with a D. You've got it.

It's the same. It's like a MIB, but it's a different thing.

It's different letters. It's something I D. It's different letters.

It's different letters. I think my entire brain missed every part of this movie and their advertising.

Something like D. It was on billboards and it's like L-I-R.

Can I give you the co-star? Yes. Ryan Riddles. With Jeff Bridges.

Yes.

And Jeff Bridges plays like an old cowboy. Like he was just getting his... Collecting his Jeff Bridges check for this one. The small Obauskies?

I'm not going to remember. But it's like three or four letters and it's in a row. And the last one is D. T-M-N-T.

You got it, Erin. I got to give it to you. This is the real name of this movie. BPMD. R.I.P.D. They play officers in the rest in peace department. And it's not aliens. It's ghosts. It's dead people. It's dead people that they who are like doing dead people crime. So they have to go and like save the world. Yep. It's basically Men in Black with ghosts.

There are so many beautiful scripts not being produced.

It's Men in Black meets Ghostbusters. I want to see a scene. R.I.P.D. That's what they're called. It's called the R.I.P.D. Yeah. I saw this movie. It was bad. So JPC, you are a new member of the R.I.P.D., and you have to go to a, I want to say a graveyard where Erin is like haunting around, and you have to do whatever they do to ghost, I guess. Okay.

Now, you just stand right where you are. But hold on now.

I'm too fast, you can't catch me.

Hold on. I don't move so fast anymore. It's me, Jeff Bridges.

I was a speed skater before I died.

But you just admit, you just admit just now that you died.

No, I'm never gonna die.

If you're a ghost, you gotta come with me to the R.I.P.D.

You gotta catch me first.

Come on. Officer? That officer is my father's name. I'm Jeff Bridges and I'm a member of the R.I.P.D.

Uh, rip it, um, it's my fault I dug up the grave of Anton Ono and, um... Not really, not the one that you're thinking of, but I'm happy to have the same name. Oh.

And I was also a speed skater.

But I fiddled with the bones and I think I'm to cause.

This is a situation that I like to look into camera called a Anton Oh No.

Why is there a camera here?

I'm Jeff Bridges.

Seen.

Not a terrible Jeff Bridges impersonation. No, that's Jeff Bridges just like, that's him just having fun. Yeah. Oh, okay. Ready for your next one?

Yes.

Yes.

This is a fun game. I like these.

Summer Blockbuster. Big Budget IP. Martin Campbell directed Dion Bebe DP.

An intergalactic police force... Hold on, is that... That sounds like Catherine O'Hara's character from Schitt's Creek is saying a DP's name. It could be.

Did memoirs from a gay shot? An intergalactic police force, the yellow essence of fear. Could this be the biggest movie of the year? This thing's got a ring Ryan Reynolds can earn. Well, maybe for some, but not for the Green Lantern. Was he Jon Stewart in that one? Yeah, he played like the Daily Show host. Is that what you mean?

Isn't that one of the Green Lanterns, is Jon Stewart? Is it?

Wait, what? Wait, are we talking about the Daily Show host?

No, I think one of the... I think there's like four people who have been like quote-unquote the Green Lantern. And I think one of them... And one's name is John Stewart. Yeah, I think so.

I think his guy's name was Hal... Hal something. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hal Sparks, Talk Soup.

I've never seen that movie.

I think I saw it. I saw this one in theaters and man, it was bad and nobody saw it. Like this one lost money. It was a big bust for them. But I think this is, I don't know if this is where he met Blake Lively, but Blake Lively was in this movie and then later they got married, so.

So not a total waste of time.

I also didn't know that Ryan Reynolds was married to Scarlett Johansson for like two years. Oh yeah.

I completely had forgotten about that. Here's a list of Green Lanterns. Alan Scott, Hal Jordan, Guy Gardner, John Stewart, Kyle Raynor, Simon Baz, and Jessica Cruz. Oh, Jessica Cruz. Finally got a lady in there.

One of seven.

All right. You guys ready for your next one? Yes, Daddy. Okay. Finally one Erin Keif can enjoy. And three female leads share the screen with our boy.

I don't like this movie.

Just Friends. Comedy, mystery, romance, insane. And he's even working for the Clinton campaign. And Abigail Breslin is playing his baby?

Will I see this movie? Definitely maybe. I got terrible rom-com. Sean and I argue about that. He thinks it's a pretty good movie and I think it's terrible.

I've never heard of this. Dude, the part where he's working for Bill Clinton in this movie, I'm like,

What are you, why are we doing this? It's kind of like the same concept of how I met your mother. He's like telling his little girl the story of like all the women he was ever in love with and then she has to guess which one is her mom I guess and then like he's like she guesses the mom but they're divorced and then she's like I think you were in love with this other woman you should go and be with her

It sounds like- And then they go to her house. It sounds like Ryle Reynolds is bragging about all the women he slept with in this movie.

Kinda. And then they do go to her house. I forgot about that.

They do. At the end they go to her house and he's got his daughter there and he's like, hey, my daughter, I told her the story of us and she thinks we're in love. And the girl's like, get the fuck out of here, you fucking weirdo.

Is it Isla Fisher?

Hilah Fisher's one of them. Hilah Fisher's one of them. Elizabeth Banks. Yeah, and that's the actual mom, right?

Yeah, and then Amanda Pete, someone.

I don't remember. Spoiler alert. I love him saying spoiler. Definitely, maybe. Maybe it came out 20 years ago. Okay. There's only two more of these left. Okay. Look, college is hard, and Cal Penn needs to fuck. But it's our boy Ryan Reynolds who has all the luck. Except when it comes to getting his degree. Or maybe, perhaps, getting to read? Can he graduate on time and end up beside her? Why, he can do anything. Because he's... National Lampoon's Van Wilder.

I hate in that movie, and here's something I discovered. There's like 30 movies in history, and I'm not being hyperbolic, where someone puts something awful into food and then somebody else eats it. And the person is like, oh, this is like exceedingly delicious. And it makes me so mad. Like there's a scene in Road Trip where like somebody eats something with pubes in it and they're like so tasty.

And there's like- I'm taking my headphones off. Give me a thumbs up when this is over.

In the help, don't they put like shit in a pie? And they're like, yum, yum, yum. But in Van Wilder, I think they pump donuts full of like dog semen and then they eat them and they're like, is it just me or are these the best donuts you've ever had? It makes me so mad.

Why do movies keep doing this? Yeah, I don't know. I mean, maybe it was just like, it was a... I mean, there are tropes in comedy movies, but This is technically a comedy movie and there's not a single comedy movie on this planet that ages well after 10 years.

I also saw in the last week I've seen three TV shows in the last week where somebody will say something and the other person is like kind of dismissive or rude or whatever and the person as they leave goes good talk good talk and I'm like nobody fucking says good talk after like I hate that trope I hate it

I say that after ever reporting. Everybody leaves a Zoom and then it's just me and I'm looking at a black screen and I go, good talk, good talk.

I think there might be one exception to what JPC just said. I'm not 100% sure because it's been a while since I've seen it, but I think the hangover is still kind of perfect. I actually can't think of a single thing wrong with that movie. You can't make comedies anymore because everyone's so sensitive. I have to go make the Joker and Master Man to the old movie I made. I'm such a good director. You can guess what whose impression I'm doing here.

Scorsese.

Exactly. No, I actually like Martin Scorsese. That's the one bro-y director that I'm like, carry on. But have someone edit your movies because they're too long. What was I saying? Oh, School of Rock, I think, still holds up. That's a pretty good comedy.

Yeah, you know, also like I think a lot of comedies that are like four kids too tend to age better because there's not like a bunch of like risque stuff in like kids movies, you know?

Right. I tweet at us if you think there's a movie that holds up. And if it doesn't, we'll block you.

Any movie. Tweet us any movie that holds up. Any movie that holds up and if I can't hold it up in my little spaghetti arms, I block you. All right, you got one more, you ready? Yes, please. A chef who's a cook. A Keck who's a dick. A young John Francis Daly in this flick. And though this film did not achieve great acclaim, without it we wouldn't have the penis showing game. And if the shenanigans are just too grating, I don't recommend that you watch... Chef with John Favreau.

The proposal.

Please don't watch Chef with John Favreau. Please don't watch Chef with John Favreau.

What is the penis showing game?

Well, Adal, I'll say that that is a big component of this movie. The crime game? No, I guess I get where you're going with that, but no.

What's the crime again?

And if the shenanigans, and I don't know if this helps, but shenanigans isn't bold, I guess I'm getting, I'm betting that won't help, are just too grating, I don't recommend that you watch.

Grating.

Grating. This may be a Ryan Reynolds flick that you guys just did not see. Is shenanigans like Bennegans?

Is that like a place you work at?

One to one. One to one. You got it. Is this office space? It is not office space. What was the name of the place in office space? Was it also shenanigans?

Maybe.

I don't remember. I know that Shenanigans is the place in Super Troopers because I remember him saying, I'm gonna pistol whip the next person who says Shenanigans, and they say, hey Farva, what's that restaurant you like with all the goofy shit on your wall? And he goes, Shenanigans? And they all whip out their pistols to give to the chief? That movie doesn't age well. This movie, this is from 2005, this movie does not age well. I would say no one even liked it when it came out.

That's always a good sign. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Is it two guys, a girl, and a pizza place?

No, that's a great guess because that was a TV show that Ryan Reynolds was in. That is a great guess. But it does not rhyme with grading. Grading. Is this a one-word title? It's a one-word title. It has no lip-sees in it. Uh, debating. A chef who's a cook. A kek who's a dick. What's a kek? Well, David Keckner is in this movie and he plays a dick. He's always playing a dick. Anchorman.

I don't even know.

It's not Anchorman, no. So you got shenanigans as a restaurant. You got that there's a chef in there who's a cook, played by Dane Cook, Dane Cook in this movie. And it rhymes with grading. So what's waiting? Waiting.

Waiting. Waiting.

Waiting. It's probably about a bunch of waiters. This is a movie called Waiting. It is about a bunch of waiters. Ryan Riddle's character in this is a character who is only attracted to underage girls. That's just a part of this movie.

What the fuck?

Are you cut that serious? There's a whole plot line of this movie of him wanting to sleep with a host who's like turns 18 next week. And he's like trying to like, am I going to hook up with this girl who turns 18 next week? Yeah, that's this movie.

I didn't think it before, but now I'm thinking does Ryan Reynolds suck?

I don't know if he wrote it.

He definitely made some fucking crazy movies before 2010.

He made some bad choices. He made some bad choices, but it all got him to where he is today. In Free Guy, one of the worst movies. Okay, John writes, seriously, I love this show so much. You are all amazing. I feel like we are all friends in real life. I know that's weird to say, but I feel it and I hope you feel it too. No, buddy, it's not weird to say, it's weird to hear. This show is the highlight of my week. I always look forward to recording with you guys. Best John.

John, that's incredibly kind. Thank you so much for all of that.

John, I totally get it. Any podcaster I listen to, I feel like is my old friend and they're not. I have never met them, but I feel like they are. So I totally get it.

Well, I don't know. I think that this John is maybe in a different situation because they say at the end of the email, I always look forward to recording with you guys. Wow.

Come on out, John. Hold on, Erin.

Erin, there's a John that records with us every episode.

Right?

This email is from John Patrick Coan. I didn't say that this was an email. This is John Patrick Coan just talking. Wait a minute.

This is being read off a Google Doc on my computer. You piece of shit. This is not an email.

You said it was from 2018. No, you didn't.

No, I didn't. I did not. I said the previous one was from 2018.

This is the biggest twist in Hey Riddle Riddle history.

Erin, dead stop. You thought an email from 2018 was referencing the movie Free Guy?

No.

Erin?

No, I'm just trying to say that I thought you implied that it was an email.

I have to rethink everything. The brain's the first to go. At 30, the brain's the first to go.

You tricked me. I complimented him. I said that these were great and that I loved them.

Jib, can I say that whole thing you just pulled on us is 100 times better than Free Guy.

I read that last part to Mariah and I said, I always look forward to recording with you guys. And she was like, I don't know. I don't think that they're going to get it. And I'm like, oh, I think that they're going to get it like immediately because I say recording with you guys. Well, I thought it was a fan being like,

Hi Riddle.

I said this message comes to us from John. Play it back. You go back and look at the tape.

I gave you all the clues. I totally heard you say, I look forward to recording with you or whatever you said. But in my head I was like, well he just joked about being parasocial. So I was like, in his mind, he's like, I'm such good friends, I record with you.

Did I say it wrong? I feel like we are all friends in real life. Am I wrong? Am I wrong? I feel that way.

You can tell me how to feel. Here's the number one most successful trick you just played in the last two minutes with this what you wrote. It was so earnest and sincere and loving, which are three qualities I don't associate with you on this podcast.

Right now you guys are watching me walk away, and you're watching my little leg, you know, I'm dragging behind, dragging behind, but then it starts straightening out, and it starts walking away. And then you pan up, and guess who's walking away? It's not that guy because we don't do him anymore. So it's Jeff Bridges, and he turns around and goes, R.I.P.D. motherfucker, and then he shoots at the camera, and then roll credits.

You made me look like a fool. And I will never forgive you. My birthday falls on a Wednesday, an episode day, once every seven years.

That's true. You sound like Kathleen Turner.

You made a fool of me. I'm not bad, I'm just drawing.

I'm angry when I am angry.

My voice drops for this.

I want to make this up to you. I want to make this up to you. I am so human. I want to make this up to you. So I want to give you the opportunity to steal. Would you like to steal? Would you like to pass or play?

I would like to play. You like a drum. I'm going to hit you a bunch with sticks because you suck. You are not my friend. You are a fool. You are a clown. You are a lying clown, you fool. Happy birthday to me. I'm grabbing all my presents. I'm leaving.

And she took our thumbs! I have nothing to plug. I want to plug our Patreon. You should go to patreon.com slash Hey Riddle Riddle. Guys, folks, I can't stress enough, the content there is just so wild and weird and funny and stupid, and I think you should all partake in that. So please, for the holiday seasons especially, get yourself or someone you love the gift of Hey Riddle Riddle. It's a gift that keeps on laughing. And I also want to give a huge plug to Erin Keif, one of my favorite humans in the world. Erin, happy birthday. I love you. I hope you have the best time. Thank you. And I also want to give another plug to my friend JPC, one of my favorite people in the world. I love him. Thank you for hosting. You got my ass. You got my dumb ass with this last bit. But I fucking love that reveal happened because that was so fucking funny and fantastic.

I gotta give a quick plug too, because if you go to the Patreon right now, I think we just finished releasing this. It is the Western ep that Adal wrote. So if you have liked Erin's thematic episodes, like the Riddle City or the Hey Riddle High, it's in the same vein. It is a Western hyah saddle saddle. It is all unlocked on the Patreon now. It is fantastic.

Adal did an amazing job.

Not only did Adal do an amazing job, Casey did an amazing job editing it. Arnie Parrott did a great job with the new theme. Very, very fun. So you gotta go check that out. It's patreon.com slash Hey Riddle Riddle.

I actually do have something to plug that I forgot. Okay, Erin. Go follow me on Instagram. On your fucking birthday. Erin Keif 10 of Wet Bus is doing monthly shows now in L.A. There's also a Wet Bus in Chicago that you can go and see, but I will not be there. We call it West Bus because it's the three people who are in L.A. It's me, we'll lead Mansoor and Sean Coyle. And we have a monthly show and there's some solo characters and improv and it's really, really fun. We did one in October and it was an absolute blast and so many of you came and it was so nice. But if you want to know the date to get tickets for that, follow me on Instagram and I will post about it there. It's the 17th in November, so it's a week for today.

You guys are also doing one Broadway in New York and you're calling it Wiest Bus.

Yeah, Wiest Bus. It doesn't work that well. We know, we know. And we know.

Erin, speaking of things that are getting closer, your next Wet Bus show, West Bus show, there's also a planet that is getting much closer to us as we speak. Do you know what planet that would be?

The sun?

No. Jupiter.

That's not a planet. That's not a planet, it's a star. I know it's a star. Leave me alone, it's my birthday.

Message your own Instagram. Hello, it's a star. Hey there, states and plates. If you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. It's our Better Know Estate series featuring Mississippi. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash HeyRiddleRiddle by joining the Clue crew for $5 a month or the Review crew for $8 a month. See you there.

That was a hate gun podcast.