Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum podcast. I'm so excited. You guys, you guys, you guys. I'm so excited. I'm so excited.

Erin, you're vibrating. What's going on? Did you want water?

Care to share? I just remembered that I get to go to sleep tonight. And you know what that means? I get to sleep on my Helix mattress again. Can you believe it? I can't even focus on anything. I'm so excited.

Oh my gosh. JPC, look at Erin's Trapper Keeper. In pin, she's written on it. Erin Helix. Erin Helix. Erin Helix.

Uh-oh, somebody took the Helix sleep quiz that takes just two minutes to complete and matches your body type and sleep preferences to the perfect matches for you. Uh-oh.

Yeah, Erin, we all know Helix is the hottest boy in school, and it's awesome, but you don't need to take my word for it or your word for it. Helix was awarded the number one best overall mattress pick of 2020. Also, Helix won GQ's hottest man of the year.

You guys, don't make fun of me. I'm not. They have soft, medium, and firm mattresses. Mattress is great for cooling you down if you sleep hot. Mattress is great for spinal alignment or preventing morning aches and pains and even a helix plus mattress for plus size sleepers. I'm not trying. I don't even know. I love him.

Erin, I heard a rumor. I heard this rumor and it was written on the bathroom stall. It said that helix has been recommended by multiple leading chiropractors and doctors of sleep medicine as a go-to solution for improving sleep. No joke. No. Really? Seriously? I'm not freaking joking.

I'm not trying to brag on Helix's behalf or anything, but they also have a 10 year warranty and you get to try it out 100 night risk free. Risk free, you guys! Look, I'll be honest with you guys. Don't even pick it up for you if you don't love it.

I'll be honest with you guys. I have a Helix Twilight Luxe. It is the best mattress I have ever owned. It is perfect for me because I like a little firmer mattress because I sleep on my side. I'm a big side sleeper. This mattress has changed the way I sleep.

Yeah, JPC, I know because I recommended to you that you get the Helix because it's the most comfortable mattress I've ever freaking slept on.

You guys have a Helix too?

Oh, it's a different, they're different.

Helix is offering up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows, oh my gosh, for our listeners at helixsleep.com slash riddle. That's helixsleep.com slash riddle.

Okay, H-E-L-I-X. Okay, Erin, you're going to be living in a shack with Helix in Montana.

The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Oh, then we're going to finish.

It was the cabin of an airplane. He stabbed him with a knife in her head. And the horse was deep rising.

Anyway, so I go out there and I don't know I got 14 or 15 of these little fuckers are looking at me like this guy. Staring? Just staring at me staring daggers at me like this guy this guy thinks that he can be the neighborhood block chubby bunny champion. And I say, yeah, I think I fucking can. Because I got a big adult mouth, and all you little kids have little tiny kid mouths, and I'm gonna clean the fucking floor with you. An average age of these little fuckers? I mean these guys couldn't, I would say 17 to 20.

Okay, okay.

Anyway, so, so they start shoving the marshmallows in my mouth. Marshmallows in my mouth.

Oh sorry, they're shoving them in your mouth.

Yeah, they're holding me down, they're kicking the shit out of me, they're shoving the marshmallows in my mouth.

No further questions?

And I say, come on, that's all you got. I've had chubbier buddies than this.

Okay, but JBC, I'm so sorry to interrupt you again, but like, I just am having a hard time understanding that this is your proposal story. We're going to get to that eventually, right?

We're going to get to that. These were Mariah's cousins. At the time I didn't know that. So anyway, I got to get to the airport, right? My plate leaves in 45 minutes. And they're stomping the shit out of me, they're crushing my fingers, they're kicking me, they're punching me, and they're pushing these marshmallows in my house. In your house? Wow. This is happening in my house. This is, I don't know, this is maybe two, three in the morning. They broke in the windows, they've entered my house, they got the marshmallows, and I got maybe 20 in my mouth, and they put the 21 in, and I go, 21, chunky bunny.

Wow, so 21 marshmallows in your mouth made you add an M to chunky?

So I could have said chubby bunny, but I thought the way that the guy had explained to me at the store, the game was called Chunky Mummy.

Okay, and again, I am so sorry to be interrupting you again. We are two hours into this story.

Sure.

And I don't see your proposal in sight.

Oh my God. This is a story about how I watched the movie The Proposal. Oh.

You are such a waste of time.

Okay. Then why do you need to catch a plane? Okay. Hey. I'm not going to watch the movie at home. I will go down on this hill. That's not the way that you say that. The movie the proposal is a movie best watched on a plane.

I agree. Listeners, if you don't know this already, I've traveled with JPC before. What he does is he'll buy airline tickets simply to access their library of TV shows and movies. Yeah, because I only want to watch one episode of any TV show.

Yeah, he wants to watch three episodes from mid-series, How I Met Your Mother, and nothing else.

I watched one episode of Psych on that plane and I said, I'll go down on this hill.

That's what Tim McGraw said? I can't remember who Faith Hill married.

I just watched a video of Tim McGraw talking about his proposal story. That's such a fun little circle.

Wow. Did he marry Faith Hill?

He did.

That's a fun circle back to a video Erin watched.

I'm blown away that this is because I haven't said the name Tim McGraw since maybe I want to say 98. Exactly. One, I'm shocked that Erin watched that today and two, I'm shocked that I remembered he was the one I don't think they're married any longer. They are. They are. Wow. Love.

It made me teary-eyed. It was such a beautiful story. I think he loves her very much.

Oh, wait. Is this where... Hold on. Is this where Tim McGraw proposed by 17 to 20 of Faith Hill's cousins shoved marshmallows in his mouth and stomped him?

So you've heard it.

Okay. Tim McGraw and Faith Hill or Trisha Yearwood and Garth Brooks. Who's the power country couple?

Who's the power country couple? Here's the wild thing. One from each. Faith Hill and Trisha Yearwood. Trisha Yearwood.

You're all wrong.

It's me and a cowboy hat. True love.

This is the podcast Hey Riddle Riddle. It's a podcast about riddles, but also features improvisation, scenes, songs, games. I think that's comedy sports.

Funny hats.

Can we have a slight little sheen to this episode where maybe it's a little more country? Okay. Okay.

Even if it's just for a little squidge. Hey, do we want to add a little more Sheen to this episode? Winning! No Charlie. Hey, no more Sheen. I, of course, am JPC. And that's it.

Hey, get off your high horse. I'm Adal Rifai. And stop giving weeks of that horse.

Of course, Erin Keif. And that's it.

That's everyone. I've never felt more frightened than saying my name first than just a wall of silence greeting me.

Can I tell you guys a story from my leak?

Yeah, please.

So here's a story about how I am very brave. Okay.

Oh, uh, new story please. I don't like this story.

I don't have anything else. Okay. My friend Cody turned 30 and he said, I want to do something for my birthday. We're going to go. He loves spooky things. That's his whole thing. He loves spooky things. I do not like when things are scary. Okay.

Sure. I love Cody.

Yeah, he's great. See, you would have been a great buddy for this. He says, I want to go to this spooky cocktail hour where you pay money and it's like a spooky place. And then I was like, hmm, haunted houses, famously one of my biggest fears. I can't do them. I'm scared. But I looked at the website and I was like, this is sort of how he put it. It sort of looked like it was going to be like a fog machine in a lava lamp in a bar. That was the vibe I got.

You know, haunted.

You know, haunted. And so we get the tickets and then I'm like leading up to the event and I was like, I don't know, I have a feeling about this. Me, my friend Cody, and my friend Michael. And I waddle up to this like, it's like a huge mansion, okay? What? A real mansion?

Or like a facade?

Yeah, it's a huge house.

Like huge. And I go up. Erin, I implore you. I implore you to find some new words for walking because I've watched you walk. It's way more graceful than a waddle.

You're being way too nice to me. It's way less graceful than a waddle somehow.

I'm just like... I saw, in Denmark, I saw Erin walk by a group of ducks and they went, damn, what the...

Erin is what I would like to describe as a waddle but squatting.

Thank you! A squaddle. So I waddle up to this house, okay? And then there's a man with a table and you have to sign a sheet of paper.

Oh no.

And that is a huge red flag, okay?

Not a waiver, a sheet of paper?

Yeah, it's a waiver. And then I go, no, if this had just a lava lamp and a fog machine, I wouldn't be having to sign shit. And I just know that this is bad. And then I go, I can't bail now. It's his 30th birthday and it's just me and one other person. I can't abandon him.

Yeah.

And so I go, all right, you know what? I can handle this. I'm very brave. These are just actors. And you have options of which way you go walk into the house. And they go, let's do the basement first. Let's get the basement to overwork.

Oh, got it. Got it.

And so I walk up to the door and there's this woman and she hands us these battery operated candles. This is a long story. I'm so sorry.

Flashlights.

Sorry Erin. That is funny.

For listeners, Erin just got back from 1842. She was time traveling, so she forgot the torch for all you English.

And she says, there's a man and he will murder you unless you say, take my light, not my life. So you have to say that to him when he appears to you, but this will be your only light source until then. And I go, uh-oh. Okay. And I walk in and it is pitch black, okay? But I can hear people screaming at something in the distance in this terrifying, complete pitch black basement. And so I just dig my face into Cody's back and I have to go up and down the stairs in this basement. And then people who kind of looked like death eaters keep jumping out from fucking nowhere. And then they, some of them don't want our candles. And I'm like, who is the man who's trying to kill us? And so I get through it.

Some of them don't want our candles. Some of them very much do. They're not saying anything, but their vibe is very much that they want these candles.

So you work there. So you work there.

So far, Erin, you're describing my heaven.

I hated it, so I'm such a fucking coward that I get through, I get to the end of it, I'm having heart palpitations, I'm having a hard time, and I get through and I realize I still have my candle. And then the lady at the end is like, wait, why do you have your candle? Can I have that? No one has ever gotten through, like, you're not supposed to have that. And I realize it's because I'm such a coward that they left me alone. I was the most scared person to ever go through that basement that they didn't bother with me.

Oh, sweetie. Sorry. No, let her pass.

We call that, Erin. We call that the five foot piss smell rule. If I get within five feet of you at a haunted house and you stink of piss, I'm not supposed to come any closer. You're having a rough night.

I know what you guys are thinking. Was there nudity in this? Did I see nudity?

I was thinking, was it Agent Cody Binks?

Yes!

It was and it was.

It was and it was. Okay. There was some nudity? Yes! Adal, I've been dying to talk to you. It took everything in my soul to not call you immediately. I wanted to call you the moment this was over and say- Are we talking dongs, bongs, or conks?

Are we talking here?

I don't know what any of those words mean.

So, we've got to the main thing.

You would actually love this part. So you get four free cocktails and you have like these little tickets on your thing.

Well, it's not free if you bought the tickets.

Yeah, I know. But you get four cocktails included. And see, there's like this huge space and there's a man, a spooky man playing the accordion and singing. Very spooky, fun Halloween vibes. Sure. There's like velvet curtains. There's people in terrifying costumes walking around. There's a plot to this.

Wow.

There's like Russians and four kids have maybe been killed in the house. And I don't know. I can't follow the plot. And to make matters worse, this girl who looks beautiful, she walks up to the microphone and is like, our human sacrifice is about to begin. Turn off your phones. Do not have your phone. I will kick you out. And I was like, that is uh-oh. Why can't we have our phone? So this man they like start all these people come out and they're stomping kind of on beat with these lanterns and I'm like I have the giggles. I'm so sorry this is I'm talking way too much you can cut me off at any time.

Erin can I just say this is more than any riddle we've ever had this is the most interesting amazing story I've ever heard so please continue and I don't care if this takes another 50

Okay, so they're stomping and then they start to fake kill this guy who is the one who's playing the accordion. He's got multiple roles in this. They start fake killing him and then literally out of nowhere. Again, I can't follow the plot of this. No one really can. They just take off his clothes and they put a mask on him and then they keep fake killing him. And I was like, oh my.

Wait, they start killing him, then they undress him, then they continue to kill him?

I, yes. So your confusion is our confusion because they like fake shot him and then they fake strangled him and then they fake stabbed him.

Shot him is not, I've never seen a haunted house with guns. That's a new one. A haunted gun.

Adal, that is what I said. And that is what I said because I went, I've never, you're supposed to do some old timey scary things. That is a modern gun.

That's wild. Here's the thing. Adal, you just glossed right over this. I've never seen a haunted house where I saw somebody's penis. I don't think that's ever been a thing that I saw in a haunted house.

I've seen Sleep No More and it has a lot of dongs. I will say, Erin, so far, you're describing everything I love. Immersive theater, escape rooms, spooky haunted houses and cocktails, and Weird Al Naked, this is everything I love.

Exactly. Dude, weird Adal naked. So I'm only taking two sips of each of these cocktails because I'm like, I need to have my wits about me. I'm not enjoying these at all. I do not want this. And so they, I'm already going like after that basement experience, I am going to sit out from anything else. You guys like, you go don't, and then they were like, don't be a coward, come with us. And I was like, fair.

These are friends.

Yeah, sort of. Yes. Well, of course. But then something very funny happens. So we're walking through the rooms.

Oh, Erin, please keep going with this story, but we are over 10 minutes in, so I just have to say which mountain range is found inside an airport. Okay, forget I said it. Don't worry about me saying that. Just keep going. Just keep going. Don't think about that. I care if it's you thinking about it. No, Adal, don't think about it. The Toblerone Alps? Okay, so Toblerone is the answer. That Riddle was from Matt. Thank you, Matt.

Wait, was Toblerone really the answer?

Yeah, I honestly thought that's going to be really hard to get, but it is Toblerone. Are you joking? No, it's not. It's not joking at all. It's the chocolate's little mountains. It's got a little mountain on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well the chocolate's also shaped like mountains. Okay.

The chocolate shaped like mountains and it has the mountain on the wrapper.

Uh-huh.

Erin, keep going. We can transition on this story.

No, we just bought seven more minutes. I refuse. Keep going.

Anyways, the first monster is this gingerbread looking man who's covered in doll parts, baby parts, and he's in a nursery. And it's no thank you. But we're going through these rooms and in the last room they say in order to get out someone has to tell a secret, a horrible secret of something that you've done in your life. And no one I'm with is saying anything. And I go like I and you guys know this and our listeners know this. I went one time when I was babysitting, the girl I was babysitting accidentally drank a beer. And that was a good enough secret. And then he gave me the token. And then the other people we were with laughed. So I got a laugh. So I was feeling pretty good.

Erin, what would you have done? What would you have done if you had said that secret and the person covered in baby dolls or whatever, like the super spooky person was like, did you take that from a podcast? And you were like, no. And they were like, I listened to the podcast named Hey Riddle Riddle. You took that from Hey Riddle Riddle. And you were like, oh, I'm Erin from Hey Riddle Riddle. And they were like, oh my God, such a big fan. And then they reached out a baby hand for you to shake.

Yeah, but then I would go, I actually don't need you to listen to my show, because you're very scary. But we go to the other side, and those three actors were great. No notes. We go to the other side, these motherfuckers had it out for me. I was so furious. They were invading my personal space, and I kept going, sir, you are very talented. And I think you're doing such a good job, and I totally get that you're good at this.

Wait, that's what you say to me?

I know. Am I scared? I said, I've had just about enough of this. Thank you so much. I think you're doing so great. Save your energy. This can be a little rest for you, sir. But he kept doing that thing and then he slammed us away from each other and we're alone in these rooms. And then the last person like was being super weird and didn't want us. But anyways, long story short, we went outside. There was aerial bartenders. I got a tarot card reading. I was so brave and I've had nightmares every single night since.

Okay, a few follow up questions. Aerial bartenders. These are mermaids or they're on like... They're aerial-less.

And they were not saying. They were very talented.

How do you not spill a drink if you're an Ariel bartender?

I spent money to go there, didn't even leave with a buzz, was too scared to drink the drinks they provided with me because I was so scared of that place. If you want to go there in LA, message me on Instagram, I'll send you the deets if that seems like your thing. Sorry, I just needed to tell Adal that.

Just so you know, fear is one of the only things that burns alcohol out of the bloodstream.

Oh, and that's science.

When I was drinking back in my drinking days, if I really needed to sober up very quickly, I would call a person from my past and confront a very fucked up thing that had happened to the two of us, something that I had blocked out of my memory completely, and that would sober me up like that.

It's the same with hiccups. You know when with hiccups where you just like hide behind something and jump out and it cures the hiccups? It cures the drunks too.

I've realized... Erin, please text me all the info immediately as soon as this recording is over because that sounds like my absolute dream. I am realizing, one, that story was phenomenal, Erin. Thank you for sharing it. Thank you for coming into the detail.

I wanted to call you right away, but I had to wait.

That was incredible. I am realizing there is legit something scary. Like if you were in like a crypt and a Dracula popped out and was like, and then pulled out a gun from his cloak and said, give me your fucking blood. Like there is something legit scary about that of like Dracula is he's a modern Dracula.

Do you want to know why Adal?

Yes.

It's unhinged. There's no rules. That's some joker shit. That is chaotic evil. Dracula's from the 1800s or whatever. He's old. And then you have him have a robot. You don't know how I got these fangs?

I disagree. I think joker shit would be if Dracula popped out and was like, blah, and then pulled the pin out of a grenade and was like, hey, what the fuck? I'm going to blow everybody up with a grenade. And you're like, what? Wait, what? This is so anachronistic. What is the grenade doing here? That's going to kill everybody. That'll kill you.

So there's two things I wanted to run by you guys about this experience.

Yes, water bias.

It really occurred to me that people are experiencing what I experienced drunk. Yeah. There was ample opportunity to be drunk experiencing this. Adal, could you go through a haunted house pretty drunk and to top it off, the girl behind me told me she's on mushrooms. Before she walked in, I went, are you going to be okay? And she went, I hope so. And then I never saw her again.

No one did. You just described, if I experienced that while in mushrooms, I would simply float through the ceiling straight into heaven. My body would explode like a black cat.

I think that if I were doing that on mushrooms, I would be fine because I would just be able to disassociate so easily. Like when I'm on mushrooms, it's like, hey, I could just if I'm like going through something, I can't be like, oh, this isn't happening to me because it's like, of course it is. But if I'm on mushrooms, I could very easily be like, this is happening to somebody else and then enjoy the rest of the night. Poor bastard. Poor bastard. This is happening, too. He must be out of his fucking gourd right now.

I think that's just a good mantra for getting through life. This is happening to someone else. I'm just going to enjoy this.

It sounds like the way to experience it is maybe on Molly, and that way when they jump out you're like, you are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

I don't think so. Anyway, sorry for the long-winded story. I had to run it by these guys.

Let's do some more riddles. Erin, can we stop and give you a little round of applause?

Thank you so much.

That was one of the better stories I've ever heard.

And I have to say, I have to say, If you were planning on going to that haunted house, I guess I'm sorry because we've ruined it for you. So if you're in the LA area and you were planning on going to that thing, spoiler alert, it's not going to be as scary to you now.

Yeah, but here's the thing there. I'm just going to tell you guys there's one motherfucker upstairs who is not going to leave you alone. So just like be forewarned about that guy. I told him he could rest.

JPC, you are the manager of a haunted house. Erin, you are Bloodthorn, a character of your own creation that doesn't quite fit with the theme of the haunted house, but you are so committed that you are kind of disturbing and bothering customers. And JPC, you've had to sit down Bloodthorn to have a talk.

Hey, can I stand? It's kind of hard to sit in this costume.

Kelsey, I told you the house isn't open for another hour and a half. You don't have to be in costume. In fairness, no one told you to wear the costume that you are wearing.

I'm in a big old bush, and it is uncomfortable, but it takes a few hours to get in, and so I need to leave the buffer time. That's why I'm dressed so fast.

Kelsey, you are in the butchery, okay? So you need to be dressed in your apron, and you need to be wearing your fake blood, and that's all. And you just have to scare the people with the cleaver.

And like I said before, I misheard you and now I'm wearing a bush. It hurts and this blood on me is real.

Yeah, Kelsey, again, don't bring the bush. You say that it's an accident, but this is the third time we've had this conversation. You got to stop bringing the bush back. It doesn't fit with the room. And you're getting a lot of complaints about you. And the complaints, by the way, Kelsey, are not that you are being scary. There is a big piece that is Very off theme for the room and it's worrying people. Like they don't believe that you work here. They don't. They don't believe that you work here.

Okay, well, you know what? I was trying to like set myself apart and really go for it and get your attention because everyone thinks that I got this job because of nepotism.

Kelsey, Kelsey, why can't you be more like Randy? Randy, would you come in here for a second? Yeah, what's going on? See Randy is playing Dr. Lizard okay and and he he's perfect he's got the long tail he's got the lizard fingers and he's got the voice and that's all he has to do he has to just be Dr. Lizard so you bought it zip it's me Dr. Chameleon oh my god okay look Randy Dr. Chameleon yes yes am I am I fired No, look. I need this job. Neither one of you are fired. You're the only two people who want to work here.

Dr. Chameleon, why did you do this? What was the end game? You didn't steal any money. I have kids to feed.

Yeah, I mean, I can't technically discuss this with you, Kelsey, but Dr. Chameleon, I mean, he did sign his real name, Dr. Chameleon, and all his HR paperwork, so he got the job. Oh, so you just work here. Yeah, he works here. He asked me to call him Randy. So I guess it didn't really fool me. I was just doing what you asked me to do, Randy.

Okay, well how can I compete with an actual supervillain here? Unbelievable.

We cut to somebody walking through the haunted house and coming up on Bloodthorn. Oh, hey Jeff. Look, look. We're all, whoa. We're in like a, is this like a butcher shop?

Oh my god, there's like pig heads hanging from everywhere.

Oh, what? What? I'm a bush.

Oh, there's a person there.

Are you making a cocktail?

No, I'm just shaking to use my leaves, Russell. I'm a bush and this blood is real.

They can't see out of there? Hey, I'm sorry, you might be in the wrong room. Dude, can we help you find like a forest-themed room? Yeah. No, this is where I belong. Abu. Abu. Abu? Abu. Abu. Abu. Abu. Abu. Abu. Abu. Abu.

Abu. Abu. Abu. Abu. Abu. Abu. Abu. Abu. Abu. Abu. Abu. Abu. Abu. Abu. Abu. Abu. Abu. Abu. Abu.

Abu. Abu. Abu. Abu. Abu. Abu. Abu. Abu. Abu. Abu. Abu. Abu. Abu. Abu. Abu. Abu. Abu. Abu. Abu. Abu. Abu. Abu. Abu. Abu. Abu. Abu. Abu. Abu. Abu

I'm wearing a big bush and then she's scaring herself. I think those are classic lines.

Alright, sorry, you're old man puzzles and I'm so sorry.

I am, I've already begun, we've already begun the Riddles. Honestly, that Toblerone one from Matt, I read that and I said, man, this is, I think this is going to be really hard to get, I'm going to have to give a lot of clues. And of course, I'm always wrong when I think that. When I think a Riddle will take forever, it goes by very quickly. When I think a Riddle is going to be an easy get, it's the whole entire episode.

I want to say something which is I'm kind of embarrassed because I was saying that as a joke answer and for my joke answer to be right.

Adal, you didn't have to tell people that.

It really hurts.

What if it was a joke Riddle? I mean we don't know. That's fair. If Matt was trying to do a big joke on you, then everybody got what they wanted really.

Thank you Matt. This is totally off topic but it's something I forgot. Erin speaking of things you're gonna text me or call me about. I was gonna tell you this morning I literally flew in from Connecticut. Boy are my arms tired. Boy are my arms tired. I was masturbating the whole way. I was in the Stanford Connecticut airport and Gemma and I we took like a 5 a.m. flight to Chicago and there was a line at our gate that was maybe 45... Dunkin Donuts. There was a line at a gate 45 to 50 people deep and we're like our fight is oversold and then they opened up the gate to Dunkin Donuts at 4.30 a.m. and everyone shifted against the wall and we're like that was the line for Dunkin Donuts and we cackled and I went to take a video to send to you and then I was like everyone's kind of looking over at me because we're laughing so I did not want to but that was incredible.

Isn't it incredible that I knew what you were going to say?

Yes, you've clearly been to.

I was like, a New England airport early in the morning? I'm familiar.

Insane.

Wow, that is a lot of people who want to pay, what, like eight bucks for an airport coffee. Airport coffee, by the way, the best coffee. And the reason why, it's because the people who make it truly want to be anywhere else in the world. Can you imagine driving to an airport for your job? Well, the cool thing is that you get to go right past security. You get the little badge and everything. The bad thing is, and I think that this might still be true, is if you work at an airport, like if you work at like a Dunkin' in an airport, you don't actually work for Dunkin' or you don't actually work for Starbucks. You work for like Aramark or whatever fucking contractor like hires you to work at the airport. Is that real? Yeah, you're usually making like less money and you're not actually working for the corporation that, like, I don't know, like Starbucks does like good health care or whatever, but if you work at the Starbucks at like an airport or a college, you're actually just getting like whatever shitty contractor health care that they can do. That sucks. Which is no health care. Yeah. Yeah. Do you guys know? I could talk to you guys a long time about labor history in the United States, but actually... JVC, I would love to hear this, but I do have to read this.

What do you call?

This next one, this next one, is from Meg. Okay, Meg writes, loving the show and look forward to it each week. Thank you for making it. This riddle is from September 2018. Thanks Meg. Oh, interesting. You're a fan of llama coming.

That is bad. We are sorry. We don't... No one here has watched Family Guy in the last decade, and we are so sorry about that.

Yes, we're so sorry, man.

This sucks. This is the new my wife for us, isn't it? Is you guys doing Family Guy?

No, Erin, you knew Cleveland.

There's so many levels of irony to this that really at the end of the day, it's just you doing Family Guy voices.

It's actually okay if Erin does Cleveland because the guy that did Cleveland was white.

Mm-hmm.

Erin, do it. Insane. No, do it. Please don't. I'll do Chris. It was not okay that he did it.

I'll do Brian. Hi, I'm Brian the dog. Good.

Pretty good. Pretty good. Pretty good. Anyway, this one, this... I'm crying laughing. This riddle is from Meg. We have to assume it's Family Guy Meg. There are a few trees in a garden. On one of them, a pear tree, there are pears. But after a strong wind blew, there were neither pears on the tree nor on the ground. How is this possible?

Sorry, there's trees in a garden. A few. A few. Some have pears, some have partridges.

Only one of the... I never said partridges. Only one of them has pears. One of the trees is a pear tree and it has pears. But after a strong wind blows by, there are neither pears on the tree nor on the ground. How is this portable?

They blew into the other tree.

This is like being out the poison all over again, Erin.

You can't stop me now. I'm too old.

You can't, I'm too old now.

I'm old now, and I can't be dead stopped. When I was 26 and I had big ol' eyes and a bushy tail and I would let just about anything happen, I could be dead stopped. I am old now and I have seen some things.

Erin, you are in your upper late 20s. But you are not 30 yet. But you are not 30 yet.

But so soon. I'm a sneeze away.

Hey, well, you know what? As soon as you are, we'll shake those pears from your tree. But until then, you can't say- Thank you. Some people call me Maurice. You cannot- You cannot not be dead stopped. Hey, can I just say, this is the most fun I've had on a day like this. Hey! You were on a 5am flight, so like... Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah! Is that my house that I do with it? We're recording this at 10 o'clock at night.

You, like, did a volleyball serve of a family guy voice, and I spiked it down back onto your face faster than anything has ever moved in recorded human history. I went, nope! No!

But you were right to do so. I'm with you, Erin. I'm with her. Erin, you are wrong to assume that the pears have been transferred to a different tree.

They're in a different yard. They're out of the garden.

What if that's how pears worked? Unbelievable.

What if that's how pear trees worked? That's how you become a pear tree. Okay, so I was slap happy enough that I thought you said partridge as per the song. Sure. Does this have anything to do with that song, the 12 Days of Christmas?

I wouldn't say yes. Okay.

Okay.

A gust of land.

JBC, give me some hints.

Oh, uh, a guest of wind. Was it some sort of ghost that like snatched them all? No. There was no sort of ghost.

Erin, that is a good context. Yes, we're talking about Paris the Fruit. And they're not on the ground, this yard, anyone else's yard. They didn't get stuck to something else. It's just a strong gust of wind blew them off the tree.

I don't like Paris. I love Paris. I think I have an answer. But it's a little heady. This is kind of like Inception. So apologies if you can't keep up. This is very much a Christopher Nolan answer.

Okay, I know the answer, so I'll go ahead and say this is wrong.

Continue. Okay, so is it that these trees are actually like, we'll say, for example's sake, cherry trees? Sure. And there's pairs of cherries, and when the gust of wind comes, it knocks down half of each pair to the ground so that on the ground and on the tree, there's only one cherry per set, so there's no longer pairs.

And the top keeps spinning at the end, and you're left to wonder. Is what he's experiencing real? Or in his dreams?

Adal, you are so close to the answer of this riddle. Now, they are pairs the fruit, like Erin said, so the word like pair, pair doesn't have anything to do with this. But you're dangerously close to the answer. Do they fall into a basket?

Ooh, that's a great answer. Nothing caught them. So does it have to do with pairs PAIRS?

No, it has to do with PEARS, but I do think that thinking that way, well, let me read the riddle one more time and keep that, keep PAIRS in mind. Okay. There are a few trees in a garden. On one of them, a pear tree, there are pears. But after a strong wind blew, there were neither pears on the tree nor on the ground. How come?

The pears are still in the tree.

No. There were neither pears on the tree nor on the ground.

Wait, was pears the name of the ghost that was stealing these pears? Because you said it might be a ghost, right? I didn't say it wasn't. I said no. Can we see a little pears the ghost? Anyone want to play that?

I think JBC that you got this.

That's all I have is let's just see Pairs the Ghost.

Yeah, I want to see it.

Maybe just like a little catchphrase. Let's see a 20 second scene of him stealing Pairs and him just living his best life.

Dead life. Pairs the Ghost. Who? Lois wants me to go out to the garden and collect these pairs.

Starting to disassemble my computer, I'm ripping it in half like a sheet of paper.

If I want that evil weapon to take my pairs, then I guess I'll try my best to put the pairs in the basket.

Casey, you can have all my stuff, I think.

What are you doing here, Meg? You useless witch.

Hey, don't talk to your sister like that. Casey, you can... Just find a replacement for me if you want. I don't really care.

That was a little scene of Pears the Ghost.

Okay, you know what? I'll do Pears the Ghost. Oh my goodness, I love pears the fruit, but I wish I was a pear. I'm a very lonely ghost.

Giggity giggity, did somebody just say lonely?

This is amazing. I'm texting Mariah and I'm gonna make her fall in love with me and she's gonna be in love with me and she's gonna leave you. I'm playing the long game here. You fucked with the wrong girl. I'm getting both your fiancees to fall in love with me. Fuck y'all.

Well too late with Gemma. She's already in love with you. Can we submit this episode to the Potties? I have to assume that's an award show.

Can we flush it down the toilet?

Yes. Every episode that we do, I've been submitting it for a MacArthur Genius Grant. I really want $400,000 to do whatever I want.

This show is so dumb, it loops back around to genius somehow. All right, go ahead.

Go ahead, you have to answer the fucking riddle.

Yeah, tell me it.

Do you know what a pair is? Hey, I have a riddle for you, JPC. You should nail this. Do you know what a pair's favorite TV show is?

Fresh Prince of Belle pair.

Well, that's better. Well, mine was Bosch, but never mind.

Uh, Emily in Paris.

It's actually Emily in Paris, so. Oh.

Emily's in Paris.

Isn't Bosch a type of pair? So Bosch. Huh. Is that a one-to-one?

I don't like pairs.

Well, two different words, so it can't really be a one-to-one. And we don't know if Bosch is a type of pair.

Did my plane crash? Guys, to be honest with you, we did my playing card.

What's the answer to this? I need to know.

Adal basically got it, but I think he got it in a kind of confusing way, but there were two pairs on the tree. Okay, but here's the thing though. When I asked if we were talking about pairs, I assumed, when you said yes, I assumed they were all spelled the same way. They are. You fooled me. No, we were not talking about a pair of pairs. That was nowhere in the language. It was just pairs. P-A-R-S.

Well, I wasn't listening. JPC, Erin, please. We have to do ads, but here's the thing. I don't want to cut to break for this episode. So let's keep talking and we can play ads over the top of us talking. Does that work? No. Okay. We'll see you back after this ad break. Oh wait, I forgot we're supposed to be country. See you soon, y'all. Hey, Erin J.P.C. It's me, Eddie Better, the lead singer of Furl Cram.

I love this. What's up, man?

I couldn't wait to hear what you were the lead singer of Eddie Better.

You know how in my songs I'm always singing about what interferes with your happiness or if there's something preventing you from achieving your goals? Well, with better help, they will assess all your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist. Can't find a better help.

Ah, yes, we love BetterHelp because it's not a crisis line. It's not self-help. It's professional counseling done securely online. You can send a message to your counselor anytime from anywhere in the world and you'll get a timely and thoughtful response. Plus, you can schedule weekly video or phone sessions. I use BetterHelp and it's so helpful for me. It makes way more sense for my brain to be able to just message my therapist while I'm having the thoughts I'm having.

Oh, I use it too. JPC, you wanna guess the name of my therapist?

Uh, why don't you just tell me any better? Jeremy. It's Jeremy, yeah. And does he speak to you? No. He does. He does. Sure. Any better. I'm having trouble understanding if you exist only inside of BetterHelp ads or if you're like a fully independent person outside of them. But all I know for sure is that they have licensed professional counselors who are specialized in things like depression, anger, anxiety, sleeping, and trauma. Anything that you share is confidential, convenient, professional, and affordable.

In fact, so many people have been using better help that they are recruiting additional counselors in all 50 states. I want you to start living a happier life today. As a listener, you'll get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at BetterHelp.com slash Riddle. That's BetterHelp.com slash Riddle. Join over 1 million fans of Eddie Better who have taken charge of their mental health. Again, that's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Riddle. I didn't sing the last few because I know sometimes my voice gets warbly.

Yeah, you got gargly-mouthed Eddie better, and that's not the best for ad reads.

I knew I would love this. I knew I would.

Hey there, guys and gals. Maybe he just fell down the stairs. He got up and started talking like this. Welcome to my speak easy. Hey, speaking of speaking easy. You ever get tired of a good whodunit?

No, of course not. Never!

Then you're gonna love June's Journey. You play as June Parker, an amateur detective investigating a series of mysteries full of twists and turns around every corner. You'll put your powers of observation to the test, sharpen your sleuthing scales, and relish the thrill of solving the case.

Erin, we should just play along and do the voice as well.

Oh yeah, you're right.

It's more fun this way.

You'll search for hidden clues to solve mystery after mystery across thousands of vivid scenes. And with new chapters every week, there's always a new case waiting to be cracked.

Yeah, I've been playing Judas Ernie for a few months now.

I thought you were going to do the voice.

No, I was joking. Oh.

Wow.

I was joking. Wow. Hi Riddle. You know, one of those detective shows.

And you gotta play until at least chapter two. You are going to flip when you get to chapter two. So whether you're craving a good mystery or just need to get away for a while, June's Journey is the perfect game for you. Ready to awaken your inner detective? Download June's Journey free today on the Apple App Store or Google Play. Sit back, relax, and let your inner Sherlock escape to the glamorous, Roaring Twenties! Should we take him to a doctor?

He's falling back up the stairs! Oh no!

Oh, hello Erin and JPC. It is me, animated cartoon dad. We give at work.

Huh? We give at the office. You what? We give at the office, so no thank you.

Oh, no, I'm here to tell you. You see the hair on my head? Yes. I've been losing it for some time, but recently I've been taking keeps, and I've been able to keep what I have. Mmm, homie.

Oh, we? Oh, I see.

Okay, I get the cartoon that he's doing now. Sure. Where's the boy? So you're like two out of three men who will experience some form of hair loss by the time they're 35, right?

Mmm, 35.

Well, if I'm being honest, you should get Keeps because Keeps offers a simple, stress-free way to keep your hair. You conveniently meet with a virtual doctor, the medications are delivered straight to your door every three months, and you don't ever have to leave your home, which I guess I advise you don't spend too much time in the real world because you're a cartoon and that might mess with continuity or something.

That's true, and Keif's has more five-star reviews than any of its competitors. Ooh. But, cartoon character prevention is key. Treatments can take four to six months to see results, so act fast.

Ooh, and something good as well is that there's discrete packaging and proven results. Discrete packaging helps because of my stupid neighbor, who's so religious.

Uh, don't go any more into that cartoon character, whose name we probably shouldn't say. But if you are ready to take action and prevent hair loss, you can go to Keeps, that's K-E-E-P-S dot com slash riddle, to receive your first month of treatment for free. That's Keeps dot com slash riddle, K-E-E-P-S, to get your first month free. Keeps dot com slash riddle.

Where's my son, Stewie?

Alright, now I'm getting really lost.

Yeah, what's the character?

All right, I'm ready.

I'm ready.

I'll bring us back.

And we're back. It's me, Quag Something. That's Chris.

To avoid more family guy impressions, I think we should just get really serious about Riddles for the rest of the episode.

What is unquestionably yours, but often freely given and almost always used by someone else?

Your name.

JPC. This is embarrassing.

And your height?

It's 511, but I tell people 60. Date of birth? December 14th, 1987. A day that you'll live in infinity. And language of origin? It's the language that they use on the Flintstone menus. Oh, and love language? Potions. Right.

Can you use your name in a sentence?

Yeah. Who left all this JPC shit?

Okay, I'd like to solve the answer. Please.

J. P. C. Your name. Erin, you are absolutely correct. The answer to that is your name. That was from Jess. Thank you, Jess.

I would like to see a scene. Ooh. Adal, you are a man who works at an office and JPC your salesman and you are going in and you someone told you that in order to get someone to like you you have to repeat their name over and over again so you've been doing that to Adal and Adal you're gonna call him out on it.

Hey Bernie, welcome to the office.

No, don't. I want a real scene. I'm shutting it down. No, I asked for my scene and I ordered it nicely and I told you what I wanted it to be and Adal, I asked so nice and you don't need to do this.

I think we could have got there.

I think we could have got there. Erin, I'm so sorry to say the kitchen is all out of non-family guy scenes. Would you like to go to a different restaurant?

Do you know what that felt like? That felt like I told people I'm throwing a dinner party for them and I work in the kitchen all day and I set it up and I use the fine china and I use all those things and I make it look so good and I use nice candles and I set it up and I welcome people into my home and then someone just with a garden hose completely ruins everything that I set up and worked all day to do.

I don't want to bust your nuts, but you literally just did a family guy cut away. Nice cut away to a dinner scene and then somebody breaks into the garden hose? That's family guy. You're doing the show. Erin, you're nailing it.

Good job.

You're nailing it. Thanks for supporting it. No, we're doing that again. I'm just embarrassed that somebody broke into my dinner party with a garden hose. And then Erin does family guy.

Erin, I want to see a scene where you fight a chicken for 10 minutes. So I don't have to write a full script.

All right.

Okay. Well, Erin will do your thing. We'll do your thing. Okay. I'm the salesman.

Yeah. You're the salesman. So like you're repeating his name over and over.

I don't know. I think that your wife's really going to love this cologne. She's going to smell you, Dave. And Dave, she's going to like the way you smell, Dave.

Well, my wife, I'd like to think she likes my natural musk. And then I actually do use a cologne sparingly when we go to, you know, football games, which is Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, my boy, my man, my guy, Dave.

Your wife likes Cologne. That's the little secret, Dave, that I'll let you in on, Dave. You're Dave? You're Dave's wife? May I call you Dave's wife? What's Mrs. Dave's name?

Well, she has a name.

Well, yeah, Mrs. Dave's name. Is she going to be more help for me to know Mrs. Dave's name?

Sure. Her name is Viola. So anyway, Dave.

Viola's Dave. Dave's Viola. Viola's Dave. Viola's Dave Dave Voila. Voila Dave. Voila Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave.

Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave.

Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave.

Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave

You were buying her time to get out of the house. Unbelievable.

What? What? I'm furious, but I gotta be honest, it does feel nice.

Dave, Viola, I know that you must both kind of hate me right now. But I did what I did to prove a point. Dave, you gotta buy this cologne. It's the cologne that I use that drives your wife wild. You already know it works. You already know it works, Dave.

I'm pissed, but my curiosity is piqued. What's the scent? Piss.

Piss.

Dave. Seen.

Piss. Dave. Seen.

All right.

Piss. Dave. Seen. Here we go. This next riddle is from Dylan. Dylan includes their Twitter handle. I don't know why they would include their Twitter handle unless they wanted me to read their Twitter handle. And their Twitter handle is at Dylan, and I believe that's a J-T-S caught with two T's. So it's like Dylan, it's, Dylan, it's caught? Dylan, Dylan J, hmm. This is the riddle?

Is it the riddle?

I don't know, I don't know what, I'm trying to make sense of this Twitter handle and I just can't. Dylan writes, I stumbled on this riddle by Jonathan Swift and it seemed like you would all enjoy it. Ooh, Jonathan Swift, the corrections, I love him. I think Jonathan Swift, if memory serves, is the like the- Are you Olmec? He's like the baby eater one, right? Oh, excuse me? Jonathan Swift wrote that poem about eating a baby during the potato famine. Is that not Jonathan Swift? I thought he wrote Gulliver's Travels. Oh, you might be right.

I thought it was the guy in town who runs real fast.

I wanna see a scene. No, you don't. I wanna see a scene.

Now scenes are just family guy cutaways.

I wanna see a scene. Erin, you're a person in town who wrote a poem about eating a baby. It was published in the newspaper and JPC, you're a concerned neighbor. Hey, I saw your recipe in the paper.

Oh, thanks. Scene.

Holy shit. The perfect scene. The perfect scene just happened. Yeah, Jonathan Swift wrote a modest proposal in 1729.

And Gulliver's travels.

And Gulliver's travels. Oh, I was right. Yeah. The modest proposal was, I guess it was like during the potato famine and his modest proposal, it was like satirical, was like, just eat your kids. That's how you don't starve. Have kids and eat them.

Can I just say for all my bookheads out there, I made a fun little Jonathan Franzen joke earlier, so enjoy that.

Enjoy that bookheads. Here we go. Here is Jonathan Swift's Riddle. We are little, airy creatures, all of different voice and features. One of us, in glasses set, one of us you'll find in jet. To other you may see in tin, in the fourth, a box within. The fifth you should pursue. It can never fly from you. Sinatra. Vowels? It is Erin Sinatra, correct. It is Sinatra is the answer. Erin, yes, it is vowels.

Fly me to the moon and let me see the moon as I go.

I would pay good money to hear Sinatra be like, A, B, C, D, E, F, G. I'm sure he did. Thank you, Agent. I've been dead for many years.

Vegas, Vegas, ABC.

Break your legs, you mess with me.

I guess it would be pretty funny if we had the technology just to remake Sinatra songs in his voice and we could just write songs, put them into a computer and it would come out as a Sinatra song singing the ABCs. That seems like something that technology should be able to do for us.

Yeah. Computers should be able to replicate any dead singer's voice to where I can get on my little computer, type in a bunch of lyrics, and then that generated voice should be able to sing a song and make it sound real.

The fact that we can't do that yet is like, what's even the fucking point? Like, why do we have the fucking computers? We can't do that yet?

Well, I'll tinker around and try and figure it out, because we all know I'm fucking doctor technology as per the start.

What happened before this, huh? What happened before we started?

What happened before this was I had 45 minutes of computer issue, then it was revealed that my laptop is outdated and can't support what we're trying to do, then it was revealed by me that I bought a new MacBook in January and have simply not touched it.

And then Adal assumed I was mad at him.

And I know what you're thinking. I know what you're thinking, guys. We record these in advance. We don't record these that far in advance.

No.

This is coming out in October, and this is, what, mid-February right now?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. What's the big idea?

There we go.

Okay. This next one is from Tom. I love this one. Thank you, Tom. Thank you, Tom, for your submission. Thank you, Tom. A man woke up in bed very early one morning.

A man woke up in bed very early one morning. He didn't have a clock or watch but wanted to know what time it was.

Without the man asking, someone from the surrounding houses shouted exactly what time it was. How did the man get the answer he needed?

Psychic rooster.

Okay. I would like to.

Adal's got a list of things that he could just say at any time that he knows we'll get to see a conference. It's like he's like, how do I tee up some of my characters? I just say this.

Actually, Psychic Rooster is the name of the new restaurant bar I'm opening, so I was talking to Gemma. I'm sorry, what was the question? Was there a Riddle?

He's been writing by the light of a candle late into the night, Psychic Rooster bits.

Flashlight, Erin, I've been writing by the light of a flashlight.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Erin from the Old Timey Times. No, Adal Psychic Rooster is a really good guess, but it is not... Well, hold on. Adal Psychic Rooster is a guess. Hold on. Adal Psychic Rooster is a waste of everyone's time.

Shame on you.

And they gotta mercy on yourself.

Psychic Rooster is a collection of sounds that does nothing for him.

Okay, well.

Okay, people are going to really enjoy that run, I think.

I think that's going to be well received. Would anyone caesar- caesar- caesar to wage a guess? Would anybody like to gizzard a guess? Jesus Christ.

Would anyone like to hazard- Someone yell, welcome to noon. It's noon and welcome.

No, no one yelled welcome to noon. So this person did not have, what was it? They didn't have a clock or a phone? Yeah, let's assume that they had nothing to tell the time. They had nothing to tell the time. Do they live next like a church or something where... Someone shouted the... Oh, is it the neighbors on the east side who always wake up at 4 a.m., get drunk, and yell at each other? Barbara, it's 5 a.m.

And you're doing this? They wake up, get drunk, and then yell at each other or something. They've been up all night. They wake up early and drink. So nobody here had parents? You never lived in Wrigleyville. My dad let me get up at 4am to go to work, but before that he was up for two hours, drunk off his ass, yelling at my mom.

Erin, what's the riddle answer please? I know this is wrong and stupid. His neighbor is actually a news station and they go, hello, welcome to the 6 o'clock news.

Erin, I swear to God, I thought you had it. You've said so confidently that you're like, I know this. But no, his neighborhood was not a news station. Let's assume that this is a residential neighborhood. I think that'll help us. It's not like Chicago with all these mixed-use buildings.

The news comes on and someone goes, it's the six o'clock news!

Five dollar movies! No, Erin, that is not correct. It is a good guess, but it is not correct.

Were they a podcaster? Was it like Peter Siegel?

No, now it wasn't anyone saying the time for their own benefit, I will say. Oh, that's a good thing.

Hi, I'm just calling and letting you know it's 8am.

Oh yeah, somebody works for Moviefone next door. I was going to say, do you remember that there used to be a number that you could call that would tell you at the tone, the time is 551, and then it would go bong. Do you guys remember that?

I don't remember that.

JBC, I absolutely remember that and I almost brought it up and then I said, Adal don't say it because they're gonna make fun of how old you are. Wait, you almost brought it up as an answer to this Riddle? I almost brought it up in conversation just now and then I was like, Adal they're gonna tear into you and say, was that Alexander Graham Bell saying the ding?

You're like, movie phones new and cool and young and hip.

Adal, what you're experiencing is pattern recognition. So you have noticed over time that we will tear into you anytime you mention the 80s.

And I get pattern recognition from my mom's dad?

Yes, it's all from your maternal grandfather, correct? Yes. I died on this plane.

So it wasn't for somebody else's benefit, so they're clearly talking to someone else.

Was there... It wasn't for their own benefit. It was for someone else's benefit.

Yeah. Was it like they have someone in their house who's like being taken care of, like they're in a hospital bed or something? That is a very good guess, but no, it is not that. Like Charlie in the Chocolate Factory?

It's 8 a.m. The school bus is here.

That's pretty good.

School bus is here! Wake up!

That's a very good answer. Let me help you narrow it down. It's for the benefit of the guy who woke up and doesn't know what time it is. Someone is telling him the time, and they're specifically telling him the time. They're not telling it for anyone else's benefit. Because he's late for something. It's not because he's late. He doesn't get a phone call. It's a neighbor. It's a neighbor in one of the surrounding houses.

This isn't one of those riddles where the answer is like, he's blind, is it?

Even if he was blind, how would that be an answer to this riddle?

You know that Taylor Swift music video? Where her and that boy can see into each other's rooms?

They see into each other's rooms and they know what's going on with each other.

So it's someone going like, hey, I know you're supposed to be somewhere.

He does this. He taps his wrist.

Or she taps her wrist. He looks at someone asleep in their bed and he taps his wrist. No. So let's say for the answer to this, he can't see. No one can see into his house. He can't see into anyone else's house.

He didn't pay his electricity bill.

Okay, look. Toblerone. First of all, he has a month, okay? So get off his ass because they're not going to shut the lights off. And if they do, he just pays and they'll turn it right back on. Toblerone. Correct.

What?

I just said that. I liked the way Erin said it. Give it another hint, a better hint. Okay. The man who woke up Didn't just simply wake up and have the time declared for him. He did something to cause the time to be declared for him.

Oh, he has one of those two soup cans with the string attached. He lives in a tree house with his neighbor, tree house neighbor.

No, he didn't ask. He didn't directly ask what the time is. He's a bird. He's not a bird, but aren't we all? He's like a bird. He wants to fly away. He wants to fly away. A man woke up in bed very early one morning. He didn't have a clock or watch, but wanted to know what time it is without the man asking. He didn't ask anyone. Someone from the surrounding house has shouted exactly what time it was. Now he didn't ask someone, but he did do something.

Nelly Frittata!

I just said that. Erin, 9 out of 10 times it's going to be the right answer, but of course not for this riddle.

Who am I in love with? Nelly Frittata. Why am I late? Nelly Frittata.

How is that word spelled? Nelly Frittata.

I'm like a bird. I always fly away. So I want to be honest. I promise you guys I'd be more open and honest with the two of you. I wish I was doing Peter Griffin impressions.

I'd rather you lie.

From now on just lie to me. I don't know if you can do a Peter impression that will get you the answer to this riddle, but I don't think so.

Can I just know the answer now? I'm starting to get pissed off.

Erin, I think you've done a good job. You've eaten all your peas, you've eaten all your broccolis. I think that you could just know the answer. I'm starting to get what the French call pissed off.

I'm starting to get to pissed off.

But before I give you the answer, I gotta say to Tom, Tom, congratulations. You've stumped them. And then a big stumped stamp appears on both of your foreheads. Stumped them. Stumped. It's six feet of bubblegum for you, not them.

Did you see what else you pissed off?

I'm just trying to give Tom their due answer. He woke up, wondered what time it was, and then proceeded to play his trumpet, provoking his neighbor into yelling, stop playing the trumpet. It's three in the goddamn morning. Drop it.

So this was, oh my gosh, I want to see a scene.

Wait, can I just say that guy puts like creative thinker under special skills on his resume. That guy fucking sucks.

Tom also says greetings from England. I guess, I guess this posh motherfucker Whatever. Fuck you, Tom. We hate you on this podcast.

Tom, what's up?

Turn off your torch.

I want to see a scene. Yes. Erin, you are sleeping. You're in a nice little suburban area, neighborhood, and you happen to just get a new neighbor the night before, which is Lou Bega, played by JPC. And it is very early in the morning, and Lou Bega is waking you up, and so you open up your window.

A little bit of the paper in my hand. A little bit of my coffee in my other hand. A little bit of my pajamas on my butt. A little bit of, I should get the mail.

Hey, hey, man. Sorry, can you keep it down?

Excuse me, hi, I'm Lou. I just moved in. Yeah, Lou, I'm a new mom.

And if you wake the baby, you take the baby, okay? Monica. Melissa. Monica.

Jin.

Monica. Ellen? Don't guess my name, I'm telling you, it's Monica.

Oh, I thought we were both saying names of vacation spots that we'd love to go to.

Jin?

Yeah, I love to drink Jin and Monica, don't you?

Have you ever been- Monica. My name is Monica. Hey Lou, can I call you Lou? My baby is napping right now and I just need you to keep it down. I know you're probably a songwriter or something.

You are correct. I am a songwriter. I wrote one song exactly.

My baby is up. I'm not your baby. I'm Dr. Chameleon. Where's my baby? Six Emperor Tyrannus! See ya.

One, two, three, four, five.

Here's my challenge to anybody who stumbles upon this episode. If you can sing Mamba No. 5 as Frank Sinatra. If you can sing Mamba No. 5 like Frank Sinatra, I'll pay you, I don't know, I'll Venmo you $50. It's the first person.

All right, that challenge is canceled. I know what you're thinking. Could we have just deleted it from the episode? No. It was too good. It had to stay. We have to earmark when Adal fails. Adal, I know that we have been unfair to you throughout this whole episode. Oh, or I guess maybe that's just Erin. I won't speak for myself. So now it's time for Adal to just get his own time to say, do you have anything that you would like to plug? Because we would love to hear about it.

Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. I wasn't ready for this. Oh, I'm sorry. I want to thank the Academy. I want to thank everyone who's been there for my mom, my agent. Please check out Psychic Rooster opening summer 2025. We're still looking for funding. It should be October, so if you have any spooky videos or fun Halloween, anything, decorations or songs or candies, send it to me please. You can find me on Twitter at Adalrifai. You can find me on Instagram at Adalrifai. And send us more riddles to hrrpodcast.gmail.com I think we're always looking to fill the coffers as it were, so please.

We're always looking to have Riddles stay in there for three years before we get to him. We're always looking for that.

And please, if you enjoyed something from this episode and you want to tweet about it, please use hashtag hey family family guy. We'll take a hashtag.

Erin is very, hashtag Erin is very brave for going through that haunted house.

Okay, JBC did you see that? Erin just hijacked my plugs.

I'm getting a little echo.

Do you hear that, Casey? I hear it too. The echo's on mine as well. Turnabout's fair play. Erin, do you have anything to plug? Adal, you do get one steal.

Okay, well I was on two podcasts recently.

I like to steal. Okay! Those podcasts were Butcast and Fartsville. You booked Fartsville?

You're not hurting me in this.

There's so much more popular. You're hurting these very sweet people. How did you get on Fartsville? They're the come town of the Midwest.

I was on Better Movie Club. They are amazing. I had a great time on that podcast. I was also on the podcast Cruise Control, C-R-E-W-S Control, and I had a great time on that as well. All really great people, really fun episodes. Check out both shows, even if we don't want to listen to my episode. JPC, anything to plug? Adal and I each get one steal.

I like to steal. Twitter. Okay.

No, I don't have anything.

I'd like to steal Twitch.

Oh, man. OK, well, I guess both my plugs got stolen. It was just going to be Twitch and Twitter. So here's what I'll say. Have a great day and whatever whatever you do that makes you happiest today, I want you to do that. Now, for most of you, Finally, I get to be me.

It's getting to be that spooky season, which means that... Wait, I thought... Hold on.

No, JP so fly on Twitter. Shark Parkman is his Instagram.

And Twitch. Oh, is it Twitch? Okay. It's both. It's Instagram. It's the one that I have good branding for. Noice. It's also my name on Peloton, so... I smell.

I very barely smell. And now I smell a smell. Someone is cooking.

Stroke. Oh. Or cooking. Sorry. Jupiter. Or cooking. Bye forever. Oh, I did have something to announce. I'm retiring Waka Waka Kids. It's had a great run. We might think of something else in the future to do, but you will no longer hear me say Waka Waka Kids at the end of any episode. Casey, I know that what I'm saying is really important, but go ahead and play the theme song right through it, because all we needed was that first part, and if they can hear me in the background of the theme song, good for them.

Jupiter!

Casey, cut what JPC just said and add it to the end of every episode. This is JPC's new outro tagline.

Hey there, ghosts and crows. If you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. The Hey Riddle Riddle crew gathers around the fire and tells some spooky stories. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash Hey Riddle Riddle by joining the Clue crew for $5 a month or the Review crew for $8 a month. See you then.