Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum podcast.

Okay. Let's go at 20. Time.

Oh, fuck. Sorry.

I guess my coughs aren't so bad anymore.

You said 20 and my brain registered it as 30. And I don't know why. I was like, oh, I'll wait for the following zero after this. That was so funny.

Erin went to take a drink at 20, which is the best.

Oh. I was like, I got 10 seconds. Pretty cool.

You're on a date with someone in LA and it's like, so you're 30. No, I'm 20.

Oh, no. Oh, no.

My brain swaps 30 with 20. It's just something I do.

Yeah, it's sort of a dangerous game. OK, I'm ready. You have to wait before you go down the episode. They have to give me the okay down there. You can't go down.

I know, I've just been waiting up here for like a super long time and no one's gone down in a super long time, so it feels like I should just go. Sorry, excuse me, I'm trying to get down to the episode.

Yeah, we're all trying, yeah, this is the line to get down to the episode. Yeah, this is the line to get down to the episode, so I think a kid is stuck in the slide.

What? Sorry, I don't know, let me get my badge out here. I'm Adal Rifai, I'm one of the hosts.

Oh yeah, everyone's host here.

Everyone has that back. This is the host line. I'm JPC. I'm one of the hosts of the show. That kid stuck in the slide is one of the hosts?

Yeah, that's Erin. She's stuck in the slide.

We know for sure she's stuck in that slide.

Yeah, they would have given me the okay that she came out the other end. But I'm just a teen who just tells me when it's time to go to the slide.

Oh, sure, sure, sure. Can I take a stab at what happened here?

Sure.

If you say that that's a kid, I think what happened is Erin de-aged herself to where she's a child and then halfway down the slide she re-aged to how old she really is and it got stuck.

Okay, that could be it. That could be it. But it can't go down yet.

Just a guess for me because I kind of watched it because I was right behind her as she went down. Normally, I feel like you're supposed to go down kind of like, you know, across your chest and go down like with the slide. I saw her go down like perpendicular to the slide. She kind of folded her body like a taco and to shoot herself down, but it looks painful.

Good for her.

Didn't hear anything all clear or anything like that.

No, I mean, I just don't really want to talk to you guys, but I'm sure she's fine in there, and I'm sure you'll get through the slide fine.

Okay, like I want to stand here talking to a fucking teen. I'm not some fucking creep. I don't want to talk to some teen I don't fucking know. Fuck you.

You're still talking to me, so it sounds like- I'm yelling at you!

An adult can yell at a teen and it's fine.

Mmm, lame. Alright, go ahead, go down. I'm Adal Rifai, weee!

I'm JPC, weee!

Welcome to Hey Riddle Riddle, a podcast where we solve riddles and do improv and we kind of did both in that opening if you think about it. We legally can't say improv or riddles without a hint of irony, so make sure you really sell. We do riddles and improv.

Yes, I'm sorry. Your new catchphrase should be, move how?

To Erin's point, our lawyer, a dog wearing a cape, did tell us that we have to use irony when we describe the podcast or else we can be legally liable for that.

We're not trying to undo how professional he is by pointing out that he is a dog wearing a cape. We think it's great that he's a dog in a cape. He's also one of the best lawyers in the country, so I'm not going to complain.

Yeah, and he's a viceroy. And a Grand Moff.

And he's a boxer.

Sorry, I don't mean he's a viceroy. He's Vice's Rookie of the Year. He works for Vice, the TV station slash magazine, and he's their employee slash Rookie of the Year.

He's a complicated kind of fella. Dog wearing a cape.

I should say he does work for Vice last week checked, but routinely they do lay off about a third of their staff every year. So he could not have that job anymore. We haven't checked.

What happened? How did we get here? What's up guys?

Guys, I got something to say.

What's up?

I know this is a hot topic. It's going to get me in absolute fucking hot water. But I was driving back to my apartment today, and I saw a person who was a dead fucking ringer for Santa Claus. Looked very, very much like Santa Claus. And my stupid fucking brain saw this person, clocked this person. And what was the first thought that went in my head? That motherfucker looks just like Detective Crashmore. That's what my brain did. My brain told me that the person who looked exactly like Santa Claus looked like Detective Crash Moore. And if you haven't watched, I think you should leave season two. You should absolutely do so.

Well, I think that's exactly what Santa, the real Santa, would want you to think. He'd want you to think that he was someone else.

But here's my question. And I guess that this is a hot take. But my question is, if you're a person, I don't know. I think maybe the vibe they were going for was biker and then they got old. Yeah, I guess so, but no one looks like, oh, maybe someone does, like a young Santa Claus. So as you age, you have to know, like, I'm getting closer to Santa Claus. Like, I was biker, like ZZ Top originally, but now it's just Santa Claus.

Well, you can't control your hair turning gray or white.

But it's a style thing, because you can control the length of the beard and the length of the hair, right? So if you're like an older dude who's got the long hair and the big scraggly beard, That's like a Santa choice, right? But here's the thing, he wants to... He doesn't have like a group cut.

She's looking up Santa who doesn't exist to see how long his hair is.

It would be a lot more helpful if he didn't wear a fucking hat all the time.

Yeah, that's true. It's at least medium length though, right?

He kind of has like hockey hair.

Oh.

Sort of like it's like kind of short, but like wavy. Like he has hat, he has like permanent hat hair.

Sure.

Santa hair. Oh, some people show him balding. This is very confusing. He looks a lot like Jesus sometimes. Adal, were you saying something far more important than what I'm doing?

I couldn't possibly be saying anything.

Okay. I'm going to look up Santa without a hat.

Anyways, my thought process was that if it were me and I had the long beard and the long hair and it started going like just a shock of white, I would know that I was going to be looking because Santa's such a specific look that I feel like you'd really have to play away from it or else you end up just looking like, people have to know.

Well here's the thing, I feel like if you try and play away from it, if you get like a mohawk or you dress like hip and young, then what people say is like, oh no, that guy looks like Santa as if he was trying to be hip. So I think you have to embrace it, you do have to lean into it, and I feel like your style choices have to be like a lot of red fur with black trim and white piping because I think it's better for people to say that guy looks like Santa Then that guy looks like JC Penney Santa.

Thanks for watching!

Oh yeah, see?

I called it. It makes me think of like children at Christenings. And for solid communions, I feel like little children were at church sometimes.

Oh, interesting.

Have you ever owned suspenders at all? I don't think I ever have. Never. I think I had to, I'm sorry, I did once, there was a play I did in college where I had to wear suspenders. I wore them in a play in high school.

No way!

Yeah, the only time I've ever worn suspenders was in a play. I can't remember the name of the play.

I have a question for you guys in regards to Santa. Which I really want to get to the bottom of it with his hair because in some of these drawings I'm seeing him with no hair or a lot of hair or a little bit of hair and it's all over the board and it's starting to, I don't know, piss me off. So I wanted to ask you too, who is like the Santa in TV and movies? Like who is like, who is canon Santa? Like who is the one?

I think canon Santa has to have like a cascade of silver hair that kind of almost curls

But what movie or TV show?

Miracle on 34th Street.

100% Okay, let's see what his hair looks like.

That's Santa. To me, in my house, that's Santa.

I don't even know. I think that this is the Santa that I'm thinking of. But to me, Santa is like the Coca-Cola Santa. Do you guys know what I'm talking about? Big polar bear. He's a big polar bear. And I think that Coca-Cola Santa has short hair. I don't think he has long hair. But it's like, I mean, with Santa, it's 90% about the beard anyway. It draws you away from the hair. Plus the hat. It's just hidden under that hat.

Can I just say, I think the original ASMR is the Coca-Cola commercials with the polar bears. Because I remember being a kid and hearing the sounds of that and being like, what's this sensation? Because look up that commercial. It's a lot of polar bears going, And there's like the twist of a cap and like the release of carbonation. Sure. It's such a turnout.

So both of your Santas have very little hair.

Yeah.

A little bit of hair, but it's very little. So Tim Allen is not your Santa Claus. No, not necessarily.

I never said that.

Not necessarily.

I voted for Jill Stein.

My Santa was busted for trafficking cocaine. He's a hardcore Republican. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Well, let me know what Santa is your Santa. Um... Erin, what's your Santa? My Santa is the Santa from the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. He is the true Santa Claus.

So long as changing, ever evolving?

Yes, always different every year.

I will say this is the second episode that we've done in September that we've talked about Santa for way too long. We're excited. We're just excited. And I'm excited too to get into some of these riddies, riddies and pussies. Before we do, Jay, can I offer one very quick suggestion?

I'll try and make it very quick. Adal, please take all the time you want. I have no regard for our listeners. Thank you, Your Honor. In the next 10 years or so, can someone, whether it be us or anyone at all, can we start doing like on Halloween, there's like goth Santa? Like there's a Santa that wears all black leather. He has a real tight beard, maybe like short hair, but just maybe a cool haircut, but just like... He sounds hot. Like a darker, more sinister goth Santa?

Yeah, that sounds like a My Chemical Romance thing too, right? Isn't that what the Black Parade is? It's the Black Macy's Day Parade?

Yep.

Yeah.

That's funny. Oh, yeah.

OK. OK.

I love it. Solved. OK. Okay, and Mariah and I bought a house. Okay, here's your first warm up riddle. Congratulations.

Congratulations.

Just everybody just giving you my little life update.

And it's an amazing, beautiful house. It's a bungalow, just like mine, and it's very close to me. Yeah, I live very, very close to Adal.

We're now neighbors. Adal and I keep getting closer and Erin keeps getting further and further and further.

And I got the hell out of Dodge.

What does this tell? What is going on? What is happening here?

Am I the problem? What? What's up?

Dodge is a sponsor. Say a different car.

I got the hell out of Toyota Corolla.

Thank you. Okay, well then we just blew that potential sponsorship.

He'd have more than one car sponsor you.

Okay, I got a warm-up-y, I think a more warm-up-y, ask Riddle. This one is coming from Sabrina and Blake. And Sabrina and Blake signed their email, Keif and it real.

Pretty good, pretty special.

Thank you. Okay, here's the Riddle. What legume doesn't come in a can, doesn't taste good, and can't be cooked?

A cat's toes.

Ooh, a cat's toes. Isn't that a cat's toes? Not like beans.

Toe beans, toe beans, toe beans, toe beans.

Adal, I gotta tell you, that's nothing. I had to try. I had to try.

I sing that whenever I grab fries or briskets a little foot. Do they look like beans? They do look like beans.

But they look like pinto or navy beans?

What is a legume technically? It's a bean.

It's a bean. Peanuts are legumes, right? But peanuts come in cans. Well, hold on.

Do jelly beans count?

Oh, yeah. Erin, do jelly beans count, JPC?

They do, and I guess they don't taste good, but I think that they can be cooked. Okay.

Yeah, I'm collecting a bunch of jelly beans in cans for the apocalypse.

Thanks for watching!

Is this cucumber or is it vomit? They have those and then there's there's ones that are more that aren't like branded. Oh, they kind of just stole the idea or I don't know what came first. But those are the only jelly beans that I've had. But I remember the buttered popcorn jelly bones. Oh yeah. I would be obsessed with those.

This is going to be super niche, but if you live in the south shore of Massachusetts, whenever I think of jelly beans, I smell the candy store popolos and hang them. So eight people are going to know that reference, tweet at me, and let me know what kind of fudge was your favorite fudge from popolos.

And Erin, go ahead and give us, I know that popolos did some local TV commercials, so just go ahead and give us that popolos jinkle.

If you wanna get your kid a fuckin' gift that's handy, go to fuckin' Popolos. Popolos, we're in the South Shore. Come on, come on, come here.

Popolos did not fuckin' hold a responsibility for what you gives to you, you motherfucker. Keep your kids on a fuckin' leash.

You'll see us for Valentine's Day in Easter and then not again.

I don't know that this is necessarily something that I have a sense memory from, especially with spaghetti, but I know that some people say that dog feet, like dog paws, smell like popcorn or corn chips. Oh, I've heard that.

I'm not really smelling my dog's feet that often.

Oh, you're not going to get along with those paws?

No, I'll get a little whiff of her snoot.

So Spaghetti doesn't especially like to be pet. So sometimes when you're petting her, she'll just take her foot and put it on your face and like push your face back with her foot. So sometimes you just get some smell when you didn't even want it.

And you're getting some literal pushback. You're getting pushed back. That's a big sneeze. That scared me. That scared everybody. I didn't even cover my mouth because I was so surprised.

That came on so suddenly.

That was scary. I'm sorry everybody.

Erin, take the fear that you just felt and magnify it by JBC and I not knowing that it was coming on. You at least had a warning.

I had no warning.

She had barely more warning than we got when that sneeze came out.

That came out of nowhere.

Erin, I was talking to Mariah earlier today, and we were loading stuff into my car to take over to the new place. And a sneeze came on. I was outside. A sneeze came on that speed on me. And I had my hands full. And I just looked, basically, down at myself. And I could just feel my entire arm getting wet. And I was like, I got to go inside now. You take this, please. I have to go inside now.

This is the end of my day today. I think I got to call it.

Oh my god. I hate a big surprise sneeze.

Can we hear this riddle again? Legume.

What legume doesn't come in a can, doesn't taste good, and can't be cooked? So this is Charles Schulz's Peanuts. Adal, that is an excellent, excellent answer to this.

I want to see you soon.

Oh, go ahead. No, I think it works. I think it totally works. It's not what Sabrina and Blake had.

I want to see a scene. Erin, you are Charlie Brown. JPC, you are Lucy. And Erin, you've had enough of this football bullshit and you're going to call it like you see it.

Okay, Charlie Brown, I'm going to hold the football.

Please don't do this to me.

What is it? Do you hate yourself? Do you hate yourself Lucy? Do you need me to hate me too? So you have some company in this? What do you need? What do you need? Um, no, I don't want to hate myself.

Lucy, you give everyone around here a therapy for five cents. You're giving my sister therapy for five cents. You're trying to figure out Linus's blanket thing. God bless you. You're obsessed with fucking Schroeder, okay? You know who I think needs the therapy, Lucy? You.

No, I'm fine. I don't need therapy. I just, I just do this football trick because it's funny.

Yeah. Hurt people hurt people and you're hurting me and now I'm hurt. So I'm going to try to hurt you. Okay. Go to some therapy. Leave me alone. I am a bald child with a little bit of hair on the top. I'm going to be compared to Caillou.

Okay.

I'm wearing the ugliest shirt in the world.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I guess I'm sorry. I'm a melancholy depressed child and that's the point of the series is that I'm getting abused by my friend. What is this, Lucy?

I guess, I guess I, I guess I'm sorry. I guess I didn't know that it was really... Oh, you're guessing?

I feel like we should know, but you can guess. No, guess. Go ahead.

No, I mean, I know, I know that I was wrong. I apologize. I know that I was wrong.

I had 16 back surgeries, Lucy. My chiropractor bills are out of control. I do physical therapy. Chiropractor. I'm doing job posture.

Do you want to just kick the football? I feel so bad.

No. I don't trust you. I don't trust you. I have trust issues now. I'm going to fucking craniosacral therapy. I have a healer. I'm trying everything to try to get my back.

Okay, and breathe in. Breathe in. Breathe in the good grief. Breathe out the bad grief. Okay. And can you give me an arg?

You treat Cathy too, don't you?

I do, I do. And Garfield.

Yeah, I understand. You know what? I'm gonna give her another chance. You're right.

Okay. And remember, remember it's not her fault that Snoopy's dead, okay? He was dancing in the street.

He hit him with her car.

He was dancing in the street, okay? He looked up and down, but not left and right when he dances, right?

Yeah.

So bury that anger, okay? And give Lucy a real shot.

I'm sorry, you're talking to me, but all I hear is, but I'm gonna give her a shot.

Hey, Charlie Brown. What's up? I haven't seen you in a couple weeks. What's what's going on?

I'm sorry to wake you. Here's a football and I just need you to not move it. Okay, we're gonna do it and we're gonna do it right.

Oh my god.

It's gonna heal both of us.

I'm actually I'm good now. I'm in a much better place. I've made a lot of peace with who I was back then. I've moved on. Yeah, yeah, I started going to therapy and it instantly clicked. It was like a weight off my shoulders. I'm like a completely different person. Um, well, we're not technically official yet, but yeah, I guess I could say we're really happy. It's just, we're kind of exploring and trying to make this what it is.

I love the football thing for you. Please just, I need to kick this football. Please Lucy, please.

Charlie, Charlie, I give you permission to kick the football yourself. Okay.

You never need someone to hold it.

You never needed me. Hey Charlie, have a really great life. Have a really fun life.

We're gathered here today to bury one Charles G. Brown. He died like he lived trying to kick a football.

Unfortunately he- Hey everybody, Lucy here just to pop in. We're actually having a big party across the street. If anyone wants to come, $5 a head, ladies get in break. First 200 dudes at the door and then the cut's off.

That was a whole play.

Not only was that a full play, but I think that that was, to date, the longest scene that we've done on Hey Riddle. What? That can't be right? You're right, it's not. What again does it come in a can? Does it taste good and can't be cooked?

P.S., I have to say I love that Charlie Brown had 16 back surgery.

Yeah.

Such an insane detail.

Oh, a human bean.

Or a child. Is it human bean? No, human beans canonically taste excellent and they can be cooked. Is this a...

Is this a thing that actually has bean in the name of it?

Or is it like a bun? Bean is literally in the name of it, but you would never want to eat this bean. You know this bean, and this is something that's probably not necessarily part of your everyday life, but I guarantee you've stumbled across this type of bean. Okay, I got it.

JPC, is this the answer? Oh, no, no, no. Oh, drink your water. Yoda? Mr. Bean. It is not. Can I just say it's very hard to do a Mr. Bean impression over a podcast.

Um, I don't know. You seem to do it.

I guess you nailed it. I mean, we didn't get it, but you did a good job. Oh, no, no, no, no.

You sound like Miss Piggy.

Yeah, there is a little bit of Miss Piggy in there. Interesting. Is it Mr. Bean? No. It is not Mr. Bean. It is not Mr. Bean. It's an object. It's not a person. It is an object. Ooh, Erin, that's it. Erin, that's a really great guess. It is not LL Bean. Okay, so let me think about this. I would certainly say that this type of bean is not very comfortable.

Beanbag. Oh, beanbag.

Oh man, I gave that away, huh? Yeah, it is a bean from a beanbag chair.

Well, some of our answers worked. Peanuts worked. L.L. Bean. L.L. Bean. Keep the same backpack for 20 years.

A lot of that works. I also don't know, is it beans that are in a beanbag chair? Is it real beans?

It's plastic beads.

Plastic beads. Oh, so wait, are they called bead bags? And we've been hearing it wrong? I wish. Is this like a Berenstain Bears situation? I wish they were called bead bag chairs.

Hi Riddle.

Speaking of, I want to see a scene. Erin, you're going to be working at a department store. Everything that you are selling in this department store is going to be like one letter off, right? So you're not going to be selling anything that is like a real thing that people want to buy. It's all of those things that is just kind of one letter off. Adal, you're going to be a customer in this department store just looking for some help finding the items that you're looking for.

Hello, sir. Could I interest you in some carfume?

No.

What was that?

Carfume. I can just give you a little sample right here.

Oh, please. No, no, no, no, please. No, no.

Here you go.

Is this perfume for a car?

Oh, this is carfume. It's confusing. We have perfume for a car this way, but this is kind of perfume for a human that smells like car smells. So it smells like sort of gasoline and oil.

Oh yeah, it's very, it's very bad. Um, yeah, I'm just looking for, it's my buddy's 27th and he's a real goofball. So I'm looking for like a fun, something fun and silly, like a lava lamp or like, um, you know, like a Newton's cradle, just something weird and fun. And I decided to come to sponsors gifts.

Oh, well you're in the right place. I, we have so much fun stuff at sponsors gifts. Uh, well, if you walk this way, we have a guava lamp.

Um, oh, okay. Um, it looks like it's rotting.

There's rotten fruit in it. Yeah, it's rotting. There's lots of flies. Um, uh, other stuff over here.

There's a Java lamp. It just seems like it's filled with coffee. Yeah. Kind of looks like liquid shit.

It's disgusting. We haven't sold a single one of these.

I can't imagine why.

What was the other thing that you said you wanted?

Oh, like a Newton's Cradle? You know, there's like the four balls that are on strings and they hit each other and bounce back and forth. Like he's on a desk, right?

We have that, but with the Newton cookies, it makes no sound and they immediately sort of just flop together.

Yeah. It's not really a perpetual motion machine when it's Fig Newton's. Oh, maybe here, here's something that I know you have to have. Maybe like a glow in the dark poster.

We have a coaster that doesn't show up in any light. Is that what you need?

I mean, I don't want it, but can I see it?

You know what? Let me bring out my manager.

He knows a lot more about our... Okay, that's fair.

Hey Kyle, this customer is looking for a fun gift for their friend. Anything to recommend?

Okay. Yeah, I can recommend something. Could you do me a favor? We have a teen up front who's trying to buy some Magnum Klondoms and we need to do a price check. So I was about to announce it over the store. What would you do for a Klondom?

Exactly. All right. Yeah, I'll take care.

Thank you so much.

Sir, you were looking for like a fun gift. Yeah, something fun. Like I noticed you have this rack of koi chains, which are just looks like you change with dead koi fish on them. Exactly. Something like that, but not It seems like a lot of stuff here is smelly. What's your price range? I'd say anywhere from like $30 to $400.

Oh, $400. Okay, big spender. Would you be interested in a phlamic? Now this is for your yard. Are you fire resistant? I can be. Okay, good. Then a phlamic would maybe be right up your alley.

Okay. And is that a flaming hammock?

It is. Yeah. Wow. You're smart. You picked up on that quick. Yeah. It's a hammock that would be on fire, which is why it's a little lower on the price range.

Okay. Okay. Um, yeah, that's, that's fun, but I guess it's not funny. So are you into music?

I am. We have CGs. Oh, we have CGs from all your favorite bands.

I'm back. I sold that teen some worst control too. Um, just to be safe, helps you plan financially.

Yeah. Who's, who's Joni Hendrix?

Oh, are you gonna love Joni Hendrix? Oh, have you ever heard the Star Strangle Blender?

So not enough change and too much change with these trying to say Star Spangled Banner.

By the way, by the way, that is my whole life because I don't think Mariah sometimes has to stop me. She has, she's be like, please just tell me what you're talking about because I don't know what scrambled eggs are. Like I, what am I getting? If I say, I'm like, do you want any scrambled eggs? And she's like, what could be anything.

And you're like, well, you said yes. And now I stopped on the eggs at the floor and that's how I cook them.

I don't know what 32 years on this earth has done to me that I have lost all interest in the way that words should be. And now I just, I'm like, you know what? I'm just spending the rest of my life just making up new words because I love it.

So you admitted 32 years on this earth, which means you're on a different planet before that.

Uh, we knew it.

We knew it.

I'm sorry. A different earth. Oh, I said it was like a different alternate timeline. Yeah. Yeah. I spent some time there too. So I'm 41. Did you say some 41?

I'm 41.

Star Scrambled Bandler. Okay. We have another Riddle. This one is billed as a Lightning Riddle. So I'm going to say it fast and you're going to have to come up with the answer fast. And this one, they don't give me permission to use their name, so I won't, but I will say that they are from Australia. So this is a Riddle from Down Under. And they say, loving the podcast. Here's a Lightning Riddle. I hope you like them. And then they also give another one. I hope you like them. I think Erin will like them. Maybe because they're from Australia. They think Erin's going to like it.

I'm excited.

Here we go. If you spell post, P-O-S-T, and you spell most, M-O-S-T, how do you spell what you put in the toaster? B-R-E-A-D. B-R-E-A-D. Correct.

Oh, oh, Brad, because it's not toast. You don't put toast in the toaster.

You do not put toast in the toaster. You do if you want to ruin your toast. Here's the real riddle. Why do they think that Erin would like that?

She's gluten free. So they may have been referring to the rest of the Riddles because they did submit multiple. Now they submitted multiple, and this is from 2018, so guess what? We've used some of them before. But if you, dear listeners, are interested in what Riddle they submitted that we haven't used before, maybe we have, who fucking knows, you will find the answer to that question right after this brief commercial

No! Please!

Wait, no, JPC. If we cut to commercial, we die. What?

Yes! It's too late!

Is that a new thing? Hold on, let me check my email from Headgun. Oh, shit. Oh, shit! Hey, I'm having a great day. I feel good for the first time in my life with my friends, Adal and Erin.

Hey Erin, this is the first ad where JPC didn't start with, hey, I have a bone to pick with you. What's going on?

Yeah, he must be in a really good mood. JPC, what's going on, buddy?

Oh, are you just commenting about how I don't have bones to pick anymore? Well, that's because bone picking was interfering with my happiness. And I had to ask myself, what is interfering with my happiness? What is preventing me from achieving my goals? And then I landed on it. It's all the bone picking. But better help will assess my needs and match me with my own licensed professional therapist. I can connect in a safe and private online environment and I can start communicating in under 48 hours. It's not a crisis line. It's not self-help. It is professional counseling done securely online. And it's for me, JPC.

Having a good day with my friends. I have to say, it's so great to see you in such a healthy mental state. I mean, Hey Riddle Riddle is probably over because a lot of people rely on how wild you are. But we're happy for you buddy.

And JPC I gotta say better help is the best therapy I've ever tried because it works really really well with the way my brain works. I love being able to send a message to my counselor anytime rather than waiting for like a sort of once a week panic where I have to feel like I have to perform for my therapist. It really worked for me and I hope it works for people who traditional therapy hasn't worked out for in the past.

And Erin, that's a great way to put it because for the first time in my life, my brain works. BetterHelp is committed to facilitating great therapeutic matches so they make it easy and free to change counselors if needed. And they offer services available for clients worldwide with licensed professional counselors who are specialized in anger, had a lot of that, family conflicts, tons of those, relationships, not a one, sleeping, trauma, anxiety, stress, depression, anything you share is confidential, convenient, professional, affordable, I love BetterHelp.

Wow, he even wrote on a notepad, don't go to ButterHelp.com. He really has changed.

He's happy.

No more bones.

No more bones. Except Little Monkey Bones, we'll still see him on the Patreon. I want you to start living a happier life today just like me, JPC. And as a listener, you will get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at BetterHelp.com slash Riddle.

Hey Little Monkey Bones, do you want to try BetterHelp?

Hold on, I'll get the voice.

Join over one million people who have taken charge of their mental health. Again, that's betterhelp, h-e-l-p dot com slash riddle.

Wow, it even helped little monkey bones.

Amazing! Yay!

I'm your better help.

Hey fellas, I'm a month and I'm about to go on an adventure. Does that remind you of anything?

Oh Erin, your outfit is amazing. Oh, your month. Oh, are you June's Journey?

At the very same.

I love you and I love that game.

June's Journey? You mean the hidden object murder mystery game? Where you awaken your inner sleuth and step right into a thrilling adventure set in the heart of the Roaring Twenties? Where you play as June Parker, aka Erin Keif. An amateur detective investigating the mysterious death of her sister, aka not something that happened to Erin Keif.

You never know, or what to do for do.

This free-to-download mobile game puts your powers of observation to the test, not to mention your memory and logic skills, leaving you refreshed and ready to tackle life's next thrill.

You should join 30 million fans across the globe and awaken your inter-detective with June's Journey. It's free to download on your phone or tablet. You can search for hidden objects and collect clues and solve mysteries and talk like this to your family for days and days after you play the game.

I want to talk like this. I have to say I'm obsessed with this game. Anytime I have a free 10 minutes, I open it up, I find one of the rooms which are full of so much detail, and I can't explain to you how satisfying I've went Southern, how satisfying it is to find these little hidden items just peppered around. Delightful.

And I'll say something that's true. One of my friends is at my house right now and I'm very scared that he's going to hear me talking like this. But I can't wait to tell him about June's Journey.

And I'm also doing the same accent. You can download June's Journey free today on the Apple App Store or Google Play.

June's Journey. Download and play it in a gazebo near you. We all did the same accent.

The 20s.

Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, boom, beam, beam, bum.

Who were you calling a bum, bum, beam, boom, bum?

Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm the Sandman. I'm here to put pieces of sand in your eye to make you fall asleep, I think is my thing.

Yeah, I think you only know that in your periphery, huh?

Yeah, I'm all good on that Sandman. I don't need pieces of sand in my eye to help me fall asleep. I actually just got a Helix mattress.

Oh, oh, why? I'm gonna be put out of business. Everyone's getting these Helix mattresses. Why?

Because they're the most comfortable mattress you could possibly sleep on. I'm obsessed with my Helix mattress and they have a sleep quiz that just takes two minutes to complete and matches your body type and sleep preferences to the perfect mattress for you.

So you over there, you also don't want sand in your eyes?

No. Nobody wants a guy. Nobody wants sand in their eyes at all. All I want is my Helix Midnight Luxe mattress. It is the best sleep that I've ever had in my entire life. I owe it all to Helix. And Sandman, if you're looking for a mattress, you look pretty tired, honestly. I've been fighting Spider-Man all day. Oh boy. You can take the quiz. You order the mattress that you match to. Your mattress comes right to your door, shipped for free, and you don't ever need to go to a mattress store ever again. Wow.

They were awarded the number one best overall mattress pick of 2020 by GQ and Wired magazine. And I wonder if they have a 10-year warranty. And you can try it out for 100 nights risk-free. They do.

They do. Oh, I'm gonna get online right now. Can I borrow one of your computers?

Maybe I can just do it for you because your hands are covered in sand and sand really messes with the computer, even though the chips are silicon. Look, they have a 10-year warranty. You can try it out for 100 nights risk-free. They'll even pick it up for you if you don't love it, but you will. Helix even has financing options and flexible payment plans, so a great night's sleep is never far away, Sandman.

I'm so happy to sleep. I'm so tired of these people, these dreams, the sand.

Okay, all you got to do is go to helixsleep.com slash Riddle, take the two-minute sleep quiz. They'll match you to the customized mattress and you'll get the best sleep of your life. Helix is offering up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners at helixsleep.com slash Riddle. R-I-D-D-L-E. Sorry, I'm late. Does anyone want some sand in their eyes? Sorry, the ad ended like five seconds ago.

Sorry, you missed it. Oh, the Sandman's too late. Yeah, you missed it.

Hey, Shabbadoo.

You missed it.

You missed it. You missed it.

Ah, it's so weird to have our consciences in these brand new bodies.

Yeah, I don't hate it.

But I guess this is the new norm. Anytime we cut to commercial, we have to put our conscience in a new vessel.

Yeah, and I guess when you say this is the new norm, can we all acknowledge that we're all like characters from Cheers? Because I feel like this is the new Cliff for me. And I'm the coach.

And I'm a little annoyed that I'm not Cliff.

Classic Diane.

Which is weird because I'm Sam.

This is the new norm. Norm! And if you ever watched Cheers, some of that will make sense to you.

My mom loved Coach, and when I started watching Cheers a few years ago, she went, be careful, you're going to be devastated when Coach dies. And she was right. She was like, don't get me wrong, I love Woody. I love him.

But he's no coach. One day Coach went upstairs and he never came back down.

It's really sad.

Can we just also admit that character was the dumbest S.O.B. alive?

Well, yeah, but that was the whole point.

Okay, so we're still in our Australian riddles. Nothing about these riddles I think is particularly Australian, but we're here. So here's the other riddle that they submitted. You have two lengths of rope and a flame. Each rope takes an hour to burn from end to end. But because the thickness of each rope isn't uniform, some parts may burn faster than others. How can you measure 15 minutes? Um, with your watch. Okay, Adal. Very funny, first of all. Very funny. Thank you, sir. Let's assume... Kaya Knight. Cookie from Daddy, please. Uh, daddy's out of cookies, but daddy has some milk. This is such a gross show.

I didn't, was it always this gross or am I just like waking up?

I'm waking up. This show was always gross. Welcome to the real show. So I'll give you, this is a clue. It was presented as a clue, but I think it's really just more information about the riddle. And the clue just says, are you stranded on a desert island without a watch, clock, or phone? Answer, yes. You don't have a watch, you don't have a clock, you don't have a phone, you don't have any other means to keep this time.

Is it like by the sun's position in the sky or a sundial or counting? Could you just count seconds like a normal person? Like a normal person.

You have to do with the measuring of the burning rope. There's two pieces of rope, you said though?

You do have two pieces of rope, yes, that is correct, Erin. And I'm sorry, it did say we have to use the rope in the matches?

I mean, I think you can infer that from the fact that that's the only tools that the riddle gives you.

Well hold on. Am I crazy? Have we not done riddles before? Have you heard some of the riddles we've done? Come on.

I would advise you, Councillor, to use the rope and the flame. Sustained. Two, two lengths of rope. Each rope takes an hour to burn from end to end. But they're not, it's not like uniform. So it's not like, you know, each section is only going to take 15 minutes because they have different lengths of rope. So you have to know how you can measure 15 minutes. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.

Burn one length of rope and then divide by four. Burn one length of rope and then divide by four.

Burn it, burn one, and when it gets to the halfway point, start burning the other one.

Ooh, that's pretty good. Burn one, and then when it gets to the halfway point, start burning the other one? Oh, you're right, it's bad.

Yeah, it's going to be something like that. It's going to be like when you set each one on fire.

OK, it's something like that. I mean, it could be something like that.

Maybe set them both on fire.

You set one on one end? Yeah, go ahead, Adal.

Set them both on fire at the same time, eyeball it, and just kind of make an informed decision of like, that one felt right.

A guttural instinct. I do love the eyeball about them. This is tough.

You light both ends of it on fire at the exact same time.

Okay, Erin, you said light both ends of it on fire at the exact same time. So that's one rope or both ropes?

One rope.

OK, OK, I love that. So that's that's that is the step one that we are looking for. But now we need that happens.

That happens. And then have it like the other one when it gets. I don't know.

No. OK, so you're absolutely correct with lighting one rope. OK, so from both ends to start. But there's another part to this.

What are you doing with that second rope?

Using it to measure.

I mean, I know, but I don't want to say. Say it.

Adal, I love that impulse. Keep that one to yourself. I am. That's a thought that goes right into your own brain.

100% M.

100% M. Great. Okay. So you're letting one rope by both ends, which means that you're going to get like 30 minutes until it's Burned up, right? Because it's from both ends. But you got to do something to that second rope.

Maybe as soon as one flame, as soon as one of the flames on the first rope you started burning hits the middle, then you light the other one?

Yeah.

No, you got to light the second. That is not correct. Okay. I will say. I had to try. I'm trying to think. Let me see if I can give you another hint. Let me see if there's another hint that I can give you. Well, you already got it. You already got, because one of the hints says, can you measure out 30 minutes using one rope? And you can, because you already got that. That's 30 minutes sliding both ends of the first rope.

Yeah.

So how do you get 15? Because you're trying to get 15. So you got 30 on one rope. And then you cut that burnt piece of rope in half.

You don't have a knife.

You don't have a knife.

You don't have a knife.

You fold it.

Well, teeth are little knives.

Teeth are little knives.

I'm confused.

Sounds like a murder mystery book.

Oh, you light the other one from the middle.

I'm done. No. Erin, you are correct in that you light the other one. As soon as you light the first one, you light the second one, but you don't light it from the middle.

I want to see this one from one end.

Okay, great. I want to see a scene. The two of you are... I love this one so much.

It's hard.

The two of you are friends who are on like a little sailboat. Your sailboat crashed on an island. It's like 10 days later and it's just you two on this island. You can't get off. You can't call for help. And you drank a lot of salt water and now you're both a little haggard, a little losing your mind and you're trying to tell the time.

I spy with my little eye something that is my friend whose face is melting.

Blee-doo! Blee-doo! Blee-doo! Oh, hold on, let me reboot the computer. Touch my belly, poke my belly.

I have an idea, I have an idea. You know how we're dying to know what time it is? What if we- I'm not dying. I'm not dying either. Are you dying?

No, my organs aren't shutting down. I still have pancreas.

Me neither. A huge clump of my hair didn't just come out in my hand just now. Like look at it in my hand, it never happened.

That's nothing. I didn't see that.

So I think we should just at the same time try to yell noon. And if we yell it at the same time, that means it's noon. And if we yell it at different times, it means it's not noon.

What about this? If we're both still single when we turn 40, you and I adopt a tortoise and we raise it. It's platonic. Nothing happens physically unless we want it to. We have rules.

You're my cherished friend. And plus, I don't want to, if we ever break up, for the tortoise to have to deal with that.

Because they live longer than us. They live longer than them. And tortoises heal trauma.

Yes. Noon.

Noon.

OK, it's not noon then. OK. So we ruled out noon.

So let me cross off noon from the sand.

All right, so it's not noon.

Oh.

Oh. Oh.

Oh, now what is this? Okay. I just poked the sand. Let me poke it again. Oh, okay. Good. The sand is talking.

That's good. The new friend.

So that means things are normal. Sand picks up guitar.

Ah, the star scrambled manners.

This is a good song. Oh, so it's not one PM. So it's not one.

Let me cross that off. Okay.

Two.

Two. It's not two. Hold on. Let's do a countdown. Okay. Three. Two.

Two. One. Three.

Three.

It's not three.

It's not three. It can't be three.

If we're both still single by the time we're 50. I think they're going to make it.

Thanks, Jen. Erin, we were so close before we hit that scene.

Okay, so you burn one rope from both ends at the same time and then you burn the- And that gets you 30 minutes.

And then you start burning the second rope at the same time that you start burning those. So then what do you do when 30 minutes has elapsed and that first rope has burnt away?

You fold it in half.

It's burnt, it's gone. It's burnt, it's crumbled, it's ash.

But you fold that next little bit in half.

You don't need to fold.

You turn. You have it turn. You have it. You have it. What do you do with it? Tell me what the answer is.

Would you like me to tell you the answer?

Yes.

I can tell you the answer. Okay. So you have the one rope, you light it at both ends, and the second rope you light it at one end. When the first rope is done, it's burned out, 30 minutes will have a lapse of the second rope, and then you just light it at the other end. So when both of those ends burn out, that's 15 minutes.

You still don't understand.

Oh, I see. I see. I see. I get it.

Because to meet in the middle, if you only have 30 minutes of rope left and you light both ends, they're going to meet at the middle of exactly 15 minutes.

But I thought it didn't burn evenly.

But it doesn't matter because when it hits the center point, if they're both burning at the same length, no matter if it's a little bit over or a little bit here, it doesn't matter. It's still going to be 15 minutes.

They're not going to meet right in the middle. OK.

They might not. They may. Hey.

They might.

They may meet right in the middle.

That was a good riddle, I guess.

Hey, can I just say I don't have to understand it for it to be right? That's true.

Yeah.

That's true. And they say, hope you enjoyed the puzzies. So let's do a quick check-in. Did you guys enjoy?

No, but I appreciate them.

Okay. And Erin?

I enjoyed it, but I am yawning.

Just a big yawn from Erin.

Yeah.

I asked that question, I gave plenty of time and I was nowhere near that big yawn.

Yep. I enjoyed it.

I gotta say, it's 2021. I enjoyed the hell out of those riddles. I loved those riddles. Not enough to answer them. So, more beneficial for me, but I fucking adored those riddles.

They were good. I still like riddles. Not bad.

I still like riddles. Legally, we have to say that. We still like riddles. All right. Lawyer, a dog wearing a very fine cape who is the best lawyer in the country. We won't say which country.

We will not say which country. Okay. Oh yeah. And when he was rookie of the year at Vice, he fell and broke one of his legs and now he runs real fast.

Oh yeah. I've got to mention that. These next riddles come from a person who, again, did not give me permission to use their name because this was from a time when we simply were not asking for that. We just weren't asking for it. They say I came up with this riddle years ago. Keep in mind, this is in 2018. They came up with this riddle years ago, and everyone hates it. Not us, we love it. So I figured it's perfect for a podcast where three people who hate riddles, nope, okay? In 2018, maybe true, but now we all love that. So I figured, you know, try to solve terrible riddles and get angry at the answer. You got the wrong podcast, right? It's a completely different show. It's a show that is nothing like the show that you're describing. They also said, I'd like it if you could all do this riddle together, so don't check the answer ahead of time if you can help it. And then I gotta say, not a chance. We do have to screen these because sometimes we get emails from people and they have some colorful language in their riddles that we prefer not to say on the show. So we do read these ahead of time. We do read these ahead of time.

I forgot the first few episodes. We used to do it where we all didn't know the answer.

Yeah.

Yeah. That's insane.

It worked when we were like kind of picking up the riddles. Sometimes I would say there are some results that may vary. Here we go. Here's the riddle. You are in an empty room with four solid walls, a solid ceiling, and a solid floor. Solid. Solid as a rock. There are no windows or doors. Okay.

How can you leave this room? Okay, I have a question. Yes. And I don't want to pooch the answer, but I have to ask, is this one where it's like you look in a mirror and you see what you saw, you take the saw, you da da da da, and that's how we get babies.

There is a riddle that does explain perfectly how we get babies. Adal and I still have not heard it, so if you ask us how, we will not have any idea. We're in the fucking dark. We're in the absolute dark, which by the way, hardest place to get a baby is the dark. What you want is the stork. Stork. Stork. Stork. Okay, tone is better? No, okay. But Adal, it is not that riddle. It is not that riddle. We have done that riddle on the show. None of us remember exactly how it goes, but it is not that riddle. Great question.

Is the word solid matter in this?

Huh. I mean... I don't necessarily know that it's like super operative to help you, but it is important to know that these are not like walls that you can just like walk through or something like that.

Are they ice walls and you have to melt them?

Ooh. Erin, that is really that so that would make solid very operative. That is a great guess, but they're not ice walls.

Do hot breath on the ice walls.

Now hot breath on the ice walls. That sounds like a Panic at the Disco song.

Hot breath on the ice.

I wear ice skates as an artistic choice.

It's kind of exhausting. Is that how you broke both your ankles?

Is that how I broke both my ankles?

I love how you don't answer.

Is that how I broke both my ankles?

And you drag your feet away?

No, it is not breaking ankles on ice walls, Erin. That is a relief. Did you guys want some hints? We have hints. I'd like to see a quick scene. Oh, I would love to honor that request, my friend.

I'd like to see Erin playing a character who's doing a one-woman show. Thank God. It can be called anything. It doesn't have to be called hot breath and assholes. Taking a break. And JPC. I want you to be the one audience member who showed up.

Hey, Jill.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Um, I'm far too sick to go on stage. I'm throwing up. I'm passing out. You have, you're my understudy. You have to go on.

They sold a ticket. This is the first time we've sold a ticket.

I'm dead though. I'm laying down. Good night. You have to go on for me.

Okay Jill, you've been planning for this your whole life. This moment is everything to you. You moved to LA because you were the hottest person in Toledo.

She's killing it out there. It's the beginning of the show. She's doing such a good job.

And now is your chance to shine. To shine. The shining. The shining. Here's Johnny. John Kneeskin. My knee. Knee. Knee. Nay. Nay. I'm a horse. Hay is for horses. Hay. I'm a horse. I'm walking here. Dustin Hoffman. Dustin Hoofman. Hoof. Hoof, hoof, hoof. Paint. Hoof paint. I'm from Indianapolis. I hoof paint. Sir, where are you from? Sir, where are you from? Uh, me? I'm just the stagehand. Let me know when you want the curtain up. No, never. The show takes place behind the curtain. Iron curtain. Iron wall. Mr. Gorbachev, tear down that wall. Okay, up. Wall-E. Raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise the roof.

They're killing it. They're getting all their lines right. This is amazing.

Hey, I thought you were dead. Hey, swap, swap, swap. It's not too late. Swap.

Walls, knee, knee, I'm a horse to a mast.

I already did that. I already did all that. I already did all that.

Here. Here. Cheer. Cheer. Cheer for me. Cheers. New Year's. Cheers. Why do we celebrate a new year? Joe, I can't do this.

Okay, tag me in. Tag me in. Tag me in. New Year's. Cheers and beers. Tears for fears. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Huh?

My name is Edward Nierheimer. I'm the theater reviewer for a little publication called the New York Times. And I just have to say, after watching what I just watched for three minutes, I think I'm in the wrong movie.

I paid for a ticket to see The Green Knight.

So if you could... I think that Usher didn't really know where he was taking it.

I went to a whole different building. We did it everybody! That was a great opening night. The guy who played the stagehand, the guy who played.

I want to thank R&B musician Usher for being here to lead this man to his seat. Usher, do you have any albums to promote?

Yeah!

So you do? No. You do?

No. Okay, you guys are no closer to solving this riddle. Aww.

Yeah, it was true. You used our fun against us. I did. Come on, man. Don't use our fun against us. Okay, so four solid walls, a solid ceiling, and a solid floor. How do you get out of the room? No windows or doors. How can you leave this room? Okay, so you go into a trance and you mentally escape. Oh, okay. Or is it like him's a ghost?

Um, you are not a ghost. Okay. And the escape is physical. Okay. It is not a mental escape. I'm going to just tell you if you two.

Yes. Yeah, but I want... Oh, what were the two hints?

You do not... You're not a ghost and it's a physical escape. Okay. You do not need anything difficult, strenuous, or especially time consuming to get out of this room. That is your first hint.

Okay.

Your second hint, you are not a prisoner in this room. You are not trapped in this room. You are free to come and go as you wish.

It's an elevator.

Erin, is it an elevator? No, because there are no doors. What would an elevator with no doors be? Is it a bouncy house?

Is it a well?

It is not a well because there is a ceiling. It is not a bouncy house at all. Although I guess... Is it a gingerbread house? I don't think it could be... I'd like to see a scene. It could be so many different types of houses that I don't think guessing the specific type of house is really going to help you.

I'd like to see a scene. You are a couple. This is your first time living together and you live in a gingerbread house.

We have leaks again. Robert. Time to get up on the roof, buddy.

Well, you know, first of all, I'd have to go into the kitchen, bake a new batch, and we're out of brown sugar. So first of all, I got to go, I got to make a run to Jewel Osco.

Well I would go to Joolosco, but my entire wardrobe, the entire closet, is covered in icing, so all my clothes are ruined. Look, I'm sorry, but the contractor had five stars on Andy's list, so he said he was great with icing.

Did you say Andy's list? I said Kanji's list.

Do you find that at sponsors? Listen, I am so tired of the animals bursting through our walls. I can't go outside anymore because there's a whole zoo nibbling at our house. We got a great deal, okay?

Traditional houses cost traditional money and we have jobs that don't generate a lot of traditional income, okay?

Okay, fine. But here's the one thing I do. If I'm going to stay in this house, and I want to make this work. I want to make it work. I love you. Robert, the one thing I need you to do is I need you to go upstairs. I need you to wake up our child and tell our daughter that you baked her.

Okay.

Tell her she's a baked child.

First of all, I would love to go upstairs, but you know the only thing that can support the weight of those stairs are the baked child's feet.

Mom, Dad.

She's awake.

There are ants in my bed again. Oh, hey Gumdrop.

Okay Gumdrop, you know what? Well, we'll get another can of Ginger Raid and you can just spray it and it'll kill the ants. There's gonna be ants, it's the summertime honey, it's okay.

Can I ask you guys a personal question?

Of anything, anything sweetie.

Do you ever have any impulse to eat yourself? Maybe it's the age I'm at, but I just want to lean down and take a big old bite out of my arm.

There was an age where I had enough kind of flexibility. I think I was still growing in a way that I did try to eat myself. I got pretty close. Come on. I did. I got close. Okay. I got close because I was more flexible back then.

Okay, fine. Yes, sweetie. We've all had that. I'm not claiming that I did it.

Yeah.

That would be insane because obviously you've seen what I'm working with. There's no way that I could do it.

And I didn't take it to a gross place. I just said I was going to eat my arm.

Well, we did. Oh, oh, your arm. Oh, your arm. Oh, yeah. No, honey, you don't want to eat your arm.

Oh, sweetie.

It's OK. She doesn't have teeth.

Why don't I have teeth? Oh! Because we don't want you to hurt yourself. And also, sweetie, are you wiping? Because there's a trail of crumbs all behind you.

I hate it here!

Well, don't go outside. Don't go outside.

Don't go outside. I'm running! Run, run, run, run, run.

Oh, she's running as fast as she can. Yeah, that horse is faster. See? Of all the animals in the forest, I didn't expect a whole forest.

Yep.

Horses love candy. Oh, an old forest horse. Hey, old forest horse. That's going to be my new insult. You fucking forest horse. Forest horse and forest horse agor. Life is like a forest horse. Now you may not believe it to hear it, but I could run like the wind blows. So the answer is not a forest horse. Surprise, surprise. Okay. So it's not a type of house you're saying. It could be so many different types of houses that it's not going to really help you with how to how to exit this book. And it's not something where it's like it's made of glass, which is solid, but then you could bust through it or something.

I will say the specific word wording of this riddle gives you all the information that you need. You're not looking for like a hidden thing. And I'll read it to you one more time. Yes, please. It's the specific wording that will help you. Okay. Okay. You are in an empty room with four solid walls, a solid floor, and a solid ceiling. There are no windows or doors. How can you leave this room? Staircase to the attic? Interesting. No, no staircase. There's no staircase. I would say that there's no furniture or anything. This room is just completely empty. It's empty.

Is it a room we know of? Is it a specific kind of room? Hey Riddle Riddle.

Yeah, it doesn't rely on a specific room. There's a third hint. Do you want the third hint? Are the walls and ceiling and floor all connected? Yes. Walls and ceiling and floor all connected like, you know, however many quarters that is, eight quarters. Erin, I'm out of ideas. Let's hear that hint. Let's hear that hint. You crawl through it. No. Well, I mean, you could. Yes, you could crawl. I mean, that you wouldn't necessarily have to, but you could. The third hint, I think, gives it away. So I will read it. The room may have had a door at some point or may have been intended to have a door, though not necessarily. Regardless, the room does not have a door at this point. As a doorway. Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing.

Oh, that's so dumb.

There's no door.

But I love riddles.

There's a door. Erin, we will let you take it again if you want to take that again.

I love riddles.

Say your mantra that we learned

Adal and JPC are very nice. They are very good people.

I just want to say, I would never have Erin say that. I told Erin, I gave Erin the day we met, I gave her a gun with one bullet in it, and I said, shouldn't there be two? And I said, no, no, no, this is for me. That's for me.

You'll know when, it's time.

You'll know when, and it's the second anything happens. This is when you ditched me forever and you're like, I don't know that guy. I blew that dude away. Away. Away.

Blew that dude away. Yes. Disgusting. No, my mantra is this is great. Riddles are great. I do love being on the show, but that riddle was stinky. I have to be honest, that riddle is stinky.

Somebody should have done a courtesy solve before we got into that riddle.

We love that riddle. So I want to honor this riddle with a scene. So we're going to do a scene from the major motion picture Titanic, whatever would have made me think of this. But we're going to do a scene, listen to Patreon, patreon.com. We're going to do a scene from the major motion picture Titanic. Where Erin, the Titanic, is sinking and has sunk. You two are both lost in the water. What are the characters? It's like Jack and... Jack and Diane. Little sorry about Jack and Diane.

It's Sam and Diane. You're Sam and Diane.

One of you is a professional baseball player. The other one was, like, gonna be married. I can't remember. Cheers. Yeah. She's like a psychiatrist or something. Yeah. Oh, yeah. She was like a psych student.

Yeah.

She was like dating her professor in a really weird way. Which was Frasier, right? Does age well. Did she date Frasier? Yeah. No? Yes. Was it Frasier or was it? No, it was a different guy. Frasier came later.

She dates Frasier later. She does.

That's not the original guy.

Was Nightcore to spin off of two? Yes.

So, you're Sam and Diane, the Titanic has sunk, you're in the water, and you have just found an empty door frame, and you're trying to use that.

Oh, well this isn't very helpful. See?

No, no, no, no complaints. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Going into the shelf, getting a big jar of my own medicine, one big spoonful of meat.

Oh, how does it taste?

Not very good.

Don't like it.

Too sticky.

You know what? Here's your gun and your bullet back.

Thank you. I will need both of these. Thank God you said seen, because I was going to say this is just like the seventh inning against the Yankees.

I can't get out. Oh, nice.

Because never say I must have been at Boston Red Sox pitcher.

So handsome and tall.

I think Ted Danson is a handsome man and I will go to my grave saying that.

Controversial.

And people will say, the guy died 50 years ago. What are you talking about? Why are you still talking about this? Guys, I gotta ask you. Yes. We've had fun. We had fun with these riddles. We all love these riddles. But now it is time for a little something that we call plugs. But before we get into plugs, I have something that I want to plug. And it's very rare that we get to plug a project that the entire show actually took part on. And that is something that is coming out today. If you are a fan of the show Rude Tales of Magic, or if you've never heard Rude Tales of Magic, You can check it out. The three of us are in a Riddle-centric episode of Rood Tales of Magic. It is out today. So if you're listening on the day that this comes out, go check out that Rood Tales of Magic episode. I got to say, they were an absolute fucking blast to record with. They were so fun. They had such good energy. It was just a joy.

What a great night that was.

That show is so, so funny. So even if you don't want to listen to our episode, listen to a episode, it is so great.

If you are the person who is listening to this show and says, I do not like these three people, but I do love the kind of the general idea of what this could be, you're going to love that episode.

Not that episode, that show. I have so little self-confidence that I had to give people a reason not to listen. It's so good. They're so good, but yeah. Um, should I start my plugs? Adal, please start away. Oh boy. I want to plug the idea of calling someone a forest horse. Okay. I also want to plug maybe this year for Halloween we see Goth Santa and there's some new fun traditions there. Can't wait. Oh also I'm watching two shows I think everyone should watch that are so so funny and have been an absolute delight over the past few weeks. The comeback on HBO. I'd never heard it before.

I love it. Classic.

Alice Stanley, a friend of ours said to watch it, and it is absolutely brilliant. So, so good. And then I would also recommend if you haven't watched it already, please watch the other two. Season two is out now on HBO, but I think you can find season one there as well.

I just gotta say, the other two makes me laugh out loud at least once an episode. The writing on that show is actually really, really, really fucking funny. It's a really good show.

So good. And friend of the show, Drew Tarver, is one of the leads so far. Yeah. Erin, do you have anything to plug?

The other two is so good, so check that out. But nothing to plug. Just looking for new podcast recommendations for myself. So if you have a podcast that you really love, message me, Erin Keif 10, on Instagram and I would be really, really grateful for that.

You can follow me at twitch.tv slash sharkbarkman. At the time of this episode coming out, I'm back streaming, baby. It's all streams all the time. So come on over to the Twitch channel, say hi. And if you're the one person who canceled their Patreon because I goes mean to you apparently in the stream, you're still not welcome. So I don't know what I said to you. I do know that you canceled your Patreon over it, but you're still not welcome in that Twitch stream.

Whoa, something happened.

That just applies to you. Everybody else is cool, you can't come. Oh no.

Um, JPC, there's a story there, but more importantly to me, what album recently did you listen to on Bill Buds, your podcast that you really enjoyed?

I will say that we did an episode about Taylor Swift's folklore and you know I fucking loved that album in 2020. Guess what? Returning to it? Still fucking great. Still fucking great. So good.

Sweet. I'm glad I asked.

I'm glad that you asked as well. Erin, I don't know if you know this. Recently, if you follow Taylor Swift on TikTok, she has a bunch of fun cats and she got a new cat that's a little bit different than the rest. And it has four solid legs, a solid head, and a solid tail, but no windows or doors. Do you know its name?

It's a dog named Jupiter. Bye forever! Waka Waka, kids!

Hey there Omelets and Spoons. If you like that, you are going to love this week's Clue Crew. We do a long-form improv episode that all takes place in a diner. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog by joining the Patreon at patreon.com slash Hey Riddle Riddle with the Clue Crew at $5 a month or the Review Crew at $8 a month. See you there.

That was a hate gun podcast.