Which Riddle Riddle?

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Wow, and I just checked out the videos and diagrams and gifs on their website, and the Fairy Bodmother is nowhere on there, so that should be fun for you. Ho ho ho! Erin, Adal, gather round! Ho ho ho ho! September Santa? That's right! You guessed it! You guessed the bit! It's me! September Santa Claus!

September Santa! What did we do to deserve this?

You're dressed all in yellow. You're wearing yellow shorts, a yellow tank top, a backwards yellow Christmas hat. Which it's hard to tell when that's backward, but I assume it's backwards.

Seasonally, a little late for shorts, but we haven't hit Labor Day yet. Ho, ho, ho.

Your reindeer are pencils for the first day of school.

Uh-huh. You're... What else? You have a potato sack behind you.

Oh, yes.

It's full of something, but it doesn't look like presents.

Well, it's not presents. September Santa-ho-ho-ho brought some of your favorite September time snacks. For Adal, here's this. Go ahead and describe it.

Oh, this is just a schedule for baseball, since baseball's still going on.

Okay, so you were thinking of other things and not snacks. That's... Ho, ho, ho. One strike on the naughty list for September Santa. Erin, here's your September... I can see you googling something right now.

No, no, you can see me doing nothing. You're definitely typing. I'm not doing anything.

Erin, just do what I can do.

Apples.

Erin, do a call. Erin, googled for so long, I gave up with apples. Okay, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well,

Okay, September Santa, can you head out? Because I already have the September Scaries. I didn't want summer to end and you're really bumming me out. So can you take your skateboard?

Okay, let me stay for like a... It's a skateboard. It's actually one of those like hoverboard things that you see the people on, you know, the one orb in the middle and they like, yeah.

September Santa.

On the bottom of the skateboard it says Slay, S-L-A-Y. That's the brand. That's a skate brand, man.

Alright, well Summer Santa, I guess I'll fuck off. I guess what, you want to get ready for Halloween? Jesus. Oh wait, you were Summer Santa? Sorry, September Santa. It's always the same with you people. He's drunk. Summer Santa season goes all through August. September Santa gets maybe like two minutes before, you know, he has to get out of here because you want to put up Halloween decorations.

Erin, I'm on to, do you see what's going on? This is Sangria Santa.

Oh, brother.

Look, you don't know what I am.

You don't tell me who I am. You don't want to be sugar drunk, man. Anything but that. Don't add sugar.

I'm out of here. Come, Crampler. Come, Scramblin. Come, Greg. Greg, you're still with me, right? You still love me, buddy. Come here, Crank. Look at me, Crank. Look at my eyes. Yeah, that's a bod.

That's a bod.

Alright, September Santa's gotta get out of here kids. I'll be back next year as I am every year for the podcast. We're full grown adults.

Bye September Santa, you're the worst.

Okay, until then.

Bye, September Santa.

September Santa, away.

Oh wait, and who's this coming through the front door? It's Santa Ria Santa.

I don't practice.

Bing, Bing, Bing. Sorry, I killed him. Where's JPC?

I was here the whole time. I chose not to I chose not to interact and engage with September Santa. It felt like the wrong move to keep feeding into it.

Where were you back there when I needed to figure out what fruit or vegetable was seasonal to September?

Erin, I was taking a video. I was taking a video. I watched the whole thing. I got it all on camera. Dang it. You can always count on me. Never to help, but always to capture.

You missed the fevered look in Erin's eye when she thought she was going to come up with some hyper-specific snack only to September. And all she came up with.

The first thing on the list was apples. But other than that, there's zucchini and let's see, cauliflower, cauliflower, cabbage.

Is there any holidays in September?

Labor Day. But Labor Day is just the one that like ends summer fun, right? Labor Day just is like, it's not even really, it sucks because it's supposed to be for the laborers, but really all it is is like, summer's over suckers.

It seems like all September foods are foods that are just about going out of season.

Anyway, you tweet us your favorite September foods, hashtag September Santa. I'm JPC. I'm Adal Rifai.

I'm Sangria Erin and Greg, are you still with me?

And welcome to Hey Riddle Riddle. This is a podcast about riddles or three improvisers based all over the world really you could say and we do riddles and we do improv little make em ups based on those riddles and it's a fun time and it's you know it's 2021 and we love riddles again. We love them again.

Oh yeah. Turns out- Did we talk about that in our last episode?

I forgot to mention it, but I did love them the whole time we did them.

Oh, good. Okay, me too.

We also barely did any last episode, so we don't need to worry about that.

I think we did like ten. I guess they were back of the episode heavy. I get it. I get it. I get it.

Yeah. Somebody's September is somebody else's apples, Erin.

So 10 riddles to one is 10 riddles to another. We are getting into my favorite season, which is fall. That is when Adal comes alive. He comes out of his little shell. He pokes his head out of his flannel shirt and looks around and says, no, I'm not blazing hot everywhere.

That's true. As soon as that weather cools off, some flannels, the sweatshirts come back out again. I'll be honest, I haven't rocked a sweatshirt all summer. It's just been too hot. I do like a fall season. I'm into it. Can we make for you?

Yeah, mid-October in Chicago is chef's kiss. Pretty perfect.

Oh, the best. JBC, is there a way for us to get you some sort of tank top that's also a sweater? Can we invent a new type of sweater that's called a sweat top or something? I can ruin a sweater.

I have a sweater that I can ruin.

I recently just bought a sweater vest to just wear as a shirt.

Did you say a sweated vest?

A sweater, a vest that has been sweated. A sweated vest.

Wait, you bought a sweater vest to wear as a shirt.

Yes.

Is it uncomfortable, the material?

No, it's like kind of nice and soft.

Interesting. Is SVU a sweater vest university?

And just go down that water slide. I'm sure there's something good at the bottom. Oh, there's sharks down here. I'm sorry.

That's great.

And then I bought another vest. I bought a couple of vests. Am I okay?

No, I don't know.

Is this since you moved to LA?

Yeah, something happened to me. I don't know. I think that you should wear like construction vest JPCA shirts.

Have I talked about my mesh thing?

Yes, you have.

Okay, good. Well, I mean, sometimes you buy an article of clothing and then you look at all your other articles of clothing and you do think, am I okay? Is what I'm doing okay? Because it looks like maybe I'm not okay.

On paper, I'm not okay. There's definitely a day where I walked into my closet and I looked around and I said, huh, I have a certain style and people have noticed.

Well, I have a question for you, JPC.

Oh, please.

One of my favorite things about your Hey Riddle Riddle episodes were your old man puzzles. I guess they're not your episodes, but they come out of your episodes.

No, but guess.

Hey Riddle, look what I'm wearing. You're wearing an old man puzzles tank.

It's our own merch and it's so soft. I got the Heather'd kind. Oh my God, they're so soft.

Well, it's a great, great tank. Fits like a glove. Well, fits like a tank. Doesn't really feel like a glove.

I think that just to be specific, I think that Heather, if you buy a Heather top from our store, it is at TakePublic.com. It is hand-woven by Winona Ryder. Yes. Oh yeah, from the movie Heathers.

You did it. We got it. We're there. JPC.

Yeah.

When your old man puzzles. And you go to the past to get your riddles from listener sometimes. What do you notice is their attitude? Can you tell it's the past? Would you be able to tell if it even wasn't labeled with the date and time?

Erin, I am so glad that you asked this question. So, as a peek behind the curtain, we have, you know, riddle submissions all the way from 2018. I try to honor every riddle submission that we haven't actually done, you know, the riddle. If it's in a duplicate, I apologize, but it's gone to the annals of history. But I tried to... I tried to... Erin's choking on an apple. She tried to eat the whole thing in one bite, which is... They're not in season yet!

They're not in season yet!

But I do notice some things that really clue you in to the fact that some of these riddle submissions are quite old. For instance, some people say that they really like Siblings Pecular, which is another podcast Adal did, but you haven't done in quite some time, correct? I don't think we've put out a new episode in two and a half, three years. Exactly. So the people who are saying that they like that podcast, too late, too bad for them, but you will notice we don't really get that compliment much anymore, I don't see. Some other things that we get from those Riddle submissions from the past are people who say, hey, I just caught up with the show, I just like this weekend, I just listened to all the back episodes, which when we had like, you know, 10 episodes, 20 episodes. That was a doable thing. But now that we have 100, you rarely get someone being like, hey man, this weekend I just watched, I just listened to 100 episodes. I'm completely batshit out of my mind crazy. I've tried to eat a hammer and when I couldn't eat it, I fought it. It would be untenable.

Sincerely Oars. Greg. Are you still with us or did you try to eat and then try to fight a hammer? Well, I was interested, so I'm glad to know.

But yeah, mostly it's all good things. It's just people who are either submitting riddles that we've already done or submitting riddles that we would get to in the next couple hundred episodes.

Perfect.

Adal, any questions? No. Great.

You could ask JVC anything. Adal, that was your opportunity. You could have asked anything.

Okay. Okay. I have a question for you. Okay, make it good. This is your one. You get one per episode. So you recently told us that you did a 23andMe, and you said you were shocked to hear, and I just want to hear you admit it. You were shocked to hear that you are 47% what now? Great Dane.

Now, to be clear, I'm not a Danish person, but I will fuck up a coffee cake. So, the next thing that we're doing on the show today... You told me you're 47% Grape Dane Cook.

Oh, you're in season!

Dane Cook is always in season. Comedy season, baby. Comedy season done right. This riddle comes to us, and they don't give me permission to use their name, so I'll just use their initials. TD! Touchdown! Touchdown writes, first off, I love your podcast. Touchdown, that is a great way to start an email to me. That's going to get you immediate recognition three years later. TD says you three have amazing chemistry, which is cool. And they say that this is a riddle that they came up with a few years ago, though they can't be the only one to ever think of this. Here it is. Mr. Case. Mr. Time and Mr. Side all have the same first name. What is it?

Was the last one Mr. Side S-I-D-E? S-I-D-E. Like someone who sighed.

You know, I don't know how to spell.

Mr. Kane? Mr. Case? Case.

I'm gonna write it down.

Mr. Side and Mr. Time. And they all have the same first name. And there's a hint. Would you like the hint? No, not yet.

I think I solved it.

Wow, you solved it without the hint? Without even the hint? Erin, take your time because I'm gonna sing it. I'm Mr. Bright Case.

No, it's Mr. Briefcase, Mr. Briefside, and Mr. Brieftime. Brief time sounds like business time. Brief, signed. Okay. Side, time, brief. No, not brief. Case, case, case, side, time.

What are you doing to me?

Briefcase. Briefcase, briefcase, brief, time. I'm fucked up. Guys, do you want the hint? You really might want the hint. Okay, give me the hint. I got it. I think I got it. Hint. Give me the hint. It isn't Kevin. It's the hint. I love that hint. Thank you so much, TD.

Susie side. Susie side. Is this something that might involve royalty?

Is it something that might work? I don't think so.

I'm not going in the right direction. Court case, court side, court time.

Father.

That would work. Erin, what did you say?

Nothing. I said nothing. No one looked at me.

Father case.

Nothing. I said nothing.

I want to see a scene.

This is a scene from the sitcom Father Case. It's a sitcom about a girl whose dad is a briefcase, a single dad raising her who's a briefcase.

Couldn't have expected that. Okay, go ahead.

Erin, you're the daughter. JVC, you're the daddy briefcase. And this is the episode everybody talks about where... Wait, I have an idea.

I wanted to do the plot of it, and then we can see the plot of your episode. Maybe we can do a couple different episodes. We can see a whole season of this. All right, ready? Dad, you scared me half to death back there. Why didn't you come down the conveyor belt into baggage claim? Where were you?

Honestly, I was ashamed.

Why?

Because you were there with all your friends, you know, on this trip. I know I'm supposed to be chaperoning and I just didn't want them to think you had a lame dad. It was a briefcase.

I do have a lame dad.

Hey, come on. I'm cool. Look at some of the papers I've got inside of me.

So Dad, you're making a mess all over the airport. Please, this is much more embarrassing. You're lame because you didn't want to fly with us. You said I belong with the other bags. And I said, we'll buy you a seat. And you said you belonged with the other bags.

It's only $40 this way. If I get a seat on the plane, I mean, your dad's the one who's paying for it.

Whatever. Everyone's ahead at the hotel. I hope I don't leave you in a taxicab on the way there.

Well, I hope that you don't leave me in a taxi cab on the way there either because I'm your father, young miss, and I'm chaperoning this trip.

Door slam. Ow! Oh, my leather!

Seen. Surely in the opening credits, there's a moment where somebody picks up the briefcase and goes, hey, wait, you forgot your father?

Yeah, I would like to see a scene, and it's just more sound bites from that show, please, in different moments. Anyone can do it.

Okay. Hey, Stephanie, what's the combination to your dad?

Unbelievable.

Sleepover. Look, sorry boss. I'd love to follow the report, but I left my me and my other me.

That would have been fun, but unfortunately you did the funniest thing.

There's nothing else that we can do there. Brief. Time. No. Side. Case. His first name is Case. Now if his last name is Brief, then a first name Case. Nope, that would not work.

It's not briefcase, it's not court case. What kind of cases are there? Display, display time, display case, display side.

You know, when I first looked at this riddle, I thought Oh my god, you guys are going to get this. You guys are going to get this so easily. But what I wasn't thinking of is that the word that you're looking for is a name. It's a first name. And this is actually a little tricky, I would say. I think I have it. Oh, do you really? Is it on the? It's not on the. Now I did say it was a name. So how many people whose names are on the?

Ah, this is hard, dude.

So this is an actual, this is a name that somebody would be named. Yes, absolutely. And nobody would bat an eye at this first name. It's not like Adal or somebody would be like, did you mean to say Adel? And I'm like, no, I know my name.

They would not, they would not bat an eye at this name in most cases. Now Adal, you did just say the word actual. And I, for whatever reason, I had this stuck in my brain that was one of those like, it was like almost like an involuntary tick that I would have to say in high school. When someone would say actually, I would always say, I'm a free name actually. And no one liked it. No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm talking about back then. Of course now I've got my delivery.

Okay. I'm having a hard time. The hint is not Kevin just because it's another name.

I would say it's most commonly a male name. I don't necessarily know that this is like a name that's like super popular much anymore, but I knew a couple when I was growing up. I think one of my one of my friends older brothers had this first name.

Is there a hint? It's a two syllable name.

It's a two syllable name. Pongo.

It's not pongo and it's not booboo booboo bop. But when I was a kid I did have one of my friends says older brother's name was pongo.

I feel like I'm missing something obvious here. Does it begin with like a K sound?

No, it does not. So the second syllable, the second syllable of this name is a preposition. So like case, side, time. I believe Adal had- Casey, Casey. No, no, Adal had said like, would you say something on or something? Uh, Anya, on the- Yeah, so it's not the preposition on, but the second syllable is a preposition. So you were getting close in that regard. Off, off from. No, it's not off. Okay.

What is wrong with me? What?

Okay, you know what? Here's what I can do. I can give you... All right, keep trying to suss it out. I'm going to come up with a new series of clues that I can help you with.

Okay, so Erin, two syllable names. Now you've surely known some people in your life with names.

I've met six people.

Okay, that narrows it down. Where are the six names of the people you've met?

Mom, Dad, Adal, GPC, Casey, and September Santa.

Casey. Casey time. Casey side.

GPC, I definitely don't want you to give this to me because I feel like I'm close.

I have some clues that I can help you guys with. So let's see if this is going to be a clue.

I forgot Casey Case is just Casey toning's rap. Well my name is Casey Case and I'm here to say, I'm on your daddy.

Oh I know it, I know it, I know it, I know it, I know it. I'm sorry, go ahead.

Erin, Erin, no please.

No no, finish what you were doing Adal.

That's the shittiest thing I've ever seen someone do.

To say that to a person who's just like drowning in water, to be like, oh, do you want to finish what you're doing now? It's like, no, throw me the fucking life thing.

Hi, I'm Casey and I'm here to say, I'm here to edit another day.

We can all do raps like Casey. It's like I was doing five minutes of stand up and at the four minute and 50 second mark, like Chris Catan burst on stage and You were covered in whipped cream and went bananas and then looked and was like, oh, sorry, finish whatever you were doing.

Okay, that does sound funny though. Do you think he'd get a big laugh if he didn't?

It does sound funny though. Yeah, he could probably pull a big laugh with that.

Sorry, I was writing a billion things down and I finally landed on it and I got very excited. What is it?

Erin, I'm so excited that you got it.

I'm excited for you.

I really appreciate that. Is it Justin?

Erin, it is Justin.

Ooh, nice one.

Now the clue is that we have Justin Case, Justin Seid, Justin Time. Now the clues that I was pulling up was I Googled famous Justins and I was going to give you a series of clues without trying to reveal which Justin I was talking about. So the first clue that I had, you know, ready to go was, hey, is anyone going to finish these leftovers?

Justin Thoreau. Thank you. Honestly, hands down the most attractive and talented Justin.

Oh, what about?

And I stand by that. I stand by that.

But Adal, you love Justin Bieber.

We got, we got, we got Biebs. I'm a Belieber. We got Justin Long. Adal, I know you like Justin Long. I'm such a Mac guy. It's insane. Also, I'm a Trudeau for sure.

Oh yeah. Thank you so much TD for that Riddle. TD says, I hope you find this clever and or interesting. Keep up the amazing show. Hey, we did and we won't. But we will do a couple hundred more episodes of a mediocre show, so I hope you're on board with that. Okay. This next riddle comes to us from Anne. Just Anne. Just Anne.

Wait. Just Anne. Is this Just Anne? Just in case. Okay. Just in case. Thank you. Thank you.

Anne writes, hi. I accidentally had no news.

Hi.

Erin says hi, Anne. Hold on, Erin. Let's wait. Okay. Cold shoulder for man. Didn't care. I accidentally had an idea, so an attempt at an original riddle for you. Um, and this is, uh... Okay, here's the riddle. A terrified family is huddled and hiding after hearing the sound of a break-in downstairs. When the police arrive, they catch the burglar's red-handed. Ransacking the house, they call for backup, but no arrest is made. Why?

Because it wasn't just a break-in, it was a break-in to Electric Booga Blue. So some of the breaks in the house. Very close guess Adal.

It's really unfair that Adal knows all the answers to these. And I just have to sit here looking a fool. He knows all the answers right away.

He even reference all the movies. To quote Gilly, is that her name? Sorry.

Yes. Old SNL references today, Adal. Wow. What part of your head did you hit exactly in the way into your recording studio?

I think I was scrolling through Twitter and I saw Luke Knoll had a picture with him sitting on a couch with Chris Catan and I think that's stuck in my head.

Yeah, his story not mine, but he was opening for Chris Kattan doing a stand-up show and Chris Kattan was like, hey, can you also pick me up? And so he was like, I have to get in a car ride with like Chris Kattan. It's like an hour we have to drive. He was like, I hope he's a cool guy. Like, I don't know him. Like, I hope he's a cool guy. And I was like, the biggest boss move would be Chris. You show up at Chris Kattan's house. He gets into the back of the car, like puts in headphones.

I don't think that happened.

I once was tasked with picking up and taking for dinner John Darnell, who's the mountain goats. And we picked him up and it was taken him to his hotel, which is like downtown Chicago. So I'm walking with him downtown Chicago, like a Michigan Avenue area. And he has his, he has a suitcase and he has his guitar case. And as he's walking, this guy walks by who was probably like in his sixties or something. And he just saw the guitar case and he goes, oh, hey man, you a musician? And he goes, yeah. And he goes, what type of music do you play? And Jarned Donnell looks him straight, like dead in the eyes and goes, fucking rock and roll, man. and the guy just like smiled and nodded and then I was like that's the coolest thing I've ever seen because with like pure unbridled confidence he's just like fucking rock and roll man that is cool I didn't know that mountain goats are my sister's favorite and so I listened to a lot of mountain goats this weekend in the car He's a hyper delightful man. And in the car we at some point switch phones and we're like playing games on each other's phones. He's very kind.

If I was walking down the street and I had my podcast mic on me and someone was like, hey man, you podcast? And I'd be like, yep. And they'd be like, what kind of podcast you do? And I'd be like, I'd really rather not get into it.

Fucking rock and roll, man.

I don't think you're going to like it. You won't remember what I tell you what it is. So let's just skip it.

Let's skip it. The next time a stranger or a friendly acquaintance or a parent of one of my friends asks me what my podcast is, I'm going to hit record on my phone and then we can play it as an outro in one of the episodes. So for everyone to hear, it is something to behold. It is the cringiest thing that exists in today's modern society.

Erin, can I tell you a brief story? Before we get back to answering this riddle, which we've all forgotten.

No, I know the answer. Can I tell you a brief story? That's one of the sound bites we missed from Father Case.

Justin, brief story. No, I was at a mutual friend's birthday party a couple weeks ago, and I was talking to a person that I've never met before, but it's our friend Andrew's fianc, Lauren. Oh the best. And we were talking for like maybe 20 minutes just you know talking about stories and at one point someone else asked me what I did like for work and I was like oh I do a podcast it's called Hey Riddle Riddle and Lauren says I listen to that podcast and it was such a funny reaction because she knows Erin and so she's listened to it because Erin's on it but it's like I've been talking here for 20 minutes, I introduce myself as JPC, and never once were you like, oh yeah, from the podcast I listen to.

She was like, I'm not going to connect the dots to this.

When I said, oh yeah, I'm on the podcast, she's like, I listen to that. It's like, how have we been talking?

My favorite story is after, actually before World News Show, three people came up to me and it was two guys, it was three guys. And the first guy goes, oh, are you Adal? And I go, yeah. And he goes, I love Hey Riddle Riddle. And the other guy goes, yeah, big Hey Riddle fan, big Magic Tavern fan. And I go, oh, thank you so much. And then the third person goes, hey, man, I have no idea who you are. And I'm like, cool. You can just say hi or we can not talk.

Hey Adal, if you are going to talk about a bone you have to pick with JPC, can you do it off air? Hey JPC here? We get that JPC sent that to you.

No, no, it's not that. It's not that yet. Erin, you know the answer to this, Riddle. I'd love to hear your take on it.

I know the answer, and I also want to see a scene directly after, even if I'm wrong. Wow, she's calling her shots. It's raccoons that robbed the house. It was raccoons. And I want to see a scene. You are two raccoon robbers, and you're sort of like going over your plan about how you're going to rob this human's house and what you're going to take.

Okay Trash, we go in two minutes. I'm gonna come down the chimney, you go through the cat door.

Alright? Garbage, you always get to use the chimney and I'm always stuck with the cat door. Why can't I do the chimney for once? It's always safer. Don't have to deal with any cats. Okay Trash, today's the day. You go down the chimney, I go through the cat door. Hot chicken split bones. I get to go to the chimney.

Work like a charm every time I trick this motherfucker into going down the chimney.

Okay. Hey garbage, it's awful hot in this chimney. You sure nobody's home? Uh, pretty sure.

Hey guys, wait up. I'm the little one. Oh, chamomile. Oh, what's your name? I was gonna call myself junk.

Oh sorry, I was just saying what I smell. And I smell chamomile, so someone must be home.

Okay, yeah, well it smells like pretty hot chamomile, but Junk, you gotta, since you're the littlest one, you gotta be lookout.

Okay, but please give me the hardest job. I'm trying to prove myself. Come on guys, please, I'm John.

Hardest job? You want the hardest job? Why don't you be the comptroller? Raccoons need comptrollers as well.

No, but we want to be a robber like you guys. It's too cool.

No, you said hardest job. Now, you have to be the cop-troller for the next three years.

Come on, man.

That sucks. No, this is the only way you'll learn. That's a quarter of your life and you're the cop-troller.

Oh, God. What does a cop-troller even do?

That's for you to find out. We're going to rob this house.

Hey, excuse me, I'm the comptroller and a comptroller will not stand for raccoons robbing human houses. What does a comptroller do?

That's what a comptroller does. No, Erin, that's what an ombudsman does. I said comptroller, not ombudsman.

I'm googling it. Let's see.

She's googling apples. Erin, you are correct. This one comes with a little story. This is a true story via Friends of the Family from Chicago. Actually, the raccoons came back a second night and the homeowners had to nail the window screens on to prevent further break-ins. The police said that they could tell they were real North Shore raccoons because they had to break the food out of a massive antique cabinet and then took it into the dining room to eat it cereal and peanut butter.

Can I just say I adore the little rascal raccoons from a little movie called The Great Outdoors. If you've never seen it, check it out.

I've never seen it. Is it worth it?

Erin, what did I just say?

I know you said check it out, but I'm just saying for me. Me specifically.

Since you're a friend, don't check it out, I'm lying.

I will be 100% honest with you guys. One of my, you know, a thing that just comes with existing in this society that I hate is just living in this constant security state where we're just like constantly surveilled and monitors at all times. But the one ray of light from that is that since everyone has nest cams and doorbell cams and flashlight cams, just cams galore, there are so many videos online of raccoons and bears being caught doing something cute or adorable. Like outside someone's house and I fucking love it.

A beautiful silver lining. The other day I watched a video about five times and it's a son throwing a basketball to his dad. And the mom goes, I'm telling you, he's going to be a professional basketball player. And the dad throws it back to his son. The son's like 11 and it hits him so hard in the face. And he doesn't even go to catch it. It's one of those garage cams and I went, what a wonderful world everybody. We've made it. Keep those cameras coming. And then post a video of your kid getting hit in the face of the basketball on the internet for all to enjoy.

Just like the Louis Anderson song, when a wonderful world.

There you go. Topical reference after topical reference today.

Speaking of raccoons picking their way through trash, I got a bone to pick with the two of you because it's time for a little break.

No Adal, please, help my hand.

Run.

Run!

J.P.C., Erin, look up here on the mantel. It's me, the candlestick, and I'm talking. And I want you two to be a chef, be a chef. Hello, fresh. Have you heard of it?

Yeah, of course.

We love HelloFresh. Just to be clear, you're not from any existing licensed property, correct? No, I'm just a French candlestick.

Of course not. HelloFresh cuts out stressful meal planning and grocery store tips with less prep, less effort, and minimal cleanup. So you can enjoy cooking and get dinner on the table in just about 30 minutes.

Secre bleu, that's not all. You can choose from 50 menu and market items each week, from vegetarian meals to craft burgers, and extra special gourmet options all available. There's something for everyone to enjoy.

Okay, let's put that to the test candle whose name we won't say. We'll never say it. Just so we clear. Jeff! Jeff! Jeff is fine. My name is Jeff. Okay, opening my box. Ooh, sweet potato and black bean tacos with avocado crema. And all of this takes under 45 minutes and it's easy as a cooking difficulty. I'm loving it.

This is delicious. Yes, Hello Fresh's produce is a beauty. Not like those beastly vegetables you get from other places. It gets from the farm to your door in less than a week, which means fresh, high quality ingredients.

And we can't stress this enough, it makes your house smell amazing. That's the whole thing about HelloFresh. Someone will walk in and go, what are you cooking? This is amazing. And you go, it's HelloFresh, baby. It's HelloFresh.

Just to be clear, the only people that will walk into your house are people that you want in the house or magical candles that you just find.

That can happen. 100%. And we want you to experience that. So go to hellofresh.com slash HeyRiddle14 and use code HeyRiddle14 for up to 14 free meals plus Free shipping. That is hellofresh.com slash Hey Riddle 14 and use code HeyRiddle14. Unbelievable.

And Erin, if you want to stay here, we'll let your father go.

You are here. You're a stick made of candles. That's all you can sing.

That's all you can sing. America's number one meal kit.

Hey Adal and JBC.

Hey Erin, what's going on? Yeah, what's up?

Remember a few years ago when you told me you both know everything about everything?

Yes. A few years ago. Sure, yeah. Every day.

Um, so I just wanted to ask you a question. I'm not looking for a crisis line or a self-help line. I'm looking for professional counseling done securely online. Do you know where I could go?

Hmm. Erin, have you heard of better help?

Ah!

So basically, Erin, you have to ask yourself, what is interfering with your happiness? Is something preventing you from achieving your goals while better help will assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist? You can connect in a safe and private online environment and you can start communicating within 48 hours of when you sign up, not of when you think to sign up. You have to actually go and sign up.

Yeah Erin you can send a message to your counselor at any time because I know you hold weird hours. You'll get timely and thoughtful responses plus you can schedule weekly or video phone sessions all without ever having to sit in an uncomfortable waiting room. Which I know you hate, that's all you talk about.

Exactly. It's more affordable than traditional offline counseling and financial aid is available. Also, it's available to clients worldwide and I have to say this sort of online counseling where you can send a message to your counselor anytime was a game changer for me therapy wise. It helped so much and I cannot recommend it enough.

Yeah, and also, it could probably help out me, right Erin? Hey, it's me, Sean. And I've used better help, actually. There's the licensed professional counselors who are specialized in depression, milk, stress, anxiety, abs, relationships, abs, sleeping with abs, trauma, anger, milk, family conflicts, LGBT matters, grief, self-esteem, and milk abs.

Professional counselors are not actually licensed in milk or abs.

Erin, do you want a kiss or a high five?

And anything you share is confidential, it's convenient, professional, affordable, and you can check out testimonials posted daily on their site. Erin, I'll be honest with you. I want you to start living a happier life today. And as a listener and a co-host of this show, you'll get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at betterhelp.com slash Riddle. Join over 1 million people who have taken charge of their mental health. Again, that's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Riddle. Erin, this is what I sound like, right?

High five. Milk. Adal, GPC. You might have noticed that I'm recording from a new location today.

Oh, that's not just one of those backdrops on the Zoom?

Nope. I am in my bed because I couldn't leave my Helix mattress this morning. I was too attached. I didn't want to get up.

That doesn't seem like a good excuse. You're at work. Well can I admit something? You see how there's a cubicle behind me?

Yeah.

I thought that was a zoom thing. Let me just change the zoom thing. I'm actually in bed too. I have a helix mattress and honestly it's so comfy I like to just lay in the middle of the day and read on this bed.

Okay, I got something to admit. I'm going to change my Zoom screen behind me. As you guys can see, I am actually in the Helix sleep quiz. It's a quiz that just takes two minutes to complete and it matches your body type and sleep preferences to the perfect mattress for you. Why would you want to buy a mattress made for someone else? With Helix, you're getting a mattress that you know will be the perfect the way you sleep.

Exactly. They have soft, medium, and firm mattresses, and mattress is great for cooling you down if you sleep hot. Mattresses for great spinal alignment to prevent morning aches and pains, and even a Helix Plus mattress for plus-size sleepers.

And I gotta be honest, if you look through Gemma's camera roll, there's probably 1,200 pictures that are just me, her, and both of our cats laying in our Helix bed. We have a king-size bed, and the whole family just likes to lounge around, luxuriate in that soft, pillowy mattress. Truly the best mattress I've ever owned.

Oh yeah, and it's going to come right to your door, shipped for free, and you don't need to go to the mattress store ever again. And no one really said anything when I said that I was in a sleep quiz.

Uh-huh. They have a 10-year warranty.

This seems par for the course.

And you get 100 nights risk-free. They'll even pick it up for you if you don't love it, but you will. Guys, I promise you, you will. It's by far the best mattress I've ever slept in. And I'll never have another mattress ever again. I love Helix. Helix even has financing options and flexible payment plans, so a great night's sleep is never far away.

But don't take our award for it, Helix was awarded the number one best overall mattress pick of 2020 by GQ and Wired magazine. And it has been recommended by multiple leading chiropractors and doctors of sleep medicine as a go-to solution for improving sleep.

But don't take it from them, take it from me, King Sleep. Helix is offering up to $200 off all mattress orders. And, as King Sleep, I'll throw in two free pillows for our listeners, your listeners, at helixsleep.com slash Riddle. JPC, can you get out? Can you hear me? Follow my voice. I'm not trapped in here, okay? I like it in here.

Hey, JPC. Uh-huh. I have a bone to pick with you.

Oh, really? Okay, well people are gonna think this is an ad.

It's not.

You just hear the little ad music.

Yeah, we're back, but I have a little bone to pick with you. I can't wait. You're... I feel like you're picking intentionally awesome riddles so we can continue our streak. And are we pure of heart if we're just picking the best riddles out there? That's the question I have. I mean... Oh, actually, I'm not allowed to ask more than one question per episode.

Well, no, more than one question separated by an ad break. If there is an ad break, you technically get another question. Erin, I'll be honest with you. I'm just playing the hand that God dealt me. And what God dealt me was an inbox of 1600 emails of riddles admissions dating back about three years. And I'm just doing what I can do with the tools that I've got, okay?

Adal asked your question.

What's the email where people can email us riddles?

H-R-R podcast at gmail.com and here's a little bit that I used to do a long, long time ago back when we were doing these emails. You can also email H-R podcast at gmail.com with any of your pressing HR concerns. If you've got a co-worker who puts a tuna fish in the microwave or maybe your boss is harassing you, hold on, wait, if it's that,

You see, think of all the emails that people sent to that account that just went off into the ether.

There's probably no, someone probably has that podcast and someone probably has that email. So they're getting all those emails. Speaking of getting all these emails, this email comes to us from Im. I'm just going to give the first initial of their first name, Im. So mysterious. Very, very mysterious. Im says, I found this podcast when I was looking for something about Riddles because I like Riddles more than a reasonable person should enjoy Riddles. I stuck around because I enjoy improv more than a reasonable person should enjoy improv. So here's to you Em for being so damn unreasonable.

Wow. Okay. That was elegant.

Great. Thank you, Erin.

I'm so alone.

Em has created their own style of Riddle, which I think is great. I love it when someone creates something fresh and original. Their Riddle is titled, or their Riddle series is titled, The Wet Ass Pussy. So, Em writes, we all know that WAP is a song. You know what it stands for. Well, in these puzzies, it also stands for other things. You're going to receive clues that describe an unusual object. Every answer is in the form of a, that's a, adjective-ass noun. So just like WAP, that's an adjective-ass noun. With the adjective always starting with a W and the noun always starting with a P. What, which makes the acronym WAP? Does everybody understand?

Yep, I got it.

Is it not pronounced WAP? I'm asking for pop culture's sake. I've heard of the song, but I've never listened to it. Is it WAP or is it WAP?

I've heard WAP is the thing that I've heard. You know what? I don't think there's a wrong way to pronounce it. I Googled it and it said apples. Okay, so M writes an example. An albino spiky tropical fruit, that would be

White ass pineapple.

That's a white ass pineapple. Correct, Erin. That was the example one. Man, Erin's going to clean house here.

I have to clean your house?

So the A is always ass. It's always ass. It's always ass. OK. OK. The warning that they give is the words will always start with a W and a P, but they may start with different sounds like a WR sound or a PH sound. But it always starts with a W or a P. It just might not be the sound that you're familiar with. And then some of these are really stupid. I categorize the puzzies based on how stupid I think they are so you can avoid the ones that will make you hate me if you want. Well, tough luck. We're not going to avoid any of them. I think they're all great. So we're going to use them all. So the first category is the probably easy ones. Here we go.

I'm excited.

An Antarctic bird that can't even do one sit up.

Oh, um, weak ass penguin.

Erin, you got it. You nailed it. That is a weak ass penguin.

I almost said pelican and then I went, that's all right.

Slow down.

I just came back from the doctor and he told me I have a weak ass.

Oh, no. What can you do about it?

I have to poop standing up.

No, Adal, no.

My doctor told me I'm a pelican brief.

Oh, of course I need to see a scene. I need to see a scene very quickly. I'm sorry. Okay. You're two penguins at the gym. Go.

None.

Okay. Ooh. No point in continuing the scene because anything I started to say, Erin would have left over.

Alright, here's your next one.

Oh gosh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

A rich person who is a bit of a shutterbug.

Wealthy ass, uh, uh, hermit, wealthy ass, I thought you said shut in. You said shutterbug.

I did say shutterbug. Erin did whisper photographer. That is correct.

I was helping out my friend.

You both got punchy points on that. Wealthy ass photographer.

This is a feral religious leader. Wild ass priest. Can I just say that's my favorite series where they follow like they go to senior frogs and Cancun. They go to Mardi Gras.

I guess I'd like to see a seed.

It's a lot of priests throwing rosaries in exchange for your sins.

No, I don't want to see a scene.

Okay. This is a college instructor with a fever. Wise-ass pneumonia. A college instructor with a fever.

Yes, they have a fever. What fever starts with W?

Wheezy? No, no, no. So if you get a fever, what's the first thing that you do? Dream. I'm sorry. Well, let's go back. Let's say you think you're getting a fever. What's the first thing that you do?

Oh, you take your temperature.

Oh, I take, I take it.

Okay.

Okay. Yeah. At the first side, I think that's of a cold. I don't think you're supposed to use it. Invited by a teacher. Erin, you're correct. You take your temperature. Warmth.

Yeah. Warmth, professor. That's okay. I'd like to see a scene. Adal, you are a college professor and will be your students and you've come into class way, way, way too sick. You definitely have the flu and you're trying to just like play it off.

Hey class. Thank you for waiting over 20 minutes. I know technically you can leave, but I appreciate you staying. Turn your pages... 4-17. We're going to talk today about the bubonic plague.

In our dance class?

Oh, is this dance class?

Yeah, I mean you're the most incredible dance professor at the university, but we'll learn about the... Professor Ricardo, do you need to reschedule?

Do you need to reschedule today?

It seems like you might be under the weather. No, no, we're all under the weather. Teacher joke. Let's just say anyone joke. Let's put on your leotards and let's dance about rats. What?

You're holding the side of your stomach and it seems like there's like blood coming out.

It doesn't seem like there is. Oh my god, were you in an accident? We've all seen, what's the ballet with the rat king?

The Nutcracker?

The Nutcracker. The Nutcracker is based on the bubonic plague. I thought you saw that you met Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles the ballet. We can all be right. Let's do that. Let's do that idea.

You're sliding down the mirror. Here, let me just start playing the music and then you can show us the combination and then you can rest the rest of the class.

Okay, whenever you're ready. Five, six, seven, eight. Throw up. Grab your side. Leak blood. Puss, puss, puss. Puss, puss, puss. Pot of Bure. Splits into call the cops. Ambulance is what I meant. Don't call the cops.

Mr. Ricardo?

Mr. Carter, during that dance, a ghost that looked like a copy of you came out of you and started whispering something to you and then flew away.

Oh no, Frank's back. Gotta be Frank. Frank's back.

Everyone be on guard for Frank.

Also, what came after the splits?

I was trying to set up my phone to record it. I missed it. Can you do it one more time?

Sure. Here we go. Five, six, seven, eight. Throw up. Grab your side.

He's not moving. Plus, plus, plus.

Do the splits. Badaboo Ray. Not after splits. That's impossible. Calm down. Lay on your side. Call mom. Siri, call mom. It looks like his mouth is moving.

Hello?

His mouth is moving but no words are coming out. Five, six, seven, eight. Hey mom it's me I'm dying. I love you and dad. Please send my best to both. I will see you in heaven.

He's dead. We get to leave, right? We don't have to stay.

I think we could have left after the 20 minutes. Hey, but it's me, the Dean.

You all get automatic A's.

A's.

Thank you for indulging me in that, Adal.

That was hilarious. Isn't there a movie that's like Mark Paul Gosselaar and it's like a kid... Oh, his roommate dies. What's that movie? That's a movie, right? Easy A? Is that what it's called? No, that's a different movie. Easy A is Emma Stone. That's based on the Scarlet Letter.

Yeah, you're thinking, oh god, you're right.

But that's a movie, right? It's the kid from, say, by the bill, Mark Paul Gensler. And his roommate dies and then it's like, you get all A's. But how can that be a premise? Because after his roommate dies, there's no conflict. Like, that can't be a movie.

I think that he has to keep killing new roommates as the movie progresses. I think he has to do like four murders. Oh, it's called four murders. Wait a minute. Four murders in a funeral. Let's get another Riddle. This one is, it's still in the probably easy. It's the last one in the probably easy category. This is a magic practicing dog known for its curly hair. Wiccan ass pooch or wizard ass pooch. Uh, Wiccan, Ass, and Pooch I think works, but they were looking for a specific breed of dog.

Oh, I missed, you said long hair dog?

Poodle.

Curly hair. Pomeranian. Oh, Poodle, okay. Poodle, yes. That is a wizardy, witchy, Wiccan, Ass, Poodle. I gotta see you soon. Oh, please. Um, Erin, you are a fancy little Poodle who's also a wizard. And JPC, you are the boy who just found this dog at the pound and you're realizing all the amazing potential that this partnership has in store.

Psst.

Kid. Hey Kid. Look over here. Hold on Mom. I want to look at this one real quick.

Did you just whisper at me? Sorry. Um, hey, I'm a poodle. I talk. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You're scared. You scream. You talk. Yeah. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. Here's the thing.

Here's the thing. Come here. Come here. Come here. I'm here. I'm as close to the bars I can get. Let me the fuck out of here. Okay.

Okay.

We don't curse.

You don't even have to take me home.

We don't curse at my house.

I curse. Okay. I was a show dog. Okay.

Okay, well I guess that means you can't come to my house if you curse, because we don't curse at my house. Ugh, God. You can say fudge. Psst, psst, get down here, down here. Hold on, hold on, I'll be right back. You can talk as well?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's it. I can talk. I'm a magical dog. And if you let me out of here, I'll grant you three wishes, you little piece of shit. Okay. I'll grant you six.

Hold on.

We don't curse at my house. You can call me a piece of shoot, but we don't curse at my house. Oh, okay. You fucking piece of shoot. Now you can say I'm a fudge and piece of shoot, but we don't curse at my house. Okay. You dumb ass fudge and piece of shoot. Okay. You know what?

You're our last hope. Come here, please.

Please. Okay. Hold on. Hold on, Mr. Eye. I gotta go back up here. Yeah?

Okay. Okay. Okay, and hold your side and throw up, throw up, please. Please, I'm a dog. I was at the top of my game. I was a pageant queen. Please let me out of here. I'll create you wishes.

I don't know mom. I don't know about these dogs. One's very sick and the other won't stop cursing.

I'll bully your high school. I'll bully your high school.

My whole high school? Hold on. My whole high school? Everybody makes fun of me. Teachers, janitors, other students? I'll bully all of them.

Welcome to the first day of class. Oh, what does this little shithead have in a box? What's going on back there, you little fucking coward? What's in your box?

Hey, your wife doesn't love you anymore!

What?

Woof woof!

Oh, Melissa! Melissa! Thanks, poodle of the box.

Poodle in a box. It's a poodle in a box. Poodle in a box. Make sure you put holes in the box. Poodle can breathe.

I like that they're selling the products poodle in a box, but the product that they're selling does not come with holes.

No.

You gotta put them in.

Yeah, that's the challenge. That's the game of poodle in a box.

Please buy immediately. Please put holes in the box. Please buy immediately. If you've been thinking about buying for more than 10 minutes, please walk away from the aisle.

Please buy immediately. The second they're on the shelves, it's like a time countdown. It's so dark.

All the expiration dates for Poodle in the Box are just like an hour. 2 p.m. today. Okay. These are a little bit harder, but still probably doable. This is a crumpled, old-timey document. Oh, uh... Rinkled ass parchment. Adal, you've got it! Rinkled ass parchment, you've hit the nail on the head, my dear boy.

Well, to be fair, that's what I used to call my grandpa, so... Oh, rude. I'd like to see a scene. You are two current U.S. politicians and somebody found a wadded up old American document and you guys are reading it out loud and deciding what to do with it.

Thank you, Nicolas Cage. We'll see what needs to be done.

You can trust us. We're sitting politicians.

Can you believe this fell in our lap like this? This is unbelievable. This could change everything. Okay, Trash, calm down. Let's unfurl this.

Okay, Senator Garbage. I mean, Manchin. We could do this. We can do this, okay? We may come from two sides of the aisle, but we all serve the same lord. Money. So we can make this work in our interest.

This is a bipartisan issue, so let's see here. Oh, it's the original... It's the original Bill of Rights, and it's different.

Well, it's the original Bill of Rights, which is the amendments to the original... Is the original declaration... Sorry, there's some dust here. Let me... Well, it looks like it's the Declaration of Independence, but this is the Declaration of Incontinence. No. Why not? Why not do that? What's wrong with that? That's easier.

It's me, Junior Senator, John. Oh John. How can I help? You guys, can I do anything to help? Give me a hard job to do.

Okay, here's a hard job. These old eyes can't really make out what this says. Can you read what's on this wrinkled ass parchment?

Neither of us can agree because we're all seeing kind of different things so you can be impartial and look at it.

Okay, I got it. Everybody be chill. Just calm the fuck down. These documents are meant to change over time, obviously. How could we have possibly predicted the technology that would come along in the changes from a modern society? Everybody calm down. Everybody relax. Surf's up.

This is a hard disagree. I mean, we don't change the Bible as things move along, right? We take every word literally, and that's how it should be. Senator Jeff.

I'll eat this for lunch.

Senator Jeff, it sounds like you're doing something untoward with this document. Let me see this, the real document. Let's see, what does it say here? Only white men deserve boats. Okay. Let's go with that one.

I mean, I guess we could update the Bible and put like computers in it and stuff. That might be fun, right?

Just straight up update the Bible.

Computers in it? Everything's the same, but there's just computers in it.

But nobody knows how to work them?

Yeah, but the moral of every story doesn't change and no one knows how to work them.

It's just happening to every story they notice a computer, they're like, huh, and then they just gotta move on.

And Mark said into John, control alt delete, and it was

Okay, this is a subterranean tuber that truly understands the inequalities of our modern capitalist society.

Subterranean tuber. So this is a potato? Tuber? Correct. So something asked potato.

What was the last part? It says that truly understands the inequalities of our modern capitalist society. Is it like woke? It's woke. I was just going to say this is a subterranean tuber that has a white savior complex.

Okay, I'm a cucumber, Adal's an apple, and JPC is a woke-ass potato. Go.

Go. I want to see a scene. Who here, did anybody, either of you, either have a... I'm losing my mind. Anybody have a Mr. Potato Head? I fucked around with one, but I don't think I ever owned one.

I'm so happy you said the word around.

So I want... JPC, you're a young child. For Christmas, you received a Mr. Potato Head or Mrs. Potato Head, but this is the new 2021 version and it's super woke. Erin, you'll be playing the woke ass potato.

Oh, fun. Whoa, a Mrs. Potato Head. Thanks, September Santa. You're welcome. Hi. Whoa, oh, it's one of those cool new voice modulated ones. Hello.

I'm Mrs. Potato Head. You're enjoying me. I'm made by conservative people and I am how conservative people view teenage girls.

Oh, uh, okay. Well, uh, I'm just gonna go ahead and play with you if that's okay.

That offends me.

Oh, I'm sorry, do I have to get your consent to play?

Consent is so important, and I go over the top about consent, as if there's any such thing.

Okay, well, I would like to take your arms off. No, maybe I don't have them.

My hair is blue.

Okay.

Only white men should have boats. Apples are in season.

I think I'm done playing with you. Thanks.

No, you can't be done playing with me because I want to talk about how fast fashion is bad.

Oh, okay. That's not a subject that I really know a lot about, but I guess what's the major?

I know nothing about anything. I baby, but I talk on everything. I'm not actually intelligent and intimidating to older men.

Oh, no. Hey kids, kid at the window. Yep, yep, yep. I guess we look pretty good now, huh? Yep, yep, yep, yep.

Fuck you September Santa. Okay. Yeah, that's September Santa's a dog.

I've only heard someone use the word woke and it's always an older conservative dude being like, these woke kids keep talking about how they think humans should have rights. Like it's never in the right context.

Yeah, it is funny that people use it on like Twitter and stuff as like an insult of like, oh, so woke. And it's like, well, it's nice to be aware of like the times and what's, uh,

Well, like Woke kind of got turned into a meme pretty quickly. And then also like, I feel like Woke was in the age of the Karen and like they both rose to power in full representation. So it just kind of like... To the east, the Woke rose into the west.

The Karen's power started to grow.

Erin, that was kind of the most incredible impression of the Lord of the Rings voiceover I've ever heard. You should do that for a living.

Hey, thank you.

Ten rings. They called the cops, everyone on everyone, and rang ten times.

But the cops did nothing.

On the tenth day at the peak of the sun, skip me because I won't be at the battle. I don't fight, man. Skip me with that.

Okay. Someone next in line to the throne who just can't find their balance.

If you don't want to see a scene, God bless.

We have to get through these. Okay. Royals wobble, but they don't fall down. That's true.

Whoa. Father. Father, please. Whoa.

The tea. The tea. This is a big black and white mammal who is always telling jokes.

Oh, Panda. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Bamboo. Bamboo? Hey, I'm a panda.

A wisecracking panda is just always doing like bamboo dick jokes like, oh look at me. What's up, eucalyptus?

It's my dick.

You can lick this asshole. Panda Dangerfield. And prehistoric flying lizard with a skin condition.

So this would be... I like this one. Pterodactyl. Pterodactyl.

Something has pterodactyl. Skin condition. Skin condition. Does psoriasis start with a W? The question doctors have asked for years. Skin condition with a W would be... Yeah, I don't think I've never... No, that's not true.

I have had one of these. I don't... I was gonna say I froze it off. You buy like a little freeze stick. I remember as a kid I got a wart.

Let it go. Frozen it off.

Okay so this next category is I couldn't decide to keep this in or leave it out so I'm just gonna say it's stupid and then nobody will get it but maybe you two will. Someone who can prescribe you antidepressants but is kind of sarcastic about it. Is it somebody else's pharmacist? Erin you got it but it's the psychiatrist not pharmacist because they prescribe you the antidepressants but what's the W?

It's not like sarcastic, it's Ry. Ry asks.

Wow, that works really well. I'm gonna give it to you. Ry asks Ry. Ry does work. The one that they had was Wise Ass.

Oh, Wise Ass psychiatrist.

But Ry I think works really well here, okay? Okay, we got a few more.

I wanna see the short scene. Oh please. JBC, you're a wise ass psychiatrist. Erin, you are in your first and last session with this man.

So, yeah, as I was saying.

Ooh, okay. Why don't you, hey, tell me your problems, badaboom badabing.

I just talked to you for an hour.

Hmm?

I just talked to you for an hour. We talked about my anxiety.

Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, I thought I thought I was on my next one. Yes. Let's do you real quick.

I just put my hair up in a ponytail. You thought this was a new appointment?

It looks dynamite. All right. Yes. Let's do you real quick. We'll get to the next appointment. Badaboom badabing.

Grabbed purse. Hey, that's my purse.

Hold on. That's my purse. All right. No, no, no. We can fix you. We can fix you.

We can fix you. Thank you.

First things first, the teeth are all wrong.

Click.

Trips over ottoman, heads against floor, ascends to heaven, meets God. Welcome to heaven.

I'm going to go back on the road grabs purses. Click. Hey, you're back.

Okay so this one the category is long but the category says the clue is just a normal thing you still need to figure out how to make it the WAP and gotta be honest I don't think anyone is gonna guess these but they're fun and dumb and they might make for good podcasting.

Wait, I'm confused.

The clue is still the same, but we have to do something extra. The clue is just a normal thing. So I'm going to give you, instead of it being like a weird setup, I'm just going to give you a normal thing and then you have to turn it into the WAP.

Got it.

Cool. So your selection is a cowboy.

Western ass pony rider. Western ass, you got it, but not. Western ass.

You're only gonna get this if you talk like a cowboy. Partner, partner, partner, partner, partner.

This one is a chode. A wide-ass penis.

That's correct. This one is the Storm of Galilee, I'm sorry, the Storm on the Sea of Galilee by Rembrandt.

Oh, something ass painting. It's not there anymore. It got stolen.

A robbed ass painting.

No, no, it's not the word for robbed.

It's not about it being stolen. It's about... Wet. Wet, yeah, because it's a storm. I get that, but no. This is more of the style in which it's painted. Oh, Western. Yes, it's a Western painting. I'll give it to you guys because I don't know. This one is a wavy-ass painting because there's waves in the painting. Oh, there's a huge wave. I get it. Okay, so this one is a mammoth. Mammoth would be a wooly-ass pachyderm. Yeah, we said pachyderm in last episode too. Yeah, pachydermatology. Okay, the world will end on December 21st, 2012. Weak-ass prediction. Yeah, nice. Wrong ass prediction. Wrong ass prophecy, but I do also like weak ass prediction. That's very fun.

Wrong ass prophecy.

And then there's two more that Em included, and Em, these were great. Thank you so much for sending them here. Thank you, Em. Two more. This one is just Hey Riddle Riddle. Weird ass podcast. Weird ass podcast. Yeah, does anyone else want to hazard a guess? They didn't say weird. Another guess? Hazard a guess? Wet. Yes, it's wet. It's a wet ass podcast. They said it's a wacky ass podcast.

It suits us. Do you like your wacky suit? I like my wacky suit. I'm having fun or is everyone good?

Yeah, mine's got a big wave in it. The last one that they included was Adal, Erin, and JPC. Weird ass people. Wonderful ass people.

I want to see one final very quick scene.

This is going off of, I think it was, was it weak ass prophecies?

Maybe it wasn't weak, but it was something wrong ass prophecy. So JPC you have climbed to the top of the tallest mountain, you have met Erin who can foresee the future, but all the prophecies that you say are just really off and wrong and probably definitely not coming true and JPC you're a little skeptical.

Cool. I've taken I've taken everything. I've left my job. I've left my family. I've given everything to this pilgrimage. And I'm finally here. Oh ancient one, please bestow upon me your wisdom.

Sorry, you're catching me right in the middle of lunch. So sorry.

Also ancient one, she is 27. So let's pump the brakes on that. Oh, I'm so sorry.

Sorry, this is my hype man.

What up 2021?

I meant no disrespect. I meant no disrespect to MC and St. Clocks. I only want the wisdom that you... Is that a Quiznos sub that you're eating?

Yeah, it's just fine. Do you want some? Let me... Okay, no, sorry. I came up the mountain and you're tired or something. I'm gonna really focus.

Yeah, it's been a long journey. Is there a Quiznos up here?

We have Quiznos and we have Jersey Mikes. Do not go to Jersey Mikes.

Yeah, because we work there and no one's there right now.

Hold on, hold on, hold on. Is this Newark? Where am I right now? I'm at the Newark airport.

All right, closing my eyes, I'm closing my eyes, and Al Gore will be president.

Yeah, that's our Al Gore rhythm.

2021, blah blah blah blah.

I can't believe I quit my job.

You're going to go to Jersey Mike's and no one will be there.

I'm not going there. I don't like it there. I don't like their subs.

They're going to go to Quiznos.

I wouldn't. The Quiznos left.

I'm going to shove you down this mountain so I can continue to enjoy my home.

This is new work. It's essentially a big pile of trash. Hey, fuck you.

I turn you into a trash raccoon.

Erin, is there any garbage can full of plugs that you want to raccoon to scuttle through?

I do. Recently I was on the finale episodes of Hello from the Magic Tavern and they were so fun to be on and those are definitely out by now. So just check those out. The people who I recorded with were being so, so, so funny when I was there and I had the best time. So check those out.

Yes, my invite got lost in the fucking mail. Oh my God, it's right here. Well, this sucks. Well, well, well. Unopened, huh? Okay, yeah, from the jabbering and it says, we really love you because... Okay, well... Bummer. Feel like a piece of shit. Maybe you think you want to plug? I could plug. Go and listen to my other podcast, the Billbuds Popcast. We review pop music. It's a fun time. Erin and Adal have both been on it before. You can listen to their episodes. And you can find me over on Twitch, Twitch.tv slash sharkbarkman. Adal, anything to plug.

Yes, please check out our Patreon. We do some of our weirdest assed podcasting on the Patreon. Something assed Patreon. And we wish you would listen to it. So if you have not already checked it out. Please subscribe. You can go to patreon.com slash Hey Riddle Riddle. If you are a patron, thank you so much for your patronage. If you can, tell other folks if you enjoy it. And we hope to, we have some stretch goals right now. Oh yeah. And we'd love to hit those and do some fun, some fun series we have.

Perfect.

Erin, did you know that W.A.J. stands for something specific? It's Kristen Chenoweth and Endiza Mandel. Wicked. Go to a specific planet in our solar system.

Jupiter?

But what is the first? It's something somebody would yell at you in Boston.

Wicked something Jupiter.

Yeah, what have we been saying with AA?

Ass?

Yeah, put it all together.

But you said O. Did I? Yes.

What?

Didn't you say O? Did I? W-A-J is wicked ass Jupiter. Goodbye. Bye forever. Wacka wacka, kids. There it is.

I knew he'd hear it. I knew. And John Patrick Coan. Casey Tony could be editing. And already parents in the music. Hey there Princesses and Peas. If you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon, as we improvise our way through Hans Christian Andersen's stories. You can listen to that, plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash HeyRiddleRiddle by joining the Clue crew for $5 a month or the Review crew for $8 a month. See you then!

That was a hate gun podcast.