Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum podcast.

Hey, what's up, JPC, Erin? I'm your substitute teacher for today, and I'm not like those other old fogeys. I'm young and hip and cool. You have wooden shoes on. Yeah, you can call me Zach.

Zach, can we point you in the right direction?

No, I'm going to point you in the right direction, youth culture. I'm going to tell you about something called... I don't have anything. What are kids today up to? What are kids today using?

I'm glad you asked. We're going to talk to you about StockX, the only live marketplace for what's now and next, not what's wooden shoes and sad.

I'll have you know George Washington had wooden shoes in his mouth.

That doesn't make it cool. That doesn't make it cool. Look, whether it's the latest sneakers, apparel, electronics, collectibles, or trading cards, everything on StockX is brand new and 100% verified authentic. I couldn't say that for anything that you're wearing or thinking about.

I have on a Serpico hoodie, uh, jorts and wooden shoes already self-described.

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All you gotta do is download the app or sign up online to start buying and selling in a few easy clicks.

Okay, so I've been taking notes in a lot of the classes that I substitute for. Kids are mentioning stuff like Supreme, Off-White, Louis Vuitton, Gauchi. Are these all things that kids are into?

Read between the lines there, everybody listening at home.

I think you kind of get what he was going for. He didn't really get the names right, but we understand that those are like products.

Start shopping today at StockX.com. That's StockX.com.

Class dismissed.

We taught you something, okay?

So just... Okay, the student became the teacher. Much like David Carradine. Remember him? Do you want a response or is this the button? The button.

Yay! Yay, keep it!

Now I gotta go walk to my 1986 Honda Accord to parking lot.

The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of lights. Oh, then we're going to finish.

It was the cabin of an airplane. He stabbed him with the knife in the way. And the horse was seen rising.

Thank you for calling Hey Riddle Riddle Enterprises. For riddles, press one.

Gypsies, you don't press one. I'm not going to press one. I know what we're calling.

For bad improv, press two.

We don't need that. I want to press two so bad.

To talk to Erin, press three.

Ooh, three, three, three.

Hold on. To connect to JPC, press four.

I told you I was on this.

And to talk to Adal, press five.

Well, I'm the last option. No one's getting that far. Let's press three to talk to Erin. Okay, let's give it a try. Here we go. Heavy press. Sorry, I'm finishing up my bench. That was 285 reps. All right, let me press three.

285 reps. Okay. Yeah, what are you, 16? Okay, three? Yep. Here we go.

Hello, Erin?

Hi, I will take three medium pizzas and... Just get too large.

What are you doing? Hold on, hold on. Is she ordering pizzas at a drive-thru? This sounds like drive-thru energy.

Wait, Adal. Adal, TPC, is that you guys?

Yeah. Yeah.

Three medium, you are burning money.

Sorry, the only person that usually calls me on this line is the pizza guy. He calls me every day to get my order. Why are you guys calling me?

Oh, sweetie. I'm sorry, you're eating three mediums a day?

I think I said four mediums.

Erin, I think you're hallucinating, but either way... That's a lot of pizza.

Breakfast, lunch, dinner, second dinner.

I didn't think about it that way. No, that's enough pizza then.

That's what I'm saying. Wait, why are you guys calling? Are you locked out of the building again? Are you locked up in the Adal Riddle Enterprises?

Yeah, we tried to get on the intercom and it took us to like a directory.

Yeah, we set this up a while back.

I remember this now. I remember this now. Oh, you know what? I did remember that mine just connects directly to a voicemail. Oh my God, Erin, would you be upset if we hung up and we listened to my voicemail?

I'll connect you. I'll connect you.

Ready? Yeah, I'll just hit four, four, four. Here we go. Hey, this is JPC.

Oh, nice. Oh, wait.

You called JPC? No, yeah, you're talking to JPC. Yes, this is me.

Oh, it's that thing where at the end he's going to be like, just kidding.

Hello. Say what you're going to say, coward.

Oh, I guess it's really him. JPC, hey, it's Adal.

Hey, Adal.

Hey, just wanted to see if you were ready to do an episode.

I'm always down to do that, my man.

JPC's standing right next to me. I don't know how this is working.

Good one, bro. I came down here to let you in. Adal, what are you doing?

Yeah, something's wrong. This JPC laughed at my joke. Are you talking to Erin? This is a demon. This is a demon.

JPC, why are you being so quiet? Are you guys working out outside? What's Erin saying? I can't hear her.

Oh, she went to ask if we're working out outside.

Tell her we're definitely working out outside.

Wow, a pre-recorded message.

Gotcha. This is JPC's message machine. Leave one after the beep.

Adal, of course, that's his message machine. You're standing right next to GPC.

What a specific message that works once. Oh, Erin, can we call back and... Sure, wait, hold on, hold on. It worked once in that specific instance, but it's worked every time.

Adal, you want to call back and hear your voice?

Yeah, I want to hear mine, because I remember mine was real fun. Here we go.

Okay, cool.

And press 5.

Thank you for calling Hey Riddle, but beep.

Oh shit, hold on. Oh, where's this calling? Russia?

Thank you for calling Hey Riddle Riddle Enterprises.

Hang up, hang up. Okay, let me call the, okay, here we go. Remember, just hit 5 one time. You hit a bunch of 5s, you're gonna end up with Russia.

Thank you for calling Hey Riddle Riddle Enterprises. For Riddles, press 1.

For Bad Improv, press 2.

To talk to Erin, press 3. To talk to JPC, press 4. To talk to Adal, press... 6. Well, my name is Adal and I'm here to say, at 3 o'clock yesterday I passed away.

Adal, what does your voicemail say?

Oh, you know what? That's the one that we recorded for the April Fool's episode that we did that no one liked. That came out at a really weird time when COVID was on their eyes. Where everyone thought I was really dead. Yeah.

There's like a six-month period where if you typed in my name into Google, it auto-populated Adal Rifai dead.

Why are you typing your own name into Google? Oh, guys, we're locked out. I didn't bring a key to it. Now we're all locked out.

Oh, hey, why don't we just do the show from the parking lot today?

Perfect.

And Erin, if you're locked out, I'm Adal Rifai. I'm JPC and I'm late for dinner. So we can call you late for dinner and we are Hey Riddle Riddle, an improvised riddle podcast. We try and solve riddles and puzzles and along the way we do bits and do a seemingly bad improv is what the voice said. And old man puzzles today is none other than number three, Erin Keif.

Number one on the call sheet, number two on our hearts, number three on the show, Erin Keif.

Well, since it's my episode, I like to not do as many riddles.

Okay, so that's the voicemail intro?

Yeah, I've hit you. Hold on, Erin. Seven-minute opening bit. What?

Erin says, since it's my episode... Honestly, that's the way that it works here at Hey Riddle Riddle. If you are a keen, sharp-eared listener, you will notice that once every three episodes The same person is going to be, is going to end up hosting. So roughly 33% of the episodes that you listen to are going to be hosted by Erin. 33 by JPC. 33 by Adal. And again, you know, that leaves 1%. We do let Casey host one out of 100 episodes.

And then we put that on, we put that on a CD disc and we bury it in the Nevada desert.

I feel like that would be Casey's worst nightmare as old man puzzles for an episode. We would cause him to burst into flame. He would be like, why are you torturing me?

Two things. One, I just noticed that I said Nevada, which I used to live in Nevada, and I said Nevada all the time. And then people who don't live in Nevada have shamed me into saying Nevada.

They've shamed you?

Yes, because people are like, it's Nevada. And I was like, I lived there, and I said Nevada, so that must be right. And they're like, no, no, no. And so this is the first time that I think ever have said Nevada and said Nevada because of being shamed.

And then it's pronounced patata.

I'll be 100% honest with you. You've been saying that word a bunch of times. I have not heard a difference yet. No distinction, no difference. It sounds the exact same in my brain.

And number two, Erin, you're not as slick as you think you are buying time before we get into riddles because you repeated the whole voicemail and then said for Adal Rifai, press and then left 60 seconds of dead air, which I thought you were going to say, I thought you were going to press five and then I was going to say six and they would bring you somewhere else.

But I was anticipating a bit that you didn't do and that's the bad improviser is I was anticipating something you'd say rather than actually naturally reacting to something you were doing. I have a story to tell speaking of... I want to tell a little story from my weekend. So I flew back to Chicago for a wedding. It was such a beautiful wedding and the bride and groom are so... Such a beautiful wedding.

Such a beautiful wedding said a bridesmaid to a waiter.

Haven't you ever heard of closing the goddamn door? My favorite thing about Pete Wentz is that he turns to Minnesota in there. Ah, is that Peter Hurds?

And that was my story.

Let's go girls.

Beautiful wedding. Guess my invite got lost in the fucking mail.

Not an improviser's wedding. No, it was two of Sean's friends who have been nothing but lovely and kind and amazing to me. I think they're so special and the best.

Two of Sean's friends married the same woman.

No, they married each other and they are really great. And I just wanted to show them nothing but love and respect on their day. We show up to the church in Chicago. Our moving truck isn't here. We don't have a lot of our stuff yet. It's still kind of a mess. We're still like in moving mode. But we fly back to Chicago for this wedding. And we had to scramble to kind of get clothes and shoes because all of our fancy clothes are still coming in the moving truck. OK, so we walk into this church. And then I go, wow, I'm just, I'm having that feeling of feeling a little underdressed. I go like, oh man, these women are wearing like really nice dresses. And we sit down and it's about to start. And Sean's whispering to me like, I'm the only person here in a freaking gray suit. Man, like no one else. I don't see another single gray suit. I guess that guy's wearing, I'm the only one. And then right before the wedding party starts walking down the aisle, I go, Sean, is this a black tie event? Because I realize that everyone's wearing tuxes and gowns. And I look, we both look like we're going to a barbecue wedding. And I go, Sean, did you take me to a black tie event? And you not, did you not tell me it was a black tie event? Oh no!

He was like, that's a JPC, oh no.

We've talked about this on the podcast before. Church giggles are a very specific kind of laughing. I am dying laughing as the whole wedding party is going down the aisle. I go, I don't even live here anymore. There's no way I can walk. I can't. Am I gonna go to the gown store? And get a gout? I went out to rent something weeks ago in order to organize this. That is such a specific fear and nightmare I have as a person. I know better. I know that you have to show up at a black tie event and respect that. You have to wear a tux because people want their wedding photos to look a certain way. And it's just a sign of respect that I was horrified. So I started dying laughing. And as the ceremony goes, I realized how embarrassed I am and I started crying.

That's the move. That's the move. From laughter to tears, the story of Erin Keif.

Who just has been like he's trying to find a job and he had to, he organized so much of our logistics for this trip. Anyway, it wasn't his fault. People make mistakes, but I was like, I can't believe that we're at a black tie event and you're in a light gray suit.

I understand that you don't think it's Sean's fault, but I'd love to know who's fucking fault it is because someone's to blame here.

Here's what I'll say, it's apparent that he's to blame here

I can't wait to listen to Sean's podcast. Listen to Sean's podcast. He'll be throwing Erin under the bus immediately. You know he will.

He's not here to defend himself. He literally, he did so much of the organizing and the work and he like got the card and the present and did all the stuff that normally the labor would be split when you're going to a wedding. He did all of that. The one thing he didn't do is tell me that it was a black tie event because I don't think he understood what that was. Erin, can I ask?

Do you still have the invitation for the wedding or was it like a paper?

It said black tie event.

You went back and looked at it. You went back and looked at it. Yeah. Please, your honor, allow me to finish the question. How obvious for viewing that letter was the black tie? Was it like black tie a bit tiny font in the very bottom corner or was it like welcome to Rebecca and Lindsay's black tie?

Okay, to me it's obvious but because that it's a big fear of mine.

Got it.

You know what I mean? Like I'm a very paranoid person and that's how my anxiety works is that I think maybe I care too much what people think but also I'm just like an etiquette like my mom really got like bizarre etiquette stuff stuck in my brain of how important it is but Sean I think middle of moving we're We used to have some paper invitations that we had to take photos of in case I got lost in the mail. Some of our paper invitations for weddings are currently in transit. It's a mess. And I get that this is a mistake that I truly understand how it slips through the cracks. But it is one of the funniest moments of my life of me piecing together that I'm at a black tie event not dressed in black tie. But it was a lovely wedding and Sean is... He's like... Said the bride's made to wear... It's so fun to see Shawn at a wedding because all of his friends just love him so much and he's like the most fun wedding date of all time. So he more than made up for it.

Of all time?

No, seriously. I think that's the lifeblood of his personality.

I think Christopher Walken is the best wedding date of all time.

No, he's so great.

How long have there been weddings, really? Honestly? What, like 8,000 years? That's not that impressive. He's the best of all time.

He's so good at dancing. He's good at funny dancing. He's good at real dancing.

Yeah, he's great. Did Sean pay to be advertised on this podcast?

No, but he's not here to defend himself. So the point of the story is not that Sean made a mistake. The point of the story is how funny it is.

What are all those abs for if he can't defend himself?

I think Sean bought some advertisements, you know what I'm saying?

Sean, a lot of our group text messages on Hey Riddle Riddle is just Adal, JPC talking about how Sean has six-pack.

Erin, I would go back and reread some of those messages because JPC has mentioned it exactly zero times.

I don't know, dude. You're liking a lot of- I'll like him every time.

I think it's funny.

I'd love to support my friends. Please everyone check out Sean's podcast, Coyle Coyle Toile in Trouble. It's all about his not being able to read invitations or in general. Very quickly, I had kind of the opposite, Erin, where I once went to a friend's wedding that was a summer wedding, and I talked to everyone I know, because I only at the time owned one suit total. It was a black suit for World News. And so I was like, is it okay if I wear a black suit? And everyone I talked to was like, you can't go wrong wearing a black suit to a wedding.

Classic.

So I wore a black suit, show up to the wedding, everyone else at the wedding is wearing anything except for black, and I'm seated at the wedding next to Connor O'Malley. And Connor O'Malley, the entire wedding, keeps leaning over to me and going, uh, so you're going straight from here to your sketch review show? And then like five minutes go by and he goes, so later you are auditioning for tour co. And then five minutes go by and he goes, and then after this you go to a funeral. And it was just like non-stop. He's funny. The guy's funny.

You had infinity, yeah. That's amazing.

But I felt very out of place and very dumb. And I will never wear black to a summer wedding again.

I own four suits, and I've worn each one of them maybe twice, and who knows if any one of them still fits, but I'll be honest with you, I needed a suit for each type of occasion that I thought that I might. Because I'm the same way, Erin. I'm so concerned. Nothing I like more than when someone spells out a dress code for a thing that I'm unfamiliar with. Case in point, we did a photo shoot about a month ago, and they were just like, here's the thing, here's the date, and no one ever said what we were supposed to be wearing to this photo shoot. And finally I emailed and I was like, hey, what? We're getting our pictures taken. Shouldn't someone say like what we're supposed to be wearing? Lo and behold, I showed up after getting no info. They were just like, bring your clothes. Just wear your clothes. Showed up and they were like, what you're wearing is wrong. We're going to put you in a jacket. I was like, can we put this jacket on you? I was like, what a love for someone to tell me.

I got to say, that was a really cool jacket.

I did like that jacket. Mariah saw that jacket and she's like, we should get you one of those. That's what I am. It's the summer time. It's the summer. I'm not buying a jacket this summer.

Quick little note, this is not an excuse for people to bother and harass Sean about this. Him and I were in this boat together. It's a funny thing that happened. If you're going to tweet at Sean about everything or anything, have it be the microwave incident. Have it be when he promised he'd clean the microwave and he simply did not. Have it be that.

Erin, again, I have to ask, this morning, did you buy stock in Sean?

I bought Stock and Shawn four years ago, and it's the best decision I ever made.

We got off topic and you wrestled Shawn's name back in the conversation.

He is not here to defend himself. I am the knight and I am defending his honor. JPC was saying this, wah wah wah, Erin feel guilty for throwing your boyfriend under the bus. And I went, I'm sorry, I meant it to be a funny story, not the deck.

As a point of fact, I bought stock in Shawn four years ago, and I took an absolute fucking bath on that stock. And by that, I mean I washed myself on those fucking washboard abs. And that's the one time I will mention it. That's the one time I will mention it. Because I set up that.

Why do I have a feeling that this episode is going to be called Shawn's Abs? Because of how many times you're mentioning it.

No. 100% will not be. And Erin, if you make that the title, I put the show. Why? It's mine. Why? Because you are shoehorning Shawn in left and right.

I have no idea what you're talking about, but if you're interested in hiring Sean Coyle, here are some of his skills. He went to school for business with a minor in film. I wonder if he was social chair of his frat. I wonder if those sort of communication and planning skills could translate into a luxurious, amazing career.

JPC's like, I got ice cream the other day. It was a pistachio nut and it was very tasty. And you're like, okay, I guess hashtag pistachio Sean is trending on Twitter tomorrow.

I just want to point out that all of this is coming from the guy who like three minutes of an episode where Erin was wearing an interesting shirt was like, the episode's called the sweater, no more questions. It was a sweatshirt, wasn't even a sweater.

Well, because my whole MO is to make the show about you two and celebrate everything you do and wear and say.

Nobody has said anything about my Keep Austin weird tank top that I'm wearing today, so I don't know what the fuck I have to do to get the picture.

Everybody, you wear a tank top every day. If you showed up to a recording wearing a turtleneck, no one would be able to focus on anything else. J.B.

Sheehan, I recommend a different tank top. Sure. One that just says, Keep Austin stone cold.

Dude, I would love so. If anyone wants to buy me that sweatshirt and send it to me, I'll gladly wear it on a recording that you won't see.

This first riddle comes from Hailey. I thought you were going to say Sean. No, but he's great. He is so funny. I love Sean. And he's so smart. And he has such, he's like got one of those personalities where he thrives most places.

Erin, I will say I taught Sean in level two or three. And I remember thinking, this guy's so handsome and so funny. I really need to knock him down a pig. So the whole eight weeks I was like, you piece of shit, do 50 pushups.

And he was like, that'll only make me stronger.

I'm like, oh no, I'm helping him beat me.

Yeah, he is great. Okay, so this first riddle comes from Haley.

Yes.

I love your podcast. I listen all the time. Really brought me back around to riddles. Bringing everyone back around to riddles. I've had a riddle similar to this before, but I wanted to read it again. Susie spent a week at summer camp, which was fun, but she missed her boyfriend Kevin so much. When she got home, she immediately called Kevin and broke up with him. Why?

So Susie went to camp. Kevin is her boyfriend and she loves him so much. When she got back from camp, she broke up with him. That's all the information. But no, she missed him like crazy for the week she was away, right?

Yeah, I'm going to read it again. Susie spent a week at summer camp, which was fun, but she missed her boyfriend Kevin so much. When she got home, she immediately called Kevin and broke up with him. Why?

I see what's happening. So Susie went to camp and it was across the lake from the camp that Kevin went to. Now Susie was looking for a reason to break up with Kevin, but she didn't want to hurt him. So what she did is she took her, and she'd been learning this at camp, she'd been learning archery. So she took her bone arrow and tried to kill Kevin from the banks of her camp across the way. And she kept missing him. And not only by a few inches, she kept missing him with those arrows like crazy. Like she was off by 10 to our feet. And then when she got back, she's like, I can't kill him, so I have to just break up with her.

Adal, can I say, not every riddle that we do on this podcast is going to be a one to one for your life, okay? Stop shoehorning it in. Well, Mirror Max thinks it's a great, it's going to make a great miniseries. I'm sorry, if you've been talking to Mirror Max, you've been talking to a time machine, my man. I think that company's been gone for like 15 years. No. Yeah, I think Jay and Silent Bob's strike back was the last thing Miramax did. We're long past the Miramax. But did they? Did they? Strike back? They did. They sold Smooshy Miramax fulfill.

May I give you two Muppets a hint about this riddle? Okay, Erin. Sure, Erin. Now they're finally using their real voices. I really appreciate you just trying. I'd say this riddle has a real blue book energy in which they're leaving out a ton of information that how could you have possibly known that.

Okay, okay. Can I ask you a question, Erin?

Yeah, I love that you're curious.

So, did Susie, in the week she was away from Kevin, did she see Kevin in any way during that week?

She did not see Kevin before she broke up with him. She did not see anything. She didn't see anything.

Oh, was she held captive?

No, she didn't see anything.

She didn't see anything.

Did she get a call from Kevin that was like, hey, I want to break up with and before he could finish it, she was like, I want to break up with you. I said at first I win.

No, but that is my move always.

Yeah, that's a good move.

Hey Erin, can we talk? No, can we talk?

I want to see a scene. The two of you are two kids, we'll say probably 12, 12 or 13, somewhere in that range. Nice. And much like how 12 and 13 year olds act in terms of relationships, you two are going to meet each other at camp and within three minutes you're going to meet each other, start dating, have something go wrong, and break up all within about three minutes.

Wow, I've never been on a school bus and not gone to school before.

Excuse me, I think you dropped your glasses case.

Oh, I did. Hi, my name's Pepper. I'm from Maine. Where are you from?

My name's Zevan. I'm from around town. I wear glasses too, but I don't really bring them out very much because I think they make me kind of look lame.

Devon, I don't think you could possibly look lame. You got a backwards hat and your shirt says you like skateboarding. Wait, you got an eyelash. Wait, you got a bunch of eyelashes. They're all around your eyes. That's really cool.

Oh, you think that's cool? Well, I'd love to see you wear your glasses.

Oh, when I put on my glasses, I just look very pretty and cute. Nothing interesting. Oh, I put them on. Wow. I can really see your eyelashes.

You're beautiful like my mom is.

It's so nice. I'm so excited to canoe this summer. What about you?

Canoe? No, I'm allergic to water. Um, you're a canoe girl?

I feel like you could die at camp.

No, I'm just going to stick to the archery stuff that us cool kids do. Actually, you can loser. You enjoy your time at camp. I want nothing to do with you.

Lemon, this is a water camp. Water archery, water arts and crafts, water talent show. You're at the wrong place. Who's the loser now?

Well, I hope this camp likes wet pepper because that's all the people are going to be smelling. Sean.

Sean.

Sean.

And Sean. I'm going to call this episode the Sean as a sweet little follow up to the sweater sweatshirt episode.

No, call it the shunning like the shining because Sean is like a one for one for Jack Torrance.

He's not a horror movie. He's a good man.

Adal did the sweater, Erin did the Shawn. What's GBC's episode gonna be? Wow, the possibilities are endless. The quitting.

The quitting. So she heard something. You're sort of on the right track with a phone call, but it's a phone call. It's like a phone call. I'm doing a little air quotes that she wasn't necessarily supposed to hear.

Oh, so he butt dialed her and she answered and he was like, Hey, hey Sarah. While Susie's at camp, won't come over and do stuff?

You're such a good guy. You couldn't even fake being a bad guy for a second. That seemed very unnatural to you. I don't know how to cheat. So yeah, I think maybe I shouldn't have said phone call.

Okay. Is it that thing? Is it that thing from, I can't remember what the romantic comedy is, but Drew Barrymore's in it and she like, it's a romantic comedy and she's like the editor of a paper. So every romantic comedy.

Oh, never been pissed. It's about a woman who's never been angry.

You can hit my car again if you want.

It's Drew Barrymore and Bill Burr and never been pissed. Bill Burr teaches her anger. So no, it's Drew Barrymore and she's like, she's like gabbing to her friends about how she met a great guy and then she gets a voicemail from him. And then it's like, he's like, like singing her name on the voicemail and then it ends in the, wow, that's so sweet. And then there's another voicemail of that same guy, but he's singing a different woman's name. And then he realizes it and he's like, Oh, shit. Who did I just call? And I'm like, why wouldn't you delete that voicemail? They ask you at the end if you want to keep the voicemail. Anyway, is it that?

No.

Damn it.

He called someone, but she heard it not on a phone.

She heard it through the grapevine. How much California raisins, yeah. She heard it not through the phone.

Is this like a camp thing? Did she hear it on like an old string phone from camp?

No, that would be cool.

Telegram?

What's the way that you can hear people that isn't a phone?

Oh... A megaphone!

No!

What's the way you can hear people? I have to ask. Do you know who the California Raisins are?

Yes.

Okay, is that real?

Uh-huh. Let me see, how can I put you on the spot and test you on something? Let's see.

It wasn't to test you, it was just because you're the youngest of the bunch.

Adal, do you know who Bewitched is?

No, Will Ferrell.

No, they're an Irish band, and they're the ones that say, I said, hey, bro, I'm sitting in a tree. I want you to come for tea, don't be shy.

I remember that song. Adal, what was Millard Fillmore like in real life?

Is Kevin her brother and she heard him through her wall when she got home?

No, she was not dating her brother.

I don't know what people do. Did he make a mixtape and it was recorded on that? What's a way to hear someone that's not on the phone?

On the radio. Did he dedicate a song to another girl on the radio as she was driving home from camp? Man, I feel like an answer. Kevin, you fucking idiot. Why would you put it on the radio? I swear to God, a lot of these cheaters just want to get caught.

I would like to see a scene. Adal, you are a radio host, a DJ. And, Jay, you're a teenage boy calling in to dedicate a song to the person that you should not be seeing because you have a girlfriend. And then sort of right when you're talking, you realize it's a bad idea and you're trying to cover up for it.

Sure.

This is Casey Kasem. And right now we're going to do something a little different. We're going to do a dedication line to all the people across America, taking calls from everyone and anyone who wants to say something special to that someone special. You're on the line. Who are you? What's your dedication?

Hey Casey, my name's Jeff from Deltona, Florida.

Deltona, Florida?

It's a real place in Florida. I don't recommend going there.

Deltona, Florida. Okay, I'll look it up. I'll trust your word. Who would you like to dedicate the song and what's the song you want to hear?

Casey, first of all, just want to say this is my real voice not doing a crude imitation of you. This is just how I talk as well.

Okay, at first I thought you were making fun of me, but now I see you have the same mouth as me.

Yes, Casey, actually, that's something that I've always had. My mother was a huge radio fan, used to follow radio stations all around the country. Never met my dad, per se, but still, Kind of think of you as a father figure, Casey, for how influential you've been in my life.

Sweetheart, who are you talking to on the phone?

Nothing, Mom. This is movie phone. Just calling for movie times.

Honey, are you talking to- Don't own a phone- Hang up the phone. I don't want you to meet your father this way. I mean, I don't want you to call through a radio.

I mean- Wait! Mom, what are you not telling me?

I have to go to this- I have to go. I can't go.

Weird, Casey. My mom just left the house. Wonder what's up with her.

Shari had to hang up in that collar. He wasn't talking to me. Let's take a new collar. Who are you, where you're from, and what's your dedication?

Hey Casey, me again. Still at Deltona, Florida.

Seems like I got the old fucking collar. Deltona.

Well, there's a big statue of you down on Main Street. You must have been here before, Casey.

Yes, there before. Picnic on the beach. Oh, sorry, my elbow was resting on the sound board. That's for the morning zoo crew. What song would you like to dedicate to your mom?

Actually, Casey, I'm not dedicating a song to my mom at all. I want to dedicate this to my special sweetheart, Ribeau. Shit.

Ribeau shit.

Yeah! Remotion!

Casey, who are you talking to on the radio right now? Who is that?

It's just a young man who wants to dedicate a special song to a special song.

Casey, I don't want you to meet our son like that. I mean my son. I mean, I have to go.

Wait, do we live in the same house? Well, I do live in a duplex. Sean. Sean.

Oh, poor Sean.

Poor Sean. Poor Sean.

He's a very good comedian.

Well speaking of Porchon, we have to portion out our ads. Wow wow wow. Uh huh. Uh huh. So you're gonna hear a couple of them right now.

Hey guys, just so you know, I'm expecting a phone call during this, so I'm just going to have to like... Oh, Erin, whatever you need.

Yeah, absolutely.

Take your time.

Do you want to sit down? Do you want this seat or do you want to... Oh, no, I'm great.

I'll just get started.

Sure, yeah. Hey, enjoy your phone call. We hope it goes really well.

Okay, I'll be right back. One second.

Au revoir.

Hey JPC, I got a question for you. What's up Adal? Did you know that summer's coming and you and I need to get ready to unveil our beach bods? Beach bods?

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And we're not talking about your balls. JBC, I don't know if you mentioned this. Did you know that the trimmer is waterproof too? In the shower or in the wild? And from your chest pubes all the way down to your ball fro, the Lawn Mower 4.0 is the best trimmer for you. Oh God!

Manscaped even threw in two free gifts to their Performance Package 4.0, the Manscaped Boxers, and the Shred Travel Brag. Bring your comfort in boxers to another level! Hi guys, sorry.

Erin, I thought you had a phone call.

Yeah, and then I came back and I was like, this is a lot of fun. Uh, I'm gonna just jump right in.

I mean, honestly, it is a lot of fun. Like, for instance, use the Crap Preserver Ball deodorant to keep you on your game in the heat. Then, after trimming the lawn and whacking the weeds in the heat, give your beach balls a boost and use Crap Reviver. Wow, that voice is a lot of fun. And if you want to have as much fun as we're having and get 20% off plus free shipping with the code RIDDLE at manscaped.com. That's 20% off plus free shipping with the code RIDDLE at manscaped.com. Escape the shrubs and weeds this summer and shine with manscaped.

Manscaped. That works.

Erin, take off the mustache. We know it's you.

It was a really serious phone call.

Hey Adal, hey Erin, I got a bone to pick with the tune. So you know how I told you guys that I needed to send some letters fast and professionally and then you two directed me to that website that made me eat like four pounds of chili and then I got the worst gut pain that I've ever had in my life.

JPC, you moron. We told you to go to stamps.com, not cramps.org.

Oh man, what did I do? We told you stamps.com because it brings the same US postal and UPS shipping services right to your computer. They make it easy for small businesses to mail and ship without needing to take an annoying trip to the post office. They also print official US postage and shipping labels 24-7 without having to leave your desk or buy any fancy equipment. All you need is your computer and a standard printer. JPC!

Computer and standard printer? Nowhere in there does it say four pounds of disgusting chili that I don't even know how to make so I can't even be sure that it was chili that I made?

Ugh, JPC. Well, JPC, if you need to send something that's four pounds, that's fine. Stamps.com has you covered. I'm actually sending my cat Nirmal to, I don't know, Timbuktu, or I can't remember, Jim Davis? Really? Abu Dhabi?

We can't send cats in the mail. You shouldn't send cats in the mail. That's so expensive. So expensive. So expensive.

But just like reading Garfield, Stamps.com is a no-brainer, saving nearly one million small business owners like you time and money. They offer deals you can't get anywhere else. Like up to 40% off USPS and up to 66% off UPS shipping rates. And with their Switch and Save feature, you can quickly compare carriers to find the best rates every time.

And I have to say, I've used Stamps.com.

It is the easiest thing I've ever done in my life. And I breathe daily.

Okay? Just go to Stamps.com, click on the microphone at the top of the homepage, and type in Riddle. That's Stamps.com promo code Riddle. Stamps.com, never go to the post office again.

Abu Dhabi, I mean a cup of coffee alone is going to be 20 DNR?

Don't mail your pets.

Brahem, JPC, Erin, could I bother you for one moment, please?

Yeah, Brahem, Brahem.

Yeah, of course. Did you know that listeners, when listening to a British accent, are 75% more likely to retain what's being said?

Um... Why do you think we're speaking in British accents, my dear boy?

Very good. We'll send you all eels, just like Prince Charles. Tee hee, tee hee, tee hee in crumpets. Of course, tee hee is what we do like a cuppa. I want to tell you all about BetterHelp.

Ooh, BetterHelp is not that crisis line. It's not self-help. It's professional counseling done securely online, am I correct?

You're correct. And also please know that this is a paid advertisement. Aluminium and such forth.

Of course. You can send a message to your counsellor any time. And by counsellor we mean a professional, not like counsellor, like I think is a lawyer for us, right? We call those counsellors correct?

You'll get timely and thoughtful responses, plus you can schedule weekly video or phone sessions. I have to tell you, this type of therapy really changed my life. Better help works really well if your brain is not someone who just wants to do traditional therapy. You want to be able to talk to your therapist and send messages throughout the day when you're feeling something, when you're in the middle of something. It helps me very much and I can't recommend it enough.

And I must say, I know us Brits are all stiff upper lip and all that jazz, but you have to talk to someone. You can't have a stiff upper lip unless that's your thing and you're into it. But you should talk to someone about depression or stress or anxiety or relationships, sliping, trauma, Anger.

Family conflicts. It's also more affordable than traditional offline counseling and financial aid is available and the service is available for clients worldwide even in the Great Isle, which is something that would bearister. I was thinking of the word bearister.

Albion. I think we are known as, at one point, Albion, maybe?

You can find the expertise you need online so you don't have to limit yourself to counsellors located near you. It's convenient, it's professional, it's affordable, and you can get started today.

JBC, I have to break from the voice. It's Dame Maggie Smith. Dame Maggie Smith. Do the rest. Do the rest, Dame Maggie Smith.

Okay, fine. I'll do it. I want you to start living a happier life today. As a listener, you can get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at BetterHelp.com slash Riddle. Join over 1 million people who have taken charge of their mental health. Again, that's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Riddle.

I've been on so many TV shows and movies, and I'm very good at I'm British.

She's floating away.

Bye, the National Treasure! I'm classically trained! What is a weekend?

For Casey, press 7. To hear a Patreon episode where we go off the rails, press 8.

Wait, people can just call in to get the Patreon? That's not good. That seems like a big security breach.

We're on the beach and we're stuck on the beach. Little monkey bones. Come on in buddy.

And then here are some lyrics. You have to decide if you know where they're from.

Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear your name here. Happy birthday to you.

Mars. Goodbye. Wow. Just like a sample of a Patreon.

Wow. That made me realize our Patreon is amazing. So good. So good.

So worth it. I can tell you that we've only done one riddle and I did say that I try to avoid the riddles, but I didn't mean to do that. Okay.

Well Erin, how about in the second half, we take what we did in the first half and we double it. I'm talking too riddle. Okay, we'll see. I'm talking twiddles.

I gotta just say, Hayley, thanks for sending that in. That Riddle was fantastic. You're one of my favorite people who've ever written into the show. I wish you health. I wish you happiness. And I wish you nothing but the best.

And Hayley, can I just say to you, thank you. I just wanted to piggyback off JPC's. Thank you. You are one of my favorite comments. I love that Eminem is your dad. And I think you and Erin Rogers are going to be very happy. Oh, okay. Erin, anything else you want to say?

I should have. It was in my full power to see if it was a black tie event or not. He had never been to one. He didn't know what that meant.

We that weren't talking about Sean.

These are from Trevor, and Trevor is a teacher who made these for his students, but I don't know how old Trevor's students are, so we'll have to guess after these riddles.

Because Trevor wrote this so long ago that they might be 90 years old by now.

Yes, exactly.

Erin, before you continue, JPC, I don't know if you noticed this, you need to take a quick look at Erin's screen. She's got a little bit of sunlight coming in, and it makes her keep looking like she has insane eyebrows or a little mustache. I do think that that's funny.

Recording right in front of lines. It's like a little light mustache. Oh, I love that.

The light eyes. You look like the new Cruella de Vil with that makeup.

It's really cool though.

But it's like the anti-Cruella de Vil, like a Cruella Angel or something like that. That's where I got my cat.

I kind of look like a beautiful movie poster right now. I think so. A dystopian book from like 2014. You know the type. Children of men. There's like 10 of these and we're going to get through all of them, so good luck.

Cool. Love it. Thank you.

I'm like a stove because I warm things up.

I'm like a stove because I'm hot.

We're not going to make it to the end of these if we're doing I'm like a bird references and I will tell you that much.

Do you remember the first 20 episodes of Hey Riddle? I think we mentioned Nelly Furtado 40 times.

Yeah, we also did my wife jokes for a while. The song Two Princes came up way too much.

If I had a breakfast restaurant, which is, I've said before, one of my dreams that I would love to open up a breakfast restaurant, even though I think we should abolish all restaurants, I would have an item on there called the belly frittata. And what it is, is it's like a very savory frittata full of just, you know, like a lot of like salty, savory things. And birds.

Okay, I like that. And birds.

Yeah, so chicken.

I'm trying to think of what I would do at a other menu items at a Nellie Furtado themed breakfast restaurant.

Uh-huh, uh-huh. I think you'd have the timber steak. The restaurant is produced by Timber Steak, which is a... Timber steak is wooden steak, right? Yep.

Okay. Turn off the bite. It's like a hand food. You turn it off. I'll figure it out.

Yeah, we'll all figure it out.

I'm like a stove because I warm things up. I'm like a stove because of how I look. I'm unlike a stove because of how I sound.

So is each one of these a different answer? No, these are all the same clue.

It's all the same. It's just those three clues. So it looks like a stove. It does warm things up, but it doesn't sound like a stove.

Wait, looks like a stove and warms things up. This is my wedding DJ.

What? This riddle's really good and I think you guys are gonna like it.

Okay.

I like a stove because I warm things up. Sure. I like a stove because of how I look. I'm unlike a stove because of how I sound. And when you think of look, you don't necessarily need to think of how the thing looks, but maybe how the word looks.

Oh, this is a ovary?

Well, let's, and I pull down a diagram.

Oh, diagram.

That's what you put into your, oh. Is it a, okay, so I'm like a stove because I heat things up and the way I look, no, not the way I look.

Well, and yes, I'm like a stove because I warm things up. I'm like a stove because of how I look. So maybe it's a word that kind of looks like the word stove, but it's pronounced kind of differently.

Stove. Stove. Stoven. Stofers. Stove. Stoven, get down here. Trove.

Hi, I'm asking for $150,000 for 50% equity in my product, the Stoven.

It's a stubborn oven.

It cooks one at once, on its own time, and its own temperature.

Stubborn oven. Wow, the cookies are ruined again. Thanks, stubborn.

This pizza's burnt on one side. Thanks, stubborn.

Okay, so the word Stove. Stove. T-P-C, look at the words, close your eyes and imagine the word Stove. Okay. So, okay, we replaced it. I assume that O is what we're removing or replacing it with.

Shove. Shovel.

It doesn't have the first, first letter.

Doesn't begin with an S. Oh, it doesn't begin with an S. Okay, so, Tove. Are the rest of the letters the same, Erin?

Not totally. Fuck.

A grove?

There's a Rov versus Wave. Carl Rov. Mov. Mov.

It warms things up. The sun warms things up. What else warms things up? Oh, is it love?

No, but you're close. Add one more letter to that.

Is it? Oh, is it a sluv? Is it loves?

I'm asking for $150,000 for 15% equity in my company, Slove. It's stubborn love.

Erin, I believe I have the final answer.

What is it?

This is a little something you want to wear outside if it's a little snowy out and you want to toss a snowball. It's called a glove.

Or a pony.

I thought it was going to be a clove.

Oh nice, that also works in Delusion. Yes. A walk with this is easy, but so is a piece.

Many more.

I would not say that was an easy walk. I'm going to remember the rest of my life, but that walk was not easy.

If you've seen that movie, that's a lot to remember. Wow, this stir fry was incredible. That's a lot to remember. Wow.

There's a song that's inside of my soul. I can still play that song on piano. If you were born between 1989 and 1993, you can play that in a thousand miles on the piano stone.

More like Mandy Liz. Can you repeat the riddle?

A walk with this is easy, but so is a piece. Roller skates.

So is a piece. How is peace spelled?

P-I-E-C-E.

A walk with this is easy, but so is a piece. Is it like a piece of cake or a cane? Is it like cane cake?

Is it cake? A cake walk.

A cake walk. Fuck me. Okay, we have to do this. JPC, are you ready? Fuck. I don't know.

Am I?

I guess so. Here we go. I'll lay it down and then you do your fuck. Fuck me. Here we go. Thanks Erin and thanks. Who's this Trevor? Fuck you Trevor. He's a teacher. A walk with this is always easy.

When I'm walking, holding my cane, I just woke up and I hurt my hip. This is what it's like to be 40 years old.

Sean. You happy Trevor?

I hope so.

Are we ready? Yes. Are you ready?

What's happening to me? Okay. The answer isn't garbage, but can create rhymes.

The answer isn't garbage, but can create rhymes. Surely Manson? Yeah, that's what I was going to say, right? I'm only happy when it rains. Remember in the 90s when every song was about rain? Garbage. Missy Elliott.

What was Courtney? What was Courtney Love's band called? Hole. Hole. I get hole and garbage confused. I think it's because at home we used to have a garbage hole.

I always told myself, this is like in late high school when I actually like garbage, I always wanted to go to a garbage concert and just be like, you're fucking garbage! Like, front row just scream and be like, fucking garbage!

I once saw, I once saw a band, do you remember a band called The Used? Yes. So I once saw the used at Warp Tour and the way that Warp Tour works is like another band would start like 15 minutes into one band set like on a different stage and Andrew W.K. was starting up in the middle of the used set so everyone was just clearing out to go watch Andrew W.K. and one of the used guys finished a song and at the end of the song he goes, we are the fucking used and a guy in the audience Who cares? That'll stick with me forever. To be like a rocker who's on the radio with songs and have just a guy own you that hard of the audience as everyone is leaving your show. I want to see a scene.

That's horrible.

Yeah, it's pretty bad.

But it's the used and I don't feel sorry for them. I want to see a scene. Erin, would you prefer to be the heckler or the heckled?

Thank you everyone.

We are, as I stand, crying at my cousin's funeral.

Today, I have a special song for you. This song is called Worthless Fuck.

Yeah!

Thank you. But please, this song actually means a lot to me, so this is Worthless Fuck.

Oh yeah? Well, you cut in line in front of me at a Best Buy in 2006.

Never been in the Best Buy, ma'am. Never been in the Best Buy, so it couldn't have been me.

You were buying a TV because you broke your other TV. Because you said that an episode of Lost was unsatisfying. So you threw your remote at the TV. And then you had to go in and buy a new one.

Season 4 was completely incomprehensible.

How would I have... Oh shit. I remember that. Sorry. I'm walking through. I just came from Phantom Planet and I'm going to go see Phantom Planet on a different stage. I was the manager at that Best Buy.

All right, man. Enjoy the show.

Thank you. Look, that was a dark time in my life, but this is also a dark time in my life, but one I actually wrote a song about, so please just let me... Okay, play your song.

I wonder if I'll boo.

Will you? Because it's kind of... If you're saying that, I feel like you're gonna boo.

We'll see.

I'm not gonna play that song. I'm not gonna play that song. I'm gonna play one so loud that you can't boo over it.

Okay, I'll just put both of my thumbs down and be on my phone the whole time.

This song is called Arma Get Some. And this goes out. Hold on, hold on. Come on. This is our best song. My best song. I mean, it's just me up here, honestly. I just keep crying at my cousin's funeral. He's alone. Yeah. Hold on. Do you have headphones on? Are you listening to another band right now?

Yep. I'm listening to Imagine Dragon.

Come on. Imagine Dragon. I'm waking up. Is it just that song? You're just listening to that?

That's the only... Welcome to the new place.

All right.

You know what? Screw it. Yes, okay fine. You know what? You like Imagine Dragons? Well, here, this is, I'll do a cover. This is a cover of Radioactive by Imagine Dragons.

Okay, you ready for this?

You like this song!

You just sang it!

Sean! Erin, I don't know if I ever told you this, but my opinion of Imagine Dragons is, what if Muse was sitting around and said, hey guys, what if we sucked? And that's how the idea for Imagine Dragons was formed.

I hate to be this guy, but Sean has been doing a bit that's been making me laugh that any song that comes on he goes, what is this, Imagine Dragons? So they've been top of mind for me. The answer is in garbage, but can create rhymes.

And Imagine Dragons was written by John Lennon, right?

Imagine there's a dragon. There's a big breath in it. Did you guys watch the Paul McCartney thing on Hulu?

I have not yet.

Oh my god, it's so good. I love it so much. I mean I'm a huge Beatles fan, but There's so many parts in it that made me gasp like just basic trivia about songs like I At the beginning of Maxwell's Silver Hammer, you know the part that sounds like it's like a tuba It sounds like a tuba. That's the bass That's the bass making that sound. And I was like... The bass tuba?

Paul Stratocaster?

I know. I was like, my whole life's been a lie. I need to start over. And now I re-enrolled in middle school and I'm just... Wow. There's so much I don't know. I genuinely was shocked by that. Anyways, what was I talking about? This riddle. We have to finish this.

Isn't it funny how, like, of all the people that are in the world, there's only a few people that have ever seen Paul McCartney live, but almost everyone has seen John Lennon dead? Oh my god.

Isn't it wild to think about? Ah, interesting. What to do with this interesting... Hold on, I have to... You know what, I'm gonna call Hey Riddle Riddle Enterprises with my complaint. Okay. Okay. Welcome to Hey Riddle. Sorry, you go ahead. No, please. You do the recording.

No, Adal, please. Go.

No, she's done it twice.

It's Adal's turn to do it.

Well, she was calling, so I thought to support, but I was wrong to do that.

No, no, no. I just thought I'm glad.

I don't want to have to do it, so... Dial one if you'd like to talk to Mark David Chapman in jail. No other options.

Dang it! Click. Nevermind. Okay.

You've dialed Mark David Chapman. That's what I said.

Okay. The answer isn't garbage, but can create rhymes.

This one still? Is it grimes?

No. It's a type of person in the music industry.

Oh wait, the answer isn't garbage, but it can create rhymes. Is this MC Oscar the Grouch?

They're both in your home. In fact, the answer is two.

One belongs in the garbage.

The next, a cage. This one's really hard.

Well this seems very much like fries and brisket. Fries is the best sweet little boy in brisket's little devil on wheels. What would go in a cage in your home? Like a bird?

Fries and brisket, Erin and JPC. Guys, Adal doesn't have cats when he talks about fries and biscuits. That's us. It's him working out his emotions about us.

Erin, is the thing that goes in a cage an animal? Yes. So, okay, bird, hamster, ferret. What would you keep in a cage? A mouse, rat?

There's another song about rain. I'm telling you, the 90s were all about rain in songs. It was a wet time.

Your vagueness is part of the answer. What's an animal that you own? What do you call it?

A pet. So that's part of it. A pet project, a pet peeve.

They're both in your home. In fact, the answer is two. One belongs in the garage the next to Cage.

Oh, in the garage?

Yeah, but this is a really tricky one. I mean, full disclosure, I go through all the riddles before, and before I look at the answers of the riddles, I try to get them myself, and I did not get this one.

I had no idea. Part of it.

It's just part of it. So it's like there's technically kind of three answers. The word can be split apart in two different parts. One of those parts belongs in a garage, one belongs in a cage, and then together they make another word. Got it. Carpet. There you go.

Got it. Okay, well Erin explained exactly how to solve it and then I got it, but so that should not count, but I understand that.

I'm still really impressed. Car pet. Got it. Got it. I think you're really smart. Do you think that you're both smart? Because I think you're both very, very smart.

Well, Erin will say this, my credit score is above 800, so... You tell me.

How do you do it? Mine isn't.

I want to see a scene. Erin, you are at the vet, played by JPC. Yes. And no, not like a war vet. You're a veterinarian.

Okay, Adal, whenever you do stuff like this, you're talking to yourself. You're the motherfucker who makes those choices.

Anytime I call for a scene I have to think of like non-G Paul rules. Like how can somebody slip out of this? So Erin you take your pet to the veterinarian played by JPC and your quote-unquote pet is just a swath of carpet.

I'm sorry the receptionist said that you were quite upset. What can I help you with?

I dropped him.

Oh, okay. You know, this happens. Death is a part of life.

No, I don't think he's dead. I think he can still... Oh, okay.

Well, please, please. Is he in the car or what kind of animal are we?

He's in my arms.

Okay.

And here you go.

Sure. So this looks like a... Well, this is a swatch of carpet sampling.

Yeah. It's multiple swatches. Which carpet I want to get, so I just need you to help.

Okay, I'm going to tell you this, and I've told you this before. You come in here every week with another kakamee scheme. You bring in paint, you bring in carpet samples, you brought in one of those big pink plastic flamingos.

Yeah.

It's not going to happen, okay?

But, to prove to you that it's not gonna happen, I will agree to go on three dates, okay?

But I'm telling you right now, it's not going to happen between us.

I'll go on three dates. You would do three dates to a person you have no interest in. I have to be honest with you. I don't want to go on a date with you. I saw the inside of your home when I was trick or treating with my son and I thought it was gorgeous. Didn't know how to help.

Do not tell me that he was lying about needing to use the bathroom because that little dance was so endearing. God damn it.

Because your house is so beautiful and I came in here and every time I'd bring something in, I could see which paint color, which carpet sample, which everything you liked the best.

Do you know why my house is so beautiful?

Why?

Because I was serving a tour in Desert Storm. I stole Saddam's gold with Ice Cube, George Clooney, and one other guy. No, who's the third of three kings? Was it Spike Jones? No, I don't think so. Mark Wahlberg.

All right. Next one. I'm really proud of you. I was waiting. I went, where is it? Where is it?

Lexus doesn't make a convertible.

Lies spun worldwide.

Lies spun worldwide. Ah, the internet. The internet, the world wide web, baby.

You got it. Yes.

Log on.

To greet a cat.

Hello. Hello. Yes. Hello Meow. You say hello and I say meow. Hello kitty, hello kitty.

You got it. Nice. You give me trash. You drink from me too. If you're still confused, it's what you're able to do.

You give me trash. You give me trash, you drink from me too. If you're still confused, it's what you're able to do. Can? Can do.

Can do! You guys are so good at these.

Fucking it. Now we are. We got your fucking game. We know exactly how the game is played.

Erin, not only do I have a can do attitude, I have a can do Baja Blast attitude.

Wow. That's a can of dew.

What did I do in a world news show that I fucked up so bad? It was in a scene with you. I called a Baja Blast something else.

Oh Baja Fresh? Oh yeah. You called it Baja Fresh. You unfortunately called it Baja Fresh.

And you, everyone on stage, like any good world news show went, time to destroy Erin.

Well, Erin, that's like calling a Christian's Bible the Quable. It's just wrong. Wait a minute. We might have something there, the Quable.

Someone backstage.

Hey Sharks, so I'm pitching to you the Quable. It's a quiet Bible and I need $150,000 and 15% stakes. Is it like the stubborn? It's like the stubborn. It's a Bible, but quiet. You know how people are always up in arms about their religion? They're always talking so loud. It's just quiet.

It's just a little whisper. Ooh, you can't say up in arms about religion because of Jesus on the cross. That's true. Well, he was kind of a medium in arms. He was up in arms.

Was he up?

Yeah, I guess he was. Oh, yay. So.

Give us Barabbas. What was I saying? You were talking about your fuck up at World News and then you were talking about how we were at Riddles.

Oh no, I was saying at World News someone said once backstage, I forget who it was, it might have been Rob, is that we should change the name of World News to Blood in the Water. This is the second anyone makes any mistakes. Everyone immediately is like, well, I'm going to kill my friend. It's the best.

I remember there's a scene where somebody, I was in a chair. I was like tied to a chair and I was captive and Brett Lyons, it was like holding me captive. And he started dancing around me and singing stuck in the middle. And I go, what are you doing? And he goes, it's like I'm doing that thing like from Pulp Fiction. And I stood up from the chair and like I went down stage and mimed holding like a sniffer of brandy and I went brat brat brat brat. What are we going to do with you? Pulp Fiction? You sure about that? And I just chewed on that for like 10 minutes.

Yeah, oh wow. Don't do the reference if you can't name the reference.

Well, one time I thought I had JPC in that one of those moments because I said, three people can't pee in a toilet at the same time. And he said, okay. And then spent 15 minutes describing how three people could pee in a toilet at the same time. It stopped the show.

The pandemic can't, and I was never able to test my hypothesis, but if there's anyone out there who wants to test my theory about how three people can pee in the toilet at the same time, it doesn't matter what parts you have, we can make it work with my foolproof system. Sharks, I'm asking for a presidential party for crimes against humanity.

Three people trying to piss in a toilet at the same time is a lot like a podcast. That's what this feels like.

You can go to threepistsnonethericher.com to find out more about JPC's crimes against humanity.

Piss me. We knew you were going to do it. I knew it. I knew you were going to do it. I love that song. It's in my bones. Erin, are there any more of these journals? There's two more and then we'll be done.

We have to do them.

The shape of a circle or maybe a line. I destroy the earth but not by design.

Did you say line or lion? Line. The shape of a circle or maybe a line. I destroy the earth?

But not by design.

Is it like a horizon or a curve? Is it like the ozone?

This one's hard. I also did not get this one.

Shape of a circle or maybe a line. It's like an object. I just wear the earth, but not by design. So this is, is this like aerosol cans? Is this like... Is it like an orb or like a meteor or the shape of a circle? Oh, is this like plastic? Like those six pack plastic holders that you have to cut so turtles don't swallow. Is it a ring?

Closest to those... It's definitely something that we are trying to change the material of to perhaps save the turtle.

And it can be a circle or a line. IUDs?

Oh, a straw? A straw.

How do you mean? Nice. Nice. Oh, I see a straw from above as a circle.

One of my favorite comedy things I've ever done was... Have you guys heard of maneuvering?

Oh, yes. Delicious.

Great stuff. My friend Haley and I used to do a bit about sneezing up maneuvering, and then we made like a 40-second sketch Where she sneezes a Nuva Ring when we're at brunch and then we look at each other silently and then we go, oh we gotta go to the hospital. Because the math that would have to go through your head of going, okay I just sneezed my Nuva Ring. Yep, it had to move through organs. Yep, okay.

So medically, Erin, what you're telling our listeners that don't know any better, such as myself, is that women breathe in through their nose and breathe out of their

Yeah, something like that. But I have no idea where that sketch is if someone can find it. It's somewhere on the internet. I think it might be on Facebook or something. I don't know. But it's my favorite comedy thing of everything.

I'll tell you everything I learned about human anatomy I learned on this podcast recording it. So it's not a surprise to me.

Overees keep things warm. It's sort of a heating tray.

Yeah.

That's what I do with my ovaries. I anytime I need to keep something a little bit warm.

OK, so that's I always say when they say, how do you want your eggs? I say ovaries.

Easy. I told this to Adal before we started recording, but his brain is a prison.

Hell yeah.

I told him he doesn't have to remember every pop culture fact and every word playing the word. I do, I do. I may be a game with numbers that fall. I may sell you a pizza, but that is all.

Dominoes.

Yeah, you got it.

Yes.

I thought these were excellent. Thank you so much, Trevor. If you are listening to this, can you email us and let us know what age of people you teach? Because I'm very curious.

And can you Venmo us $34 for the publicity that we just gave you?

Shouldn't we all just go on the record and guess what age these people are? I'm going to say fourth grade is my guess. Fourth grade on the record.

I'm going to say these riddles were pretty tough even for a cracksmith like myself. So I'm going to say these kids are 25 to 29.

I'm going to go with sixth grade. Okay. Locked in. Sixth grade. Well perfect. Anything to plug Adal in JPC?

I'll go first. So one thing that I will definitely fucking plug is heading over to patreon.com slash HeyRiddleRiddle. We have three new stretch goals on the Patreon for some really, really cool bonus content. It's not even bonus content. It's just like special content that we're really excited about for three different series of thematic episodes that we've been working on. So please, if you haven't listened before or if you want to just get back into it, patreon.com slash HeyRiddleRiddle, we would love some of your support. And that's it for me, Adal, anything to plug?

Yes, I want to plug a few things. First up, I want to mention and plug our significant others. Mariah, Sean, and Gemma are all equally wonderful. They all deserve jobs. Two of them have a job, one of them is not. So maybe help the one that doesn't have a job. If you have a job, let Sean know. Also, I want to plug Audio Daddy, Casey Tony. We recently did an episode on the Patreon called The Space. He edits all of our stuff, but he really put a lot of hard work into that, so please give Casey Tony a follow on Twitter, at CaseyPony, P-O-N-E-Y, don't forget the E, and I assume, I don't know, he has other shit going on. I think he has some podcasts and he has maybe Instagram or something. Couldn't matter. You know what? I tried to do it. And halfway through, I decided I didn't want to do this anymore. Unfollow Casey Tony.

I would also like to use my plug to tell you to unfollow Casey Tony. No, don't do that. Casey's that I'm ruining. I want to use my plug to plug Sean Coyle on Twitter. His Twitter is ushongcoil, C-O-Y-L-E. He's very, very funny. He's the hardest worker I know. He's also very, very good at learning things quickly. So if you want to hire him for anything, he would be great at it. You can also check out him on YouTube. He wrote a web series with Willy Minster called, And the Findings. That's very, very good. And I also did a web series called, Welcome Back With Him. And I'm really proud of it. And it's sort of a little time capsule of people who I really looked up to in Chicago, minus J.P.C. and Adal, who were... Busy that day? Absolutely busy that day. Nope, you never asked this. You should check out Sean's work. Before I dated him, I was a huge fan of his, so check him out.

And while we're talking, Erin, about Sean, I just want to reiterate Adal's plug for Casey Tony. Now, I know that both of you did say, do not follow at Casey Pony on Twitter, but I would just like to, for the sake of transparency, read one of his tweets into the public record. Please. That way people can determine if they want to follow him for their own. This tweet, okay, it says, thinking about the finale performance from School of Rock, dot dot dot dot dot, holy shit, dot dot dot dot dot dot, fuck, dot dot dot dot dot dot dot. So if that's the kind of Twitter interaction that you're looking for.

Are you trying to get the world to fall in love with him all at once? It's going to be too much.

So that's just some good stuff coming out of Casey's corner. So I highly advise giving a follow.

I'm so sorry. I want to read another one just because I feel like people need a few more examples in order to understand his mindset and his sense of whether or not they should follow him. This is one from four days ago. The tweet is, what's up gamers? I have a stomach ache. So that's kind of where, that's kind of where he's coming from.

Yeah.

Okay. Go ahead, Erin, with one of Casey's tweets.

Hold on one second.

And feel free to scroll way down because he does a lot of stuff with pictures. Yeah. Just doing a lot of like retweets of other people too.

Oh, I found another one here.

This is, this is from July 18th. The letter K going to bed now. So that's like a good overall, just an aerial bird's eye view of what kind of content you're lining up for. And do you want to wait in line for that? I recently went to Disney World and I waited in line for a ride for two hours and after I did the ride I was like, huh, not worth it. So just kind of feeling it out. Erin, did you find one?

Americans believe it should be easy to vote. Oh, sorry. This is Mitch McConnell's Twitter. I don't know how I got it. America's in the red zone. No, if I can just COVID. Let's see. Sorry. I keep, I don't know, Casey, your Twitter is a lot like Mitch McConnell's Twitter.

The problem is Casey's retweeting a lot of Mitch McConnell stuff, so it's cluttering his timeline.

Tune in to Fox News right now.

Here, Erin. I'm sending you one now, Erin. Years and years ago, Casey used to retweet a lot of Carl Sandberg when Carl Sandberg was still alive. Do you want to read one of those?

Far too often, the federal government has proven incapable or even unwilling to... Oh, sorry. You guys, I am all turned around.

I misspoke. I meant Carl Sagan. Carl Sagan, Carl Sagan.

I was wondering where you were going with that, but Carl Sagan, just for clarification, Erin, that's like the planets in space guy.

Yeah. Okay. Cool? Oh yeah. I could make up a fact about the space out of nowhere. Jupiter. Bye.

Bye forever. Waka Waka. Kids? Wait, what was it? Hold on. John. John.

And John Patrick Coan. Casey Toney did the editing. And I've already paired it to the music. Logo created by Emily Cardenas and Emily Nemours.

Hey everybody, this is Casey's Callout Response Show, where I respond to being called out on the show when I can't respond. We've got a hell of an episode today, so let's get into it.

This tweet, it says,

Okay, first off, I dare you to remember the finale song from School of Rock and not think that. But secondly, let's see how JPC responds to things he liked from years ago that he's thinking of now. At JPCofly, Twitter, where can I get more tank tops like this? I think this is from Target, but I've never seen anything like it there in years.

Hmm. Are you trying to get the world to fall in love with him all at once? It's gonna be too much.

Erin? We're cool. This is one from four days ago. The tweet is, what's up gamers? I have a stomach ache. Yeah, gamers love that one actually. And feel free to scroll way down because he does a lot of stuff with pictures.

I'm feeling this dark world with art. Seems pretty noble.

Yeah, doing a lot of like retweets of other people too. Some kind of obscure shit.

But just for fun, let's take a look at Adal and JPC's retweets. Okay, promoting a project. Promoting a project. Self-promotion. Promoting a project. Self-promotion. Self-promotion. Promoting a project. Oh, a one minute front facing camera character vid. Promoting a project. Self-promotion. Promoting a project.

This is from July 18th. The letter K going to bed now.

Okay, this was posted at 8 a.m. after a 40-hour multiple-day editing marathon including checks notes this show, which I tweeted about shortly before. But go off.

That's like a good, you know, aerial bird's-eye view of like what kind of content you're lining up for. And do you want to wait in line for that? I recently went to Disney World and I waited in line for a ride for two hours and after I did the ride I was like, huh, not worth it.

Oh yeah, that's like when I spent two hours editing fart sounds Adal called for in a recent Patreon. When I got it on, I was like, didn't like that. A tweet about which did very well, mind you.

Go ahead, Erin, with one of Casey's tweets.

Americans believe it should be easy to vote. Oh, sorry. This is Mitch McConnell's Twitter. I don't know how I got it. America's in the red zone. No, probably against COVID. Let's see. Sorry. I keep, I don't know, Casey, your Twitter is a lot like Mitch McConnell's Twitter.

Okay, that is fair. I get that a lot. Anyway, that is our show. Thanks for the likes. I'll try to tweet more about cummies next time. Pluto! Bye-bye!

Hey there, arcades and fires. If you like that, you are gonna love this week's Patreon. It's another edition of a game that's not technically named that tune. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash heyriddleriddle by joining the Clue crew for $5 a month or the Review crew for $8 a month. See you there!

That was a hate gun podcast.