Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum podcast. Hey Adal and JPC.

Oh yes. What's Erin? You're glowing. What's going on?

Yes Erin. I brought a pen and paper. What's going on?

I'm feeling very happy because I have a new thing in my life that is really improving.

Really improving?

My life.

I'm just taking notes. I'm taking notes.

I know I saw that try to slow down my talking. Oh, good, good.

A new thing in your life, so you're dating Ben Grimm from the Fantastic Four. Uh-huh. Michael Chiklis.

I wish if I knew who that was. I started using Flex. Flex is a period product that looks out for my body, my lifestyle, and the planet.

Oh, this is Flex. Gemma's been using this.

Flex is innovating period care with products that are body safe, made for comfort, and made to keep you moving. It's been really frustrating my whole life to try to like, you get your period and you're like, oh shoot, and then you run to the store and you have to get tampons or pads or whatever and you're like, this is exhausting.

Sorry, maybe I should be talking. I'm going as fast as you are going.

But I've been using their new Flex Disc, which is a one-time use menstrual disc that fits perfectly inside your body. It's so comfortable. It's so easy to use and get in and get out. I love it.

Can I tell you something? Just a little, what's the opposite of a secret? A thing. Public slander. A fact. It's a fact. That my fiance Gemma has been using the Flex Cup and she says this is first hand reporting from Gemma. She said it's the most comfortable cup she's ever used in her life. Not how first hand works.

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White Speedos live for New Year's Eve sloppy sticks. Alfredo, Alfredo sauce.

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Have sex on the table. Sorry, I'm just writing notes.

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The doctor was the mother.

He stood on a block of ice. Both of them were goldfish. It was the cabin of an airplane. He stabbed him with the knife in my head. And the horse was deep-riding.

Hi, is this JPC?

Well, this is JPC's phone.

Hi, I'm Erin. I am the school nurse here at Hey Riddle Riddle. Adal says he's sick and he wants you to come pick him up. Come pick me up. He drank all my juice boxes and he has no fever. In fact, he is the perfect temperature, but he says he's sick. I have an oatmeal cream pie stuck in my throat.

Okay, I have a big presentation in about 15 minutes. I mean, I can reschedule it, but it's a big presentation. So are we really sure he's really sick?

Well, he says he has a cream pie stuck in his throat, but I think he just is trying to get out of doing riddles.

Don't say it like that. Don't word it that way.

What? Word it what way? I didn't hear it.

Was he trying to just suck down a cream pie real quick and got it stuck in his throat?

I'll just walk home. I'll walk home. At lunch today, he sucked down a cream pie out of everyone. I'm good. Hey, I'm good. Honestly, I think it's because he has riddles right after lunch and he wanted to get out of it.

Let me real quick, let me go ahead and Google, see if we can find a quick web and de-solution. So let's see. Cream pie stuff in throat.

No, no, no. No, no, no.

What are you coming up with? Mercy. It's linking me to a video. Let me just watch the video real quick.

Yeah, just watch that. Go ahead and watch that real quick.

Okay. Well, I'll tell you, this can work to get it out, but it's not really something I feel comfortable doing with my son.

Okay. Well, you know what? I'm just going to send it back to Riddles.

We cut to the video. Ooh. What do you have in your lunch today?

Oatmeal cream pie. Gonna eat it real fast. No. Wait. Oh no. Oh no.

Adal, you were at the Riddle nurse for a long time, but you're back and now we can do Hey Riddle Riddle.

Hey, you feeling okay buddy? I'm feeling a little... I'm a clever little 14 year old boy.

I think you were trying to avoid us. I think you were trying to avoid Riddles. Why would you try to get out of doing the show Adal? It's fun.

Because I'm the only one on the show that gets a grade after every show. I'm tired of it.

That's not true. Casey gets a grade too. It's just always a failing grade.

I get graded in feelings and colors. Aw, you're like a Montessori school. Yeah, JPC will be like, you did yellow today. Thank you.

And for all of you out there in the Riddleverse wondering how genuine and sincere is this bit that they do constantly about hating the show. And I got to say, 10 out of 10.

We don't like it here. 10 out of 10 what?

There's invisible forces keeping us here. We want to leave, but we can't.

When people say, do you like doing Hey Riddle Riddle with Adal and JPC? I say, I don't know who that is. I don't know who that is.

You block it out. It's almost like the Manchurian candidate. Whenever you're showing a riddle, you try and kill the president. But otherwise you just lead a normal life in total bliss.

Hey Riddle.

Strong, good, or grand.

Or yellow.

It was a needs work, needs approval of the rapids. Their raft flipped and they capsized basically and the person went out of the rapids, one person in this raft, went out of the rapids, smashed themselves on a rock and I just saw a volcano of blood escaping from this person. Well, also look at you using the word capsized, Dr. Water. It's a magic card. That's all I know it. So we ran, we pulled the person out of the of the rapids. Luckily they were okay. The head just, you know, bleeds a lot when you get a head wound. And they turned out to be a sex doll full of ketchup. The first question that we asked them after we had watched that horrible experience was, do you like doing this? So I can basically sympathize completely with people asking that question of us. That's fair. If you watched someone being bashed across the rocks. It's constantly for three years. If you watch Sisyphus rolling a boulder.

How can you be smashed against a rock when you are also a rock? You know what I mean? We're all destroying each other slowly over time.

It's like when a rock, when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object, you get a fast five.

They ask Erin Keif to do a podcast with them.

I think we should. It's fast five. It's family. I feel like Come up with a concept for the show that where we can continue doing this show because I think I have 800 and 900 more Riddle podcasts in me and then we have to stop. We have to pivot to something else. So what do you think we should do?

I love doing that because back when I was working in an office constantly I would go to people who didn't work in my department had nothing to do with my job and I would say to them what do you think my job should be? That's your responsibility now. What do you think I should do out there? Emails? I don't know. What do you think?

Hear me out. You guys hear me out? Wedding planners. JPC will do all the money stuff. Adal will be the MC and the DJ at everyone's wedding and I'll do everything else.

What's the difference between MC and a DJ?

Hey, that's your first task. You got to figure that out.

See this is why I gave it to you. I don't know.

So let me ask you, Erin, is this a podcast that you're pitching or you're just pitching that three of us start a business?

Yeah, we're going to start a different business. I don't think it needs to be a podcast. I think that's too limiting.

It doesn't need to be a podcast.

No.

I want to start a podcast. So this is an idea I had. And the two of you are more than welcome to be in this show, but I don't know what your temperature is in terms of doing more podcasts. No, thank you. Thank you. I'm so full. But I want to do a podcast, maybe with like Joy Romain or something, where it's like we do episode one, it is what it is, and then every subsequent episode is based on listener feedback. So we say like, what do you want to change? So if they're like, will you have to do this and this or add this person or whatever? So it's just constantly The podcast is called, What Do You Want? And every week it changes based on listener feedback and it's to demonstrate to listeners, you don't know what you fucking want.

Nobody does. I love how hostile that sounds.

I think what people really want to listen to is something that sounds very hostile to them. I think that that's intriguing to me. I'm like, this person's mad at me and I've done nothing. Let's give it a listen.

Can I pitch a podcast that's just the two of you without me really quick?

Is this just Riddle Riddle where we both talk riddles at the same time?

That's the show.

Erin you can but it's gonna be super embarrassing if you figure out the podcast we've been planning behind your back.

Oh good, I think it might be this. It's going to be called Unstoppable Force in Immovable Object. JP sees the Unstoppable Force, we all know this. He's more like JP Riddles than he's not. He's chaos personified. Adal is Immovable Object. He's a super stubborn person. He hasn't given up on future lizards when the rest of us have erased it from our memory. And it's just you two trying to function together without fighting. I think people love it.

I love this. Yeah, this is a great idea, Erin. I do think that no one will listen without you. So here's what I will say. All joking a salad, we do love doing the show. And if you are concerned about us not having enough riddles to keep this going for another five more years, put those fears to bed. We have over And 1,000 riddle submission emails that we have not even begun to crack into yet. So over 1,000 riddle submissions. Now, are some of those duplicates? Are some of those written by a person who sent an email last week that said I'm five episodes in and I want to suggest a riddle? Was that a riddle that we've done in the first ten episodes? Of course. That will always happen. And I love that to happen.

Erin, he can be hostile and no consequences? Classic immovable object.

It's okay to be hostile to that person. They will not catch up for another two years. And by that point when they hear it, they'll be like, this was my bad. But what I will say is we have so many of these listeners submitted riddles that we have a great episode planned for you today. Are you two, are you two ready to just get the fuck into it and answer some of these listeners submitted riddles?

I totally am, but I just wanted to speak on the fact that no one would listen without me. An image came to my head and I think it's correct and then people can let me know if they agree. I think that Adal is the salt. I think JPC is the tequila and I think I'm the line.

Oh, okay.

Together we are stronger. But I mean, a lot of people in the world love Adal. They want Adal with everything.

And I cause heart disease.

Uh-huh.

And I'm good in moderation.

And you're fun at a party.

And not for children under 21.

Yeah, I'm something that you kind of do a lot of in your 20s and then you put it away.

Yeah, that's like Gulchlager for me. My first time I ever got drunk was off Gulchlager and now if I smell it, I throw up.

You'll never find it at a nursing home, do you understand?

Uh-huh.

And if you get Erin in a cut, you're fucked.

Yeah, you think that I'm like, limes are good with everything. And then you go, wait, what are limes good with? And it takes you a second.

Erin, case in point, the show is nothing without you. When we were waiting for you to show up to the Zoom today, it was just dead air in here. It was just me, Adal, and Casey staring at each other.

That's not true. I logged on and then you guys were having a really great conversation about Steve Robinson. We were remembering the funny thing we watched.

Erin, I feel like this is going to be a definite one-to-one. I feel like when you say stuff like what you just said, I feel like it's like Beyonc after a concert and she turns to her backup dancers and she's like, ugh, everyone was watching you two the whole time. And they're like, are you fucking crazy? Like, your name's on the poster. You're the one with 100 costume changes. You're the badass who did all the dance moves. Like, they're all here for you. And Beyonc's like, no, Jeff. Tito, they came to watch you too.

Here's my analogy. Here's the one that I want to pitch to for the three of us. Adal is the boat. The base keeps us all afloat. Erin is the oars and the sails. You provide that extra gust to just keep us moving. I am the water. You need the water or else it's not really a boating trip, but under no circumstances do you get the water and the boat. Do not get the water in the boat.

Yeah, sorry. This is how JPC is trying to remind himself to not hook up with Adal.

He goes, I can't hook up with Adal.

I mean, can't do that.

Stop the motion in the ocean. You know how like, you know how Friends was basically over when Ross and Rachel got together season one?

Yeah, we can't, we hint at it a lot, but we can't put it into the show. And that's not to say we haven't done stuff, just, you know.

Sure.

Nobody wants to hear about that. Let's do Riddles, I'm sorry to delay you, JPC.

Oh, it's okay. So we've got an email from again, September of 2018. This is from Olivia. Olivia writes, in a standard US style crossword, there is something special about two across and three across. What is it? Two across and three across. This is a fact, I would say. But you know, it's kind of like a riddle that is also a fact.

There's something special about two across, three across.

Okay. Olivia, I don't know if this helps, but Olivia also includes, they're a big fan.

Cool. I will say I've never seen a tweet or an Instagram message or an email of someone saying, wow, hey Riddle Riddle, just read the riddles I sent in in 2018. I'm so excited. No, I don't think any of those people listen anymore. I'm pretty sure they don't.

I don't think so either. It's okay.

Um, so this, I think this is what happens when you get a little older because my brain three times a week goes, I knew that once. And I think I knew this month. I used to do the New York Times crossword way more and I knew what this was and now I don't remember.

I mean, is it as simple as like, they're the farthest left words on the, on the page or something? They're the farthest left words on the page.

No, I don't I don't believe that that's anything.

Is it a proper noun thing or like a vowel thing?

No, the answer here is truly going to depend on if you if you are like a big crossword person and you know how a US style crossword like it looks basically that that you'll know like immediately that there's something special about two across and three across. I would say if you haven't done a crossword in a while, it might be like a challenge to get the answer.

That took me a second.

500 days in a row or something like completed it that often. But I can't picture in my head something that makes two and three special. And it's specifically when the words are placed in the boxes, it's not like the clues beforehand.

There's a certain number of letters.

It has to do with the number of two across and three across, but not the clues.

Oh, two is two letters and then three is three letters always.

No, Erin, that's a really good guess because you're thinking of like the way that it would have to function as it's laid out. I will say the layout has a lot to do with the answer to this riddle. I'll also say there was a streak that I was doing in the New York Times crossword where I got me like that app for my birthday one year like a subscription to the crossword app and there was a string of you know weeks and weeks where I would do it on the train on my way to work in the morning and then I realized I don't like doing this. It's something for my brain to do, but you know what else? I can watch a video on my phone. And that's another thing for my brain to do.

I highly recommend everyone subscribe to Games Magazine. It is a chocolate block full of games that are like crosswords, not always exactly crosswords, but similar, but I think a little more fun. And also I think I've ranted before that Alan Alda is always an answer to a crossword. Every single crossword I've ever done, it'll always say like Mash Actor Alan 10 down or something.

Adal, real quick follow up to the Games Magazine. When you say subscribe to Games Magazine, now to do that, do I just go down to my soda jerk and give him a quarter and he gives me a phosphate and a subscription to a magazine? Or do I have to figure a time machine to go back in time where that would be a fucking suggestion?

What the fuck are you doing? You feel like a big man? You feel like a tough guy? Get him Adal, get him. You don't think that games is a word we use today? You think the word games is only a word that was used in 1940 and 1950? I'm an immovable object. If you're listening to the premiere episode of the Unstoppable Force meets the immovable object. He's a jerk. He's a jerk. He's a both a jerk. Next topic.

He's a both a jerk. He's a both a jerk. Oh my god, somebody make a fake happen.

Next topic on our show, religion. No, I'm a big no. Yeah, I'm a hard no on that as well.

Best friends! He's both a jerk. JPC, I think I just had a memory. Can I help you with this?

I don't know. Are we supposed to shout out every time we have a memory?

Because I haven't been doing that.

If you've had a concussion, you do need to let me know if you've had a memory.

Okay, he's both a jerk. Okay, so my memory is that I think it has an A in the same place. They always end with A or E or something. They always end in the same letter or start with the same letter.

I'm so glad your memory is a solution to this, Riddle. Otherwise, I was like, what are we going to talk about?

I was on a trampoline. I was very young. I'm just going to do unrelated memory.

The first time that I ever got drunk was on a trampoline and we were drinking shots of vodka and chasing it with Sierra Mist and I was like 13 years old and on a trampoline and everybody puked. Just vodka with Sierra this chaser. Oh boy.

I gotta say I'd flip those. I'd be like thank God for this vodka to get the taste of the Sierra mist out of my mouth.

You know what we could have used at that time? An adult to help us.

I can't imagine starting to drink while I'm still watching Saturday morning cartoons.

Well, it was not the morning. That would be insane. Yeah, I was thinking at 13 and it was 9 a.m. It's fucked up all over the place.

I don't mean at the same time, I mean at the same time, at the bowl of cereal.

I want to see a scene. Oh, please. Erin and JPC, you are two people in New York City and you have just opened the door and walked into the hottest new bar in New York, which is called Trampolines, and we take you there now.

I can't believe we got in the list.

Oh, fuck me.

Oh, what? I haven't stepped in yet. What?

What's wrong? There's a rail on the side when you step in. Just make sure you grab the rail.

Ah!

I like when through. Oh, hold on.

I'll help you.

Okay, the shoe is gone.

Oh, my Louboutin heels. I'm New York. The lady having it all. The city's one of the characters.

You lost one heel, Trish. You might as well... Do you want to just ditch the other one or just hold it?

You're right. I'll buy more tomorrow.

We'll buy more tomorrow. Welcome guests to Trampoline. Please do not fall through the trampoline. There is nothing beneath it. And when I say nothing, I mean nothing for quite a long time.

I heard about this. This is built on the New York City subway system, an old subway system, and it's basically just a black hole that lives underneath the city.

Oh, I love when bars are haunted in New York City. It gives them character. Ooh, I love it.

Speaking of character, is it kind of New York City like the third character?

The character, yes. I was just going to say the same thing. The city's sort of a character. It feels that way. We get our coffee on a Sunday morning down at the bodega, and then we do the crossword puzzle together, and then we climb the Empire State Building every night. It's so romantic living here in New York.

Ooh, yeah, while we were sleeping.

Okay, I want to see me do a backflip. I can't land it, but I can do it.

Well, it's all trampoline, so you don't even have to worry about landing it.

Yep, and hoop.

Oh, my tray of drinks.

I'm sorry, we're not supposed to bounce in here?

No, why would you bounce?

I'm carrying drinks everywhere.

Yeah, bouncing's my job. You two better be careful. Oh, okay. Look at him.

Is that the bouncer? Is that the guy who bounces the trampoline and we all kind of get double bounced?

I don't know. He seemed like a big guy, but you would need a big guy to double bounce people, so I'm... Same.

I love it. Yeah, a bar where it's just like littered with glass everywhere because everyone's spilling their drink constantly. I mean, making tons of money.

Someone's trying to sip and then their friend starts jumping and they go, don't. Please, stop.

I mean, especially with New York drink prices going out of control. JBC, are two and three the only words in a crossword that carry through two or three downward answers?

Let me give you a hit. Specifically, it is two across and three across, and the layout of a crossword, of a standard USD crossword, has everything to do with what would be special about two across and three across. I can just give you the answer. I can just give you the answer, Erin, if you would like to hear it.

Yeah, I'm a coward and I give up.

Can we get a hint first? The layout thing is important.

Yes, we understand the fucking layout, JPC. What I'm asking for is a hint. And when you just say layout a hundred times, we get it. You studied words, undertow.

All right. So imagine in your mind a crossword, right? You've got one across. It doesn't really matter how many letters or that clue is, but one across, It can't be shorter than a certain amount of numbers because there has to be downs associated with it as well, right? You wouldn't have a one across if it was like, if there was a one, if it was a one letter answer. So what is the shortest amount of letters that one across could be while still being like the clue to a word in a cross? Three. Three. Okay. So if one across is three, then immediately you go down to Two and three.

Oh, are they intersecting the same word, but they don't have any words coming off of it?

No, it's just that if one across is a three letter word, then you have two down and three down. So you cannot have a two across and a three across because that next across would be four and seven or something like that. There is no two across and three across on a US crossword. That is the answer to this riddle. You both are looking at me completely blankly, so I don't know how else to say it. There's something special about two across and three across is that they can't exist because there cannot be a two across or a three across on a crossword.

Well, you got us detective. We were in witness protection. My name's not Adal Rifai. This is Erin Keif. Okay. Yeah. Do you want to say your real name?

Okay. Um, yeah.

Oh yeah, please. Adal, what's your real name? My name is Louis Bogdanovich. Oh. And it's my wife.

Daphne Blender. How do you do?

Come on. That's her full name. Blender Middleman, how do you do last name? Yep, DP, how do you do? That was a tough one. I appreciate always a listener submitted Riddle, but that was tough without seeing the board. It's tough to like remember because I don't pay attention to like, oh, they skipped two and three. I don't pay attention to anything.

I don't pay attention to anything.

I'll be honest, I don't pay attention to anything. When I'm driving, it's a shit show.

Oh my God, are you driving right now?

I am, yeah.

Holy shit. Wait, sorry guys. JPC is pulling up to a fast food place to order.

He's doing donuts inside a well?

What is it? Oh, he's ordering, sorry.

Excuse me, I'll just have your well donuts. So whatever bottom shelf donuts that you have. Hold on, I'm getting a call from a mouse. Nevermind. I was driving this morning. And I was in, you know, my neighborhood, residential street, and there's a green light and there's a car in front of me and we're coming up to like a green light on like a red, like they're on, basically on Lincoln. And the guy, it's a green light, just slowly stops. And it stopped at the green light. And I pull up behind him and I'm like, what's going on? Was it you from the future? I have no idea. But I pull up behind him and I honk. And he does nothing. And I honk. And he looks back at me through the rearview mirror and just goes, huh? And he shrugs. And then the light turns right. And I go, what on earth? He was like, no, I know this light. I cannot make it through the intersection. I must stop here on green. And then I spent the, I wasn't mad. I was just like, I was like, cause I'm, you know, I was a block from home and it doesn't, it doesn't like, it didn't matter, but I was just staring at him. I was like, what was the shrug for?

Yeah, that would stay with me.

The shrug, the shrug. And then he didn't like look at me after the shrug. Like you just kind of like just looked ahead and whatever, but I was like, was the shrug just like, my book complete fine.

It's like watching someone trip with a candle, a curtain that goes up in flame, and they just look at you and shrug and kind of walk away. You'd be like, wow, there was more to say, more to do. What do you mean?

It implies we both saw what happened, but I don't want to have to explain myself. There's no explanation and we'll never find one. The other day I was coming home and I was going north and it's a one way, I mean there's one lane of the road. So I'm going north on a one lane road and I go to turn right to turn onto my street where I live and the guy behind me sped up to try and pass me on the right as I'm turning right. He could have easily paused or he could have easily sped up and gone around me on the left. He tried to pass me on the right as I was mid-turn and then we both stopped because I thought he was going to hit me and he almost hit me so he stopped and he lays on his horn the entire time and starts cursing at me. So I just put my car in park and got out of the car. I didn't know what I was going to do. I had no plan. I'm not tough. I'm not strong. But I was just like, this needs to stop now and I will be the one to stop it. So I got out of the car and then he backed up in terror and sped off.

You stress me out so much.

It was the most wild thing I've ever seen where I'm like, what did you think was gonna happen that you could pass me on the right as I'm turning right?

I do love that Adal and I's stories like it perfectly sums up the experiences that we would have with other human beings whereas mine is just a mysterious thing that will never be explained and it will leave me questioning for the rest of my life and Adal is, he almost died. He almost died.

Two times. Two times. Once in a car and once when I was dumb enough to get out of the car.

There's only going to be two hits. Your car hitting me and then me hitting the ambulance door and saying... And then me hitting on the ambulance driver.

There's going to be two hits. You hitting my car and Celine Dion's. My heart will go on playing on the radio.

Well, dear listeners and Olivia, if you're still with us, thank you so much for that Riddle. And now as a special treat for you, let's listen to us just talk about some advertisements for a little while.

Olivia, if you're still with us, yikes!

Hi Adal! Hi Erin! Something happened to me!

Who is this guy?

Oh, I can't tell who this is. Who are you?

Don't you remember? It's J.P.R., J.P.C. 's cousin from the country. Oh, yeah.

Oh, hi. What's up? Yeah, I forgot in the Indiana countryside.

I never been to the big city before here in Chicago, and last night I got abducted by aliens.

Oh, that sounds serious.

Yes. They took me onto their ship and then they made me take a two minute sleep quiz. It only took two minutes to complete that matched my body type to my sleep preferences to the perfect mattress for me.

Okay, so you just discovered the internet and you took the Helix sleep quiz. What? It's just something I did to find my perfect Helix mattress. I'm not even kidding. Every night before bed, either Sean or I looks at our bed and go, we love our bed. Cause we have a Helix mattress and it's the best.

The aliens told me they got soft, medium, and firm mattresses. Mattresses are great for cooling down if you sleep hot and even a Helix Plus for the plus size folks.

Yeah, JBR, here's what's going on. I own a Helix mattress. It's the most comfortable, amazing mattress I've ever owned in my life. What happened is you got such a good night's sleep and this mattress is so out of this world that you dreamt about aliens because you weren't waking yourself up in the middle of the night.

Oh yeah? Well if it was all a dream, how would Helix be awarded the number one best overall mattress pick of 2020 by GQ and Wired magazine? Two things I've never heard of before!

Was this in your dream? Did the mattress ship to you for free? Came right to your door and you didn't even have to go to a mattress store ever again?

Okay, here's what I want you to do. I want you to take this big city device, we call it a laptop, and go to helixsleep.com slash riddle to take the two minute sleep quiz and they'll match you to a customized mattress that'll give you the best sleep of your life. Also JBR, I know in the country there's a lot of thistles and corn and juices. Brambles! Brambles even?

People from the country have mattresses on the internet and everything normal. This guy's just bizarre.

They have a 10 year warranty and you get to try it out for 100 nights risk free. They'll even pick it up for you if you don't love it. But you will.

You're telling me the Helix is offering up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows? We call those country squirrels. For our listeners at helixsleep.com slash riddle?

Uh-huh, that's helixsleep.com slash riddle. And again, a lot of people from the country are not like you. You're just this whole thing that is uniquely you.

I drive a Lexus. You sleep with your head on squirrels? That's nuts. Okay, Adal, that's pretty good, I like it. Adal came to play. JPC, Erin, can I talk to you? Yes. Sure. Puzbot? Yes, it's me, Puzbot.

Okay, great.

I'm wearing so much makeup you can't tell it's me, but I wanted to let you know ever since Adal brought me into this world and I became sentient, I've been having so many problems that I can't turn to him about.

Well, can I make a suggestion, Pussbot?

Please.

I think you should check out BetterHelp. Oh? BetterHelp has licensed professional counselors who are specialized in things like depression, stress, anxiety, relationships, sleeping trauma, grief, self-esteem, LGBT matters, family conflicts, and anger. And BetterHelp is not a crisis line. It's not self-help. It's professional counseling done securely online.

You know online right, Puzzbot? Like you can connect to the internet, right?

Technically, my heart is connected to the internet at all times or I die. Great, and you can start communicating in under 48 hours. That's amazing. Lightning fast.

And you can send a message to your counselor anytime from anywhere in the world because the service is available for clients worldwide. You'll get timely and thoughtful responses plus you can schedule weekly video or phone sessions. Plus bot, this kind of therapy has always worked so well for me. Traditional therapy just didn't work for me and was stressing me out and that appointment always felt looming. But when you have the option to contact your therapist whenever you're really in the middle of feeling something and you need some advice, they're available to you. It's amazing.

Oh, I get it. Ha ha ha. You two are joking me. This sounds too convenient to be true. How rude, Erin. How rude.

No, Puzzbot. It is convenient. It's also professional and affordable and everything and anything that you share is absolutely confidential. Puzzbot, listen. If you want to start living a happier life today, as a listener to our show, you'll get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at BetterHelp.com slash Riddle. Join over 1 million people, you know people, the things that we are and you're not, who have taken charge of their mental health. Again, that's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Riddle R-I-D-D-L-E.

Erin will you marry me? I'm busy that day but I love you.

Oh I love you too. JPC will you marry me? No way man.

Hey Adal and JPC. Yeah? I forgot to eat right before this recording and I'm starving so I just would love if we like don't talk about food so my tummy doesn't rumble and ruin the sound.

Erin, here's what I'm going to say. Absolutely not. This is a lesson for you, and it's a lesson that you're only going to learn the hard way. And that's how, and me and Adal, your parents, are going to be pretty tough on you, kiddo.

Yes. Sit down, sweetheart. You're grounded. And you have to listen to your father and I talk about the delicious thing that we just had. You know how growing up, which you're currently doing, cereal was one of the best parts of being a kid, which you currently are. But I had to give it up because I realized it was full of sugar and junk that you shouldn't really eat. I've been trying to cut out. I got carbs and sugar, all this unhealthy food, and I realized I basically can't eat anything anymore.

Magic Spoon is cereal with zero grams of sugar, 13 to 14 grams of protein, and only four net grams of carbs in each serving. It's only 140 calories of serving. It's keto friendly, gluten free, grain free, soy free, low carb, and GMO free. Now I know what you're thinking, you just took all of the stuff that's good about cereal and took it out. What is left? Well I'll tell you what's left. Delicious taste. Magic Spoon is fantastic. Fantastic.

I'm craving something like chocolate and peanut buttery. They probably don't have anything like that, right?

They have exactly that, Erin. Stop listening to Britt Daniels and listen to Magic Spoon. You can even mix what they have. I mix the cocoa and peanut butter. It tastes exactly like a peanut butter cup, which is a dream.

I mixed the fruity and peanut butter because I'll try anything once.

I loved the fruity ones so much. I sometimes dream about them. They're so delicious and I cannot wait to get my next box.

Well, Erin, you're grounded. Go to your room, get on your computer, and go straight to MagicSpoon.com slash Riddle to grab a variety pack for yourself and for us and try it today. And be sure and use the promo code because we worked our butts off for this promo code.

Yeah, your dad and I really worked hard on this.

Riddle at checkout to save $5 off your order. And Magic Spoon is so confident in their product. So confident. So confident. It's backed with a 100% happiness guarantee. So if you don't like it, if it doesn't put a big old scarecrow grin on your face for any reason, that'll refund your money. No questions asked. Remember, get your next delicious bowl of guilt free cereal at magic spoon.com slash riddle and use code riddle to save me and your dad $5 off.

Because it is hard money and we understand that it's an allowance for you and you're just spending your dad nice money.

And now, let us pray. Thank you Magic Spoon for sponsoring this episode.

GPC I'm sick, I can't do any more riddles.

Okay, Erin, I picked up the phone because I'm midway through a big presentation. What's it about? I haven't really figured that part out yet. I do some crowd work in my presentations. I make fun of people's clothes.

Why do you keep getting promoted? You're so lazy.

I know. And ultimately, if it goes a different way, I just blame whoever's two levels below me and then they take the complete fall for it and it ruins their lives. But I just keep going up.

Oh, Adal says he's sick too. Right, Adal, we're very, very sick.

No, put me on the phone. Put me on the phone. Um, GPC, I'm also sick, but Erin said she's sick with blue khakis. She says that she keeps, uh, she has blue khakis everywhere.

Okay, I'll jump everything out. I'll drop everything and come get her. Thanks, Adal.

Can you, can you Google blue khakis? No, it's okay.

She's wearing blue khakis. No, I trust her. I trust and believe her.

I want to fuck you guys over too.

I trust and believe her.

Okay, so these riddles come to us from Erika, another person with an A at the end of their name, huh? I'm sensing a theme for the episode. What are the odds?

Grasping at straws.

Yeah, that's the theme. Okay, Erica writes, a young woman is whisked away to a far off land. Where?

Good for her.

Honestly, good for her. While she's young?

Good for her.

Get it, Alice. Go for it.

While she's young? While she's old? Good for her.

Where, Erin? I don't know. Let's see about good for her. Where? She kills the first person she meets.

Good for her.

Good for her. I hope the first person that she met said something cross to her and I hope she just killed them.

Yup, exactly. Good for her.

I hope they asked her to smile and then she was like, here's a smile and then she ran a knife across their throat. It was like, how's that for a fucking smile? Then she teams up with three others to kill again.

What is happening? This is Yoko Ono and she joined the Beatles. Now we all remember she killed Paul. If, if I am the wall versus to be believed. Sure. Then she started a new band where she dressed like Kukukuchu. Called Kukukuchu.

Teams up with Paul Ringo herself to kill John.

Uh-huh.

Oh, interesting. Let me just really quickly check Erica. Yep. That is correct.

That's the answer, good job. Thank you. We gotta get that delay fixed. Now the answer to this riddle is a Miyazaki film called Spirited Away. Now a young woman goes to a different realm. She immediately kills this little thing and then she joins up with this other kind of thing with a face and a wolf maybe.

So you're like a big film buff, huh?

Like you're just like a big movie fanatic, huh? I like to reference films, but I'm in big trouble if anybody calls me on it.

The girl is a dog and the dog is hunting.

Yes, it is the video game Duck Hunt.

Yes.

Wow, perfect Duck Hunt impression. Thank you. Yeah, T-ball. Okay. We're just setting this up for these big dingers. Okay, so it's not hunting, no. Women is West away to a far off land, kills the first person she meets, then teams up with three others to kill again. What the F is happening?

Erin, I have the answer, but I want you to get there.

No, thanks.

Get there, buy me a ticket, and then I might go.

I'm going to keep myself busy. I'm just going to, I'm just going to tinker around my room and then you guys can let me know.

This is for my hobbies.

These are my hobbies. I want to see a scene. Um, Erin, you have just moved to a new place. It can be anywhere in the world, real or fictional. You just moved to a new place and, um, uh, we're going to see a scene where you accidentally or purposely kill the first person you meet.

Um, hi, I would love what's good here. Do you have a fish special? I'd love to try your fish.

I thought this would be regional because we're coastal.

I thought you would have a fish.

It happens more than I like to admit. I get that question like a thousand times a day, but no, it's just like coffees and, you know, anything from the glass case here as well.

Sorry, I know I see you're staring at my knife. I just, I work at the knife factory and I accidentally, I was like in such a daze when I went home last night that I took this home with me. So I'm just bringing this back to work. I know it's making you nervous, but this is just my knife from work.

I didn't even know that we had a knife factory in town. What do you do at the knife factory?

It's new. I sharpen them, but I like I haven't been like back in the workforce and I in a while because obviously COVID all this stuff and I got a cold and now I just keep like I have these like violent sneezes so I like got back to work immediately got a cold you know how it is. Do you guys have whipped cream here?

For sure yeah for sure we have we have whipped cream in minutes I mean usually we Unless it's a dog ordering it, we don't just give plain whipped cream. We usually put it on top of a drink or something.

So no puppuccino for me? I was going to order a puppuccino. Do you have a dog?

I'm in line behind her. Do you have cod? Is there like a cod sampler?

Sir? Or oysters? We have this conversation every day. There's no fish. There's no cod. There's no oysters. You're obviously three dogs wearing a fucking trench coat. Let's get out of here. Get out of the Starbucks. You have to be in a car and drive through to get a puppet cheeto. I'm sorry, man. I'm so sorry about that. Those dogs, they're neighborhood dogs. They're nice guys, but they are. And sister.

Nope, no worries. I'll just take a pub.

Am I leaning closer?

I didn't get that? Oh my gosh, I poisoned you.

Fantastic. I would love to sneeze on a stranger in public and be like, oh my God, I poisoned you. Oh, I'm so sorry. Poisoned. Adal, did you have an answer for that one?

Yes, Erin, I'm going to try and get you there, girl. Would you like to solve the puzzle?

Just tell me what it is.

Let's say the weapon that she uses to kill the first person she meets, it's a domestic weapon. A domestic weapon.

That's such an awful clue.

Let's just say the weapon she killed her with, it's where her heart was.

A couch. A home.

Yes, it's a house. It's a house.

Oh, is this Wizard of Oz?

Wizard of Oz. Now, I don't know, I haven't seen the movie, so no spoilers, but that Erika says that that is the answer to the movie. So no spoilers for me, but yes, that is the answer. Congratulations, you got it.

I would like to see a scene.

Oh, no. Oh, no.

Adal, you are at a bar with your friend JPC and you're about to spoil a movie that's from like the 1930s, 40s, or 50s and that's like a classic that everyone knows and JPC is getting kind of angry that you're about to spoil this movie for him.

Cheers. Of course you're drinking a club soda. I asked you to a bar and then I realized you don't drink and I feel a little foolish, but thank you for coming and finding something to drink. It is 100% okay.

This is the best trampoline bar in Chicago. It's kind of like a new chain and I love it here, so I'd never mind coming out.

I heard 20 people fell into a hell mouth in New York.

Yeah, but you know, that's fucking New York. It's like a whole other scene there. Everybody thinks it's so similar, but it couldn't be more different.

Oh, speaking of a whole other scene, you know how you're watching Citizen Kane one 10 second scene at a time?

Yeah, I mean it's honestly just because HBO Max sucks.

Don't pause anything. Don't pause anything.

I try not to, but it's like, yeah, I got like a 10 seconds and then the whole app shuts down and I have to go anyway, but yes, I thought it was my TV for months.

And then I heard other people, you know, complaining about it. I was like, no, it's a thing. Like they should fix that.

Yeah, but they won't because they don't fucking care about us, huh?

Anyway, Citizen Kane, you know how he's kind of talking about Rosebud.

Well, you know, he can talk about Rosebud. No, I'm like maybe 40 seconds in man. Come on. What the fuck? Well, surely he's mentioned Rosebud. I don't know, sometimes it's 10 seconds at the time so it cuts off into certain words. Oh yes, Rosebud, yes. That's in the first 40 seconds, I believe, of the movie. But I saw it in two separate 10 second viewing.

And surely, I mean the movie's been out for like 90 fucking years. So surely you've seen it referenced on like The Simpsons with the teddy bear or any of that stuff? No. Don't watch The Simpsons. But if there's a teddy bear in the movie, don't give me a spoiler.

What The Simpsons?

You've never seen this episode. Okay, how to spoil that movie for you. I've seen it. I've seen it. I don't know what you're fucking talking about. I feel like there's a dome around Springfield, but I could be thinking of a Stephen King movie.

What does that mean, dome around Springfield? Hey, Adal? Eat my shorts, man, okay? I do not want to hear any spoilers about... So you remember?

Remember what? Eat my shorts. Which references us back to Rosebud, which is Citizen Kane's asshole. No! What are you doing? He calls his asshole Rosebud.

Hey you guys, we're gonna have to kick you out. The stand-up has been out there just trying his best to perform. We'll tell John Mulaney he sucks. You've reduced him to tears, okay? He's trying to compete with you two talking about pop culture back here.

Hey, don't have a cow man, okay? We're just trying to have a normal conversation. Punch? Yeah, I guess I'll have some punch. Hey, why did you punch me, John Mulaney?

I was just doing my stand-up. Don't, hey, do not shoehorn impressions that you teed yourself up for. We don't do this on the show.

Can you imagine falling into a Hellmouth? What would that be like? When I was younger, I thought Hellmouths would be a bigger problem as an adult.

This would be like, wow, Cher just walked in. If you control my shot. Like that, what the fuck are we doing? We can't tee up around shit.

Holy shit, Cher's here. JBC, did you see Cher just walked in? Cher just walked in? She walked into the room singing her song, which is, you know she's game to do karaoke. Share, share, please. We're all raps. Share, please. Come on, share. One song. What do you want me to sing? Bloodhound Gang.

I don't know that.

You don't know The Roof is on Fire by The Bloodhound Gang? Don't spoil it, don't spoil it. I don't know that The Roof is on Fire. Okay, this next riddle comes from Katie. Katie says in a postscript, wow, a postscript to the email, great podcast. Couldn't agree more Katie. Could have led with that. Here's the Riddle. Those who have me are worried. Those who lose me are poorer. Those who win me no longer have me. What am I?

A mortgage. Disintegrating money. Okay.

Did I get it in on time? Adal said disintegrating money into Erin says a mortgage. So obviously you guys are calling me out on my decision to buy the money pit from the film The Money Pit. Yes, it was a bad investment, but I love John Cleese. So what am I supposed to do? Not John Cleese. Who's in the money pit? I love John Cleese too. First of all, I was thinking of Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, and I was thinking of, why do we fall down Mr. Bruce? What is that? Michael Caine. So I said John Cleese because I was thinking about Michael Caine from a completely different movie.

JPC rode a roller coaster ten times in a row before we started recording.

I'm clapping for JPC right now. This is a clap just for JPC.

What a beautiful insight into your brain. Brain, you flatter me, sir. And can I just tell you, this is maybe my favorite, I mean a lot of people who listen to my podcast know, huge Money Python fan, I know Erin is as well.

Your podcast.

My podcasts.

Oh, I see.

Yeah, this is about siblings that you are. I own them all. And I think people know pretty well that I enjoy this sketch the most, Money Python with Michael Kean. Excuse me sir, this parrot is dead. No it's not. I assure you, this parrot is dead. Let me pick him up here and he falls right down. Why does he fall? Because he's dead.

Do the spam bit.

Wait no, let's have him do one that didn't age well. Do the lumberjack song.

Lumberjack song!

I'm a lumberjack and that's okay. Do we have an answer to this, Riddle, that's not a mortgage or a disintegrating money or whatever?

Read it one more time. I think I might know it.

Those who have me are worried. Those who lose me are poorer. Those who win me no longer have me. What am I? Is this like secrets? Being a loser. That's a really great guess Erin, but that is not correct.

Is this like secrets or like an antidote or... Secrets or an antidote.

No, it's not like any one of those things and it's not those things. Okay.

Well, give us a chance. Give us a chance then.

Give us a chance.

Trust, believe.

Uh, so I don't know. Yeah. I think if, let's say I got a letter in the mail telling me I had one of these, I would be worried. And I don't think I've ever, I don't think I've ever had one before.

And if I, and if I did, if I did have one, I would be worried. So if you got a letter in the mail about this, you'd be worried. You don't think you've had one. Is this an illegitimate child?

Oh God.

You think that they would contact me through the mail?

Yeah. A warrant out for your arrest. Divorce papers.

I love the idea of somebody showing up on your door and you open it and they're like, hey, dad, what happened in Vegas? Didn't quite stay there. I live here now.

I do like how it's not just I have a child. I have an illegitimate child. Like they're putting that on themselves. Like me, I'm not legit, but I'm your kid.

I would love to get pregnant in Vegas. I'm very interested in that. Love to go to Vegas, get pregnant. I don't want to go for the gambling or the shopping or the food.

I'm going to Vegas and I'm gonna get pregnant.

I can't wait to see how that matches up on the Zoom. Good luck, Casey.

Okay, so if you got a letter in the mail, is this like a tax audit?

No, now I actually I have been audited before for not paying taxes, which is a funny story because I was an independent contractor as you both know in Indianapolis when I was doing in college and stuff when I was doing comedy sports all of that was like independent contractor income and I remember I had a friend who gave me some of the worst tax advice I've ever had in my life, which was like, it's not very much money. I just never worry about it. I just never declare it. I just never pay it. And I was like, that sounds good. I'm 18 years old. I'll just do the same thing as well. And I didn't declare any income that I made from comedy sports for like three years or four years. And then finally I got a letter from the IRS that were like, hey man, you owe us $2,200 from this year. And I was like, That seems like a lot of money, but you're only asking for one year and I know for a fact I haven't paid you for four. So I was like, why don't we just settle? We'll do it. I'll pay it. You got me. Congratulations. And we're done here.

Young Wesley Snipes.

You got me. Good job IRS.

My tax dollars paid for you to catch me, not paying my tax dollars.

Well I was also in college at the time and I was getting like federal Pell Grants and stuff and I was like you basically already gave me this money so I'm like Obama gave it to me I guess I'm giving it right back. Good times. Good times.

Learning tag stuff. So this is some thanks on it, but this is something that you would be notified through the mail.

Oh Erin you have hit it on the head. It is a lawsuit.

I'm so sorry. Um You're bleeding. You're bleeding. Let's see. Do you enjoy this? Is this a passive award?

Unfortunately Erin they are filing criminal charges against you. So this lawsuit is taking you to court.

So I can no longer have it.

But isn't a lawsuit something you just buy at like men's warehouse?

Yeah. If you don't show up to court wearing a lawsuit, it's a shitty device of our criminal punishment system, but it is true. Yeah. The judge... You're going to love the way you look. Yeah. And those who win me no longer have me. I like this one. Katie also mentioned that many times their friends have guessed a bet, which is also true as well. The bet works as well. So Vegas is still on the board. Oh my god, what if a snake bit you and someone's like, ooh, I have something that's perfect for this. So me and my cousin were shopping for pants. No, no, no, that's an anecdote. Please. No, no, no, no. You're supposed to piss on the bike. And we say 32 by 33s, you don't have them? Everybody has them. Okay, this next one is a riddle from Rourke. Rourke writes, oh, that's fun to say. Kevin was bringing Susie a replacement vase for a vase he broke. However, when he got to Susie's house, there was no vase in the car. According to Kevin, he stopped short at the stoplight and the vase flew backwards, crashing into the back of the car and shattering. As soon as he said that, Susie knew he was lying. How?

It would have crashed forwards. It would have been thrown forward, right?

I think it's because, hold on, let me give my answer. Okay. Which I think is also right.

You know, interrupt the lady being right to say some bullshit. I love it. No, no, no, I love it. Do it. Go for it. This is excellent.

I didn't interrupt you. I interrupt JPC. This is, that's true.

While you were celebrating me. Unbelievable. No, Adal speak. Talk.

Go. The moment's passed.

No, I want to go back.

No, the moment's passed. I want to go back. Erin, if Kevin had stopped short, the vase would have flown forward due to its forward momentum.

Adal, let me tell you something about physics. Okay?

Ow, you're grabbing my shirt too tight.

Let me tell you something about physics. Come here. Ow, how are you doing this through Zoom? Objects in motion stay in motion, okay? And I know that you know a lot about physics, but I'm going to tell you what I know anyway. And I got to the end of the things I knew about physics, and that's what I know about physics.

Oh, I'm sorry ma'am. I told you I know a lot about phys-ed.

Oh, me too. I can climb a rope right to the top.

I want to see a scene. I want to see a scene. Adal, you are going to be delivering a pizza to Erin. But Erin, judging by the shape the box is in, you have some questions about what has happened to your pizza on this delivery journey.

Ding dong. Hey, sorry, my doorbell's broken. I really appreciate you making the sound. I'm so hungry.

Hey, you ordered a pizza from Domino's?

I ordered a pizza from Domino's.

Oh, well then you dialed wrong. We're at the 1-800-Domino's.

Okay, well, that's fine.

I flunked at a junior high.

That's okay.

I know it is, but they only at Domino's, they only hire people who flunk out.

I think that's actually a really great policy. This box looks like it's been through hell and came back. Was this on fire?

Oh, is that because I put two pitties over its eyes so it could cross the river sticks?

Yeah, that's just the tip of the iceberg. There's so much happening with this box. It looks like a kindergarten class sort of used crazy glue and some glitter and feathers.

Yeah, we only use, at Domino's, we only use pizza boxes that were crafted by kindergartners.

Okay, great. That answers that question. Why was this on fire?

Sorry, let me get crafted by kind gardeners.

Ooh, okay. I'm just gonna open the boxy.

Oh, sorry, you want to grab the zipper from the side.

What? Okay.

Grab the box zipper.

Uh-oh. All right, I grabbed it. It's not seemingly connected to anything. Let me just, okay, here we go.

Let me crank the box here.

Okay, there, and it's open. There seems to be at least five or six little nibbles taken out of each slice. Did you get hungry?

I did, but I didn't eat it, but our cooks always taste as they do.

Come here. Listen, I have a bunch of hungry 11 year olds having a slumber party at my house. My son thinks I'm a fucking loser. And if I bring this pizza in, they're going to tear me to shreds. They're going to tease me and make fun of me and make me so small.

Okay.

What are you going to do about it?

Um, how about... Oh shit, he's coming, he's coming.

Oh stepmom, where are we with the pizzas?

I'm not his stepmom, I'm his full biological mother.

We'll see, you're married to my dad.

I'm married to his stepdad, this is horrible.

Where is my pizza? I'm trying to have a party downstairs.

It's coming right away so that I- Sure, and you can buy whatever games you want. You can rent whatever movie. You guys can stay up till four in the morning. Whatever.

Uh, I think I got this ma'am. Hey Champ. Big guy. Look over here buddy. We have a new pizza that I delivered today just for you. Your mom is lucky enough to get the first sample of it. It's called Tiny Bites Pizza and what it is is it's pizza with little bites out of it so that your tiny mouths can easily finish a slice and still feel cool. Wait.

Yeah, that's right. Mom, I get it now. You're saying that if I continue down the path that I'm on, being the person that I am, I'm going to end up like this thing? I don't want that.

Pizza box?

I don't want that, Mom. I apologize. I'll call you Mom again. I'll call my stepdad Rick. I'll do better. I won't be such a dick. Thank you, sir.

I want you to call the pizza man dad.

No, please. That's my first name, so it'll be confusing.

Wow, maybe the kid dad. That's a big, big move.

Well, I think it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. I think that kid grows up to father some children. This is my son, my dad?

That guy grows up to get someone pregnant in Vegas.

Full circle. That's true. You definitely get pregnant in Vegas from a guy named daddy.

Went in Vegas.

Oh, we should shout out, this is a great opportunity. GBC, you were recently on an episode of Call Her Daddy, weren't you? Yes, I was.

No, I'm sorry. I'm not familiar with that podcast. I was on an episode of Call Me By Your Daddy. It's a fruit podcast.

It's a fruit podcast. Thank you. I only know this podcast, Call Her Daddy, because it just got bought by Spotify for $45 million or something. 45 million. And also what is the one smart list with Jason Bateman and Sean Hayes and Will Arnett. That just got bought for 80 million dollars and it makes me think what the fuck are we doing wrong.

We're not famous or successful.

Spotify if you are listening to this our offer is still on the table. You kill Jake and Amir and then we give you 80 if you want. No, no, no, no. We of course wish them nothing but happiness and health. And we have time for one more riddle. So here it is. This is a quick one from Jenna. Jenna writes, quick riddle for you that's been one of my favorites for a long time. A woman has married multiple men over the years. Mormon. She's not doing anything illegal and none of the men have died or have been divorced.

How? I know it. I know it.

I know it too.

She's an officiant of a wedding. She marries people.

Adal, was that what you were going to say? I was going to say the woman is actually X-Force team member Multiple Man. He put on a wig and he multiplied and married several people, but for the sake of time, let's go with Erin's answer. You're both wrong.

The woman is Michael Keaton from Multiplicity, except her name is Mary and she married herself by... What's the plot to Multiplicity?

Is it a machine that does that to him? It's a machine. It's a guy whose work is kicking his ass and his family life isn't getting enough attention from him. So he's doing contract work at a facility, a new lab in California, that clones people, and the guy goes, I see that you're stressed, let me clone you to help you out. And then he clones himself, and one clone stays at home with his family, one clone goes to work, but then the clone at work gets bored and clones himself, so there's a clone of a clone, and then starts to be very weird and doesn't hold up terribly well.

Now I haven't seen the movie, so no spoilers. But thank you so much, Jenna, for really the whole plot. Thank you so much, Jenna, for sending in that email.

I'd like to see a scene.

Oh, Erin, please.

Ooh, last one I've seen. JPC, you are an efficient and your- Please, Adal, pause your time, please. Oh Adal, you're here. You can be in it.

Oh, not like this.

JTC, you sort of forgot that you had to be an officiant at this wedding, so you showed up thinking you were the guest and now you're sort of just improvising and spinning your wheels during the ceremony. Got it. And you can marry me and Adal.

Dearly beloved, we are gathering here today. Sorry, can you turn around? You don't want me to do this, you want me to do this out to everybody? Yeah, absolutely. Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today. And if we were 45 minutes late, I'm sure we're all sorry. Sure we all thought we could just sneak in, but that was not the case. So we, what's important, is we're gathered here today. I'm sorry, can you get off your segue? Just give me one moment and dismount. Hey, take a look at her. And you. Take a look at this big log of meat right here. Huh? Waka Waka. Looks good. Did you forget your names? No.

Did you forget her names?

Why don't we all say our own names? That's fun for a wedding. Jeff.

Lisa.

Lisa. Dad.

Okay. Well, as we all know, Lisa and dad, they've known each other for hell. It feels like a long time. And they, Love each other, okay? And so that's why we're here. We're gonna celebrate that love. Now, I believe you've elected to... Please, please, please, please, please. Write your own vows?

No.

No. Big no. Big no on that. Instant no.

Can you not do a scratch-off ticket while you're doing the ceremony? If I win, I split it. With who?

Me, Dad, and Lisa, huh? Three-way split if I win.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, that's not so bad. Look, Dad... And Lisa, they're meant to be together. If anyone here present at the ceremony has a reason why they shouldn't be married, email me. I'd love to hear it. But I don't think that that's going to be the case. I don't think that's going to be the case. Okay. Don't check your laptop. I'm waiting on an email. If you say that part, you have to give them a log. You have AOL still? You've got mail. Okay, here we go. And I had to hardwire him and I had to dial in through a phone line. So if someone's calling right now, they're not going to be able to. Let's see. Got mail? Okay. Penis pills. Yeah, but what do they do to the penis?

No, but what did people say? Should we be getting married?

Hold on, hold on, hold on. Hold on.

Sorry, my name is Mr. Pills and I sent you an email. I'm Lisa's ex-boyfriend.

Oh, okay. Plot thickens. And you and I, we should talk offline about the rest of the content of this email.

Perfect.

Perfect. Telling some that we should talk offline in the era where you're still dialing into the internet. You know what? We love to see the Riddles. We thank you so much for sending them in, even if you did send them in three years ago. We love all of our listeners and we love doing the show for you. And now we love doing our favorite fucking part of the show, which is the part where we talk about plugs. Erin, is there anything that you would like to plug?

Oh great, my favorite part of the show. You can follow me, Erin Keif 10, on Instagram. And I just wanted to say a quick reminder again, if you sent me a message in the last like three months, my Instagram started auto deleting a lot of my messages. So just resend it and I will get to it. And Adal, I would absolutely love to hear you talk about what you're doing right now.

Oh, thank you. Um, let's see here. Well, first of all, we should say if you have emails for us, please send us those emails or riddles to hrrpodcast.gmail.com. We love it. We love it. And some recent things I was on that I had a really good time with are, um, I did a recent episode of Bill Budd's podcast. JPC, do you know when that's dropping? It dropped two days ago, my man. It's already out.

You can listen to it now. What's the album?

Can I know? Yes. We listened to Ben Folds, period. I almost said five. Ben Folds, Dead Stop, Rocking the Suburbs, one of my favorite albums. And it was a goddamn blast.

I don't get many things right the first time. In fact, I am told that a lot.

I am the pluggiest. And also you can check out, I believe it's on, it's definitely on YouTube, and I think it's maybe available in podcast form, but I was recently on a show called Death Battle, which from a search seems like a very popular YouTube series, in which two characters fight to the death, and I got to choose the characters and be on the episode, and I chose Loki versus Beetlejuice. It was a really good time, and please check out Death Battle. It's by the folks from Rooster Teeth, so check that out.

Cool.

JPC, do you have anything to plague?

Same old bullshit. You can listen to Bilbud's Pod. You can follow me on Twitch, Twitch.tv slash sharkbarkman. I'm on Twitter at JPSofly and I think that's about it.

Uh oh, we're getting to the end of the road of plugs. Anything else to say guys?

I wish I had given more high fives in life.

Bye forever.

I was just gonna say we were like running through things on the end of the edge of the road but we got to Jupiter immediately and I was happy with it.

Bye forever.

Hey there Bears and Pods. If you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. Billionaires be damned, the Clue Crew is going to space. You can listen to that, plus our entire back catalog by joining the Clue Crew for $5 a month or the Review Crew for $8 a month at Patreon.com slash Hey Riddle Riddle. See you there.

That was a hate gun podcast.