Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum podcast.

Yeah, let me just do a little more room tone right here, whether there's no plane. Just in case Dr. Perfectionist Casey Tony needs a little more room tone.

Congratulations on finally getting that doctorate, by the way, Casey. Really exciting stuff.

Yeah, guess who fucking paid for it. The doctor was the Casey.

He stood on a block of ice. Oh, then we're going to finish. Hey, what's the captain of an airplane? He stabbed him with a knife and a knife. And the horse ate right in it.

Erin Keif, welcome to the Gates of Heaven. I am Peter Gabriel.

Oh, sorry. Just give me one second. I just died. Ow. Ah. Oof. Okay. I'm okay. Okay. What's up? Oh, are you warming up for heaven? Yeah. I just, I want to impress God. I just have a feeling that he's going to ask me to sing or something. Go ahead.

Should I lead you in a warmup?

No, it's okay. I mean, do the speech you normally do. Just, I just want you to have an easy day at work. Go ahead.

Did you know that you don't need unique New York?

Ah, fun.

Yes.

Okay.

You'll find that and many more secrets we've been withholding here in heaven.

But first... I have a lot of true crime questions about who, like... Oh, we don't listen to true crime podcasts. Oh, fuck me. Okay.

Did you in your life? Did you?

Yeah, I just thought that maybe I'd get to heaven and then I'd learn about all the unsolved true crime cases. But you know what? That's fine. That's fine.

Well, to get into heaven, we just have to ask you the one question. What did you do on earth that should allow you entrance to heaven?

Well, I did 150 plus episodes of a riddle podcast with two men.

And pulling the lever. Welcome, JPC. I am Beelzebub.

Welcome to the Gates of Hell. Are these towels for everybody? Those towels are for everyone.

Okay. Cause I'm going to ruin these towels. So don't use toilet paper.

They're already ruined. They're infested with bed bugs.

Perfect.

So am I. What kind of milkshakes you got down here? We have milkshakes that are, um, the flavor is steak. Okay. That's fine.

As long as there's steak flavor.

God damn it. JPC, I'm so sorry. I'm here too. Did we die at the same time? That's kind of fun.

Yeah.

Are these towels for everyone?

Wait, did we? Yeah, they're for everybody. Go ahead. They're ruined. Hey, knuckles, shut your mouth. Sorry, I could tell you're subconscious about your knuckles. That's why. I usually pick a nickname, which is the one thing that people are like, well, if you're not now, then you will be self-conscious about those.

Look at them. I'm also so- Careful.

I'm also self-conscious about my tails.

Is it noticeable? It's very noticeable. Wait, we died at the same time? Yeah. Well, the only context that we would be together, there would be one other person that's obviously here as well.

Oh.

Where the hell's Casey? Where's Casey Tony?

Before you go into hell, you have to tell me why you deserve to be in hell.

Well, I never retweet my friends when they're funny.

Oh, now we ended up back at a riddle podcast. Perfect. One layer lower than hell. I'm Erin Keif.

I'm Adal Rifai in Purgatory. I'm JPC and I'm writing down the beginning of that song because I think that there's something there.

The 12 Deadly Sins of Social Media? I feel like that's a Randy Rainbow song. We are a riddle and puzzle podcast. We do lateral thinking problems. You can try and solve them along the way. And a lot of times you do, and then you message us that you're screaming at your phone. You're screaming the answer directly into your phone and saying, you dummies.

Save your voice. If you go into heaven, they might have you sing.

Two things. Save Ferris, save your voice.

One of my favorite things, literally one of my favorite things is when someone tweets at us or someone emails us who's catching up on the backlog and they want to like tell us about something that we maybe got slightly wrong or even maybe it's not even that, but maybe they're just like adding context to something that we discussed in like episode 71. Dude, I don't remember what we talked about in episode 149. There's no way I remembered this.

JDC, we talked yesterday. Do you remember anything we said yesterday?

What did I say yesterday? Was I being funny? Did anyone retweet it?

Never mind. Never mind.

Never mind. No, but I do like someone who listens to something from a year and a half ago and is like, oh, I have to tell them about this thing. It's like, God, I can't. I have no space. I don't know. I just don't know.

So if you're new to the show, tweet at me. Contact me. I'll know what you're talking about.

Erin's going to know what you're talking about. The rest of us, we just won't. Brain fried.

It's because we're brain fried. It's because we're brain fried. Did you all ever read how to eat fried worms?

No, I never did.

Did you? I think I did. It's more of a how-to than anything. It's a very informative book.

I feel like it's more of a kids book than it is.

No, no, it's a manual. It's how to eat fried worms. There's also my teacher is an alien, that documentary. What else?

Oh, the wayside school case files.

I love wayside school.

Oh my God. If they did law and order wayside school,

Okay, somebody get my typewriter and throw it in here. I'm ready. Ooh, a dick just got its wolf. My sister is an elementary school teacher and wayside school still holds up. Kids love wayside school, even now still.

I would give, I'm going to calm myself down, I don't want to be hyperbolic. I would pay, let me try and think, I would pay $250. A lot of money. Up to $250, ideally cheaper, for one ticket. That is how you start a negotiation.

Adal, that is a drunk sushi order.

Careful. That's a fantastic joke. I would I would pay up to $250 for one ticket to a scholastic book fair because my fondest childhood memories are getting the scholastic newsletter that's sort of paper-thin flimsy catalog and then receiving my book order being having that be fulfilled in class and then also once a year when they would have the book fair and you just walk around your local gymnasium and you're like all I want to do is sit down and read all these books.

That shit made me feel jazzed as hell. However, my mom was a librarian and would only give me money for like one thing and I would be pissed because she'd be like, I can get it for me from the library.

You can't get me a book about Gem Rocks and Michael Jordan at the library. Those books were hyper-specific.

Adal, you know what you would hear if you went to the Scholastic Book Fair now? You would hear him. That's the guy getting back.

He could only hear. I would be trying to sell my own books which are here's Waldo, which I've taken the liberty of circling Waldo on every page in a giant arrow.

Adal, my man, you're missing out because while you can't go to the Scholastic Book Fair, we have a version of that for adults. It's called the Columbia Record Club. I participated in that.

I don't even remember that.

It's called a wine of the month club. No, I don't. I'm very young.

For a while, I mean, this is pre... not pre-internet, but pre, like, the internet being easy to use. That was how I got my musical tastes, was like Columbia Records, where it's like, what's this Led Zeppelin I hear people talk about? I'll order their album, and then let me also dabble in, like, a Silk the Shocker, and then let me see what that is. So it was... that was how you curated your musical tastes back in the day.

But I believe like all of the 99 cent like CDs that you could like add to your order were all like not anything you'd want.

It was a lot of best ofs. Yeah. So you could get like best of a lot of 70s and 80s rock.

Or like bands that you've heard of from the radio that had one good song and you're like, you could get their album and it's 99 cents. Yeah. You get your iPhone 66s.

What else? Smash mouth.

I did think I got a copy of Astro Lounge from the Columbia Record Club for 99 cents, and then I'm like, jokes on you guys because this CD fucking rules.

I thought I was getting Astro Works from Van Morrison, but it was Astro Lounge, and I was like, mother fuck.

How much money is that per song if it's 99 cents?

I mean, it's a great value. But then they would also have CDs that you actually wanted for like $11.99.

Oh, that's not that bad. I'm trying to remember seeing CDs at like an FYE or what are those places called? For your information? I feel like at like, what is the place that begins with an N and it is... No, it had a really weird smell. It's a record place.

Erin, I think that this may have been a local Boston headshot that you went into. It's a national chain, it's a national chain that begins with an N and it's a record shot?

Okay, hold on. Let's see.

Erin has to figure this out. I will say I grew up in a, for a part of my life, I grew up in a very small town. So much so that when I used to, when the first two M&M CDs came out, I had to drive 38, 40 minutes away to pick up the M&M CD. Because my local Walmart had it, but it was all, what do you call it, censored? Censored, yeah. So I had to drive 40 minutes away into like the Quad Cities or to Galesburg or Peoria to pick it up at the mall.

Dude, I forgot about that. I forgot how like Hey Riddle. You had to go to Karma Records and deal with a guy who smelled patchouli oil from 40 feet away. It was like, what are you into, man? What's your vibe? And you're like, I just want to buy a Linkin Park album. Let me get out of here.

And then they try and turn you on to their music and it's like, no thanks, my man.

Do you want to buy a handmade drum? No. No.

I just interrupted my family's group chat that's normally just a stream of pictures of my adorable nieces to say, what was the name of that record store in Massachusetts that had that weird smell? We used to go all the time. There's one in Faneuil Hall and maybe one that was closer to us, like Brangey. They had weird t-shirts. Someone's gonna know. Who do we think it's gonna be? Mitch? My mom, my dad, or either of my sisters?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, dad stop. You put, you allow Mitch on the group text?

Yeah, he made it. Turns out when you have a kid with one of us, you make it to the group chat. He's got the goods. He's got those sweet, sweet pictures of my nieces.

When you say he made it, do you mean he created the group chat or he ascended? He made it.

He's in the group chat.

He did. Okay, wow. Props to Mitch. Making babies make a group chat?

What can't this guy make? Yeah, I guess at some point pictures of grandkids becomes like a currency. It's almost like Disney bucks when you used to go to Disney World and you exchange real money for fake money.

I got into a fight with my sister who had my nieces and then so I was like cut off for like a week and I was like, mom, give me the good. Mom, please.

Just a taste. Just a taste.

Just come on.

Just an earlobe.

When we stopped buying CDs and we moved to Napster and Kazza. Do you remember using one more than the other and then do you also remember burning CDs for people?

I remember, I used LimeWire mostly. LimeWire was my number one. And then I, something I did in college that's hilarious to me now is that I would buy like a 50 pack spindle of CDRs or whatever. And then I would ask someone like, can I borrow your CD collection? And then I would just burn them for myself. Which is, I mean, looking back was very sad.

Something that I did on LimeWire specifically is if I was like, oh yeah, I want to listen to this Styx song. I would go search for Styx, but then I would go, I used to the Pirate Bay a lot as well, but I would go to Pirate Bay and I would download the entire Styx discography and I would have no intention of listening to the entire discography of any band, but I would always do that. I would always get the entire discography.

Oh, it was Kathleen. She came through Newberry Comics. Yes.

Newberry Comics? Isn't that about... No, I'm thinking of Beatle Bailey.

Everyone from Massachusetts or New England, I think, was probably screaming that at me. Yes, it was Newberry Comics.

That's where Colin Quinn got a start, right? So when I asked if it was a local... I don't need to remember JPC. It doesn't get much more local than starting with the town name Newberry.

All right, well, speaking of New Berries, we have a new, we've never said this on the show before, but Berry is canonically the first name of Old Man Puzzle.

I'm sorry, I forgot.

We've got a New Berry puzzles in the house, and it's Old Man Berry puzzles JPC. And I got some listener submitted riddles from you and I will give you I will give you up to $250 if you can get the answer to this question, right? What year do you think these riddles are from?

1885.

I'm gonna say 2018. Okay, so Adal you went up to $250 just depending on some other circumstances. Erin, that was a really close guess. Now if Adal had gone over you would have gotten it because you were closest without going over, but he didn't. He got it right on the head.

So this one is from... I should have guessed because we didn't exist then.

Yeah, but these are listeners submitted riddles. So listeners may have existed then.

And also they could have submitted riddles from that time. We don't know.

We don't know. We don't judge. This one is from Kevin. Now remember, back in 2018, everybody was Kevin. So is this person really named Kevin or is this just a Kevin? Who knows. But this is from Kevin. I would say that's one of our first bits was everyone being Kevin and Susie. Yeah, that was. And it was also our first piece of peach, our first piece of merch, which I think you could still get.

Yeah, one of our, one of my favorite pieces of merch.

I think it's our best seller. I remember when we all like got, we put merch up in our Tea Public store for the first time, our Tea Public rep was like so happy that they actually sent us merch. I still have that shirt. Boy oh boy, it doesn't fit me even at all anymore.

No, it, yeah.

But I can't get rid of it because every time I go to like clean out like which t-shirts should I get rid of that one I'm like can I get rid of this one like it's the podcast it's the first shirt we ever can I get rid of that I'm not sentimental and the answer is yes I can get rid of it but I just have it yet yeah I don't want to get rid of mine I don't think I will I was like 26 or something when we started the show and now I'm close to 30 so I was like

Would have gotten maybe a larger size. I think I got hit an extra small.

I do want to call, I do want to call JPC out a little bit. I just, this doesn't pass the smell test. I'm calling bullshit. You just said that you are not Santa mental. Now last Christmas, you arrived, you came down my chimney. He violently came down my chimney with a pickle carved into the shape of a gun. Now he put it in his mouth the whole time. He was wearing Zuba pants on his bottom.

You more fell down your chimney.

But, but, but did I touch your Santa Mantle? I left it. I left the stockings. It was the only thing I didn't take. I left your Santa Mantle. Don't tell me I'm not Santa Mantle. Fair enough. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. JPC has like real Grinch vibes. You're like a diet Grinch.

I'm Santa Mantle. All right.

I'm ready for riddles.

Here we go. This is from Kevin. Yes. Question. A man was drugged and cut up by another man. There were many witnesses. After this incident, many of them would go up to become, I'm sorry, would go on to cut up even more people.

Why is this? Okay, I think I might know this. Okay. And this is me, since I'm the oldest of the group, I'm pulling into my bag of old, I'm an old head. And I'm going to say the man was drugged and cut up into pieces. Is that what it was? Cut up into pieces? Cut up by another man.

Cut up by another man. Now, Adal, you are saying into pieces because I think that you're taking a little pitch from Papa Roach's back.

Cut this man into pieces. He was my dad one time. I'm going to say that the drugging of the man was a two-drink minimum at a comedy club, and the cutting up of this man is when a stand-up tells jokes, they a lot of times call it that they were cut up. And so this man was eviscerated by Colin Quinn at the Newberry Comics.

Dude, I love this answer because it says there are many witnesses. After this incident, many of them would go on to cut up more people. Why is this? So in my mind, the stand-up was like, where are you from? The guy was like, St. Louis? And he was like, hey, St. Louis, how's having sex with your sister, you moron? And then everyone in the audience is like, I'm going to remember that the next time I see someone from St. Louis. And then just in casual life, like, I'm from St. Louis. They'd be like, oh, really? Do you have sex with your sister, you moron? You've mobilized an army against St. Louis. Adal, Adal? I love that answer because it fits with that perverse scenario that we just did in my head. I love it so much that I would now like to see a scene. Adal, you are going to be doing stand up. You're going to be a stand up who is all crowd work and Erin and I and maybe are some other people are just people in the audience.

So I told my dog either pay rent or get a job. My dogs are real shits there. A real shits, a real shitsu. Sorry, the index card smeared. So that was crowd work based off my index cards. Now I'm gonna free. I'm gonna solely free form. I had some pre-planned crowd work.

You weren't talking to us.

Hold on. Now I'm talking to you. Ma'am, where are you from?

I am from St. Louis.

Ooh. Oh, the golden. Let me see your feet. What? Let me piss on your feet.

What?

I got to piss on your feet because of those golden arches. No, that's McDonald's.

Hey, you know what, sir? Let's switch places. You sit down. You sit down.

What?

You sit where I'm sitting. Oh, I got that. I'm not... Oh, okay. All right. And now I have the microphone. My dog's a lazy piece of shit. Excuse me, sir. Can I piss on your feet? Can I piss directly onto your feet?

Hey, this lady's got it.

Wait, they're giving me the anti-light in the back. They're telling me to keep going. What else? What else?

Holy shit, she's hilarious.

Ever do crowd work but it's just a bunch of jokes from an index card?

Let me get that microphone to you. Oh, the microphone flew out of both her hands and into that guy's hands.

Finally, now that everyone has to hear some of Glynn's thoughts.

Do you guys know?

Yes, this is my voice. Do you guys know when you're at the store shopping for your wife? Sure. And then you get to the checkout and the cashier he looks at you and he goes, what the hell is all this stuff? And then you realize you don't have a wife.

I love this guy. This guy's funny.

Wait, they turned out? They turned off the lights. What does that mean? Yeah, Glenn Thought's in the dark. Okay, here we go.

Glenn Thought's in the dark. Okay. Do you guys know how when you're paving your driveway and your neighbor comes over and says, hey man, you don't live here anymore. You've got to get the hell out of here. So, of the three of us, we have maybe 30 years, maybe 40 years, combined comedy experience. Not a single one of us knows what crowd work is.

No, I don't think any of us have ever seen stand up.

Nope. I certainly haven't. Okay, you're still doing this riddle. You're still trying to get the answer to this riddle.

Okay, so this is the part of the riddle that's making it hard for me to understand. It's the drugged up part.

Yeah, that would be difficult. Good job. It was a doctor and his students and those students would go on to cut up many more people. I would like to see a scene.

Ooh. JPC, you are a surgeon and Adal, you are like the head nurse and JPC, you know that you have an audience and so you're really like taking advantage of it. Like you want like even more attention.

Do you just have the head nurse?

No, you're the surgeon. Adal is like the head nurse. And you know there's a bunch of med students watching you, so you're really going to ham it up.

Okay doctor, the students are all ready. The theater is open whenever you're ready. Thank you nurse Jeff. And nurse Jeff?

Yes. Let's really sell it. Uh, okay. Okay. Yep. Let's go over the top. Okay. Like we practiced. Okay. Gotcha. The Firebird. I know. It's never been done before. It's never been successfully done before.

You're right. I said last time, cause I'm, cause we failed. We failed. Nurse Jeff. We never pulled it off.

I believe in us today. Let's do the Firebird. Okay. Okay. Here we go. Scalpel. Scalpel.

We did it. We did it.

One of you needs to go tell the patient that their family member didn't make it.

Well, that's not true. The family member made it. They're just now a 1972 Chevy Firebird.

The keys are in the glove compartment. What Monica said is that one of us has to go tell the patient that their family member no longer made it.

Did I?

That's what you said, Monica.

Should have gotten more sleep. Doctor, I'm turning on the patient.

Wow I don't think I've slept in several days. 40 years of comedy experience between the three of us and we haven't done a coherent scene. Okay, I'm sorry. You guys, this episode is bad because of me. Everyone blame me.

No, Erin. So, do you guys know how like... I said that thing of like 40 years of combined comedy experience. I think that people try to use that to make it sound impressive when the actual statistic is not impressive at all. I remember I saw a magic show once and they were like, the magicians on stage tonight have over 100 years of magic experience. And I was like, and it's two guys? I was like, come on.

There's over

It's like eight 38 year old guys.

Yeah, I was gonna say there's like there's like 99 magicians. One of them's been doing it for two years.

Yeah, I was gonna say like that. Yeah, it's you just have one guy on tour with you that's 98 years old who's been a magician for 70 years just so he bumps that average way way way way up.

Can I tell you something hilarious and very sweet that my old roommate did? So I dated a magician and my roommate just really did not like him and so she for someone else's birthday ended up at a magic show that he was doing and she volunteered to go on stage and was like she didn't do anything too crazy but she was like hello and apparently he looked very spooked but I was like that is bold I did not ask you to do that but that's kind of fun and cool

Did he pick you up by putting a kerchief over his hand and then lifting it up and he said, is this my number? Hold on, Erin. I'm in the middle of asking you.

Go ahead.

No, what did you have to say?

No, go ahead. No, it's really good. Go ahead.

What I was going to say, I know is not real.

No, go ahead.

Did he put a kerchief over his hand and then remove the kerchief and say, is this my number? And then hand you the card?

I wish. That would have been very impressive to me. I was actually a dove originally and then he turned me into a human woman.

Can I tell you guys something very embarrassing that happened to me? Yes. It's magic-tober related. I guess it's not very embarrassing, but I felt like it almost was very bad. I was coaching an improv team at IO, a Herald team, and Herald teams would get rotated into different slots, and my team got rotated into opening for a magic show. And so... Which is weird, but there was like a magic show that had booked the space or something on like a Friday night and my team was opening for them. So I'm in the audience. I'm sorry. The it was like a magic act that was interspersed between Herald teams. It was very weird, but I'm in the audience to give notes to my team and the magicians on stage trying to and there's like it's it's pretty empty and there was maybe like 15 10 15 people in there so it's not a big crowd and the magicians on stage and he needs to bring someone up for a trick and he's like He's like dying up there. No one is coming up for the trick and he's like trying to just get anyone up and everyone's just like looking down like they don't want anything. So finally I'm like, oh yeah, I'll volunteer. I'll volunteer just to keep the fucking energy in the show. Sure. So I go up and I start doing this trick and this trick is like cutting into an orange and pulling out my card and he's like, is it whatever? He goes, is this your card? And I'm like, uh, no, it's not my card. And he's like, really? This is not your card? And I was like, no, no, it's not my card. And he's like, uh, well, okay. Sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn't. Like, thank you so much to sit down. And so my team goes up and they're doing notes, or they do the show, and then we go do notes, and then I give them notes or whatever, and they all go back in to watch, to support, but I'm like, I gotta go. I'm gonna go downstairs. So I go downstairs and I'm about to leave. I've already done notes, I'm about to walk out, and I run into somebody. And he's like, well, what are you, what show are you doing here? I don't even remember who I'm talking to. And I tell him I'm upstairs doing this magic show. And I'm telling him, you know, my team did this and we were, I'm telling him about the show and I'm like, oh, but the magician's like not very good. And he like had me over to do this trick and it was, I cut the orange and it was like the wrong card in there. And I was like, I don't think that's ever happened to be at a magic show. And he was like, oh, but like, how did the end go? And I was like, what? And he's like, That's his closer. He does that wrong on purpose to bring you back up at the very end of the show to reveal the right card. That's his big finish. And I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? So I raced back upstairs, raced back into the back of the room. And he's like, is he still here? And he's like asking for me as I race back up there, and I'm like, I'm here! And he's like, oh yeah, and then he finishes the trick, and the trick is actually pretty cool. He has like a juicer, and he's like juicing a ton of oranges, and then he gets my card out of the juice. But it was like the luckiest thing ever that I ran into someone who was like, Yeah, he needs you to finish the trick.

You don't remember who that was because that was God.

God, that was an angel. I was mortified because my friend had told me that's how the whole show finishes and it would actually be a good finisher. Otherwise, everyone would have left being like, that magician guy kind of sucks. He did the trick wrong. It was a low energy bad night and there was no one there. And I was like, oh my God.

I love picking an audience volunteer for a trick that you need them in the audience the whole time for, and they're just like, you know what? I gotta go.

I can't do this. Why does someone ask to pee?

Oh my god. It's the one person who was never intending to stay for this whole show.

Adal, I was the scariest story I've ever heard.

That was spooky.

How does that compare to some of the horror movies you've watched?

Right up there. By the way, I was watching Erin while I was telling that story, and she was so stressed out the whole time.

Oh God! Oh God! I remember seeing people who their first day in class were like genius like way funnier than me than I'll ever be and then there's also people who are like legendary performers who would take a workshop or do improv and it's just like this is one of the worst things I've ever seen. So just know that in improv your years do not carry with you.

Even your last show, or the day before, does not carry with you. You could be so funny for a week and then you won't be funny again for 11 months. And that's how the cookie grumbles.

And then you'll be funny on Christmas Day. I believe that's fundamental. Okay, one more before we can go to break. I think this one is from Leo. How many times can you subtract 3 from 38? Once. Because then it becomes 35. Adal, you got it. And Erin, your ascent or agreement with Adal also got it. You're absolutely correct. Only once after that, you're subtracting three from 35. I'm Adal's hype man. Not a math question.

Erin screamed the year.

It's 2018!

No, no, no, no, no. Well, yeah, that riddle was from 2018, so Erin technically got it. I want to see a scene. JPC, you are a genie. And Erin, you have uncovered and actually rubbed the, what do you call it, lamp. And the genie has come out. And this genie will grant you any wish as long as it involves subtracting three of something for you.

Oh, sorry. Oh, sorry. I'm sorry.

I just sat on it. Oh my gosh. It's genie time.

Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry. I sat on your little house.

It's okay. It was actually not a little house, a prison. It was a prison. I've been trapped in there for what year is it?

Oh, it's 2018.

Been trapped in there for, I guess it was 2018 when I went in. So however, what month is it? September. September. So maybe a couple of hours, I guess. Not long, but I'm free!

Thank you so much! I'm a really good person, so definitely my third wish is that you can be free, but for my first wish I really want... Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

There are rules, young miss. I'm a genie. First of all, I wish I could give you three wishes. I could only give you one. Kind of a discount. Don't hurt me.

I could give you none! So I can give you one wish, but whatever you wish for, I have to subtract three from it. Okay, so if I wished I could find love, how would that work?

Okay, so this is an if I wished? I can do these all day.

Okay, if I wished... If I wished I... Young lady, young lady. Hello, I hours ago rubbed the lamp and talked to the genie. Whatever you do, don't wish for three more wishes.

Oh, because then you get zero wishes.

I got zero, and then I aged rapidly. Hey, come on man, he was that old when I found him.

What if I asked for a hundred wishes and then I got 97?

Oh, this is another if I wish situation.

Do you have to also be at a musical? I didn't seem like maybe you had to.

Every genie gets their own personality and this is mine, even though it's not for everyone. No, no, there are other rules. You can't wish for me to physically harm anyone. You can't wish for extra wishes.

I think I know what I want.

She wants triplets. So, I have to subtract three. Which means she knew that. Which means she doesn't want to have kids.

Disposable income forever, baby. I get to travel. I get to have fun. I am not overpopulating the world.

And as for me, back into my prison. But, since we are here at Fort Myers Beach, someone will be along and pitted, so let me out.

Same. Outstanding. I love each of you has its own personality and it's not for everyone. I went to, I used to work at Jimmy John's. It was a very nice place. I didn't know that. I worked there in college for about a year. That was when I had, I had a convertible, a Chrysler LeBaron, and I was a delivery guy, delivery boy for Jimmy John's. And that's when someone T-boned my convertible, absolutely totaled it, and kept apologizing to me. And I was so, I'm But I recently went to Jimmy John's, there's one right near my current house, and I tried to get, my favorite thing is to get the Gino, which is like the Italian sub, but to get Turkey with all the Italian sub toppings. So I went into the Jimmy John's and I go, can I get a number two, which is the Gino? I'm sorry, I said, can I get the number four, which is the Turkey Tom, but instead of the toppings, can I get the toppings from the number two, the Gino? And they go, no, we can't do that. And I go, Oh, I just want a turkey sub but with the onions and hot peppers and oils and everything from the from the Italian and they go, sir, I'm sorry. We can't do that. And I said, really? Like you can't like I used to work at Jimmy John's. We do that all the time. Like, what can I and they're like, I mean, if you want to do a number two and swap out the Italian meats for turkey, we could do that. And I go, yeah. I even said it like that where I go, I don't usually get frustrated or mean, but I just went, yeah. That's what I'm asking for. Let's do that.

Yeah. Adal, as someone who worked at Jimmy John's, let me ask you this, because this has been driving me fucking crazy, because we got Jimmy John's the other week and went to the lake. At Jimmy John's, do they cut the sandwiches in half? You cut it, it's like... Like at Subway, like if they're cutting like a foot long, do you do like a cut in the middle?

Like in half, so you have two halves? Yes, in half, so you have two halves? No, you don't.

I always thought that you didn't because I never had a Jimmy John sandwich that was cut in half. And then we got Jimmy John's and Mariah was like, and she gave it to me and it was cut in half. I was like, isn't this weird? It's cut in half.

We never cut in half. No, they're always cut in half. Subway schtick. I know. Yeah, my Jimmy John's never cut in half, but we did, you like cut open the bread and then scoop it out. So I think Subway you just cut in half and it goes how it goes. But Jimmy John's you like scoop out the middle.

I thought it was like the most like Mandela effect thing where I was like, no, certainly this is not the case. I've been to Jimmy John's before. I've lived an entire life. But it might be per worker. Then someone else told me, they were like, yeah, sometimes they kind of been half. And I'm like, I've never had that happen to me. Yeah.

Wow. It's like you've only gotten green lights your whole life.

And speaking of that, it's time for a big red light as we take a little commercial break. Hey Riddle Riddle. Back for some riddles. Back for some more.

I wish for more riddles.

Well your wish is mine.

Come here. Hey Riddle Riddle.

We have about 20 episodes left.

I think about how much fun Robin Williams must have had just doing that, the genie voice. It's like, you're not in the movie, you're just in a sound stage, like in some, like basically doing what we're doing and just getting on a mic and going, ooh, ooh, ah, ladda dee dee. Just do it big rails of cocaine. Okay, so this one is from, you know, they don't say that I can say their names, so I'll just say Robin. That could be made up. This one says, Love Hello from the Magic Tavern and Momo was one of my favorite guests. So very happy to have just burned through those and learned about Hey Riddle Riddle. Love Magic Tavern and Momo was a favorite guest. I guess fuck me then for that. Couldn't mention one thing that I've done. I've done three things. So that's a lot. And I know the hosts. Okay. They say, I have a pretty good one for you. Windows, speaking of stoplights, When does red mean go and green mean stop? When does red mean go? A watermelon. We've done it before. When you are eating a watermelon. Or when your eyes are put in backwards. Yes, it's when your eyes are put in backwards. Let's see a little scene. Adal, you're coming home to your family. I'll be your son. Erin will be your daughter. And your eyes have just been put in backwards.

Hey Dad, I might need a little help with the... Home, I'm honey.

Well, if it isn't my two wives. What? What? When I left for surgery, I only had one wife. Did you multiply? Sorry, did you subtract?

Dad, how did LASIK go?

Dad, how was the LASIK? It went very bad. Oh, it went bad? Wait, are you okay? I'm terrible. Thanks for not asking.

Dad, can you take those big ray bands off?

Hold on. You keep calling me dad. I'm not dad. I'm dad.

Dad, is this like the time when you tried to do a front flip on the neighbor's trampoline and your head hit your knees and we took you to the hospital and you said everything weird for two weeks and you weren't allowed to sleep laying down and we had to spray you with a water bottle?

Yeah, you had to spray me with a water bottle because I got turned into a 1973 Firebird. Yeah.

Dad, is this like the time that we were at the grocery store and you said, I have a hankering from some root beer? And then you tried to grab root beer off the bottom of the pyramid and all the root beer crashed out at you and your head hit your knees? Come here! Come here!

Let me explain something to you. All root beer is dad's root beer.

All root beer is dad's root beer.

Okay, okay sir, okay. Dad, is this like the time when you tried to impress all the other dads in the neighborhood when you were grilling and then you tried to flip the little burger up and you flipped it right into your face and it burned you? And then you didn't know what was happening for a while?

Not only did that burger burn me, but also my genitals had fallen out of my zipper and landed on the grill and I was so burned in the face I didn't feel my genitals burning.

Dad, is this like the time that we were at that PTA meeting and you stood up and loudly announced, hey, I bet I could suck my own knees and then your head hit your knees and you talked weird for two weeks?

Yeah, Dad, is this like the time when you dropped me off in the movie with my friends and then you said, I bet I could do a somersault by putting my head between my knees and then you hit your own knees and then you didn't get to go to the movie because me and my friends had to carry you to the hospital?

Listen, this is like a lot of times where dad did front flips and also did something involving his knees.

Dad, is this like the time when you said dads can slip and slide too? But instead of slip and sliding you hit your head really hard on your knees.

I slip and slide it into another woman and your mom was furious.

Is this like the time when you challenged your ass to a race and you said the knees could be the judge and then you slammed your head into your knees and then we had to carry you to the hospital?

Dad, is this like the time when you're trying to record my school play, but instead of recording my school play, you hit your head really hard against your knees?

Dad, is this like the time that you were on the local news stomping grapes, and as soon as you got up on top of the grapes, you fell through the grapes, and then your head hit your knees, and you had to talk funny for two weeks to take you to the hospital? Same.

You didn't want to keep doing that?

You didn't want to keep doing that?

I love how it devolved from me speaking in opposites to just like, is this like that time? Dad, is this like that time?

Well, we're having fun. Oh yeah.

No, that was incredible. I did try to think of situations where your head would hit your knees and there was only one of them and Erin got it. It was tripling and everything else was just bullshit. Okay. Next Riddle, you guys ready? This is also from 2018. This one's from Kaiser. Kaiser writes, a man and a woman are celebrating their anniversary. After exchanging gifts, they both go to work. By the end of the day, the wife is dead and the husband is charged with manslaughter. Why did this happen?

The gift he gave her was the gift of a slow death.

Ah, that's the gift that we grant all of our loved ones.

He gave her something she was allergic to.

Erin, that's a great guess. Technically, no, not the right answer. He gave her a poison cupcake Okay, that's a really good thing. The poison is a good guess as well, but this has nothing to do with poison.

He gave her tickets to go see poison. Every rose has its thorn.

What if I had said this had nothing to do with poison, but the answer was that she had received tickets to go see poison.

Pretty clever.

I hear what I want to hear.

Say what I want to say. Can I get a hint and then I'll figure it out?

Does it involve the gift he gave her?

Yes. And Kaiser has included five hits. So Erin, you can get a hit if you want one. They work in the same place. That is hit number one. They work in the same place.

Was it something where the gift he gave her was set off by something at work he does? Where it's like if they work at like the dog training factory like maybe he put tiny chunks of steak in her gift and then he opened the the dogs and they all attacked her?

Yeah he gave her a magnet she got stuck to a machine.

Now we're just describing all the deaths at the top of Six Feet Under. They train dogs at a factory?

Yeah, of course. No, they train dog trainers at a factory.

They assemble dog trainers at a factory.

It's like, you know that video footage of Crayola Crayons getting made? It's like that, but they're just assembling dog trainers.

I don't know if this is a... Oh, what's that abbreviation for when things sound very pleasing to you? Like people use it to go to sleep. ASMR? ASMR. Jesus. Is this ASMR? Is it ASMR to watch microprocessors or something being constructed by a machine in a factory? Because that is so soothing to me.

I think that is so soothing. I think you're just horny for technology.

No, I mean, I just kind of want to... Well, it has nothing to do with the sound, right?

I totally agree. I love watching those factory videos.

It's not the sound, it's like the machines putting together like intricate little pieces. Well, it's satisfying.

Do you remember the show of how it's made? Or how is this made? It was just like probably three different things per episode. It would just show you footage of it being made in a factory. What was Cash Cab on?

This could be a question on Cash Cab, but I'd have to get out.

This might be a question for the family group chat.

I do think as someone who, because I tend to be pretty disorganized in life and in my ownership of items and stuff, but so it is very satisfying for me to see like a routine that's done precisely where it's like There's a completion and it's all very in sync and it's like a beautiful ballet of like things going in the right place like everything in its right place.

I watched one of like an ice cream bar like on a popsicle stick being made in a factory and this was not something I sought out. This was like something that was on Twitter and that was it was just so soothing to watch like the stick and then a plop of ice cream and the chocolate and then the thick and it's just like oh my god like that's how they do that. That's wild.

It's super colorful though you guys like crayons and candy and that shit. Look it up.

Look it up people. I want to see somebody made a guitar out of colored pencils like gluing together colored pencils and then like shaving it down. It's kind of incredible.

Watch that.

Watch that video. I want to see a scene. JPC, you are at a factory. Erin, you're the sort of factory floor manager and also kind of, you know, you'll give a guided tour, whatever that might be. And JPC, you are a little too into the process.

Thank you for agreeing to do the private tour. I know these are usually big group things.

Yeah, no problem. Just keep your hard hat on and have fun. Have fun. Make sure you don't touch anything. Okay.

I can't touch anything?

Nope. Sort of standard practice. We just don't want to have an accident. Perfect. We're seven days out from our last accident. Perfect.

I'll just keep my hands in my pockets then.

Awesome.

Is that okay?

Great.

Okay.

Well, yeah, I know that's fine. All right. That's fine. To your left.

This is where the process... You can check the pockets. You can check the pockets if you need to.

Oh.

I'll keep them in my pockets. I'll keep them in my pockets.

It's me, the angel on your shoulder. Please don't let him put his hands in his pockets. Please.

It's me, the other angel. Both very scared and stressed. No, that's the devil. She's going to trick on you. Come on. Oh, come on. Are you? She's just me. I'm not. Come on. I'm the angel and you're the devil. You're trying to trick. Come on. Come on. Come on, don't do this.

Again, you can check the pockets if you want to. Otherwise, hands going in them and we can start the tour.

Come on, man. I'm the angel. I'm the angel. Don't let him put his hands in his pockets. Don't let him put his hands in his pockets. Okay, we're in agreement. Fine, we're in agreement. Okay. Put your hand in your pocket.

You're just kind of glassy-eyed right now, staring off into space.

One of us said put your hands in the pocket. I said don't. Don't put the hands in the pocket. Oh, I think you said do it.

Should I call for help or can I get you some help?

Sir, it feels like you're hearing two people talking on your shoulders. Where did you go? I've been right here the whole time. You sort of spaced out and started listening to the angels and... I'm sorry, the what?

What? Look, can I be honest with you? I'm just a pervert who cut little holes in his pockets and I was planning on doing my pervert thing here at the factory today.

Nobody gets hurt. I'm just a pervert. Why do you think I work here?

I am the genie of your penis.

You have rubbed me out. I got word that we're cancelled, guys.

The whole factory?

Shut it down! It's done now. Yeah, okay. No, we get it. We understand. Can we just hang out for another like 10 minutes, 20 minutes? Thanks.

Thank you. It was inevitable that the genie of the penis was going to show up somewhere this episode.

You know. You know how that's why everyone masturbates because you're trying to get to the genie. Are you guys ready for hint number two?

Yes.

The gift plays a part in her death.

We knew that.

Keep going. All right you guys being really uppity with these hints from people that don't know the answer to this riddle. Okay I'll give you another hint then. Yes. The gift was an article of clothing.

Oh, it had a hood or a cape and she got sucked into something.

Oh, he gave her baggy jeans. She wore them to work and she got fucking burned.

She slipped. You need to know what their profession is in order for this thing to make sense. But I think technically now that you're... These are all things that could plausibly be the answer, but it's not the answer that Kaiser chose when they wrote this riddle.

So they are like Law and Order type detectives. He gave her a sweater from the crime scene and she wore it to work and they all were like, she did it.

Kill her? That's a guess, Adal, but it's not the correct guess. Erin, it's not a necklace. Oh yeah, maybe if you guys can... I'll give you what... Adal? Yes, it was shoes. The gift was shoes. The gift was shoes.

She got stuck. Erin, the gift was high heels. Adal, this is so much fun. Adal, we're doing it.

We're doing it.

Okay, okay, okay, Erin.

Hit four, the death was an accident. Okay. High heels, they work at the great company. But he got charged. He got charged.

Hi Heels.

They work at the great company.

They don't work at the great company. I would say that this isn't even a great company to work for. Not even a company really, just like a... Okay.

This is this is like stuck in the grass.

If you're writing a riddle, this is a job that we would think like does not exist. But if you're writing a riddle, this is a job that is like the primary subject of riddles. Podcaster. No. Primary subject of riddles. Yeah, like a lot of riddles happen here because of all the improbable ways that people could perish.

Um... Prism?

I'll give you a hint.

Yes.

She was the person so that the husband would throw the knives to get an apple off her head or a target. And since she was a few inches higher, his, not timing was off, but his projection was off and he threw a knife in her head.

So he didn't mean to. He didn't know she was going to wear the shoes, but also, I mean, if you're exchanging gifts and you're a knife thrower and a professional knife head catcher, I guess. We should know about the height difference here, people. Thank you. Thank you, Kaiser.

I would like to see a scene. I am going to be a knife thrower and I'm like a little under the weather today and I'm trying to get one of you to volunteer to be the one that I throw knives at.

Sure. Sure.

Ha-choo! Oh, bless you. I'm sorry, no, I just have like the smallest bit of vertigo and I'm just like, I'm gonna feel better in like two minutes. What's up?

Beth, no. Go home. No! You cannot throw knives today.

I can't watch. Look, am I doing it right now?

No, you're not. You're just standing there, you're drooling a little.

But I will be. I will be. Come on guys, you're my best friends. I volunteered for your shit like time and time again.

Every time that I volunteered, even when you're not sick, you tend to like, catch me in the shoulder, one time he caught me in the throat, gave me a tracheotomy.

What? Me? Matthew, why would I do that to you? You're one of my closest friends.

Beth, it's a completely different thing because when we volunteer for your thing, we have knives getting thrown at us. When I have you fill in for my thing, you're literally just putting on the lion costume and kind of walking around. There's no risk.

There's a risk! The one time you helped me out you got in the car with the rest of us all of us got out of the car and you just stayed in the car. Yeah, well that's because I had business. I had to fart.

So it looked like, come on, it looked like you farted during it. They looked like only 59 came out of the car, not 60, and the whole thing is 60 clowns.

I'm sorry.

Beth, you don't fart in someone else's car. Come on.

I'm not going to fart in my car.

Don't fart in any car.

I fart when you're walking around. This is all about my perfect aim, but come on, you're going to look like a hero.

Okay, Beth, why don't you do a test throw. Let's see. Let's see if you can hit this can. I'll put this can over here. Do a test throw if you can do it without sneezing or coughing or whatever. Put it on top of that mannequin. Here we go.

Okay. And oh my God, I got you right in the forehead.

Oh, my forehead. Oh. Oh man, well you're lucky I was wearing my lion tamed crown because lions often attack the forehead. Let me try again.

And, well, I'm gonna throw this one like a shot put. Ready? No! Don't do that!

Boom! Oh, right in my toes is what I would say if I wasn't wearing a size 38. Mm-hmm.

Okay, so see, I aimed for both of those things.

I don't know if Beth as far as you proving that you can do it goes, you missing both of those shots doesn't really instill a lot of confidence.

Okay, fine. I'll just swallow swords today. Beth, that's how you got the cold. Yeah, they don't clean the swords in between uses. They should.

Isn't that sad? Isn't that sad that they actually literally don't clean the swords?

They literally don't. Make my way downtown, I'm swallowing swords. I'm ready. Oh, okay. And I need you. And I'm sick from swallowing. All these swords that didn't get cleaned. Sorry.

Is there anything Vanessa Carlton can't do? No, I was assuming that that was Adal's way of telling me that he's ready for another riddle as well.

Dad, is this like the time when you were on a piano that was traveling through a city and you were playing a thousand miles and you fell off and your head hit your knees?

And I need you. Getting injured doing that.

Oh, oh, oh. Oh, mother fuck fuck.

My knees were under the keyboard. How did I hit myself in the head? Okay, this one is from Bradley. Bradley says, let me just get one more look at you. Brother Cooper says, I grew up playing Professor Layton games on the Game Boy DS while also having the most bomb British accent. It also gave me a love of riddles and subsequently puzzles. Here's one of my favorites. So I believe this is from the Professor Layton games. Did you guys ever play the Professor Layton games?

I adore those games. I played the first two, but that would have been years and years and years ago. So I've forgotten anything from those games, but those games are spectacular.

What's their whole deal?

So it's like you are a young boy you're it's almost like back to the future you're a young boy with like this older professor Professor Layton and you kind of walk around a town and there's like little mysteries to solve so there's I can't remember like a thousand riddles or something and they're all different they're all the different types but you just basically walk around and there's a story that weaves it all together and you're just solving little little riddles here and there. That sounds so good. So fun.

So, so fun. Well, this is basically that because it's a riddle from that. So imagine, let's say for sake of argument, Erin, you're the little boy, Adal, you're the old creepy man or whatever, the pervert, whatever you were saying.

We're switching. Adal, I want to switch, please.

Here he goes.

I never get to be the pervert. Come on, guys, please.

Alright Erin, you can be the pervert this time, but if you want to be the pervert, then we get to spin the Wheel of Perversion! Are you ready to see what kind of pervert you're going to be?

I like that the lights change, and if you want to be a pervert, start playing.

I do too. Okay, here we go. Casey, let's get the spinning sound of the party, and... Here we go. Come on horses. Come on horses.

Perversion. What's my perversion?

Oh, mashed potatoes. We see horses. We see food. We see feet. We see hands. I'm so excited. We see. Oh, Erin, you're the first one to ever get this one. Fishing bait. You are a fishing bait pervert.

That's just a worm pervert. That's in my wheelhouse. Let's do this.

Okay, I probably won't come up in solving this Riddle, but Adal, you're a little boy. Erin, you're a worm pervert. An astronaut visits a planet and finds a new species of creature. 340 have spots. Okay. That's, that's good type acting or play acting of what a worm pervert. Five points on the board. Remember you can exchange those points for pervert coins, which will help you in the execution round.

I will say in Professor Layton, there was always, if you clicked your stylus around, there's always hidden coins. Oh really? You could use the coins to get like hints and stuff. Oh wow.

So you stumbled into reality. You can use those coins to get a hint. 340 have spots, 270 display female attributes, and 150 display both male and female attributes. 340 have spots, 270 female attributes, 150 both male and female attributes. How many aliens are on the planet?

Sorry, so you said 340 display spots, and spots are what are spots again?

I imagine they're like, is it like leopard spots? Wait, which has spots? Leopards or cheetahs? Whatever, they're spots. They're like polka dots, basically. Tigers. But we don't know what spots indicate. An astronaut visits the planet and finds a new species of creature. 340 of spots, 270 display female attributes, and 150 display both male and female attributes. How many aliens are in the planet?

Oh, okay.

So it's not saying that there's like 340 total, and it's also not saying the 270 that display female attributes are different from the 150 that display both male and female attributes.

Oh, I know the answer. I forgot that I hate some of these riddles.

I forgot that Professor Layton has a lot of math in it. Yeah, Professor Layton. Professor Math Layton, I believe that math is his surname. No, not surname. First name.

Adal, do you know it?

No, I feel like I have to stop talking and actually do some math here.

I'm so sorry, Adal. You don't deserve this.

Do you have to do math as well?

You just didn't deserve this, Betty.

Thank you.

I'm really sorry.

I have to do some bed math and beyond.

I will say that the counting that you have to do for this is pretty basic. I don't think you're going to have to do like hard math. Don't call me basic.

420.

Oh, is it 420?

Nice. Erin, no, smoke them if you got them. But of course we don't. This is a podcast for children. Professor Layton, old warm pervert and little boy, and a town full of coins.

Okay, I'll do the math, but tell me what, why? Is it 400?

It is not 400.

So with this riddle, Bradley, you and I teamed up and we got him. Okay. We definitely got him because the answer to this riddle, guys, I will say there's two sentences in this riddle. All the information that you need is in the first sentence. The first sentence is an astronaut visits a planet and finds a new species of creature. 340 of spots, 270 display female, 150 both male and female. How many aliens are on the planet? Oh, one.

One species.

Because the astronaut is the alien. Nope, the astronaut is the same species as the creatures he discovers. I want to see a scene. The astronaut is the only alien because it ain't his planet.

I want to see a scene. Erin, do you want to be an astronaut or alien? Okay, so Erin is an astronaut. You have traveled to a new planet. It's like Jupiter 2. JPC, you are the sort of native life form on Jupiter 2. Okay. And you have come out to meet this astronauts and the two of you are kind of bickering over who is the actual alien here.

That's one small lady step for ladies and one giant leap for me. God, I should have practiced. I'm so glad this isn't being filmed.

Who are you? And what are you doing here on my whole planet?

Wow, this is my first alien. What an honor.

Well, this is my first alien.

You think I'm an alien? Well, you certainly smell like one. Alien says what? Excuse me? That's something an alien wouldn't say. Alright, let's see this.

What's this? What's this that you came on?

Is this your alien ship? That was mean. What's that on your, what's that right there on like your, right there on your chest? What is that? Do I, Anna?

I have a herpes outbreak.

Oh, I'm so sorry. That's okay.

Well, is it? Because you pointed it out.

No, no, I'm just trying to... I'm just saying you're the alien.

Anyway, enjoy the planet. I'm going to be in my cave.

Hey man, I'm so sorry. I did not mean to make you feel self-conscious about anything.

It's just the one thing on my body that I feel self-conscious about.

No, I wasn't even pointing to anything. I just was going to do that thing where I like flick my finger up at your... Is that a nose? Uh-oh, that might not be a nose.

That's a herpes outbreak.

Oh, where where's everything?

It's pretty much all over.

OK, but where are you like? OK, then what is like? Where's your butt? And like where are your ears?

First of all, I'm flattered that you ask, but it's not going to happen because I'm. I'm kind of dealing with my own thing right now, so it's it. Plus, I don't even know if our species are compatible, so.

OK, OK, OK, I'm sorry. Alien says what? What? Damn it.

Scene. All that we're saying is herpes a chance. Just a chance.

All right, Erin and Adal, you did a commendable job and you both become official perverts.

So now your names... Adal spin the pervert wheel.

Your names are both going on the wheel now, so that's future options for other enterprising young adventurers to become perverts. Adal, go ahead and spin that wheel. Oh, I fell underneath it. Oh no. Oh wait, don't stop it. I think I like this. I think this is my thing. It's still going and it's landing on. Ooh, Adal, today you get to be a plugs pervert. Do you have anything that you would like to plug? Ooh, I got nothing.

Okay, Erin, it passed play to you.

I got nothing.

JVC as the host.

Bring us on home with a plug. I'm just going to go ahead and plug that picture on patreon.com slash Hey Riddle Riddle. You can find more like what you heard in the last maybe seven minutes of this episode over there. And Erin, it's time as it is at the end of every pervert show to go back to our home planets and where is the home planet that you're donating all of your pervert charity coins to this episode?

Jupiter.

Bye forever. Wow, our shortest plug sample ever.

I never really did finish my doctorate in procrastination, but one day maybe, I don't know. We'll see.

You can get there. Erin, I'm going to ask you this one time. Did you take that from a book of jokes?

No, but didn't it kind of sound like that was from a book of jokes? You guys, I've changed. I used to be young and cool and now I sound like I'm from a book of jokes.

Wow. That's a cool insult to someone. You sound like you're from a book of jokes.

That an old man wrote.

Hey there buttons and knobs. If you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. It's more public access TV. You can listen to all that plus our entire back catalog by going to patreon.com slash Hey Riddle Riddle and joining the Clue Crew for $5 a month or the Review Crew for $8 a month. See you there.

That was a hate gun podcast.