Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum podcast.

Hey guys.

Hey Erin.

Can you help me out with something?

Ooh, I'm busy that day.

Oh, I have a hernia. Can I just say it before you- Yes, yes you can. Okay, so I'm not, you know how I love pranking you guys? Hypothetically speaking, if I wanted to create a website that was jpcandadalloveriddlesomuch.com, like how are you pathetically, what would be a great place to start?

Oh, I see what you're doing here. Okay. Fine, Erin. Yes, what you want to do is use Squarespace, okay? It's the easiest site to build a website. You can claim a domain, choose a URL that ends in dot com, dot net, dot org, or even get more specific with like dot art or dot butts for us.

Adal, she's obviously winding you up. She's obviously already claimed that domain. She's probably already built a website on Squarespace. She's probably using email marking, social media integration, banners, and promotion to market that website.

Yeah, listen, Erin, if you're going to prank us using Squarespace, bravo, because you chose the one company with award-winning design and world-class engineering and beautiful templates. So beautiful, I tried to marry one of the templates. Adal, don't admit that. And yes, we had an annulment. Don't admit that. That's so, that's not something you want to admit.

Hypothetically, if I had already figured out about Squarespace and I was just rezzing you guys, I would have known that they had analytics that I gained powerful insights about our site visitors. And I know it's the number one website on the internet now. That would be a hypothetical though, right?

Wait a second. Wait a second. Erin, what's going on right now? Are you on the phone right now with their 24-7 award-winning customer support? It is 1 a.m. You're on the phone with Squarespace 24-7 support?

Yeah, maybe. That would just be kind of funny and weird if that was true, huh?

Unbelievable.

Well, maybe just type in Adal and jpcloveriddles.com for fun, for weird, for fun.

Erin, unbelievable. This is the best prank you've ever pulled on us. Like I can't even get mad at you. This is good. I can't even stay mad because you're using Squarespace, which is my ex-wife's company, the beautiful template. But I guess probably what comes next is you're going to tell our listeners that they can head to squarespace.com backslash Riddle for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use the offer code Riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain like JPC and Adal

I got you guys, it's already up. I love Squarespace and it was super easy to use. Woop!

Hey, welcome y'all. Come on in. I'll put you in this booth over here.

Oh, thank you so much. Oh, are you mocking me? No, this is my voice too.

Okay.

It's sort of like a yes and.

This booth over here? Is that where we're going to sit? Yeah, this booth right here. Okay, I was mocking you.

Honey, you're making fun of our accents. That's not nice. Sorry, this is my husband. He's very mean.

Charlene, I was not mocking you. I love you.

I was mocking this person who I don't care for. Okay, well, welcome to Sunrise Diner. Our special today is an Italian toast. Wait, do you have riddles on the menu? We don't, but I could whip you up some. Can you do McRiddles? We could do McRiddles.

Can I just have a riddle bit of water for the table?

Well hold on, I'm trying to think of a McRiddle. What is a purple sadness? What is a purple sadness? By the way, my name is Paul Lind. Is he as her hamburglar?

Yeah.

Okay.

Oh, I'm not actually, I'm coming around on this person, honey.

Oh, okay. Yeah, hamburger. Okay. Sure. Can I get you all some waters or some coffees?

Yeah, I would love a Riddle Riddle water.

Sorry, I misspoke. Can I get you some water or coffees? We are a diner slash FedEx and coast.

Wait a second. When you said sorry, I misspoke, the accent went away.

Yeah. Is this a front? Are you putting this on? No. If I ever say the word misspoke, I'm misspeaking, right? Because otherwise I'm a liar. Oh, any tints of misspoke. Also, I don't know if you know this, in 2013 we are the bicycle capital of the world. I won, I was crowned misspoke. Oh. Isn't that fun? My wife was misspoking.

Yeah. We're doing a whole lot of talking and not a lot of dating.

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that your wife was misspoking. Sometimes it's hard to misspeak in the present tense.

What?

Well, I'm Adal Rifai. I'm JPC.

And I'm Erin Keif.

I think the new thing to start the show is going to be the most convoluted premise of all time.

You guys, let's try this again. Okay, let's do that same thing again, but we're going to just streamline it. Just very simple, yes and very easy. Ready? Start over, Adal.

Same thing, but we're streamlining it. Here we go at the booth, let me get you some copies. I don't like you, I like her.

Okay, never mind. You guys, you can't ask them to do something correctly because then they'll be the opposite. I got to my thing immediately! Okay, but here's the thing.

Erin, we did exactly what you asked and we feel judged.

Okay, well you should feel judged.

Sorry, we feel mic judged.

If you guys are ever in an emergency with Adal and JPC, just go, hey guys, can you please do a bad job? And they're going to go, don't tell me what to do. I'll do a good job.

What do you mean a bad job? You want me to fly around at night, flopping my little wings and clicking and communicating with sonar?

And I'll go, JPC my arm fell off. Can you call someone? How are you two? It's nice to see you.

Good. Did you get your arm looked at, Erin?

Yeah, I love when people look at my arms because I'm a lady of the 21st century. I love it. You can look at my ankles and my arms.

Speaking of looking at arms, so I haven't purchased new clothes in a while. The seasons are changing and it's getting to be warmer outside and I'm on the hunt. I'm on the hunt to try to find some new tank tops that I like.

Oh, I can't find anything.

I truly have looked for hours and I can't find anything that I like.

Are you going to talk about buying Duran Duran pants? Where's this going? Are you on the hunt?

Wait, what are you typing in in search?

Well, Pornhub just has categories.

Why do I ever ask you any questions?

But basically, whenever I look, no matter what I type in, what I get a bunch of, is graphic tees. So what I want is fun, colorful tank tops that are not graphic prints and stuff like that.

And when you say tank tops, do you mean like a t-shirt with like the Tiananmen Square protest on it?

Yes, exactly. That's exactly what I wanted. Also guys, just a wild amount of pro-Trump tank tops appear against search results still. It's like, how could this be? It makes me want it to not be my look anymore. But all this to say is I was like finally I couldn't find what I want but I did buy some like new workout like tank tops that I could wear and they came in the mail and it was a three pack and I guess I didn't pay attention when I went for the three things that I bought or I just didn't look too closely but they are mesh like fully mesh. And I was like, I can't wear mesh. I don't think I've ever owned something that's mesh. I can't wear this. You don't have the nipple rings to pull that off.

You should wear those with those 2011 sunglasses that are just the stripes across. Just the bars.

But then I was like, I got it in the mail. For turning it is such a hassle. You have to like repackage it, then take it to a place. And these are like, they're for workouts. I'm not wearing them anywhere but my home. So I was like, fine. I'm just going to keep them. But what I didn't realize is that what that means is that now like 40% of my workout clothes are made of mesh. So I'm a mesh guy now. I wear mesh. And that's what's new with me.

You're a bit of a mesh. I'm going to write that down. JPC is a mesh guy now. You're a sloppy mesh. I will say, so listeners can't see this, but you are currently wearing a tank top. Yes. I'm going to go, I'm going to be I'm brave today, and I'm going to say all tank tops are workout tank tops.

You can work on a fucking shirt. Hey, not the silk ones. Not the silk ones.

Well, you can, but you just basically ruin them with sweat and stuff. So I don't necessarily... I want there to be a separation of church and state, and I don't want them to be... I don't want to have just completely drenched like a tank top that I'm wearing out to be... I think we need to talk about how you're ruining shirts with your sweat.

I mean... Go see a doctor.

If I saw a doctor, he'd be like, whoa, don't beat me up, Mr. Strongman. Oh, okay. But no, you know, workout clothes are different because they do get pretty disco. I don't know if you guys have ever worked out, but when you're done doing it, your clothes kind of are gross.

And your whole body is. Can't relate.

Can't relate, Adal? Yeah, exactly. How are you? Are you working out?

I'm working out.

Okay.

Let me flex this part of my body and then this part.

That was shimmying.

Tuck these over here and bend over. There we go. Rolled up into a shell. Wow.

Like a hermit crab.

I'm a Rolly Polly. When you all were growing up, did you call those little bugs Rolly Polly or did you call them pill bugs?

Rolly Polies.

All of them my friends. Yeah, Rolly Polies.

Okay. Cause somebody, uh, I can't remember when this was, but some, somebody in Chicago, I was like, Oh, roly polys. I haven't seen those in forever. And somebody else was like, what are you saying?

And so I said, we call it soda where I'm from.

And they're like, we call them pill bugs.

Hey Adal, this pill bug, roly poly thing is really fucking interesting, but I got a question for you. We're all, we, Erin and I now are fully vaccinated. You're fully vaccinated. The CDC says that fully vaccinated people can gather together indoors. You moved during this pandemic. Where's this invite to this fucking housewarming party, my man?

Hello! Knock, knock.

Knock, knock. I brought a fruit basket.

Knock, knock. I brought a basket that's made of fruit that has baskets in it.

Hold on, hold on. We waited for a basket made of fruit.

You know what? I haven't recorded it in a while and I don't know if I've ever been funny. So can everyone just have lower expectations for me please?

Here's the thing. This is a little embarrassing to say. The house warming has cooled off. We've been here since October. We now use the AC because of the spring and summer weather approaching. So you can took them over but it would just be a house party. It would no longer be a house. The warming is gone, right? The house was on the windowsill cooling off. It is no longer warm. It was room temp, so it would be a house party, and a house party requires a DJ, a kid, a play, a fun little dance where you knock your shoes together, and some sort of parent coming home screaming into high heavens.

Now is that a dance or a handshake? Because I was always under the impression that it was just an overly complicated handshake. Hey Riddle.

Just invite us over.

I think we can do a three player house party.

You can maybe play a board game, video game. You can make me a tiki drink.

Pretty fun. Deal. I'll send out the invites. I can point out some chores that you might be needing to do.

GPC can run his finger along the fireplace with my big white glove. This simply won't do. For any job that must be done, there is an element of fun. And then he sings a song.

If you're horny for your cousin, just clean up your house. If you're horny for your cousin, just clean up your house.

As you're just smashing shit.

Yeah, don't invite us over. Mopi Perry, no, please Mopi Perry. Mopi Perry is terrifying. I assume that O'Pair's name is Mopi Perry. Mopi Perry, yes.

You guys just as a fun little image for your Wednesday, JPC and Mary Poppins hat.

You're welcome, world. I'm sorry, Perry Mopins. Perry Mopins. Who's also my favorite detective. The other one I thought was a play on Matthew Perry. I was like, I like that too.

Please don't go, Perry Mopins, we love you.

Could I be any more your housekeeper?

She's a housekeeper. She's a nanny.

Perry Poppins, a lot of your commentary doesn't hold up.

Perry Poppins, can we jump into a painting made of chalk again and go on an adventure together? Perry Mopins, are you having sex with Jimmy Sweet?

Perry Mopins.

It seems like there's sexual tension between the two of you.

You went inside that painting but you just knocked all the characters down. Perry Mopins, can't wait. Erin, anything new for you?

No, I am technically an LA resident. I went out there, grabbed my keys, spent five days organizing, driving around, getting furniture off of Facebook Marketplace and walking around my neighborhood. It was so nice. I love my neighborhood and it's very green and I'm so excited and I can't wait.

Erin, I don't want to turn the tables too fast to make anyone's dinner spill over, but you have this new place and we're all fully vaccinated and it just feels like we're waiting on our invite to go to your housewarming. No, no, no, Erin. I want to be flown to LA.

It's a housewarming party.

Flown me to LA.

Um, yeah, of course what you guys can come and say literally whenever and I hope that you do. Um, and I hope that we have live shows out there and that you, we all hang out. And I, yeah, I, okay. And then when I come back here, I stay with both of you somehow at the same time, half the night at one house, half the night at the other house, huh? I'm a terrible house guest.

You can physically stay at JPC's, but mentally check out and then emotionally stay at my place.

Erin, I have said this over and over and over again.

Sean and Lou are always welcome here. Okay, here's the thing. If you live in Los Angeles and you have any places to recommend to me for buying very, very cheap rugs, because why the fuck are rugs so expensive?

Erin, I've got a website for you where we bought some cheap rugs. And they're great. I think it's just rugsusa.com.

Ooh, I'm looking for a mauve or lavender, lilac kind of rug. Okay, well I'm not your personal fucking assistant, okay?

I'm just a guy who has a recommendation.

Wow. Yeah, or like cheap furniture. You guys, it's expensive. It's so expensive to move. Oh, so expensive. So if you have any recommendations, please let me know. But that's my update. I'm happy to be here. I'm excited to see you guys. You're both very funny.

You're very funny.

I don't know the difference between the two of you quite yet. One of you wears a hat forward, one wears one back.

Well, one of us is going to shave our facial hair on the left and the other will shave it on the right.

I don't know my left or my right.

You want to know how we got these scars.

Speaking of not knowing what's going on.

One of us only speak in lies and the other will only speak in screams.

I think you know who's who. I wish I could only speak in screams. I'm like 80% there.

I feel like you're the lie one.

I like trying to suss that out of like...

One of us only tells lies, and one of us only speaks into dreams.

He's like, well, wait a minute.

To me, you're both both. All right. I'm old man. I'm old lady riddles or whatever my name is. Old man puzzles. And I have been doing a riddle podcast for about 150 episodes. So I would like to read even more riddles. Thank you so much.

Wait, okay, so just to be clear, this is episode 147. You're not doing another Riddle podcast that's only done like three episodes, right?

Yeah, I have. I just started a new one called Riddle Hey!

Oh, it's so much better.

And it's a lot better. Riddle Hey! I hate to tell you this, but it's two very funny women and me, so.

That is already better. That is a death knell.

And they don't lie and they don't scream. All right, here we go. This is our first listener submitted riddle from Laura Mcarver. Yeah, first ever. We've been making up the rest of them.

First time long time.

Yeah, Laura Mcarver from New Jersey. It's okay to use my full name. Hi Clue Crew. Thank you so much for your wonderful podcast, Liar. I can't count how many times I've cried from laughing so hard. I wanted to contribute some riddles I've learned over the past couple of years. I don't think you've done these yet. I hope they're fun. Thank you, Laura.

Thank you, Laura.

From New Jersey, if that is even a real place.

I'm so glad. Just a heads up, Laura. I don't know if you know this, but I follow a lot of food trends, and New Jersey was just named the number one pizza state in the U.S.

Really? Okay.

It beat out New York and Chicago. Huge news. Pizza's not that great.

All right, here's the thing about... I'm moving, so I can say this. Chicago pizza's not very good.

There's good pizza here, but deep dish sucks. Deep dish absolutely sucks.

I will say this, deep dish is good. No one would eat deep dish if it wasn't good. It will kill you though. You can't have more than two slices of deep dish or you will die. Show me a deep dish pizza? Uh oh, you just showed me a casserole.

Yeah, it's pizza soup and it's lame.

Sorry, Chicago. Are you also saying that you wouldn't eat a casserole? Yes. No, I'll eat a casserole on Thanksgiving, but I don't want to fold a slice of casserole and put it in my mouth. Your family's making Thanksgiving casserole? Green bean casserole. Am I crazy? Okay, so what you're talking about is hot green beans. You can't compare deep-dish pizza to hot green beans. We put that French onion soup on top. All right, Erin, let's hear this riddle.

Um, yeah, but just, if you ever come to Chicago, skip the deep dish. It's not worth it. Just don't do it. You'll need to nap the rest of the day. If you're a tourist, don't eat it.

I completely disagree. If you're a tourist, that's the only person who should be eating the deep dish. Everyone that I've ever brought to Chicago that have got deep dish, like I had people from England that got deep dish, people from Florida that got deep dish, they enjoy it for the novelty of it. But you don't need it.

No one here is eating it twice a week. Do you think England and Florida are the two most impressive places you could list off?

Honestly, I was just talking about the places that I've actually met people from, and it's England and Florida.

I had an Uber driver who was the most negative person I've ever met in my life, and she was so contrary, and it was hilarious. Challenge accepted. Last night, I know you guys, it was crazy. I was dying laughing. She hated everything. And we finally were like, if you could live in any city, where would you go? Because we told her we were moving to LA, and she's like, ugh. Thanks for watching!

Well that's how you get there.

If you go to New Orleans and you hate the food, you're the problem.

The good news is it sounds like her and her husband are a really good match.

Oh yeah. I told you that. I was like, I would give $1,000 today to hear one recording of them ordering at a restaurant together because they are the most negative. Oh god, I couldn't even believe it. She was like, well, I had one good margarita there. And I was like, I've loved the margaritas I've had in New Orleans. And she was like, I actually don't drink that much. And I don't always order margaritas.

Welcome. Welcome to Felix's Oyster House. We're known for our char grilled oysters. Can I take your order? Can I get the chicken breast?

And I'm going to hate it. I told her I loved oysters and she went, I can't even imagine. And I was like, okay. All right. So anyway, Laura, here are the warm up riddles that Laura sent us.

Oh, thank God.

Lighter than what I am made of, more of me is hidden than seen. Lighter than what I am made of, more of me is hidden than seen.

That's just a pile of feathers on a little bit of cloth.

Oh, that sounds terrifying.

That would be horrible. That's the best way to get a bird out of your house.

Is it? No.

Convince you give it a pillowcase. Make it fall asleep and then shoot it.

That's not a good night twist.

Not a pillowcase, but if you do have a bird in your house, you're supposed to take a big blanket or a sheet and throw it over the bird and so then you can easily scoop it up and take it outside and air it out of the sheet.

Alright, here we go.

Yes.

Lighter than what I am made of, more of me is hidden than seen.

Okay, so lighter than what I'm made of. That doesn't make sense because... What about a cigarette lighter? Oh, that's great. So lighter than what I'm made of. So propane. Is it made of meringue?

No. Ooh, meringue. I'm made of meringue.

Somebody flew to Key West.

Key West. I feel like I'm flying.

Lighter than what I am made of. Is this like baking?

No.

It's nothing to do with dessert, but are you guys hungry? No.

Does that have something to do with like a word? Like it's made up of letters and then... No. Okay.

Is the answer to this a word? Or just sort of a sound?

Sometimes the answers are sounds, yeah. Lighter than what I'm made of.

I would say the best part of this is the more of me is hidden and seen.

Oh, Glacier.

What's another word?

Banana. Iceberg.

Yeah. Oh, lettuce. No, it's not lettuce. It's an iceberg. It's an iceberg. I would like to see a scene. You two are the lookout on, let's just say, the Titanic. And one of you sees an iceberg, but you are having a feeling that maybe it's too late to say something.

Can I just say, sir, that being on this massive boat, it feels like I'm flying.

Feels like you're flying. Well, you should try getting up onto the bow of the ship. Ooh! We could go up there right now if you'd like. Ooh, deep bow. Charles, you slay me. You truly are so funny. No, no, no. Come. We will go to the front here. I'll go to the bow, which I believe is the front. It will go right up here. Now put your arms out and you can totally feel like you're flying.

Oh, look. I'm Jesus Christ. This is the same pose that he does. All right, hold on. Pause.

What? Calm down.

What? No, you said put your arms out and that's what Jesus Christ does.

Yes, but I'm deeply religious and that, frankly, Won't do.

Oh, am I fired?

Well, I don't know. Does a passenger have the authority to just fire a crew member? If so, no, no, that wouldn't be the Christian thing for me to do. No, you're not fired. An apology will suffice.

What is the Christian thing to do? Well, start a war. Interesting. Oh, what is, what is that glimmer? There's some sort of glimmer out there in the water.

Look at some sort of... Hello, I made a vise.

Oh, it's some sort of, it's some sort of ice woman.

Lemon Icebergaloo. Oh. Hi.

Now, Charles, I know who that is. That's one of those X-Men that we've, that save our world and our planet.

Wow. Never thought I'd meet an X-Men.

Hello! Did you come a little closer?

Thank you for your service. Tell Professor- CRASH!

Oh, she loves Dave Matthews.

Into me. Anyway, we're gonna swim around you.

Okay, I need to say something. Yeah, Jesus was famously posing. Yeah.

Remember? Big pose, big pose.

Walk, walk, fashion baby, work it, move that bitch crazy. Walk, walk, fashion baby, work it, I'm a Jesus baby.

I'm a model and I know it.

I've been listening to so much Jesus Christ Superstar. I don't know why. Erin, favorite song? The first one, of course. Listen, Jesus, I don't like what I see. All I ask is that you listen to me. I should be a female Judas. It's so catchy. Oh, it's so good.

Also, if someone doesn't know the subject matter that they're talking about, the answer that tells you that is when they say the first one.

Well, yeah, totally. I love this musical.

I like the first one, the third one, and the fifth one.

I like Everything's All Right, but that first number is so good. And I listened to the John Legend one.

Oh, yeah.

Brandon Victor Dixon plays Judas in the John Legend Jesus Christ Superstar, and he has one of the craziest voices I've ever heard. He also played Burr and was in Rent. You guys, look him up. He's the best.

Oh, that's so interesting, because the waiter I played up top that worked at the Sunrise Cafe, his name was Brandon Victor Dixon.

That's so crazy. You named it. Hey y'all.

My name's Brandon Victor Dixon.

It's a great southern name.

You can just call me BVD.

And then also I listen to the... I watch the YouTube clip of Tim Minchin doing it because I'm a huge Tim Minchin fan, but he played Judas in England and it is insanely good.

That's awesome. My favorite part of that whole musical is I think it's in Simon Zellit's song when he just goes, why should you want to know why you in love with fighting? And I just think about that in my mind all the time. I just thought why would you, why are you in love with fighting?

JBC, you made me realize with your comment a moment ago that the singer of the song, Hallelujah, which I believe was written by Leonard Cohen and popularized by Jeff Buckley, the singer of that song doesn't know what they're talking about. Because they're like, oh, it goes like this, the fourth, the fifth, the minor chord, the major lift. It's like, you don't know this song, do you?

What?

Do you want to get up on stage and sing your song? Yeah, it goes like this.

There's a minor chord and a major lift.

The best part about that, I saw someone tweet that at the beginning of that, I don't know who tweeted it, but the beginning of that is David played a secret chord that pleased the Lord. And it's like, it's a secret chord, but you just listed out what it was. It should have been like, it should have been like David played a secret chord. It went like up by 20 and then you.

And then, oh, back to Riddles. I was like, what the fuck is this show? What do we do? So that was an iceberg. Next one. Forwards I'm heavy, but backwards I'm not. What am I?

Uh... forward? Oh, this is... I know this. JPC, do you want to take a stab? Otherwise I got it.

Uh, God, I don't know. Four words, I'm heavy, but backwards, I'm not. This is a person who skips leg day every fucking day, you know? And they, it's only, they're only doing chest and shoulders, baby. I would like to see a scene. They're walking around on two spindy little sticks.

Um, okay. Uh, JPC, you are a guy, me and Adal are your legs and you're a guy who skips leg day. And we're begging you to not skip leg day anymore.

Wait, wait, wait. No, no, no, no. Don't shower. Don't shower yet. No, no, no.

Don't go to the showers yet.

No. What do you mean I'm done? I'm done working out. No, but we didn't get to do anything. We feel so weak.

We are just so... Look at me.

Stand on your toes. Stand on your toes. Now look back at us. I can't.

I don't have the strength to stand on my toes.

Hold on, hold on.

Let me get on my pull-up bar. I'll pull myself up. Okay, now I can look at my legs. Now I can look at you. What did you want?

Don't do that. Stop making your arms look strong. Pay attention to us.

We look like the little candy sticks from Fun Dip.

Please work on us. I told you little motherfuckers, I want you to go away. I will never, I will never forgive you for tripping when we came in the door that one time.

Everyone laughed at me!

I was drunk and I said I'd cut back.

We were both drunk. We're so tired from holding your butt all day. Please make us stronger so we can hold up your butt.

By the way, I don't know how you guys were both drunk because I was stoned sober. I must have been sitting in an alcohol kiddie pool or something. Yeah. It's absorbing it through my skin. It's soaked in through the pores.

Can you at least make my brother left leg stronger?

He deserves it.

Wow, that's the most selfless thing that I've ever heard.

Well, you want to know something else that's selfless? I named my sister Jessica and she named me Left Leg.

Yeah! At least we're not your arms, though. Those two people are dicks. Not dicks, they're arms, but they're horrible people. Yes, please. I mean, they're not people, they're arms.

Please, they're not dicks, they're arms. And they're horrible people.

Help us! Oh brother.

Do you want me to answer this one? Yeah please, go ahead. So forward it's heavy, backwards it's not.

I didn't want you to restate it.

I wanted you to answer it.

This one's very clever.

Oh I thought restating was answering.

Here's your hint. This one's very clever. We have to do, we got to get it because we got to do a couple more before we get released.

The answer to this riddle is the word ton. T-O-N, forwards it's 2,000 pounds, backwards it's literally the word not. You're incredible.

I know a word of letters three. Add two and fewer there will be.

Um... Fewer-er. Wait, few.

Sorry, buddy. You got it. It's cute.

I thought it was take away two letters. Aren't these great? These are wonderful.

Glittering points that downward thrust. Sparkling spears that never rust.

Stalactites. Stalamicites.

Icicles. Yeah, you got it. It's icicles. And then the last warm-up riddle. At night they come without being fetched. By day they are lost without being stolen.

Graveyard Gremlins.

Graveyard Gremlins.

And I got to say the night I got to see your band, Graveyard Gremlins, was so fun. You guys are great. Lots of scream singing.

A lot of scream singing, and it was kind of weird that the only song you played ten times in a row was Mariah Carey's All I Want for Christmas.

Yeah, I was like, it's weird to see a Sky Band play.

You know, I have a character that I do around the house, which is the dinnertime orichai. And all that is, is whatever we're having for dinner that night, is I just, I say like, looks like toasted red pepper, stuffed red peppers is back on the menu boys.

Outstanding.

That sounds really good. Go ahead and use that in your relationships and ruin them. Dinner time for Rifai. That's everybody's bet.

You can have it now. And while you go ruin your relationships, we're going to take a quick break so you can do just that. We'll be right back with more. Hey Riddle Riddle. Looks like steak tartare is back on the menu, boys.

You don't eat steak.

No, I don't. And tartare would be the worst way to eat it. Tartare for now.

Hey Adal, Erin, I got a bone to pick with the two of you. Uh oh, what's going on JPC?

Uh oh. I just sat down on my new owl form couch. That thing clawed the hell out of me. I ended up with half a vole in my lower back.

As pleased as I am that that happened to you. I think I know what went wrong.

I don't know what it could have possibly been this time because I'm at the end of my rope with this owl form couch.

JPC it's all form. It's from the people who brought you Helix sleep. O-G-T-C. It's Allform. A-L-L-F-O-R-M.

Yes, they left the bedroom and they started making sofas. They have a new company called Allform that makes the best sofas we've ever seen. I mean, Erin, you were literally at my house the other day. You sat on my Allform couch and you said, this is the most comfortable couch I've ever sat on.

It's my favorite couch. I just got one in sand. I got a sectional couch in the color sand for my new place. I got an ottoman with it. I'm so excited.

Okay, so Allform, if I get this right, is the company that allows you to customize your sofa using premium materials and a fraction of the cost of traditional stores. And Allform is three pissed off barn owls in a burlap bag, correct?

Very different. Okay. You can pick your fabric. It's spill, stain, and scratch resistant, which makes it great for kids, pets like Lou and messy eaters like those three owls.

Yeah, could I use some scratch resistance when I was dealing with those three pissed off barn owls in a burlap sack?

You can also pick the sofa color, the color of the legs, the sofa size, the shape, so it's perfect for your home.

And unlike owls, all-form sofas will be delivered directly to your home with fast, free shipping. In the past, if you wanted to order a sofa, it would take weeks or even months, sometimes years in the medieval times. Now, all you have to do is wait for it in the mail, you assemble it in your home, it takes, I don't know, three to seven days to arrive. Gemma and I put ours together in about 15 minutes.

This is wild, because Allform also offers a forever warranty, literally forever, and Owlform said they would remember me forever, and then they ran their talent across their neck and they made the kkkk sound, so... Yeah, Allform is way better than... Uh-oh, uh-oh.

I'm allergic to those owls! And if you want it all...

Yes, segue. Segue. Do it.

And if you want to find the perfect sofa, check out allform.com slash riddle. A-L-L-F-O-R-M dot com slash riddle. R-I-D-D-L-E. And All Form is offering 20% off all orders for our listeners at allform.com slash riddle. Let me know what color couch you get. If you get a sand one, let me know that we're twins.

20%? I can't compete with that. They're gone. JPC and Erin, it is me, Pussbot. I have something to share with the two of you.

Oh, Pussbot, I've never seen you in an ad before. It's good to see you.

It's good to be here. You know how every time I show up, you two get very anxious and annoyed?

Uh, well, you said that to you?

Yeah, I mean, that's my experience, but I thought it was a personal thing that I was keeping to myself.

Yeah, I thought it was a personal thing I was keeping to myself.

As a robot, I can tell. I've been trained to read emotions. I mean, trained, no, programmed. That's the word.

You know what, Pussbot? I'm actually totally feeling chill and better and calm, and my anxiety's kind of been curbed because I'm on Headspace. Headspace is my daily dose of mindfulness in the form of guided meditations in an easy-to-use app.

Oh, that's good to hear. That's actually what I came here to tell you. JPC, have you experienced Headspace?

What do you mean? The only meditation app advancing the field of mindfulness and meditation through clinically validated research? Yeah, I think I've heard of Headspace in using it.

Well, if I may speak as a robot and robots speak, with Headspace you can be 28% less sad in just 10 days. That is just plain math. And don't you deserve to feel happier? Headspace is meditation made simple, and I have a promo if you two will allow me to read it.

Of course, I just wanted to mention that I use Headspace to fall asleep. I have a hard time really winding down right before bed, and that's what helps me out. Headspace has these wind-down sessions their members swear by, including me. And for parents, Headspace even has morning meditations you can do with your kids.

I use Headspace to fall asleep too. That's a lie. I cannot sleep, but I do use Headspace to calmly sit until the morning comes. You said you had some sort of promo for us, Pussbot? That's amazing! It's not only amazing, it is literally the best deal offered right now. Head to Headspace.com slash Riddle today. 3-day, 4-day, 5-day, 6-day.

Uh oh, Puzzbot.

You're too good of a deal.

Yeah, sometimes you do well. We gotta lock you back up, Puzzbot. We better not see you in any more ads for the foreseeable future. Back to jail.

Did you do it? Did you ruin your relationships? You're welcome.

We hope so.

More riddles from... Laura.

New Jersey Laura. Have you been in a car accident? Call a New Jersey Laura. I'll get you out of jail.

Um, I'm gonna read this just so I read all of our riddles, but I think we've done this one before, but we'll just get it really quick. Ready? What is three-sevenths chicken, two-thirds cat, and one half goat. Yep, Chicago.

We already did that one, Laura.

It has terrible pizza. I never was, and always will be. No one ever saw me, nor ever will. And yet, I am the confidence of all who live and breathe on this terrestrial ball.

Natalie Portman's acting. Wait a second. Are these my vows?

Yeah, they are. Vows for what? You're not married.

Yeah. You gotta start writing them early, Erin. Duh.

Before you're engaged.

If you haven't started writing your vows yet, Erin, you are fucked.

Okay. I know. I got your vows for Mariah. You ready? Yeah, please. Hey. Hey, how are you? Thank you so much for letting me do Things, bits at the dinner table like steak tartars back on the menu, boys. I really appreciate your patience. I love that we don't let spaghetti up on the furniture. You're my soulmate. I love you and I'll check you later.

These are my vows. Oh yeah, I think all good vows should end with check you later. I think these were her vows for me that I was hearing.

Oh, I want to hear her vows for you?

Me too.

Okay. Hey! It is good to see you too. I love that your suit for our wedding is a cut off tip top. With a little, with a cute little tie. I wish that you had brought your family instead of a bunch of very sick raccoons to the wedding, but we're gathered here today for me to be with the weirdest guy that's ever lived.

In my mind, a cut-off tank top is a tank top with just pieces cut out. Well, that's mesh. That's what you have.

That's mesh, baby. You guys, I'm really good at guessing what people's vows are going to be, so if you ever need me to guess. Adal, if you need me to guess.

Well I told Gemma that what I'm going to do is I'm just going to put on a CD that I made and it's called Vowels. That's what I call music. And it's just going to be a bunch of songs. Two. Because I am divorced once.

Alright, sorry. I never was, am always will be. No one ever saw me, nor ever will. And yet I am the confidence of all who live and breathe on this terrestrial ball.

Is it like oxygen? Oxygen like air? No. Is it the sun? Because you really can't look right at it, but it is the thing that gives us the life that we need.

No, it's more of like a... don't think space. I never was, I'm always will be. No one ever saw me nor ever will, and yet I am the confidence of all who live and breathe on this terrestrial ball.

Uh, gravity.

No, don't think space stuff.

Think like time. Mmm, black holes. Oh, Stephen Hawking.

Okay, okay, okay.

Is it polarity?

No, think time.

Is it hilarity? And by that I mean Alec Baldwin's wife?

No.

Okay, think time. Think time.

Time is gift, give it to you.

Don't look a time clock in the mouth.

Give it to give you the time you need, the time you need to have the time in your life.

Don't look a time cop in the mouth.

It's not the past. It's not the present.

It's the future.

It's back to the, yes, it's the future.

Marty, we have to go back.

It's our kids. Erin, why? You set them up for this.

You set them right up for this. I didn't mean to. Erin, Erin. I'm not listening. Nobody look at Adal.

He's the son. We have to get back my saucers. I want to see a scene. No, I'm going to see a scene, we're going to see a scene where Adal- Wait a second. I was talking and you were doing, Marty! Marty! We're going to see a scene. Adal, you're going to be playing Erin and I's grandpa. And every time that we come to see you, you're always trying to give us a hook for us to come back to see you. Okay. Alright Grandpa, this was so nice. This is great.

Thanks for the leftovers.

That was wonderful. We'll talk TTLY.

TTLY?

TTLY? TTLY. Let me check my papers here. My calculations. Talk to later you. Oh no. 1.21 Crockapots. You have to come back and try my soup.

Oh, Grandpa, we already have all this leftover casserole. Actually, this is just deemed as pizza. But we're all full on that now.

Well, you're full now, but in the future, you'll be hungry. I've seen it. I've done the calculations. In the future, you will be hungry.

We're really busy, Grandpa, and it takes a lot to get up here. You live on that big hill, and it's just like we're really busy with school and stuff.

Yes, of course you're busy. That's why we have to go snack. Snack to the future. You eat now and then in the future you won't be hungry. Snack to it. Of course I'm lonely. Just talk to Grandma. She's in the other room. No, she's lost in the 1800s in the wild west.

Is that what she told you?

Oh, Grandpa. I think you're just too much for her. I think she told you that she was lost.

Yeehaw! I'm thriving here!

See? See what I told you? You have to. You have to come back here. In two weeks time, come back and use this car, the car in the garage. Now it's an older car, it's from 1985, and it has two doors that swing open like insect wings, and it's called a dolorian.

Grandpa, that car can't possibly still run. It's from 85. That car's at least 50 years old.

It doesn't run now, but in the future.

Grandpa, can we get you the internet? What? Can we get you the internet finally? I think you'd benefit from the internet.

Does it run on plutonium? Grandpa, this is really grading on our patients. Can you just tell us one more time what your net worth is?

Well, listen, I'm sorry if I'm grading. You've been a great Scott and you've been a great Melissa. You're two of my favorite kids. My net worth is $1.7 billion. I don't know how you know this. My grandpa created Texaco.

Yeah, we'll hang out. That will reenergize us.

Seed. Seed. True fact, Christopher Lloyd's grandpa created Texaco.

Three lives have I. Gentle enough to soothe the skin. Light enough to caress the sky. Hard enough to crack rocks.

Is this a Lenny Kravitz song? Yes.

And that's also the three of us. I'm gentle enough to soothe the skin. Adal is light enough to caress the sky. And JPC is a liar who screams.

Excuse me while I caress the sky. Is this Dove body wash?

Yes, Dove. Women are bodies and amazing and good. Women bodies. Yes, Dove. Go. Empowerment. Naked on a billboard, Dove. I love it.

Brought to you by Unilever, the most evil corporation of the world. Dove body wash, because all women should smell like lavenders.

Whatever, Dove.

I want to see a scene.

Put your money where your soap is.

I want to see a scene. JPC, you are a magician, but you take a lot of shortcuts. You don't have a lot of money, so instead of doves flying out of your suit, you have doves bars of soap. Just a lot of shortcuts, you don't have a lot of money, and you are really sweating on stage. Erin, you are the one person who has shown up to this community talent show, and you find yourself on stage as a volunteer.

Alright, and for my next trick I'm going to need a volunteer. You, ma'am, would you like to come up and volunteer? Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry, you'll have to say it a little more enthusiastically.

Yeah, yes, yeah.

Alright, alright, come on up here, come on up here. Now for my next trick, I'll take off my hat. And what is your name, ma'am?

My name is Jennifer.

My name is the minister of the platoon. Jennifer, it's so nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. Now, in a second, I'm going to have to ask you to reach into my hat and pull something out, but be careful not to get bitten because there is a snake in there.

This is a pervert dagger.

No, I know that magicians do get a bad rap for that, but on the whole, it's not a pervert thing, it's just a profession thing. Just like a lot of dentists are perverts, but generally speaking, some people still get into dentistry just because they want to help people. Even though most of them do get into it because they do want to put their fingers in people's mouths.

I feel like if you weren't a pervert, you wouldn't be talking this much about it.

If I was a pervert, would I know so much about dentists? One of the most perverted per... Okay, you're right.

Correct. All right, here we go. I'm reaching in.

Oh, okay. And don't get bit by that rake. Now again, that is a children's rake toy that comes with a... It's more like a sandbox. Yeah, it's like a sandbox pail. It's actually a shovel. Anyway, but you didn't get bitten and that was on my head the whole time, so that's pretty crazy how that was in there, right?

Yeah, you just had a little children's toy in your head under your hat.

Yeah, that would have had to be there the whole time though. That's pretty crazy. We cut to the next week when he's doing another act with a different volunteer. So you want me to pick a carb, any carb?

Any carb. I brought my husband back with me. That's kind of cool, huh?

Hey, congratulations. He's a looker. Uh, I guess I'll say bread.

What's the, do you have a second choice?

Another carb. Do potatoes have carbs? Yes, but maybe like a third choice. You were closer with bread. Okay, sliced bread, a baguette.

Oh man, I wasn't prepared for any of these. Boy, do I feel fusilli.

That's actually a pretty good magic trick. Thank you, thank you.

All right. Three lives have I, gentle enough to soothe the skin, light enough to caress the sky, hard enough to crack rocks.

So hard enough, so is this water again? Is it like water, ice, crack rocks, and then like vapor or mist? What do you call water when it turns to gas? Rain. Rain.

Rain. Clouds.

Rain ma'am. Steen.

When young I am sweet in the sun. When middle-aged I bring joy. When old I am more valued than ever.

Grapes. Yes. Grapes turn into raisins which turn into wine in your mouth when you chew raisins, which is why kids should drink more raisins. Why is it they're more raisin flavored wine?

I don't know. I want to see a scene.

Oh, go ahead. Oh, go ahead, Erin.

Oh no, I just wanted to say, so the funniest part of my new apartment, which has a lot of funny things in it, is there's a random wine fridge that's installed. No place to put the trash! No obvious place to put trash, but there's a wine fridge. And so I was like, maybe I should get really into like, I'm not a wine drinker. I don't know anything about wine. I never drink it. So if you know, like, what should I do? Like, if anyone's a wine expert out there, if we have any sommeliers listening, I like natural wines because I get rashes from wine, so help a girl out, make me a genius.

I think it's so funny that apartments and houses that come on the market that have idiosyncratic things like wine fringes in them but don't have a dishwasher is the most unhinged thing because it just means at one point either the owner or the occupant was like, I'm a wine guy. I'm such a wine guy that a valuable living space is going to be converted into be storing my wine like a psycho.

I know I'm going to probably just fill it with LaCroix, but it would be kind of cool if I had some like cool wines.

You should go to Trader Joe's and get those like whatever their Trader Joe brand sparkling water is that comes in the long bottles. Yeah and just keep those inside of there instead of wine.

I have some Molly Dee plus at best. Let's do, I want to see a scene. JPC you were at a new wine bar in town. And you're very new to wine, and so you're just trying something out. You heard that they have raisin wine, so you're checking out this interesting new flavor profile. Erin, you are the sommelier at this wine bar. You know everything about wine and all the funky new flavors that this bar contains.

Yeah, I mean, so I guess, you know, I don't like it the way... Yeah, hello and welcome to the wine bar. Hello.

Yeah, we were mid-conversation. I guess I don't want to, you asked me if I was a big wine person, but no, I don't really think that I'm a big wine person. It's just that it's so hard to meet people organically in your 30s that I just kind of wanted to come and hang out.

Organic wine. Hi, I'm Patricia B. Sommelier.

Okay, you said your name was Rachel. That's what your name tag says.

Are you okay? Yeah, one eye is closed because I'm a broken porcelain doll, not because I drunk. Not because I did wine tasting, forgot to spit into bucket.

Because I played football in high school and you sound a lot like you've been concussed. And I was very familiar with people that had been concussed.

You're so pretty. Don't let anyone tell you you should be confident. Ah, it's hot in here, huh?

No one's ever told me that.

Hey, can I just say... Let's get another bottle open and then get cheese. What?

I'm drunk. Everyone in here is drunk. We're all acting way different than you're acting. It feels like you have a specific injury.

Okay, I may have had a couple of sips of wine ran right into huge door.

That's it. Hold on, let's focus on that part. Because you have blood trickling down your ears.

Yeah, so this is for sure a full-bodied red. So I just want you to swirl this around, give it a little sniff.

I'm honestly worried about your full-bodies red because it's leaking out of your head right now.

Pinot Grigio. Sparkling Rose. And then cold white wine.

Why did you whisper that into my ear like it was a secret that you were sharing with me?

Hey, Chardonnay.

Hey, look, hey, look, I never do this. I never do this when someone's at work, but what time do you get off? Because I would love to take you to a hospital.

I love a sommelier just whispering in your ear, New Zealand. Yellowtail. Here's what I'll say. I've had many a meal with like wine pairings. So it's like these wines are customized for you to bring out the maximum flavor. And I drink them and I'm like this could be these all taste the same. These are just wines. I enjoy like port. I enjoy like brandy or I mean like Malbec or any sort of like sparkling wine. So I feel like if it's weird or funky, I enjoy it. But if it's just red or white, I can't tell any of the flavors.

Yeah, I also completely lost my sense of smell, so I doubt that I'll ever truly be able to enjoy wine. When I order a drink, it's basically just the spiciest margarita they can get me, because otherwise I will not feel it, taste it, or know that I'm drinking anything.

I feel like when we were in Arizona, did you order a spicy margarita?

Yeah, I probably did.

A jalapeno margarita or something?

That's my go-to and when we went, Adal and I, one of my favorite things about our friendship is we were in Kalamazoo, was it Kalamazoo? And we went back to the same tiki bar twice in 15 hours.

It was amazing.

I know we were so happy. We were like, should we go back? And we were so, we like got so obsessed with the staff there and we like, they, we talked their ear off. We ordered like a million drinks and ate so much food, but it was.

And JBC, you'll be happy to know that we met an actual billionaire.

Yeah, no, I've heard this story before. And believe it or not, on this podcast.

Sorry, we just, it was fun. Sorry, we had fun. But I think I ordered a spicy drink there and it was like the best thing that I got there. I love spicy marks. I'm going to give everyone my quick spicy margarita recipe. If you get a clear tequila and then you put some jalapenos in it and you let it sit for a little bit, like a couple days, and then you strain it out. You put a bunch of fresh lime juice in it, a little bit of fresh grapefruit juice over ice, and then you're going to pour a lime liqueur in it, and then you're going to put the Trader Joe's chili lime sauce around the edge, and it's absolutely delicious. Put it in a cool cup.

Can I actually do mine? Is that okay? Do we have time? Please. So my recipe for spicy margarita, what you're going to do is you're going to take clear tequila, some lime juice. You're going to put that in a blender with some hot giardiniera. You're going to put that on puree. You're going to put in your favorite glass and you're going to zest some cinnaburst on top just to give it a final little click.

And if we have a little bit of time, I would like to go through my recipe for a spicy margarita. Here's what you get to do. Go to any bar with a friend, make sure you order them a margarita. Then when the margarita comes, say, oh my God, is that berry pepper? They'll look over to see if it's berry pepper. What you do is you take a big handful of black pepper, dump it in their margarita, wait for them to turn around. They take a sip. They get mad. You get in a fistfight with the bartender. That's a night.

Berry pepper is an actor I haven't thought about in Hey Riddle.

You guys say such nonsense all the time. I never know what's real. All right. If you have three, you have three. If you have two, you have two. But if you have one, you have none. What is it? I love this riddle.

Math. A sexual partner.

What? If you have three, you have three. If you have two, you have two. If you have one, you have none.

If you have one, you have none. If you have three, you have three. Two, you have two. If you have four, do you have four, Erin? Yep. If you have five, you have five.

Yeah. Keep going in forever.

You have ten, you have ten?

Yeah.

Okay. But if you have one, you have none. So this could be, so this is something that maybe comes in more than one. So this is going to be.

Your hint is this is maybe my favorite riddle we've had at least this year.

Erin, is the answer to this riddle a Twix bar?

Yeah, baby boy!

I will say this is a little insight into my sick brain but if I'm going to make breakfast and I open up the egg carton and there's one egg I get furious and I might throw it out I don't even use it because I need I need at least two or three eggs to make an omelet so you know what makes me mad is when I open the egg carton and it's just one Twix bar

What the fuck happened here?

What did this chicken eat? I hate when I go to grab the box of oatmeal, or the box of oatmeal, but yeah, like the carton that the oatmeal comes, but you can't see through it, and you open it up and it's just full of eggs in there.

It's like, replace it. There must be a Twix bar in here, idiots.

Hey, I have a question for you two, and both of you live with partners. Let's say that there's whatever is that is the hot commodity in your house. For Erin, it's a gallon of milk. For Adal, it's probably a gallon of milk. But something that you can't see through, so like a non-see-through thing, what would you do Would you, if you were like pouring yourself a glass of something and there was just like, not maybe more than a sliver, enough for someone to have like half a glass left, would you put it back in the thing? Or would you like leave it out? Would you pour a glass for your partner? Like how would you handle, how would you resolve that situation?

It's a really interesting question.

I would 100% drink X amount, a few ounces, and then dump the rest in so I could throw out the box. Because mentally, as I go out and throw out the rest of my day, I'm going to be mentally locked into the idea that there's a thing I have to throw away fairly soon, and that's going to ruin my day. I mean, this is, I'm sure, everyone. During quarantine, if I have a call at 8 p.m. and I have nothing else the whole day, Hey Riddle.

That's how I think about our recording days. I genuinely, they are pretty useless to me. I go like, God I would do laundry, but I really should just check on my internet for the 600th time today.

Speaking of doing laundry, we were recording today and I was washing all the dog beds and the dog towels in the house and we had like three hours before we were recording, so enough time to wash this load of laundry. So I asked Mariah, I put him down there, I asked Mariah if she would go downstairs and change them over, and then she did. And then 10 minutes before we recorded, she goes, what do you want to do about the laundry? And I go, what do you mean? What do you mean do about the laundry? Because we can't do it during the recording because you'll hear it through the floor. I was like, what do you mean do about the laundry? And she goes, oh yeah, I started another load. And I was like, well, I guess what I want to do is go back in time to when you did that and have you not Do it. It's not really a good thing I could solve with 10 minutes before I record. I guess we rewatched that logic. But we were both laughing about it, but I just thought it was so funny to come up to someone and be like, hey, what do you want to do about this problem that shouldn't be a problem? It's not your problem. But Erin, what would you do with the thing in your fridge with the 10% left?

I'm always putting half eaten little bits of things left, but if it's a shared carton of something, I would, as loudly as I could, be like, hey, there's only a little bit left of this, and then hope that he heard me. I think that this is a pretty like common ADHD thing that I'll start like a LaCroix or a drink or like an energy drink or something that's an individual can and I'll put it in there and be like I'll finish the rest later. The narrator says she never went back to finish that. And so Sean just opens our refrigerator and it's like cams of nonsense that I have completely forgotten about.

Erin, you've just described the daughter from, um, what's that image? Science. Science, yes.

Yeah. Oh yeah, I'm leaving glasses of water around the house just in case my bedside table is three glasses of water minimum all the time always. For aliens.

Yeah, I'm the king of going into the fridge and drinking anything that's open because I'm like, chances are someone's forgotten about this. It's either me who does not remember putting it in there or it's Mariah who didn't remember putting it in there. But it doesn't matter. I'll go and finish it. I did that with a can of cold brew earlier today. I was like, I don't know who this is, but it's going down my goal.

It's mine now. Yeah. If anyone needs half a beverage, come on over. I'll let you in. You can drink all my half beverages.

But I'm with Adal. If there's 10% left in the thing, I'm housing it. I'm taking it right to the fucking dome. I'm not even pouring it in my drink. Drinks them out of my glass. I'll just drink it right out of the bottle and then throw that away. Holy shit. But it's not staying in there. Same with an egg.

Oh, my mom saw me do that when I was home. I'll crack an egg into my mouth. Ew. My mom saw me do that with apple cider when I was home last because I just finished the end of it. And she was like, oh. And I was like, mom, stop. Uh, right.

Okay, so Adal, did you know the answer to this or did you just know that it's like 5 equals 5 and 40 equals 20?

Oh my god, I'm just remembering that I did that and then put it back in the refrigerator and that's why she was mad. Wait, was the answer 8?

Wait, wait, hold on, Erin, you didn't actually finish the apple cider? You just took a big swing on apple cider?

Yeah, I know, I know, you guys, I'm really sorry, my mom was completely correct.

That's the exact opposite of that situation. What you did was a gross thing.

Oh God, I'm an idiot.

I remember this is a vivid memory I have in college where I was pouring tomato like a pasta sauce out of a jar but I wasn't using all the pasta sauce and I poured it out and there's pasta sauce on the rim of the jar and I just like licked it off and then put the thing back and put it in the fridge and then got it out like three days later and that spot that I licked was like covered in mold because the bacteria in my mouth had put mold all over that thing. Oh, this is why people don't do that. This is why you don't see chefs on TV licking shit.

I was like, because I do little swigs of apple cider vinegar. I know it's bad for your teeth. Shut the fuck up. I don't care. Nobody said anything. Everyone. I'm talking about the listeners. Okay. That's bad for your teeth. I know. But it helps my throat and it helps my belly. But I was taking swigs right from the container and then I was like, that's not good. That's bacteria. So now I can't do that anymore.

I do want to see a scene. This will be a quick one. So JPC and Erin, you host a cooking show. You are the popular duo, the negligent chefs. And you just do a lot of stuff that shouldn't be done for health and safety protocols.

Hi, and welcome back from the break. If you're just joining us, we're making pizza?

Ooh, okay. Well, scrap these pancakes then because this is wrong. This is all wrong.

And when you discard pancakes, you're going to want to open your pantry and you're going to shove them right in the back and hope for the best. Okay? And that's just a little kitchen tip from us.

So they're safely locked away in the pantry. Now we are going to be making pizza today. So what do we need from pizza? Well, unfortunately, we do need some of the stuff we threw away last segment. So let's crack open that trash can and search around here for a little while. What is this? Is this the pepperoni?

What is this?

You smell it, I'll taste it.

Nope.

Nope, it's not. It's not.

Who's to say what that is? Who's to say what this is? Oh, I'm seeing it. Oh, here's the cheese. I'm just going to disinfect that with some bleach because, you know, safety first. Safety first. We threw it in the trash. Oh, safety first. Karen, have we washed our hands today? Yes, we should probably dirty them up. Yes, okay.

I have not washed my hands today, but I took a shower and I shampooed and so that kind of ran off onto my fingers, I believe. That kind of covers me.

Best just quickly dirty him up anyway you see fit. I'm going to pick your nose. You can do whatever you want.

Do you need me to pick yours?

Sure!

Okay, there you go. And for everyone watching at home, it is critical to the recipe, if from last segment that pig is still loose in your kitchen, just try to grab it when it comes by. Don't try to make a big thing of it and like try to corner it because it's not going to respond to that. But if it gets near you, because it's curious, do try to still grab that pig.

And you know what that ding means?

No.

The fire that we started in the other part of the house is about to reach us.

Okay, so our producer Glynn is telling us that it is now time to get on our flame retardant suits. So we're gonna put those on. Okay. I found where we put the honey. It was all outside.

And I found the pepperoni.

Okay, two more riddles. We're going to do these riddles and then we're allowed to leave.

Wait, did we get the... was egg the right answer to the... No. Did we get that one?

No, you didn't get it. If you have three, you have three. If you have two, you have two. If you have one, you have none. What is it? Can we get a hint? How about I give you options?

Okay.

I guess the answer could be this, or it could be this. Because I'm giving you, yes, choices. It's a choice.

That's so good. That's great.

A four-letter, and this is a new one. I've moved on past that. I forget it.

So this isn't the one that we just got?

Nope. We're moving on already. So quickly. A four-letter word, always done tomorrow. We're out of tea, the ultimate sorrow. Without the eye, you owe me money. No sugar, no nectar, no sweetness, no honey. A four-letter word, if by chance you choose, you can never win, you can only lose.

Was that all one riddle or was that a series of, okay.

That was just me yelling nonsense words.

It is a four-letter word. It's one four-letter word that we're looking for.

Yeah, a four-letter word always done tomorrow. We're out of tea, the ultimate sorrow. Without the eye, you owe me some money. No sugar, no nectar, no sweetener, no honey. A four-letter word, if by chance you choose. You can never win, you can only lose. And this thing is stupid and dumb.

Is it brew? It's a four-letter word with an I in it. So we know that much, right, Erin?

Without the I, you owe me money. So if you owe me money, that's debt. And there's a T in it. With an I. So what's a four-letter word? Okay, with an I in it.

Well, wait. Yeah. So we're looking for a three-letter word that means you owe me money.

No, it's yeah. Yeah, because without the I... But it's not quite spelled like that, but it sounds like it.

Huh. So debt would be D-E-T?

Debt. So diet.

Yep.

Nice one. Always tomorrow. Salad tomorrow.

Unless you're doing it for allergy or health reasons. Diets are stupid. You're perfect the way you are.

You're a pervert the way you are.

Hey, and we stand by that. You're a pervert the way you are.

And we are perverts.

Don't let diet culture take all your money and your joy. All right, and those are all of our riddles from Laura. Thank you so much, Laura. Thank you so much. Adal, anything to plug?

Yeah, I want to plug a few things. One, I want to say that you should all watch the movie Wolfwalkers. It's an animated Irish film that's absolutely beautiful. It's gorgeous to look at. The music's stunning. The voice acting is stellar. The story is wonderful. So check out Wolfwalkers. I believe it's on Apple TV. That is how that's pronounced. Appletive, so please check that out, it's a wonderful movie. The other thing I want to plug, oh and I just lost it, oh, is Audio Daddy. Casey Tony is hilariously close to 3,000 followers on Twitter, so please follow him at CaseyPony, P-O-N-E-Y. So it's like Casey Tony, but a P instead of a T, at Casey Pony. Please follow him on Twitter and let's get Audio Daddy up to 3k, shall we?

And if you like Hentai memes, you're really gonna like that follow. That's gonna be a really good follow for you because that is basically all it is. Something that I would like to plug is a game that I'm probably pretty close to done with playing on stream. So if you haven't played it, you can definitely check it out. It's a Disco Elysium. I've really, really enjoyed it, and it's a very, very fun game, especially if you're into kind of like... It's not like a combat-oriented game, it's more like storytelling, but the dialogue is really good, the voice acting is really fun, so give that my endorsement. Go check out... Oh, Casey just beat it. So check out Disco Elysium, and maybe follow him at Casey Pony if you want to see some like hentai about that.

Is JBC... I might be dumb. Is that a spin-off of Disco County Junior?

Yes. Not to your question too that I might be dumb. Erin, anything that you want to plug?

Sure. My improv team, Wet Bus, is doing lots of fun improv show and hangout and video game streams on Twitch. So if you want to follow us, we're wet underscore bus. They are my favorite people in the world. They're so, so funny. So if you don't want to go for me, go for the... Wow, sucks to hear that. Haley Palmer, Rana Kasky, Harrison Lach on coils of it all. You don't need to come for me.

Wow, she forgot two names.

I believe it starts with a J. No.

This is where boys go to get more stupider. She got there! She said it!

How are you parents in the music? Logo created by Emily Cardenas and Emma Inamores. Hey there charts and farts. If you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. We go back to our top songs of the 2000s with another thing that is not named that tune. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash hey riddle riddle by joining the Clue Crew for $5 a month or the Review Crew for $8 a month. See you there.