Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum podcast.

So this might be the last one for a while. So please come, say goodbye to Erin, and say goodbye to a lot of shows for a while from us. We're partnering again with Lincoln Hall, whom we absolutely love. The last few shows have been an absolute dream. This is going to be Friday, May 21st at 8pm Central Standard Time. We're probably going to go for about 90 minutes or so. All kinds of goofs and gags and shenanigans and pies in the face. You can get tickets at headgum.com backslash live, headgum.com backslash live. Please come check it out. It's going to be a great time. And this show is going to be available online for 24 hours after it airs. So please check it out. We hope to see you there. Bye forever.

The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Oh, and we're going to finish. It was the captain of an airplane. He stabbed him with the knife in the way.

And the horse was deep right in.

People in the room, children of all ages gather around and peep your eyes towards the center of the stage, where you will find... I'm peeping.

Huh? I'm peeping my eyes.

Sorry, I'm the ringmaster. Okay, go ahead. What's your name?

I'm Jesupur. Jeff?

Were you looking at me? You're Jeff? I'm Jeff. Sorry, the kid over there. What's your, what's your name?

I'm Jeff.

You're Jeff as well. Here, here's my hat. Here's my bowl whip. Here's my jacket. Now you're leading the circus.

Seems a little passive aggressive. I just told you I was doing the U.S. Hello ladies and gentlemen, people and children. Welcome to the big

This is your first time doing this?

How are you knocking it up?

Wow, that voice is so powerful. None of the guys cucked out, but this commands respect.

I am a child named Jeff, and I am the main event, but we also have elephants.

Give me that hat, give me that bullwhip, give me that jacket. Here, adult Jeff. Here's a hat, here's your whip, here's your jacket. You try it.

Ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages, people of all Earth, gather round to the great Riddle Circus. I'm Jeff, a child, but also an adult. Yes, that's right. When you're an adult, you never stop being someone's child.

He's amazing. I'm keeping my eyes at him. We've got elephants.

Ethically, sustainably sourced. It's actually their Riddle Circus. It's not even ours. We're just here.

They have organic elephants. Wow.

They're grown in a pond in New Mexico. I believe they're hatched in a pond.

Jason Meraz has an elephant farm.

I'm Jason Meraz. I'm Jeff PC.

And I'm an elephant named Erin. Hello.

And welcome to Hey Riddle Riddle, the greatest show on Earth. That, by the way, stellar intro, one of our best. I do have to say... I saw, you may remember, loyal listener, a few weeks ago, we did an episode called, I think we called it the sweater, right? The sweater?

Sweater. Sweater. Sweater.

It was a sweatshirt, but I think we called it the sweater.

I think we called it the sweater. It was my episode, so I uploaded it and I said the sweater. Well, I also, for a Patreon that should have been called The Island, I called it The Beach, so I'm all over the place.

So it doesn't matter, but we had an episode called The Sweater and someone on Twitter told us that they had found the podcast because they searched for riddles. That was the first episode that they listened to. And they were like, this is a riddle podcast. They just spent the whole episode just burning this person's sweater. And I loved it. And they loved it. But I thought, yeah, you're right. We don't really do a good job of introducing new listeners to the show. So what I have done, and other podcasts do this, I think a lot of podcasts in the game do this. I've done my research, I've listened to some other stuff, is they have little log lines, little tag lines that they say at the beginning of the podcast to kind of just let everybody know what kind of podcast this is going to be.

Okay. I fell behind a Burger King into a place. Magical land. I see. I get it. I get it. Okay.

Casey, I introduced this about a year and a half ago. When you're here, you're riddles.

Great. So, I think that that gives us most of the information that we need. I have written a few and I would just, I want you guys' opinion on them. I'm not saying that one of these has to be the thing that we say at the top of every episode. But it will be. But one of them could be. Although I like the one here. My eyes and ears are peeping. I like the one that you did, Adal. When you're here, you're riddles. Because again, it gives you all the information. Here we go. Here's the first one. Welcome to Hey Riddle Riddle, a podcast where three comedians do our best to solve riddles and throw in some improvised scenes along the way.

Okay.

Our lizards, lizards. These are lizards.

So, hi, we're Hey Riddle Riddle. We're a podcast where we try our best to do scenes in riddles. Is that it? I'm trying to think of, is it memorable?

A podcast, yeah, okay. So I have other options because that one may be a little wordy. So how about this one?

Can we, can we, I know for a long time we called our, our fan base, Kevin's and Susie's. Can we start calling them old lizards? Is that fun to just call our fan base old lizards? Hey, old lizards.

Yeah, we're insulting a lot of people, animals, and things with that one, so I like it.

I don't think anyone's insulted by old lizard. I think if you call someone an old lizard, one thing that's great about calling someone an old lizard, which is not great about Kevin and Susie, is it's gender neutral. Anyone could be a lizard.

And anyone could be old, and that's not true.

I'm the most sensitive person in the world, and I would not be offended by old lizards.

Yeah, I mean, I've started calling people motherfuckers because that's also gender neutral.

So I'm just looking... I've started calling people future friends.

Aaron, that's why you're the star of the podcast. That's too verbose. Here's my next one. Here's my next one, okay? A Riddles and Improv Comedy podcast hosted by three Chicago comedians.

Now I know... Well, I have notes. Okay. Aaron's moving to LA. Yeah, so that's hard.

And I'm more of a Boston comedian.

And I've been told legally I can't call myself a comedian. The judge said I'm a man who talks in circles.

I'm a human pun hive. Get all these bees.

That's the truest thing you've ever said. You lie so much.

I've got all these reference bees. Okay, so that one's bad. That one's bad too. Okay, how about this one? Okay. Okay. Welcome to Hey Riddle Riddle, a podcast in three acts. Act one, we bullshit around for 10 minutes. Act two, we begrudgingly and half-heartedly attempt the premise of the show. And the final act is when we hit 60 minutes and realize that we haven't told you our social media handles.

Yes, I like that that's a real This American Life type show. I love it. I love that vibe.

I think people like a show and acts. Like world news, we would always introduce it as a show and act. I think that that helps drive people and introduce them what they're listening to.

We got a problem. We can't legally call ourselves actors. Remember what the judge said?

Oh yeah, because of the bees. Okay, here's this one. I think that this is one that the person who found our show from the sweater episode is really going to enjoy. Welcome to Hey Riddle Riddle, a podcast where we all show up and hope that one of us is wearing something interesting. Perfect.

No notes. That's definitely my favorite.

The only note I have about that one is it does say podcast where we all show up and oftentimes one of us, today it was me, is a little bit late. So that one might need a caveat to it.

I like that one because it's also like I do sometimes hope that I'll show up wearing something interesting. I think that's the morning of the record. I go, man, I hope I show up wearing something interesting tonight.

I think we should attempt more prop comedy and then call it out.

Alright, let me go grab my pool noodle. I'll be right back.

JVC says that every time he... Nevermind. Yeah.

Kicked out of the public pool because I was grabbing my pool noodle. We all know the joke. We all know the joke. It was my penis, okay?

Wait, are these two pool noodles? Or are they my antenna? We really can't call ourselves comedians, you guys. I'm serious.

We shouldn't. We definitely shouldn't. Do you have any more?

Do you have any more?

Those are all the ones that I have. I did this like five minutes before you started recording. I have a couple I thought of here.

Please, please. Just give me a quick yes or no, or if you have notes. Okay. Number one. Welcome to Hey Riddle Riddle, a podcast. Ooh.

We can't legally call ourselves a podcast. That's what they're saying. Perfect.

Okay. Let me try again. What's a podcast that attempts to solve riddles? Answer us.

Yeah, I would say... I like that one because you don't say the name. Yeah. Hey, welcome to Hey Riddle. What's a podcast? What's a podcast?

To be fair, not every episode of CSI starts with, I'm so tired of this CSI.

Oh, I gotcha.

I'm so tired of CSI-ing every day. Do you ever get tired of being such a CSI? We gotta bring about more lawnmower.

I'm gonna combine your two ideas. Here's a riddle. What's a podcast where three people hope that one of them shows up wearing something interesting?

What about an old classic from Erin, which is just 911, what's a podcast?

Oh yeah, one time on the show, or was it the Patreon? I said 911, what is an emergency? 911 was an emergency. And I regret it.

Okay, well I actually think that it's fine that we haven't landed on one because what we've done is we've opened a dialogue and we've opened the conversation. And now if you're a listener to the show and you think that you have the perfect tagline for us. I love this. Go ahead and send it to us, tweet at us and what's that hashtag? Hashtag Riddle intro. Nice.

And if this gives you some emotional context, we haven't seen each other in several weeks. Everyone went on a very interesting vacation and we decided to talk about this instead.

Erin, you went on a mental vacation? I did not. You said you shut down for a week?

Well, yes, but I also was with my family.

Oh, okay.

You can do both.

I went on a mentalist vacation where I just watched four seasons of that show. He has the bluest eyes. Oh.

And I went to South Dakota.

Okay, well enough of that bullshit. Let's get into something that we love to do on this show, which is Riddles.

Yay.

Thank you, Erin. Thank you for the enthusiasm. We'll be coming back to you multiple times in the episode for a little extra dose of that.

All right, future friend.

Okay, so this first one comes to us from 2018, September of 2018, by the way. It is signed tail-stake!

I was so young then.

This person is going by tail steak. Now, could tail steak be something that we said on the show? Could be. Could be like an inside joke. It's from 2018. Don't remember. But we'll just assume that this is from tail steak. Tail steak says, dear old man puzzles and victims. Oh boy. I've been loving the show and I came up with a few brand new riddles for you. This is a email from 2018. I hope you like them. And then also tail steak included some hints to these riddles as well.

Okay, I'm listening.

He's very polite of them. Thank you so much, Erin. Here we are. Here's the first one. I have two plates, but never eat solid food. I drink many different liquids, but never go to the bathroom. I'm stronger than you, but have no muscles. I'm faster than you, but have no legs.

What am I? So the first 65% of this riddle you're just describing outright at an old country buffet.

Dude, if I went to an old country buffet and they only had two plates left, I'm fucking walking out that door.

You need one plate for meats and one plate for cheeses.

Have you ever taken two plates to a buffet? Not one plate and then go back for a second plate. I mean, go up to a buffet with two plates on your tray. 100%.

I'm not sure I've ever been to a buffet. Well, I guess it's a continental breakfast of buffet.

Wow. My lady. Dad, stop. My bougie lady. I've never been to the fray.

I'm sorry, I usually have a man wearing a suit, an entire penguin suit. Bring me twelve to a hundred courses every evening.

With me, Erin, I've never had a taco that fell in the mud before.

I never said that. That's mostly, most of my taco experiences have been post them in the mud. Okay, I have a question.

Oh, go ahead.

If you're from the East Coast, specifically New England, and you know of any buffets, let me know.

I just have never been to a buffet. You're breaking my brain. Here's my test. This is how you know if you've been to a buffet or not. Have you ever taken a little glass ramekin, put it up to a machine, and pulled one lever, and sourced from that one lever is chocolate and vanilla swirled, and next to it is a sneezed, guardless box of sprinkles.

No, that feels like sort of like a college cafeteria. Also, I was thinking, I was like, have I been to a buffet? And I had an image in my head and I remembered it was awake.

Oh, you can mourn? You know you're not at a buffet if you're awake. You have to be in a place half between sleep and awake to be successful at a buffet.

Yeah, but someone caters awake and then you walk around and you're adding food to your plate.

In Indianapolis, there was a, it's kind of like, it wasn't really a buffet, but it was like a cafeteria style restaurant where you basically go in at one end of a line and then there's just people like cutting meat and scooping soup and you just like order as you go down the line and they put it on your tray. But then there was like, Chinese food buffets were huge and that's where you would find those soft serve machines, especially in Indianapolis, like a super China buffet, things like that. And then we had Golden Corral, we had Old Country Buffet, What was the other one? There was one Ponderosa? Was another buffet?

Oh yeah. Is Perkins? No, maybe not.

I want to see a scene. Go ahead.

Perkins is like a sit down. I want to see a scene. Erin, you have gone to your first buffet. JPC, you are the waiter at this buffet. And Erin, you are just confused and amazed.

Hi. Welcome to the Great American Steak Factory. I am Nick. I will be your waiter. And this is the last time that you'll be seeing me and interacting with me.

Good luck to you. I would love a water and a fish. Hello.

Hello.

Hey. You. I'm hungry and I'm ready. I'm sorry.

No one has ever engaged me before.

Oh, I'm not engaged either. That's okay. You'll meet the right person.

Well, I hope so. For my parents' sake, they will not stop handing me. Was there something? I'm sorry, I said I was Nick. I said I was your waiter.

You're my waiter.

What else did you need from me?

I would like some fish and a water, and then do you need good wine, like a wine you'd recommend?

Yes, we have all that here. Okay, good luck to you.

Nick!

Nick! I'm still here, but I don't know why I'm here. I'm having a bit of an existential crisis.

Nick! Don't wait for me, I'm hungry.

Okay, no. Well, yeah, it's a buffet, so... A Phoebe buffet? Okay, this is crazy. Are you single?

Am I? Because I love that joke.

Erin, the way I can tell you've never been to a buffet is that you immediately asked for fish.

Yeah, duh. Well, I thought fish would be funny because he said it was a steak restaurant.

I've never eaten fish at a buffet.

I think it was Ponderosa or a different one, which it was a buffet, but it was also all you can eat steak, which is that's the real selling point. It was just the shittiest steak that you could get.

I feel like if I were at a buffet, I would do round one, all the potatoes they have. I would get every different kind of potato. Round two, dessert.

Erin, you eat steak, right? Just no gluten. There's a place, I think it's called Tango Sur? No. There's a place called Tango Sur, but there's somewhere downtown that's like an all-you-can-eat Brazilian steakhouse, and it's incredible. Fog of the chow? Fog of the chow. So Jason Chin used to take me there 20 times a year. Surprisingly, he's no longer with us. A lot of red meat. So we have to go there at some point.

Oh, okay. I'll do it. I won't have a personality the entire time, okay? I'm gonna be sleepy.

Some of the worst food experiences I've ever had in my life have been in a buffet. I saw a man fully asleep at a CC's pizza booth before. His table was covered in pizza and he was just sleeping it off.

JPC. That was CC. I hope so.

I hope there was a good reason for it. The second one was I walked into a Golden Corral once with friends. We had never been to Golden Corral before. Golden Corral is like the mother. It's like a... It's like the Branson, Missouri of buffets. Like that's what Golden Corral is.

Yakov Shmudov is there?

Pretty much. And grandparents love it. And we walked, we waited in line. We walked in and the first thing I saw, the first thing I saw was a child sticking his finger in the chocolate fountain. And I said, Oh, nice. I said, okay, I'm done. I can't, can't have that now. Something that I enjoy. So yeah, that's, that's also fun.

Erin, there's so many things I tend to not buy into when somebody's talking about the godfather and then somebody goes, I've never seen the godfather. I really despise when other people are like, you've never seen the godfather? That kind of stuff drives me crazy. But I will say, I'm pretty outraged you've never been to a buffet. That seems like something- No, I get it.

Everyone has their thing. When someone hasn't seen newsies, I sort of start flipping over tables and breaking glass.

Is that Dave? I'm just more shocked that they just don't have buffets. Like it seems like maybe either your family is just like not a buffet family, which by the way, I totally get because no family should be. Or they don't have buffets on the East Coast and that's to me wild.

Or they call it something else because I know in some parts of the US they call Ragu ragout. So do they call buffets buffets or something?

Yeah, they call them buffets.

Yeah, and that's why Erin didn't put that together either, so... Yeah, wow, holy shit.

Can we hear that riddle again? I have two plates. I have two plates, but never eat solid food. I drink many different liquids, but never go to the bathroom. I'm stronger than you, but have no muscles. I'm faster than you, but have no legs.

What am I? I feel like plates is gonna be the big one. I mean, are these like tectonic plates?

Yeah, that was my guess.

You're correct in that they're not dinner plates, I will say. Okay, okay. So we have plates. The Earthcress has plates. Dinosaurs have plates. Mm-hmm.

I got a hint. I got a hint on the plates. I got a hint on the plates. My two plates have designs on them that match each other, but don't match any other plates in existence.

My two plates, Paul Reiser.

Snowflake.

Snowflakes. Snowflakes, good. No, it's not a snowflake.

Good guess. Oh my God. Okay, hold on.

Same design. Plates. Is this like a printing press kind of thing?

Don't they call those plates? It's not a printing press, but yes, you're on the right track with other uses of plates.

I have two plates but no food. I drink liquid but I don't go to the bathroom. Was that it?

Yeah, I drink many different liquids but never go to the bathroom.

What's something that a lot of different liquids pass through? Pipes?

Oh, that's very good. A sink.

I will say it's not even passed through. Sometimes they're just kind of like the liquids are poured in and they stay there or they're poured in.

Oh, it's a leaf.

No. Well, JBC, hold on.

No, shut the show down. Everyone turn off the lights. Yeah, it's done, okay? We're in a huge warehouse, you guys. There was nothing here, alright? No special effects. Holy shit. Are you happy now, listeners? Okay, fine. Shut it all down.

I've been in this warehouse the whole time?

What the fuck? Casey's an old suitcase with some googly eyes on it. I'm taking my suitcase and I'm leaving. Goodbye. It's done. It's just done now, okay? It's just done.

I've been so, I've been way too polite to ask Casey this whole time that I've known him why his eyes are so googly and now I'm glad I didn't because I wouldn't like the answer.

I've always wanted to ask him, why are you so stuffed full of pants? He's a suitcase.

Uh, rude.

Casey's just rude. I'm stronger than you, which is, that's rude. I'm stronger than you but I have no muscles. And faster but have no legs. I don't have no legs. Is it? Is this like a riverbank or something? It's gotta be something like that.

It's a riverbank. I'm sorry, Erin? Cars. It is a car! What? Oh, license plates. Yes, front and back license plates that are the same. Drink oil, gasoline, the interferes, et cetera, and strong enough to carry you and fast enough to go 65 miles per hour. All right, he starts the show back up. All right, he starts the show back up.

All right, he starts the show back up. All right, he starts the show back up. All right, he starts the show back up.

All right, he starts the show back up.

All right, he starts the show back up. All right, he starts the show back up.

All right, he starts the show back up. All right, he starts the show back up. All right, he starts the show back up. All right, he starts the show back up. All right, he starts the show back up.

Alright, here's the next one from Tail Stake. Gotta love that name. We've been paying a suitcase.

Yeah, and he's excellent. He's the best of us.

That's why, that's why Casey has been requesting that we pay him his pants. I've just been stuffing pants with a suitcase. Stuffing them? I've been folding them. Oh, why? Someone will come around and fold those.

I put a little ribbon on Casey so when I pick him up from the airport I can tell that he belongs with me.

That's my Casey. Oh, no, no, that's my Casey.

Sorry, excuse me, I'm sorry.

You lost my Casey?

That's my Casey.

Have you ever seen someone take someone else's bags and had an altercation? That happens to me every time I go to the airport. I've had somebody take my bag before.

Of course you have.

Of course you have. But they didn't try to make out with it. Well that sounded weird. They didn't try to make off with it. They just put it down. But I was just like, what the fuck are you doing? Someone took my bag. They didn't try to fuck it. I'm not saying that they tried to fuck my bag. Not that I fucked my bag. I'm just saying, I wouldn't want somebody else to.

Do you guys have something on your bag to delineate it that it is your bag?

I have a little plaid ribbon and a little tag with a badger on it that Gemma got me.

That's so nice. I have a series of green ribbons all over my bag.

I have a little rainbow ribbon on my bag. Ah.

So if you're out there at an airport, steal our bags.

Welcome back to another episode of Steal Our Bags. Would that be a fun game? Would that be a fun game show where you're just at one of those baggage carousels and it's just bags coming and you have to pick the one that has the highest value stuff in it?

Yeah, I love that idea.

Yes. Also, another great game show that I would absolutely watch every episode of is somebody who's given a ton of stuff and they have to pack as much into a suitcase as possible. Oh my god, yeah. Same thing with like a moving van where it's like you have this U-Haul and this a full antique store. How can you move everything without breaking anything?

I would be so good at that.

One of the things that I did while I was on vacation last week was Mariah and I watched Barb and Starr go to Vista Del Mar. Oh I loved it. So funny.

I really loved it.

You went to a turtle's house.

This reminds me of the, there's just a very funny kind of throwaway gag on that where they're packing suitcases. It's just an overhead shot of all the weird shit they put in their suitcases. I'm like, that's fun. That's just people who like having fun, putting some fun stuff in a movie. Here we go. I saw a picture in an old newspaper of two beasts of burden pulling a plow in opposite directions. Although one animal was nearly four times the size of the other, it looked like the plow was stuck in place.

Why? A hill?

Erin, that is a great question. It is not a hill. Dammit, Bobby? It is not because of a hill. Dammit, Bobby. Boom.

The only time I've ever heard the term beast of burden in my entire life is from the Rolling Stones. So I have to ask, is one of them Mick Jagger and the other is Keith Richards?

He had to ask.

Legally, he had to ask, and this is why we can't call ourselves comedians.

I know, I know. Don't remind me.

It is not Mick and Keith.

It seems to be a big... Erin, you're my partner in this.

Okay, I'll walk this way. You walk this way.

And I'm working against you. You're the plow. So it seems like they make it pretty big to do about the newspaper and it being a picture in the newspaper and stuff. Because otherwise you could just say like, there's two beasts of burden on a hill. Yep, it's in the newspaper. So the fact that it's a picture in the newspaper seems to be... Well I got a question for you guys.

Were you ever in your local paper growing up?

Oh yeah.

And for what?

I was in it for sports, I was in it for speech and debate, and I was in it for... those two things. I was gonna say I don't think there's anything else in my... my local newspaper was the Star Courier in Kewanee. I think it was like four pages long and I think it was just like sports and sports and high school stuff.

I was in my local paper because in order to change your name in Indiana, you have to run an ad or run some sort of thing in the local paper that says that you intend to change your name. For like eight weeks? Four weeks, I think, yeah.

That's fascinating. That feels like an old world, doesn't it?

Yeah. I mean, truly it is just like a relic of a law that was written at a point where they're like, this is still the law. No one has changed this law yet.

All right, cowboys. You can't change your name unless you tell the whole town.

This is a segment on the show that we like to call Laws. That could have been a website. This whole law could have been a website.

This law could have been an email.

Erin, have you ever been in your local paper?

Yes, I was in it for the Hingham Journal. She said fishing for this? Fishing. No, I was in the Hingham Journal I think for like theater, like high school plays and stuff, but I was also in it for calling 911 when I was four because my sister wouldn't get out of my room. And that's not a joke. That's amazing. Yeah, my sister Kathleen wouldn't get out of my bed and I was like, Get out of my room. And she was like, no. And then I looked at my Barbie phone and I looked at the real phone and I went, same difference. And she thought I was calling 911 on my Barbie phone, but I was calling it on the real phone. And then I ran for my life. And then the police came to my door and I was hiding.

That's the best short story I've ever heard.

And this is why we should not have police, because police do not need to be getting little girls out of people's bedrooms. That is a job for a social worker. And they didn't even do it.

They didn't even do it. They didn't even do it. Fuckin' useless.

Fuckin' useless. I just remembered the third thing I was in the paper for, which was a different paper, which was for a local, a town or citywide bookmark contest. So that was the third thing I couldn't think of.

Why'd you draw on it?

I drew a wizard fighting two dragons.

That's cool.

And it was a self-fulfilling prophecy. Little did you know, yeah. I turned into a dragon. I'm an old lizard. JPC, can we hear that Riddle one more time?

Yeah, real quick. I was also in the indie star at one point because my sketch group had like a profile written about us in like the arts and culture section for the indie star. And my grandparents took a picture with a bad camera of the newspaper, then printed out the front page of the newspaper and then gave me that picture. But I was like, hey, what the fuck am I supposed to do with this?

So cute.

That's really cute. Somewhere in my house in storage, I have 20 issues of Maxim magazine because I was in an issue of Maxim magazine.

That's cool. I remember another time I was in a paper, this time it was the Chicago Tribune, and it is one of my favorite photos of me. It's at I.O. when they, I was in the summer intensive, which is when they were building that new building, and they took a shot of me and Andrew Robinson, who turned out to be one of my greatest friends, and we were on an improv team together for like seven years. Through the window, the week that we met, and the stage isn't fully built yet, and I think it's me asking a question, and you can see through it. It's a really cool photo to have, I think, of my time in Chicago.

I don't know where it is. Oh, it's lost. What a horrible ending to that story.

I just realized, I don't think I've seen it in a couple years. I don't know if I'm going to be able to find it.

Andrew Robinson. Andrew Robinson burned down years ago.

Oh no, maybe Andrew knows where it is.

Uh oh. That's such a left turn for that story that I was not expecting it.

Me neither.

Whatsoever.

Okay, sorry, read the riddle again.

No, that is not the correct answer. That's a very good guess, but it is not one of those man versus machine things.

Mike Mulligan, the dad on Glee. Did you ever read Mike Mulligan in the Steam Shovel?

No.

I have seen the cover, but I've never read it.

Yeah, it's just a story about a fucking guy just fucking whipping ass with a Steam Shovel. Oh, go ahead. That's it.

I didn't mean to catch up. I got excited. No, it's fine. I want to see a scene. Erin, you are Mike Mulligan. You're kicking ass with your new steam shovel. JPC is a steam shovel.

Well, we moved a lot of rock today, Mike. Nice job, buddy.

Hey, shovel. Uh-huh. Do you know who I am?

Well, you're Mike Mulligan. You're the owner of me, a steam shovel, who doesn't have a name yet with not fishing for one, but Steamshuffle. Okay. Yeah, let's just stick with Steamshuffle. I got a question. Sure, Mike. Ask away. I am a Steamshuffle, but ask away, buddy.

I'm starting to feel like you're my only friend.

Well, I'm your best pal, Mike, and you're mine. And the way I see it, we're two, you know, peas in a pod, and it's gonna stay that way forever. Me and you, Mike.

Hey, Steamshuffle.

Sure, Mike. What's going on?

Would you, would you dig a grave for me if I asked?

Hoo, boy, Mike, I mean, I'll do anything you want, man.

You just said you were my best friend.

Yeah, yeah, I will, but Mike, you got a lot of years left in front of you, man. You don't have to worry about that now. It's just me and you and Steve.

Oh, no, that's not what I mean. I mean, dig a grave for me to put someone in.

Daily Beloved, we are gathered here today to lay to rest Mike Mulligan. He was beloved by his steam shovel, who we don't have a name for, and the entire community loved him. Give me one! Just give me one! Not right now. One moment. While you're here, feel free to grab as much chicken as you like. We also have some cannoli. If you go to the other side of the buffet, we also have never-ending shrimp. Well, it does end, but we have to restock it. Is Jeff okay?

As a name?

Yeah.

I love it! Kid Jeff or Adal Jeff?

Oh boy, I guess Shovel Jeff?

Shovel Jeff! That's me! Thanks, man! I'm gonna whip ass out of here!

Fuck you, Mike Mulligan! Well, hold on, Shovel Jeff. Huh? I had down here on the schedule that after I laid to rest Mike Mulligan and announced the buffet that you had a Type 5 you wanted to do?

Can I really, sir? Please?

Alright. It says here Shovel Jokes?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, shovel jokes. Okay, do you mind if I just jump right up? I mean, everybody's into it now.

Welcome to the stage, your favorite stand-up comedian, Steve Shovel!

Who? Okay, Shovel Jeff. Just go back out there and say Shovel Jeff. Oh, I'm sorry.

No, it's okay. It's a late ad. I know. But that just doesn't the thing.

My booker, my booker said it was shovels.

This is who you are though. You can't change your name unless it's been in the paper for eight weeks.

Okay, what's your name? Fucking asshole? What's your name?

Oh jeez. It's been a while since we did improv. We'll be right back after these.

I did that name thing, that was amazing.

I was purely judging myself. Hey guys, you were great. You don't get to go to a break until you finish your riddle. So I'll give you a hint on this one. We'll be right back after this. No, no, no, no, no, no. So this one, your hint is that this is, it says it's a picture in the paper, but it's actually a cartoon in the paper.

Oh, one of them is Ziggy, and the other one is Gilbert.

Oh, is it a political cartoon? Erin, yes, it was.

Oh, is it an elephant in a mule?

It's an elephant in a donkey. Speaking of elephants, and they're pulling the shovel because it's politics, and we're freaking mired in it. Even in the old times.

I would like to see a scene.

No, we gotta go to a break?

No, please. We can't go to the break until you do your scene. It could be very short. Okay, world fastest scene. Adal, you're a donkey, JPC, you're an elephant, and you are drinking at a bar, sort of commiserating that it's annoying that you've been so politicized.

Jackass. I'm sorry? I'm just looking in the mirror. You, Jackass. You do nothing. What do you do all day?

Donkey, Donkey, Donkey, please don't go down that road. I was exactly where you are a couple of months ago. It's self-destructive, it only hurts you, and it's not gonna get you what you want, okay? It is not our fault that we have been politicized the way that we have. It is not our fault.

I'm not trying to throw a grand old pity party. It's just that I just feel like there's no... Feels like there's just no compromise. There's no winner in this.

Ever. I know. I know. I mean, did you know that they were able to tell that elephants felt grief purely by watching the way that I react to being treated like this?

I had no idea, I'm sorry. Did you know that the term pin the tail in a donkey comes from, um, do you know where that comes from? No.

Gentlemen, you're making everyone at the bar a little uncomfortable. You're gonna have to go, okay? Why? People don't want a political bar, right?

Oh. Oh, I see. Is this because I'm shitting at the stool? Is this because I'm blowing your shit all into the air?

No. We're filthy animals. It's definitely not helping.

Is that what it is? Is it a health code violation for me to blow shit in the air? Is this because my friend isn't drinking a Delirium Tremens, the one beer with an elephant on the label?

This place is called Apathy. We try not to get involved because politics don't really involve or include us. You know what I mean? We're not really affected by any real policies. We're very privileged in that way and we don't like to think about politics. So hit the road boys.

I'm sorry, I wasn't listening to that. I thought I saw a mouse. Terrified of those fucking things, I think. Seen. We'll be right back, everybody!

Erin, I thought about it during the break. And I think that there's a compromise. So I want to call our listeners old lizards. OK. You want to call them future friends. Could we compromise and call them future lizards?

Uh-oh.

Uh-oh.

What do we know?

There's a problem with that too. No, I'm just that sort of sinister. What happens if they listen to the show too long? They turn into a lizard?

I assume that everyone eventually will turn into a lizard. It's the only way that we can survive.

All right. That's a good point. You know what? I've come around to it. I think I'm gonna give my stamp of approval to old lizards. Aww.

Alright, I'll take it. Okay, so I'm glad he didn't want to win.

He just likes the game.

If you're still with us, you're an old lizard now. And if you didn't turn off the podcast before you heard me say that, sorry fucko, but you're an old lizard. That's the way it works.

Yeah, we're sorry. You're an old lizard now.

Hey listeners, turn off your heat lamps, get off your rocks, and listen to our podcast.

That I love. All right.

I'm a listener. They're telling me to keep lis- Okay. Okay, old lizards. We have another riddle for you. Again, these are all from Tail Stake. Tail Stake, by the way, sounds like a cool name for an old lizard, right? Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Like the splinter of lizards.

Yeah, or a food at a buffet.

Or a 1990s Disney cartoon starring Baloo the Bear and a young kid named Kit.

We all got one in. We all got one in.

Hey Riddle Riddle, a podcast where we all get one in.

Okay, here's the next one from Tailsnake. My father and sister were caught having sex. This little just drips with JPC energy. Is that the real start? You gotta listen to the whole Riddle. My father and my sister were caught having sex. This was a huge scandal and they were both forced to resign from their jobs, even though they're both adults and are not related to each other. Why?

The man is crazy.

The man is crazy. Yes, Adal, you are correct. The answer to that, Riddle, is the man is crazy. Seems unsatisfied.

This is disgusting and terrible. Okay. Yeah. Is it because it is like a, they're not, it's like a step?

No, Erin, it's not that. They're not related at all. Not even, Jesus Christ.

Oh, a priest. It was a priest and his sister.

Well, I was a priest and a nun.

I was a priest and a nun! You know, everybody go back to when I wasn't dumb. I just knocked over a lacroix.

That sounds like a Toby Keith song.

A priest and my sister walking down the... I like how the original answer is a priest and his sister, and he's like, actually technically we're not related anymore because I'm a child of God. So like, baby, baby, baby. How do you solve a problem like my sister?

Yeah, that's a good riddle. I don't like the riddle though.

I don't like what it made me think in my mind.

I want to see a scene. JPC, you are a father of the church. Erin, you are a sister nun and the two of you just got married and you're on your honeymoon in, we'll just say Vegas.

Well, Hey Riddle. If we seal the deal tonight, which I am going to be honest, pretty looking forward to doing that.

Same. All right. So let's think here.

Then we're cut off. We're ex-communicatado.

Here's the major issue I'm facing right now. My ex-husband is God, I guess you can say. I was married to him. And I feel like when he finds out, he's going to be like, Oh my God. You got remarried to a guy who I thought was my friend.

So I guess, I mean, I'm kind of in the same boat. I guess what we have to do is maybe seek the protection of a more powerful deity where we can maybe hide from the Lord.

Oh, too late. He already found us.

By the way, hit me. Just 21. Oh, 21. Is that good? That's the best.

Okay.

Thanks, man. Okay, God. Okay, God, just relax.

What is going on here?

It's okay. Dude, I'm remarried now. I'm much happier. Just relax. You'll find someone else.

Who am I going to find? Who? We can set you up!

Yeah, we'll set you up! We can set you up!

Well, before I get set up, I saw here at the casino, Criss Angel is playing.

God, do you want to go see Criss Angel?

I mean, I wouldn't hate it.

I guess you were a Celine Dion fan, so this is a shock to me.

Guilty! Well, it's not either or when it comes to Chris Angel and Celine Dion.

Yes, it is.

Got it. I mean, we want what's best for you, but you're talking about night of Chris Angel tickets? There's no way there's still Chris Angel tickets.

Then you two are damned.

I shall sue you. I guess we could do a little name drop. God Vegas montage! Doo-doo-doo-doo. Got a priest in a fun round Vegas. Got a priest in a fun round Vegas. Got a priest in a fun round Vegas. Got a priest in a fun round Vegas.

Got a priest in a fun round Vegas. Got a priest in a fun round Vegas. Got a priest in a fun round Vegas. Got a priest in a fun round Vegas.

Got a priest in a fun round Vegas. Got a priest in a fun round Vegas. Got a priest in a fun round Vegas. Got a priest in a fun round Vegas. Got a priest in a fun round Vegas. Got a priest in a fun round Vegas. Got a priest in a fun round Vegas. Got a priest in a fun round Vegas. Got a priest in a fun round Vegas. Got a priest in a fun round Vegas. Got a priest in a fun round Vegas. Got a priest in a fun round Vegas.

Got a priest in a fun round Vegas. Got a priest in a fun round Vegas. Got a priest in a fun round Vegas.

God in Vegas!

Scene. Erin, at one point was it just a plot of the hangover? Yeah, I should. That sort of snuck in there. Mike Tyson in a tiger.

Kid jumps there and you see his penis. I don't know if you guys caught my fun little thing. God said hit me. He had 21. I said hit me again and the dealer said still 21. Isn't that kind of fun?

And it's there forever.

You can always just go back 30 seconds and keep listening to that. That's the best part about it.

Did you want more God in Vegas montage stuff? Because I could keep singing about bullshit.

Maybe 10 more seconds.

Okay, sure. I want to extend my time. They're having fun swimming in the pool. There's a swim up bar and they're drinking margaritas. Got a nun and a priest in Vegas. Drinking margaritas by a pool, getting sunburned. 30 more seconds of this. There's gonna be 30 more seconds of this. A priest, a nun, and a god in Vegas. They miss their flight. One more week!

What happens in God stays in Vegas.

I'll be honest, I wouldn't hate 16 more minutes of that and then we don't have to do the end of the episode.

God, a priest, and a nun in Vegas. You know what guys, shut it all down. No, shut it down. I'm taking my suitcase, Casey.

I want to stay at the Sands.

I should have said Suit-Casey. I'm such a moron.

Suit-Casey Tony.

Fire me. We will go back and put it in and we will make that the episode title. So that's how we honor you. No, too late. 20 people have already tweeted that, singularly. Okay, so, we have to move on. You guys got that right. That was a father and a sister, Roman Catholic priest and nun, who violated their vows of celibacy. Ultimately, they chose love over tradition and left the church to much happier together, particularly after selling their movie rights to their forbidden love story.

Yeah, fun fact.

Tells to put a little ending on that.

That's a happy ending. Fun fact about my family, my mom's eldest sister, her name is Jane, she married a priest and he left being a priest to be with her. They fell in love and they didn't mean to. And then when he left and they started seeing each other, the Catholic church was harassing my mom and her family. They'd drive by, they'd call and hang up. Pretty cool.

That sounds like Scientology shit. That's terrifying.

No, the Catholic Church in the 50s and 60s and 70s in Boston had nothing wrong with it. Everything was fine.

It was hyper.

In 80s and 90s and 2000s and 2000s and 10s. The Catholic Church is great all the time always.

And you know what? The problem would be solved is they would just let them have wives. And the reason that they can't have wives has to do with like lineage and then like passing priesthoods down to their children from like 700 fucking years ago. So one of these days. I think we will live to see that Catholic priests will have wives.

One of these days. I'm always just over the moon with how certain parts of society are just like so beholden to like texts from

Yeah, texts that also people edited in like the 50s. Come on guys, you gotta look at the notes at the front of the book. See when it was written.

The Constitution, I mean, there's so many documents where it's just like, I think things have changed enough.

Adal, to be fair, the Constitution famously cannot be amended.

That's right.

Famously. No amendments.

Oh, Erin, I forgot to mention Las Vegas famously, the city of buffets.

Yeah, that I know. You know what? I've never been.

You know what Vegas has that I absolutely fucking love? Because I used to have to go to conferences because Vegas is also the city of conferences. So every time I would have multiple work conferences in Vegas every year, I fucking love the breakfast buffet. Breakfast buffet, do not sleep on that breakfast buffet because they have everything. Everything. It's the best. Oh, I love the breakfast buffet.

I want to go to Vegas. Do you think we could do a Hey Riddle Riddle show in Vegas?

Yes, absolutely.

That would be sick.

I probably probably like Fremont Street or like the circus circus like it's not gonna be a great venue, but

I would do a Hey Riddle show in Vegas. I would do Branson. I would do the fucking Wisconsin Dells. I would do Pigeon Forge, which is where I just was, and it looks like the Wisconsin Dells. It's insane.

Okay, we have to do a Hey Riddle retreat where it's like a three day, and there's lots of different podcasts that are there, and we hang out with everybody. It's in the Wisconsin Dells. We all are peeing in the same pool. Sure. We're all going down waterslides with you. We're all laughing. Come on.

We'll just go to Branson. We'll do the kids-friendly version. We'll do that. We'll do it in Branson. I don't care. We'll cut all the guide stuff out. It's been about half of this episode, so maybe that'll be difficult, but we'll cut it all out for Branson.

I'm sorry. I have 500 screaming kids on my hands. What did you say? We call them old lizards? Disgusting.

Okay, here we go. This is Riddle number four stole from tail steak. I swore. What I said didn't violate broadcast standards of decency, but it still wasn't allowed to be broadcast on TV. What did I say? Butt fuckery? Can you say butt fuckery? Let's say it on the board.

Ding! Our hot pocket is ready and you cannot say it. Let's see. I think that it's like a tornado is coming. Everybody's, it's an emergency.

Is it the word damn, but in the sense of like Hoover damn?

That's a really great question. It is not a, what's that called, a homophone? It's not that. Yeah. I swore. So, is it on TV or radio? It wasn't allowed to be broadcast on TV. Okay.

But it didn't violate broadcast in terms of decency. George Carlin famously has a bit. The seven things you can't say on TV. Those things are... JPC?

Oh, you can't say pancakes, you have to say flapjacks. You can say hotcakes as well, so that's two. I've got two. You're not allowed to call cars automobiles, you have to call them cars. Can't cough too hard. Yes, unless you're having a medical exam and then you have to cough as hard as you can. Um, when you see, you can't say, made a woman sharing a bed. Five? That's not something that we can see. You could have two feet outside of the bed, but you can't, you could ever have them in the bed together.

You can't say tit-tacular, but you can say spectacular tits. That's true.

I can't say that. I think it would get lost in my mouth.

You can't say lost in my mouth. You can't say lost in my mouth.

That's seven! Uh, spectacular tits.

You guys ready for this hit? Adal, you're gonna flip when you hear this hit.

Here's the hit. I'm sorry, I do need to cut you off just quickly to thank you because I panicked. I didn't know what to say for those seven words. I said JPC and you immediately swooped in and did it.

Yeah, he's amazing. You both are amazing. I did miss you guys on vacation.

And I would just like to say that I'm glad that we did that in four takes. Now, of course, to the listener, it's only going to be the one.

The worst one.

The worst one, obviously.

And Erin, real quick, I did think of a compromise. I said Old Lizards. You did say Future Friends. So maybe we compromise and we say Future Lizards is what we call our fans.

I've been a weird time warp.

I swore out loud. I'm proud, in plain English, and multiple people heard me. I didn't say any of George Carlin's seven words, and what I said wasn't a slur or blasphemy. I said what I said in response to something someone else said, but I did not speak in surprise or anger.

No, it's not a song, but it made me think of I swear. Was it something that's like trademark? Um, no, not trademarked. Okay. But does it resemble, does the ear feel to it have the resemblance of a curse word? No.

Okay, I have to see a scene. We're like a three person comedy act from when TVs were just being invented. And this is before there's really any rules. So we're really going for it and it's pretty crass.

And now back to another episode. of the Chicago Variety Show, starring three comedians. We take you to a saloon. Bang! Bang! My guns shoot.

Let me get a sarsaparilla. Alright, one sarsaparilla coming right up and all you gotta do to pay is have me punch you in the boobs. Fuck you, coward motherfucker.

Swings open door. Hey, this town can't be big enough for the three of us, bitch, fuck, tits, fuck, cunt, bitch, fuck, fuck, bitch, ass, tits, tits! Bitch fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fucky fuck! Bitch! Beep beep beep beep beep! Oh yeah! I'm the lady one of the comedy group! I'm smokin'!

Hey! This is a closed set! How'd you get on here? We're doing a sketch show! Where's Paul?

Where's the third male comedian? I'm sorry, I'm here. I was gagged and tied into my dressing room. I'm ready. Hey, I'm here, ya bitch!

I love Erin that you just created my favorite character of all time which is Filthy Roadrunner who says the most insulting string of curse words and then says beep beep I ran out though I don't think I know a lot

Okay, I'm just going to call for a scene because I'm so tickled by this idea now. I want to see a scene. JPC, you are Wylie Coyote. Erin, you are the roadrunner. And this is the day where the roadrunners just had enough and we get to hear its filthy fucking mouth and it just go off on the Wylie Coyote.

Okay. Okay, enough. Everybody, let's just stop running for a second. What are you doing? Fucking... fuck you, man. Hey, stop. What? You're not supposed to talk. No, I don't care. You think I care? What are you doing? Oh, I care all of a sudden?

What are you doing?

Okay, stop it. Stop. You're driving me insane.

Kids are watching this, man. Come on. I gotta keep going. They're gonna kill us if we don't keep going.

They're gonna kill us? Then kill me.

Then kill me. I'm not gonna kill you.

This life is torture. This is so annoying. You think I like it?

Yeah, you think I like being a wolf and getting constantly fucking blown up by my own shit?

Yeah, okay.

We gotta keep going.

Yeah, dude, you, I have a- Okay, I'm being chased. That's what we're supposed to do. No! No, stop! Fuck you, listen to me. Fuck you! I'm trying to be on my side then. If we're stuck in this, fuck you man. I'm walking away. Come on, seriously.

No, no, you gotta keep going.

They'll kill us. They'll kill us. Chase yourself, bitch. I'm done.

I'm going to my trailer.

How'd you get in here, man? This is a closed set.

Oh, God, I love that. What are you doing? We're not supposed to do that.

You're gonna kill us.

That's so fucking funny. Does Wylie come here to talk? Does he have a voice? No. Okay, okay. No, he holds up signs.

Yeah, yeah.

Cuz the rover definitely says beep beep, but... Yeah, he only holds up signs, which is how we should talk. From now on, I feel like most people should just hold up signs.

Oh, podcasting.

My one dream in this world before I die is to take that audio, send it to Warner Brothers, I believe, and just say, if you animate this scene, anything you want, anything you want. If we have any listeners who work for Warner Brothers, please, I'm begging you.

Give us an email. And we won't even share it with anyone.

Yeah, I can't imagine this would go against your contract.

If we have anyone who works for Warner Brothers, send us your bosses, bosses, bosses email. All we want is just an entrance, just a point, just a walk in the door and pitch our idea. Okay. Loud and proud and plain English, multiple people heard, didn't say any of George Carlin's seven words. What I said wasn't a slurred blast for me. What I said, I said what I said in response to something someone else said, but I did not speak in surprise or anger. And this got them kicked off the air, it says? It says, no, no, no. It just says, I swore what I said didn't violate broadcast standards, but it still wasn't allowed to be broadcast on TV.

I swore. Is it?

So what are some swears? What are some situations where you would swear, but it wouldn't be a curse word? God. Yes. Heavenly Father, now I lay me down to rest. Kind of, Erin. You're kind of close. Swearing to God. Kind of. But not really.

Making a promise.

Gosh darn it.

Like I swear I'll do this.

Yes. But what is one thing that people would swear on?

The Bible.

Yeah. So this is a court case, so you got it. So what I said was I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Even though this swearing wasn't offensive, most court trials are still not allowed to be broadcast on television. The ones I watch are Judge Judy.

See that's why I don't commit a crime because you won't get enough attention for it, apparently.

Yeah, and if you do commit a crime, hope that you get an ID and DB credit for it.

Okay, I'm Judge Judy, and you two have some bullshit case you're gonna present to me, and I'm gonna be the judge of- I'm gonna be Judge Judy about it.

Okay. Judge, Judy, please, uh, listen. Now, I'm suing my neighbor here because he borrowed my lawnmower, right? And then he gave it back, but it, uh, it was just like a broom with a sign on it that said lawnmower. I think he sold my lawnmower and he's keeping the money.

Okay Judge, and I would like to, and I don't know if this is the quorum of the court, I would like to file a counter suit because I'm pretty sure that the suit that he is wearing he took from my closet.

No, this is my counter suit.

No.

This is my counter, I bought it over the counter, off the rack, over the counter.

Voice of all judge, that's a blatant lie. I never even met this man's lawnmower, but I want restitution because what he stole from me was a broom with a wig on it, which is my wife.

Whoa, rested tuitions? Now I gotta pay for his college? Your Honor, I'm not paying rested tuitions.

Okay, gentlemen, I've heard enough. Do you guys want to watch me slowly count my money?

Will you point to your watch? What? Don't you slap the table and then point to your watch?

I don't know. It's been a long time. And then can we cut to the interviews of you outside the court that they do at the end of the episode?

I think the judge was fair. She counted her money while we argued. And I'm very happy with the outcome, which is that we are going to swap houses.

They said their craft services was going to have turkey subs. Now, white bread, turkey, lettuce, and cheese is not a turkey sub, okay? I worked a subway, well, for a day until I got fired for eating too much of the meats from the counter. I know what a turkey sub is, and I feel cheated, and I would like to take this court to restitution. Hey brother, I'm sorry. Oh yeah, me too. I don't even know what we're fighting about.

Because he stole my fucking lawnmower.

Oh, that's right. Yeah, I sold it to buy it. You motherfucker.

You can't come back in here.

Scene. Scene. Scene. Okay. There's one more and I want to get to this last one. I think that you'll get this one. Let's see. I've been to Chicago. I've been to Boston. I've even gone to Europe and Asia, but I've never left New York City. How is this possible?

CD player, iPod, Spotify. Those are all names of bands.

Adal, you are correct. Chicago, Boston, Europe, Asia are all bands that came to tour at a stadium near me.

She's probably Shea Stadium.

Madison Square Garden.

Riddle.

Yeah, it was MSG. Yeah, that is a very good riddle. We want to thank Tail Stake. Thank you, Tail Stake, for all of those riddles. They were fucking delightful. We appreciate you. We love you.

Good work. I have to say.

You are a future lizard and we think your skin is so dry.

You're old.

Use Shea Stadium butter to hydrate that skin. I have to say those are legit. Some of the best riddles we've had in over a year.

I agree.

And those are from 2018. So just think about what kind of treasures we have somewhere buried in that email inbox. Speaking of treasures we have buried, does anybody want to use the plug detector to dig up some of that sweet, sweet gold? Erin?

I got two things. I was on the CinemaSwap podcast where we recast day after tomorrow. I suggested that movie as a joke and they took it for real. It was really, really fun. And I also want to plug the podcast School of Imagination by Liam. There are signs posted in Chicago that are, Liam is a child and he has a podcast and Arnie Parrott sent this to me and it's really really sweet and he teaches you how to use your imagination. It's Monday, I think it comes out like three times a week. So look up School of Imagination by Liam.

Liam, if you're listening, I will absolutely be a guest on your podcast.

Yeah, we all will. I was so excited to see that someone is posting DIY signs all over Chicago. Liam doesn't know who I am and has never met me and will be surprised. But I think it'd be pretty cool if we gave him some listeners, everybody. Wouldn't that be cool?

Rate and review, Liam.

And smash that subscribe button. And Liam, I'll consider coming on your podcast. Let's just talk about my rate because nobody works for free, Liam. This ain't fucking communism, bitch. Get a job.

GPC, anything to plug?

Oh yeah, you can always just follow me over at twitch.tv slash sharkbarkman. Now that I'm back from vacation, I'm playing all kinds of freaking games over there. I'm having a great time. What am I playing at the time that this comes out? Hey, I don't know. Maybe I'm playing Disco Elysium. That could be what I'm still playing. Or maybe I just finished it. Who fucking knows?

Adal, anything that you would like to plug? Yes, I have one thing to plug, which is I was a guest on a podcast called The Completists. And this was a podcast by our wonderful friend Shane Wilson. You know Shane from World News Tonight. He's, I think he's running for school board or something in his school district. So vote for him, check that out. And check out the completist podcast. We talked about Jaws 4, which is one of the worst movies I've ever seen in my life. So please check that out. Now, Erin, future lizards all were hatched ethically, ethically in a pond on what planet?

Jupiter.

Bye forever. My voice cracked. Bye forever. Bye forever. Am I going through?

Bye forever.

Puzzle tree? Put puberty with puzzles? Leave it in, make it louder, put his ass on a blast. Hashtag leave it in, make it louder.

I found the picture.

I gotta see this pic. I mean, there's other people there too, but... Jesus Christ, Erin, you wore a dress to school.

Yeah, I did. That was the day though that two mean bully boys in Whole Foods said, um, you're wearing a dress to do improv today. And I said, yeah, and I'm still gonna be funnier than you.

Nice.

And they laughed and I was like, I don't want you to laugh at my joke, losers.

Hey there, Louise and Steves. If you liked that, you are going to love this week's Clue Crew. We do something that is very much not the family feud. You can listen to that, plus our entire back catalog, at Patreon.com slash Hey Riddle Riddle, by joining the Clue Crew for $5 a month, or the Review Crew for $8 a month. See you there!