Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum podcast. Okay. Take a seat. I have a story for you.

Okay.

There once was a girl named Erin and she had a hard time with traditional therapy because it just didn't feel quite right for her. And then she discovered... Quit dumping soda on my floor. Yeah. Well, I thought that would help with the... I don't have a huge production value over here.

Okay.

Better help.

Wow. I'll just say, I don't think that you can write female characters.

Oh my god.

You asked for notes! I did it! I literally did it! It was implied! You're right, it was implied.

Well Erin, we should say that this is a paid ad, right? You're being paid to tell us this story?

Exactly. So this is what I have to say. Better help is not a crisis line. It's not self-help. It is a professional counseling done securely online. You can send a message to your counselor at any time. So it's super convenient if the traditional once a week therapy doesn't work for your brain and how you function.

So just to be clear, if there is a fictional boy, let's call him Adal for the sake of time, if he had something that was maybe interfering with his happiness or something that was preventing him from achieving his goals, this would help. Uh-huh.

And Erin, is this service available for clients worldwide? Yep, and... Is it available to Mr. Worldwide, Pitbull? Could Pitbull get the service?

Of course. If Pitbull gets the service, he'll get timely and thoughtful responses. Plus, you can schedule a weekly video or phone sessions, truly whatever works best for you and your schedule.

But can I start communicating in under 48 hours?

Mm-hmm. Anything you share is confidential. It's convenient. It's professional. It's affordable. And it's not a crisis line, but you can check it out anytime.

Why'd you look at me when you said affordable?

I don't know.

I don't know either.

You're wearing a sweatshirt covered in dollar signs? It makes me think of it.

Well, I want you, and by you, I do mean Pitbull. Pitbull, if you're listening, I want you to start living a happier life today. And as a listener of Hey Riddle Riddle, you'll get 10... Oh, Pitbull. He's a listener? Thank you so much. You'll get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at BetterHelp.com slash Riddle. Join over 1 million people, plus maybe Pitbull, who have taken charge of their mental health. Again, that's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Riddle.

Hi Pitbull.

Insert lyrics from a Pitbull song. Timber. Oh yeah!

The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Oh, then we're going to finish. It was the cabin of an airplane. He stabbed him with the knife and leg.

And the word was deep right in it.

And Mr. Indiana, would you mind stepping forward please and announce your name?

Thank you so much and just want to say it's an honor to be indoors. My name is JPC and I am your 2021 Mr. Indiana. And what will you be doing for the talent portion? For the talent portion I will be slow cooking. Well, I'm sorry, slow cooking will be being done in the next room. I will be watching a football game. Oh, beautiful.

Let's see that.

Occasionally I will ask for someone to get me another beer. It won't be a single person. I'll just try to be like yelling into the kitchen area.

And you feel like this best represents Indiana?

I will take my question in the form of horsey sauce.

Let's move over to Ms. Massachusetts. What is your name?

Hi, I just wanted to say it is an honor to be outdoors.

And thank you for coming to us live from an open field.

What is your name? My name is Erin Keif and I am honored to be 2021's Miss Massachusetts.

Well, of course. Thank you for being that. And what will you be doing for the town portion?

I'm so glad you asked. I'll be throwing a Dunkin' Ice Coffee at my ex-boyfriends, new girlfriends, ex-boyfriends, new girlfriends.

And you feel like this represents Massachusetts?

Because that's a Massachusetts hug. Throwing an iced coffee at someone in the snow. Thanks for having me.

Well, thanks for being here. And let's go ahead and see the results. The winner of your Person of the States 2021 is... I'm Adal Rifai. I'm JPC.

And did I win?

And you won, Erin.

Yay, I won.

Isn't she person? Isn't she human shaped?

She's style and she's grace. She is human shaped.

There she is. Sort of. Walking oh so fast. Slow down please. You dropped your phone.

What's up guys?

I will say one of my favorite things in the world is the song that the announcer has to sing once someone wins a beauty pageant. We need to bring that back for every award show. Someone wins a Grammy, the person's like, and the winner is Dua Lipa. And they're like, hey Dua Lipa.

You can say where the love goes.

It should also be for sports. So like during the Super Bowl, it's like Brady throws a gun, guys gets a catch, it's a score, it's a score. Touchdown, Mr. Touchdown. They just completed on the promise they made. Yeah. I'm glad we're living up this.

Can they quench the World Series? I love you always forever, near or far, closer together. Say it, say it again.

That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind. All right, we could make the world more fun.

Just take our suggestions, world. I love it.

Just start inserting songs into more celebrations. Because aren't songs celebrations? I mean, isn't that what this whole thing is all about? Songs are just rhyming celebrations when you think about it. This is set to music.

Oh, just like high school. And I went just like, what? And she said, don't you remember that any time you had a big project or paper, you would sit in your closet and you would write it on the floor of your closet? And I went, oh, yeah. So I'm back in my closet.

Thank God I thought you had another podcast named Hey Riddle Riddle in high school.

No. Yeah, I didn't have a podcast yet in high school because that was barely a thing.

And that's what we call a repressed memory.

I know, I was like, oh god. She was like, yeah, you would just like start crying and be angry that you had to do it. And then you would just sit on the floor of your closet and then write it out on like legal pad and then go type it downstairs. And I was like, ooh, I had ADHD. I always did and I always will. I got overstimulated very easily.

Trauma, it's coming back to her. Did you have a walk-in closet growing up?

The house that I lived in when I was like in elementary school was this it was a huge house and it was like built in the turn of the century so like everything was like you know like thick original wooden doors and stuff and it was haunted it was haunted as shit it was a fixer-upper and it was a my single mom with three boys so we didn't really do a lot of fixing up but it was it was a big big house and they had like big closets in all the rooms and I had a it was like a Hey Riddle Riddle. I had a Game Boy and I had Pokemon Blue on my Game Boy and I knew my little brother was staying home sick and I knew he was going to try to play my Game Boy so I went into that little step into the closet and I hid it under some old clothes and blankets and a box And when it got home, I raced to that closet and there was my Game Boy. And I opened it up and I turned it on. My whole Pokmon file had been deleted and there was level 7 Bulbasaur named Jackalbum. And it was maybe the maddest I'd ever been because I was like, he must have dug up this entire fucking closet to try to find that Game Boy.

He spent hours.

He had to have. He had to have. That's brutal.

Nope, that's amateur hour. Let me tell you where to hide shit. Under your mattress. You're going to hide shit under your mattress. Basically, this only applies to clothes you've stolen from a sister. Here are some... Go ahead.

An immigrant saving up to buy a new future.

Yeah, to go to America.

They deserve so much better than where I hid my sister's clothes. In between drawers, if that's a possibility for you, inside of a board game that you've outgrown, Let's see, Ralph. Under paint cans in your basement because you know your dad's probably not gonna paint anything for a while. Inside of just like basically anywhere where your dad keeps tools. Inside a holiday Christmas or Halloween decoration bin that is way out of season.

I'm gonna give a little tip and this is something I've never done but I just thought of because Erin those are all phenomenal hiding places is I'm gonna say Kids, if you're listening and you're, you know, young enough to want to hide stuff, start taping it to the ceiling. Think about the last time you walked into the room. Did you look up at the ceiling? Absolutely not.

That works for like pot, but that's not going to work for a full pair of Abercrombie and Fitch jeans and a pole.

Try it and see. So as an adult, I have a hiding place thing. I wrote Mariah a love note and I told her, I was like, I'm going to hide it in a place that you will find it, but you will never find it if you try to look for it.

I'm so sorry. I have to imagine, this is classic JPC. My brain is trying to think how your brain thinks. Although it's always one step behind. If you say I wrote you a love note and you'll never find it, to me when it comes time to give it you're gonna take out a guitar and go

I was going on a trip and so I was leaving my house but I was like and she was supposed to find it the next day and I was like you will not find it but if you just go about your life you will like you will find this love note and so what I did was I put it inside of spaghetti has one of those like airtight containers where we keep her dog food I put it inside of spaghetti's container knowing that the next day she would go to feed spaghetti and then she would find the note but she's never she was never gonna look there And I was like, this is the perfect hiding place. This is great. And then she was like, hey, I found that love note that you left me in the dog's food. And I was like, oh, you're right. Maybe that wasn't the best juxtaposition.

Wait a second.

I didn't totally... So romantic. I really accomplished one of the goals I set out to accomplish.

JPC, I love how you're like, I started that thought, but I didn't finish that thought. I began it.

She still refers to it as her dog food love note. I found your love note when I was breaking apart our dog's shit. Thank you so much.

Wow, beautiful.

You hid it in the plastic bag that I cleaned the shit up with.

You just unlocked a memory I forgot I had.

Oh, I love it. This is trauma.

With a couple of my college gal pals, we were at a thrift store for something buying Halloween costumes, and we found these kind of creepy Victorian baby shoes. And it started like a couple years long battle of hiding them in each other's homes and just waiting for them to find it. And they go, but sort of with the hopes of someone else will find it. Like they'll have a date over and they'll pull something out of their closet and a baby, a Victorian baby shoe will fall out. And we did that for years and I don't know who has them. One of them could be in my home right now and I don't even know. I should text my friend Melissa, she might know where they are.

That feels like the reminds me of the Seinfeld episode. Didn't they have something they kept hiding somewhere or they'd play somewhere? I can't remember. I've only seen them once a long time ago.

It is such a fun game though. I do recommend if you have some Victorian baby shoes or a haunted doll or like a forbidden painting, do that with your friends. It's a very fun time.

JPC, your Game Boy story is like the Shakespearean version of having siblings. Like the emotional stakes of every part of that is like the most I have sibling story. You knowing that you needed to hide it, you kind of being a dick for hiding it in the first place.

Oh yeah.

Him finding it.

For a sibling, the most unforgivable sin, because Sidi has done this to me, the most unforgivable sin is erasing somebody's save point.

What about destroying someone's confidence? What about that?

Well that doesn't matter Erin, but what Adal and I are talking about is a video game, and you can't get that back. It would take 10 hours, it's hard to do.

Well did you ever forgive your brother? Sounds like no.

Well, no, I mean honestly, in siblings, I did worse shit to my older siblings too. I remember when like PlayStation games, you could like, they were on CDs essentially. One time I scratched up the back of a CD, a PlayStation game that my brother wanted to play. I think it was my older brother wanted to play. Because he had done some shit to me, yeah.

Ooh, that's brutal.

I mean, siblings. Basically, we only ever did brutal shit to each other's video games because that's where we knew we could get them.

That's Amy's, that's Amy burning Joe's book in Little Women. It's my least favorite part of that book is when she takes her sister's manuscript that she's been writing by candlelight and throws it into the fire because she's jealous.

Yeah, my favorite, my least favorite part is when she dies. Oh Beth dies though.

Yeah, Beth does die in her soul without the window. Shit. Sorry guys.

Minus when Bob Odenkirk comes in.

Oh yeah. Oh my god. But if, yeah, any younger sibling can relate to Amy throwing that book. It's the, you did the 21st century version of that, which is scratching a PlayStation thing.

Speaking of burning books, we do have to get to some riddles. Let's go ahead and start some warm-up riddles. I'm your old man, Puzzles. Here's our first warm-up riddle. Oh shit, we still do these on this podcast. Well, sometimes. We're slowly trying to insert other content.

We're living in a post-sweater episode world, Adal, so you never know what will happen.

It's an exciting time to be alive, I'll have to say that. I feel more energized going, what could happen?

Yeah, it's a buzz in the air. What do an island and the letter T have in common? Oh, I hate this. I remember what this show is, I hate this.

Surrounded by S. What do an island and a letter T have in common?

Yes, what do an island and a letter T have in common? They're both better with ice and you better bring your cocoa. The letter T. My mom once met at an awards ceremony. She met iced tea and cocoa. And cocoa complimented my mom's dress. And my mom, to this day, every single time I see her, she brings up that story. She's like, cocoa loves my dress.

That's so nice.

And iced tea posed for a picture with her. Very nice people.

I'm a woman with pink glasses. Old lady with pink glasses on the street complimented my coat the other day and I think I'll remember it till the day I die. I was like, wow, she's amazing and she likes my coat.

Oh, Erin, you just met Dolores Umbridge.

Oh, okay. I need help. I think I'm walking in between reality and fiction.

There there was maybe it was a couple years ago now, but there was like this it burst onto Facebook and it was all over social media of this guy who went to like a bike show in Maryland and Took it was a Trump guy and he took pictures of him with Keanu Reeves who was at this bike show in Maryland as he posted it onto like Facebook But the guy is absolutely not Keanu Reeves. I've seen that. You've seen the photo. Ryan I watched The Matrix the other day and after we watched The Matrix I showed her that photo and we laughed for like It's so fucking funny. I love the idea of meeting a celebrity and you did not meet that celebrity.

Also the best part of Game Night, the movie. It's like, I slept with Enzo Washington. Enzo Washington. What do an island and a letter T have in common? Erin, you were very close. When you said, I can't remember what you said, they're both circling an S or something?

It comes after the S. It's in between S and V.

Uh, no.

Oh, it's U. S and U. S-U-V.

Is this an alphabet riddle answer? One, one of, half of it is an alphabet riddle. But alphabet in terms of, like, spelling, not in terms of order or anything like that. Oh, interesting. What do an island and a letter T have in common? I think you'll get this from island first. So if you think about the properties of an island, what makes an island an island?

Fanned.

Well, these...

Sandy in water.

I want to see a scene. Erin you are John Travolta. Uh, otherwise known as, uh, from, uh, Danny?

The wickedly talented. Yep, I'm ready.

Danny Sikko. Uh, JBC, you are Olivia, Newt, and John, otherwise known as Sandy. What's her last name in that? Sandy Grease.

Um, Dombrowski. No, it's Sandy Grease.

Sandy D. Okay. I believe it's Sandy Grease. Um, that's why it's called Grease. And you two are, uh, on a desert island. Um, and you have been for a few months.

Hey! Why the long face? What?

No. I'm not. Go back to your side of the island. Go back to your side of the island. No, I don't want to sing. I've been, we haven't had potable water in four days. I don't want to sing.

Are you sure you don't want to get friendly down in the sand?

Oh well, oh well, oh well, crabs, crabs, crabs, crabs, crabs, crabs, crabs.

There are crabs on the beach, crabs, crabs, crabs, crabs, crabs.

I'll give them to you. There are crabs on this beach and we didn't eat them because you were teaching them how to do that dance routine.

Yeah, watch this. Oomba bop, oomba bop, oomba bop, yeah.

I want to say that this is because you drank the seawater, but I know that this is just who you were before all of this.

Hey, come on baby. I'm sorry, what do I need to do to get you to forgive me and my leather jacket?

Look, if you can find a way to get us off this beach, I will forgive you. Hey! Wait a second.

I think we just need to grease the light in it.

No, we're not having sex again, okay? I fall, I'm not, fool me twice, shame on me at this point.

I respect your boundaries, no problem baby. We need to grease the light in it.

Hold on, why don't you just do that thing that you did where you summon that card that takes us up to heaven.

Oh, um, uh, uh, alright, well look away, I'm too embarrassed to have you see me do this.

Okay, tell me about it. Stud. See.

A pinchy from Crab Nicky's like a mama. What do an island in the letter T have in common? I need an answer. They both have this in common. They're both in

They're both of S and U. They're both in the middle of the sea? Well, pretty much. But what's a broader term for the sea? Water. They're both in the middle of water. And island is literally in the middle of water and the letter T I guess is also within the middle of water.

That makes sense. That's a good riddle.

It's not necessarily in the middle of the water. The island could be everywhere. That's your new phrase, right? Yes. Whatever you think that is, yes. You're always wearing a Hawaiian shirt and shades and people are like, what's wrong with you? And you're like, the island could be everywhere.

We need a new geography teacher, Mr. Anderson. Our current geography teacher keeps saying the island can be anywhere and I feel like I'm not learning.

Well, I'm Anderson Cooper and I can bring the news to you, Channel One.

Why did I call you Mr. Anderson? I should have called you Mr. Cooper. I'm an idiot. I have terrible teachers.

I never said that. Everyone is witness. I never said that. Mr. Anderson. Mr. Anderson Cooper. That guy from Matrix. Elrond. Elrond Hubbard. He's been in more trilogies than I think any actor. Because he's in the Lord of the Rings trilogy. He's in the Matrix trilogy. He's in the Hobbit trilogy. Is he in the... I feel like he's in one more trilogy. Is he in Star Wars? No. He might be in Star Wars. No way. He's in one other thing that's a trilogy.

He's in Marvel, but that's not a trilogy.

That's true. But he, I feel like he holds again and spoke a world record for that.

He's in some like big old franchises, some famous franchises, I would say.

Yes. And I think his, his niece is someone free of mercy.

I would love to be a zero in one of that guy's paychecks if you don't say them. A ones and zeroes.

Yes. I'm a rock group with four members. All dead. One was assassinated. Kiss. They're all dead and one was assassinated. Is that all Riddle? Yes, I'm a rock group with four members. All are dead, one was assassinated.

Okay, so the Beatles, obviously, is the go-to answers.

All is dead, Ringo is never alive.

Well, was Ringo a Beatle?

No. Officially? Pete Best. They never fired Pete Best.

They're not real, they're like actual rocks.

Erin, you are dead right.

No, I'm not.

But you have to be a little more specific.

They're actual rocks.

It says I am a rock band. It says I am a rock group with four members. All dead. One was assassinated.

What rock was assassinated?

Oh, would this be Mount Rush? I want to see his name.

Oh wait. Oh wait, no.

I want to see his name. JPC, you're Jeremy Boulder. You're a very famous Boulder. And Erin, you are assassinating this rock.

Hey, are you going to buy me a drink? My name is Missy Diamond.

You must be new in town. I'm Jeremy Boulder. I'm a very famous Boulder. Usually people buy me the drinks around here, especially because I obviously am a Boulder and I can't move and so... Well, I'm a diamond and I can't move.

And that sounds like I'm about to change your life. I'm already catching you off guard and giving you a new experience already. You're so strong.

Yeah, I'm Jeremy Boulder. You're not telling me anything I don't know.

Yeah, you don't even look like warned by weather or wind or anything.

I'm sorry, but I don't usually have someone approach me with this kind of approach. You said you're Tiffany Diamond?

That makes more sense than Missy Diamond, than sure. I still shine, don't I? It's all like my name is Deborah Moissanite. Just a little diamond joke. Those are fake diamonds that are actually better for the environment and better for the world.

Well, I could make you Moissanite.

Oh, that's very funny.

Thank you, I have somewhat of a dry sense of humor. I'm a boulder.

Here's your martini.

Can I just splash it all over me?

How do you feel after drinking your martini?

Actually, as that martini is seeping into my soft porous inner layer. Oh my god, what was in that?

You've been assassinated by Deborah Moysonite! Yoink!

Oh no. Oh no, I'm the bar owner. Let's get you upstairs to a bed. Oh shit, I dropped you. Oh shit, I dropped you. Oh shit, I dropped you. Hey Sisyphus, can we pick up the pace please? I never should open the bar.

Scene. Sisyphus bar. Open every night if we can figure out how to open it.

JPC, I'm thrilled that you got that reference and called it out. Yes, yes, yes, yes. So I believe at the very, right before, right while I was calling the scene, JPC, I believe you said the right answer. Do you want to say the right answer to, I am a rock group with four members all dead. One one's assassinated. I will say Mount Rushmore.

It is Mount Rushmore. Washington killed by his own pride. Lincoln killed by an assassin's bullet. Roosevelt polio. Yeah, I knew you didn't know the fourth. Herbert Hoover, Dick Cotton, a vacuum cleaner.

No. I would like to see a scene. Adal, you're some sort of fictional president that hasn't existed yet, and you're about to die in a really embarrassing way, and you're just trying to stop it because you're like, no, this is what people are going to remember me for, and JPC, you're there too.

Sorry, I'm about to do what? I'm about to die in an embarrassing way?

Yeah, and you're trying to stop it because you're like, oh no, everyone will associate me with this really embarrassing way of dying instead of all of the work I did for the country.

I see, I see. Okay, here we go. President Anthony Backflip. It's time to eat the most fish anyone's ever eaten.

Remember Mr. President, you don't have to eat the most fish, you just have to beat the penguin. It's a puff piece, it's just for the press. Don't go overboard, you just have to beat the penguin. A puff piece? Is that a penguin joke? Yes, I'm your head speech writer, I'm your head joke writer as well.

Okay, well, no, Anthony, what are you doing? You know what? If I choke on a fish or I die from eating too much fish, I just had a flash of what that would look like written in history books and it's so embarrassing, right? Mr. President, I say, Carpe Diem.

Go for it. Is that a fish joke? It is a fish joke. I'm also working into a fish speech so I'm kind of workshopping things live. Again, my role is kind of fluid. It kind of changes.

Of course, of course. Say it back to me. What's a way we can spin this? To where if I do die eating the most amount of fish ever, what's a way we can spin that to make it sound cool or daring or heroic?

Well, I think that even if you do die eating fish, I think that you will go down in history as one of the best presidents we've ever had. And I truly believe that. Again, it was a joke. I do want to tell you I am appointed by Congress, so you cannot hire or fire me. You do not have that power.

I'm a congressional appointee. Ah, fine. Okay, so if he died breaking record, that's vague enough that it's kind of cool and kind of fun.

Yeah, but I just don't necessarily think that people are going to remember it that way.

Extra, extra. President Backflip dies from eating something fishy.

Wait, let me see this newspaper. Hey, he died of old age. This was a red herring. I'm so happy that I said you're there too because you had so many fish buns. I was just perched ready to go. I can't imagine that I have more. I don't think I know more fish.

Your brain has definitely turned to jelly.

This is all I wanted the podcast to be.

Thank you two for finally getting on board.

It's so sad. It took us 150 episodes to finally be doing all of the jokes you wanted us to do.

Okay, we gotta move on. And sardines.

And sardines. Okay, here's another riddle. Yes. All five sisters are busy. Anna's reading a book. Rose is cooking. Katie is playing chess. And Mary is doing the laundry. What is the fifth sister doing?

Okay, this is easy. Poor Katie is lonely up there playing chess all alone. The fifth sister has to join her.

I was going to say the fifth sister is busy, Phillips.

Nice.

Very nice. Erin, you got it dead, right? Bingo bingo at the top.

I would like to see a scene. JPC, you are a sister and like little women, you're in like the 1800s and you're trying to convince your other sister who's played by Adal to play chess with you so you don't have to play it alone.

I would just like to say from also there to a sister, I'm really moving up in this world. Sisterfis. Martha, Martha.

What? What is it? Please, would you please come play chess with me? I'm dreadfully bored. I won't. I've told you before I won't. I have this wooden hoop and I'm pushing it along with a stick.

Wooden hoop? You think the Matthews boy who lives down yonder is going to notice you because you're pushing a wooden hoop on a stick next to his yard?

No, I know he will, because Twat not... Well, no. How do I say two in this era? It's not what I said. No, it's not. Twat nights ago, I saw him under the old elm tree, and the rain did drizzle down upon our faces, and our hands did press amongst each other, and we did gaze into each other's eyes. You went to home plate with the old Matthews boy? Well, of course, home plate in this era is first base. Yes. And every game of baseball is four times as long. The baseball isosceles triangle is such a beautiful thing to behold.

Knock, knock, knock. Excuse me. Ladies, I'm sorry to call upon you at such a twat hour, but I... I'm ringing my cap at nervousness and I just wanted to call upon the house if you could take a break from playing your piano flutes and putting flowers into books. I just was wondering if one of you could play a game of chess with me.

My, my, William Matthews. You wanna play a game of chess? Well, I know all about chess. Because I taught her. I'm the best at chess. I'm... Martha!

You fucking bitch! It's my... piano forte. What are you doing?

Well, if you taught her, if you taught her, I actually, uh... Don't want to be put in my place or made to feel small by a woman. I need to keep my control and we'll be in power forever us men. So whoever's worse at chess I'd love if you could come upon my house and twat and come play with chess with me.

We would never make you feel small because of course then it would be little men. Turns towards camera.

Everyone looks at the camera. We're all looking at the camera. Who wants to play?

Director sitting in the chair says, hey, what are you doing? Don't look at the camera.

We said the name of the movie.

I don't know why you did that. I don't know why you did that.

Bob Odenkirk arrives straight from the set of Better Call Saul. He gets into his era of peace and his sideburns, but he doesn't look the part.

Why would we do that?

Well, Erin, just so you know, you were correct. She was playing chess, of course, with her sister, with Katie. You were dead, right? And speaking of dead rights, let's do a dead break and hear from some of our wonderful advertisers. We'll be right back with more chess.

Oh, look at you two sitting down on a couch, huh? Don't get too comfortable. It's me, the Couch Grinch.

Um, are you trying to take away our couch?

Couch Grinch? Dude, it's April. What did you do in here? Well, I'm not the Grinch. I mean, he focuses on Christmas. I guess I should have called myself the Grouch, but then that confuses with... Well, hold on. My whole thing is, I arrived. Yeah, you explained your thing. We'll wait.

And Adal, you know what? You're a great guy. I told you, my suggestion before we started recording is that maybe you try playing a couch Grinch, and you ran with it, and I'm proud of you. But go ahead.

Okay, thank you. I should have just called myself yes. But my whole thing is I arrive every April to people sitting on the couches and I try and make them uncomfortable. But you two look... Yeah, this is our all-form couch. Unbelievable couch. You two look unbelievably comfortable.

Yeah, it's our new all-form couch. It is the easiest way you can customize a sofa using premium materials at a fraction of the cost of traditional stores. You can pick the fabric, and the spill, and the stain, and the scratch distance. All of the choices you can possibly make for a sofa. The color, the color of the legs, sofa size, the shape, what kind of pillows, bonus pillows you want to get. They've got armchairs, they've got love scenes, but I'm excited about my couch.

This eight-seat sectional is all one piece. And that's not even the best part. Crench or whatever your name is. All-form sofas are delivered directly to your home with fast, free shipping. In the past, you wanted to order a sofa. It could take weeks or even a month to arrive. And you'd need someone to come and assemble it in your home. All-form just takes three to seven days to arrive in the mail. And you can assemble it yourself in a few minutes. No tools needed. So you hear that crunch or whatever your name is? No tools needed. So you gots to go. They'll deliver to me in the center of the earth. What is your thing?

You know we've talked about Helix. We love Helix. Our friend Adal rants and raves about his Helix mattress all the time. He is a king. It looks so comfortable.

How come Adal seems like Adal gets all the free stuff?

Yeah, that's a great question. Crunch. Crunch. What is your name? Anyways, we love Helix, but guess what? From the people who brought you Helix is all for him.

Oh, this is, wow, now that I'm sitting on it, this is so comfortable.

Your heart is growing ten times the size. You're learning to love couches.

Call the hospital. You're also getting heart juice all over our, all at Forbes sofa. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

It's stain resistant.

That's stain resistant, we just wipe it down.

I've just never loved anything as much as I love this couch.

Look, uh, Cranch or whatever, if you want to find your perfect sofa, check out allform.com slash riddle. Allform is offering 20% off all orders for our listeners at allform.com slash riddle.

You're a mean one, Mr. Crunch or whatever. You're a comfortable couch boy. You're sitting on a sectional. It's all form and it's comfortable, Mr. Crunch.

Sorry, Adal and Erin. I know that we're gonna, you know, do ads today, but I'm bummed. I'm kinda bummed.

What's wrong? Yeah, buddy.

Well, you know how I've been working so hard on my magic act? My rabbit ran away.

Oh, you lost your hair?

Yeah, I guess you could say I'm one of the two out of three men that's experiencing some form of hair loss by the time they're 35.

I don't know if that's exactly what they had in mind during that study, but I will say that is true and Keeps offers you a way to help keep your hair.

Oh, so I can't keep the bunny that ran away, who's probably going to steal my magic act and sell it to some better magician, but I can keep the hair on my head?

Yes, prevention is key and treatments can take four to six months to see results, so act fast and why wouldn't you want to? Because Keips has more five-star reviews than any of its competitors.

Well, okay. I'm a humble magician. I don't have a lot of money, okay? So how much is this thing gonna cost me?

Well hold on, let me pull this out of my hat. Oh look, it's magic! Treatments start at just $10 per month and keeps offers generic versions if you like. It's also convenient with virtual doctor consultations. That's a doctor on the internet, not a virtuoso doctor. Although all doctors are virtuosos to some degree, I'm digging a hole. And medications are delivered straight to your door every three months. You don't even have to leave your house.

And there's this great packaging and proven results.

Okay, so if I'm ready to take action and prevent hair loss, I should go to KeepsKEEPS.com slash Riddle to receive my first month of treatment for free. That's KEEPS.com slash Riddle to get my first month free.

Keeps.com slash Riddle?

Mm-hmm.

Well, why are you asking us? It sounds like you know the most about it.

Oh, I see a bunny. I'm going to chase it just in case.

Hold on. It can be a magic trap. Okay, Erin Pawn to Rook 48. Okay.

Hey Adal, do you want to play with like real chess pieces or are we just going to make JPC play? Be all the chess pieces for us.

I think JPC really wanted to show off his new hats that are all the different chess pieces.

He's getting tired down there. It's really sad. We've only been playing a couple minutes too.

Did you guys say Bishop? Uh, sure. Where did Bishop go?

JPC, do you need a little rest? No! Okay, buddy.

I said I wish that Bish would shut up.

No, come on. Come on. He's just doing all this work for us.

He's being crazy. Who wears a ball cap with a castle top on it? Is there a castle?

You want your castle? Sure. Okay, I'll go for it. Tell me when to stop. Okay, Adal, it's kind of nice. We haven't had to play with any real board games. He's been the sorry pieces for us. He's done Candy Land. He's done Clue, which was really scary. I thought he had died. I thought he died for real.

He did Cheesem Ladders. He did Skategories, however that works. I guess he is a pretty good friend. Hey buddy, you want to come in from the cold? We'll make you some soup.

Oh yeah! We could do some riddles. Oh no! Oh boy.

Oh, Erin. Erin, come here. I know we'll cheer him up.

What?

A bedbug with a financial problem.

A flea who's an accountant. A snake with a stinky problem.

A flamingo on two legs.

A panda with a tick-tock.

A bear going to business school. It's animal parade.

I love animal parade.

Oh man, okay, you guys do animal parade. I'm going to eat the soup. Get it? Well, it's good. In case you just add soup eating sound effects.

And take them out.

And then take them out. But do it and bill us for it. Make sure that...

I've ever seen, Erin, I've never seen somebody eat soup by pouring it into their ear. Well, as long as he likes it.

He might not be a great son, but he's our son, right?

Speaking of being a great son, my mother sent me a Facebook message. She's been listening to a lot of Hey Riddle Riddle lately. And she sent me, it's not a full article, so we'll read it, talk about it, and then we'll move on. But we want to thank my mom, Patty, Mama Patty, Mama P. She says, thought you might find this useful info for your show, LOL, she refuses to say the name of the podcast, for my little show. This is a picture of some sort of bug with a bundle of babies on its back, and this is a little animal fact from Mama P. It says, the assassin bug wears the corpses of its prey like a backpack. After stabbing its prey and sucking out the innards, the insect attaches the corpses to its back and uses them as camouflage and armor.

Okay, this I get. This makes sense to me at an emotional level.

I am buzzing with this. Aaron, you are on a date with JPC, and Aaron, you are wearing all of your ex-boyfriends on your back.

Hi.

Hey.

Wow, you look amazing. Hi, I'm Erin.

It's so nice to meet you in person. It's so nice to put a face to all of the messages.

Yeah, I was just putting my coat in the coat check, but now I'm here. Yeah. This place looks wonderful. Awesome choice. Yeah it smells amazing in here and I've been jealous of every order I've seen walked by me so I can't wait.

Well yeah it's a candle store so it's gonna smell great. I felt like we could just kind of walk around and browse for a little bit.

Yeah I love candles.

Yeah I do too. You know that's part of why we Hey. Is this? I love your outfit.

I love your outfit.

What is it?

You know? These jeans are pretty old I think. This sweatshirt is a gorgeous sweatshirt. I got in, guys I did a podcast with, made fun of me for it, but it was really bad fired in their face. Oh I'm sorry, that shouldn't be a deal breaker. It's pretty fun.

It shouldn't be, but here we are.

Wow, I'd love to put you on my back.

Sorry folks, I'm the owner of Justin the Wick of Time. Is there a certain scent you're interested in? You're the owner of a rival candle shop?

Yes, coming over to my store. Are you allowed to be here?

Yeah, so on my back.

Hold on, hold on. I think the owner of the real Kittle Shop is coming over.

Hello, welcome to Wick Cage. We specialize in candles that have Nicolas Cage's face on them.

Yeah, what are some of your competitors names?

I couldn't possibly know. I keep my head in the sand and I have horse blinders on so I don't get distracted because comparison is the death of joy. And that's on a candle here.

Oh, okay. Well, thank you so much. We're just browsing around, but we will let you know if we have any questions. Yes, you were saying about your... Oh yeah, the thing on my back.

Yes, these are my ex-boyfriends. You would think that this would be heavy, but actually I was used to carrying the weight of all the emotional labor in my relationships. Sort of always was mom, girlfriend, sort of a bunch of boys who couldn't take care of themselves and took too much.

Sure.

So now they're here. On my back. Yeah.

So when you say ex-boyfriends, now these are like, you know, shrunken down like it looks like maybe what a human would look like if all of the moisture and blood and bones had been sucked out of them.

Yeah, actually I didn't do that. It's just like immediate sort of karma for being... Some of these were actually pretty good guys. It's kind of sad. Some of these were really, like, these three were pretty lovely dudes, wanted them to have a nice life. These guys, not so great. But yeah, it just sort of happened.

Okay.

Do you want to try it on?

Oh, can I?

Yeah.

Okay, is that weird?

No, not weird at all.

Okay, do you want to try on my jacket, I guess?

Yeah, sure. That's really sweet.

Well, I know it can get drafty in this candle store, and it's really bad for business.

And switching. See, I got to deal with them, yoinks! That was a $60 jacket. Yeah, my ex-boyfriends aren't that bad. A couple bad ones, and they're not too bad. Don't worry about it. I always feel bad because I get scared if like any of them listen. One of the good ones listens and they think that I thought they were a terrible person.

Have any of them reached out and said they listened?

I think one reached out to me and said, he was really, really sweet about it. He was saying like, his coworker recommended the podcast to him having no idea that he knew me. And he said that was pretty funny. And he said like, it's so nice that it's going well. Congratulations. So that was nice. But I don't think the rest of them, listen, that would be weird if they did.

What would be weirder if they all did and we're in a group message about it?

Do you know something I don't know?

Oh no, I mean the existence of hashtag Whittle Widows is totally not a thing and I don't know anything about it.

Let's get to the Animal Parade email.

Why are you so obsessed with me?

Let's go to an Animal Parade email. This is from Chris B. Chris says, dear all, you literally asked for this. They sent a article for something related to animals as per the animal parade segment. That is true. And this is the article is from livescience.com. It says, you're not seeing things. These spiders butts look like faces. Now we're talking, the flashy abdomens of male peacock spiders may serve a very important purpose. Male peacock spiders have the ultimate challenge to contend with when it comes to mating. But it seems like the males might have a special trick up their sleeve, or abdomen rather. New research presented here, blah blah blah blah blah, suggests that the intricate and colorful designs on the male's abdomen make him look like a predator which may stop the female from attacking and eating him and therefore giving him a chance to mate. The male hops around directly in front of the female waving his fabulous butt in the air like he just don't care. They wrote that, I did not. Some of these displays are particularly interesting because the designs on the male's flipped up abdomens look just like the faces of the predators such as wasps and mantises.

I would date him, but he's a real butt is stomach. You know what I'm saying?

Wow, look at that. Look at that. That's amazing. That's crazy. There are no good spiders left in New York City.

That looks like my sweatshirt.

That does. That looks like the sweatshirt. That spider is modeled after the sweatshirt.

Wow. That is interesting.

Erin, what would be the benefits if humans had little faces on their butts? What are the benefits of that? Why don't we?

I can't stop thinking of benefits of that. Number one, butt theater. Shakespeare, but it's just everyone's butts. Number two, mooning people would actually be just showing them your second face. Number three, sex sort of feels like there's four people there.

I want to see a quick scene. So the three of us, we're out for our night on the town. We're all at our own table at like a bar. And from across the bar, we all spot the predator from the movies, The Predator, who is at the bar ordering a drink. And we're all trying to decide who gets to be the one to go and hit on The Predator.

And put the shot glasses down. Thank you so much for coming out and celebrating my birthday with me today.

Yeah, of course. Happy birthday to you. And like we said, for your birthday, we are all Going to get fucked tonight. For your birthday.

Thank you so much. I just really appreciate it.

Oh my god. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? How? I don't know how. Turn your hat backwards. Turn your hat backwards. Okay.

Okay.

Don't look, look. But look over at the bar and look who just walked in.

Um, I can't see. Is there like active camouflage? Oh my god, there is active.

Oh my god, so hot, so hot, so hot. Happy birthday to me.

The predator is here with Richard Kind. Oh, that's the predator? I was looking at Richard Kind. Me too.

Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh god. Uh, cause I want to ask the predator out, but are you two gonna fight over Richard Kind?

Yeah. Uh, yeah. I mean isn't the predator like nine feet tall? Look at Richard Kein next to him. He must be at least six eight.

Richard Kein is like maybe married?

How? Uh, maybe, but you wouldn't be in this bar if he was very serious about his marriage.

Alright, shoot your shot, everybody.

And I want myself a Richard Kind bar. Meow.

Wow. Alright, so I'm gonna go over to the editor.

Oh, Erin, you have a triangle of red dots on your face.

Oh my god, I do? Are you lying? Are you just trying to make me feel better?

Oh, I think he's noticed you. I think Richard Kind has noticed you.

Oh god, no, wrong guy.

Wait, Richard Kind is typing something into his arm. Oh, he's gonna self implode. No, it's your treasure. Hey Riddle. Governor Jean-Claude Van Damme. Yes. What was the provincial governor of France? He was cast as a predator and then they recast him to be some guy who was like eight feet tall. Can you imagine if the predator had just been doing splits in between trees for that whole movie? And speaking in a French accent? Muscles? Muscles from Brussels. I tried and tried to find a riddle with an animal in it, but I couldn't find it. So Animal Parade is over. But I do have a riddle about Richard Kind. Animal Parade is over.

You sounded like a dad taking Animal Parade from us because we didn't do our laundry.

I'll turn this riddle around.

You don't have to go home, but you can't stay at Animal Parade. Get out closing time. One last call for Richard Kind.

By the way, I love Richard Kind.

Oh, we all do.

Yeah. Maybe the best part of Kirby enthusiasm.

Also, maybe one of the best cast voices in a Pixar, anything.

Oh yeah, as Bing Bong. He's also very funny in the... What was that?

When he says, take her to the moon for me. Oh, so sad. You can cry really hard at that if you want.

His role in what's documentary now is also superb.

Oh yeah, I forgot about that.

Yeah, so so funny.

That's one of the best TV episodes of anything.

Speaking of the best TV shows of all time, here's a riddle. A man is asked what his daughters look like. He answers, they are all blondes, but two. All brunettes, but two. And all redheads, but two. How many daughters does he have? Three. Explain.

They, their butts are dyed, brunette, blonde, and red.

He has six daughters because of butts' faces. Uh-huh.

Yeah, he's three girls.

You're both correct. There was three daughters, one is blonde, one is brunette, and one is redhead.

I thought in my head- Just like the movie Wedding Crashers.

When I read this I was like, oh this is a fun one, and then now hearing it out loud I'm like, oh yeah, that was very easy.

Yeah, the insane, I just, that was insane, the pull I just did. That was amazing.

The Wedding Crashers' pull?

Yeah, I haven't seen that movie in a decade, but... Isla Fisher is Redhead. Rachel McAdams has brown hair in the movie, and their third sister from the beginning is blonde hair.

Yeah, that's right. The one who gets married.

Yeah, it always kind of bothered me that they all had different hair color. Because I was like, why? Why though?

They kind of, they want to be expressive. They want to be their own people.

I guess so. My sisters have the same color hair and then I dyed my hair to look like theirs during most of my twenties. But now I'm back to red, baby.

Can I? This is gonna be maybe what tears us apart. Can I posit something where I think, Erin, you have currently dyed your hair red. My hair is black. JPC, your hair is black. JPC, a lot of people have said that you sound like you're blonde. For the sake of having each one of us have a different hair color and that's so much more fun. JPC, would you? Yeah. Shave your head.

Would you dye Adal's hair?

I did have a blonde mustache last year. I remember that. Last summer I dyed my mustache blonde.

And that's why I called it the summer of nightmares.

I think I would go, I think I would get myself another blonde mustache, but this time if I did it again, I would go like full Hulk Hogan and do it like all the way down. Oh, like the full on handlebar? All right, hear me out.

Okay, we're gonna, the Hulk Hogan, and then you bleach it, and then we get to, you do the temporary dye of different colors. So one day you have a hot pink one. Next week, neon green, light blue.

Honestly, it seems like a lot of work, but you know, honestly, once you dye it, Once you bleach it blonde, you're already halfway there anyway.

Yeah, the temporary stuff you just pull.

I love this idea and I'm gonna build on top of it. If you have that handlebar mustache like Hulk Hogan has where it looks like a square but it's just missing the bottom line. If you do that in like diet red, the next week you can shave off one of the connecting pieces so like it's an L shape and then make that blue and then shave off the other connecting piece and make that like green and you're doing Tetris pieces.

Do Tetris pieces around your face for nothing but fun.

Come on, man. I'm not really using my face for much else these days. So I guess, I guess why not?

That's the best sentence that's ever been said on the show. I'm not really using my face for much else. I can't think of a good reason not to do this.

You're a podcaster. Oh yeah.

But I think it would be fun if you went blonde and then we could have all three of us have different hair color.

Or I just become a little baby and we got another guy in here and we just become three men and a little baby.

That's fun. And there's always the ghost in the background. That's fun. What if I dyed my hair gray? What if I just went full gray hair? JBC, honestly you look fantastic with either gray or white. I have gray hairs coming in. You're a silver fox.

It's not too long.

Vicky has silver hair and it's fantastic on her.

I feel like more people should... Your mom has beautiful hair.

More people... I feel like silver is the best looking hair on people. More people should dye their hair silver. Or I guess just let it grow silver.

More people should age. The haircut that... Did you say David Lynch hair color and cut?

David Burn, David Burn.

David Burn, yes. I have a dream that one day I can write a movie and obviously I make JPC the villain in the movie and that is the haircut. He's wearing the lab coat and he's looking at those beakers filled with bubbling up very colorful liquid and he has that hair color and cut and he's just saying things like, interesting. Welcome Monday morning.

And he's wearing no shoes and at some point he runs around the room and he's like,

We're on a road to nowhere. I'll say this. I'm not in the industry, but any movie that I work on, I will be the villain. I could be doing craft services. I'll be the villain. I can hold the fucking boom mic. I'm gonna be the villain. People are gonna know I'm a bad guy. I'll just end in that movie.

Well, JPC, don't worry. It will still be your brand because you will not fit the rest of the tone of the movie at all. It will seem like your performance sabotaged the movie when really my writing did.

Don't worry. Thank you. Thank you so much. I would love that actually. I would love to be like so out of place in a movie.

Speaking of out of place in a movie, here's another riddle. Tim and Mal are long distance lovers. Tim has just purchased an engagement ring for Mal and wants to mail it to her. Unfortunately, the only way to ensure the ring will be received is to place a lock on the package. Tim has locks and Mel has locks, but neither have keys for each other's locks. How can they ensure the ring isn't stolen? Does that make sense?

Yeah, I get it. Hey Tim, if you want to mail your partner an engagement ring, just go ahead and do it to this address. Mail it to Divorce Portman because that's going to save you a fucking step.

Yeah, and if you want to leave your girlfriend a love note, don't put it in the fucking dog food. That's going to be divorce.

Unless that's the only place she won't find it. I'll never tell. I think the most romantic way to propose is sending someone a package.

Yeah, I mean for sure yeah 100% if you're in a long-distance relationship They say that big romantic gestures and by that I mean throw some extra Package or some extra stamps on that thing like really let her know that it meant something to you.

Are the locks like bagel locks?

You said bagel locks?

Erin, did you have dinner? I'm really hungry. I didn't have dinner.

No, I was just thrown because I'm like, can it be true? Erin's also making puns. This again is my dream episode.

Finally. I finally got your email that said, you meant to send it to someone else that said, I picked Adal. I mean, I picked GPC and Erin thinking they'd make puns and they didn't. And now I'm sad.

Bye punny Valentine. You both agreed you do puns as long as they were fish related. Yes. So these are actual locks with, you know, keys.

And so Tim has- Like a lock box? Like a lock box?

Like, were they delivering it? Yeah, it can be a lock box. No, I'm sorry, it has to have a key. So we'll say that it has, it's like a padlock but with a keyhole in it. So a padlock where you put in a key and turn it to the right.

We can't send the key in a different, like, letter?

You can't send the key because if anybody intercepts it then they would they would have access to both. So Tim has locks and Mel has locks but neither have keys for the others locks. How can they ensure the ring isn't stolen?

Oh, she sends her lock box to him in the mail and he sends it back with the ring.

Erin, you are on a roll. Tim places a lock on the package and sends it to Mel. Mel places one of her locks on the package and sends it back to Tim. Tim removes his lock and sends the package back to Mel.

I would like to see a scene.

Why the Postal Service is making fucking bank on this exchange.

So I, they're okay, they need it.

They're doing really good.

Oh you guys are my best friends and you just got engaged to each other and we're out to dinner celebrating and I ask you to tell the story of your engagement but really one of you just mailed the other the ring so you're having to make up a more romantic interesting story on the spot. Cheers to you. This is so exciting.

We wanted to share it with you.

We wanted to share it with you. And as we're cheersing, let's just make, I want to be clear. Cheers seasons one and two, right? That's the cheers we do. Yeah, when Coach was still there. Coach was the best. Yeah, I love Coach.

And then they killed him off because he died.

Yeah.

That's a pretty good reason though.

Rude, rude, rude. And just to fully acknowledge, the show doesn't age that well. So I'll just say that as well. Cheers to season one and two. Oh, that sucks, dear. I didn't realize. Well, I mean, some people really think it does, but it doesn't. It just doesn't.

Sexist, homophobic, and racist. Yep.

Really? I don't know.

Anyways, so all I know is that you guys are engaged, but I haven't heard the story yet, so just like, I'm all ears, go.

Sure. Claire, do you want to tell it?

I'm sure it's so romantic. Sam Malone is a washed up baseball player. Not Cheers. Your engagement story. I'll start this one. Yes.

Oh my god. Yes, the story.

And it's so romantic, I bet.

Because I know when you guys were just dating, you would always say that you wished that they put a ton of effort in.

So I'm sure that they took the nose. So here's the whole shebang. Do a deer. A female deer. Fa a long, long way to go.

So you're just singing send of music out of order? And that's not the story, I don't think.

Well, it's not the whole story.

Well, if you maybe go from doe to ray and not doe to fah, but singing the note for ray a little bit.

Okay. Well, I messed up the story. Why don't you, Claire, you tell it. You tell it. I messed it up. I messed it up. Well, okay.

So we found a time machine. Okay. So we found a time machine. Okay. And we bought a zoo. Thank you Mark and we bought a zoo together. But the time machine broke and the zoo drowned.

The whole zoo with the animals and a time machine. And the people who worked there and another town that was next door to it. And all the tickets and cotton candy. Isn't that a travesty?

Wait, why did you put tickets and cotton candy at the end? That was the most important.

We're getting there. So, we both arrive

At the funeral of the town. They're doing a funeral mass and it's also a mass funeral. In Massachusetts.

So I'm wearing a suit but with shorts on the bottom. For comfortable nights.

And I'm wearing most of a cheesecake.

Okay, what happened next?

No crust, no crust, no crust, no crust. So I, being a knight, was so hungry. Speaking of hungry, should we order first? This story is so boring. Yes, should we order first?

Wait, I'm just getting a notification of... Oh, wait. Someone posted your engagement online.

Hey, I'm Nick. Welcome to Wax-A-Million. If anyone wants to get an order started, I can take it right now. Our candle of the day is soy.

Stop making restaurants. Candle stores.

That would be my dream, honestly.

You know how much I love a good candle.

First of all, hey, if you're out there and you're thinking about taking somebody on a date, do a little check. Movies, restaurants are out. Take them to a candle store. Candle store fun date. Movie lame date. Boo. I'll take you to the candle store. I'll let you pick out any candle.

I'll let you lick the candle.

I'll let you wick the lollipop. Taking a date to a candle store is one of the most romantic things that you can do and I will die on that grave.

That's really sweet. I kind of like that. Everyone leaves with a migraine.

I love it. Let's go into another riddle here. I am a word of five letters and when people... Oh, let me start it over. Let's get into another riddle here. I am a word of five letters and people eat me. If you remove the first letter, I become a form of energy. Remove the first two letters and I'm needed to live. Scramble the last three letters and you can drink me.

What am I? What am I?

So wait, five letter word?

It's food.

It's a five letter word that people eat. Now if you remove the first letter, it becomes a form of energy. You remove the first two letters, and it's something needed to live. And then you scramble the last three letters, which would be the same as the last answer, but scrambled, and you can drink me.

Okay.

What?

I thought it was bread at first, but that's not it.

Walk us through that. So bread. Oh, what does that work? No, it doesn't work. Yeah. That's a good guess.

Yes.

Yeah. And sometimes why? Is it a vegetable? It's a vegetable at the beginning.

It is not a vegetable. Okay.

Is it a fruit?

It is not a fruit.

Okay, I know a fruit that it definitely isn't. Let's move on from that. Okay, is it a pecan?

It is not, but closer than fruit or vegetable, kind of. Okay. Oh, have you also seen pecanso's new work? It's too surreal for me.

Man, this is hard when you're hungry.

Okay, so is it... The last three What's the clue in the last three?

It's like you mix them around and it's something you can drink and what's the first part of it? So when you get down to three letters, so you remove the first two letters, when you get down to the last three of the word in order, it becomes something needed to live and then you scramble those three letters from that answer and then you get something you can drink. And when it says I'm needed to live, it's like a process needed to live, I guess. That's phrased. Okay, so it's not like air and then Ira, because an Ira glass. I mean, that's a great example of what the process is, but not the right answer. I can drink Ira glass out of Ira glass. Why doesn't NPR make those? Ira glasses.

Give us a hint about the food.

So the so the food is something maybe this is a food that you would eat during a board game During a very Five letter five letter a food you eat like chips That's a five-letter word. We're getting very close. That's the closest guess so far This in a certain form. This is a snack if you're if you're eating a certain brand of something this is a So we would eat this during a board game that became very popular like 12 years ago. Like blew up. Like everyone suddenly knew of this game, even though it was probably made in the early 90s.

What? It's a food that you would specifically only eat during a board game? Well, I'm just having some fun.

I'm just having some fun. So what board game in the last 12 years, 15 years absolutely blew up?

Cards Against Humanity?

No, board game.

I don't know.

Dungeons and Dragons?

Yes, yes it did. This would be... Is this like a monopoly type of medium?

Three words. Oh, Settlers of Catan.

Yas. And then one of the components in Settlers of Catan... Sheep?

I don't know. I've never prayed.

Oh, I guess we call it different grains. Fuck. Wheat, wheat, wheat.

Wheat. Wheat. Heat. Eat.

Eat. And tea.

Yeah.

Boom, baby. Wheat, heat, eat, and tea.

I knew, I figured it was bread because I was on the right track.

Hey, we were both on the right track and we both fucking nailed it and we got it. We got it in one.

Got it in one. Wheat, heat, eat, and tea. Well, that brings us to the end of our episode. Thank you so much for guessing these riddles correctly. I feel like this is... Oh, okay. Yeah, you're welcome. I feel like this is one of the quickest we've gotten riddles before. And when I say we, it was the two of you, so that should tell us something.

Well, I had a lot of fun and I was energized by the puns.

Me too. That's what I've been saying. I'm wearing a t-shirt that says energized by puns.

But I don't want to do it anymore.

Oh my God. I have a t-shirt that says puns in my wheat, heat, eat, and tea. I've been wearing this the whole show. What the fuck?

That sounds like a small town in Nebraska of like, oh, you want to get down to wheat, heat, and tea?

I'm wearing a shirt that says, I love you, like JPC loves fish puns. And I got sent home from every store I went to today.

I just went down to the laundry in Tana, which is right next to the wheat, heat, and tea.

And I'm wearing a bracelet that says, be Richard kind to one another.

That's nice. Do you need a plug Adal?

Yes, I have a few things to plug. I want to plug a little thing that the three of us did called Hey Tavern Tavern. It's a Hello from the Magic Tavern spinoff featuring the three of us as characters in the world of Foon. We give out relationship advice. It is such a wonderful time. We've done seven episodes. I think all seven are out now. So you should sign up for Stitcher Premium. That's where these are located. You can use the code MAGIC to get four weeks free or one month free, whatever comes first, maybe. And you can listen to all the episodes and then do what you will. So please check that out. That's Hey Tavern Tavern on Stitcher Premium. I also want to give a shout out to Gemma. Gemma's birthday was yesterday when we were recording this, but it'll be much later. But I wanted to wish her a happy birthday. I love you Gemma. Happy birthday. Congratulations. You did it. And I want to give a shout out to my friend Mary Wynn Hader, has a new book out that she just wrote and released. It's called The Losers at the Center of the Galaxy. Please check for that book at your local bookstore, The Losers at the Center of the Galaxy by Mary Wynn Hader. Also, my sister, I'm sorry I have so much, my sister and my brother-in-law are moving to Nashville, so If you have any recommendations for Nashville for them, for what they should do, where they should grab food, or whatever that might be, send emails to hrrpodcast at gmail.com with the subject line Nashville, and I will forward those over to her, and I would appreciate that. JPC, do you have anything to plug?

Yeah, I heard Nashville actually has a pretty nice wheat heat and tea, but you know, Ware doesn't have a nice one of those. Yeah, you can just follow me over at twitch.tv slash sharkbarkman over there playing video games having the freaking time of my life. Erin, anything that you have to plug.

Yes, a new thing to plug. So in early 2015, I was on this improv team. I started my improv team called Wet Bus. They are some of my favorite people in the world, some of my best friends. And we have a improv show that we're doing every other Friday on Twitch, but also me and then other people in different combinations of us are going to be playing board games and video games. So you can follow us at Wet Bus on Twitch. Yeah, and it's also The link in my Instagram bio, so Erin Keif 10 on Instagram if you want to find our Twitch. And we did one show on Friday and it was so fun. And Mariah was commenting as JPC under JPC's handle and it was making me laugh really hard because I was like, JPC would never say that.

At one point I did say something very critical against Harrison and she goes, I think I said that. No, they're not.

Erin, of course we all know that the Predator is an alien from another planet somewhere in the galaxy very close by, but more importantly Richard Kind is from JUPITER! Bye forever!

The Misdirect! The Misdirect! And the winner is Adal Rifai! There she is, Misdirect!

Yay!

That worked out so well.

That was amazing. Did you guys plan that? Slow plate on this episode, Casey. That was a Headgum podcast.