Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum podcast.

No shit old Sherlock, it's Hey Riddle Riddle. I'm Adal Rifai. I'm Anthony Burch.

And I'm Erin Keif.

And we are going to be solving all types of riddles where the answer is horse gum. It's just our patented chemistry that we all have together that we've honed like a blade against the whetstone of horse gum for years and years.

JPC would never say something so poetic. You could be your lowest common denominator. You can be as dumb as you want.

Of course the stone's going to be wet as covered in horse gum.

I did, I'm not trained for improv, so I just try to write out like things that would be just funny to say as non sequiturs. I literally got as far as like, what if when you win the Kentucky Derby, they do a Gatorade barrel of horse gum on the horse. And I got as far as that and then I stopped. Is it in you?

You are. If JPC decided to care. This is incredible. Holy shit. He's amazing. All right. I'm Old Man Puzzles and this is our first riddle. Why weren't the tennis players allowed in the restaurant?

Because they were holding a match.

No.

Because they were dropping deuces. Oh my God. Because they were 15 and in love.

Wow. Guys, this is way better.

Are there restaurants that are 18 plus?

I don't know. Hey Riddle Riddle is good now. Wow, this is good. I feel energized. I don't feel sleepy at all. Oh my goodness. All right. Well, why weren't the tennis players allowed in the restaurant?

Because when was Andre Agassi and that guy will flip a table? No, not John McEnroe. Andre Agassi couldn't be nicer. Wait. Yeah, he's a nice guy. Which one's bald? I mean Pete's Empress, Pete's Empress. Erin, because they were making a racket.

Yes! Fuck! All right, next Riddle. I have four wings, but cannot fly.

Hey, hey, hey, hey guys. Oh my gosh. Oh, it's not what it looks like. We replaced you with Anthony.

No, I know. I remember it. It was great to, uh, greatest James, Jack, James, Jane, John, Jim, Jim. It's on the tip of my dick.

I mean, I'm wearing a jumpsuit for my new job, but it's clearly on it.

And you said me not saying your last name was a power move. I learned it from you. It's so strong. I feel like I switched power over GPC now. I'm a man.

Look guys, I was outside of the window listening to the new episode and it's very funny and there's lots of horse come things.

Have you been outside the window this whole time? We kicked you out of here weeks ago. What are you doing here GPC?

While enjoying the elements, I'm ruined. Well, you look amazing, actually. Did you get a haircut? You're clean shaven? You look... Oh.

The jumpsuit does distract from the whole, like, five days of beard growth and hair.

I wouldn't say so much I got a haircut as a squirrel stole my hair, but I'm back. I have my hats that I left with in my hand, and I'm asking you, please, please can I have my job back? This past week has been... Well, it's actually been nice. I got this nice job about a janitor at a school. Oh, that's not so bad.

Do you mind just standing over there for a second? No, I don't mind at all. I'll stand there if you want, sir. Yeah. Erin, he does look great and he did just call me sir. And a squirrel stealing something from him? We forgot about JP Riddles. Anthony, can you do your version of JP Riddles?

What if a horse came in your mouth? That's all I got. I'm so sorry.

I went really hard on that kind of story.

No, that was actually perfect.

I know he's just as good as me, if not better, but please, I have nothing else. I went to Dungeons and Daddies. I asked if I could be on their show. They said, who are you? My kid puked all over here, cleaning up. Okay, maybe it was a high school lunch table that I went up to, but still, I called the daddy. Please, I need to come back.

You're looking for new work is what you're saying. I need to do the show.

JPC, do a speech about why this means so much to you.

I did! That was what that was! I cleaned up the puke of a guy! I called him my dungeon daddy!

Alright, fine. I feel like Anthony's too good for us anyway. So Anthony, you can take your hat boxes and go. Sorry for wasting your time.

Thank you for all your talents and everything you brought.

Hi Riddle.

Yes, it was.

We got you. Please let me leave with my dignity. He's got to make this part of the plan. Anyway, bye fuckos. I'm off to hang out with my 10,000 patrons. Enjoy your riddles while you still have them, cucks.

Holy shit. Tell Beth me I love her. Tell Beth me I love her. Tell me I love her.

I won't. He held up a kite in Augusta Wood and took him away.

He's so cool. You guys done something that is so much better, but should we just start our show, I guess?

I guess I went in it.

Hit it!

He stabbed him with the knife, okay. Hello, horses.

Live from Burbank, California, it's the 50th Hey Riddle Riddle anniversary!

And nobody else survived. Oh wait.

I'm Erin Keif. I made it. I made it. Where's my chair? You're gonna make a lady of my age walk?

And I'm JPC's ghost. Boo, everybody. I died.

I don't think it's fair that you get to stay young forever, JPC.

Well, young. Please, for those who don't know, tell everyone how you died.

Trying to suck my own ass out of an airplane. I'm sorry, getting my ass sucked out of an airplane.

Sorry, sucking your own ass while watching the movie Airplane.

Hey, either way, I went out like an absolute hero.

I just wished for you that it hadn't been televised. How humiliating of a death.

I will say that the ratings have never been lower. People were pretty disinterested in watching that kind of thing. It was gruesome to watch.

Well here we are at Burbank doing the 50th anniversary recap of the show. As you know, I lived a very full and beautiful life. Everything went perfect.

Yes, and it sucks that I sound so old, and yet Erin just sounds drunk, and J.P.C. sounds the same.

Well, here's the thing. I'm drunk and old. People don't know, but you can be both.

Oh, I should try that sometime.

Well, I think it's also kind of unfair that Erin aged so gracefully, and you aged pretty much the way we all expected you to.

No, no, I'm wearing a mask of my younger self. Check this out.

Oh, I gotta say, still, that LA son did you well. You must have moisturized.

Oh, thank you.

You're wearing a mask of your younger self, which means that we should fill our listeners in. In 2038, you cloned yourself, slept with your clone, and then cut off its face.

I won't tell your secret. Stop telling mine. What in the heck?

We will say, canonically though, no kissing.

No kissing.

No kissing that clone.

Who is, well it's redundant to say old, but who is... Man, pause also.

And pause. So what do you guys think? You know, this is just a spec.

I obviously got character actors to give you too until I could maybe get your... Was my face just CGI'd onto Jack Palance?

I guess so. I said Jack Palance and I thought I was making that name up to the guy, but apparently he knew who that was and he ran with it.

I don't know who that is. It's definitely interesting in terms of maybe a fun way to start an episode, but I don't know if I'd want to watch a whole thing of it.

You said that this would be six seasons in a movie and I just don't know how sustainable that would be in the long run.

I came to you guys with this because I wanted the notes. Oh good. Well it sucks. Okay, so, well, this is more of a criticism than a note. I would love for you to couch that and maybe something that I could do to improve it or something that could improve the quality of it. I have a note.

Delete it. It sucks. Write something new.

Sure, okay. I really wish I hadn't started writing that down when you started talking because I could remember that. Adal, do you have something maybe that could take fun of me?

Yeah, I just, I jotted down some slight notes here. Fuck you and fuck this idea.

Sure. Yeah. And I could see where you're coming from with something like that because, and that's valuable. So I'll take that back to the team. I did like that.

I was drunk and old.

Okay. Still having fun. Still having fun. So that wasn't something that I had originally wrote. That was something that the character actor who I hired kind of just took upon themselves.

I like her. She's good. She's got some star quality. I like her.

Was Erin's face just CGI'd on top of Maggie Smith?

Yeah.

Yeah, for now, because I'm doing this basically on spec with like very low budget, the team is just kind of me and some of my unconsenting cousins, so I'll give them phone calls, kind of press them for ideas and information, and they'll try to get off the phone the whole time.

Money, probably some money, yeah.

Well, yeah, I need funds, because I did it for cheap, but not for free, so I gotta eat.

The ghost of JPC seemed to involve no CGI, and was just straight up Giovanni Ribisi.

Yeah, he's great. He's a nightmare to work with, but such a bad attitude. But his performance is very good. Yeah, it's very good.

Anyways, this was really fun, but... Cool. Did you guys want to do an episode?

Yeah, let's just do a regular episode. Okay, that's fine. I will shelf this.

Do you guys mind?

Do you guys mind if I just, if I, cause I, I promised him, do you mind if I do a quick, just a teeny little phone call to Giovanni Rubisi? Yeah, of course. Cool. I know that. Okay.

Take your time.

Take your time. It obviously Casey, if this is going to be picked up on Mike, um, just obviously cut this out of the episode. Cause we don't, this isn't something that, thank you. Okay, cool. Casey gives me a big thumbs up in the chat. Just waiting on it. Actually Casey, big thumbs up in the chat. Big thumbs up. Why wait? Hello? Hey, Giovanni. Um, some bad news. This is JPC obviously from the big project.

Oh, uh, okay. Yeah, we're shelving. Are you calling about my money? What?

Nah, we're shelving the project. Shelving? I thought it was shelving. Okay, do you mind if this is that- You fucking asshole. This is that toxic attitude that we talked about on set.

Give me my money.

I work with Nicholas Cage in Gone in 60 Seconds, and I am sure that I just- Would you believe that I was gonna make a Gone in 60 Seconds reference as well? You're talking to Phoebe's brother. Oh yeah, the two things we know him from. All right, have a good one, Giovanni. You too, I'm sorry. He took that much better than expected. And guys, I got great news. I'm Old Man Puzzles for this episode.

Well, you know what's really weird about that phone call is he started fading himself out. Though where the phone was didn't go anywhere. Yeah, it didn't make sense. He didn't get further away from the microphone. He just was losing the argument, so he started going, oh yeah, you have no idea who I am.

Well, to be fair, were you talking to Giovanni Rubisi or were you talking to a piece of Cibati?

Oh my god, I've made that mistake. I've got on two dates with a piece of Chibati thinking it was him.

I had a piece of Chibati bread sign an 8x10 photo and I felt so embarrassed afterwards.

Oh yeah, that's bleak. Old man puzzles?

I had a cup of Chibati that I could have sworn had an Amazon show. I can't remember. What was Giambani Rubici's Amazon show? He had an Amazon show. I couldn't pull it.

I think I watched Slippery... I saw a picture of Joe Bunny and I thought that Bunny was him. I was like, that's that guy from TV.

So anyway, if you've got Giambani Rubici puns, send them over to us. That email again is hrrpodcast at gmail.com. Put in the subject's line, do not read.

Is he related to Christina Rubici from Adam's family?

You mean Casper. Old man puzzles. Let's do this.

Okay, so we like to have a good time on the show. That's obvious from our intros. But it's time to brass tacks to serious business. I'm old man puzzles for this episode, which means I've got some riddles for you guys to solve. And as always, I like to dip my little beak deep back into the past.

Disgusting.

Okay, cool. So again, we're back into the segment of the show where I'm taking notes about my behavior. And we are going to go all the way back to 2018 when people were writing us riddles. This one comes from, I guess, Robert. I'll just say Robert because they don't give me permission to use their name. And so you'll never actually even know if that was the real name that I chose, will you? It is. It is. Of course it is. I couldn't be bothered to come up with another name.

You were apathetic when you started the show, so to watch where apathetic can go has been a real learning experience for me. It's been amazing to watch.

I know he's canceled now for good reasons, but oh the apathetic places you'll go by Dr. Seuss, one of my favorite. Well I guess it's not really a book, it's blank pages.

I didn't really finish that. I give that to any of my friends that drop out of college.

Robert says, quite enjoying listening to the podcast. It's all too familiar for any time I've posed riddles to more than one person at once. Okay, well, I mean, I gotta say that there's probably a bunch of times that you've posed riddles to more than one person at once. That sounds like a riddle in itself. Now Robert made some of their own riddles that they're submitting, and they have tested them on my friends, so they are at least solvable by one person on Earth.

You should not test riddles on your friends or animals. That's not good.

Any riddles I create, I first test them on kids, and then if they work on kids, I get approval from a mother.

Oh, you go to kids first, and then you get the parents' approval. That's the way to do it.

Well, hold on. Kid tested mother approved. Riddles, that's what I was going for.

Let's not... No, I know what you're going for. You're still going to jail, my guy.

Yeah, what you're going for is about 10 fucking years, my man. Get you off the street.

Okay, we're sorry. Adal and I just like to have fun.

It's okay. I work with Jeff. I work with Jeff. Please. Peanut butter. I'm trying to get these kids to eat peanut butter.

Ew, why? Why are you trying to get all these kids to eat peanut butter? Weird. Go ahead.

Okay, who would do worse? Who would do worse running Jeff's social media for one day?

Both of you would do terrible. You, no. Not me either. None of us.

No. Maybe, maybe we could go 10 hours before like a dog-licking peanut butter off of an appendage joke and then it would be, we'd be off Twitter. Real fast. Okay. Here we go. Here are some of Robert's Riddles. Okay. I have a peel, but no rind. I have a hammer with no nail to find. I'm not a phone, but I ring. With my music, you cannot sing.

Jesus Christ. He has mass appeal, but no rind. He has a hammer because he's a carpenter. What was the rest of it? He had a band, right? I'm not a phone, but I ring?

Yeah. Okay. I'm giving it to you so you can tell me how your answer fits in. Wait, what was the end of the ring thing? I'm not a phone, but I ring. With my music, you cannot sing. With my music, you cannot sing. Oh, so this is... A clock. Oh, a clock I think is a good guess, Erin, but no.

With my music, you cannot sing Nickelback.

Erin, it is. The answer is a bell, correct? How does a bell have a peel?

I don't know.

Is a peel a part of a bell? We should say Erin's taking a big old hit off a bong.

That's what I do when I smoke out of a bong.

Adal, you need to fucking flip your lid here. In Campanology, aka bell ringing, a peal is the special name given to a specific type of performance of change ringing which meets certain exacting conditions for duration, complexity, and quality.

Holy shit. I didn't want to learn and I did. Incredible.

I want to see a scene. Oh but the apathetic places you'll go.

Erin, you are, I want to say, I've never seen the movie, I want to say her name is Esmeralda? I think that's right. You're talking about Hunchback and Esmeralda? You're Esmeralda, and you have fallen in love with the lunch sack of Notre Dame. JPC, you are that lunch sack, you are a brown bag full of food that rings the bell daily.

I shouldn't be here, but I had to see you.

Aren't you glad you did? Just a little lunch bag joke.

Oh man, you're incredible. There's two things I wanted to talk to you about.

Please, Esmeralda, you can say anything to me here in my tower.

The music in this is awful. It's so bad. How is it so bad? Same composer.

No, I asked for the notes, so let me... The music is so bad. Yeah.

Okay. Um, so I'm just like even struggling to think of any of the songs from it, you know?

Sure, I mean, yeah, that's a valid critique. Okay. I'm, I'm, I'm writing that down. So it's already written down once. I don't really need it twice.

The other thing is, I'm not, what is your name? I know that you're the lunch sack of Notre Dame, but is your name?

Uh, I've got a name written on me. So I, I've just been going with that. Uh,

What's a food joke with Quasimodo?

A food joke with Quasimodo? Okay, let's see. Quasimodo Quasimodo.

But honestly, I know that you already took this note, but like Alan Menken, all of the best Disney songs, some of the best songs ever written, him, and then he

I think I'm ready to know as well. Come up with food joke for Quasimodo. Feels like we're writing ourselves into a corner there, but I'll take it back to the guys.

Adal might have one. Here's the thing. I'm in love with you, but I'm not supposed to be. And there's gargoyles, and there's a really mean man, and let's just run away together.

Quasitomoto? Oh, that's something. The joke you were looking for was Quiznos tomato.

All right, I need to quickly look up what the songs in this even are. Also Jason Alexander's in this.

Oh, really? Jason Alexander's in it? As himself?

And Demi Moore, yes.

Is there also... Is there also gargoyles in that?

Yeah, I know a lot of people love this one. He's a gargoyle, I think. He's like a funny gargoyle.

I would love it if Jason Alexander was just in it as himself. I'm on vacation!

Well, describing Jason Alexander as a funny gargoyle is not far off in terms of like, that's just who he is as an entity.

I know the bells of Notre Dame. Oh, wait, how does Topsy Turvy go? I keep thinking of it as lovely ladies in my head, but that's not it. I didn't know what is... That's not it.

Is one of the songs, and I could be wrong, is one of the songs, Guess Who's Back, A Hunch Back, Guess Who's Back, A Hunch Back.

Just really trying to work that Eminem impression into the show consistently.

I'm playing 30 seconds, or 10 seconds of Topsy Turvy so I can remember the melody of it, because otherwise I won't be able to concentrate.

Oh, this will make for good podcasting, yeah.

No, you guys can keep talking, but that's where I'll be.

Oh, thank you for that permission. Oh, permission to keep talking. Wow. Hey I'm going to take a quick 10 minute lunch break. Just keep recording the podcast and I'll be right back.

Keep talking. Obviously podcasts are edited. I'm giving the listener a little peek behind the curtain for a second. And believe it or not, Casey actually does his job and he edits this podcast. Whether we tell him to or not, he manages to find the files. But big thumbs up, thank you Casey. But one thing that I find so weird is when I'm listening to a podcast and one of the hosts is like, I'll be right back and I'll leave for a second. I'm like, you guys chose to keep this in the episode. That's mystifying to me. Everyone has an edit command or something, especially at the beginning of the pandemic when everyone was not used to doing this over Zoom and stuff like that. So many podcasts that I listened to, people would drop off halfway through and they'd still go and then they'd come back into the call later. And I'm like, how is this? Does no one give a shit?

So I listened and I heard top C to V. Everything is up C daisy and I stand by my diagnosis at the music and that is not very good. If you love it, I'm sorry. That's great. I'm glad that you love something.

Here's the thing with any creative venture that you do not like the thing that that person did, they still probably got paid. So not always. Sometimes people get just absolutely shafted on like a production or like, yeah, we'll get you points on the back end.

Also, if I ever need to cry, Alan Menken playing a medley of his hits on YouTube while playing the piano and singing can make you cry in 10 seconds. It's amazing. He's written all of the best songs ever. You guys, it's so good. All of your favorite Disney songs,

No way. Name two.

So far you've sung one and you've named zero. I don't think that I...

I don't think that anything could make me cry in 10 seconds because my dad died in front of me way slower than that. I don't think he listens because he's dead. He's not. He's alive. He's a living man. But I don't think he listens, which honestly, fuck him, right? How hard is it to listen to your podcast?

Good point. He also wrote part of your world.

My dad, I guess he kind of technically. Okay. Next Riddle, this is again from Robert. What am I? I am a reapplied protection. I am a response to an adopted heir. I am the satisfaction of a job well done. I am what bounty hunters are paid.

It's not sunscreen.

Okay, let's go with what it's not. We're starting off strong.

It's not ranch and it's not sunscreen. It's not a soggy cracker. What else is it not? It's what? Okay. I am reapplied protection. Okay. Hold on. I am reapplied protection. So this is like Velcro.

Like a bond?

Uh, no. I am a response to an adopted heir.

Oh, the response to adopted air is always in a high pitched tone. Oh, you're adopted?

I will say that. So each one of these lines is the answer to it, but they're not connected in a way except that they all share the answer. So it's like there's nothing in common between them because this is a word play based riddle. So I am reapplied protection. I am a response to an adopted air. I am the satisfaction of a job well done. And I am what bounty hunters are picked.

Satisfaction of a job well done is sweat. What bounty hunters are paid is money. Sweets. Sweat money.

No, so all of these will get you to the same word. All of these lines will get you to the same word.

But all of these, individually, are very tough and oddly worded. Yeah, they're very tough cookies because... A response to an adopted heir, like that's not a known entity.

Well, okay, so here's the thing. What would you call an adopted heir? Step, step air. Step air. Oh my god. Step air. I wouldn't call that. I'm trying to think of like... I think that's the hardest one. Yeah.

An adopted heir. So say a king and a queen, they can't have any children, they adopt a child, and that child becomes king or queen. What is the response to them? The response, I guess, is a swift bow and a hearty mysire. Well, yeah, that's the answer. It's a hearty mysire.

I'm trying to think of it adopted air, so let me do it this way. Say you're with your parents, you're a young boy, they're leaving the theater, Joe Chil grabs your mom's necklace, shoots your dad, shoots your mom. Alfred is now effectively like your dad, but he's not like your family. You are his young squire. No.

Circle gets the squire.

Oh God. Let's see. Squire Danson.

No, no, no. You are his steed. You are his captive.

You're like his, oh God, his guardian, not guardian, but.

You're not like. His ward. Ward. Yes. Burt Ward. Burt Ward. So I am a response to an adopted heir. Hey Riddle Riddle.

I want to see a scene. JPC, you are Alfred the butler. Erin, you are Batman, but you're Batman in a world where their parents never died.

Tell Mummy and Daddy that I'm going out to the party and going to do all the cocaine and I will not be home. No, no, no, I will not be home in time.

Sir, again, how are you to get to the party?

You crashed your Lambo when you were trying to prove that it was amphibious, which of course- Get me, motorcycle!

I'm gonna prove that that's amphibious!

Sir, I'd love to get you your motorcycle, but you threw the keys into the woods saying, no keys gonna stop me from doing my moto tricks.

Sorry, don't mind me, I'm just Robin. Sorry, let me take this valuable and this valuable.

Sir, I'm gonna crawl out the window that I came in. You forgot to lock the doors again, sir. This is the fourth time this week we've been robbed.

That should be your job. Ding-a-ling-a-ling, bring me a Sunny D in all the magazines that you can carry. Thirty ones.

Same.

Wait, I wanted to be spoiled Batman forever.

That was amazing. I want a shirt that's Batman's face, Eddie. It just says, ding-a-ling-a-ling, bring me a Sunny D. He's just a spoiled rich kid.

Ding-a-ling-a-ling, bring me a Sunny D. Sir, you crashed your Lambo. Okay.

I can't wait to go out and party and blow all my Baron's money.

What has hands but can't clap? Clock. Royalty. Hold on. Yes, it's a clock. You got it. It's not.

I think I know a guy who can get us ecstasy. You guys like to party? I can get us a back room at Hooters.

He still decides to use that voice.

Hey baby, that ass has been working all night. You wanna come back to my place?

I've gotten to Princeton with the lowest SAT scores anyone's ever seen.

Are those pants mirrors? Cause I can see myself in them. Fuck yeah!

I'm Batman. Okay, okay, it's a clock, but go ahead.

There's probably a guy out there who like calls himself Batman or like has his friends call him Batman.

And his name J.P.C.

I wish I had friends. What has hands but can't clap, royalty but can't rule, and a 1 to 13 ace ratio but useless at tennis? What? Is this still Robert?

Cards?

This is still Robert. I think that last one gives it away because when you say 1 to 13 ace ratio but useless at tennis, people are like, what else is cards? What else is aces?

Cards.

But again, has hands but can't clap royalty but can't rule. I think it would have taken me a little longer to get to cards with that.

Yeah, but it's good.

Yeah, but it's good. Hey, it's an oldie but a goodie. I say oldie because it's from 2018.

Can we make a deck of cards where... Well, we can't do anything.

The three of us are almost incapable of posting a fully-formed podcast.

As individuals and as a group, we're incapable of no things. Nothing.

Can we reach out the bicycle and see if they'll make a deck of cards for Hey Riddle Riddle?

Can we reach out to an actual bicycle shop to see if they will make a deck of cards for Hey Riddle?

Let's over complicate this. All I heard was keep writing poems to bicycles. And so I'm going to keep living my life in the exact same way that I've been living it for the past nine months.

Nine months you're pregnant?

All right. We can hope. Okay. The maiden, mother, and crone. Together they stand alone. What lies in between it cannot be seen except on the layers of stone. I didn't understand any of this. A gravestone. No, it is not a gravestone. That's a good guess. The maiden, mother, and crone. Together they stand alone. What lies in between it cannot be seen except on the layers of stone. I'll be honest. This is hard for me to decipher.

An electric fence. A bird sitting on eggs.

Is this like the Statue of Liberty but her parents come over? I'd like to see a scene. I'd like to see a scene.

I'm gonna be the Statue of Liberty.

Adal's essentially calling his own scenes.

And you're my two parents and I'm like kind of embarrassed like I feel like you're crowding me. Um, yeah, so that's the whole tour. So that's like, yeah, right over there. People came in, wrote their names.

It is a very beautiful, beautiful place you have your sweetie.

Sweetie, is your arm hurting you? Do you want to put it down?

No, mom, I'm fine.

Are you sure?

It's okay. You do not have to impress us. We are very proud of the life you have built yourself in New York.

You think I'm trying to impress you?

Well, I mean, your father and I think that you see our life and that you're a little envious. I mean, we can tell you're envious.

Yeah. You live in Europe. Cool.

Well, you know, your mother and I, we want to help you, but you know, you're moving into a new place. We're like, what can we bring? And you were like, give us your poor, huddled masses. It's like, we've got money. Do you need, do you need that kind of thing?

I mean, we are first around. Things were a little bit more hopeful. I was like, maybe things are going to be great. We're going to allow immigrants into the country with open arms, have some empathy for them, you know, understand them. But instead, it sort of became a hellhole nightmare where the rich just get richer.

To be clear, when we were first inviting immigrants and we were talking about the Irish and like, that's already like a little dicey.

Wow, that's the only group of people you can make fun of.

Technically, I can make fun of a little bit of English people, some German, and a little Scottish. That's pretty much my whole domain.

Scottish children, German children, English children, and Irish adults.

Sweetie, your father and I are worried. You've been reading that same book for what seems like years and years and years.

Okay, I have a favorite book. It's my comfort book.

We didn't have to say anything, but yeah, we never see anything again. It's never open, it's just clutch to your bosom.

It's hard to concentrate with people in my head. Also, Dad, if you can't make fun of peop- You didn't add French people to that, by the way. Do you want a French accent?

First of all, you do not make fun of the French. That is a rule. That is a rule. I didn't make the rules, but that is a rule.

I'm fine. I'm happy. Are you eating? This is a nightmare.

Are you eating? Because, I think, to be clear, you look green. And you weren't green. You were not green.

I think this is historically accurate.

When we last saw you saw us.

And listen, no man is an island. Why do you isolate yourself out here, like you should go into this city?

I want to deal with New York traffic every day. I want to deal with the gentrification that's happening.

What car would you drive?

That's mean, mom. I don't need that. You know what?

Yeah. You're getting big.

This is ridiculous.

You need to lose height. You need to lose height. And also, what is this about you changing your last name to Liberty? Was Lebert Frankenstein full streamed? Was that not an end you were proud of?

I just wanted to represent liberty in the United States, but turns out liberty doesn't exist because people care more about the NRA than they'd care about their loved ones in human lives. I think senators who have voted against gun control are murderers.

Sweetie, I think people would maybe listen to you or take you more seriously if you weren't wearing a tiara, okay? Take that song, Tiara.

Take that song, Tiara. Okay, it all comes out.

You've worn that since you were three. You're an adult now, take off your little crown, okay?

Okay, you're just jealous. What are you doing?

You do not have a voice.

Quick, quick, sweetie.

Let's sing the French Netherlands.

Macros. And... Stipe charts. I have no problem singing the Irish one, but that is about as far as I will go.

Scene. I never realized how weird the Statue of Liberty is.

Yeah. She's a beautiful thing now.

She's a beautiful thing. Erin Keif 2021.

Well, speaking of 2021.

Nope. Nope. Nope. We're doing the riddle. We're finishing this riddle. Everyone's trying to get out of it. Fine. The maiden mother and crone, together they stand alone. What lies in between, it cannot be seen except on the layers of stone. I think maybe layers of stone is the best way to get here. What are layers?

Like a wall? No, layers of stone... sedimentary rocks?

Yeah, yeah, I mean basically like you can use... This is giving it away. The answer to this riddle is something that you can read in layers of stone.

Oh, dinosaur bones.

Okay, so time. Yes, time. Time is the answer here, yes. The maiden mother and crone, so young, middle age and old. Yeah, exactly. Together they stand alone. What lies in between is the time in between.

Is crone... I guess I never realized crone is just a term for an older woman?

Yeah, I think that maybe it's one of those words that has changed over time to have more of a negative connotation to it.

I've only heard it when someone's like a 1940s comedy where Jack Lemmon's like, shut up, you old crone.

Yeah. So again, I don't know the etymology of the word, but I believe that. And words have the, you know, they go in and out and they'll have like negative etymologies for a long time and then they'll change based on culture.

Don't explain words to me. Well, someone has to because you know, fucking four of them. So well, what does the word break mean? Don't sing your cat song. Give me a break. Here comes a break. We're gonna hear some ads and we'll be right back.

Wait, can I try something? I've always wanted to do this. Sure. And then I'll do it on the other side. Ready? And I proudly stand up. Okay, JPC, you're chopping something. You're chopping, you're cooking. It looks easy. It looks like you're only using one pan. You're cooking. You're chopping. It's easy. Everyone, you're feeding into your family because there's healthy options and you're happy.

Sustainability. Sustainability.

Wait, did you go to the grocery store? No, you can't talk. It's straight.

It's Chef Rade's.

We're playing Chef Rade's.

Oh, it's HelloFresh. Okay, yes. Thank God. I've been doing this for 20 minutes, which is about the time that it takes to make a HelloFresh meal. Meal's ready in 20 minutes or less. Light and prepped, quick breakfast and lunches. Perfect for your busy schedule.

I like that HelloFresh offers 25 plus recipes to choose from every week. They have vegetarian stuff. They have gourmet options. There's something for everyone to enjoy. Gemma and I, we get the vegetarian option. And honest to goodness, I don't miss the meat.

Yeah, he doesn't miss the meat and I gotta tell you guys something. I gotta mention that you get better value. HelloFresh is 28% cheaper than shopping at your local grocery store and 72% cheaper than a restaurant meal without sacrificing the quality. And also, you can't put a price on bonding in your chicken. You can't put a price in bond.

Bonding with your chicken?

You can't. You can't put. You can't put. No. Erin. You can't put a price on bonding in your kitchen for 20 minutes, making a meal with your family or friends. You guys, it's really, really nice and easy. And it's been an absolute highlight of the year for me, is cooking with HelloFresh.

Okay. And just real quick, when it was my turn to play Chef Raids and nobody got it, what I was trying to say is go to hellofresh.com slash HeyRiddle12 and use code HeyRiddle12 for 12 free mails, including shipping. That's a deal so good I turned southern halfway through it. That is Hey Riddle 12. Use code HeyRiddle12 for 12 free meals.

It's America's number one meal kit. I beat you to it. I beat you to it. It's my turn. The answer is going to be Hello Fresh again. That's just a spoiler.

Oh, grilled cheese and veggie jumble with cilantro chimichurri. Grilled cheese and veggie jumble with cilantro chimichurri.

Yes. Hello Fresh. Hey, GPC. Can Erin and I borrow the car tonight and also borrow $10, please?

What? I'm your friend. I'm not like a parent figure to you.

Oh, I thought we were doing a dad. You said we had to record a dad. Adal, we're recording an ad.

Advertisements, pink slips, ownership papers.

All right, well, can I talk about feels instead of doing an ad?

Sure. Well, I guess so. We don't have to use this. We could just scrap this. Yeah, talk about feels.

Yeah, I wanna talk about feels. Feels is a better way to feel better. It's a premium CBD that will keep your head clear and help you feel your best. CBD has been proven to greatly reduce anxiety, pain, and sleepiness, and Erin uses it a little bit before bed because it helps curb her anxiety. Oh wait, this might be an ad.

Yeah, and this is Adal here and, um, sorry, I do have all these feels. I have all these emotions because I'm such a teenager. And I want to let you know that feels is premium CBD delivered directly to your doorstep. Do I want to walk somewhere? No, I don't have the energy. I don't want to listen to the cure my whole life, man. So delivered to your doorstep is convenient. Also, feels naturally helps reduce stress, anxiety, pain, and sleeplessness. All things I suffer because of my dad at JPC.

And this is JPC here. I mean CBD. I mean JPC. Anyway, Feels offers a free JPC hotline. Nope. Hold on. That is a CBD hotline to help guide you through the discovery process. If you're new to CBD, JPC.

I've taken CBD a few times from feels. It is so nice to take when you are having anxiety, when you are having restfulness, when you are not able to fall asleep or calm your mind because of all the madness in the world. So a few drops of feels under the tongue and ooh baby I am feeling so calm, so collected, so focused on what I need to get done as a teenager. Which is homework.

Okay, well so I am still everyone's dad and you can start feeling better with Feels. Become a member today by going to Feels.com slash Riddle and you'll get 50% off your first order with free shipping. That's F-E-A-L-S dot com slash Riddle R-I-D-D-L-E to become a member and get 50% automatically taken off your first order with free shipping. Feels.com slash Riddle.

Thank you for letting me talk about Feels. I'm ready to do the ad.

Okay, this ad is for kangaroos. Good day, mates.

Next to you, and I still have... I should have known the lyrics before it happened.

I'll tell you, for such a shitty song, it gets stuck in your head so easily.

Alright, more riddles please.

I'm hungry for them.

All right, Erin, you're hungry. Well, I've got a full meal's worth of riddles for you. Again, still from Robert, still from 2018. Wrapped in scorn and emo black, he towers with his massive hat. His voice aroar his fingers knives. Few who he touches ere survive. When seen approaching, all birds scatter, and grass he breathes on becomes flatter. Petulance. Rapped in scorn and emo black. Erin, you are close. He towers with his massive hat. Erin, what'd you say?

A tornado?

Oh, is it Abraham? Abraham making knife fingers?

Okay, well, we have to see a scene.

Adal, don't say shit like that because then we have to see a scene.

We are all going to be, so, you know, of course they were worried about Abraham Lincoln possibly being assassinated in the war. So they got a bunch of body doubles for him. And so we are all coming to audition as body doubles for Abraham Lincoln.

Our next one in, please. Well, that would be me.

Oh, how tall are you? Well, that's, you know, a bit of a note of contention. Now I know I'm going up for Abraham Lincoln. I'm 5'1", soaking wet.

I'm sorry, how tall is your hat?

Okay, you got a good eye on you. So my hat is two and a half feet tall. It's why I'm not really moving my neck and why my neck muscles are humongous because I have to keep this hat balanced constantly all day.

And what is the hat made out of? Because it does seem to be a bit of a struggle.

Sure. Well, I got a brother who's got a concrete business that I'm doing him a favor. So it's honestly, I'm out of work. I would love the job. Go the North, by the way. I don't know if that colors your opinion of me at all, but I'm a big union stan.

Yeah. How do you think the North is going to do this season? I mean, I know that they're favored in the conference, but You know, sometimes in March, you know, the madness can cause for some upsets. But I've liked the North's favorite to win this year.

It's Cousin Against Cousin, it's Brother Against Brother. I really hope it works out the best for the North. If the North loses, my bracket is fucked. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. That'll bust your bracket. So I'm taking this as... I'm gonna get the call back.

Okay, thank you for your time. Thank you. Next in, four score and through the door, please. Who's this?

Hey, I'm Kid Lincoln. I'm three foot eight. I got lots of moxie and I love to have fun. My hat is three times my size. Whoa. Whoa.

Whoa. Someone's been rehearsing their intro in the waiting room.

Have I? Well, I've been out there a while and I was getting nervous.

Well, clearly your ear was to the door because you knew the exact questions I would ask and answered them before I could say anything.

Four score and seven minutes ago I was waiting out there and eavesdropping.

I like this, Kid Lincoln. Kid Lincoln, your name sounds like you probably have a song in your heart. Can you sing it?

Do I ever? Well, I'm the 16th president, and nothing rhymes with president. I love to have fun all day.

Well, hold on. Dead stop. Sorry, dead stop. Resident. President.

Oh, no. Oh, I messed up. Hey, I messed up. My mom is so mad.

Hey, is it too late for the audition? No, come on in. What's your name? My name's Gabriel Hamstinken. I'm 2-1. My hat's a big toilet. Same, same.

Guys, you know what's really sad? Kid Lincoln is the one who was actually shot.

Yeah, they got Kid Lincoln and Abraham Lincoln. He's in fucking Costa Rica right now.

With Elvis.

We, Erin, remember this character because we got to bring back Kid Lincoln.

Oh, he was very funny. He came way too naturally to me. I need to maybe... Get an old tune up from my therapist.

Erin, you're circling it with weather and tornado, by the way.

Lightning. Thunder. Rain.

Yes, it's a thunderstorm. It is a thunderstorm.

I feel like much like Muppet Babies, there should be a cartoon that's just all the kid presidents.

Oh, God. Wow. Yeah, I'd love to see the origin of how racist and corrupt they all be.

When your country looks kind of weird and you wished that you were there.

Which one's that?

Huh?

Which one's that?

Grover Cleveland. Probably Grover Cleveland. Grover Cleveland.

Okay. Another riddle. Still from Robert. Yes. Like wit, I can cut. Iron skinned like your gut. With each man's life a dance on this knife. What's this now? Did Robert watch The Lighthouse starring Willem Dafoe 30 times in a row and then write these fucking convoluted riddles?

Well, it's 2018.

So he must have written The White House because I'm assuming it got like, you know, as a spec and it got passed around in the studios and it takes time.

The wording of these is so wild. Like wit I can cut. So it's like a little man dancing on a knife. What was this?

Like wit I can cut. Like wit I can cut, iron skinned like your gut with each man's life, a dance on this knife.

Time again?

I don't know, like a fucking potato?

What if they were all time?

A shadow, cloud, time?

Yeah, it's like someone's like last words or like... Yeah, so it is a little more literal than that.

This one, Robert has switched back into the world of the literal with a dance on this knife. I would say like it's a... Hand. Knife is a good description of what this is. If you saw this and you said that's a knife, you wouldn't technically be wrong.

But would the response be, this is a knife? Yeah, it's a spoon. That's not my wife. This is my wife.

Is that fun? It can cut like wit. It's iron skinned like your gut. With each man's life, I dance on this knife.

How do they know about my gut? Is iron skinned like your gut? That seems like the answer is me. I don't understand that part.

To a narcissist, the answer is always me. If you're a hammer, the whole world looks like a nail my man. So, yeah, I guess with each man's life a dance on this knife, this is like a knife that holds someone's life in their hands, basically. Damocles.

A scalpel. A scalpel.

Yes, Erin, that is correct.

I didn't mean to say needle. I meant to say scalpel and I'm really embarrassed.

That's not a needle. This is a scalpel. If you're going to get acupuncture surgery, a needle's correct.

I would like to see the scene.

Please.

You two are doing surgery. You're probably like eight hours in. You're feeling a little tired. And then JPC, you're the head surgeon and you realize that maybe you used the wrong tool for something.

The neck bones connected to the stomach bone. The stomach bones connected to the fingers.

Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, I swear to God. Next surgery, I'm picking the music.

Okay, I'm just, I'm so tired I need something to keep you waiting.

Oh my god, yeah. This is eight hours in and we are... Okay, let's, you know what? Let's focus up, let's focus up. Okay. Let's finish this off. I feel like we're really coming around a corner.

She'll be coming around the corner when we cut, when we cut.

She'll be coming around the corner.

Uh, Jerry?

Yeah?

Yes, Ben?

I think I am missing a tool. Oh, wait. Your tool CD? Yeah, did you borrow my tool CD? We'll talk about this later. But I really do want that CD back. I have to throw it as far as I can from myself. You're not a tool fan.

Sing me one tool song.

Leave that blade in my hands, in my hands again. No? No? Yeah, you know, I took a guess. That's fuel, I believe. Maybe. I always get confused.

Speaking of hemorrhage, cut it right in time.

Okay, so Jerry, you know how we're trying to get our side business off the ground as well, but we're both respected surgeons? Ice cream. I think I may have left my ice cream scoop inside of this man.

Oh no. Well can we use that as a flavor?

Oh, now that's an idea. Okay, we're just spitballing here. What's inside of the person?

Guts, blood, viscera. Tumbling guts, mint. Viscera vanilla? Viscera vanilla?

Hey, I've been awake for several minutes.

Sure. Hi. Hi. You're dreaming.

Okay, good. Sing one tool song. Oh.

See, you're dreaming.

If you're awake, you'd know too. Please don't do mint. That's gross.

What?

Mint chocolate chip is one of the best flavors of that time, if not the best.

It's the only place it works.

While you're awake in the middle of the surgery, would you like any surgery samples? We'll do tiny surgeries on you with little pink spoons.

Ooh, I know this is gonna sound so crazy, but like I normally have like a vanilla or a chocolate or like a peanut butter craving. Do you have any like lemony?

Yeah, we have Lemony Snicket, which is Snickers in Lemon.

Oh God, I'd love to try that.

Yeah, of course. And what's your name just so when we make a flavor, we can honor you.

What's your name? Kid, John F. Kennedy.

J.F. Crunch. J.F.

K. Kid. J.F. K. J.F. No, we call it J.F. K., and it stands for Jelly French Fries Ketchup. J.F. K., Jesus fucking Christ. Guys with a K. Is that a tool song? Who knows?

Guys with a K and you're too late. You gave God a bad name.

Erin got the answer to that one. That was Scallopill. So we're going on to the next one. What building is the heaviest on a Sunday? Hey we were just talking about ice cream and now we're talking about Sunday. Adal you are corrected as church because of the extra mass.

Oh I like that one. This is the church.

See I like that one.

This is the steeple. Open the door and see all the people. I remember that. I don't go to church anymore.

This is the church. This is the peephole. Look at the pervert looking at everyone through that piece. Oh, take that communion. Yes.

A fun thing about our last live show is we talked about God and made fun of God so much. We even had a scene where God wanted people to walk in to see him pooping. And my friend, who's becoming a Jesuit priest, he's so nice. He was like, I'm going to watch this and I'm going to watch this in the main space of where all the priests sang out. So. Jesuit priests are not like totally going for like buying what we're selling. They thought some of it was funny. They thought the Noah scene was funny, but that's good. Yeah.

Jesuit is when an evil clown takes over Jesus's body.

All right. Now we've completely eviscerated in any relationship.

Look, I'll say this. If I'm not making Jesuit priests laugh, I don't know what I'm doing because that's my target audience. So if I can't win them over, I really got some stuff to rethink. Speaking of stuff that we have to think about, let's go and do another one of these riddles.

Here we go. Okay, hold on. I will say we've crossed the threshold where we do have to honorarily name Robert a part of the Hey Riddle Riddle team because this is so many riddles that they've written. Did they write them or just send them to us? These are all originals that they've tested out on their friends. Robert, this rules, and so you are an honorary member. That doesn't mean you get any say in our podcast. You get no money. And in fact, if you try and legally claim you were part of it, we'll delete this episode. But, enjoy it with us.

I'll throw it in the fucking trash. No, you know what? I think we should revisit this contract.

No, this whole podcast is now a Robert's Rules podcast, which means that we're going with Robert's Rules order of parliamentary procedures. I barely remember Robert's Rules. It's like the floor cedes time to a hoo boy. Sounds like a kid show. Hey, speaking of kid shows, why did the hacker break into the brewery? Now we're getting to these type of riddles, which, Robert, I applaud you because we're in 142 episodes so this is exactly what we're getting into now.

Why did the hacker break into the brewery? Yes, because it's the yeast he could do. Oh my God.

Okay. Hacker. I don't think you're going to get this one. So I will entertain a lot more of these Adal.

Okay.

Isn't like Hacker Shore or...?

He tried to rise to the occasion.

Interesting.

Okay. That one's a plug.

Is that like Hacker Shore type of beer or hacker?

Oh, I don't know. Maybe.

Do you want to make some extra dough?

Let's see, did Robert say anything about their... Robert might have a job in technology that would allow Robert to have an understanding of this pun. I think that maybe computer programmers are the like one.

Yeah, I know the answer. He was looking for a USB port. Love stark beers.

These are all good. I'm looking. Computer plus brewery pun is very good to me. IPA ISP. Internet purpose surprise.

Oh god, I got it, I got it.

Oh, Erin's got it.

No, I just want to get it.

Oh. Well, I will say, I think that it's probably unlikely that the two of you get this.

Because he didn't want to wine.

Mmm. Forget it. A brewery, Erin, is beer.

I know, but that's what I'm saying. That's why he didn't wine.

He didn't want to wine.

He didn't want to wine, so that's why the hacker broke into the... She was smart the whole time. Oh my gosh!

Alright, so when it's the pun, we need hacker and brewery. We need computer and beer.

She was a secret genius?

What? Wow! Grandpa, you're telling me she was a secret genius the whole time?

The whole time? Now that was 150 episodes of Hey Riddle Riddle. Now go back to sleep.

You woke me up for this?

He could barely contain himself. He... Why did the hacker break into the brewery?

So, I'll give you the answer guys, because it's, again, might be a little difficult to do this one. Why did the hacker break into the brewery to get root access? What's this now? Yeah, it doesn't matter.

No, you know what? I think a lot of our listeners will really love that. But we just are not smart enough, except the secret genius.

I want to see a scene. We do well with computer programmers. I want to see a scene. JPC, you own and operate a brewery. Erin, you come in to, you're the only person in the brewery that's been there for a long time. You come in to taste the little sample and you realize that everything that's being served is just root beer.

Wow. It's so nice in here. Wow. Hi. Hello.

Hello. I'm Glenn. Welcome to Brewtoberfest, which is a play on Oktoberfest. By the way, everything on the board is on tap and then we have our four seasonal specialties over here. Let me know if there's anything that I can get you.

I would like a flight of all your favorite things. I'm planning a wedding and I don't know much. I'm more of a wine girl myself, so I wanted to just get to know.

I will give you the entire experience. We will start here. This is obviously a brew that is not for everyone. This is one of our IPA stands for Imperial Pale Ale. It's going to be a very, very hoppy brew. In this one, you're going to get gentle hints of some fruit, wildflowers, and a little bit of root beer. So here you go. What? Try that. Now, again, if it's hoppier than you want, it's got a pretty strong kick.

I'm swirling it like wine. See, I don't know.

Just down the hatch. Yeah.

Okay, I like it. How do you like that? This tastes like a sleepover in 1999. I feel like I'm about to watch Spice World two times in one night.

Okay. Well, and that's also very strong. So if you want something, you know, a little lighter on the alcohol content, we can go down here. Now this is a port. So this is going to be a little darker, a little richer. It's going to have earthier tones, hints of root beer, and it's also going to have a nice finish, a nice flavorful fruity finish. Here you go. Try that.

Okay. And I'm tasting it. Wow. This tastes like rock bottom in more ways than one. Tastes like the restaurant. Tastes like not good. Don't like this one very much. What's next? Okay.

So this is hard to hear something like that on the second one. And I've got so many.

No, I have a terrible palate. I've been burning it off with wine.

I'm sorry to bother you. This is my dad. He's a little old fashioned. My name's Bark Simpson. I'm his son. And I just need to let you know, this is all root beer. There's no alcohol content in any of this.

Oh, I know.

Oh. Oh, okay.

Oh, good. I'm marrying... My fianc is one of the... What is the Briars? He's a Briar. Is that the name? Yeah, the silver cans. He's a Briars.

Oh, what's a Briar? Is that like a regional root beer that no one's ever fucking heard of?

Yeah, what the fuck? Hold on.

Do you mean he's like an A and W or do you mean he's like... No.

No, I don't. I know that he's a... Barks!

A Barks! Oh, a Barks! Like the name that I named myself?

Yeah, sort of complicated.

Yeah, Briars is an ice cream. He's a genius. He's been a genius the whole time. Are you telling me?

Yeah, you're a genius. I used to date the heir for mug root beer. And then Barks, I fell in love with, so I'm marrying a two-year family. Just don't tell anyone. He's famous. See?

Yeah, I won't. There's nothing more satisfying on a hot day than an iced mug of root beer. And I stand by that. Root beer is my favorite drink. How do you feel about a root beer float? Delicious.

I love root beer float. Delicious. I love the Ollie Pop root beer drink. It's like a prebiotic. It's really good for your tummy. And they make sodas that don't hurt your stomach as much. And the best flavor is far and away a root beer. But to have that with a little bit of ice cream is like an excellent root beer float.

I've never heard of them. Did they not advertise on podcasts? If you're listening to this and you have any connection to... What is it called here?

Holly Pop, it's so good. I so stand by that brand. I love it.

Send us an email. Send us an email, guys. Yeah, also if you're listening, and this is a big leap if you are, but Briar's Root Beer, if you're out there, please send us an email.

And this, again, this is a huge leap, but if you're out there and you're listening and you are Magic Spoon, I don't know why. It's a shot in the dark. I don't think you advertise much on podcasts. I hear you go on every single podcast. All right. Are you guys ready for this next one? Yes, please. Root access was that one. What part of a church is never the same? Oh, I like this one. Again, Robert's giving us some wordplay here.

The confessional.

Okay, what's the word play? You tell me Chief. You tell me tough guy, huh? That big boy wants to kill, what's the word play? Is it the pew?

Oh my god, you guys, they're gonna fight. Oh my god, this is the first fight we've ever had on Hey Riddle Riddle. Wow, they're fighting.

They're fighting. If I can just get out of these ropes, I'd fight you.

Alright, I'm untying both of your ropes and go.

I'm helping you fix that and go. Uh, yeah, Adal and I fighting is just licking each other's face like a dog. Yep. Alright, parts of a church. What part of a church is never the same? It's wordplay. It's a pun. It's kind of like a pun.

It's a pun. Okay, and it's not mass again. What part of a church is never the same? Um, so here are the parts of a church I know. Hey. I know the pew, I know the confessional. I know the... Altar. Altar. Oh, altered ego.

Yeah, it's the altar because it's always altered.

Oh, there it is. You guys have made me laugh so hard in this podcast, and I've laughed so hard in my time in Chicago, but no laugh has ever come close to a church laugh. Watching altar boys fuck up in various different ways at church on Sunday is where comedy lives. Comedy explodes out. from those moments. It's so good watching a tiny little altar boy trying to get a huge gold cross into the like where it belongs.

He's like, what's the thing where they have like, it's like a big old metal chain and then it ends with like a ball of potpourri and they have to light it on fire and then swing it around.

That's, I mean, they put incense in that, right? And then they just, they swing it around and it kind of like... What is that? I think it's for, I think it's for casting away demons.

Yeah, it's like a tetherball thing too.

Have you ever seen it in like The Exorcist? Church is a weird. Religion's weird. Hey, is it? Airplane food is also an interesting topic.

What's the deal with religions?

Okay, we have to finish out. Basically, it's a Robert's Rules episode, so we got to finish out Robert's riddles. Which flower will always be found in a regular horizontal arrangements?

Which flower will always be found in a regular horizontal arrangement? Robert loves wordplay. So it's a flower. Regular horizontal arrangement.

He was a secret genius the whole time.

Is this like white flour? Like it's a cake? No.

That's what I just said! She was a secret genius the whole time.

That's what Erin just said. It was incorrect. Oh, weird. That's like if I name myself Barks and then Erin said Barks.

I couldn't remember the name. I couldn't remember the name of the place.

Turnabout's Fair Play.

God, I only had Barks root beer at Christmas and my Aunt Jane's.

Don't blame me on Jane. She's a lovely woman. No, you're right.

She's the best. She has the thickest Boston accent of all of them, by the way.

We'll always be found in regular horizontal arrangements. What would you call like regular horizontal arrangements?

She called it box. She called it backdropia.

Box. Regular horizontal arrangement sounds like what a prude in 1930 calls sex. Finneas, you're home. It's time for our regular horizontal arrangements. Up the stairs we go to the, what flower? So flower, okay, so a rose, a lily. Yes, a rose.

Rose. It's Rose and Rose, like Rose horizontal arrangements, R-O-W-S and Rose R-O-S-E. Robert, look at the word play. Okay, here's the last riddle. I really like that one. This is Robert's last riddle of this email. Thank you, Robert. Who knows?

Thank you, Robert. You did such a good job.

What is the common biological action when the digits on your feet... Hold on. Oh man. I think that there may be like a misprint of this, but we'll read it as is and we'll play ball on the field. What is the common biological action when the digits on your feet to make reptile noises? Talon. This is a common biological action and it is also when the digits on your feet make reptile noises.

Point.

Hiss. Okay. Yes.

Hiss my pants.

Digits on your feet? Hey Riddle Riddle. Oh God. It doesn't matter.

Sorry, I'm sitting criss-cross applesauce in the toilet. My toes piss.

Oh I love that. She was a genius the whole time.

She was a genius the whole time.

Okay, well thank you so much for your email Robert and thank you so much for those riddles. We love you.

Can this episode be She Was a Genius the whole time?

Erin, if I remember, it will absolutely be the difference. And now it comes to my favorite part of the episode and it's the part where I check in with my fellow co-hosts about what's going on in their life and if they have anything in particular that they would just like to tell the world about. Erin, do you have anything that you would like to plug?

I would like to plug my Instagram Erin Keif 10 on Instagram and I love to go on podcasts and I'll try to fit going on a couple more before I leave but there'll be like two months where I can't but then starting back in July I'll be able to go on more but just as a heads up I won't be able to do much May through June because that's when I'll be moving.

Would you like to ask anyone else if they would like to?

Oh yes. Adal, would you like to plug something?

Yes please. I would like to plug a podcast I was recently on called Concept Podcast. I was on there I mean a couple episodes left. There's seven total. It's gonna live there.

It'll be there. I think you said four months. That sounds like a long time for a promo. No, I'm sorry. JPC, is there anything else you'd like to correct? None of this matters. No, I have two quick things to plug. One of them is a joke, one of them is real. The first one, which is the joke one. I want to plug my new Instagram. It's errantethken. And what it is, is it is just pictures. Of Kin dolls that I've superimposed Erin's teeth onto. It's one of the most horrific nightmares that you've ever seen in your life.

Yeah, then why am I so attracted to all of them?

I don't know. Here's what I'll say. I won't actually make this Instagram and I beg of you, please do not make this Instagram. Just don't. If you want to squad on it, just so no one else does it, I'm happy with that, but please don't make this Instagram. The other thing that I would like to plug, I've been getting into the "#54 podcast. It's a podcast about why and how much the Supreme Court sucks. I cannot recommend this podcast enough. It is a kind of just a depressing misery of really some pretty awful Supreme Court decisions over time, but the "#54 podcast, give it a listen. I really enjoy it.

Can I just say that sucks? I stood in line all day downtown to try and get Supreme Court. I know it's like a limited release. Regular court is fine, but Supreme Court with that logo is just like so fresh and so sweet. And I wanted to try and flip it for some money. What's the difference between regular and supreme? It's like pepperoni, green pepper.

And Jupiter. Goodbye.

Perfect. Now hold on, Erin. You say Jupiter, I say bye forever. Jupiter, say it. Hey there memories and lanes.

If you liked that, you are going to love this week's Patreon.

Erin plays the game Remember This, where we relive old episodes. You can listen to that, plus our entire back catalog, at Patreon.com slash Hey Riddle Riddle, by joining the Clue Crew for $5 a month, or the Review Crew for $8 a month. See you there! That was a hate gun podcast.