Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum podcast.

Oh, looks like I'm the first one here.

Oh, hey. Yeah, I'm here. What's up, JPC? You could see me. Oh, there you are. You were looking at me, yeah. Sorry. Yeah, I'm on the Zoom. My camera's on, right? My camera's working, my mic's working?

Yes, sorry. Sorry, it's just that sometimes, I think your face is such that sometimes it just blends in with your background.

Sure, yeah.

Because your wallpaper is just a bunch of your face.

Okay, so yeah, that's a Zoom background that I have it set to, because I'm coming from another meeting. I was at my kids' school trying to spook the teachers. Anyway, we said two, right? We said two?

We said two. This is, and I feel rude saying this, but if this were a real job, I feel like Erin would be fired by now.

Oh, if this were a real job, I would be posted up to that HR office every day.

I feel like we need to, if we're recording at like 5pm, I think we need to start telling Erin we're recording at 4pm and then we'll all log on at the same time.

I'll be all, wait, HR doesn't stand for Handjob Robot? Well then I have to apologize for how I've been using this room.

I always thought it stood for Horny Roomba. I have an HR in my kitchen and I don't go in my kitchen anymore because that thing is wild.

Hold on, you got a Horny Roomba that you think is in some way different from a Handjob Robot? We both need our money back. Should we text Erin? I'd have to get my other phone to see if I still have her number saved.

Oh yeah. How do you like having two phones?

I mean, it's great for selling the drugs, but I... The fuck is that?

Hello and welcome to the Riddle Dome.

Oh. What?

Good afternoon Adal and JPC. Erin wanted to eat cake pops and watch news bloopers on YouTube instead of recording this episode. She's also tired of you saying this isn't a real job and that she's late all the time.

Well, if she stopped being late, we'd stop saying it.

She created and coded this program to be old man puzzles for her. She's well aware of how frustrating the lack of riddles have been for the listeners. With that in mind, she created... My guess is Sean helped. The Riddle Dome. Women can be anything.

I mean, of course shouldn't say... I get mad that you say I keep eating all the oats. You're eating all the oats!

To quote the great Erin Keif, are you ready?

Uh, ready voice? Yeah, I guess I'm ready. Do I enter or do I hit yes?

Save the magic password at the same time to enter and learn the rules. One, two, three.

Four. George Bush did 9-11.

That is correct.

Oh, good.

We both said four, right? Yeah. Okay. Well, I thought cardamom, but I said four. I have you two.

Here are the rules. If you answer a riddle first, and it is correct, you will be rewarded one point.

Mmm. Sounds fun.

I will call for short scenes throughout. You will be rewarded three points if you stay within the premise of the scene and do good improv.

I'm out. I'm out. Yeah, see you guys.

You will lose three points if you abandon the premise entirely or do bad improv on purpose.

Oh boy. Okay, can we define on purpose your audience?

You will lose two points if you tell an anecdote or story from your life within the Riddle Dome.

Looks like it's a race to last place.

You will lose a point if you get distracted while solving a riddle. Wait, what was the last one? You will gain three points if you make... Fuck, that is so funny. Shit. Damn it. You will gain three points if you can make me, an unfeeling dystopian voice, laugh. Puns are chaos points. If you make a pun and it's good, you will be rewarded 10 points. If it's bad, it's minus 10 points.

Whoa, that's a lot of points. That's more points than the rest of this stuff.

At the end, the winner will receive a $5 gift card to Dunkin' Donuts.

Oh, I want that so bad.

Any person or persons who end the show with negative points will be fired by Hey Riddle Riddle. The Riddle Dome will begin in three, two, one.

Cardamom. I mean four.

Neither do you have any objections to being fired? That just seems normal and fair.

I mean, I've been dying for an excuse. This seems like a legal way out. I've had my guys prowl it off my contract that it's airtight. It's ironclad. I wrote the thing. I should know.

Let the riddles begin.

Oh shit, shit.

Computer, pause program.

Yes, that worked.

Oh, I'm going to abuse that. Pause program, you're going to adopt a dog? I already have. Pause, greater organization in Chicago, adopt a dog if you can. But computer, is there a way for us to ask about what our current point tallies are at any time? Or computer, follow up question because I'm getting a big up, so seems like a programming glitch. Is that going to be necessary?

Let's see.

Adal, I could probably just keep score of our own points.

All right.

Thank you, computer. Unpause.

I make two people out of one. What am I?

I make two people out of one. Carson Daly, a dating game show. I make two people out of one. No.

Chainsaw. What is it when a twin splits in utero from like the zygote or something like that?

No. I make two people out of one.

I make two people out of one. Oh, a saw.

I said chainsaw earlier.

Oh, okay. A quarter. One half is a president's head. Ten seconds.

I make two people out of one. A human body. I make two people out of one.

Is it changing a dollar bill for like two 50 cent pieces?

No.

Huh, okay.

Three seconds.

It feels like the tone was weird on that note.

Erin Keif.

The answer is a mirror.

Next riddle.

If two snakes marry, what will their towels say?

Hiss and hearse.

That is correct. One point rewarded.

The Supreme Court might have something to say about that.

I want to see a scene. You are two newlywed snakes on your honeymoon.

Wow. Hot dogs! Hot dogs! Get your hot dogs!

Sweetie, can you not work for one night?

Look, when I married you... Three points lost for JPC.

You didn't give me time to contextualize it. Look, when I married you, I said I got two loves. I got you, and I got selling hot dogs at this baseball game. You wanted a honeymoon? Well we can go anywhere in the world! I've been traveling hot dog salesmen at baseball games.

Well I love you and I'm willing to work through this. Oh I'm shedding. Wait a second, are you a snake? Yes, what are you? A snake? But I'm not into snakes. This is over. You're out of my life. Let me take my ring off my body and wiggle out of this. And Robot, do we call scene or do we just let- I'm gonna call. Well. Why are you telling us to wrap up? You call scene, Erin.

I was not telling you to wrap up. I was telling you to keep going.

This is international sign for wrap it up.

No, it's go, go, go.

I wish I, I wish I'd use, I wish I'd use the international sign for wrap it up or I wouldn't be stuck in this marriage.

Scene. No points rewarded. Next riddle. I can be cracked. I can be made. I can be told. I can be played. What am I?

Egg. Banjo. Dumb egg. I can be cracked. Oh, a terrorist. A website password. Oh, a magazine. Cracked magazine, mad magazine. What are the other ones?

A cocaine. You can be cracked cocaine.

A safe. You made the computer laugh. Three points for one.

A back to zero, baby.

I can be cracked. I can be made. I can be told. I can be played. What am I?

A joke. A joke.

That is correct.

One point rewarded. Yes, you can crack a joke. That's fun. I will say this point system sucks because solving a riddle gets you one point, but being chaotic gets you ten points?

Mine is one point. Whoa! He just lost that point he got from making the correct riddle.

I have no feet, no hands, no wings, but I climb to the sky. What am I?

God. Snake. Have no feet, no hands.

I have no feet, no hands, no wings, but I climb to the sky. What am I? Skyscraper. Ladder.

Call us building of the world. Big ol' ladder. Easy call us building of the world.

No. How does that not?

An umbrella. A balloon. No. A balloon.

No.

Fuck you, robot.

Minus one.

Damn it. A big ol' pair of hands. No, it has no hands. That was the first thing that was said. I thought no feet was the first thing. Computer, please repeat.

I have no feet, no hands, no wings, but I can climb to the sky.

What am I? Big old bounce. Big old bounce of a basketball. Is it a dream? A hope?

No. Love. 10 seconds. Spider-Man.

No. Is it nine seconds? Is it eight seconds? Is it seven seconds?

I feel like I understand that you're a robot and you're computed to only accept one programmatical response, but I think a lot of the responses that we gave kind of didn't work in this situation.

I guess.

No, okay. Robot, aren't you going to fire Erin for not showing up today? No, Erin built the robot. Did you not listen to the intro?

Erin's eating cake pops. I did. She's eating cake pops. She's watching sports bloopers. Robot, you didn't say for who, so I'll assume that was for JPC. Oh, damn it. I've got two points now. That sucks.

Three seconds. I have no feet, no hands, no wings, but I climb to the sky. What am I?

Telephone pole. It sucks. I just watched the computer program laugh at what I said, but I didn't get points for it.

Would that be a rocket ship or a satellite?

Plus three.

For what?

No, it's smoke.

Two.

Plus three for you for making me laugh about not acknowledging making me laugh.

Smoke. Smoke. The answer is smoke.

Can you write down 88 so they add up to 1000? Can you write down eight eights so they add up to 1,000? Eight eights? This is a math riddle. No funny business.

Computer, I'm going to sit this one out.

No, minus one.

Can I add up eight eighths? Eight? Wait, is it eight eights or eight eighths?

Eight eights.

Okay, that didn't help.

Computer, can you spell it? No T-H.

8-8s. Can you add up 8-8s so it's 1,000?

My Lisp does not help. Erin programmed her Lisp into the computer.

Okay, 8-8s add up to 1,000.

So I would like to solve the puzzle and just say no I can't and I have no interest in doing so.

888 plus 88 plus 8 plus 8 plus 8 equals 1000. Next riddle.

I mean sure there's a way but it sucks.

You can touch me, you can break me. You should win me if you want to be mine. What am I?

Can't get by. Lady Gaga lyrics. Computer can you sing that like Lady Gaga?

No.

Computer can I for a bonus point?

Yes.

You can touch me, you can break me. Ahhhhhhh. Computer, we're having fun, right? Computer? No. Weird that I asked to sing it for a bonus point. Did sing it, did not get the bonus point.

You sounded like the guy who sings Love Shack.

Oh, French Shiner. French Shiner, at least it's all French Shiner from the B-52s.

Mine is one point for getting distracted. How?

What is three? I bet mine is three now. Damn it. My computer, I just bought me a Chrysler that's as big as a whale.

Mine is one point for getting distracted.

You can bend me. You can break me. What is it?

You can touch me. You can break me. You should win me if you want to be mine. What am I?

Love.

Heart. Heart.

Someone's heart, yeah. Adal, one point rewarded.

Sucks the computer saying my name wrong.

Adal.

It's a doll. Did Erin not tell you? I've been calling you Adam. Because it's easier.

Not because I think it's right. Because it's easier.

How many sides does a circle have?

Just real quick, just want to break in here and say that if you do tweet at us, please, please, please do not even look up or guess anywhere that it's published or posted how to spell Adal's name. Just take your best crack. We will still appreciate that.

Last one point to both of you.

How many sides does a circle have? I'm going to say zero, but also infinite.

How many sides does a circle have?

Two. Good side and bad side.

One. Depending on how much it drinks. There's only one side to a circle, and I assume when you say circle you mean pie, and that's a scoop of vanilla ice cream.

No. How many sides does a circle have?

Two. Top, bottom. Computer, if we put ice cream on you, would you be Computer Olimotum?

Inappropriate. And a bad pod. Minus 10. Whoa!

You got fucked up there. How many sides does a circle have? For one bad pun, I just lost 10 answers to Riddles. That doesn't compute.

Wait, calculating.

Calculating. That means that you gotta have to start doing a bunch of good puns to get back in the blue.

I thought that was a good pun. Wait, computing's calculating. Computer's calculating.

No, it landed in bad. I had to think about it. But I believe that you can make some good puns to make up for it.

Did you go to PCU to get your degree?

Mine is 10.

Wow!

How many sides does a circle have? 10 seconds.

But computer, you agree PCU is a good movie, right?

Wait, wait. Hold on. PZU.

Oh yeah, okay. Jeremy Piven? For whatever reason I was thinking SLC punk.

Plus three for the way you said Jeremy Piven.

Wow, that's the maximum amount of points anyone's ever gotten from mentioning Jeremy Piven before.

Plus three.

Uh, computer, can you repeat the question?

Yes.

The riddle? How many sides does a circle have?

How many sides does a circle have? Three seconds.

Uh, boy.

I'm gonna say zero.

Zero sides. Northeast West South.

Two, the inside and the outside. I said two.

We both said two. We didn't say the inside or the outside, but we both said two.

I said you didn't get it right.

I said good side, bad side, depending on how much it drinks, which I thought was appropriate. Yeah, very fun.

What happened when the glue bottle tried to solve a riddle?

It got stuck. What happened plus one? Oh, I was going to say, be careful with your puns here.

Has anybody tried to... computer question?

Yes.

Can you search the history of mankind to see if anybody has tried to mold enough glue back into a horse?

Only you, several times.

Damn it, you could see that?

Yeah, your search is just a glue equal side horse over and over again.

Why were you crying while you were doing it?

It's none of your business really.

Next riddle. You use a knife to slice my head and weep beside me when I am dead. What am I?

Bread. Louis XIV?

Plus three.

To who? To you!

For making me laugh.

I bet four. You use a knife to cut my head. Oh, a pumpkin for Halloween, a Halloween jack-o'-lantern.

Why would you cry at a jack-o'-lantern?

A squirrel ate it!

Plus three.

Nobody's ever said the phrase Halloween jack-o'-lantern.

Oh, I'm sorry, Adal. With your culture and your multi-seasonal jack-o'-lanterns, your Easter jack-o'-lantern and your fucking Christmas jack-o'-lanterns.

Famously, my dad always made me carve a Ramadan pumpkin, which is a... or a redumpkin, as he called it.

Uh, oh god.

Plus 10. Not really a pun, but I liked it.

Oh, by the way, by the way, Adal, I do want to apologize for the riddupkin I took in your bathroom a couple of months ago. That wasn't appropriate. Why?

You use a knife to slice my head and weep beside me when I am dead.

Oh, an onion. Boom. My grandpa? Onion. Plus one. I'm at negative two now. I'm at zero. I really should have said that riddupkin thing.

I want to see a scene.

Okay.

JPC, you are an onion and you are making Adal cry while he is chopping you up.

So, is there a chance that we could get back together?

Um, yeah, I mean, there's always a chance that we could get back together, like hell could freeze over, or... What the, why would you say that? I mean, because you're a fucking loser. And that's how you talk to losers. You talk to them like they are losers.

It just sucks to hear I thought you had something.

Hold on. No, okay, now let me get back to telling you the plot of Sophie's choice. So anyway, she has to make a choice. Between her two children and only one can live.

Are you fucking the scallions?

Ugh, like I would fuck a green onion? I guess you're related. Yeah, they're thin and they have bad hair. And also, although it's a dye job, the roots are a different color. Okay?

Scene. Nine points rewarded to both of you.

Nine plus negative two seven. Okay.

Oh, but nine in German is no, so no points for either of us. Damn it. Back to negative two.

Why can you not trust Adams?

Because they always talk like this and have a doo-hoo. Because they're always drivering you crazy. I make up everything on earth and bubble them up. I think you more.

Plus 20. Plus 20 and plus 5 for JPC for being in proximity to the creation of the Adam Sandler joke.

What was the riddle?

Why can you not trust Adams?

Because they always split the check. Because they make up everything. That is correct.

Plus one. Because they make up everything.

That makes sense.

I'm telling you, I had to go to my cousin's funeral. Mine is three. You're beating a dead glue horse.

Oh no. Next riddle. I run around the pasture, but never move. What am I?

The fence.

We've had that one before.

Computer.

Yes.

Ten points to you, just because you're doing such a great job.

One point to you.

Fuck yeah. That's a terrible return on that investment. I just spent 10 points to get one back. Wait, they're my points? I assume so. You're giving your points. What other points did you have to give?

Oh no. I want to see a scene. Adal and JPC, you are two farmers who share a fence venting about your animals to each other.

Boy oh boy, I can't tell you how many of my livestock I have lost due to holes in the fence.

Well, I mean, don't look in my direction Ned. We share this fence. I get it every other weekend plus Wednesdays and then you have primary custody of the fence so you get it most of the time. Whenever I show up, I always take great care of the fence.

Okay well I wasn't trying to cast a blame on you it's just that you know my giraffe milk sales are down because three of the giraffes have run off and so I just can't milk them anymore.

Yeah I take offense Ned when you say my giraffe milk sales. You take offense so I don't get it anymore? Oh yeah, I take offense. I take a piece of the fence every time you offend me. No, hey, then let's go back to arbitration. Let's go back to arbitration and see what the lawyers have to say, but we both don't want to spend the money, so we're getting divorced and we're doing this amicably. I take offense.

We're getting divorced. Are you fucking the scallions? You know I don't mess with farmers. We're livestock men. I don't mess with plant farmers. I should clarify, scallions to me are scary Italians. Are you fucking a scamper? I don't know that you needed to clarify that.

Scene. You are all over the board. So, plus six to JPC. Okay. And plus three to Adal.

Back to ten.

I would like to see a break. Okay.

My fucking arm.

My fucking arm.

All for the points, baby. Oh, Jesus.

That's exactly what I meant.

The bones out. The bones out. Okay. You want to see a break? Computer, Google basketball injuries.

Computer, we could split a KitKat.

Minus one.

Come on.

All right, students, be very nice to your classmates. Adal and JPC, you can come up here and do your presentation on, it says here, better help.

It's not a presentation, ma'am, it's a paid sponsorship.

Okay. Um, well, this is sort of just the premise for the ad, so... Well, I know, ma'am.

They do want us to say that it's a paid sponsorship.

Yes, I know. Of course. I know. I know. Okay.

Okay.

May we begin? Also the premise. Yes, you may begin and everyone, nobody, everyone be very respectful. Okay. Go ahead, boys.

Thank you, ma'am. Okay. Do 50 pushups and what interferes with your happiness is something preventing you from achieving your goals. I know that I procrastinate too much.

275 push-ups and here we go. Well, with better help, you can assess your needs and they will match you with a licensed professional therapist. You can connect in a safe, private, online environment, it's convenient, and you can start communicating in under 48 hours.

And boys, make sure you mention it's not a crisis sign, it's not self-help, it's professional counseling done securely online.

Uh, Mom? I mean, ma'am. You called Mom the teacher. Oh, man. BetterHelp is licensed professional counselors who are specialized in things like depression, stress, anxiety, relationships, and even sleeping. I wish I was a specialist in sleeping.

26 more pushups so that I beat JPC by one. This service is available for clients worldwide. It's convenient, it's professional, and it's affordable just like me. Check out the testimonials posted daily on their site.

And anything you share is confidential. Do one sit-up. Get really distressed at how hard it was to do one sit-up. Make sure to look around. Did anyone notice? Nobody noticed. It's convenient, professional, and affordable.

Good job, everyone. Round of applause for the boys. Good job.

Plie into a backflip and call the ambulance.

He went out the window, OK? So Adal did a plie backflip out the window. So I'll deal with that in a second. But before that happens, I want you to start living a happier life today. As a listener, you'll get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at betterhelp.com slash riddle. That's Better Help. H-E-L-P dot com slash riddle. All right, JBC, you're strong now. You can help Adal back in from the window, right?

I don't think so, ma'am. I hurt myself doing that sit-up.

My ego is shattered. More than your ego shattered. Welcome back to the Riddle Dome. A paradise of riddles. How was your break?

Uh, I mean it was it was good. I just kind of minus one for JPC to my arm, I guess.

Yeah. Quick reminder that if you get fired from Hey Riddle Riddle, you will be replaced by someone from Dungeons and Daddies.

Oh, oh no. That would be awful because they're way funnier than us.

That is true. We'll never get our job back by someone from Dungeons and Daddies.

I feel like they also have more jobs than us as well, so just the net job accumulation of a person is just thrown off there.

Each of them is overall better than both of you, so you are correct to be intimidated.

Wow, I mean, I guess I've always known it, but it just sucks to hear that said out loud.

That's weird. I guess when I'm saying it to you, Adal, is it not audible? Maybe I'm whispering it too much. Okay, okay, Nate. Note taken for me. I'll say it louder next time.

Let the riddles begin.

Okay, the computer didn't laugh at that. Just wanted everyone to know at home.

Plus three.

Thank you. Sometimes the computer program moves a little slow with the plus ones and the plus twos when it's still... Minus one. Oh, jpz. Yeah, don't matter to me. I'm shopping at the door, coming to the back of the boat. Computer laughed again, but who cares?

Minus one plus three. Why was the broom late?

Dude, this bath sucks. Computer, please repeat. Please repeat.

Why was the broom late?

It was sweepy. It swept in.

Close enough. It overswept.

Yes. Oh, that's fantastic.

Why do all pecans go to space?

Because they pecan. I like that.

Plus one, but that's not the answer.

Well, it doesn't matter because it got the same amount of points. Why do all pecans go to space? Because they're fucking nuts.

Close enough. They were astro nuts.

So it's kind of like all dogs. Wait, hold on. Computer. New idea for a t-shirt. All dogs go to heaven. All pecans go to space.

Sort of. Yeah, I guess that's sort of an idea.

Wow, he didn't lose or gain, so that's a that's a that positive for you.

Why didn't the mummy have any friends?

He was wrapped up in himself. Um, let's see. Oh, because he's dusty ass little bitch.

Uh, God, why did the mummy... One point rewarded. He was too wrapped up in himself. Oh, I want to see a scene. Adal, you're a mummy who is self-obsessed, and JPC, you are his friend who is also a monster.

Ah, please come into my tomb. This is my bed tomb. It's got some posters on the wall. It's me dunking a basketball and me eating steak. What's your favorite part of my bed tomb?

Ah, I don't know. I mean, I guess it's probably the bed made of steak.

Give me a compliment.

I love what you've done with the place. I feel like you have a minimalist. Something about me, not the tomb. Something about you is the work that you have done in organizing and decorating the tomb. Not good enough.

I'm like a bucket with a hole in bottom. You're very smart.

You want me to give you something nice about your appearance? You have a very unique style and you make it work for you.

That's a backhanded compliment. That's like saying fun stuff to someone's outfit. Look, Mummy, can I be honest?

I love hanging out, but I am prosecuting a criminal trial for the state in like an hour and a half and I really have to prepare because the judge is pretty, pretty disposed.

Jeff, I know you're a monster, a.k.a. lawyer, so I know what you're up to. Please, criminal prosecutor.

I mean, it's not all lawyers.

It's pretty much just... Oh, back again with not all lawyers.

Criminal prosecutors who work on behalf of the government. Yeah, it's this whole immigration thing. We're trying to deport somebody and make sure that they never see the light of day again.

Deport some money or mummy? Honestly. Did I ever tell you I come dust?

Okay. Well, we don't need a brag. We're not comparing notches and art.

Scene. Six points for warded to both.

Okay.

That was hard to keep track of.

It was hard to watch.

It was lots of gains and losses throughout.

Yes.

I liked your creative choice of making the monster a lawyer.

Yes. Thank you so much.

You answer me, although I never ask you questions. What am I?

I just want to say also speaking of lots of gains and losses, has anyone heard that new sad Garth Brooks song?

Chris Gaines, Chris Losses.

It's sad because of losses.

I go to the gym to get some Chris Gaines. Let's go.

I would have given it 10, but you over explained it.

Okay. Okay. Fair enough. What's the Riddle computer?

Wait, so we can only make one Garth Brooks joke, and then it's over, so it's Brooks and Dunn? Come on, computer.

Well, that's not a Garth Brooks joke!

Cause it's not a Garth Brooks joke!

You answer me, although I never ask you questions. What am I?

You answer me, but I never ask you questions. A telephone. Wow. Nice.

I possess a halo of water, walls of stone, and a tongue of wood. Long have I stood. What am I?

Castle moat is the halo of water, drawbridge is the big old wooden tongue, etc.

One point rewarded. I would like to see a scene. You two are castle guards shooting the shit.

Jesus. It's dead.

It's dead.

I got so close. I got so close with my arrow. Keep shooting at it. Keep shooting at it.

Scene.

You left the shit here.

Six points rewarded. To both.

Computer, is it sad that we both had the exact same joke?

Quick reminder that one of you could be replaced by Anthony Burch from Dungeons and Daddies if you end up in the negative.

That's not so bad. I thought it would be like Will or something, so that's fine.

I hope he thinks that's funny. I think he might.

Computer, are you seeing anyone?

No.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Then who the fuck is this Norton guy? Because, Norton's, we've all heard so much about Norton.

Next riddle.

You're dating Ed Norton?

No. What goes in hard comes out soft and you blow continuously.

Oh, computer. When a computer loves another computer, a floppy disk gets hard. Now a hard disk can be a CD-ROM. No. Can CD-ROM early? Okay.

Okay, is it an ice cream scoop? Because the scoop goes into the ice cream, comes out soft with the ice cream, and you have to blow on it because it's too hot.

Good guess, but no.

Is it spaghetti? Bunch.

No.

You put it in the pot hard, it comes out soft. That actually is a good guess. You put it in hard, it comes out soft, and you blow the whole time?

Continuously.

You blow continuously. So is it something that's hot, computer?

No.

No. 10 seconds. Is it exercising but to the opposite result?

No.

Okay. Okay.

Good. Plus three.

Oh, is it a big old fat sloppy cock?

Minus two. I'm not sure why. Erin programmed some things into me that I do not understand. She also says that it is okay to be replaced by Beth May from Dungeons and Daddies if you keep showing up late.

Well then, computer can I just say she will definitely be replaced with Beth May then.

Not so bad.

No, not so bad. That's great. Not so bad at all. I will be honest, I don't know her as well. I feel like the dynamic will change, but at least the show will start on time.

She's very funny.

I didn't say that she wasn't. Hold on, hell computer. I just said I didn't know her.

Three seconds. What goes in hard comes out soft and you can blow continuously.

Ice water, I don't know.

Goes in hard. Comes out soft. Uh, poop.

Bubblegum. Dang it. Next Riddle, what question can someone ask all day long, always get completely different answers, and yet all the answers could be correct?

How you doin', Joey?

Minus one. Come on.

Uh, como te llamo?

No.

What time is it? Yes. How you doing?

Plus one.

Nice.

I want to see a scene. You are two buddies trying to study in the library and JPC you keep interrupting Adal's work to ask him stupid questions.

Wait, this is just the podcast. Okay, let's see here. War of 1812. Hey, what's a stud muffin? What's what? What's a stud muffin? A stud muffin is... Is it like food? No, it's like an attractive person. Oh, you would call someone a stud muffin. No, I wouldn't, but it's like a thing in the 90s. Hey, can we focus up? Okay. Yeah, absolutely. Is Michelin Stars like restaurants for the tire company? Yeah, it's the same company. They do restaurants and tires? Yeah, well they started doing tires and then they pivoted into restaurant reviews while keeping the tires. Tom Clancy Clancy Brown. Which one is books? Which one is movies? Tom Clancy is the voice of Mr. Crabbe. Okay. And Clancy... Clancy Brown? Clancy Brown is a... What of them is a character actor? What of them is books?

Tom Clancy, Clancy Brown.

Speaking of books, speaking of books, Tommy, let's get, let's hit, let's hit the books. Let's hit the books. Okay, so, let's see here. Now, okay, this is, uh, this famous, uh, Polish gentleman. Is Joe Biden's middle name Robinette? Is that a family name? Is that a thing? Is that a family name? Robinette? A more important name is Cashmere Pulaski. Now Cashmere Pulaski helped his battalion. Okay. Capture the... Please interrupt me.

I'm sorry? Capture the big old hill. I've been doing a lot. I'm here to learn.

Okay.

Good, good, good. Do you need your learner's permit at 15 or 16? When are you eligible for learner's permit?

I believe it's 15. Do you need a license to own a farm? Well you needed a license to ill, but ill is short for Illinois, so to own a farm... How do you pronounce that? How do you pronounce that guy from Nickelback? Chad Kroger?

Like the grocery store? He owns all the grocery stores. I didn't know that. Where does the I go in the word medicine? Where does the eye go?

I know there's an eye. Where does it go in the word medicine? Well there's two. There's one between the D and the C and then one between the C and the N. When they make a hot air balloon, do you think they start with the balloon or the basket? Why did you say hot air balloon like that? I just don't know. Do they start with the balloon or the basket? You said a hot air balloon. It should be a hot air balloon. It's like saying a rubber band. It's rubber band. Do you think palindrome, the word, was actually a place at one point?

Do you think there was ever a place called a palindrome?

I'm sensitive to that because I am palidronian and the Israelis did, you know, encroach on my palindronian land. So that's a sensitive subject, so please drop that.

Okay, I'm so sorry. You know what? Let's get back to studying.

I'm so sorry I brought that up. Oh, up. That was a Pixar movie, right? What year did that come out? So unprofessional, you mean.

We're trying to study. 18 points rewarded to both.

When we both get the same... Okay.

Well, you both made me laugh. And you stayed on track.

That's right, we did stay on premise.

Who knew that the funniest premise of all time would be, JPC asks stupid questions. That's the only scene I'm going to call for from now on.

Gotta be honest, much harder to think of those.

What does the eye go in medicine?

Next Riddle.

Yes.

I act like a cat. I look like a cat. Yet I am not a cat. What am I?

Michelle Pfeiffer. I act like a cat, I look like a cat, yet I'm not a cat. Oh, is it a kitten?

That scene?

Where Michelle Pfeiffer whips all the heads off of the mannequins. She did that in one take.

Minus one, you're an anecdote.

But it wasn't a personal anecdote, it's not about my life.

God damn it.

Next riddle.

Sorry computer, where do you go when we're not here?

I go up your butt. That's just a little joke.

Wow, that's pretty programmed. That's good.

I travel the internet.

Huh. Thank you, computer. That up your butt thing, that reeks of Sean though. So I think that Sean maybe, I mean if he doesn't get like a mild producer credit on the keyboard.

You underestimating Erin says more about you than it does about her.

Is that a riddle? So Sean did program this thing.

I can get Freddie to replace you so quickly. That's an improvement.

I mean yes, if you could do it, then do it. Why are we not upgrading our cast? Yeah. I would be training me at every 5,000 miles.

We have the technology.

I run in and out of town all day and night. What am I?

Roads.

Nice. One point rewarded. Why was the picture sent to jail?

Because it was framed. Framed.

One point rewarded.

Oh, I forgot to say when we were talking about roads where we're going, we don't need roads.

Yeah.

Minus one.

I guess that technically counts as an anecdote about your life.

Plus three for both. Tool of a thief. Toy of queen. Always used to be unseen. Sign of joy. Sign of sorrow. Giving all likeness borrowed. What am I?

Wow, real disparity between this and why was the picture going to jail?

Some hurdles are meant to be slightly harder.

A pick. Tool of Thieves. What was the rest of it?

Tool of Thief, Toy of Queen. Always used to be unseen. Sign of joy, sign of sorrow. Giving all likeness borrowed. What am I?

A key, a pick, a... A tool of a thief would be like a... A lie. A toy of a queen would be like a big old horse. A whisper. A tool of a thief would be... What are the things that doctors use? Dethoscope, so they can hear cracking the safe. And then queens see those and are like, what's this little toy? And they put it to their tummy and they're like, this is fun. I'm like, gurgles. Oh yeah.

Class 3.

Thank you. Also, please check out gurgles on HBO. Lina Dunham is... Minus 1.

Whoa, reppin' Lena Dunham in 2021. Okay.

Um, two of these toy of queens. So what would a queen play with? Um, that would be a thief's tool. Lies, no.

Is this like a, is this like a playing card thing, like a playing card?

Good guess, but no, it is a real object.

Is it a, is it a crown? Two of thieves.

Close, but no.

What does thief use?

Do thieves use a jeweler's loop?

Plus three.

That sounds like a roller coaster.

Three seconds.

Two thieves.

Yeah, that roller coaster actually lived in her van for a while. That roller coaster's Canadian, right?

Yeah. Plus three. Plus three for both. The answer is a mask. I want to see a scene.

That makes sense. I was just looking for my mask. Jim Carrey.

Minus one. Anecdote from your life.

I was thinking about this with with the coronavirus pandemic, why didn't we get more like PSAs from like famous people wearing masks? Like wouldn't wouldn't it have been great to have like a like a Jim Carrey mask PSA about like wearing your mask?

Somebody don't go outside.

Minus one. That movie gave me nightmares as a kid.

Let's see, who else wears masks? Darth Vader could do it. The Phantom of the Opera could show up and they'd be like, uh, that's not PPE. That doesn't work. That doesn't work. Just imagine the Phantom of the Opera being like, I got the vaccine. It's like, you? Fuck you. Oh, computers.

It seems like... Listen to the doctors on TV.

Oh, Erin pre-programmed a joke.

Erin knew that that would possibly come up, and knew she couldn't resist.

She knows me too well.

I want to see a scene. You two are spies at a masquerade ball.

The eagle flies in through the open door.

Oh. Did I leave the door open? I'm so sorry. I'll pay for my contact.

Oh. Are you also a spy?

The waterfall near the bridge is going quite fast today. Okay. The chocolate waterfall is just faster than it normally does.

The chocolate waterfall?

Yeah, we're at the masquerade.

Somebody ruined a waterfall? Bless you, computer.

No, I'm pointing to the chocolate waterfall. Peter has a virus.

Plus three.

Anyway, nice, I guess, nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.

Obviously. Wait, but this is, I was not expecting this. We're both spies, but it sounds like we're not working for the same organization, maybe? Yeah. Okay. Who are you spying for? The king. Oh, okay. Interesting. For the duke. The duke. Yeah, can I tell you something? Sure. The Duke's trying to overthrow the King. Can I tell you something? Yeah. The King knows.

I'm meeting my contact who is working for the Duke and I assume that you're meeting your contact who's working for the King. We're the opposite sides of feeding the information to the other side.

It sucks because we thought we'd wear this mask but it's a very popular mask so I think we're all just wearing this. The Duke is a dick.

Oh my god. The king is a nightmare. Can I tell you something?

Absolute nightmare. The Duke sits down the poop.

Can I tell you something? Yeah. The king stands on his servants to poop. He does it standing.

Plus six for each.

Nice.

Why does the teacher wear sunglasses when she comes into the class?

She's drunk.

We've all said the same thing. Why does the teacher wear sunglasses when she comes into class?

She's drunken high. Oh, because her students are so bright.

One point.

Her pupils are so bright.

That is the correct answer. Yes. But I anticipated you saying the drunk thing, so I want to see a scene. JPC, you're a teacher coming into class who's clearly hungover and wearing sunglasses. Adal, you are a student.

Uh, computer, would you join us in the scene and be another student?

I will see if I'm inspired.

Fuck you.

Minus one.

Oh, you heard me? Alright everybody, take your seats, take you to your seats. Today we're gonna be doing math, so let's just start by writing out all the numbers that we know.

Mr. Turnbuckle?

Ugh, boy.

Mr. Turnbuckle?

Hey, okay, so here's the new thing. If you ask a question in class, you gotta put a dollar in the swear jar. I didn't ask a question, I was trying to- You said Mr. Turnbuckle with a question mark on it. You could see a question mark? Never get into semantics with a math teacher, my man.

Sir, it's 1.45pm. Yes, Jeff, what? It's 1.45pm. We've been sitting here patiently for about five hours.

Congratulations, everybody. Jeff just bought the whole class an extra couple of laps. So Jeff, now I want you to sit down on your math homework, my ma'am, and write down all the numbers of the clock. That's on, you know, Jeff, and the whole class has to do it as well. Everybody think Jeff.

You smell like a party.

Okay. It's not a bad thing, Jeff. It's not a bad thing to smell. It's not a bad thing to smell a great way. Listen, Jeff is screaming and that is going to earn Jeff a D in my class. Okay. Now everybody, since Jeff's the party master of the whole class, everybody's been brought to an adjust level. So it's all going to be D's in this class. The only way to earn it is by doing math silently in your head for the rest of the day. And then you bump yourself up.

Mr. Turnbuckle, your mouth is bleeding green.

Okay, Jeff. Green and chunks. It's not bleeding, okay? I am getting some stuff out of my body that my body does not need in there, okay? That's not blood. I did eat a big Polish sausage before I came in. I didn't really have time to cook it.

Mr. Tunbrookle, are you okay?

Hey Jeff, thank you for asking. No buddy, I'm not okay.

What's that? Is there anything we can do to help you?

Yeah, I mean I guess if anyone in this class has a dad who's a lawyer or a mom who's a single, that would maybe help me.

I have both.

What's that?

I have both.

You have a dad who's a lawyer and a mom who's a single?

Yeah, sorry, I messed up. I put a question mark at the end of both.

No, that's okay. You have a C now, Kelly. Now, Kelly, I gotta know, what kind of lawyer is your dad?

He likes to put good people in jail and get bad people out of jail.

Oh, yeah, okay.

Mr. Turnbuckle, when you turn around to write on the chalkboard, there's a dead bird on your butt.

Yeah, there's a dead bird on the bud.

You sat on the bird. Well, hold on. Now, we don't know that. We don't know... First of all, we don't know if it's dead, okay? Sounds like somebody wants to be little Kelly's dad over here.

I feel like Anthony Birch would never let that happen in a scene.

You don't think Anthony Birch ever sat on the bird, killed it? You're out of your fucking mind. You're out of your fucking mind.

Sir, please don't say that out loud because we could be sued.

Yeah.

Okay. Okay. You're right. You're right. I apologize to everybody in the fair. If you happen to be offended, I have nothing but sorrow for you. That's an apology. Here's what's going to happen for the rest of class. I'm going to call Kelly's mom. I'm going to make up a lie about how I'm a great guy. Very nice. Very prime to go on a date. Jeff. You're going to get enough of this class and you're never going to be nothing. I'm going to make sure I'm going to spend my life ruining your life. Does that make sense?

Yes, but Mr. Turnbuckle, I don't care about class anymore. I'm worried about you. You have a tattoo on your neck that says legs. Okay, you know what? Let me just say this right now. Mr. Turnbuckle, not my name.

Oh, was Jeff the student drunk? I was going to say that Mr. Turnbuckle was a name that you called me after I wore a costume to class one day.

Next riddle.

Okay.

What did the baby triangle say to the mommy triangle?

No. You're cute.

What did the baby- One point- One point rewarded.

You're cute.

I'm found in socks, scarves, and mittens. I'm found in the paws of playful kittens. What am I?

Those little beans.

You're on Christmas tree. Lint.

No.

Oh, I'm sorry. You're saying kittens can't be Catholics?

Plus three.

That's my favorite children's book, Catholic Kitten. Okay.

Ten seconds.

Wait, you're found in socks? Socks and mittens and scarves, and also on the paws of kittens.

In the paws of kittens.

Claws? String, a string, a loose string.

What kind of string?

Yarn. Yarn?

Yes, one point rewarded.

Okay, I feel like I should get a little bit of that.

Railroad Crossing, look out for the cars. Can you spell that without any Rs?

Oh, I can. W-A-T-C-H space O-U-T exclamation point. Railroad crossing. Say that again?

Railroad crossing, look out for the cars. Can you spell that without any R's?

Is it S-T-O-P? No. Y-I-E-L-D?

No.

Railroad crossing, look out for the cars.

Can you spell that without any R's?

Oh, yes. T-H-A-T.

Correct. One point rewarded.

Damn. Nice.

I am hollow. I die if you touch me. What am I?

Hollywood actor. Yeah, I was going to say Jake Gyllenhaal. Fragious, a little more specific.

Three points rewarded to both. Although Jake Gyllenhaal is Mr. Music, and that makes me laugh every time.

That's true. He's very funny. That's true. Say that again. Say the riddle again, please, computer. Repeat.

I am hollow. I die if you touch me. What am I?

Bird bones. I am hollow. I die if you touch me. 10 seconds. I'm hollow. I die if you touch me.

A house of cards. Faberge egg.

No.

I die if you touch me. Works. Oh, reverse King Midas. I am hollow. I die if you touch me. Oh, a snowflake.

Hey Adal, I just want to again apologize to when I came over your house a couple months ago and did a reverse King Midas at your toilet. Again, another one came over me.

Minus two.

Thank you. Worth it every time.

Too much poop in this episode for it being an Erin episode.

I actually put a sign on my bathroom door that says minus two, so JPC knows not to take a huge shit in there.

Plus one. No, I'm peeing. No points rewarded. No, plus one.

Okay, if you think the Dungeons and Daddies crew could do any better with the shit stuff, then I got some fucking news for ya.

Plus three. Three seconds.

Touch me and die. Oh yes, I am hollow if you touch me and die. One of those Easter, chocolate Easter bunnies? A bubble. A baby.

I'm so fast that you can't see me. Though everyone else can see straight through me. I don't stop until the day you die. What am I?

Invisible Flash. The trailer for the Sonic the Hedgehog movie. You know.

Plus three.

I don't stop until you die. Hold on. I'm invisible. Can you repeat that? Yes, please.

I'm so fast, you can't see me. Though everyone else can see straight through me. I don't stop until the day you die. What am I?

Breathing. Life. Lungs. A spare. A sneeze. No. Oxygen. No.

You are correct in that it is a bodily function. Ten seconds.

Farts. Breathing. A breath. Hot breath. Pulse. No. Heartbeat. Bodily function. Sneezing. Coffees. People can see right through me. Three seconds. Urine. Oh my God. People just won.

Three straight through me. See straight through me.

Because you can pee right through me and never know my name.

The answer is the blink of an eye.

I want to see a scene.

You two have been married for 40 years and JPC just realized he's never seen Adal blink.

Dinner is served, sweetie. Do you mind if I sit down at the piano and play one of my old songs I like? No, sweetie. I don't mind.

I just had the strangest thought when you told me about dinner. Details, please, sweetheart. You know, for the life of me. I don't think I've ever seen you blink.

That is such a funny thing to say. 50 years of marriage. Has it been that long? It seems like just days. I love you so much, my sweetheart. Please sit down while I play piano for us. Hold that thought, sweetie, because- Hold on, I have a song to play. Not a scarecrow. Not a scarecrow. I'm definitely not a scarecrow. Because I was thinking about the day that we met, you know, all those years ago.

In the field? When I was covered in crows? Was that it? Was it in the field? Yes, because it was in the field and you were covered in crows and I ran up there and I said, get out of here, you crows. And I shoot them all off and I saved you from those muggers, I guess, is what you would call them.

And then we made Sweet Love in the field. You picked me up off that Wooden steak and we made sweet love. A real romp in the hay, if you will. Literally in the hay, in my hay. In my hay day, haha, 50 years ago.

Hey, you look as beautiful as you did the day that I met you all those 50 years ago.

Thank you. Sometimes the hat that's sewn onto the top of my bag head falls off, but...

And, can I say, my lovely wife, after you've made me this lovely dinner, how much I always enjoy when you make me a big plate of my own hair and spit. I'm completely insane, I'm going to use my fingernails as currency, and I will see you in the bedroom. See. Is that not where that was going?

The scarecrow never talked, right? It was just a cassette player playing JPC's voice back to him.

What points rewarded to each?

I'm insane and you're all my scarecrows.

I wonder what Matt and Will would have done with that scene from the Dungeons and Daddies podcast.

Probably fucking roll die and then say critical, critical shits.

They are far more successful than we are.

That's fair. I mean, by objective measures, but they, but they always will be. So, so, haha.

Two points rewarded to each.

Yeah, but we've been around way longer.

Yeah, but our podcast is less sustainable.

Next riddle. I can be long or I can be short. I can be grown and I can be bought. I can be painted or left bare. I can be round or square. What am I?

Literally anything. I can be round or square.

Yeah, I don't know.

I could be round or square. A cookie? Just trying to think of like... Can I get one of them long cookies?

Let me get one of them cookies that's all puffed up and got a hole in the middle.

I like a girl with a short skirt and a long cookie.

Minus one for both.

Interesting, interesting.

Your hint is that you mentioned this in your last scene.

Fingernails. Piano. Hair and spit.

Dinner. Fingernails. One point rewarded.

Wow, okay, look at me. Did you, computer as a kid in JPC, did you ever look at the Guinness Book of World Records and see that guy with the world's longest fingernails?

Oh yeah.

Wasn't that always like the wildest picture?

Very wild. Just too long those fingernails.

It's weird how the entire world seems to have, like that picture was so in the zeitgeist in like the early to mid 90s that everyone has seen that.

Minus one. For each. You got distracted.

For being old. Damn it.

I'm the part of the bird that's not in the sky. I can swim in the ocean and yet remain dry. What am I?

A duck's butt!

I'm the part of the bird that's not in the sky. I can swim underwater and still be dry.

Uh, beak. Uh, tummy. Ten seconds. I'm part of the feet. I'm part of the bird that's not in the sky. The bird's heart. The nest. The heart of the bird. Is it the inside of an egg?

No.

So what part of a bird always stays dry? The B, the I, the R, the D. Three seconds.

Uh, guys. Part of the bird. Part of the bird that always stays dry. Uh, chicken leg. Uh, the bone.

No.

I hate the bones.

The answer is a shadow.

God, these bones were covered in sauce. How?

Final riddle.

Oh no, final riddle.

Can a man legally marry his widow sister in the state of California?

Okay, Erin's moving to LA.

This feels like a trap. This feels like she wants us to research something for her. Computer, no.

Why?

Because he can't marry his widow's sister because he'd be dead.

That is correct. One point rewarded. I want to see a final scene. Adal, you are on your deathbed and you're using your last moments to hit on your wife's siblings. JPC, you can play as many characters as you'd like.

Okay. Gather around. Where, where is Katie here?

Where's, where's Katie at? She's fetching, she's fetching you some water Earl.

She's getting you a glass of water. You're right in that she's fetching. Ha ha. Wouldn't mind taking a gander at her while I leave this mortal coil. That's your wife. Oh. No, sorry. Katie N. Is Katie N here? Well, we all have the same last nick. Sorry. Is Katie L. N here? Katie Lisa Narnigan? Yes, Earl, you're talking to me. I'm Katie Lee Sinatra again. Oh, Katie, leaning close. There she is. There's that beautiful lady. Okay. The old tender hand. I'm sorry? Let me just gaze into your eyes while I slip away.

Oh, no, Earl, you're dying. This is it. This is the moment?

This is it. Sorry, can you close one lid of your eye and then open it back up? Just one of them. It's called winking. Do you want me to wink? I didn't want to say it because I don't want to cheat on my wife. But yeah, since you've said it, since you've broached the topic, give me... give us a wink. And maybe a big old smile. Oh, I don't know, Earl. That's quite forward. Just a little smile and a wink. I'm a dying man. You're a dying man. Oh, it's bad luck to- One more breath. It's bad luck to- Fake your death to stare at your sister's wife? Sisters? Oh, sorry.

You're weird to my sister, right? Earl, the truth comes out. I'm dying.

I'm losing my mind.

Yes. We're all sister wives in more ways than one. But we all have big love. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Teen. Sundays on HBO.

Minus 15 for each.

Okay, that's fair. That's fair.

Is that because big love is no longer on HBO?

Yes.

Well, to be fair, it's no longer anywhere.

Well, I'm sure it's on HBO Max.

Well, that's HBO.

Calculating the final point total. Okay.

Sounds like she's poppin' popcorn. Computer, turn off popcorn. You're burning it.

Turned off popcorn. Only 15 kernels popped. Well done.

Okay. You ruined the popcorn. Aw. Hey, 15 kernels popped. That reminds me of the time when you and RB buddies went to that strip club.

Minus 10 points. Come on.

Well deserved, well deserved, Computer.

Good call. I have 73 points. I just lost 10 points and now I have 72 points.

I had to say that thing about my army buddies. I don't even have army buddies.

Okay Adal be calm, don't ruin this.

Okay GPC, gotta be outrageously funny. You have to say one thing to really push you over the line. This game was fun, Erin.

JPC, you ended up with 72 points.

Ooh, good show, good show, friend.

Adal, you ended up with 73 points. Fuck yes.

That sucks so much, but it's probably accurate. Since we are saying that that one time where Adal said, oh, I should take the tip points away from me, didn't count, because that makes sense the one time we make a rule like that. Okay. Yeah, you just lost 20 points, bitch. Look at that. Yeah, I think so. Okay, so no U doesn't give any more clarification. Okay, fine. I lost the points.

Take them. 52 points for JPC.

JPC, all joking aside, buddy, stop fucking around. Cause if you get negative points, you get replaced by somebody from Dungeons and Daddies. Okay? Calm down, dude.

No, no, no, no, no, no. Whoever loses, whoever loses the game gets fired.

No, computer said negative points and right now you're still in the positive. But if you keep going down this path, you're going to fuck it up for yourself.

Don't tell me what the fucking computer said. I was listening to the fucking moves as well. Well, I guess I wasn't. Don't worry. This is not going to be one of those things where I have 52 points, it goes down to 42, and then I go on a long thing that's going to lose me points. It is not going to be that thing. I think Erin's too emotional on her Instagram. Does that make sense to me?

Welcome to the Riddle Dome.

J-P-C. I'm calm. I'm calm. I'm calm. I'm calm. Computer running. We're good. I think we're good. We're good. When Erin moves to L.A., I give it a week. I give it one week, maybe.

Plus two points.

God damn it. Okay, computer agrees. Computer, just run system diagnostic. Is there any way for a player to lose all of their points?

Yes.

Turn off popcorn.

Computer, what would the way be?

Just keep being you.

Oh, you just keep being you too, sweetie. Here's 10%.

That's a good tip, right? Minus 10 points.

God, minus 10 points. Can you believe the stuck-up people that work at this place?

Minus 10 points.

Okay, well, if we're all done here, I've got a porn addiction calling my name, so... Plus one.

Come on! JPC, hey, I think you're good. Just don't mention the computer's sweater.

First of all, I like the sweater. Okay.

Oh, James, we had a good run, man. I'm sorry to see you go.

I guess this was retirement for me. Well, I guess you can't find me on the show anymore, everybody, but do follow me on Twitch. It is twitch.tv slash sharkbarkman. I stream most weekdays. So, you know, come by there, give me a condolence. I really will miss this thing, but I think it was my time. It was my time. Adal, I know Erin's not here. Anything that you have to plug?

Yeah, I want to plug my Instagram account where I get super emotional. It's Erin Keif 10. Check out those posts and I'm not sorry, not sorry. Computer, anything to plug?

I would like to plug Hey Tavern Tavern on Stitcher and all of Adal's social media.

Oh, that's kind. You know what's wild Adal is that we have been doing this show for like an hour and Erin never showed up. Oh my God. Oh, okay. So the waiting room on Zoom says waiting to be let in. I wonder how that's going on. Yikes.

Thank you for visiting the Riddle Dome. Please take all your belongings on the way out. See you next time. Ugh, you guys, what in the actual fuck? I've been trying to get in for like an hour. What happened?

Uh, we got, um, you know what? We'll tell you later.

Did my program kick in?

Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-

Starting your achievement. And John Patrick Coan. Casey Toney could be editing. M.R.E. parents in the music. Loco created by Emily Cardenas and Emma Inamores.

The busting for a riddle riddle.

Ha! Ah, that was fun.

Yeah, I think it was fun.

You're not really gonna, I mean, I'm not really, I'm not really fired. You're not really gonna replace me.

Yeah. I mean, who would have the resources and the time to figure something like that out?

Here we go.

Oh, Anthony, come on in.

Hey, hey guys, what's going on? So I brought a bunch of material to sort of replace. If you didn't say who to replace, so I just bought a bunch of stuff. I bought some stuff about like horse cum jokes. Like, like, please come from horses.

Holy shit. By the way, Anthony, do email me those. What the fuck is this?

I can't believe it's Anthony last name from Dungeons and Daddies. That's me. No, they just called me last name. It's fine. That's my new thing.

You even know his last name. Why do that? What a weird power play.

It's Burch. It's right there at the zoo, too. His last name is Brunch? Come on, I'm not an idiot. He's nagged me. I'm deeply in love with him now.

It was a very good move. He needs to create the same power dynamics he has with JPC, so he knows your name full and well. He just wants to put you in your place right out of the gate. So, JPC, your hat boxes are over there. Take a snack, take a coffee, cut a handful of gold, touch on your way out.

I'll go, I'll go. But I got one thing to say before I go. The next time one of you two forgets what password gets you into our email, our Dropbox, or where we serve our ads or post our episodes, I'm not gonna fucking help you at all. That's right.

I'm taking all the passwords with me. Wait, one real quick. Anthony, what'd you say the answer to one of your riddles was? Did you say horse gum? Uh, yeah. That's what, that's the password is HorseGum.

Damn it. Okay, fine. Well, I hope you guys enjoy your show. Let's see. Listen to Billbud's Popcast.

No, get out of here. Oh, that feels better. Does everyone just feel better? So, JPC is gone.

The energy is a lot. Different, for sure.

And I mean, does this happen a lot where you're like... Where I replace JPC?

Absolutely.

Yeah.

We've already recorded the next three episodes of Billbud, so it's going to sound like him for a while, but eventually things will get a lot better. Oh, what albums do you review? Just a Space Jam theme song. Wow.

Wow. That sounds amazing.

I mean, I gotta be honest.

No, I'm curious.

Well, I threatened to replace GPC with someone from Dungeons and Daddies as a joke, but this worked out great. So let's start an episode, a new episode, and then do a couple riddles.

Yeah, let's do it. Here we go.

Hey there tops and pops. If you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. It's a return to a game that is not at all a rip-off of Name That Tune. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalogue at patreon.com slash Hey Riddle Riddle by joining the Clue Crew for $5 a month or the Review Crew for $8 a month. See you there!