Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum podcast.

The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Oh, then we're going to finish. It was the cabin of an airplane. He stabbed him with the knife in the face. And the horse was deep-riding.

Hold on to your seat. Hey, you're in for the treat. It's the very first. Hey Riddle, all musical episodes. This episode will not be all musical. In fact, the scene stops now. Musical guest, JPC. That is the most fun voice to do. With musical guest, Puddle of Mud. What's that guest's name? Franz Ferdinand. That's who it is.

It's not going to be an all singing episode. Not an all musical episode? Alright, well I'm just going to put down my triangle and warm up my voice.

In the moment I was like, let's do an all musical episode because, you know, Scrubs did it and of course that's, you know, our testers. We are following the templates of Scrubs.

Yeah, you guys start rewatching Scrubs. Our episodes are direct match one to one to their episodes.

We are a Scrubs fan cast. Hey, I got a question for you Adal. If we are not doing an all musical episode, why did I get my pipes so sopping wet? I feel like I've been wetting my pipes all day.

You have a leak. Wet pipes. You have a leak, my man.

Yeah, exactly, Erin. Wet pipes. I said, what pipes, but... They are sopping wet pipes.

And if you are a first time listener, we are a podcast that tries to solve improv, and along the way, we do riddles.

Does that sound right?

Now, let's be clear. We say that we are an improv podcast, but you as a listener might listen to other improv podcasts. They're out there, they're very good. And you're listening to our improv podcast and you think, Well, is it an improv podcast? The scenes generally go on for about 45 seconds until someone breaks the reality completely, and then it's over. The improv's done. Well, we are a specific niche genre of improv podcasts, and that is we are over it. We are completely over it.

Can I tell you, recently I said to someone, oh man, it's so weird that I haven't done improv in a year. And they said, aren't you on an improv podcast? And I said, I said what I said. I have not done improv in a year.

We don't do improv.

Yeah, I would be like, oh man, I haven't done improv in a year. And people are like, what about the podcast? I'm like, you're right. I haven't done good improv in a year. But it might be honest, it's more like five years for me.

It's always fucking wild to see someone on social media or email to the show that's like, I can't believe I learned improv from listening to you all. And I'm like, oh no, like please.

Whoops. Well, I remember some pivotal, pivotal improv experiences for me, watching things on stage in Chicago when I was like 17 years old. Ooh, baby. Just things clicking, things sticking in my brain, just magic, sparks, fireworks. And the thought That what we do on this podcast could be that for someone else sickens me to my fucking core. It keeps me up at night and makes me fucking disgusted.

We are raising a new generation of awful improvisers.

Every generation needs an awful generation of horrible improvisers, and here we are.

As an improv coach and teacher in Chicago, there were, for granted, for like what, seven years, not five years, not a long time, you would see generations of improvisers and you would see star improvisers who were just so fucking like, so confident in their voice, naturally funny. Hey Riddle.

Well it's all, yeah, I've taught so many people who are like, I stop them, I'm like, you did this bad thing? And they're like, well, blank does that bad thing. And I'm like, you have to understand, that person has the biggest personality in the world and they can get away with anything. It's like I was watching the Golden Globes last night and I realized, I'm like, oh, all acting is, is being The most attractive person out of the million people around you. That's all acting is. It's just being so attractive and then they put a camera on you.

Absolutely.

That's what I discovered from watching the Golden Gloves.

I was so uncomfortable I could barely breathe watching that. Anyways, the two things that I wanted to say were we sound like we don't love this show. I love doing terrible improv. In fact, it's more fun than doing great improv.

Yeah, I'll say I love the show. I hate the hosts.

No! The saddest is that you hate yourself. That's the worst thing that you implied. More than anyone. The other thing I wanted to say was in everyone's defense, I think I was one of those people who was copying people when I first moved to Chicago, but my tactic was I was copying like three or four different people at once. Was there anyone that you like were stealing from a little bit when you moved?

I don't know I don't know about stealing from but like I didn't see them play a lot but especially when I moved because if I had I think it probably would have ruined me and I and I would have done it but like Connor O'Malley and Tim Robinson both love to yell and I also love to yell so I can see that there's maybe like a parallel between that because I'll watch I'll watch something that Connor O'Malley does, because he's on television shows now, and it'll just be him screaming, and I'll be like dying laughing, and I'm like, yep.

That's what I like. That's nothing I like.

There's nothing funnier than a funny person screaming. So like Michael Hitchcock in a lot of the Christopher Guest movies, like Brett Lyons in World News, like Connor... There's nothing funnier than a funny person screaming.

Connor O'Malley and Joe Scott are so funny on Joe Parra. Like, so funny.

Dude, for sure. They play a great married couple on that show.

I don't know if I mimicked anyone. I feel like I took a lot of inspiration from Danny Mora in "#333." He was a big inspiration for me. Yeah. Erin, will you say who you blended?

Oh, I blended so many people. I like, uh... Your barista creation? Katie Kline, Katie Rich, uh, lots of Katie's. All the Katie's. Allison Ringhand. Oh man, I could go on. Ryan Asher. Oh my gosh. So many. Uh, let's see. Uh, Blah, uh, uh... Well, I love it. Dan, uh, Emma Pope. Emma Pope. Lindsay Smith, uh, uh, uh, Revolver. All the guys on Revolver. Sand.

I was on Revolver.

I know.

Wow. So part of your improv is 150th Adal.

Yeah, I guess so. I remember watching you in early shows, and I kept being like, I thought that you had like weird Spider-Man, you could slow down time to think of the funniest thing to say. Because I was like, how is this guy writing hard jokes this quickly?

I would do the Zach Morris timeout, and then my world freezes, and I talk to the camera. I will say, now that I think about it a little bit more, now, Erin, that you've divulged your amalgamation components, I will say I am looking up to a lot of people in Chicago in Prophecy, and I am part Johnny Giggles, I'm part Fiona Improv, I'm part Melissa Sweepedits.

Not a minute ago, Erin said that you could slow down time to do good improv.

I set you up for such failure there, I'm so sorry.

And you said Melissa Sweepedits. Well, I lost my Spidey sense.

Okay, he said Melissa Sweet about it and I laughed so hard and I stored that in my memory forever.

There is a difference there because when you were watching those Revolver shows, those were most likely at like 10 p.m. I think that that was the slot that you had, right? Like a 10 p.m. slot? 1030. 1030 slot Friday nights. So we can compare that to you and I, Erin, have had a special window into Adal's soul because we have seen him do improv on this podcast at like 11 in the morning sometimes. And it is a different beast. 11am versus 11pm. Completely different Adal.

I sometimes think it's your weird twin.

Rattle or die. I get my improv powers from the moon.

Why do you have different last names?

Adal's like the prestige, but only one of them is a good magician and the other one's like, can we please just sell cars? That's what I like to do. Why are we doing improv?

So much heart. So much heart. 11am, doesn't like jokes.

To aggressively backtrack. If this were an all-musical episode, what are some of the songs you personally would sing? So for me, I would sing probably like, uh, fuck, fuck beer ready tonight.

Oh, that's a good one.

I would probably be singing, um, pus, pus bottom around.

Uh, we're overdue for a break. It's a tap dance break.

Ain't miss Basalvin. I'm so horny I could pause.

Yes, exactly.

What else, what else, what else? Well, you tell, you let us know.

Hopelessly depuzzled for you.

Amazing. You let us know what songs would you like to hear in the all musical Hey Riddle Riddle episode. Use the hashtag Riddler on the Roof and we'll take those into consideration.

Riddler on the Roof!

So is this all a musical episode?

Is it just gonna be us doing like karaoke covers?

Oh I would sing if I were a butt man. If I were a butt man. That makes sense.

Keep going please. All day long I'd bitty bitty bum. If I were a butt man. Hey, wouldn't have to work hard. Everything else works.

Everything else stays the same. Well, let's get into, speaking of everything else that is the same, let's get into our riddies and puzzies for this episode.

I wonder, wait, hold on. Let me find old man puzzles. I have him here somewhere. Where did I put him? Oh, here he is.

Oh, I'm Paul Mann Russells.

Oh, old man puzzles twins. That's how the world works.

I'm sorry, I'm Paul Rudd. Normalize twins with last name changes. That rhyme.

That rhyme.

Tom Sawyer, oh sorry I had a little prog in my throat. Is that fun? A little prog in my throat? A little prog rock rush is a famous prog man. So we are going to do, I think we've done this before in the episode when GPC was Old Man Puzzles, but we are going to revisit a listener of the show who was unbelievably kind sent me two volumes of his puzzle books that he wrote, I believe, during quarantine, which is phenomenal. This is James Kennedy. Uh, Jamie for short, pranks. He sent us Riddles for Smart People, Volume 1 and Volume 2. James, I believe you did some from Volume 1, so I went straight to Volume 2. James Kennedy wrote an inscription in the book. It said, to Adal, I suspect several of these will end up in Riddle Court. Oh well. So thank you so much, James, again for these puzzles.

And James, that's a really great philosophy to just be like, I am going to end up in court. Oh well. I'm not going to change my behavior. I'm not going to stop parking there. I'm going to end up in court.

That's from your book about marriages, right? Like how to in a marriage? I'm gonna end up in divorce court anyway. Might as well live the way I'm already living.

That's why they call that courtship. Exactly. So let's get into our first warm up, Riddy. Here we go. I must admit, I'm an unusual creature. I do have legs, but no knees to feature. I have a back, but I'm missing a spine. I have two worms, but no hands are mine. What am I?

First of all, Adal, I sent you my dating profile in confidence to help me. And that was like six years ago. It's useless to me now.

And I need to punch up on it now. I'm five foot eleven, I have no spine.

Okay, a really disturbing table.

Okay, details? Details. Can you back up your work?

Can you work on the board? Tables don't have knees.

Okay, okay. Did you know, what did I just learn? I learned something and now I've totally forgotten.

I love it.

This makes sense, this tracks. Here's what it is. Back in olden days, in like the 1800s, I don't know if this is a rumor or not. I think maybe I heard this from Paul F. Tompkins.

This is amazing. I learned something. Wait, I don't remember what I learned. I don't know if this is a rumor or not. In the 1900s, maybe I heard it from Paul F. Tompkins.

So just so you know everyone, you could go listen to Paul F. Tompkins on one of the thousands of podcasts that he's on, but instead you're here. Hey Riddle.

Hey, better podcast.

A better podcast than you are.

Hearing some secondhand, possibly positive, but it was something of like in the late 1800s or something they used to cover up the legs of tables so that like men wouldn't get boners or something because apparently it was like so scandalous that like the legs of tables would mimic a woman's, the feature of a woman's leg or something that they had to like cover them up to make sure that men weren't aroused while dining. Who knows if that's true, but let's get back to this.

Who fucked this table? Come on, everyone in here. Who fucks this table?

I like it because it's like those table legs look like dicks. Is that why everyone's aroused? No, no, no, no, no. They look like women's legs. Cover them up. Cover them up.

Aaron, you are eating solo at a restaurant. JPC, you are a table and you decide to go ahead and kind of shoot your shot.

Well, that was a delicious meal.

It was a pleasure to serve you, milady.

Oh, thank you.

But will you be a glass of water or wine?

Oh, would you want one? I don't know.

Please don't spill wine on me.

Oh, okay, sorry. I just wanted to tell you that you weren't wobbly at all the whole time.

You were really sturdy. I was sucking in. I wobble like a motherfucker, but I was sucking in Milady's presence.

Oh, you were really steady. You were really stable. I'm nervous.

Milady, I do think upon you for the compliments.

Do you do Shakespeare? You sound like you do a lot of Shakespeare plays. I've seen you! You were the table in Othello!

I was the table in Othello.

Were you the table in Taming of the Shrew as well?

Not me. He's great. That's Jeff and he is fucking fantastic. Yes, I was in Othello. I was the maid's hand table in Romeo and Juliet, which was a big break for me, me lady.

We cut to a production of Romeo and Juliet featuring this table.

Miss Juliet, I have put your dress upon the table. Wait, where did the table go?

Ooh, my lady, the table is here at your beck and call.

Oh, anon, anon. Tither, come, table. Add a leaf to your proclivities.

Come, table, come, table. Buy table a drink first, why don't ya?

Alas. Huge laugh from the audience. What was that? Huge laugh from the audience.

Excuse me, can you just watch this show and not be an asshole? You're sitting front row.

Sorry, I have a disease where I can't laugh, so I just have to say a huge laugh.

Tina, stop telling people you have that disease. No one believes it.

I don't want to hurt their feelings.

They ask me about it in the bathroom, Tina, and I have to say, no, my wife is a compulsive liar. That's what's going on here. Scene. You think people don't talk to me, Tina? They ask about your disease.

What am I to say?

Scene. The next time I go see live theater, which may be years from now, I'm going to sit front row and yell, huge laugh from the audience!

It would be better if everyone said it in unison in the audience.

Huge laugh from the audience! What sucks is 100% someone's going to do that at our next live show, to be sure.

Okay, you think people don't talk to me, Tina?

Outstanding. Also, the person who's with that person who is just talking to the former, just burying their head in their hands.

Also, during that scene I thought of another name, Benicio Del Tagouts.

Oh my god. You don't have to go that complicated that quick. What do you do? You're going to get hurt.

I like how Shakespeare lets you do Pitysia del Toro. Here we go. Again, I must admit I'm an unusual creature. I do have legs, but no knees to feature. I have a back, but I'm missing a spine. I have two arms, but no hands are mine. What am I? Again, this is a warm-up ready. No. Clocks famously don't have legs.

They have no, wait, they have no hands? They have, wait, they have a back but no spine.

They have legs but no knees, back but no spine, arms but no hands. What am I? It's an object. I'd say arms is, it's an object. I'd say arms are the biggest clue. Is this a chair?

Yeah, it is. Like a, a, a bark-a-lounger or something like that? Like a... That's... Is that like a chair for a dog? Well, that's my chair. Has spaghetti been getting on the bark-a-lounger?

What constitutes a Barker Lounger?

I think it's a brand, is it not? I definitely know that I think, well I definitely know and then I think, friends they had those Barker Loungers which were those like big chairs that like reclined back I think.

Oh I always call those lazy boys.

Here's the thing, a Barker Lounger and a lazy boy might be the same thing.

Up until I was like 31, anytime someone would say like Papa's on chair, I was just like, oh yeah. And I had in my mind's eye was just, it was just a baby screaming. Like I had no idea what a Papa's on chair was. And then when I was like 31, I was like, let me just look this up. And then I was like, okay, now I understand. But there's like Barker Langer. I have nothing in my dictionary of the mind. There's no page for that.

It is a brand. It's a type of recliner, but it's like, yeah, it's one of those big, big, big reclining chairs. Okay, okay. Like a lazy boy.

You live in the dictionary of my mind. Page 124.

So it's chair is correct.

Yeah, well, I'll give it to you because you got it for sure. It's an armchair specifically, but I think a chair definitely makes sense.

Yeah, but some chairs don't have arms, and those are the lucky ones. Those are called bean bags. The chairs with arms have a lot of work to do.

I remember being a kid, maybe when I was like between the ages of eight and ten, my mom and dad bought my sister and I bean bags, and that was like where I lived. Would not leave that beanbag for the world.

Oh yeah, playing a video game in a beanbag? Hell yeah.

I would sleep on it. I'd watch TV on it. I would stand on the arm of the couch and jump onto it. Like, there is nothing more thrilling when you're a kid than a beanbag.

I would rather the entire world see me naked than the person I'm trying to sleep with see me try to get up from a beanbag chair.

I will say it. I'll say it.

New merch.

New merch. New merch.

Do not try to sleep with someone in a beanbag chair.

Did you come? You're not even inside me.

I'm in the other room.

You're in a beanbag chair. I'm nowhere near you. And there are little white pellets everywhere.

I have a very different experience.

And then also the stuff from the inside of the beanbag.

Because I do remember being a kid and loving a beanbag chair, but I also remember beanbag chairs in the summertime because we had no air conditioning in our playroom. It was the third floor of our house. We lived in a very old house. Third floor. Must be nice.

Oh my God.

Hey Riddle Riddle.

But that's I think that's specifically one story with a with like a half top.

Yeah. Yeah. But whatever it had, it had like the you could like it was like a like a triangle because like the pieces of the roof were there. Oh, an attic. I guess it was an attic, but it was like rumpus room. But I remember no air conditioning. The third floor of that house. Sitting in a beanbag chair in the summertime was about the most disgusting thing that you could do. And that made me hate beanbag chairs. You shift a little and your skin just like peels off of the beanbag chair. Fuck a beanbag chair. Oh, I love them.

Let's go on to our next warm-up Riddle. Here we go. I have some more stuff to say about beanbag chairs. Oh, okay. Go ahead.

They are a delightful mess. I'd also like to say that earlier in the scene that we did, I think milady is about the worst thing that you could call a woman. Just so everyone is clear.

Yeah, I'd say it's milady cunt bitch.

New merch, new merch. That's our coffee mug.

No, it is certainly not.

It just says milady cunt bitch.

No, no, no, no, no.

I never said trois, so good luck out there on the internet today, buddy.

I think it's like a far side calendar where it's like you have to be this to ride this ride. It's just those words.

Well, my lady's short for miserly lady, right?

As far as I know. I think it's short for my fair lady.

That's what it is. Here we go, here's our next warm-up, Riddle. Good things come in small packages. That is except for me. Considering all the world's animals, I am the most deadly. What am I? Snake. Snake. Snake. Eezy snake. Thank you. Snake.

Shark.

What if there's a snake shark?

Okay, what part is what?

Yeah, what part is what?

Shark head, snake body.

Hold on. I want to see a scene. I want to see a scene. So Adal, you are playing a scientist, Erin and I are your two lab aides, under scientists, and you have successfully crossed the genes of a snake and a shark and you're showing it off to us.

We're here so early, sir. What's the big news?

Please, I know it's early in the morning, but I appreciate you taking my call. Please, sub-scientists, come around. I should just call your assistants. Come around, gather around.

Well, we are in a submarine, so please do call us sub-scientists. Can I take my blindfold off?

You can take off your blindfold, but before we discuss anything further, you must add your white lab coats. Otherwise, anyone who might be viewing us doesn't know that you're a scientist. Let me just say this, and this is something that's been bothering me and I'm sorry it's built up for this long. Jeff, you come in every day. You're a sub-scientist. Thank you. You wear jeans and a polo, sometimes a beanie. You're not presenting. To be a scientist, you have to present scientists. You see me, I'm wearing khakis that are wrinkled to all hell. I'm wearing a white lab coat.

I'm wearing a button-up shirt.

It feels like you're killing time because you messed up pretty bad.

You maybe did something you weren't supposed to do.

Killing Time, speaking of.

Remember What to Kill a Mockingbird? Remember that book? Let's go around and let's recite our full favorite chapter.

Sir, I would love to do that because obviously you're the head scientist. There is a small pool of blood forming at your feet and it is getting bigger.

Well, you're a bad scientist. I'd call that a large pool of blood. Anyway... It's getting larger.

It's getting larger. I think, sir, it's short for circumstance. Isn't that interesting? What else? Uh, once I heard Paul F. Tompkins say... What sound is that? Huh?

What sound is that?

Oh my God, it... I'd say it's a squelch. It sounds like a bone is dripping? It sounds like maybe a human bone is dripping? Huh.

Wait a minute. Oh? Are you Dr. Chameleon? Meow! You found me out! I don't have... What's under your coat?

It's the world's first snark. It's half snake, half shark. That's dead. That is dead and dripping. Now it's a little shy.

It's a little shy.

I'd be shy too if my bones were on the outside of my skin.

Dead things aren't shy. They're dead.

When I was trying to create the first cuttlefish, not cuttlefish, but cuttlefish. Do you microwave it? Partially. Okay. But I did it in a metal bowl, which was bad news.

Yeah.

What kind of doctor are you, Dr. Cabelian?

Well, some would say I'm not a doctor to be exact.

Yeah. How did you get on this sub?

Stairs?

Stairs! I think he's just describing what we're doing right now to him. Quit staring at me. Scene.

Scene. Scene. How did you get on the submarine? Stairs?

Stairs. Practice.

You know, practice.

10,000 hours. So this is an animal, and it's the most dangerous animal?

Most deadly. So dangerous and deadly are interesting. I don't know. I don't think they're interchangeable. But let me read it again. Good things come in small packages. That is except for me. Considering all the world's animals, I am the most deadly. And here's what I'll say. I found out within the last, I'd say maybe two years ago, that this is in fact the most deadly animal in the history of humankind. Because there was a book that came out about it and I was reading a summary of the book and I was very intrigued. Is it a rat? Because of the spread of disease? That is a phenomenal guess. I would guess rats in the top three, but this one is number one with a bullet. Oh, is it a bullet? Aaron, repeat that.

Mosquito.

Absolutely not.

Mosquito bullets.

It is mosquito. Mosquitoes in the history of humankind have been the most deadly animal.

I also think that maybe, is it the ticks on rats that got the disease that spread it to humans too? Maybe the rats were just the delivery device.

You sound like a guy at the bar. You sound like every guy at every bar. Was it the rats? Or was it the blah blah blah blah blah?

I wanna see a scene. Let's reverse it. So JPC, you're at a bar minding your own business and Erin, you are kind of a know-it-all who's just kind of espousing facts and trying to explain everything in the world.

Hey, you're enjoying your evening, and I thought I'd make it a little better. You're wearing your coat inside, and actually that's really bad for you. You could get really sick if you go outside because it's sort of like you won't be wearing a coat when you go outside. Let me get you this drink.

Yeah, I just walked in. I'll take my coat off now. Thank you. I actually knew that, yeah, because your body temperature warms up.

Oh, yeah. Well, I let you know, and that's why you know it.

Anyway, I'll just do a Miller High Life.

Oh, interesting. Actually, you probably won't like the Miller High Life because that's the champagne of beer and girls like real champagne and not beer champagne.

Yeah, nobody likes a Miller High Life. You look cute. I just want to spend $1.75 on a beer, so I'm sorry?

Cool. You look cute. Can I make some suggestions of things you could do to make your face a little bit better?

Uh, yeah, I guess.

Um, number one. Obviously, smile. You're making me sad just to look at you, and you exist for me. Number two. Look like you make less money and you know less stuff.

Okay. Uh, how... with a smile?

Uh-huh. What do you do for work?

I am a boilermaker.

Oh, sweetheart, sweetheart, sweetheart. Say that again. Sorry, I think you misspoke.

I'm a boilermaker. I make boilers.

Oh, actually I, my cousin's friend's boyfriend's husband, saw a boiler once, so I take a seat and I'll talk to you all about it.

Uh, you know what? No, I'm good.

My friend Jimmy over there says I can't get your number. You don't want to embarrass me in front of Jimmy.

I'm sorry, do you work here?

Why are you behind the bar?

Oh yeah, I'm the bartender.

Miller Lite for my real friends and Light Miller for my sham friends.

Light Miller, I can do it.

Cha-cha, baby.

Cha-cha.

Erin, I should have just said play Cliff Clavin.

Cliff Cleven would do a little bit less of that and he would have a Boston accent. But then he'd vote for Trump later and ruin everything.

Oh no.

You make Frank Ocean look like Danny Ocean, baby. Cha-cha. Cha-cha-cha. What famous TV characters would have voted for Trump?

So many.

Oh, the dad from all in the family? Sure.

A coach. Coach for sure. Yes. Squidward. Squidward, of course.

Oh my god, yeah. Oh, good point.

So you get a good point. Let's point our listeners to a quick break from our advertisers and we'll be right back with more Hey Riddle Riddle. All musical episodes.

Oh my god, Adal, Erin, I feel like such a fool. What happened? What did we do? You know how we all thought that these ads were kind of a safe space to talk about, you know, what's going on in our lives and our problems and our issues and kind of talk through them? Well, it turns out these are being broadcast to thousands of people in the middle of our episodes.

Yeah, you're talking into a microphone.

Wait, is that why we're getting paid for these? I know, I'm just as surprised as you guys, but I have landed on something revolutionary that is going to help us out of this pickle that we all find ourselves in and we're all in the same situation.

You know what?

See, I was about to recommend better help, but if you found something... I was about to launch into how I love pickles, because this is an opportunity for me to just rant and rave about what I like. Well, okay. Wait, Erin, what's better help? Oh, do you want to hear about Bradley Better Help Pickers?

No, I don't want to hear about your pickle theory. Why did I say pickles like that? From the South? I don't know.

Well, thank God I'm here because let me tell you about what my thing is and that is Better Help. It's not a crisis line. It's not self-help. It's professional counseling done securely online. This is my favorite kind of way to get therapy because you can send a message to your counselor anytime and they're professionals and it's awesome and you don't have to do that performative one hour of therapy every week that stressed me the heck out. It's more affordable than traditional offline counseling and financial aid is available.

And BetterHelp will help you with things like, you know, is there something interfering with your happiness, JPC? Is there something preventing you from achieving your goals, JPC? Sorry, I'm mentioning just what's affecting my happiness and affecting me from achieving my goals.

Yeah, and so with better help, not like our ads that go out to thousands of people, everything that you share is confidential, it's convenient, it's professional, and it's affordable, right?

Yeah, and you can start communicating in under 48 hours. That's less than an Eddie Murphy movie.

And it's available worldwide.

Okay, so you're saying that we want people to start living a happier life. And as a listener of our show, you can get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at betterhelp.com slash riddle.

JPC, no 10%. That's too much.

I don't make the rules. I think that they should join over 1 million people who have taken charge of their mental health. Again, that's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash riddle. This is way better than the idea I was going to pitch.

What were you going to say?

I was going to say whisper ads. We just whisper all the ads, so then we can hear the ads if we whisper all the ads.

Okay, I say this every day, but thank God I'm here. What would happen if I wasn't here, everybody?

Oh wait, GBC. Stop whispering. All these birds started landing on you. The birds are my friends.

What happened? Rifai wasn't here!

Get these motherfucking snarks off my motherfucking sub!

Okay, um, what else?

Adal.

Yeah?

No, Adal. Okay, he's deep in the character area. There's nothing we can do to stop this. Okay, we just need two more. We need two more.

Okay, uh, let's see here. What are some other things with snakes? Uh, oh! Snake me out to the ball game. Alright, one more. One more? Okay, one more, okay. Oh, earlier of callback, Franz Ferdinand was mentioned, so let me just... Uh, snake me out.

Adal, I sent you my dating profile in confidence six years ago.

I would love... You're like on the couch on a date and the woman just starts saying, eat me out. And starts playing air guitar.

I think I would message a person if their entire dating profile was just, snake me out. I gotta know more. I gotta know more. Just scratching the surface.

Let's get into a full Riddy. Again, this is from James A. Kennedy, Riddles for Smart People, Volume 2. James, you are an absolute blessing for sending us these books because we are running low on riddles. So here we go. This one is called Public Speaking. She was

Giving a speech to save a man's life. And the governor stepped in and said, nope, execute. I want to see a speech.

JPC, you're a young child giving a speech to save a man's life. And Erin, you are the sort of, what would we say, like the... Who gives a call to delay a death? Is that like the fucking mayor or someone?

The governor? The governor. Shame on you. Shame on all of you. Look at this man, this man that stands before me.

I'm going to give you a quick note. Can you, let's see, do it with a little bit more like, like, I'm adorable, I'm a kid.

Okay, okay, okay. Take it from the top?

Yep, from the top please.

Wow, well, well. Shame on you people. Look at this man behind me. What was his crime?

Do I sing up? And can we make him British? Sorry, time out.

The man or me?

You.

Both. He was already British in my mind, but I was going to get to that. Can I try being British as well?

Yeah. Just sort of act British, don't talk, but just sort of have the... Okay, go ahead.

I'm going to pick up from the middle. What was his crime, huh? Twisting up like Santa Claus, isn't it? In the middle of May? Sneaking into everyone's houses, isn't it?

I love it, I love it. Okay, time, time out. A little bit more Michael Caine. We're going to want to lean a little bit more into that Michael Caine.

If I may, if I may, Michael Caine playing like Alfred.

Great.

We also... Not like old Michael Caine. Newer, like more recent Michael Caine.

I'm the governor, and it actually undercuts the fellow performer's confidence when you give them notes, you understand?

Alright, well if you want to end up on the naughty list in May... You're going to be dead in 11 minutes.

I'm 7, and I only know Michael Caine as a reference from Batman. Which was a movie that came out before I was born.

Great, great, great. Whenever you like.

And action. I see I say that.

Also, can I just say it's not sneaking into someone's house if their roof is open? I mean, their chimney. If their chimney's open, that's not sneaking. I broke nothing.

You're admitting to the crime again, so just... You cut holes in people's roofs and called them chimneys. Chimneys are windows to the house.

Hmm.

All right, kill them. Kill Santa Claus. Adal, I know the answer to your little riddle.

Ooh la la! Do you want to go ahead and say it or do you want JPC to have a chance?

S-P-E-X-L-L-I-N-G space B-E-E spelling bee.

Erin B-I-N-G-O B-A-N-G-O H-A-T-A-T-A No spaces? Erin, you nailed it. Michelle's parents made her participate in a local spelling bee and she had spelled her first word incorrectly. I want to see a scene. Erin, you are a bee who spells. JPC is the judge and we're going to see you in this competition.

All right. Let's see here. Your word is supposedly.

Your word is supposedly.

Let's see. I'm sorry, did you say see?

Nope, nope, nope.

Okay, because that would be wrong.

I really wish a kid would step on me right now.

Supposedly.

So I could sting him.

Well, no kids here. This is my bee farm, and your word is supposedly.

Can I... language of origin, please?

Supposedly. English.

Okay, um, and can you use it in a sentence, please? Buzz buzz.

All the neighborhood kids thought the old man that ran the bee farm was supposedly insane, because he had spelling bees for his bees, but the man just cared. He just cared. Is that crazy to care? I don't think so. Supposedly.

I don't think so either. And I... Yeah, what's gonna... Yeah, so I'm gonna get the word right, obviously, and then I get to live. Who's supposed to live? Okay.

S. Well, yeah, you can make me my honey. When it's over, you get to go back to make me my honey.

Great. That's great. Wow. It's so fun to be out in the woods, and I'm so excited about my girl. My girl is the most important person to me, and her dad's Dan Aykroyd.

My girl is going to be so thrilled... Wait, he's out in the woods without his glasses! He can't see without his glasses!

Oh, I tripped! What did I trip on? What is this? Some sort of n-n-n-nast?

B. I'm a B, and I'm gonna stick. S. U. P. B.

I don't know what happened, but I'm alive. Time to go home.

Oh, I just woke up from a nap. What happened? Look around. My bee is dead. The little boy is gone. Harold, get out of your bee bag chair. I can't. I've been stuck in this bee bag chair. It's the summertime. My skin's grafted to it.

A bee bag chair? That is a nightmare.

Ow, ow, ow, ow.

I would rather the person I'm trying to sleep with see me try to get up from a beanbag chair than a beanbag chair.

Amen to that. Here's our next riddle. This one's called Clean Sweep. Penelope, an accomplished pediatric surgeon, spent most of her Saturday afternoon sweeping. Although the floor was already spotless, without a speck of dust or grime, she kept at it. She worked up quite a sweat from pushing the berm around for over an hour. Her husband Seth watched her efforts, but he didn't think it was strange that she was sweeping an already clean floor. Why not?

Well, Seth here is actually doing something very smart. No, no, no. Seth is actually being a good husband. He's doing something very smart. He knows that she just lost another patient and she's having a little bit of a mental break, so he's just going to give her her space, let her sweep the floor even though it's already clean. It will not bring the child back to life, but It's what Seth knows that he has to do. He's going to be waiting with dinner for when she wants to come in.

That is the saddest, sweetest thing I've ever heard you say.

But I will say, her losing a patient is a good thing because pediatric surgeons, of course, only operate on pedophiles.

Yes. What happened in the last minute? And how can I prevent it from ever happening again?

I'm a pediatric surgeon and my kill rate is 100%.

Erin, Erin, it's me, the wizard you made up. I forget his name.

Don't do this. It's sacrilegious.

What's his name? Squishy? Squishy? Squishy? Unbelievable. It's me, Wizzy. Remember when I gave you that time, Turner? Well, you can use it once per episode to go back exactly five minutes to prevent any joke from happening.

Alright, I'm not going to use it on this one, but I will use it.

You sure?

Yeah, I'm sure.

Okay, had your chance.

Hey Wizzy, with you appearing, you know, just to Erin, I think it's time that we schedule you an appointment with a pediatric surgeon. Oh no! Yeah, buddy. Wizzy's getting canceled.

Okay, okay. She's in Stomp. She's in the play Stomp.

Ooh, that is a great answer. Wait, what? Are there pediatric surgeons in Stomp?

How did we get here? I saw Stomp when I was 19 and I could not have been more baffled. It's basically people on stage sweeping in rhythm and then people slapping trash cans in rhythm. So it's like an orchestra of everyday items is how I would describe Stomp. It's impressive for like 10 minutes and then 90 minutes later you're like, I think I get it.

I like Stomp. That's a straw in the cup.

And then someone comes in and is like... Mine would be sweep, sweep. Bang, bang. Scream. Smack, smack.

Sounds like an improv show.

The person who wrote Stomp, or the team of people that wrote Stomp, multiple times, multiple times in writing it, they must have just put their pens down and been like, this isn't very good, is it? Like, this isn't very good.

Is this good? I want to see a scene. The two of you are auditioning for Stomp, but you're both wildly unprepared and limitlessly untalented. Okay, next two come on. The role I was born to play. Okay, next two come on in. Thank you for waiting. I see here that you're a duo. Yes! We typically have people audition separately, but if you are that behemoth that you are a duo, then let's see it.

And we definitely didn't think that we were auditioning for a chorus line. We knew we were auditioning for Stomp.

Go good. Stomp. We're garbage. So we're going to try to... And before we start, do you have any notes? Yeah I do. They're right here in front of me and it's just, well let's see the nuts I have here. So this is based on the last person who was in here. His name was Peter. Man, Peter's not good. So that's the nuts I have.

That helps us because he walked out of the room with an insane amount of confidence.

So that helps us. Please feel free. There's a lot of everyday items scattered around the room. Feel free to grab whatever you can play. Anything in this room except for me. So have at.

We thought we'd be original, so we're gonna try to play our faces.

Oh, okay. Whenever you're ready. Okay, whenever we're ready. Whenever you're ready, but I'm gonna count you in. End the three, end the two, end the one.

Ow! Ooh, I got myself in the eye! Ooh! Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! Ow! Hit myself in the eye! Immediately! Put myself in the eye. Ow! Ow! Ow! Does anyone have any Neosporin? Does anyone have any Neosporin for my eye? Okay, putting some Neosport in my eye. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Ow! Ow!

Ow!

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow

Penelope, an accomplished pediatric surgeon, spent most of her Saturday afternoon sweeping. Although the floor was already spotless without a speck of dust or grime, she kept at it. She worked up quite a sweat from pushing the broom around for over an hour. Her husband Seth watched her efforts but he didn't think it was strange that she was sweeping an already clean floor.

Is she having a laugh? Is she playing a sport? Because my gut tells me that she is curling. Because it's a Saturday afternoon. She's a Canadian pediatric surgeon. This is what they do.

Oh, I'm a pediatric surgeon.

That's literally my dream for a spouse. A Canadian pediatric surgeon? Okay. Very nice.

Did you two work for the crucifix brigade? Because you two nailed it. Penelope was participating in a curly match at the local line. Penelope was participating in a crew meeting.

Hey guys, team meeting, team meeting. I don't think we should be calling ourselves the crucifix for David.

Why? It's just not like, it's an image that I don't necessarily think we need a social... And I'm gonna use my time turner to go back and undo this whole thing.

Are you two the crucifix-er-uppers?

Damn it!

Because you are mailing it. Penelope was participating in a curling match at the local ice rink. She was using a broom to sweep the ice in order to change the distance or trajectory of the stone. I will say curling is maybe the number one thing I've always wanted to do that I have not yet done. In terms of like axe throwing or parachuting or something like that, curling is like what I want to do most that I have yet to do.

As far as sports that rank physical activity and the exercise that you're getting for doing the sport, curling is at the top of every list.

Well, your arms have to be ripped to curl. It's also unbelievably watchable, right?

I feel like every Winter Olympics that's the one... The people that go hard with the brushes, they're going rapid fire with those fucking brushes in front of the little curling puck.

Do you think they're too aggressive when they brush their teeth? Do you think that translates to every part of their life?

Absolutely. Yeah, and if these people are jerking off, it is a nest out there. I watched a professional curler tussle a dog's head and that dog flipped to the moon. Just completely rocketed towards the moon.

Let's do another one of James' riddles. Flip to the Moon is a great expression.

I'm sweating now. I hate it. No, you can't be funny when we're recording remotely because I get too hot in here. You can't be funny, you guys. I'm serious. Don't.

Here we go, next one. This is called... This is called Plain as Day. Okay. A small group of... Airplane. That's it. James, you gotta rethink these titles. A small group of trained professionals climbed aboard a large airplane which was parked on the tarmac at Los Angeles International Airport. They immediately shot the pilot, whoa boy, then calmly disembarked from the plane and walked away. None of the people were apprehended by the police, although there were several bystanders who saw it happen. In fact, the group later won an award for their actions. How is this possible?

Pilot was a terrorist. They banged it. They hit that plane midair. They came in, blasted away the terrorist pilot, let the plane fall where it will. Who cares as long as the terrorists are gone.

The pilot was a goose. It was hunting season.

It was a pilot pin. They slingshotted it into the cabin. Ink spilled everywhere. Everyone had to get off the plane.

Yeah, they yelled pull, the pilot popped up, and they shot him.

You're not gonna believe it. All seven of those incoherent answers are correct. So this is, you said this is in Los Angeles, right? This is at Los Angeles International Airport. So basically, again, some train professionals climbed aboard an airplane, they shot the pilot, and then calmly walked out from the plane.

It's a fucking movie!

Erin, you are on a roll. Erin, we just call them porns. Answer. They were shooting the pilot of a TV show and the first episode took place on a plane. The group included cameramen, actors, and producers. The show was a success and won an Emmy Award later that year.

Good for them. Winning an Emmy.

Yeah, good for those producers. Very good for those producers.

All right. I would like to see a scene.

Yes.

The, um, uh, JPC, you are a director of a new pilot.

Okay.

And Adal, you were playing a pilot in a show about a pilot in the pilot episode, but Adal, you're like, you're like pretty sure that this is like, you have this in the bag. The show is going to win awards all on its own. So you're just kind of phoning it in. You're not doing your best work.

Okay. Brahamables went to the mall. Brahamables went to the mall.

All right. Let's take this from the top. Act one, scene one. Action.

Milady, welcome aboard. Take your seat, because this plane's going all over the place. Vroom!

It cut.

Jeff, absolutely great, and what a honor to be working with Jeff Bridges, I must say. Thank you.

Can I just say what an honor to be directed by Dave Collier. When you said cut, I was waiting for the it out, but it never came, and I respect that. You're changing things up. You're not just uncle, whatever. You are your own director and creative artist. Thank you so much, Jeff.

Sarah, you were giving Jeff nothing in that scene. I thought Jeff was on fire. He was doing so great. I just feel like Jeff needs to feed off of your energy.

Great. I am just holding the boom mic. I am just hearing sound. Sarah?

There are no small jobs. There are just small people and small minds.

Totally. Okay. And Malady, if you may, Malady, if I may, I am Jeff Bridges, Big Lebowski, and if I may give you some notes, when you put the boom mic out there, maybe have some fun with it and say like, boom, here comes the boom. You know, just have more fun. I feel like you're just not, you're not, you're not having fun with it. Have fun with it.

Great, Jeff. We love that energy. I'm the director. I'm going to give all the notes. Sarah, have fun with the boom. Maybe when you put it out there, say, here comes the boom, ready or not.

Dave, I forgot to ask. Do you want me to sound like I typically do or is this okay?

I think the character that you found, Jeff. I don't think it's lazy at all. I love it. And I think it's important for me to also not sound like the way that I usually do because I'm in a different position. I'm a director. It's a position of power and I want to use that and I don't want to complicate it.

And it's okay that I'm wearing old-timey trapdoor pajamas instead of a pilot's outfit?

Yeah, that's fine with me. I mean, that's on costuming and so that's a whole different department.

Here we go. Let's pick it up, okay? And action to me. Get these motherfucking snarks off my motherfucking- Boom, boom, boom, boom.

I want you in my shot. I'm in the shot. Boom, there's me. I'm Sarah.

Cut. Sarah, I love it. Here's what I'm going to do. Jeff, you grab the boom mic. You're on the boom mic now, Sarah. You're a star. Sarah, switch the dialogue. Jeff, you're running boobs. Sarah, you're the new pilot. You're the pilot of the pilot. Have fun with it. Play around with it. Cut. It. Out. I'm thankfully a... Scene.

Here's my theory. My theory is any time a director doesn't know what to say to an actor, they say have fun with it.

Have fun with it? This isn't working. Have fun with it. I think well, it's too hard as a director. It's too hard to teach an actor how to act so If you've got the person that you've got all you can say is have fun with it.

I don't know something's missing have fun with it Let's go into another Riddy. The Guinness is from James Kennedy. This is called throwing in the towel Harold and Marilyn Bradley Great names James. Harold and Marilyn Bradley were married for 10 difficult years before going through a bitter divorce. Solve for X. They argued incessantly about who would get to keep which items. With the help of two experienced lawyers, they eventually divided their possessions in a fair manner. After the divorce was finalized, Harold moved into a small apartment. Oh I'm sorry this is just a short story I was writing about my mom and dad. After the divorce was finalized, Harold moved into a small apartment. While he was unpacking his things, he opened a cardboard box containing several white bath towels and a blue terrycloth bathrobe. They were all in perfectly good condition. Harold threw the entire box in the trash. If these items didn't have any special emotional significance, why did he throw them away? Why?

What was in the box? It was some terrycloth?

Because he's single now and he doesn't need to shower.

Amen to that. So what was in the box was several towels, bath towels.

I showered way more when I was single so that what I just said makes no sense.

Several white bath towels and a blue terry cloth bath robe.

I gotta say I don't think my relationship status has anything to do with how much I shower. I think my showering schedule is purely based on what I've done that day.

And you have sort of Charles Schulz stink lines emanating from the top of your head right now. Thank you so much. And also with you? This is Mascara. I draw this on. I love it. Any idea? I have some hints here if you want some hints.

She was having an affair and the robe was the guy's or something. It had monogram towels.

But wouldn't that have emotional significance to it? Because he said the items have no emotional significance.

Well, hold on. Full stop. Erin Keif got it right. Somewhere in there was a correct answer. Erin, do you want to double back and guess what?

Monogrammed towels?

There is a big old picture of Courtney Cox because these were monochograms, towels, and robes. When Harold and Marilyn got married, he defied conventions and took her last name, Bradley. After the divorce, he went back to his original surname, which was Jefferson. The towels and bathrobe were monogrammed with his former initials.

I'm sorry, I think of this because for my, I believe my 18th birthday, for whatever reason, this is something that happens in my family. My grandparents got to get everyone a monogrammed towel set. I think part of it was like, oh, you're going off to college and you should have some nice towels. But that monogrammed towel set that I have had my old Hey Riddle. And they have a monogram on it that is not my name. So this guy's a fucking idiot. Throw it away. Perfectly good towels because the monogram doesn't match up. What do you think people are going to come to your house and be like, Hey man, I saw your towels in the bathroom. Are you doing okay? You know those have a monogram that's not your name anymore, right? Fuck off. They're nice towels. Throw away the towels. This has been another one of JPC's rants. This dumbass is living in a small apartment. So what does he get? He's got infinite money? No, he's living in a small apartment. He'd have a nice place if he didn't- Oh, motherf- When I went to college- Let me at this guy's fucking finances.

When I went to college, go Redbirds, I used my great uncle Harold Percival Volumis's towels.

Don't do this. You don't have to do this.

That were monogrammed, and nobody touched my fucking towels. Again, his name was Harold. His name was Harold Percival Volumus.

His name was Harold Percival Volumus. So it would say HVP then, right? Because you've never had monogram towels?

Yeah, that last name is right in the middle.

Last name's in the middle, bitch. I quit.

You never had monogram towels.

Fucking finish the episode yourselves. We were minutes from the end of this episode, and the two of you had to... No.

Tag Team me. No, no, no.

I want him gone. I want this no monogram towel-ass heaven. You had to tag Team me.

Finish the fucking episode yourselves.

This guy has Casey. Never heard of a monogram. Casey, add a door slam sound.

Oh, Casey.

Hold on, Erin stepped on that. Add a door slam sound. Oh, I'm gonna step on it too. You're never gonna get your slams out.

Hey, hey, hey, hey. I'm stepping in between the two of you.

Casey, add a window break sound. Now.

Hey, hey. I'm stepping in between the two of you.

But you're also part of the problem.

I'm always part of the problem. That's sort of my thing.

It's got to be two versus one. Well, when you say it in a calm voice, I guess that's fine.

Casey said please stop fighting.

Oh, I think that's because our audio is peaking. Let's wait. I have a solution. Let's keep fighting, but calmly. Fuck the two of you. I'm tired of this shit. I'm quitting. You two can finish this episode. Hey.

What? Adal, can I just say, I can't believe your dumb ass thought that a monogram towel would be first initial, middle initial, last initial.

Why would it not? Why would it not? Because it's not. They don't give all-star baseball players the MPV

Hey, award. That's all I wanted to hear. That's all I wanted to hear. Why would the last name be in the middle? That makes no sense.

Look, I agree. This is the thing that tears us apart. I agree.

This should be the thing. This should be the thing. Wait, Erin slammed a door. Now she's walking into a submarine. Erin, come back.

I'm walking up these stairs to a submarine.

She walking down. That is the most upstairs I've ever seen.

Say yes to me. If you want me to come back to the show, you have to yes and me, not no but. I'm walking upstairs to a submarine.

Erin, you think our listeners are going to believe that you are walking upstairs? No fucking way.

Say yes. Say yes and I'll come back. Say yes, Erin. You're walking upstairs to a submarine. And I like the view.

Erin, I'll say yes to that. If you say yes to my premise, which is, oh look, we're on a dub marine. Add Skrillex Sound here. And you have to support that and enjoy being on a dub marine, which is a super funny joke.

I'm walking upstairs to a dub marine.

And I will only come back to the show if my lady both smiles. End of episode, no credits.

End of episode. Bye.

Bye forever. Well, I guess we should do some plugs. This will be our final plugs. Erin, do you have anything to plug, milady?

Sure. Erin Keif 10 on Instagram if you want to talk to me or message me there. Just give me a month to get back to you. Also, I'm so excited for our live show and I can't wait. So see everyone there.

Oh yeah, that's this Friday, 8pm Central Standard Time. Gonna be a blast. JPC, do you have anything to plug? Uh, just go and follow me on Twitch, twitch.tv slash sharkbarkman. Oh yeah. And I have a few things to plug. I want to plug Hey Tavern Tavern, which is our Magic Tavern spinoff with myself, JPC, and Erin. It's on Stitcher Premium now. There's going to be seven episodes. It comes out every Thursday. Use the promo code MAGIC to get a free month of Stitcher Premium. And we're very excited for you to hear it. I think it's, I think it turned out very well.

It's the most fun. I loved recording the episode.

So fun. And we have a new theme song from Arnie.

If you like this show, I don't think you'll be into it. So maybe give it a skit. Maybe it's a skit.

And a few other shows that I guessed it on. I was on the Dr. DC podcast. I was on Afterworld's podcast. I was on my first anime podcast talking about One Piece, which is very fun. And I was on Friendsmen, a podcast about the TV show Friends. So check out all those podcasts. Well, I think that's it. Erin, I think the number one song people are going to want to hear in Hey Riddle Riddle, the all musical episode, is going to be your solo song called... Jupiter.

And then it cuts off.

What's that?

Oh shit. Shit. It doesn't work if you talk after I say it cuts off.

You're so clever, so bye forever.

That's all I have for now. And then it cuts off.

What's that?

I fucking hate you.

I fucking hate you.

I hope you play the theme over this shit.

Fuck you.

This show's over.

Play the theme. I hope you live forever in a bad way.

Start spreading the news. I'm spreading my ass. I'm gonna take a shit tonight. So big, so big. No! Hey there butters and cows. If you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. We go back to our state series and this week we're tackling Iowa. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash HeyRiddleRiddle by joining the Clue Crew for $5 a month or the Review Crew for $8 a month. See you there!