Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum podcast.

Everyone ready for the main feed?

Mm-hmm.

Erin wake up.

Can't stress this to you enough. I am awake. That's just my face.

No shit, all Sherlock. It's Hey Riddle Riddle. And hey, the three of us fell in a deep fryer, and now we're all southern. I'm a little southern boy and I sound like this. I got a horse, got my dog, I love my truck, and a saddle ride. Yeehaw, sunset.

I fell in an air fryer, now I smell like butter. I fell in an air fryer, now I taste like butter. I fell in an air fryer, now I'm delicious. I'm a southern gal.

They're like jackhammering outside of my window, so... You're talking about a couple? Yeah, there is a couple fucking as hard as I've ever heard a couple.

He's lying. He's lying. He didn't want to do the song.

They're doing construction right outside of my window right now, so I'm assuming that all of this audio is going to be unusable. So I'm not going to waste my time doing a great fucking Southern accent bit, because it's going to be stripped from the episodes.

But if you were going to do one of those bits, what would you have added to the song?

Honestly, you guys did little jingles in Southern accents. I think I probably would have just done something simple like a,

Can you point the microphone back towards you and not the couple that's fucking outside your window?

Thanks. So I guess reverse cowgirl, how do you say yeah backwards? I think it's your JP Riddles throwing a flashlight sound.

No, that's the woods throwing the flashlight back.

I once did reverse cowgirl with a woman, and she put a cowboy hat on her vagina. She put chaps on her arms.

I feel like this is made up, but keep going. I feel like you're lying.

You lost me at you were with a woman. Boom! You have a fianc, you're getting married. Yeah, that's fair. Well, I'm Adal Rifai.

I'm JPC. And I'm Erin Keif. I don't think we've done that in a year. That's why it felt a little clunky.

Yep. It's been a little bit and we're, Hey Riddle Riddle. We're a podcast where we try and solve riddles, puzzies, lateral thinking problems. And along the way we stop and, um, dick around.

Have fun. Cause if you're not having fun, then why are you here?

Then what's the point?

Well, okay. So the, I fucked up then because I thought that from, I guess I misread an email or a text, I thought we were pivoting and we were now a home renovation podcast.

I said Jeremy Piven is flipping his house and we should invest.

Oh no, I hate so many of those words.

Oh my God.

What a terrible investment. What a terrible investment to invest in the house that Jeremy Piven is flipping. People like Jeremy Piven lived here and someone's like, oh, can I have a napkin and show me the door?

Hard pass on that. I do want someone to give me sort of like a home renovation or travel show. Would anyone out there invest in maybe me on like the Travel Channel or HGTV have an invest in a show where I go antique shopping and drink coffee and I bring different funny people along with me or I travel the world and a TV show pays for it and everyone watches?

Hi Riddle. And they just travel the world, I guess not the world, they travel the US and they go to like barns. Like there'll be some 89 year old guy who's like, take a look at my barn. And they're like, we just found an original Coke sign from 1842 and they'll be like $10. And he's like, okay. And then they take it back to their shop and they sell it for 40,000 and it's that kind of show.

Okay. I'm sick right now. I'm actually sick and I have to call off the episode. I'm going to have my mom come pick me up and I'm not going to go watch that show.

But it's basically treasure hunting. It's one of the most watchable shows I've ever seen. And again, I know it's so watchable because I dislike the hosts and yet I still watch the shit out of it.

Well, I want something like that. My mom turned me on to this local AXS TV show that I think only people in Massachusetts watch or care about. It's this woman who goes to different Massachusetts homes in different cities and learns a little bit about the city and towards the house, and it has been cracking my shit up. I consumed so much of it so quickly because I'm like, oh wow, this is everything I dream of. Snooping in someone's home, judging their home, and listening to people from Massachusetts talk about how proud they are to be so snobby. I love it. Check out Home Life and Style if you're from Massachusetts. And you like gorgeous homes. My mother and I are obsessed with it. Adal, what show of yours do you want JPC and I to produce and fund?

Hmm, I want to go, let's see, so I want to do a show where I go on haunted tours all across the US and I am the guide.

You're the ghost. I'm the ghost. Oh, the guide.

I'm the guide and I just make up along the way, I just make up stories where I'm like, does anybody know what happened in this alley? And then someone's like, a nurse was killed? And I'm like, that's right.

Ooh, that person's weird. Why?

But it's just improvised ghost tours. Again, I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but this was a show I wanted to produce with JPC as the tour guide in Chicago. I still think this is going to happen at some point if JPC still has interest. I think it would be so fun.

Adal, I'm so sorry. You're describing American gamers.

No.

It's a show that I love. The two hosts, I hate them so much. It's the Property Brothers. The Property Brothers host the show. But it's essentially that. Except they're not so much going around and doing improvised ghost tours. They're like fixing up people's houses. You know what I'm thinking of? It's the Property Brothers. That's right. That's the show. And I do not care for that show.

Well, JPC, if you want, like, Adal and I will give you all of our money for a show. What show?

What show is it? Okay, so this show is called Secret Cousin Fantasy Kiss. And we basically just take celebrities and we reconstruct times in their lives where they had a sexual awakening about a cousin or the presence of a cousin.

Aren't you glad that we have combined finances now for no reason at all?

Aren't you glad I didn't kiss my cousin?

Just kidding. All of our ideas are bad. Sorry everybody. We'll stay at our little podcast corner. We'll never leave. Bye everyone.

We'll stay right here. We'll stay in our lane. We'll do our little southern voices. I'll do my little western sounds.

They're still going?

Yeah, I'm sorry. They're always going in my mind, and sometimes I vocalize them. But otherwise, it's just a running current of those noises at all times. And then there's also the fast-paced clippity-clop of a horse, because it's just my brain galloping and making those noises.

I do think it would be fun, and then we'll move on. I do think it would be fun to do a culinary show on the Food Network or something travel channel where you search out the worst dishes. We're like, we've narrowed down the three worst burgers in the show.

Yeah, you're right. I do like hurting people's feelings and ruining small businesses.

And they're all just crying, fingers crossed, hoping they're not the worst burgers.

Is that what Kitchen Nightmares is about?

That's fair.

I like that show if it's not businesses, if it's just individual people who have really bad eating habits. We're like, we're checking in on Gregory. Gregory, this is your third bowl of peanut butter cap and crunch today. You have a working stove, you have a working microwave, you have ostensibly a spatula. This is the third bowl of candy crunchy fat.

And yet the roof of your mouth is ruined. Well, speaking of ruined JPC, I believe you're old man puzzles for this episode.

Why else would I be wearing this large beard and big hat, my friend? I'm covering up a surgery that I got that went horribly wrong.

What about the sequined bikini?

That is because it's the weekend, my friend.

It is a Monday.

It is canonically a Monday, released on a Wednesday. No, I do have some riddles. These are riddles. Riddle submissions from people way, way, way back in the before time, September 2018.

I have to say the last several listener submitted riddle episodes we've done have been quite good. I don't know if it's older ones or newer ones, but I feel like people have really stepped up their game and we're getting maybe the best riddles ever are coming from our listeners.

I agree.

Yikes. Well, big pressure to put on the riddles that I grabbed from here. Now, every time we do, I do riddle submissions. I want to honor the fact that there are people that wrote us emails in 2018 with riddles in them that have not made it to the show yet, and I want to put those on the show. But also, I have riddle books that I really want to use for riddles. And every week that I do riddle submissions, I'm like, I definitely want to just do a couple of these and then go to the books. But without fail, I pull like three riddles. I'm like, these are the ones that we do and that it takes us 45 minutes to get through them.

What do I get if I get through 12 riddles this episode?

What do I get? I'm going the opposite in motherfucker. Now they're going to take 50 minutes.

I hate how stubborn we all are. It sucks.

I'm holding my breath until the show is over. What I want to say is that I did grab some riddles that are on the quicker side, so these are some shorter ones. And this first one comes from, I'll just say it comes from Ruth. Hello, I have a riddle for you. Okay, here it goes. Here comes the riddle. It's this. No punctuation by the way.

Do you know the old joke about the dog, the talking dog? No. There's this old joke, it's very bad, but I'll tell it anyway, just to waste time because again, I promise 50 minutes. So there's this guy who takes his dog to like, I don't know, some sort of specialist and he's like, my dog talks. And he goes, oh, show me. And he goes, OK, OK, Oreo. Who's the... Who's the grass... Oh, I almost fucked it up. So he goes, what do you say about how would you describe sandpaper? And the dog goes, rough. And he goes, okay Oreo, what's on top of a house? And he goes, roof. And he goes, okay, who's the greatest baseball player of all time? And he goes, Joe DiMaggio. I think it's pretty funny.

I like it. And I also, it's good to hear the old classic Adal's dog voice.

Which I used to do in every single World News episode.

They should put that in a museum. Can you put a voice in a museum? I'll look it up.

Hold on, Erin. You're not doing riddles. I'm doing the riddles. I'm old men pussles. I also like how that guy, that dog is like the greatest baseball player ever is Joe DiMaggio. So it's like, all right, dog. How old is this fucking dog? And also it's like a little sus that he's picking this old dead white man to be like the best baseball player of all time. Like what's going on with this dog's politics? That's fair. We don't stand the dog as a joke, folks.

Hank, Erin, and then Albert Pujols. Maybe we can make my dog voice, we can turn it into a non-fungible token and sell that and we can each do some of those, some NFTs.

Dude, I'll tell you, every day growing up there were kids that when we got to lunch that would eat fungibles and I wanted them so bad. But all I had was a non-fungible token and I had to use that to buy my lunch? Square fucking pizza corn dog on a stick? No thanks, give me the fungibles! Me and my friends would make blockchains for each other and wear them around our wrists. Blockchains, what'd you go to school in 2020? Jesus Christ. Cryptocurrency much? All right. This is from Ruth. I always have stories, but never tell tales. And my hard umber skin bests the wolf. Oh, that didn't rhyme. No, I was fully expecting that to rhyme.

I know it. I know it. It's a book.

Is it a book? Erin, what makes you think it's a book? Because it has stories, but never tales?

Oh. Well, read it again and I'll tell you why.

I always have stories but never tales, and my hard umber skin bests the wolf.

I know what this is. And also, before I answer, and maybe this is giving the answer, but I want to see a scene. So we're going to have Erin, you are the big bad wolf and you're trying to blow down a house. JPC, you are the last standing piggy and you have built your house out of something that the wolf is either not able to blow down or doesn't want to.

Gotcha. Alright.

Well, well, well, look who it is. A motherfucker who ate my brothers!

Yeah, and I'm about to eat Little Red Riding Hood and her grandmother, too, so let's get this over with.

Different story. Different story.

Still a wolf. Still a fucking shitty wolf. No matter where I am, I suck.

Well, my friend, I'd love to- Oh! Oh, I'm sorry! You taking a big breath?

Yeah, I'm- No, what's your- What's your plan? Well, I'm glad that you asked, because it's also my catchphrase. I'm gonna huff. I'm gonna puff. And I'm gonna blow your house down. Look at that wolf huffing paint!

That's gonna destroy your lungs. Your lung capacity's gonna be shot. Now I know you killed my brother. You know, but Newsflash, I didn't like my little pig brothers. They were uppity. They were always thinking they were better than me. They were building their houses out of straw and sticks and whatever the fuck.

So you don't care that I killed them slow?

You motherfucker. I care that they were good, hard-working, honest pigs. Them being kin to mine is nothing. But you motherfucker, you killed those pigs. But I invite you, Wolf, to blow your hardest because you'll never blow this house down. You see what this house is made of?

What?

Look closer. Do you see the sharp fangs? The fur? I built my house at a dead fucking wolf.

Oh my god, my brothers! My hard-working younger brothers! I didn't even like them!

Your brothers, your uncle, your parents. I killed every wolf that I could and I'd ground their bones down to make my house.

Oh god, I could see some of their faces. That's my mentor. That's my best friend. That's the love of my life, you monster!

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, shit. Oh, oh, oh, this house is not strong. Oh, that wolf breath. A house made of wolves. Adal, you are correct. The umber skin bests the wolf. This is, of course, of course, a brick house referring to the famous poem, The Tale of the Three Little Pigs. The famous poem, she's on brick house.

All right, which pig is which? I'm the pig who makes their house out of straw.

Adal, you're the pig who... So you asked us a question, then you give us all the answers.

Well, no, I'm not going to give you the answers. You're going to fill in the blank.

What is it? It's straw? Sticks. Straw sticks and bricks. And brick. Straw... He blows down a wood house?

Well, it's not like planks, it's sticks. Okay.

It's not like an adorable, charming cottage.

What was this pig trying to cut costs? Yeah, of course. He went to Lowe's and they were like, well, we have pine, we have white wood, and we have some low quality. And he was like, I was out in the parking lot and I saw some sticks. They were like, yeah, that's like a tree in the parking lot. That's nothing. That's not for building houses.

I got my eye on a huge TV, so I'm trying to cut costs where I can.

Really? You should be using rebar. No, no, no. Sticks for me. Sticks. Not the bark kind.

Sticks from the ground. Let a Winters hit.

That's not a house.

That's a pile of sticks.

If you put a stick on your head, you don't go around calling yourself a homeowner.

I will now. That's what millennials are going to have to start doing. We're all living with our fucking parents right now. I'll never own property and that's what's real.

Oh boy. Your brother said he lives out in the sticks. Yeah, don't get me started on what that means to him. It's a pile of sticks. It's a nice neighborhood.

Let me talk about my brother.

I'm going to start selling hats. They're just like a hat with like a wooden roof on it. So you can just walk around and say you have a roof over your head.

He called them millennial homes.

Oh my god, a millennial home. Hey, here's a millennial home for you, Starbucks. They spend all their money on coffee, and now the economy's ruined.

Yep, it was us. It was us.

Good going millennials. We fucked the future generations. The Zoomers will save us with their TikTok and their porn. Okay, thank you so much Ruth. Ruth also says, I love your podcast. Okay, thanks bye.

Awesome. That was fun.

Yeah, we thank you. We thank you from the bottom of our hearts. This next one is from Kin. Ken says hi Adal, GPC, and Erin, huge fan of the podcast. First thing in so long that has made me laugh out loud in public. Now again, this is 2018 when we could go in public. We have not been able to do that since for legal reasons for us.

I want to say hi to Ken, but also I'm sad to say that although I love your red robes, I'm more of a Ryu guy.

What is that a reference to? I don't know those words.

Okay, let's try this one. Ken, I think the thank you so much for sending in this riddle.

You're an absolute doll. Now Erin you do one. I know this is gonna be great. I know you're really smart because you won Jeopardy more times than anyone else.

Not a lot of famous Ken's.

No, not really. Uh, is, yeah, well, not many people go by Ken. Kendrick Lamar, is he a Ken? Is Ken short for Kendrick?

Kenneth, I think.

Kenneth.

Kenneth.

Typically.

Yeah. Kenneth Griffey Jr., Kenneth Jennings. Kenneth the Doll. Kenneth Paltrow. Let's see.

Kenneth Paltrow.

There's, in London, there's Big Ken.

She started that company, Coop, that sells $6,000 vitamins to rich women.

To chickens, Coop?

Got a little ready, this comes from the classic video game King's Quest 6. Context being, a talking door asks you this. Okay, so here you go, from King's Quest 6.

I am so tired of talking doors asking me questions. Oh my god, give me five seconds, please.

What do you mean push or pull?

Just pop off. That's you. Push or pull. Push or pull. We're not open. No smoking. Shut the fuck up. I don't want to read today. Talking doors.

You must wear a mask inside the premises. Shut up. My first is foremost legally. My second circles outwardly. My third leads all in victory. My fourth twice ends a nominee. My whole is this gate's only key.

Is the door bragging about people it slept with?

Well, the door actually uses the word screwed. So I guess that means slept with, but I mean, I'm sorry, banged because you banged a door.

I would like to see a scene. Okay, Adal, your window, JPC, your door, and you're bragging about your sexual Um, escapades.

Whew, it's getting a little chilly. I'm going to go ahead and shut myself.

Okay. You don't have to check that there's anything in it before you shut because they're never as me being adored. Usually if I just want to shut myself, I got to make sure that the passageway is clear. I get it. People go through you. People go through me. Must be nice. What was that? You play bass? I do, yeah. I got a bass knocker, so it's one of those novelty things. God, looking like there's a lot of dust on the old panes there.

Yeah, I haven't been cleaned in a while, and I'm feeling a little neglected, but I have a date tonight. Oh, any advice for a first date?

I'm sorry, you have a date tonight?

Yeah.

You have a date tonight?

Yeah, it's with a fly that's trapped in between my pains.

Okay, I thought so. I thought so. I thought it was with a fly that's trapped in between your pains. You know what? Good luck with that. I'm sure that you'll hit a home run. The fuck? I'm sorry, I'm getting my knob polished weekly, my man. Weekly.

Okay, well that's a... Alright, at home I'm gonna put a key in my door. Check it out. Dude, my key's not working. I'm gonna put it in and out. God, I'm trying to get into my apartment so I can fuck my window! Can't I just get in?

Now she's grabbing your knockers. Trying to get home so I can fuck my window.

I gotta get home and fuck my window. Try telling that to a therapist. That stuck fly is a lucky lady.

Can you read this Riddle one more time?

Actually, at the beginning of COVID, I was literally, you know, those wet wipes when they were like, wipe down your groceries. And like, I was polishing every knob in my house multiple times. Just always polishing those knobs. Oh yeah.

And everyone, you can use that sound for whatever you want. That sound bite that just happened, you can use it for whatever, wherever, whatever you need it for.

Job interviews, children's birthdays.

Blackmail.

I tend to also polish my knobs. Put some sausage around it.

And I'm third. Again.

So, Erin, you're ready. Just pay off the rule of threes. Pay it off in a big way. She's putting the ball on the tee. It fell off the tee.

I hope my clothes swallow me up.

Okay, what does that have to do with polish?

Just trying to get out of here.

What to do. Okay, reading again. My first is foremost legally. Okay, five seconds.

Okay. Okay, so Erin, what do you think? My first is foremost legally. So foremost legally, you always have to swear in the Bible. Okay, you have a question.

How many are there? Is there five?

Four.

Four. All right, what are there four of? Seasons? Oh, that's great. And legally... Women and Sex in the City.

And there's an order because it's my first, my second, my third, my fourth, and then my whole is this gate's only key. So whatever the whole is has to be the key to this door, to this gate.

Is it a dollar?

There's four beetles. There's four skin. There's four musketeers. If you count the other, they made an iron mask.

I heard you say four skin. I heard it. Thank you. Four.

I mean, if we're saying things that we heard earlier in the episode, Erin was talking about a show that her mom had her watch and she said, my mom turned me on and I said nothing.

I know and that's why I tried to talk fast.

Because I knew what would happen. I would get in trouble. Because Erin's mom listens. And if I went on this long rant about how Erin's mom turns me on, I would get in trouble. And I'm trying not to get into trouble anymore.

When you're around so many funny boys like I am all the time. I'm around two funny boys all the time. You're both equally funny. You have to talk really quickly when you accidentally say something sexual. So they don't have... things need oxygen to breathe and so to live. So like their jokes can't live if I don't give them space for their jokes. You understand?

And I'd just like to say, not even a joke. Nothing funny about it. Nothing constructed about it. Was it written? Was it... No laugh? Just not a joke. Just a Frodoian slip.

Just a Frodoian slip. Frodoian. Frodoian. Frodo. Oh Mr. Frodoian. Mr. Frodoian slip.

Oh Mr. Frodo you're my dad. I mean I love you. I mean penis Mr. Frodo.

That's it. That's the pinnacle of the show.

Nothing gets better than that joke. I mean penis, Mr. Frodo.

Oh, Mr. Frodo, I want to fuck my dad. I mean, kill the ring of Joel.

Oh, Mr. Frodo. Okay, that is a lot of fun. That was a lot of fun. Outstanding. What are there four of?

I don't know, but I'm saying right now, I'm naming this episode, Frodoian Slip.

I want the strawberry. I mean, I want to fuck my family.

I mean... TCBY my sister. I mean... There is a hint. Ken does provide a hint. I think our hint is going to give it away, but... I'm ready. Ken says it's a spelling riddle. So spelling is a big part of this. I'll read it one more time.

Oh, so maybe the word is door, D-O-O-R, and the keyhole is the O in the middle or something?

I'll read it one more time. Yes. My first is foremost legally. My second circles outwardly. My third leads all in victory. My fourth twice ends a nominee. My hole is this gate's only key.

Love.

Love.

Guys. L is for the illegally. Oh, circles outwardly. V leads all in victory. E twice ends the word nominee.

Alright everybody, go right to your computer. I'm going to need you to put that audio over the beginning of the parent trap instead of a regular love song. I just want to hear that while I watch Dennis Quaid.

Here's what I want to see. I want to see a remake of the parent trap, but it's basically like Saw where they chain their two parents into a room and then they have to pass a series of games.

I think that's just property brothers.

I want to see a scene. I want to see a scene. Erin and JPC, you are a couple who have had kids broke up. I have never seen Parent Trap, but I assume that's... It's amazing!

You have to watch that.

It's actually wildly fucked up Parent Trap.

It's like twins trying to get their parents back together. Is that right?

Good. I love Parent Trap.

One went to live with either one. Did they know about each other or did they discover each other at summer camp or something? At summer camp, yeah. So you two are a couple who have broken up. But it's because the parents know about them. That's so fucked up. That's messed to not tell someone you have a twin. So you two are a couple and your children have parent-trapped you, meaning they've put you in this sort of gruesome, saw-esque, what is that called, torture porn room? And you have to sort of pass a series of tests.

I hear you're engaged now. I'm very happy for you.

Jesus, Marcella, can we not talk about this? Now I just saw it off my own fucking pinky. I just saw it off my own pinky.

Oh, okay. Are we bragging? I ripped out three of my teeth. I know that we're all hurting here. Pinky is nothing. You'll still be able to balance and walk and function. I'm just saying congratulations. I'm sure you'd be very happy.

Thank you. Yes, we're very happy together.

Excellent. All right. I have to, it says here, let me, sorry, I don't have my glasses. All right, let's see. Oh!

You're wearing glasses now.

Yeah, do you like them? I feel like I look foolish.

No, I mean, they, I've always said that you're, you have a face that could frame any accessory.

You're blushing.

No, I'm just losing blood because I can't seem to staunch this pinky wound.

That's so sweet. I'm supposed to dig a key out from your stomach using only my hands.

Alright, let's see, how do we... You haven't touched my body in 17 years.

My hands are cold and so is your body. That feels horrible.

Yeah, you're digging your hands into my stomach. Okay, this feels, okay. No, no, no. This feels bad. This feels bad. This feels weird.

Is that new cologne? Because you smell different than how I remember you.

I pissed myself when I was cutting the pinky off.

See, it was... We got them back together. They're gonna get back together.

What I was going to say is I would love to hear just like an absolute Vegas style crooner singing that like L is for the way and just forget what word he's spelling just and just go off and just like improvise. I'd love it.

J is just because I don't know the words anyway and X, O, L, S, I, the phones are even.

Help is for oh god help fuck me oh fuck.

Well that, everyone, I know it's not June yet, but please go watch Leslie Ugham sing June is Busted Out All Over on YouTube where she forgets all the words except the words June is Busted Out All Over. Maybe, I don't know, I won't, we can cut this part out, but maybe Casey can play the audio of it here because it is the funniest thing in the world.

Surely we don't have the rights.

Oh, I mean, it's an old YouTube video.

Yeah, and we're doing commentary, so that's with some sort of legal... Wait, if we make fun of it, then we're protected by parody law.

You're protected!

Thank you parody. You're very welcome.

Sorry, did we not mention that our lawyer is a parrot? Our lawyer is a parrot that wears a little suit. He's perched right up there and he's very, very cute. That's my poem about our parrot. That's your poem!

Please, I'm being sued. Stop just repeating what I'm asking you.

Alright, well you know what that means guys. Our parrot says we're fucked so we now have to go into a little meeting where we talk to our parrot, we explore all of our legal options in order to fund our parrot trap. We really, really have to play some ads. These ads are going to keep us out of any sort of legal trouble. Thank you so much for listening. Oh my god, Adal, Erin, I feel like such a fool. What happened? What did we do? You know how we all thought that these ads were kind of a safe space to talk about, you know, what's going on in our lives and our problems and our issues and kind of talk through them? Well, it turns out these are being broadcast to thousands of people in the middle of our episodes.

Yeah, you're talking into a microphone.

Wait, is that why we're getting paid for these? I know, I'm just as surprised as you guys, but I have landed on something revolutionary that is going to help us out of this pickle that we all find ourselves in and we're all in the same situation.

You know what?

See, I was about to recommend better help, but if you found something... I was about to launch into how I love pickles, because this is an opportunity for me to just rant and rave about what I like. Well, okay. Wait, Erin, what's better help? Oh, do you want to hear about Bradley Better Help Pickers?

No, I don't want to hear about your pickle theory. Why did I say pickles like that? From the South? I don't know.

Well, thank God I'm here because let me tell you about what my thing is and that is Better Help. It's not a crisis line. It's not self-help. It's professional counseling done securely online. This is my favorite kind of way to get therapy because you can send a message to your counselor anytime and they're professionals and it's awesome and you don't have to do that performative one hour of therapy every week that stressed me the heck out. It's more affordable than traditional offline counseling and financial aid is available.

And BetterHelp will help you with things like, you know, is there something interfering with your happiness, JPC? Is there something preventing you from achieving your goals, JPC? Sorry, I'm mentioning just what's affecting my happiness and affecting me from achieving my goals.

Yeah, and so with better help, not like our ads that go out to thousands of people, everything that you share is confidential, it's convenient, it's professional, and it's affordable, right?

Yeah, and you can start communicating in under 48 hours. That's less than an Eddie Murphy movie.

And it's available worldwide.

Okay, so you're saying that we want people to start living a happier life. And as a listener of our show, you can get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at betterhelp.com slash riddle.

JPC, no 10%. That's too much.

I don't make the rules. I think that they should join over 1 million people who have taken charge of their mental health. Again, that's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash riddle. This is way better than the idea I was going to pitch.

What were you going to say?

I was going to say whisper ads. We just whisper all the ads and so then we can hear the ads if we whisper all the ads.

Okay, I say this every day, but thank God I'm here. What would happen if I wasn't here everybody?

Oh wait, GBC. Stop whispering. All these birds started landing on you. The birds are my friends.

What happened? I wasn't here.

And we're about to come back from the episode, but before we do, I need a password.

Password? The password is... but... Okay, but spelled how?

Ooh. Z, but not what you think it would be? Right this way. Come on in.

I love this show. It's consistent. At least it's consistent. It's nothing. This is all nothing, but it's consistent.

It's consistently nothing.

It's consistently nothing and that's why we love it. Now speaking of things that we love, I'm just going to put this into the zoom frame slowly so everyone can see the book that's coming into the zoom frame. That's right. That's right. It's our old friend the B. Riddle book, which we canonically do not like on this show.

And I just pulled out three of my teeth for real. Are you happy? There goes my pinky toe.

Are you happy? We've been using this book since the inception of us doing the show. Since the beginning we've been using this book. I don't even think we're halfway through it.

Can I do my impression of that book?

Sure.

Hey, I'm the blue book. Do you like that I'm a book? I am Riddle.

That's uncanny. Pretty great. I think the reason, because we did use this in episode one and several times after, I think the reason we haven't reached the end of this book is that it's some sort of Necronomicon or demon cursed book and it keeps writing more pages. It never ends. We've died and we've gone inside this book.

Well that's what you said about Pride and Prejudice and I just think you found it boring and you're having a hard time. I stand by that.

At no point does anybody use the title. It doesn't make sense. Here's what I think would make that movie better.

You told me it was about two dogs named Pride and Prejudice. I think the movie version of Pride and Prejudice, what you do to make that better, is about an hour and 45 minutes in, Bob Odenkirk shows up.

That's Little Women.

If it works for Little Women, it will work for Pride and Prejudice. That is my philosophy.

That might be the hardest of laughed at any movie. That's better than any hard joke in any comedy. Is Bob Odenkirk showing up an hour into Little Women?

Because he looks like a character from a Mr. Show sketch in that. He shouldn't be in any period piece. No. No, because he's Bob Hoehnkirk. Like if he played King Arthur, like get the fuck out of here. What if we did, okay, so we're gonna make a movie and it's gonna be called Pride and Prejudice, and what it is is it's a pride of lions. Prejudice can still get you pregnant.

Thank you.

It's Judas before he met Jesus, and that's all I have.

Oh, an origin story.

Honestly, yeah, I bet fucking Todd Phillips is right now optioning a Judas origin story.

That's because he can't make comedies anymore.

Comedies to PC, but Judas, he's like edgy man. The original Joker, Judas. Judas was truly the original Joker, damaged. You want to know how I got invited to this Last Supper? You want to know how I got this silver?

Give it all the Oscars. Let white men masturbate to the thought of this kind of evil. Good art, Todd Phillips. Fuck you. Fuck you. I had to completely open all the windows of my house and light candles and listen to folk music to try to get rid of the evil of that movie from my house.

Who do you think would play Judas in the Todd Phillips version of- Vincent D'Onofrio?

An angry video game controller.

Full metal Judas.

An angry video controller.

Jared Leto and an angry video game controller in Judas. In Escariot, that's what they call it. Okay. Here we go. This one is, this is from a section of the book called Tricky Puzzles and they are awfully tricky. This one's called Foreign Cure. Why does an American fly to another country in the hope of finding a cure for his illness? That's the whole riddle. That's bad.

I mean, it's because we don't have a great healthcare infrastructure here and other countries have a speed.

I don't know. I mean, that's probably true. Though if you've got, well, I guess it doesn't really cost a lot to fly to another country, especially nowadays, tickets probably pretty cheap. If you want to go to another country, now's the time.

And I want to hear from people in Australia if I'm remembering this correctly, but I'm pretty sure, and this is even sound bad when I first say it, but when I get to the end, it'll make sense. They have like an eye for an eye policy in terms of their health care for people visiting or living there from other countries. So they go, okay, well, how do you treat our citizens when they're there? And that's how well we're gonna treat you. And it's, isn't that amazing though? So like, they're terrible to Americans. They're like, oh, if an Australian person broke their arm there, they'd owe you $70,000 and then like, have to say the pledge of allegiance. So if you break your arm here, we're gonna be shitty to you. But if you're from fucking Holland, where we'd be treated like kings and queens, you can have good health care.

Erin, I just looked that up. Apparently, it's officially a Godoy for a Godoy policy.

So that's... Wow. And that's for you, sweet Australia listeners.

I love it here. Oh, so I think I know the answer to your little tricky problem. Okay. What it is, is that this person in America has come down with a case of the Maria's. So they're flying to Austria because how do you cure a case of Maria's?

I think you barely paid attention for that movie.

How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand? They're mad at me because I screamed a Vita into the microphone during warm-ups.

If you said, I feel like if you, pre this movie being made, and pre getting this movie in makes pretty good. If you said the sentence, the sound of music, you sound insane. What is that? What is that? The sound of music?

Music makes sound.

That's like saying the feel of touch. What are we doing?

No, no. It's better than them going the taste of music. Then you can do your whole stand-up routine. The taste of music? Music doesn't even have a taste!

But this is like saying the taste of flavor. The sound of music?

Yeah.

By the way, the taste of music is the tagline for the new wine that I'm bottling now. And I must say, my bathtub is ruined.

And I rent. I'd also say that wine is ruined.

Well, okay, so do you guys want some hints? I think you're maybe gonna need some hints.

I don't want them, but we need them.

So, yeah, there's a lot to unpack here. He didn't go abroad for drugs, medicines, treatments, or cures that were unavailable in the United States. So it wasn't for like, you know, some Swiss clinic or something like that. His illness was curable, given the right motivation. Now, I'll take an issue with curable there, but okay.

Oh, he went someplace that was summer. Or winter or something.

Yeah, that's a good guess because now you're thinking like a little bit outside the box.

Oh, does he have like Greek diabetes? Adal. Adal. It's like diabetes but with feta.

Adal, we have begged you. Bagged you on the podcast. Stop saying Greek diabetes.

Yeah, okay guys, he said it every single episode and this is the one we're not gonna cut out. Let the people come for you, Adal.

I tried to shorten it to Greek diabetes and you guys said that sounded like some sort of Roman god. Archimedes Greek-a-bedes.

Sorry, I interrupted your hints because I thought I had the answer.

It says his illness was curable given the right motivation. I don't know that it's curable to that extent. And then the last hint, he went to an Arab country.

Ooh, okay. So let's list all the Arab countries. Okay.

Is there a song for it?

Lebanon gives us bright, nice colors. It gives us the greens and yellows. Mama don't take Lebanon away. Mama don't take my Lebanon.

Also, can you look at the front of this book, JPC, and tell me when it was published?

I think it was published in the 80s, I believe. So the United Arab Emirates Oh, I'm sorry. God, Jesus, Lord Almighty. 97. It was published in 97, so... Yeah, man.

Oh, man. Iraq? Oh, man.

So I think that the only way to do this is the only song that it fits to is the poke rap. So I think it's... Algeria, Bahrain, Cabaros, Ireland, Djibouti, Egypt, Iraq and Jordan, Kuwait, Lebanon, Libya, Morocco.

These are the breaks. I thought the poke rap was going to be like raw fish, tuna fish, got some salmon, and some celery. Palisade color.

Sesame seeds.

Bulbasaur Saudi Arabia, Somalia, Sudan, Ivysaur, Syria.

One time at Belmont and Clark, I was very hungover. I got poke, ate it on the street, threw up the poke into a trash can at that very same street corner. You guys, I got to do a Chicago walking tour before I move.

Erin, that was when you were trying to mimic Billy Eichner, right? And you were doing Erin's poke on the street? And you were screaming at people while eating poke?

So I think the reason why the Arab country matters is because culturally, the disease that is afflicting this person is something that is, I won't say is not allowed in those countries, but the... Oh, he only had one wife? No.

One wifeatitis?

I'm addicted to my wife. People don't know your background Adal, so when you say that they think. You're a white dude saying that.

Adal is a Mormon. I am Palestinian, and the reason I didn't mention Palestine as one of the first Arab states is because it's not on any map or globe. Hey, it's not recognized. It's not recognized. It's not recognized in any way. My family has no country. At least my old men in the family have country forward men or Cormac McCarthy.

Are you okay?

I don't think so.

So he said it's something that's illegal in the Arab states? In some, yes.

He's not traveling there to obtain a medicine, but he is traveling there because of access to the thing that is impacting him.

This is this is very confusing. So yeah, I don't know.

Is something illegal here that's legal there?

Opposite.

So there's something legal here that's illegal there.

Is this a play on words?

It's like smoking or? Oh, close, close, close. Not smoking.

Drinking. Drinking.

That's why I was tripped up because the book says that it would cure him and I'm like, well, no.

So he's an alcoholic and he's going over there so he's not tempted to drink?

Exactly. He is an alcoholic.

He is an alcoholic who is moving on. Dead sea stop. This is the first riddle. I never in my life imagined the answer to a riddle would be an alcoholic.

Hey Riddle. Like the sentiment behind this of like oh it's easier to drink and stay sober if you have like a sober community or like an activity you enjoy that where everyone's sober but like let's move to this part of the world because culturally they don't drink as much.

I will say just move to the cliffs of sober.

I will say that I do think you got to be careful along the cliffs of sober especially if you've been drinking

I will say that I almost died on the cliffs of Dover.

I think I've told this story, but I literally almost fell off the cliffs of Dover. True story.

Oh, did you sneeze and then fall backwards in some stupid cartoon way?

I was crawling down to get close to the cliffs and I got to a point where I couldn't climb back up and I was on a tiny like one foot ledge and I started screaming for my friend and he had to like go grab somebody else and they had to form like a human chain to pull me up. It was terrifying. It was the scariest moment of my life. I almost fell off the cliffs of Dover.

What I was going to say is I think that immersing yourself in another culture is a really good way to pick up and learn and understand that culture, especially that's what they recommend for language. Four years of high school Spanish is not going to teach you Spanish, but going to Mexico and living in Mexico or working in a place where they only speak Spanish is a way to immerse yourself. But again, that doesn't seem to be what this guy was doing. He seems like he wants to take a shortcut. There are no shortcuts. There's only 12 small steps, and that's the only way out of... There's no shortcuts, but there are shortcuts.

Johnny Five is alive.

Johnny Five is alive. In that movie, canonically, Adal, you say it holds up because of how non-reassisted it is. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

And if you're struggling with addiction, we're here for you and it's serious and you're loved and you're worthy of things.

Yeah. Did I ever tell you about the world news show where I spoke? I never play Arab characters because I don't look Arab, but there was a world news show where I spoke Arabic where I was like, Kefalik, mop sootum de la, you know, bismillah ar-i-rahman ar-heem. I said all this Arabic and then after the show two white people came up and they're like, disgusting. And I was like, sorry? And they're like, for you to just speak gibberish and say like you're speaking Arabic as a white person, that's disgusting. I was like, oh, I'm a Palestinian. And they're like, okay, well, we couldn't possibly tell that. So we're so sorry. But they were like looking for a confrontation to call me out. And I was like, oh, I speak some Arabic and I'm a Palestinian, so I'm okay. And they're like, we're sorry. There's no way by looking at you. We couldn't tell. So that's still your fault.

In their defense, male comedians have got on stage and done the most horrendous things. So their knee-jerk reaction, though not the best timing, makes sense to me.

Like the singer of Cherry Pie, they were warranted.

I will say, I mean, good on them. We need more white people stepping up and saving, saving us. So I hope that those, I hope that they're still, I hope that they're still out here.

Wow. Hold on. Hold on. JPC, we need more white people stepping up. So you're saying Nick Cannon should be replaced. Wow.

I'm saying step up three, step up three, the streets when they just went with an all white cast.

When it was just donkey and the boys.

Okay, so this is the next one. Spies are us. During World War I, two German spies often ate at the same restaurant, but they never sat together. How did they pass information, these clever German spies? Gotta be alphabet soup.

They're Czechs. They're, um, menus.

No, they're Germans. They're Germans, Erin.

No, no, that's funny and I like that kind of joke, but I'm being serious. German, please. They're Czechs. They're, um, menus. They pretended they were kids and they colored at the table and colored something in.

The specials. They would list the specials and it would be

I would like to see a scene. Oh, you are too slow, sir.

We have intel lasagna.

So you two are spies at a restaurant trying to pass information along to each other and maybe this is your first time doing this and maybe you're not great at it.

Good evening, sir. I'm the matri-spy. Dee, matri-dee, can I offer you a table? Perhaps you'd like to sit by

Yes, that is fine. I would like to sit in a place in the restaurant where I could get a good view, where I could spy anything. Just to see, I got a window would be perfect for me.

Thank you, yes. No, thank you, Danke. I mean, thank you. Let's get you to the window. Of course our Special today, and I'm the major D, but I might as well cut out the middle man and tell you the special.

And I have to apologize because I am a Texas oil man. Yes. And I was talking like, that is a joke.

Yes. And I, okay, so our special agents for today, sorry, our specials for today are chicken, spy, thigh,

And does that code come? Does that come with a side of anything, partner? If you jerk it off, partner.

Gentlemen, do you think I am dumb? We're at an Applebee's in the middle of Indiana and you don't think I would recognize her accent? There's no one in here. You've done too much. I heard you say the code and it was... Oh shoot. I cut you off before you said the code. Pretend I'm not here. I am part of I'm an Applebee's. I'd like a martini.

I am also a part of Applebee's partner and a martini would be good for me as well. Gee willikers, I am from a Tennessee.

Yes, and I am not an evil spy, and you two are not good spies trying to communicate, and if one of you had to say it good to the other, then this would be a great spot, because we're all just people.

Yes, I'll just get you the spygetti, and we'll call it a day. Partner, Tennessee. Tennessee.

Tennessee. Tennessee. Tennessee. Tennessee, anyone? Okay. So, is it? There's all the guesses, Erin, but none of them were correct. An alphabet soup was wrong? An alphabet soup, Adal, was so wrong, I barely wanted to deem it respondable.

In their orders.

No.

Oh, texting?

Yes, so this is World War I, and they were texting. They had sidekicks with Boost Mobile.

Excuse me, sir, I can't help but notice that a carrier pigeon keeps flying between these two people.

And it's distracting.

All right, would you guys like some clues?

Yes, please.

Obviously, yes, we are very lost.

Can we have the clue of the day, please, sir, waiter? They went to the restaurant as paying customers. No codes were used and they never spoke to each other or sat near each other. Telepathy? They dressed in similar clothes. Okay. Those are terrible clues.

They're waiters.

No, they're customers. They were both paying customers. They weren't waiters eating a shift meal.

Okay, so they didn't use any codes. So I'm baffled. So if they said it's separate tables, was it that the tables were separate but right next to each other and they were just openly talking? They were never near each other. They were never even near each other.

Dinner theater. One talk was pretending to talk on the phone.

Again, this is World War I. I know, but I... They had phones back then.

Phones looked like this, but they were still phones.

At the table?

Yes. Erin mimed a violin.

No, I didn't. I mimed one of these. Hello?

Phones look like me.

Who is this? It's me, the past. I mimed one of those phones. Okay, so it's World War I. They talked with their guns. They talked with their diseases.

Yeah, they let their guns and diseases do the talking.

They sang Silent Night in the One Night of Peace.

No, they never talked to each other. They never talked, they didn't use code. Did they use their uniforms in some way or their outfits?

So yes, and the fact that they wore similar clothes is very important.

So was it something, let's see, similar clothes?

They wore color to send a message to each other. No. Let's both wear blue. Let's wear a big red hat with a flower on it.

They could have done this. They could have passed the information to each other without ever even really seeing each other. Music. It wasn't about the color of their clothes, but the clothes do matter, but it wasn't about the color of their clothes. Or anything truly visual that you would see on the app outside of someone's clothes.

Yeah, was it tiny bells?

It wasn't about sounds. Sound does not play any part of it. No.

Sight. Taste.

Yeah, give us more hints. I guess sight. I guess sight would be the one that plays the biggest hint.

So sight is the biggest hint, but they also didn't need to see each other to pass this code?

Yeah, I mean it's exactly. They didn't exactly. They didn't need to see each other, but they needed to see something. But they didn't need to see each other. And it has to do with their clothes.

Were they both holding up ascots that were white to like wave a white flag kind of thing?

No, not Ascotts. And again, they wouldn't need to see each other.

Ascotts.

Ties. But I do like that train of thought. So think about this. It's the 1910s. What kind of other clothing, old-timey clothing things are people wearing? Erin, to get in the spirit, let's talk like this.

All right.

Speaking of spirit, Charles Lindberg. OK, let's see. Was it cufflinks?

Downton Abbey cufflinks. Top hats.

Oh, a 23-scadoo. Ooh, a ticket to the Titanic. What's those little things? Monocle. Monocle, there you go.

We're on a break, Monocle. You guys had one of the most corrected there. Wait.

Wait, let's go back through. I'll take it to the Titanic, I'm on a go. Who's a dude who's a corset? A little pants that doesn't go all the way down. Let's keep going.

Oh, corset. I love lemias. How did you get that? How did you miss it that time through? You had it the first time.

All right, fine. Who were we five minutes ago? Top hat?

We said top hat. Yes. Top hat. So hats. Back then, if you were a gentleman, you were wearing a hat out. Yeah. But you wouldn't wear a hat at the table, right?

You would wear it backwards to send a message to your friends.

Whoa, did that guy just invent the backwards hat? Cool Beans. He's wearing his top hat backwards. I can't really tell.

Did I just invent Cool Beans?

Cool Beans? I want to see a... I want to see a Beans. I want to see a Beans, JPC, and Erin. You are in the early 1900s, and each of you, while kind of hanging out, each of you discovers or invents a certain phrase or thing that is popular nowadays.

We're both just staring out the window. What are you thinking about?

I'm just thinking about mortality and the slow crawl and we're all getting older and soon we'll be 40 and we'll be dead.

I know you are but what am I? Wait.

I'm sorry.

I know you are but what am I? I think I just invented the airplane. Give me a piece of paper quickly.

Give me some more of that opium that we've been smoking. Puff Puff, this is medicine. Ah yes, very good.

Sorry, did you say you wanted some paper? Here you go. Oh, I dropped it. How rude, mister.

Wait, what was that?

How rude, mister.

I think you just invented women voting. Quick, write that down. Did I do that? I don't know what to do now. I fucked it so bad. I messed it up so bad.

I fucked it so bad.

I'm like a guy in a relationship when he ruins everything. Well this is a mess, time to go.

I think you just invented women voting. You guys, hey by the way, you two were both circling the answer of this Riddle. Just circling the answer.

They kept their hats on.

No.

They took their hats off.

Yes. Erin, pretty soon I'm going to dump sand on you because this episode you are on fire. They kept their hats off. They took their hats off. You can leave your hat on. So typically when you go to a restaurant you take your hat off. So they did take their hats off. Yes. So hats off, that's off.

Oh they switched hats on the way out.

They took each other's hats. Bingo bingo, ha ta ta. The information was stored in the hatband. The secret message that they were relating to each other was stored in the hatband. They came to the restaurant staggered. They had identical hats, but one would take the other's hat when they left so they could pass the information. I gotta say, I'm sorry.

I am so sorry. That is garbage. If you get up to leave, you pay your tab, you get up to leave, you walk across the restaurant to a different table and grab that hat. What the fuck are you doing? That's suspicious as fuck.

Hi Riddle.

Exactly.

Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap hats.

When I was younger, I have a vivid memory of being at the Indianapolis Country Club, which my grandpa was a member, and being in their coat room, and I was very young and just looking at all of the coats in that coat room, and I was sent in to go get my coat, and I just came out with another coat. Because I thought what it was was just this huge room full of coats, and it was I was like, co-trained.

Leave a penny, take a penny.

Yeah, like anyone can wear any coat. And I was so confused. I was like, what do you mean? Like, oh, there's no one's wearing any of the coats in there.

That's amazing.

You treated the coat room as those like early 1990s phone booths you go in with the money flying everywhere and you just grab as many bills as possible.

I went in with my hands so fucking sticky with honey. I tried to grab as many coats as I could.

The craziest things I ever saw someone try to get away with was someone did that and I was at Beauty Bar in Chicago and they have a like coat room that you can check your coat into so you can dance to the hits. And it was like January and I went dancing and I was walking out and I saw a girl wearing my coat and it's my favorite coat. I don't know if you guys remember it. It's like looks like a founding father coat. It's purple like light purpley.

Oh yeah. Wow. I'm

That's my coat. And she was like, oh, they gave me this one. And she was like, looked totally fine leaving. And she was like, I'm drunk. I'm so drunk. I don't even know if I can. I'm drunk. And I was like, let's just go back and fix it. And we went back up and she had like a short black puffer coat. And I was like, come on. I quit.

This same thing happened to me today. As you know, we record this on a Monday. On Monday, Dunkin Donuts does free coffee if you make any other purchase. So I told Mariah, put it in order if you want something, I'll pick it up for you. I dropped spaghetti off at camp. I went to Dunkin. They handed me one coffee. I put it into my car and then they handed me two more coffees. And I did not know what Mariah ordered. And I was like, Maybe she got two coffees, like maybe the fucking world is hard and that's just what we all need in our days. But it was not the case, but I didn't have time to check because I was like, I don't know, just give me these things. And I got home and I got someone named Gnome D. So Gnome, N-O-A-M-D. I drank your coffee today and I gotta save my man. That shit sucks. 5 Creme 1 Splenda?

5 Creme 1 Splenda?

Noam, I took 4 sips of that coffee and then another 8 and I hated every sip of it. But it was free and I wasn't gonna waste it. And I did pour out half of it, Noam, because that's a bad coffee order.

Noam Domsky, if you're listening. Before we lose the thread, Erin, I do want to say you talked about your favorite coat. If there are any listeners out there who have a 1995 starter lineup jacket featuring the Charlotte Hornets that's reversible, the inside is teal but can be swapped out for the black portion to be interior, please DM me. I'm willing to pay upwards of $40 for this coat. For shipping. For shipping. The coat will be free and it will be a gift from you. That's my favorite coat I've ever had. And I don't know, I lost it when I grew up and I'm so bummed. So if anybody has that jacket, please let me know.

What if you saw it behind me right now? That would be pretty cool. But I have been collecting jackets. They're my favorite piece of clothing. I'm about to move to California. So if you are a size six and you live in Chicago and you want a bunch of jackets, please DM me. I will give you a jacket for free.

Sounds like a very specific Craigslisting or misconnection.

There's gotta be like three people out there who are gonna want my shitty jackets.

And I cannot stress this enough. That was Erin speaking. If you were a size six that lives in Chicago, do not DM me. Mariah checks those, okay? You guys keep getting me in trouble. Stop it.

Stop sending me your measurements.

I don't care about the measurements. I don't want them. I don't want to know. I love a mystery.

I was on the train reading on the road. You were a size six who love jackets.

That's me.

Okay, okay. We must be serious and by that it's time for serious business. Does anyone have anything that they would like to plug? Adal, you raised your hand. You have something to plug?

Yes, please. I have something big to plug that involves all of us. For the three of us, myself, JPC, and Erin, we are doing a spin-off series for Hello for the Magic Tavern. This is for Stitcher Premium. It is a new series called Hey Tavern Tavern. It's seven episodes long. It is us giving relationship advice as our characters chunt the shapeshifter, Momo the mouse with human strength, and Cornelius the Fintar. So please check that out on Stitcher Premium. It comes out tomorrow, the 25th, Thursday the 25th. And I do want to let you know that you can get a free month of Stitcher Premium to check it out if you go to stitcher.com slash premium and select a monthly plan and enter the code MAGIC. Again, this is going to go for seven episodes, so we want you to check them out. So whenever you want to use that free trial, please do so. But yeah, that's Hey Tavern Tavern.

Adal, does that come out weekly or is it like a one and done dump and jump pump and crump?

I believe it's gonna be, it's seven episodes over the course of seven weeks and it should come out every Thursday so please check that out.

So use that free month as soon as the first episode drops as we all know and month is seven weeks.

So you're telling me that for seven weeks people can get content from us on a Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday?

For now, they can.

That's amazing. But also, not to shit on the show or our Patreon.

Please do it without shitting on the two things that we love the most.

I can't. I have loved a lot of stuff that I've done with you guys. We've recorded all of them. Spoiler alert, we already recorded all seven. Those were truly some of my favorite things I've ever done with you guys. I would be dying laughing for days after some of those records.

Same. And I will throw this out now. My character has an arc in these seven episodes. I will not reveal what the arc is, but it is very subtle. It is very subtle. So if you think that you can guess it, please tweet at me what you think my character's inspiration for the arc is when you hear it. It's like I said, guys, you're not going to get it, but take your shots. You're going to get it right away.

Erin, anything to promote?

No, just check out that Magic Tavern series. It really is so joyous and like They are, they're so many puns. They're brains move so fast. And you can follow me, Erin Keif 10 on Instagram. Just keep in mind, most of the time people are really patient. People have been getting mad at me recently. It takes about a month for me to respond. Once a month, I take two days and that's all I do all day is respond to your messages and I try to be specific and I try to really read them. So just know that it might be a month before I get back to you, but I promise I will get back to you.

Absolutely. I want to chime in real quick. I forgot to mention it and I would be remiss if I didn't mention it. I would be remiss congeniality. Hey Tavern Tavern in the new series has a new theme song by Ernie Parrott. So I just want to mention that. JPC, anything to plug? Wow.

So I would just like to say that as you all know, Erin is moving away to LA very soon and we have a live show coming up. If you're listening to this when it's coming out, we have a live show coming up, a live stream show on March 5th. We're live streaming from Chicago. That could be the last time we do a live stream show for the foreseeable future just because we are all going to be in the same place for that time. So maybe we'll get another one before Erin leaves, but maybe not. You can get tickets to that headgump.com slash live. We've done two already. That should be a ton of fun. We really love doing these live stream shows. They've been like highlights of my time in lockdown and by that I mean the only time I've been able to see other human beings. But anyway, headgum.com slash live to get tickets to that. They are a lot of fun. Yep. That's all I got.

Oh, I had I had one more thing. We are we are doing a interplanetary takeover, starting with a very specific location. Erin, do you want to announce the first location that we're doing that in?

Yep. Us and the property brothers are going to Jupiter.

Bye forever.

I hate the fucking property brothers.

Hate. Love.

They finish each other's... ...basements. ...sandwiches! Hey there, Kitchens and Sinks. If you liked that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. We play a brand new game show, and oh yeah, there are fabulous prizes on the line. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash hey riddle riddle by joining the Clue Crew for $5 a month or the Review Crew for $8 a month. See you there!

That was a hate gun podcast.