Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum podcast. All right. Want me to start it off, or Adal, do you want to start it off?

I was just going to start with Bane stuff, but if you have something else, I was going to start with a nut with Boston Baked Bane, because we just said he's primed for a return.

OK, just fade Adal out here, Casey, and just put the theme right there.

All right, I'll start.

It was the cabin of an airplane. He stabbed him with a knife and a knife. And the horse was seen riding.

Adal, JPC, wake up. Wake up. Wake up.

Are we in an ad?

No, I'm jumping enough. We're not in an ad studio at the beginning of an episode. I'm jumping on the bed.

I'm sorry, we just do a lot of ads with us waking up.

Erin, sweetie, sweetie, you can't wake us up every time you're jumping. The other day at the pool, you woke your JPC and I up because you wanted us to watch you dive off the diving board. Everyone does that. It's not special. You're not special.

I also can't even dive that well. I sort of just put my hand out like I'm trying to make a swan shadow puppet and then I just do a straight jump into the water. It doesn't matter. You guys, it's time. It's time for riddles and puzzles. Wake up, wake up.

We just did riddles and puzzles. 10 more minutes of bullshit.

No, come on, not ten minutes of fall bullshit before Riddles and Puddles.

Adal was gonna do Boston Baked Bean together, whatever.

Boston Baked Bane. It's my most underappreciated character. So what it is, I'll re-pitch it even though you were part of the episode I debuted him on. Oh, I've been up for hours. What it is, hold on, what it is is it's Bane, but he's from Boston. So it's Boston Baked Bane because Boston Baked Beans are like a fun snack. I don't know what they are.

Are we gonna have to fade you out into the theme again?

No, no. So Boston-Baked Bane might say something like, don't talk to me until I've had my Duncan. Or, um, out of my fucking way, David Ortiz. Something like that. You parked the car at Harvard Yard, but I was born in it. Stuff like that.

You clearly grew up in Massachusetts. Get out of my way, David Ortiz. Well, I like it.

Well, thank you. You do one. Let's, Erin, what's the most Boston thing a human can say?

Um, uh, you're not better than me.

Batman thinks she's wicked smart. I hope Tom Brady still wins with the box because he's fucking wicked smart.

Okay, like I said before recording, this is not a topical expression or reference. Guys!

When I begged to bring back Boston Big Bang because I said he didn't work the first time, Erin literally said, hey Adal, do you think he didn't work the first time because that movie was 10 fucking years ago?

Well, Adal, can you do anything off of Wonder Woman 1984? I mean, that's zeitgeisty right now. That's in the culture.

Yes. Let me see. I just saw that two weeks ago, so let's see what I remember from that movie.

Hold on. When Adal does that, JPC, can you make me pancakes? I've been up for hours waiting to do Riddies and Puzzies.

Okay, but they're going to be JPC special pancakes.

Oh, forget it.

No, it's going to be wheat flour, no butter, and the syrup is going to be your imagination.

Oh God. Chitara, more like, what are we doing?

Wow. I'm glad we gave you a lot of space for that.

Well, anyway, all you Kevin's and Susie's, and Coosie's and Seven's, it's time for, Hey Riddle Riddle, I'm Adal Rifai.

I'm JPC. And I'm Erin Keif.

And boy oh boy, do we have an episode.

Do we do that anymore? Do we say our names in front of every episode? I feel like maybe we haven't done that in a long time.

I can't remember recording before this.

Every single episode.

I gotta tell ya. Like all of you at home, I'm hitting my quarantine wall. And when I hit a quarantine wall, what I do Is some listener-submitted riddles?

Hey, can I ask you, Erin, so you said that you're hitting your quarantine wall. I think that there's probably several points in lockdown where I have hit my quarantine wall, and then you get like your second wind or whatever. Do you know how many times you've hit your wall?

I would say I've hit a wall like twice now. I think September I was losing it and then now.

I think I'm about two. When the year turned over in January, that was my second wall. And then I had to just do fucking new stuff to like shake myself out of it. Yeah.

And what's your goal wall? If you fit your wall, do you set a new wall?

I'd love to be 157. That's how many walls I would like to hit.

So my therapist said, has a word for it and why people are all going crazy right now.

Oh yeah? Oh yes.

She calls it second birthday. She goes like, if you go to someone at the end of their life and you go, hey, can you just give up eight months of your life for the greater good to make sure people don't get sick? We're all good people. So we're like, of course. But by the time you start rolling around and everyone's about to have their second birthday in quarantine, all of a sudden you have perspective that you're kind of getting a year of your life sucked out of from your life and you're missing out. Out of your butt. Out of your butt, you're missing two birthdays. And that psychologically can fuck you up. So you're not crazy, everyone's feeling bad right now.

Oh, I'm just normal. My birthday's 11 months away, so I still have a long time before I have an excuse to think about second birthday.

I will say, I didn't know this was a thing, but I will say literally last night, and I'm gonna talk real low, so that Gemma can't hear this. Even though she'll listen to this episode.

We cut to Gemma with a glass on the door of Adal's recording closet. Full of water.

I'm gonna get it. I'm gonna get swimmers here. I hope it's worth it.

Literally last night Gemma was fairly upset to where there was tears in her eyes because she realized her birthday is coming up. It is March 28th and she realized she's about to have her second birthday in quarantine and she got very upset. So I had no idea this was a thing, but I experienced it firsthand last night.

That's crazy.

And she was just saying, because her last birdie, her last birdie day. Her last birdie, she's a golfer? Uh-huh, was her 30th. And she was like, I felt, she was bummed because she's like, 30th is supposed to be big. I wanted like a big to do. And she was like, obviously I was willing to brush that aside for the greater good. But she's like, this year it sucks because it's going to be her second birthday in her 30s and there's been no to do.

And 31 is the big party year anyway, so everybody knows that. My therapist has something that they keep saying, and it's I have retired and... Please stop coming to my house. Yeah, exactly. You've ruined my couch.

How? Doesn't matter. Don't answer it. Well, GBC, are you happy we did 10 minutes of bullshit and then everyone at home is even sadder than they were when they started this podcast because I told them about the second birthday phenomenon.

Hey, if we can get 10 minutes of bullshit down to six and a half minutes, I'm always happy.

I do want to see a quick scene.

This is purely to push my own agenda but I do want to see a scene. This is going to be JPC and Erin. This is the story of Bane and Abel. So we're just going to see the scene Bane and Abel.

Can I, Adal, before we begin this scene, can I tell you what I thought you were going to call for? Maybe this is because I just watched Lord of the Rings, but I thought you were going to call for a scene where the Hobbits are asking each other in front of Aragorn if they've heard about second birthday or... Well now I want to see that scene.

Master Frodo, is there a second birthday, Master Frodo? He knows about second birthday, doesn't he?

Alright, so this is, what is this? This is Bane or something? I don't want to see it anymore.

Erin, start the episode. I got it. Adam and Eve are my parents.

Wait, so here's the thing. If Adam and Eve gave birth to Cain and Abel, who did, and Cain murdered Abel, right Cain murdered Abel?

I don't remember who murdered who. They're two brothers, right?

I think Kane murdered Abel. But then Kane got married. Who did Kane get married to?

Congratulations!

No. Oh shit, was he registered anywhere? Oh no. So Adam and Eve are the only humans on Earth. They give birth to two boys, Kane and Abel. Kane murders Abel and then Kane like gets kicked out of the garden or something and then he goes somewhere else and marries someone. Who did he marry?

So what I was laughing at so hard there as Erin did that Bane impression was the thought that there are maybe five people who are still listening to this show who really care about Riddles. They're just they're just like just bear with it. You just got to bear with it. You got to make it through. They will do they do about three per episode. So they will do Riddles eventually. And this one, hey, this one's to you guys.

Hello love, my name is Michael Bain.

Oh god, I tried to look up what Kean's wife was, who she was, and this is the information. I'm not reading that. No. Just tweet at us and tell us.

Her name was Sarah DeMarco and she was an influencer. That can't be right.

Whatever, you guys. Whatever. She sold Herbalife? Yeah, she was deep into an MLM. Okay, let's see. So the listener submitted riddles. You guys, I had so much energy and was so into this 10 minutes ago. Okay, so the first listener submitted Riddle. Good Adal. Thank you. I really appreciate that. I honestly really needed that. These are from Cat Whittle. First of all, excellent name. 10 out of 10. Are they a Whittle cat? I think that they're a human person who's a grown up.

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry, I was under the impression that you were a whittle cat, and now I'll treat you like a grown-up adult. To be fair, I was going to treat you the same way I treat all whittle cats. I was going to hold you in my arms, and I was going to scratch your little chin.

We're not going to do that. We're not going to do that.

Now I'm not, because I can see full grown adult. Totally different tact.

So Kat, thank you so much for sending us these. These are some excellent warm-up riddles.

That they... I don't know if you can see this, but Erin's playing with her hair as she reads the riddle. I think that means that she's attracted to the riddle.

You don't know if I can see it. If I'm flirting with the riddle, then I'm flirting with the riddle.

Every once in a while, every once in a while Adal will say something about me that is devastating. I don't know if you can see it.

Uh, chase me Riddle, chase me! Okay, shut up everybody. I can't do this anymore. Um, I'm gonna go to the Comtown. I'll see you all later. I'm gonna see if they want me. Um, the podcast. Okay.

Your sheriff of Comtown.

I'm gonna go knock on their door and see if they need me. I don't know.

Come and come on our knock. We are covered in gum.

So, they found these in a daily puzzle app and they took some of their favorites and sent it to us. The answer to each riddle will be one word that has multiple meanings. We've done variations on this thing before. I've included a hit for each in case you need it. And the answers are in white below each riddle. And then before I forget to say it, Kat said, HRR, which I assume is Hey Riddle Riddle, is my favorite podcast. And I've been listening since episode one. Love you guys. And you can use my name from Kat Whittle. Thank you so much, Kat. These are really fun. So we're going to go through these as a warm up. Let's do it.

HRR could also be Home Run. Really? That's probably the most likely thing. Which is what a lot of umpires have been saying this year.

It's a lot of what our fans are saying, honestly.

The MLB, they hired a ton of umpires who are in disbelief about how good professional athletes are.

What do you mean the umpire made you cry today at the game? I don't want to talk about it.

He called me out.

He said, home run?

Really? Nice triple.

They're so mean. Whatever. I'm going to bed. All right. Correct direction.

Right, right.

Right, right. Yep. You got it. Yes. Speak to location.

Speak to location. Talk, talk, talk, talk. Speak to location. Speak to location. Speak to location. Ad at. Verbal, verbal.

I know that's what it sounds like when I start drowning. That's the sweetest chef drowning.

Howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy

Right?

Address address. Yeah, you got it.

To address someone. I gotcha, I gotcha.

I want to see a scene. Erin, you are going undercover to try and catch a sort of mafioso guy in his crimes. JBC, you are that mafioso guy and your name is Tommy two times and you say everything twice, like address address or right right. Gotcha. And this is you, Erin, trying to coax out some information.

Can I offer you some gabagool, gabagool?

Yeah, I've been here the whole time, and I'd love something to eat. As you know, my name's Gratelli Mazzarelli, and I'm here to talk to you about whatever you want to say, secret or otherwise.

Ah, Gratelli Mazzarelli, Mazzarelli, you come. Very well regarded, regarded.

I'm sorry, Tony, Tony, it sounds like there's an echo in the room.

Hey, my name's not Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony. It's Tony two times, two times. And we call me that, call me that, because I have to say everything two times, two times now. I know what you're thinking, thinking, why does he do it? Do it. Well, it's because one time I got a little too close to a horse horse and I was picking up a pity that I found on the ground ground behind him behind him and the horse got spooked spooked and he clocked me in the nose bows hose troves.

So I guess that's not the only reason they call him two-time Tony.

Slap. Oh, mama goose, mama goose. Sheila, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Wow, it's the mama goose. I can't believe how offensive we are being to an entire culture of people.

JPC's brother's Italian, so he's allowed to do this.

How is that possible? You know what? Two-time Tony? Sometimes it seems like at the end of a phrase, you don't just say it something two times. You sort of just peter off into a bunch of rhyming words. Is that part of your thing?

Hey, maybe I could call up the horse, of course. That kicked me. Yeah, it kicked me.

Yes, this is what I mean.

That was a mistake. Address was correct? Yes. Gently offer money.

Bribe bribe. Gently offer money. Cokes Cokes. Here you go. Here you go. Gently.

Okay, I want to see a scene. Adal, you are JPC's parent.

Okay.

And JPC is in his like mid to late 20s and you're just trying to gently offer him some money to try to help him out in hard times and maybe JPC you're too embarrassed to take it.

Got it. Sweetie, I know it's been tough. It's embarrassing for me to even say it. You're a podcaster, but we're willing to support you.

No, actually things are going way, way better.

I'm sure a little podcast is doing great, but here, I'm gonna hold up a dollar bill and I'm just gonna I'm just gonna blow it over to you.

Not necessary. In fact, I was thinking that maybe I would pick up dinner tonight. Not the meal that we just had. Let's go to a different, let's like get like a burger on the way home and I'll pick up the check on that on like a second dinner. Because Franklin, I'm doing very well and while I appreciate the charity, it is absolutely not necessary. I am doing fine. My boxing podcast is coming along. It's much better.

Excuse me, sir. There's a dollar bill in my salad. Please stop blowing money over to my table.

Sorry, that was meant for my son. Here, JBC, I'm going to suck it in, so I'm going to hold this dollar bill to my mouth and suck in, and then you put your lips on the other end of it.

Aren't you related? Sorry, I'm just a person alone at a table next to you, but that game's intended to kiss your crush.

I'm sorry, he said my son, this is my daddy.

Does that make sense?

You asked. I'm gonna go back to eating my money salad. Crunch. It's mostly coin.

I love the idea of someone has a sugar daddy but they're embarrassed to take money from them.

Oh my god I couldn't. I just want to spend time with you.

I can't afford to be someone's sugar daddy. I'm somebody's sweet and low daddy.

That's amazing. I'm a Splenda daddy. Oh what is it? What's the Octavia... Butler? No, what's the sweetener?

Octavia Butler.

Oh, I don't know, whatever. Are you trying to think of another, are you trying to think of Splenda? No, I'm not trying to. Equal Splenda? Come on, you guys! Help me! Ah, shut up! Okay, hold on.

That's called Octavia? No, it's like... This is a losing battle.

Aspartame? We'll cut this out.

Okay, JPC I meant to ask you, what is the name of your boxing podcast? Uh, ooh. Something with ropes or ring or... Something to something like clench. Yeah, like jab.

I don't know.

Punch up the slimes.

Oh, jab on my hitter's graves. There you go. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Now we can't cut this part out.

Truvia.

Upper deep cups. What was the pun? Truvia.

Oh, I don't have a pun. Jesus Christ. This sucks.

The podcast is, we've gotten to the point where the podcast is literally Erin just remembering.

So, not remembering, taking the time to Google as it's just saying the name of the... Erin sounds like a tickle in the Elmo.

Erin, we're done. This episode's done. Casey, put in 40 minutes of fucking music.

Oh god, I typed something into a computer. I'm not expected to do all the work. I'm just doing a part of it.

Cut the episode right here and just put in the last 40 minutes of Con Air. That's a good 40 minutes.

Oh shit, okay. Already did, he says. Gently offer money.

Gently Offer Money. Oh god damn it, I had a joke for this and now I don't remember it.

I'm sorry buddy.

It was like hush cash or something like that. Hush cash.

Hush cash.

That's my favorite Paula Abdul song. Gently Offer Money. So if you're offering money you're paying, you're bribing, you're bidding.

And if it's real money it's legal.

Tender. Tender. Tender.

Yep.

Oh, little tender, little dude.

Pair up for a contest.

Uh, team team. Tandem, tandem. Tandem, tandem.

Tandem, tandem.

My favorite Olympic sport. Team up. What was it?

Team up for... Pair up for a contest.

Compare for contest. Couple bubble. Compare for contest. Unite. Unite we fight. Contest. Match match.

I'd like to see a scene. JPC your teacher and everyone's pairing up for a field trip and Adal you're the odd kid out in class so the teacher is your partner for the field trip.

Okay everybody, grab your partner.

I'm with my best friend. I'm with my best friend. We're all with our best friends. We all have best friends, but we would be so happy to be paired up with anyone in this class except one.

And teacher, I grabbed my best friend. I'm hugging myself tightly. Jesus.

Seth is... Oh my god. I hug myself tightly and nightly. Nick is sick today, okay? You know... Seth, I keep telling you. Yeah? You and Nick are the biggest losers in school. Thank you. Be sick for field- no. Thank you. I dropped 180 pounds. I dropped 180 pounds because of that show. Shut up. Be sick for field day. Okay? For field trip day. Be sick. I tell Nick Nick always is sick on field trip day.

I would, but my parents are still in space. They're not back yet. And honestly, they don't know if they'll be back.

Hey, it's mom and dad sending a video from space, maybe for the last time. Just remember Seth, make sure to have yourself nightly, tightly.

We love you. Back you damn beasts.

How come the background says BP gas station?

And back to the field trip.

Your parents aren't in space, they're liars. Look, no one wants to deal with you. No one wants to deal with you, least of all me, okay? Cause, you know, you're so uncool, you bring a cool teacher down.

Ah, that sucks to hear, but you're my best friend, so I'll absorb it.

I'll pick it. I'm Mr. Mikulis. Do not tell people that I'm your best friend, okay? I will fucking dead arm you.

I'll punch you so hard. Whoa, look! Mr. Mikulis brought his skateboard to the field trip. Do a trick, Mr. Mikulis!

That's just one of my skateboards. Okay, don't fuck this up for me, okay? Okay. We have to be partners on the field trip today. Don't say anything out loud in front of people. If you have to say something, text it to me, okay?

Wait, Mr. Micolus is paired up with Seth. No. Does that make Seth cooler? Or Mr. Micolus more of a loser?

They're talking through it. I can't believe the kids are taking the... That's 2020 for you. The kids are taking their time to talk through whether or not to bully me. Okay, Seth, no. We can turn this around.

We can turn this around. Actually, Seth, turns out Seth's pretty cool. He just offered to lend me his katana. Yeah, look, I'm uncircumcised.

No, Seth!

It's like a little anteater. All you had to do! All you- you know what? Your parents aren't in space. They're not fighting daily. They're working at gas station and they- Wait!

Mr. Nicholas is mean? Maybe cool people aren't mean. Maybe the coolest people of them all aren't the mean people with skateboards. But the cool people- Hey Sarah? Hey Sarah? Hey Sarah? What's up?

You're expelled. You're expelled.

Oh.

You leave school now. Okay. Same. I love a teacher that has the power to just expel a child from schools.

Like firing them.

Right when they're starting to get it.

Okay. Got up to get a flower.

Rose Rose. Nice Adal. Wow.

And that's what I want from Valentine's Day from the two of you.

And that riddle's based on my favorite Kennedy.

Rose Kennedy.

My favorite Kennedy is Rose Kennedy.

What are you guys getting me for Valentine's Day?

Kewpons for free kisses.

Who am I from who?

Whoever you want. It's Kewpons you give to somebody else and it just says kiss me?

Ooh, Pacey from Dawson's Creek.

I'm going to get you one of those big heart shaped boxes that's full of chocolates and I'm going to do you the favor of tasting every one of the chocolates first so there's gonna be small bites out of every one of the chocolates and then I'm gonna rank their taste from one to ten so I'm gonna put a little piece of paper in there that's like this one's a seven this one's a three this one's a ten just so you know which ones to eat I know you're joking but that's honestly my dream because I like to be able to see inside of a truffle before I eat it

You forgot to, did you have to Google that? Like your sugar substitute? Erin, what if I got you, instead of a teddy bear, what if I got you, so teddy bears of course named after Teddy Roosevelt, what if I got you a Franklin Roosevelt bear? A Franklin bear?

I want an Andrew Jackson voodoo doll. End of list. Okay.

They don't make those anymore. Not since all those kids died.

Okay, sway to popular music.

Sway to popular music. Ooh Jam Jam Bam Bam.

Sway. Okay. God. What's popular music is disco. Disco disco.

Yeah. Disco is currently very popular. Sway to popular music.

We're recording this in 1971.

So popular music would be, okay, Sway. Dance dance, Fall Out Boy?

I'm going back and forth like this. I'm back and forth.

You're drunk. Oh, you whip your hair back and forth. Willow Smith.

You rock rock.

Oh yeah.

Bash await.

What's that?

Bash await.

Wait, I want to see a scene. So based off Rock Rock, the two of you, you are a two person rock band a la the White Stripes, Black Keys. And the two of you are on stage. You just got on stage. This is your big concert. This is what's going to put you over the top. But the two of you forgot your instruments. And so you're trying to just make do install.

What's up Cleveland?

You're in Santa Fe.

Yeah, it's a joke we do.

We say that every city that we're in, true fans know it. Everybody point and laugh at that guy. True fans know the joke. You've never seen us live before. You'd never listen to a live album.

We're so happy to be back on tour. We love you all. Now let's get to our hits.

But before we do that, some crowd work. You there, the one that yelled at earlier, you're somebody's dad. Where are you from? I'm from here. All right, so you're from Cleveland?

No, I'm from Santa Fe.

That got a big pot, man. That got a huge pot. You're from Santa Fe. What do you do, sir?

Well, let me get on stage here and grab this mic.

Sure, yeah. We'll throw a mic down to you. Todd, we hand him a mic. I'm a prop comic.

You're a prop comic? Yeah. Okay.

All right, smartass. Come up here and do your stuff. You're set.

What is this? What is this? A microphone or am I a unicorn? Okay, he's getting too many laughs. Get him off stage.

Todd, get him off stage. No, no, no. What are we going to do? More kind of work. More kind of work. You did. Okay, I'll just start looking at it.

Wow. Anyone here ever have a crush on me?

I used to.

Why'd you stop?

When all those tabloids started to tell your goings-ons.

Okay, pivot, pivot, pivot. This is really bad. This is really bad for us. Pivot, pivot.

You cast a giraffe and I can't look at you the same way.

Uh, we didn't just kiss, it wasn't just a kiss, it was love. Doesn't matter.

Fuck. Alright, okay, okay, okay, you there. You, uh, uh, uh, sir, in the audience, that's an interesting scar. Where'd you get it? Why am I doing this? Why am I doing this?

Um, I was in a bar fight. Okay.

Okay, we're going to do a fun little funny thing that will only happen here.

I was at a casino, and I was at the slot machine, and I got bar, bar, cherry. And I thought, that is it, right? I should have got a third bar. So I started punching the slot machine. See?

This is a huge pot.

And the slot machine started hiding back. Three, four.

Five. Six. You have everyone with us. Seven. Eight. Nine.

Happy New Year!

What's up everybody? Thanks for coming out.

Same.

Pretty good job stalling.

Bash away.

Bash away?

Await.

Bash await. Ton ton ton. Bash a weight.

Is it a weight, like a physical weight, or is it the word a weight?

Physical weight.

A weight.

Bash and a weight. Bash, a weight. Dumb, dumbbell, go to hell. Dumb, bash a weight.

Damn you got it, dumbbell, go to hell. I want to see a scene. You two are both dudes in the gym and you're trying to impress each other by lifting heavier and heavier weights.

Oh, let's go. Oh, let's go if I can get it. Oh, 550. Just curled 550.

You just curled 550? Yeah. Okay. Very nice. Oh, let's go. Let's go. Hey, do you mind spotting me? Yeah. I'm going to bench right now. So I'm going to try to bench 750. 750? Let's go. It's a little bit up. Okay.

Oh, he's doing it.

You did it.

And that was with me pushing down on the bar. That's even worse. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. I'm swole. Okay. Okay. That was 750. That was 750. Let's see here. Let me, you ma'am, can I talk to you for a second?

Me?

Yeah. How many friends do you have?

What the hell?

Get your friends. I'm going to squat you all.

Okay. Come on boys. All my friends are a football team. That's the biggest one in the country.

Well that's a new shirt. Wait, the biggest football team in the country?

Yeah, they're my friends, the ones that have the most people. The Seahawks?

Yeah, the Seahawks. The Seahawks, it's been like three years now that the Seahawks get to play with 10 extra players. Nobody knows why.

Yeah, I don't know why, but I have a thing where I'm only friends with people who are on the Seahawks.

Oh, let's go. Here, get on my back. There you go. And DK Metcalf, get up. And here, oh, lifted them all, squatted them.

Oh, your turn. Achilles, can I ask you a question? Yeah. When we come down here from our mountain and we frolic among the mortals, sure. Is it fun for you anymore?

It's fun to see the reactions of humans, Mercury, but it feels... We're all throwing up because we're so scared!

You're too strong!

Yeah, I feel like it always ends the same way, right? You know, we meet up women in the gym, she's friends with a professional football team, we lift them up and then they all throw up because they're too scared. It's like the fun's out of it. Maybe Zeus has it right.

My heel, my heel.

Okay, we're going to quickly do the rest of these and then we're going to go on a break. All right. Okay, Ross. How I would describe myself. We were on a break. Averagerly nasty.

Averagerly nasty.

Me, me. I wouldn't describe myself like that. I'm just sort of a joke. Baseball player full of water.

Oh, Albert Puhlhos, water cool host.

Jose Conteco, full of, full of, Conteco, full of PepsiCo.

I've given you two so much of that. Okay. So much time.

Dasani, a cheater leader.

I'm gonna take it. I honestly, there's no choice but to take it. Fuck. I can't believe I have to take a cheater leader. Shit. Fuck. I'm so pissed that works. Oh shit. What was it?

A professional ball player full of water? No, it's a baseball player, right?

Yeah, it's a cheater leader. It's not, it's a pitcher pitcher, but god damn it.

A pitcher pitcher. A cheater leader is way better. A bird stretching its neck. Did you know that Derek Cheater used to sleep with a million women and send them home with autographed baseballs?

Is it too late for that?

That was his thing is he'd give them a signed baseball in the morning and tell them to get out.

Honestly though, once a year they'd all gather in a field and fight each other with those balls.

When I sleep with people, what should I sign? Like while they're on their way out. Like a gift bag or should I do like one of those gift baggies filled with erasers and confetti and like little candy?

That's pretty good. Like a little trick or treat. As they were leaving my house, I'd be like, take a snapback.

Take a hat.

Oh a hat. Yeah, pick a hat, take a hat.

Maybe I'll sign a copy of Little Women.

That's fantastic. There's also a few women who have said that they slept with Eric Jeter and during sex he watched highlights of himself and just screamed, yeah, Jeets.

No, no, that can't be real unless it is. It's really flying that it is.

Dear Junior, sounds like the type of guy who saw the movie American Psycho and was like, that looks cool. I will try that.

Oh, you mean like every other guy in America, they see Psycho. American Psycho, they see The Joker, they see Wolf of Wall Street and they're like, oh, baby, that's got to be me. That's me.

Not me. Not me. I saw that movie and I thought one thing. I want to get railed by Christian Bale and I don't care who knows.

A bird stretching its neck. Crane Crane. And thank you so much Cat Whittle. You are a hero. We are so proud of you. You've done such a great job and thank you so much for submitting and for listening since episode one.

We really appreciate you. And we're not going to be moving forward and we wish you luck with your further endeavors.

Thank you so much for your time and thank you for coming in. And Erin, this is something where it's a fractured bone and also an intermission.

Sweet and low, sweet and low.

No, thank you so much. Break, break.

Oh my god, Adal, Erin, I feel like such a fool. What happened? What did we do? You know how we all thought that these ads were kind of a safe space to talk about, you know, what's going on in our lives and our problems and our issues and kind of talk through them? Well, it turns out these are being broadcast to thousands of people in the middle of our episodes.

Yeah, you're talking into a microphone.

Wait, is that why we're getting paid for these? I know I'm just as surprised as you guys, but I have landed on something revolutionary that is going to help us out of this pickle that we all find ourselves in and we're all in the same situation.

You know what?

See, I was about to recommend better help, but if you found something... I was about to launch into how I love pickles because this is an opportunity for me to just rant and rave about what I like. Well, okay. Wait, Erin, what's better help? Oh, do you want to hear about Bradley Better Help Pickers?

No, I don't want to hear about your pickle theory. Why did I say pickles like that? From the South? I don't know.

Well, thank God I'm here because let me tell you about what my thing is and that is Better Help. It's not a crisis line. It's not self-help. It's professional counseling done securely online. This is my favorite kind of way to get therapy because you can send a message to your counselor anytime and they're professionals And it's awesome and you don't have to do that performative one hour of therapy every week that stressed me the heck out. It's more affordable than traditional offline counseling and financial aid is available.

And BetterHelp will help you with things like, you know, is there something interfering with your happiness, JPC? Is there something preventing you from achieving your goals, JPC? Sorry, I'm mentioning just what's affecting my happiness and affecting me from achieving my goals.

Yeah, and so with better help, not like our ads that go out to thousands of people, everything that you share is confidential, it's convenient, it's professional, and it's affordable, right?

Yeah, and you can start communicating in under 48 hours. That's less than an Eddie Murphy movie.

And it's available worldwide.

Okay, so you're saying that we want people to start living a happier life. And as a listener of our show, you can get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at betterhelp.com slash riddle.

JPC, no 10%.

That's too much. I don't make the rules. I think that they should join over 1 million people who have taken charge of their mental health. Again, that's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash riddle. This is way better than the idea I was going to pitch.

What were you going to say?

I was going to say whisper ads. We just whisper all the ads and so then we can hear the ads if we whisper all the ads.

Okay, I say this every day, but thank God I'm here. What would happen if I wasn't here, everybody?

Oh wait, GBC. Stop whispering. All these birds started landing on you. The birds are my friends.

What happened? The light wasn't here.

Welcome back from the Sweet and Low, Sweet and Low. I'm still Erin Keif. To my diagonal left is Adal Rifai, and to my left is JPC.

Activia!

Yeah, everyone let us know what sugar substitute you think we'd all be. What's the stuff in Diet Coke?

Aspartame. Aspartame.

That's probably me. All right, let's do some more listener-submitted riddles. These are from Brooke Matherly. Matherly? Matherly? I know Brooke. Which I think Adal, you might know. Yes. She is from the Restricted Section podcast if you want to check that out. And she sent us some excellent travel riddles. She says, Hey y'all. Hey.

Hey Brooke.

If you've been missing travel like I have, then hopefully these travel riddles will bring back some fond memories. Okay.

Riddles, please.

Riddles. All right.

And Adal, I'm sorry, you were talking to your butler, Tritles, right? I'm sorry? You were talking to your butler, Tritles?

Yes. Tritles, could you please clean up the water that Gemma spilled outside my door? Thank you so much, Tritles. Yes, of course. And Tritles, I have to ask, are you named after Tribbles?

Oh, because we have similar sounding names. Uh, no, Triddles is actually a family name, sir.

And Triddles, where are you from? I always assumed, uh, UK, but... Oh, no, no, sir. The South West. Oh, Santa Fe, Cleveland, joking. Okay, bye, Riddles. Goodbye, sir. Goodbye. I don't know. I never hired that guy. He just appeared to me in a dream and then I woke up and he was there.

Okay, that's pretty cool. I was going to say rich much. God, Adal's so rich. You guys.

I like how he's... I like how he's so... No, no, no. I like how he's so tall and like very slender and black. He's like a black outline of a shadow.

Like a man.

You never see his face.

Yes. Do you guys think it could be Shawn Mendes? Is that what we're all like circling that, right? Okay. All right. Whew. All right. Okay. What even were we doing?

I think you were going to do some riddles from Brooke.

Okay, these are from Brooke. Nobody wants me, but I don't know why. Erin, come on.

We said afterwards we would talk to you and see what's going on.

Oh, um, I'm sorry. That's the riddle. Everybody wants me. Hello. I'm sweating through my tie-dye sweatshirt hoodie.

Hello, boy.

Are you all into that? Chase me, listeners. Chase me.

Everybody wants me. Lucky charms.

Oh man. Okay. Nobody wants me, but I don't know why. Despite the fact that I bring neighbors closer together, people often pay extra just to avoid me. What am I?

Jail time. Jail time. Is it a toll?

No. Nobody wants me, but I don't know why. Despite the fact that I bring neighbors closer together, people often pay extra just to avoid me. What am I?

House fire. These are travel riddles. Travel. So they all involve traveling, basically? Yeah. Because I was going to say, is this like a seatmate on an airplane?

Yeah. Which one? Which seat? Middle seat. Yay. Wow. That's a great one. All right. I want to see a scene. It's the three of us. We are us. And we are holding up an entire line of people behind us trying to get on an airplane, deciding which of us is going to have what seat.

I'm just telling you that when I fall asleep, I fall asleep.

Sorry, Adal, my headphones are in. What were you saying?

I was saying when I fall asleep, I fall asleep in like a Jesus pose, like my arms are outstretched, so I don't think it's good for me to be in the middle because I'm gonna be interrupting both of your, you know, readings or watchings.

Yeah, with the Jesus pose, that's the only appropriate place for you because we don't want you to throw your hand through the window or hit, you know, a flight attendant.

Well, I also, I brought a board, I don't know if I told you guys, I'm bringing a board, a comfort, what do you call that, a comfort animal? What are those called?

Yeah, an emotional support animal.

Yeah, I'm bringing on one of those. What kind of animal is it? You don't want to know. Sir, you legally have to declare. Okay, it's my son. And I didn't want to buy a ticket for him, so he's coming. Humans are animals. And so my son doesn't like to sit on my lap, so he's going to be in a little cage underneath my feet. And eventually, at some point in, I'm going to have to let him out so he can stretch his legs. And you're not going to want to have me in the middle. You're going to want me on the aisle so that the little scamp can get away.

Okay Adal, you got to argue for your point. I'm up next. I have a thing where I have a really terrifying dream enactment, night terrors, but only when I'm in the middle seat.

Sorry Erin, your headphones were in.

Oh shit, my headphones ran. I was talking though, right? I have a thing where I'm in the middle seat of the airplane. I do dream enactment stuff. So it's possible that I'll punch you right in the eye if I'm in the middle seat. Also, I just broke up with a middle seat. I'm going to a terrible breakup with a middle seat. So I'm like, it's really fresh for me. You don't want to sit on it.

This is all kind of a moot point anyway because legally I have to take the window seat because I, legally, unfortunately, the air marshal on this flight has a restraining order against me because I tried to fight him to become the air marshal the last time I was flying.

It's not how that works. You know that now, right?

I know that now. I know that 400 dollars later in a public apology, I know that now.

And also when you said legally you held up a VHS copy of Ferngully, so I think you're confused.

I'm watching this on the plane. I'm going to give it to the pilot in a second.

He's going to put it up on the TVs, but I have to sit there because... I think it's one of those old Greyhound buses that you put a VHS in at the front.

Why is it not? I don't know. I don't know. Erin, you don't have to say old. You can just say Greyhound buses. I give the pilot fern goalie every time I fly and it's always play.

While we talk about this, I'm just going to sit on the window seat. I'm just going to sit right here and then Adal, you just sit in the middle and then you just sit on the end just while we talk about it. How is that a result? The Fasten seatbelt light is on.

No, that's the smoking light. Now, let's all take a quick smoke break. Hold on a second.

I have an ace in the hole. I have an ace in the hole. Hey Gemma, sweetie. I didn't know you were working this fight. Hey, Erin just said I had to sit in the middle. Can you please make us... We're flying spirit. Oh, never mind.

Hey Gemma, happy birthday.

It don't fucking matter where I sit.

Oh, well, this is the episode where she leaves me.

I'll cut that out if you want.

Now leave it in.

Okay.

Leave it in because Gemma and I need to have this difficult conversation.

Wow, we really are setting you up.

Which is JPC doesn't like spirit.

Adal, I have no problem with spirit. Actually, I love spirit because I don't like paying for all the extras because they don't give them to you anyway. Adal, I have to ask you, have you and Gemma been watching the flight attendant on HBO Max?

We watched the whole darn thing. And the whole time, and there was like five or six episodes where Gemma would turn to me and go, uh, that's not how. And I was like, I don't want to hear it.

Uh, well, I've, I've, I've only, I've only seen the first episode and I won't spoil it for anyone who is watching, but as I was watching it, Gemma is the only flight attendant that I know. And as I was watching it, I was the whole time I was like.

But there's so many inaccuracies in terms of like nobody would ever kill somebody like that or do this or do that but there'd be one like flight attendant protocol that they would do and Gemma's like nobody does that and I'm like I'm willing to suspend disbelief.

I had to stop watching because I got very, very mad at the directors of the show and the people editing it. I go, I don't think you're very, very good at setting up suspense or doing something truly scary. If in order to be scary, you need to do jump scare flash callbacks to the most gruesome image from your show. I think that's lazy.

That's fair. I keep saying, okay, Big Bang Theory.

Oh, that's a good comeback to anyone though. That would devastate me. If I make a joke and then someone goes, okay Big Bang Theory. And I go, oh man, I mean that show is really popular for a reason.

People... Even before the show, it's kind of like saying like, okay Einstein.

Yeah. A hundred percent. All right. Next one.

Yes.

A woman grabs her plane ticket and clears security with three hours left before her flight to parts. She charges her phone and begins to check out a familiar neighborhood. When her flight leaves, she is not on board. What happened?

She was watching Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood. She got so engrossed that she fell asleep and woke up dead.

Same answer as Adal, but I'm going to change engrossed with engorged.

Okay, well you both have been reading my fanfic. Stay off of my computer boys. This is not a formal hint, but this is truly one of my favorite riddles that's ever been on this show.

It's a wonderful day in the neighborhood and I'm gonna fuck you so good.

Would you be mine? Could you be mine? Won't you be my lover?

Could I be your fuck boy?

I'm gonna take my shoes off and then we can get started.

Were we close? Were we close?

I'm Mr. Rogers.

I'm Mr. Riddle.

I'm Mr. Riddle. Chase me.

She came? All right, so she came to her flight, cleared security, three hours early, and then you said that she checked out a familiar neighborhood? Uh-huh. Is it like, what is it, like a Chili's neighborhood ballroom grill and she got fucking so drunk at Chili's too that she missed her flight?

I wonder if you're sort of right on the money, but she was eating good in the neighborhood, which isn't chili. Oh, is that Applebee's? She got drunk at an Applebee's and she missed her flight.

Okay, first of all, fuck off if you're drinking at an Applebee's. Any self-respecting person will drink at a Chili's too over an Applebee's every time. I'd eat a Wolfgang Suck Fuckin' Puck Salad before I went to sit down at a fuckin' Applebee's.

Here's where we part ways, cause I love Applebee's. I love it.

I love chilies. I love chilies, but I will say I was in Mississippi a year and a half ago, two years ago, and I went to go see the movie Booksmart, and then afterward I went to an Applebee's and got a little bit drunk. I'm just going to say it was one of the better nights of my life. Applebee's is a pretty fun place to get drunk.

Okay, I'll see that. I mean, I can't drink. Physically, I'm incapable of doing it or I break my streak. But I went to an... Also, you can't pick up a cup. It's too hard because it's so slippery because it's wet on the inside. My hands are backwards. So last time I was on Apple Beads, it was in Michigan. My waitress's name was Hunter. I asked Hunter, I'm a vegetarian. I looked at that menu for 10 fucking minutes. I was like, is there anything on this menu that I can eat? And Hunter, who is a pescatarian, says, do you eat fish? I said no. And she's like, well, then there's nothing on the menu that you can eat. I was like, I can't even get like a salad without the chicken. And she's like, they're all pre-made salads that have the fucking like chicken in them. And there's- Did you get any sides? What's that?

Could you get any sides or desserts?

Yeah, but I bet I could have gotten french fries, but like what am I like, I'm gonna eat that as a meal? Yeah. No, Hunter and I had a moment. We commiserated. Hunter was sad because basically, unless she's eating fish, she can never use her shift meal. And I said, Hunter, do yourself a favor. Get out of here. Run. And Hunter, if you're out there, if you're listening, I hope you did. I hope you dance.

And then Hunter became the hunted.

The hunted.

Applebee's is still chasing her.

You read my screenplay. Her brother, Gatherr, Erin, you should know, unless you already know this, Booksmart, one of the better movies of the last 10 years, was written by World News Tonight alum, Sarah Haskins.

I lost my mind. I saw the movie before I knew a World News alum had written it. And then it exploded my heart and my chest. It's like one of the best written portrayals of female friendship I've ever seen. It's so good. That's so cool that a World News person did this.

And Erin, you would also love to know that the Mario Brothers movie, the lead in that movie, was actor Bob Hoskins. Bob Hoskins.

From Who Framed Roger Rabbit and Hook. He plays me.

Do you guys know anything that I care about? What do you know about me?

Well, you have a tie-dye sweater that you're sweating through.

That's why they call it that.

JBC, now you go.

She loves Bob Hoskins.

Okay, fine. You're both lucky guesses.

Okay.

Sophie arrives in Paris and heads up her accommodation.

Must be nice.

Oh, I'm sorry. Heads to her accommodation. You guys, I am tired. I went to bed at 5 a.m. last night.

I'm going to head up my accommodations. Erin, would you say that you're like a bicycle? I'm like a bicycle. Tandem? Well, I mean, just in that you're too tired.

Nobody move. Nobody move. Everybody be very, very still.

The predator just joined the Zoom. He can see us with his heat vision.

Nothing to see. Is that the noise? Is that a noise? Sophie arrives in Paris and heads to her accommodation. When she gets up to her room, there's already a German, an Italian, and a Spaniard inside. She's not bothered and settles right in. Why isn't she bothered?

Because those are types of sausages she ordered for dinner at the hotel. Only in her dogs.

No, no, no, because those are the different translations of the Bible in her room.

Yep.

Le Bible, El Bible.

No, they're really people.

They're really people. A German, a Spaniard, and a what?

A German, an Italian, and a Spaniard. Inside her accommodation.

I'm only gonna ask this once and I'm only gonna ask this because this is a podcast and this is my job and I take it seriously. Is this a sex thing?

The podcast? No. The answer to the riddle? No.

Then I owe everybody an apology, a big apology for kind of what I've been, kind of under my reactions. Yeah. Okay, so these are three human beings, three people.

Yes.

And she expected them.

She didn't expect them maybe specifically, but she probably expected

Are they like on TV, or are they in the room with her physically?

In the room with her physically.

A German, a Spaniard, and an Italian.

It doesn't matter, they're nationalities.

Oh, these are the pet boys.

No.

I think they're all German. Okay, so their nationalities doesn't matter, but so there's three people in her hotel room.

And she's not bothered. Why? Well, there's three people in her accommodation and she's not bothered. Why?

Butcher, baker, candlestick maker. Are these like support staff? Are these like a busboy?

No, but I did correct you when you said hotel room.

Yeah, so it's not. So it's accommodations, not hotel room. It's a ski lodge. Oh, is she in a hostel?

Yes.

Oh, so their nationalities do matter.

Well kind of to imply that a lot of people from all over the world usually are in hostels together.

Next question. Actually fun fact, every hotel room that I stay in has a hostel vibe.

I stayed at a hostel in Edinburgh and I will never, since that day, I will never stay in a hostel again. It was like 13 whatever Scottish money is per night and it was the worst fucking thing in the world. Hostels are garbage, I'm sorry. They're awful. Somebody went through my bag. It was the worst experience I've ever had in my life.

I think there's probably a lot of really great hostels. No. Did you see the movies?

I live by one. Do you see the documentaries?

No, I don't. Why would I? They're not documentaries at all. Sure they are. I live by a Chicago hostel. I am actually not going to tell everyone right where I live. I'm sorry, Adal, but...

I'm sorry, Adal, you're so against hostels, but isn't Spirit Airlines just the hostels of fucking airlines?

No, they're hostile. Why are you trying to get him into trouble?

Stop! I get free flights anywhere in the world. Please don't fuck this up for me.

Last riddle of the episode, everybody. Last one. You don't get any more, okay? Are you happy you don't get any more?

I'm not happy? Come on. I wanted this on the record. I'm not happy.

Darla starts in Richmond, Virginia and sets out alone to head to New York City. On her way there, she goes right through DC, Baltimore, and Philadelphia. When Darla arrives in New York, she can honestly say she's never in her life seen any of these cities. How is that possible?

Darla's a liar. Yeah, she's a liar. Does it say what her mode of transportation is?

Doesn't matter.

So she went through the cities, but she honestly can say she's never seen these cities. Did she sleep? Did she sleep through it?

She was asleep. Which is why I can say I've never been on an episode of Hey Riddle Riddle. Same logic.

Because you sleepwalk through all of these.

Uh-huh. I'm dead asleep right now. Completely asleep.

I do like it. You could have said, I've never seen an episode of Hey Riddle, but you said, been on. So it's like... Never been on one.

Not awake.

In a fugue state and Hey Riddle Riddle is happening in the ether kind of around you.

And that's how impressive and funny I am that this is just me in like a dream. Like, can you imagine if I were awake how much more normal and funny and interesting I'd be?

Okay, so I want to see a brief scene. So here's the setup of the scene. Erin Adal, you're on an airplane and have you guys seen the television? Oh geez, the television. The movie Valentine's Day? No.

Oh, hell yeah.

You talk about it constantly. It's on Netflix. It's an absolute ball of trash. But Bradley Cooper, Julia Roberts, part of that movie, Valentine's Day, starts with Julia Roberts, I think, falling asleep on Bradley Cooper. And that's their meet cute. I'm not going to spoil that movie for anyone who wants to waste two and a half hours of their life.

It's honestly a blast. It's so bad. Watch it.

This is your little meet-cute on a flight, except that, Erin, Adal, you keep trying to think of creative ways to start this conversation. Erin is going to be sleeping through it the entire time. So she's never waking up, but this is your meet-cute.

That's so funny. Haha. To you too. We're so alike.

Uh-oh.

Whoops. Oh, you got some drool on my shoulder. Shoulder drool. Shoulder drool almost sounds like, how are you? And I want to ask, how are you doing?

I never want to fall in love.

Yeah, I don't want to fall in love. I want to stand up in love. I want to stand up for you and you are beautiful. Oh, this emotional support pet in the cage? That's my son.

Oh, I'm having a nightmare. I'm having a nightmare that I had to talk to the guy next to me. On the plane when I sat down. Okay.

You're funny.

Jennifer. In your subconscious, all you want to do is tell the guy next to you that he's a doofus. But don't do that until it's going to be rude. Make sure you don't tell him you think he's a doofus when you wake up.

Who's Jennifer? Are you on the phone? Hey, can I get anyone something to drink? Hi, what's your name? Hi Gemma. Can I have, let's see here, can I have a red bowl with Fanta and a splash of Faygo? And for my friend here, she's going to have a fruit topia.

I'm a fruitopia and I also gotta say I think we did a scene similar to this on the Patreon recently. Patreon.com is like a Riddle Riddle to Florida episode.

A fruitopia and a Red Bull Fago Fanta. And also get something for yourself, huh? Thank you so much. And does anyone know how to fly a plane?

I do. I do not fly a plane.

Okay. She said, I know how fly a plane. So I, I, I'm going to keep, I'm going to keep looking. I've seen Conair. I've seen Conair. Haven't we all?

All right. Well, here's my chance. You, I don't know your name, but the moment I sat down next to you, I knew I won't just spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?

Oh sorry sir, I'm so embarrassed that I fell asleep on you. Oof, my husband was gonna make fun of me. He's always laughing at me for falling asleep on strangers on planes.

Are you you from the teacher? Oh, see.

Sorry my husband's on the other side of you.

Hold on, I'm not always doing that.

Come on, you're always teasing me about it, right?

It happened one time and I brought it up at a dinner party.

Derek, I'm not trying to fight. I'm not trying to fight either. Oh, but then why are you fighting?

My character is being assassinated and it's like a dagger into my- That you cheese your wife in a cute way?

That's a character assassination? When you tell a stranger that I did that? Did you at least order me a Fertilio?

The two of you, please. Is there anything you want to promote?

Well, my marriage is in shambles, but I guess if I could promote anything, I would direct people to JPC's Twitch stream. It's twitch.tv slash sharkbarkman. He streams most, you know, day times. So if you're in an office job and you want to watch it at work, you know, your boss probably won't know. Throw it up on that second monitor. Twitch.tv slash sharkbarkman during the day's weekdays.

Okay, great. I don't know who that is, but that sounds great.

Me neither.

Ma'am? Ma'am, is there something you want to plug?

Fine. I'm furious and I think my marriage is over, but I guess if I have to plug something... I'll plug Erin Keif 10 on Instagram. I have some projects coming out soon that I'm excited about, but I mostly was excited that I found the love of my life on our planet.

Great.

Anything to plug, Adal?

That's so kind of you to ask, and you know my name. I want to plug Spirit Airlines. They're a wonderful airline. I think they're the fastest growing airline. And they're good value. When you travel again, you're going to want to fly Spirit Airlines. I also want to plug my fianc, Jeff. That came out wrong. Yeah, you do.

High five, low five. I'm very excited.

I'm very excited to marry her. I'm very excited to spend a life with her. And she's the best. And on March 28th, hey everyone, let's all wish her a great second quarantine birthday because she's had two birthdays in quarantine now. All right. Love you Gemma. Sorry. Happy 11 days Gemma.

And JPC, what planet is Gemma going to send Adal to after this episode?

I don't do this shit.

I don't fuck it up.

You do it. Come on bud, just once.

Why are you starting a fight?

Wait, wait, wait. Hold on. JPC, you get one. Now it's your turn to do a planet. Okay. What's the funniest planet? What's the funniest planet? Jupiter, bye.

Local created by Emily Cardenas and Emma Inamore.

Erin, you ready?

Yeah, one second.

So, no.

Yeah, I need, I'm not ready.

Hey, you tell us, Chief. Boom! Shaka laka laka laka.

Yes, I was the voiceover for NBA Jam.

He's on fire. Boom, jagalaga. From downtown.