Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum podcast. The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Oh, then we're going to finish. He was the captain of an airplane. He stabbed him with the knives and eggs. And the horses came riding.

Okay, kids, let's see what we have in the fridge here. We got some OJ, we got some purple stuff.

Ooh, we got some Hey Riddle Riddle. No, no, no, no, no, I want the purple stuff. I want the purple stuff. Purple stuff.

Oh, sorry. I don't think you heard me. We have some Hey Riddle Riddle. Let me just leave this. No, no, no, no, no. What did you say before that? I said I have OJ, I have purple stuff, and then I have people.

Yeah, I want purple stuff.

Who? Well, I just threw purple stuff in here. That's not, it's not even a name. It's just a descriptor. No, it's robo-tussin'.

It's Robitussin.

We want to drink Robitussin. Oh is this is this like a you're gonna like trip?

We hope, if we drink enough.

Okay, you take some?

You had it first.

You just downed like half the bottle.

I don't want it anymore. You're good.

I'll have some orange juice or hey Riddle Riddle.

Hey also man good luck. Is this your first time? Oh my name is Adal Rifai. I'm poison control.

You would be talking normal.

You're ruining the illusion of audio. Okay sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry. I am Adal Rifai.

And I'm Orange Juice. What do we do?

And I'm JPC and this is a Riddle podcast. And if you were just joining us because you were stuck.

You butt dialed our podcast. Your butt hit all the wrong buttons and now you're here.

If you texted us and said, baby I'm so sorry, please take me back.

If you were just unfrozen and you're a caveman and you're trying to catch up on the last 40,000 years of human evolution and you've got to this point, this is a riddle podcast. And we are going to be doing riddles on the podcast for your amusement.

But it's also an improv podcast. Art took a turn for the worst. I bet this is where it's hitting you that art is dead.

This can't possibly be a riddle podcast.

No, I know what you're thinking. I know what you're thinking. Please, freeze me back again. I want to see my wife. I want to see my child. Well, I can assure you they are long dead, my friend. They died 40,000 years ago and mammoth probably ate them.

Actually, actually, JBZ, Mammoths, and this particular caveman did not live at the same time.

Okay, but the world that you have now without your wife and boy who, if I'm going to be honest, they probably were not going to get more than 10 more years anyway.

Your wife and son are dead. Welcome to the Riddle Podcast. Let's get started.

I think I read something, this can't be true, I feel like I read something that was like, when the pyramids were built, there were still wooly mammoths. Is that right? That can't be right.

Yeah, pyramids were closer to something than they were to Cleopatra being a leader.

That hurts her feelings that they weren't that close to her.

Yeah, they were close. The only thing that is important for you to understand is that even the 200,000 years ago, early, early, early, early, early people, it's like 40 million years off from dinosaurs. So people, dinosaurs, never had any crossover. But I think alligators and a woolly mammoth and stuff probably, they probably did.

You guys, I'm one more video made by a paranoid YouTuber away from believing that the pyramids were made by aliens.

Erin, are you going to become a flat earther? I don't know.

You know what I am though?

For 2021, please be a flat earther.

Erin, dinosaurs don't melt at that temperature.

Yeah, you guys, I'm taking some stepping stones into being a conspiracy theorist. I'm all on board for the royal family killing Diana.

Who do you think shot JFK?

Princess Diana. See, it's this whole thing.

The JFK one is like, who cares? But if it was something cool like Princess Di shot JFK, that would be, and she has an eye patch for some reason, like it's Princess Di for the future, that shit would be cool.

I also believe every single conspiracy theory about Dick Cheney.

I don't know any of these.

YouTube.com and type in, how do I become a worst member of society? And then all of these conspiracy theory videos will pop up.

Do you listen to, what is it? The Desert Oracle radio? No. I think that you would like that.

I'm going to write it down.

Yeah. Ken Lane, Desert Oracle radio.

I think there's one time super late at like four in the morning I was with a friend driving from New Orleans to Chicago and it came on I think it was called Coast to Coast and it was like a talk show host and they had Collins.

Yeah that space goes by bad.

There's a guy named Brack who just screamed and everyone thought it was funny. But there's this this is like a call-in show and this woman called and she's like hey my dog's possessed by my husband again and he keeps trying to like you know kiss me and then he screams and there's like blood coming out of his eyes and the host every single call was like mm-hmm mm-hmm oh I hate it when that happens like treated everyone as if they could not be more honest it was absolutely wonderful one of the best things I've ever heard

Now, uh, thanks so much for your call. Now here's Sixpence None the Richer singing Kiss Me.

Oh yeah, it's Casey Kaysom, I'm sorry.

Kiss me. I am the ghost of your husband trapped inside a dog.

Welcome to Hey Riddle Riddle. Let's do some riddles JPC. Who's our old husband doggy today?

I don't fucking want to do riddles today. I don't fucking care dude.

My co-workers called me an old husband doggy today.

Erin, JPC, Erin, hey. I turned off the button to where listeners can hear us. Oh thank god. Why don't I have an idea? Why don't we call in sick from riddles?

But we're running out of excuses.

I'm gonna call Riddles. Hold on. I'm gonna call Riddles.

I've also, I've already lost 30 or 40 of my grandparents. Hold on. It's ringing. It's ringing. It's ringing. It's ringing. It's ringing. It's ringing. It's ringing. It's ringing.

It's ringing. It's ringing. It's ringing.

It's ringing. It's ringing.

It's ringing. It's ringing. It's ringing. It's ringing. It's ringing. It's ringing. It's ringing. It's ringing. It's ringing. It's ringing. It's ringing. It's ringing. It's ringing. It's ringing. It's ringing. It's ringing. It's ringing. It's ringing. It's ringing. It's ringing. It's ringing. It's ringing.

It's ringing. It's ringing. It's ringing. It's ringing. It's ringing. It's ringing. It's ringing. It's ringing. You should absolutely take the day off.

She looks awful too.

You sound awful as well.

I look pretty good still.

And I'm sick too. You should definitely take the day off.

We're sorry. We would love to be there.

Before you do, and I'd love to give you the day off, I just have a little riddle for you.

Just when I think I'm out.

Who has two tiny dicks and a squiggly little brain and is out of fucking PTO. The three of you numb-nut skull shits.

Okay, we have only two dicks and one brain between the three of us. You're doing your math wrong.

How did he know I had two tiny dicks?

You have at least four dicks and no brains, asshole.

I have custom pants that hide them very well.

This guy was dead on for me, no dick, no brain. 2021 baby, no dick, no brain.

Alright, I'll fine, I'll do riddles.

Isn't that what the Tin Man's looking for?

Oh my god, one of them's like... They're like, I'm looking for a brain, I'm looking for a heart, I'm looking for some courage. What are you looking for Todd? I don't want to say. I don't want to say. What, no Todd, no Todd, what are you looking for? Please, we're all going to the wizard.

The dick was inside you the whole time.

Looking for that dick.

I gotta find that dick.

Honestly, I'm tied here, got a pretty good life. What I could use is a $45 Red Lobster card. Oh my god. Because every time I go I want to get a couple things and then the bill's $61 and I'm

I could eat again at Chili's.

Oh my God, that's amazing.

I'm not going to do the rest. I am truly not being paid enough to do such work.

Look, we're all at work today. We have to do Riddles. It's a Riddle podcast, but I have really actually fucking fantastic, great news for the two of you. Yeah absolutely. So back in November someone wrote into the show their name is James A. Kennedy and I did get permission to use their full name because they told us that they had written a riddle book They found the podcast. They told their friends that they had finished writing a riddle book. One of their friends directed them to the podcast. They devoured all the episodes in an embarrassingly short amount of time. They ate our back catalog? They ate fuck.

I hate the back catalog. At least they're going to turn into a butterfly. A very scary nightmare butterfly.

And I corresponded with James back and forth for a little while. James was nice enough to send me.

Wow. Did he sign it?

Yes he did. The first two volumes. James signed it. He also wrote to JP Riddles. It's no swan lumps, but I hope you enjoy from James Kennedy. That's so sweet. James is very nice. The book is called Riddles for Smart People, 100 plus original puzzles to solve with friends, volume one. I believe that you can get this on Amazon. So if you look again, it's called Riddles for Smart People by James A. Kennedy, K-E-N-N-E-D-Y. If you like the riddles that we're gonna do on the show today, go and buy James's book.

We'll include the link.

Hold on a minute.

What's the name again?

James Kennedy. Is this Son of Mask?

Is this Son of Mask actor Jamie Kennedy? This is Jamie Kennedy, the person who killed Princess Di. Got it.

So you saw my video.

Yeah, so we're gonna do some of the, all of the riddles in this book are all original riddles. And James included this cool author's note, which I think every riddle book should honestly have, with three things. One, these riddles are more fun with friends, and obviously we've got that part covered. Co-workers, they're basically friends you just haven't met yet. Two, The riddles are written for adults, but there's no bad language, but some of them involve murder or untimely death, so use discretion. Or butt-fucking. There's no butt-fucking in this. And three, all of the following riddles come from James' brain. If you were even true stories, however, there are seven plus billion people in the world and I'm not vain enough to think that other writers haven't had paranormal ideas. Any similarities are unintentional. I think that's a great thing to include in your riddle book because Yes, like some of these riddles, someone else has probably said like a similar type of riddle, but these are all from James' brain written by James and I can't wait to crack into them. Thanks again James for sending this in. Thank you James.

Congratulations on finishing something too and making something that is a very beautiful way to move through the world.

Well done James. It sounds like James wrote this book before they even knew about the podcast. So James actually had no idea that one of my favorite things is included in this, which is all of these riddles have titles. I love a riddle with a title. Hell yeah. Okay. What if these were all fucking bad and then we just like laid into James for like fucking 45 minutes?

Well that would suck because James A. Kennedy is a nom de plume for Adal Rifai.

Uh oh.

Okay, so. This is called The Masterpiece. Austin was a gifted painter who graduated at the top of his art school class. He was a self-admitted perfectionist. Each year, his paintings became more and more intricate, and he spent countless hours on his latest artwork. At last, his masterpiece was finished. He went home satisfied and had a celebratory steak dinner with his wife, Amanda. Austin returned around 2pm the next afternoon to show Amanda his handiwork, as he never liked her to see his paintings until they were completely finished. To his shock and dismay, the painting had vanished overnight. If the painting wasn't stolen, what happened? Snowman.

So are you saying Mr. Policeman, Mr. Policeman?

Please catch me before I kill again. That's what I'm saying.

Alright, I'm gonna get this. Okay, so can you, I'm, uh... Whoa, damn, Erin calling her shot.

Big 2021 industry. Damn.

Can you read it again? I want to make sure I have all the details correct.

Before you read it again, I do want to see a scene. Oh, okay. JPC, you're gonna be an artist, maybe like a, who painted Mona Lisa? Is that Da Vinci?

Oh, Da Vinci.

Davinci. So you're going to be Davinci. Erin, you are the actual painting, the Mona Lisa, and you've just been finished and then you have a conversation with Davinci. My masterpiece is finished.

I am smaller than I thought I'd be. Bonjour.

That's French.

Davinci, you're... Oh, Italian.

Cial.

Ciao.

Oh, I've only ever seen it written down. It's pronounced chow? That's crazy.

You're speaking to me. How is this happening on the vinky? You've been around the paint fumes too much.

You painted me during a lightning storm, so that could be it. Am I smiling or no?

It's more like a smile. It's like a smile with your eyes. It's not really like a facial smile.

Yeah, in my mind you were like pissed off about something and I was like trying to like figure it out, but it was only like piecing you off more that I couldn't like, you know, I should have known. I should have known what it was about because I did it. It was on me.

Okay, so you got into a fight with your wife and then came and painted me?

Look, I painted this. I really just wanted to get that big steak dinner with my wife. And so I painted this.

I was going to bring you home and say, I'm a baby. I'm so sorry. I don't remember what I did, but I paint you with some painting of a smizer woman. Maybe make a steak for Leonardo. Maybe make a potato. Maybe make pasta for sure.

And knock a knock. Everything okay in here? It's a me or Embrandt. I heard you talking to someone.

Ciao Bonjour and toothpaste to you sir.

Where's that coming from? My latest, it's kind of like an invention in a painting all in one. It's like a puppet and thriller quiz. So, I have a little boy who's hiding behind the painting. Who makes all the sounds of the painting.

Okay, I'm gonna take off, but just remember, I'll be there for you if you ever need me. When the rain starts to fall, I'll be there for you. This is why you stopped buying the bread? Get out of here, you old fuck-all! See? It wasn't originally, but then I was like, oh wait a minute. Hey, happy coincidence. Happy coincidence. My favorite Adam Sandler movie. I love wishing people a happy coincidence. So this guy made a masterpiece. He went home to eat a steak dinner with his wife Amanda, and then next morning his masterpiece was ruined or was gone?

It was gone, dude.

The painting had vanished overnight. It had to have been an ice sculpture.

Oh, did it have to be an ice sculpture? Literally, yes. That's a really great question. It's such a great, great, great question. Or was it an ice cream sculpture?

No, it was nothing that melted. Invisible ink. Erin, no!

He painted it on a steak and then they ate the steak. Read the riddle again and then I will get it.

He's a steak painter. Can I give you some hints actually? Please. So, hint one was the painting was enormous. Hint two was the painting was not on a canvas. Elephant.

Oh, okay. He painted it on a wall and then it rained.

Graffiti.

You guys gotta hit three. Austin preferred the medium was spray paint. Austin was a graffiti artist and his work was on the side of an office building. He hadn't received a permit to paint anything there and nearby residents had complained. That morning the city council sent workers to cover it up with gray paint.

I love that this guy uses spray paint and he goes home to his wife and has a steak dinner because you got to keep Austin weird. This guy's a fucking weirdo.

This guy's insane. Okay. I want to see a scene, speaking of Austin, who has like a very non-traditional job but goes home to like a very traditional like nuclear family steak on the table thing with his wife. We're going to see a scene where Adal you are going to, you're going to be preparing a meal For Erin, Erin is just coming home. But Erin, you have like a very non-traditional job.

Oh, welcome home, honey. Grab a seat and I'll start bringing out the apps.

Oh, you are so good to me. This is so lovely. And you picked up the kids from school. Oh!

That's right.

Who did I marry? The nicest guy?

You married me? Who's this other guy?

The nicest guy?

No, I'm talking about you blerp.

I just poked your belly. I love being in love.

Go ahead and just kiss your nose.

Better not. I should probably shower before you kiss me. Oh. I killed a lot of baby ducks today. Oh yeah, you got some.

What do you do for a living? Erin was in a cow oot. She killed a bunch of baby ducks as just a total nonsense.

Yeah, that's just what I do to get out my rage.

I just love the idea of like, who likes being poked at the stomach?

Oh my gosh. Sean and I watched the best worst movie we've ever seen. It's a sequel to a movie called After. It's called After We Collide. It's on Netflix. It's one of the most watched movies in the country right now. And it's the one of the worst movies I have ever seen. You guys, it makes no sense. Every choice they made, it was like a choose your own adventure and they made the wrong choice every time. You guys, you have to watch it. You have to watch it. It is laughed out loud, so funny.

Can I ask what this has to do with somebody being poked in the belly?

Well, I'm about to tell you. It's basically sophomore porn the whole time. Check please. There's a whole scene where he just pokes her in the belly button. And we were like, what is this?

That is very weird. Does he make like a doorbell sound or anything?

Yeah, he goes ding dong. Boink boink.

That feels like a moment where they're like, what should we do here? And the director's like, just have fun with it. Like, I feel like any time the director says, just have fun with it, that's when the worst choices come out.

I think it's just, it's a general choice, right? It's not a specific choice. Like, what do we do in the scene? Be like, I do something sensual. Yeah, okay, poke a belly.

He's an alien and he's like, this? Is this it? It is the least sexy thing I've ever seen in my life.

Is this my penis?

Speaking of the least sexy thing you've ever seen in real life, this next riddle is called The TV Star. Hell yeah. Zach, with a C-H, was an up-and-coming young actor with spiky blonde hair and a great comedic timing. Okay, obviously this is about me. He scored a lead role in a major sitcom and became immensely popular overnight. Although his confidence bordered on arrogance, which sometimes rubbed his co-stars the wrong way, they didn't deny Zach's talent. The live studio audience couldn't contain their laughter when he was on stage. Hey Riddle. One Friday morning... Yes, Erin, I'm jealous of this guy. He's up and coming. One Friday morning, Zach went into work early to run through some lines before shooting began. A production assistant found him around 9 a.m. dead. Oh, thank God. Okay, good. All right, James. I'm up to knock him down. You brought me back. Zach's body was found in a room with no windows. The only door to the room was locked from the inside. His head had been crushed with a blunt object. But there was nothing in the room that could have killed him. How did the murderer do it?

Okay. He's a golden retriever.

Spiky blonde hair. Let me go to the answer. Erin, Zach is a golden retriever.

What do I win? A car?

Is that written in invisible ink?

I'm sorry, it was written in graffiti and hold on, the rain just came. I'm sorry. That was a joke answer.

JBC was gonna give me a car.

I have an answer that's gonna sound like a joke, but I'm serious. Was Zach killed by a hypnotist who spoke to him through the door and made him slam his own head into the wall?

Adal, that is a great guess, but it is not the correct answer. And that brings us to a scene. Erin, I'm going to see a scene right now where Adal and I, you went on a date last night and you went on this date. It was amazing. And we want the deets. We want to know what this guy looks like. And everything that you use to describe, none of the characteristics that you describe are human in any way. What do you describe this man? So how'd it go?

Oh yeah, last night. You can probably tell that I'm sort of on cloud nine over here. It was the big day with Zach, right? Yeah, you guys, I think I met my husband. Oh my gosh. I think I met my husband last night.

Tell us a little bit about him. What did it look like? What's his personality type? Yeah, because he hasn't been chatting for like nine months, right?

It's insane. He finally met in person. So obviously, right out of the gate, he's a floating orb. So, like, that's the first thing on my checkmate.

Like his personality? Like he's bubbly? Like his sign is like Aries?

You guys are so funny. So floating orb check. I'm not funny.

Why'd you give me the check?

I'm not paying for it. Lives on the island from lost. Can sort of turn into anything. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Makes a clicking noise.

You've been talking about this Zach guy for like forever. Nine months.

Yeah, for nine months. To my very funny friends.

Just station period.

Maybe we should like ask like more specifically, like how are his teeth? And also real quick, can I just ask, why did you say he can turn into smoke? He lives on an island and he can turn into anything. Doesn't anything cover smoke? Why specifically smoke?

Well, he like is mostly smoke. He's like smoke most of the time and can turn into things.

Oh, he's smoke that can turn into anything but his resting state is smoke.

His teeth are nothing because he has no teeth and he's the smoke monster from Lost.

Okay, I still don't get a good idea of who this guy is.

And he paid.

Oh my god, Kelsey, lock that down. That's a keeper. Guys, where are we? Kelsey has low standards.

I think about all the time when Adal said because the guy who gets sucked into the engine and the pilot of lost and then Adal to make it put a positive spin on it he said but Erin for a moment he was flying. I think about that twice a week. We recorded that episode like a year and a half ago.

Join the review crew patreon.com slash HeyRiddleRiddle. Do you guys have a guess about the Zack in this story? So Erin guessed dog, Adal guessed hypnotist. Neither one of those is correct.

We got hit in the head with something. So it can't be like a light from the set fell on him.

No, and so I don't think... I don't think finding the murder weapon is going to help you. I think that is not going to lead you to the answer.

He's on the set.

Oh, a blunt object, a bong?

Erin? Am I right? It's a set without a fourth wall? Yes, you are correct. Zach was on the set when he was killed in a traditional sitcom. The sets have at most three walls, although the door that was part of the set was locked. The set did not have any windows. The murderer simply walked past the cameras and killed him. Damn, Detective Erin at it again. Case closed. And guess what guys?

I have a magnifying glass in front of my eye.

Why are you burning those ants?

Because I can.

Good news, the murderer did not know that the camera was running, so let's, real quick, let's just play the tape, and this is after, we're not gonna obviously see the tape of the murder, we're just gonna play the tape afterwards so we can get a little dialogue of who the killer was. Okay, here we go.

I'm a good boy, I'm a good boy. Hey, what's this Golden Retriever doing here? Why do you have that watch and you're swinging it back and forth? Okay, Erin, holy shit, you were right.

The killer was a Golden Retriever.

Wow, Adal, I meant to say I'm killing all these ants because this town is a lot of baby ducks.

That's what ants go marching is about, is about Dave Matthews crushing baby ducks.

Oh, I thought you were talking about the actual ants go marching song. I was. Down to the ground to get out of the rain.

Oh, so we're talking about two different actual Ansco marching songs.

Yeah, you're talking about the Dave Matthews one and I'm talking about... I'm sorry, the Dave Matthews cover. These are so far very good riddles that I am enjoying very much.

I know, they're almost too good, right? Suspiciously good.

Yeah, these are better than our average riddle.

Better than your average riddle. You guys gotta get this book. The next riddle we have here is called The Unlucky Fisherman. Doug, an experienced fisherman, was cold and annoyed. He had been hunched over his rod for many- Same. He did a hunch over his rod for many hours and then a single- Nice. Been there. Alright, everybody gets one. Per episode. Per fucking episode. Are you Riddle Spider-Man? Everybody gets one?

Come on!

You cool with that, Riddle Spider-Man?

Baby, you know what I don't talk about, Riddle Spider-Man. He had been hunched over his rod for many hours without a single bite from a fish. Not one. Yes, thank you. He called his wife Lynn to complain about how unsuccessful the trip had been. He told her that he planned to camp out where he was, eat the tuna salad sandwiches she had packed him, toast some marshmallows on a campfire to cheer himself up, and then get some much needed sleep. He would drive back home in the morning. When Doug didn't arrive home by the next evening, Lynn called the police to investigate. Despite triangulating the location of his last phone call, Doug's body and his fishing equipment weren't recovered.

What happened to Doug? Solved it. Solved it immediately. This motherfucker went ice fishing and he built a fire on the ice. Now the ice in ice fishing is a frozen lake. So when you start a fire on a frozen lake, Ice is going to melt, you can go under the water, and of course there's currents underneath there that are going to pull you all the way to the ocean.

Alright, I am going to see a scene between the two of you before we find out if that was correct or not. JPC and Adal, you two are best friends and JPC you just fell through the ice while you guys are ice skating and you both get a little too distracted and Adal you forget to help them out of the ice.

Oh no. Oh no, Peter, you fell. Oh, you're in the act. Are you okay?

No, it's so cool. Get out. Get out of there.

I can't, I can't.

There's no good place for, there's no steps. I need like steps or a ladder.

Oh, hey. Do you remember, not a lot of people talk about this show. Do you remember Step by Step, that TV show? Yes, I remember Step by Step, please. Oh, what was their nephew's name?

You need to help, you need to help pull me out.

He was kind of like a bro, maybe Cody or something? Don't worry about that. Just go get a rope from right over there. Oh, go get a rope. Oh, Alfred Hitchcock. Oh, so good. Rope. It's all one take. Alfred Hitchcock. It's all one take. Rope. It's so good. Just a beautiful movie. Really well done.

You're getting distracted. You're getting distracted. I'm moments from death in this ice.

Hey neighbors, I have a really long rope. Do you need one? Alfred Hitchcock. Oh, I love Alfred Hitchcock. He's the director who taught modern directors how to put suspense in their movies.

Oh, I'm sorry sir. I confused you for him. You look a lot like him.

Yeah, turn sideways real quick. Now back to the front. Yeah, you're not Alfred Hitchcock. No.

Okay, have a good day. Thank you. You too.

Now, what was I doing? Oh, I think I was walking away.

Adal, of course, you are incorrect. The answer is that Doug was a golden retriever who was ice fishing. Unfortunately, the warmth of the campfire crossed the ice beneath him to melt and crack, sending him and all his equipment to the bottom of the lake.

Adal, you were so fast.

So you're telling me this dog retrieves gold?

Oh boy. I shrimp fried all this rice. And speaking of rice, we'll be rice back after these messages.

Too good of a transition. Let's stall. Let's stall.

It's 717.

I looked at my clock like, is it? 904. Oh my God, Adal, Erin, I feel like such a fool.

What happened?

What did you do? What happened? What did we do? You know how we all thought that these ads were kind of a safe space to talk about, you know, what's going on in our lives and our problems and our issues and kind of talk through them? Yeah. Well, it turns out these are being broadcast to thousands of people in the middle of our episodes.

Yeah, you're talking into a microphone.

Wait, is that why we're getting paid for these? I know, I'm just as surprised as you guys, but I have landed on something revolutionary that is going to help us out of this pickle that we all find ourselves in and we're all in the same situation.

You know what?

See, I was about to recommend better help, but if you found something... I was about to launch into how I love pickles, because this is an opportunity for me to just rant and rave about what I like. Well, okay. Wait, Erin, what's better help? Oh, do you want to hear about Bradley Better Help Pickers?

No, I don't want to hear about your pickle theory. Why did I say pickles like that? From the South? I don't know.

Well, thank God I'm here because let me tell you about what my thing is and that is Better Help. It's not a crisis line. It's not self-help. It's professional counseling done securely online. This is my favorite kind of way to get therapy because you can send a message to your counselor anytime and they're professionals and it's awesome and you don't have to do that performative one hour of therapy every week that stressed me the heck out. It's more affordable than traditional offline counseling and financial aid is available.

And BetterHelp will help you with things like, you know, is there something interfering with your happiness, JPC? Is there something preventing you from achieving your goals, JPC? Sorry, I'm mentioning just what's affecting my happiness and affecting me from achieving my goals.

Yeah, and so with better help, not like our ads that go out to thousands of people, everything that you share is confidential, it's convenient, it's professional, and it's affordable, right?

Yeah, and you can start communicating in under 48 hours. That's less than an Eddie Murphy movie.

And it's available worldwide.

Okay, so you're saying that we want people to start living a happier life. And as a listener of our show, you can get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at betterhelp.com slash riddle.

JPC, no 10%. That's too much.

I don't make the rules. I think that they should join over 1 million people who have taken charge of their mental health. Again, that's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash riddle. This is way better than the idea I was going to pitch.

What were you going to say?

I was going to say whisper ads. We just whisper all the ads and so then we can hear the ads if we whisper all the ads.

Okay, I say this every day, but thank God I'm here. What would happen if I wasn't here, everybody?

Oh wait, GPC. Stop whispering. All these birds started landing on you. The birds are my friends.

What happened? I wasn't here. Hey Riddle Riddle.

Oh sorry, I was listening to those ads so you can't remember what I was doing. Hey Petey?

Petey? Oh. Petey froze inside of the ice. Oh no. Now you have to deal with me and you have to chill out. Why aren't you pissing all over the lake, bud? I'm trying to get it towards you, but I don't have a very good range.

Oh, aren't you? Why don't you freeze for a moment? Aren't you famed Batman villain, Austrian actor Alfred Hitchcock?

No, that's Doggy Husband. Come on, Doggy Husband. More riddles, please.

All right, I have to go back to my wife. I'll be back to finish you off. Jesus Christ. Ew. Oh, I'm not gonna fuck him.

That guy's gonna jerk you off. Yeah.

He's hunched over his rod.

I love turning to my friend and being like, that guy's gonna jerk you off.

I think that guy's gonna jerk you off. How do you feel?

Hey man, you better start running. Okay, this one is called, that last one is called the unlucky fisherman. Love these titles. This one's called the missing wedding guests. Should have been called the stupid fisherman.

Alright James. If you light a fire on a frozen lake, you're not unlucky. Come on.

Okay, that may be a revision for the next printing of the riddles for smart people. I slapped a polar bear in the face. I'm so unlucky. That's that victim mentality. When Mark and Vicki met, it was love at first sight. They were absolutely crazy about each other. Although some people said it was impulsive, they got married after only four months of dating. It's not that bad. Like, impulsive would be like three weeks, right? Yeah.

Six minutes.

Their springtime wedding was beautiful and the bride and groom couldn't be happier. Their extended families got along extremely well and were totally supportive of the lover's decision. However, neither Mark nor Vicki's parents attended the wedding ceremony. Why didn't their parents show up? So it says their extended families got along extremely well and were totally supportive of their decision.

I have a thought of what the answer is, but first I have to ask you both a question. If you, hypothetically, you're both single. Seven years. Can you imagine meeting someone knowing that you love them enough to marry them after just four months? What's or, and if you can't, what's the shortest amount of time you could possibly fathom that happening?

Here's the thing. I could totally see that happening, and I would be okay with that happening to me or to other people, but I cannot state this enough. There is no such thing as love at first sight. So that I do not believe in. Marrying somebody after four months, God bless. Marrying somebody after two months, God bless. That could happen to me, could happen to anybody else. Love at first sight is a fucking lie.

Love at first smell, though. Absolutely. Because that's pheromones, baby. That's the body's magic.

So you just think you can be attracted to someone at first sight.

Absolutely. I can see so many scenarios where I would meet someone and marry them in four months. Scenario one, I meet someone, let's say it's at a party, and then the news breaks on, and they're like, there's an asteroid headed for the Earth, it'll be here in four months. Hold on, need to see a scene? Scenario number two, I'm at a party, the news breaks in, they say the moon is gravity's been reversed, the moon's gonna crash into the Earth in four months. Scenario number three. I'm at a party. The news breaks on. They say all the dogs that have been hunting you have got free from the psychiatric ward and they're gonna be here in four months.

I want to see you soon.

Oh yeah, I love Maroon 5. I love all of their... Yeah, so good, so good. Songs about Jane.

I think you're part of Maroon 5 and you can agree or disagree. I love that all of their songs sort of sound exactly the same.

Yeah, oh my god. I just love that I could go like... And that's most of their songs.

Yeah, I love that too. Oh my god.

I don't know if anyone's ever told you this, but the way that your hair looks in the moon... Holy shit. I'm sorry. No, no, you look great. I thought that that was moonlight, but that what is that? That that looks like it is getting closer to the earth. Oh shit, that's an asteroid. That's an asteroid.

Oh fuck, okay, this might be the adrenaline talking, but do you want to have an entire relationship in like 10 seconds, 20 seconds, something like that?

Yeah, I mean let's go for it. Hold on, let me just all voice some of my trauma. I've always thought that I look more like my uncle than my dad, and I think that there might be something that my parents weren't telling me.

I started a fire as a joke when I was a kid and I killed probably like 130, 140 people. Let's see. This is my roommate and this is where I sleep. This is where the magic happens. Okay, so that's that.

Hi, I'm Jeff. I have a porn addiction and I sniff glue.

Hi, I'm really in love with your son. Thank you so much for making him.

Well, I didn't really quite, but you're welcome.

Uh, great. So we did that part.

Um, uh... You're being so controlling. You're being s- I need space. I need space.

Okay. I wouldn't have to be so controlling if you didn't leave so much of your life up to me and have it be my responsibility. I feel like I'm your mom. Jeff.

I'm going on the motorcycle for two months. I'll be back when I cool off.

Don't you know I hate when you go on the motorcycle. You can get hurt. Jeff. Mom? Dad? Why are you fighting? Go back to bed! Go back to bed!

Mom, Dad, I got accepted to Stanford.

Oh, what's wrong with you there?

My boy's gonna be a Stanford man!

You hear that moon? Should we renew our vows in Hawaii?

I have loved you since the moment I met you. And as Maroon 5 once said, I'm dying.

Honey, I'm dying. I'm gonna be dead by the end of this sentence. Okay, that is a plane in the sky. Okay, but it was nice meeting you.

It was nice meeting you as well. Would you like to have sex tonight? I'm saying good to know. Oh yeah, sure, absolutely.

But I did kill 140 people.

I have been deported, I've used difficulty.

You can't stop us, Adal!

Let me tap my throat. Is this thing on? One of my favorite moments is I started a fire as a joke and it killed 130 people.

JVC, the answer is these are two old people who met in an old folks' home, fell in love, and that's why they had a fire under their butts, started as a joke, to get married, and that's why their parents weren't there, because their parents had passed.

Mark and Vicky are 90 years old, and their families love each other, and honestly, four months, that's pretty long to wait when you're fucking both 90 years old. Does it say they died on the Titanic? Does it? I'm sorry, it doesn't say that at all.

Says they died from Golden Retriever.

Adal, I would love to do a joke thing, but this one is the first one that doesn't have a joke answer. I'm so sorry.

Yeah, I gotta stay honest with the book.

I think I could see myself meeting someone and being engaged within like 10 or 11 months. That would be a crazy situation. That seems like... I would have to really know.

Here's the thing, what's stopping you? What is it that is the difference that six months could make? Is it that's how long you think it takes to get to know a person or what?

Well realistically, timeline wise, because I don't think I'd ever want to be engaged to someone if I hadn't lived with them first. So I think there needs to be at least, that's what's hard though, because I'm like, am I moving in with someone after like five months and then I have like another five months? I'd have to be, we'd have to have mutual friends or something because I'd have to be like 100% sure they're not a murderer. That's a lot of what dating as a woman is, is just being like, I hope this guy's not a murderer.

Time will tell. I have a friend who married someone after 12 days of dating them.

Are they still together? No. Okay. Are they?

Are they?

I'm gonna catch this bus. Are they?

I'm sorry, I should say. I have a friend who upon hearing this will not be my friend anymore. Yeah. I was like, please don't ask me who it was. Yeah. The thing is though, Your chances at a long-lasting relationship are better obviously the more you know each other but there's nothing there's nothing like on its face that says that after four months like there's one thing that's like are you dating someone like casually you live in separate places for three years or are you spending every moment of every day for four months with this person like You know what I'm saying? You can shock a lot of that into the system because there's some shit that if you're just around someone forever they really can't kind of like hide from you or it's harder to hide those things from you.

I feel like quarantine has made added like six years to everyone's relationship because that's how long people spent with their significant other like it's quarantine is like that's like if you ever watch one of my favorite probably my favorite reality shows Big Brother

And they, so many people have showmances and then end up being married or like in long-term relationships with the people they meet in the house. Even if they've only, like there's one couple that I think the one guy got voted out after like six days or something, but you are in this isolated room with nothing else going on and for seven days, 24 hours a day. So you get, it's like, it's like a pressure cooker. Like you get to know them.

And you're encouraged to like talk, right?

Like the producers want you to like... Oh yeah. You have to socialize. So there's people who are like, Hey Riddle.

I've eaten all of our Pringle chips.

I got about five feet from him and he spit what felt like acid at me. Let's get another riddle. This one is called The Busy Restaurant. And it does say it's because Busy Phillips works there. Maureen owns a downtown restaurant that was always packed with people. Every day, both regulars and newcomers pass through her doors. She manages a staff of 20 part-time employees just to keep up with demand. She considered the restaurant a tremendous success. However, despite the popularity of her establishment, no critic ever reviewed her food, nor did she ever turn a profit from the business. Why wasn't Maureen's restaurant more lucrative? Soup Kitchen.

Adal? Soup Kitchen.

The answer... I'm sorry.

Adal's incorrect. Erin, you are correct. The answer is soup kissing. Oh, I'm sorry. Nevermind. I get that backwards. Marine owned a soup kissing, which was serving the economically disadvantaged.

You know what? I think we gotta get some ruthless restaurant reviewers into these soup kitchens, giving them terrible reviews so they can shut down.

Yeah. Get Gordon Ramsay in there. Do you know what I'm making? I'm making an idiot soup. You just dumped hot soup on both sides of my fucking ears, Gordon Ramsay.

I'm trying to help people best I can.

I want to see a scene. JPC and Erin, you've been dating for maybe a few days. Erin, you've gone over to JPC's place where he has cooked you a meal starting off with some soup and you are a professional food critic and you can't help but let your profession take over.

Okay, I'm just about done here. I guess I also never asked. What do you do? What do you do for work?

I'm smelling notes of what is this? Tomatoes that have gone bad and what is that horrible stench?

So I guess I never really asked you, what do you do for work?

Mmm, yes, I think the decor is a little too kitschy and a little too, um, what is the word for it? He's trying to make it seem like it's a home. The decor, like a guy, like a guy in his mid-thirties, it's home.

I'm a second grade teacher and I love it.

He didn't bring bread before the meal. He sort of just launched into facts about himself. The wine is not wine.

It's tap water he got me and handed to me as I walked through the door.

I'm sorry, would you like wine? This is water. I was gonna break some wine. I have wine if you would.

I do not recommend this eatery.

It is not good enough for my taste buds, nor shall it be for yours. I will take my coat and be gone.

Hold on, hold on, no, no, no, no, no. Please, I mean, please, please, please, please don't leave. Look, I'm gonna be honest with you. I know that we don't immediately click. I know that, you know, your lifestyle and my lifestyle may not mesh well, but I would really love it if you would just try the dinner that I made and sit here and just attempt to eat it. And even if you don't like it, just stay here for like 30 to 40 more minutes while my friend Ricky robs your place. Oh.

Ugh. Same. Damn it.

I'm so tired of guys robbing my place while I'm on a date with their roommate.

The perfect crime. To rob somebody's place and have your friends say their name and what they're doing. Hey, your place got robbed, but you got a bad dinner.

Not a bad day for old Erin.

Let's get another Riddle. These are great. The next Riddle is called The Showdown. The tennis community was abuzz with excitement. After an intense season, Paul and Eric were finally scheduled to play each other in the final match of the tennis tournament. Fans have debated all season about who was the superior player, and it was time to find out. The match was grueling, and both players gave it their all. Before it was even halfway over, they were physically exhausted and dripping with sweat. The game took multiple hours and went to the full five sets. Ooh, somebody knows tennis. Not me. But you could say seven sets, I have no idea. But Eric overcame his opponent just as the floodlights were turning on around the court. The crowd went nuts. Paul took him the first place trophy and proudly displayed it on the mantle. If Eric won, why did Paul get to take the trophy home? Eric died on the court. He gave it his all and he died on the court. We're going to see a quick scene, just an ever so brief scene. Erin and Adal, you are both playing announcers in that little golf announcer box. And I'm going to be a golfer who is taking his shot and dies while taking their shot.

Taking his shot as a golfer. You clearly know your sports.

Five sets in tennis, bitch. I know that.

Hi, I'm here back with Lucy Golferson and Jeffrey Markers.

What are we looking at here?

We're also playing, we're sorry, we're in the middle of a game of hide and seek, which is why our boys are like this.

We don't want to be found. We don't want to be found. So we're on the seventh green here. It looks like Dylan Sullivan is going to run away with this tournament. He's taking out his driver and looks like he's... He's favor doing the whole thing.

Putt, putt, putt. Also unrelated, are you getting those hide and seek pee impulses? Like now that we're hiding, you kind of have to pee.

What is this now?

You know, when you play it hide and seek and you don't have to pee at all and then all of a sudden you're hiding and then you have to pee more than you've ever had to pee in your whole life, putt-putt.

Ooh, sweetie. I think this is a you thing and you assumed it was universal.

Okay. And I assumed it was universal. All right. He is picking his club.

Oh, and he's clutching his chest. Now we haven't seen him do this before, but this might be a new technique. Maybe he's just trying to get a feel of his own body, how it's going to rub up against the club.

He's motioning for help but that might be a superstition thing so we're just gonna let him...

He is face down in the sand trap. Of course, nobody is coming to help him because this could be golf and we don't want to disturb him. But famously golfers do not want to be disturbed. Oh, he's having, he is mid stroke, it seems.

He's mid stroke, mid stroke. But I have peed a little bit in my pants. I hope I am found soon so I can use the bathroom. I fully peed. I fully released my pee. I think, I think he's dead.

Unlike the Wolfman in Dracula, that is not universal. Not everyone fully pees when they're announcing a game. Yeah, it looks like the ambulance is on the scene. Of course, they've turned off their sirens if they don't want to disturb him in case he pops back up and... Oh, the EMT is deciding to take the shot.

And they got it! Very well done.

Very good, very good.

Hey Riddle Riddle.

I think an incredibly popular or like incredibly talented female tennis player who when she hits the ball she almost makes like a turkey call. Do you know what I'm talking about? I don't know tennis at all, no. There's a woman when she hits the ball she's like... It's the funniest fucking thing in the world.

If I played tennis I'd go... Yeah, that's a great trick to demoralize your opponent.

You jackass.

I'd make a fart noise with my mouth.

Every time I hit the ball I would say, Dad! Dad!

That's amazing, okay.

He did it. He did it. Okay, but do you guys know who wins the showdown, which is the title of this tennis riddle?

Was it a doubles match? So they both won?

No, they were versus each other. It was a Paul versus Eric. Eric won, but Paul took the first place trophy.

Paul won the match.

Ah, but Eric won the war. That's right. Tennis is a battlefield. Thank you, Pat Benatar. And you forgot your book. Boots. Shit. What?

Alright, JBC. Go to bed, and then we'll pick this up in the morning.

Butts. These butts are made for walking, and I just had a stroke. One of these days, these butts of mine are going to butts all over you.

Is that correct? He just won the match but not the set? Or the set not the match?

No. He won all of it. Is it sets within a match or a match within a set?

That's within a match.

I assume match is like the whole shebang and sets are right? He won the match.

Okay. Give us a hint then. Give us a hint? Give us a hint then?

Alright, so hint one, Eric's win, Eric won, was completely legitimate. Hint two, there was no animosity between Eric and Paul, despite the rivalry. Oh, was it? They get along perfectly well, the two of them. They have a rivalry, but there's no animosity.

I want to say Siamese twins.

You're on the same team.

I said doubles.

The hit three on all of these riddles by the way is like this is the answer to the riddle like it gives you the answer basically so I'm not reading hit three because I think that you guys are better than hit three.

So let's ask some questions. They were playing against each other and this was the winner, regardless of standings, the winner would take first place, right? So it wasn't like a match where it was like fourth place versus first just to settle a score.

Whoever wins, wins it all. And Eric definitely won it all and it was legitimate.

Is the answer, I want to say 15 love?

Adal, legally, I don't know if that is tennis, so I have to say yes.

It's a new Disney Channel TV show. It's so good. It's about this freshman in high school.

Adal, I want to hear the commercial for this.

Thank god kids are getting work as actors.

Adal, that's the scene is you're doing the voiceover for the commercial of this.

Coming this fall to Disney Plus. It's 15 love. Meet Amanda. She's not like your typical high schooler. She's 15 and she plays tennis and she gets to school every day around tennis. She's late to school, but instead of going to detention, Mr. Frollbruster has a tryout for the tennis team.

Okay, that was great. Now we have a script. This is a new Disney show. This is, we need you to do the same voice, same voiceover. This is a new Disney Plus show. Groot is going to become a dentist. It's called Dentistry.

Okay. Okay. Coming. When is it coming out?

This fall.

It's coming this fall. Baby Groot is all grossed up. This sapling story is about a dentist giving a Groot canal. Can I say that?

It's on the page.

Cause he's practicing dentistry. Vin Diesel and I can't read this name here.

No, you're doing it right. Vin Diesel. That's correct.

Vin Diesel and Susan Sarandon starring dentistry.

That was awesome. We actually just have one more voiceover we need you to do in the same voice. This is a new Nickelodeon show called Jeremy Torture and it's a boy who takes a wrong turn at summer camp and ends up doing torture for the United States government. So here are the signs and go ahead.

This winter A little kid sets a fire as a joke and ends up killing 130 people. Meet Joshua Torture.

Okay, we love it. Now, one more. This is just the pasta pass. This is a pass that you could buy at Olive Garden to get in for the pasta. Go ahead.

Okay.

And it's coming this fall.

Okay. This fall. Step into Olive Garden. When you're here, you're hungry.

You actually, legally, we can't say Olive Garden because this is a third party pass.

Oh, is it like a fast pass? Like you get your pasta before other people?

It's a counterfeit pass made by a third party that you can use at an Olive Garden.

We actually make them here with markers. It's sort of like when you give a kid and you're poor and you make a little gift certificate. Yeah, one do the dishes. It's sort of like that. We make them. We're hoping that they'll catch up.

Yeah, I actually, when I was a little kid, I didn't really understand what those were, so I gave my mom 10 coupons for 10 back rubs.

And she's cashing them all in today, so.

Same. Oh, very nice.

That would be a funny sketch, wouldn't it? Is someone showing up, like a mom showing up at someone's work, and being like, I'm cashing this in today, and it's like all of the chores?

It says number expires.

I would love if you did like those like hokey you know homemade like hey here's your present it's like you know one free back rub and then like you just had like one coupon in there that was like at any time anywhere we will go to Mexico I will take you to Mexico I'll put you in the car we'll drive.

Anytime anywhere.

Good to kill one enemy.

Yeah. One enemy of yours will simply disappear. Mom, do you like it? It's like hearts over the eyes.

Right next to five free hugs. Kids, if you're listening, get your parents' gifts. One problem will go away.

Do you guys have an answer to the showdown?

Wait, this is still the tennis one? This is the showdown. This is the tennis one, yeah.

Oh boy.

So how did two people play against each other? The trophy's on the line. Whoever win gets first. Eric won, but the other guy walked away with... What's the other guy's name?

Paul took home the first place trophy and proudly, proudly displayed it on the mantle. Proudly displayed it on the mantle. Did Paul steal the trophy? No. Paul did not steal the trophy.

He won the trophy for something else.

It's no... This is Eric's trophy.

Get me out of here. Tell me the answer.

Okay, so this is Eric's trophy. Eric is not mad at this, by the way. Eric is not mad that Paul is a... Twin Brothers. It proudly... No, not Twin Brothers, but that's... There's a world where that could be the answer, but that's not the answer to this.

Oh, oh! What are the names again? Paul and Eric? Paul and Eric. Paul is Eric from the future.

Yep, if you change all the letters, not rearrange, change. Change the E to a P, R to an A, I to a U, C to an L. Eric and Paul are the same name. No, they're not each other from the future. They're not siblings. They're not related. They're married. Erin Keif wins the day. Eric and Paul were married. You can play tennis and be gay.

How long did they know each other?

I feel like that's a fucked up answer.

You can play tennis and be gay. You can play tennis and be so gay. You can be gayer than everyone else and still play tennis.

Gay people love sports. I know we hired you. I know we hired you to give like a 2021 image to tennis.

This isn't really the direction gay people play tennis to. They can buy sneakers just like you. Gay people love to play. Tennis. Tennis.

Coming this far to Disney Plus.

There's a real ad right now for Beats headphones, which is this black woman who takes an Uber to a Confederate statue and then dances in front of the Confederate statue and it's something like the most epic clapback Beats headphones. And I'm like, is this what advertising is now? So seeing that today, I would not at all be surprised if I flipped through Instagram and it was like, You can be gay and play itty sporty. What is going on in the world? Why are companies doing this?

That's wild. To go back to the answer, I feel like that's super fucked up in terms of If you and I were married and I beat you to win a first place trophy, and then I said like, hey sweetie, can you take this to the car? Like, that feels like the biggest fuck you. Like, even if they get along, that seems shitty to make your partner who you just beat carry your trophy home.

James thought about all this because he put it in. They had met while playing tennis many years before. Although Paul lost the game, he was immensely proud of Eric and wanted to display the trophy in their shared home. Yeah.

Gay people like tennis too.

Well Venus and Serena are a married couple, right?

Like three months ago, Mariah won a fucking podcasting award, and I come home and see it. I fucking threw that thing as far as I could, which wasn't far. I barely made it like four or five inches, so I nudged it. It didn't even topple.

That really showed her. I just moved to a slightly different part of your mantle.

Yeah, she was asleep at the time, so I don't think she noticed. Anyway, congratulations Mariah on funniest Riddle Riddle podcast. Whatever. Whatever. I'll say it once and say it again. I don't care. I don't give a shit.

I think he cares, Adal.

Well, speaking of things we do care about, James A. Kennedy, thank you so much for the book. We're going to continue to use this. What a treasure trove of wonderful riddles. That is fantastic. Thank you so much for that. Please, people, check that out.

We'll link it. I will also say that I'm not going to use all the riddles in this book. So if you want all the riddles for yourself, you're going to have to taste a little bit of Papa Bear's honey for yourself on your own little paws, my little bears. Hold on, JVC.

We need those riddles so bad.

I blacked out. What's happening?

We need those riddles so bad. Please, read them all, please.

Now these are for smart people. I could rate a thousand of these. It's not going to be a problem. Okay, here's two people are playing tennis. It's okay that they're gay. It's fine. It's better.

I would love if they open up like gay footlocker and it's all the same stuff. It's the exact same stuff, but they're like, you know, forgive me. I was like, what are we doing?

You overcorrected. Now we're back to discrimination. Now they have to go to gay footlocker?

You did segregation. You did a segregation footlocker. Bad footlocker shame on you.

The vibes in footlocker? Horrible. The vibes in gay footlocker? I would hang out there on a Friday night. Hell yeah am I going to gay footlocker.

You were so close. All you had to do was exploit the Global South by making cheap sneakers and selling them to white people for hundreds of dollars. And you fucked it up by doing too much.

So close.

Oh, Footlocker Shane.

Anything to plug, Adal?

I'd love to plug Footlocker. Now I wanna buy a pair of kids. Anything to plug? I cannot think of a single thing that I need to plug. I would just say, hey, it's 2021. It's a fresh start. It's a new year. I know it's all been tough. You got this. And this year is going to be the best year for everyone. So hang in there and it's going to be cool.

That's really sweet.

JPC, anything to plug?

I got another to plug, so I will give a shout out to, I had a really great experience today. We've been doing in lockdown and quarantine, however you want to call it, grocery like order. So we place an order online at like Mariano's and then a person packs the grocery. So I want to give a shout out to everybody who's working grocery stores. Hey Riddle Riddle. Those, the people that are doing that are not being paid what essential means in my mind, but thank you so much to everyone who's out there doing that. I really appreciate it. It's a, it's a very cool thing and I appreciate it. And if we have listeners that are doing that as well, shout out to you too.

Erin, are you going to plug something or be not selfish?

I'll be not selfish I guess. I've gotten so many sweet messages on my Instagram, which you can follow Erin Keif Tan on Instagram, but I've gotten so many very thoughtful, very sweet messages recently and it's meant a lot to me and sort of like turned some of my days around. So I'd say I want to plug if you are a fan of like a YouTuber or a small creator or podcaster or like an animator that you follow, I would suggest reaching out, even if you don't expect a response, not everyone owes you everything, but just say something really, really sweet. And I think it can maybe make a huge difference in their day. I promise that a lot of people are not getting a lot of feedback. And when they do, it's negative. So please reach out to the creators you like and say, yeah, all the people who message me ruin my day.

Now, Erin, I have a little qualm with that because you say you have this Instagram, Erin Keif 10, and you say follow me on it. But it's a private account, so you have to request. And then my question is, how do you know it's me? Because I have all these different accounts. You can't possibly know that they're all me. So how is not a single one of my requests getting through?

Your photo is always a police horse, a cousin, or a bottle of piss.

That's the same guy. That's Jeff.

He's one of my good friends.

I just got an Instagram friend request from a police horse named Courtland Sweatpants.

That's not Jeff. No, that's not Jeff. That guy sucks. Except that he's got more followers.

He says he's 69 years old. He says he weighs 420 pounds. And he says he's from the planet.

Jupiter!

Bye forever.

It's not Jeff, guys.

It's not Jeff.

That's you.

Starting your achievement. And John Patrick Coan. Casey Tony did the editing.

Hey there, guesses and whos. If you liked that, then you're going to love this week's Patreon. We go back to the celebrity guessing game and there's some disastrous consequences. You can listen to that, plus our entire back catalog by going to patreon.com slash Hey Riddle Riddle and joining the Clue Crew for $5 a month or the Review Crew for $8 a month. See you there!