Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum podcast.

This is our last recording of the year.

I have an idea for an opening.

Oh, Erin, Adal's already got it.

Oh. Oh yeah, this is for sure.

Please, go for it.

Yeah, let's just melt down gold and turn it into fucking glass, idiots.

That's not how gold works, idiot.

Glasses just heated up gold.

No, it's the other way around, idiot. Um, can I, uh, get two shots, um, of tequila please? I'm with my friend 2000s and she's 21, uh, today, like, this week. Like, she just turned 21.

Ma'am? Ma'am? This is a Boston market?

Okay, absolutely. So I guess I'll also take some mashed potatoes with those shots.

Now we're talking. Okay, did you want, uh, top shelf or bottom shelf mashed potatoes?

Oh, definitely top shelf mashed potatoes, bottom shelf, everything else.

Okay, here we go. And Dave here.

And is this like Cold Stone Creamery? Will you sing if we tip you?

Yeah, go ahead and just pop that in this jar here.

Okay, I just put my wallet in there.

Okay, here we go. Time to say goodbye. Potatoes. Oh, mashed. Oh, mashed potatoes. Do you like Andrei Pachelli?

We don't know who that is.

Okay. I got a double order of mashed potatoes for an Andrei Pachelli. Well I'm not Andre Pappelli, but I am Adal Rifai.

I'm a double order of mashed potatoes.

And I'm bottom shelf tequila.

And we are the Bellagio Fountain Song. You've been dreaming of a little podcast called Hey Riddle Riddle. Welcome to 2021. Plenty, plenty fun.

Now, if you came from the best of, because you listened to the best of 2020 and you said, holy crumbs and craps, this is one of the funniest shows I've ever heard in my whole life. Thank God, my cousin Nick, my little fucking cousin Nick sent this over to me and made me listen to it. I'm here for a good time. What am I in store for? Well, It's a Riddles and Puzzles podcast. Three Chicago style, that means deep dish, improvisers. That means no ketchup. Who put her own spin on some of the scenes, games, and as Adal pointed out, songs that you'll be hearing in this episode.

Guys, can we just do like a quick sidebar? Just us three? The listeners for a moment?

Casey, go ahead and make sure that the listeners can't hear this part. Thank you. Okay. Testing. Hold on. Hold on, Erin. We've got to make sure it's safe. Testing, testing. I slapped a dog. I slapped a dog. No, nothing.

Okay, go ahead, Erin. You didn't, but you didn't slap a dog.

Oh, I slapped a dog.

Okay, good.

He pinched my butt. But it was, he slapped a dog high five after the dog pinched the butt.

Okay, well everything's working order. Hey, so we're, we're still, we're going to carry the riddles into 2021. Still riddles.

Well, well, here's the thing. If we're going to pivot, now's the time to pivot. I mean, we could say we're doing riddles and then we could just keep not like, quote unquote, not getting to them and be like, Oh, shucks.

That's what we've been doing since 2018 though.

Yeah, but then we have all these puzzle enthusiasts who are listening and they're gonna get furious. They're gonna DM me and say, I thought this was a fucking puzzle podcast, you moron.

Well, I don't know, Johnny iTunes, one time we did an episode without any riddles in it and he came to my house and he broke both of my wrists because he said, you're a hobbies and games podcast. And that's the way Johnny iTunes likes it. And if you don't do hobbies, you don't do, yeah, he's very scary. He's got my name.

I was going to say, why are you drinking your coffee like that? But with two broke wrists, I guess that's the... And also, I love that show, Kat Dennings, two broke wrists.

I heard that Johnny iTunes is sleeping with this American wife.

What?

I know. Anyways, why did we do the sidebar?

Did you say this American wife? He's sleeping with this American wife?

Yeah, of course. Adal, did you call the sidebar? What did you want?

Oh, can I get a, let's see, can I get a white Russian? Absolutely.

I just have old milk, is that okay?

My whole personality is Big Lebowski. That's my whole personality, and I lean on it very hard.

And so this is a sidebar. I guess I'll just have a double order of mashed potatoes.

Okay, bottom shelf? Okay for you?

Oh, I don't want ash potatoes. I want mashed potatoes. Oh, well, I already made them, so... I'm sorry, bottom shelfing some of the mashed potatoes means something different in Indiana.

And sorry, Casey, this is all... You get what you get, and you don't get upset. All right, we're back.

This is all gold, so yeah, turn this back on. Yeah, actually, to keep that in Casey, that was really good stuff.

Okay, we're doing riddles still, I guess.

We'll do it for at least one more year. At least one more year, let's commit to doing riddles and puzzles for at least one more year.

Hey, are you guys gonna leave me this year? 100%.

Real quick, let's establish this. So it's the first episode of the new year, so we're gonna say, yes, etched in stone, carved in granite, 2021, hey Riddle, I guess we're still doing riddles.

Here's the thing with the saying, it shouldn't lose confidence as it goes. You know what I mean? I feel like you start it starts off strong and then at the end it's sort of like

Well, we could turn it in, we could say, I guess we're stood on riddles and then say 2021 because that's a fact. That can't be changed.

So this is, well, this is actually, this brings up a great point, Erin, because Mariah and I just had like actually a huge blowout fight because I was accusing her and she was accusing me because we thought that someone We're still doing riddles into our nice granite countertops. Now, these countertops cost us so much money. We worked so hard for these. And now to find out that Adal is pitching that same exact phrasing when he was in my house fixing my toilet that he broke by doing a massive no-no and I'm doing air quotes on all of this.

If I may, it looks like in Mariah's behind you, it looks like Mariah had a blowout fight and you had a perm fight?

Well, one of the ways that we calm down is we do each other's hair and nails. And then whatever you get, you get. That teaches you to maybe be a little nicer in fights.

And you picked a perm? Sort of like an early 90s perm?

Look, did I pick the perm or did the perm pick me?

We'll never know. Hair and nails, I fell in love with you. Hair and nails.

Adal, what about this?

Yes.

Hey Riddle Riddle 2021, just do it.

I think that's Gareid's thing. Hey Riddle Riddle 2021, what do you fucking expect? Exclamation point.

Yes, I like that. I think that's it.

Yep. I have nothing to pitch. I was still working on a joke about kneeling during the riddles and then having fans say, just do riddles. Just do riddles. Stick to the riddles. How hard is your job? Just do riddles.

Don't be a person.

Speaking of don't be a person, two of us are not old man puzzles, but one of us is, please... Wait, Adal?

I'm gonna do a running count this year of how your segues are. So far you're at 100% cause that segue, you knocked it out of the fucking park. 10 out of 10 of that segue.

How about we do like a what's that show with the like somebody somebody's like dressed up like a wet bag of grapes and then wipe out their head. They go up their head and we're like it's them. Wipe out. Let's yeah. Shit. You guys suck.

So we have a big bag of wet grapes. I'm sorry, Erin's never seen The Wire. I've just described every episode to her, so that's why.

That's how I fall asleep at night. And I call JBC and he goes, okay, season four, episode two.

Bubs is in trouble. Mr. Prespaluski is a bad teacher. So Erin, I believe you're the first baby new puzzles of the year.

That's why I'm wearing a diaper. You were all wondering. I'm wearing a diaper and a sash because I'm baby new puzzles.

But the sash and the diaper are not where you expect them to be. They're reversed.

I have a Miss America Sash around my private parts and I got a diaper around my tits.

Hold on. Hold on. Hold. Dead stop. The new Erin you said and did nothing wrong. The only reason I called for a dead stop.

Don't tell me I said and did nothing wrong. This is the first time in dead stop history that I said and did everything wrong.

No, I don't know.

Tell me that I did everything wrong.

I want to encourage this behavior. I want to put gasoline on this behavior. The dead stop is purely because we have to say 2021 diaper tits.

That is our new catchphrase. Funny it is to say private parts and then Erin said diaper tits and I think I lost it.

Hey diaper tits, where's my fucking coffee?

Okay, there's something I would like to say. My brain was moving slow and so I couldn't think of a classy way to say my chest. I should have said my chest. So instead I said a word I very rarely to never say which is tits.

I love just the juxtaposition of like I have a Miss America Sash around my Privet parts, and then a diaper around them titties.

She's beauty and she's grace. She's Miss United Diaper Titties.

Beauty on top and some bottom.

Goodnight everyone. I can't believe that for the first time in the history of the show you told me I didn't say anything wrong when I couldn't have been more wrong. Oh boy, my stomach hurts from laughing.

No, I think we're off to a great start. I can already tell that this is going to be a great year.

And this year, I promised myself I'm going to be a beauty in the streets and a Gaston in the sheets. Ooh, I'm going to be... I'm especially good at that ass I'm breaking. Nobody fucks like Gaston. I'm so sorry.

You're also going to want to stay out of the streets for at least the first six to eight months of the year, just FYI.

I'm gonna be a Elsa in the streets and an Olaf in the sheets.

Ice cold.

Cold everywhere.

Ice cold and a lot of carrot play. I'm gonna use 2021 as an opportunity to take a step back and listen to music from farther away. I'm too close to the speakers. It's hurting me. I know that. I don't know how the sound comes out of it because it's so little and I get so close up to it just to find it. So I'm taking a step back, taking an opportunity to listen to music from a little farther away.

That's beautiful.

Thank you.

You're going to be able to hear for the rest of your life with those sort of precautions.

Well, I hope so. My dad told me when I was young that I was going to ruin my esophagus from eating too fast. And guess what I've done? I've eaten too fast my entire life. And guess what my esophagus is up to? It hurts! Burning?

Just fully on fire?

Uh, it's bad. Speaking of, let's, hold on, speaking of, let's esophagus the answer to these riddles. Two out of two. Two out of two. Two out of two. Yes, yes, yes, you're nailing Adal, don't fuck it up.

How's this segue?

Oh shit, Erin just went into a lake with her segway.

You guys help! Help!

But the diaper around her tits is keeping her afloat. I can't help I'm afraid of lakes. Your vagina won Miss America?

Don't be dense, my ass won Miss America you jerk. Oh man.

You guys are really familiar with the way that they judge Miss America. I don't know. Turn around, let me see that ass.

My ass went out there and sang opera and everyone cried.

How, Erin, be honest, and you have to be totally honest. How thrilled or displeased or apathetic would you be if Sean came home with a crown, a sash, and a dozen roses for your ass and the sash said like, Miss America, dead ass.

That would be really romantic and honestly anything to have a day feel different from the day before.

I think that's what would happen.

My cooter, my vagina, would get runner up and be bitter and then my ass would win and then my tits would get miss congeniality.

Because your tits are Sandra and Bullock. You named them, right? I will say there's nothing funnier, there's no funnier term for any genitalia than cooter.

It's just outstanding.

There's not a single body part I have, not a single body part I have that wouldn't win first place in a flabbiest mistake contest. I'd be so smug and confident, I would go into the contest being like, I got this. I got this locked up.

That's the one they do on Thanksgiving, right? Right after the parade?

That's what my family does. Flabbiest in show. We need, the next time we do... It's just you running around that arena. The next time we do an in-person live show with an audience, we need someone to make JPC a tiny sash for his dick that just says flabbiest mistake.

Yeah, no one make any sashes for our private parts, please. What a bad way to go to jail.

Sometimes when Adal says that, people might get the idea that that is something that we actually want. Trust me, I read the emails. I do not need to hear anything.

Fine, make it for me. Make it for me. I'll gladly wear it. I'll wear it with pride.

I gotta get you to Google the word pride. I know that you keep using it. You're using it incorrectly every time.

Pride is when I bury my face in my desk and it turns bright red because I'm just absolutely hating myself. Like a group of lions.

Oh man, now I'm just picturing my ass answering a question being like, in America such as America is the great United States of America such as. Oh god.

Alright, Erin I am ready for Riddle.

I'm doing listener submitted riddles. You guys, I'm in a weird mood and I'm really sorry. Okay, so these are from Eric. And they are rhyming riddles. And he says, I've been enjoying your podcast since the early days. And this summer I went back and listened to all the old episodes for a second time. I save each of your new episodes for the weekend to listen to as soon as I've finished my morning, Erin. So it marks the start of my free time weekend.

Saving each new episode like a tiny little chocolate that grandma would give me. And I'd stash away until the weekend until I could enjoy it in private.

What is a weekend? I created some original rhyming riddles that you're welcome to use. If you enjoy them, feel free to mention my name on air. Keep up the good work.

So, beep out, Eric.

Eric. All right, ready?

Yes, these are rhymeals. Rhymeals.

Rhymeals.

Rhymeals.

In CDs, they're essential. In cheese, they're okay. In boats or in spacesuits, they'd ruin your day.

Holes. Wait, is the answer a rhyme?

No.

It's the smallest holes. Holes, yes.

An excellent movie and book.

Which is better, movie or book?

Ooh, book.

You gotta pick. You have to pick one.

I think I picked book, but now that you press me on it, I'm gonna pick the movie.

You can't? Okay.

Dang it out, uh-uh, dig it.

Which was Shia LaBeouf better in?

of the book.

Yeah, me too. I want to see a scene. This is our first scene of 2021, having plenty, plenty of fun. I want to see a scene. The two of you are in space. You're aspermots. You're working on a satellite. You're outside of the shuttle. And one of you notices that you have a hole in your spacesuit.

God, I sneezed like six minutes ago and it's been hell in here ever since.

Oh God, that's the worst. I hate when I sneeze in a space suit because it's like, you know, we have a job to do out here and we can- Holy shit!

What? What's up?

Kim, your suit is leaking. There is a hole in your suit.

No.

Yeah, it is. It is. It looks like it's dirty. When you sneezed, did you like sneeze down like into- to cover it into your own like shirt? Yeah, of course. Yeah, so it looks like a shotgun blast blew a hole through the chest of your suit.

Why did you do that, by the way? Why did you- Wait, what do you mean? We're in space.

Why did you cover it? We're in space.

I'm not trying to get you sick. I'm not trying to get you sick.

What are you, like, gonna sneeze into my air hose? Like, we're breathing separately.

Oh, right. It would just stay in my thing.

It'd stay in your thing.

Well, I was just trying to be polite. Is it cold, by the way?

Yeah, I'm- Have you noticed, like, a temperature drop?

Yeah, so it also sounds pretty different in here. It sort of sounds like a David Bowie song, but also complete silence and death. Sort of exactly how I expected space to sound. Not in a suit.

In what way does it sound like a Bowie song, I guess? I understand, though.

You know that sort of vibe of a Bowie song? So there's no melody here, but the feeling you feel when you're listening to a David Bowie song.

Oh, I don't know that that's a universal.

That might be a specific... Can you tell my kids that I love them?

And... Ugh, I'm not great with kids.

We cut to Earth. Hello? Who's at the door, mister? What's your name?

Hello? Hello?

Hey, uh, champs in sports. How'd you know our names? I mean, your mom was crazy patriotic. You know, she was always talking about... You knew our mom?

Is she with you?

You knew our mom?

You keep saying new. You keep saying new, so you understand what happened, right? You understand?

No, I just don't understand past tense.

Yeah, I knew your mom. Past tense? What is it, Christmas? Let's open past tense.

She warned me about you, sport. Past tense is also what I call it when I go camping and I can't hold my potty before I go outside. It's a past tense.

Past hints can later get you pregnant.

Do you bring news?

Yeah, actually, kids, I do bring some news.

Hawk! Hawk, what news do you bring?

So, you know how when you sneeze, it's important to cover your mouth so that the sneeze doesn't get out of it?

Knees right into your chest.

Yeah, you sneeze right into your chest. Mau Maui said, in space, no one can hear you sneeze.

Well, your mom had a sneeze while we were out in space. And this is the part that she definitely wanted me to tell you guys. Your mom, okay you can do this, you can do this, you can do this, don't panic, don't panic, don't panic, was killed by a Russian assassin. So you listen close, listen close. How bad is it? It's pretty bad. She died and you two kids have to avenge her death. So train, do whatever you need to do.

Is she gonna make it? She died? How bad is it?

How bad is it? How bad is it? Be straight with us. Is she totaled? All off the bandage. How bad is mom dead?

So she's totaled. We can give you equivalent value of a mom so you can buy a new mom on the free market. Your mom did. She was crazy patriotic. So we can give you equivalent value for that. Crazy patriotic.

That was her Twitter handle.

She got into a lot of trouble.

In 1978, so she had a lot of mileage on her, so we can give you an equivalent value for your mom of $10,900.

Do you know why our mom was afraid of six? Because she was born in 78. She warned me about you. You can get a new mom for equal or lesser value.

A mom adjuster. I think being in space would be really stressful. I was just thinking about, I was just picturing that in my head. That sounds horrible, right?

I always thought it would be fun to be like, I can't imagine anything more amazing than seeing Earth from space, but then I watched the movie Gravity featuring Erin's tits, and that movie shook me to the core.

George Clooney or Sandra Bullock, depending on who I'm talking to. Yeah, yeah, too stressful for me.

I can do it.

You could.

Sure.

Send me the space. Alright, I dare you to go to space.

Okay, dare accepted? I guess I'm gonna start training to go to space.

Sir, please, if you're gonna leave the spacesuit, you need sleeves. And don't put on your helmet backwards. Also, take off that shirt that says astronaut ass cream.

8 years from now I'd be like, GBC you don't have to do this. I was obviously joking. Stop. You don't have to go to space.

Coolest astronaut ever died with his hat backwards in space.

That's one small dab for mankind. One giant dab for human grave.

I might tell the future as some people think, but that's only after you've taken a drink. Some people spill me on purpose, it's true, but you'd better hope they don't spill me on you.

Tea baby, what's a tea?

I would like to see a scene. You are coworkers and JPC you are trying to share some office gossip with Adal but you're not very good at it.

And sorry I'm so sorry Erin there's this new thing this year I don't know what's happened but I see words like I'm reading them versus hearing them so when you say that we're co-workers do you mean we're cow workers?

I'm going to send a glass of water to your house and you're going to drink it?

Could that have possibly been worth it? No! I'm taking a point away.

He has been locked inside a house with only his thousands of books for 10 months and you expect him to not take pods like that? He's in the streets like Gaston.

Oh Erin my dear, I have no books. What I have is doorways to other worlds.

Okay, that sucks. Take it for a bite.

Okay, here we go. Office scene. GBC's bad at spilling gossip.

Hey Frank, how was the weekend?

Hey, what's up? Weekend was good. What did I do? I built a new shelf for the kiddos. Oh, okay. A new shelf for their toys. The missus and I got up to some hank your pankey. We learned close-up magic. And I went to bed early, which is just something I don't get to do often. Very cool. Yeah, how about you?

Talk to my dad on the phone. Obviously contentious, as always.

Oh, right, right, right.

Sorry about that. But on Saturday, I'm doing a little shopping at Mariano's. I'm in the meat aisle. Oh. And who do you think I saw?

Uh-oh. Oh, this is gonna be juicy. Jeff from sales.

Oh, and what do you think Jeff was up to? Oh, shit. Cheating? I don't know if you can call it cheating, but he was ordering about a pound of chuck roast.

Oh, so is he gonna fuck that beef?

I don't know, but I would not want to be in Jeff's refrigerator in a couple of weeks if he doesn't eat that ground chuck fast, because it gets spoiled there. Oh, by the way, Frank, I just walked by Mandy's office.

Uh oh, here he comes.

I overheard her on the phone. Yes, bump set. Bump set spiky queen. A credit card charge. It sounds like it was a fraudulent purchase. Yeah, she probably left her card out somewhere and someone, you know, used it to commit fraud. Sounds like it's gonna be okay though. Sounds like they're gonna resolve it. Yeah.

Hey dude, can you give me and Mike the room really quick? I just want to talk to him about something.

Sure, which one of us is Mike?

Not you, the one that's not you.

Okay great, I'll see you guys.

Your name's Frank, I've said it twice.

What, am I a fucking doctor or a listener over here? Sorry, I'm leaving.

Hey Mike. Hey Jeff. Hey, I saw you see me at Mariano's.

Sorry, did someone call me?

Nope, you're Mike. Or no, you're not.

You're Frank.

I'm Jeff. Hey, I saw you see me at Mariana's ordering that. And I just wanted to make sure that we are cool and you weren't going to say anything to my wife about it when you see her at the holiday party in a couple weeks.

Yeah, no, no, no, no, man. We're totally cool.

Okay, cool, cool, cool. You get it. You get it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it. I get it. You know what else I get? What? $20,000 cash. Are you fucking kidding me? Small bills.

Small bills? Someone call for me? Has someone called for a small bill? Bill, can you flick him out the window?

Great hearing on that small bill.

It's okay, I landed on a marshmallow.

It's okay, Bill. We're not following that thread.

If you don't... No, Bill, we'll see you in a scene later, I bet.

We'll see you later. Give us 25 minutes and people will be like, holy shit, they remembered small Bill.

Sounds good. See you soon.

If you think, if you think that you can just walk into a Mariana's and order a pound of Chuck, Grand Chuck, Chuck, I call it Chuck roast, that's nothing. Grand Chuck.

Hey, somebody call for me? Office stand up Chuck roast?

Well, what do we got going on here? I'll fling you out the window. We won't be seeing you later. Hey man, it's not just, it's not just sex. I'm in love with Chuck roast. Not the guy we work with, the deli, the deli meat. Okay.

Yeah man, I mean it's cool. I don't give a shit what it is, but if you don't want your wife to find out about it, then I'm going to need $20,000. I actually needed the money immediately because I, um, I stole a credit card earlier today and I tried to make a $20,000 card.

Well, well, well.

Oh man, it's so funny to know that you're going to be at a callback later and say, see you soon! I wish I had done that in more improv shows. All right, I'm playing a really big character right now, so you're going to see me a little bit later in the show.

Calling your own shot. Looking straight at the audience, yeah, Babe Ruth it.

I'll see you all later. When I go out on stage, I point to the back of the house because that's where my fucking laughs are coming from.

See, see you do that, you Babe Ruth it, where you call for your own laugh spots, and what I do is I Lou Garrogate, which is in every scene I stop in the middle of the scene and break down crying and I go, today I consider myself the funniest man in the world. And then I die from a disease named after me.

Adal goes out in every scene and like someone will set up a premise and Adal will hear a pun and he'll be, bunt, bunt, bunt, just bunt, just bunt on the pun, bunt on the pun, bunt on the pun.

Bunt the Badger, baby!

I'm the guy who won the Red Sucks the World series in 80-something. Remember he didn't catch the ball?

You're Jimmy Fallon?

Yeah, that was Jimmy Fallon. Who's that guy? I'll look it up.

Bill Buckner.

Who's to say?

One more riddle and then we take a little snooze. Yes, one more riddle for us, please, Erin.

Actually, there's two of these here, so we're just going to do them fast, because I don't want to come back to this email.

Well, I'll be the one to decide how fast we do them, because I won't be getting the answers correct.

Well, I'm just going to add a minute after I read it, I'm going to just say the answer regardless of where you're at.

Damn it.

That's going to make me work harder. Oh, good. I mean, fold over.

Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.

Oh, it's a tapped answer.

Sorry, ma'am. I'm one of the Rockettes. Do you know how fast you were solving those riddles?

I don't know. Like one every 20 minutes, it seems.

I want to say bada, bada, puree, bada, puree. Who's the club dancer here?

How do you kick in such unison? You're a Rockette. How do you kick in such unison?

It's all unplanned. We always try and do something different, but we just sync up, just like our periods.

You clearly know a lot about women and the Rockettes, so I'm just gonna roll my window up.

Sorry for screaming in your ear.

I guess the worst part of being a Rockette is we all get our periods at the same time. What the fuck?

Start spreading the news. We say defund the police. You want to know what that actually means in material terms. It means we hire the Rockettes to do traffic enforcement. That's what it means. They're out of work right now. What in the world that would be?

They're in those toys to hold your costume.

If I was speeding and I saw a string of women kicking above their heads, I would slow down and I would say, thank you officers. I will be better.

I'm crying.

I just have like the Rockettes in one of those like DUI checkpoints where instead of orange cones it's just Rockettes kicking as you like veer off to the side of the road to get a Brontolizer.

Oh man.

Sorry, can you step out of your car? Okay, and kick above your head and do the full splits?

Alright. Done. You're going to jail.

Start spreading your ass.

Absolute power corrupts absolutely. I don't want the rockets to turn like that.

Defund the rockets.

Okay, ready? Yes. We might bring you pleasure. We might bring you pain. The highest we show would be found on the train. The lowest we show would help serpents to see. We're twins and we're fickle. We think you'd agree.

Dice? Snake Brothers? Is it the Snake Brothers?

It's the Snake Brothers who are like 10 string characters from Guys and Dolls. Hey it's the Snake Brothers!

Hey beautiful, blow on these Snake Brothers so I can roll. Excuse me? You want me to do what? I'm sorry. I just set a stroke!

Hey, run! It's the Snake Brothers!

Here's your steak sauce, man.

Are you two? No, no, no.

We're Snake Brothers. It's like Eskimo cousins. So, I help snakes to see. Oh, JBC got it. It's nice. Oh, it's nice.

But honestly, Adal, I didn't confirm it, so it makes a lot of sense.

Okay, I see. Yeah, typically we give a yes or a no. I'm new to this. Sorry, maybe I'm crazy, but in 2021 we typically give a yes or a no to an answer.

He's embarrassed, so he's taking it out on me.

Speaking of yes or no, it is, and speaking of dice... Wait, one more!

No, it is one more. We have to, because I don't want to, I would stop and start.

And I'm glad that you cut him off, Erin, because that segue was about to be a zero, a zilch, so not a great segue, so I'm glad that we have one more. Okay. That didn't count against you at all.

Adal, I think this one will be, like, you'll find a creative way. So JBC, you focus on the answer, Adal, you focus on the segue, okay?

Got it, squad!

First an ovine, then a bovine, then a sibling pair. A pincher on sand, a feline on land, a maid of virtue fair. I'll skip the rest and be impressed if you can name this set a motley crew that ancients knew and you should not forget. I love this riddle.

Beach kitty. It's Beach Kitty.

Next time on Beach Kitty.

I forgot I hate water. Beach Kitty. That's my first tattoo.

Beach Kitty is just a cat during its witching hour when it's jumping about just ruining sand castles.

Beach Kitty.

I wish I could have fun with Beach Kitty, but I was doing my job and focusing on the riddle. And Erin, I'm glad to report that I don't know the answer. I don't even know it a lot.

And I would've had so much fun with Beach Kitty. You must be so sorry.

I would've been like a cat in a sandbox with Beach Kitty, but no. Erin, I want to say, is it like chess or checkers?

No, but it is like a group of things. Yeah, okay. Let's hear it again. I would say, yeah, okay, I don't want to give any more. So, like, this is not at all it, but think like days of the week.

Gotcha. Oh, is it the days of the week?

Yes, Adal.

You can lead a horse to water, but you can also just give it the water.

All of a sudden my skin started itching everywhere when you did that.

We're checking. Maybe at one point we just admit to ourselves it's a fucking horse and it just needs the water.

Yeah, and maybe you're itching because you have a diaper in your tits. Color me crazy.

Everyone at home, I have multiple diapers on my tits, okay?

He said in.

In? In? Yeah, I got such an off-brand boob job that there's diapers in there.

Wow, your boobs are really absorbent.

I have a really bad infection.

I want to be nice about this, but your boobs look like a baby bending over.

Does that make sense?

Okay, as a doctor I try to be sensitive with these conversations, but how large would you like them? Would you like empty diapers or full?

Erin, lay that riddle on us one more time.

Lay that riddle on us one more time.

Okay, okay, I'm reading my favorite riddle ever and my least favorite Hey Riddle Riddle moment of all time is being laid across the top of it. First an ovine, then a bovine, then a sibling pair. A pincher on sand, I'll skip the rest and be impressed if you can name this set a Motley crew that ancients knew and you should not forget. All of our listeners are Sagittarius's. Welcome back to the show all of you. Thank you so much for listening.

Speaking of Zodiacs, just like the Zodiac Killer, we just cracked this case and it's, oh Erin, look at this, it's 717, it's 717, it's 717.

It's not even lying, it is. 69, 420, baby, 717.

So we're going to take a quick break while we solve the Zodiac case. We'll be right back with more ribos.

Oh my god, Adal, Erin, I feel like such a fool. What happened? What did we do? You know how we all thought that these ads were kind of a safe space to talk about, you know, what's going on in our lives and our problems and our issues and kind of talk through them? Well, it turns out these are being broadcast to thousands of people in the middle of our episodes.

Yeah, you're talking into a microphone.

Wait, is that why we're getting paid for these? I know, I'm just as surprised as you guys, but I have landed on something revolutionary that is going to help us out of this pickle that we all find ourselves in and we're all in the same situation.

You know what?

See, I was about to recommend better help, but if you found something... I was about to launch into how I love pickles, because this is an opportunity for me to just rant and rave about what I like. Well, okay. Wait, Erin, what's better help? Oh, do you want to hear about Bradley Better Help Pickers?

No, I don't want to hear about your pickle theory. Why did I say pickles like that? From the South? I don't know.

Well, thank God I'm here because let me tell you about what my thing is and that is Better Help. It's not a crisis line. It's not self-help. It's professional counseling done securely online. This is my favorite kind of way to get therapy because you can send a message to your counselor anytime and they're professionals and it's awesome and you don't have to do that performative one hour of therapy every week that stressed me the heck out. It's more affordable than traditional offline counseling and financial aid is available.

And BetterHelp will help you with things like, you know, is there something interfering with your happiness, JPC? Is there something preventing you from achieving your goals, JPC? Sorry, I'm mentioning just what's affecting my happiness and affecting me from achieving my goals.

Yeah, and so with better help, not like our ads that go out to thousands of people, everything that you share is confidential, it's convenient, it's professional, and it's affordable, right?

Yeah, and you can start communicating in under 48 hours. That's less than an Eddie Murphy movie.

And it's available worldwide.

Okay, so you're saying that we want people to start living a happier life. And as a listener of our show, you can get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at betterhelp.com slash riddle.

JPC, no, 10%. That's too much.

I don't make the rules. I think that they should join over 1 million people who have taken charge of their mental health. Again, that's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash riddle. This is way better than the idea I was going to pitch.

What were you going to say?

I was going to say whisper ads.

We just whisper all the ads and so then we can hear the ads if we whisper all the ads.

Okay, I say this every day, but thank God I'm here. What would happen if I wasn't here, everybody?

Oh wait, GBC. Stop whispering. All these birds started landing on you. The birds are my friends.

What happened? What if I wasn't here? Knock, knock, knock. Um, excuse me, Mr. Bill Buckner, are you home, sir?

Oh, sorry, could you not just open my door and say the words knock? I'd love it if you actually knocked.

Knocky, knocky, knocky. So, Mr. Buckner, I'm just gonna make myself a bowl of ice cream and sit on your couch. I was just making sure that you're okay. I know that you were humiliated. Oh, no, I'm doing great.

I mean, I'm a fucking laughingstock and a magnet for violence and harassment for the last 30-some years, but no, I'm doing great. I was on Curb Your Enthusiasm, I think, so that's working out.

What else?

What else? Well, a ball went between my legs and therefore I have been the ire of the Boston community and beat up several times in bars. People actually, instead of buying me drinks, they send me their tabs.

Well, thank you for the ice cream, Mr. Bruckner.

And I can't manage to golf anymore.

Why?

Because it reminds me of that moment where the ball rolled between my legs. I saw my whole life flash.

Thanks for the ice cream!

Can I tell you something that I've never told anyone? It wasn't my lack of athleticism. It wasn't anything to do with my skill. There was a fan in the crowd. A fan in the crowd distracted me. Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop.

Here we are in the bottom of the sixth or something.

Oh, there's a crack of the bat. Ah, buddy, it's probably the bottom of the ninth. Somewhere closer to the end of the game.

Tomato, tomato. The ball's rolling towards Buckner. It's about a minute away from him catching it. Is there a fan in the stands?

What's happening? Alright Bill, catch the ball. You got this. Just catch the ball. Catch the ball, Bill. Catch the ball.

Achoo! Ooh, I sneezed into my chest.

What the fuck? Cover your mouth.

Oh, and the ball rolls with me back to his legs.

Hey, can I be honest with you? It wasn't really a fan distracting me. It was just a sneeze, I guess. I misremembered. Sorry, I deserve everything I received.

I know that I know that Bill Buckner probably didn't get much of a public send-off when he died, but I hope that anyone... I don't think he died. No, no, he died in 2019. Now I hope that everyone listening to that might hope that it provides a little bit of relief for the family of Bill Buckner who are hopefully still carrying on. Come on, dude. Nobody fucked that guy.

He died at 69, so that's not nothing.

I know that because he was born on my birthday, December 14th.

Oh, that's a good person to share your birthday with.

I keep track of whenever someone on my birthday dies because I experience what Highlanders refer to as the quickening.

Uh-huh, uh-huh. And that's a tax off wear? The rebate! And also, once everybody else who's been born on your birthday dies, you get all the money, right?

Well, I have to stay one night in a big spooky old house, but then the money's mine. Aw man, it's Confederate gold?

I wonder if a couple of your friends will go when they're dressed as ghosts to try to spook you out of the money.

No friend of mine would dress as a ghost. They know how much ghosts hurt my family.

Only my enemies. All right, I got another riddle. Is that something that is interesting?

Yes, ma'am. I'm very interested in these riddles. Did you just call her Karen?

Karen?

I swear to God, I swear to God, J.F.E.C. just called you Karen. What is her name? Her name is... My name... Baron Chief.

My name is Lucy Von Twizzlers, and I'm here to give you open heart surgery without cleaning my hands.

I told you guys when we started this podcast 16 months ago, what's the one thing I won't do? Learn your names and apologize.

But I'm sorry. Your name is Jennifer now. And my name's Small Bill.

No, Small Bill. Call back baby. Two Sim. Two Sim. Two Sim. Two Sim. Two Sim. Two Sim. Two Sim. Two Sim. Two Sim. Two Sim. Two Sim. Two Sim. Two Sim.

Two Sim. Two Sim.

Two Sim. Two Sim. Two Sim. Two Sim. Two Sim. Two Sim. Two Sim. Two Sim. Two Sim. Two Sim. Two Sim. Two Sim.

Two Sim.

Two Sim. Two Sim. Two Sim. Two Sim. Two Sim.

Two Sim. Two Sim. Two Sim. Two Sim. Two Sim. Two Sim. Two Sim. Two Sim.

Two Sim. Two Sim. Two Sim.

Two Sim. Two Sim. Two Sim. Two Sim.

We actually need the room a little while longer. We'll call you when we're ready to see you, okay? Can you just give me a flick?

I didn't land on a marshmallow! Do you normally?

It's like a one in a million shot off the edge of this building.

Two million! Seems like you're okay though, you're talking. Now I'm dead. He's still falling. Bill, if you keep talking, we're not going to need to see you again.

Should we see more Beach Kitty?

No, no one liked that.

Yum yum. Surf's up. Beach Kitty here.

Oh my god. Oh, we are tired. Okay. This is from Erin. Okay, her name is Erin, not me Erin. A different Erin.

Me Erin.

Me Erin. Let's catch some crabs. Okay.

I know what I said. Yeah, I was like, I want to do something with that, but I also don't want to keep festering.

That cat is going to the beach for two things, to scream at the water and to get STDs.

Day bow bow.

Okay. Susie is sleeping in her bed when she is awakened by a fire alarm. She knows she's in danger, yet makes no attempt to escape. Why?

She's a firefighter. The fire alarm is to let her know she needs to go fire to fire, not that the house is on fire. She sleeps through the alarm and therefore a house burns up.

Oh my god, do you think firefighters snooze? Five more minutes.

She has narcolepsy. She is at a bachelorette party. The fire alarm is part of the dance track to a stripper. She is afraid because her ex is a stripper. She forgot that that was the same stripper company that her ex works for. They had a contentious relationship and she doesn't need to see him tonight. Tonight is about Tiffany and Mark.

Hey, I told you that story in confidence.

I changed the name. I didn't say Sean and Erin. I said Tiffany and Mark. I'm getting canceled? For what?

I love the fake names you used are Tiffany and Mark, which are Tiffany Amber Thiessen and Mark Paul Gosling, who played the notorious couple, Zach and what's her name? Kelly. Was Adal right or was I right? Neither. Oh, is it five alarm chili and she had to wake up and take a shit?

Erin, you're right. Have you guys ever had to wake up and take a shit? Wake up! In the last year, I've maybe woken up from sleep to pee, maybe twice. Most nights I just sleep through the nights, but I cannot remember the last time I had to wake up because my body was like, a shit's coming right now.

Well, JPC, I think you have sleep shat in you.

Yeah, I go into Shatner when I sleep.

William Shatner is what you meant to say. My sleep schedule's all messed up.

I don't know, I can't do Shatner.

You did it though.

Thank you so much. I thought I was doing walking. Can you do the riddle one more time just for poor old me?

Susie is sleeping in her bed when she is awakened by a fire alarm. She knows she's in danger yet makes no attempt to escape. Why?

Susie's a ghost.

Okay, so the danger that she knows she in is not fire related. The fire alarm is going off but is there like someone in her room or something like that where she's like she knows she's in danger but she can't move because she knows that there's like a person there?

That's a really good guess. There is a fire. That part's real. I would like to maybe give you some hints.

Wait, hold on. One more question. Is she immune to fire a la Johnny the Human Torch?

Yes.

Okay. I'd like to solve the puzzle.

I don't think he's immune to fire. I think he is fire. That makes you immune.

Sean sent me a video of a guy sticking his finger into fire today and then lighting a cigarette. He like stuck his finger into a fire. His finger lit on fire and then he lit a cigarette with it.

What? I want to see a scene. I want to see a scene. Erin, you are someone in danger. You're in some sort of danger. JPC, you're the human torch and you've arrived on the scene to help this woman out. The only bad news is you are a human torch who absolutely is not immune to fire. So anytime you change, you feel that real hard. Got it.

Thank God you're here. My cat. My cat's in there and my house is on fire. Please go in.

Perfect. Well, you know what?

Don't make a cat joke. Perfect.

No, I'm not making a cat joke. But I happen to know that as soon as the rest of the Fantastic Four shows up, Mr. Fantastic stretches his arm right in there, grabs the cat.

No, go now. Please, please go. Go.

I know that this is scary. I know this is intense. I've seen a lot of these fires. We have like 20 more minutes before there's even a risk of danger to your cat.

I promise you.

Okay, so I think that it's an orange cat. I think maybe the coloring of the cat.

I'm the human torch.

I would, but guess what? It fucking hurts every time I do. Okay, so it's a cat.

Oh, it hurts?

It's a cat. If it was a grandpa or like a husband, I don't see a ring. I see one cat. So maybe this is not the most important human being of the world to fucking save.

Are you kidding me? It's not as if Spiderman was like, wait, I was retired from swinging and seeing people. What do you do for a living? What do you do for a living? I am an emergency room doctor for kids.

I was gonna help you out and then I heard that bullshit impression and now I'm off. Fuck you!

Is that Bill? That was Spiderman.

You have a doctor for kids?

Yeah, I saved lives.

What kind of doctor?

Emergency room doctor for children.

Okay, well then I guess I'll go in.

Yeah, go.

I will, but thank you for your service.

Yeah, well thank you for doing this.

Okay, well just so you know, I'm probably gonna need to fucking come and see you after this, because I'm gonna have fucking burns all over my body.

Fine.

Because I'm the Human Torch, but this actually hurts every time I do it.

Okay, well, I called every other hero, and you're the only one who's free.

Well, maybe that says something more about you! Why? That they don't want to show up for you! Maybe you're a bad doctor.

Are you kidding? No! No, everyone, they're all at a party. I wasn't supposed to tell you that.

Wait a second, what? No, they said that was cancelled. I'm on the email thread. That's what, oh my god, the thing said fake email. And I'm like, what is he talking about? His big fingers, he can't type. Oh my god, I'm on a fake email thread.

Yeah.

Those motherfuckers.

I'm telling you, go into the building. I'm gonna shove you in and surprise! It was a surprise party for you!

Oh my god. Oh god. It was painted fire. And everyone's here. Oh my god. Damn it.

Yeah, point to us and say your names. Hold up, Gambit. Come to the back of the boat. Oh, the water boy's here?

Mon ami.

Oh, and little Bill's here too. You made it. Yeah, I landed on a marshmallow.

Okay, enough of you. Cajun Man from SNL.

We're all here.

Hold on, we got more of the wedding singers here. We never had one lesson.

I could have done 11 more minutes of that.

Wait, guys, I'm starting to realize all of Adam Sandler's characters are the exact same. Wow.

Was the fire actually life-threatening? Yes. Did Susie have a reason to want to stay in the building? No. Did this have to do where Susie lives? Yes.

She lives underwater or she lives in Atlantis.

Does she live in like some sort of like, uh, like hospital where she's like stuck in a like, like strapped to the bed, like a mental institution or something?

You're getting close. It's really close.

Erin, I want to say this, but I don't want you to laugh at me. Does she live in a firework factory?

You joke. Best sleep of my life.

Does she live in a barbecue institute?

Yeah, the Institute of Barbecues. No, no.

She's sleeping in the dorms at Phoenix online. Phoenix bird fire, but it's safe because bird

I'm going to need you to take a big sip of that water. Rehydrate your brain.

Is Erin some sort of Batman villain who lives in Arkham Asylum and there's like a revolt going on in Arkham Asylum right now and Arkham Asylum is on fire but she doesn't want to leave because she's like

As soon as I leave, the Batman's just gonna show up and put everybody back in here. Are you making fun of me? Are you making fun of me? This is what can help you. I'm sorry? Who are you? I've never met another person with a voice like mine. Now I know what true love is.

Ah, Shantae. But I'm here too. I'm my Aunt Shantae's. Your name's Shantae? Your name's Shantae? Uh-on. Aunt Shantae's.

Are you trying to say, I'm Erin, I'm from a riddle, and I'm a boy of Batman's biggest enemies. Where's Piper? No, I'm Bill. Never mind.

You're little Bill, and I'm Anshante. You're gonna have to pick between the two of us.

Pick. Pick. Pick. Pick, little Bill. Do you want us to do a Miss America-style competition to show our talents? Yeah, could both of your asses say what they would be? I'm out. I'm out. I'm out.

I'm out. I'm out. You're a pig. Same. Same. I'm not a pig. I'm a rocket.

You guys are so close. You're circling it.

Is Arkham Asylum correct? Joker me this.

No, it's not an asylum. It is somewhere where you're maybe not free to go.

Somewhere you're not free to go?

You're not free to leave.

Oh Hotel California. Oh, yeah. Is it the Hotel California? Because you can check.

I want to see a scene.

A rockette would probably take you there.

I want to see a scene. Erin, you are staying at the Hotel California. In this instance, it's just a regular hotel. JPC, you are the, what do you call, like the clerk or the desk manager? Sure, the night watchman. The night watchman. Erin's trying to check out and you absolutely will not let her leave.

All of those charges of movies I rented were a joke, so if you want to just take this off my bill and I can be on my merry way.

Uh, yeah, I'm sorry, when you say that they were a joke, what, in what context was, cause I, I love a joke. You could ask anybody here in one of the funniest employees, what context were they a joke?

I mean, like, obviously look at the charges. I ordered enchanted six times in a row and then porn. Like, no normal person would do that.

Well, no normal person could watch all of these. You were here for one night. So, unless you stayed up all night watching and chanted and then watched porn again to time this out. As a finale. That would have been mere moments before you came down here to check out.

Yep, so I'm just gonna need that to take off your charges.

I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. Yeah, there is a free breakfast, complimentary breakfast from seven to ten. It's very early to watch porn. I will say that you are Very sweaty, if you don't mind me asking. Was there a problem with the heat in the room? Because you look to be drenched in sweat.

No, and it definitely wasn't from the dancing along to enchanted. And then topic that all off with porn. Again, nothing weird happened.

Why would it? Nothing weird happened. So just to do the math here, that's maybe 12 hours of watching enchanted and dancing. Hypothetically. So for the time window to work out, you would have checked in yesterday when we spoke, watched and chanted for 12 hours, watched a little bit of porn because you couldn't have finished the whole movie, then come right back down here and checked out. May I ask you, why did you want to come and stay in the hotel tonight?

I heard it in a song.

Oh, you heard the name of the hotel in a song? Was it Nellie's Holiday Inn?

Yes.

We get this a lot.

Erin, I think one of the greatest things you ever said is porn as a finale. Just fantastic.

As a cherry on top. Porn.

The desserts of movies. Do you guys know? Do you guys know, and I refuse to look this up, from when I first heard Hotel California, I must have been like 14, I can never figure out the lyric. They say something something cool wind in your hair, and then it says like, the sweet smell of collegiate rising up from the air. What are they saying there? The sweet smell of the sweet smell of collegiate rising up from the air. It's not the origin of the lyric.

Such a lovely face.

Such a lovely face. I'm looking it up.

Yeah, I mean I'm only familiar with the work of Demi Lovato. I don't even know anything about this old man.

Erin, I've gone 24 years without looking up this lyric and I don't want to know.

Okay, I won't tell you.

So are you saying, okay yeah, so it's not collegiate, and you're going to have a great time when you figure it out. You'll have a great time, Adal, when you do eventually figure it out.

Do I have all the lyrics around it correct? Is it sweet smell and rising up from there?

Warm smell, but yes.

Warm smell. Warm smell of collegiate. No, it makes sense. Never mind. It's a potential to go to college. The warm smell of collegiate. You're going to get so many people adding you about this. Collegiate. The cologne for college kids.

So it's in a place where they don't they don't want to stay or they what did you say? You said they can't get out of.

I said you can't leave whenever you want and a rock cat would maybe take you there.

Oh is it are you at a friend's play? Because you're like front row and if you leave your friend will they're on stage they have a very small part but they're on stage the whole time I guess making direct eye contact with you and you're like hey Sean why did I get an invite to this play if you're gonna make direct eye contact with me it's not a play anymore it's just you on stage I guess you could say it's our town okay okay I have a couple things to say I think we need

To make up a new word. Oh my god, I'm crying. For the emotion that is the feeling of going to see your friends play on a Sunday afternoon and the play is not very good. But you love your friend. What is that feeling? There's no word for it.

I'll tell you the feeling because I have friends that listen to this podcast and almost every week I get a text that just says, hey man, nice try, getting better. Oh yeah, yeah. I know, but a couple weeks ago someone did tell me that the lighting on the podcast is fantastic.

Oh God, that's a big answer. No, luckily having friends do theater in Chicago is one of the best places in the world for theater. So I didn't have to watch a lot of bad plays, but you guys I've seen some bad plays.

I had a conversation with an old improv coach of mine about this where we were both of the exact same mind and that one thing I hated more than anything was when someone would come up after a show or like a show or just unsolicited say like great show even if it was or was not a great show. I don't think I'll ever unsolicited like say Say something that I don't feel. I'm not going to unsolicited lie to someone and be like, that show was so funny. It was such a great show. And no one ever asks, hey, how did you like the show? And anyone who wants to ask that question, I honestly think wants feedback about something that they can work on constructively.

Yeah, you know them pretty well being like, hey, I was trying to diagnose what went wrong in that show. What did you think of it?

One of my one of my bigger pet peeves was people that would like just come up to you and it's fine if it's like a person who just truly just enjoyed the show but if it's like a colleague or like another improviser who's like that was so great when it's like oh man come on we both I was doing it and you were watching it so like we don't need to fucking bullshit

I've for sure been that person. I've never said a show was good when it wasn't good, but I have made a point if one of my friends was funny in a bad show to say, you were so funny.

I thought this was very funny. Something like that, yeah.

Any theater show I've seen, any improv show I've seen, if I know someone in the cast after the show, if I see them or we're hanging out or if they're like stick around after a hundred times out of a hundred, a thousand times out of a thousand, I say good show. I don't care if they fucking ate shit. I don't care if they face planted.

That's the polite thing to do.

To me it's about I love this person, I respect and love them, and I want them to feel good. So if they ask me for feedback, I could go and I could say more. I could, you know, if they say like, you know, what about this thing or whatever. But if they say nothing, I will always say good show.

I will let you in on a little secret and I will only speak for myself and I will never speak for like other people, but anytime I heard after I did a good show, great show from someone, I was like, okay, fuck you. Like it wasn't a good show. Oh, absolutely. It made me feel like shit when someone would say good show to you fully knowing that that show was not like good because I did the show. Like I know that the show was bad. But I talked to, when I would talk to people about this, that was always the response that I would get from people who were like, if I did a bad show, the last thing that I want to hear is good show. Now, that could just be like personal preference. Other people can feel completely differently, but for me it was always like, A, I don't really care, but B, to be like, to go out of your way to be like, oh my god, what a great show.

Well, now we're barcing hairs. Is that a term? Now we're smelling hairs.

I'm not saying that they would literally say that but that's always the way it felt because why else would you say great show when we both saw it?

I think you can just say like, hey good show and then talk about anything else. To me the worst is like, If someone just like stands there and it's like or you know I don't know even if you don't think it was a good show if you see them afterwards you can just be like hey what do you want to do do you want to grab drinks do you want to whatever whatever that is or you can just talk about whatever but to me what's unbearable is like to be done with a show and then whoever's sticking around afterwards because they're hanging out or they want to talk to you whatever just like stands there and it's like what are we doing?

You know what? I have felt that feeling, JPC, of like, don't say good show. We know it was bad, but I will take that any day over someone telling me they could tell I wasn't enjoying it. That is so fucked. People would do that all of the time. They go like, Erin, I was looking over at your face and I could tell you fucking hated it. And I was like, I was trying my best and I was trying to enjoy my friends. What are you talking about?

I think all of it comes from this like a place of good, but I think whether the things that Erin's describing or the thing that I'm describing, people are like, like, I had the best intentions when I said this thing. It's like, yeah, but like, why say the thing at all? Like, just, just go up and do what Adal said and be like, hey, like, uh, you know, guess what Jeff just said? Like, it's, let's talk about anything else. Like, why talk about it?

Have you been watching this show? Like, I cannot. Hey Riddle Riddle.

I'm only speaking of a friend of mine. And that's different because it's specific and it's not just great show. Like, great show is general and it's like, who?

It's like the best oceans, it's specific. I feel like the worst thing to me to hear after a show, and please don't do this now that I've said it, is fun stuff is the worst thing ever. Fun stuff makes me think you hated the show and it's obnoxious and then also when someone comes up and doesn't say anything except for, how do you think it went? I think that's the biggest fuck you in the world. Yeah, don't ask me. How do you think the show went? I don't know. Fuck you. We're not friends.

Crushed it. Crushed it. Always crush them.

Well, that's our new thing. We're ending every episode in 2021 with a serious talk about our pet peeves.

You know what? I realized as we were having this conversation that we all haven't done any live theater in almost a year.

In 10 months?

Yeah, it's almost been a year, so it's like, I do miss it. I would give anything just to go and do a show again and have someone be like, you really ate shit up there, didn't you, dick fuck?

And then you'd just give them a hug and they'd say, I'm back.

Thank you so much. I think I'm back, Tim.

I'm back. I'm back, baby. Erin, anything besides live shows you want to plug?

Yes, well also thank you Erin for those riddles. I wanted to thank you for that riddle. Thank you Erin, thank you Erin for that riddle. Yes, I was recently on a podcast called Lady History and it was, I had the best time, it's three women and they were all archaeology majors in undergrad and I, it turned into me wanting to hear a hundred thousand stories. You guys, it was fascinating. Wow, that's cool. about lady history it is what it sounds like but in our episode we talked a little bit about women in comedy and the history of women in comedy and more importantly they told me that you can tell that a bone is a human bone when you lick it if it sticks to your tongue and I went oh my god and they said all sorts of interesting stuff like that so check them out.

That is the worst pickup line I've ever heard.

I don't think they used it as a pickup line.

Are these archaeologists Tasting the bones?

Yes, that's what I'm saying. They are.

I don't think they should be tasting the bones.

And it's so fun to freak out kids to lick the bones in front of them because they don't realize you can lick bones. And I was like, I'm learning today that all of you are just licking bones. You can find them at Lady History Pod on Instagram and Twitter and find them wherever you find podcasts. It was truly so lovely and they are so smart and interesting. And I would definitely check that show out if you like history or learning about how these three women are basically Indiana Jones.

That sounds amazing.

Do you have anything to plug? I'm just going to plug, if you were listening to today's episode and you were like, wow, there was barely any riddles and I actually kind of liked it. Check out the Patreon, patreon.com. We don't do any riddles over there. We do a different short form, long form, improv stuff and it's a lot of fun. And you know, maybe this is the year that you get into the Patreon. We're recording this just a little ahead of schedule because of the holidays. So I'll go ahead and shoot my shot and say that I was just on the most recent episode of Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. Great, great podcast. I had a ton of fun with Conan. So tall, so nice. Oh, and Matt fucking roasted you. Oh my god, Matt.

Morley was incorrigible.

Gourley was on fire and Sonya was so pleasant.

Sonya and Sona were both on fire.

I'm sorry, the other guest was Sonya and then give you a second. Red Sonya. Go listen to me on that episode. It was super funny and if it hasn't come out yet, tweet at Conan about that because I think that his people maybe can handle those.

You're amazing.

Adal, anything to plug? Yeah, a few weeks ago my episode of the Gunkhole State Park Podcast came out. I recorded that sometime late summer maybe. It was an absolute blast to do. It's a friend of ours, Alex. Very good, very good podcast, very good time, very good improvisers. So please listen to the Gunkhole State Park Podcast. And also I want to plug a new game that Gemma and I have been playing called Clask. It's like a physical game. It's K-L-A-S-K. I think this has been around for a while, so I'm not breaking any ground here. But it's super fun. It's like a hybrid between foosball and air hockey almost. It's an outstanding game. It's relatively cheap. It's so fun. So please buy that game and play and let me know how you like it. And when things are back to normal, we can have a little tournament or something. Little Bill? I just want to plug Big and Small, my podcast where I talk with Big Bill. I want to plug Little Man, the clothing store that customizes my shirts.

Hey Little Bill, we can't wait to have you back on in maybe August or September of this year when we remember you exist. And Little Bill, as always, what's your favorite planet?

Uh, let's see, what's the smallest planet? Mercury! And thank you Adventist Babe.

Bill forever. Oh no.

Oh no.

Hey Baby New Year's. If you liked that, you are going to love this week's Patreon episode. We try our best at some celebrity impressions and... You can listen to that plus the entire back catalog at patreon.com slash HeyRiddleRiddle by joining the Clue Crew for $5 or the Review Crew for $8. See you there!

That was a hate gun podcast.