Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum podcast. Bam Margera.

Chrysler Spring. Bam Margera.

Bam Margera. Am I saying it correctly?

Slam Cantara. Can't you all send Bam Margera for the table?

I actually, I could have some.

Are you gluten free?

I am.

Are you gonna love Bam Margera?

Oh great, cause he's a human man.

Can I get a side of Clams Carcara? Listen jackass.

Bam Margera. It was the captain of an airplane.

He stabbed him with the knife in the face. And the horse is deep riding.

9... 8... 7... 6... 5... You know what guys?

I just thought that... I know we're starting this countdown Happy New Year!

JPC, you fucking ruined it.

Well no, we have a full other day, because this is Wednesday, so... What?

Yeah, Thursday is the 31st, so... No, no, we know that, but Erin and I, traditionally, we count down to the 31st. You count down to New Year's Eve.

Hold on. 30 days has September, April, June, and November. She's testing a spell. They all have 30.

Wait, I think I know... Okay, so you sing that song on the 31st is what you're saying, J.P.C.? I think so. Here's the song. Here's the song we'll sing for today. Here we go. Okay. Brehem. Brehem. Brehem. Brehem. It's the end of the year as we know it. Okay. It's the end of the year as... And I know this is a brand new song I'm making. You're directing us, but this is a parody song. You couldn't possibly sing along. I realize that. Thanks for the support. My name is Tommy Milwaukee.

I was going to say something when you said, and I was going to say, and I feel awful because it's 2020. And I feel awful.

Well, Erin, if I was going to say we're candies and nuts, I'd be a millionaire.

Hey, if wishes were fishes, we'd all be industrial fish mongers.

And I'm Jenny Sacramento. This is what 2020 did to our brains. Welcome to Hey Riddle Riddle.

We had a conversation before we started recording that the best names in the biz are ones that include actual locations, geographical locations. So I'm Tommy Milwaukee. Erin, who are you?

I just said Jenny Sacramento, but that sounds real, doesn't it?

That's great. And then GPC, what are you going to be? I'm Donnie Oklahoma City.

Come on.

No, it's what I am.

That's amazing.

It says it on my birth certificate.

So that's just Doc. Your nickname is, is that, wait, is that what Doc Hollywood stood for? Donny Oklahoma City Holiday? It's Holiday, Doc Hollywood. I'm your Huckleberry? Oh, it's 1230, date wise. Date and time wise? Well no, time wise it's 717 p.m. We all know that's Riddle O'Clock. 717 p.m. is of course Riddle O'Clock. We all love that, we all say it. Everyone, it's sweepy in the nation. Everyone's saying it nonstop. So it's not quite the end of 2020. We can't possibly wait for this year to be over, but we have one more episode that's going to be contained within it. So we might as well have fun. Hey, we're here. We might as well eat this pasta. Right? Am I right? Is this just anyone's pasta? That's my favorite thing is whenever I worked like a 9 to 5 in an office job when I'd go to the kitchen and somebody brought cake or cupcakes or something and there'd be eight people standing around it staring at it it's like animals at the zoo they're all standing around it looking at it and then people are like is this just like is this just like everyone cake is this someone literally said that is this just everyone cake

Okay, that person's amazing.

I would do that with someone had to keep their insulin in the fridge, and I'm like, is this insulin for everyone? Or is this anyone's insulin? Is this insulin for birthday?

We're going to say happy birthday.

Is this inseclusive?

GPC, I have a question for you.

I just got a mental image of someone squirting an insulin and being like, happy birthday, crushing you with an insulin needle.

So for our December livestream, I got you a couple mugs that say my piss and don't talk to me until I drink my own piss. And you sent a video of you drinking out of it today. Yes. Did it for a second? Thanks for watching!

Yeah. That's what gets me up. That's what gets me up and out of bed.

What's that Robin Williams movie where he's in the painting?

You know what I'm talking about?

Patchems.

What Dreams May Come.

What Dreams May Come. And he has to pretend to paint his coffee. That's what JPC does when he has to, he's drinking coffee and he's pretending as piss.

Was Robin Williams really in a movie called Wet Dreams May Come? That's too on the nose.

One, I think we've done that joke before. Two, punctuation is everything. Because if it was what dreams, period, and then make com exclamation point, that's a totally different movie.

I just Googled it. It looks like what dreams may come has never been done before. So that's good news for me.

Excellent. What was everyone's favorite part of 2020 before we get to Riddle's?

Our favorite part of 2020? Well, I have to say it's this, this inching towards the finish line. There is no tape to break. And this is a race that no one's participating in. And there is no oval track. It's all in the straight line. So I think just looking forward to this year being done, even though a lot of our problems continue into next year, I think just the mental flip of a calendar page for whatever reason brings positivity to my heart. So I'm just looking forward to that. And also, in all sincerity, I will say this podcast has brought me so much joy and laughter and like relief. Cop out, easy answer. We all have that. We could all say that. Oh no. J.P.C., cop out. Now cop in. Kevin Hart? Cop upstairs. Cop out, cop in. Yeah, that's gotta be a movie with Kevin Hart. Cop preposition. And who's the big wrestler who plays the guy from the Space Force? Bam Majera. Bam Majera. Bam Bam Bigelow Majera.

Okay, I gotta say, stand out. Best moment of my 2020. Hey Riddle. I went on a two-week vacation, I had a performance review, and the performance review was middling and they were like, here are the areas that you could improve. And the whole time that my boss, who was pretty absentee, was giving me this performance review, in my mind I was like, this doesn't fucking matter. You have no idea that this doesn't matter. And then they were like, does that make sense? And I was like, that's more than fair. That's more than fair. I think that that's a really interesting point. And so, but in my head I was just playing like, who gives a shit. And then I went on a two week vacation and then the day that I got back I was like, hey I quit. I put in my two weeks notice the next.

That is like a very JPC thing to do that I feel like if someone were elsewhere to do it, they'll go, oh I JPC'd at my job. I told them I wanted to work there till I died, went on vacation, came back, quit that day.

Here's the thing, here's the thing. Dude, everyone's saying, you JPC'd in there? Are you joking? Are they pissed?

A double fort? You should always tell them. You just lie to them always. Always lie to the place and be like, yeah I love it here and this is the best and I want to work here forever because that lie doesn't cost you anything. JPC.

The way to complete a JPC. Hi Riddle. My favorite parts of 2020 was JPC's timing of art stopping. I was really impressed with you quitting your job. I thought that was really cool. But I did, I think Lou, getting Lou, I got her this year. That was definitely the best part of my year, but then also the absolute... Oh yeah, watching Entourage for those couple weeks in April.

Oh yeah, guys, it's me Kool-Aid Man. I'm playing Aquaman.

Oh God, get the hell out of here. You come up way too much on this podcast.

I fucked eight women last night.

Oh yeah. Oh, you did. And then also, because Trump couldn't really be funny the last four years, he was too sad, too scary. Yeah, exactly. But it was just too sad and too scary. And finally in November, just the absolute imploding that that entire administration did, I finally got to laugh again. I was like, oh man, they are having a bad month. Everything that they're doing is bad. And it made me really happy to finally Finally find it funny again. Have you guys blocked my number? Speaking of that, I feel like I call you guys two or three times a night and it just doesn't go through.

I gotta say, strong contender for funniest year, like the person who has led the funniest year, it's gotta be Rudy Giuliani.

Rudy Giuliani. Everyone give it up.

He's had a literal meltdown. His head is melting. I hope that we don't have to edit this out because something has happened to him by the time that this is released. But even if it does, I think it should stay in, because boy oh boy what a funny year. Like the Sacha Baron Cohen thing, the total landscaping thing, the hair melting thing, the video of him blowing his nose with a handkerchief and then wiping it all over his face and mouth. What a comedic genius this guy is. And a genius in no other context.

Oh, wait. Oh, it just, my, my Gemma sense is tingling. I should say that my favorite part of this year is getting engaged. Yeah, you should have said that.

Yeah, you should say that just on your own. You also bought a house. You said, Hey Riddle Riddle. You said, Hey Riddle Riddle was great. And you bought a house?

And you took an Adal because we didn't say, Hey Riddle Riddle.

You said it. And we said real stuff. Future Adal sends Jenna listening to this, pausing it, coming over to wake me up and say, what the fuck?

Yeah, it's so annoying when your fianc talks to you. Let's dig this hole a little deeper and get Adal into trouble.

Well, this hole's been dug, so what we're going to do is we're going to fill it with riddies and puzzies. Ooh, I can't wait. Then they'll never find the body.

Oh, let's do my favorite segment. Let's get Adal into trouble. Hey, Gemma, Adal spent all your wedding money on cocaine to fill up a yacht with. Alright, JBC, you go. Get Adal in trouble.

Hey Gemma, Adal, you know all those gel pins that Adal bought you? Well he thought that gel was short for gelato, so that shit that you've been writing with is ice cream. All your notebooks are covered in ants.

You're gonna be in trouble.

Ah, if I wasn't so hopped up on yacht cocaine, that'd feel awful. I think we remember how to do Riddies and Puzzies.

I certainly remember.

So let's go out with a bang for 2020. Here we go. This is gonna just be a warm-up riddle. This is the worst riddle I've ever heard. What bird is always unhappy? Again, this is just a warm-up riddle. We'll just kind of fly by these.

Big bird. He's three years old. He's six, two, and three years old for his whole life.

Oh my god, the growing pains. Yeah, his whole life. I wonder if... The other birds always come up to Big Bird and are like, hey big guy, do you play basketball? And he's like, I don't please just let me live my life.

A hundred percent. Big Bird's life is like how we talk to Big Grande every time we do an episode. You guys are so tall.

I've seen, everyone I know in my life that's like six, six or taller, anytime I'm out in public with them, someone always comes up and is like, hey big guy. And then inevitably they're like, did you play basketball? Like, I don't know. People just are forced to, and then they're always like, do you always get asked that question? Or how tall are you? Do you always get asked that question? What a life. I can't imagine.

I stand by it being Big Bird.

I want to see

Hey. Excuse me. Pardon me. Down here. Hello?

Oh, hi.

Hey, I'm sorry. I just... I was walking across the street enjoying a bagel and I couldn't help but notice that you... A what? I'm sorry?

A bagel? You mean a bagel.

Oh, I've only ever seen it written. I'll take your word for it. Bagel then. I was enjoying the bagel and I noticed that you looked a little sad.

You've never heard someone say bagel out loud? You ordered one earlier today. You must have. How did they know you wanted a bagel?

I said a number two, and I believe that that was what it was on the number two. So we never communicated by... Hey Riddle.

Yeah, I don't really feel like smiling today. I really just became aware that for 40 years I've been sleeping outside of Gordon's window in huge pajamas. Just having a hard time learning anything beyond the ABCs.

Oh wow.

But I do know. I don't know a lot. Did someone say they want to learn the ABCs? A is for apartment rent. B is for bodega where you get your milk. This is just a crazy person in the street. This person is not from my neighborhood.

Trickle me. I'm sorry, would either one of you like a bagel? I bought a dozen.

I don't know much beyond how to count to 20 in the ABCs in a couple of songs, but I do know that you're supposed to say it bagel, or bagel. Bagel? Oh god, I'm spiraling. I can't fly!

I love that at the very end we get to the root of it. I can't fly, that's it. Yeah, if you're so tall, there's no way you're gonna be able to support them.

Penguins are sad because they can't fly.

Erin, you're so close, the answer is bluebirds. Puffins. Oh. Okay, hold on. Well, you said close, and she said penguins, so... Hold on, I said close. I said the answer, and then JPC, you had a buzzer beater. What was it? Puffins. Oh, buddy. Good job. Puffins. Gold star.

Bluebirds, because they're sad.

Oh, because they're blue. Here's another warm-up riddle that involves birds. I am a bird. I am a fruit and I am a person. What am I?

If I'm a bird then you're a bird.

Is that Superman?

No. Is that Superman? That's notebook, my guy.

Are you a bird? I know you are, but what am I? A plane?

Please. For no reason other than the image at the end, Rachel McAdams goes, say I'm a bird. And then he goes, no. And she goes, say it. And then she runs and she jumps in his arms. And then she says, say I'm a bird. And he goes, No, he goes, you're a bird. And then she goes, now say you're a bird too. And he goes, if you're a bird, I'm a bird. And then when they die in each other's arms at the end, you see birds flying away. Oh, I'm sorry.

I've never seen it. And I didn't realize the movie was based on you because that sounds like something you would do.

I didn't do anything. I saw it up to that scene and our creative writing teacher in high school turned it off because we were all screaming, say I'm a bird at each other. Oh, that's right. Is that real? She did not think that was funny. She also ran out of the classroom crying one time because someone played with arms wide open by Creed and we were like, this song sucks, why was she crying? But later found out that it had been playing at her father's funeral and it brought back a Sid's memory.

Oh, there's a lot going on there.

I am a bird. I am a mountain. No, I am a bird. I'm a fruit and I am a person. What am I? An Australian. Close. It is Nelly Furtato. Then I would like to say a... Turn off the light. A buffet. Australian is... Australian is unbelievably close. It's almost as if I'd know what it is. Wait, what'd you say? I'd be intentionally obtuse.

I just winked and said kiwi because JPC was moving slowly.

It is a kiwi. I want to see JPC and Erin, you're going to be two New Zealand birds and you're having a nice fruit salad. You're making a nice fruit salad and it's a typical day as a New Zealand bird. All right, hold on.

Yeah, and so... I supplied... I moved here when I was like 15 from America and that's why I don't have an accent. Let's keep cutting this fruit up. But I love your accent. It's thick. That is a thick New Zealand accent.

Well, it's actually not New Zealand. It's France. I also moved here when I was 15. People make this mistake a lot, especially non-natives who are here for the first time. But yes, I moved here when I was 15 from France. Both of my parents are from New Zealand, but they studied in France. I picked up a French accent from France. They are sorry school, but my parents, here they come, have New Zealand accents, and they are still with them, and they couldn't sound more different, but regionally, both of them from New Zealand, here they are, here they are.

Hi Natalie, nice to see you. How you doing?

How you going? I'm a bird too, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

I couldn't hide anything more in the world than Nicole Kidman. Or think she's a piece of treesh?

Russell.

She's a piece of tall fucking treesh?

Crows?

What's going on here? What?

Why is everyone banging so weird? Why is everyone just saying things and not having a conversation? What is going on here?

I think I'm actually going to fly to the South Island to do the Lord of the Rings tour. I'm out of here.

Hold on. I think my father may have been having a stroke because of the way he is acting. No, I have to take you to a borrowed house with a post-haste.

It is so funny to hear something like rise up lights, lice a disc, lice a disc. Bonjour.

I just think of that great show, Love on the Spectrum, where the guys like holodines, but I guess that's Australian and not New Zealand.

Oh, that's really so good.

There's a subtle difference, but I don't The only difference I can discern, and our fans, because we do definitely have, because Jasmine or Yasmin, I've only seen that written. Maybe it's Yasmin, right? It's got to be Yasmin. Are a wonderfully talented illustrator who does some work for us and is so kind. I believe she lives in New Zealand and I feel like they, I feel like Ozzie's and Kiwi's don't get along, right?

There's rivalry there? I only know that from the episode of Flight of the Conchords that I watched when they famously did not get along with the Australians and that, yeah.

But I think to me, and this is Adal, I'm not stating this as fact, the only difference I can tell is like Kiwis go upward like the inflection, right? Where Australians would say like Hi Riddle.

When I lived in Australia, a couple things. I definitely don't think they hate each other. I think there's some snobbery stuff. I don't think that they love being called kiwis is a memory I have of that. But please educate us if we're making it. If we're messing up then someone will tell us and they will have done that labor and we will be very grateful that they did.

Technically only Adal said it so what they'll do is they'll tell like me or something I'll be like hey man like he's got a Twitter go find him.

No no no this Riddle said it and Erin you said they don't hate each other I heard my cousin my cousin's nephew's mother had said that Australia like Australia was talking shit about New Zealanders at a park.

Oh my God, no.

Yeah, to Beth. And Beth was like, fuck them. So I don't know.

But that's just what I heard. Dude, I'm on the speakerphone right now with all of them. Don't. Yeah, their accents are, I know that New Zealanders, instead of saying sex, they say sex, like sex seven, yeah. Um, but I worked with a couple of New Zealanders and then traveled there and they were the loveliest. And I, both places are great. And I think that a lot of people love, like, I met a lot of people from Australia living in New Zealand. But please educate us if you live in either of those countries.

Please. And of course, I guess now that I'm thinking about it, if you watch Lord of the Rings, which was obviously shot in New Zealand by a New Zealander, um, Gollum is always like my, my precious. Gotta find my precious.

That's true. Dude, that would have made Lord of the Rings the funniest comedy of all time. That one simple change of making Gollum Australian would have taken that from a great fantasy movie to by far the funniest comedy that's ever existed.

I do love like, it's like Ian McKellen fucking rocking it and Viggo and all these great, and I love that in my head I always think that like the first day on set, what's his name who plays Samwise Gamgee? Rudy. That he comes on set. Sean Astin?

Oh Mr. Frodo, no! Don't call Mr. Frodo!

And they're like, cut! Ah, this guy, I mean this guy's already pretty famous and like his mom's, I think Patty Duke, so like let's, I don't know if we should say something.

If I would have married anyone, it would have been her.

I'm drowning, Mr. Frodo. Okay, so Sean Astin's character voice said that, which is not really an accent. It's just like, Mr. Frodo.

Wait, you think his name is Sean Astin? That's a car, my dude. That's what James Bond drives.

So Sean Ashton. Sean Martin. So I would love it if that character voice, you have to take that character voice and insert it into another like movie character to ruin that movie. Because I'm trying to think of like, I want like Nicholas Gage O'Connor here to have that.

Put the body back in the box, Mr. Frodo. I think I got it. I want John Malkovich and Rounders to have it. Oh, pay that man his money. If you're a bird, then I'm a bird, Mr. Frodo. Somewhere... I'm going to make my lottery gift refuse, Mr. Frodo. Look, I am your father, Mr. Frodo. Let's do another riddle here.

Oh, fuck. Forget any of this. That's all I'm thinking about the rest of the episode.

It's always, uh, oh, what does it say? It always stays hot even when put in refrigerator. Adal Rifai, Erin Keif, whoa!

Walk, walk, fashion baby, working with that bitch, crazy walk. I want your love and I want a reverend.

I mean, I will say Harrison Ford stays hot in a refrigerator.

That's true.

That's true, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh man. Anytime I try to get confident, I'd walk into a refrigerator and start singing Lady Gaga.

And kind of when he's frozen in carbonite too, right? Yeah.

Harrison Ford's always frozen. Yeah, dude, he's Elsa. Oh, he plays the snowman, right? So what's hot? What did he say to you again? Oh, let it go. Oh, please let it go, Miss Elsa. It always stays hot, even when put in a refrigerator.

Oh, like a hot sauce.

Like a hot sauce. Something spicy. Yeah, like a pepper. Oh, what's that? A pepper. That's the correct answer. Well, that's what Erin said. She said hot sauce. Yeah. Well, what do you think hot sauce is made of?

What do you think hot sauce is made of?

Well, hold on. Let me check the answer here. It says P-E-P-P-E-R and then a space and then P-O-T-T-S. Okay, so a green pepper that suffices? I want to see a scene. JPC, you are Peter Piper, who famously picked a pack of pickled peppers. Erin, you are Priscilla Piper and you are fed up with all the P words. You're fed up that Peter only talks in P words.

Hey babe. I think I'm gonna get some space for a week, go down to the seashore and sell some shells. Sorry, excuse me. I'm just feeling a little emotional. I know that we got into a huge blowout last night and I just think we should get some space. I'm gonna go sell some shells down by the seashore. I'll probably take a ride in a toy boat.

Patricia, Patricia. Parting puts pressure on Peter.

Okay. Well Peter, before I go... Please!

Please!

Okay Peter, just wait for a second. Before I go, you get to pick which jacket you want to keep of our matching jackets. Do you want the red leather or the yellow leather?

Purple pleather. Purple pleather.

Those aren't, that isn't an option Peter. Red leather, yellow leather. Red leather, yellow leather.

Purple pleather places Peter in Perpetual panic. Please, Patricia.

No, I'm leaving because I can't think of any more tongue twisters.

Put... penis? Nope. Put penis, please. Put penis, please. Oh, Mr. Frodo, please put penis. Dude, that's such a hard game. What tongue twisters am I forgetting? Unique New York. You know you need Unique New York. She brews a proper cup of coffee in a copper coffee pot, many mumbling mice, making midnight music in the moonlight, and what else? I think that's it. I think that's all of them. If we miss any tongue twisters or you have an original one, please send us one on Instagram or Twitter, hashtag tongue twisters.

Adal's trying to- My Lebanese sister has a lesbian lover. Oh, there we go. I think you've done that one as a vocal warmup. It's my favorite one.

My favorite one I made was Liam Nissan's niece stole my Nissan.

My favorite one I made is, I quit the show. This isn't a joke. This is real. I'm quitting the show.

What? It is very hard to do P's. What are some P verbs? That was where I was really struggling. Pounce.

Piss.

Play. Piss.

Peter Piper pick a peck of pickled piss.

Peter Piss. I've been making comedy sports so long that my brain is not in short form, only speaking P's mode.

We gotta get you back in there.

I gotta get back in there. You've been on the comedy sports bench. Well speaking of piss, we're gonna take a quick bathroom break to relieve our inner intestines. That's where P is stored, right? In the intestines? Right?

Man, I've been- Nobody Google it.

Go see the doctor.

Go see the doctor. He wants to see you. And we'll be right back with more Piss and Riddles.

Oh my god, Adal, Erin, I feel like such a fool. What happened? What did we do? You know how we all thought that these ads were kind of a safe space to talk about, you know, what's going on in our lives and our problems and our issues and kind of talk through them? Well, it turns out these are being broadcast to thousands of people in the middle of our episodes.

Yeah, you're talking into a microphone.

Wait, is that why we're getting paid for these? I know I'm just as surprised as you guys, but I have landed on something revolutionary that is going to help us out of this pickle that we all find ourselves in and we're all in the same situation.

You know what?

See, I was about to recommend better help, but if you found something... I was about to launch into how I love pickles because this is an opportunity for me to just rant and rave about what I like. Well, okay. Wait, Erin, what's better help? Oh, do you want to hear about Bradley Better Help Pickers?

No, I don't want to hear about your pickle theory. Why did I say pickles like that? From the South? I don't know.

Well, thank God I'm here because let me tell you about what my thing is and that is Better Help. It's not a crisis line. It's not self-help. It's professional counseling done securely online. This is my favorite kind of way to get therapy because you can send a message to your counselor anytime and they're professionals And it's awesome and you don't have to do that performative one hour of therapy every week that stressed me the heck out. It's more affordable than traditional offline counseling and financial aid is available.

And BetterHelp will help you with things like, you know, is there something interfering with your happiness, JPC? Is there something preventing you from achieving your goals, JPC? Sorry, I'm mentioning just what's affecting my happiness and affecting me from achieving my goals.

Yeah, and so with better help, not like our ads that go out to thousands of people, everything that you share is confidential, it's convenient, it's professional, and it's affordable, right?

Yeah, and you can start communicating in under 48 hours. That's less than an Eddie Murphy movie.

And it's available worldwide.

Okay, so you're saying that we want people to start living a happier life. And as a listener of our show, you can get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at betterhelp.com slash riddle. JPC, no 10%. That's too much. I don't make the rules. I think that they should join over 1 million people who have taken charge of their mental health. Again, that's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash riddle. This is way better than the idea I was going to pitch.

What were you going to say?

I was going to say whisper ads. We just whisper all the ads and so then we can hear the ads if we whisper all the ads.

Okay, I say this every day, but thank God I'm here. What would happen if I wasn't here, everybody?

Oh wait, GBC. Stop whispering. All these birds started landing on you. The birds are my friends.

What happened? Rifai wasn't here!

And we're back, we're back, we're back with more Hey Riddle Riddle, please, Mr. Frodo. I didn't think of any. Avengers Assemble, Mr. Frodo.

I didn't think of any. I'm an idiot. Okay, I'll think of one now. Here it comes.

Oh, Erin, do that from Scream.

Do you want to play a game? Mr. Frodo, I'm walking here. It's the furthest away from home I've ever been.

Are you talking to me? Please, Mr. Frodo, say you're talking to me. Funny like watch, Mr. Frodo.

Show me the money, Mr. Frodo. He has the money.

Mr. Frodo, did you fuck my wife? Oh, Mr. Frodo, please, did you fuck my wife?

Mr. Frodo, you can't handle the drool.

This is a fun game.

There's no game that Sean Coyle would be better at and would enjoy more than this. He's gonna be in the break.

He's gonna love this episode. This one's for you, Sean. This is your New Year's present, buddy. Speaking of New Year's presents, we're gonna do...

Oh, wait. Oh, my intestine. You know how I said I peed on my intestine? Yeah, earlier, yeah. There's something wrong with it. I feel like a little scurry. Like there's some sort of animal parade coming from your intestines. Ew, I don't want it. What a segway. A pig with stalks and apple. A rhino with a bank note.

A toucan as a substitute.

A moose with a yuff look again. A hamster with a young adult novel.

Cobra with divorce papers.

A beaver named King Kade. Animal parade. Hey. Hey. We're dusting the dust off the old animal parades. So what we're going to do here, we're going to read an email. This is from 2020. This is from February 20th. 2020. This is pre-quarantine.

This is pre-Rona, pretty much.

This is pre-Rona. And this is from Kate McNally. Kate says I can use their full name. This is from Kate McNally. It says, hello, Erin, Adal, and JPC. Here are some happy animal facts for the animal parade. I hope you enjoy them. I can't wait.

I love facts.

So Kate sent us, this is not so much an article as it is just a collection of like 50 animal facts. This is from boredpanda.com and there's a picture of a panda who could not be more bored staring off into the distance. I'm sorry, website accurate. It's actually quite funny, Erin's not looking, but it is very, very funny.

That's not funny, it's adorable.

So I'm just going to read some of these animal facts here and we'll maybe stop and talk about some and then we'll do a riddle involving an animal. I accept. Okay, here we go. Fact number four. Turtles can breathe through their butts. Did we know this?

Oh no!

Is that real? Don't get me excited over nothing. It's in this article. Turtles can breathe through their butts. We have to see a scene. JPC, you're a turtle who's breathing through his butt. And Erin, you are a kid who just found out that this is happening.

It's like a fart. It's like a fart, but it's not. Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Yeah?

You're being very loud at the beach, but I'm... I'm here trying to walk through the water.

Yeah, I just, I can't help but notice you're breathing out of your butt.

I'm sorry?

You're breathing, you're breathing out of your butt?

I heard you, I was apologizing. It's just... Seen.

Wait, is that real?

It's on this list. It must be real. That means that if you're drowning in the water, you could grab a turtle, bite down on the head part of the turtle, and breathe through the turtle and out of its butt. It's surely an easier way.

I just went to the surface. Number five. Cows have best friends. I dropped my watch down here. Hey Jeff, buddy. My way works. Every week you keep, quote unquote, drowning yourself. You're in three feet of water, buddy. I dropped my watch. At some point it's not about the drowning. I don't know.

I have a new favorite, Hey Riddle Riddle moment where J.P.C. says if you're underwater, you can grab a turtle's mouth and suck in as it's breathing through its butt. And then Adal's just saying, or you could just swim to the surface.

Number five, cows have best friends. Moo. This is Jeff. Number nine.

Oh, I would like to see a scene, please.

Okay. Hold on.

Okay, go ahead, J.P.C.

No, no, no. I was holding on to your behalf.

Oh, JBC and Adal, you're two cows who are best friends and one of you is asking the other one to be your best man. Best cow.

Best cow. Thank you. Move over. Make some room. What are you watching? You're watching a move flick.

No, just the grass grow, obviously. Grass grow so you can eat it, right? Amen to that. You know what I call it? Good.

We do have four stomachs. Good. Hey, you're my best cut. You're my best cut. Bill Cuds. You ever listen to our podcast, Bill Cuds?

Yeah, it's for them. Interesting that you would say that.

Well, I, as you know, me and Melissa are getting married and I want you to be my Sorry, I'm just getting a little emotional. You know how you've always steered me right? And I would be just in utter disarray without you. Milk. You were in the top 2% of my friends. Well, 1%. And I would be fat free without you. I want you to be my best cow. My BC.

Oh my god, Rick. I would be honored. I mean, the honor would be bovine, but I can't do it. Shit, hold on.

What's that? And also just from previous, me and Melissa are getting derried. I think it just works a little bit better, better than married because derried is, you know.

Yeah.

So let's just say we said that. Okay. Okay.

I mean, you're spot on. You're spot on. I would love, I would love to be your best man, but Melissa, Melissa asked me already to be your mood of honor. Oh, well. I can't be heard by the morons. I can't be heard by the morons. I can't be heard by the morons.

I can't be heard by the morons. I can't be heard by the morons. I can't be heard by the morons. I can't be heard by the morons. I can't be heard by the morons. I can't be heard by the morons. I can't be heard by the morons. I can't be heard by the morons.

I can't be heard by the morons. I can't be heard by the morons.

Scene. I would, first of all, outstanding, but just for science, I would like to see a scene. You guys are two horses, your best friends. One is asking the other to be its best man. You're not gonna make any horse jokes the entire time. Not one single horse pun, or I'll dock you $100.

Now hold on Erin, puns aren't jokes.

Puns, jokes, anything horse- Nobody finds them funny, so... No one, nothing like that.

Are you ready?

Okay, here we go. You owe me $100 if you do one, and go.

Mooove over buddy. Hey. Hey Rick. Just down here watching the grass grow. Oh nice. I thought you might be watching a moo-flick. Well Melissa and I are getting buried. I know.

Okay, seeing and fuck you both.

We didn't make any horse jokes. Here's fact number nine.

They only didn't do it because they know they can't.

I'm sure that's why everyone doesn't do anything.

Okay, I'm gonna need you to... Okay, you're moving very quickly through some of the funniest, best things I've ever heard.

What are these Norwegians doing? Number 11.

What are you doing moving so quickly? Excuse me. Why did they knight this penguin? What are you doing? What are you doing? You'll talk about how annoying it is when teenagers say, let's go for 15, 20 minutes. And you tell me a penguin got knighted and you're not gonna tell me why?

We're going to see a scene. JPC, you are a penguin. Erin, you are nighting this penguin. And we're going to find out at the ceremony what the deal is.

Introducing the Penguin.

Thank you so much for joining us.

Hold on, I'm sorry. I'm just finishing this Rubik's Cube. Green, yellow, green, red. Here we are.

Thank you.

Enjoy your Rubik's Cube, little boy. Have a great day. Thank you, Penguin. Oh, hello, mister.

Thank you so much for joining us today. Today we night the bravest, most impeccable person in the country as of right now. This here penguin is constantly wearing black-tie clothing. And for that, we are going to deem him the most fancy gentleman in all the land. And I put a sword out, and I put it on one shoulder, and I sliced through the penguin, and I'm sorry.

Oh, it's okay. I've got a thick layer of flour. It's fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine.

And other side, and I sliced through the penguin. It doesn't have wings, and it can no longer fly. You were flying before, right?

No, no, no, I was a flameless bird.

All right.

This is such a great honor and thank you so much. Speech. Oh, well, you know, I'm just a humble penguin who happened upon a meeting that he wasn't supposed to hear, heard a bunch of state secrets, billed those state secrets to an appropriate party, got a bunch of people convicted for treason, saved the king, saved the queen. Your Majesty, you're welcome. And now I'm living it up as only a penguin could do.

Pardon me. Sorry, I hate to interrupt this ceremony. I know our countries are at war because of the secrets that this creature overheard.

It's a French guy.

I just have to say there's no why that this penguin... It's telling the truth. There's no why it's telling the truth. See ya.

You're proud of yourself.

I didn't make a horse pun. You want to though. You're from Oslo.

Number 11. Rats laugh when tickled. I don't like that one as much. It's kind of scary.

Okay, maybe you'll love this one. Number 14. Pigs orgasms last for 30 minutes.

I do not like that one. I do not like that one at all.

I will not do a big orgasm at all. What do you mean?

I do not like it on the bus. I do not like it in between us. I do not like it on the stairs.

I do not like it on the stairs. I do not like it on the stairs. I do not like it on the stairs. I do not like it on the stairs. I do not like it on the stairs. I do not like it on the stairs. I do not like it on the stairs. Erin, you love science, you're so excited to be an intern here. Adal, you are introducing Erin to the project, which is, she has a little stopwatch, and she's going to be timing all the pig orgasms for the entire semester. Wait, and who am I playing? You're like the doctor or the administrator at the lab, yeah. Great. Scientist.

The reason I had to ask is because that entire time you're describing it, I couldn't wait to just say that how exhausting that must be for pigs who are faking it.

Not as exhausting as a 30-minute orgasm.

Okay. All right. What do we have going on here?

Are you timing the... Oh yeah, you gave me the assignment. And I'm really excited to do this and I definitely believe it's for science and not for anything weird. Here's my major issue. I'm just scared that one of these pigs is going to fall in love with me.

Oh.

Because sometimes sex and romance is tied.

Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. Well, yeah, sometimes. Yeah, that's curious. So, Brittany, I... Boy, this is your... Like this pig wrote me a poem.

Oh, can you read it? Roses are red, violets are blue, you gave me a 30-minute orgasm, so now I love you.

Okey-dokey-doodle, just dappin' in. Hey, are we gonna get a refresh of the magazines in the exam room? Because this is the same bacon as last time, and Okey-dokey-doodle, I would sure love some freshman theory.

Yeah, we're gonna get a new culinary magazine in there so you can continue to masturbate to bacon. Pigfect! But you're not a pig, you're just a guy who works here.

I am a janitor here. I am a janitor here. But you're a chauvinist pig. And I'm so sorry, what's your catchphrase? I can dangle do. Same. Number 15.

I'm sorry. Someone was going to say that guy wasn't a pig. And I was like, I guess I'll say it first. It's going to be me.

Oh, I'm sorry. Erin, you want to die on the hill that the guy sneaking into the lab to masturbate to culinary magazines isn't a pig?

Okay. I can't stress enough. This list is amazing. We might have to come back to this at some point. I'm going to read one more fact and then we have to move on. But fact number 15 is that dolphins have names for each other.

Oh my god.

Isn't that wild? I said that I would just say dolphins have names for each other fucker. Can you milk me?

Uh-huh. But isn't it like? Get in here.

Yeah, I wish it was like. I wish it was like.

So here is our, to cap off our animal parade, we're going to read an animal related riddle. And speaking of bored panda, this actually involves a panda bear. So here we go with this riddle. I hope we haven't done this one before. Me too. But what a terrible way to end the year if we have. But I read it to Gemma because I laughed when I read it and she's like, what are you laughing at? So I read it to her and she's like, oh, I know that riddle. So she may know it from here on the show, but we'll see. A panda bear walks into our restaurant. He sat down at a table and ordered some food.

Cute.

When he was finished eating, he took out a gun.

Oh my God.

Still cute, Erin? Yeah, Erin.

We'll see. I don't know. It's cuter than a pig having a 30-minute orgasm.

When he was finished eating, he took out a gun and shot his waiter.

What the fuck?

He then left the restaurant. After the police caught up with him, they asked, why did you kill the waiter? He replied, look me up in the dictionary. What did the dictionary say?

Okay, so panda. Pawn is also bread. The pawn was overdone. I'm going to Panera.

Bamboo.

Erin, what's up?

Bamboo.

Just said bamboo. That's what a panda ghost says. Damn.

Did you just make that up? Because that's funny.

No, I wrote it 24 years ago and I've been dying for someone to set me up for that. Wouldn't it be like where Panda Goes to eat? I'm leaving my body. Finally release. I'll see you all in hell.

How was your unfinished business if you wanted to say Panda Goes say bamboo?

There's nothing more on brand for me than needing to finish a pun before I can rest in peace.

And Gemma's going to be like, he didn't want to say bye to me.

Well, the best thing of the year was Hey Riddle Riddle. That's my big... Truly, at the moment, you asked me what my favorite thing of 2020 was. Truly, I thought I got engaged last year. That's 100% honest, and that speaks volumes to this year.

Because you got engaged during lockdown, so it's like you just... Early on. Early on.

Early. Yeah, early on, because we were supposed to go to Japan and I was supposed to propose there, and quarantine happened like a week and a half before we were leaving for Japan. And obviously, we never went. So a panda bear walked into a restaurant. He sat down at a table and ordered some food. When he was finished eating, he took out a gun and shot his waiter. He then left the restaurant. After the police caught up with him, they asked him, why did you kill your waiter? He replied, look me up in the dictionary. What did the dictionary say? So think of, if you're open, close your eyes, open up an imaginary dictionary in your mind's eye. You go, you see all these p-words. Peter Piper picked a pepper, Priscilla packaged, and you see the word panda. What's next to it?

So I have a different thing than that because that was helpful to me. Is it possible that instead of him saying, look me up in the dictionary, he said, I didn't kill my wife, Mr. Frodo. And the waiter was his wife?

Um, is it panic? Pan, pan, picnic?

I don't, I don't care, Mr. Frodo. Although I will say my favorite cover band is Panda at the Disco. Um, uh, GPC's something you just said, uh, um, the find me in the dictionary made me think of Grease and that would be a fun Samwise Gamgee and Grease being like, I don't know, I don't know Sandy, check the yellow pages. Have a fake anaphobia and I wish you never met me.

Nobody's bigs are bigger than Ned Frodo.

Nobody.

Nobody, Mr. Frodo. You're making fun of me, Riz.

Okay, okay.

So, Erin, what do you think? What's the answer? Here's what I'll say.

It's a dictionary riddle, huh?

There's a dictionary answer?

It's a dictionary riddle, but it's not pun-based and it's not the... I mean, I doubt this is what's in the dictionary under panda, but it's nothing. There's no... Is it about the word like above or below him or the description of panda? No, it's the description of panda and it relates to the panda going to a restaurant in terms of what the panda would probably order or eat.

Oh, oh, oh. Because the panda eats, shoots, and leaves.

Bingo bango, ha-ta-ta. Under dictionary it says panda eats, shoots, and leaves.

That panda's gonna feel so stupid when someone explains. You know, you're gonna be like, oh my god, I'm so embarrassed.

What did I do? What did I do? When you say eats, shoots, and leaves, we mean you eat, have a 30-minute orgasm, a bed you leave.

You guys, 30 minutes sounds scary, doesn't it? That sounds awful.

30 pig minutes, which is 60 human minutes.

Now wait a pig minute. This may be the first time we've ever done this, but I think we have to go back and see a scene. Just because we can't let this go and it's so fucking funny. So we're going to see a scene. So Erin, you and I, you, me, and JPC are all friends from college. We're meeting up like 10 years later. It's kind of just like a fun. We're at a restaurant. We're just hanging out. JPC, you're, like I said, one of our friends, but you cannot stop orgasming and you're trying to kind of hide it and you're trying to kind of continue to be a functioning human. Cool. So yeah, it's mostly, I mean, I mostly work, you know, in electronics, but I have some side hustles. Are you interested, Steve?

No, it just sounds so great.

I mean, your life... Steve, you look awful.

Oh, I feel great. Your life is so... Are you not? No, no, no, no. Maybe I'll take this sweater off. Actually, I'm going to leave it on. Your life is just so exciting. So exciting.

Thank you. Yeah. And the kids are doing great. We just took them to Disneyland for the first time.

They love... Is there something wrong with your stool? Disneyland could be nice.

Do you want to switch stools with me? It seems like you're in... No, I need to keep mine.

I need to keep my mind's gotta be for me.

Are you anxious? You're rocking back and forth.

Yeah.

Maybe that's it. Maybe I'm anxious.

Maybe I'm just anxious. I'm so sorry. I just, full disclosure, I've been having an orgasm for the last 30 minutes or so, and I know I'm not doing a very good job covering it up. It's pretty obvious that I'm orgasmming. That's disgusting! I'm really, really sorry.

Can I admit something? I've been having an orgasm for the last 70 minutes and I feel awful.

You're doing a really bad job covering up.

Can I be honest with you guys? I feel like I have to be honest with you guys.

What's up?

I'm passing a kidney stone.

Yeah, we figured.

Oh boy. Nothing funnier than orgasm sounds.

Guys, I'm really mad that I know that pig thing. I guess I got my favorite fact ever, which is turtles breathe out of their butts, so I had to balance it out with the worst fact ever. I don't like knowing that.

Oh Erin, sorry, there's some dust on the riddle here. Dust on the riddle. Sorry, there's some dust on the article here. It says turtles breathe out of their butts because they orgasm for 30 minutes.

I don't care about turtles orgasming. You misunderstand what I don't like. Turtle skin orgasm, whatever, wherever. It's pigs orgasming that freaks me. Those things are a petting zoo!

I don't want to touch anything that can, has, or could come.

But we shook hands. Outstanding. Well here, let's get to this next riddle. Yes, please. What is it that has a power socket on one end? And this is just totally coincidence. What is it that has a power socket on one end and a corkscrew on the other?

Liar.

No. Did you say water?

I said liar.

What is it?

Hey Riddle.

Oh yeah, doing shots of wide is the best way to do wide.

Remember in 72 at the Freeport Convention when wine went electric? What is it that has a power socket on one end and a corkscrew on the other? And the hint is, I keep saying, this is purely coincidence.

An orgasm. A penis.

Oh god, please bring in Sean. I need to talk to him.

I'm talking about Sean. She's talking about a duck. I'm talking about a turtle.

Thanks for watching!

I don't know. Adal, what is the answer? Do you want another hint? Do you want another hint?

Do you want another hint? Do you want another hint? Do you want another hint? Do you want another hint? Do you want another hint? Do you want another hint? Do you want another hint? Do you want another hint? Do you want another hint? Do you want another hint? Do you want another hint? Do you want another hint?

Do you want another hint?

Do you want another hint? Do you want another hint?

Do you want another hint? Do you want another hint?

Wine.

Wine is part of it.

Maybe if we put a letter in front of that wine.

Swine.

Yeah. Another word for swine is pig. A pig baby! From nose to tail, it's a power socket to a corkscrew. It's nose looks like a power socket. It's tail looks like a corkscrew. Purely coincidence.

Erin, how we doing? I'm just remembering that someone said the same thing about my body, and I hurt my feelings very much.

All right, Adal, I want to see a quick scene. So, we're all your friends at high school, and you're describing how you got laid this weekend, but you're like a nerdy kid and nobody believes you, and you keep describing it in ways like, I got laid from corkscrew to power socket and stuff like that, that make everyone not believe you.

I swear guys, I swear I had sex.

Okay, well then if you had sex, what was it like?

Yeah, what was it like? And I don't mean sex like the number in New Zealand. I mean like full on, over the covers, inside the dryer, on top of the roof, my hands, on either side of my body, stretched as if I was an eagle, and she was spinning in circles dumping flour all over her tits and butthole.

Okay, well... Dwindle, none of that, none of that makes us want to believe you. The only thing was tits and butthole. Those are the only two words that you even used remotely correctly. Those are her two cats. Those are her two cats.

Dwindle. Dwindle. Only half of that is real sex.

We'll hold on. Yeah, so I'm sorry. Mark is right. The dumping the flower part and the spinning in the circles is part of it. That's the foreplay, obviously.

You didn't let me finish. I was just getting to the good part. Okay, please. So then we get down from the roof and out of the dryer and we go to our couch and we're watching Wild Things. That movie where the girls kiss in the pool.

Yeah, that's a bad reference. Dwindle. Dwindle.

And suddenly, I look down and her hand, right? Okay. Her hand is grasping.

Ew, Dwindle, don't say something gross.

A Nature Valley granola bar.

Ew. Dwindle, I'm never gonna eat again because of this. You're freaking gross, Dwindle.

She gobbles it down, right?

Ew, Dwindle.

And then I'm playing pantywack, right? I'm on the couch still playing pantywack.

With the reverend, right? Okay, okay, uh, Dwindle, D-Dwindle, take a walk, just cool off for a second. Your story's fucking- Your story's fucking- Your story's fucking- Your story's fucking- Your story's fucking- Your story's fucking- Your story's fucking- Your story's fucking- Your story's fucking- Your story's fucking- Your story's fucking- Your story's fucking- Your story's fucking- Your story's fucking- Your story's fucking- Your story's fucking- Your story's fucking- Your story's fucking- Your story's fucking- Your story's fucking- Your story's fucking- Your story's fucking- Your story's fucking- Your story's fucking- Your story's fucking- Your story's fucking- Your story's fucking- Your story's fucking- Your story's fucking- Your story's fucking- Your story's fucking- Your story's fucking- Your story's fucking- Your story's fucking- Your story's fucking- Your story's fucking- Your story's fucking- Your story's fucking- Okay, were you writing that down? Yeah. Were you writing that down? Yeah, of course. That's good shit. Spinning, covered in flour. He's taking a walk. She's gripping a Nature Valley bar, so we gotta get you through it.

Dude, that's the hottest thing I've ever heard. That's the hottest thing I've ever heard. I don't want to give Dwindle credit, but he's definitely had sex, because that sounds amazing.

Dwindle's a fucking king. He's a fucking king. I can't believe he's done it. He's done something impossible.

Hey, Dwindle, what'd you say about a Corvette and some sugar? Yeah, her Corvette overheated, so I poured sugar and spit on our taffy.

Oh, Dwindle!

Dwindle! Get out of here! I'll go to the taffy store. You go to the sugar store.

Okay, I'm gonna get flour on the way back.

Do we need to take it? Take it to the taffy shop.

All right, Dwendal is the funniest name for a nerd. That is outstanding. I'm so jealous I didn't come up with that name.

Dwendal. That's outstanding. We have one more Riddle. Oh, okay. Yes, please. This one is called Night Watchman. Once there was a Night Watchman... Oh, sorry. This is a fairy tale. Never mind. We're done. Once there was a night watchman who had been caught several times sleeping on the job, the boss issued a final warning. On the next night, the watchman was caught with his head on his hands and his elbows on the desk. Aha! I've caught you again! exclaimed the boss. The watchman's eyes popped open immediately and he knew what happened. Being a quick-thinking man, he said one word before looking up at the boss. The boss heard the word and apologized profusely and went home. What was the one word? And you can't say like, eat shit real fast. That's four words. Loser says eat shit.

What?

Does it have anything to do with what, like, the boss... Good morning. No. That's two words, famously.

Morning.

Morning. Does it have anything to do with what the boss was doing? Is the boss ashamed of something that is getting called out?

It doesn't have anything to do with what the boss was doing. So just kind of a summary. There's a night watchman who's been caught sleeping on a job several times. Boss issued a final warning. The next night the watchman is caught with his head on his hand and his elbows on the desk. So picture that in your mind's eye. He's caught with his head On his hand and his elbows on his desk. That's when the boss said, caught you. Watchman thinks on his feet real fast, says one word, and he's off the hook.

Does he say resignation? You can't fire me, I quit.

These are all phenomenal. Head is on his hand or hands? Head is on his hands. So his elbows are on his desk and we'll say his hands are together and his head's on his hands. Okay. Okay. Hands together. Heads on hands.

Arrested. Got him. Birthday.

I do love just screaming broken at your boss and the boss is like, fine. No, I'm sorry. Does he look at him and just say, glue?

Oh, that's good. I like JPCs.

Please explain yourself. He's glued his hands to his head. Which would not get you fired.

The boss would just go home. Did I mention this that I slept, talked for the first time in a long time recently? What did you say? So Sean was up playing video games and I had gone to bed and he came back in and he talks to sleep all the time. I never do. But he came back in and he was like, Is Erin awake or not? I can't tell. And I was under the covers like with it up to basically like right of my chin and my eyes were really wide and I was staring at him and he was like, hey buddy, you're awake? And I just went, scared, scary, scary, scary, scared. He said in that voice, scary, scary, scary, scary. And he was like, oh, terrified.

The most terrifying part of that story is that your boyfriend calls you buddy.

Hey bud, hey pal.

Did he, did he, did he wake you up after that?

Yeah, he woke me, well then he was laughing hysterically because he was terrified and very confused. And then I was like, what was funny on TV? Were you watching TV and something was funny? And he was like, oh, it was like even scarier that I woke up and I was like, why is Sean laughing? Scared, scared, scared, scary, scared. Did he say scared?

You weren't having like a nightmare. You woke up and you weren't like, you didn't feel like you were having like a nightmare?

I know, I felt like I was like in a dream state where I thought like an intruder was coming in the room and then I woke up and realized it was Sean and I thought he was laughing at something else.

Erin, can I tell you? And I'm not a sleep doctor, but if you were sleeping and talking, you were definitely in a dream state.

Scary, scared, scared, scary, scared.

My dream state, Iowa, baby. If you build it, I will come. Fried food.

What did he say, Adal?

Well, I'm going to give you one more chance at this. We get a hint. You're over it. So make the exact physicality that this guy is doing. So put your hands together, and then put your head on your hands. Put your hands together in front of your face a little bit more, and then put them together, fully together, and then rest your hands. So form like a tight plank of wood with your hands, and then rest your head on your hands. Like your forehead on your hands.

Oh, he's praying.

So what did he say?

Amen.

Amen. He said, amen. Boss felt guilty because he's like, oh, he's just praying. Walked away, went home.

That's fucked.

And here's, I can't stress this enough. Listeners, if you ever get caught doing anything bad at work, just say it's because of your religion. I mean, you'll get let off the hook.

Don't do that. Don't do that. Don't do anything weird or bad.

Don't say it's because of my religion. Just say, very simply, this is my God. And then continue doing whatever it is that you're doing. If you're stealing money... Money's my God. If you're dipping your fingers into other people's soup, just say this is my God.

Sorry, this is my God.

Well, that brings us to the end of the episode and it's time for us to check in to see if there's anything you want to promote. Erin, is there anything you'd like to mention?

Yes, hold on. Someone go before me because I would like to yield my time for something else.

GPC, is there anything you'd like to mention? Are you going to do that LA City Council thing where you yield the remainder of your time, suck my dick, fuck you.

Yeah, 100%.

No, you can follow me over on Social media at Twitter, jpsofly, Instagram, sharkbarkman, Twitch, also sharkbarkman, I stream video games over there. Also listen to the Billbuds popcast, you can find that wherever you find podcasts, Billbuds, all one word. Adal, anything that you would like to plug.

So this is 1230. This is the very last episode of this year. I would like to promote that next year, in 2021, on July 17th, which is 717, we have International Riddle Day. 717 p.m. of course is 69,420 minutes into any given day. So next year, July 17th, we have to do something special. We have to because it's going to be international. We have to do a big old show or do some sort of festival or something. I also want to promote a few things. I was on a podcast called Synclarity, a dinosaur tale podcast where I had to watch a movie. Sorry, I got to watch an episode of the TV show, Dinosaurs, which I actually watched as a kid and forgot everything about it. And then we reviewed it. It was an absolute blast from the past. So fun. I also guessed it on, I think by now it should be out. I guessed it on one of my favorite podcasts. Here's the situation with our friends Rush Howell and T.J. Jagodowsky. Please listen to my episode and J.P.C. 's episode might be out as well by this time. And then finally, I subscribed to a few Patreons, not many, but a few. This week I subscribed to my fourth Patreon and I am proud to say that I am a brand new member of the Billbuds Patreon. I knew this was coming. So if you're a fan of JPC, if you're a fan of Johnny Amara, if you're a fan of pop music and good content, please subscribe to the Patreon for billbuds. It's worth every last spent. Erin, are you ready?

I'm going to do that. You've convinced me. Yes, instead of my plug, Sean is going to do his Sam quote. He's going to lean over and be in the microphone. This is not Casey's fault if this audio is bad. So do your Sam line from a different movie.

Oh, I've what she's having.

That's what I'd like to plug.

I can't believe we didn't do a cum sandwich joke this whole episode. Great job, Sean. Happy New Year.

Thanks John!

Pigs come for 20 minutes. No please don't.

I was going to say please no one remind me of the pig thing.

30 minutes, 10 minutes.

You guys that pig thing is really messed up.