Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum podcast.

Hey, Erin. Hey, JPC. It's me, your roommate, Uptight Terry. I'm so stressed.

Oh, hey, Uptight Terry. You're here. Great. I guess we'll deal with you.

Aren't taxes due in like eight months?

Oh, Terry. We're just trying to relax tonight. We just want to sort of read.

You want to relax? Well, I want to watch a 20 part documentary about war.

Okay, well, you know what?

Terri, I can't stress enough. Eight months is way off on when taxes are due. It makes me feel like you think taxes are due in August and that just isn't true, Terri.

I don't know. I'm so stressed. Terri, can I tell you what I do when I'm feeling a little bit overwhelmed and stressed? I go to feels. Feels is a better way to feel better. Their premium CBD will keep your head clear and help you feel your best. CBD has been proven to greatly reduce anxiety, pain and sleepiness.

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A hotline? I don't want to get burned. Oh my God, Terry.

Terry, I'm just going through your computer and your calendar is an absolute mess. Tax Day is April 15th, okay? So if you've been filing in August, oh my God, your finances.

Terri, if you want to know if CBD is right for you, Feels has hassle-free membership programs that is guaranteed to help you feel your best month after month or your money back. It's that simple. And they ship directly to your doorstep so you don't even have to worry about that. We just wait for it to show up and then it helps you fall asleep. That's what I do. It takes a little bit before bed.

Erin, please stop yelling. Hey, guys, it's me, Terri. I'm not uptight anymore. I tried some of that CBD you mentioned, Feels. I feel great.

Terry, you filed a 1040 easy mac. This is just a mac and cheese recipe. Terry, no!

Oh, it's fine. Who cares?

Okay Terry and anyone at home who might want to try it. Become a member today by going to fields.com slash riddle and you'll get 50% off your first order with free shipping. That's F-E-A-L-S dot com slash riddle to become a member and get 50% automatically taken off in your first order with free shipping. Fields dot com slash riddle. Okay JBC you could destroy Terry for his taxes now.

Okay, Terry, this is a mess. We can file an amended return. I think that we still technically have some time, but we gotta remember.

No, buddy. It's all good. Taxes are due when you want them to be.

Guys, that part's not true. It's April 15th, fields.com slash riddle.

The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Oh, then we're going to finish. It was the cabin of an airplane.

He stabbed him with the knife in the head. Hello, this is Dean Friday.

Millions of years ago, riddles roamed the earth, flourishing, eating other riddles, eating answers, eating each other. And then one day, a podcast hit. Destroying all riddles as we know it. Submerging those riddles that did survive underground and turning them into riddle oil. And that, kids, is why there are no more riddles. Does that make sense? Again, this is career day, so just... Yes, and I'm Adal's dad. I'm a riddle-tologist. Just like Ross on Friends.

Oh, I thought he was just the worst.

He's on a break. Okay, so do we have any questions for Adal's dad, who will not tell us his first name, the Riddle-tologist. Do we have any questions for Adal's dad, the Riddle-tologist?

I got one.

Yes, you there Becky. I can take that Adal's dad.

I'm also a teacher, I'm a bit of a teacher.

Is your job anything like being a firefighter? Because we're pretty excited to hear from the firefighter.

Alright Erin, don't get me too hyped up. I'm your father. I'm a wicked firefighter.

That outfit is very cool. I can't compete with that outfit, but I do, as a riddleologist, I probably save more lives per year than a firefighter.

Um, yeah, just so you know, I just really want to do a sidebar for my dad's accent. Um, he's only ever lived underwater and that's how he knows the Boston accent.

Go Brewers! Underwater, baby!

Brew it! Brewins! Go Brewers! I hear it now. Yes, the Boston Brewers, famously defunct.

I'm

I would say that if you are savvy, there's a difference between the two, but I'll let you carry on.

I'm sorry, a man is talking. It's dog beds. The difference is dog beds. A dad is talking, please.

Wait, they both have dog beds.

They are indistinguishable. They are indistinguishable. I dare you to tell me the difference between a Marshalls and a TJ Maxx. No one can.

Alright, let's just hear from JPC's mom. That's me. A different teacher? No, I am just JPC's mom. My job is talking about the difference between TJ Maxx and Marshalls. I guess I could talk or you could ask questions. Who has a question?

I have a question.

How do you tell the difference? Yeah, sometimes they have the same basis or vases. That's where you start? In my experience, Marshalls is a little bit more fashion-focused. They have a really strong relationship with a lot of clothing brands. Oh, like Dress4Lets. Yeah, Jay branded all these other clothing companies because I just know that they get like a lot of overstock from things. And then TJ Maxx is the same.

Yeah, I got a question. Where can I get a wicked hot Dunkachino?

I can't apologize enough for my dad. I got one last question for the Riddle guy.

Yes, me Riddle-tologist.

Are you poor?

Well, time for me to abandon Adal. Adal Rifai, that is. And JPC.

That's dark. I'm Erin Keif.

That's our best intro yet. That is our best. I feel like our intros are like fine wine in that they age poorly with a screw top.

If this is your first time listening to Hey Riddle Riddle, it's probably because I was chatting about it at my birthday party, which was two days ago. Let's go. You know, maxed off two strangers. And I was telling you all about the podcast and you came to check it out. So hello, goodbye. See you on your way. I hope you enjoy the rest of your time on this merry earth.

I can't wait. It's the end of the year. And that means our Hey Riddle Riddle fans are going to be making their top 10 lists. Top 10 favorite intros from the show. Top 10 times Adal's gone. Top 10 JPC talking about piss. I can't wait for those top 10 lists.

All you little David Letterman's out there, send us your top 10 lists. Hashtag Hey Riddle Top 10.

Yeah, I'll read them on the show.

Making your lists, checking them twice, wondering what you've done with your life. Hey Riddle Riddle.

Top 10.

Okay, that's it. Isolate that theme song, Casey. That's our top 10 theme song. Isolate that sound bite.

Wait, what? You've said that before, but you said to put it before or after all porn.

All right, whatever.

Two quick things. Yeah, do it after all porn.

You know how many views we would get if our theme song played before porn? 69 for three. Thank you. Oh, here I have something. This is something I was going to say for 2021. Oh, thank God. We've been just floundering for five minutes. Adal finally has something. Thank God. Well, I had something with the dad and a half clothes off, but we'll get to it later. So, 69 and 420, very funny numbers. Maybe the funniest numbers. Sure. And, you know, it's debatable which order is better. What about this? Eight? Eight. Eight is funny. Eight. Eight ass. Eight is very funny. Yeah. So, 69 and 420, very, very funny numbers, but over time, less and less chuckles when I hear them, you know, So what I've discovered is that the time on the clock, 717pm, remember this, 717pm, that is exactly 69,420 minutes into a day. So from this point forward, Starting in mid-December, going into 2021 for the rest of time. When you see the time 717, you must look at someone, get a big old shit-eating grin, and just say, Riddle O'Clock.

Okay JBC, we need to call Adal more.

Does that make sense? Or if you just say the number 717, that should be a new catch-all for 69 for 20. Adal, what did you do today? Adal, what did you do today? What did you do today?

Crunch numbers. Daily wellness checks for Adal just to make sure he's feeling okay and has an outlet.

I woke up at 12am and then I just counted the seconds until it hit 69.

You know what, Adal, what we're going to do for you for Christmas, we're going to get you a journal. Buddy, you can put some of those thoughts right in there. Take that thing with its full luck, throw it into space. That's trash.

A big journal?

A big journal?

No, no, no, no.

We've got to get you working out, saying you can throw a journal right into space.

I want to get so strong, I can toss my fucking journal into space. Yeah! 717. I want to go to our personal trainer and tell him that's my workout goal.

Well, Adal, it's going to be 717 while we record this episode. I wonder who will notice.

Nice. We have to... Is Riddle a clock good or should we say something else?

Riddle a clock is great. I'm also interested because Adal said 717 p.m. and I got to thinking Adal has probably not seen 717 a.m. in years. Maybe a decade. A hundred percent. A hundred percent. It's way too late for you to have been staying up till and there's no way that you're not asleep during that time.

The first time I saw 11 a.m. was last week when we started early.

Adal, go grab a piece of paper. I want you to do your best guess of what sunrise looks like.

Okay. All right. Okay. All right. So, here we go. Got a pen, got a paper, you got a man.

See, right out of the gate, you're using a pen to draw a sunrise.

Their tongues are wrapped around each other's necks. Oh, I'm sorry. There's a dog with wings.

We don't want you to describe it, we just write it down, toss it into the sun. Okay. Just toss it as hard as you can into the sun.

Hold on, let me open up my roof.

How are Dean's great?

We kid, we Josh, we jab, we jake. But this is a riddle podcast and it is 100% incumbent upon us to do riddles on this podcast. So in that old, glorious tradition, I will be acting as old man riddles for this episode. And I have some riddles that I think are going to freaking absolutely knock our socks off.

JPC, I can't wait. You know in gym class and middle school when you make an excuse for why you can't do it?

Is it like a period thing?

Yeah, I got my period. Can I sit in the corner and eat spicy Doritos while everyone else does this?

I grew up in the Midwest and it does suck that our school, I think all girls had first period. I think the school suggested that you have your first period at this school.

Huh, it's funny. It is funny though.

That's why we're getting you the journal. We're getting you the journal.

Do you know how stressful high school is for me? I had seven periods a day.

And you only could afford white pants, is that right? Yep. Before we get to Riddles, and we will. And we will. I do have to say there's two very funny things said before the episode started. One, JPC, which was how you described 2020. Do you mind repeating that? I don't remember it. You said 2020, where a year is weeks and weeks is a year or something like that. Well, I said the actual famous quote.

We'll have Casey insert it at the beginning of the episode. So whatever audio you heard before this episode played, that's what JPC said.

I believe it's there are years when weeks happen and weeks when years happen. And 2020 was definitely a year where weeks happened, right?

That's the one that it was, yeah. Outstanding. And then Erin mentioned that I don't know when this episode will come out. It's impossible to know, I think JPC said, but I don't listen. December 16th. Erin said that that's the eight maids of milking day. Is that right, Erin? Do you want to...

I didn't think anyone would hear me. I say so much hoping that no one will hear.

That's 12 days of Christmas? I didn't know the 12 days. I guess it does make sense that the 12 days of Christmas are... Wait, no?

What's nine? What's nine? Because it would be nine days before Christmas.

Nine uh uh eight mays of milking. Nine swans of swimming.

The seven swans of swans of swimming. Nine pipers piping.

But then they get two friends.

Nine lords of leaping. There's ten lords of leaping. Twelve drummers drumming.

The only one I know and I fucking knock it out of the park every time. Hit us with the five. Five golden rings. The Olympics. Four, let's go. Three, let's go.

Two, let's go.

I think Adal is obsessed with let's go, but I'm obsessed with reading Riddles, and the Riddles that I'm reading today are coming to us from some of our most loyal fans. And I say that because these are people that sent in emails in 2018. I can only assume that they're our most loyal still. And so that is what I'm going with. Okay, so this one is from Joel. Joel says that this is a stupid riddle that they thought of a long time ago, and it would be perfect for the show. So here he goes.

Stupid riddle is like saying little shrimp. It's redundant. A man lies dead.

Jumbo shrimp. Jumbo shrimp, go ahead.

That's an oxymoron.

A man lies dead on the sidewalk outside of a bank. In his pocket is a $5 bill, four $1 bills, three quarters, But he has no obvious injuries. How did he die? He's dead. On the sidewalk. Outside of a bank.

Five. Five dollar bills. Five dollar bills.

Four dollar bills. Three quarters. Nine seventy five.

Is it something like a joke pun on nine seventy five?

I don't think that any part of this is a joke pun on nine seventy five.

Well, it must be joke pun because this riddle doesn't make sense. Good night, everyone. Wow, he didn't even make it to seven seventeen.

He's going right to bed. He's putting on his old man. It's raining, it's pouring cap.

Yeah, I was going to say it's the Christmas carol, like night cap.

A night cap. Sorry, let me button the butt of my pajamas. Isn't a night cap also like a drink before bed?

Yeah, it's a hot toddy right before beds to drink away the nightmares.

The reason they call that is because famously older men of a certain generation would hide bottles of whiskey under their cap. So they'd be like going to bed, snooze snooze, and then they wouldn't lay down. And the wife would be like, what's going on? And the guy would lift up the hat and there'd be a bottle of whiskey eating drink it. And she's like, I thought that was your night cap.

Did I tell you guys that back when I was dating, because I am in a relationship now... Oh, you Mariahn broke up? Oh. No. Well, yes. I mean, technically speaking. We have made it work because we still live together. We're not together during lockdown. Well, we can get into this later. But back when I was dating, I always used to carry one of those old timey nightcaps in my pocket with me. And at the end of a date, a woman would say, do you want to come up for a nightcap? And I would say, no, you can just use this one. And I would sprint off in the other direction as hard as I could throwing the nightcap at them. And I thought it was so funny.

And your first kiss was in 2019?

Oh, I'm still pining for this ever so special. What, Erin, what musical is at the end of the date? At the end of the date.

Um, that would be Lame is a Date.

Did I do it? Lamez the Date would be a great early 2000s MTV show where it's like you have to date a cast member of Lamez and it's like as long as you can take it and then you hit the button to get out of the date. That's how much cash you make.

I told you I wanted to sit out of this episode. That's why I'm not funny. I'm just gonna waddle over to the features with my Doritos.

Lame is a date has legs.

I think lame is a date is brilliant. Lame is a date. So five dollars. Five dollar bill. Four one dollar bills. Three quarters. So that's $9.75.

This is a human man?

Human man. I have some hints. Would you guys like some hints? Hold on. Is it something you do where you drop the bank and the die pack exploded so hard it like ruptured an organ? No. Sorry Adal. That is a really good guess.

But it is not correct. They famously put die packs in quarters, right? Well, yeah, so it's when you get when you have quarters one of them is always chocolate and the chocolate quarter always has to die.

Well that's why modern bank robbers have to wear die pack vests just in case.

Do you actually literally know why like old-timey people used to like bite the coin before they would accept it?

Because people tried to use chocolate coins.

Because fool's gold. No, because old timey human beings used to be able to eat coins.

Oh. Shut up. Shut up. Okay. He's dead because he money can't buy happiness. He's dead because he saw a ghost. Two. He's dead because he, a witch put a curse on him and he was going to die. Three. Nine dollars and seventy five cents. He's dead because the sidewalk is too slippery.

I'm Hey Riddle.

He put a quarter in his, you're on the exact right track, but it wasn't a parking meter. Okay, standing meter? No, and the thing that he put the quarter in, no, no, that's a really good guess, directly caused his death.

I know, he was putting a quarter, so this was Mr. Magoo, he was putting a quarter in a vending machine for a can of soda, it turned out to be a dog's ass, and the dog turned around and ate him.

He got crushed by a vending machine.

Hold on, he was putting a quarter in a vending machine to get a dog's ass? Is that what you're trying to say?

I don't know what I said. It's K-9. It's K-9 in the vending machine. Good night everybody.

Teamwork.

Teamwork makes the joke work. That's a far side.

I'm putting the butt on my pajama.

That's a far side calendar. We're just a guy standing in front of a vending machine with a dog's ass sticking out of it and someone says, could you hit canine for me? This is my favorite episode we've ever done.

I know. Why am I so happy? What happened?

You're closest with vending machine. I don't know that you really see these much anymore, but what other machine would be like in the lobby of something that would take a quarter and could give you something?

That we don't see anymore? Is it like a nudie show?

I used to see these in the lobbies of restaurants all the time growing up. I remember there was one at the Bob Evans by my house. They had one in the noble Romans pizza place.

Oh, I got a question. Is it one of those things that are at zoos where you put a quarter in and then it stretches it out and then puts an animal on it and then you go back?

No, it's not one of those.

Okay, then it's a jukebox.

It's like a vending machine, kind of, but it's for one specific thing and it is food. Kind of food. Candy.

Oh, gumball machine. He choked on a gumball.

Bingo, bingo, hot ta ta. Erin, that is absolutely correct. He put a quarter in a gumball machine. He freaking choked his ass on a freaking gumball.

I would like to see a scene. Uh oh. Adal, go ahead.

I think I got it. I think I buzzer beat. But we started talking at the same time. Go ahead, go ahead. So I want to see a scene. JPC you are on, you and Erin are on some sort of night out and you're just the type of guy who as an adult would buy a gumball.

I thought that movie was super, the pacing was really off. I really loved a lot of the scenes, but a movie as a whole was pretty off.

What did you think? If I'm being honest, I think I was so psyched about the casting of it because it's all-star, but there was no chemistry. And I was like, ah.

You read the book though, right? How did it compare, do you think?

Honestly, it was almost exactly like the book, but if I'm being honest, I think that Ready Player 2 is gonna be even better. I cannot wait. I think Ernest Cline is a fucking genius. And the excerpts that have come out are like, oh, mind-blowing. Like, how does he do it? He's gonna...

Sorry to interrupt you. Are you cool just like walking a little bit longer down the pier? Oh yeah. It's such a lovely night. I feel like I don't want it to end just yet.

I know it is such a lovely night and how about we make this night a little lovelier? I'm a spontaneous guy.

Oh, okay.

Crank, crank, crank. That's a red one. Hold on, hold on. Okay.

Oh, I don't really want to... Crank, crank, crank.

Hold on, I got a red one. That's a big old... That's a green one.

These are like the size of my fist.

I don't really... Yeah, I'm throwing these in the ground. Don't pick these up. These are the bad ones. Oh, a blue. A blue from a lady?

Uh, thanks. I'll like keep it so we have a little... Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Put it in your mouth. Here. Here. I'll show you. I'll show you on me. I'll show you on me. I'm grabbing the back of my head. I'll show you on me. It's great.

It's a gumball. Oh God. Oh my God. You're ripping the corner of your mouth.

It's fine. It's an old rip. It's an old rip. I'm re-ripping. No, no, no. It's good. I haven't wanted this since I was a little kid.

Jakes. Oh my God. All your teeth are breaking.

Oh, it's okay. These are veneers.

That's still horrible. That's even worse. Your teeth are so fragile.

My uncle's a dentist.

My uncle's a deadpist.

It's fine. This is so wonderful. Maybe we make it a little more wonderful with a crank. No, I really don't. A blue one for my lady?

No, maybe I'll get a little sticker or one of those sticky hand things that you throw up against the wall.

For like a fucking baby? Why would you do that where you could have a gumball?

Okay, I'll give it a shot.

Okay, here you go.

I grabbed the back of my head.

You're not gonna want to put it in there, so you gotta grab the back of your own head? Yeah.

It's really good.

Oh yeah, it's good. Hey everyone, this is Adal. Just a heads up. I won't be ending this scene.

So, you want to go back to my place and get real weird?

Sure.

The rest of the episode will be this scene and this scene only.

My uncle's a dentist.

I used to be obsessed with buying those sticky hands at malls anywhere there's a movie theater I would buy or a gumball machine I would buy sticky hands throw them at your sister You can use them. They're fun for 20 minutes and then they collect so much junk on them, like lint and hair and debris. They're unusable.

And then you put them in your wallet and you find them six years later, you go, what even is this?

I thought this was a condom. I love those like gumball machines that were just full of like M&Ms or peanut M&Ms and you would like put the thing in and then

Get a fucking handful.

It's my COVID nightmare.

Crowpoint Pizzeria had one of those in Hingham growing up. I doubt they still have those machines, but I would walk in there and I'd have like three quarters and I would put both my hands out and get like Skittles, M&Ms, and then like probably one other thing and then just walk home and eat it from my hand like a dog. And I'm like, I'm a kid and everything's fun. I'm a kid.

Same machine, but Happy Joe's Pizza in Keown, Illinois. Happy Joe's Home of the Taco Pizza. Oh.

That's insane. If you're in Hingham, I haven't had it in about 15 years, but they make an excellent buffalo chicken calzone that I would have at every sleepover, which would make me fart at every sleepover. Good night, everybody.

So Joel, thank you so much for that, Riddle. Joel says, I would love to hear you guys make fun or try to solve this. Thanks for the laughs. Joel, thanks for the memories because this was from 2018. We hope you are still doing well, my friend. All right. We have another one. This one is going to come from Dylan.

Hold on, hold on. Oh, I'm sorry. Now, fuck, I didn't want to do this, but legally we all have to do an impression of Bob Dylan coming. Okay, here we go. Okay, Adal, you go first. Okay. Wait, that means you're not going to go. No, that's not necessarily what it means. How does it feel? It actually feels pretty good. Ew, fuck. Ew, ew, ew. I'm gonna coo.

Okay, and we are out of time for that segment.

So unfortunately we will- Do it being twice, it's alright! This is my vampire. Blue!

Okay, I'll try mine. We can put it all together with one head.

No. Yay! One headlight!

You're singing as Bob Dylan's come. A bellhop working at a hotel is pushing a luggage cart down the hall to a residence room. As he passes by room 420, he hears a woman's voice loudly cry, please, Kevin, don't shoot, followed by bam, a loud gunshot. Oh, you know what? Hold on, guys. Let me take this one again. I was going to change some of the details from Dylan's reading. A bellhop. So we have to redo the Bob Dylan Kumbits. Unfortunately, that's going to be a big part of it. That one is lost too. In case you just so you know, that one is lost. No. No.

Please.

A bellhop working at a hotel is pushing a luggage cart down the hall to a resident's room. As he passes by room 420, or let's change it to room, what is it, 717? As he passes by room 717, it won't matter for the answer to the riddle, he hears a man's voice loudly cry out, please, Kevin, don't shoot, followed by a large, loud gunshot. Acting on his instinct, the bellhop kicks in the door to find four people in the room. On the right, there is a man lying dead with a bullet in his head. In the middle of the room is a gun, still smoking.

On the left- You can't smoke inside, sir. Gun, can you please- Gun, sir, can you please put down the cigarette? You can't smoke in here. This is a non-smoking wing of the hotel.

On the left there are three people. A lawyer, a photographer, and a mailman. The bellhop immediately understands what has happened here and makes the citizens arrest. He calls the police who arrive quickly and haul the shooter to jail. How was the bellhop able to deduce who the murderer was in such a short time and without asking any questions?

So you said a lawyer, a photographer, and a mailman. Lawyer, photographer, and a mailman. So Carl Malone, a mailman, is the mailman. So that was a basketball reference from what year did Cargill unplay? Ninety-four? Nineteen seventy-eight. So a mailman, a lawyer, and a photographer.

Wait, what did he say before he shot?

So the bellhop's passing by room 717. Here's a man's voice cry out, please, Kevin, don't shoot, followed by a loud gunshot. Rushes in, finds the lawyer, the photographer, the mailman, immediately knows who the culprit is.

They ship that motherfucker off. Is it because the mailman have a name tag that says like, my name is Kevin? Oh, I'm so glad. Well, hold on. That would be great. My name is Kevin. No one has a name tag.

Okay. Well, what if because the photographer and the mailman are both holding something that the lawyer, it's the lawyer.

What would the photographer be holding?

A big old camera.

And what would the mailman be holding?

A big old envelope.

And what do you think the lawyer would... So the lawyer doesn't hold anything?

No, his briefcase is still in the office.

No, the lawyer holds all of our lives in the palm of their hand. Nice.

I don't know.

It is not anything that is related to what is in their hands. Please Kevin, don't shoot. So does it have to do with the occupation of the fourth person lying dead on the floor?

No, the fourth person lying dead, as always, as with every victim, is not important. Let me see if it's like a dead dog.

We don't mean that. He's joking.

It is not a dead dog. It is a human person that has died. And every life is precious. But the real crux of this is how the bellhop knew immediately who the person was.

And by who the person is, you mean Kevin.

Do they have like sit on their hand or like they were just yelling like the way they were facing?

No, it's not the way that they're all you know they're in their poses that would befit their trade. So the mailman is reaching into the bag, pulling out letters, the photographer is snapping a shot, and the lawyer is... Oh, cash in a fucking check? I got no idea.

The most stressful part of murder is picking your pose right after.

Oh yeah, your post murder pose. Now I play a lot of online video games and I would say that the most common post murder pose is crouch stand up crouch stand up crouch stand up crouch stand up right over their corpse. Now we call that tea bagging in the Halo community and it is generally frowned upon.

I will say if you ever go to England, we're doing it wrong because what it should be is you crouch down, then you sit there for about three minutes. Steep. And then you pull it up. Steep. Steep. If you dip, you're not getting any flavor of my man. No.

Okay. Okay. He just knows.

A bellhop's intuition. Why do they call him bellhops?

He's the one who brought bags to everyone's room, so he knows who brought the gun bag.

No, he doesn't. He's never seen these people, the gun bag. He's never seen these people. He has no information at all. I think they call them bellhops because when you ring that little bell, they hop to it.

That's what I was going to say. That's what I was going to take a guess at.

You asked. Because famously for 40 years, it was mostly employed by bunnies.

I asked, but then I had a follow up. So let's see. He didn't have like a black light on him or something.

Jason Derulo, Miami-Dade Reporter. I have a question, I have a follow-up question, which is the answer to that question. He had no previous knowledge of anything or anyone. Everything is right there from the reading of the riddle.

Does the answer have to do with what someone's occupation entails?

Not what their occupation entails, not exactly. Their outfit entails? No, not their outfit, but the answer does have everything to do with the three occupations.

Okay. I also, and this maybe goes nowhere. This is maybe a thread I shouldn't be pulling on. You said the bullet is in their head. How do they know the bullet's in their head? Exactly. That is a thread that goes nowhere.

Okay, wait. So what do you call your lawyer?

I guess Frank?

Wait, it's a lawyer, a mailman, and what's the third one?

A photographer. Oh wait, is there a photograph of the murder? No. Wow. Nothing like that.

Okay, it's the photographer.

It is... Erin, I can tell you right now it is not the photographer.

Okay, it's the mailman.

Then it's the lawyer. It is not the lawyer, and it is the mailman. Was it suicide? That's the hint. No, no, no, it was a murder. And Kevin was right on the money. Kevin got it right. I'm Kevin. The bellhop got it right. Yeah. You said it was the mailman? It was the mailman, yeah.

Was it Sunday? No. Can I give you a little hint? Yes, please.

Okay. The doctor was the mailman. Well, no, but yes, you've done the hint.

What happened?

The killer was the lawyer. The doctor is the mother, is the hint. Yeah. The doctor is the mother.

Oh, he's related to the other... Oh, the other two are women.

Erin, bingo, bingo, hot to tie. You got it once again.

Women can be anything.

Women can be Kevin's.

I learned today that women can be lawyers and photographers and murderers. Thanks everybody.

No, the women, the women, the women were not the murderers there. The women did not murder. Women can be anything. That's not the lesson.

That's the lesson.

Eetity. Eetity. Eetity. Opposite lesson.

I've done it.

The mailman was the only man in the room. The lawyer and photographer were both females. The bellhop heard the person say, no, Kevin, don't shoot. There's an educated guess that Kevin was the male man and it turned out to be correct. Now, this would have been a pretty easy one to solve as well because the witness heard them say, Kevin don't shoot. There were also two more witnesses in the room and only one of them was presumably named Kevin.

There can be female identifying people named Kevin. Absolutely. This is a moot point Riddle. You're moot.

There's a moment where I was like, oh, maybe like male woman. Like, yeah, yeah. But that again, that was a thread that seemed to go nowhere.

Well, but that Adal was not a thread that seemed to go nowhere. That was the thread that directly led to the answer to the riddle. The one, the thread that you pulled, the thread that you pulled was a nowhere thread.

Are you talking about that Daniel Day Lewis fashion movie?

Oh my god, the nowhere thread? Well, well, well, folks, it is 717, which means Riddle O'Clock. We're going to take a quick break. We're going to 69 and smoke up. And we'll be right back with more. It's 713. No, Erin, add four. It's 713. At time of recording it is literally 7.13, but it is also time for a break. No, no, no. Hold on. Then we'll wait for 7.17. I thought to adjust time slightly so we could have a fun ad intro. But you know what? No, we're going to sit here for four minutes and we're going to think about what it means to be supportive. Because apparently... My co-host, don't want to let me have this.

It's still 7.13.

You literally, I know, I'm stalling for time. We can literally set it for four minutes of this? Yeah, yeah. You literally said at some point, 7.17 is going to happen while we're recording. I thought to fudge time a little bit. I thought, why not? You know, we'll fudge time slightly, we'll say it's 7.17. It literally will happen while we're recording. I know.

It's 7.14 now. I know, yes, I know.

Now, as a riddle-tologist in Adal's dad, I want to tell everyone that stalling for time, excuse me, I have a cough. Stalling for time is not as easy as you would think. Because time moves very slow. Okay, I see. I have more Riddles. I can read more Riddles. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. Now, why do they call them bellhops? Because when you ding a bell, they hop too. But why do they call?

I promise this one's really short. It's an easy one. Okay. So this is coming from Rob. A man without eyes sees limes on a tree. He neither takes limes nor leaves limes. How can this be? If you don't have a riddle, don't make one up. Hey, I didn't make it up, Robin.

It's still 714.

A man without eyes sees limes on a tree. He neither takes limes nor leaves limes. How can this be? The man is fake. The man is the character in a book. The limes are braille. No, they're not. They're real limes. They're real limes on the tree.

Because he doesn't have eyes, so they're limbs on the tree. It's seven fifteen.

No, no, no. He's a man without eyes. That is true.

Okay.

But he does see limes on a tree. That is true. He neither takes limes nor leaves limes. How can this be? How can a man without eyes see limes on a tree? That's a great question. If you can get that part of the riddle, I think that you're going to have a really easy time with the second part. Oh, I got it. He's lying. He's lying. He's not limzing. This is a man without eyes. He has Lyme disease? I don't think so. And if he does, it's not important for the riddle. And it's a fucked up coincidence because it is a riddle about limes. How is it still 750?

I'm not a time doctor. Okay, give us more hints. Seven Sixteen.

Well, I mean, so every part of this riddle is in like the phrasing of it. So, I think that... Well, how could a man without eyes see something? That's the question.

Memories. Memories. No.

That's a really good answer, like thinking about it.

He's not like feeling it.

He's visually seeing it.

He's dreaming it.

He's visually seeing it. Um, oh, because he has one eye. Adal, that is correct. So you're halfway there. So this is a man without eyes sees limes on a tree. So he does. A man with one eye sees limes on a tree. He neither takes limes nor leaves limes. How can this be? How can he neither take nor leave them?

Because he just sees them. The man is Cyclops, Scott Summers. And what he does is he blasts them with his optic visor. No, no, no. It's not an optic visor.

Because limes don't grow on trees. Oh, everyone else can make jokes.

We haven't let a single person make a joke.

Women can be anything.

And folks, women can also be 717 because it is 717 Riddle O'clock. We're going to take a quick break. We'll be right back with more ribbons. Ugh. What's going on? I'm a bear who just woke up from hibernation and I can't find any honey. Hey you two, campers. Where's all the honey gone?

Excuse us Bear, we're doing some online shopping. We can't kind of get involved with whatever this is right now. We're doing some online shopping.

I just got an excellent deal using honey, and now I feel like re-energized and excited.

Oh my god. I'm also using honey, and I just got an excellent deal online shopping at one of my favorite nonspecific retailers.

Oh honey, that's really sweet. We're both using honey at the same time. God, I love honey.

I want honey. Stop saying honey. I want honey. How do I get honey? Oh Bear, we're not talking about the food.

Condiment.

Condiment, yes.

Hold on. Honey's a food. Come on, no. Mustard's a condiment. Look, bear.

Honey is the free browser extension that scours the internet for promo codes and applies the best ones it finds to your cart.

I've been sleeping for six months so I could use a scour.

And you have to like, you need us to go through this whole binder of promo codes and he's like giving you ones and they don't even work half the time. That's the worst. Honey simplifies that because at checkout, all you have to do is find that honey button in your dropdown, click apply coupons, and then Honey will search through all the available coupons and try them and try them and try them and try them until they find you the best deal possible.

That sounds so easy a bear could do it.

Exactly.

I'm insulting myself.

It takes like two seconds. I bought a birthday gift recently and then all of a sudden Honey was like... And I saved like $12 and I was like, I didn't even... I wouldn't have even... Honey!

Wait, this sounds too good. Is this some sort of magic?

We can't be sure because it's proprietary, but I will say that Honey has found over 17 million members save over $2 billion. $2 billion? Bear, you know how much honey $2 billion could buy? All you have to do to get honey for free is go to joinhoney.com slash riddle riddle. That's joinhoney.com slash riddle riddle. And it's spelled honey like the condiment bear.

It's not honey's a food. It's the only food that doesn't spoil.

Go back to sleep bear.

I need to go back to bed, I'm sorry.

You look tired. Goodnight.

Alright class, settle down, settle down. There's only two kids in this class, but still you both need to sit down. Now today, you know, I'm going to tell you about something you haven't heard about in class yet. Now we've heard of School of Rock. Very good movie. We've heard of the School of Hard Knocks. I don't know if that's a movie, but I'm here to tell you about the School of Hustle. Have we heard of this?

Is that that awesome podcast?

Erin, your curriculum is all over the place. My curriculum? Well, some of us know how to enunciate. Erin, you're dead right. Gold star for you. School of Hustle is a podcast by GoDaddy for everyday entrepreneurs that talk about the successes, failures, and the hustle behind their businesses. Now, the two of you, quick, pitch me on a business. Go right now.

What about a business where a crazy person keeps two people in a room that he calls a school and he doesn't- Very funny. He sees all the movies and podcasts that he recommends. See me after class. Erin?

A business where you give gold stars to people in adulthood because a lot of adults get depressed with not feeling validation like that in adulthood.

Erin, gold star. You're exactly right. Now with this School of Hustle podcast, you're going to join Sarah Funk. Now who is Sarah Funk? Anyone? Anyone?

I know, I know, I know. I'll go ahead. A tour company owner, travel host, and YouTube creator.

Oh, that's great. Another gold star for Erin. That's 28 gold stars for today.

Hold on, I can get gold stars too. Okay, here's a business. What about a business where the dogs are the boss? And School of Hustle is a podcast by GoDaddy for everyday entrepreneurs. Do I get any gold stars?

A business where the dogs are the boss? Have you been to my dog store? Yes, and the boss was very rude to me. He barked in my face. Gold star for Erin.

Okay, listen to School of Hustle by GoDaddy anywhere where you listen to podcasts.

That's right, gold star Erin. Listen and subscribe on Apple Podcasts or like you said, wherever you get your podcasts. JPC? This isn't an accredited school. Brown star. I hate brown stars.

And we're back. And hey, it's still seven seventeen. That's a little of inside magic on how podcasts get made. We say we take a break. We don't actually take a break.

I take a little mental snooze. What's with these limes?

So you got the first part because the first part revolves around that, like, doesn't have eyes has eye. So he neither takes limes nor leaves limes. How can this be?

He only took one lime.

He take one lime and leaves one lime so he doesn't take limes.

You don't always have to pick fruit off of every tree that you see fruit on.

Well, if you're following the song you do, you take the lime off the tree and you only have one eye. You take the lime off the tree and you only have one eye.

I have a dream in my life to have a lemon tree in my backyard. Do you want to know what I did last night because I couldn't sleep because I wasn't feeling good?

What is it?

I looked at Zillow houses in Hawaii for two hours. That's a fun thing to do. I think I can afford to live in the middle of nowhere in a one bedroom condo. If anyone would like to join me, I'll be leaving in an hour.

Erin, can I tell you something? If a realtor tries to sell you a one bedroom condo in the middle of nowhere, they are going to murder you.

Uh huh, but it's cheap.

I know someone that would love to join you and that is Adal in this scene. So we're going to see a scene. Adal, you have a lime tree and you're on the side of the road and you're by your lime tree. There are two limes on your lime tree. Erin, you are walking down the road and Adal, you're going to see if this stranger to you would like to split or share one of the limes from your tree.

Hello there, friend. How are you doing good morn?

Good, I'm just doing my power walk.

Nice getting those arms working, huh? Pumping some blood.

What a sad tree.

Oh, why so?

This looks like the Charlie Brown Christmas tree, but for fruit. Oh, it's so sad.

Well, it's not sad. What's sad is that I don't have someone to split these limes with.

These look like sick limes. Like these limes are unwell. Where do you grow these?

I grow them right here. On the side of the road? Yes, they grew out of this table.

Wait, are you... You're watering it with pineapple juice? I can see a watering can and a bunch of empty bottles of pineapple juice.

Whoop, I'm not, there's no foolin' you. My name is Philip Sprite.

Oh.

I'm trying something new. Passion Sprite.

Hypothetically, if I were to have one of your limes, you don't just eat a lime like it's an apple. Should we do crunch? See how good this looks? You held the back of your head.

It's okay. My uncles are bentips.

Skin and all. I love limes. I'll have limes on anything, but these do not look smell or feel like limes.

You'll have limes on anything? Well, how about on a beautiful morning?

Okay, did you get fired?

Yes. The shareholders of Sprite Incorporated ousted me. They said that my ideas were kooky. They said my voice was outdated. And they said that Sprite is moving in a different direction. And that direction is upwards in terms of their stock prices. So I'm starting a new company. It's going to be called Dr. Sprite.

I'm not really sure if anyone still has Sprite. Like maybe at McDonald's by accident sometimes. I'm trying to make you feel better if they fired you. I'm just saying like I can't remember the last time I saw someone drinking a Sprite unless it's at McDonald's by accident.

Well, I think by accident you mean if somebody orders the Cactus Jack meal. Because the Cactus Jack meal was a Sprite, a burger I believe with no pickles, and something else. Fries! Which is just a fucking meal. They don't need to put a name on it.

If I'm gonna get a soda for McDonald's, it's gonna be a Coke.

Huh.

Anyways, I'm more of a ginger ale gal myself, so I'm gonna keep walking. Good luck with your sad avocados.

Wow, Erin, I hate to do this, but I am going to have to congratulate Adal for that scene because that was the first time that Adal has ever done a scene as Dr. Chameleon where we didn't immediately recognize that it was Dr. Chameleon. My hat's off to you Dr. Chameleon. You did it. You found the scars that we couldn't see through. Classic.

Wow, Dr. Chameleon. I can be anyone.

Classic Dr. Chameleon. Alright, are you ready for this next one? This is a riddle submitted by a fan of the show. The thief had gone after the man with a knife, and when he was asked, why did you stab him 38 times when you knew he was dead after the first blow? The murderer's answer was, I don't know. Murderers always seem to say, I don't know. Unless they say, I can't remember what happened.

The man?

What's your question?

The man was Jeffrey Borden, Lizzie's no brother. Now Lizzie of course gave her father 41 wax, but since this guy was younger he gave 38. That's why there's 41 flavors at Ben & Robin's. Ben & Robin's. Ben & Robin's. I gotta see a zine.

Wait, can I want to do it? Can I see a zine?

I just called for one.

You got to go last time.

You got to go last time. So, Erin, you can see it now.

Adal, it's got to be you two. Okay.

I went last time because we talked at the same time. I clearly won this race.

Adal, I promise you'll be happy. Okay. JBC, you are so-and-so Robin, whoever ends up running Baskin-Robbins. Adal, you are Ben before you get replaced by Baskin.

Huh, we don't seem to be having a lot of, uh, not a lot of customers off the street. What is wrong with Ben and Robin's? Can I say this?

Yeah, speak freely. So, this is hard for me to talk about. Our business sucks. This is a terrible idea for a business. Huh? What? And I've been cheating on you. Are you?

Hey baby, come back to ice cream bed.

Oh my god. Oh my god.

You weren't supposed to come out. Hold on. The person you're cheating on me with woke up, got dressed, got in their car, drove over here, opened a door and started talking and said come back to bed. I don't know if you could say this is getting dressed.

Our... Our bed is an ice cream cake and it's melt- This is Baskin.

This is Baskin and Baskin and I are together. And I know you've been cheating on me too.

I saw you with Jerry. Yeah. Who's this fucking Jerry guy? We saw you together. He's a sexy older man from Vermont. Okay. And he gets me, right? He loves puns. He, I'm sure he has other stuff he does, but I can't think of it right now. And speaking of, when I found you, Robin, you were fucking Dick Grayson. Okay. And your parents had died and you were a sad little boyfriend boy.

I left the circus behind. I left Batman. I picked up. I'm going to turn this business around.

How's this? Blue ice cream. What are you going to do? Be better than us and have great social justice?

Stop pushing on the walls. You're not going to turn this around. We have to talk about your ideas. We'll talk about blue ice cream later.

Blue ice cream with sprinkles. Oh, it's going to be so gross.

This basket is so fucking good looking, it's so hot. I will hear a lot of these ideas, but if you just get a gander at the looks, that's kind of the package for that.

What's good for the gander is good for the ice cream. Can I tell you about something? Can I tell you about something? You see this little skin tab at the top of my head? Well guess what? Sorry. It's not a skin, well okay, that's fair. It's not a skin tab, it's a zipper. The two of you have been fooled again.

Oh, Dr. Chameleon. He's the one who called Dr. Chameleon. He's the one who can play anyone.

Wait a second. We went down on each other.

That's right. Dr. Chameleon, we'll see who wins because we're going to be the one who gets an ice cream flavor from Jimmy Fallon.

We opened a business together. We've known each other for 20 years. What are you fucking? That's right. Long con. Oh my God. I got to admit, you got me. See?

Dr. Chameleon. Do you have an answer for the riddle? I'm going to need to hear this question again.

Yeah, it's a little confusing.

Well, okay, so I think maybe you guys are confused because that's not actually a riddle. It is an excerpt from Wallace Shawn's essay, Night Thoughts. That would be Wallace, Wallace Shawn from Princess Bride fame, his essay, Night Thoughts. That is an expert, an excerpt from the section labeled murder. Famously.

He's afraid of the show. Read it again.

Read it again. I was reading this earlier today and I read that part and I was like, this sounds like a riddle that's not a riddle. And I was like, I'm going to read this on the podcast.

He's not joking, you guys. He's really holding up a book.

Famously, Wallace Shawn, who voices Dr. Chameleon.

Inconceivable.

Pick up Night Thoughts, an essay by Wallace Shawn, wherever you find that.

Why were you reading that?

Essays. It's great. It's fun. Wallace Shawn's cool. I heard him on a podcast and he was plugging this. All right. Let's go into another riddle.

I'm sorry. Make up an answer to that. I'm unsatisfied.

He took my sister to dinner. That's true. Okay, here we go. This one is from Parker. Parker says, how do you throw an egg on the floor without cracking it? Hard boil it.

Hard boil it.

Hard boil it. That is an answer, but no, this is not a hard boiled egg. This is just a raw egg. Put pillows on the ground. A regular egg. Take the shell off of it.

Um, no, you don't, this actually, you don't have to do anything special to the egg. How do you throw an egg on the show without cracking it? Oh, the egg is, the floor is a trampoline.

How do you, no, that's a really good answer. Wow, you guys are full of really good answers today. What did you guys have for dinner?

Oh my god, can I actually tell you?

Yes, please.

I had stuffing and gravy and that's it.

Erin, I had that for lunch today, but not gravy. I had stuffing and mashed potatoes.

Leftover season? I started to feel sick halfway through it though, and I threw it in the garbage. I was like, I can't do this.

And this is coming out on December 16th. So when we say leftovers, these are Thanksgiving leftovers.

They have been in the fridge for a while. And when we say leftover season, we mean right now is the time to binge Justin Theroux and Carrie Coon in one of the most underrated shows of all time.

The ending may be not great, but I checked out of Leftovers after the first season and then went back and revisited it later on, and I really liked the way that the show progressed.

And Adal, you loved it?

I adored it. I think Carrie Coon was robbed of an Emmy.

Someone took it out of her hand.

Yeah, unfortunately, it was a situation where they didn't catch the person, but they did steal the Emmy.

Oh my God, that's crazy.

And it was one of those rare instances where they gave the Emmy before they announced the winner. So legally, the person was correct.

Well, even crazier is they didn't get it on tape. And I know what you're thinking. The Emmys, there's cameras everywhere. This person, whoever did it, they found all the blind spots, all the spots in between with the camera's head.

Holy shit.

And it was on stage.

So it wasn't even someone who had also been nominated.

Well, we don't know, Erin. That's the thing.

Well, it was DJ Qualls, so we do know. Well, it was DJ Qualls, but they haven't been able to catch him. Yeah, it was DJ Qualls with a skin tag at the top of his head.

Uh-huh. So yeah, so DJ Qualls still at large. Also at large, the answer to this riddle, how do you throw an egg on the floor without cracking it?

Oh, um, is this like a wording thing where it's like the A crack's not the floor? You never crack the floor when you crack, when you crack, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I've been working out, and yeah, I can crack the floor.

You can throw the egg any way you want, you're not going to crack a floor with an egg. Unless you have a really bad floor, and that's what Parker says. Parker also says, love the show, keep up the great work. And Parker, I can't tell if you're being facetious when you say great work, but it's obviously not, but we will keep it up. So that's our joke on you. We will absolutely keep it up.

I want to see a scene, Erin and JPC, you're just a normal everyday couple. Thank God. Normal personalities, normal humans, but for whatever reason this morning you're making omelets and you cannot get the egg open and you're losing your mind.

We see you at about minute 15.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Katie. I figured it out. We're dreaming.

No, no.

No, we must still be dreaming. We're asleep.

Look at this. Weep, weep, weep. I could not do that while I'm dreaming.

What are you doing?

Going weep, weep, weep. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. Is this one of the eggs that has a chick in it? Because I don't know how they people can tell the difference. How do you know it's an egg that has a baby, a baby chicken in it and an egg that you can cook?

I want to say that it has always been my experience that you don't know until it is too late. Does that make sense?

Okay. Well, I'm just saying, is that the reason why we can't get in? Because there's a chick in there scared out of his goddamn mind because someone's trying to kill it.

Okay. Okay. That could be it. But maybe, maybe this is it. This is it.

I'm going to pop it in the microwave.

No. Okay. If I'm right, then that shouldn't work. We might be dead. We might not be dreaming. We may have died. Have you seen The Sixth Sense? Because Bruce Willis doesn't even know that he's dead. And he is. And he can communicate with other spirits. So if we both died in the house last night, carbon monoxide, I've told you about this. This is what gets, it's a sound killer.

Do you think that popcorn mode is too long or too short for an egg?

30 seconds should be fine. Do double popcorn mode. Do double popcorn mode.

Okay, well that was starting to pop like popcorn.

Did you leave the kitchen when I was telling you about my ghost theory?

Yeah.

If you can touch the microwave or not ghosts. Unless the microwave died too.

From carbon monoxide?

I'm gonna Google if microwaves die. Could they be ghosts? Do microwaves go to heaven?

Oh my god, honey. This is our Faberge egg. The one that your mom gave us last year.

My mom, sorry Nicholas.

What a delightful journey. We have to revisit this couple at some point. They're relatable. They're very relatable. I like them because they're relatable. My favorite part is we can't be dead because we can't be dreaming because I can do this. We, we, we, we.

I kind of panicked there.

Erin was also squeezing her cheeks and I was like, is this a real thing that people know about?

We, we, we, we.

Erin also bring up a great point, which is more microwaves should have buttons for popcorn and then a separate button for burnt popcorn.

Yeah dude I've been making a lot of popcorn this week and I've burnt it every time.

I made caramel corn two nights ago they have like like popcorn in a bag that's caramel corn and I put it in the microwave and I took it out when it stopped popping and it was smoking it was burnt to shit and I burned my hand.

Adal we we all we all We all wanted to play along with it. We told you that was caramel corn. That was popcorn. That was the most burnt popcorn I've ever seen. It took on an amber hue to it because of how burnt it was. I think that was normal popcorn, my man.

Maybe it was karma corn?

And this is for all the... A couple weekends ago, I was maybe a little high. Again, not common for me. And I was eating egg rolls, gluten-free egg rolls, from the microwave. But they were hot, hot, hot. And Sean watched me take a bite, spit it out into my plate because it was too hot, and then do that four more times. And he said, what the hell are you doing? You're hurting yourself. Just wait. And I said, I'm really hungry.

Well famously with egg rolls the top is hot and then the lower you go it's cooler and cooler.

I was like ooh hot! I was surprised every time and it was back to back.

If I were Sean my main question is what is she doing eating food out of that filthy microwave? That thing is gross.

Our microwave is so gross again and I'm stubborn. It's not gonna be me.

I don't know how it keeps getting this way. I keep spitting egg rolls into it, and it's staying filthy. Hey, I have an idea. I want to put you guys a joke microwave, okay? This is a microwave you can pick up at Spencer's. It's a gag microwave you can give as a gift, okay? It's a microwave, and you know how microwaves have all those buttons on them that's like popcorn or like chicken? You know, the reheat buttons. It's that, but it's all types of wine. So the buttons on the microwave, it's like Port Chardonnay Shiraz.

Sparkling ros.

Speedo Grease.

Okay, I kind of love it. I kind of absolutely love it.

People are going to be very confused. I'm willing to invest $500,000.

I would buy the sticker that you put on other people's microwaves. That makes it just say those. I think that's a million dollar idea.

You know what sounds so disgusting? So I know that people heat up red wine, like the mold wine, and like little cloves and stuff. What sounds more disgusting than hot white wine?

Hot?

Oh, I feel so dehydrated just thinking about it.

A hot white wine sounds pretty bad. Now, white wine famously, I think you use that as like a cooking to like burn off the alcohol cooking, but just like to mull white wine, I'm like, ooh.

No thanks. There's something, what is it called? Rob White turned me on to, well, Rob White just turned me on. One. Ros? Two. Bobby Ros, we love that. We call him Bobby Ros, because he's obsessed with Ros. But he turned me on to a red wine that's like, Bubbly? I forget what it's called, but it's absolutely stellar. Cool. Maybe it starts with an S, I can't remember. But if you ever see carbonated red wine, I thought it was going to be disgusting, and it's absolutely scrumptious.

I would give anything to go back in time. Whenever I saw Rob get a ros, I was like, I got to get a ros. And in the 10 PM intermission, I would just be sitting next to Rob. We'd just be drinking our ros like we were two gals out in the town. It was amazing.

I'll tell you what, that guy looks fucking great holding a ros.

He makes it look good. I would always be like, I think I need to go get Rose. And Pad would do the same thing. Pad was like, you're making Rose seem very appealing.

Rob White, if you're out there listening and not the Rob White that listens to this podcast, who gets confused every time we mention Rob White, but Rob White, the guy that we know, I hope you're having a fucking Rose. You're a fucking champ.

In case you don't know what Rob White looks like. Google Calvin's dad. So Calvin from Calvin and Hobbs. If you Google Calvin's dad, that is exactly what Rob White looks like.

And Rob, if you are listening, God buddy, I apologize. Never thought that you'd listen to the episode. We didn't want that information to get down.

He doesn't listen. I'm so sorry. Okay. Oh, hold on. I'm so sorry. I found the name of it. It's called Lambrusco. L-A-M-B-R-U-S-C-O. If you ever see Lambrusco at your local winery, grab it. Delicious. And if you work for Lambrusco, buy an ad for the podcast. That's the last time we fucking mention your brand unless you pay up. You hear me, Lambrusco?

Send to me free wine.

Saying if you work for Lambrusco is like saying if you work for beer.

Just to be clear. Well, famously my t-shirt says will work for beer. Very sober. Here's a riddle from KG. KG wrote this riddle, came up with it all by themselves. Loving the show so far. Sent from August 2018. While you look me up and down, by the way, I like this one, KG, this is great. While you look me up and down, you'll notice something strange. My body keeps on changing while my head remains the same. Even when I'm not before you, it doesn't mean I'm through. All you need is state my name and I'll appear renewed. What am I? It's not balloon, it's not Destiny's Child. It is not a mirror. It is a section from Wallace Shawn's essay, Night Thoughts.

It was the middle of the night and I had a thought. So I thought to write it down. These are Wallace Shawn's Night Thoughts.

I can't believe that you just read something that wasn't a riddle from a Wallace Shawn book and moved on like you had sneezed and we were just moving on.

I don't know, book. It's a pretty thing.

It's an essay.

It's an essay. J.P.C., I think I know the answer, and the answer is... My day with Andre!

No, it's not that.

Give me a hint, please.

Okay. While you look me up and down, you'll notice something strange. My body keeps on changing while my head remains the same. So, this is something that you guys, by the way, probably every day. Every day you look at this. And you look at this, the head always remains the same, the body keeps changing, And look at me up and down, I think is very important as well.

Oh, is this that weird dog that lives in my self-conscious? Not my self-conscious, my self-conscious.

Well, it's both.

I look so weird today, woof, woof.

Damn, that's a t-shirt. Even when I'm not before you, it doesn't mean I'm through. All you need to state my name and all appear renewed. The second part, I think, is going to be a little harder to get, but it'll make sense when you get the first part. So this is something that rotates? Does it not rotate? Up and down is the operative word. Not rotate. Oh, a hand job? A bone to hand job, baby. No, Adal, I said up and down. I said this is something you see every day, not something you see in your fucking dreams, my man.

Like a rolling stone.

No, it's legit. This is definitely part of your daily life. Daily life. While you look at me up and down, you'll notice something strange. Hi Riddle.

Not really touch it, but you can interact with it.

Yeah. And it's not like thermostat or something? No, it's not yourself. My voice. This is something that you, I guess the best way to say it is that you have access to this almost all the time.

Is it your phone? Like something on your phone?

It isn't your phone, but you can certainly use your phone for it. Is it a mirror? Is it a reflection? No. While you look me up and down, you'll notice something strange. My body keeps on changing while my head remains the same. Is it like a book or something? Yeah, it's your phone. You know a book. I don't know. That's kind of close. You're closer with phone though. Phone is the right direction. But we can access it outside of the phone as well. Yeah, on like a different type of device probably. A TV show.

Most TVs you can't access it on. I would say it's mostly phones and computers. Is this like Tinder but the same picture keeps coming up? No, but I guess Tinder would be an answer. I want to see a very quick scene. Erin, you're on Tinder. You've been swiping left and right. And this is just like 30 seconds. You've been swiping left and right. And for whatever reason, something compels you to swipe up and down and we see what happens.

And your way out of my league, and your way out of my league. Not a looks thing, just you are clearly in a different baseball league than me. You're in a higher baseball league, adult baseball league. You know what, I'm gonna switch this up. Oh my god.

Hello, my name is Xanthos. My craft crashed here many moons ago. I'm stranded on your planet and I need your help to get home.

Swipe, swipe, right? Oh, fussy. I'm going on a date with an alien. I bet you wonder how I got here. Hi, I'm Erin and I'm married to an alien.

Scratch. I will not clean the microwave.

Oh, fuck you. Can you give us a hint? Well, you're on your phone and you were talking about swiping left and right on Tinder. But remember, up and down. What is something that you would swipe up and down on on your phone?

Something I would swipe up and down on. I mean if I'm deleting pages on my phone. Do you have a bunch of windows open?

You might even scroll, one would say, up and down on this. Dead cheese? Erin, you're on the internet? Great, but what is like, if you're on the internet and you land at a page that is called a search engine. Yes, there's a website. A website! Oh, because the URL bar stays the same. Yeah. While you look me up and down and you notice something strange, my body keeps changing. You scroll through the body of the website, but the URL bar is the head that remains the same. When I'm not before you, it doesn't mean I'm through. All you need to state my name and all appear renewed. If you go back up and put the name of the website in, it reloads.

If I may, and this is, maybe I'm being a little bit nitpicky. Please. The URL is more the hair of a website than it is the head.

We're going to do a quick checkup on Adal. Adal, what did you do today?

Keiji does include an apology. Keiji says, I know this riddle can be a bit pedantic. The URL bar is more commonly the hair of the website, but it didn't fit the rhymes game. So that's their explanation. Thank you so much Keiji for writing that in. I loved that one. That was very fun. And it was a stumper, my favorite kind. Speaking of stumping for whatever you have going on in your life. Thank you. Thank you. I'm very proud of that segue. Erin, is there anything that you would like to plug?

I would, I would like to give a shout out to everyone who, the hundreds of you that responded to me about the Zoom birthday tape. The funniest part of it was I ended up getting eight messages from different people. Seven, it was a brother, one it was a sister, but seven people, or yeah, eight people messaged me to tell me that their siblings had the tape. They did not because their name wasn't common enough and they were jealous. And I was like, our demographic, This is people who are jealous of their siblings. It blew my mind. I was laughing out loud. I was like, why did everyone's brother have this and not them? So weird. But thank you so much. It was so fun seeing all your messages from that. But if you want to message me, I respond to all my messages. But once a month, Erin Keif 10 on Instagram. Hello. Goodbye. Adal, what's up?

I want to say, I've realized that the most interaction we as hosts get from this podcast is when one of us says, hey, does anybody remember this blank? So I just want to say, does anybody remember this song? It's like, so let me know, please interact with me. Send me a hundred DMs about that song because I'm so lonely. And then I want to give a shout out to my sister, Sadea. I'm going to go ahead and just say she's great. If you're ever at the Trader Joe's grabbing essential supplies on Lincoln, say hi to her. I don't know if she'll say hi back. She might be weirded out. But Sadeer Rifai is my promotion for today.

That's very sweet. You're making us look like jerks.

That's very sweet. And you listed where she works, so cool. She also works for Red Orchid Theatre Company. She's a company member there. And recently she just got a promotion. That's very cool.

Congratulations on the promotions, Adia. Let's see. Oh, okay. So in the same vein as Adal, super obscure things. I doubt many of you have heard of this or listened to it, but if you have, please feel free to message me about it. It is a podcast between two friends that listen to a lot of pop music and they review that pop music together. I remember it from, I don't know, days ago when I was recording an episode of it. It's the Bill Buds podcast. If you've heard of it, Let me know. I would love to hear it. So please, find me anywhere you can find me and please let me know if that is something that you have heard of. Until then, I have an exciting announcement. I was scrolling Tinder while we were doing this and I just matched, I swiped up on a very sexy alien We are going on a date. Erin, I'm going to show you my screen and you can tell everyone where me and this alien are going on a date. It's a place I've never been before and I'm very excited to go.

Okay, that's you in a wig and they're for Neptune.

Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Here we go.

Oh, that's you in another wig and you're for Neptune.

Bye forever. Neptune, wait, hold on. Jupiter.

Jupiter, Jupiter, Jupiter.

Bye forever now.

Jupiter, Neptune.

Join the video. Starting Erin Keif and John Patrick Coan. Casey Toby could be editing.

You know what, Casey is crazy because Toledo looks exactly the same as your other place. It's just that same fucking RV.

With that smoking hot chick on the roof. Oh yeah, that's my mom.

Haba, haba. Wowie, zowie, zoinks.

Casey, I gotta say, I had no idea that that was your mom and upon seeing her, I gotta say wowie zowie zoinks, my man.

Yeah, I'm really sorry. Congratulations. I have to say that about your mom, but wowie zowie zoinks.

I knew your mom, she was a wonderful woman, and we're gonna miss her. I guess there's nothing else to say but, uh, wowies, owies, oinks. Does that make sense? What a caring person, what a kind person.

What a wowies, owies, oinks person.

Here lies Casey's mom, Wowie, Zowie, Zoinks.

Adal. What would you do if you were in a graveyard? If you were in a graveyard and you saw a tube zone that was just like, you know, Jessica Smith. Wowie, Zowie, Zoinks.

Wowie, Zowie, Zoinks. Those pauses that Adal put in were absolute perfection.

From Wowie? Tizzoinks. Ashes to ashes, wowie tizzoinks.

In all the zowies in between. She touched every life that she knew.

And while we may be having a hard time here on earth without her, I know that God is up in heaven saying, ooh, wowie zowie zowinks.

Check out the body on that, mother.

Gagowie.

Mother chunga.

Mother chunga. Sounds like a city in California.

OK. OK.

Hey there states and capitals. If you liked that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. Erin takes us to the magical land of improv where we explore our favorite states and the local news stories therein. You can get that plus our entire back catalog on Patreon.com slash Hey Riddle Riddle by joining the Clue Crew for $5 or the Review Crew for $8 a month. See you there! That was a hate gun podcast.