Which Riddle Riddle?

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Okay guys, can you wait till I do the baby stuff?

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Hey Riddle 80. Say it again. And use code HeyRiddle80 to get $80 off, including a free shipping.

That's right, buddy. That's right, champ. And I'm a baby too. Erin, are you a baby?

Okay, I'm seeing a credit card charge for a baby store on my credit card.

Erin, you're also dressed as a baby.

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The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Hey Riddle Riddle. Hey Riddle Riddle. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Woo. Energy.

Oh, my God.

Oh, boy.

Oh, man. Hey Riddle Riddle.

Hey, this is a new episode of Hey Riddle Riddle. This is the earliest we've ever recorded.

Adal, they're going to know. Yeah, you have to say it.

They're going to know. I'm Dr. Mornings. I'm grandpa mid-afternoon.

And I'm Erin Knapping.

This is a real first just for everyone listening to this. Now I know a lot of people tend to listen as soon as it comes out and it comes out at like you know midnight central time or one o'clock central time but this is the earliest we have ever recorded. Now I want you to think about what you think that means in your mind because it is 11.30. It is 11.30 in the morning.

Yeah.

Some of us have been up for hours and some of us have been up for mere minutes, mere moments we've been awake. I got up 15 minutes ago.

Adal last night was like, can you guys call me to make sure I'm awake?

I was truly embarrassed where I text and I'm like, hey, this is a little embarrassing. I'm an adult, but we're all friends here. Can someone please call me to make sure I'm up?

Adal was treating a recording at 11.30 in the morning like your dad is like, look, the plane leaves at 6.15 AM. So we're out of bed at 5. We're in the car at 5.25.

That's way too late to leave. Your plane leaves at 6.50.

Oh, OK. You're calling me an airport dad?

Sorry, I didn't know that.

Yeah, Adal, your airport dad. Aw, thank you. All right, kids, are your bags packed? Does anybody have to pee? Last chance.

I pee in my bag.

I have a question. So obviously I have a specific memory of that, but do you guys have memories of childhood or adulthood waking up super early for a thing?

Oh yeah.

Oh, absolutely. I remember doing in high school, I did speech and debate and we would often have to leave on the bus for a meet at like 6 45. And that's actually when I started drinking like cappuccinos and anything with caffeine was I was just like, I don't know if this works, but I've seen adults on TV do it. And so I'm going to try this. But that was, uh, that was hell. Mornings are hell. Hell is other people and mornings. Thank you, Garfield. So I never want to be on the, uh, on the NBC. Oh, what is that? Good morning, America.

Yeah. For me, I've talked about this on the show before, but I had zero period, which was like the period before first period in high school. And so you'd have to wake up so early. And I regularly remember like it knowing that I only had, I had like five minutes to take a shower, like, and that was going to wake me up and regularly falling asleep in the shower, standing up. Well, and then my brother like knocking on the door like, we gotta go. And I'm like, I'm awake. Let's do this.

I love school.

I love school. I love marching band. Let's get on it.

I think what we put kids through physically in terms of their schedules is absolute batshit insane. It's crazy. I would just be like a 15 year old girl walking into school early for like a music group, like an all-girl choir. It's like six in the morning. I'm walking with my math binder trying to study on the way into school with my snow boots sobbing, openly crying, not caring who's seeing me cry. Just sobbing, one girl in snow boots sobbing over a math binder.

I would also like to say what I put kids nowadays through physically with my obstacle courses, I should be stopped. There's someone, the law, they should be a law against me making kids go through... The survivor's not going to hire you.

I'm going to need you to say that monster every morning.

GBC, I think it's on them. They have to find those flags.

Yeah, they have to find those flags. Well otherwise they don't get to play my little game. If you don't play my little game, then you can't win, and you certainly won't survive.

And you're Mark Winters? You guys, I ate so many chips last night, and now my face is puffy. And no one's allowed to make eye contact with me until the end of the episode.

Why do chips make your face puffy? Is it the salt? I think it's the salt. I said puppy. Is your face puppy?

Well, I have like a rash on my neck, and my face is super puffy from the salt, so... Erin, is your face puppy?

Here girl.

I'm just a happy, happy dog. I'm just a happy, happy, happy dog.

Eating a chip that makes your face puppy sounds like some Harry Potter shit. That's something Apologies spoke to. Oh my god. They would sell that at whatever that joke shop was in Hogwarts. It's like a Paula Juice popcorn or Paula Juice potato chips. The joke shop Cervantes' right? Isn't that Don Cajute?

Yeah, they would go into like the pet shop next door, take a bunch of hair and then put it in the candy.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. That's what happens. This is what happens when we record too early.

Yeah, that's true. We absolutely fuck ourselves over. We start doing a Harry Potter fanfic. Are we talking about puffy potato faces? We're gonna move on, but I just have to declare it.

I could never be a farmer.

I don't know Adal, one look at the way that you dress, bye-bye screams, this guy could, should, would, and needs to be a farmer.

I could be like a night farmer, but I went to school, I went to grade school, high school, and college with people who are like farmer farmers, and they'd be like sitting in class, and they'd be like, hey, I've been up since four, I had to like, you know, kiss the chickens or whatever they did. And I'm just like, what is your life that you are able to get up this early and function and be like physically active?

Adal, I have an image in my head. You're a farmer. It's like five in the morning. You're wearing your glasses but still squinting. And you're milking a cow with one hand. Just like when your heart really isn't in it.

Milking a cow with one hand.

Ooh, trick shot. I have an image of Adal in this AU where he's the night farmer where people are like, you heard about the Rifai farm? Oh yeah, the night farmer. How's it going? Well, his farm's bankrupt. He fucking immediately tripped as he was walking through his fields. He stepped on a rake and died and nothing grew. You're like, I gotta figure it out. I'll just farm it all at night.

That's going to be my superhero character, Night Farmer.

I just kill crops.

Yeah, you're getting way more hurt than all the other farmers.

I will say, now that we're moving into, I guess this is our first episode of December, and until the 21st of December, which is my brother's birthday, that's the shortest day of the year. The sun is setting now at 420 or 419 or something, which is fucking bonkers to me. But it's because of daylight savings time. Otherwise it would be setting at five. I would much rather have a little light at the end of the day than the light at the beginning of the day. I fucking hate daylight savings time and it's archaic. It's just for farmers. And there's like six farmers left and they're all named Monsanto.

We didn't mean to come out. As such anti-farmer people.

No, farmers, we love you. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. My great-grandma was a farmer. It's all good.

There are no farmers anymore. Just to be clear, it's one company that rents you seeds, and then when your farm fails, they're like, tough fucks, tough fucks, fuck knuckle, and then you move on.

This is a disaster. Getting paid not to grow, what are you, Olympic gymnasts? It's like, hey, we're not anti-ghosts on this podcast. There are no ghosts. It doesn't matter. JPC, it sounds like what you want is not daylight savings. It sounds like what you want, my man, is daylight checkings. So you're going to want to take all your sunshine. You're going to take that out of your savings and put it in your checking account. Does that make sense? I want a high yield daylight savings account.

Low risk.

I would hold up the sun. I would fucking destroy the sun.

Adal, who am I? On December 20th something is going to be the shortest day of the year. I am a day scientist. Winston Churchill? I can't do this. It turns out I can't do this before 4pm.

Before the window passes, can I just say, I think JBC you said high yield. Can we just say that the night farmer's catchphrase is yield?

Yield. Trips on a plow. Yield.

So who's our thing?

I am the thing today. I'll be early morning puddles today. I'm the best equipped at it.

Can we just at this point just insert episode like three or four here and then no one will know?

Well, we are going to do some riddle submissions from fans that sent us our riddle submissions back in like 2018 today. So we are essentially doing things from the very early episodes.

So what you're saying is essentially we're Time traveling?

It's way too early for Adal. It's scrambled eggs. It's completely broken. He has no concept of what's going on. Casey, is there a button you can press to add energy post? Yeah, just take Adal's track, speed it up like 1.5. It'll throw the whole podcast out of line, but it'll make Adal sound really energetic.

I just don't understand, Casey. It's 2020. There has to be an energy button. Just make it fucking work. Make it so. Make it so so. That's what my catchphrase is if I'm Captain Picard.

So this is a riddle that is coming to us from David. I believe that this is an original riddle that David is submitting. Oh, I'm sorry. This is from a book of riddles that David purchased and this is their favorite riddle from the book. That changed course pretty quick.

From original to store bought.

It's wild because in 2018 I don't think we were getting a ton of original riddles because we weren't asking for them yet. But this is one that I've never heard before so I think that in my mind it qualifies as original just because we've heard everything at least three times now. Here we go. With 12 eggs on order, the cook sat and thought. One at a time if I like it or not. With three in the freezer and three in the pot, three in each hand, neither too cold nor hot. The first two were airy, so he remembers. The last two both burnt up and ended in embers. The question is... I'll take him over easy. No, no. You want 12 over easy eggs, you fucking monster. I'm a rocky. You are gonna die of potassium poison.

I'm an Olympic swimmer and I need all the eggs.

Do you just say limbic?

Olympic swimmers.

My name is Egg Luganus and I'm an Olympic swimmer.

I truly, I truly, when I threw out, let's just do, can everybody do 11? I thought, I thought, this is just gonna be a normal recording. I had no concept that everyone's brains were gonna be on melt. Guys, it must be early if nobody laughed at my egg-luganus joke.

I said wow. I went a step past laughter.

Don't worry. We're going to get hundreds of comments of how could you guys have not given egg lugatus its day.

We'll get thousands of comments saying I had to Google egg lugatus.

Who is this? So, so the question is, what are the eggs? With 12 eggs on order, the cook sat and thought, one at a time if I like it or not. With three in the freezer and three in the pot, three in each hand, neither too cold nor hot. The first two were airy, so he remembers. The last two both burnt up and ended in embers.

What are the eggs? Dragon eggs? If you end up in embers, they must be dragon eggs.

Um, no, that is a, that is a, well it's not really a good guess, but it is a guess, I will say.

Which I have to say, before Skyrim, Dragon Egg was a really great PS4 game.

Oh yeah, I love the Elder Scrolls game. Dragon Egg origins.

Are they the eggs that you can find in a uterus?

No, they're not human eggs. Fish eggs. And I should say when I say what are the eggs, eggs are in quote because the eggs aren't actual eggs. The eggs are a metaphor for something else.

Oh, Cadbury eggs. Guys, can you believe that I have eggs? Erin gets me just all the time. It's fucking weird, right?

That's wild.

What the fuck, you guys? It is truly wild. What the fuck? That's crazy and kind of gross, but kind of awesome.

It's the strongest case that we have for women being lizard people.

No, that's not the strongest case we have. Hillary's emails.

When people are thinking, Hillary's a lizard person, I'm like, well, you're not wrong. There is one piece of evidence she's against. She's always laying on that rock.

Oh my god, you guys. I would be such a good lizard. If you ever decide to adopt me as one of your pet listeners, I want a lizard habitat. Just like a nice heat lamp and give me a rock.

Give you a little terrarium?

Yeah, I need a little terrarium.

I don't think I'd be a very good lizard. You know what? I do like laying in the sun. That is very nice. If I go to the beach or like a pool or something, I'd barely get in the water. Just put me out in the sun.

Although I do have to say, if you're a lizard, they don't call it laying in the sun, they call it basking.

Can you handle that? Yeah, I think I wouldn't mind that. Basking makes me think of ice cream, so I'd be like Basking and Robbins.

Basking makes me, for whatever reason, think of when you sell tickets outside of a game.

Scalping?

Basking? It's a combo of all those things. The eggs are a metaphor for baseballs.

I love the idea of like, do you want these two court side tickets? They're $800 a piece. And then also, can I have some spare change? It's like, wait a second. You have $600 in tickets.

Why are you busking? Well busking is like, hey you, come and see the show. Get in here to see the show.

I thought busking was like if someone has a guitar case open and they're playing a song hoping for spare change or they're performing some sort of act for money on the street. I thought that was busking. But busking is like, come on, come all.

Did you ever have to busk outside of an improv show to get people on the street to come inside?

No, but it is in the 2010s, so I did busk online. I did a lot of, come on, come on, please come to my improv show. It's just Wet Bus performing for Wet Bus every week. We'd love to have an audience member or two.

I can't remember

Come One, Come All is also my equal opportunity porn. So there's something about eggs. There's two in the freezer.

That should just be porn. Why is it that it has to be a special kind of porn for everyone to come? Huh? Unbelievable.

Erin, I don't make the rules. Well, oh wait, first of all, I just break them, baby.

I put on lipstick I found by my computer and now I'm confident again. So welcome back, everyone. I'm back. I got eggs and I'm angry.

This is porn. Not everyone can come. Some people have to, Mike, just hold the boob mic. Some people just have to hold the boom bike, okay? They can't participate. But, but, but. No buts! But, I want to butt. No. You can busk on your own time.

Janine, your craft services, we're going to need you not to come today.

It's actually, Janine, it's actually vital that you don't come. People are depending on these bagels big.

Oh god. I think I just blacked out.

I think I blacked out. It's a bad show. We'll edit most of this show out.

Kyle, I'm gonna need a new crew, okay? The porn I'm making is too good and my sets are a mess.

We have to solve at least one Riddle.

I can't breathe, Adal. How am I supposed to solve what eggs are?

Okay, so yeah, the eggs are a metaphor for something else. I will say there are the important parts here, there are 12 of them. With 12 eggs on order, the cook sat and thought, one at a time, I like it or not. So there can only be one of these at a time. Yeah, baby, I like it or not. I like it or not. No, it's not chess. Another girl. I like this, I like this riddle, or I like this clue for the riddle. The last two both burnt up and ended in embers because I think if you, I can identify what these 12 things are, that might be one of the easiest ways to identify it. Stars, planets.

I'm thinking of things that come in 12s. Yes. And the only thing I can think of are eggs and then Steve Martin's children in the movies. Cheaper by the dozen.

Aim into that. There's another very famous thing that comes in twelves. It's sorted by twelves now.

What comes in twelve? Donuts.

Months. The answer is the 12 months come one at a time. There are three winter months that are cold and three summer months that are hot and three that are in between, mild, or six that are in between. The first two months end in airy, January and February. The first two are airy. And the last two end in ember, November, December.

Can you believe I got that?

So here's the reason. That's amazing, Erin. If I could just make an excuse for myself. Yes, everyone gets one. I've lived in Illinois, I've lived in Chicago since like the 2005 maybe? Okay, brag you're old. So all my eggs, 11 of my eggs are frozen. And then one is like chili.

Yeah, it snowed here, it snowed here the day before Halloween, so you know, fuck off that Riddle. No, but thank you so much for sending it. That's a great riddle. This next one, yeah, I really like that one. This next one comes from Robin. And Robin puts her name in parentheses as Susie. Remember when we used to do that?

Oh yeah. I see what's good on here. A riddle about eggs, a riddle about robins. This is all morning riddles. Yes.

I see what it's on. Next one will be about coffee. The next one is submitted from coffee. Yes, this one is from Robyn. Now Robyn submitted several riddles and unfortunately we have done a few of them so we are only going to do the one that Robyn submitted that we haven't done and this is kind of in the framing of a who done it. Also when Robyn submitted these and her email said some riddblies and puzzles. So this was early on I think. We had really come up with riddies and pussies yet. A woman finds out that there has been a fire in her home. The fire was put out extremely quickly and causes only minimal damage. However, once the woman hears about the situation, she becomes furious. Why is she so angry?

Someone lit her favorite candle. The fire was a match.

That is a good guess. No, it was an actual house fire. This is a house fire.

So it's not in the fireplace?

Nope. It was not in the fireplace.

It was a house fire. But she was furious.

She was furious when she heard about how quickly it was put out specifically.

She had hired someone to burn down her house.

That's a really, that's a really good guess, Erin. That's a really good guess. But the answer to this one is it is not, it is not that, let's assume for the answer to this that the fire was unintentional and was just like a, you know, a house fire that started because of whatever the stove or something like that.

BBC, why is it sounding awfully familiar coming from you? Let's just say that it was unintentional and there's no one to the fire on purpose.

There's pending litigation so I can't say more about this riddle.

Here's the answer. The woman was David Byrne. He was recording the song, Burning Down the House. He put it out too soon and he wasn't happy with how it sounded.

Yeah, he put out the album too soon. He wasn't happy with the mix. It was David Burns.

His sound engineer forgot to hit the energy button.

Adal, I love that answer for you, but I gotta say, if I could give you some advice, stop making sense.

That's also what a busker says. How much did you make? $47? How much did you make? $0.04? Stop making sense.

Alright, here's a hint. Nobody was hurt. She's not angry for any reasons about like insurance or anything like that. And the fire was indeed caused accidentally. Those are all hints that Robin provides.

Was it Mrs. Doubtfire?

Oh no! And she's getting hot flashes?

No, not Mrs. Doubtfire. They used her favorite curtains to put out the fire.

No. So here's the thing. The fire was put out extremely quickly and only caused minimal damage. And when she hears about that, she becomes furious. So I guess the operative thing here is that why would someone be furious that an unintentional house fire was put out so quickly?

Hmm.

Boy.

That means someone was in her house or?

You're on the right track, I think, with someone in her house, yes.

Like, it got called so quickly because someone was breaking in and they called.

All right, I want to see a scene. I want to see a scene.

I tried to slow down so the scene wouldn't happen.

Oh yeah, we do see some of this. We do see this here. Erin, here's what's going to happen. You are breaking into a house. You're breaking into Adal's house to steal whatever's in the house. Upon breaking in, you realize that, like, It's messy in here. It's like not clean. The organization's all off. Stop describing my house. Yep. So you decide to clean the house and Adal, you're going to be waking up in the next morning while the burglar is still cleaning your house.

This doesn't sound like me. And I'm in. Fuck. What the fuck? Ew. Okay. I guess Adal just buys every book. Does he even fucking read these? Jesus. Oh my God. There's a global pandemic. Why does he have so many port games? Oh, they're all unopened.

Oh my God. Hey, what's going on here? Why are you shuffling through my coasters?

You're dreaming. I'm not here.

Put down my 500 page coasters. Oh my God. Wait, I'm dreaming? Are you the ghost of something something?

You don't recognize me? It's Erin. Fuck, why did I say that? No, nothing. In your dream I organize and give away some of the things that you've bought.

Oh, okay.

Do you really need all this Chant fan art? Why do you dress like a skunk at live shows? I'll throw this in the garbage.

I guess because they don't make badger costumes that aren't Wisconsin mascots.

God, do you need 11,000 tiki drink cookbooks?

Well, they're not cookbooks.

Yeah, well you have the regular like, what is it called? What's a cookbook for drinks?

It's my dream. Shouldn't I know this? Shouldn't all the characters in my dream know what I know?

No.

Wait, I'm not dreaming, am I?

You are. If you were dreaming, could I do this?

You're just clapping your hands. Okay. Oh, but to a beat. Did you eat chips last night?

I did. Can you tell I'm puffy in my face?

Yeah. Your face is puffy. Can I clean your house?

I asked you guys to do a scene and I did not get what I asked for.

Nice that it feels good to do some character work early on.

Okay, but you still have not solved this Riddle.

I was about to start redecorating. I think this could be an accent wall. I am a wow. What is it, JPC? I think I give up.

Sorry, I want to see you soon. This is going to be a quick scene. Erin, you're painting your house and you come across an accent wall, which of course is a wall with an accent, played by JPC, and he's just trying to talk you out of being painted.

All right, I have Egg Shall White by Benjamin Moore, and goodbye, weird green accent wall.

What are you doing with that paint?

Oh, Jesus. Oh my God. What the hell?

Exactly. Exactement. What the hell? What are you doing with that paint?

I'm going to paint the wall. It's going to be the first thought.

I am a proud, veiled wall. You are not going to be painting me eggshell white.

Who are the people who lived here before me? This is the weirdest paint choice. It's not even like a cool green color.

They did not have a choice. It doesn't matter who they are. I chose what kind of accent wall I would be. And if you were to ruin me by painting me all eggshell white, you would know my rights.

Alright. Okay, great. Here I go. Dip the paint in.

Please, please, please. I beg of you. Spare me this one injustice in the world.

What will you do for me?

What's in for me? What will I do for you? I don't know. I mean, fuck. What can I do? I can impress people at parties. I can talk about now. I could have done. Well, well, well, look at what we got here.

I would love an exit wall if it actually developed an exit based on what it was painted. Green is French.

Okay, do you guys both give up for the issue for this, Riddle?

Is the fire something that happens anyway, like every day? Is this type of fire happening in my house every once in a while?

No, no, no. This is not a regular fire. This is indeed a house fire. If you are having regular house fires in your house, it's maybe time to call a... Exterminator? Yeah, exterminator. A fire exterminator.

Um, extinguisher, sorry. Is this, is the house like a dollhouse and she's like recreating like a horror movie or something? I like that.

It is not a dollhouse, it is a real house that this woman is living it.

Is the woman Carrie?

No. Sorry, Carrie Bradshaw? Oh yes, it's Carrie. Yeah, she's living in a house in New York City.

And the fire is an STD? Mm-hmm.

No, you guys want the answer? Yes. So the woman is a suspected member of a criminal organization and her house was being watched by the police. The fire was put out so quickly because an officer who was watching the place saw it and took action. When the woman learns that she's angry as now she knows she's under suspicion and that an officer is watching her home.

Okay, fine. I'll allow it. GPC, Adal, I would like to see a scene. You are two people who are watching a house because you're suspicious of the criminal activity that could be happening in it.

Boy, I hate these steak outs, huh? Yeah, these things suck. I hate eating these old cheeseburgers and these cold fries.

I'm eating a warm burger and warm fries. Why did you specifically ask the restaurant for cold burgers and fries?

Honestly because I hate what I'm doing and I don't want to associate this thing that I hate doing with good food because then part of it will be ruined for me. But if I can always associate this with like unpleasant experience, that's why I've got these pliers right here and I'm just pulling out leg hair as we do this because I'm going to associate this terrible experience with all of the terrible experience. I'm actually calling, I'm texting right now, you see with the other hand, old high school girlfriends and I'm just texting them like, I miss you when I was wrong.

Yeah, so it's like a negative connotation that you want to formulate. It's like a reverse, not reverse, but it's like a hellish Pavlovian experiment.

I'm getting flooded with negative sensory experiences right now and it's completely ruining all of the things that are going on.

Oh, there's a B in here.

Get out of here, B. Let me lower the window. Insert sound effect here. Okay, there goes the B. There goes the B. Oh, you know what? I'm getting a phone call, I think. Let me just double check. I am getting a phone call. No, it's not a text, it's a phone call. Give me one second. Hello, this is Brad.

Oh, Brad. I got a text from someone said, I still love you, and I was like, who is this? But I'm sorry, Brad? Brad Cooper?

Brad Lee Cooper?

Bradley Coo. We went to high school together.

We dated for four days.

We... For what days?

You spit gum in my hair.

I spit gum in a lot of people's hair. You're gonna have to be more specific.

Okay, it's Brad Cooper. Oh, I was a second string chess club. I did water aerobics in my free time. Yeah, I gotta go. I was at the play, but not the school plays, the plays that I would write for myself.

I was on a terrible date, but now I feel like it's not so bad. Bye.

Have a good day. I love you forever. Man, the fact that she didn't remember me. Who was that? And also the house burned down. Oh my God. Well, that was Cheryl and the house burnt down, which is also a really negative, you know, experience for me. So this day was kind of a success because it was so bad.

Yeah, I mean sometimes I'll pinch myself while masturbating, so... I'm gonna get out of the car now. I'm gonna get out of the car. Well, we're gonna do some more riddles, but first Dr. Morning's here and needs a little bit of a nap. So I'm gonna take a nap and we'll be right back with more...

Hey guys, I was just at school and I had a quiz today and it was so hard.

Why are you going to school still? You're like 40.

It's an accident. I'm undercover. It's a sort of never been kissed. I don't want to talk about it. But all I want to say is I want to take a really easy quiz and I want to get a good night's sleep for once. What do you got for me?

Is it an accident or are you undercover?

Because you do both. Both. Both.

Erin, here's what I'm going to say. Why don't you get under the covers with Helix Sleep. Now Helix Sleep has a quiz and it just takes two minutes to complete. You don't have to study for it. You're not going to feel it. And it matches your body type and sleep preferences to the perfect mattress for you.

Now, Erin, I know what you're going to say. Everybody's unique and Helix knows that. Which is true. So, they have several different mattress models to choose from. They have soft, medium, firm. Mattress is great for cooling you down if you sleep hot, and even a Helix Plus mattress for plus-size folks.

What if you're an accidental undercover sleeper?

Okay, Erin, we took a quick quiz on your behalf. And what it said was that, you know, you're a soft sleeper. You sleep on your sides and they have the perfect mattress for you.

I'm so excited.

You should be. Me, Adal Rifai, I received a Helix sleep mattress and it is the best night's sleep I've ever gotten. Every day I wake up and I do that cartoonish like arm stretch that I've only seen in movies. I now do that. Why? Because I feel invigorated and I got a good night's sleep. And you open your windows and you ask a boy passing by what day it is, correct? Uh-huh. Famously, and he says shut up. And then like a bird will land on my finger and we'll do like a duet. It's very cool.

Well, this is probably why Helix was awarded number one best overall mattress pick of 2020 by GQ and Wired magazine.

Yeah, Erin, you think? Now I see why you've never been kissed. If you're looking for a mattress, just take the quiz. You order the mattress that you match to, and the mattress comes right to your membership for free, you don't ever need to go to the mattress store again and talk to Brett. Oh, I hate Brett.

And there's a 10-year warranty. Hello.

And right now, Helix is offering up to $200 off all mattress orders and... And two free pillows for our listeners at helixsleep.com slash riddle. That's helixsleep.com slash riddle. We were just talking earlier about pillows and how important they are. You get two free pillows.

That's more free pillows than you'll ever get from any other offer you fool.

You guys, thank you so much for the help. I got to go to football tryouts. Wish me luck.

Oh boy. Adal, Erin, thank you for taking me, robot, PC, all around the city today and showing me what human life is like.

Yeah, we're just glad that you didn't freak out. We were a little worried that you might get your wires crossed.

Yeah, we're really sorry we gave you ice cream too. That was bad.

Yes, as I mentioned, I do not eat food or need to consume it for fuel. But one thing that I wanted to know is Yeah. Do humans sometimes get stressed? Yeah, of course.

Well, that's sort of our whole thing.

I did a search on the internet for an app called Headspace. Oh, you hit jackpot right out of the gate. It said that Headspace is my daily dose of mindfulness in the form of guided meditations and an easy to use app. What is an app?

An app is like mozzarella sticks. So if you think of like, you know, like mozzarella with tomato or mozzarella sticks, anything with mozzarella is an app.

It's also an easy to navigate thing that's on your phone where you can find all the mindfulness meditation in one place.

I like that one better than the first one. The first one, don't give it to me because it ruins my circuits inside.

Are you Irish anyways?

So, whatever the situation, Headspace can really help me feel better. If I'm overwhelmed, Headspace has three-minute SOS meditations and those will help me?

Exactly. And you know what I use it for? I'm in love with the guy's voice who helps me fall asleep. They have wind-down sessions that make you feel very, very calm and relaxed and help you drift away into your sleep.

I don't sleep, but I will keep that in mind. Well, you power down, don't you? And even just 10 minutes of your day can make a world of difference in your life. We all know the benefits of taking some time, working on your physical self, but how about your mental self in 2020?

Oh, so head spaces approach to mindfulness can reduce stress, improve sleep, boost focus, and increase your overall sense of well-being, much like when I restart my systems.

100%. Also, they have morning meditations you can do with your kids, and Headspace is backed by 25 published studies on its benefits. Confirmed. 600,000 five-star reviews.

Confirmed.

And over 60 million downloads. Unbelievable.

Confirmed. I confirmed all of that information.

And even though you're a robot, you deserve to feel happier and Headspace is a meditation made simple. Go to Headspace.com. Use your internal circuitry or whatever you do if I haven't put too much marinara sauce on it. Go to Headspace.com slash Riddle. That's Headspace.com slash Riddle for a free one month trial with access to Headspace's full library of meditation for every situation. This is the best deal offered right now. Head to Headspace.com slash Riddle today.

I love you Irish Robot. Hey, what are you guys doing with my robot?

I've been using that thing to watch Ninja Turtles VHS's. If you put pasta sauce in the VHS hole, you're dead, Adal Rifai.

We're sorry, we're sorry.

Headspace.com slash Riddle.

Can you guys try and wake me up for the second half?

Yeah, we'll try. Shh, snooze, snooze rooster. Snooze a rooster? You touched that rooster and it's going fucking crazy. You just bopped that rooster to the head. That man just bopped that rooster to death.

I was trying to snooze. What rooster is Elvis? What's Elvis rooster? What the fuck?

You gotta fucking snap into it.

Guys, come on.

No, no.

You guys know what I'm talking about.

What's Elvis Rooster?

What's Elvis Rooster?

What are you talking about?

This is bullshit. You guys have seen this movie. Elvis Rooster.

Movie?

Yeah.

I'm getting even more confused. Come on.

What the fuck are you talking about?

Hold on. Elvis Rooster.

Hold on. Animated movie. Rooster is Elvis.

Are you talking about foghorn, leghorn? No. Are you talking about chicken run?

I know. There's movie, Rooster Elvis, Shake Hip, Farm on Farm, Rockabilly.

This is the worst fucking charades game that I've ever played.

Rockadoodle Do? Is that a thing?

Rockadoodle Do. Adal, I will never make you wake up before 2 p.m. ever again. I don't think it's good for you.

Is this 1926? What the fuck is happening?

Rockadoodle Do. Come on, that would have been Jazadoodle Do. Everybody knows Elvis invented rock music. Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Well, Adal, nobody knows what the fuck that is, so instead we'll just do a riddle. Here's the riddle. This one is coming from Marty. Thank you so much for submitting them. Again, Marty submitted a bunch, but we've already done them because this was in 2018. Oh my God. Marty submitted riddles? JBC, we have to go back to 2018 and do the riddles. Marty, it's your cousin Chuck. Here's the riddle. What fuels billions is home to many and dominates the earth. Easy. Showtime. Showtime. Showtime fuels the TV show Billions.

Selfish Billions.

Yes. Showtime fuels billions is home to many great characters like Ray Donovan and dominates the earth with a 1% market share of what people are watching.

Bugs. Bugs houses.

There's bugs. Erin, I like that answer because there are a lot of bugs on the earth. And I guess you could say that they dominate the earth. But what are we, fuels billions? What do bugs are used for fuel?

Yes. That's what bees do. They bring fuel to the flowers.

Honey is fuel. Does America, does the US have over a billion people? No, right? It's like $450 million. Because if it was adult, maybe $330 million.

And it's definitely not over a billion.

Well, because I was going to say maybe it's Duncan because, you know, America runs on Duncan.

Yeah, so I guess you take America is Duncan does Duncan exist in foreign countries as well because you could maybe get to a billion No, well Duncan don't here's the thing We got a lot of messages because we talked about Duncan donuts in a patreon episode and Duncan donuts in other countries is pretty Unrecognizable to what we have here or they don't have it like when we read all the breakfast menu stuff Well, you did yeah on that episode people in London were like what the heck? What the hell are you talking about? There's what, where, and why? There's bagels there?

They were very confused. And in Australia, Duncan is called Hungry Jax.

That's insane. In Canada, it's called Tim Hortons.

But no, it's not Duncan. I think McDonald's also. Didn't McDonald's used to say like three billion served or something like that? Wasn't that their rank? Oh yeah. Yeah, slogan for a while. But no, it's not that. It's not a restaurant.

Okay.

I would also hate it if it was, is home to many, and it's like McDonald's is the answer. It's like, oh, that's what Sean said once.

Remember I asked him what his favorite fast food was and he like said like Wendy's or some shit. And I was like, Sean, what about McDonald's? Like you eat there a lot. And he was like, that doesn't count. That's like eating at home.

And I was like, oh no.

Oh, Erin got out of the house.

I'm going. You see him packing up on my shirt? How do I have so many dolls?

I see an Erin silhouette and lots of lines behind it, so she ran fast out of frame. What is it, serving billions? It fuels billions, is home to many, and dominates the Earth.

Oh, our solar system.

Dinosaurs? It's not dinosaurs. Erin, I like solar system as an answer because I like to imagine the solar system dominating the earth. The sun's like, yeah, you orbit me, motherfucker. You don't go anywhere, I don't say.

Yeah. I have a scene idea. OK. You two are dinosaurs, and you're sort of trying to decide what goes into a time capsule for the humans to find.

Okay, Velociraptor, we need to figure out what goes into this time capsule. I'm gonna put some of my leafy greens that I pluck off of treetops.

No, no, no! Bracheosaurus, don't you think that if you put those leafy greens in the time capsule, they're all gonna shrivel up and die by the time someone, let's call them the humans, opened the time capsule? Hmm, you might be right. Let me get those. I'm gonna put one of my raptor claws in the time capsule so humans can use them as tools in the future.

Ooh, that's not a bad idea, but don't you need that raptor claw to hunt and scavenge?

That's true. I guess I can't put one of my precious claws in the time capsule.

I got it. I think I got it. Okay. Let's fucking fart in this bitch.

But Brachiosaurus, a dinosaur fart, is the grossest, most nasty, gnarly, dangerous thing known to mankind. You would put a dinosaur fart in a die capsule. The humans would simply die when they opened it.

They'll call it oil and use it.

Okay, hold on. Pause. No, I'm gonna pause it. You can jump back in a second. All I'm gonna say is that this is not the first time I've watched two guys do an improv scene and it ended with one of them suggesting they fart in a box. And unpause.

Okay, okay, so we fart in the time capsule, bury it, let's just say thousands of feet under the ground, it turns into oil for many centuries, and then the humans use that oil to destroy the rest of the planet?

Yes, that sounds right.

So our evil dinosaur plan comes to fruition. We'll wreck the environment for the humans and kill them all. Let's see, it'll only take probably, I mean, it shouldn't take any more than four or six thousand years of civilization for the humans to kill themselves, right?

Hey guys, it's me, Crocodile. What are you guys up to?

Nothing! Uh, nothing. Uh, yeah, what? You go back hanging out in the water. We're just hanging out up here. Okay, if we're being honest, Crocodile, we are going to fart into this time capsule buried under the ground and kill all the humans. We'd invite you to come and play, but you don't, I don't think, I don't think you fart.

Yeah, and also Crocodile, I just have to say, you're not built to last. You're so low to the ground, your mouth is held shut with like half a pound of pressure, like you won't be around much longer. You survived a very long crocodile.

Couple things. First of all, a girl's fart. Okay? Second of all.

Hashtag girl's fart.

Okay. Hypothetically, if crocodiles stick around by some weird nightmare miracle, I'll call it. I don't want to have to deal with your fart nonsense for the next several thousand years.

Oh, come on. You know that Sarah Dactyl would be into it. Hey Sarah Dactyl.

Take me back.

Take me back. And she flies off. Call me. Call me maybe. Okay, okay, so let's get this straight crocodile. You think that you're going to survive for, you know, as long as it takes for the humans to come about. Okay, if that happens, I'll fucking sprout feathers out of my back, lay a bunch of eggs, and be just enslaved by all of the humans for all of existence. That'll happen.

Oh my god, you accidentally manifested something. I'm walking away. I don't want to smell your farts.

Are you? It's so slow. Or it's really fast, but it's just a straight line.

That one. Okay, okay.

Crocodiles are fun. I just love the imagery of a crocodile saying, girl's fart.

Wait, you guys. So my brother-in-law, Mitch, sent me a video of my niece trying to... Not to your niece, to Mitch. She knows all the animals now, and she's pointing to them, and there's a crocodile, but she can't quite get the word. Can I just play you quickly? Erin, she knows all the animals. Ready? That's how she said crocodile. It sounded like she said chowder. Yep.

Here, one more time.

She said tea chowder.

She got zebra.

She got zumba and chowder. What strip mall are they at? That is adorable.

Yeah, she crocodiles a little bit tricky and can't quite get it. That's a hard word.

That is absolutely adorable. Okay, so I don't necessarily know that you were close, but I guess maybe when the crocodile ran away at the end of the riddle, you were getting closer to the answer of this. What fuels billions is home to many and dominates the earth. Water? Oceans? Water, yes. I think the Earth is like 75% water. It fuels billions and is home to many of fishes and crocodiles.

I would like to see, what are all the elements? Wind, fire, heart, water, land.

Earth, wind, fire. I want to see water.

Uh, JPC will be water. Uh, Adal, you can be whatever other element you want to be. Um, and we're all at Thanksgiving dinner and water's just like so self-important and thinks that they're better than us.

A toast, a toast, a toast friends, a toast friends, a toast to myself.

Oh my god.

Bringer of life, okay, come on. Bringer of life, wetter of lips. To here, to all of infinity, to 75% of the Earth. Total nomination. I'd like to shout this one out to water. Water. Man, thanks, Kevin.

You're toasting to yourself with a glass full of yourself.

And I'm drinking it, and I'm going to put it right back into myself.

I may be wind and full of air, but even you are just insufferable.

When you're basically fart, and I will take this one, okay?

Okay. Stay in your lane farts.

All right, I guess I'll go next. Yes, please. And since you said the tone, I'll toast to me. To fire. May you burn anthropology candles and marshmallows.

Sorry, I'm getting water all over you. I'm sorry about all the steam. Wind, that could be your domain.

I'm actually a chemical fire, so water won't do anything. You maybe need some sand, some earth.

Ooh, look who went to college. Chemical fire.

Oh my God. The sexual tension between us is palpable. What do you think, Farge?

I mean, yeah, I'd watch it. Look, we've tried it fire. You're a chemical fire on water. It doesn't work out.

That's not what we asked, farts.

I'd watch you too. Yeah.

Farts.

Farts. That's not what we're doing here.

That's not what we're, that's not... I'm into it. Farts. Farts.

Let me just pull up a chair.

No, farts.

Alright cut, cut, sorry everybody, we had to cut, the sound guy just came.

I'm so horny for this porn.

Come free, come all. Wind is farts. Thank you so much Marty for sending in that last riddle. Alright, alright, you guys ready for the next one? This one is one that we've never done on the show before, and I would say that we probably have never done this on the show before because it's so fucking bad. Here we go. This one is from Jack. Jack, I don't know if I should thank you for sending this in, but I guess a courtesy dictates that I do. Thank you for sending this in. A man tells his wife he is going to buy two chocolate bars for $2 each. He doesn't leave a tip and there are no taxes, but when he pays, it costs him $5. How is this possible?

The candy bars were Kit Kats and each piece is $2 and of course we all know Kit Kats come in. No wait, that's Twix. Hold on. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

I don't know how you're gonna make this work with two candy bars that cost $2 and a Twix or a Kit Kat.

Can you read it again? I feel like I'm missing a keyword in the beginning.

You're true. You're probably not. But a man tells his wife he's going to buy two chocolate bars for $2 each. He doesn't leave a tip. There are no taxes. And when it pays, it costs him $5. How is this possible?

Here's a few things I've noticed. Erin, thank you for having him reread that. One, nobody tells their wife they're going to go buy candy bars. That's a sociopath.

And they're like, oh, you're going to cheat on me.

That's a sociopath's move.

You're a pedophic move. You're about to cheat.

Honey I'm going to be gone for three hours. I'm just buying two candy bars for two dollars a piece.

Why don't we just break up if you're going to cheat?

What is it? American Psycho where I'm going to go return some VHS tapes? I haven't seen that movie in forever. That's a dead indicator that he's not doing what he said he's doing.

I also want to point out They shouldn't have to. It seems obvious that no one would tip for a candy bar. So why are they telling us he doesn't tip? Is that part of the clue that he doesn't tip for a candy bar?

Yeah, I guess it's just because that could be your answer and be like, Oh, well he just tipped an extra buck, but it's not that. Oh shit. It's not that he tipped an extra buck.

I have to run to several, uh, Jewell Osgos and make amends with the employees.

Is that where you're buying candy bars? Oh yeah. You also need to buy, like, groceries, Adal.

Yeah, no. There's nothing that makes me feel like more of a big shot when I buy a king-sized watch and macaw and say, keep the change, you filthy animal.

My mom sent me a bunch of chocolate from the Hingham candy store that I loved so much growing up for my birthday, and it's been a goddamn delight. If you want to, because they'll send it all over the country, you should order from Popolos and Hingham. Absolutely amazing fudge. And I'm not even a sweets person, but their candy is so good.

I used to have a Popo when I was a kid, a stuffed animal.

Was that a Popo? I have a question. If you go into like a CVS or like a 7-Eleven or something and you give them five bucks for a candy bar and then you say like keep the change or you know it's for something and you say keep the change. Doesn't that just knock their drawer off of their count for the rest of the day? Like aren't they fucked now? Because you have to count down your drawer at the end of your shift.

I actually know the answer to this. A lot of times that goes into like the take a penny, leave a penny thing. And I know that some convenience stores and like gas stations will use that for the cost of like if someone walks in and they're homeless or they can't afford like they don't have enough cash for the gas.

Oh that's great.

Yeah, like I think it goes to mostly good use. Also, I'm sure that sometimes employees will pocket the difference in the money and like use it as a personal tip.

I'm trying to remember because I used to work at a storage place and I would like you'd have to count down your drawer and at the end of the day and the fucking thing that was the worst is if you counted down your drawer and you were like $2 short or something because you're like fuck like How am I going to get this $2? But I don't think I ever counted down my drawer and I was like, up some money. I think also I would be stressed about that too because I'm like, I either forgot to fucking put something into the system or something where I'm going to be like fucked over by this.

Can I do a quick PSA on how to not be an asshole really quick? Because this is just brought back to memory. So I worked at Nordstrom for like years, different Nordstroms. And say we would like close at like 9 p.m.

We would close at 9 p.m.

If you decided to stay and shop past that time, every single person on that floor can't go home until you're done shopping because we're not allowed to open our registers to count the money when there's customers still in the store because like hypothetically they could have just be waiting to steal money. So but Nordstrom floors like especially in some of the bigger cities are huge because there's so many different sections. Yeah that makes sense. So one you're shopping and you're like There's tons of other hours in the day. You can shop online. You can come back. And you are, it would always be like one lady who's so entitled and she would stay like an extra hour and a half and 20 employees are stuck on like, I would miss improv shows sometimes because like, they'd be like weren't you supposed to get off work two hours ago? And it'd be like this one rich lady is in here and she wants to try on every fucking coat in the store. And I'm just sitting here. It's horrible.

That sucks. I do know that from working in restaurants, if the restaurant, let's say it closes at 10, around 9 30, if you go in the restaurant, that's when the food is the best. So if you really want to get the best possible food in a restaurant, go in 30 minutes before it closes. So smart. That's when you sit down and get a table. That's when the food is choice.

Ooh, is this spit in my food? Yeah. Um, JPC, I might know the answer. Yes. Is it something where, so the guy's buying two candy bars for $2 a piece, but he pays $5. Is it something where it's like an American man in England and like the conversion rate?

That is a better answer, I think, than what the answer to this is. Yes. Okay. Well, he's paying like a different currency or something. That is a great answer, but it is not the correct answer to this.

I don't know. I don't know.

Can you give us a hint? The answer to this is so infuriating that I don't even know what hint I can give.

Is it like a joke answer? Or is it like he saw what he saw?

No. I kind of want to just let you guys know. And then we can maybe talk about why this is one of my least favorite types of riddles. But here's the answer. The man only speaks in rounded numbers. The chocolate bars are actually $2.49, so added together they'd be $4.98 or $5. So he's rounding down on the price of the chocolate bar and then paying up. But the idea that the man only speaks in rounded numbers is like, oh, this man's brain is broken.

If a candy bar is $2.49, then you would say, it's $2.50. Round up to $0.50.

Yeah, I feel nothing. I'm numb now. I'm numb to riddles.

Dead stop. Dead stop. That's maybe the worst riddle we've had. Do we need to take this to Riddle Court?

Yeah, we gotta go. Yeah, I guess we have to take this to Riddle Court, don't we? All rise for Judge JPC in Riddle Court.

All rise, all rise, all rise. Greetings, greetings everyone. I apologize. It just came from a Halloween party. That's why I am dressed up like a serpent.

I'm dressed up like a snake too and I'm typing it all down.

Just to be clear, I did not go with the sonographer to this Halloween party.

We came from some Halloween party. It was the same street, but different Halloween parties, we are in love.

Whisper Whisper Day. We are not in love. No, no, no, no.

Whisper Whisper in love. Whisper Whisper in love. I am completely sexually impartial. Your Honor, I'd like to take this riddle to court, but first I must address the elephant in the room. Clearly you and the stenographer are in love.

Na-na-na, if you want to address the elephant in the room, you will speak directly to the bailiff who was at a Halloween party. I know it's difficult.

I'm an elephant.

A Halloween party on the same street, but a completely different Halloween party. I am sexually speaking, sexually speaking, I am completely bipartisan.

Your Honor, as the defense attorney who doesn't really want to get to my part, because there is no defense for this kind of riddle, I would like to keep the focus on you, the stenographer, and the elephant that was dressed like a snake as well. Your bailiff is an elephant, sir?

My bailiff is a bambar-esque elephant creature who is dressed as a snake for a Halloween party on a separate house on the same street that me and the stenographer who are in a sexual relation... Hold on.

No more questions, Your Honor.

Oh, I'm going to jail. End of court.

Taste closed.

End of court.

Gaze closed. No, but here's what I will say. Jack, thank you for sending that in because it was awful, but we'd never had it before the show. So it technically checks all the boxes.

Jack, let's take this outside. I'd like to fight you.

OK, here's this next one. This one I really like. This one is from Sarah. Sarah sends in the following riddle. Two penguins are sitting in a canoe in the middle. Cute. Honestly, cute. K-E-W-T. Two penguins are sitting in a canoe in the middle of the desert. One turns to the other and says, where's your paddle? The other penguin replies, sure does. The first penguin nods and turns back around. Why did the second penguin respond this way?

Because he only speaks in rounded numbers.

Sarah and Jack are coordinating riddles.

Where's your paddle?

Where's your paddle? Is that what it was? Where's your paddle? Where's your paddle? It sure does? It sure does. Why did that penguin respond like that?

Is it something we're- He's dehydrated and hallucinating.

I will also say, Sarah ends this email by saying, Sarah from Minnesota. So is that a clue? I don't know. Oh, lakes? It's not a clue. It's not a clue. Sarah is from Minnesota though.

Um, okay.

I like Minnesota.

I've said it before. Minneapolis is the cleanest city I've ever been in.

It's really fun.

I could eat off the streets. Let's see here.

That's where Carlton College is, right? Oh, the dance? The dance from the Fresh Prince? I think that's where it is.

You might be thinking of West Philadelphia born and raised. So two penguins are in a canoe in the desert? Is that right? Yes. Two penguins are sitting in a canoe in the middle of the desert. Where's your paddle? One turns together and says, where's your paddle? The other penguin replies, sure does.

Is it something where it's like the first penguin has a lisp and he's saying there's your paddle but with a...

No, that penguin is definitely saying, where's your paddle? It's not a lisp situation, but Adal, that's a very good guess, and it's adjacent to the answer.

Like a Barbara Walters penguin? Where's your paddle? Okay, let's see, it's adjacent.

Right before he says, where's your paddle? He goes, hey, would this piss you off if I said it? Where's your paddle?

It sure does.

Sure does piss me off.

The very first question the penguin asks is, why do you hear something that makes no fucking sense? Erin, that's a very good answer. I love that answer. Today, it's not the correct answer.

Okay, so the fact that one of them had maybe a lisp was adjacent to the correct answer. So it does have something to do with the speech pattern of the first penguin?

Uh, yeah, I guess maybe speech p- Yes, I would say that that is a good speech pattern. It has something to do with. Is it like a Yoda thing?

His name, the penguin's name is Ware. And he goes, Where's your paddle?

Uh, no.

It sure does look like my paddle.

An excellent guess, but no, the penguin's name is Ware. Um, I can give you guys a couple clues that might be helpful.

Well, wait, are they both the Dan Davida one?

No, these are not twang-wins, so to speak.

And twang-wins!

The clue here is it does not matter that they are both penguins. It doesn't matter that they're penguins. The dash is a fun part to make us say cute. It does matter that they are in the desert. So penguin part don't matter. Desert part definitely does matter. Sandy? Sandy penguins? That part is definitely, like I said, it's definitely matter.

I don't know.

So is it like a mirage situation?

They're sitting in a canoe in the middle of the desert. One turns to the other and says, where's your paddle? The other penguin says, sure does. Sure does. Where's your paddle? Sure does. Why does the second penguin respond that way? Sure does. Where's your paddle? So Adal was close with like, and Erin was also close with like syntax or punctuation, which yes, maybe punctuation has a part to play, but I would say that what has more of a part to play is spelling. Where's your paddle? So is it W-E-A-R-S? Yes, absolutely that is correct. It is where's your paddle because paddling through the desert would wear your paddle down. And the other penguin would say sure does because of course.

I want to see a scene. JPC and Erin you are two penguins in the desert and you're obviously out of your element. You're used to being in around ice and snow and water and the two of you are clearly losing your mind.

Marilyn, can I be honest with you?

Yeah, what's up?

You know how we mate for life.

Yeah.

I wish I had never fucking met you.

Oh my god. I wish I had never fucking met you! You know what? You know what? Okay, so when I was in school growing up, all I heard was when you have babies, the male penguin will sit on the egg and will take care of the baby and male penguins are good fathers. Sit on the egg. And I meet the one? And suddenly you stumble over a time capsule that must have been there for thousands of years. Oh look, gold. See, I told you today is gold and I'm sure it smells great.

Marilyn, I'm only gonna ask you once. I'm only gonna ask you once. Did you beef it in the canoe?

Did you beef it in the canoe?

I accuse you, j'accuse!

J'accuse of you, you penguin fuck!

Of you, penguin. I love you so much. I would make a million penguin babies with you even though you beefed in a million penguins.

I love you, but I love money even more, which is why I voted for Trump. Despite how shitty I know he is.

Our children do not talk to us.

And I'm opening the box. JBC I have to say, I have to give credit where credit is due. That was the best Jerry Stiller impression I've ever heard.

Oh thank you so much. I also do think that Erin and I maybe have done that scene together 300 times at the show.

We love it. We love being a contentious couple.

If you can find the other examples of Erin and I doing that same scene, please let us know. We'll put them together in a master cut and that'll be our holiday episode. But speaking of episodes, we're at the end of today's episode. Thank you so much to everyone that submitted those riddles back in 2018. Hey, and if you are one of the people who submitted one of those riddles back in 2018, you found it and you listened to it, let us know because I would love you to respond back to that same email. I would love to know that you are still listening and that we kept your attention for 100 and some of the episodes. But this brings us to a very important part of the show and that's the part of the show where we talk about other stuff that we are doing that is not the show. Erin, do you have anything that you would like to plug?

Just follow me, Erin Keif 10 on Instagram. I got some stuff that maybe you'd want to see. Maybe not. I don't know. But you can follow me and follow me there, Adal.

Yes. First thing I want to promote is sleep. Always important to sleep past noon. Very, very important. A few other things I want to mention are the three of us hosts were on a podcast, one of our favorite podcasts called Man Now Dog Podcast with Dan Lippert and Ryan Rosenberg. Please check out our episode and all of their other episodes in their Patreon as it's one of our favorite podcasts. It's just fantastic.

And they have free episodes as well for that show. So you don't have to be a patron to listen. You can listen to their free episodes.

Yeah. So check out the free ones, see how you like it, and then you're going to want to subscribe to the Patreon. I was also a guest on another one of my favorite podcasts called Here's the Situation with T.J. Jadowski and Rush Howell. It's a lot of hypothetical questions. It's a fantastic show, so please check out my episode and all their other episodes. I was also a guest on Bloke Buster's podcast talking about Star Wars. If you're into those movies, please check that out. And then from Charlotte, JBCCLT, your favorite city, I did a podcast as part of Queen City Improv Theatre that was called Bat Boys podcast where we do the improv form a bat and it's all sort of an audio soundscape and I had a great time with those guys so please check out all those podcasts.

Very cool. If you want to find more stuff from me, you can follow me at twitch at sharkbarkman. Hey, if you got Amazon Prime and you really hate Jeff Bezos and you want to give me your Prime subscription for a month, come over to twitch.tv slash sharkbarkman and give me a subscription and watch me play some video games. We have a lot of fun over there. We have a little community going and brewing and brouhahaing. You can follow me on Twitter at JPsofly. And that's kind of everything that I'm doing right now.

So... JPC, are you brewing people who support you on Twitter?

Okay, Erin, very funny. Enough time for the show. That's enough good times. Erin, stay on the planet.

I think JPC is murdering his... Ah, Jupiter. Okay.

Goodbye, everybody. End the show. Casey on the show. End the show. End the show. Sleep forever.

Starting Erin Keif and John Patrick Coan. Casey Tony could be editing. Have already parented the music.

Hey Arts and Crafts. If you liked that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. We play Adal's world famous game, World Famous. You can hear that plus our entire back catalog by joining the Clue Crew for $5 or the Review Crew for $8 at patreon.com slash Hey Riddle Riddle. See you there.