Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum podcast.

Hey, it's Chiboy Adal and Chiboy JPC, and we are here to give a huge congratulations. Of course, you've probably read the... Big ups. We've probably already read the news. Erin Keif got her own morning talk show. Check out early Erin on the CMC station. I'm sorry, that is the CNC music factory station. Of course, of course. And to congratulate her, of course she hasn't responded to her calls or texts, but to congratulate her, we have sent her one of our favorite things in the world. It's It makes your life easier. It saves you money. It's effortless. It's fresh. It's delivered right to your door. It's one of our favorite things in the world. It's HelloFresh.

It's HelloFresh. America's number one meal kit. And Erin, we wish you the best with all of your continued success. We do a podcast business to talk about, so please do respond to some emails and texts. Please take it back to us. Because that's still kind of unclear what your relationship is going to be with the podcast going forward. But we love that your morning show has really taken off. And what better way to celebrate your morning show. I know your schedule is going to be crazy. Add some flexibility to it with HelloFresh. You can keep your fridge stocked by adding extra proteins or sides like garlic bread to your weekly order. You can easily change your delivery days or food preferences. You can skip a week if you need to. What you can't do is you can't skip a week of the podcast. We do need you back. But if you're feeding the whole family, it's never been easier with larger box sizes for more servings and more savings.

Absolutely and Erin, we know you have a lot of work to do now. You're very busy, you're very popular. So to save time, like I was saying, you can use HelloFresh. The recipes are easy to follow, quick to make, simple steps, pictures to guide you along the way. There's no stressful going to the grocery store. There's no hours spent on fixing and pre-portioning out the ingredients. It's all done for you. And hey, It's gourmet recipes like their balsamic fig sirloin, or one I tried recently, the crunchy curry chickpea bowl, which was absolutely delicious, and the creamy lemon spinach ricotta ravioli, which was outstanding.

And HelloFresh helps you eat more sustainably. It delivers pre-portioned ingredients so you're not overbuying, which is a burden to the planet and your wallet. The packaging, they ship it directly to you. It's entirely made from recyclable and already recycled content. It is sustainable. What is not sustainable is this podcast without Erin. We really do need you back, Erin. So please do answer some of our texts.

We've already lost 95% of our foot fetishizing audience and we need that back. I also have, if you don't mind, I'm going to press play here. Here's a quick 10 second jingle from early Erin that we've got a stink preview at. It's early Erin. It's early in the morning with Erin Keif. Keif in it like a secret. Adal and J.P.C. go to hell.

And I can't believe you recorded that theme song for her, especially with that dick on us at the end. But if you want to get some Hello Fresh, all you gotta do is go to hellofresh.com slash HeyRiddle80 and use the code HeyRiddle80 to get a total of $80 off your first month, including free shipping on your first box, additional restrictions to apply. Please visit hellofresh.com for more details. Once again, that is hellofresh.com slash HeyRiddle8080. Erin, you don't need that because we already sent you the box. Everybody else, please use the vanity code. 3.45 a.m.

early Erin on the CNC Music Festival station.

The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Oh, the Merkle fish. It was the captain of an airplane. He stabbed him with an ice cream.

There's a lot of people riding.

Ring ring ring ring. Casey had a telephone ring. Ring ring ring ring. Casey don't do that. Play that order. Ring ring ring ring.

Hello.

Hey Erin. Casey cut that vocal effect on Adal. Hey Erin.

Yeah Adal you sound really sick.

Yeah I know we're supposed to record tonight and it's my turn to source riddles for the podcast but I'm not.

JPC Adal's faking sick so he doesn't have to find riddles.

No, no. Casey cut out Erin prompting me to join the conversation. And Casey, and Adal say yes, yes, because I think it's better for heightening.

Casey, from this point on, for the rest of the episode, auto-tune JPC.

No, I'm Casey's master this episode. I get full control of Casey. Adal, you get to host the show and I get Casey control.

Casey, you and I are close. Cut them out of all episodes and then re-release.

Wait, Casey, just auto-tune me for this moment. I'm Adal Rifai and I'm singing like a fucking dream.

Casey, delete all episodes from the feed and replace it with just bird sounds. Hey Riddle Riddle's bird sounds now. Auto-tune those bird sounds.

Auto-tune this. I can't do this anymore. I can't do this anymore.

Farts. I'm Adal Rifai.

I'm JPC.

And I'm Erin Keif.

And this is, hey, Auto-tune, Auto-tune, and it's a blast. It's a joy.

And our editor's name is Casey, if you didn't pick that up from Got Text Close.

And Casey, insert laughter here. It did the podcast. Please clap. Please laugh. How's everybody feeling? How's everybody feeling for the week? I'm doing good. Here, I have a few things to mention. Okay. One. Whoa, I'm pulling out stone tablets. This is new. Okay. Whoa. One. Don't take the Lord's name in vain. Two, don't take drugs in your veins. What else? What else? God, this sounds like a fucking Christian rock song.

Don't coob it your newber's woof. God, this has really bad handwriting.

Don't coob it your newber's woof. Canadian Moses? Oh, we're talking to a burning bush.

Look, somebody ordered a Canadian Moses. I don't know who it was, but I'm not taking another one of these back to the bar.

It's my favorite breakfast.

Burning bush. I wish it were a burning labat blue.

Um, Adal, what did you want to tell us?

Yeah, sorry. So there's big news on the Adal front, where I think it was on a regular episode, maybe it was on a Patreon, but I mentioned like, I'm very passive, I hate conflict. Conflict comes to me, but I typically try and avoid it at all times. But the other day I went to Wendy's to get a breakfast sandwich. Okay. And because we had no groceries. So I went to Wendy's to get a breakfast sandwich. They messed up my order, they gave me the wrong sandwich, they forgot two other items of my order, they never gave me a receipt, and all four employees had their mask down not covering their noses. And I got home, when I saw all that I was like, that's fine. And then I got home and opened the bag and saw that everything was absolutely fucked. And I was like, never in my life have I ever done this, but I think I'm going to stand up for myself and I'm going to like tweet at Wendy's or something. So this is pretty big because I never do this. It's like causes me so much anxiety that I never would do it. You got all those people fired?

And I was like, can I just put it interjected here? Adal's like, once in my life I'm going to stand up for myself. I'm going to tweet at Wendy's. I'm going to tweet at Wendy's.

This is the worst stitch of your courage. I'll always fire my gun behind bulletproof glass.

The guy with like 20,000 followers is like, I'm going to do it. I'm going to use my platform. I'm finally going to release the beast.

I also did like the period before the at sign, so whatever that's called.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I did it towards like... Hidden or whatever.

Yes, so it's like semi-hidden. So I tutored them and kind of let them know the situation and within like two minutes, Wendy's DM me and they're like, hey, we're starting to hear about this, give us your information and we'll figure something out. And as soon as that happened, I immediately deleted my tweet because I panicked and I was like, oh God, they reached out and like, I don't know what to do. And now I'm embarrassed. And I was like, I did think like, what if these people get fired and like, they're, they're just trying to survive and I'm this asshole who's like complaining about a $3 order. So I immediately deleted my tweet and like was trying to backpedal. And then Wendy's was like, we're going to have someone to reach out to you to figure out the situation. And now, and nobody's reached out to me. And now I'm like panicking because I gave them my name and number and stuff. So we'll see what happens, but I tried to take a stand and I crumbled. And that's why I don't take stands.

This is amazing, Adal. But one thing I would like to add is I think Wendy's just recently started doing breakfast too. I think that they are new to the breakfast front. So if this was for people trying to get their confidence up on a thing that they're not familiar with, it's what a time for them.

So I just want to apologize to Wendy's. I am so sorry for standing up for myself. Please do whatever you want with my order and I apologize.

Good taking a stand, buddy.

Yeah, thank you.

The thing is, I think for most things and most people, as long as you're not just an absolute asshole about it, I think it's fine to just tell a customer service person, hey, I think this was wrong. It's no one's fault. I would love if it could be remedied in this way. Most corporate policies have a good way to do that. I don't think that, I think if you try to be like a dickhead about it, it's an awful thing to do. But Adal, I don't think there's anything wrong with standing up for yourself and being like, hey, this is not the thing that I ordered. And I would really love the thing that I ordered. And I don't want to put blame on anyone. I would just love to have the thing that I want.

Yeah, well thank you for giving me permission to do that. I'll never do it again, but I appreciate that. I also sweated over the wording of it because I didn't want to. I just basically stated the facts because I've seen so many people be like, um, at Wendy's? So I just tried to be like, here are the bare bones. First of all, fuck you. But I didn't want to have like a, um, I didn't want to have any sort of like, I'm trying to rally my followers behind this or something because I'm like, I hope people don't see this because it's embarrassing.

Jim, can you help me workshop the word choice on this? Because I want to call them, uh, dickatards, but I don't know if people get that it's like a minotaur thing. Do you think? Yeah, dickatards. Could I just call them clowns? Would that be, would that read better?

This is this is also me like we went to a Gemini we're near like an antique mall and we stopped in because there's nobody there and me haggling is like this where I'm like how much is this and they're like uh make me an offer and I'm like I don't know 800 dollars and they're like okay and I'm like I'm so sorry.

They're like this is a vase and yeah they're like four dollars.

This is a lemonade sir. How much? $4. Do you have change for a $20? No.

Would you accept $20? We did buy, we bought like a gem about this. So she got like $100 off of it. So it wasn't $800, but we bought this like 1950s salon chair. So it's lime green, super cool, like upholstery leather, I believe. And then there's like one of those domes that drops down over your head to dry your hair. And it all works, like it's all in working condition. But we bought that because we're hopefully moving into this new house and we're like, this could go in the basement as like a fun statement piece with the tiki bar. I don't know if it will, but that's the mindset we're at where we're so stir crazy that we're just like, we should just buy stuff that we're maybe going to put somewhere.

So you don't know if the weirdo chair that Jim had bought will make it into your basement? Interesting. So interesting.

Wait, wait, wait. Oh, no, no, no, no.

Erin, how was your week? Okay. I went a little stir crazy and took all of my fall decorations out of storage and I decorated for fall already. And it was 90 something degrees today. Definitely different vibe inside of my apartment than outside.

Just doing that. The only inside of your apartment that we have seen, Erin, since we've been in lockdown, is your closet. And it does not look like your fall decorations are much different than... Well, no, that's not true. I think I see a sweater there.

Okay. Well, challenge accepted. Next time we record, it's going to look batshit insane.

You asked for this. Erin did just learn how to do... Hey Riddle. That is good. So I feel that on certain days, maybe it's just been since I've been spending so much time inside, but my allergies, like on a scale of one to ten, will be like one to three most of the time in terms of just like low impact. Maybe I'm sneezing, but some days I wake up and it is just like your allergies are going to grab your face and then drag it over asphalt for like at 40 miles an hour all day. Because it comes out of nowhere. And today is one of those eight or nine days with just being so fucking congested.

Well, it's early in the episode, but we got to go. JPC, we're going to take your allergies to court. Are you ready?

Yeah, I guess they don't really have a defense on how Jesus can be.

All rise for Allergy Judge.

Please, please be seated. Please be seated. My name is Allergy Judge.

Okay.

A choo! Alright. A choo-choo train.

Can we get that sticker for the writers?

Okay, yes of course. We're near train tracks so we might have a lot of choo-choo trains coming by. Let's have the defendant, why don't you come in here and explain your situation.

Hi, my name is JPC. I guess I'm... Boy, it's really hard to think about what the correct term is. I'm the victim of the... I'm the victim of the big set piece of the movie of the trial. Does that make sense? Great. I've been wronged. So are you familiar with the little green thing that is the mucinex monster? Oh yeah, yes it is. A little Italian gentleman who I believe... He's been in this court!

Sure.

His name is Musa Nick. Yes, Musa Nikolai. He is living in my nose right now, causing quite a stir. He's causing me to sneeze. He's causing me to just leak quite a stir. Ooh, Chinese food. One check by a judge. Leak, you know, just moisture out of my face, just causing me all kinds of annoyance. I find Musinex.

Yo, your honor, let me say something. I represent Musinex and all I have to say is he has a family to support. Without the respiratory system of a 1J PC, his family will be homeless. Do you really want a terrifying thing that should have never existed? That everyone dread seeing on TV to be homeless?

Sustainable resources are what we should all be working towards. If you can name the three family members that Mucidic has, I'll throw this case out of court. This judge really has an agenda that he's trying to push out of the court.

Kid dog wife, your honor.

Your honor, my name's King Dog Wife. May I please? I'm Musenix's partner. May I please make a statement? Yes, please. I also want Musenix out. He don't clean, he don't cook, he don't make no money. He just sits around the table in his... He don't pull on Superman's cape.

He don't spit into the wind. He don't pull the mask off the old teenager.

Dirty t-shirt. It's dirty as soon as he puts it on. Smoking his cigarettes and doing nothing. I want him out of this JPC.

I'm confused so I'm going to say scene.

Sorry JPC. I tried to get you a settlement.

That's okay. I'll get my revenge on these allergies because one day I'll be dead and then what are they going to do? Nothing.

That's the spirit.

The riddles please. So let's go ahead and start our riddle podcast. That was the, that content was the bonus content. Now we're going to get into the boring riddles. So let's stop the fun and let's have some thought.

Yeah, we do 10 minutes of Patreon content in every regular episode. So if you want 40 more minutes of that, head over to Patreon.com slash HeyRiddleRiddle, and then you get the real show. And let me say something. Oh, go ahead. No, I was going to say, well, we just scream at each other as germs all day.

Let me say something. If you just heard the last 10 minutes, And you don't think you're signed up for Patreon? Check your fucking bank statement. Surprise!

We got your ass. Also, do check your bank statement. That's just like a good financial practice every once in a while. One time in college, I had like clicked yes or accept when I was making a payment and I had signed up for a service for like 11 months for like $4 a month and I just never was, I don't know what the fuck it was, but I canceled it and I was like, wow, I guess I should check my bank statement.

That's what happened to me in my gym. I thought I had canceled my gym membership and then I had been paying for six months and I called them and I was like, can you just, can you, and they were like, no.

Erin, you're so wealthy you have a gym membership.

They send me rubies and diamonds in the mail and then I throw them.

That is...

During quarantine, I signed up for a Vine of the Month Club. So I get like an exotic creeping vine delivered to my apartment once a month.

Well, creeping vine is a little redundant, but we'll let it go. I guess by me saying that, we didn't let it go. Let's go ahead and get into some warm up riddies. Here we go. Here's our first warm up riddle. An iron horse with a flaxen tail. The faster the horse runs, the shorter his tail becomes. What is it? I hate riddles that rhyme part way, but not all the way.

Can I just ask, because this is something that I could probably Google, but what does flaxen mean in this context?

Flaxen of course is the seed. I want to see a scene. Erin and JPC, you are Mr. and Mrs. Claus. This is the early years. So you're both in like your, I don't know, fucking 20s or something. And you just got some reindeer. You just decided on what your job is going to be. And you bought a lot of reindeer, maybe a baker's dozen off a farm. And you're trying to name them.

OK. OK.

God, I'm in love with you.

I know, we are really hot right now, huh?

I can hardly take my eyes off of you.

Oh my God, we're so in love. Okay, we got drunk and now we're ready to name them.

We got drunk, I'm intoxicated by your beauty, and this is something that will never fade. And I certainly don't want to become one of those old, non-sexual couples who just is, you know, knitting and doing their activities together. And that'll never be us, baby.

Of course, of course. You're drunk.

I'm so hammered.

Okay, let's name him.

Let's name him. Okay. Ah, alright, let's look at this one. Jennifer Love Hewitt. Oh yeah, that's a Jennifer Love Hewitt for sure.

Let's call this a dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, tap, tap, tap, dance, dance, dance, dance, that's a Joey Tribbiani.

That one's got big Joey Tribbiani energy.

Let's see, what's this one doing?

Prance, prance, prance, prance, prance, prance. Okay, that one's kind of prancing about.

Okay, let's say Rudolph for that one.

Yeah, for sure.

Okay.

Rudolph.

What's this one doing?

Ooh, I'm so sexy.

I'm a bit of a Vixen. Ooh. I think we call that one Mrs. Claus.

Ooh, that's very sweet. So that one's Mrs. Claus. Hey, my name's Cody. This one will be Vixen.

Yeah, that's Vixen for sure. Oh, really, really enjoyed that scene. We might cut that out, we might cut that out and just make that our entire Christmas episode. That's good. An iron tail, sorry, an iron horse with a flaxen tail, the faster the horse runs, the shorter his tail becomes. What is it? Flaxen?

I'm gonna be honest, I don't, I always assume flaxen is like shiny, like... It's, it's, I looked it up, so it's pale yellowish gray, the color of straw or unspun flax. So it's like a pale yellowy color. I'm not sure.

Could you give us a hint?

I just did.

Oh, you're talking to Adal. My bad. So iron is going to be a big horse. Horse and tail are like misleading. So iron, something made of metal you're going to want to think of. So an iron horse with a flaxen tail moves the faster the horse runs, the shorter his tail becomes. So think of something metal with something trailing behind it. Is this like, is this like What are you doing?

If I ever have a farm supply company, that's what I'm calling it.

That's incredible. You have my business. Let's see.

Did you guys ever, you probably don't remember this, but there was a, there's an NBA player like mid 90s, maybe late 90s named Tractor. His nickname was Tractor because his last name was Taylor, but it's like Tractor Taylor was his name. No. And he was just built like a fucking like box, like He's just a massive dude who couldn't run but he's just very big.

Was he built like a brick shit house? I've always wanted to meet someone who was built like a brick shit house.

So think of something metal with something trailing behind it and the more you do it, the quote-unquote the faster it runs, the shorter the thing behind it becomes. So this is maybe an activity, fairly commonplace, But the horse and the tail thing is very much analogous.

So it's not a vehicle of any kind.

It's not a vehicle of any kind. It's like tools you would use. It's tied into an activity. Skiing. Okay, no. These items would be pretty small. I'm at least handheld.

The more you do it, so is it like dispersing something? You're like losing something the more you do it? Like I'm thinking like if it's like a cement truck or something that's like dumping cement.

But it's not a vehicle. Hold on, hold on. We're going to have a dead stop. Okay. You think you can fit a cement truck in your hand?

If it's a Tonka. Tonka truck.

Tonka truck. I've wanted to say this to you for years. Tonka truck. Tonka truck. Tonka truck. So something in your hand, is it like seasoning? Are you spreading salt or pepper or something like that with your fingers? That's a good guess. But it's metal, right? It's something that's metal.

It's something metal. So let's see here. This would have to do with thread, perhaps?

Oh, it's you're sewing. We're sewing.

Yeah, you're sewing.

So a deer, a female deer.

Erin, you nailed it. It's a needle and thread. The iron horse with the flax and tail, the faster the horse runs, the shorter the tail becomes.

Oh, that makes so much sense. It's sewing.

Nice jube. Also flaxen. That should have been a dead giveaway because flaxen makes me think of like a loom.

Yeah.

I don't think I've heard the word flaxen outside of medieval like epic fantasy, you know?

Like flaxseed oil, but not flax. Yeah, flaxen hair is like something you'd read in like a Game of Thrones novel or something.

Well, Adal, anything to plus?

Every other book that I read nowadays, they're like, she blonde, she blonde, she blonde, she blonde.

If you didn't hear anything besides that first warm-up riddle, that means you're not subscribed to our Patreon, so please subscribe to that because it's now our main feed. Here's our next warm-up riddle. What common chemical compound can be represented H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O? What common chemical compound can be represented H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O? Alphabet soup.

It's the middle of the alphabet. Okay.

H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O. Uh-huh.

So that, that, what I just said, represents a chemical compound that's very comin'. It might as well be a Chicago rapper because it's comin'. Erin, um, all this talk about- Oh, I got it, I got it. Yes, I'm so smart. All this talk about soup makes me think of, uh, what is that, animal crackers in my soup? Is that Shirley Temple?

I think it must be.

I have to, you've never done this before. I have to assume, I have to assume. You do a killer Shirley Temple. Can we just get a taste of that?

Yeah, but only her when she's in her 40s. No, just kidding. And I'm all crackers in my soup. Monkeys and rabbits loop the loop. My parents forced me in to show business. This is not how a kid should spend their days.

Erin, I love that. If I could offer one note about that Shirley Temple, too much grenadine.

Oh, OK. Let me do it with less grenadine.

We used to call those kitty cocktails where I was from. I love, as an adult, ordering a kitty cocktail because obviously I don't drink, but I, well, I guess I used to spend a lot of time in bars that I would go to improv shows. And just being like a 30-year-old man is like, yeah, can I have a kitty cocktail? It's a Shirley Temple, but I like to call it a kitty cocktail. I love that.

It was so cool the first time I looked over at you and I was like, are you drinking a Shirley Temple? And you were like, fuck yeah, I am. Have a good night.

Keep the change. One time Adal sent me a, I think it was, when I was at IO, but it was before we knew each other very well, I had a show and I did good, it was a good show that I was in and Adal from across the bar sent me a Shirley Temple and he was doing it as like a dick, like, hey, have a Shirley Temple. But I got it and I was like, I fucking love these things. Like I don't drink. This is fucking awesome. And I hadn't been not drinking for long. So I was like, he really did help rekindle my love of like having a Shirley Tipple at a bar. And I think he did it to just be like, hey, hey, fuck you. Have a Shirley Tipple.

I cannot believe that the way that Adal sticks it to his friend and acts like a dick is buying them something. Yeah, you really showed him. You made fun of him, Adal. Yeah, you opened your wallet and you were generous with your friend.

Hold on. Someone just dropped something off at my door. Oh my god, it said lime green salon chair. I got your ass.

I hope that there's a day where, while we are recording, one of you delivers something to my house. Get something delivered to my house. I don't care what it is.

I would take so much forethought and effort that it's got to be Adal that does it. It would never be me.

Erin, why don't you go check your door right now? Okay, JPC, we don't have a lot of time. So here's what we need to do. We need to buy something and rush it over to Erin's house in the next 30 seconds.

I'm sorry, as soon as Erin left, I took a nap. I'd never get chances to do it. We're ruined.

He's talking to me asleep.

I looked at my door and nothing was there. I'm back.

Oh, that's the gift. Unlimited potential.

Wow, that's like the gift that a shitty college professor would give on the first day when he didn't have a lesson program. Open the box.

For sure dropping this class.

There's nothing in here.

It's whatever you want it to be.

See, Erin drops the class at me, I'm like, this is like an easy C. Like, I could definitely just stay in this class.

JBC, it sounded like you knew the answer. What common chemical compound can be represented H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O?

That is the compound water, H2O.

Oh that makes sense.

Starting with H all the way through the alphabet to O, H, T, O, O, H2O. Very nice job.

Wait, what's the chemical that humans are mostly that?

Iodine. Carbon.

Is it carbon?

For me it's carbon bonds because I have a little system.

For me it's carbon bonds. For me it feels like JPC is not a typical human makeup like chemically.

So I wonder what. We're gonna see a scene. Erin you are a doctor and JPC you are a character very similar to JPC and Erin you have some surprising test results in determining what JPC is made of.

Okay. Well, Mr. PC, we are hoping to get you out of here quick and give you the sticker and lollipop you've been asking about since he walked in here, but we got to give you some test results first.

Okay. I know that I took the test and I ran, you know, really ran the gamut on all of these testing. Now it's normal for you to test someone's chemical composition

Well, we were sort of out of options with you. You were like, what the hell is going on? And then as you remember, we also had to take the LSAT, the ACTs, SATs, just because we really wanted to get a comprehensive look about what the hell was going on with you.

Yeah, and sorry about my answers for some of those. I consider myself kind of a comedian, and so sometimes I'll slip in some jibes and some jabs.

Oh, some of those were jokes?

Oh, only if they landed. If they weren't, they were earnest. That's the comedians' fallback shield.

All right, here is the envelope.

OK, thank you. Rip open and look at results. OK. Oh, interesting. So it says here that I'm mostly Argyle.

Yep, you're a little bit argile, mostly argile. You got a little bit of helium, which we assume is sort of centered around the brain area, just sort of like empty. Sure, yeah.

I see the helium in the neon. What's this helium? What is that?

Um, it's, uh, it's actually your shoes. You're wearing Heelys.

Oh!

So we actually test your clothes as well.

You test the clothes as well. Yeah. They said kind of go down to what you're comfortable with when you get the MRI machine and I was like, I'm gonna leave, I'm gonna leave these.

So I've noticed that just now you stole my stethoscope and you're hitting- This is your stethoscope.

Okay. Cause I came in with a stethoscope too.

It's a stethoscope, and you're also hitting your knees with a real hammer.

We're about to say the same thing, it's a stethoscope. Same. Do you have a piscope? Well, I married a piscope's mother, I have a stethoscope. Jesus. My favorite compound would have to be argon, because I love Lord of the Rings. Strider!

I watched All the Lord of the Rings in one day recently.

I watched the first one because Gemma is just starting. She's never read the books before and we're watching each movie as she finishes the books and I think they hold up. I think they're great.

I got really excited when we got to In My Axe. I thought of you two. I was like, yes.

That's In My Axe. I think I've said this on the show before, but one time I was watching Fellowship of the Rings while I was running on my treadmill, and I started crying during the scene where Frodo says, they're all arguing, and Frodo's like, I'll take the ring to Mordor, and I'm running at seven miles an hour, and I was just crying, and I was like, what am I doing?

Sean, when we were watching that, he started dying laughing, and I was like, why are you laughing so hard at that part? And he was like, that feels like a direct emotional one-to-one of when your parents are fighting, and then you offer to take the garbage out.

I'll do it.

I'll do it. I'll do it.

Just anything's a big lift up. I remember the first time GPC spent the night at my old place and we were having like kind of a fun sleepover and the next morning we both showered and when I got out I was like we can use my body spray and then he goes and my axe.

I'm so glad the end of the story was a joke.

Hold on you're stepping on the laughter.

Wouldn't it make more sense if you were like we can use my toothpaste and then I said in my axe like we both brought body spray? Hey who's fucking hypothetical joke was it? I don't know, but also when you started talking, I was like, did I ever have a sleepover?

I thought that was hypothetical because I was like, they had a party without me. This sucks.

Yeah, we had an adult sleepover. That's like a hookup.

Adult sleepover, kitty cocktail. Well, speaking of adult sleepovers, we're going to take a quick nap and Casey, add back the auto-tune and we'll be after these messages. We'll be right back. Oh, party, party, party 2020.

Hey Adal, I know that this is an ad. Pay us for horses. That makes what I'm about to do to you feel great. So I know this is an ad and people can hear us but remember like last week where you know off mic you were talking to me about how like our new normal has changed and we're all finding new ways to connect and continue supporting one another and you're kind of like down at the dumps and feeling kind of blue. And Everson Social Distancing. I'm not done. Everson Social Distancing. When we spend time with friends and explore, you know, our friendships, it's like harder because there's so much distance and we can't really support artists in our communities because of, you know, the distance. So what we need more than ever is an easy way to support each other from afar. And you were like, I really need your support. And I was like, I got to go. And I hung up the phone. You know. Oh my God. You really do listen to me. Oh, vaguely. I had my secretary transcribe it. But Adal, I have a solution.

You had a horse transcribe it?

You got secretariat to transcribe our phone call? Secretariat owes me a favor. And if you want to be owed a favor, why don't you get the PayPal app? It makes sending and receiving money faster or easier. One of the two. Not both. But it is one of the two. You can stay connected with the people you love. You can quickly and securely send money to friends and family just about anywhere in the world.

And can I say, over the past few months, during this terrible time, my sister has been kind enough. Sadia has brought me groceries to my apartment. She's left them outside my door, and I don't want to give her cash money. I don't want to really talk to her at all, because I have nothing to say to her. There are no more coins! She's older, but she was awful to me as a child. But what I'll do is PayPal her a couple hundred dollars, and I say, take care.

Have a great life. And it's not just for friends and family. You can even PayPal people as a bit, as a joke, okay? It is for supporting people, you can donate to a local nonprofit, you can support a cause that you love from across the country, or as an absolute, you know, high drinks, just, you know, on a lark, you can do a PayPal as a joke. So if you want to try out PayPal, download the PayPal app, and then just plug in this totally inconsequential address. It's PayPal.me slash Casey Pony, P-O-N-E-Y. Now, if you were to send that account a little bit of money, who would it go to? Some undeserving loser who edits our podcast and would literally cry if they were to receive this money? Sure, maybe.

And that's a funny thing for you to do. It's a great bit. You can also, if you want, donate to a local non-profit or support a cause from across the country. But we do highly recommend going to payfowl.me slash Casey Pony. Give whatever you can. Leave a fun little message. Docs him whatever you want to do.

Yeah, why not? Go ahead. You could shave a bald slather of an oil, throw him on the streets. It doesn't matter. It's funny to do it to Casey. So again, PayPal is making it easy to pay safely, quickly, and easily. Download the PayPal app today. Terms and conditions apply.

But sorry, back to that, hey, I am pretty hungry. Can I get some? Hey JPC. Yeah? You know how Halloween's coming up? It's right around the corner. Well this morning I went to make some toast and I put some shutter on my bread instead of butter.

Wait, what?

And you know how I bought those cows? I went out to milk them this morning. Instead of milking their udders, I milked their shh shh shh shudders.

Ugh.

And I closed, I closed, on my windows I closed my, well I closed my shutters. That one works, it's a one to one.

Well no, it's a D to T, but Huh? It doesn't matter. Adal, look, I can tell what you're trying to do, and believe me, you don't need all of these fancy puns to sell AMC's Shudder. Oh boy, what is Shudder? Well, let me tell you this. You think my puns are fancy? No I don't, I was giving you, it doesn't matter. Thank you. Shutter is the Netflix for horror. You can stream great thrillers, horror, and suspense for $5.99 a month or $56.99 a year. Now I have no idea how many months around a year, but I think that math works out in your favor. It's got the largest, fastest growing human curated selection of thrilling and dangerous entertainment.

And I, Chip Oi Adal Rifai, am a horror film foreak. I love aficionados. The one thing that you can be aficionados in. I love horror movies. And this is my time to shine. Fall is when I come alive. It's all my plaid. And hey, there's a new movie on AMC Shutter called Color Out of Space that is phenomenal. Who's its star? Oh, I don't know. The international superstar who went broke Nicholas Cage? Coppola? Oh, Cage, you're right. I go by his old-school name. Schwartzman. Please check out that movie. Please watch it. Please DM me, tweet me. Let me know how you liked it. Let's watch a horror movie together on AMC Shutter. They have a wonderful selection, and oh, I just can't wait for late September, all of October. Oh, even dipping into November, I love horror movies.

Shutter is unexpected. There's new spine-tangling thrillers, shocking horrors, and edgier-seat suspense added weekly. It's uncluttered. You'll have unlimited access to stream ad-free on all your favorite devices, and it is unparalleled. It has a unique collection of exclusive and original films and series horror classics and blockbuster hits. Streaming your iPhone, your iPad, your Apple TV phone, your Xbox One pad, your Amazon Fire TV phone,

Your dreams. To try Shutter free for 30 days, go to shutter.com and use promo code RIDDLE. That's S-H-U-D-D-E-R dot com. Use promo code RIDDLE. And also, Erin Keif, we love, we miss you so much. Please come back to the show. Early Erin, please check out Early Erin. It's on at 3.45 a.m. on Wednesdays only. Third Wednesday of every month. Bye bye. And we are well rested and we are well on our way to doing some more riddles. Erin, on a scale of one to ten, how much do you want to do another riddle?

A hundred.

And just to say, during the break I went and watched all the Lord of the Rings movies and read all the Lord of the Rings books and I'm going to tell you right now, skip the books. Just watch the movies way better. Way better.

I actually agree with you. You know what? Can I tell you why I'm feeling weird today? I need you. I have faxed you over some paperwork where you two need to promise to not make fun of me. And you should be receiving that right now.

You're going to find it. I'm immediately shredding it. And Erin, this is just the standard fax that you send me all the time, right? I'm familiar with this paperwork. I just decided to hear.

This is just one sheet of paper that says please.

Please. Well, so I go to my chiropractor. It's sort of my only time I leave the house. It's pretty incredible.

And his name is Cairo Ren, right?

Mm-hmm. Yeah, pretty scary, but redeems himself in the end. I don't know She works on my street and I go to her and she's great and I was telling her oh You should go to a chiropractor in and like an office

Don't go to like a street chiropractor.

Oh, it's in the hot dog store. I go to see her in the hot dog store.

Adal, is there any way we could maybe just allocate some more money for Erin? Because I just like... Absolutely not. Oh, I hate the three way split. Oh, she's getting hot dog surgery.

So, famously, you might have seen videos of me on the Hey Riddle Riddle Instagram putting Zycam up my nose because for a few years that would help me with cold. Loved Zycam. Then November of this year used Zycam and then I haven't been able to really smell since. Sort of completely got rid of my sense of smell. Apparently that's very, very, very common. They had a lawsuit against it, maybe in 2009-ish, but Zycam won because sometimes you can lose your sense of smell from a really bad cold. So they couldn't prove, because people only use it when they are getting a cold or have a cold, so they couldn't prove it. But if you look online, it is so common. So no one use iCAM. Take zinc orally, don't put it up your nose, because I haven't been able to smell anything other than Shawn's farts, so I'm not even kidding. And one specific candle.

That speaks to their potency.

Yeah. One specific candle from Target. Baby, baby. And that's been my entire life.

Do you want to smell something today? Or no, it doesn't...

Sean was like, that would be the one benefit of your girlfriend not being able to smell. And then one thing she can smell, my part. So anyways, my chiropractor was like, I'm going to figure this out for you. And did a bunch of research. And so we've been trying different things to try to get my sense of smell back. And today, she stuck a bunch of lasers up my nose. And now I feel weird.

Sorry, suck a bunch of lasers up your nose? How much lasers is a bunch? Because lasers are like... Wait, hold on. Did they stick something up your nose with the laser attached?

Yes. So there's a laser at the end of it. And then you put up your nose and then she had me do all different kinds of lasers up my nose. And I was breathing better when I left through my nose. Okay.

While she put the lasers up your nose, was she also setting off fireworks and playing like Skrillex?

Exactly.

Okay.

Yeah, she really made it. It really felt like a DJ at a like music festival vibe.

I mean, this is awesome. Yeah, classic hot dog store chiropractory.

But do you think that maybe a laser went into my brain and now it is broken?

Erin, I don't want to lie to you 100%, that is what happened.

Okay, that's what it feels like.

I would never want to push conspiracy theories on this show, but it sounds like kind of everything that QAnon is saying kind of made you right. I wasn't listening to Erin's story particularly, but... Sure, sure. I would just like to say, pizza gate is real, so that's... Hot dog gate, please.

My chiropractor is amazing, but she is trying all the things and I did put lasers up my nose today.

Erin, I don't want to be rude or disrespect the facts that you sent me, but I can see the pants that you're wearing with the shoes you picked out and it seems like you also lost your fucking sense of taste.

Okay, that's good. I like the taste and sense of smell are like tied together.

So you probably sense of taste is diminished by not having a sense of smell.

Yeah, that's why all my clothes are ugly now.

Well, I don't know. I mean, don't put that on me.

Anyways, sorry.

Erin, that's absolutely wild. Is there any cases of the people regaining their sense of smell?

Some people, they've never gotten it back. And you can get it back like a little bit. I don't know if anyone has any suggestions, please Instagram message me.

And just as a reminder to all of our listeners, we are medical doctors. So we know what we're talking about and anything that we say on the show should be followed as if you were to follow it from a medical doctor, which is not at all. Do not listen to any of it.

And JPC, just to harken back slightly to Lord of the Rings, weren't you once about to eat someone's ass and they turned around and said, tosh me.

Yes. And then I said, fly you fool.

A hobbit lay here.

That's a wizard's chest.

That's Harry Potter.

That's nothing. You're a wizard, Gandalf.

Let's do another Riddle. Sure. A man walks into a bar and orders a whiskey with no ice. He picks up the glass in his left hand before swirling it around twice and drinking it down in one gulp. The barman leans over and says, I see you are a sailor. How does the barman know the man is a sailor?

He's wearing a full sailor suit.

Guys dressed as a sailor, completely dressed as a sailor. Okay, fuck me. You guys have nailed it. He's wearing a sailor's uniform.

Really? Oh my God.

I want to see you soon. Erin, JPC and I are sitting at a restaurant or a bar or some sort of public area and you barge in through the doors wearing a certain type of outfit hoping everyone will notice. So I was saying to Karen, I said to her that if you buy a horse, you have to look for one with a nice hunch.

Can't believe Karen's buying another horse. She doesn't take care of the one she's got.

Door swing open.

You ordering chocolate milk?

Yes, please. But spike it with some Chardonnay.

Smash. Okay, volleyball bar here, so I spiked it.

Thank you. I will look it off the floor.

Grant, who's the new lady at the bar? I mean, I have a regular hair and I've never seen her before in your bartender.

This must be Tommy's cousin just moved to town. What is she wearing there?

Are you familiar with the show Barney the Dinosaur?

I mean, it was.

Vaguely, yeah.

Is it still a cultural touch point?

I don't know.

Wait, did you get that at Barney's, the store in New York? I'm more familiar with that from I believe they referenced it in Big Daddy.

No, um, I... I'm not dressed like Barney, but if you're familiar with that show, you may know... Okay, she's searching on her phone for something. No, I'm not. What is it?

No. It looks like she's looking for a tag on the clothes maybe to remind her.

I may remember BJ, who is a good friend of Barney's and the older brother to Baby Bop.

I am dressed like- Is that like Kidz Bop?

Actually, I am dressed like Baby Bop from Barney. I was gonna say BJ, but I think it's slightly funnier.

Okay.

If I am in this bar dressed like Baby Bop.

I know what Barney- I can conceptualize Barney. I can't conceptualize any of Barney's friends. Okay, she's holding up her phone. Okay, yes, alright, now I know Baby Bop. Yes, Baby Bop. Okay.

I love you. You love me. No Barney, no Blue's Clues. That was way after my time.

I watched some Blue's Clues, but I can't remember if I watched it earnestly or if I watched it ironically or with younger cousins.

And when you say you watched it earnestly, you mean you watched it with... Yeah. Earnest Coast of Blue's Clues. Sure.

We don't need to know his name.

Jim Barney, right?

Jim Barney, that's right. I'm sorry, Jim Barney.

We have to do a quick round of Baby Bop, right? So, okay, I'll go first. Gah, goo, goo, gah. Gah, gah, goo, goo, goo. Okay, who's next? This is like Kid's Bop. I'll go next.

I got a goo, got, goo, got. Goo, goo, got. Goo, goo, goo, goo. Gah, goo, goo, goo, goo. Goo, goo, made of poo.

I'm a little baby in my crib. One Direction.

There are probably parents out there who are like at their wits end who are like, I'll buy baby boxes. I'll fucking buy baby boxes. Anything to just get six minutes of time away from.

Hey, I have a quick tip to some parents or some nannies of newborn babies. If your baby is between the ages of three months and about like nine, 10 months, and you need a second to clean up after them or set up a high chair or something, this is a genuine tip. Go to YouTube and type in Fireworks Show and play fireworks with them with the music. I nannied for like eight years full-time and I've never met a baby where they weren't completely and totally mesmerized by that. They absolutely love fireworks. They can stop your baby from crying. Try it out with me and how it goes.

Okay. This has been another Erin Quick Tip or Erin Q-Tip for short. Today's Erin Q-Tip is sponsored by Baby Q-Tips. Baby Q-Tips do not give these to babies.

We've made these Q-tips specifically to not be put inside baby's ears. By them and throw them away.

I'm not a medical doctor. We are doctors.

But you are a nanny. Oh, Mr. Sheffield. Street in Chicago.

That's what you're watching instead of Barney.

Uh-huh. The nanny.

Say hi to their contemporaries. Hey, I would love for you to nanny me up another riddle. Look, that's not my best take away.

No, no. That'll be a slight McPhee though. Oh, okay.

I can't think of one. I have lasers on my brain.

Hey Erin, it didn't stop me from doing one. Okay, here we go. You don't have to think of one to say one.

This riddle is a bit of a mystery. Okay. Two third grade boys chat away on a street corner after school. A middle-aged man weighing about 250 pounds pulls his vehicle up to the corner. I don't know why his weight has anything to do with this. Pulls his vehicle up to the corner and signals to the children. They have never seen him before, but they both get in the vehicle. He doesn't tell the children where he's taking them and he slowly drives away.

I'm a bus driver.

Nope, this man is a murderer.

I love these riddles.

Wait, so is the 250 pounds a hint?

I don't know. When I saw a number for the weight, I thought it said a 2,500 pound vehicle he pulls up weighing 250 pounds. That makes no sense and is not pertinent to the riddle.

Unless he's like a specific type of boxer who's like, okay, it matters that he's not like middleweight or featherweight. I don't know the boxing weights, but he weighs in 250 then he loses the five pounds of water weight and then he could drive a bus or something like that.

Yeah, there's a water weight division. Do you want to guess any other weight divisions in boxing, Erin?

There's pasta weight dry and pasta weight wet.

There's the weight weight, don't tell me, division. Where you don't disclose your weight and you just box whoever.

There's a weight for it division, which is someone who just recently saw Hamilton and won't set up about it.

There's the Walter Whiter weights, which is just meth heads. And I'm out. I'm done.

I tapped out. Let's move on. Let's do another.

Actually, I want to see a scene.

Was Erin right that it was a bus driver? It was a bus driver.

A bus driver who's only picking up two kids? I don't fucking know. Two at a time.

I want to see the budget line in that fucking scene. I guess fucking two at a time. You don't pick up all the kids from one spot. You pick them all over.

Oh, I guess you're right.

Yeah, from a bus stop, from a bus stop. I want to see a scene. Erin, you are a brand new bus driver. JPC and I are hopping on your bus and you're a little unusual and we're trying to get to know you on the bus.

Yeah, anyway, so my mom's gonna buy another horse, even though she doesn't take care of the one she's got. Oh, the bus is here.

Karen's so weird. Hey!

Okay, kids! Come on in!

You're not Mr. Tom Johnovich.

No, my name's Miss Frizzle. And we may or may not be going to school today.

Is that your real last name or a commentary on your perm?

Both!

Jeff!

Jeff! It's a new adult that's entered our life! Let's learn about them as a person! Okay, Cody.

Adults find me insufferable. You're so precocious. Miss Riddle, where were you born?

I was born in a hospital. Hey, me too. That's cool.

Not me. I was born in a hot dog shop.

Kids, where do you want to go today? We could go inside a volcano or up someone's butt.

I want to go to the O.K. Corral. Just school for me. Wait. I love an episode of, what is it called? Magic School Bus?

Yeah, where the kids are like, can we please go to school?

They're like, please, I would give anything.

They're like, kids, get of the school bus and let's go to science class.

Let's see here. All right. There is a chain nailed to the wall. The chain is 10 feet long and the middle of the chain dips down 5 feet from where each side of the chain is nailed to the wall. How far are the two ends of the chain from each other? It dips down.

Wait, how long is the chain again?

10 feet.

It's 10 feet.

There's a chain nailed to the wall. The chain is 10 feet long and the middle of the chain dips down five feet from where each side of the chain is nailed to the wall. How far are the two ends of the chain from each other?

Would they just be right next to each other? And then it dips down five feet because it's a 10-foot chain?

Oh, that makes sense.

Or did it say the middle of the room is important here?

Um, middle of the room. Oh, the chain is 10 feet long and the middle of the chain dips down five feet. No, you're right. The middle of the room did sound five feet. This, uh, this is a, no, I'm not gonna, this is going nowhere. I was gonna make a joke about a dilapidated shack, but that doesn't make sense. The chain is 10 feet long and the middle of the chain dips down five feet from where each side of the chain is nailed to the wall.

Yeah, my guess is that they are nailed to the wall right next to each other and it dips down five feet in between.

So I'm going to need a length. When you say right next to each other, does that mean an inch? Does that mean six inches? A foot?

Oh, God, I'm so awful at this. Say what? I'll be at Subway for fucking hours trying to be like, Sir, we don't have a two-inch sandwich. I'm like, I got my calculator out. That sounds so cute. I'm like, look, if a six-inch is going to cost me $3.70, I just want a two-inch. Divided by. I just want a two inch. This isn't for me, it's for one of the people from Redwall.

People from Redwall.

One of the people from Redwall. You mean the mouse? I'm sorry. It's a mouse in armor and he lives inside of a wall, I believe. And I need to get him a tidy sandwich.

What do you think his order is?

It's just one olive, a shred of lettuce. I want to see a scene. JBC, you are a tiny mouse in armor. You have been fighting all sorts of battles all across the land. You've defeated a bevy of otters and you slayed some hippos. And now you have finally found this house in the middle of a suburb and you need sustenance. So you've knocked on the door and you're presenting yourself hoping for some food.

Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock. Hmm. Hello. Pardon me, good man. My name is Phineas Dettled.

I'm a mouse from Phineas Dettled. Your last name is Turd?

It means something different in mouse. I get this a lot. They call me Phineas Detailed because it is a name that evokes safety and comfort and ridicule in my enemies which I use to my brutal advantage. I have just slayed the otters that inhabited your yard.

You look upon them, you will see that they are the wetness of the blood of my soul.

And now they are in hell with otter devil. For I, Phineas Dipdale, have put them there. I demand you open up your pantries to me and let me dine upon your cheeses and your breads.

Two things. I already have the Borrowers living with me. And they've raided my pantry. Remember the Borrowers?

Yeah, I don't fuck with them. Hey Borrowers, we're cool! Phineas to turn cool with the- What's going on in here?

Gather on Borrowers. Are you trying to get in this woman's pantries?

Hey Borrowers, between you and me, you don't gotta do a little mouse voice like that. You could have DEE past mouse voice if you want to. Oh, is that right? You want to go borrowers? Taste my otter blade!

And Casey, add a 10 minute battle scene that sounds very violent here.

Okay, cool. Let's all let's do some just so Casey doesn't have to do all of this on his own. Let's just add some via voice effects for the otter or the borrowers and Phineas deterred battle scenes.

Okay. Clang, clang, clash, clash, clang.

Sword sounds. I'm slain. And my eyebrows. Our table is a thimble.

No, no, no.

Please, please. Five minutes of dying.

The honors are not yet defeated. We are planning still to come back.

Casey, is that enough for you anymore?

Casey's giving us a thumbs down.

Casey's walking away. Casey says he has too much. There's a chain nailed to the wall. The chain is 10 feet long and the middle of the chain dips down five feet from where each side of the chain is nailed to the wall.

How far?

One inch. Two ends of the chain from each other. You say which? One inch. One inch. I'm sorry you were incorrect.

Funk.

Erin, I'm sorry you're incorrect.

10 feet. 15 feet.

Okay Erin, I'm sorry you're incorrect. You're incorrect. Oh, they're right on top of each other. It's on the same nail. JPC, you might as well be called two chains because you got this one chain riddle correct. The two ends of the chain are hanging from the same nail.

Why would they call me two chains? Because it doesn't matter. You know, I don't want to know. Let them call me what they will. Except if you don't know me, please don't call me Japes. You can call me whatever you want, but when people call me Japes and they're a complete stranger to you, it's like someone using a nickname on you and you've never met them before. It's like, what are you doing?

It's like when fans call me sweetie or honey in the morning.

Adal, you are waking up in the South.

It's like when fans call me late to breakfast. I refuse to answer one of your riddles when Adal is doing the riddles for the episode.

I will not be made to be a fool. Here's a new segment that we're gonna call Price Baby... What's a fun thing to do with price?

Price is right?

Price is right is the thing of price and men. That's what it's called. So this is called of price and men. That's gonna be Mariah and I's wedding hashtag just so everyone knows. I'm taking that right now. Uh, and then hashtags say Adal created that.

Well now you have to get married. You just proposed to her on air.

Oh no. Wait, hold on. This comes out in a week. This comes out in a week so I have time.

Casey?

Auto-tune that proposal. Don't take it out. Just auto-tune it. Just auto-tune it. Okay, so this is called of price and men. Since we've all been cooped up and haven't been out in the real world for a while or maybe experienced real world experiences that we've normally or typically used to.

Thanks for coming in, Adal. Yeah, exactly.

This is to cheer us up.

Of Price and Coan, kind of does sound like of Mice and Min. That's not a bad one actually. Of Price and Coan. Okay, yeah, I could work with that.

How about, oh I have a fun one. Coan Brothers. Coan Brothers. And have her dress up like you for the wedding.

Yeah, I wanted the wedding to be kind of like the one thing that I've always wanted growing up is to marry one of my brothers. And so I kind of wanted to force that into the wedding, if that makes sense.

Yeah, of course. Hey guys, I'm packing my suitcase and I'm heading out.

I think our wedding hashtag is going to be "#Rifaidu."

Oh, I like that.

Yeah, it's a fun play. I suggested Adal be the day, but we weren't having it. So this is called Of Price and Men. What we're going to do just to remind ourselves of the normal world and normal shopping is I'm going to tell you an item and you're going to tell me what you think the current price is of that item. To see how in touch.

Oh didn't Bill Gates do this and he was like milk is $20? Yeah, yeah.

Well it depends on the milk. If it's Oberweiss milk it's $28.

Fucking hate.

I also think I also think that the postmaster general just went before Congress and they were like, how much is how much does it cost to mail a letter? And he was like, I don't know.

So I have no notes for this country.

Yeah. Someone someone had a great tweet that was like, well, to be fair to him, he is the he's the postmaster general, not the postmaster specific. I was like, that's very good.

Very good. So what do we think the prices of a loaf of bread

Well, it's actually tricky for me because I only buy gluten-free bread, which is more expensive.

It's going to be more expensive. Yeah. Okay. Erin, immediately you're making excuses.

$4?

$3.

I just bought bread and I'm going to say it's $2.79. Okay. Erin?

Wow. I'm going to be really sad if bread is $2.79 because I have to spend way more money on bread.

You do. Yeah. Your bread is going to be more expensive.

Oh no. This is going to make me feel so bad. I'm going to say $3.50. Okay.

What it says here is 208, but that can't possibly be right. It's also so funny to be like, what does this item of food cost? And it's like, well, what city are you buying it in? Because if you buy it in Chicago, it's fucking more expensive.

OK, how much do we think the cost is for a gallon of milk?

$20. This one, I have no idea. I haven't bought milk in forever. I'm going to also say like $3.

Okay. It says here, Prairie Farms Milk, $4.12. Okay. That's about it.

That makes sense.

That's fine. Okay. What do we think the cost is of 2020 Ferrari?

Oh God.

This is a brand new Ferrari. I am going to say a Ferrari costs $90,000. Okay. Erin? $90,001. Fuck.

Showcase Showdown rules. Erin wins. The answer is I don't know. I didn't look it up. God damn it. How much do we think in 2020, and again, we haven't been out of the house in a while, so our sort of consumer brains are maybe a little frazzled. How much do we think of private island costs?

Yeah, actually this is perfect because I was just buying a private island, so... I'm going to say a private... Oh, go ahead, Erin.

You should go first.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I do want to clarify just because this is going to affect the cost. I misread this. How much does it cost to buy your own private Idaho?

I could probably start a bid at $20 to buy all of Idaho, and Idaho would be like, okay.

I know California is the biggest economy. California is like the fifth biggest economy in the world too. It's crazy how big California's economy is. No one ever talks about Idaho's economy. I think it's got to be bottom 25.

Does agriculture, I feel like, don't underestimate that.

Yeah, but there's like agriculture. What does Nickelodeon Guts have to do with this, Erin?

It's all, it's all, I don't know. I'm going to say I would spend 2.8 billion on Idaho. Max.

I need to see a- For private island. Hold on. Hold on.

Okay. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe 11 billion dollars.

It depends on how nice it is. Okay. We'll do the scene and then I'll come back to that.

No wifi? No way. That's your hashtag. No wife? I say no way. Guys, the cheapest Ferrari that I found for 2020 is $215,000. I think like all Ferraris are like custom or something.

How much is Ferrari or chocolate? Let's do this. I want to see a scene. The two of you are the sort of heads of the commerce board of Idaho And you're trying to figure out how much Idaho is bringing in and what you can do to boost sales and tourism in Idaho.

Well, Joshua, how much is a potato?

I want a divorce.

What? We were just figuring this out together.

How much is a potato? I don't know. I don't think I can do it anymore. I think I want a divorce.

No. No, we were going to do this together. Was Napoleon Dynamite filmed here? Maybe we're getting money from that still?

Let's do this amicably and split up our assets right down the middle.

50% potatoes and 50% potatoes?

I'll keep Boise and you can keep...

No, don't take Boise. Are you a daughter?

Yes. Yes, I'll keep my daughter Boise.

And I'll keep the city of Boise. No, man.

I sure got the short end of that potato.

Please don't go.

If we have listeners from Iowa, we apologize.

You mean Idaho.

I said what I said.

We have a daughter named Boise and a son named Girlsies.

I don't. I've never been to Idaho. I'm sure it's lovely. I have been to Iowa.

I've seen photos of Idaho like Oregon and Idaho and there's parts of it that are like stunning.

Yeah.

I'm into Craters of the Moon State Park, National Park. Oh, you an astronaut now? Well, so I think it's named Craters of the Moon specifically because some fucking president came out there and was like, this park looks like the Craters of the Moon. And they're like, do we have a name for the park? And they're like, no. And he's like, name it that. The president just said Craters of the Moon. But it did. It went in a cave there, like down into a cave. It does look like, it looks like the fucking moon. It's, it's wild. If you wanted to... That's cool. If you wanted to shoot a moon sequence, you could probably go to Idaho and do some moon filming.

Do we have a name for the park? Yeah, it's uh, do we have a name for the park? Yeah, it's fuck JFK Park.

That was probably, I don't know, 10 years ago, 9 years ago. Cool.

Something like that. Erin, did you want to take another stab at what it costs to have your own private island?

This is too hard to guess because it depends on where the island is and how big it is.

Okay.

And what did I say? I'm going to say 33 million. That's what I'm going to go with for private island. For private island, 33 million. Yeah, that's what I'm going to say.

Okay. Well, I have an island off the coast of New York I'm willing to sell you.

Manhattan?

That is way out of my first range. 33 million wouldn't get me a two bedroom in Manhattan. Bazinga!

The prices there are outrageous. We have one final question for... Sure. ...of price and men. What is the cost in 2020? And again, again, again, I want to let everyone know I recognize we haven't been out of the house a while. Things have been weird or hard. Maybe people are ordering, you know, delivery services, what have you. Still, if we can remember, if we can recall, what is the price or the cost in 2020? of a podcast about riddles and puzzles.

Your soul, your character, your dignity.

I would say with ads just over an hour of your time.

Erin, JVC, you're both dead on. Congratulations. Here's what you've won. Erin, you are able to plug anything you want to plug.

Follow me, Erin Keif 10, on Instagram and let me know if you've lost your smell from Zicam and what you're doing to counteract that.

JBC, what you've won is you're able to plug one and a half things.

Okay, I would like to plug the Billbuds podcast. You can find that anywhere you find podcasts. And I would also love to plug follow me on Twitch at shark. We'll never know what the other half of that is. Yeah, I really wish I had that other half.

Maybe next week.

He's really not going to say it.

Since I posted, I get to plug a few things. I want to promote a podcast I was on called Dead Time Stories, like Bedtime, but this is called Dead Time Stories. A wonderful podcast, very spooky, all kinds of supernatural stories going on. So please check that out. I appeared on it recently. Hopefully that episode is out now. Also a while back I promoted that I was on a podcast, I can't remember what I called it, but I think I mispronounced the title. I was on a podcast called Good Morning from Hell. That's run by the Rooster Teeth Company and I want to promote that correctly because before I said the wrong name and I'm embarrassed. So check out Good Morning from Hell. That episode dropped today and I play an angel going to hell. So please check that out and all the other episodes. Today recording time or today Release time. I'm so sorry. It was released on the Today Show. Got it. Mm-hmm. And that was yesterday. Sure.

Erin, um... Was it a brunch segment that they did at 11 a.m.?

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Erin, and famously Koda, got very drunk and she slurred the word.

Noob, Jupiter.

Raph, raph, raph.

Starting Erin Keif and John Patrick Coan. Casey, how easy is it to add autotune? Fuck I gotta learn how to auto-tune, he says. Fuck I gotta learn how to auto-tune.

Or you can, they might be funnier because you just don't.