Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum podcast.

Oh, hello you two. Welcome to Hotel Riddles. What's the occasion? We are getting a divorce. To be divorced. Ooh, okay. You're being engaged to get divorced.

Uh-huh, we just weren't.

Yeah, we were going to do it all backwards. Huh, fun. And what's the... I just have to write this down before I give you your room keys. What is the reason for a divorce?

Just like bad sex or... Uh, staying in hotels too much?

Early, conceivable differences.

Okay. Well, I am going to give the two of you the 13th floor honeymoon sweet and that is haunted. Ooh. Will there be riddles? There are riddles. There's a young boy who died in the 1800s. He'll be asking you some riddles. He had me as a young boy who died in the 1800s. I hate the people of that age. Well, you didn't hear how he died. Okay, well thank you so much.

We'll take our room keys and free breakfast in the morning or?

No, free bird. We have it's free bird brunch. It's a Leonard Skidard and cover band does brunch. And you know, you can't leave. You can check out, but you can never leave. You see, this is the hotel Arizona. We do things a little bit different here. And I'm your major D, Adal Rifai. I'm JPC.

And I'm Erin Keif. There are other people here.

And there's other people here. This is maybe the most guests we've had on. We have an embarrassment of riches because we have three of the stars of the amazing podcast, Dungeons and Daddies. Please welcome to the show Freddie Wong, Beth May, and Will Campos. Hello everyone.

Yay. Hooray. We're here. We've made it. We've finally made it. Top of the podcast heap. We're done. Fuck you. Fuck you. Say it. What's this? Cone in.

What's that?

Fuck you, cereal. Yeah. Get a best anyway. The nerd dude from This American Life. Ira Glass. Fuck Ira Glass.

Ira Glass.

What were the king of podcasts?

Yes.

Ira Glass is our guest next week.

Stay with us. The three of you broke the Ira Glass ceiling by being guests on this, the pinnacle of comedy podcast.

Well, we're not really a comedy podcast, just so we're clear. We are very niche- Well, you are now. We are a Riddles podcast, and so being a Riddles podcast, we have to ask every guest who comes on our show, what is your experience with Riddles? Famously, in one of our first episodes, I think we all revealed that Adal likes Riddles, I'm indifferent to Riddles, and Erin doesn't like Riddles. That's changed over the years, and now we all don't like them. But what is your experience with them? Do you like them? Did you have riddles as a child?

So I actually have a weird story about this which is that I feel like a hot second and fifth grade got like super into riddles and I remember hearing like the one with the guy in the in the forest and he's wet and how did he die and all that and then the riddle That broke my heart. And I had forgotten all about it. And then I was listening to your podcast. And then you did the riddle like a week ago. And I remember how dumb and terrible it was. It's the one where it's the guy in the room with the wood chips and the shavings on the ground. And then it turns out that he's like in the circus. And then he killed himself because he was a short person. But he thought he was growing taller because of another short person. And I was like, I remembered how angry that riddle made me when I was a little kid that it got me out of riddles.

I'm so sorry that riddle broke up with you.

It still has a bunch of my CDs.

I'm really glad about that. And we should say that this madman screaming at us is Will.

I should have said that because I'm a professional podcaster, so I should have remembered to do that, but thank you for reminding me.

Just for any listeners who want to distinguish voices, Beth, what is your relationship with Riddles?

My name is Beth and this is my relationship with Riddles. I love Riddles. I'm very bad at them. I don't know. A huge admirer of the New York Times crossword. I've been playing it for years. I have never gotten past Wednesday. I just love the heck out of it.

We should say you're wearing a t-shirt that says, eat my will shorts.

Yes. That's exactly. Those would be better shorts. I'm looking at a will shorts Monday omnibus over there. And I'm like, that's never going to be solved by me. I'm going to have to cheat.

We should also say Beth has a, her background is Jim Carrey in Batman Forever, which is just outstanding.

Yeah, that's my relationship with Riddles.

And there are kiss marks all over his face. Freddie, what is your relationship with Riddles?

So for me, y'all remember Mind Trap, one word? Oh yes. Do you know about Mind Trap?

Yeah, we do a Riddle podcast, Freddie. We're familiar with Mind Trap.

Oh yeah, of course. But in third grade, my teacher brought Mind Trap out, which was like, it's just like a deck of cards with riddles on them and on the back. It's like they claim, you know, their lateral thinking puzzles and most of them like, and that was like the treat in third grade. It was like, Oh, we'll do a mind trap. And they'll just pull them out and we'd sit there and lob yes or no questions at her. And she would always looking back on it. It was so clearly a delaying tactic because she would pick the dumbest fucking ones. And we'd as third graders would just be like completely unable to copy. I know the, the, the, the, um, the clown, the, you know, the, the, the, the, the wood shaving one. I remember that because none of us got it because there were such foreign concepts to the idea of like suicide and he wants to be taller. Like all this stuff is just completely outside of our wheelhouse. So that was my relationship. That was how Freddie and I learned what suicide was for the Minecraft.

And those were also the original lyrics to the MASH theme song.

Before we get into Riddles, because I know JPC is anxious to get going, just to warm us up for the comedy, Freddie, I did notice that you had a Truth in Comedy books standing right in front of you.

Yes, I do. I was studying as hard as I could.

I would love if you flipped open to any random page and then maybe found a nugget of wisdom for us for this episode.

Famously, there is an Andy Dick quote on every page of this. Alright, here we go. From page 102.

As soon as an actor begins to see his environment on stage, the audience sees it through his eyes. Kind of sexist. Kind of piece of shit. Yeah, thank God it said he and his.

Also, Freddie, that doesn't apply to us because this is an audio podcast. So thank you for everything. You know what I'm saying? Like, time to write, time to fucking throw this book away.

I've also got a comedy book next to me that I must have purchased and never opened, obviously. Let's see.

What do you got? She's holding up a far side calendar.

Sorry, you can't see it through Jim Carrey's head, but it's The Hidden Tools of Comedy by Steve Kaplan, the serious business of being funny. Yeah, I can't wait.

Wasn't Kaplan assassinated for giving away those hidden tools?

You know what? We better not share them then. I need one. I need one. Okay, here you go. One of my favorite movies is Groundhog Day. That explains everything.

I mean, very good.

That was the line that got him killed.

All of a sudden there's a red dot on Beth's head.

JPC, you are going to be old man puzzles today. But before we get into it, I do want to see a very quick scene just based on Freddie's story. I do want to see a scene with Freddie and Beth. You two are students. You're in Freddie, what age were you when you were in third grade? How are you in third grade? Great. 10? No.

9. 9 years old.

9. So Beth and Freddie, you are 9 years old. JPC, you are a substitute teacher. I'm here to teach the kids about riddles and your name is, you're a famous sleight of hand magician, a la Criss Angel, and your name is Mind Trap. Got it.

Your teacher is dead. Lee Sirius about this syllabus that she left me for today because of her funeral.

Why can't we go to the funeral?

I think it's family only. My name is Mind Trap and you are now in my DUN DUN DUN mind prison. No. It's 11.15. It's the normal time. It's just the normal time. It's 11.15.

What time is it?

It's 10.30.

How do you read the clock? We were in the middle of learning how to read the clock with the big and the little hands and I still, it's unclear.

No, you mostly got it. You mostly got it. It's big and little hands. Look, I'll just, I'll tell you all what recess is, but before that, it's time to enter the learning zone. Sorry, that's my bat. You're all looking at the bat that's trapped in here. I did leave a bat. I let a bat out.

I brought a bat in.

We cut to a minicky auto where Will is helping the mine trap change his oil. So I'm allowed to be back here, right?

Yeah, I don't know how you got back here.

Well, the door handle came off. Here you are.

Here's the door handle. I'm pretty sure that that was securely a fixed door handle, sir. This is a minikey. It's not a place to practice escape magic.

I did break that. I will pay for that.

About your Toyota Corolla, you haven't changed the oil in about 15,000 miles and I found a dead dove stuffed in there. What was that about? When you say stuffed in there... Hey Riddle.

My favorite two line scene ever now is your teacher is dead.

Yay!

There's a history there. We'll begin. This is an easy one. I think it's more of a softball for the Dungeons & Daddies crew. This is a riddle from Rebel. They sent this in, and their email says, I heard a riddle. I think that you'd like. This isn't mine. This is from Matt Arnold of Dungeons & Daddies. We already know this one. You may have a slight advantage with this, Riddle. Here it goes. How long ago was this email sent? This was sent in February of this year.

That makes sense.

Yeah. I did search our email for dungeons and daddies and found that, but surprisingly, a lot of people have mentioned you in emails to us. No kidding.

We get a lot of your love letters.

I think it's because our podcast email is dungeonsandzaddiesatgmail.com. Because we wanted Hey Riddle Riddle, but it was just taken.

Our email addresses Ira Glass at this American lifetime.

Great. Now we're going to get in trouble for doxxing Ira Glass again. Here's the riddle. It keeps a little creature warm. You can buy it in a package, and when it passes through two arms, it goes back to the start. What is it?

It's dumb. That's what it is. I don't like this riddle. But Matt came up with this on the fly, which I think is incredible. To imply that this was a thought out riddle, I think is... He's like the freestyle M&M of riddles.

It was pretty impressive.

He really is, but it's also dumb.

Oh, well then the answer is mom's spaghetti.

You're in the ballpark. It keeps a little creature warm. You can buy it in a package. And when it passes through two arms, it goes back to the start. What is it?

The creature doesn't need to be little, you know? It's like it can be big at times.

Yeah, that's true. When it passes through two arms, it goes back to the start. Is it one of those like water snakes you buy at like a museum gift store?

Um, I don't think so, no. If I was making up a riddle on the fly and that was the answer.

Give us a water snake. Give us a water snake. This also did stump our DM as well, so, you know, don't feel too bad.

It keeps a little creature warm. When it passes through two hands, it goes back to the start. What was the middle portion of it?

When it passes through two arms, it goes back to the start. You can buy it in a package. I think that that might be one of the most crucial components to this.

Is it a sweater?

In a package. It's not a sweater.

A hug.

Tennis balls, cigarettes.

Passes through two arms.

So, safe to say that everyone from the Dungeons & Daddies crew remembers the answer to this riddle very well, correct? Yes. Can you give them a hint?

Is there anything that you can do? I'll proffer a hint. So, the dad in question in our podcast is a sports dad. That's like his thing. He's into sports. And this was an in-character riddle. He came up with what?

This was an in-character riddle.

Beer koozie.

What did you say, Adal? Golf ball? No, not a golf ball. We're getting closer. Not a golf ball. Yeah, thank you Will. A tee? No.

A golf club?

Will emphasize golf, so not a golf ball.

A club?

No.

Four iron. Five iron. Six iron.

Seven iron. Eight iron. Pitching witch. Love witch. Other sports. Other sports. Tiger woods.

Other sports. Other sports. Oh, other sports. Basketball. Not a basketball.

Football. A pigskin, if you will. Wow. It keeps the peg warm, you can buy pork rinds and footballs in a package, and when you catch a football it goes back to the starting line. Thank you Rebel for sending that in, and thank you for, well I guess you didn't really stump the Dungeons & Daddies crew because they'd heard that one very recently.

Thank you to Matt Arnold for really stumping us and giving us a lot to aspire to.

Matt did stump everyone on our podcast when he came up with it.

It's a stumper. We typically start with a warm-up riddle, and that warm-up is just to kind of get the juices flowing. So let's go to some additional riddles. These riddles come to us courtesy of Roam and the Sphinx. Roam says that they've always loved riddles, even when they stumped me, so was excited to discover the podcast. Thank you so much. But they also DM a Dungeons & Dragons campaign where their players encounter the Sphinx. And they wrote all of these riddles in the voice of the Sphinx, and I guess presumably the Sphinx would, you know, maul them if they got it wrong. You won't be mauled if you get this wrong, but you will definitely be forced to do scenes. Here is the first of the riddles. I have feathers, and I fly, but have no beak, nor do I cry. So weak, you can break me in your hand, but so strong that too, I can kill a man. What am I? Baby penguin. Yes, the strongest animal with no beak, the baby penguin.

Wait, but it does have a beak, or it has no beak?

It has no beak, nor a cry.

Someone asked me recently what the biggest animal I would fight was, and I said a penguin.

See, I got that question as well on a guest spot and I said a beached whale.

Well that's like, you've got an advantage on a beached whale. I guess the context really does depend on where you'd fight how big the animal is. Yeah, I'd hate to say it.

I could kick the shit out of a beached whale.

I think beached whales though... And we'd all love to see that.

I think they fill up with like, toxious gas and they blow up.

So you don't want to be punching a beached whale. How do you determine when you want to fight against a beached whale? Is it when it... It's eyes closed.

When you're in like... When you're in a Dove oil spill commercial, that's when you know you've won.

I have no beak and I'm a scream. I have feathers and I fly. Feathers and I fly.

No beak, no cry, okay.

I want to see a scene. Erin you are going to do a scene with Beth and Erin you are yourself and Beth is the turns out she is the largest animal you would fight. So whether that's Beth wants to choose that animal or Erin you want to name it.

Was it a penguin? I said that. I don't know how to improv.

I put on my boxing gloves. Are you ready? I'm ready. Okay. Is it true that like the dad sit on the eggs for like a long time? Is that true?

I can't understand you.

You got this sweetheart. You got this. I'm going to sit on the eggs and I love you for life.

You're my one mate. Oh hey, are you talking to her too?

Huh? No, I'm talking to you. Gloria.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

So there's a person here. There's a person here and she's trying to talk to me and I'm like, well, if you keep talking to me, we're going to have to throw down. So I, you know, I don't know how to communicate that to her other than, you know, going forward.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you got this. You got this.

Okay. Oh my God. You're so cute. Oh my God. I'm going to have to kick you so hard though. Right in the stomach. This bitch is going down. Oh my god, it's so cute. Oh my god, there's paternal penguins. Oh my god, they care about their kids. What? What?

I got bad men who I owe a lot of money to. You've got, you've got, please take a dive.

You want me to have a penguin beat the shit out of me? This is an eighth of my size.

I know how to win this. I know how to win this.

Yeah, yeah. What, how?

You ever seen Happy Feet Babe? We don't have to dance with our fists. We can dance with our feet.

Oh my God, I think these penguins are gonna have a dance off with me. Oh my god, they're lacing on tap shoes.

Just lose. Whatever you do, lose.

I can't. I'm amazing at tapping.

Oh no, I can't stop sliding on the eyes.

Scene. That's what a penguin tap dancing sounds like.

In honor of Beth, for the rest of the episode, we have to start every scene by screaming. I don't know how to improvise.

Don't bleed me, I will. And then at the end of the show, you can be like, you've just listened to bed and I don't know how to improvise.

I hope that helped. Does anyone have an answer to this riddle? So I started this podcast, before we record, I said that I walk into every riddle with insane confidence. I don't answer this. Does anyone else know the answer to this?

I think I have a guess. All right.

Ready? Let's say it at the same time. It's like the Warren Beatty of riddles.

You walked into this riddle like you were walking onto a yacht. Yeah, I was just like, I own this.

Freddie, like push through saloon doors into this riddle. Wait, can I hear it like one more time or is that?

All right, let's hear it one more time. You can absolutely hear it one more time. I have feathers and I fly, but have no beak nor do I cry. So weak you can break me in your hand, but so strong that I too can kill a man.

All right. Ready? Let's say the answer at the same time. Ready? On three. One, two, three. A beakless bird that I throw really hard at somebody. At their head. Have you seen those when they test turkeys against airplanes? What?

Oh my god. Hold on, explain yourself.

Not a live turn. He's like a butterball turkey. They'll shoot it at an airplane's engine to see if, like, his, in theory, like, you know, like, what happened was solely, like, where the plane went down because of the bird shot. Oh, yeah. That's not supposed to happen. There's supposed to be rated that, like, you could shoot a turkey through it and it'll just shoot out the other side of the turbine. And the engine's all good. So they test birds on that. You get hit by that? That's just killing you. That's what happens to the turkey when the president pardons it. They actually take it over there. They launch it straight through.

They pardon it. It comes out fully dressed and cooked like a Thanksgiving meal?

Yeah, just like, just... Wow. JFK, they tested, they have ovens all over it.

Will, Adal, and JPC, you are all turkeys, and one of you just found out that you are gonna get pardoned by the president, one of you found out you're gonna be a turkey dinner, and one of you found out you're gonna be one of the airplane turkeys. Gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gob

You lucky son of a bitch.

Oh, baby, baby, baby. Did you get pardoned, bro? No, better. I'm gonna get shot into an airplane.

Oh, I wanted to get shot into an airplane. I got pardoned.

Yeah, well enjoy me living the rest of your miserable life as a fucking turkey. I'm going to heaven, baby.

Are you lucky? What do you think? What do you think heaven's gonna be like for a turkey? I think God's a duck.

I think God's a duck.

I think we can get up there. I think we can, I think I can peck, you know, Benjamin Franklin's balls. Hey, you try to make me a national bird motherfucker.

I respect our turkey POTUS Benjamin Franklin, and I won't hear him besmirched by my fellow turkeys. I'm Southern now. I'm a Southern turkey, kind of. You're a wild turkey. You're a wild turkey. I'm a loud Southern turkey, and I'm proud of my turkey heritage. This is getting weird. This is getting weird now that I'm a Southern turkey who's proud of his heritage, but I'm sticking with it.

One part had really changed you, man. It really changed you.

You know, I support our president because he pardoned me, and I'm standing with him. Yeah, and you call it all cola coke. It's all coke. If I hear another word, I'm going to lose my damn mind. It's not pop. It's not Pepsi. It's coke. And that's why the president pardoned me. I hear he's going to take me on Air Force One.

Oh, damn it. That's great. And I don't know if I told the two of you, but the third thing's happening to me. You did, but we forgot what that was.

Adal Turkey, this is your five minute morning before you turn into Thanksgiving dinner.

Oh, I guess I'm in a community college play. Thank you five.

I think I have a guess. Oh, sorry.

Oh, go ahead, please. Erin said a quill, correct Erin?

Yes.

Ooh. Which is not correct.

I was gonna say a pen, because it's one of those pretentious kind of answers, like, oh, it's life, but let's- It's mightier than the sword. I thought it should've been right, but I guess not, even though I'm a guest on this podcast.

Is it a plane that is sky-writing?

No.

I guess... I think it's an arrow. Oh, it is an arrow, isn't it? Oh, damn. I was going to say Gamora.

Yes. Well, you're both right. Right? Does everyone happy with me?

I'm sorry that my reaction was so hostile to me.

You guys, this isn't fair. Freddie has a... Freddie, you got it right, right? Or we'll get it right.

I got it right. Oh, well, sorry. No, Freddie got it right. I'm just doing credit.

But to be fair, Freddie does dress like Greta Morgan. He does have a leg up.

It is an arrow. It's feathered. It flies. No beak. It cries when it shoots through the air. Correct? OK, let's move on. This is the second Riddle.

This is because Freddie read Truth in Comedy. He knows all the answers now.

I know all the answers. And he's watching St.

Gordon stand up.

Oh, and then no joke. No joke. So I bought Mind Trap and then I read all the answers. So then out in school, I would be like, I know the answers to all this shit. And then everyone thought I was smart for one year or so.

What an evil thing to do.

I bought it with money I made blowing bubble gum. Not even kidding.

No, see me, I just looked up the Hey Riddle Riddle, like, archive of previous riddles when I got hired after a riddle.

Oh, the wiki that's exhaustively maintained.

Yes. Freddie, are you the type of person that, like, records Jeopardy, watches it, and then, like, casually puts it on DVR and pretends it's live and then says all the answers while people are around you? Is that your thing?

My boyfriend did that to me during quarantine because he had nothing better to do that day, and I almost had a nervous breakdown.

What is Gaslighting?

What is Gaslighting?

It was like not an easy board.

It was like rivers and shit.

No one knows. The hardest category in Jeopardy! Rivers! River Phoenix?

This river died at the Viper Room in 1994.

What is Johnny Depp?

All right, your next riddle is, I am grown, then cut, then grown anew, taken off to put on from a creature, then to you.

Is it a... Like a flower, right? Like a flower stem? Or a sheep. You are correct. It's a sheep. Dang.

It's wool. No, not the sheep itself. I wasn't being smart. I was like, no, the sheep is cut down and given to somebody. We can move on.

Yeah, the sheep carcass. That's what the background's hiding, is the rack of sheep carcasses in your room, right?

That's the largest animal I would fight to the death, is a sheep.

I want to see a scene. Let's say, Freddie, you are a farmer. You raise sheep, and specifically for their wool. JPC, you are a sheep whose time has come for you to be shorn, and you are very reluctant. It's your first time. You've never been shorn before, and you're just trying to talk your way through it.

Oh there, why don't you come over here. You look like you got a right thick coat on you. We're going to just take this right off you. Come on over here.

Yeah, it's just my first time.

So, you know, just like, you know... Well, verbal consent is quite important. It's something that I believe here on the farm. I need to get your verbal consent. Okay, very good then.

Maybe we just do scissors and no clippers for the first one. And we just take like a little bit off and then I look at it and I like let you know.

See, that's not going to work for me. That's going to get me quite frustrated here. When I need to go in, I need to go in all the way, as they say.

OK, I brought in a picture, a photo, if that helps. This is Tom Cruise from Top Gun.

I'm not going to be able to do that. We only do buzz cuts here. We only do full on buzz cuts. And Tom here, you just don't have the right hair in the right places, as they say. So I'm just going to... OK.

Peter, why in God's name does our sheep have a bob haircut?

I've just been experimenting. You know that this is my one passion.

I don't want to be shearing sheep for the rest of my life. This is not a salon, Peter. We're trying to run a farm.

Then where else am I supposed to learn the art of shaving? Where else to put on our sheep, on our willing sheep on our land than my father's? That my father's giving it to me. One day I'm going to go to that super cut in Dublin. I'm going to walk right in and I'm going to tell them that I've gone into more experience than any of them. Them school kids have learned all the proper way.

There's someone at the door, Peter.

Oh, yes. Is it? Who is it?

Hello, I'm a sheep from a neighboring farm. I heard that you can do the Rachel. Oh yeah. Scene. When you give a sheep the Rachel, doo doo doo doo.

Hi. So, Geek Boy, please can someone Photoshop the Rachel onto a sheep and send it to me?

I don't ask for many things, but I'm asking for this. I want a sheep with like the emo 2003 haircut where it's like super short in the back and then long in the front. And like a hot topic shirt, yeah.

I'll take a sheep with lea buns.

I need my sheep to be bad.

An Instagram with just sheep and just like fat ass fades and shit would go so hot right now. People would be like, yo, this guy's Instagram. This sheep got a fade. And it's like they're doing all the like close ups and they're doing like the burning things. The stuff has to be great. There's a million dollar Instagram idea right there. Someone wants to do it. It's right there for the taking. All the Instagram ad dollars coming your way.

While we figure out who's going to get this IP, let's take a quick break and we'll be right back with more hey shippy shippy.

And then IP.

During the break. Adal, Erin. The lips are still here. They're just very thin and covered by a mustache.

Alright, let's see if this is hard because you look worse in a lot of ways.

This is my nightmare. No! Guys, I have obtained my all form. That's right. I've evolved into the perfect being, the perfect version of JPC, and I call it my all form.

Oh my gosh, wait, that reminds me of something. Adal, didn't you get a couch from all form?

Yes.

Your awesome couch.

Yes, I used to loathe shopping for furniture, but then Allform sent me a couch and it was like having fun-ature. That's what I call it, hashtag fun-ature. They sent me a double-chase couch, four seats. It's the most comfortable, beautiful, delicious couch I've ever owned. Ooh, I just lay out on it. Oh, I put the cats, I put brisket and fries on one end, and I just spread all over it.

And Adal, you were able to customize that online, right? Really easy and fun?

Oh yeah, yeah. You go to their website, you pick out what you want, you pick the beautiful colors, you pick out how many seats you want. They have up to like eight seaters. All kinds of different sectionals. It's absolutely incredible. Stop, stop.

You are missing the point, okay? This is not about all form. The mattress company Helix Sleep created a furniture brand. They're making premium customizable sofas, chair ship right to your door, all contactless delivery. It is not about that. It is about buy all four, right? I'm 125% more JPC.

Wait, Adal, speaking of all form, that was probably really hard to put together, right? It took a long time to ship to and get to you.

Hey Riddle. You have to get one in. It's like when Joey and what's the other guy, Ross, are moving the couch and they're like, this way, that way. And it's like a friend's episode. Moving couch sucks. All form makes it so simple.

I mean the best part about all form, which is the pure JPC form, is if one of my form dies, I will be reincarnated.

What if I'm not totally sold and I need 100 days to decide if I want to keep it? That's more than three months. Would I have that kind of time? Probably not, right?

You absolutely have a hundred days. If you don't love it, they'll pick it up for free and give you a full refund. And hey, guess what? Unlike my high school girlfriend, they also have a forever warranty. Are you listening to that?

What? Okay, well, where do I go? What do I do?

You go to allform.com slash Riddle. That's allform.com slash Riddle. R-I-D-D-L-E.

Allform.com slash Riddle.

That's what I just said.

Okay, allform.com slash riddle.

And Allform is offering 20% off all orders for our listeners and only if you listen to any other podcast, they are not doing that. It's just for Hey Riddle at allform.com slash riddle. JPC.

Allform.com slash riddle.

20% off. Did you know your butt is where your chest used to be? I paid a wizard a lot of money to do this.

Okay, well that was a great break. I think that we successfully did all the sheep haircut puns that we needed. We got the oil out of our system.

Wait, wait, wait. One more.

Sorry, sheep not real.

Okay.

Okay. Delayed reactions. Wait, wait, wait. Oh, oh wait. Ben Stiller and Edward Morton in Sheeping the Faith. Do you want to take another break? You can take another break.

Wake up sheeple, we're back on the air.

And we have more riddles, and these are more riddles from Roam and their Sphinx. The next riddle is, I can have one or two faces upon my head. Do not drop me, but let me fall instead. I beat and crush and can even kill. With you I have life, but alone I am still. John Travolta and Nicholas Cajun face off.

Just do the waterfalls.

See anything you like? It's just gonna be just face-off quotes from here on out.

I wish that there was a sound that accompanied John Travolta putting his face down his loved one or hands down his loved one's face. He does that so many times in the movie.

It's how everyone knows him. Have you ever tried that on another human being just to see what they would be like?

Only I haven't seen another human being in months. Only if I'm sure they've seen that movie, because if they haven't seen that movie.

Yeah, I did it once and they called the cops. It's so invasive. Can you read that one more time?

Yeah, I absolutely can. I can have one or two faces upon my head. Do not drop me, but let me fall instead. I beat and crush and can even kill. With you I have life, but alone I am still.

Is it those big blocks in Mario and in Dungeons? The thwomp. Is it a thwomp?

It is not a thwomp but I mean I'm not gonna say that you're close because that's insane.

Also can I just can I just say thwomp is where the lisp Shrek lives?

Is it like the clock thing? Like the uvula of a clock? The thing that goes back and forth?

The uvula of a clock?

The pendulum? The pendulum. The balls of a clock. I can't wait till they start putting real body parts into clocks.

I never thought about it, but a pendulum is the balls of a clock. Thank you, Will.

Clock balls. Clock balls. Yeah, I got clock balls on my clock. Truck balls on my truck and clock balls on my clock. My fork's got fork balls.

My fork's got fork balls.

That's why it's the grandfather clock. That's how they know it's not the grandmother clock.

It's the grandfather clock because it says real problematic stuff.

My clock is always where there's a clock.

It is not a clock. It is not a clock. Or the pendulum. I'm sorry, Erin?

Water?

It is not water. No. Is it a d20? I feel like one of these is going to be a d20. Ooh, yeah. The dice of D&D. This is the answer indeed.

I'm trying to think of what coin has two faces and I'm like, a coin? Or what dice has two faces?

Is it a moon? You're focusing very hard on the two faces, so let's go down a little farther in the riddle. Do not drop me, but let me fall instead. I beat and crush and can even kill. With you I have a life, but alone I am still. Oh, Harvey Dent. This is Harvey Dent. Yeah. He has one or two faces. Sometimes people call him one face, famously.

They see him, they see him profile.

Holy shit. To be fair, only his priest calls him that when he's in confessional. What'd you do this week, one-face? You don't know the half of it. One faith, one faith. We do have to see a scene. Will, you are Harvey Dent's two-face, and you have come to a confessional. Erin, you are the... What's a female priest?

Well, they don't have the Catholics. Yeah, the Catholics are like super not against.

They're pretty touchy about that, actually. Female priests is a Prius, right? You're a Prius. You're a Prius.

Adal, you play the priest and I'll find a way to get into the scene in a really fun, creative, hilarious way.

Great. Okay. Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. Well, we'll see. Yeah, you're good, good. Let me check if I'm going to sin or not. Hey, it's damn, I got a sin. Forgive me, Father, I have to sin. What sin should I do?

Oh, okay. Well, child, thank you for coming back. It's always good to... I mean, I'm not supposed to... It's been... Hold on one second.

It's been... It's been one week since my last confession, since you looked at me. What are you, bare naked ladies? That was the sin. I was with a bare naked lady. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Father.

Even priests have fun. Well, here's what I recommend. If you feel like you're about to sin, what I'd recommend is, and this is a little crazy, so call me crazy, what I'd suggest is plopping down on the couch and making yourself some good old fashioned popcorn.

See, I hear you Father, that sounds great, but what if instead I flip a coin to decide whether I'm going to do my sin or not? Cause then it's really up to God if you think about it, you know? Cause he's choosing which way the coin's gonna fall, Father. So, you know, if I'm gonna kill the Batman, I can flip the coin and it's gonna tell me.

We have this conversation a lot. Hey! It's God. Please don't involve me in this. I'm super busy. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm just really busy and you guys are just like talking about me so much and it's just like hard to focus.

Wow, this is incredible. I have so many questions. God, I can't believe you came down here just to say don't talk about me.

Ah, you're doing it again. Oh man, it feels like you didn't hear what I just asked you to do. Oh boy, I'm back here.

Excuse me. God, I have a question as well. Hi, I'm Two-Face.

Yeah, you are one of the more forgettable Batman villains.

Well, I disagree with that. And since you chose how the coin fell, you agree with me disagreeing with it. I'm a lawyer as well. That's why I'm a little pedantic. Is it all right for me to kill Batman?

You know what? I was in the middle of saving a bunch of lives, and then you distracted me, so do whatever you want to do.

That sounds like God is the one who's sinned, Father. Sounds like this is her confession time.

God, I have a question. Does the penguin mate for life?

Hey, I have a question for you.

Yeah?

Does Bane go to your church? Because he's... I don't know, I'm a little bit attracted to him. Just on Christmas.

Hey God, that's just Too Faced with his face hair. Say it and say it. I'd watch a one man Batman show put on my will.

You're still, I would say, nowhere close to solving this, Riddle.

It is not a card.

I can have one face or two. Yeah, that's a good one because yeah, half the card.

It's a sandwich!

Nice cards.

Ooh. Yeah, don't drop me, but let me fall. I could... Fall into your mouth. You can crush a sandwich like a pinini press. You could like beat a sandwich. It could kill you with a... Poisonous sandwich. Choke on it. Care away. Compromise. You're fucked. With you I have life but alone I am still doesn't quite work so I can't really give you sandwich. Yeah, if you don't touch a sandwich you ain't going anywhere.

Oh is it one of the little creatures from Fall Guys? It is not a Fall Guy creature. Because they can wear like pigeon heads and stuff. Adal, stop doing promotional content for Fall Guys.

You guys saw that the Fall Guys are six feet tall, right? Like the Twitter revealed that the Fall Guys are actually the size of human beings. Holy shit.

Freddie, I think that sandwich quote is going to be a really big part of your legacy.

Is it a family photo that is like heavy and then if it falls on you there are faces in it and you die?

The spirit of the show award goes to Beth. That's the airplane that Lindbergh will take around the world? Alright, no it's not. So one of the crucial clues here I think would be do not drop me but let me fall instead. This is definitely something that you would describe as letting fall but you wouldn't want to drop.

Well I do want, if I can talk through it a little bit JPC with you since you know the answer. I do know famously Gimli did not want to be tossed, right? So is it a dwarf?

No, Adal, you are the closest with Gimli that anyone else has got to this riddle.

I'm going to venture a guess. I'd like to venture a guess here. I think it's a tool. I think it's a hammer.

It is a hammer. Gimli's tool.

In my axe.

Well, yeah, I guess he uses an axe.

Yeah, so where did the Gimli thing come from? Whoa, yo, bro, are you saying that all dwarves use hammers, bro? That's like, yo.

Kind of problematic. I'm fucked. This is it. This is my live show.

You know what I finally made the connection? That's the actor's name who plays Gimli.

John Rhys Davis.

John Rhys Davis. So he's in Indiana Jones and stuff, but he's also the villain in Princess Diaries 2. Oh, I didn't know that. Actually that might not be true.

It's true. This is a misinformation podcast where we just put out lies into the world.

I know that is true because I was the princess in Princess Diaries 2.

It was so funny because I was about to say I've never seen Erin have so much confidence about something she said and then she immediately backtracked.

Erin, somewhere out there listening, Anne Hathaway just dropped her phone in a pool.

We played Viscount Mabry. He's the villain. Him and Chris Pine are the villain, but she isn't falling in love with Chris Pine. Please check out Princess Diaries 2.

Take a break from playing Fall Guys and check out Princess Diaries 2.

Enter promo code HeyRiddleRiddle on your copy of Princess Diaries 2.

Write it on the back of your DVD.

And you can play as Anne Hathaway in the fall, guys. Alright, here's... Unlock the Anne Hathaway skin. All she does is lament for eight minutes and then die and then accept an award. She's one of the best.

She was incredible though, you know.

I eat and sleep while my brother fights. You trap me at home and ignore his plight. Liam Gallagher. He is the meaner, the fiercer of us two, yet I am the one who more oft killed by you. Who is my brother? Liam Hemsworth? It's the Hemsworth brothers.

Oh I would be so so happy if the Hemsworth brothers were an answer to a riddle. Oh man.

You heard him listeners. You want to get all the show? Write us in the Hemsworth brother riddles.

What would that riddle be?

I don't know.

Two matter and one does not. One's the house.

I don't know what's two I'm talking about.

Fuck Liam.

One was Thor and one is Liam.

But real girls love Luke. That's true.

Real women watch Westworld. It is not the Hemsworth brothers. Can we hear that Riddle one more time? I eat and sleep while my brother fights. You trap me at home and ignore his plight. He is the meaner the fiercer of us two, yet I am the one more oft killed by you. Who is my brother and what am I and who am I?

Is it fucking like day and night or salt and pepper or something?

It is not day and night, it is not salt and pepper. Is it in vogue? TLC? No, you're so close, Adal, just give me four or five more. You're circling. Tango and Cash.

Rizzoli and Iles.

No, I'm sorry, it's not. Twitter and Facebook. No, the answer is Franklin and Bash.

It seems like such a crude answer, but is it like right hand, left hand, and the left hand is like playing with your dingaling on your crotch or whatever and your right hand's out doing in the world, you know, shaking hands.

Well, Freddie is right about the location of the dingaling that is not the correct answer to the riddle. Please.

Is it a frown and a smile?

Ooh. It is not a frown and a smile. Is it the left and right brain? By chance. These are all really great answers. Let me help you, let me help you. I don't want to, I think this maybe gives it a little away a little too much, but.

Wait, when I'm asleep, my brother fights. Oh, Erin, it's Dan and Vito and Arnold Schwarzenegger. I'm the Danny DeVito one. And twins.

These are... Oh wait, is it Jackal and Hyde? Like literally just Jackal and Hyde?

No, but that is close because I think that these are... Well, I guess that's maybe not... Drama and comedy. It is a living thing. It is not concepts. This is... Jackal and Hyde was close.

Theater is alive, JPC. It's a living odd choice.

It's a living thing. Calm down, Jeff Lynn. It is. Thank you. It's a living thing. Yeah, creatures, I will say. Creatures.

Is it like a mouse and a rat? Or let's see here.

A bear? Is it a bear that's asleep?

It's not a bear. It's not a bear. Creatures. He is the meaner, the fiercer of us two, yet I am the one more oft killed by you. It's kind of the same animal, but it's not really the same animal. Is that dog and a wolf? He's very close. House cut and lion are coming. No, not house cut and lion, not dog and wolf.

One you eat.

One you eat, yes.

Oh, wow. Listen, I'm just saying if you're an omnivore, you better fucking be an omnivore. And if you're not going to, that's it. Omni means everything, so.

Is it some kind of bird?

Is it a goldfish and a fish?

It's not a goldfish and a fish. Chicken and a velociraptor? No.

I'll give you one more time. I eat and sleep, well, Erin. Yes, a pig and? A boar? A boar. Erin and Will with the combo win.

Will, we did it.

I feel like I just kind of swooped in on Erin's answer there. So I feel like Erin should get the correct answer.

I would have never said boar.

I would have never said boar.

My eyes got really wide and I was like, don't say hog.

So I was close with the ding-a-ling, because the hog. Closest of any one.

Damn it, because they didn't give you that, Freddy.

I know. Listen, the scoring's a little bit suspect though.

Freddy's got maybe three of them right, but yes, the scoring is sus. Speaking of sus, we have to move on. It's not my purpose, but I'm often thrown by humans having fun and steeds having none. And occasionally, I'm also a decoration shown. What am I? It's a horse shoe, I believe. I like the idea of steeds having none. So that inspired me.

I think horses fucking love running. Like you can't look at a horse and be like, I bet you one thing that fucking guy hates is running. Like they're having a great time.

I bet horses are like those bros that are always like, yo, check out this book, born to run, like change my life.

I'm literally looking at that book right now.

Literally every person.

In that spirit, I would like to see a scene. Let's do Freddie, Beth, and Adal. You are going to be like three very catty horses on a farm and you're like surveying the rest of the animals on the farm and you are having none of it.

Look at all of these freaks.

Oh my god. She thinks that that's a mane. It's more like a lame.

Look at those pigs rolling in shit. Oh, disgusting.

You think that's a bass? They don't even know.

They don't even know. They don't even know.

I've got a fly near my tail if you could just kind of with your tail, like get it off.

Yeah. Grandpa's Stories. Let me get that for you.

Oh my God. Thank you. Thank you.

You're welcome. Grandpa's Stories. We all have weird names because we're horses. That's just what we do. Chachki Williams. Yeah. You've been quiet.

Who have you been observing on the farm? I was just checking to see if any of these animals had a bigger dick than mine. I can assure you that they do not. I'm quite well endowed, comparatively.

I know, I would know, and they do not.

Yes, yes.

Look how they gaze longingly upon it. Yes, indeed. Longingly is a relative word. Joshki, I've told you time and before, the horses, or at least our clique, clip-flop, we tend to be the mean girls at the table, if that makes sense. We tend to judge the other barnyard animals.

We're the Maine Girls.

The second time I use the word Maine, probably. But Chosky, I've seemed to notice that for the past two weeks, since you've been eating with us here at this trough and through the old bags, I seem that all you do is compare your dick to other animals.

Is that, I'm sorry, is that not what we were supposed to be doing?

We cut to the three cows who were talking about them. Guys, they're gonna figure out that he's a cow and not a horse. I feel like he's blowing it over there.

That's what he gets for abandoning the nerdy cow click. You know, like, we're all cows here. Cows are supposed to be cool. And he just was like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna peace out and be a horse now. So frick him, I say.

I can hear the hurt in your voice.

He hurt me. He was my friend. Watch, I bet he doesn't even recognize me anymore. Hey, hey, hey, hey, couch ski. Hey, hey. Jeff, you're a cow. You're gonna blow it. You're gonna blow it, Jeff. The cows, uh, the cows talking to us pay them no mind. Did you hear him say that? He's changed, man. I told you. Oh, he's cold.

He has the worst disguise I've ever seen. Cows are so, um, m-mane. Get it like a main joke again, but it's a mundane.

Girls, while you're here, I was just wondering, um... Could one of you milk me? I need to be milked. Just these things under here, yes. Just say jerked off. What are you doing? No, no, no. It's not quite there, but just, you know, it's just I've got a lot of milk.

Okay. Let me watch down here to your bag of dicks that we seemingly brush under the rug.

It's normal. It's totally normal. I told you it's a genetic thing. Everyone had it and my family's had it. It's totally fine.

Fine if it's normal. I'm just saying, compared to us, you have a bag of dicks.

We have to step in. This is horrible to watch.

This is so weird.

Are you guys sure we didn't want to watch?

There's a sound design that we can do there. There's a lot of sound effects and just really squelchy.

We didn't get this riddle, but we solved improv?

I'm confused as to whether Freddy was a male cow or a female cow that would have an udder, right?

Is this economy? It doesn't matter.

Oh shit, you're right. I didn't even realize that. My God. Clearly I've now grown up on a farm. I know nothing about farmyard animals. Hey horses out there jerking off a cow.

Old Grandpa. Go back to bad old grandpa.

One of your grandpa stories. That's why we named a horse after him.

We just read the original Charlotte's Web that got banned.

E.B. White tossed that puppy in the water. Too hot for second grade Charlotte's Web. E.B. White was a fucking pervert. Some cock.

So this is the last one that Rome sent in. Half of me burns, but I feel no pain. At night I'm called lovely, but in the day I seem plain.

Sorry guys, I don't know why I'm being so mean tonight. I'm normally... That's the energy of our show.

That's okay. You were just mean to the listener, Roam.

I'm normally super mean.

Roam, you're mom. Uh, no, I'm sure your mom because lovely burns.

My mom? She's awful. No, just saying, it's your birthday tomorrow. Love you, mom.

Oh, no. Oh, wow. I am lovely. So what is it? Can we hear that one more time? Half of me burns, but I feel no pain. At night, I'm called lovely, but in the day I seem plain. A candle? Ooh, that's so good. I love that, but no, it's not a candle. I think that kind of works though. Half of it burns, but I feel no pain. I will say that the burning, it's not like literal fire. Is it a firefly? Adal is correct, it is a firefly.

Or I guess some people call them lightning bugs. Some people in Indiana call them lightning bugs.

I have a question for the group about fireflies. My boyfriend's family grew up in Illinois and they said that growing up they used to go out with a wiffle ball bat and hit fireflies every night during the summer to see them run fly. I heard that was horrified, have never heard of that before. What a horrible way to die. Do people do that?

You're correct, that's horrible.

What is that?

That's actually the fly shit.

That's what's in the glow stick at a rave. It's a bunch of firefly butts in there.

And come to think of it, this same kid used to pee his pants. He used to torture small animals and set things on fire.

I hope those fireflies are in the same part of heaven as those turkeys that get sent into...

I want to say that kid's name was Ron Wayne. Ron Wayne.

If someone killed me in a jar and then smeared my butt everywhere. No way. There's no dignity.

That's how I want to go.

I want to see a scene. This is Erin, Beth, and Will, and the three of you are your three southern kids on a star-filled night out in the countryside and you're playing with fireflies.

I don't know y'all. I feel like we gotta upgrade to real fire.

I love the bugs. We gotta upgrade to a real band. I'm sick of this whiffle band. Why don't we just hit a big old fire with a bat, with a metal bat?

Well, because then you don't see it go on and off again. The big thing about the bugs, they go on, they go off, and they go on, and they go off, and they go on, and they go off. Tommy, you're going to be an incredible scientist one day if you ever get out of town. That's what my mama says. She says, Tommy, your brain, it goes on, and it goes off, it goes on, it goes off.

You got a future as bright as these bug's butts. I'll tell you that much. Me and Will aren't going anywhere.

Shoot, and this dead end one horse with a dick in a cow water town. Shucks.

Forget it. You guys look like a caught one.

A caught one.

Yeah, firefly. I mean, lightning buff. Let's try not to name it. Okay. Okay.

Hold it real still. I'll get the bat. Okay. Just hold it up. I'm going to use the metal bat this time.

Well, can you see it against the darker? Should I put it in front of my face so you can see like the light?

Yeah. Put it right in front of your face. I'm going to, I'm going to swing my metal bat at it.

But Tommy, if you make eye contact with it, you're going to connect to it, so be careful.

And we cut to later that night, Erin, you were sleeping in bed having nightmares about what you and your friends did. And visiting you in your dreams is Firefly Zone Nathan Fillion, played by JPC. Erin, wake up.

Oh my god.

If I were 48, I would find your sex appeal unmatched.

Alright, 48, that's kind of cruel.

No, I mean, you're hot to any age, but I feel like specifically... Okay, fine.

I mean, yeah, but correct me if I'm wrong, and you can tell me because I can't really see what I look like. Am I Firefly-era Nathan Fillion? Because then 48 is kind of too old. Or am I... Oh, what's the one where I'm like the... Castle. Castle. Thank you. I'm sorry, this is Alan Tudyk. He drove me?

He drove you. He drove me into my dream?

Hold on a second, let me count again. One dick, two dicks.

Hey, I'm Alan Tudyk. I'm sorry, that's stand-up comedian Alan Tudyk. That's Alan Tudyk. I'm Nathan Fillion.

I'm trying to tell you that you're Castle Nathan Fillion. Hey Nathan Fillion, do you remember Dr. Horrible?

Yeah, that was like 20 fucking years ago.

I'm Castle Nathan Fillion. Yeah.

Oh shit.

I can't tell if this is a dream or a nightmare.

Do you have whiskey?

Do I?

Six seasons in a movie.

I can't believe you had a dream about the rookies.

I love somebody visiting your dream and going, can I get a drink?

Or saying that another person gave them a ride to your dream.

So, real quick, I want to get this in because this is a listener, his name is Scott, wrote into the show and said, he says some very nice things about the show, but specifically Scott says, I found you guys through a recommendation from the DM of the podcast Dungeons and Daddies and I have been hoping for a crossover episode ever since. So, since Scott was hoping for a crossover episode, and ever since, this email came like a month ago, so you didn't have to wait very long, Scott. Scott sends in a game for us to play, and it's a game I think that will all be kind of on equal footing to play. So we have a segment on this show where if one of us says something that is absolutely wild, another one will say, that's going to be a dead stop. So Scott has designed a game that replaces that dead stop with things that rhyme with those two words. So an example that Scott puts is what's it going to be when you don't want to burn a rhyme in the samples but want to show the form and that's going to be a Ted's drop. Now I know that that's a very confusing example.

Couldn't be more confusing.

But the rest of them get easier. I think you understand though that it's like a dead, something that rhymes with dead, stop, something that rhymes with stop. Cool. And these are all like full on rhymes, no Emily Dickinson slant rhyme. Scott put a bunch of these in here and I think that they degrade in quality as you go on earth. No, no, Scott in fact did say they become a stretch to be considered a riddle. The difficulty stays the same the entire way through.

I just want to give a quick shout out. Thank you to Freddie for someone finally having the guts to take Dickinson down a pig.

Yeah, right? About fucking time here.

She said it's too good for too long.

We get it, it's a hummingbird guy.

So, what's it going to be when you're looking for a business that just sells Nutella, peanut butter, and jams? A spread shop? It's a spread shop! We'll have one point.

I won't keep tracking these points. We'll just throw the rap album, so we gotta be careful. I take you to the spread shop. It's also an adult arcade, it's called his bread shop.

You're brought in the ones for later. What's it gonna be when you finish your spaghetti, but there's still some sauce at the bottom of the plate? Bread mop? Not mop. Bread sop. I'm sorry, bread sop. Bread sop.

It is a bread sop, thank you. Mop is I guess what you do to barbecue, sop is what you do with bread.

Is spaghetti bread I promise we will have you back on our other podcast to talk about Is Spaghetti Bread but we just do not have the time.

You can't make a sandwich just with pasta, so it's not bread.

That's fair, that's fair.

Again, I will invite you all to come back on the other show and we can really get into this. The next one is, what's it going to be when someone dies in Greek mythology and the camera cuts to three Greek fates? A dead hop. It's not a dead hop. Can you read that one again? What's it going to be when someone dies in Greek mythology and the camera cuts to the three Greek fates? When you die in Greek mythology, there's a metaphor for your life that kind of stretches. A thread, a thread, a thread, a thread, drop, drop, thread, chop, thread, chop. It is a thread, chop.

If you see Hercules, the fates cut that little string. Yes. And James Woods is being a fucking piece of shit.

What's it going to be when King Louis XVI goes post-potatoes dies during the French Revolution? Head chop? It is head. What's another word that rhymes with that plop? Take off the pee?

Wop.

Yes, good. And you took off the correct P. This just said, blow. Beth had that right three different ways. That is a head lop. Head blow. What's it going to be when everyone shows up to see Adal get married, but instead, Erin and Sean take the altar. Better wedding? Yeah, that one breaks the forward, Beth, but that's correct. A wet swap. A wet swap. Wow, Will is killing this. Let's see, what's it going to be when an innovative janitor invents a new way to clean the floors of the downhill corridors?

A sled mop. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say suck it.

It's a sled mop. No, we should. We should have to suck it. The, what's it gonna, okay.

Can I ask one? Yes. Instead of what's it gonna be, it's gonna be, how's it gonna be when you're sure I'm not there? Third eye blind. Okay, go back to the fucking riddles or whatever.

That's gonna be a jumper. What's it gonna be when you hire people to cover up a scandal and destroy records such as Watergate? Uh, FED?

It's not FED. What are they doing?

What are they actually doing to the records? Shred?

Shred?

Shred? Shred ops.

Shred ops. Yep.

Shred op. That's the new Call of Duty game, I think was Call of Duty Shred Ops.

It's just you in an office. Two hours till the feds come. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.

These are great. What's it going to be when Canada's linguistic differences matches their relational position to the United States? Zed. Zed Top. Wow, you're just killing these.

Zed Top, baby. That's actually what they call ZZ Top again.

Honestly, when I read the answer Zed Top, I thought it was going to be a ZZ Top thing. What's it going to be when the terrible lunch person scoops servings of amorphous food-adjacent goo that the children are expected to eat? Slop. feels like glop is one of them. Slop. It is slop. But it's like this stuff fills you with terror.

Dread Slop.

It is Dread Slop. This is the last one that Scott puts on. What's it going to be when a child who is incorrectly using a thesaurus to sound smarter teaches other children to play a game with squares they drew on the sidewalk? Got it.

It's a Fred hop because I would, it's me making fun of me. It's Fred Hopp, right? It'sosaurus, you know?

The goobriestly I've seen. I don't know if Scott could have known that you were going to be on the show for this, but they did say it was a crossover, so I will give it to you. He said, Tread Hopp, but I will give a Fred Hopp. Because you did say that when you were a child, you would cheat to sound smarter.

Yeah, yeah. Using a thesaurus and learning the English language. It's cheating.

Education is stupid and you can quote me on that.

Stupid. I just thought of one. What's it going to be when you wear your outdated white shoes into a cornfield?

A kid crop?

Yeah, a kid crop. Yeah, a kid crop.

Nice.

Speaking of kid crop, let's go ahead and get into our plugs. Thank you so much, Scott, for sending those in. Those are great. Let's start with Will Campos. Do you have anything you want to plug?

Yeah, I'll plug. We do a podcast called Dungeons and Daddies and we do another one called Story Break. That's a lot of fun. It's a writers room podcast where we have an hour to come up with a plot for a movie based on an IP or whatever. I'm bombing the pictures. One of our most recent episodes, we just took Disney Channel original movie posters and we had to come without. Without not knowing what it is. And those posters are wild. Yeah, they're very good. The last thing I'll plug is Frasier. Go watch Frasier. It's great. Best sitcom.

That's right. Denial's not just a brother on Frasier.

Beth, what do you have? I might have 100 guesses for what you're going to plug, Will. It would not have been Frasier.

Beth, what do you want to plug and what's your favorite 90s sitcom?

Okay, so yeah, I'm also on this podcast, I don't know if you've heard of it, called Dungeons and Daddies. We have, yes. That's great. You can follow me on Twitter or Instagram if you want. Hey Beth May, that's hey like saying hi Beth like my name and then May like the month. And then 90s sitcoms. You know, I gotta go with Seinfeld. I know I'm like ultimately not really smart enough to have been influenced by it. But like, you know, you know when you go on a date with somebody and they're like, oh, my favorite show growing up with Seinfeld. And you're like, really? And this is the result of that? Like, yeah, but it is my favorite, genuinely.

Outstanding.

That is so funny.

Freddie, anything you want to plug?

Yeah, so my appearance is brought to you by Herbalife. Nutrition made with your goals in mind. Go to Herbalife.com. Use my promo code FWONG to get 15% off your first order. Make money, make a difference. I need you guys to sign up under my affiliate code. That's on my Twitter under FWONG.

Hey hun, you heard of Mary Kay?

JPC, anything you want to mention?

No, you can follow me on Twitch at sharkbarkman and then all the other stuff that I do and stuff. Erin?

You can follow me, Erin Keif 10, on Instagram, and my favorite 90s sitcom is maybe Will & Grace.

And I want to plug a little game called Fall Guys. Also Princess Diaries 2 should be re-released in theaters in the coming weeks. And also the three of us, myself, JPC, and Erin, we did a bonus episode of Dungeons & Daddies, which should be out around this time or sometime soon, I believe. Yes, either today, yesterday, or tomorrow. And we, oh holy shit, we had such a fun time. I don't know, can I, should I say what the premise was? Is that gonna? Yeah. Well we did a, basically a D&D game inside the movie Con Air, and it was such a fucking blast.

He didn't know it was Con Aaron until a little bit.

Yeah, until maybe halfway through. So please check that out as well. And Aaron, I don't know, we've talked now about two different Nicholas Cage movies. He did one where he was an astronaut that got shelved because he did it under the name Nicholas Coppola. Do you know the name of that movie?

Jupiter.

Five forever. Rifai, Rifai.

Starting Aaron Keif and John Patrick Coan. Casey Tony could be editing, M.R.E. parents and the music. Logo created by Emily Tartamus and Emily Nemours.

Hey, if you liked that, then you're going to love this. On this week's Patreon, we talk about some scary stories and we have some improv scenes about them. So if you want to hear that, go to patreon.com slash Hey Riddle Riddle. You can join the Clue Crew for $5 a month or the Review Crew for $8 a month. See you there.