Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum podcast. The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Oh, something worked. Oh, fish. It was the cabin of an airplane. He stabbed him with an icicle.

And the horse came riding.

I love the story that John Hodgman told on This American Life where he talks about when he was in New York and he walked into the Apple store while those commercials were playing. What was the story? He said that he just walked into the Apple store in Times Square, New York to go shopping while those commercials were running. And it was like the world imploded in on him. People started screaming and freaking out like, what is the PC doing in here?

Why would he think he could go into the stores when those, why would he think he could do that?

He's like, Apple's paying me. I'm obviously on Apple's side, but people are dumb.

Anyway, I'm JPC. No. Yes. Yes. I'm Adal Rifai.

No, and I'm Erin Keif.

And this is Hey Riddle Riddle, a show where we do riddles.

And I'm the riddle, and that's the riddle, and that's the hey.

Is this our intro? Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I like my new thing as a prankster because we know I'm kind of the prankster of the show. Would you say that I'm the prankster of the show?

I would say, so what's, okay, here's a question. So a prankster is someone who like gives someone a hot foot or like puts dog poop on a porch and lights it or something, a lot of fire stuff. What is it, what do you call someone who's a prankster but then like accidentally kills people?

A bad friend.

That's what you are. That's what you are.

A genius.

A genius. So, one of my new little pranks that I do is just when we think that we're all talking, we're having fun, and we're just talking about stories about our life, I sneak in that this is actually the intro and then... This is the first time you've done this.

Damn.

Yeah, well it's a new thing. So the prankster's always evolving, and so you see. And then we make Erin tell stories about times that she listened to, that's American life.

That's American life. Typically pranksters pull their pranks and then they move on with their life. I feel like you did your prank and now you're explaining it in the way that like a supervillain does.

Yes, so Batman's gonna burst in here any minute and it could be spaghetti and punch me to death.

Um, JPC's the prankster. I'm the jock and Adal the... Jock's with those people in high school that were always sleeping, right? Come on, man. Come on, man. Come on, man.

No, we told you your quarterback was in a coma. We still want state. And I'm the know-it-all. The local know-it-all. The brainiac.

Yeah, absolute brainiac. Would you take offense to someone saying, like, calling you Einstein? That was always something that I never got. Someone being like, nice job, Einstein.

Are they implying that you're... Is it after you've done something really dumb?

For me, it was every time that I was after I brought people a bunch of bagels.

And I don't... Yeah, so you should take offense.

Okay.

Because Einstein was not Jewish.

No, but Einstein Brothers Bagels? Are you not familiar? You're from the Midwest.

Oh, yeah.

I forgot about that.

What is happening? Well, we're here in like local bagel places. Like where did you get bagels growing up?

It was Einstein. We got Einstein bagels and then was there any other local bagel places that we went to?

I've never had a local bagel place in a town I lived in. Really?

We had a place called Atlantic Bagel that was a like one minute walk from our high school so everyone would show up with like a delicious cream cheese bagel to homeroom. They're amazing. Atlantic Bagel and hang them.

Bagels are a bigger thing on the East Coast than they are in the Midwest.

Oh, for sure. My favorite thing, anytime I go to New York, maybe my first stop is to go to Murray's Bagels. Murray's Bagels, or if I need to, Essa Bagels is a good second runner-up. Bagels are phenomenal.

Oh, can I do my New York recommendation? Yeah. Every time I go to New York, the first stop is my hotel to drop off my bags. I don't like carrying my bags around with me while I'm in the coming city like that. This is a hot tip. The sidewalks are more narrow in New York than they are in Chicago, so first stop, always my hotel, always drop off my bags.

Here's a very nice try, Einstein. Here's my thing. Every year I go to New York maybe six or seven times. Not this year motherfucker. Not this year. I always just wear like a backpack. I never have luggage. So I don't go to the hotel room or the Airbnb or wherever I'm staying because I just walk around with my backpack. Yeah, and you have a giant backpack. I have a giant backpack. Oh, speaking of giant backpacks, I thought about, so JPC, you have a new podcast called Bill Buds. Thank you for mentioning it.

We need all the positive press we can get.

It's wonderful. And you were kind enough to invite Erin and I on, and I know what I want to review on Bill Buds. Oh, yeah? It's a song that's been stuck in my head for weeks now. It's on an album.

Well, they do albums.

Well, we're just going to do one song. And it's the new subway song that goes five, five dollar, five dollar foot longs. Am I going crazy right now? Did you say the new subway song that does that? Well there's a new commercial with it.

Yeah, but you are aware that that song has been around for like a decade, right?

Sure. Ever since they swept Jared under the rug.

Were you a gobo? Adal was grounded for 10 years, and he finally got his TV privilege back.

No, I didn't. I wasn't. Shut up.

He was. He was grounded, and now we gave him TV back, but only if he's good.

That would be a fun episode to just do songs from commercials because, man, songs from commercials are kind of like pop music in that they are earworms and they absolutely just stick in your fucking head forever.

Oh yeah. I think it would be fun to review all commercial songs because, yeah, like you said, they're made to stick with you. And that song I've been seeing around the house nonstop. Or do TV theme songs. TV theme songs too. The Golden Girls theme or whatever.

What do you think the catchiest TV theme song of all time is?

I do think Golden Girls is lost. I do think the Golden Girls theme song has to be, if it's not number one, it's in the top three for sure.

For me in terms of sticking in my brain, it's the cat dog theme song. For whatever reason, that'll just pop into my brain. I'll wake up in the morning and be like, alone in the world with a little cat dog.

I've never seen it. Charles in Charge has a very catchy theme song, but I will say the line from any theme song that gets stuck in my head the most is, growing up is not so tough, except when I've had enough, which is from the Caillou's theme song.

Oh, you know what's in my head constantly. Camp on a wanna, we hold you in our hearts, I wanna think about you, it makes me wanna fart.

I think it kind of is a bummer that we don't do theme songs, like lyric theme songs much anymore, and it's just like interesting music scores and things like that. I do miss like the theme songs, like sitcom-y theme songs that like set up what you were about to see or what you've already seen a thousand times.

Yeah.

Like the Brady Bunch song? It's like here's a summary.

Friends, cheers.

Yeah. Cheers is a good one. Cheers is a good one too. Friends is good, but I don't think about it. Except for the clap part, I don't think about it. Also, was it unique to friends or was it a song before friends that they just used for friends? I don't know. It's from the Rembrandt, so either way, we never heard of it.

We never heard of it.

Clap, clap, clap.

Speaking of other things that are fun and cool, we do a podcast about riddles, and it's called Hey Riddle Riddle, and Erin, you're old man puzzles for this episode, correct?

I'm very old. I'm the oldest man, and I'm the oldest puzzles. I'm about to turn to dust.

Say something that only someone from 1917 would say.

Dinosaurs.

Okay. Unions will be around forever.

The Titanic sank recently.

That was the number one thing on t-shirts in 1917.

How about this? World War I. Almost. Yes. Are we?

I remember when people were predicting World War I all the time. All the time.

They would say, the Great War is upon us. That's what they'd say.

And they knew there'd be multiple, which is why they said World War I. Only one Roosevelt will ever be President.

What else?

What else? What else?

In a hundred years it will be 2017. Model T? Question mark? Now expand that pause by 11 minutes, please.

Oh yes, okay, cool.

Okay, all right. For real, I'm Old Man Puzzles, and these are really fun ones from Nathan.

We'll be the judge of that, Nathan. Ooh, famous hot dogs.

They're a specific sort of like a setup for warm-up riddles that I think are really fun. I'm gonna do listener-submitted riddles from recently. Famously, JPC does the ones from 2018, and I started the most recent ones.

Erin, you said they have a... Are these knock-knock jokes?

No, but they are a really fun concept. I also think that Nathan may not be from the United States by the way that he phrases this. So you tell me what you think. I've reinstalled Tinder recently and it got me thinking. Two-part chat up lines are basically just warm-up riddles to try and get smooches. So basically like pick up lines.

Smooches. Yeah, he's from Germany. I meant chat up lines.

So here's the first half of some chat up lines.

Yeah, it's a space. Let me give you some smooches.

So here are the first half of some chat up lines. Try to see if you can guess the second half.

Deal.

Example. Hey, are you a pillow? Because I'd like to sleep with you. So the first half would be, hey, are you a pillow?

Great. I'm glad it went in a better way.

What were you going to say?

Cause you're about to get stuffed.

Oh nice. I want you in between my legs. It actually is really good for back pain to sleep with a pillow in between your legs.

Doesn't matter. Hey, are you a pillow? Cause the back of you is super cold.

I have poor blood circulation.

Are you a pillow? Because I want to flip you over and use the other half. Hey, Erin, are you a pillow?

No, why?

You must be a pillow cause you're looking down.

At what?

You look sad. No, you look sad. Oh, oh boy. You okay?

Okay. Are we ready? Yes. Hey girl, are you a mirror?

Because I can see myself in you.

Hey girl, are you a mirror? Because meeting you was seven years of bad luck.

That's it. Hey girl, are you a mirror? Because you are one half of the ownership of Headgum Network.

Oh my god. Really good.

A mirror, yeah. I like that.

All of those work, technically.

Yes.

Because I can't see myself without you.

Okay, that was sweet. Let's take a minute to reflect on that answer.

Wow.

Is that fun? Wow. Is that fun? Wow. Erin, you've accidentally given me a category in which I thrive.

I know. That's why, why do you think I picked this one? I was like, oh, my two dumb, dumb friends are going to love this.

Nathan, if you're out there listening in France or whatever, we thank you. We want to give you a big old smooch on the chat up line.

Hey boy, are you food, water, or oxygen?

Because I can't live without you.

Hey boy, are you food, water, or oxygen? Because if I have a milkshake, all three are going to be racing out of me.

Yeah, that's probably it. We'll change it to that one. Food, water, and oxygen just sounds like a earth, wind, and fire cover band, doesn't it?

For people of science, go ahead. Are you food, water, and oxygen? Because we can summon Captain Planet. Because if you know a monkey with a heart, you've got Captain Planet on the dial. I wouldn't see a scene. We would always, because me and my friends when we were, I don't know, 11 or something, we would always make fun of Mati who, it would be like earth, water, fire, whatever, and then he would be like heart and he had that monkey. And at the time it was funny because you're like, what are you gonna do with heart? As an adult, obviously I realized the heart is the greatest weapon.

Unrelated, I'm just getting Gemma on the phone.

So I want to see a scene where the two of you are planeteers who didn't make the cut. So we have earth, wind, fire, wind, water, and heart, and you two just missed the cut and you're sort of commiserating over a drink.

You know what? Hey, one of them could die. It's dangerous to summon Captain Planet. They're always, they're always at oil spills. One could die.

Are you just saying that? Are you just trying to make me feel better? I'm not.

Becca, you would get the call.

No, you would poop. Poop, you would. Poop, you would. You're amazing.

I'm not, I'm not. My name is Poop. My power is summoning breakfast tacos. I'm a mess, okay?

Poop, you're amazing.

Becca, I'm not, I'm not. You are amazing. Everyone needs old t-shirts because you can use it to clean up a spill or you can just wear them if like, you know, because you can wear an old t-shirt.

No, old t-shirts are stupid. Sometimes like if I'm curling my hair I use an old t-shirt to just like help with the curls because it's better than a towel but like a tiny bit of people know about that hack.

Lots of people know. Some people even in their apartments have an old t-shirt hanging where a towel should hang just because of that in their bathroom and they let it go by for months without asking their partner about it and when they did they were like I was afraid to ask why there was this t-shirt in there.

Poop this seems specific to you. Does your partner

Yeah, thank you, Becca. But my name is Poop and I submit breakfast tacos. I don't have a partner and I won't have a partner.

Oh, speaking of summoning, welcome. Well, I guess I came to you. My name is Satan and I'm looking for nine deadly sins. We're having an expansion. Please, what is your thing? What can you bring to the seven deadly sins to make it nine? Becca, this could be an in for us.

Well, my whole thing is summoning old t-shirts usually from like high school productions of Oklahoma.

She could pair up with lust and be like cum rag duty or something. No, no, no. Yes, you are now cum rag.

Yes.

Oh man.

And what's what's your thing?

Well, my name is poop, which I don't love. I've heard enough.

Perfect. Next one from Nathan. Hey baby, are you the cold vacuum of space?

Hey baby, are you the cold vacuum of space because George Clooney died in you? Yeah, I was going to say because if I was in- Hey Adal, I told you that in confidence.

And the night was going great before that, okay?

Erin, remember when you had sex with George Clooney and he died in you?

Nespresso! And I thought it was one of those classic George Clooney pranks. But no, we were having sex and he died in me. Are you happy? It was one fine day before that. Then I had to take him to the ER. Wait, I can do a couple more.

Okay, nice.

You don't understand the gravity of the situation. A couple more?

Uh-huh, uh-huh. Okay, okay. You already said, um... Ocean's 11. Ocean's 11, cool. Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da

Would you guys say that I'm the George Clooney of the podcast because he's a prankster and I'm kind of a prankster as well?

I think you're the George Clooney, I think Erin's the Brad Pitt, and I think I'm the Don Cheadle. Lucky bastard. Ocean's 11. Okay.

I think I'm the Julia Roberts, because I say things like, when George Clooney goes, does he make you laugh? And then I can go, well, he doesn't make me cry.

Damn. Hey Erin, can I give you a line and I want you to say it?

Yeah, of course.

I've got moves you've never seen. Okay, now you say it.

I've got moves you've never seen.

Okay, and then can you also say you work on commission, right? You've made a mistake. Big. Huge.

You work on commission, right? You've made a mistake. Big. Huge. Box. Shuts in my face.

And Erin, just to prove that I'm the George Clooney of the show, can you go ahead and throw the line at me? Just call me a liar and a thief.

Just call me a liar and a thief.

I only lied about being a thief. George Clooney, Ocean's Eleven.

Wow. He's the George Clooney of the Hey Riddle Riddle podcast. Sex symbol alert.

People don't know this, but JPC sold his Mezcal company for $1 billion.

And I gave all 12 of my friends a million dollars in a briefcase at a dinner, and I said if anyone doesn't take it, nobody gets it. I love that story.

So fun.

Are you the cold vacuum of space? Yeah.

Are you the cold vacuum of space because you can't spell vacuum without cum?

Interesting. No, that's not that dirty.

Cum, actually.

I'm just going to tell you this one. Okay, please.

Because you take my breath away.

Take my breath away.

Hey man, are you an elevator for toddlers?

Um, because I shouldn't use you if you are. You should never call a woman an elevator for toddlers. Oh, cause you're, cause you're bringing me down? No.

What?

Are you an elevator for toddlers? What do you think of mine?

Cause you... Yeah, Adal hits on women by going, hey, you're really bumming me out right now.

Are you an elevator for toddlers? Cause you're really bringing down my kids.

So many of the other kids... There's actually a huge compliment to call someone an elevator for toddlers.

Elevator for toddlers because you are down with the kids because you are down to clown with the kids.

Are you an elevator? Are you an elevator for toddlers because I want you to raise my kids?

Yes, because I could raise kids with you.

Nice one. No, no, no. I could raise kids with you. Oh, you're a participant in the elevator.

Yeah.

There's some metaphors getting away, but okay.

Hey, are you a dog with- I'm sorry, I want to see a scene. Sure. So, Erin, you and I are on a date. I have a young son who will enter the room at some point, and this is sort of my test to see if you are- if this is something that's going to continue.

Thank you so much for cooking me dinner. It was delicious and so romantic. Yeah, of course.

I hope you like slow roasted ribs.

It was truly amazing. I've so enjoyed getting to know you.

Of course. I'm a big fan of the Bible and Adam and Eve. You know Eve was born of Adam's ribs so I thought to make ribs because that's like... That's funny. You're funny. It just feels like a full circle.

If I feel like something I might say this might be moving too fast but I really like you and I can really see a future with you. I really like you.

Oh my gosh can I bring someone in? Yeah Noah come in. Noah come in here.

Now? Who's this?

This is my roommate. I'm kidding this is my son. Noah come in here buddy. Hi, I'm Noah. It's nice to meet you.

Can I tip my hat? Hey, what the fuck?

He tipped his hat to you.

Say hi.

Did I do it wrong?

No, no, no.

Noah, you're perfect. Noah, you're perfect in every way. Kiss my son's hand.

What is that? What is that?

That's my son.

I'm Noah. They named the boat after me.

Oh my God.

Daddy, does she need water? You look sticky. I'll get you some water, ma'am. Be right back.

Oh, what the hell was that thing? Was that like a rat?

What the fuck are you doing? That's my son. No, that's my son Noah. What are you doing?

Sorry, I've never met a kid. Noah, I've never seen a kid before. That was a kid? Yes. Oh, they look like small people. They look like people who are not yet grownups. That's insane.

Hey, can I ask you something? Hold on. Hold on. One second, Noah. Hey, lady. Can I ask you something? Are you an elevator? Because you're out of service. Sorry, are you an elevator right now? Because what you just did was out of order. That's a better one.

Daddy, daddy, I'm having trouble with the water. Do you think that you could go get the water? I'll keep our guest company.

Yes, of course, sweetie. Here, I'll get the water. You stay here.

Thank you, daddy. Okay, so you know that I'm a rat, right?

Hey, you look like a rat.

What the fuck? Yeah, well he doesn't know, okay? And I got it good.

You look like a rat wearing overalls.

These are... gosh, gosh, gosh. These are good overalls. And I got it on Easy Street.

I'm telling him. I'm telling him. You're a grown-up rat.

Okay, someone's got some water for you.

Oh, thank you, Daddy.

Thank you. Are you H2O? He's a rat.

You told me he's a rat, pretending to be a kid while you left the room.

What?

That doesn't make sense. Daddy, I don't know what she's talking about. She said that she voted for Trump in 2016, and she's really looking forward to voting for Trump in 2020.

No, you can't come back from that. Don't lie.

Oh, I don't know what's worse, pretending to be a rat or... No, it's Trump. It's the Trump thing. You leave.

See?

One's a rat and one... Okay, leave. Yeah, leave. Good.

What if someone was all of a sudden surprised that we hate Trump on the side? I would have pegged them for three out of touch conservatives.

We've got reviews where people are like, just shut up and do the riddles. What movies or stories can we replace a rat with a Trump supporter? Ninja Turtles, the turtles are trained by a Trump supporter. That makes sense because they don't have any future plans.

They're wildly irresponsible. They just eat pizza.

I don't want to insult Ratatouille like this, but Trump supporters pulling each other's hair to make each other do stuff.

I'd love to pull his hair.

I'd love to beat him, shake his hand, and pull his hair and run. Just get gunned down by secret server's bullets. Adal, I know that you have been, you have watched it, but you were talking a few weeks ago about, oh my god, I just had the massive brain through the vampire show. The vampire show. What are we doing in shadows? What are we doing in shadows, yes. Mariah and I are just now watching what we do in shadows, and without spoiling anything, there is a rat king moment in what we do in shadows. That show is so funny and lighthearted. When they did a thing where there's just a big pile of rats, I was like, oh god. It was so jarring. That show is great about doing things on it that are very jarringly scary for such a funny fucking show.

Yeah, the production is a legit horror film or something, but it's mostly comedy. Erin, hit us with that next chat up line.

The next chat up line is, hey are you a dog with a full bladder?

Because I want to take a big bite out of you. What? What? What are you supposed to do?

Adal, JBC's being weird again. He loves pee. Adal.

JBC, you know what you have to do. You have to sing an apology. I'm sorry for being me.

Perfect. Are you a dog with a full bladder?

Because I'd love to go on a walk with you. Ooh, that's pretty good. Are you a dog with a full bladder? Because you're pissing me off. Are you a dog with a full bladder?

Cause... ABC mostly got it, but I want to hear what you have to say Adal.

Oh, you're a dog with a full bladder because you... I like the waltz one. Oh, I got it.

Are you a dog with a full bladder? Because to me, you're an eight. You never want to go too high. You don't want to say that they're a ten.

You have to nag, yeah.

Yeah, you have to nag. You have to drop them down a little bit. You're an eight.

You're a nag. You're a dog with a full bladder because Delberman pinched you. No. No, I don't know.

It is, I'd like to take you out. Similar to J.P.C's. Alright, last one.

Wait, I think I have it. Are you a dog with a full butter? Because piss chihuahua. Yep. You know what I'm saying?

Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Hey, boy, are you a well-crafted ruse?

Because you tricked me? Are you a well-crafted ruse? Are you a well-crafted ruse? Rube Goldberg, nice to meet you.

Oh, I want to see a scene. JBC, you're Rube Goldberg and you are proposing to your girlfriend who is going to be played by Adal. And you're doing it in some elaborate way.

What are you doing here? I told you we can't see each other. Ah, but can you see someone who's completely invisible? Swoosh! You just put a blanket over your head. Rube, I told you, I love you, I wish we could be together, but I just feel like you're not ready to make a commitment.

No, no, no, I am, I am. I promise this time I'm ready to make a commitment. And, you know, the invisibility cloak is just the preludes to the commitment kiss. You know, you can still get pregnant from preludes. This is why I want to marry you.

Oh, come back to bed.

I'm so sorry. This is Sheila. Uh, Sheila, wait in the car. We sleep in the car.

Um, honey, I thought, if you're gonna propose to her, I think you should say, due to the Rube Goldberg machine. Like, hit her like a domino, and then I'll hit a fan, and then I'll spin around, and then it will go down.

We live in my car, okay? That's my Rube Goldberg machine.

Well, you're famous for Rube Goldberg machines.

Yeah, but like, hit a domino, did you rob a pizza joint? Hold on. I'm like, Picasso, you know? I'm famous, uh, I'll be more famous when I'm dead. That's what I'm truly gonna be famous.

I have to Google you real quick. Just keep doing this conversation.

Okay. I can't imagine how I spell my first name. Uh, so what do you say?

No, I slammed the door hours ago.

Oh, okay. Okay.

Okay.

That's fair.

That's fair. Can you hear me through the door? Uh-huh. Yeah. The minute you brought in your new side piece, I don't want anything to do with you. Sure. Can I come in and just get some of my CDs or? Oh, you do have a CD here. If you tell me which one it is, then I'll give it to you.

I want to say it's Smash Mouth's Astro Lounge.

All right, here you go. Put it through the mail.

Thank you. Ruben Garrett Lucius Goldberg, known best as Rube Goldberg, was an American cartoonist, sculptor, author, engineer, and inventor. He was born July 4th, 1883 in San Francisco, and he died December 7th, 1970 in New York City.

A day that shall live in infamy. Last one, are you ready? That's Pearl Harbor. Oh my god. Remember when they dropped the bombs and then the bombs exploded and then the snakes came?

Hey boy, are you a well-crafted ruse?

Hey boy, you well-crafted ruse because

I'm falling for you.

Oh I was gonna say like I'm chasing something or okay okay and this person said that they used these and they got fucked?

Yeah this person got married 11 times. Each time they used one of these.

Everybody knows you're on Tinder because you want to get married.

This one is, let's see, let me make sure I can say their name. I want to make sure I got permission. Oh yeah, Joe Rade Masher. Masher? I'm sorry if I'm saying your... Joe Raidmature. They are at the Grille Imp on Twitter. And they wrote some fun riddles for us.

Yes please.

I thought up some riddles in which a single clue leads to a hint in which two names blended together Like Julia Rob Boo Radley. So they're fun. So things blended together can be people, characters, bands, movies, etc. I hope y'all enjoy. Thank you so much Joe for writing and sending these in.

Is Julia Rob Boo Radley, like that's the type that we can expect? Because I'll say right now, that doesn't work.

If it was like Julia, Rob, Bert, and Ernie, now we're talking.

That's something.

The rest of these are very, very good, I promise.

Okay, okay, okay. I'm hoping Joe wrote the last one last, and like Brain Fry was completely over with the example.

Also, I can't stress enough, thank you so much. Please send your riddles to hrifaiguysatgmail.com. We're so sorry for picking on this.

With the caveat that this will happen. I actually think you will enjoy these.

Okay, we will.

Bite your tongues. Ready? All right, here we go. This Jurassic World in Parks and Rec star is a host of a podcast about riddies and puzzies.

Okay. Okay, so Chris Pratt... Chris Prattle Rifai?

Yep.

Ooh. Chris Prattle Rifai.

Pretty good.

Okay, okay. You're winning Adal over, but JPC hasn't been won over.

The Russian leader was originally released on the Beach Boys 1963 album, Surfer Girl.

Okay. Vladimir Pukad only knows.

You got the first one, right?

Vladimir Putin sounds.

No, you might not know the song. I know the song and love it, but maybe, I don't know if it's, everyone knows the song.

What songs do they have? All Beach Boys songs sound exactly the same. So we have Surfing USA. Take the T-bird away. We have Little Old Lady from Pasadena. We have Little Saint Nick.

Little Saint Nick. Kokomo.

I Get Around.

God Only Knows.

I Get Around. What's the one with the theremin? I don't know. Good Vibrations. It's not one of those.

It's one of their slower hits. My parents really liked this song. Is it Earth Angel? No, it's in my room.

In my room. Putin, my room. Never heard of it.

All right. This artist who featured on Usher's Yeah used to carry his guitar in a gunny sack and sat beneath the trees by the railroad check.

Lil John Wayne?

Casey?

Nope. Lil Jon Wayne Casey.

Oh, Carrie's guitar and a gunny sack can sap beneath the trees.

Lil Jonny Cash?

Lil Jonny be good.

Way down in Louisiana. Yeah. Oh, Johnny be good. Damn it.

This DJ might ask you to turn down for what?

DJ calls.

So that's so cool. And can sometimes be seen with a dead police horse.

It's a girl ex-girlfriend. Monica, if you're out there, you're a dead police horse.

Lil Jon Patrick Coan?

Mm-hmm. You got it.

This person really likes Lil Jon. Yeah, was that the second Lil Jon one?

Yeah. This pop culture magazine took a day off school and had a crazy adventure around Chicago.

Entertainment Weekly Broderick.

I'd say it's a little bit more heightened to the magazine than that. Like, fashion.

More heightened than Entertainment Weekly, Erin? Sorry. Hold on. Hold on. We're taking a break. No, I'm sorry. We're taking a break. We have to take a break. Fuck this. Oh my god. Don't ever shit on Entertainment Weekly. I have been a subscriber for 14 years. I will continue for another 14. We're going to take a quick break. We'll be right back with a pro Entertainment Weekly cast right after this.

Uh, guys, did you hear that noise?

No. I didn't hear anything, yeah.

No, it sounded a lot like fireworks, but it was my tummy. I think I'm a hunky.

Oh, Erwin Hungee.

You see Erwin Hungee?

Oh, with Erwin Hungee, Erwin has to have a... This is awful.

Erwin has to have a snack. Yeah, I kind of miss when you were talking to me like when I was a baby, but I'll take... Oh, you miss that?

You miss it?

No, you're right. This is awful. No, it's bad. You guys, I'm hungry. Is anyone like cooking anything delicious, like restaurant quality, anything? I'm so hungry.

Well, Erin, I just got a box of Hello Fresh shipped to me. Would you like me to just whip you up a dinner from that?

Uh, yes please.

And you can save 40% by using HelloFresh versus shopping at your local grocery store, and it's more convenient too. And Erin, if that didn't sell you, you know how HelloFresh will sometimes send us free boxes of food because we sponsor them, which is very kind of them? Even though we're not getting free boxes right now, I am subscribing to HelloFresh. That's how much Gemma and I love it. And guess what? It might as well be called Hey Riddle. Or food preferences. You can skip a week whenever you need. You can feed the whole family whenever you want with more savings than ever. And a lot of times I'll do add-ons. So I'll get my three meals per week, but then I'll add on some avocados or maybe like some nice ricotta toast or anything you want. You got it. Oh, is that Roy Orbison?

Yeah, and they really want you to mention America's number one meal kit. I feel like you keep throwing out other endorsement lines or taglines, but America's number one meal kit is what we should be using. Yes.

Can I tell you what my favorite part is?

I'd love to hear.

Okay. Well, there's something for everyone because there's a ton of variety, including low calorie, vegetarian, kid friendly. So you can really just like cater to what you need. And there's so many delicious options and they are always changing all the time. So you'll never stay in a recipe rut.

And what's actually funny is I, even though we're doing this ad right now and we are reading it, I'm cooking hellofresh in the other room with my partner Mariah. We're making the spiced chickpea fritters. We've done steps one through three. Baby, we only got steps four through six and six is served. It's Greek salad, pita and garlicky white sauce. Now, I think you're supposed to say garlicky, but I like to say garlicky because I want to lick that white sauce. Don't clip that.

I have a question. It must smell amazing right now.

It does. It smells very garlicky.

Oh man, I'm so jealous.

It's like Jonathan Garlicky up here.

I want to sign up. Tell me what to do. Don't. Ever forget what JPC just said.

Eric, go to hellofresh.com slash HeyRiddle80 and use code HeyRiddle80 to get a total of $80 off your first month, including free shipping on your first box. Additional directions to apply, so please visit hellofresh.com for more details. That is hellofresh.com slash HeyRiddle8080, the numbers. Do not spell out eight zero.

Did you know that the human head weighs eight pounds?

Garlicky white sauce. Adal, Erin, do you notice anything different about my body? Why did I open up this line of questioning? The lips are still here. They're just very thin and covered by a mustache.

Alright, let's see if this is hard because you look worse in a lot of ways.

This is my nightmare. No! Guys, I have obtained my all form. That's right. I've evolved into the perfect being, the perfect version of JPC, and I call it my all form.

Oh my gosh, wait, that reminds me of something. Adal, didn't you get a couch from all form?

Yes.

Your awesome couch.

Yes, I used to loathe shopping for furniture, but then Allform sent me a couch and it was like having fun-ature. That's what I call it, hashtag fun-ature. They sent me a double-chase couch, four seats. It's the most comfortable, beautiful, delicious couch I've ever owned. Ooh, I just lay out on it. Oh, I put the cats, I put brisket and fries on one end, and I just spread all over it.

And Adal, you were able to customize that online, right? Really easy and fun?

Oh yeah, yeah. You go to their website, you pick out what you want, you pick the beautiful colors, you pick out how many seats you want. They have up to like eight seaters. All kinds of different sectionals. It's absolutely incredible. Stop, stop. You are missing the point, okay?

This is not about all form. The mattress company Helix Sleep created a furniture brand. They're making premium customizable sofas, chairship right to your door, all contactless delivery. It is not about that. It is about buy all four, right? I'm 125% more JPC.

Wait, Adal, speaking of all form, that was probably really hard to put together, right? It took a long time to ship to and get to you.

Oh, awesome!

I mean, the best part about all form, which is the pure JPC form, is if one of my form dies, I will be reincarnated.

Wait, what if I'm not like totally sold and I need like a hundred days to decide if I want to keep it? That's more than three months. Would I have that kind of time? Probably not, right?

You absolutely have a hundred days. If you don't love it, they'll pick it up for free and give you a full refund. And hey, guess what? Unlike my high school girlfriend, they also have a forever warranty. Are you listening to that?

What? Okay, well, where do I go? What do I do?

You go to allform.com slash riddle. That's allform.com slash riddle R-I-D-D-L-E.

Allform.com slash riddle?

That's what I just said.

Okay, allform.com slash riddle.

And Allform is offering 20% off all orders for our listeners, and only if you listen to any other podcast, they are not doing that. It's just for Hey Riddle at allform.com slash riddle. J-A-P-C.

Allform.com slash riddle.

20% off. Did you know your butt is where your chest used to be? I paid a wizard a lot of money to do this. And they have a hot list, which is like the top 10 things of the week. It's like books and albums and movies, whatever you might have missed. They also have a grading system, some great Oscars season content.

It's been three hours. We admit it.

We like entertainment. It's great. Great, thank you. Okay, thank you.

But if I'm being honest, I still like my favorite magazine, Entertainment Weeklings, which just rates the hunkiest weeklings in Hollywood. Rick Brand is still number one.

This pop culture magazine took a day off school and had a crazy adventure around Chicago. You know the second half of this?

We know Ferris Bueller. So Ferris, Vanity Ferris Bueller. Yeah. Nice. Nice.

This evergreen terrace patriarch was famous for singing alongside his wife Cher.

Homer, Sam, Sonny, and Cher.

Yeah, Sonny Bono.

And I do think that Sonny Bono is a simp, so let's put that on the record.

Since I've read this, I can't play a song in this show, right? Like 10 seconds of a song?

You can, but we'll get the fucking shit suit out of us. Erin, here's what you can do. Were you gonna sing it or did you want Casey to play it?

Oh, I was just gonna play it off my phone.

Okay, you can't do that, but what you can do is you can sing it, but you have to make it a parody, because that's protected by parody law.

So whatever you sing, just make it a parody. Or you can play it, and I'll play it back to you, because that's protected by parody law, which is a law for birds. Alright, ready? Yes.

Bum bum, bum bum, bum bum. I got shoes babe. I got shoes babe. Erin, those are the real lyrics. We're ruined. That's been in my head.

We'll be playing all the parts. Adal, so that's a parody of the Sonny and Cher classic, I Got You Babe. We're each going to take a crack at another parody of that Sonny and Cher classic, I Got You Babe.

Great. Mine is going to be... Even though it's Broccoli Rob.

Okay, this one is, I got shoes Gabe. This is a woman telling her husband Gabe that she bought him shoes for his birthday. Perfect.

Aaron, do you want to do one?

I already did one. JPC stole one of my words. Let's see. Oh, I got one.

Here I got one. I got one.

That's a woman telling her brother Dave that she has the flu.

Of course, we always call our siblings when we're sick. I have one. Please hit snooze Craig. Please hit snooze Craig. That's a man sleeping next to his brother, of course, Craig, and he wants to go back to sleep because the alarm went off.

I've got one. Let's eat at Stew Cave. That is a commercial for a restaurant called Stew Cave, which is just different stews and like a kind of a cave setting.

I think that's the best.

Perfect. Okay, let's end there. Let's end there. That wins. If you've got a Sunny and Cher, I got you babe parody that you want to share with us, go ahead and tweet or get out our Instagram. Hashtag Sunny and Cher it.

No. Oh yeah. Okay. I was going to say Cher with us, but C-H-E-R.

Yeah, it is C-H-E-R, but it's Cher with us or Sunny and Cher it, whatever you want to do. If you do Cher with us, it is C-H. If you do Sunny and Cher it, it's S-H.

Oh my God, that's complicated. This wealthy uncle of Donald ran for 11 seasons featuring a family making waterfowl hunting equipment.

Scrooge McDuck Dynasty?

Yeah, you got it. Oh wow. That's a good one, right? That might be my favorite.

I've never seen Duck Dynasty, but I know it's a thing. It's cultural.

It's a touch point. This 1957 film about POWs in World War II Japan is a small forward for the LA Clippers.

What was the first part? Jesus, I don't know either one of these.

This 1957 film about POWs in World War II Japan.

Oh, bridge over the river Kawhi Leonard.

Yeah! You got it! That one's so good, I think.

Damn, look at Dr. Basketball's over there. Here's my thing is anytime I watch the Clippers and Kawhi Leonard is incredible. He's won two championships. But anytime I watch any Clippers games now, I always say Kahoo, Kawhat, Kawhere, Kawhi Leonard. It's very satisfying.

I wasn't very familiar with him and then because of that question I looked up a YouTube montage of him playing and I was like oh shit this guy's good at basketball of course because he's professional and very famous but it was cool.

Can I see a scene? I want to see a scene. So harkening back to Scrooge McDuck Dynasty I want to see a scene. JPC, you are a wealthy sort of billionaire adventurer of the old school variety. And Erin, you are someone who's been paid to dress up like a duck so he can hunt you. And you're having this sort of culmination where he's pulled a gun and you're trying to talk your way out of it.

All right, you dastardly duck. I've got you right where I want you.

Quack, quack. Can I have my money now?

Come on, yes, you're gonna get your money. Hey, look, can we stop? Can we pause? Can we time out? I'm paying you a million bucks.

I know, but I'm likely gonna die and I went to Juilliard for three years. I'm a Shakespeare based actress. I'm amazing. I played Iago and Othello as a woman and now I'm playing a duck to be hunted.

How much did you make on Broadway, playing Iago and Othello as a woman? How much did you make? 350 a week?

About like a thousand bucks a week.

And when she said she's a duck waiting to be hunted, we do see a little dog that pops up and covers its mouth and giggles and then it goes back down.

If you're gonna shoot me, just shoot me. But, like, I just don't have to, like, run and pretend to be a duck.

My dear, my dear, I am a- I'm sorry, when she says if you're gonna shoot me, just shoot me. We do see a little David Spade pops up, covers his mouth, and giggles, and then drops back down. Sorry. Get out of here, you little rat. My dear, my dear, I am an eccentric billionaire, okay?

If I wanted to shoot you, I would just shoot you. This is a sex thing for me. I- I need you to play your part. I need you to play ass. And you are being paid a million dollars.

Billionaires are immoral. Quack, quack. You actually didn't work for your money. You're stealing from the middle class. Quack, quack.

No, first of all, there is no middle class. That's an illusion that we feel like it is put on. Everyone's working class, just no one wants to admit it. Now play your part, or you can kiss that million dollars goodbye. I'll give it to my dog, David Spade, and see what he does with the little purple ones. You're gonna kill me anyway. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Why would I kill you when I could kill Rob Schneider or a million others? It's not about- You can do that?

I can do it all night long, Rob Schneider. Same. Sorry for ruining the scene. JPC had it feel to play a billionaire. Oh, you know what?

Powerful. You know what? It made me empathize with them, and then now I think that what Jeff Bezos does is good and right.

Okay. Wow.

Just to get inside of his skin. God, I'd love to be inside of his skin.

JPC, if you ever wrong me, all I'm going to say forever is that JPC loves billionaires. If you become my enemy, you'd be like, JPC actually loves billionaires.

Yeah, you know what? And if you say JPC loves billionaires, I'll pop up and say, get you a can of barbecue sauce and you'll love billionaires too, baby!

Alright, okay. This band, formerly headed by Tom DeLong, stars Kat Dennings and Beth Behrs as Brooklyn Waitresses.

Mark Hoppus broke girls.

What? No, Adal, no.

That has to be it. There's no other answer. Mark Hoppus broke girls. Girls. Because it's not going to be Travis Bark girls. Travis Bark girls.

Tom Delong.

Wait, it is Tom Delong? Yeah.

No, he's the beginning part of that.

Angels and airwaves broke girls. No. Say it again, Erin. Say it again. It's Blink-1A2 Broke Girls.

Yeah. This band, formerly headed by Tom Delong, stars Kat Dennings and Beth Behrs as Brooklyn Waitresses.

Did you know that there's still people out there today figuring out that the album Take Off Your Pants and Jacket is a sex pun?

I've only ever seen it spoken and so I still don't know that it's a sex pun.

I like how they were naked in that video.

She left me roses by the stairs. Surprises let me know she cares.

I think the most iconic line in that song is, work sucks. I know.

So good. When live band Karaoke still existed at IO, which was always my favorite moments of every year, did you guys ever go to that?

No. No.

It was so fun. It was actually after world news on Saturday nights at midnight. Oh, I know. You knew about it. You just didn't want to participate?

No, after I do improv for three and a half hours the last thing I want to do is be around a bunch of drunk people singing live band karaoke.

Well it was amazing, but Tim Lyons are always participated and it was amazing, but the one time I sang I did all the small things with Laurel Zoff-Pelton and it was so fun. Because it's like amazing musicians who also happen to be great improvisers playing music.

I saw them live because I was dating maybe 2005? You were dating 2005? That year was so hot. Thank you. I was dating up. But I was dating someone who's super into Blink-182, so we went and saw them live in Milwaukee. And during the show, Travis Barker had a drum set that got lifted up into the air and then spun. And he kept playing the drums while spinning, suspended like 80 feet in the air. And that's cool. I'm not a huge Blink-182 fan, but I did have to stop and be like, this is fucking great. Like this is what a live show should be.

It was very cool. I'm going to do one more of these, I think. Are we ready? I'm ready. Dev Patel stars in this 2008 film about the Indian version of a popular game show, which will eat the pen, or no, eat the paper and drink the pen.

Slum, dog, millionaire, and key. Yeah.

Jai ho. We did it.

Jai ho. Erin, don't say that about yourself.

No, I'm just saying that that's the name of the song at the end of Slum Dog Mix.

Oh, that's what we were saying too. You're not a song, you dummy.

Um, ho is such a ridiculous term. She's a ho.

So here's a question I have. Is ho short for horror? Or is that not a thing? Oh, Adal, do we look like fucking Google to you? That's so funny. Growing up when people would use the word ho, I was like, I don't know what a ho is, but is it short for horror, but horror starts wh?

I'll look it up.

Adal, I'm sure it is. I'm sure that that is, I'm sure Ho is synonymous with. But also, I feel like language... And I didn't mean to get into like a weird conversation. I just... No, no, no. I think language, especially like language in like music. Oh, you're right bud. Music culture is so often like co-opted and adopted that I feel like now maybe nowadays like it's not even It doesn't even register to me as the same word.

Yeah, it's weirdly become, I don't want to say palatable because it's not, but it's weirdly like, if someone's like, oh, you ho, it's like, uh-oh, you got them. But if you called someone a whore, that would be a needle off the record moment of like, what the fuck?

That's awful. Other terms came out like thought, and that stands for that ho over there, which also co-opted. This stuff moves way faster than I will ever be able to move.

But it's interesting to learn about though because like the origin of like putting women in their place is an interesting history to learn about. The word hoe is from the word whore starting in the 1960s.

What's that? What's that? What is it? Urban? It's Urban Dictionary, right? Urban dictionary. You're thinking of rhyming.

Do you want me to look up Ho on Urban Dictionary?

Well, no, I will. I know the Urban Dictionary. I remember like, haha, like this is a funny thing. Like this is a sex thing. Let's look it up on Urban Dictionary and then just being completely lost and being like, are these real or do what do I do?

I think do people still. I think Ho was invented in the 1960s. I think it was maybe 60. 7 by Led Zeppelin when they sang What a Whole Lotta Love. Yes, that's true.

You guys, I have a couple things to say. Okay, please. First of all, I now I'm a hundred percent sure I'm gonna Google all the origins of all the ways we've slut-shamed and sex-shamed women over the years because this has been fascinating. Second of all, I looked up Ho on Urban Dictionary and it says a word Santa Claus says a word Ho, a word Santa Claus says three times when he sees your wife, mother, and sister together in a room.

That's great. So what if from now on... Can we get some fan art of Santa saying horror, horror, horror? I'm joking. I'm joking. I don't want that. I'm joking.

I'm joking. I also think that Urban Dictionary is a fun website because if you just go down like six entries on something, they're like, this thing is something that you say to Kevin because Kevin's a little fuck boy. And it's like, who is this for? Like Kevin's never going to read this. What are you talking about?

Alright, I'm going to continue on some listener submitted riddles. These are like one-off riddles for the most part. And this one is from Autumn. I think we're allowed to say her name.

Just in case, why don't we just call her Fall?

Okay Fall. Well Autumn, the title of this email is a dumb riddle that ended a friendship. So I was like, yeah Autumn. I'm clicking on that. Story time. And this is the end. I'm going to read what Autumn said at the end of the email, which is, sorry in advance, my friends haven't talked to me since I told them this one. I made it up. So Autumn doesn't have friends anymore because they told their friends this riddle.

Jesus.

Are you ready?

Yes.

So I just like, let's do a quick friendship check right now. JBC, are you my friend?

Oh I'd love to talk about this off air. If that's possible.

Someone's in trouble.

Oh shit I'm not his friend. Adal are you my friend? Yes. Great. You just asked me to be one of your groomsmen. I really hope.

Adal just kicked me so hard under the table. Oh he's lying. Ow my shit.

Okay, so so far I have a half friend and a friend. So let's see if this makes alienates them even further for me. What has four corners yet isn't a square or a rectangle?

One has four corners but is not a square or rectangle. So corners, a city block. Is it a city block?

No.

Four Corners.

The United States, but you're sort of on the right track.

Oh, it's a mortuary owned by Four Brothers?

No.

Four Corners? Four Corners?

Okay, I want to see a commercial. Adal and Erin, this is a commercial for Four Brothers Mortuary.

Hey, come on down to the Four Brothers Mortuary. Two of us are still alive, and two of us are ghosts.

Do you know someone who is dead or dying? Then come on down to my coroner office and tell me all about it. My sister, she does the embalming, and I do the fitting.

Yeah, and we take people who are almost to death. So if someone's on their way out, bring them down.

And I have unfinished business, but your business will be finished if you come into Four Brothers Mortuary. And he's not even a ghost one.

What? Alright, what has four corners yet isn't a square or a rectangle? And JPC is the closest so far.

What did JPC say? A bed? A country, the United States. Is it like about borders? Is there borders? Oh, the Four Corners is a spot in the U.S. It's where Utah, New Mexico, Arizona... Arizona.

I want to see a scene. JPC, you are a couple with Adal and you have driven 20 hours to get in the Four Corners and you're standing in all the states and you're sort of being insufferable and annoying about it.

Come on. No, I just want to go Jeremy. Come on. Let's go.

What did I say? I said water can only be in three states, but I can be in fucking four.

That doesn't make sense. Water in three states. What the fuck are you talking about? We live in Minneapolis.

Ice. Water.

Hold on. Oh shit. You're gonna call. Don't summon him.

Don't summon him. Come rags. Oh breakfast tacos. Nah, this shit never works anyway. Captain Planet's a fake.

I'm here, I'm cum rags.

I used to just be t-shirts, but... I'm contractually obligated to tell you my name is Poop.

Sorry, is cum rags short for something? Is that short for Christina Rags?

No, no. Um, an urban dictionary couldn't even find cum rags.

No, no. Why are you looking it up? Are we still on the scene? Poop is short for something. Oh. What is it? Poop is short for something. For what?

Pooparella.

Poop-a-rel. Poop-to-ville? Cadillac poop-to-ville?

Those are all better.

Scene. That was a scene that made the least amount of sense we've ever done, so put that in the Hall of Fame.

And that's saying something.

I'm just going to tell you the answer to this.

Okay.

The Earth. The Earth. It's the Earth. The four corners of the Earth.

What are they? What?

You know how the saying, the four corners of the Earth.

No. Four corners of a map?

No. Of the Earth?

Does this person think that the Earth is flat? Is this a flat earther?

Yeah, it's a flat earther.

Why do we keep getting these flat earthers listening to the show? What is it about our insanity that attracts these flat earthers?

Welcome to Flat Earth. Remember Independence Day when Will Smith says that?

Please let Will Smith go and take that back again. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Take it as a task. It didn't just appear in the Bible. The Bible was written by people. It was reinterpreted by an English king. And according to of his whims, he put it there.

It's before they realized that the earth was round. And it's like, I would go to the four corners of the earth to find her. It's a saying.

The four corners of the earth. Mexico. Denmark.

Do you think I'll ever meet someone who will go to the four corners of the earth for me?

Erin, I think you'll meet someone who'll go to the corner store for you. Oh I was about to say that.

Good enough for me!

It won't go to the four corners of the earth, but it'll go to the corner so that I get milk and eggs. But I'm Erin Keif that I shouldn't have smoked.

Well, that's me in two months. I'm going to go buy a bag of cigarettes right after we record this. All right. This one is from a person. I'm just going to call them M. So they are validated that we use their name, but they don't want us to use their full name. At what time of day did the man get hit on by the person collecting tolls?

What point did the man get hit on by the person collecting his photos? What time of day? I want to say noon.

Ten on two? Nope.

Hit on. So hit on would be like, what's the... Oh, uh, mid-day. Mid-day to you.

Mid-day to you, sir. JPC's my friend. He's my friend. He's my friend. We're friends.

Calling it.

I'm calling it now. JPC and I are going to be friends.

I love the confidence. When, when are we gonna go on a dates day?

So this, there's like a word, there's got to be like, it's not like one, two, three. I don't think it's something like that. I think it's got to be some sort of like midday or... Is it a day of the week?

No, it's like a play on word. It sounds like something.

But is it a day of the week?

I would say it's similar to the tooth herdy joke.

Got it. So that's a specific time though. What does it have to do with the toll?

I think that's gonna be... Where does a person who...

Booth 30.

Booth?

Booth Flirty.

Yes.

Yes.

And then they say, I'm so sorry. And then him says, I'm so sorry.

Do you want to know some fucking history? What? That joke is what got Abraham Lincoln killed. He goes, oh, what time is it? Booth Flirty? And he went and got his gun and came back. Six Semper Taredis, you dumb motherfucker. Perfect. What does dinosaurs have to do with anything bland?

Are we ready? Yes. JPC, you know your history. Find your boy.

I know, and I played the final countdown, which was what we played in my high school before the final bellwood ring.

Incredible. Sick-tempered Terenas.

Are we ready? Yes. Let's see if I can say their name. Oh, Steven. PS, you can use my name. Okay. Hi, Steven. What's up? Hey, Steven PS. Longtime fan, time writer.

Keep your name at my mouth.

Stephen says, I would like to start by saying these are not great riddles.

Okay, that's fine. We start every podcast that way, Stephen. Thank you for your honesty.

Alright, I'm going to do these really quick. Ready?

Sure.

What's blue and looks like a bucket?

A bucket. Mr. Bucket?

Yep, a blue bucket. What's green and looks like a bucket?

Green bucket. No. Alligator's mouth. No. A helmet. What's green and looks like a bucket? A blue bucket painted with orange paint? Blue and orange make green.

You guys, I've been saying it for the entire history of this podcast. We need to get Adal back to kindergarten. He doesn't understand magnets. He can't sing songs. He doesn't understand colors.

It's just an ICP song. Fucking rainbows. How do they work?

Alright, last one. What's green and has wheels?

The Ninja Turtles van. The Mystery Machines. Oh, it's Green Hornet? Because he has a car. What's green and has wheels? The Hulk on roller skates.

Is there a green cheese that comes in a wheel?

Yeah dude, there's a green cheese.

That would be clever. This answer is grass. I was kidding about the wheels. These were the riddles I came up with slash found when I was in elementary school. Love the pod. I've been listening since episode three or four. Stay awesome and keep up the good work, Steven. Thank you, Steven.

Steven, you get a pass because you're cool. Enjoy the rest of your day, buddy.

Steven, you get a hall pass because that was hauling good fun. You get a hall pass because I Owen Wilson knew my life. Wow. Casey ad noises of me smashing glass. Okay. I say I'm okay with that, but those were some rough jokes. Okay, here we go.

Are we going to ramp scamp?

Yeah. Are we going to ramp scamp?

Are we going to rimskimp? Okay. I think we have read this person's riddles on the show before. I'm not usually a double dipper, but help me.

Oh, we're not rereading their riddles. They sent in more riddles.

They sent in more riddles.

Got it, got it, got it. And I've seen you at a veggie tray and you absolutely doubled it.

I eat too fast.

Can we talk about that? It was your fingers. It wasn't even carrots.

Erin, by the way, just I don't want to call you out, but I've seen your ass. You're made of a bunch of stars and I've seen you up in the sky and I could tell you for sure you're a double dipper.

Oh, you did it.

So, Erin, real quick, is this true? You eat too fast?

No, I think I'm an unpleasant person to watch eat because I think I'm not a cute eater. I inhale food because I grew up around people who eat really fast and so I don't want to ever be the one holding people up.

You grew up in prison, right?

Yeah, but it is, yeah, it's not great. But speaking of dips, if anyone has any like Trader Joe's dips that are delicious, I've been trying to buy a different one every time I go. So I'm going to tweet at me or Instagram me about it.

Hell yeah. I recently got on that JPC tip where he let me know that him and Mariah like to take some French bread. He just made a unicorn symbol and I don't know what that is. That's on JPC's tip. Take some French bread and put it in the toaster oven and then put ricotta cheese on it balsamic vinegar and honey and it's so good I've had that for breakfast the last like five days for breakfast I call it breakfast bread or treat bread

Whoa, both. Treating yourself in the morning. Incredible.

Sometimes I'll have treat bread for breakfast, but who cares? Call it treat Williams.

I've been making filet mignon. I made it twice now.

Okay, now, you say F-L-A-M-I-N apostrophe.

Yeah.

Flamin' Yawn. You're bored of steak.

Flamin' Yawn.

I'm bored of steak.

Flamin' Yawn. I yawned and it's on fire. I never bought it before because I was like, I don't have the skills to make something that's this expensive. But I was like, I'm going to buy it and I'm going to figure out a way to make it great. And I did it and it was so good.

I don't have the skills to cook something on each side for five minutes.

That's not it. You have to base it and you have to put it in the oven after you cook it in the pan.

You also have to put pants on. It's one of the hardest things to cook. You have to base it. What do you call it? John Entwistle?

You're brains move so fast. Okay. All right. We're going to quickly do these. Are we ready? These are from KM. I don't think I'm allowed to use their full name. Okay. Thank you, Kim. Hi, Erin. I thought of a few more warm up riddles for you. Are you ready?

These are like cool down riddles because it's the end of the show. And hold on, Erin I don't want to blow this person's cover because they didn't want their full name said, but we should recognize that KM of course is Kacey Musgraves. Now about six or seven episodes ago we talked about Kacey Musgraves. We talked about how we'd love to have her on the show. She's obviously heard our podcast because it's a worldwide phenomenon and now she's secretly writing in and she doesn't want us to blow her cover. So just know that we are talking to Kacey Musgraves.

We also talked about buying the Knicks and that has been very slow moving. All right, ready?

I think Casey was going to buy them for us. Yes, continue.

Yeah, Casey, can you use your money to buy us the Knicks and then give it to us as a gift? Thank you, Casey. Thank you, Casey. A man is locked in the basement of an old house. The door is too sturdy for him to break. When he looks through the keyhole, he can tell that whoever locked him in the basement has left the key in the door, although it is out of reach. He searches for something to help him escape and finds only a stack of Celine Dion posters. The basement is well lit, so he knows he hasn't overlooked anything. In a few minutes, he unlocks the door and escapes to freedom. How?

Okay, so what he does... He reaches near, far, wherever you are outside the door. He rips his heart out of his chest and his heart will go on while he stays in the room. The heart gets on the other side of the door, unlocks it for him, steps out, he puts his heart back in his chest. I'm assuming these Celine Dion posters are critical to figuring this out. No, it doesn't matter that it's Celine Dion.

Oh. It just matters at the poster. Sean and I in like the early parts of us dating had a night where we went back and forth showing each other songs that made us cry and one of his songs was Oh Holy Night by Celine Dion.

That's awesome.

And at the end where she like opts up of like the oh night oh no I looked over at him and he was sobbing. I was like, oh boy.

Does he push the poster under the door, then push the key out of the lock onto the poster, then pull it back under the door? Hold on. I have an answer too. And then we'll see who's left.

You're amazing. That's correct.

It's not that impressive. It's not that impressive. I do have to say I've been locked in many old men's basements and I've gotten out every time.

I was assuming that he put up all the posters, and then every night, during thunderstorms, he would carve out a hole behind the wall. Till one day, he crawled through the length of ten football fields, and then the warden grabbed the poster and ripped it down and there's a hole.

Yep, that's definitely an acceptable answer as well. Alright, thank you.

Next one? Yes.

All right, we're gonna move quickly because I want to get all three in. Okay. A group of children are screaming for their mother in a cul-de-sac they live in. An annoying neighbor calls the local authorities who lock the children up without being bothered to locate their mother. Why?

The children are not, yeah, they're dogs, they're not humans, they're raccoons.

Yeah, the children are kittens and the authorities are animal control. Also acceptable, cops are bastards. Someone's a fan of the show.

If anyone calls the cops on kittens meowing, they suck. Well, trust me, they're out there. Those people exist.

Are you ready?

Yes. If you call the cops on anyone, you suck.

Two waiters are working at a high society New Year's Eve party. The first waiter bets a second that he can find out the cost of a specific guest's shoes without asking him. The second waiter takes the bet and the first waiter walks to the guest's room to refill their drink. Before he says anything, the guest tells the waiter the price of the shoes. Why? I love this riddle.

Because he spills the water on his shoes and he goes, hey asshole, these are $800 shoes. Wow, is that right? Yes!

You're the asshole! That's how you know what it is! Dude, it's like the riddle of, like, how do you get your, um, uh... I kill my dad and then I meet the other... I kill my mom later. That was the test. Adal, you're the asshole. You've yelled at so many waiters, I'm sure.

Yeah. Do you know... I... Here's the thing, like, Gemma... Gemma's annoyed with me, because if we go out to eat, and even if they bring me the wrong entree, I'll just eat it. And she's like, say something. I'm like, I don't... I don't want to bother anyone. And she's like, you're not being rude if you got the wrong entree. I'm like, just let me eat this please.

You're eating a bunch of spiders on a plate and you're like, they work really hard. You tip them 40%.

This is what I deserve. I'm so sorry. Adal gets water spilled in his shoes and he's like, hey asshole, these are air walks that I got into at a state sale. Speaking of things that we could get at in a state sale. My lemon water came out of my nose. That's so funny. Should have been drinking water. Erin, do you have anything besides your nose that you would like to plug? That's coming out soon.

It burns so much. I would like to plug an estate sale that I plan on going to to buy sneakers. No, honestly, I think that my thing in my 30s, an entire next decade of my life is going to be me going to estate sales. That's my plan. Also, you can follow me, Erin Keif 10, on Instagram and Erin Keif 2 on Twitter to follow my journey of making a living out of going to estate sales. Adal?

Just because we're saying the word estate, please check out the game show Estate of Panic. It was like a 2008 or something game show. It's so weird and wonderful. Check that out. It's like a big mansion. You had to find money hidden all over the house. Estate of Panic. Also, I was just recently a guest on the Hypotheticast. Hypotheticast where we answer hypothetical questions. It was a wonderful time. Please check out my episode and all the other episodes. And I also want to give a plug to a podcast I've been enjoying a ton, which is Billbuds, starring our own JPP.

Hey, thank you so much. Since we're talking about Estates, you have to check out one of my favorite sketch comedy groups of all time. A ton of people from Reno 911, you will recognize. That is the 1993 sketch series. I believe it's called TH Estate. Yeah, it is, it is amazing. Go watch some of the clips on YouTube. I don't know where you can find the state anymore, but it's very funny. I still think it's, yeah, DVD. It's, it's, it's still very, very funny. And then you can follow me on Twitch at sharkbarkman. I'm on Twitter at JPsofly. Yeah, that's pretty much it.

One more thing to say if you want to send us riddles. I love doing listener submitted riddles because they're so original and fun and interesting. Please send them to hrrpodcast.gmail.com and you can also pay homage to the people who have written these specific kinds of riddles and write riddles in the style that they did. So if you want to do this like pickup line riddles please send those or those like name combined riddles. Anything goes, please send us your riddles.

The only limit is your imagination, dear boy.

Thank you, Willy Wonka. Erin, I do have, this is funny, I was looking up on Urban Dictionary, Urban Dictionary, sorry. And do you know the term, have you heard somebody called a tur?

No.

So if someone accidentally spills water on your shoes, you might say like, knock it off you tur, or like, what are you doing tur? And tur, it turns out, I don't know if that's true or not, but it turns out on Urban Dictionary it says tur short for

Jupiter, let's not disrespect a planet.

Bye forever.

We don't know what it's capable of. We don't know what it's capable of.

Honestly, it could fall on us. I don't know. Hey if you enjoyed that we think you might enjoy our Patreon episode that comes out this Friday. It is the thrilling conclusion of our 1980s high school mystery. I had so so much fun recording this with the guys. It is an absolute blast. There's a new Arnie Parrott theme and Casey Tony absolutely kills it on the editing. We really enjoy doing it. So if you're interested in listening to that, go to patreon.com slash Hey Riddle Riddle and join our Clue Crew, which is $5 a month, or our Review Crew, which is $8 a month, and you get two hours of extra bonus content. Thank you so much for listening. Please check out the 1980s arc. It is so fun and I'm very, very, very, very proud of it and it's still good and fun. I hope you have a great week. That was a hate gun podcast.