Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a head gum podcast.

Hey Adal, Erin, can you guys help me out? I'm trying to practice for this slam poetry contest that I'm signed up for. Oh boy.

You don't have the vertical jumps to do a slam poetry.

You can barely do layup poetry. Can I just run this by you? Feels is a better way to feel better. Our premium CBD will keep your head clear and help you feel your best. CBD has been proven to greatly reduce anxiety, pain, and sleepiness. What do you guys think?

I like your turtleneck. Also, I love feels. And I use feels so that spoke to me.

I like the way feels makes me feels. I take it before bed because sometimes I have trouble sleeping and it makes me feel so comfortable, so relaxed. It's amazing. It's a genius product.

Look, I know the company feels knows that CBD can be complicated and it helps you kind of walk your way through that process to make it as simple as possible. But this slam poem is more about like my kind of struggle and my aspirations and my dreams.

Well, more importantly, I place a few drops of fields under my tongue to feel a different within minutes. It happens so fast I do it again right before bed like Adal does it. What's up?

I was going to say do it as a slam poetry. Here, I'll try. That's my thing. Real human support. New to CBD. Phoebe B, CBD, BB. Fields offers a free CBD hotline to help guide your personal experience. Pretty good.

There's no high. Hangover or addiction.

Okay, no, no, no. That's not what I'm going for. Okay, let me do my poem. Join the feels community to get feels delivered to your door every month. You'll save money on every order and you can pause or cancel anytime. Time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, D-L-E to become a member and get 50% off. Automatically take it off your first order with free shipping.

Feels.com slash Riddle. One more time.

Feels.com slash Riddle. Oh, you know what guys? This is an ad.

Oh, it's not your problem.

Excuse me. I'm a judge of a local slam poetry contest. What's your name? You're under arrest. Jesus. Hey co-hosts of Hey Riddle Riddle. This is embarrassing. The other day I had a birthday party and you guys didn't show up. There's a lot going on. Okay wait, what were you saying? It's COVID. I'm not going to show up at first. Okay and Erin what was your excuse?

I'm busy that day.

Yeah okay well two good excuses but I was a little sad because you two didn't join the party. Well in this case it was my birthday party but I also want to tell you two about a podcast called join the party. Join the party is a collaborative storytelling and role-playing podcast powered by the rules of D&D. You know how America runs on Duncan? Well this runs on D&D which I assume is Duncan and Duncan. That means a group of friends create a story together, chapter by chapter, that takes us beyond the tabletop to parts unknown. In their first campaign, they explored fantasy adventure, intrigue, magic, drama, just like The Wire. In the newest story, they tackle science, superpowers, a better future, and the responsibility to help others.

Also, every month they sit down for the after party where they break down the game and answer your questions on how to play D&D and other role-playing games at home. I'd never really played that much of it before the last year and that would be very helpful to me. They also have segments at the beginning of each campaign to teach people how to play the game themselves.

And the way I hear it, Campaign 2 takes place in Lake Town City, yesterday's promise today and tomorrow. Thanks to the discovery of the new element Diaphorum by Dr. Cassandra Morrow in 1985, this once-sleepy Adirondack town has exploded to the size of a major metropolitan city, if only in a few decades. Adirondack. That type of chair, I don't like. But something happened when Dr. Morrow created the first batch of Diaphorum. Delta radiation, flood of the town. I think that is what almost gave Bruce Banner his powers. Radiating the vacationers in townies nearby, the children of the initially radiated are out living their lives with powers, and they don't know the first thing about what to do with them.

That sounds good. That's good, but also kind of embarrassing that you guys didn't stop me to say you've also heard this podcast.

Adal, it's a party and you're invited, so search join the party in your podcast app or go to jointhepartypod.com.

Jointhepartypod.com.

And happy birthday to me.

The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Oh, the men were going to finish. It was the captain of an airplane. He stabbed him with his eyes and cried.

And the horse came rising.

Hey Japes. Yeah. Japes.

Yes, I'm awake.

Hey, who's the new girl? Oh, whoa. I didn't even notice. Who is that? She's wearing all brown corduroy? Yeah, shoes and hair. I love how awkward she is in her confidence. Oh, yeah. Let's see if she wants to sit at our lunch table. Hey, new girl. Hey, new girl.

Me?

No, Erin. No, Erin. Erin, what are you doing? She walked away. Erin? Well, we lost her.

Guys, can I come back to the lunch?

Yeah, I guess so.

Yes, today.

Fine.

You smell like french fries. I know. I know. I'm sorry for what I did yesterday and I'm already doing it again.

Okay. And now the hyper-specific to our friendship Pledge of Allegiance. The Lunch Table Pledge of Allegiance.

Hands over our farts.

Hands over our farts.

Okay. Adal actually did it.

Yeah, we all actually did it.

Alright, whatever. I pledge allegiance to these losers and I promise to tease them forever.

And anything they say I won't agree with. I'll work in my own bits. I'm the funny one. Everyone else needs me to fix their scenes.

Are we all doing the pledge? It's Hey Riddle Riddle. I'm Chibola Adal Rifai. I'm JPC.

And I'm Erin Keif.

And this is an improvised podcast where the three Chicago Improvisor comedian hosts do riddles to help you feel like fun is happening. It's not. And that is the mission statement of the show.

We're miserable with excited tones. We're mixed football with excited tons.

Splenda is to sugar as Hey Riddle Riddle is to comedy. Am I wrong?

That's our new shirt.

It's a fine replacement to comedy and 15 years later you realize it gave you cancer. Do you guys by the way, do you guys worry about that like cell phone the whole like cell phones by your ears Bluetooth thing?

Oh, absolutely Even the other day I was microwaving something and I like jumped because I realized I was like You know 20 inches from it and I like walked across the kitchen. So I'm always aware of that but it's also like It's all bad

With microwaves like someone the other day was like I can't remember where I heard this but some or who I was talking to but someone was like with microwaves they've been around for so long that surely we would know if they like made you sick and I was thinking like yeah but only if they studied it like just because it's been around for a long time doesn't mean anyone was like doing the science with the clipboard.

Cocaine's been around since 1574.

Here's my secret, I'm always worried. A few times in high school or like college I would have a laptop on my lap in bed while I was like doing work and just like every 20 minutes be like my kids are gonna be weird. I am doing some stuff to my eggs. Am I wrong?

Laptop outside with me and just like felt how hot it gets on my lap and I'm like, something must be doing bad to me. But I guess it's kind of the modern world, right? Like everything is kind of probably doing bad to you.

Well I also should say I don't know how many people own this. I feel like it was very popular. Did anybody have a Motorola Razr?

I did!

Apparently if you bought those you die after 21 years to the day. It's like a ring situation. You know how instead of signing with a carrier you had to make a deal with the devil?

He comes to collect, yeah. I had one of those razors and I was in high school. I was walking my dog and it was one of the most memorable phone drops of my entire life because I pulled the razor out of my pocket because it was ringing and I flipped it open to answer it. And as that happened, it flipped out of my hands. And I have a dog leash in one hand. So one handed, I caught it. Dropped it again, caught it, dropped it again. Each time I'm catching it getting progressively lower, caught it a third time, dropped it again, so close to the ground, it fell to the ground, shattered.

Like, split in half.

But I had caught it three fucking times, but it was that thing where it was like, it was hot outside, my hands were slippery, and I was like, still trying to catch it, even though I already had it. So it was like slipping, slipping, slipping. And I was like, God damn it. I look like an idiot.

That's brutal.

Whatever universal thing is in charge gave me four fucking chances. They're like, let him have it. He doesn't need a broken phone. It's expensive. He's in high school.

He's in Indianapolis. Give him three catches.

He won't hold it. Let's not have him have to go beg his parents or his phone like a fucking asshole.

I love the idea of God looking down, whatever you believe in, looking down on you and then you boggling it three times and then him making like a cut to the neck motion to whatever guardian angels looking over you.

I just hear, it just got, you know, kind of like slightly off mic just going, hell.

Mark him for hell.

He's hell now. I don't care. I don't care. Gabriel, I don't care. He goes to hell.

He's hell now is the funniest thing that should be in the Bible.

I also love that you think Gabriel's in your corner. Gabriel's just like, no way.

Gabriel's just like, God, come on. Well, famously, he blows, yeah. Yeah.

Just like James.

Well, uh, Erin.

What's up, guys?

Like Gabriel or Gabriel for this episode, you're old guardian angel puzzies.

Yeah, I saw JBC in person for the first time this week, and I forgot that he was real.

I was like, that's right, we saw each other in a very sad thing.

Yeah, but I at least saw you. I was like, oh, I really have not seen this person in person.

What was the sad thing? Was it like a AMC or something?

Adal, I don't know if you've heard, but IO, the theater closed.

Oh, you guys picked up the World News stuff.

We went to the, yeah, to get our World News. I told them when I was there, so I left my black suit at World News in my black shoes. It was just easier to leave it at the theater because I was there every week and, you know, I'm not gonna lug all that stuff home with me every week. And I was like, after IO closed, I probably would have forgotten about that black suit and shoes until two years later when like I needed them to go to like a funeral or something. And I was like, I put it off until the next day, opened my closet and be like, oh, that's just gone. It's been gone. And then I would have to like scramble to like... Put like an outfit together for a funeral and I'm so glad that I'm not in that situation. I'm going to go to a funeral looking like a guy who has a suit that smells awful.

I had that suit that you guys picked up for me. I'm just going to burn because I bought in 2008 when Jason asked me to join the show full time instead of just play the second axe. He was like, you own a suit, right? I go, yeah. And he goes, a black suit, right? I go, yeah, of course. And then that night I went out and bought a suit at Target. And I've used that same suit for 12 years. And it's got like a hole in the knee from where I tore it open doing a bit on the floor and it's bad. So I'm just gonna toss it out.

That made me realize how jacked up all the guys' clothes in World News were. Everyone was like, I haven't bought a new white shirt in 12 years. Never watched it once. I was like, what are you doing?

I think on comedy like anytime somebody saw me pre or post show they're always like ooh la la a suit like what a dapper guy and I'm like if you look closely there's like there's like aphids crawling into my mouth.

The best thing about those suits is that no one saw you close up like people see you like 10 feet away on the stage so it's like yeah you can get by with like an ill-fitting dirty suit because no one can really see.

I said it before and I'll say it again from a hundred yards I'm fucking gorgeous.

I also a couple times when I would bring the vodka spray because that helps like in between drag queen and stuff.

Helps mommy do her comedy?

Yeah.

Two for my skirt, one for me, two for my skirt, one for me.

If anyone's ever worked on a costume crew in theater you like spray like wool stuff with vodka so you don't have to keep washing it and it disinfects it and gets rid of the smell. I would sometimes do a little spray by smell in all your suits. Just be like, this isn't hurting anyone.

It got to the point, and this was true for pretty much everyone in the cast, where instead of washing your shirt, your shirt would just get so bad that you'd throw it away and then walk to like one of the three stores within two blocks and just buy a new one for $20 before the show. And it worked out almost exclusively, except one time Rob White, who did that show, he bought a shirt, it was like a French collared shirt that didn't have It didn't have a collar. He just bought it and brought it.

Everyone gave him so much shit for that shirt. He tried to like quietly sneak on stage and we're like, whoa, whoa, whoa.

He got eviscerated for the collar of his shirt being a little weird.

So that's why you just wear the dirty shirt because at least you're safe if people know.

But anyways, guys, I'm going to miss doing world news with you. Us laughing in the green room of that show is I feel like why we wanted to do this podcast in the first place.

Absolutely. And I say this with 100% certainty. We will do world news together again every Saturday night in hell. Would we die? Would we surely go to hell? I'll see you there. We will be doing that show.

Well of course we know hell is other riddles so let's go ahead and get into the some appetizers or some main courses.

Yeah I'm hungry for riddles Erin so feed baby.

Okay weirdos.

Well, were your laptop tummy children? Ew.

Ew. Ew.

All right, hold on. I'm sorry. No, no. Before we start, I got to see a scene. This is a scene from the failed television show, Laptop Tummy Children. It's like a Teletubbies type show. Erin and Adal, you are going to be the laptop tummy children.

Oh, hey sissy. Yes. I forgot to study for my test tomorrow. Let me open up my tummy. You know what?

I can help you study because I live on your back. I'm just a part of you. Can we cut? Can we cut?

No.

Action again.

We can't cut.

Keep on going. Last night she wouldn't get off my back. She came home with me. I had to sleep with her on my neck. I don't think she's method, I think. Where did she? How can I?

I'm gonna drop. How did she audition? Don't drop.

Action again.

I can't respond.

I'm the one on your back. I want a milkshake.

You want a milkshake?

Drink a milkshake so I can taste it.

That's not how it works. What did you just eat? Action.

That's perfect. Erin, we're going to call your character Milkshake. A director with no control over his scent.

I can't stop it.

You have to keep going. Nice job, Milkshake. Nice job, Milkshake. Erin, your Milkshake brings all the folks to the podcast.

Are we ready? I'm going to start with some listener submitted stuff. This is from Amy Wong. Thank you, Amy. This is amazing. Um, here are some original riddles I wrote, especially for you three. These are what I can call homonym riddles, homonym riddles. So each line of the riddle describes a different definition of the one word answer. For example, winter, spring, summer, and fall, do this for a tasty meatball.

Season.

Yes.

Wow, condiments.

Condiments.

I remember what condiments are now. That's what Momo says, right?

Yeah. The seasons of the year and also you need to season and meatball when cooking. You can find the rest of my riddles below. The answers are blah blah blah blah. I hope you enjoy them. Best wishes. Amy.

Oh, so that was just a warm-up-y one? That one wasn't even real?

Yeah, Amy from Bristol, England. Adal didn't get a point for that? No, no points. Amy's from England, which is a blast. Oh wow.

Friends across the pond.

I'm Amy. I'm from England.

What do we fall, Master Bruce? I'm from England. I'm from Gar-Ritchie England. You wanker?

Gar-Ritchie England is beautiful this time of year.

Gar-Ritchie England, wanker!

And I'm Ron Weasley, you get? Also, Amy gave me permission to use her full name. So thank you, Amy.

Thank you, Amy Wong. And Amy, congratulations to you. I now give you permission to use my full name. So, to Amy Wong, thanks for everything, Julie Newmar. A lot of people call me JPC, a lot of people call me Japes. Amy, you have permission to use my full name.

Joops. Peeps. Peeps.

A lot of people call me Joops.

Peeps. That's my favorite Cher song. A lot of people, I walk out of the room and they say, Joops, there it is.

Joops. All right. Yes. A gambler, sweep, or lottery. An indoor swim, not lake nor sea. A gentleman's game for you and me. I did a little pose at the end, as if that did fucking anything. It worked for me! A gambler sweep or lottery, an indoor swim, not lake nor sea, a gentleman's game for you and me.

Erin, I would like to solve the puzzle and I would like to say pool.

Permission granted and correct.

Yes! Oh yeah, right? Is that the pool? Is that what it's called? The pot, right? We call that the pot. And a gambler's wind.

Well, you pool your resources and then you win the pot.

Yeah, that's right. You know when you're playing poker and you just lead across the table and say, hey, Eddie, why don't we two team up?

You're good at bluffing, right? I'm bad. Let's team up.

Let's pull our resources. All right. Great. I want to see a scene. Erin and Adal, you are both going into a underground mafia owned high stakes poker game. You're meeting outside the poker game and you're going to agree to team up to win the poker game.

Hey, listen, you're here for the game? Yeah. I don't know you, but we should, I don't know, team up, right?

I'm Donnie.

Oh, I'm also Donnie. Oh, okay. Wait, what's your last name? On three. One, two, three, Wahlberg.

Washerbrasses.

Oh, I'm Donnie Wahlberg.

I said, yeah.

Washerbrasses?

Yeah.

So listen, here's what we're going to do. Anytime I have a flush.

Excuse me, there's a Jetta with its lights on for a Donnie washerbrasses. I don't know anything about Star Wars.

I don't know Star Wars. Thank you. I haven't seen the new ones. Listen.

So anytime there's a... Well, actually, you know a little bit about it because you knew that was a Star Wars reference.

I don't know what a Jetta is, okay? I know they have their lights. I know they have their light knives.

Just so you don't know something about something that you recognize.

Well, I'm just saying I don't know what a Jetta does. I know it's an occupation.

So you take the cards and I put them up my... What were you saying?

Well, let me hear that out.

Okay, we pull our cards together, we put them up my butt, I take off. In my Jedi.

Okay, again guys, this isn't Jetta, these lights are really on.

I could not, I gotta stress that these, these things, they look- What's the difference between on and really on? Do you mean the brights are on? They look hot.

I don't understand.

Who's that? Wait, oh shit. Are you wired? This guy's a cop.

He's wired. I don't understand.

Squirt, squirt, squirt, squirt. Fuck wrong gun, my son's been in my car. Oh no, he's got his big water gun tag. Hey Google, in the scene. Okay, Google. Let's get more of these Amy Wong originals.

Yes. What the hell was that scene? Next thing. Something I have or something I own. A carved tunnel of ore and stone. Step on me, you'll be overthrown.

Scene. I mean- Scene. That wasn't a scene. Yes. I would like to say, the answer is latter. No. I would like to take a second guess. The answer is mine. I said latter because the latter is mine.

Remember when Fighting Nemo came out and all the rage was those nasty little seagulls?

Yeah, Adal let's see. Do I remember when I was two years old? Fuck you.

I recently rewatched Finding Nemo.

Did it hold up?

Yeah, it's actually pretty solid, I would say.

Did you watch Searching Dory or Dory's Searching Dory? We didn't watch Finding Dory. My man, you've combined documentary Searching for Sugarman and the Disney classic Finding Dory. Finding Doryster?

I never watched Finding Dory. So no one's seen Finding Dory?

I saw it in theaters. To me, a bad Pixar movie is still a really good movie. So I thought it was great, but I think it was panned pretty hard, I believe. But it was also very successful. But I thought it was worth watching for sure.

Yeah, one of those movies that's like, yeah, this did not do well. It did make all of its money back times a million, but didn't do well.

Oh yeah. There was something the other day where they made 780 million internationally, so they won't be making a sequel. And I was like, what's going on? As I'm eating rice pudding and my shoes are boxes.

How did I feel about that?

How do you feel about like those like mega blockbusters who's like because basically the way that those movies are created now is all algorithm and it's basically just a like a Hey Riddle.

I feel like I'm okay with both because I think both are needed where it's like I think studios need to make that money and then be like now we can do our little pet project or make this sort of more avant-garde film or something so I'm happy that both are out in the world and I also like just popcorn flicks sometimes but I think I think it's sad that there's movies making 800 million dollars that are considered a flop. Sucks.

I think for me it's like I love the popcorn movies like I saw every one of the Marvel movies so I you know I obviously I gave them my money but to a certain degree it's I'm also kind of bummed out by like Like I know in the moment it makes me feel good to like go and see the new superhero movie but I wonder if me having that impulse is like 20 years from now going to have led to like the dissolution of all cinema. Like all cinema is only that now because that's what makes money and even though I was still interested in this other stuff like it just didn't it got pushed out like the advertisers weren't there so I wonder sometimes if like You know it's it's kind of like how I just continue to live my life even though I know that like the world is warming up by degrees but I'm like what can I do to stop it so it's that except for movies.

Yeah I feel like if something isn't Oscar bait or like one of those popcorn flakes it's not even coming out in theaters anymore. But I think maybe people will like miss it and want to go back to the event of like seeing something that isn't like an original movie that isn't necessarily like that. But I don't know.

As long as we get movies like her coming along, I'm gonna be just fine. I love that movie. I want to see a scene. Japes, you are a young hotshot Hollywood director. You've made a few indie films that have done well. You've earned some prizes and whatnot. Erin, you are a big studio exec. And Japes, you are making a pitch for the perfect movie to make the most amount of money. And this is sort of like money ball. You know the exact ingredients to make sure it's the number one movie of all time.

Matthew, will you get us a couple of coffees please?

Yes, right away.

Thank you.

Cool. I love a couple coffees. Sorry, did you say cup of coffees or couple coffees?

A couple coffees for me. Great. Four coffees.

So six coffees coming in.

Couple colloquially. I'll have three coffees for myself.

So seven coffees all day.

So I know I'm coming off of a couple of indie darlings that have done very well. Personally, I'm very proud of my work on Dane Crook, behind the scenes in the life of The downfall of Dayton Cook. I'll admit the title was long, but it did well. And so now I'm really hoping to sink my teeth into something, you know, triple A, big budget, the kind of movie that I can really get excited about. Hit me with your best idea.

And don't make this up as you go along. Make sure to tell me your ideas, okay?

I will not.

Sir, your folder was in the lobby. Let me hand it to you so you can read what you have.

Great. Thank you so much. Were any of the pages in this or just the folder? No, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. I got the folder all I need. So what are the biggest blockbuster movies in the past 20 years? You got Lord of the Rings. You got Transformers. You got all the Marvel movies. Why are they so successful? Because they use source material, but source material also costs money. So what if we had something that was just adjacent to source material, but not actually the source material and what's the greatest source material of all time? The Bible. So what am I going to do? I'm just going to call it, I'm going to drop the B and I'm going to call it the bile. And what it is, is it... You're going to drop the B? I'm going to drop the middle B of Bible, call it the bile. And it's kind of like a Miss Frizzle type of thing, magic school bus, where you're going inside of the body to learn about the Holy Trinity of, you know, God. So... Okay, I love it.

I love it. Can I just throw out some names?

Sure.

Jason Statham.

Okay. Some more?

Let's see. Who else do I love to see in the big screen? Helicopters. Okay.

You said some names.

I thought they were maybe... Can we get Abigail Breslin to go back in time and be a young girl again? Because remember when she was like eight in movies, everyone was like, she's so cute and talented?

I think that we can get some of that DeNiro age makeup and age her down. We age DeNiro down like 50 years, so I think we can make her a little infant again if we truly wanted to.

That was just a safer and better time for America, like the Little Miss Sunshine and the signs of it all.

Sure, so I love it. So we've got a tiny baby Abigail Breslin living inside someone's body. We've got Statham playing God. Helicopters, helicopters are the small intestines. I love this thing. I think I can get it made. All I'm gonna need is 50... Okay, can I just stop you right there?

I only have a billion dollars to give you. And my assistant was like, why don't you just like solve world hunger and help people? And I'm like, why don't I make a movie with Jason Statham as God?

First of all, you couldn't solve world hunger for a billion dollars. It would take something more like $11 billion to solve it every year. I have that. Every day Jeff Bezos decides not to do. But okay, I was going to ask for $50 billion. You only have a billion to give me. I guess I'll take it. I guess I'll take the billion. But I got to say, I'm going to waste most of it. And 10 years from now, some very bad things are coming out about me.

Okay, perfect. Next one.

Oh, real quick, do you guys remember when Beowulf got made? Wasn't that wild? Oh my god! When they made like a Beowulf with Angelina Jolie and Ray Winston. Yes. And they're like, huh? Huh? Huh? Everyone? Pretty good. And we're like, nobody wants this.

I love the John Carpenter of Mars or whatever. I love it when the studio takes big swings and eats shit. It restores my faith in humanity when humanity will say like, we will not be sold this bucket of garbage. We will not watch this at the movies. But then of course, I bet if you looked up any of those flops, they go international and they make all their money back.

Alright, here we go. You need me, you need me to lock your door. A jacket flash with a thunderous roar. I ran so fast, I am here no more.

And I ran, I ran so fast, I'm here no more. You need me to unlock your door. That would be a key or a lock.

A jacket flash with a thunderous roar.

Oh, jacket little flash. Lancemore's set.

Jacket little flash. The follow up to jacket little pill that did okay. Lightning? And I'm here!

Did you do, sorry to derail this, for SNL did you do impressions?

I did Kate Middleton impression.

I think you showed me that. Wait, isn't she on SNL? Yeah.

Kate Middleton? Yeah.

She's so funny.

I just want to say your Lance Morissette was spot on. Maybe I should do that. You need to open a door. Something about the flash and something about thunderstorm.

That's lightning, right?

That's lightning. Lightning.

Ron, a lightning bolt. Nice one.

An indoor breeze that makes you shake. A military call for the country's sake. A writer's attempt spot their mistake.

An indoor breeze that makes you shake. A chill, a gust.

It's very in here, so I've put on my... Oh, a cum.

It's very cum in here, so I put on my... An indoor... A scar, a shaw.

A military's call for the country's sake might be...

So the military's call for the country's sake. So the military calls, hoorah! Or a writer's attempt.

A writer's first attempt.

First draft. Draft. Oh draft.

That draft. I would like to see a scene. Could have been some fucking wood. JPC, you're a guy at a high school in like 1940-something who's gone into the high school to draft some students, and you're pitching Adal on why he should be in the army during World War II.

You there, skin and bones, skin and buckets. Come right over here. Yeah, well, yeah, I'm looking at you.

My name is Jimmy Skin and Buckets.

Your name is Jimmy Skinner, but that's gross. We'll give you a new name in the Army. How would you like to join the Army, son, and really go get those nazis?

No, thanks. No, I have a band. I'm sorry, you have a band? Yeah. It's 1942. Yeah? What's your band? Oh, they're called the Mamas and the Papas.

Okay. It's me.

I love the idea.

What kind of music do they play? Remember, it's 1942, so...

Yeah, well, it's 1940-something, but we're in California, right? Sacramento. So I figured some sort of dreary, sort of psychedelic... Can I sing some lyrics?

Hold on, hold on. Mrs. Apple Jeans, this is not your history class, okay? So please,

Finally, I'll go back to teaching the Andrew Sisters. They're over here singing with the harmonies.

You know Andrew Bird and Andrew Bird, the Andrew Sisters? We are way too early for that.

Look, boy, howdy. Do I want to get you into the army? I want to get you on a ship and I want to just send you overseas. Or I want to send you, you know, overseas. Either way you go, you can go to the west or you can go to the east. You're going over a sea. That's what I want to send you, boy.

Either way, I'll be leaving on a jet plane.

Wait till you realize that.

Huh? Mrs. Appletine's what?

Hold on, hold on. I got a secret suspicion. Are you another one of these damn time travelers that is coming back in time to try to stop the results of World War II?

No, I'm not a time traveler, but I am a time traveler.

Well, what I said is what I said. So you get one free pass, here's your ticket to war, good luck to you son. And also to you.

Here's your ticket to war. I'd like to exchange this ticket.

She's got a ticket to war.

Butternut and Zucchini are two of these. A fast racket game which makes you wheeze. Another word for crush or squeeze.

Squash. Little squash.

What's in a British PB&J? Do you see those cars in my way? If you're in this, it's a bad day.

British PP&J is one parts Pissnickety, two parts Bumblecock, and three parts Jelly. In Britain we say Jam. Because jelly don't shake like that. What's in a British PB&J? It's jam. The answer's jam. It was jam. Yeah. Jam. Are you sure? Yes, I'm sure, Erin.

Are you positive?

I guess so. We got a space jam.

No, it is jam.

Oh, well then I was right.

It's true. Should we go on a little break?

As my reward, I would like to take my break, and I would like to make my snack, and I would like to make my British PB&Jam.

Well, we'll go to break. After we hear 15 seconds of Erin singing her Pearl Jam original. Erin?

How does it go?

You tell us.

You do. You do it first and then I do.

Okay. We'll take a break after we hear 15 seconds of JPC's original Pearl Jam song.

Hello. Hey. Oh butter on the bread and put that jam in the butter bread.

Okay. I can do it. Oh no. Hey.

Well now I want to do it. No break. We'll be right back.

I am JP the Coward.

Okay, what's your name?

And I'm Little Patty Pillow.

Oh, you both look like your names. Well, welcome. This is the end of the road. If you choose the correct bed, then you win the treasure. Please look at all the beds in this room and choose the correct bed. I am a knight who's been guarding beds since the dawn of today.

We don't know much from you. They just started today. It's my first day. No, it doesn't matter. Kind of a big deal. Which bed to take? Sir, you don't happen to have a two-minute sleep quiz that we could take that might help match our body type to our sleep preference to the perfect mattress for us, do you?

Because me, Patti Pillow, I'm a side sleeper and a hot sleeper, and I would love to get a mattress that is specific to my needs.

And I'm a hot sleeper who needs a very firm bed.

Okay. Well, you've done it. You've cracked the code. Clearly you're talking about Helix sleep mattresses.

Was that the mattress I saw when I was reading GQ and Wired magazine? Because they got number one best overall mattress pick of 2019. Is that right?

Yes, duh. Yes, duh. All the beds in this room are helix sleep.

If that's true, then they all have a 10-year warranty, which is like double the average lifespan at this time. And you get to try them out for a hundred nights risk-free. Well, I know there'd be a great risk if I was going up against a hundred nights. They'll even pick it up for you if you don't love it, but you will.

That's right, every single bed here is your treasure. A Helix mattress.

You mean I can just take one right now? I don't even have to go to helixsleep.com slash Riddle, take the sleep quiz, and then get matched to the perfect mattress to have the best sleep of my life?

Patty Pillow would love for you to repeat that.

Well Patti Pillow, between you and me, Helix Sleep is offering up to $200, that's currency of our current time, off all mattress orders for listeners of Hey Riddle Riddle, don't know what that is, at helixsleep.com slash Riddle, that's helixsleep.com slash R-I-D-D-L-E, up to $200 off.

Alright, let's get out of here and take that sleep quiz. I can't wait to get $200 off.

Helix Sleep, you chose wisely.

Patti Pillow.

No, no, I need to say the last thing.

Patty pillow.

This sucks. Hey, Erin Adal. Sorry I'm so late to record and covered in pasta sauce. This is, I promise this will never happen again. I just, I've been in the kitchen for hours.

You said that last week and the week before and it's the week before that.

Did spaghetti put you in the oven covered in ragu again?

Yes, and it was a big mistake and I'm so sorry again. Let's just go. Let's record. I'm ready. I'm so sorry. I'm a mess. I wish there was a better way. I'll just say that. I wish there was a better way.

Funny you say that because we're here to talk about Hello Fresh.

Oh, Hello Fresh? I love Hello Fresh and I'll tell you why. It offers so many recipes to choose from each week to help you break out of your recipe rut. And there's something for everyone including low calorie, vegetarian, and family friendly recipes for your picky eaters at home. I'm the one. I'm the picky eater in my house. HelloFresh offers fresh, high-quality ingredients every week for a super flavorful experience. And over 90% of the ingredients are sourced directly from growers to ensure the freshest recipes are delivered to your door. Boom!

Wow. Hey Erin, rude. If you show up for a second, I'm going to tell you about how HelloFresh saves you time and stress effortlessly. HelloFresh offers contactless delivery. That's right. All of their delivery people do not wear contacts. They all wear glasses or they have pre-existing great eyesight, which is, you love to see that. You need that to fly a plane. They're gonna bring the food to your doorstep for easy home cooking, it cuts out the stressful meal planning, all the grocery store trips that I don't want to go on. Here's how much it saves time and Gemma and I love this. We typically get free HelloFresh from HelloFresh. Currently we're paying for it. We love it so much we just bought it ourselves because we want it every single week. So we've been getting it for the last five weeks and it's saving our lives, it's saving our meal time, it's saving our engagement.

I've also heard tell, of course I've never used the service because I'm covered in spaghetti sauce and I dog in the fridge and all that stuff, but I've heard that it's flexible and fits my lifestyle.

Dog in the fridge.

You can keep your fridge stocked by adding extra fruit seeds.

Let's finish the ad and then we'll get the dog out of the fridge.

Or sides like garlic, bread to your weekly order. You can easily change delivery days, food preferences, skip a week whenever you need. Feeding the family has never been easier with large box sizes for more servings and more savings. This sounds like something that I need.

JBC, weren't you just saying that you and Mariah have been cooking a lot with HelloFresh and that you've been really enjoying it?

Well, yeah, I mean, of course. I mean, we've made just delicious meals like, wow, you don't remember any of them specifically.

Adal, do you remember specific? Yeah. So we got the vegetarian package because Gemma's a vegetarian and I thought I would miss the meat, but I don't. We made harissa sweet potato pockets with guacamole and cucumber dill sauce, which was one of the favorite things I've eaten this year.

Are you kidding me, Adal, because that is in my fridge right now and we've been like, when are we going to eat this? When are we going to eat this one? We were going to eat that one tonight.

It's delicious. It's good?

Okay, I'm excited now.

Text me when you eat it. We also made salsa verde enchiladas, which is from their Hall of Fame recipe list with poblano pepper, black beans, and Monterey Jack. Absolutely stunning.

Wow. Also, before we started recording this, I listened to JPC earnestly talk Casey into ordering HelloFresh. I was like, why are we recording this? JPC was like, they send you all the ingredients so you don't have to go out and get it. It's truly amazing. So you know we're for real.

We had the Poblano enchiladas the other day and I got to say 14 JPCs. So if you want to eat food that is worth 14 JPCs, then you got to go to hellofresh.com slash 60Riddle and use code 60Riddle to get $60 off your first three weeks, including free shipping on your first box. Additional restrictions to apply, so visit hellofresh.com for more details. That is hellofresh.com slash 60, the letter six, I mean the number six and the letters that spell Riddle, that's R-I-D-D-L-E.

Also go to dogoutofthefridge.com for a special little treat from us.

Yeah, that's yep. And enjoy. That vanity code one more time is hellofresh.com slash the number six, the number zero Riddle.

Let's go get that dog.

And we're back now back on the pocket training song from Riddle's.

I don't think I've heard a Pearl Jam song in 15 years. I don't, like, I don't think I've heard a full Pearl Jam song. I think they just came out with a new album. Really?

Yeah. That's a band that totally, I just didn't, it totally missed every single opportunity it had to infect me. Like that band never reached my ears. Yeah, it missed me with that bullshit. Don't know why, but I love you some Soundgarden.

I think I legit was maybe too young for whatever, what style of music is that? Grunge. It's grunge? Yeah, I guess I was a little too young I think for grunge and a little too Midwestern.

Japes, where were you and Erin? Where were you when Kurt Cobain was murdered?

I could not tell you what year that was. Was that in the 90s? 94? 94 or 95? I don't know. It's weird because I was technically a child of the 90s, but I was born in 88, so I was what, six or seven when Kurt Cobain died? So how would I know anything about Kurt Cobain at six or seven?

Wait, it must have been at least 96 because I was a freshman in high school in 96. I remember I was in high school when he died because somebody had to leave class because they were crying so hard. Really? Yeah. So it must have been after 96. A student or a teacher? It was a teacher? Well it was our grunge teacher. His name was Michael Cobain.

I'm sorry guys but we can't do grunge class today.

I'm not feeling good for it. Whoa he's taking off his flannel. What's happening?

I guess just listen to Atlantis Morissette and we'll get through this.

Guys, it was too late for me to sign up for any good electives. I got grunged.

I had an adjust, but to hear you. New York is diamond in the cross.

I'd bear that you get to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. That's pretty good.

All right, so I'm gonna just tune you one more listening to me, Riddle.

Yes, please. Hey Erin, that's fine with me and I fucking love it. Is this still Amy Wong?

No. Thank you, Amy though. Thank you, Amy.

Those were awesome. And remember, Amy, you can use my full name for one year.

Jops. Pemble. Keens.

And we will take Erin to the hospital right as soon as we do two more episodes. We really have to get through tonight. So she, trust me, she is getting first class trip to the hospital, but we are going to do maybe two more hours of show.

GPC said he'd get me a stuffed animal if I don't try to bite the doctor. I get to get any stuffed animal I want if I don't try to bite the doctor.

You can try, you just can't bite. Remember folks you can submit riddles to HRRPodcasts at gmail.com and we legally don't have to pay you if we solve them.

Speaking of that, this is from Kenzie. Hi, I'm Kenzie. I'm listening to the 100th episode because I can't fall asleep and I heard your plea for riddles and remembered this one. I don't think this has been done, but it's possible no one will remember if it was, but I don't think this has been done.

Kenzie, you got our fucking number dead on because we do not remember if we've done it before.

There are five sisters.

Where?

Behind you. Oh God! Susie is coloring. Susie 2 is playing piano. Susie 3 is playing checkers.

So far this is just the opening scene of Pride and Prejudice. Susie 4 is playing the piano forte.

That is so true. They're just walking through like linens hanging outside and chickens like in seeing what all the sisters are doing.

Suzy 5 has consumption and she won't make it into Act 3.

Dude, Pride and Prejudice is such a good movie. I think I talked about this recently on the show, right? That I watched it? Because Tom from Succession plays Mr. Darcy in the Keira Knightley one and now I can't really see Watch it without thinking of Tom and being like, oh my god, how is he so sexy in this and so lame and succession?

Mr. Divesby.

Divesby. All right, ready? There are five sisters. Susie is coloring. Susie two is playing piano. Susie three is playing checkers. Susie four is asleep. What is Susie five doing?

There are five sisters. One is playing checkers, one is playing piano.

Each more beautiful than the last.

Well, that's a twist. What if they were more beautiful than the last and they were named Susie 12345 because then it's like a ranked beauty order. That's fucked up of parents.

Dance for mommy.

Can you say it again, the whole thing?

Susie is coloring. Susie two is playing piano. Susie three is playing checkers. Susie four is asleep.

Oh, I know. I got the answer.

Now don't tell us. Wait for JPC to tell us.

This is a good one. I like this one.

JPC, do you know?

Ah, the fifth sister is writing it all down.

Observing it all from heaven.

Welcome to Jane Austen's fifth book, Five Susies.

There is no Fifth Susie.

The Fifth Susie is playing checkers because to play checkers, famously, you need two people.

Fine. You got it, Adal. What do you want? A birthday cake?

Adam, yes, go for it. No, no. You don't want a birthday cake? No, I'm trying to lose weight. I'm trying to be good about calories. I want a... Hold on, hold on. You can't gain weight from eating birthday cake. It's your birthday. Huh. You stupid. Wait. Nothing counts on your birthday. Birthday cake has no calories on your birthday. That's right. 50 Cents was right. Can you imagine going up to someone... I don't know why I just... Well, I know why I thought of it, but this is a dumb thing. Can you imagine going up to someone and being like, I'm a rapper, and they're like, what's your name? And you're like, 50 Cents? It's just such a lame name.

If someone was a rapper, I don't think I'd be like, what's your name? I'd be like, okay.

I believe you. I think what's your rap name would be one of my first questions for someone who volunteered that they were a rapper.

Okay, do you see what's your rap name?

MC Dogwhistle? Oh no.

MC... But I feel like at least make yourself like 50 bucks.

100 grand? Yeah.

There you go.

A millionaire. I think that also to a certain degree, like we're running out of good rap names just as rap progresses through the years. So now we have like SoundCloud rappers whose names are just fucking nonsense. I just, I'm excited to see what like the, you know, rap names look like in a hundred years from now. Well I mean there won't be a hundred years from now obviously.

Right. Right.

Because of the world.

Would you like another riddle or are you full?

One more please. I can eat all damn day. I'm not on some fucking sort of Adal diet where I can't have a birthday cake every day of my life.

I'm trying to live a hundred.

I'm on an Adal diet. I can eat anything at all.

That's pretty good. A waterside bar and restaurant offers free beer at sunset during the summer. At the end of the summer, the owner reviews his records and realizes that not even one of his many customers took him up on his special offer.

Can you reread that?

Yep. A waterside bar and restaurant offers free beer at sunset during the summer. At the end of the summer, the owner reviews his records and realizes that not even one of his many customers took him up on his special offer.

They don't serve beer.

Yep. He's really confused.

Do they close? Is this summer... Does the sunset like after they close or something because of where they live?

The sun sets like at an exact time, right? So if you don't buy the beer during that exact time, you don't get it for free. Or is it because the sunset is deceptive because of the horizon because of the water?

Jape, stop asking questions. Erin sold her voice to a octopus. Oh wait, she has it back. What was that on the right track? No, I was wrong. A poolside? No, a water side. A water slide? Wait, is the bar a water slide? And once you order to go to the bottom and you can't get back up?

No, but I would not want to be on a water slide drunk.

You could serve water sliders.

That's the only way I'd agree to it. You guys, I saw it. Okay. I bet on TikTok a little bit because first of all, I have a couple of things to say. I love the teens these days. They're so smart and so funny. Teens, you're killing it. I have no notes.

I do have one note for the teens. The last time that we did a live show and all of the K-pop teens ordered hundreds of thousands of tickets to our live show and made it seem like we were selling out an arena and then we showed up and it was you know just the six fans of this show and it was a very depressing time. Fuck you you K-pop.

We owe Madison Square Garden 14 million dollars.

Artistry. For a completely unrelated reason.

Yeah. Oh yeah. Big, big unrelated reasons. Well, famously we bought the Knicks.

You guys, I'm going to be so excited. What if we bought the Knicks? You guys, what if we bought the Knicks?

We traded them for Knicks. It was a big mistake. We have knickbacks.

What favorite Riddle Riddle about the Knicks of all time? All the teams. I don't know why that's the funniest. We don't live in that city.

I love the conversation of like, how's the podcast doing? Pretty good. You know, during quarantine we still have ads. That's a big, huge help. Head gums have been really nice. We bought the Knicks. We exactly know them.

That was fun.

What else do we do? We bought the Knicks.

I guess things are going okay. I mean, my podcast recently just bought the Knicks.

What if we sold and this might get litigious and we need to have a this is a podcast meeting this is official first ever official On episode, on our podcast meeting. First podcast meeting. Great. Of course, everyone has equal share in the podcast. I will take minutes. Okay, so now I only have two minutes left.

Thank you.

Thank you. What if we sold Knicks jerseys and on the back, it was the number 69 and it just said Riddles.

We're trying to get sued right.

That's what I'm asking. We're trying to get sued right. If we order these, because you can do that at NBA.com, you can order customized jerseys. If we buy them, say it's $60 a pop, and then we sell them for $61. Think it's more expensive?

Hey, there are no bad ideas in brainstorming. I love this idea. I love the idea of selling Knicks jerseys.

Can I ask something every time during meetings when I put out an idea? You always say there are no bad ideas in brainstorming, but you don't do that when you earn this idea.

Just want to remind everyone that there are no bad ideas in brainstorming. And I'll bring that up every time you have an idea. Just to remind you. I love that. We sell Knicks jerseys. I think that the price margin is a little low. Is there a way that we can maybe raise that so that we get a nickel back? And could we turn that also into a jersey, a Knicks jersey that says LE back?

Could we? Okay. Could we buy the band Nickelback? And then sort of just like rebrand it from the ground up like really clean house.

What? By the band, clean house, fire everyone at Nickelback.

Erin, here's what we do. And this is how typically how our meetings go. Erin, we buy Nickelback. I love that. That's brilliant.

Wait, what if JPC says that idea because coming from a man it might be taken more seriously.

Oh, you're right. Jage, can you say it? I don't remember what it was, but I will take full credit. I like that better. Sorry Erin, I like that better. We buy Nickelback, then we come out with a brand of beer called Every Bottle. Now, what's great about the beer brand Every Bottle is that it ties in with their famous song, been down until the bottom of every bottle.

Photograph people. End of meeting. I think we worked a lot out.

Okay, so during that meeting, by the way, that meeting was four minutes. I went to Patreon, said a new stretch goal. If we get 5,000 Patrons, we will buy the Knicks. We'll at least put in a bid. We'll at least put in a bid.

We'll ask. Honestly, we will go through all of the trouble it would be. We'll send as many emails as we can.

I will write an official email from the HRRR podcast Gmail account to the New York Knicks proposing that we buy them.

Guys. I don't think we could afford three seats in the 200 level of Madison Square Garden. Honestly, we start low and make Dan play hardball against us.

Anyways, TikTok. I saw on TikTok, I watched 600 times and made me cry laughing, and it was a girl talking about, and I didn't realize how universal it was, how before she went down a waterside, the hot like 14 year old boy when you're a little kid telling you to go down was like the sexiest thing ever. He was like, the audio was like, are you trying to seduce me? And she just has her goggles on. She's going down her waterslide. And I was like, I thought I was the only one who thought that every waterslide boy was trying to hit on me when I was like 11 years old. And it's so specific. And I was like, I thought that was my secret truth in my head and to have, I just watched that TikTok like 700 times. I did a horrible job explaining it.

Hi Riddle. Embarrassing stories, like each of those magazines had a page of like embarrassing stories and every single one was either I jumped into a pool or the ocean and my top came off or I jumped into a pool or the ocean and my tampon came out. There was never a single story that wasn't that.

Adal, I would like to see a scene. Erin and I are going to be cool teens. This is a bunch of cool teens at a pool party. You are a not so cool teen, but you are trying to try a little hard. You just jumped into the pool and instantly the water turned blood red. That's me? That's you. Yes.

Kimball!

What the fuck? This is a waiting pool. But this is cool, right? Somebody record this. Somebody record this quick before it passes out. No, this is a crime. Don't record this. No, this is a video. This is my... I'm gonna be viral. Seth, your grades are demolished.

I just like I'm not trying to be that like a mean person but like you have ruined most of my birthday parties by making them about you so can you just chill?

No, I have such a crush on you. My cannonball was my big moment to impress you. My cannonball was like the ending of a teen movie. I thought I was gonna... Your cannonball? Yeah.

In the history of the world Seth, when has anyone ever fallen in love with someone by watching them do a cannonball?

Seth, you are, I hate to say it, a nerd. Because only a nerd would do a cat-a-ball and break both of his ankles in a pool. That's something a nerd would do. That's like playing D&D.

Oh, can someone call an ambulance?

That's on the same level as playing Magic the Gathering cards. Can someone call an ambulance?

We're too busy taking a selfie. You can't call 911 and take a selfie at the same time, Seth.

At least get me in it. I'm the star attraction. I actually turned my phone on non-emergency mode so the only thing it can't do is make emergency calls. What the fuck? It's a bad setting.

Oh hey dude I meant to ask you do you want to go to an Ed Sheeran concert with me in a week?

Is OAR a good band? No.

Let's see. Shut up Seth. One wild game of poker. We haven't solved this riddle, right?

No, but you're sort of like circling it.

So does it have to do with the hours? Like what hours sunset happened or something?

I'm going to give you clues.

Oh wait. I'm so sorry. I think I have the answer. Please. Is this because I think there's two places on earth where the sun never sets. Is it one of those places?

The bar is in Alaska. The owner never has to give away any beer because the sun never sets during the summer. Moots.

Perfect. Wow.

Are you ready?

I'm absolutely ready to go to Alaska and experience that.

A famous people hangs out together every day, though some have never even met each other. Many people have seen them together, but if asked, no one in the group would acknowledge that they've had a blast together. This one makes no sense, by the way.

Vince, Turtle, E, and Johnny Drama, this is Entourage, baby. Entourage.

Oh yeah! Did I tell you guys my Entourage idea?

No.

So this is a dream that my friend Laurel Zoff-Pelton and I have that we want to save up all of our money, well now I'm buying the Knicks so it might not happen, but we want to save up all of our money and shot for shot recreate the pilot of entourage but with women. And don't change anything. All the exact same acting choices, all the exact same costumes and sets, and everything else. Everything stays the same, but it's just four ladies at the center.

I will invest up to $500 in this. Would you gender swap everything? Or is it just the main four women or just all women?

Gender swap the main four plus the Jeremy.

Jeremy Piven. Yeah. Okay, cool. So those five are all women. And then are all the women that they interact with in the show men as well?

No.

Okay.

So everything else is the same. Everything else is the same. Gotcha.

Yeah. This is something that I've thought about for a while, but what I would love to see HBO do is make like entourage, like a version of entourage, but make it for dudes.

Oh my God.

Like make a show like entourage, but make it for dudes. Not like what they did with entourage, which is like not for dudes.

Who do you think I would play of the five?

Johnny Romcom.

I think that you would be a good Johnny Drama. I think the character choice of a famous actor's older brother who is also an actor is so funny. That is so ripe for comedy.

Isn't it based on Mark Wahlberg's experiences in Hollywood? So Johnny Drama is supposed to be Donnie Wahlberg?

Donnie Losert?

I can't believe Donnie Wahlberg has come up twice in this episode. Are we okay? Finally, finally. Are we for Boston? Yeah, I think I would want to be him or Jeremy Piven's character because he says the grossest worst things I've ever heard and I'm like... Jeremy Piven?

Just Jeremy Piven in general. The camera wasn't even, he didn't even know the camera was rolling for most of that first season.

Oh yeah!

They were just having Jeremy Piven go off on his like Asian assistant and they were like, he doesn't even know he's on the show yet.

Did you know that you could get, there's like cameo, there's like that thing called cameo and now you can do a 10 minute zoom call with Jeremy Piven for $10,000 or $15,000? He's like super canceled, like he's fucking canceled as hell, right?

He's like abusive and like shitty.

You guys, Sean started watching it at the beginning of quarantine and I remembered that oh yeah is the end of the credits but I had no idea how the melody went and so Sean as a bit to make himself laugh would have me guess until I got it right and I never it took me so long to get to the oh yeah I'd be like oh yeah Hey Turtle, you look thirsty.

Hey E, how about some cool aid?

You guys, if anyone wants to fund it, I honestly think HBO should give me money to do that, by the way.

Oh yeah, HBO should definitely be more money. Yeah, HBO Max. Were we solving a riddle or were we solving the last one?

The group of famous people hangs out together every day, though some have never even met each other. Many people have seen them together, but if asked, no one in the group would acknowledge that they've had a blast together.

It's got to be one of those K-pop groups because I think they're like 50 people deep. Yeah, they're big. They cut people constantly. It sounds like it sounds like hell to go through all the training they do. Group of celebrities. Oh, Avengers? No.

Nope.

Group of celebrities. All hang out together. Group of celebrities. A lot of them don't know each other, have never met. And they did not have a good time. Wait, did it say celebrities specifically?

Yeah, this one is bad. So you might not get it. I can give you hints.

A group of celebrities that didn't have a good time. Ocean's 12?

And 11.

What was that? What was that movie? Was it something like Arrested Development where they shot it without anyone in the room? Like is it like a group of celebrities like doing like an animated feature where they're all just like recording their dialogue?

No, but that's a really, that's smart, but that's not it.

Well, at least I'm smart. That's actually all I fucking care about.

Is it like Band-Aid when they sing that song for charity? Because it was sad. That song about Band-Aids? This is a tough one. Erin, can we get a slight little hint, please?

Yeah, I'm gonna give you clues. There are four men in the group.

Oh, the Beatles. The men are in the US.

People look up to the men, literally.

Oh, Mount Rushmore.

Mount Rushmore. That's the answer to this. I woke up out of bed today for that.

It's like 8 p.m. J.P.C. Huh?

I gotta go to work!

I want to see a scene. Erin, you are, oh boy, I'm going to get railed for this one. I can't wait. Is Mount Rushmore in South Dakota or North Dakota? South Dakota. And which one has January Jones? She's from North Dakota, right? So Erin, you are a concerned South Dakotian. You are upset about Mount Rushmore and you want four new people to take the place of the current four people. And you have taken this all the way to, I don't know, what Bismarck is? Their council board? And Japesh, you are representing the council.

It's the Bismarck council board, yeah. Thank you so much. You nailed it. Here, yeah, here, yeah, the Bismarck council board is now in session.

Hi, excuse me, I'm not from South Dakota, but I do live here.

So, so do we all.

And I have, uh, I just, I think we should make some changes to that big old mountain.

Okay, now we have a couple of big old mountains in South Dakota. We have a crazy horse, and we have a... Nope, you know the one, the four men. I think she's talking about Face Mountain. Face Mountain. You're talking about Face Mountain.

Yep. That's the, with Roosevelt, Abraham Lincoln, George Washington, and the other one. And I have four suggestions.

Fuh-duh. What was that? Fuh-duh. Fuh-duh-rah. I've only seen it written down. Oh, FDR. FDR. Okay, I'm sorry.

So, I have some suggestions of who you should put up there instead.

Okay, well we can easily swap out, so we'll hear out these suggestions.

Okay, number one, Michelle Kwan. She's my favorite figure skater who's ever been to the Olympics. Number two, my son.

Hold on, hold on, hold on. We can put Michelle Kwan up there, but as a matter of trade-off, we also have to put a little farther back in the distance, Jeff Galulay. That has to go on there.

Sorry to interrupt. I'm also a South Dakotian and my proposal for Mount Rushmore was to replace the Mount Rushmore heads with Owen Wilson, Jason Schwartzman, the guy who plays his dad, and Bill Murray.

What kind of Wes Anderson nonsense is this? Get out of here with that.

That's a good suggestion. That's a good suggestion.

Oh, are they?

You were saying the second person would be your son.

Uh huh, second person will be my son. Number three, your son. Cause I'm not crazy. I want things to be fair.

Okay, that's fine. My son is, my son as we all know is Jeff Galooly. So he's already gonna be up there. So we're halfway there.

Number four, can you bring back the show Gullah Gullah Island or the puzzle place? I used to enjoy those a lot as a kid. I'd like to see them again. That has nothing to do with this.

Okay, and as you know as the Chancellor of Bismarck, I can bring it back and I choose not to.

Alright, number four, who do you think I'm gonna say?

When you said Hootie, I honestly thought you were gonna say Ed the Blowfish, so I will say that your number four pick is Darius Rucker.

Nope, Bernadette Peters.

See, I'd go visit that. What if tomorrow Trump just came out and was like, Mount Rushmore, it's done. It's going to be Burning Up Peters. Michelle Kwan, my son, your son.

Honestly, who would be on your Mount Rushmore? Mine would be Michelle Kwan, Burning Up Peters. Let's see. I want to do another one, a good one. Who are my other two?

Mine would be George Saunders, Tom Hardy, Sissy Spacek, and Amy Sedaris.

Oh, Amy Sedaris might be on mine. That's a good one.

Mine would be Eugene Debs, Doug from the Cartoon Doug. Oh man.

Okay, ready?

One more riddle.

What? Are we good?

Pound us another riddle, plebes.

Late one evening, a young couple gets into a car. The man presses his foot to the floor, and the car accelerates through the darkness until suddenly it plunges hundreds of feet, flips over, and comes to arrest. The young couple get out of the car quickly, shaken but unscathed.

Shaken but not stirred. They are stunts people. They're working on the movie Death Proof starring Kurt Russell.

I was going to say, the two people are both in a Fast and the Furious movie where no one ever dies doing crazy ass car stunts.

I wish.

They're not stunt coordinators or stunt drivers?

Nope.

It's not Vin Diesel and Michelle Rodriguez?

No. I'll put them on my Mount Rushmore.

Just kidding. But they have to mush together into one face.

Mount Mushmore.

Mount Mushmore is you take four people and then you melt them down into one face. That's Mount Mushmore.

I think I'm putting Rihanna on mine. Are these people dreaming?

No. So they're in a car. It plunges. The guy steps on the floor. Are these people in a video game?

Nope. Are these real people? Human beings?

Yes.

Okay. Are they playing the hit PS1 game Twisted Metal?

Nope.

Twisted Metal. I love that game.

What was that clown's name? The clown was the best. JPC.

That's what it was. Thank you, Erin. That's what it was. I once played a Jackbox party pack game. I think I can't remember what it was with some friends in Mariah and like every answer was like JPC's clown ass and they always won. I was like, come on, guys. It's not that funny.

You see it a million times. Anytime he plays with Brett Lyons, he puts the same four answers and he destroys, but he sucks. What are they? I'm not gonna say. I'm not gonna ruin his fun. Yeah. Can you read it one more time?

I will.

Okay.

Late one evening, a young couple gets into a car. The man presses his foot to the floor, and the car accelerates through the darkness until it suddenly plunges hundreds of feet, flips over, and comes to rest. The young couple get out of the car quickly, shaken but unscathed.

So it doesn't even say he steps on the gas. It says he puts his foot on the floor. So does this thing not have a gas pedal? No, or am I wrong?

It does not have a gas pedal.

It doesn't have a gas pedal.

He puts his foot on the floor.

Wonder foot on the floor. Maybe they're just driving in the dark. Is this a plane? No, this is a car. Oh, the man is JFK Jr.

Why?

Is this Tron? Ooh.

Yeah, the Tron bikes flip over. Oh, it's Tron too.

Erin, can we have a little hint? Just a squint of a hint.

It's not the kind of card that you're maybe thinking of.

Card again.

And maybe it's a little more like, couple is on vacation, the young man is not the driver, the couple is in Florida and surrounded by lots of people, the car is attached to other cars. Just before getting in the car, the couple saw a mouse.

What? Just before getting in the car, the couple saw a mouse.

They're driving in Florida? Have I ever looked more smug?

Is it a circus car?

No.

So the couple, oh the couple is Stuart Little. Stuart Little.

They probably got a photo of themselves.

Oh, they're in Disney World. They're at Face Mountain.

It's a small world after all.

It's a small world after all.

Is it still Space Mountain? I think actually here it's like the Guardians of the Galaxy Star Wars Mountain.

Space Mountain scares me.

There's a flaw in this riddle, which is if you go through It's a Small World After All, you are absolutely shaken afterwards.

Oh, for a few different reasons.

You're haunted, yeah.

You know what? Ride has a cursed energy and that's a bad energy.

Mr. Toad's Wild Ride?

Splash Mountain.

Splash Mountain's great.

I thought I would love it, again, having gone back. It's terrifying.

Space Mountain's fun. Well, one big thing with Splash Mountain is that it is way too wet and way too wild, and if you could, you would definitely want to plug that up. So in the spirit of that, Erin, do you have anything that you would like to plug? That was great.

Follow me, Erin Keif 10 on Instagram or Erin Keif 2 on Twitter. And also I'll send you that TikTok of the waterslide thing because I did a terrible job explaining it. But yeah, follow me and thanks guys. Love you. Adal, anything to plug?

Yeah, I was recently on the JV Club, which is a podcast hosted by Janet Varney during her Boys of Summer run. So that should be coming out soon if it's not out now. The JV Club, she is the absolute best. So please check that out and all her podcasts and projects. I was also on a podcast called the Perfect Package podcast where I talked about conspiracy theories. So give that a listen as well. Japes, anything to play?

So yeah, this episode is coming out fresh off of my 24 hour Twitch stream. It all went really well. I didn't go absolutely fucking crazy during it. And I played video games for 24 hours. But I'm going to play a lot more video games. So if you want to watch, come follow along for some fun. It's twitch.tv slash sharkbarkman. I spend a lot of time over there on Twitch. I think I stream at least every weekday. So come check it out.

And Erin, I don't know if you've heard Alanis Morissette just released a single today. It's very much about space in the universe. Do you have some of those lyrics I just sent you?

Yeah, let's see. Isn't it too bitter, don't you think?

Bye forever. Created by Adal Rifai.

Starting Erin Keif and John Patrick Coan. Casey Toby could be editing. How are you parenting the music? Logo created by Emily Cardenas at MOEN Awards.

That was a Headgum podcast.