Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum podcast.

Feels is a better way to feel better. Our premium CBD will keep your head clear and help you feel your best. CBD has been proven to greatly reduce anxiety, pain, and sleepiness. What do you guys think?

I like your turtleneck. Also, I love feels. And I use feels, so that spoke to me.

I like the way feels makes me feels. I take it before bed because sometimes I have trouble sleeping and it makes me feel so comfortable, so relaxed. It's amazing. It's a genius product.

Look, I know the company feels knows that CBD can be complicated and it helps you kind of walk your way through that process to make it as simple as possible. But this slam poem is more about like my kind of struggle and my aspirations and my dreams.

Well, more importantly, I place a few drops of feels under my tongue to feel a different within minutes. It happens so fast I do it again right before bed like Adal does it. What's up?

I was going to say do it as a slam poetry. Here, I'll try. That's my thing. Real human support. New to CBD. Phoebe B, CBD, BB. Feels offers a free CBD hotline to help guide your personal experience. Pretty good.

There's no high. Hangover or addiction.

Okay, no, no, no. That's not what I'm going for. Okay, let me do my poem. Join the feels community to get feels delivered to your door every month. You'll save money on every order and you can pause or cancel anytime. Time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time D-L-E to become a member and get 50% off. Automatically take it off your first order with free shipping.

Feels.com slash Riddle. One more time.

Feels.com slash Riddle. Oh, you know what guys? This is an ad.

Oh, it's not your problem.

Excuse me. I'm a judge of a local slam poetry contest. What's your name? You're under arrest. Jesus. Hey co-hosts of Hey Riddle Riddle. This is embarrassing. The other day I had a birthday party and you guys didn't show up. There's a lot going on. What were you saying? It's COVID. I'm not going to show up at first. And Erin, what was your excuse?

I'm busy that day.

Yeah okay well two good excuses but I was a little sad because you two didn't join the party. Well in this case it was my birthday party but I also want to tell you two about a podcast called join the party. Join the party is a collaborative storytelling and role-playing podcast powered by the rules of D&D. You know how America runs on Duncan? Well this runs on D&D which I assume is Duncan and Duncan. That means a group of friends create a story together, chapter by chapter, that takes us beyond the tabletop to parts unknown. In their first campaign, they explored fantasy adventure, intrigue, magic, drama, just like The Wire. In the newest story, they tackle science, superpowers, a better future, and the responsibility to help others.

Also, every month they sit down for the after party where they break down the game and answer your questions on how to play D&D and other role-playing games at home. I'd never really played that much of it before the last year, and that would be very helpful to me. They also have segments at the beginning of each campaign to teach people how to play the game themselves.

And the way I hear it, Campaign 2 takes place in Lake Town City, yesterday's promise today and tomorrow. Thanks to the discovery of the new element Diaphorum by Dr. Cassandra Morrow in 1985, this once-sleepy Adirondack town has exploded to the size of a major metropolitan city, if only in a few decades. Adirondack. That type of chair, I don't like. But something happened when Dr. Morrow created the first batch of Diaphorum. Delta radiation, flood of the town. I think that is what almost gave Bruce Banner his powers. Radiating the vacationers in townies nearby, the children of the initially radiated are out living their lives with powers, and they don't know the first thing about what to do with them.

That sounds good. That's good, but also kind of embarrassing that you guys didn't stop me to say you've also heard this podcast.

Adal, it's a party and you're invited, so search join the party in your podcast app or go to jointhepartypod.com.

Jointhepartypod.com.

And happy birthday to me.

The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice.

It's episode 101. No shit. All Italian food. I'm Little Petey Parmesan. I'm Tacos Tacos Tacos.

And I'm a bowl of soup I guess.

Yup. And this is our new, of course we said after episode 100 we're going to take a hard pivot and now all we do is review food. So let's go ahead and get into the restaurants we reviewed this week. I of course went to Olive Garden when you're not here you're divorced. I thought it was a plus. I gave it 110 breadsticks. Thought it was delicious. Of course I got the wedding soup. The Italian wedding soup. My apologies. My apologies. Erin, what did you review this week?

I got confused and I reviewed my neighbors. They didn't taste good at all.

And my apologies, I called you Erin. That was a previous host of a similar show. Your name is Big Bull Soup. Yep. And tacos, tacos, tacos, what did you review?

I slept through it. So once again, we did not coordinate. We reviewed three different things. I do give my sleep through it 110 breadsticks. I thought it was great. I really enjoyed the extra sleep and disease.

And when you said you slept through it, what is it? When we stopped recording the last episode until just moments ago. Perfect. This has been another episode of Yum Yum Tummies.

And if you're a new listener to the show who just joined us after episode 100, goodbye. We wish you well.

Good luck. Be careful. Wear sunscreen.

We will not block the exit. We will open that door wide and let you sprint out.

Do you guys remember that song about sunscreen? Was that Vitamin C? What? I don't remember this. When I graduated, I graduated in 2000. When I graduated in 2000, our class song was... was that the same one as like... As we go on, we remember. Wait, graduation?

Yeah, by Vitamin C. That's about sunscreen?

Well, isn't there a bunch of lyrics where they're like, dance like nobody's watching and always wear sunscreen? Was that the same song?

I think a different song, but it's so similar. He's like doing a speech. He's like, maybe you'll marry. Maybe you won't. Maybe you have children. Maybe you won't.

I don't know how I remember that. It's like a TED talk. It's like a song that's that's basically a TED talk.

But to be clear, it's not vitamin C's graduation.

Well, it could have been.

I don't know the lyrics to songs. I know like, as our lives go, we remember all the times we had to Frimber. I obviously remember those lyrics, but other than that, I don't know. She could have talked about sunscreen the rest of the song.

Can we talk about all the times we had to Frimber? Those are good times.

Just for listeners, we do have a JPC dictionary here. Frimber is what Japes calls making friends in November.

And Erin, what do you think Frimber is for me?

Yeah, that too. Not throwing embers at your friends.

Thank you. Adal, you were wrong. It is throwing embers at my friends, which I do on Ash Wednesday. Gotta have embers to get Ash. It is part of my religion.

Is it crazy or should we go back to Riddles? Just Riddles 101, the original thing that the show is based on. Should we go back to it?

We're going to go back to Riddles, but I am still little PD Parmesan. Erin, you're going to be Bull of Soup. Big Bull of Soup, sorry. BBS, Bowling for Big Bull of Soup. And Japes, you're going to be TTT, Taco Tacos Tacos.

And that is fine, and I'm fine with that. But I do think that we should go back to Riddles, and I want to tell you why I think that we should go back to Riddles. It's because of an email that we got just the other day. This is, as far as I can tell, a scam or spam email. But here's how it begins. Hi there. My name is Anuj Agarwal, maybe, and I'm the founder of FeedSpot. I would like to personally congratulate you as your website, Hey Riddle Riddle, which is hyperlinked, and I did not click it because it is a... Oh, I'm sorry. No, that's just our art 19 hyperlink, has been selected by our panelist as one of the top five Riddle podcasts on the web.

Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

That's blog.feedspot.com slash riddlepodcast. And then he said, I personally give you a high five and want to thank you for your contribution to this world. This is the most comprehensive list of top five riddlepodcasts, again hyperlinked to the exact same hyperlink, on the internet and I am honored to have you as part of this. We'd be grateful if you could help us spread the word by briefly mentioning about the top five riddlepodcast list in any of your upcoming posts. Please let me know, best a noosh. And then again, one more link to try FeedSpot for Business, something that I do know what it is. So naturally, I was intrigued as all hell. I did not pick any links because I don't want any computer viruses, but I did email him back immediately and said, who are the other five? Okay, I think I know the other five.

Well, are we five? Are we fifth?

To which I did receive a reply. He said, hi Clue. You can check the list. We'd be thankful if you can help us spread the word by briefly mentioning Top 5 Riddle Podcasts in any of your upcoming posts. Please let me know if you can do the needful. Best a noosh. And Twitch I responded, dude just tell me. I'm still waiting on the reply. Still waiting on the reply. I really want to know who those other Top 5 Riddle Podcasts are.

When I first named it Hey Riddle Riddle, one, everyone I talked to said that's a terrible name, don't do that, including strangers. And including the two of us. There's literally someone after a world news show who was talking to me about, they're like, you should do another podcast. I'm like, I have one in the works. And I mentioned the name and they're like, woof. So that was awesome. But I did see some other Riddle podcasts. We had, there's Puz-Zell-It. There's Lateral Spreewell, which is all lateral thinking problems. What else?

I don't know. You dug this grave.

Dude, I'll click the link. I don't give a shit. I'm all viruses. From all that weird porn I watch.

No, I deleted that email specifically so that no one would click that link. Yeah, I'm sorry.

You never let me learn for myself.

I am still waiting. I think it was just a day ago, so he may respond and let me know just who the top five riddle podcasts are. Honestly, I'm not going to search for it. I'm not going to Google it. I'm not going to understand what his company does, but I really want to know who our competition is in this riddle domain.

I want to see a scene. Erin, you mentioned the weird porn you watch. Is that what you said?

Yeah.

At some point just moments ago.

You clued it on that. You picked up on that real immediately.

Everyone else let that go.

My antenna always perks up at porn and I want to see a scene, Erin, this is going to be all three of us at some point and you're going to start us off, Erin. This is going to be a scene from one of the weird porns you watch.

Okay, I'm the director. Act 1, Scene 1. This is called Antenneporn. It's not what you think. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me.

Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me.

Pardon me.

Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me.

I'm sorry, I'm not sure what thread bear means.

Did somebody call me? I'm an emotionally accessible bear named Thread.

Oh boy, no.

No, we're shooting your scene later today. If you could give us a second.

It's just lacking a substance, and I'm an act war, and I need to know something really so I can dig my teeth into it. And I did see on page four, I really do dig my teeth into it. But I want to know what I can harness, what I can harvest for the scene.

Reginald Big Penis? That's your name, right?

Yes, it's actually regional to big penis. You got the big penis exactly right.

Wait, did you just say regional dick penis?

Or big penis? Well, you know what? It's a regional thing. When I'm across the pond, I go by regional dick penis. But when I'm here in America, as the Americans do, I go by regional to big penis.

Across the pond, how long is your penis?

I can't stress this enough. Your scene is later today and disgusting.

You are loved.

Uh, I went to Duliard, okay, for acting, so I've been there, I understand. Uh, the scene that you're in doesn't necessarily, it's sort of surface level, so like, you don't have to dig deep, we're not doing any method acting things here, what you see is what you get, and action.

Certainly, certainly, but beneath the surface of any metropolitan area lays the underbelly, and that is what I hope to bring to the role.

And Cut, I'm sorry, could you read the script?

Seen.

I thought I was. I'll never forget in high school I won regional big penis award. It's a small region.

Yeah, it's a very small region. Tiny region. Tiny, tiny region. Hey, what have you guys been up to since our 100th episode? Have you been celebrating?

Mostly confetti. All the time.

Yeah, I can see your drenching it.

Yep. Ew. You're surrendering it. Not sure why my confetti's wet, but I'll get to the bottom of it.

Erin, we have asked that you do not put up your confetti flag in the background. I think that is insensitive, so if you could take that down.

Love this kind of joke. Love this kind of joke. I don't know, but I keep eating one cookie at a time.

Amen to that. I went to Costco today and I walked right past those cookies. Boy oh boy do they sell a lot of them. It is a big pack of cookies and I thought I should buy a cookie. But you know what? I can't. I can't buy the Costco cookies because it's just too much cookies. And cookies don't stay. They go bad.

I've been playing Overcooked on Nintendo Switch. Sean and I call it our fight club because it stresses us out. We don't have enough stress in our lives.

I know a couple that almost got divorced based on a game of Overcooked.

You're lying.

I'm not lying.

Wait, tell the story.

Hey Riddle.

The thing about Overcooked 2 is it's the difficulty scales so much like hey we're making tacos it's a taco and a meat and then we're putting another thing now you make pizzas on a fucking balloon and then monkeys throw you chicken in your mouth and you get a fault and it's like what the fuck like why?

You're making taco tacos tacos

Hey, did you have fun making those burgers? Do it on a haunted ship that's swaying to and fro. It's in a perfect storm.

I've been playing a lot of- I died laughing because Sean got mad for real once and I was like, you can't do that. You can't do that. This is a fake kitchen game. We're not going to get mad for real. We're going to get fake mad.

Thanks for watching!

I've been, the first time I played Breath of the Wild, I only played like 20 hours and then I stopped and that was like a year ago. So I just straight started again. Yeah, probably, probably. I just started the last week and it's so, I'm enjoying it so much more this time and I'm going to beat it all. And it's so enjoyable to just cook stuff. And even that little song, like that song is just outstanding.

That's a very, very fun game. I didn't play the DLC where you get like the motorcycle, but I heard that that was good too. Oh, sorry. D.L. Hughley. I'm sorry. I did play the D.L. Hughley, which just, it's Breath of the Wild, but it's D.L. Hughley on a motorcycle. Thank you. What? I can't believe, I'm such a fucking idiot. I can't believe I misspoke. Thank you.

I also, I went camping for two three days.

Oh yeah, you sent us pictures that we roasted.

That you did roast. Gemma and I went to Starbucks. We didn't ask for those pictures, did we? No, but I sent them.

No Adal, we like you a lot. It's just so fun to tease you.

It's fun. We have a good time. So who's old man puzzled?

No, how was camping?

It was wonderful. The last night we did have, so we went to Stard Rock, which is in the middle of nowhere, Illinois, and obviously trying to isolate ourselves as much as possible, but there are campsites next to us on the left and right, and the last night on the left was an older man who was like coughing every three minutes, like really awful coughing, and then on the right were two parents and a young child, and they kept screaming at the child. So we probably got like three hours sleep the last night, but other than that it was fantastic.

Just so everyone knows, Adal asked me to post the episode while he was gone camping and I said no worries have a great time and then he sent me a picture of a sign that says dump station and then I said never mind hope you crash.

We saw a sign that said dump station and Gemma went over and bent over to show her butt so the arrows pointing to her butt and it says dump station and I thought it was very funny shared it with Japes and he did not appreciate it.

That's good old fashioned fun.

Yeah, it's old fashioned fun and I kind of like my fun new. I like fun that's like jackass fun where it's like mean to one person who doesn't deserve it. That's the kind of fun.

Sort of like our text to Adal.

Love it. Adal had his fun, I had mine, and I'm old man puzzles. So if you're brand new to the show, we dick around for 25 minutes and then we do some puzzles.

JBC, I'm going to warn you, I'm going to crush these riddles today.

Wow, Erin, what's J's?

Everything.

What's new?

You have no idea. I'm like sitting like this. My stance is like, they can see how I'm sitting. You all can't.

It's incredible. Well, I've got some great news. We're going to start off with some listener-submitted riddles. So this first one is a warm-up riddle submitted by Thanh Nguyen. I believe that's how you pronounce their last name, Nguyen, and it's a peril placed beneath the ground. Watch your step if it's not found. The home of precious gyms and oars. Neither his, nor hers, nor theirs, nor yours. What am I? Bear trap. Bear trap. Bear Trap. I put the bear trap into my leg. It goes out, out, out. It's in my leg. Look out, baby. That's a trap. You just dapped in it. Now your leg is going snap. Wake me up before I pass out.

Just imagining a bunch of teenagers dancing to that song.

I hope somebody takes that clip and then just sets it to music. Of course, that's by the George Michaels group Clamp. Adal, your answer was bear trap that is incorrect.

Something that's underground. Ants. Aaron, something that's underground.

Fossils.

Fossils, ants. Ooh, yeah.

Coal mine.

Adal? Yeah.

Shorten it. That's a homophone?

I would like to see a seed! Okay, Adal and JPC. JPC, you're a dad who's been working in a coal mine for like 50 years and your son is now old enough to come to work as well. He's like 18 and it's his first day on the job and you're both in the elevator going down.

Hi ho. Hi ho.

Remember? Yeah, you're having fun. You know when I had you when I was 32 years old? I was hoping that one day we would be able to share this. You, my son, and me, heading down into this coal mine that my father worked in, and your grandfather, and then my grandfather, and your great-grandfather, and just those two generations.

Huh, and they all died on this exact day?

Yep, they all died on this exact day. Earlier this morning we got a call.

And that's why I was wrangled in?

Well no, in fairness, you were 18 and it's more of a coincidence you were going to come to the mine with me today even though Grandpa and Great Grandpa died today.

Hey Daddy? Are these crocs okay?

Oh don't worry about it. We're not going to run into any crocs down there. It's only alligators. It's alligators. And they are more ferocious, I think. One of them is more deadly. It's Crocodiles.

Squawk, squawk, it's me, the Canary. Just like a quick heads up, I have like a really bad vibe today. Like, I feel like something like, I just am like getting a bad energy.

You're getting a bad energy?

What do you mean? From the mine.

You know, like, the Canary's like... Is it because several people died this morning?

Oh, is that it? It just feels like there's like a storm cloud, like, yeah.

I am sorry, champ. I didn't introduce you. It's your first day in the mind. This is Black Canary. This is one of Superman's.

Don't hurt yourself.

Okay. I was just trailing off to let you jump in and introduce more about yourself. Definitely you fought Batman. I know that you fought Batman.

So I'm in that universe.

Or you're a hero. Maybe you didn't fight Batman. I'm speaking way too much about you Black Canary. Why don't you tell us?

I think the mind's about to collapse.

Okay, and is that because of your sonic breath?

You're hurting yourself.

Sure, sure. Hey Riddle Riddle.

I feel like, and I'm going to get absolutely tagged on social media, I feel like Black Canary almost married Batman? No. There was something in the comic book world where Black Canary's wedding, I remember that being a big deal.

Oh, we don't have time for that. Instead, why don't we do some more riddles? And if you've got theories about Black Canary, let's think of a hashtag that they can use with Riddle. Hashtag The Riddler. Yep, that's it. And let us know your Black Canary theories.

Ooh, she's blonde.

Ooh, Erin. Okay, these are family-friendly warm-up riddles and their quality. And this is from a person whose name I read wrong at first, but I believe their name is Bradley Branch. It's either Bradley Branch or Brady Bunch, but it's one of those two people and this is the riddles that they sent in.

Here's a story of a friendly listener who has set riddles in for us to do. Someone else do the rest.

No, no, no, no. I wanted everyone to have their own solo piece this episode. All right.

I'll play my clarinet later. I don't have a clarinet.

When stimulated or agitated, you can see the blood vessels swell with blood pumping through them. It starts with the letter B and the inside of it is filled with a clear, almost transparent fluid. Butthole. Adal says butthole.

Beehive.

Beehive. No, it's not a beehive. When stimulated or agitated, you can see the blood vessels swell with blood pumping through them. It starts with the letter B and the inside of it is filled with a clear, almost transparent liquid. Is it a blister? It's not a blister. That's a really good guess though. Bunyan? Not a Bunyan.

Is it on a human?

It would be on a human, but it can be on an animal as well. It could be on anything that has this particular, I guess, anatomy.

It's not a boil. It's not a boil. Particular anatomy.

I don't want to, yeah, I'm going to let you guys guess a little. Do I have a hint for you? Yes, please. So when it says it starts with a letter B, this is, there's an adjective to describe the body part and that is what starts with the letter B. Bony butt? Booty butt? I'm sorry. You can see the blood vessels swell with blood pumping through them on a booty butt. It's not booty butt, no.

An eye. An eye.

Erin, you got half of it. What's the adjective?

A black eye.

When stimulated or agitated, you can see the blood vessels swell with blood pumping through them. It starts with letter B, and the inside of it is filled with a clear, almost transparent fluid.

Blurry eye.

No, what's a condition that can affect your eye? Oh, pink eye. Bloodshot. Bloodshot eye. Erin, I do want to see a scene. Yeah, you are going to be the supervillain Bloodshot, and Adal and I are your henchmen, and you are describing to us your supervillain plan as Bloodshot.

Mwahaha, I'm turning around in my chair. Gentlemen, bring me my cape and my mimosa.

Yes, bloodshot. Here is your mimosa. And here is your mimosa. Oh, but we breath breath. Mine's no pulp.

You fools! Slap slap. I didn't hit you. Thank you.

I just... No, you slapped the mimosas out of our hair.

Yeah, that's what I did. Sure. Gentlemen, it's almost time for our plan.

Yes, yes. What is our plan?

Oh, you know it. But I'll tell you anyway. Wait, give me my big, like, cat-to-pat on my lap. Throw him to me.

Here we go. Here's the cat. Oh, shit. You brought the cat too? Yes, I brought... Oh. Oh, wow. Look at this. You pick. You deal his choice on the cat.

Throw both cats at me and I'll pet both as I go. Alright, they both went out the window behind me.

But they hugged each other in the air so they were with each other when they met their fate. And by that, I mean we're on the first floor. They're fine. Cats are scurried. They're actually in love. Look at that. Kind of a beautiful thing.

Well, here's my plan. Do the sound of thunder every once in a while while I'm saying it.

Kabloom. Well, we saw your notes on your desk, and from what we saw, you want to put corrective lenses on the city? No, no, no.

Shut up. Shut up. I say it. I say it. I'll say it. I want to put corrective lenses. You ruined it. You ruined it.

We're sorry, Bloodshot. You want to put corrective lenses on the moon.

On the moon? So the man on the moon can see better. That's step one of my plan. Step two of my plan is I take away all the eyedrops away from every town so every high teenager will go home and their parents will know.

Well, of course, I don't know if you know this. My name is Visine. That's what you had me be named. So am I in danger?

I named you.

Slap. You slapped a mimosa out of my mouth. That was mine. That was my personal mimosa.

And now you don't get to enjoy it, Visine.

And my name is Clear Eyes as well.

Full hearts. Can't lose. All right, let's do this, gentlemen. Let's do this.

Wait, we only have two steps of the plan.

Well, it's an age step plan. I'll tell you the rest in the car. Bring the two cats who are in love and all the mimosas you can carry.

Save. Bring the two cats who are in love and all the mimosas you can carry. That's the show. Alright, here's your next one. Ready? Yes. The length can vary a lot and people love slurping on it and gulping it down to taste it thoroughly. It starts with the letter P. Big old penis. Adal, these are family-friendly riddles.

Okay, that's dirty on purpose.

Daddy's penis. Sorry. The whole family can enjoy it.

I know it.

It's a popsicle. This is the penis of a daddy. Erin is correct. It is a popsicle. All right.

I want to see a scene. No.

Yes.

Okay. Adal, we mentioned this before the episode. An ice cream truck drove by your neighborhood today, correct?

Oh yeah.

Okay, so JBC, you are an ice cream truck driver. Adal, you're a kid. You just caught up to the truck and you have like your $1 bill. Maybe the ice cream is a little unconventional and not what a normal ice cream truck would carry.

Okay. Excuse me, excuse me. Can I buy an ice cream, but please?

Aren't you the ice cream truck driver? I'm a kid.

I was making fun of you dipshit. That's what you sound like, bitch. Excuse me mister, can I have my ice cream? That's your ass.

Well I do have a lateral lisp. What is in the dipshit? What do you want? I see on the menu it does say dipshit. Is that like Dippin' Dots? No. Do you want it? Well, I just want to know what it is because there's no picture of anything.

You can picture of anything.

You're fucking pathetic. My name is Pat Ethic.

Oh man. Patrick Ethic. Hey, I refuse at any point in this interaction to feel sorry for you. Nothing. Nothing you can say. Nothing you can say will make me switch. Now what do you want? Um, well... Why is your leg like that?

Well, I ate too many almonds and all the... Oh boy. All the juice went into my knee, and it swelled up. And now when I squeeze my knee, it smells like almond.

It does. It stinks like almonds. Don't let it win.

Uh, Pat? Pat? Honey, I'm so sorry to tell you this, but all your grandparents just passed away, and also your dog.

Why is she wearing a wedding dress that has mascara running down her face?

Were they working in the mine?

Yeah, honey. I'm not getting married today. He left too, but you can enjoy your ice cream, okay?

Don't let him win. Don't let him win, Rick. This kid sucks and you are right. Okay, what kind of ice cream do you want? You gotta order, hurry. You're holding up the line.

Well, I wanted to take my time because the doctor said I have one hour to live, so I want to make sure that... Fuck you!

Rifai, you're a good kid, okay? I'm an asshole. Is that what you want? Is that what you want to hear?

Aren't you supposed to have good humor? Tell me a joke, please.

You want to hear a joke?

Please, you're holding up a mirror.

I got a joke. I got a joke. No, I'm holding it up to show you that the mirror is painted towards me. I'm the joke, okay? I spent my whole life getting bullied and pushed around and look at what I became. I became the biggest bully. All you kids, all you kids in this ice cream line listen up to me because this is Rick's big moment. I used to be a jerk and a bully, but no more. Today I vow to change my life. Everybody in this line gets free ice cream, especially you Pat Ethic and you get to be the new king of ice cream. Hoist them up on your shoulders everyone. King of ice cream. I was not listening.

We did the perfect scene.

The perfect scene. Okay. When you spend time with your loved one, it gets bigger. Associated with a feeling that starts with H. Heartache, heart swell. When you spend time with your loved one, it gets bigger. Associated with a feeling that starts with H. Hard on. Adal, it is family friendly. Okay. Daddy's hard on.

Just... Heat.

No, you're not heat. No, Val Kilmer's heat.

You don't know that. He... Hiya!

Yes, run that Riddle by us one more time. Okay. When you spend time with your loved one, it gets bigger. Associated with a feeling that starts with H.

Thanks for watching.

So it is a feeling that you're looking for a feeling that starts with H. And it's not hunger. It's not hunger. It's happiness. You got it. Bradley says, hope you all get a kick out of these. I may not have written them, but I did some minor editorializing. Love the podcast and all of you. Okay.

I want to see a scene. We're a bunch of siblings on Thanksgiving and we're all together and we're really trying to stay positive and not start a fight.

Okay, let's hold hands and say grace.

Okay, dear Lord, thank you for bringing us three Sullivan triplets together. I know Donnie came a long way from

Down the street, I haven't seen him in a year, but apparently down the street is another country, basically. And Amber, well, Amber's had her own rocky road.

Oh, what does that mean?

Well, she's had four divorces in as many months.

Okay, four divorces in four months.

And she straight up just lost the kid, took it to the mall and absolutely lost it.

Sometimes you lose things on purpose, so.

So we've had a rough go. In her defense, it was a baby goat. So Lord, thank you for bringing us all together.

I didn't have the money to take care of it anymore. I need you to know that. You didn't give me any money to take care of my baby goat. We're going to help with my four divorces in four months.

Lord, my apologies for the starts and stops.

How about I go?

I'll go.

I just want to say, I didn't leave my house because I was trapped in my house. Okay? Because I installed the lock backwards on my door. I was trapped in my house for a year. And also no one called and no one came to check on me.

And in my defense, I only got four divorces because I knew that I would get in trouble for killing them. Okay? So would you rather have a sister who had four divorces or four murders under her belt? Okay? Okay.

Of course, I've had my own troubles. I had my fingers crushed in a game of tag and nobody called. That was 12 years ago, Brian.

Nobody called me, nobody wrote me a card.

And we cut to that. Brian, you can't play tag with us.

Why not?

Your fingers are too weak. You've got bird fingers, Brian. We've told you this.

Well, I told you I have avian bones, but that makes me light around my feet. Look, I can flap my arms and fly.

Snack. Oh, our fingers. Oh, no. We didn't even touch you.

We didn't even touch you. Oh, no. We cut back to the present day. Look, look, we only get together once a year, because some of us are trapped in the house all year.

And some of us are getting divorced.

So why don't we try to make it, why don't we try to make the most out of it and just enjoy each other's company?

Fine. Okay. Fine. Who cooked?

I didn't cook. I didn't cook. I didn't cook. Are you fucking kidding me?

We're just standing around a empty table?

Whose house is this? This isn't my house. No, I don't live here. I know my house. I've been trapped in it for a fucking year.

I certainly don't live here.

Is somebody downstairs?

Run! It's all of a triplet scatter!

Oh no!

Okay, I actually did love that theme. That one I actually loved. That was funny. You guys are funny.

Well, I will say we're spending time with the people we love, so it is associated with happiness, and it is growing every episode. Speaking of growing, we're gonna grow a big break in the middle of this episode. You could've done speaking of breaking like the Fingers. Nope, nope, too easy. I like to take the long road. We're gonna take a quick break and hear from some of our sponsors. We'll be right back with more.

Hey Erin Adal, sorry I'm so late to record and covered in pasta sauce. This is, I promise this will never happen again. I just, I've been in the kitchen for hours.

You said that last week and the week before and it's the week before that.

Did Spaghetti put you in the oven, covered in Ragu again?

Yes, and it was a big mistake and I'm so sorry again. Let's just go. Let's record. I'm ready. I'm so sorry. I'm a mess. I wish there was a better way. I'll just say that. I'll just wish there was a better way.

Funny you say that because we're here to talk about Hello Fresh.

Oh, HelloFresh. I love HelloFresh, and I'll tell you why. It offers so many recipes to choose from each week to help you break out of your recipe rut. And there's something for everyone, including low-calorie, vegetarian, and family-friendly recipes for your picky eaters at home. I'm the one. I'm the picky eater in my house. HelloFresh offers fresh, high-quality ingredients every week for a super flavorful experience. And over 90% of the ingredients are sourced directly from growers to ensure the freshest recipes are delivered to your door. Boom.

Wow. Erin, rude. If you shut up for a second, I'm going to tell you about how HelloFresh saves you time and stress effortlessly. HelloFresh offers contactless delivery. That's right. All of their delivery people do not wear contacts. They all wear glasses or they have pre-existing great eyesight, which is, you love to see that. You need that to fly a plane. They're gonna bring the food to your doorstep for easy home cooking. It cuts out the stressful meal planning, all the grocery store trips that I don't want to go on. Here's how much it saves time and Gemma and I love this. We typically get free HelloFresh from HelloFresh. Currently we're paying for it. We love it so much we just bought it ourselves because we want it every single week. So we've been getting it for the last five weeks and it's saving our lives, it's saving our meal time, it's saving our engagement.

I've also heard tell, of course I've never used the service because I'm covered in spaghetti sauce and I dug in the fridge and all that stuff, but I've heard that it's flexible and fits my lifestyle.

Dog in the fridge.

You can keep your fridge stocked by adding extra fruit beans.

Let's finish the ad and then we'll get the dog out of the fridge.

Or sides like garlic, bread to your weekly order. You can easily change delivery days, food preferences, skip a week whenever you need. Feeding the family has never been easier with large box sizes for more servings and more savings. This sounds like something that I need.

JBC, weren't you just saying that you and Mariah have been cooking a lot with HelloFresh and that you've been really enjoying it?

Well, yeah, I mean, of course. I mean, we've made just delicious meals like, well, you don't remember any of them specifically.

Adal, do you remember specific? Yeah. So we got the vegetarian package because Gemma's a vegetarian and I thought I would miss the meat, but I don't. We made harissa sweet potato pockets with guacamole and cucumber dill sauce, which was one of the favorite things I've eaten this year.

Are you kidding me, Adal, because that is in my fridge right now and we've been like, when are we going to eat this? When are we going to eat this one? We were going to eat that one tonight.

It's delicious. It's amazing.

I'm excited now.

Text me when you eat it. We also made salsa verde enchiladas, which is from their Hall of Fame recipe list with poblano pepper, black beans, and Monterey Jack. Absolutely stunning.

Wow. Also, before we started recording this, I listened to JPC earnestly talk Casey into ordering HelloFresh. I was like, why are we recording this? JPC was like, they send you all the ingredients so you don't have to go out and get it. It's truly amazing. So you know we're for real.

We had the Poblano enchiladas the other day and I got to say 14 JPCs. So if you want to eat food that is worth 14 JPCs, then you got to go to hellofresh.com slash 60Riddle and use code 60Riddle to get $60 off your first three weeks, including free shipping on your first box. Additional restrictions to apply, so visit hellofresh.com for more details. That is hellofresh.com slash 60, the letter six, I mean the number six and the letters that spell Riddle, that's R-I-D-D-L-E.

Also go to dogoutofthefridge.com for a special little treat from us.

Guys, can I tell you something? Yeah, what's up, Erin? The other day I was on the Allform website and I was drooling, drooling over the couches that they had on the website. And not because I wanted to eat the couches, it's because I wanted to sit on the couches and have them in my house. Wait, wait, wait. You know how I can do that?

Allform couches, don't you mean helix and mattresses, Erin?

No, stupid JPC. I'm dumb. I'm not being mean, that's just his new name, he changed it again.

I did legally change it.

I just want to know how I go to all form, which is on my helix, and get a couch because I'm drooling over these couches, Adal?

Well, I have a Helix mattress. It's the best mattress I've ever owned. And I do have an all-form couch, which is the best couch I've ever owned. So Erin, stop eating your couches and get an all-form couch. I have myself a four-seat sofa in teal with a double chase. You know I went to grade school with two guys named Chase. I had a double chase. Now I have a double chase.

And now when they come over, they can sit on the double chase.

It's Chase Gets His Chase. Every dog has his day.

Wait, when I came over, you made me stand in a corner in the room and you said no one sits on the couch but Chase.

Well, I had you standing in the corner in my room because I was filming a sequel to Blair Witch Project. Now, you might say there already was a sequel to Blair Witch Project, but it wasn't very good.

How do I get my hands on this couch, Adal?

Well, hold on. I want to keep talking about this double chase. Did you know that all-form furniture is customizable? So what Gemma and I did... Well, okay. Never mind. What Gemma and I did is instead of the double chase being on either end, book ending, we put both chases on one end so we have like our nesting area and then we have two seats where we can just sit down with our feet on the ground. So it's pretty effing sweet.

Wait, wait, wait, Adal. But when you bought this all-form couch and they also have armchairs as well, didn't a guy come into your house to deliver it and like touch you in the mouth and all that stuff as well?

Don't be stupid, JPC. Again, that's his name. That's my name. It's not an insult. With all form, it's fast and easy. There's no one entering your house. There's no stores to go to. There's no salesperson hounding you. What's going to happen is in the mail in just a few days, several boxes are going to arrive. You're going to unpack those. There's no tools necessary. It all latches together.

Gemma and I... I thought it's really complicated though, right Adal? Erin, what are you doing? I'm just setting you up to tell everyone how uncomplicated it is.

Hi Riddle.

But for this, I did it myself. I don't know Adal, this sounds awful risky. Is there some sort of hundred days to decide if you want to keep it?

For everyone, except for JPC, there's a hundred night trial. For JPC, you have 24 hours to find your daughter.

They also have a forever warranty that's literally forever. That's how long the warranty lasts.

Oh my, oh my, that's wild.

And it's direct to consumer. There's a ton of savings. It's high quality at a low price. This is the best sit, the best lounge, the best nest I've ever had.

I'm going to go back to the question I originally asked. How do I get my hands in my mouth to eat one of these couches?

Erin, get on your butt and get on your butt by going to allform.com slash riddle. That's R-I-D-D-L-E. All form is A-L-L-F-O-R-M. That's allform.com slash riddle. Hey now, you're in all form. And if you go to allform.com slash riddle, you will get 20% off. All orders.

20% off. Hey now, you're in all form.

That's what I said. I said that seconds ago. I also want to mention Martha, who I talked to on the phone, who works at All Form, is a fan of this podcast. So we should be, if nothing else, we should be supporting All Form because they listen to the podcast.

That's no big deal.

We all have phones. Thank you so much for everything.

All foreign.

Well, my name's Little Petey Parmesan and here's the things I like. I like ricotta and I like monster. I like mozzarella. Chad is okay. But you better be better than the last okay. Here we go. It's the three cheese wrap. Three cheese wrap, three cheese wrap.

Okay, here's the scoop. I'm a bowl of big ol' soup. It's French onion so there's cheese on me. Three cheese wraps.

Tacos, tacos, tacos here. I like Munster in my beer. I also like that cheddar jack, but shredded up with some parmesan. Three cheese tacos. They're the worst.

Oh, you guys, I'm just getting this now. Casey is resigning from sound engineering.

I hope he edits that out before he hears it. Oh, no. Erin, I just read the chat. He's re-signing his contract. Oh, no. He's re-signing. That's great.

That's actually great news to us. I can't wait for his new album.

Do you re-sign with Columbia Records?

Casey's putting out a brand new album of edited clips from this podcast. I hope he strikes it rich.

Do y'all remember, you might be too young, do you remember like the 12 CDs for a dollar or 12 CDs for a penny or whatever? Columbia House?

Was that Columbia Record Club?

I'm too young. I'm too young.

Well she was quick with that.

I'm so young.

You would like go through a catalog and like mark off the ones that you wanted and then it was yeah what was I don't remember what the scam was with that.

So it's basically you get like 12 CDs for a penny but you give them your info you're like card info or checking account info and then if you don't cancel then they then you get charged for like $35 or something so I think they just Hey Riddle. Not even necessarily enjoying it so much you stay on, but just forgetting to cancel it.

That's the whole premise behind gift cards too. It's like you can take your money, which is good everywhere, and exchange it for money that's only good at this store, we immediately get the money, and then you will maybe forget to spend it. Absolutely. Gift cards.

I have maybe 40 gift cards around the house that I haven't used.

Can I have them?

Yeah, of course.

How about we do a podcast where I spend your gift cards and then we talk about what I got.

Hey, it's got to be better than the fucking shit we did at the beginning of this podcast where it's like food reviews that we don't talk to each other about before or whatever.

Yeah, and you didn't contribute to that at all by saying you slept through it. Fuck you.

I love it here. I don't care what you do say.

It's flawless. The show has no flaws. The house that Riddle's built. Hey, if you think the show sucks, go and leave us a five-star review and tell us how bad it sucks.

While we were recording, I got a text from my friend Erica and Charlie. They just got married and they were listening to the show just now. And I was like, that's pretty cool. Someone's listening. Somehow they're listening to this episode.

And he proposed during this episode?

They just got married? Yeah, they just got proposed to marry.

Beautiful.

But at least they're sticking with us.

Until they play one game of Overcooked and then it's Splitsville for those two.

You guys, I'm sorry. I'm Sean. This is important to say.

I'm Sean.

No, I'm Sean. This has been Sean the whole time. No, Sean is the best boyfriend in the whole world. However, he has those daily contacts and he just takes them out and drops them at night. And it looks like there's just crystals all over our apartment. I keep finding his contact lenses. And I just looked down in my lap and there was three just on my legs.

How many eyes does Sean have? Sean is a beholder from Dungeons and Dragons.

I have daily contacts and I don't, I'm usually wearing glasses during the quarantine, but every once in a while I'll put in contacts just so my eyes stay used to them. But then at night I'll forget and I'll wake up halfway through my sleep cycle and my eyes will be, it feels terrible. And I'll just, I'll pluck them out and drop them on the floor. And then when I wake up, I'll see like the cats chewing on them or pawing at them. And I'm like, oh no, this ain't good. So I do the same thing. Oh yeah, totally.

If I had that, that's exactly what I would do too. I just was like, what is all over my lap? And it was just contactless.

I think mentally I'm like, they're disposable, like the earth will eat them up. But then I throw my carpet. And Erin don't even get me started on the garden I planted in my carpet.

Everything is dead. My radishes are dead. What's your timeline here? Like 400 years?

Are you the witch from Rapunzel? Why are you going radishes?

Carpet Garden. What's grosser to find? Someone's like a fingernail clipping or someone's contact lens?

Oh, fingernail clipping. I don't mind the contact lenses at all. If that's the only thing he does wrong as a boyfriend, I'm a winner, winner.

I don't know if you would have mentioned it if you didn't mind it at all.

Have you ever been in someone's house and you see on the wall boogers? Boogers on the wall? Yeah, like people pick their, I've seen people pick their nose and wipe it on the wall.

On the wall? Yeah. Look, I told you when you came over, I had just had a bunch of contractors in the place.

I don't do that. They were all me and a mustache.

Is that real? That seems gross. I've seen that like twice, where people's house and there's on the wall.

Name drop baby.

Name drop? Yeah, I want to put these people on blast.

It was these two people who got divorced playing overcooked and wiping boogers and contact lenses all over their walls and pants. Let's get some more Riddies. You're going to love this guys because it comes from your friend, my friend, the blue book. Adal's eyes perked up like I was about to say Pat Connolly. No, he would get a whole episode.

I just got really whore happy.

Horn-happy.

Horn-y happy.

Horn-y happy. Sure. Okay, so this one is called In the Middle of the Night.

I'm being waked.

Hold on, hold on. I'm sorry?

You have to sing it like Billy Joel, baby.

I've been walking in the middle of the night.

In the middle of the night. I leave contracts on the floor. Contracts on the floor. Wipe boogers on the wall.

What's on the wall? Throwing radishes in the floor. Radishes in the floor. Nothing's growing.

Can you believe that we had Jess and Zach from Off Book on the show like a year and a half ago and they've never talked to us again? That to me seems wrong.

Well we told them every episode after theirs was gonna be an audition for Off Book and we have yet to hear from them.

Absolutely. Erin, you should go on and off book. What's the holdup?

Me? Yeah, why aren't you on there yet? Oh, do you have any memories of me trying to rhyme?

You don't need to rhyme. You have a beautiful singing voice. I can also do it.

Write some stuff down. Don't forget listeners. Don't forget listeners. It's not that you have to be invited onto a podcast. You just have to ask, why aren't you on this podcast?

Honestly, you don't need to be invited. No one's gonna invite you. You gotta ask. Shoot your shot, Erin. And take your freaking big old riddle dick with you and say, look, I got one of the top five riddle podcasts of the world. Yeah, we're five. We gotta be on that list. That's a big, that's a big deal.

You guys, I know that we're trying to get started and I keep holding us up, but I did have a complete nervous breakdown when I rewatched Dorm Life, you know the best web series of all time, maybe one of those comedies of all time. Everyone remembers Dorm Life. I was rewatching it with Sean at the beginning of quarantine and then I was like, oh my god. Oh my god. Cuz Zack from Off Book is, plays the clown stripper in one of the episodes and it's one of the funniest cameos on that show and I was like, I knew I knew him from something when I started listening to Off Book. I knew it. I knew it.

They're both in a ton of stuff.

I mean they're both like a lot of stuff and I one time was watching a kid show and heard his voice and recognized it but I used to love dorm life in high school and I couldn't believe that it was him. I would have been 12 times more starstruck than I already was and I was already pretty starstruck.

Very distinct voices. I still think you're good on that show. Okay in the middle of the night a man wakes up at night in the pitch dark. He knows that on his bedside table are a razor, a watch, and a glass of water. How can you reach out onto the table and be sure to pick up the watch without touching either the razor or the glass of water? Lamps on. Lamps on? Lamps on. Adal, my dear boy, you have it exactly correct.

Is that true?

The answer is he turns on the freaking light. He turns on the light first, he reaches for the lamp, he turns on the light, and then he goes to fucking town on that glass of water. It's important to stay hydrated, especially after you've slept. And then he touches his watch.

I want a sightseeing. That is true. Erin and Japes, you are a married couple. You've been married for a long time. You're at the point where you're kind of... Is this official? This is official.

Are you ordained?

Uh-huh.

Are we married?

I got ordained, yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, if there's no reason why these two people shouldn't have already been married for a long time.

You and I both object, JPC. We're like, no, no, no.

What was I saying? The two of you are married and you're at the point in the relationship that you're just on each other's nerves constantly. It's the middle of the night and Erin, you're trying to do something, whatever that is, and you're waking up and bothering Japes.

Okay, I'm up.

What?

Was that your goal?

No.

Was to wake me up?

Go back to sleep.

Go back to sleep? Oh my god. What are you, a genie who can cast a spell on me to go back to sleep? I'm up. I've woken up.

Okay, I'm just trying to play overcooked too.

I am sorry.

I have to do it by myself because you don't satisfy me when we do it together. So I have to do over cooked.

Jeannie, the switch screen is so bright. When you play the switch in bed, the blue light filters right over to my side of the bed and it wakes me up.

Put earplugs in and then put a face mask over your eyes and then stop being such a nerd. I think that those three things in combination might help you sleep.

You know what? I want to play overcoat. Give me half of the controller. I picked the half of the switch. You give me the little half of the controller piece and I'm going to play as well.

Okay, but I get the one that's more intuitive.

Why did we get a janky off-brand half controller? Why did that happen?

We're interrupting your video game to tell you the following news. Oh no. Moments ago, corrective lenses were put over the moon. We don't know what this means or what the point is, but we wanted to let everyone know. Thank you for your time.

Oh Jesus, Bloodshot's finally done it. Jeannie, this changes everything.

Okay, fine. To the superhero cave, where we're both superheroes, to go fight Bloodshot.

Okay, and you say my name and I'll say your name, okay?

Okay, ready? One, two, three. Husband.

Mini combs.

What is my... You said husband? That's the name Adal gave you at the beginning of the scene!

Okay, but... Okay, fine.

So... Super husband!

And Minikomes. Okay, thank you so much for coming into the Justice League for the auditions. My name is Clark Mant, oh, no, sorry, Super Kent, no. Whoops. My name is Superman. And go ahead and tell us your name, please. What's your name?

I'm Minikomes.

Minikomes, great. And let us know what your powers are, Minikomes.

I'm really good at being passive-aggressive and hand-to-hand combat.

Well, can I just say I don't speak for the whole Justice League, but as far as Superman goes, me want minicums. What's your name, sir? My name's Husband. Okay, what is your, what are your powers?

I have a variety of powers. First of all, I leave the seat up on the toilet. When you get into the car, you will have to adjust the seat way forward because I pushed it way back. Even though you were the last one to drive and I should have reset it and it is your Jetta, it's still way back in the back seat.

Don't forget my favorite power of yours, saying that your babysitting are children instead of parenting are children. When you watch them, you're babysitting and you're supposed to be celebrated for watching them.

I got gym bags everywhere. Various smells coming out of them.

I'm sorry, this is a big mistake. We should have had open auditions.

No, no, no. Let them keep going. There's more.

There's more. There's more. There's more. Is there something fun where like because your name is- Have the same job as you get paid off.

Little bit more. Been doing it way less time.

Is there a fun thing where it's like because your name is husband that you can't die until your wife dies? Like till death do us part or something? Like you're immortal for some amount of time?

No, no. The one good thing is he'll die way before me so I'll have a second life after he dies.

I get furious. I get so mad. No good bonus powers come with that. Just get very bad high blood pressure. I'm always wrong. What's your superpower? I'm always wrong.

That actually sort of is the same as being always right as a superpower because you can just always know what the right thing is based on how wrong you are.

My superpower? I yell at every waiter I see. Okay, Adal congratulations you got that one right. You are today's big winner. The next one is called honorable intent. Six people who do not know each other get together to honor a seventh person unknown to all of them. Why do they do this?

Because they all know the person?

It's unknown to all of them. If you were a waiter, I would be screaming right now.

So the six people don't know each other.

Does this steak look like shrimp to you?

Sir, you ordered shrek. I didn't know what to do. I ordered shrek, which means I want a big onion and a parfait. So the six people don't know each other and they also don't know the person they're honoring?

Or is it one or the other? They don't know each other and they don't know, I'm sorry, they don't know each other. Yeah. And they don't know the person they're honoring. By the way, every time we, since we've been recording at home, I come out of like the office where I'm recording and Mariah also is here. And I'm like, oh, I'm sorry about that. I must have sounded insane because she can't hear your side of the conversation. So she just hears me like, it'll be like four minutes of silence than me screaming at our Shrek. She'll be like, yeah, I heard what sounded like an awful podcast.

A fun little turn of the tables is my partner and GPC's partner are both in the same D&D game together.

They are.

And I get to hear one half of their conversations and it sounds insane. It's like Sean being like, I don't want it to turn into a rat until it's absolutely necessary. And I'm like, this is what listening to me on podcast must sound like.

Is him on the phone with your veterinarian?

I just heard Mariah laugh for like two and a half hours straight and then she came out of the office and she was like, my allergies are acting up. But I was like, I did not expect that.

Is she allergic to Harrison Lott? Just a humble inside baseball joke for people who know that is.

She's allergic to, as she said, Sean's character choices or some sort of reaction. Do you guys have a guess for this for honorable intent?

So I mean this could be like church where it's like six members come in to praise Jesus or something and they don't know. They don't know him personally. Is it like they don't know who it is in general or they don't know him personally or them personally?

They do not know him personally but they know why they're celebrating this person. Six people who do not know each other get together to honor a seventh person unknown to all of them. Why? I do. You got the last one so fast you didn't even need them, but I do have some hints.

Can I have a guess? Is it like a baby shower?

It is. Ooh, that's a really, really good guess because you don't know the baby. But no. But the people don't know each other, right? Yeah, I guess it would be it would be like maybe it's like the this is kind of like a trophy but it's like the husbands who come to the baby shower even though I think like the trope is that the husbands don't come to the baby shower but it could be like the significant others who don't know each other at the baby shower toasting the baby but it's not.

That's one of my favorite rants ever to go on is why it's only women at baby showers. It drives me nuts.

It's so weird. I want to see a scene. Erin, you and I are a couple. We just had a child and we're holding a baby shower. Japes, you've probably seen or heard of the movie Wedding Crashers. Well, you're a baby shower crasher. Sure. So you have just shown up out of nowhere and we clearly don't know you.

Thank you everyone for coming. I know it's a little unconventional to have a baby shower after the baby's born. We were traveling and sort of weren't organized, but thank you so much for coming. We love each and every one of you.

We love you too. Come on, let's let them hear it everybody. We love you. Okay, so here's what's going to happen. I'm so sorry, you and the group are bad. Hold on, hey, Slim, shut your mouth. Here's what's going to happen. I'm going to be at the orders table. I will be personally letting you know which orders you can have. Because, because, Slim over here told me a lot of people are stealing hors d'oeuvres. So that ends today. That is now. That is over.

I'm sorry, are you a, like, a caterer or... Apology accepted.

So, uh, let us commence with the hors d'oeuvres.

We didn't have hors d'oeuvres. You clearly put these out and on a sign you wrote and put on a table it says, horse-der-er? Uh-huh. You think that's how you spell hors d'oeuvres?

No, I do not. This is horse meat. This is horse meat. It is a big surprise over my gift to the baby. Lifetime supply of horse meat. As long as that baby wants horse meat, that baby will have horse meat for me. Tucker Parsons, I own the horse meat farm.

Beverly?

Just down yonder.

Beverly, this chunk of horse meat has a police badge in it. I think this was a police horse.

Hold on now. That is a retired police horse. Hey, police, horses get old just like cops get old. They can't do the job forever. Eventually they gotta come to my farm, and eventually they gotta be meat, and meat makes a baby strong. So you enjoy the horse meat, uh, eat up.

Sorry, is this one of your cousins, honey? Who is this?

Apology accepted again, and I'm not gonna accept this hard word from you.

Is his grandfather or...?

I don't know him, but he knows my name is Slim, so I mean, he must be someone worth it.

Let me just ask him something.

That's my dryer.

That's my load of clothes in the dryer.

You bought your dryer here?

I did. The dryer's in the driveway. It's plugged into my truck. My clothes are running. I did borrow a little juice.

I'm so sorry to ask you this. Just one more question. Are you an ex-boyfriend of mine? You feel like a lot of my ex-boyfriend.

Karen Carroll.

We lost it. Lost it at the mall.

Uh, yeah.

That was a baby goat.

Yeah, we got it.

Well, give it to us then, huh? No, give us some hints.

I gotta give you hints. The six people had never met the seventh person and never would meet the seventh person. Oh, this is Lord of the Rings. The seventh person wasn't famous, remarkable, or well known. And the six people all owed a great debt to the seventh person, but not a financial debt.

I have no idea of JPC.

But not a financial debt. They all owed this person a great debt.

An apology?

No. This person has passed away.

Oh, I know, and I know, I know, I know, I know.

Erin, say it.

Okay, it's a donor. It's like a organ donor.

Ooh.

And it's all the people who got the organ. You are absolutely right.

Yes, this is a person who passed away tragically but donated their organs and now these six people meet every year to commemorate this person that they did not know that saved all of their lives. And Erin, go ahead and list off the six life-saving organs that could be harvested from a body.

Ooh, number one, hair.

Hair is number four. Sorry, I just got on Bing.

Let me go. Butthole.

Butthole is number six. I gotta see a scene.

I gotta get through these. Okay. Funny bone.

Show me funny bone. Funny bone is number three.

Sense of style.

Sense of style, number one. A hundred people surveyed. Sense of style, number one.

Somebody said sense of style. Wisdom teeth.

Wisdom teeth is number five. Four people said wisdom teeth.

Uh, is that all of them?

No, we need number two.

Ah, okay. It's not nipples. Um... Ooh? Belly button! It's belly button!

Bing, bing! The answer is nipples. Erin, here's what you win.

A lifetime supply of... pickles! Adal, you wanted to see a scene?

I want to see a scene. So, Erin, you were in an accident where you stared at the sun for too long and your eyes melted. You had a donor, you went for surgery and you got a donor's eyeballs and you're walking around New York and, Japes, you are the spouse of the person who died and donated their eyes and you catch Erin's eyes and you have a conversation.

Excuse me? Sorry, I've had Clinton. What?

No, I'm so sorry.

I'm not from this city. I probably don't know where you're trying to find. Sorry.

No, I live in this city. I live here in New York. I'm so sorry. I don't mean to do this. I never do this. Something about you just speaks to me in a way that I feel like... I was in a Vagisil commercial once.

Could that be it?

I was in a commercial for a Vagisil. We have to cut to that Vagisil commercial.

Uh, uh, Lily, why don't you want to come to the pool party? I'm sorry, guys. I can't go to the pool party because I need to use my Vagisil. What's that? It's a thing I put in my vagina for yeast infections, I think? Something like that. Okay Lily, we'll do your vaginal and then at the end of the commercial it'll be a montage of us having fun at the pool party.

How long are you two gonna be in the shitter?

That's my dad. He doesn't understand yeast infection. Because he's a dad and an idiot and not a full parent. Sort of a backup parent.

Back to present day. Yes, I remember that commercial. That was the one that you played all the characters?

Uh-huh. It was the dad, Lily, and the other girl.

They did it in the mirror. Yes, no, but that's not it. Because there was something different about you in that commercial that is... Ooh, I was on the news for something really weird.

Can it be that? Jog my memory? I wrote a pig like a horse through the mat.

We cut to that news story.

Breaking news, we interrupt the news about corrective lenses being placed on the moon to let you know we have live video of a woman in a Woolworth riding a pig like a horse. Now, the pig is not moving at all, it's died minutes ago.

And Jeff, and Jeff, I'm sorry to cut in, Jeff, I'm sorry to cut in. We have to break into this story. We take you now to Bloodshot, who is on the moon, who is giving his big victory speech.

Ha ha ha, I'm Bloodshot, here with two cats who are in love, Mimosas, and the two guys I named Clear Eyes and Visine. We put corrective lenses on the moon. Step two, you'll hate. Step one was kinda nice.

And I'm so sorry we have to cut back to the woman riding a pig like a horse because the song has taken a turn. Promise!

He's a pig. I'm not. I'm the woman on the pig. I love the Met.

Back to the original scene. Oh, no, I don't think so.

It didn't end there. I wore that pig later to the Met Gala.

I remember the whole bloodshot thing where bloodshot took over the moon.

I guess I don't know how you know me. Did we go to high school together? I don't know.

You know what? I might not ever get it. I'm so sorry to interrupt you. Have a lovely rest of your day. Enjoy New York.

Sorry, what was that? I was going back to listening to my music.

The heed. Your eyes. I'm incomplete. Your eyes.

I'm a woman and a pig.

Your eyes.

But I'm not a pig.

Wait a second. Your eyes.

Well have a great day. Okay yeah you do.

Woman riding a pig like a horse is my new favorite expression.

I can't wait till someone drives me riding a pig through the Met Gala dressed it.

Yeah, that's exactly how I... Oh, I miss Met Gala. I miss you say the Met.

Here's your final riddle for the day. Okay, this is Shell Shock is the title. Why do players very rarely win at the shell game where they have to say which of the three shuffled shells covers up a P?

Because it's a one in three chance.

Well, yes, but they... Clear shells. Clear shells. Full hearts can't lose. Well, no, they win even more rarely than a 33% chance or whatever the odds would be for a normal shell game. Even more rarely than that. Why do they often very rarely win at the shell game? You guys are familiar with this game, right? It's also like the... Yeah. Find a... So read it one more time. Sure. Won't make it any better. Why do players very rarely win at the shell game where they have to say which of the three shuffled shells covers a P?

Because they can't... no one can see it.

Because the gamble is to lose. Nobody wins at gambling. Because it's an addiction.

Because the gamble is to lose. Nobody wins at gambling. I guess that's true.

And you said the shells are clear? I didn't hear that in the riddle.

No, Erin said the shells are clear. Or someone did, but I did not.

Oh, okay.

There are some clues here.

Well, I mean I will say from experience in terms of seeing this happen or seeing whatever exposs, typically the person running those games is cheating. They're removing the pee or the ball before they let the person guess. They palm it, and then when they lift up another cup, they let it fall out of their palm to make it look like it was in that cup. So it's like, someone is cheating the person. And Adal, you said you've seen exposs about this? I'm sure I'm like, I saw something on like 60 Minutes where they did, they showed how that, the shell game's a cheat, a scam, and then they also went in depth about like carnival games, where they're like, the way the milk bottles are positioned, it is impossible to like,

I love how we've got hundreds of years of systemic racism running this country and 60 Minutes is doing exposs on carnival games. Adal's absolutely right. That is the correct answer is that the game is rigged and they're palming the pee in their hands. That is the answer to that riddle.

Okay Adal, you are running a carnival game and JBCA and I are two kids coming up to the carnival game and you're sort of going to explain to us how it goes.

Step right up, step right up. Oh, we got two customers right here. Welcome, welcome. Hurry, hurry. There we go. Everybody in now, everybody in. Wave it, Adal Rifai. Here's what's gonna happen. Right here under this basket, I have a mouse. Say hello to Mr. Mouse. Hello. Well, his name is Mr. Mouse. Say hello, Mr. Mouse.

Hello, Mr. Mouse.

Hello, Mr. Mouse. Okay, what's going to happen back in the basket is I am going to lay out 16 different types of coffee, and we're going to see which coffee the mouse drinks. Wait, Adal Rifai, where's your money going to go? Is it going to be espresso? Is it going to be instant coffee? Is it going to be a cappuccino? Is it going to be a drip coffee? I'm sorry, I'm sorry. These are prepared cups of coffee? These are prepared cups of coffee. We're going to see which cup of coffee the mouse is going to drink.

Here we go. But you don't have any cups prepared now? Are you going to prepare them when we put the dollar down?

Yes, once we have everybody and now we have a dollar, give a holla.

We'll have to watch you make 16 different cups of coffee. That's going to take like a while.

Well, I didn't say it was a short game. I said it was a game. Have you ever played Battlestar Galactica, the board game? That's like 18 fucking hours. How are you going to make individual cups of coffee? How does anyone make individual cups of coffee? I don't get it.

You brew it. Or like a cure egg, like... Cure egg? Hey Riddle.

A decaf latte? Is that what that is? Okay, decaf latte. And you want to win thread the bear? Win thread the bear. He looks, he looks, well he looks, I'll say it, pornographic, but I do want to win thread the bear. When you pull a stringy fox.

And I'll put a dollar on the Dunkachino. We're on a first date. I think we're going to kiss on the ferris wheel later.

Please don't whisper to my mouse.

I needed to tell someone. I don't, I don't know your life lady, okay?

I got my own problems. I've had so much fucking coffee today. I'm wired as shit.

Same. Sixty cups of coffee.

Nothing else would die.

Speaking of 16 cups of coffee, Erin, is there anything that you would like to plug like that sweet java right into your veins?

Yeah, go get a cup of coffee and drink it. I want to plug our Patreon. There are I think like a hundred hours of content. Must be.

More.

More on our Patreon now. It's so worth it. If you keep like just one month go over there hang out. All of my favorite episodes ever are over there. Which is an accident, but that's just the case. So patreon.com slash heyriddleriddle. I think it's a lot of fun. It's really worth it. Tons of live streams. Tons of special episodes. Check it out. Also follow me, Erin Keif 10, on Instagram. If you want to talk to me and say hi.

And just to clarify, because we've had maybe a dozen or so people ask this, if you join Patreon, which again is the absolute best way to support us, if you ever want to support us, please join on Patreon, even for just a little bit. If you join, you do get access to our entire back catalog. A few people have been wondering if it only is from that point on. Nope, it's the entire back catalog. Everything we've done is cataloged so you get access to that.

And someone nice in our Discord taught me how to tag things in our back catalog. So now you can search in Patreon by stream and find all of our live streams. Or hopefully in the future you can search by Clue Crew or Review Crew and find all of the episodes of that like. So there's tons of stuff in there. And if you don't have access to the Discord, send us a message on Patreon and we will give you access to that Discord. Jeeps, anything to plug? Yes, so I will plug one thing for me, which is you can follow me on Twitch at sharkbarkman. If you are a Amazon Prime subscriber and you pay for Amazon Prime, and you don't do anything with Twitch, you can make a free Twitch account, and then you can subscribe to my channel, and it gives me money, you don't pay anything, and Jeff Bezos loses money. So you're taking money right out of that motherfucker's pockets. So please, if you are not using your Twitch Prime subscription, throw it over to JPC every month. I would really appreciate it. And a reminder, this Saturday is my charity livestream. It's 10 a.m. on Saturday to 10 a.m. on Sunday. It's a 24-hour charity livestream for the Chicago Community Bond Fund, twitch.tv slash sharkbarkman. Please come hang out, donate. It all goes to a good cause, getting people out of jail. And then another thing that I'm enjoying that I would like to plug There is an independent publisher called Hey Market Books. I signed up for their monthly pass. It's kind of like a Patreon, except for it's their books. They just send you all of their books that they publish. They publish 40 books a year and they send them out to you. There are a lot of cool ones. They just sent me three new e-books that I just got. I've only cracked into one of them, but they sent me from Black Lives Matter to Black Liberation, Freedom is a Constant Struggle, and No is Not Enough. I started reading Freedom is a Constant Struggle by Angela Davis, and it is very good. I highly recommend that. I think it's like 30 bucks a month, but they send you actual hardbound copies of the books and e-books. It's a great deal. Hey Market Books, highly advise you go check that out, and I'm not affiliated with them at all.

I forgot a plug I wanted to do really quick before Adal does his. I want to plug a semicolon bookstore and gallery in Chicago. It's a black woman owned bookstore. One of our lovely listeners asked me to mention it on the show. If you want to go over and donate or buy your books from them, Look it up online or send me a message on Instagram and I'll send you the link. Thank you so much for suggesting such a great bookstore. I ordered a couple of books from there to send to friends. So yes, that's my extra plug. Sorry about that. Forgot to do that, Adal.

Oh, Daddy Addy's been busy. I've been on several podcasts, so I'm going to shout out to all the podcasts I've been on. Please check those out. The episode of Quiz Quiz Bang Bang with Japes and Myself is out now. Please listen to that. I was also a guest on the restricted section, Absolute Blast, 99 Questions, Podcast Reviews, Reviews Podcasts, Minds at York, which is an Animorphs review podcast, which was a delight. Amped up radio, dispatches from the multiverse, bacon and eggs, and treasure hunting Helen. Those are the nine podcasts I've guessed it on recently. I have nothing to do, so I've been guessing on a lot of podcasts. If you'd like me to guess on your podcast, let me know. I also want to recommend a black owned business in Chicago. Batters and Berries is one of my favorite places to eat. It is maybe the best brunch breakfast in the city. So check out Batters and Berries for delivery or pickup.

And Erin, as one final gift to all of our listeners who made it through our plugs, I know most of you just fucking skip right through them, you motherfuckers. This one is not for you. Erin, as one final treat for them, I want to take us now to Bloodshot, and it turns out he got, or she got, a little bit lost.

Oh, the two cats in love mimosas that we brought, Visine and Clear Eyes, I think we overshot and landed on Jupiter.

Bye forever!

That was a Headgum podcast.